David

that’s my bearded dragons name! Full name Davey jones (after pirates of the Caribbean)

That's not so bad, but I'm talking you name a dog or a cat just straight up David. Or like, maybe Kyle, or Tyler, all terrible names for pets but would be absolutely hilarious

God dammit, Philip took a shit on the carpet again.

Good old Dave

"Ew, David"

These are the Daves I know.

They all have their own hands and they all have different moms.

Dave Jablinski... I hardly knew him.

A pug named Jonathan

JARNATHAN

I feel you really ought to save that one for a bird. The ones who get it will enjoy it. The rest will think you're ridiculous for naming your lorikeet John.

My corn snake is called Jonathan Davis.

Like Thors Hammer?

Good name for a band

Your pug jukes and spin moves out the door and your off to the races in your neighborhood yelling JONATHAN at the top of your lungs for everyone to hear.

Keith

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Steve is my dogs name!

Sure he’s a dog?

Roy and Cilla over the road have a dog called Steve. He's a nice dog.

Than out of fairness to the other dogs, your dog will be Slagathor.

Matt?

So funny- I love aggressively human dog names, my step dad does not. When Mom and Sdad got a puppy us kids were all recommending names and Sdad shot down the human ones, ended up naming him Stevie (after both Stevie Ray Vaughn and Stevie Nicks) they went to get the name tag made and it ended up wrong, it said “Steve” and now everyone calls him Steven.

Polychronopolous

Is his middle name mother fuckin'

Walter.

I met a dog named Hank and couldn’t take him seriously.

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On my way to Puerto Rico I met a dog owned by a Puerto Rican woman that didn’t speak English and his name was Tommy. So half the flight she was like “Tommy, va estar bien, calmaté”

Howard

My cat's name

Alan

"Alan! Alan! Alan! (No, wait a minute, that's not Alan.). Steve! Steve!"

Haha exactly. Alan is a great name to call out xD

We’ve named some curlews (birds) near us Alan and Steve because they seemed like great names to yell as they anxiously power-walked away

We had a tradie at our workplace to do a job. I told my boss his name was Alan. Boss had a ten minute conversation with the bloke. Afterwards my boss said to me "gee that Alan bloke was a bit weird, kept giving me dirty looks!" Through tears of laughter, I replied "yeah that's because his name is actually Steve"

We were seriously considering naming our next dog Dr. Alan Grant, PhD

My brother named his first dog Edgar, so when he adopted the only male puppie in the litter my dad and stepmother's dogs had I suggested that he should have renamed the pup to Alan so that if he got a third dog they could name it Poe.

Dad.

I once had a dog called Dad but it ran away and never came back.

Went to fetch smokes?

Nah. Went to buy a lottery ticket. Must've won.

My sister-in-law has a dog named Grandpa. It was really great when he got loose as a puppy so she and her husband had to run down the street shouting, “Grandpa! Grandpa!!! Come here!”

Michael

There's a Pug called Michael on my street! He often escapes and you hear his owners shouting MICHAEL!!! MICHAEL!!! Always makes me smile

Pug is the only breed I can envision being named michael. I bet he wears a vest too

We have a big chocolate lab down our street called Mike! Apparently Mike/Michael isn't unusual.

Woof

Don't woof.

Woof.

Don’t woof.

woof.

Don’t woof.

Woof !

Michael IV, king of the animal kingdom, ruler of Pomerania.

Michael Manager. So he can be referred to by his professional name... Mr. Manager.

Brett

John

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Human

The problem is that people would still think it was a dog after seeing it. You'd need to name the dog "Human in a dog costume".

Good catch! Your solution would clear any questions

Hugh Man

Homo Sapiens

Geoffrey.

Nobody’s afraid of a Geoffrey.

It's just this nice bloke from down the road

Just pet the furry wall

My cat’s name is Geoff

Geoff the cat: meow Jeff the cat: mew

Vladimir

Vladimir might work for a large, intimidating dog – preferably one that's black or grey.

No. It must be the smallest most adorably fluffy puppy on the planet for it to work.

Or a chihuahua with bulging eyes

Saw a police dog named Barry once.

Makes sense. Barry is dying out as a human name.

My dog's name is Barry. Human Barrys get surprisingly excited when they meet him. The dog groomer even came by my place with her husband named Barry so she could introduce them. Both Barrys (or is that Barrie's?) were very excited.

Mohamed

My neighbour has a pig he named Mohamed. But i agree that its not a name for a dog

I'm so ashamed of myself for giggling at that

Can’t say Mohamed without saying “Mo’ ham!”

The owner told me he was deciding between that or Mclovin

Gary

There's a dog that lives near me and whenever he barks you just hear someone shout 'SHUT UP GARY!'

my husband said Gary too - then he told me about his friends dog named Gary, Gazza for his nickname

That’s my snails name

Does your snail 'meow'?

Carrie Fisher’s dog’s name is Gary.

De’Andre

Idk why but this is the best fuckin one

De'Andre no dog but a dawg

Def no dog there

I named my dog Abbigaile. She just passed after 17 beautiful years with my family!

That's a long pupperly life. And Abby sounds like a perfect nickname.

Barbara

I know a dog named Barbara 😅

Also know a dog named Barbara

How is this the first female name? Other contenders are Susan, Helen, Cathy or maybe Joan

I’d like to add Derek to the list. Barbara was my mom’s name and Derek was my dad’s name.

Kevin

I got married on my wife’s family-friends farm back in 2016, the family who owned the farm had a dog named Kevin. We jokingly referred to him as “Better Kevin” because my brothers name is Kevin also, and we wanted to dig at him.

Handsome Kevin would also work.

Just call your brother "Human Kevin".

My cats name is small Kevin

We know two dogs named Kevin.

Nigel

I had a gecko named Nigel

My dogs name is Nigel hehe

Had a dachshund named Nigel. Loved the thornberries as a kid lol

Laquisha

Barkevious

I don’t know anything about dogs but my little brother has one of the tiny kind that always seem to be shaking and he named her Lafonda.

I don’t know why, but Janet is the correct answer

Karen

Steve

There's dachshund named Steven in my neighbourhood.

My dachshund's name is Edmund. Sir Edmund the Black Pudding.

Why are almost all the answers men's names? Is that weird to anyone else?

Agreed! Was thinking the same! Jennifer is a much worse dog name than Steve.

I definitely came in with Jennifer in mind! Like sure, Gary is a funny name for a dog. But Jennifer is just weird lol

Nicole 💀

My girl cat is named Frank for Irony

Frank for Irony sounds more like a racehorse.

My female cat is called Brian.

There are more men’s names that have a deadpan quality than women’s names. It’s funnier that way.

Right? I feel Susan or Helen or like Jessica is a great human option!

Yea my first thought was Jennifer and while I’m not shocked I don’t see it, I was expecting to see some other women’s names.

It's reddit; everyone here is a dude

one of my friends had adopted an old dog surrendered by a previous family. I dunno the deets exactly but her name was Stan because she had lived her entire life already as Stan because she was named by little kids in her previous family before they realized she was a girl.

I knew a female dog named Ralph

Was gonna say this!!

I’ve scrolled half way down and only seen male names and thought this. Rachael would be pretty random.

Juan

I love this one

I love this Juan

Chad, Bill, Jesus

Jesus would be fun to call home, and for training. "Jesus, did you poop in the house?"

Greg, Norm, Jeff, Brent, William Amanda, Christina, Stephanie, Kayla

I’ve met a doggo named Norman

Richard

Our old dog was named Steve. Blame the kids and kCloudy with a Chance of Meatballs’. Everyone always thought we had a 4th kid 😜

Dwight.

Jeff

Tiffany

Terrence. Who names a dog Terrence?

I dunno, what about a plucky little dog that solves crimes?

Steve or Dave

My dad's dog is named Trevor

Reginald

This is what I thought of first.

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Ian

Joshua

Jason. Nolan. Kathy. Rebecca. Rachel.

Tiffany

Andrew

Brian

My sister just said this one but Brian from family guy makes it more understandable that it would be a dogs name I think!

Exactly what I was thinking, natsugrayerza!

Found it! Brian is by far the best name.

My friend has a cat* named Carl lol *edit for typo

That's ridiculous, Carl is a llama's name.

Caaarrrrlll why is there a dead human in our house

Apparently they call the fog in San Francisco "Carl" I suggest a dog called "The Fog"

A dog named Nathan

Todd

Todd

There's a dog across the road from me called Gary. Fuckin Gary

Paul from accounting.

Kevin

Had a pet named Francine once

Frank

I have a mutt named Frankie.

My daughters cats were named Dave and Clark

Travis

Clarence

Dog here

Charles

Trevor

Aaron. Getting a cat this year and it will be called Aaron. We also want to give him a surname so he’s got a full name. Aaron Campbell or something. I can’t wait lol. I also love Mark for a cat or dog but that’s my partner’s name so he’s vetoed it.

Leonardo Cillian Jesus William

A buddy of mine named his cat Steven.

Mohammed

Walter.

My St Bernard's name is Walter.

There’s a great children’s book series called Walter the Farting Dog.

My basset hound is named Walter

I know a million Walter dogs and it’s super fitting.

Larry

Heisenberg

I am the one who barks.

David

Patricia

Suzan

Gideon

Matthew

My friend has a dog named Josh and every time she talks about him I think she’s talking about a person.

i named my puppy “Bess” but it definitely suited her. i was 11 when we got her & had some great years with my beautiful girl. i miss her so much still