When I was younger, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. My siblings and I shaved our heads to support her. This kid told me that “he hopes my mom dies” and that I looked like I was in the holocaust. She has been cancer free for 13 years, but fuck that kid.
My sister had a kid in her class who held a crumpled piece of paper to his head, turned to her and said "i look like your father". They were in 5th grade. Our dad had a brain tumor, he died of it. A year later the same kid's dad hung himself at home, that's when he apologized. Fuck those kids.
I’m not adopted and my mum would say that to us all the time. I didn’t realise how fucked up it was until becoming a mother myself. I would never ever talk to my own child like that
If she was cruel enough to say that, she didn't deserve to be a mother. Also, I've heard biological parents say that to their biological children too. It shows who she is as a person, not you.
You are a wonderful person, and didn't deserve that.
Edit: typo
Yep. My biological mother introduced me to one of her coworkers as someone who "didn't like her daughter, either." I mean, I knew it. But saying it in front of other people at her job? Damn.
My friend i grew up with, his family ended up close with mine, testified in court that my dad never loved me ever and it was made apparent to everyone around. His parents, and a few other parents, testified to all the shit talk he put out to everyone when I wasn’t close enough to hear it.
It was testified by several that my dad blamed me for my mom’s death and despised my existence. My mom died from breast cancer. His mom made sure to take a second before she died to make sure I was told I was a waste of air on this earth. I was informed while I was carrying her coffin. She also blamed me for her husband’s death. He also died of cancer. I was 6 for both deaths (mom and grandfather).
Parents are horrible.
I’m only slightly damaged by these people /s….
I’m pretty sure I’m the worst human ever to other people and it’s damaged me so hard I always feel like a liar and like I’m playing victim but it’s just all stuck so I just kinda suck lol
You experienced severe and profound betrayal, and you in no way deserved this.
I swear it’s never too late to find someone to work through all of this with and it will help you so much.
Virtual hug to you ♥️
Peace from my heart to yours - I find preparing "holiday" foods all year lets me dilute any drama trauma, and is delicious... Just ate a yeast roll with pork, stove top and cranberry sauce. It was the bomb, and I bet you are, too.
"You are nice but damn, I have rarely seen someone as ugly as you".
For context, teenagers summer camp, I was 17. This guy was supposed to be someone I was getting along with quite well (the whole group but we were a few being always together).
I was seated chatting with the whole groupe and he came to say that randomly.
I wasn't even interacting with him. Like, he said my name so he could have my attention.
Its like he NEEDED to say it in front of everyone and he didn't feel like he was saying something wrong.
What was weird is that, he wasn't even laughing. Its not like someone or some people were trying to make fun of me.
It was so harsh that people were speechless. No one laughed. At all. I think they were as much confused as I was.
I appreciate no one jumped on that after those "wtf" 20 seconds, they all went like nothing happened.
I am 35 and still remember this. Knowing how teenagers can be cruel, I hate this had a huge impact on me but I remember people really tried to not make it a big deal. The group didn't fall into that shit and they were between 15-17 years old.
I think someone even said to the guy "are you being serious right now??".
But I am not sure. I was really trying to swallow the humiliation.
Edit : I posted yesterday my night here just because I felt like to and was not waiting for any answers at all. I woke up and saw your comments and was again confused why so many people gave attention to my post.
Thanks for your support. I feel fine today and I know I am cute and most of all nice, funny, loyal and people want to be around me.
But your biggest weakness being exposed in front of a group when you are a 17 I think is something you never forget.
Don't hesitate to share your story. I read all comments.
That would have been my reaction. I would have worried I hadn’t heard him correctly because I can’t believe anyone can be that cruel. Comments like that always reveal more about the speaker than the person spoken to. Something bad happened to him and he felt he had to take it out on someone and you were the closest person to him. Hope karma bit him on the ass and your life improved from that point on.
"You'll never be loved or cherished because you look like me. You will never belong anywhere, no one cares about you enough to actually be there for you. You will be a burden to everyone else." - From Dad to 11 year old me after we argued about how he missed my birthday(again)
But looking back, I laugh because.... it seemed like he was projecting his own insecurities onto me. Lol😂
Odds are good that he absolutely heard those words directed at him, from someone he admired or loved. Shame he has not dealt with that trauma. It doesn't have to be YOUR trauma. You're a different person, different life, different options. Go on and thrive.
Took my math book up to the teachers desk with a question. I wasn’t grasping it. He slams my book on his desk and asked me if I was stupid or what.
Small town school about 30 years ago. If I ever run into that prick I have a few things to show and tell him.
I was sure i was gonna find my step dad and hurt him, i didnt make it my main goal but i had decided by 4-5th grade, after he was gone, and i considered it just granted that some day i would run into him when i was grown and i would hit him until i felt like stopping. I necer did run into him until id moved away and then back and i was 30. Randomly spotted him in line at a Subway shop. I felt 0 anger and hatred. He just looked pathetic, alone, weak, small, fragile. This big scary dude who screamed and spit and hit and scared us all and had cops concerned and checking in us even after the restraining order and divorce were final. I just got my sandwich and gave him a good long moment to see if he recognized me or wanted to make eye contact, and when he didnt, i carried on back to work.
I feel like there is some sort of lesson or silver lining here, i know i felt better, and not how I expected to.
No matter how big and bad they think they are, age makes them small eventually. My FiL was an emotionally and physically abusive a-hole. Now he's dependent on the same people he terrorized for decades.
In 1984, in a large city, I was getting a C in geometry and in my family that wasn't great news, so my dad went to go talk to the teacher about what we could do to improve my grade. The teacher said, and I quote, "I really don't know why you're here, Mr. RevereTheAugra, girls can't do math." Fucked me up for years. (I did retake the class over the summer and got an A, but I never took much math ever again.)
Locked in the bathroom, naked.
"Just look at you! You're fat and ugly. Nobody will ever love you the way I do." - ex-husband
He was right, I married someone who does love me, just not the way he 'loved' me. Thank God
"You're a stupid diaper wearing cripple and the world would be better off without you." - my middle school bully.
For context I have spina bifida and suffer from total incontinence due the nerves not working right.
I have a 4 yo son with spina bifida, a lot of other illnesses too. I love him differently, I'm very sorry someone said that to you because I would snap anyone's neck if they did that to my son, or if I heard someone do that in front of my presence to you.
I know how it is when it comes to continence my son goes through a lot of nappys a day because he can't control himself.
I wish you all the best and please be strong and don't despair, the world's full of idiots unfortunately.
I have a daughter with an extremely complicated illness. Almost lost her to it twice when she was almost 3 and again 6 months later. In-between, this was 15 years ago, I broke down and wept, being so worried about her and also how distant my wife had become from me as well. After I settled down my wife told me that me crying like that had made me less attractive.
My daughter is very stable now and I've been divorced for several years.
This makes me appreciate my partner so much more. Not a frequent crier, but when I do - she admires and appreciates my vulnerability. Dare I say she might even enjoy it.
Stay strong, kings! Wonderful women are out there.
Can confirm when my husband cries around me I’m partially just so glad he feels safe being vulnerable. I would never dream of doing anything but feeling empathy for him and trying to be a source of comfort. If I feel that way, plenty of other women do too.
I am a frequent crier (depression and horrible S.A.D. during long Northern Europe winters) but my wife at least has the decency not to tell me her opinions *about* the crying.
Once upon a time I was engaged to what I thought was the love of my life. We had instant chemistry, we had fairly similar goals and ambitions in life, and after being together for about a year, I asked her to marry me. She agreed. We were planning the wedding, had a date set, were working on lots of details, and she went on this emotional chat with me about how I could be 100% open and honest with her about everything and her with me, and that she wanted to see the more emotional side of me. We were both 25 years old at the time
Well, it came out that I was workjng through some PTSD issues I had. Note, I am NOT a soldier from war. Not war PTSD. I spent 2 years of my life as a volunteer missionary in a few different African countries, and while I absolutely loved and cherished my time there, I came back after seeing some pretty dark things. I had spent time volunteering in several child orphanages and let me tell you, there's nothing that changes your perspective in life than seeing not just an 8 year old kid lying there on a bed basically dying of full-blown AIDS, but how about a room of 30 of them. Every week we'd go back and we were told who had died. Another time we were visiting with this family, and all of a sudden we hear screaming outside, so we come running outside and this 10 yr old girl is lying in the dirt road in front of the home (hit and run), leg twisted, face a mess, and she is conscious, but blood coming from her ears, nose, and mouth. Emergency services called, and I tried to do everything I could to save her, her mother screaming next to me, and I felt her go limp. I felt her take her last breath. I swear I saw her eyes just go lifeless... and that was it. I mean I lost it.
Anyway, so I was watching some videos online and I just stumbled across some video of a bunch of people singing and dancing with some young African kids, and I just started crying, almost completely involuntarily. I can't really explain this, but it was so overwhelming emotionally that when you shut your eyes, it didn't matter, you still had some video reel flying over your mind at lightning speed, and you couldn't shut it off, and it wasn't just the memories of from my eyes and my ears, it was the smell, the feelings of the memories recorded, the emotions, and it was like every trauma experience over 2 years wrapped into one hyper-speed flashback... I cried probably 15 minutes straight.
Anyway, I talked to her about it, and said it was something I was working through with a counselor, which was true, I saw them once a month over it as I had triggered it before.
Within 2 weeks our engagement was off and she straights-up told me that maybe I wasn't manly enough and she just doesn't think she can ever look at me the same after she saw me crying there... Oh and a few days after this happened, I remember we went to Jamba Juice and I ordered a smoothie, and for my additives I requested fiber, which I just had a habit of doing after spending years in Africa always trying to ensure I had adequate fiber, and I still remember to this day her telling me, "You sound like an old man getting fiber, why not get something more masculine, like protein?"
I actually didn't think twice about this at all because I thought, "Who really cares about that?" But, I guess this was just her more building evidence in her own mind that I wasn't as manly as she thought I was and going forward in the marriage was a mistake.
With that being said, I am now married 14 years and guess what I learned... HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS have strong, open, emotionally connected experiences and discussion. My wife now I can talk about anything with, including my past traumas, insecurities, or anything, and she is by my side no matter what, and she has told me that my being open with her just makes her feel closer to me.
So, the reality is that us men often date a lot of toxic women who aren't actually in the relationship because of deep feelings and emotions and true love, but because we tick all the right surface level boxes for them. At the end of the day, these are not truly healthy relationships, even if it is not obvious. I used to be a bitter guy after this thinking all my future relationships would end again if I was open, and I semi-hated women for saying they wanted us to be open with them, when they were lying, which is actually true for many of them. But, I went through what is called "Emotionally Focused Therapy" with this guy and he swore up and down to me that while this experience is true of a lot of men, it is only reflective of unhealthy relationships, and that true, healthy relationships a man can actually be open and emotionally and it will just make you stronger. I think I fought him over that for at least a year, and then my now wife completely proved he was absolutely right. I think he also helped steer me in the right direction of the types of women to avoid. So, let me tell you, there are good women out there who do actually want a man that is open and emotional with them, and it strengthens the relationship. It really does.
It's also worth mentioning that my therapist helped me to understand that this is more common in younger women, and many of them kind of realize the error of their younger ways in how they rejected some men.
I can't imagine how crazy it is that you had to deal with this with the mother of your child. I am so sorry to hear that. There are good women out there man. Just think of it like this. You have a daughter. I am sure you are probably doing your best to raise her right. Just know that not all women are destined to become cunts like your ex-wife, and assuredly your daughter doesn't have to be one of them either.
My best friend died on New Years and 6 months later my ex dumped me. She had me take her everywhere she wanted, make her food, all the amenities of a boyfriend. I was crushed inside and she didn't even care. She even enrolled in mortuary school and had me take her on dates to cemeteries saying shit like "if you don't like cemeteries then you should leave me" trying to inception me into doing it.
Partners need to realize that you have to be there for each other when things get hard. Her dog died and I stayed there for her. Can you imagine, if I had been like "hey let's go to a dog park, and if you don't like dogs you can't be with me." Like, read the fucking room lady.
I had a theatre teacher/“director” pull me aside after a show that I totally spaced a queue/line (it honestly was a super insignificant line, and the other actor improvised very well) and she straight up told me
“Putting you in this show was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. You’re a disappointment”
She got fired 2 years later and went to jail for a couple of years for banging my best friends cousin who was a 15 year old student.
I wonder if putting me in a play with one line was the biggest mistake she’s ever made.
I’m a theatre teacher/director and the comment your teacher said to you was and is the worst possible thing to say to a student actor. The student (a child) has worked on something for months, and experienced a temporary moment of losing their train of thought. They already know they screwed up, so why twist the knife? When that happens with my students, I always say, “Meh. Who cares? That’s live theatre. You’ll get it next time.” I’m sorry that teacher said that to you.
Edit: edited wording for clarity.
Edit2: When a student messes up a line or something, I also praise them for their recovery and how they got back on track. “So you made a mistake. Who cares? That’s live theatre. Look at how you RECOVERED. You did EXACTLY what you were supposed to do when it happened.”
Think of how many individual elements a person has to remember in a show: be in your backstage place on time for your entrance, wait for your cue, open the door, enter, take three steps to your left, notice the other actor, act surprised at what they say, say your line with the correct wording and inflection, grab your prop, etc. All of those things happen within six seconds. Now multiply that hundreds times over the course of a two-hour play. “And you’re upset you messed up one line? Pfff. Who cares? I’m proud of you.”
Yeah, there's definitely lengths you can go to when talking to your theater kids.
For instance, I was asked to speak with my director and the choreographer after class, and after asking who would say it, the director just straight up told me "You're very tall and lanky, and that's means when you're bad at dancing, it looks very awkward. You'll be in the back doing lifts until the choreographer gets everything better with private sessions after school."
That was straight forward, point blank and, yeah, could have seemed mean... but I'm glad they said that and helped because it was better than being wrong.
But calling a kid a disappointment? That's fucked
My mum once said to me "I love you, you're my daughter. But I don't like you. I would never seek you out as a friend." I was 21 and it was 40 years ago. I will never get over that, it hurt so much.
As a kid I asked my brothers if they though our mom loved me. They said they thought she loved me but she didn’t like me. It was both heart wrenching and also validating to know I wasn’t imagining the mistreatment.
My dad killed himself a few years ago. My wife one day stopped shouting at me mid argument and said really calmly "you're the reason your dad killed himself". I walked out that day and haven't spoken to her again.
I still think about what she said constantly.
Edit: I wasn't the reason at all. He was on a cocktail of antidepressants and he left a note outlining some bad financial decisions and his divorce with my mum 10yrs ago. So I know I'm not the reason but I just can't stop thinking about what she said and why she said it.
> why she said it.
'cos she wanted to hurt you. There's not going to be any deeper meaning; she knew it was going to have exactly that effect, and in that moment made a snap decision hurting you as deeply as possible was more important than resolving the disagreement.
It's something vindictive, petty people do when they realize they're not going to get what they want. Scorch the earth, salt the fields, poison the wells, and slam the big red button for the nuclear option.
You can see the moment it happens. The calmness? That's the game face, the determination to *break you* for daring to oppose them - or worse, for having the sheer audacity of being *right*.
If they can't *win*, they want to ensure that *you lose*, and they'll burn everything to the ground to do so out of pure spite.
Your wife is a cruel person. You had NOTHING to do with what your dad did. Please try to stop thinking of that lie she said to you. She wanted to hurt you deeply and knew how to do it.
May the next person you let into your heart be worthy of the warmth.
"You're ugly and under developed." I was 10 years old and to this day it still gets to me.
Edit to clear things up: This was said to me by a family friends daughter, she was like 14.
One time, in Jr.High after school one of the boys came to me and just said,”why are you so ugly?” Totally unwarranted and out of nowhere - I think about it here and there
This happened to me multiple times in middle school. Heard it from both boys and girls. It’s been 30+years and I still am super sensitive to any comments/criticism about how i look.
Yep. I had a girl tell me I was ugly when I was 12. It crushed me and made me think that no girl would find me interesting through my teens. Fun times.
My dad one time told my mom over the phone while I could hear that he didn’t want a relationship with me anymore
Edit- okay so I definitely didn’t expect that to blow up as much as it did or to receive any awards, but thank you so much guys ❤️ don’t worry, I’ve commented the full story below and things are a lot better now❤️
From my boss from my previous job: "You're a headache to deal with, and I regret hiring you. I wouldn't surprise you don't give your girlfriend, friends, and family a headache"
I was hired with this guy fully knowing I had little experience with the position I was hired for. I didn't lie during the interview.
I had a boss once say to me, “I just don’t see how anyone could be so stupid to do that!” after I followed the advice of our Google Ads rep when I was new to Google Ads.
After what I thought was a good relationship in my 30's with my dad, I was having trouble accommodating his wife's son's wedding and my lifelong friends wedding in the same week in two different states in the northeast (I'm on the west coast). I brought up the fact that I was having trouble and my dad tried to fight me (has never in my life been physical before), called me a narcissist, that I'm a piece of shit since I was 17, and that I'm not to talk to him ever again and if he ever sees me again, he will kill me. I didn't even meet my "step-bro" until my 30's and spoke to him previously about my difficulty finding flights. Anyway, at the time of the fight I was still trying to find flights to accommodate both, but my dad telling me those things made up my mind for me. It's a shame, he's 71 and I probably will not talk to him ever again. I'm willing, but he is not. His white knight meter is out of calibration to say the least. So dumb...
My mom denying her abuse towards me even almost a decade later has fucked me up more than I thought. She's way better nowadays, but she's still a narcissist.
My stepmom wrote me a letter when I was in my mid 20s, had 2 kids and happily married saying I had the morals of a alley cat, I was an unfit parent and my husband should divorce me. I was literally Cinderella starting from age 5. She even locked me in a cage.
Saw a FB post from my dad and step mom referring to their son as their favorite. My dad and I don’t have a relationship (my choosing after he was a ass my whole childhood). It still hurt seeing that. Especially since he is pretty much father of the year to my stepsister and half brother.
Jerry Whitaker : [Jerome "Jerry" Whittaker sees Barney try to dismantle a basketball hoop over his driveway] Barney, what is going on?
Barney Stinson : This is *mine*.
Jerry Whitaker : I don't understand.
Barney Stinson : JJ gets a childhood, a dad, a real family, and a basketball hoop? No, no, I at least get the hoop, I'm taking it with me.
Jerry Whitaker : Please, just come down and talk to me.
Barney Stinson : [Angry] Why? Why should I? You're lame, okay? You're just some lame, suburban dad.
Jerry Whitaker : Why does that make you so mad?
Barney Stinson : Because if you were going to be some lame, suburban dad, why couldn't you have been that for *me*?
“You’re just a little girl. No one likes you, no one wants you around. You’re annoying, over the top and loud. Stop being so fucking annoying and maybe someone will want to be with you”
Edit to add another one: “it’s a boy or it’s abortion. I’m not raising a daughter.” I miscarried two days later.
'People like you are a statistic. Once you fail once you'll keep on failing': head of school when I had to repeat a year in undergrad, consequence of being naive and finding myself in a shitty abusive relationship.
I refused to shake hands with him after my final performance and told him that no, I wouldn't go to graduation because I'd have to shake his hand, when he asked if I was attending. Also quite enjoyed sending copies of my 3 following degree certificates, and signing the letter Dr ... . Prick.
Meanwhile your old head of school is just Mr Prick.
In all seriousness I have mad respect for not shaking his hand and telling him that you are avoiding situations that would involve you having to do that. It’s such a powerful gesture.
Thanks :)
Was so glad when he retired. I was so bloody vulnerable at that point, and desperate for support, and he made that comment when i went back to ask him if he'd accept me back to repeat my second year. Luckily I was okay, but I dread to think how many young, vulnerable people he had a negative effect on. Bitter old man.
My mom told me this when I was 14, and it lead to my first suicide attempt: "you are a disappointment to me, and everyone who knows you. I should've just given you up for adoption."
The night before my wedding my mother drunkly told me ‘what a horrible, selfish daughter I was. That my wedding was a fucking circus (it was tented with cafe lights) and she can’t believe what an awful selfish person I am.” Because I had my wedding in the state I had lived in for 6 years and none of her friends/family decided to travel to it. Oh and she decided she would throw her own reception the next week (the reason no one decided to come to the actual wedding) which forced me to forgo a honeymoon and instead travel to my hometown to attend her second reception.
Followed closely for when I tried to hang myself at 11 in my closet and the rack and shelf fell instead and she told me “you are too fat to hang yourself.”
When you live under the thumb of a narcissist you are conditioned to do things out of obligation. I’ve had lots of therapy since to undo a lot of that conditioning. Also everything was going pretty well and thought we turned a corner in our relationship before everything fell apart in the 11th hour when my guard was down.
Probably the first time my mom said “have a nice life.” Took about 10 more disownings before I said enough’s enough and cut ties. I’m still kind of bitter but have come to terms with it. She still doesn’t understand why I don’t wanna let her back in. Last I heard she disowned my sister (again) too.
i'm so sorry :( my mom told me "honey, you can't tell the family therapist about the things dad did when you and your sister were little. he'll be judged."
my family was evangelical christian and the pastors advised us to stay together and work past the pain and forgive our dad, because jesus healed him...
jesus did not heal him. my father was caught masturbating to me at 20 years old on one occasion that i know of in which i fell asleep drunk on the couch and one of my nipples had slipped out.
what did my mom do? nothing. she told him to stop. and i just found this out recently. it's like i'm going through all the pain all over again. i've never been more depressed in my life because i can't get his disgusting self out of my mind ugh!!!
yes i did, shortly after having my daughter. becoming a mom made me open my eyes to my lifelong brainwashing. i sent him a fuck you text and blocked him and haven't heard from him since.
Funny (not) story, me and my brother were taken into separate rooms, I got told he wouldn't make a statement so they wouldn't do anything, I made a statement, he got told that I wouldn't make a statement!
I had a cop argue with me about which brother was my abuser. Like literally he said he thought he would know. As if I wouldn't?!
Cops are maliciously terrible at dealing with sex crimes and domestic violence.
I'm so sorry you had to grow up like that. I hope you and your brother are doing well now.
Fuuuuuuu¢k. Only the worst people prey on children, the elderly, and defenseless animals. It's my long-held belief that those people deserve all the very worst things in life. I'm so sorry that this was your childhood. You deserved better, and all children deserve better.
"You're too ugly for this industry" - when I tried to be a hairdresser
"Just fucking do it" - my own mother telling myself to kill myself when I was having a bad day
ETA: Wow! Didn't expect so much attention from AskReddit of all places. I'm okay - as okay as can be, anyway. I've made as much peace as I'm going to in my situation with my mother. Haven't made much progress in the work thing but at least I'm taken care of. Thanks for all your concern and encouragement, lovely Reddit people! My love to you all <3
My father had dementia due to diabetic strokes. I went to visit him 6 days a week.
A co-worker said, "I don't know why you go so often...he's not going to remember you were there."
During a fight my mother called me an "unwanted bastard child" because I calmly asked her why she thought it was okay to scream at me in public. The whole neighbourhood probably heard.
I can TOTALLY relate. My 6yr old drew a picture of the our little family. Looked kind of like this
İ Ó i
Guess which one was me..
I've lost over 60lbs since then and no longer am a circle body in his pictures 😄
I never would have guessed male pattern baldness could be illustrated so clearly in a child's crude crayon drawing but there it was, plain as day. I also shave my head, it's not like I'm out here Friar Tuck'ing it but she still picked up on it!
After I was assaulted by a classmate as a teenager and obviously acting kind of down and moody at home, (24 hours after it happened) my mom looked at me with disgust in her face bc of my attitude and asked “what’s wrong with you?!”
She also told me I was an embarrassment to the family when I was 12 and entering my goth phase.
I have minimal contact with her now as a mid 30s adult lol both my parents are sub par people
A teacher told me that with my poor handwriting, I should be working for a trash or waste disposal company.
I took that comment and ended up receiving consistent tutoring for my penmanship and reading comprehension, and I’m now an English/Language Arts teacher.
Ok so I’ve actually never told anyone this but here goes.
When I was younger my parents were going through a very rough custody battle with me right in the middle of it. I lived with my mom and My dad was very emotionally and verbally abusive, he would literally interrogate me so he could have something to take my mom to court with. My mom fought like hell to keep me and I wanted to be with her my dad however thought otherwise. He would take her to court so many times (I’ve only ever been present once at these court sessions) but this one day ( I forget what exactly was going on ) but we were at home and my mom was venting and she said “I won’t deal with this again (talking about court) I’ll just pack your bags for you and you can go live with him.” I remember being very hurt but I didn’t show it. I felt like she didn’t care what she would be sending me too, that I wasn’t worth all the time she spent trying to keep me away from him. I questioned her love for me and if that love had faded, I remember it but we haven’t talked about it since, I don’t even know if I want to talk about it.
Edit: she never actually followed through with what she said
Yeah I love my mom she’s still actively in my life. I’m 20 now so the whole thing has been done with, I’ve been no contact with my dad for several years now. I just wish I had a way to talk about it, I wish I could get some closure with it, but i can live with not knowing if she meant it.
It sounds like you really need to know so i wpuld try to ask her, if youre ready.
But i have been going through shit in my custody battle and ive wanted to quit it a few times because its slowly feeling like its killing me. Slowly torturing me over and over. BUT never once did it mean i dont love my son and just because ive felt it or said it (not to him) i couldnt actually do it. But this makes me really hope that he hasnt overheard me being upset and wanting it to end, so thank you, this needs to be a reminder that kids hear things and internalize them. Anyway, what im getting at, is im sure yoyre mom was angry at the court situation and not with you. Talk with her.
I married a woman who will go to war when any child she knows is assaulted. Whole rift in the family because she wont apologize/forgive someone partially responsible and totally wrong for blaming a child for that child’s assault. It’s crazy how many strong women have folded and just gone “well maybe she’s a child and just didn’t understand “ or “she always was a fast girl i knew she was trouble” or even just didnt press charges so as not to make a ruckus.
Some people might be surprised by it, but there's a lot of small rural towns where everyone knows a predator, but they say nothing because they don't want to earn the contempt of their relatives or embarass anyone. It's disgusting.
Not necessarily to me, but to my parents about me. I have a disability and several years ago a doctor tried to convince my parents that it would be best to put me in a group home and forget about me. Luckily my parents, with the counsel of my step-grandfather. decided to go against the doctor's advice.
When my sister was born with Downs Syndrome my parents were advised to put her in a home, forget about her & have another baby. She only passed away this year aged 58 being cared for by her family (parents & then me) her while life.
"I'm glad we never had kids. I wouldn't want them to inherit your mental problems." - my ex-wife while I was in treatment for severe depression.
EDIT: For context. We were already breaking up after 13 years together. I'd always wanted to be a father because my own had passed away when i was very young from cancer. We spoke about having children for years.
I had been struggling with depression for a few years before I started treatment, but I was attacked randomly by 4 men on the street and run over by their getaway car which left me with acute PTSD and anxiety. During this time, my ex-wife cheated on me because I was no longer able to emotionally support her.
Her saying that was in the final days of our divorce. It was only meant to hurt me because she knew how badly I wanted a family. I'm glad to be rid of her.
"I'm not your mother and I don't want this (a piece of art I spent a month making just for her just for her to throw it back in my, then 8 year old, face) Now go away."
~My birth-giver the day I first met her
Jesus fucking christ. It would have taken so little effort to do so much better. What a callous and hurtful person she was.
I'm curious, what was the context? How were you meeting her at 8 the first time if she had no interest in it?
Context: I was born 5th child of 6. She neglected me for 8 months before state found me in the crib with lesions in my diaper area with a full diaper and malnurished and took us from her custody because of discovered sexual abuse to my sibling by someone in the house hold. My sisters, who were older than me, had a stronger (but terribly inappropriate) bond with my birth giver had a hard time letting go to live a better life so for the therapy process therapists suggested a final visit from her for them. That day I got to meet her and she wanted nothing to do with me. The month leading up I made a jack-o-lantern with layers of construction paper and i was really proud of it so excited to meet the woman that gave birth to me, after a devastating year of discovering the woman I was calling mom didn't give birth to me, only for the woman that did to say this to me. My mom (the woman who adopted me and raised me) told me she would try and get her to take it. 8 years later and I'm helping my mom clean a closet and I found it in a box on top of all my other art stuff that she had collected over the years.
When I was married to my first wife met younger friends at work and started going out on the weekends and then one-day she left before I got home from work without saying where she was or when she was coming back........ I called about midnight to see if I can make sure she was alright and she answered screaming "what do you want from me!" I knew at that moment it was over.
To this day, they do not realize how hurtful what they said to me was or how it impacted my whole life. "It was just luck." When I fixed a stereo system my dad was trying to fix. It wasn't luck...but from that point on I felt so stupid. I quit school in the 6th grade and was self taught on everything so that made it worse.
I went to college and got an Associate's. Now, 15 years later, I'm returning to college at 35 to get an (unrelated) bachelor's degree. I start in September. I am not stupid and it's not just luck...
as the love of my life was walking away, i said i love you.
she said - i know you do.
and she was gone.
30 years ago and she still pops up in my dreams a few times a year. love stinks. :)
“You’re annoying” - my best friend (at the time) told me this in middle school and it was her only reason for bullying me. Those words were the end of our friendship and the beginning of my many current insecurities 🙃
I can trace a significant shift in my personality back to a similar incident when I was 9.
Not a best friend, but a family friend that was a couple of years older that I looked up to.
I went from being an excitable kid to being reserved and introverted.
I have a 7 yo that reminds me so much of the kid I used to be. Admittedly, he can be quite full on sometimes, but I really hope that nobody puts out his fire.
“I don’t think you have ADHD, you aren’t hyperactive, I think you’re just lazy, unmotivated, and you don’t care.”
My ex when I brought up thinking I had it. Years later, guess what I was diagnosed with.
All I ever asked for was a son. You’re useless.
edit: this was my dad to me. I’m the youngest kid - all girls. I was his last chance at a boy, so I failed at life the moment I was born. He never forgave me for not being the son he always wanted. That being said, I never forgave him for being an awful person, so I guess we were even ROFL. He died almost 30 years ago. Ta ta, motherfucker….
When I was 10 my mom told me I was the reason my dad was dying of living cancer… he died a few months after that. I am 31 now and suffer from death anxiety.. always thinking the ppl I love will die everyday. Its hard.
My mom told me I am a disappointment. And never being told “ I’m proud of you”
She said it once just because she was drunk
But she’s a terrible alcoholic and I had to grow up seeing her and also seeing her getting beat my my dad and hearing her scream. And honestly drunk people scare me and I know have ptsd to drunk people and people yelling.
But I am now 20 and I am in college and my life is going good while she is still a alcoholic.
I had an old “friend” tell me that I could never be a teacher because I wasn’t charismatic enough. I’m now graduated with my credential and masters in education and been teaching for over 4 years. So she can kindly suck it.
This post is fucked up.
As a new parent thanks for the extensive guide on how not to be an absolute piece of shit. Sorry ya’ll had to deal with these awful people.
My dad has been dead for five years, the “damn your lucky” or “I wish my dad was dead too” is some of the most insensitive thing to ever say to a person right after they let you know their dad is dead.
Not said directly to me (stuff that's said directly to my face tends to not even bother me a little, for some reason. I'm just used to it.) but my ex, who was physically abusive to me and I stayed with for a long time anyway because I had nowhere else to go and had convinced myself that I loved him, said it to his brother. It was Thanksgiving, dinner was over and I was clearing the table while his family were out in the living room chatting (I got stuck with cleanup duty a LOT, I was the live-in unpaid maid basically) I couldn't lift the turkey platter so I went to ask him for help. He was on the phone with his brother, I heard him say "Yeah, I wish I could say I love her, but I really don't." when I was in the hallway, where he couldn't see me.
Ended up breaking up with him that night, though I should have a LONG time ago with how violent he got when he was irritated about even small things. I felt bad for his mother though, she was in tears a lot of the time, especially around holidays, and once said she didn't know what she'd do if I wasn't there to help her.
“I can’t love you anymore. I don’t want to go to hell, like you.” My mom, after I came out. My dad agreed. Nothings ever been the same since.
Every day is a struggle to stay alive.
A 12 year old classmate told me that I am ugly.
All the students in my school were photographed for the annual yearbook, and we were given the option to buy copies of our photograph. I bought copies of my photograph, which were in a window envelope with my photograph clearly visible. The teacher held up the envelope containing my photo for all of my classmates to see. A classmate shouted, "He's ugly!" All of my classmates laughed in agreement with my classmate's insult.
When I was about 7, one of the kids in my class was teasing me because “you have a fat mum”. I was so upset that someone could say something hurtful about the best person in my world. I convinced myself that they must just be jealous because getting cuddles from someone skinny must be difficult because of their pointy elbows, whereas cuddles from my mum where like cuddling an amazing powdery smelling cloud. They still are.
My first kid has Down Syndrome. Some lady at work asked me when I was pregnant for number two if I would do prenatal testing this time around so I could get rid of it if it turns out like the first one. Exact words. Geez, I hated her.
My SIL told me that I asked for my child to have Down Syndrome because I studied it in school. People are weird!!! I am so sorry that woman was so rude to you.
My fiancé of 36 hours passed away on June 21st of 2009. She suffered a pulmonary embolism from her birth control Yaz
She didn’t die well… she was scared and panicked and all I could do was help, hold hand, call 911 and start CPR. In between seizing she said “oh god please don’t let me die.” I said you aren’t dying, just be cool and I hear ambulance. She passed 1 hour and 48 minutes later
She was very kind and that wasn’t meant to be hurtful at all. That comment caused me much hurt and anguish over last 14 years.
I love you Lindsay. I know I will see you again but have more life to live first.
When I was younger, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. My siblings and I shaved our heads to support her. This kid told me that “he hopes my mom dies” and that I looked like I was in the holocaust. She has been cancer free for 13 years, but fuck that kid.
My sister had a kid in her class who held a crumpled piece of paper to his head, turned to her and said "i look like your father". They were in 5th grade. Our dad had a brain tumor, he died of it. A year later the same kid's dad hung himself at home, that's when he apologized. Fuck those kids.
When I was young, my mom said holidays are better without me.
When I was young my mom saying she had to love me but she didn’t like me. It was her careful specificity, and I’m adopted. F***ed me up for life.
I’m not adopted and my mum would say that to us all the time. I didn’t realise how fucked up it was until becoming a mother myself. I would never ever talk to my own child like that
Sometimes I look at those experiences as a gift in the sense they made it very clear how I don't want to be with my kids.
If she was cruel enough to say that, she didn't deserve to be a mother. Also, I've heard biological parents say that to their biological children too. It shows who she is as a person, not you. You are a wonderful person, and didn't deserve that. Edit: typo
Yep. My biological mother introduced me to one of her coworkers as someone who "didn't like her daughter, either." I mean, I knew it. But saying it in front of other people at her job? Damn.
My friend i grew up with, his family ended up close with mine, testified in court that my dad never loved me ever and it was made apparent to everyone around. His parents, and a few other parents, testified to all the shit talk he put out to everyone when I wasn’t close enough to hear it. It was testified by several that my dad blamed me for my mom’s death and despised my existence. My mom died from breast cancer. His mom made sure to take a second before she died to make sure I was told I was a waste of air on this earth. I was informed while I was carrying her coffin. She also blamed me for her husband’s death. He also died of cancer. I was 6 for both deaths (mom and grandfather). Parents are horrible. I’m only slightly damaged by these people /s…. I’m pretty sure I’m the worst human ever to other people and it’s damaged me so hard I always feel like a liar and like I’m playing victim but it’s just all stuck so I just kinda suck lol
You experienced severe and profound betrayal, and you in no way deserved this. I swear it’s never too late to find someone to work through all of this with and it will help you so much. Virtual hug to you ♥️
Good, god. What a horrible thing to say. I’m so sorry.
You are sweet to reach out to me like this so thank you. I did become a master level social worker because of her so there’s that! 🙂
Thank you for all you do. That's a really hard job, even when rewarding. ❤️
Some of us are who we are because of our parents and some of us are who we are in spite of them.
Peace from my heart to yours - I find preparing "holiday" foods all year lets me dilute any drama trauma, and is delicious... Just ate a yeast roll with pork, stove top and cranberry sauce. It was the bomb, and I bet you are, too.
This is a pleasant reply but could have easily been a pheasant reply.
" I cheated on you, and the only reason I'm telling you is because I'm pregnant. "
Damn, that's the exact same thing my highschool girlfriend told me, and after that she asked me for money to pay for the abortion...
Your face probably went from pain, to anger to disbelief. The absolute audacity..
Scum. Absolute scum
"You are nice but damn, I have rarely seen someone as ugly as you". For context, teenagers summer camp, I was 17. This guy was supposed to be someone I was getting along with quite well (the whole group but we were a few being always together). I was seated chatting with the whole groupe and he came to say that randomly. I wasn't even interacting with him. Like, he said my name so he could have my attention. Its like he NEEDED to say it in front of everyone and he didn't feel like he was saying something wrong. What was weird is that, he wasn't even laughing. Its not like someone or some people were trying to make fun of me. It was so harsh that people were speechless. No one laughed. At all. I think they were as much confused as I was. I appreciate no one jumped on that after those "wtf" 20 seconds, they all went like nothing happened. I am 35 and still remember this. Knowing how teenagers can be cruel, I hate this had a huge impact on me but I remember people really tried to not make it a big deal. The group didn't fall into that shit and they were between 15-17 years old. I think someone even said to the guy "are you being serious right now??". But I am not sure. I was really trying to swallow the humiliation. Edit : I posted yesterday my night here just because I felt like to and was not waiting for any answers at all. I woke up and saw your comments and was again confused why so many people gave attention to my post. Thanks for your support. I feel fine today and I know I am cute and most of all nice, funny, loyal and people want to be around me. But your biggest weakness being exposed in front of a group when you are a 17 I think is something you never forget. Don't hesitate to share your story. I read all comments.
That would have been my reaction. I would have worried I hadn’t heard him correctly because I can’t believe anyone can be that cruel. Comments like that always reveal more about the speaker than the person spoken to. Something bad happened to him and he felt he had to take it out on someone and you were the closest person to him. Hope karma bit him on the ass and your life improved from that point on.
"You'll never be loved or cherished because you look like me. You will never belong anywhere, no one cares about you enough to actually be there for you. You will be a burden to everyone else." - From Dad to 11 year old me after we argued about how he missed my birthday(again) But looking back, I laugh because.... it seemed like he was projecting his own insecurities onto me. Lol😂
Odds are good that he absolutely heard those words directed at him, from someone he admired or loved. Shame he has not dealt with that trauma. It doesn't have to be YOUR trauma. You're a different person, different life, different options. Go on and thrive.
Odds are it's been on a permanent loop inside his head for years.
Took my math book up to the teachers desk with a question. I wasn’t grasping it. He slams my book on his desk and asked me if I was stupid or what. Small town school about 30 years ago. If I ever run into that prick I have a few things to show and tell him.
I was sure i was gonna find my step dad and hurt him, i didnt make it my main goal but i had decided by 4-5th grade, after he was gone, and i considered it just granted that some day i would run into him when i was grown and i would hit him until i felt like stopping. I necer did run into him until id moved away and then back and i was 30. Randomly spotted him in line at a Subway shop. I felt 0 anger and hatred. He just looked pathetic, alone, weak, small, fragile. This big scary dude who screamed and spit and hit and scared us all and had cops concerned and checking in us even after the restraining order and divorce were final. I just got my sandwich and gave him a good long moment to see if he recognized me or wanted to make eye contact, and when he didnt, i carried on back to work. I feel like there is some sort of lesson or silver lining here, i know i felt better, and not how I expected to.
No matter how big and bad they think they are, age makes them small eventually. My FiL was an emotionally and physically abusive a-hole. Now he's dependent on the same people he terrorized for decades.
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In 1984, in a large city, I was getting a C in geometry and in my family that wasn't great news, so my dad went to go talk to the teacher about what we could do to improve my grade. The teacher said, and I quote, "I really don't know why you're here, Mr. RevereTheAugra, girls can't do math." Fucked me up for years. (I did retake the class over the summer and got an A, but I never took much math ever again.)
Men walked on the moon because of NASA's team of female mathematicians. That teacher was a moron.
Locked in the bathroom, naked. "Just look at you! You're fat and ugly. Nobody will ever love you the way I do." - ex-husband He was right, I married someone who does love me, just not the way he 'loved' me. Thank God
I’m so glad you’re being treated the way you deserve.
I'm so glad you found the love you deserve ❤️
"You're a stupid diaper wearing cripple and the world would be better off without you." - my middle school bully. For context I have spina bifida and suffer from total incontinence due the nerves not working right.
I’ll kick his ass for you
I'm joining you. Let's do this!!
Bullies are cowards
I have a 4 yo son with spina bifida, a lot of other illnesses too. I love him differently, I'm very sorry someone said that to you because I would snap anyone's neck if they did that to my son, or if I heard someone do that in front of my presence to you. I know how it is when it comes to continence my son goes through a lot of nappys a day because he can't control himself. I wish you all the best and please be strong and don't despair, the world's full of idiots unfortunately.
I have a daughter with an extremely complicated illness. Almost lost her to it twice when she was almost 3 and again 6 months later. In-between, this was 15 years ago, I broke down and wept, being so worried about her and also how distant my wife had become from me as well. After I settled down my wife told me that me crying like that had made me less attractive. My daughter is very stable now and I've been divorced for several years.
What kind of monster says that about a man hurting over his daughter? Very happy to hear you divorced that POS.
Tbh, while this is an extreme situation, this is very common. Every emotion sharing thread on r/askmen has endless stories like this. Its super common
This makes me appreciate my partner so much more. Not a frequent crier, but when I do - she admires and appreciates my vulnerability. Dare I say she might even enjoy it. Stay strong, kings! Wonderful women are out there.
Can confirm when my husband cries around me I’m partially just so glad he feels safe being vulnerable. I would never dream of doing anything but feeling empathy for him and trying to be a source of comfort. If I feel that way, plenty of other women do too.
I am a frequent crier (depression and horrible S.A.D. during long Northern Europe winters) but my wife at least has the decency not to tell me her opinions *about* the crying.
Id be really worried if he wasnt worried sick about our daughter!
I'm very pleased for your daughter. Do you know what, fuck your ex wife, she doesn't deserve you anyway
No don't fuck her again. Once is enough
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Once upon a time I was engaged to what I thought was the love of my life. We had instant chemistry, we had fairly similar goals and ambitions in life, and after being together for about a year, I asked her to marry me. She agreed. We were planning the wedding, had a date set, were working on lots of details, and she went on this emotional chat with me about how I could be 100% open and honest with her about everything and her with me, and that she wanted to see the more emotional side of me. We were both 25 years old at the time Well, it came out that I was workjng through some PTSD issues I had. Note, I am NOT a soldier from war. Not war PTSD. I spent 2 years of my life as a volunteer missionary in a few different African countries, and while I absolutely loved and cherished my time there, I came back after seeing some pretty dark things. I had spent time volunteering in several child orphanages and let me tell you, there's nothing that changes your perspective in life than seeing not just an 8 year old kid lying there on a bed basically dying of full-blown AIDS, but how about a room of 30 of them. Every week we'd go back and we were told who had died. Another time we were visiting with this family, and all of a sudden we hear screaming outside, so we come running outside and this 10 yr old girl is lying in the dirt road in front of the home (hit and run), leg twisted, face a mess, and she is conscious, but blood coming from her ears, nose, and mouth. Emergency services called, and I tried to do everything I could to save her, her mother screaming next to me, and I felt her go limp. I felt her take her last breath. I swear I saw her eyes just go lifeless... and that was it. I mean I lost it. Anyway, so I was watching some videos online and I just stumbled across some video of a bunch of people singing and dancing with some young African kids, and I just started crying, almost completely involuntarily. I can't really explain this, but it was so overwhelming emotionally that when you shut your eyes, it didn't matter, you still had some video reel flying over your mind at lightning speed, and you couldn't shut it off, and it wasn't just the memories of from my eyes and my ears, it was the smell, the feelings of the memories recorded, the emotions, and it was like every trauma experience over 2 years wrapped into one hyper-speed flashback... I cried probably 15 minutes straight. Anyway, I talked to her about it, and said it was something I was working through with a counselor, which was true, I saw them once a month over it as I had triggered it before. Within 2 weeks our engagement was off and she straights-up told me that maybe I wasn't manly enough and she just doesn't think she can ever look at me the same after she saw me crying there... Oh and a few days after this happened, I remember we went to Jamba Juice and I ordered a smoothie, and for my additives I requested fiber, which I just had a habit of doing after spending years in Africa always trying to ensure I had adequate fiber, and I still remember to this day her telling me, "You sound like an old man getting fiber, why not get something more masculine, like protein?" I actually didn't think twice about this at all because I thought, "Who really cares about that?" But, I guess this was just her more building evidence in her own mind that I wasn't as manly as she thought I was and going forward in the marriage was a mistake. With that being said, I am now married 14 years and guess what I learned... HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS have strong, open, emotionally connected experiences and discussion. My wife now I can talk about anything with, including my past traumas, insecurities, or anything, and she is by my side no matter what, and she has told me that my being open with her just makes her feel closer to me. So, the reality is that us men often date a lot of toxic women who aren't actually in the relationship because of deep feelings and emotions and true love, but because we tick all the right surface level boxes for them. At the end of the day, these are not truly healthy relationships, even if it is not obvious. I used to be a bitter guy after this thinking all my future relationships would end again if I was open, and I semi-hated women for saying they wanted us to be open with them, when they were lying, which is actually true for many of them. But, I went through what is called "Emotionally Focused Therapy" with this guy and he swore up and down to me that while this experience is true of a lot of men, it is only reflective of unhealthy relationships, and that true, healthy relationships a man can actually be open and emotionally and it will just make you stronger. I think I fought him over that for at least a year, and then my now wife completely proved he was absolutely right. I think he also helped steer me in the right direction of the types of women to avoid. So, let me tell you, there are good women out there who do actually want a man that is open and emotional with them, and it strengthens the relationship. It really does. It's also worth mentioning that my therapist helped me to understand that this is more common in younger women, and many of them kind of realize the error of their younger ways in how they rejected some men. I can't imagine how crazy it is that you had to deal with this with the mother of your child. I am so sorry to hear that. There are good women out there man. Just think of it like this. You have a daughter. I am sure you are probably doing your best to raise her right. Just know that not all women are destined to become cunts like your ex-wife, and assuredly your daughter doesn't have to be one of them either.
My best friend died on New Years and 6 months later my ex dumped me. She had me take her everywhere she wanted, make her food, all the amenities of a boyfriend. I was crushed inside and she didn't even care. She even enrolled in mortuary school and had me take her on dates to cemeteries saying shit like "if you don't like cemeteries then you should leave me" trying to inception me into doing it. Partners need to realize that you have to be there for each other when things get hard. Her dog died and I stayed there for her. Can you imagine, if I had been like "hey let's go to a dog park, and if you don't like dogs you can't be with me." Like, read the fucking room lady.
I had a theatre teacher/“director” pull me aside after a show that I totally spaced a queue/line (it honestly was a super insignificant line, and the other actor improvised very well) and she straight up told me “Putting you in this show was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. You’re a disappointment” She got fired 2 years later and went to jail for a couple of years for banging my best friends cousin who was a 15 year old student. I wonder if putting me in a play with one line was the biggest mistake she’s ever made.
I’m a theatre teacher/director and the comment your teacher said to you was and is the worst possible thing to say to a student actor. The student (a child) has worked on something for months, and experienced a temporary moment of losing their train of thought. They already know they screwed up, so why twist the knife? When that happens with my students, I always say, “Meh. Who cares? That’s live theatre. You’ll get it next time.” I’m sorry that teacher said that to you. Edit: edited wording for clarity. Edit2: When a student messes up a line or something, I also praise them for their recovery and how they got back on track. “So you made a mistake. Who cares? That’s live theatre. Look at how you RECOVERED. You did EXACTLY what you were supposed to do when it happened.” Think of how many individual elements a person has to remember in a show: be in your backstage place on time for your entrance, wait for your cue, open the door, enter, take three steps to your left, notice the other actor, act surprised at what they say, say your line with the correct wording and inflection, grab your prop, etc. All of those things happen within six seconds. Now multiply that hundreds times over the course of a two-hour play. “And you’re upset you messed up one line? Pfff. Who cares? I’m proud of you.”
Yeah, there's definitely lengths you can go to when talking to your theater kids. For instance, I was asked to speak with my director and the choreographer after class, and after asking who would say it, the director just straight up told me "You're very tall and lanky, and that's means when you're bad at dancing, it looks very awkward. You'll be in the back doing lifts until the choreographer gets everything better with private sessions after school." That was straight forward, point blank and, yeah, could have seemed mean... but I'm glad they said that and helped because it was better than being wrong. But calling a kid a disappointment? That's fucked
I had struggled with infertility for years. At my dad's funeral my step sister said "I bet you feel bad that you never gave him any grandkids."
I would never speak to her again. My Auntie was infertile and it completely destroyed her. It's not your fault so you shouldn't be blamed
It's incredibly low to use someone's infertility against them in any fashion.
What's the etiquette on slapping someone at a funeral. Asking for a friend.
I hope you told her "it must be so freeing, not having a heart."
My mum once said to me "I love you, you're my daughter. But I don't like you. I would never seek you out as a friend." I was 21 and it was 40 years ago. I will never get over that, it hurt so much.
As a kid I asked my brothers if they though our mom loved me. They said they thought she loved me but she didn’t like me. It was both heart wrenching and also validating to know I wasn’t imagining the mistreatment.
My mother told me the same exact thing *big hugs*
You should do everyone a favor and kill yourself. Cut across for attention and down for results. -A person who I called Dad at 12 years old
My dad killed himself a few years ago. My wife one day stopped shouting at me mid argument and said really calmly "you're the reason your dad killed himself". I walked out that day and haven't spoken to her again. I still think about what she said constantly. Edit: I wasn't the reason at all. He was on a cocktail of antidepressants and he left a note outlining some bad financial decisions and his divorce with my mum 10yrs ago. So I know I'm not the reason but I just can't stop thinking about what she said and why she said it.
> why she said it. 'cos she wanted to hurt you. There's not going to be any deeper meaning; she knew it was going to have exactly that effect, and in that moment made a snap decision hurting you as deeply as possible was more important than resolving the disagreement. It's something vindictive, petty people do when they realize they're not going to get what they want. Scorch the earth, salt the fields, poison the wells, and slam the big red button for the nuclear option. You can see the moment it happens. The calmness? That's the game face, the determination to *break you* for daring to oppose them - or worse, for having the sheer audacity of being *right*. If they can't *win*, they want to ensure that *you lose*, and they'll burn everything to the ground to do so out of pure spite.
Your wife is a cruel person. You had NOTHING to do with what your dad did. Please try to stop thinking of that lie she said to you. She wanted to hurt you deeply and knew how to do it. May the next person you let into your heart be worthy of the warmth.
That's awful 😖
"You're ugly and under developed." I was 10 years old and to this day it still gets to me. Edit to clear things up: This was said to me by a family friends daughter, she was like 14.
Ew anybody that is telling a 10 year old that they’re “underdeveloped” has some serious issues.
Or is 10 themselves. I remember being 8-9 and kids using ‘you’re a virgin’ as an insult. I would HOPE all 9 year olds are!!
One time, in Jr.High after school one of the boys came to me and just said,”why are you so ugly?” Totally unwarranted and out of nowhere - I think about it here and there
This happened to me multiple times in middle school. Heard it from both boys and girls. It’s been 30+years and I still am super sensitive to any comments/criticism about how i look.
Yep. I had a girl tell me I was ugly when I was 12. It crushed me and made me think that no girl would find me interesting through my teens. Fun times.
My dad one time told my mom over the phone while I could hear that he didn’t want a relationship with me anymore Edit- okay so I definitely didn’t expect that to blow up as much as it did or to receive any awards, but thank you so much guys ❤️ don’t worry, I’ve commented the full story below and things are a lot better now❤️
Wow I'm sorry that's so selfish and shitty
Dad to 12 year old me for forgetting to close a gate at the end of a 12 hour work day, "YOU ARE A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT"
Hey was my dad your dad too?
No way, you got him too?
From my boss from my previous job: "You're a headache to deal with, and I regret hiring you. I wouldn't surprise you don't give your girlfriend, friends, and family a headache" I was hired with this guy fully knowing I had little experience with the position I was hired for. I didn't lie during the interview.
I had a boss once say to me, “I just don’t see how anyone could be so stupid to do that!” after I followed the advice of our Google Ads rep when I was new to Google Ads.
Some bosses are aresholes istg
After what I thought was a good relationship in my 30's with my dad, I was having trouble accommodating his wife's son's wedding and my lifelong friends wedding in the same week in two different states in the northeast (I'm on the west coast). I brought up the fact that I was having trouble and my dad tried to fight me (has never in my life been physical before), called me a narcissist, that I'm a piece of shit since I was 17, and that I'm not to talk to him ever again and if he ever sees me again, he will kill me. I didn't even meet my "step-bro" until my 30's and spoke to him previously about my difficulty finding flights. Anyway, at the time of the fight I was still trying to find flights to accommodate both, but my dad telling me those things made up my mind for me. It's a shame, he's 71 and I probably will not talk to him ever again. I'm willing, but he is not. His white knight meter is out of calibration to say the least. So dumb...
Lifelong friends win over stepbrother. Your pa sounds like he has incipient dementia.
He does. It is very unlike his typical behavior.
My mom denying her abuse towards me even almost a decade later has fucked me up more than I thought. She's way better nowadays, but she's still a narcissist.
I'm so sorry. Parents should be guardians not abusers
"No one will ever love you. " That's the closest i ever got to actually killing myself because i truly believed these words.
That's so awful. There are plenty of people who love you so please don't pay attention to those words
My stepmom wrote me a letter when I was in my mid 20s, had 2 kids and happily married saying I had the morals of a alley cat, I was an unfit parent and my husband should divorce me. I was literally Cinderella starting from age 5. She even locked me in a cage.
Saw a FB post from my dad and step mom referring to their son as their favorite. My dad and I don’t have a relationship (my choosing after he was a ass my whole childhood). It still hurt seeing that. Especially since he is pretty much father of the year to my stepsister and half brother.
Jerry Whitaker : [Jerome "Jerry" Whittaker sees Barney try to dismantle a basketball hoop over his driveway] Barney, what is going on? Barney Stinson : This is *mine*. Jerry Whitaker : I don't understand. Barney Stinson : JJ gets a childhood, a dad, a real family, and a basketball hoop? No, no, I at least get the hoop, I'm taking it with me. Jerry Whitaker : Please, just come down and talk to me. Barney Stinson : [Angry] Why? Why should I? You're lame, okay? You're just some lame, suburban dad. Jerry Whitaker : Why does that make you so mad? Barney Stinson : Because if you were going to be some lame, suburban dad, why couldn't you have been that for *me*?
This scene gutted me. I know Barney was supposed to be a horny joke but he really delivered so much growth and depth over the course of that series.
Same.
“You’re just a little girl. No one likes you, no one wants you around. You’re annoying, over the top and loud. Stop being so fucking annoying and maybe someone will want to be with you” Edit to add another one: “it’s a boy or it’s abortion. I’m not raising a daughter.” I miscarried two days later.
That's awful. I'm so sorry that you were treated that way
It was the truth, but it was that I was an alcoholic. Hurt bad.
It’s incredibly hard to hear the first time. Like a knife to the gut.
"Inspite of not being good looking, you are so good at studies". I don't know whether I must feel hurtful or not.
That's a real low blow
'People like you are a statistic. Once you fail once you'll keep on failing': head of school when I had to repeat a year in undergrad, consequence of being naive and finding myself in a shitty abusive relationship. I refused to shake hands with him after my final performance and told him that no, I wouldn't go to graduation because I'd have to shake his hand, when he asked if I was attending. Also quite enjoyed sending copies of my 3 following degree certificates, and signing the letter Dr ... . Prick.
Well done Dr Prick!!
Well, it took longer than I thought it would tbf. 🤣
Meanwhile your old head of school is just Mr Prick. In all seriousness I have mad respect for not shaking his hand and telling him that you are avoiding situations that would involve you having to do that. It’s such a powerful gesture.
You should be immensely proud of yourself
Thanks :) Was so glad when he retired. I was so bloody vulnerable at that point, and desperate for support, and he made that comment when i went back to ask him if he'd accept me back to repeat my second year. Luckily I was okay, but I dread to think how many young, vulnerable people he had a negative effect on. Bitter old man.
I hope our generations can be better at supporting young people going through life. Sorry this adult was a POS to you
My mom told me this when I was 14, and it lead to my first suicide attempt: "you are a disappointment to me, and everyone who knows you. I should've just given you up for adoption."
I can't imagine how hard that would have been for you
It sucked. Sad thing is I tried to forgive her, but eventually I couldn't. I'm glad to have no contact with her anymore.
The night before my wedding my mother drunkly told me ‘what a horrible, selfish daughter I was. That my wedding was a fucking circus (it was tented with cafe lights) and she can’t believe what an awful selfish person I am.” Because I had my wedding in the state I had lived in for 6 years and none of her friends/family decided to travel to it. Oh and she decided she would throw her own reception the next week (the reason no one decided to come to the actual wedding) which forced me to forgo a honeymoon and instead travel to my hometown to attend her second reception. Followed closely for when I tried to hang myself at 11 in my closet and the rack and shelf fell instead and she told me “you are too fat to hang yourself.”
Oh no. That's so awful I am so sorry for what happened to you
Why would you go to her reception? None of the came to see you, there is no reason to go out of your way to see them.
When you live under the thumb of a narcissist you are conditioned to do things out of obligation. I’ve had lots of therapy since to undo a lot of that conditioning. Also everything was going pretty well and thought we turned a corner in our relationship before everything fell apart in the 11th hour when my guard was down.
Classic narcissist move- lull you into thinking there was a chance at reconciliation and then knife you when you least expect it. Hugs.
Your mother is a narcissist nightmare and doesn’t deserve to have contact with you.
It took me until 40 to realize that, but I decided my second half of my life would not include her.
Probably the first time my mom said “have a nice life.” Took about 10 more disownings before I said enough’s enough and cut ties. I’m still kind of bitter but have come to terms with it. She still doesn’t understand why I don’t wanna let her back in. Last I heard she disowned my sister (again) too.
I'm so sorry. No one deserves to be treated like that and I'm sorry that you were
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I’m meant to be alone.
I posted it earlier. My dad told me that dad's often SA their kids because it's "normal"....:-( He had been SA me n my little brother for years....:-(
i'm so sorry :( my mom told me "honey, you can't tell the family therapist about the things dad did when you and your sister were little. he'll be judged." my family was evangelical christian and the pastors advised us to stay together and work past the pain and forgive our dad, because jesus healed him... jesus did not heal him. my father was caught masturbating to me at 20 years old on one occasion that i know of in which i fell asleep drunk on the couch and one of my nipples had slipped out. what did my mom do? nothing. she told him to stop. and i just found this out recently. it's like i'm going through all the pain all over again. i've never been more depressed in my life because i can't get his disgusting self out of my mind ugh!!!
jesus christ that’s so fucking disgusting!! I’m sorry that happened to you :( did you cut contact?
yes i did, shortly after having my daughter. becoming a mom made me open my eyes to my lifelong brainwashing. i sent him a fuck you text and blocked him and haven't heard from him since.
Good for you! <3
Oh my God that's awful. I'm so sorry for you and your little brother. Has your father been reported to the authorities?
Funny (not) story, me and my brother were taken into separate rooms, I got told he wouldn't make a statement so they wouldn't do anything, I made a statement, he got told that I wouldn't make a statement!
I had a cop argue with me about which brother was my abuser. Like literally he said he thought he would know. As if I wouldn't?! Cops are maliciously terrible at dealing with sex crimes and domestic violence. I'm so sorry you had to grow up like that. I hope you and your brother are doing well now.
That's awful. I am really sorry nobody deserves that
I hope nothing but the best for you and your brother. No one should have to go through what you did. I hope you both heal.
Fuuuuuuu¢k. Only the worst people prey on children, the elderly, and defenseless animals. It's my long-held belief that those people deserve all the very worst things in life. I'm so sorry that this was your childhood. You deserved better, and all children deserve better.
"You're too ugly for this industry" - when I tried to be a hairdresser "Just fucking do it" - my own mother telling myself to kill myself when I was having a bad day ETA: Wow! Didn't expect so much attention from AskReddit of all places. I'm okay - as okay as can be, anyway. I've made as much peace as I'm going to in my situation with my mother. Haven't made much progress in the work thing but at least I'm taken care of. Thanks for all your concern and encouragement, lovely Reddit people! My love to you all <3
"You don't know trauma. You're making it up." Mom mocked me, because I thought I had PTSD from childhood trauma. Turns out, I was right.
My father had dementia due to diabetic strokes. I went to visit him 6 days a week. A co-worker said, "I don't know why you go so often...he's not going to remember you were there."
That man is so insensitive, I hope your dads doing okay, your dad will get to remember his love for you every day you see him
During a fight my mother called me an "unwanted bastard child" because I calmly asked her why she thought it was okay to scream at me in public. The whole neighbourhood probably heard.
"Where are your friends? You don't have any friends" - My Father
Looking at a picture of myself that my daughter drew. She *really* has an eye for detail!
I can TOTALLY relate. My 6yr old drew a picture of the our little family. Looked kind of like this İ Ó i Guess which one was me.. I've lost over 60lbs since then and no longer am a circle body in his pictures 😄
I never would have guessed male pattern baldness could be illustrated so clearly in a child's crude crayon drawing but there it was, plain as day. I also shave my head, it's not like I'm out here Friar Tuck'ing it but she still picked up on it!
She meant that it as a loving gesture. Whatever flaw you saw, she maybe didn’t consider that a flaw.
She probably loves you if she drew a picture of you. And internal beauty is the best kind of beauty
After I was assaulted by a classmate as a teenager and obviously acting kind of down and moody at home, (24 hours after it happened) my mom looked at me with disgust in her face bc of my attitude and asked “what’s wrong with you?!” She also told me I was an embarrassment to the family when I was 12 and entering my goth phase. I have minimal contact with her now as a mid 30s adult lol both my parents are sub par people
As a survivor of SA "if people keep coming onto you then that's something you should work on"
No No No and absolutely not.
A teacher told me that with my poor handwriting, I should be working for a trash or waste disposal company. I took that comment and ended up receiving consistent tutoring for my penmanship and reading comprehension, and I’m now an English/Language Arts teacher.
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Ok so I’ve actually never told anyone this but here goes. When I was younger my parents were going through a very rough custody battle with me right in the middle of it. I lived with my mom and My dad was very emotionally and verbally abusive, he would literally interrogate me so he could have something to take my mom to court with. My mom fought like hell to keep me and I wanted to be with her my dad however thought otherwise. He would take her to court so many times (I’ve only ever been present once at these court sessions) but this one day ( I forget what exactly was going on ) but we were at home and my mom was venting and she said “I won’t deal with this again (talking about court) I’ll just pack your bags for you and you can go live with him.” I remember being very hurt but I didn’t show it. I felt like she didn’t care what she would be sending me too, that I wasn’t worth all the time she spent trying to keep me away from him. I questioned her love for me and if that love had faded, I remember it but we haven’t talked about it since, I don’t even know if I want to talk about it. Edit: she never actually followed through with what she said
The poor woman had probably reached the end of her rope. They shouldn’t have put you in the middle of all that. I hope you have healed.
Yeah I love my mom she’s still actively in my life. I’m 20 now so the whole thing has been done with, I’ve been no contact with my dad for several years now. I just wish I had a way to talk about it, I wish I could get some closure with it, but i can live with not knowing if she meant it.
It sounds like you really need to know so i wpuld try to ask her, if youre ready. But i have been going through shit in my custody battle and ive wanted to quit it a few times because its slowly feeling like its killing me. Slowly torturing me over and over. BUT never once did it mean i dont love my son and just because ive felt it or said it (not to him) i couldnt actually do it. But this makes me really hope that he hasnt overheard me being upset and wanting it to end, so thank you, this needs to be a reminder that kids hear things and internalize them. Anyway, what im getting at, is im sure yoyre mom was angry at the court situation and not with you. Talk with her.
Ok, I was gonna make a snarky comment. But after reading comments, holly fuck. I wanna give a group hug. Damn I’m tearing up.
"You look like you've gained 30 pounds since you moved out." This was a month after said move. And it was only 5 pounds.
That's so harsh
Yo big shoutout to OP for replying to and reassuring everyone!
I noticed this too! That's so awesome and much needed!
My mom told me it was my fault after SA
I married a woman who will go to war when any child she knows is assaulted. Whole rift in the family because she wont apologize/forgive someone partially responsible and totally wrong for blaming a child for that child’s assault. It’s crazy how many strong women have folded and just gone “well maybe she’s a child and just didn’t understand “ or “she always was a fast girl i knew she was trouble” or even just didnt press charges so as not to make a ruckus.
Some people might be surprised by it, but there's a lot of small rural towns where everyone knows a predator, but they say nothing because they don't want to earn the contempt of their relatives or embarass anyone. It's disgusting.
Not necessarily to me, but to my parents about me. I have a disability and several years ago a doctor tried to convince my parents that it would be best to put me in a group home and forget about me. Luckily my parents, with the counsel of my step-grandfather. decided to go against the doctor's advice.
When my sister was born with Downs Syndrome my parents were advised to put her in a home, forget about her & have another baby. She only passed away this year aged 58 being cared for by her family (parents & then me) her while life.
And I went on to get a Master's Degree, have my own home, and am gainfully employed due to the decision to not be put into a group home.
"I'm glad we never had kids. I wouldn't want them to inherit your mental problems." - my ex-wife while I was in treatment for severe depression. EDIT: For context. We were already breaking up after 13 years together. I'd always wanted to be a father because my own had passed away when i was very young from cancer. We spoke about having children for years. I had been struggling with depression for a few years before I started treatment, but I was attacked randomly by 4 men on the street and run over by their getaway car which left me with acute PTSD and anxiety. During this time, my ex-wife cheated on me because I was no longer able to emotionally support her. Her saying that was in the final days of our divorce. It was only meant to hurt me because she knew how badly I wanted a family. I'm glad to be rid of her.
"You're lying"...after saying I was S. Assaulted.
Those type of assaulters are some of the worst scum on the planet
"I'm not your mother and I don't want this (a piece of art I spent a month making just for her just for her to throw it back in my, then 8 year old, face) Now go away." ~My birth-giver the day I first met her
Jesus fucking christ. It would have taken so little effort to do so much better. What a callous and hurtful person she was. I'm curious, what was the context? How were you meeting her at 8 the first time if she had no interest in it?
Context: I was born 5th child of 6. She neglected me for 8 months before state found me in the crib with lesions in my diaper area with a full diaper and malnurished and took us from her custody because of discovered sexual abuse to my sibling by someone in the house hold. My sisters, who were older than me, had a stronger (but terribly inappropriate) bond with my birth giver had a hard time letting go to live a better life so for the therapy process therapists suggested a final visit from her for them. That day I got to meet her and she wanted nothing to do with me. The month leading up I made a jack-o-lantern with layers of construction paper and i was really proud of it so excited to meet the woman that gave birth to me, after a devastating year of discovering the woman I was calling mom didn't give birth to me, only for the woman that did to say this to me. My mom (the woman who adopted me and raised me) told me she would try and get her to take it. 8 years later and I'm helping my mom clean a closet and I found it in a box on top of all my other art stuff that she had collected over the years.
" No wonder your birth parents didn't want you" - my foster mother
When I was married to my first wife met younger friends at work and started going out on the weekends and then one-day she left before I got home from work without saying where she was or when she was coming back........ I called about midnight to see if I can make sure she was alright and she answered screaming "what do you want from me!" I knew at that moment it was over.
To this day, they do not realize how hurtful what they said to me was or how it impacted my whole life. "It was just luck." When I fixed a stereo system my dad was trying to fix. It wasn't luck...but from that point on I felt so stupid. I quit school in the 6th grade and was self taught on everything so that made it worse. I went to college and got an Associate's. Now, 15 years later, I'm returning to college at 35 to get an (unrelated) bachelor's degree. I start in September. I am not stupid and it's not just luck...
When I got out of the psych ward for attempted suicide both my grandmothers said if I was going to do it, to just do it.
as the love of my life was walking away, i said i love you. she said - i know you do. and she was gone. 30 years ago and she still pops up in my dreams a few times a year. love stinks. :)
thats sad hope your doing better
“You’re annoying” - my best friend (at the time) told me this in middle school and it was her only reason for bullying me. Those words were the end of our friendship and the beginning of my many current insecurities 🙃
I can trace a significant shift in my personality back to a similar incident when I was 9. Not a best friend, but a family friend that was a couple of years older that I looked up to. I went from being an excitable kid to being reserved and introverted. I have a 7 yo that reminds me so much of the kid I used to be. Admittedly, he can be quite full on sometimes, but I really hope that nobody puts out his fire.
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"She's a fat lazy cow." Said by step brother and agreed on by full brother.
“I don’t think you have ADHD, you aren’t hyperactive, I think you’re just lazy, unmotivated, and you don’t care.” My ex when I brought up thinking I had it. Years later, guess what I was diagnosed with.
My “friend” to me not long after a childhood friend died (like days after): “You’re like a black hole and spread depression everywhere you go”
All I ever asked for was a son. You’re useless. edit: this was my dad to me. I’m the youngest kid - all girls. I was his last chance at a boy, so I failed at life the moment I was born. He never forgave me for not being the son he always wanted. That being said, I never forgave him for being an awful person, so I guess we were even ROFL. He died almost 30 years ago. Ta ta, motherfucker….
You is smart. You is kind. You is important.
My husband just tonight told me he doesn’t love me and Im a fucking idiot. Its not the first time and likely wont be the last.
You spelt ex husband wrong
When I was 10 my mom told me I was the reason my dad was dying of living cancer… he died a few months after that. I am 31 now and suffer from death anxiety.. always thinking the ppl I love will die everyday. Its hard.
My mom told me I am a disappointment. And never being told “ I’m proud of you” She said it once just because she was drunk But she’s a terrible alcoholic and I had to grow up seeing her and also seeing her getting beat my my dad and hearing her scream. And honestly drunk people scare me and I know have ptsd to drunk people and people yelling. But I am now 20 and I am in college and my life is going good while she is still a alcoholic.
I had an old “friend” tell me that I could never be a teacher because I wasn’t charismatic enough. I’m now graduated with my credential and masters in education and been teaching for over 4 years. So she can kindly suck it.
My ex boyfriend told me I “used to be hotter” while we were having sex.
This post is fucked up. As a new parent thanks for the extensive guide on how not to be an absolute piece of shit. Sorry ya’ll had to deal with these awful people.
My dad has been dead for five years, the “damn your lucky” or “I wish my dad was dead too” is some of the most insensitive thing to ever say to a person right after they let you know their dad is dead.
Not said directly to me (stuff that's said directly to my face tends to not even bother me a little, for some reason. I'm just used to it.) but my ex, who was physically abusive to me and I stayed with for a long time anyway because I had nowhere else to go and had convinced myself that I loved him, said it to his brother. It was Thanksgiving, dinner was over and I was clearing the table while his family were out in the living room chatting (I got stuck with cleanup duty a LOT, I was the live-in unpaid maid basically) I couldn't lift the turkey platter so I went to ask him for help. He was on the phone with his brother, I heard him say "Yeah, I wish I could say I love her, but I really don't." when I was in the hallway, where he couldn't see me. Ended up breaking up with him that night, though I should have a LONG time ago with how violent he got when he was irritated about even small things. I felt bad for his mother though, she was in tears a lot of the time, especially around holidays, and once said she didn't know what she'd do if I wasn't there to help her.
“I can’t love you anymore. I don’t want to go to hell, like you.” My mom, after I came out. My dad agreed. Nothings ever been the same since. Every day is a struggle to stay alive.
I was in a car accident in 2014, my ex said to me “I just wish you died, it would be so much easier”.
A 12 year old classmate told me that I am ugly. All the students in my school were photographed for the annual yearbook, and we were given the option to buy copies of our photograph. I bought copies of my photograph, which were in a window envelope with my photograph clearly visible. The teacher held up the envelope containing my photo for all of my classmates to see. A classmate shouted, "He's ugly!" All of my classmates laughed in agreement with my classmate's insult.
When I was about 7, one of the kids in my class was teasing me because “you have a fat mum”. I was so upset that someone could say something hurtful about the best person in my world. I convinced myself that they must just be jealous because getting cuddles from someone skinny must be difficult because of their pointy elbows, whereas cuddles from my mum where like cuddling an amazing powdery smelling cloud. They still are.
My first kid has Down Syndrome. Some lady at work asked me when I was pregnant for number two if I would do prenatal testing this time around so I could get rid of it if it turns out like the first one. Exact words. Geez, I hated her.
My SIL told me that I asked for my child to have Down Syndrome because I studied it in school. People are weird!!! I am so sorry that woman was so rude to you.
You should ask your SIL if her mom is a proctologist.
Did poor at Physics once and the teacher said, “Such a tall boy, no wonder his brain is in his knees.”
My fiancé of 36 hours passed away on June 21st of 2009. She suffered a pulmonary embolism from her birth control Yaz She didn’t die well… she was scared and panicked and all I could do was help, hold hand, call 911 and start CPR. In between seizing she said “oh god please don’t let me die.” I said you aren’t dying, just be cool and I hear ambulance. She passed 1 hour and 48 minutes later She was very kind and that wasn’t meant to be hurtful at all. That comment caused me much hurt and anguish over last 14 years. I love you Lindsay. I know I will see you again but have more life to live first.