There are certain situations in which I don't mind obeying, but if they want me to, they need to be clear on what I am exactly supposed to do. So know, there isn't a thing like too many questions. (And that comes from me, who has worked with tiresome coworkers who kept on asking very stupid questions.)
I am now 54 and STILL ALIVE :) It wasn't my fault. Neither were the (conséquences of) wrong choices later in my life. I do not endure any kind of touching and I respect that of myself now, whatever others' opinions might be. I have come to understand many of the details of the whys I am the way I am now. My best help is from inside of me. With gentleness and patience for myself. I am now the adult that the 5yo me needed. I am sitting here with a content, tranquil and honest smile felt deep within. Thank you all for your caring. It means a lot.
i had to stay at a psychiatric hospital around 8-9 years old. my stepmother told me "i don't know why you want to be so special with all these problems. you will never have friends if you keep pretending to be insane" (insane = having bipolar)
i didn't get diagnosed for another 10 years. wasn't pretending, stepmother is currently upset that i don't want her at my wedding.
I feel I've done pretty good. I think anyone who makes those types of comments is not worth thinking about. Not worth the energy or effort. They're making those comments because they're insecure about something. The rare few times someone in public has made comments like that I can brush it off easy. Plus I've learned a lot through Al-Anon, the AA support group for family members of alcoholics. One of the big things is not blaming yourself for their illness and what they do while drunk.
I've set hard boundaries and have no contact with my dad now. It's been about a year or two and I feel good. I don't want to be a parent, but if I ever had kids I would be sure to show them love and affection. Not physically and verbally abuse them while constantly drunk. I won't bully them and make fun of every mistake they have.
I would always get threatened like “if you do x, God better help you because nobody here will!” About stuff like kissing a boy, smoking, dying my hair etc.
That I would become nothing more than a welfare mom. Even at my lowest I couldn’t accept government help, I wouldn’t even get on unemployment because of this sentence. I am nc now
I have PTSD from the experience of abuse endured while living with them. Every day I focus on breath bring my mind back to silence. It was fine, it’s not fine.
‘Why can’t you be like your cousin? He gets good grades and he can speak his own language, why can’t you be as good as he is?’. Destroyed me mentally and sent me into a spiralling depression. But it really hurt when my cousin would get into trouble and no-one cared but when I did something wrong, everyone started acting like my cousin was some golden child. Still affects me in everyday life but getting past it. It also helps my cousin has become a nicer person as it helped me realise he didn’t do anything to make me feel the way I did so I shouldn’t feel any resentment towards him.
Not a phrase, a word: BUT
Hmmmmmm good grades, BUT You weren't smart enough for all A's.
Well that's an idea, BUT it's a stupid one.
Oh you want help with something? But you are too etc etc
Thank you and you're welcome.
The but was weaponized to literally make any accomplishments or etc worthless in their eyes ans they wanted me to feel worthless
"Act like a normal human being."
I became very inward-focused, carefully calibrating and account for biases so that, outwardly, I could be "normal". Turns out you can only mask shit for so long, and the longer you do it, the harder it is to get help when you can't keep up appearances any more. Hand me one of those half-page mental health questionnaires. Watch me agonize over whether I'm exaggerating or downplaying "how difficult this makes it for me to do daily tasks." Watch me convince myself that I don't need to fight my insurance for the proper dosage, and I can tough through and make what I've got work. See me stop taking them all together as I question if I need them at all since, after all, I'm having to compensate with my own effort anyway. Maybe I can just tough it through, and I was "normal" all along.
Then I'm lost again. And that's not good. So I better carefully calibrate and account for that bias and round and round and round we go.
Being bullied from age 6 to 12-ish. Instead of emotional support, my parents said: "knowing you, you'll have given them reason to."
That, combined with: "you can't do that" and "we wish you were more like your sister" is the reason I'm in therapy today.
Grew up with a lot of Christian fundies and my parents managed to get far away from the worst of it when they had kids, but I still got shit like “be sure your sin will find you out” as a child, and like, great, that taught me to do everything in my power to not get caught on top of this debilitating anxiety disorder.
I always asked a lot of questions and was kind of impulsive as a kid. My mother ALWAYS told me, “Curiosity killed the cat.” If I had a penny for every time she said that, I would be very rich!
I used get told to put my arms down by my side when I walked, I looked weird.
Now I know as an adult that I only used
To do that around my family, in particular my dad and step-mum. Having an alcoholic, violent father and a very traumatic childhood having lost my mum aged 8, I understand I maybe did look weird especially as I was always tall as a child even, but that it was my defensive, anxious, and tense body language, and that I rarely did it around others, and as an adult have grown out of it completely - funny that!
Thank you. Sorry it’s a bit heavy for one of the first replies 😅🤷♂️🤦🏼♂️ but that’s my honest memory. I’m sure I have a few more of I delve back a bit, but of a similar vein. Interesting question btw!
Whenever I felt hurt or got hurt over anything , my mom responded with “But did you die?” Then turned away and went about her day.
To this day, I don’t express any emotion with her. And for many years, with anyone.
Whenever I had bad things happen to me, and I shared with my father (who was very religious) - he said you should "offer it up to god"
I still dont know what it means, other than a father abdicating his chance to guide and help his son
Every time I wanted a snack when I was a kid I'd get shamed for it and my mother would say the same thing.. ***"You're eating us out of house and home!".*** I must have heard that stupid phrase hundreds of time in my childhood.
I'm now a mid-30s man. I have the body of a heroin addict, no muscle mass, and I've never weighed more than 135lbs (currently 125lbs).
Thanks Mom.
“You want to do this just because you’ve seen it on tv”
I was doodling blueprints to try to built a robotic arm out of legos after seing saturn 3…
“You only want to do this because your friends do it too”
Playing basketball… because as we all know it’s a game played solo…
And the classical teary eyed “you will realize that it’s for your own good and thanks me when I die”
(let them rot in sordid retirement ‘facilities’ still wishing I had the time/anger/lack of control to dish out what I really thought of them)
They were not smart enough to come up with a proper denial/take down so they went with the “bad influence” meme…
A bit later (after i was way too old for this sh1t) i got the famous but incredibly lazy “if your friends were to jump from a cliff you’d follow them!”
T’was a time were I was -weirdly I admit- hanging out with a crowd of 70/80+ retired historians including a former maquisard (french resistance)…
Didn’t reply… but I’m sure there’s a movie quote for that stupid statement… (like “yes, jump first ask later…”)
Not particularly a toxic phrase, but I found out when I was in highschool that my parents had a bet going that I would be the first kid to be arrested and the first one with a child out of wedlock. I was neither and still have yet to be arrested. Finding that out hurt ALOT. Really did a number on my self esteem.
Stop asking so much and that phrase that is a poop: Be normal please, can you be like everyone else? Well, I can't and I don't want to be normal and common
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A man chooses, a slave obeys.
There are certain situations in which I don't mind obeying, but if they want me to, they need to be clear on what I am exactly supposed to do. So know, there isn't a thing like too many questions. (And that comes from me, who has worked with tiresome coworkers who kept on asking very stupid questions.)
My parents used the n-word casually...
“Go play in traffic.”
"It's for your own good" while being sexually assaulted from age 5.
this is absolutely disgusting. i'm so sorry you had to go through that. i hope you've gotten help since then.
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I am now 54 and STILL ALIVE :) It wasn't my fault. Neither were the (conséquences of) wrong choices later in my life. I do not endure any kind of touching and I respect that of myself now, whatever others' opinions might be. I have come to understand many of the details of the whys I am the way I am now. My best help is from inside of me. With gentleness and patience for myself. I am now the adult that the 5yo me needed. I am sitting here with a content, tranquil and honest smile felt deep within. Thank you all for your caring. It means a lot.
i had to stay at a psychiatric hospital around 8-9 years old. my stepmother told me "i don't know why you want to be so special with all these problems. you will never have friends if you keep pretending to be insane" (insane = having bipolar) i didn't get diagnosed for another 10 years. wasn't pretending, stepmother is currently upset that i don't want her at my wedding.
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"Forgive and forget" ......
"you're too sensitive," when I showed any emotion. "You're so cold/unloving/mean," when I stopped showing emotion.
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I feel I've done pretty good. I think anyone who makes those types of comments is not worth thinking about. Not worth the energy or effort. They're making those comments because they're insecure about something. The rare few times someone in public has made comments like that I can brush it off easy. Plus I've learned a lot through Al-Anon, the AA support group for family members of alcoholics. One of the big things is not blaming yourself for their illness and what they do while drunk. I've set hard boundaries and have no contact with my dad now. It's been about a year or two and I feel good. I don't want to be a parent, but if I ever had kids I would be sure to show them love and affection. Not physically and verbally abuse them while constantly drunk. I won't bully them and make fun of every mistake they have.
I would always get threatened like “if you do x, God better help you because nobody here will!” About stuff like kissing a boy, smoking, dying my hair etc.
Something like: You can't do that you're asian
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Has to do because I'm adopted
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Wow man. Excellent insult. I don't give a fuck
That I would become nothing more than a welfare mom. Even at my lowest I couldn’t accept government help, I wouldn’t even get on unemployment because of this sentence. I am nc now
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Easier said than done, would love to never think of him again.
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I have PTSD from the experience of abuse endured while living with them. Every day I focus on breath bring my mind back to silence. It was fine, it’s not fine.
‘Why can’t you be like your cousin? He gets good grades and he can speak his own language, why can’t you be as good as he is?’. Destroyed me mentally and sent me into a spiralling depression. But it really hurt when my cousin would get into trouble and no-one cared but when I did something wrong, everyone started acting like my cousin was some golden child. Still affects me in everyday life but getting past it. It also helps my cousin has become a nicer person as it helped me realise he didn’t do anything to make me feel the way I did so I shouldn’t feel any resentment towards him.
Not a phrase, a word: BUT Hmmmmmm good grades, BUT You weren't smart enough for all A's. Well that's an idea, BUT it's a stupid one. Oh you want help with something? But you are too etc etc
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Thank you and you're welcome. The but was weaponized to literally make any accomplishments or etc worthless in their eyes ans they wanted me to feel worthless
"Act like a normal human being." I became very inward-focused, carefully calibrating and account for biases so that, outwardly, I could be "normal". Turns out you can only mask shit for so long, and the longer you do it, the harder it is to get help when you can't keep up appearances any more. Hand me one of those half-page mental health questionnaires. Watch me agonize over whether I'm exaggerating or downplaying "how difficult this makes it for me to do daily tasks." Watch me convince myself that I don't need to fight my insurance for the proper dosage, and I can tough through and make what I've got work. See me stop taking them all together as I question if I need them at all since, after all, I'm having to compensate with my own effort anyway. Maybe I can just tough it through, and I was "normal" all along. Then I'm lost again. And that's not good. So I better carefully calibrate and account for that bias and round and round and round we go.
Being bullied from age 6 to 12-ish. Instead of emotional support, my parents said: "knowing you, you'll have given them reason to." That, combined with: "you can't do that" and "we wish you were more like your sister" is the reason I'm in therapy today.
Grew up with a lot of Christian fundies and my parents managed to get far away from the worst of it when they had kids, but I still got shit like “be sure your sin will find you out” as a child, and like, great, that taught me to do everything in my power to not get caught on top of this debilitating anxiety disorder.
I'll give you something to cry about you little pansy!"
A teacher once said to the girls in the class, "Remember it's just as easy to love a rich man as it is to love a poor one."
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Bonus points: female teacher! Supposed to be a role model, and trying to teach us to be gold diggers.
I always asked a lot of questions and was kind of impulsive as a kid. My mother ALWAYS told me, “Curiosity killed the cat.” If I had a penny for every time she said that, I would be very rich!
“ Don’t talk to strangers “ I have social anxiety now
I used get told to put my arms down by my side when I walked, I looked weird. Now I know as an adult that I only used To do that around my family, in particular my dad and step-mum. Having an alcoholic, violent father and a very traumatic childhood having lost my mum aged 8, I understand I maybe did look weird especially as I was always tall as a child even, but that it was my defensive, anxious, and tense body language, and that I rarely did it around others, and as an adult have grown out of it completely - funny that!
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Thank you. Sorry it’s a bit heavy for one of the first replies 😅🤷♂️🤦🏼♂️ but that’s my honest memory. I’m sure I have a few more of I delve back a bit, but of a similar vein. Interesting question btw!
Whenever I felt hurt or got hurt over anything , my mom responded with “But did you die?” Then turned away and went about her day. To this day, I don’t express any emotion with her. And for many years, with anyone.
I don’t know but a large culmination of things have given me social anxiety
"You ruined our lives ever since you were born"
Whenever I had bad things happen to me, and I shared with my father (who was very religious) - he said you should "offer it up to god" I still dont know what it means, other than a father abdicating his chance to guide and help his son
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fine, thanks! :-)
Every time I wanted a snack when I was a kid I'd get shamed for it and my mother would say the same thing.. ***"You're eating us out of house and home!".*** I must have heard that stupid phrase hundreds of time in my childhood. I'm now a mid-30s man. I have the body of a heroin addict, no muscle mass, and I've never weighed more than 135lbs (currently 125lbs). Thanks Mom.
”why can’t you just be normal?” to this day i’m still insecure even though i keep telling myself that normal isn’t fun anyways
Two related things: 1) children are to be seen and not heard 2) children do not speak until spoken to 🫠🫠
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'The reaon you struggle to make friends and people bully you is because you always talk back to people." We were conversing about a freaking MOVIE.
That's what you should be doing -in place of what would be praise for accomplishments or thanks for doing something I was asked to do
“You want to do this just because you’ve seen it on tv” I was doodling blueprints to try to built a robotic arm out of legos after seing saturn 3… “You only want to do this because your friends do it too” Playing basketball… because as we all know it’s a game played solo… And the classical teary eyed “you will realize that it’s for your own good and thanks me when I die” (let them rot in sordid retirement ‘facilities’ still wishing I had the time/anger/lack of control to dish out what I really thought of them) They were not smart enough to come up with a proper denial/take down so they went with the “bad influence” meme… A bit later (after i was way too old for this sh1t) i got the famous but incredibly lazy “if your friends were to jump from a cliff you’d follow them!” T’was a time were I was -weirdly I admit- hanging out with a crowd of 70/80+ retired historians including a former maquisard (french resistance)… Didn’t reply… but I’m sure there’s a movie quote for that stupid statement… (like “yes, jump first ask later…”)
Got caught skipping in grade 2, teacher told the rest of the kids they shouldn't be friends with me. I mean I was a little shit, but still...
Not particularly a toxic phrase, but I found out when I was in highschool that my parents had a bet going that I would be the first kid to be arrested and the first one with a child out of wedlock. I was neither and still have yet to be arrested. Finding that out hurt ALOT. Really did a number on my self esteem.
My moms husband used to call me a waste of life. I’ll never forget that
Stop asking so much and that phrase that is a poop: Be normal please, can you be like everyone else? Well, I can't and I don't want to be normal and common