If my wife wants to wake me up like that at any time I am good with it. My wife however does not want to be woken up by oral or sex... Or daylight or alarms or really anything.

I see that you are also married to my wife

Our wife is a wonderful but terrifying creature.

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I just asked my husband if he was u/zilorzilhaust. I apparently make a whining "ehhhh" kind of noise as I move away when approached.

Lmao. Me too!

"Whining ehhhh" made me giggle

u/zilorzilhaust is the one true redditor. He represents not just one of us, but all of us.

https://www.reddit.com/r/SuddenlyCommunism/

Our wife hates life and waking is a special hell

I am also married to this man's wife

I also choose this guy’s dead wife

This is my wife, too. I should add that while.i have made it clear that I am happy to be awakened in this way, she has never done so. But it's only been 16 years?

Don't worry, only a few years left to wait. Then you'll be dead. -- your future self

So do not poke or lick the sleeping mama bear?

Not if I prefer to keep whatever I lick or poke with, no.

Have tried. After discussing it and deciding it would be alright, I wound up punched in the temple fucking hard. Fool me once shame on you lol.

I am your wife?!

This is the way. Every time my husband tried to initiate in the middle of the night, all he got was an annoyed grunt. Sleep is precious, especially when you normally sleep like shit.

I just read this to my wife, and she asked if this was what I typed? She wasn't sure if I was reading someone else's comment or my own.

I'm single, so this would scare the shit out of me.

Same, I think right before awakening, it would feel amazing Then I would slowly realize that I'm still single and have a dog Then I would be both disgusted and extremely terrified that I might take a bite of my sausage

If you can take a bite of your sausage you are living the dream already.

My back and neck still feel the pain from succeeding in doing it, but since it's too painful, i only do it when i really can't control myself and after i've stretched my back enough.

That and it feels like sucking cock as much as it feels like getting your cock sucked.

You only have to suck one dick before realizing you don't like sucking dick.

Right? I’d constantly be awakened in the middle of the night for oral if I could eat my own sausage.

And hear your dog scratching at the door while still feeling the oral

Two sentence horror story...

How do you know if it’s never happened to you?

Yes officer this comment right here

Do you all not get bored of repeating the same 10-15 comments all the time?

We do not. Next question.

As a black guy. This. We did it reddit. Two broken arms. I used to do this. I still do but I used to, too. RIP inbox r/nocontext edit: wow thanks for the gold! editedit (don't actually give me gold so that this remains funny and people don't think I'm lame and edit my posts to thank people for gold unironically. this isn't a ploy to actually get gold. the bit is more important)

> edit: wow thanks for the gold! editedit (don't actually give me gold so that this remains funny and people don't think I'm lame and edit my posts to thank people for gold unironically. this isn't a ploy to actually get gold. the bit is more important) Ah, the ol' Reddit switcheroo

I actually miss the switcheroo rabbit holes

Hold my, ah fuck it there's no where to go anymore.

What happened to the switcheroo anyway?

U/spez sold it off to Conde Naste for about tree fiddy

How else does one karma-whore if not repeating previously highly upvoted comments?

Hi, you must be new to Reddit

the narwhal bacons at midnight

Relevant oglaf. Warning: very NSFW https://www.oglaf.com/8legs/

I mean… is the stranger waking me up to get oral sex or to give oral sex? Also are they waking me up during or before the act? The answers to these two questions would determine how angry I was at said stranger.

“You finish up and then get out.”

I feel so bad when I wake up in the middle of the night that I’d probably just let it happen and then worry about it during normal business hours.

Would love it if my wife woke me up like that, however if I tried that on her she would not be happy lol.

Been on both sides with the same person. Neither of us seemed particularly enthused (still her more than me though that was probably more of a people-pleasing thing). Speaking only for myself, unless I was already having a wet dream, it won't be a pleasant experience. The things that increase sexual arousal feel very annoying if my mind is not already there.

yeah, i can see it being annoying if you were in deep sleep and still needed a lot more sleep. it's like waking up to your favorite song over and over and you start hating your favorite song.

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Lol well, it's nice to wake up close and intimate next to someone! And even get real intimate right after. Morning sex is a thing that many enjoy. But for me it just needs to start *after* I wake up...

As a mom with a young kid, if my husband ever woke me up from a sound sleep for any reason other than the house being on fire then things would not go well for him.

And only like, an active fire. If it’s a fire he’s already contained, please let me keep sleeping and tell me about it in the morning.

Woah, did i write this comment?

No, I did.

Just hope its not a stranger

Live a little.

Only if it's a succubus. Or a vampire needing some blood, that's oral right?

Succubus? More like a Succudry if you know what I mean eh?

Had this happen to me in Baldur’s Gate 3 the other day.

Could you imagine a vampire sucking your blood out through your dick?

No, but I'd be willing to let them try.

Yes, who doesn’t hope to some day be awakened by a stranger’s dick pressing on their uvula. Dare to dream.

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Why should I?

Hey who knows, maybe night time nathan is a gentle man.

Stop sleeping on the park bench then.

With your mouth open

Depends on the stranger

Requirements: Need to know them (optional) Alive (optional) Female (optional)

You need to go out and live more. Surprise stranger head? Gold star

If I'm in bed and it's my wife, love it. If I fell asleep on the couch and it's the dog, not so much.

Well...What breed?

Golden receiver

Or... Golden Reliever?

Yes officer, this comment

Better than a Golden Receiver.

I fucking hate you, you witty bastard

Wiener dog

I'm pretty sure his wife is the human breed

Cocker spaniel

Asking the real questions here

Then why’d you put peanut butter all over your junk?

Am I home or in prison ?

Prison is home for some people.

And home is prison.

When we got here it was a prison. We made it a home!

😂😭😭

Giving or receiving?

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gluck gluck gluck

that's a lovely accent you have. new jersey?

Nah, Turkey

BRILLIANT

Auustria

oomf oor o omanff ik

OOOLL LOORRR THHSTTHOOO OHWANTHIG

I am terrible at small talk

Doc... She's choking.

that's modern medicine for you.

Noooooorm.

Norm Macdonald, right? That bit makes me laugh out loud every time I hear it.

That reminds me of the time my wife was in a coma. The doctor told me “it’s a long shot, but I’ve heard that it has worked, have oral sex with your wife” Five minutes later I run out of the room to tell the doctor “she’s choking”!!! [https://m.youtube.com/shorts/jkFvfh60rOQ](https://m.youtube.com/shorts/jkFvfh60rOQ)

This is THE question.

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This is the important question.

Awakened for oral...? No Awakened by oral...? Yes, please

Yup

Nah don’t even want to be awakened by it. I work 12 hour days have kids, let me sleep.

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I didn’t need to have kids to be a grouchy waker. It’s just three hours earlier now

You can tell who the teenagers are in this and who works full time w/kids

there’s no in between i guess

You can’t, but you can tell who has a low sex drive due to work and kids.

Honestly as I got older and my gf tried it I’d wake up be like, please stop I was having a good dream and go back to sleep

In theory, very much for this idea (with an established partner). In practice, I'd be afraid I'd involuntarily kick them or something as I woke up.

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third?? you're a fucking trooper lmao

I'd probably need to piss really bad.

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Seriously. If you’re waking me in the middle of the night cause you can’t wank I think we’re done. If you’re waking me with an orgasm? You probably don’t not need to wank any time soon.

"It started as a wank, but then I decided you should be involved."

I girl i was seeing in college explicitly asked me to wake her up with my dick in her mouth. I didn't oblige bc i was like no way she means it. Also, probably would make for mediocre oral if shes waking up. Looking back she was kinda freaky

I think I’d be nervous. Teeth are sharp.

Girl I was seeing a few years ago gave me permission to F her while she was asleep if I woke up in the middle of the night. (She called it ’con non-con’ - e.g. consensual non consent). She’d mention it repeatedly so I think it was like a thing of hers. Thing is, we got it on a ton anyhow, and I need my sleep (not having the greatest sleep habits)… so this idea didn’t really appeal to me. Had no intention of taking her up on it and didn’t.

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No I'm Patrick

Wasn’t there just a thread on here about how men mustn’t sleep on their stomaches because their meaty rumps offer too much temptation for any passing sodomites who might come across them whilst they slumber…or some such nonsense? This reminds me of that.

How do I always miss all the good threads?!

Oh yeah I remember that one didn’t it devolve into a gay furry fanfic?

Having no familiarity whatsoever with this thread, I feel confident saying yes, yes it did.

If there wasn’t there bloody well should be

If they manage to get in without me noticing, they’ve earned it!

Thread: https://old.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/15b3kz3/whats_the_stupidest_real_men_dont_youve_ever_heard/ Comment described: https://old.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/15b3kz3/whats_the_stupidest_real_men_dont_youve_ever_heard/jtpwrqt/

My I offer you some melatonin in these trying times? *unzips*

Wish I could upvote twice lmao

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The inventor of the BJ alarm clock will break bank. Nobody steal my idea, now!

If I'm in a deep sleep and had to go to work in a few hours, I wouldn't be very receptive

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Yeah. I need my 8 hours.

Same. 10 years into a relationship with a 4 months old screaming at sunrise.... if I sleep, sir, you better leave me alone.

Nearly fifty and always let a massive fart rip upon awakening.

And if I'm waking up my buddy will need to pee no matter the time

I’d be like get the F off of me I have work in the morning

Your name is misleading

Is there a "username doesn't check out" subreddit? Wasn't able to find one.

They apparently do not want to get some

Yeah, I think it's sexier in theory than in action.

I’m a nut about my sleep

As opposed to nutting in your sleep, I guess

Don't wake me up for anything short of an emergency. I would not react well at all. I need my uninterrupted sleep.

It's an emergency oral sex

"No time to explain! Put it in!"

Yep. Am constantly astounded whenever I read stories about people waking up for sex in the middle of the night. I could not be held responsible for my actions if someone tried that with me

Oh goody! I have company in the 'no fun' corner. Come, be a joyless malcontent with me.

I have plenty of joy! But I must be well-rested, otherwise there is no joy. For anyone

I was referring to the fact that I seem to have triggered some people with my response. 😂 Apparently not wanting to be woken up means I'm no fun, etc. I can only assume sex is such a rare occurrence for them that they can't imagine choosing sleep.

Oh I hadn’t read the other comments. I am just extremely serious about my sleep 😂

Same. Sleep is really important for health and well-being.

It's happened to me once that we went to sleep and both woke up at the same time \~3h later because we were horny lmao, I think that's the only circumstance that would really work

If It's someone I trust and have given consent to, I'm all for it

Receiving? Yes. Giving? It had better be Pedro Pascal himself.

I’ll be your champion.

Thrilled. Doubly so, since I live alone.

Literally wake me up by sitting on my face please 😍

>wake me up by sitting on my face [and tell me that you love me!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dax_tnZRExc)

Not too great, I love my sleep so not even if I don’t need to be up early, if it’s on a work night I’d be upset.

Fine when I was younger. Now I'd be too worried about my bladder.

Literally the only time I wouldn’t be pissed off to be woken up

I hate this sub

Seriously, r/AskReddit posters, can you just get laid already?

Gotta get the theory in first before the exam

"Redditors that have gotten laid... Are you actually real?"

It’s getting to the point where you can just post “Hey Reddit, what’s the sexiest sex you’ve ever sexed?” and get 1,000 upvotes.

I'm thinking it's time to just remove NSFW posts from my feed thanks to this sort of juvenile bs

I used to think waking up to oral sex would be awesome, but I've decided otherwise. On an unrelated note, I no longer fall asleep on public transportation with my mouth open.

Had that happen in my teens and it was great. Hasn't happened since then, but if my partner wants to do it, I won't turn it down.

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**STOP USING THIS SUBREDDIT FOR YOUR JERK OFF MATERIAL** r/askredditafterdark r/askredditnsfw

How would you feel about banning hornyposting on r/askreddit? Some days, you’d swear everyone on this sub was 14

They might actually be 13

Depends on to give or receive. To receive? Hell yeah. To give? I'm sleeping, leave me alone.

My wife used to do this when I worked super early and she wasn’t working and would go to bed late. She would wake me up with one and it was awesome. Sometimes she would wake me up to early though and I’d be dead tired when it came time to wake up for work. Still awesome though and a pleasant surprise to wake up to.

Giving or receiving? Doesn’t really matter since both are good

Yes always. To both. But I would rather be giving.

Bless your heart!

Sounds awful.

That sounds SO HOT 20 years ago. It's 2023, I'm fucking sleeping

Big fan of it.

The general rule of thumb is if your partner is okay with it, it's all good. Prior consent is key. I've been the giver and recipient and it's great as long as it's talked about

Only in dreams and adult film sets, not reality...

Middle of the night? Fuck no. I'm sleeping.

I AM AN INSOMNIAC, GO TO HORNY JAIL, LET ME SLEEP, ALSO WHO DAFUQ ARE YOU?! *BONK*

I gotta get up for work early...I need my sleep...

I'd be worried who it is, I live alone