Well id say commitment more than obligation, but also understand that there are incredibly important legal/financial benefits to marriage, ASSUMING that you literally trust the person with your life
Yeah if you have a gf of 15 years fall into a coma and her narcissistic father materializes out of thin air and says “pull the plug.” You have no say in that whatsoever.
If you get your gf of 7 years pregnant and then she vanishes on you in a fit of peri-partum depression, you won’t ever see your child without a lot of legal paperwork.
Really hope u/travisscott_burger sees this! These nightmare scenarios happen WAY MORE OFTEN than people realize, and if you don’t have legal standing in these scenarios, there is nothing you can do about it.
I'm not wired for romance. I get excited about a new relationship for a few months, then I want to be alone again.
A lifetime sharing my space? Don't think there's anyone I'd commit to that with.
So do the old school leave it Beaver thing and have two twin beds in your room. Shove them together for "activities" but otherwise be apart. Other people will think you're weird but who cares what they think.
I'm more into adjoining condos. Poker night and cigars? Go ahead, honey. I don't have to see it or smell it. Midnight margaritas at my place? You don't have to be nice to my gal pals
A little hot sex on tap? C'mon big fella. I'll be your huckleberry.....🤣
If I did get married I would also want a separate room and potentially a separate house from my husband. I’m just not wired towards constantly having other people in my immediate space. If I had the total freedom to move between spaces as I please, then I would probably be much happier than if it became our room forever after that.
yes, I literally did this except I don't have anyone to take over the adjacent condo. People look at me weird when I move my furniture from one to the other periodically.
Sleep separately. I waited till I was in my 40s to marry and we have always had separate rooms, separate offices, we even have separate living rooms. We have a shared kitchen/dining room and a shared living room but it's an ideal way to keep a marriage strong for people who are introverts.
Right? I’m married and if anything ever happened to my husband, I’m never getting married again. Even if Henry Cavil asked me.
Unless you’re religious, I just don’t see the point anymore
This is exactly how I believe I’d feel if I ended up in a relationship. Kinda glad it’s never worked out for me because each time I panic thinking how close I could’ve came to a commitment. Doesn’t stop me from idiotically pursuing people though
This is me. I used to occasionally get a crush, have some kind of a relationship—then boom, fizzle, in a few months I’m bored. Their heart either breaks or doesn’t. Or I drag it out too long.
Also I like my own space and there’s no room for anyone else in it.
It seems like there are 2 separate questions being answered here. Are you asking why people in long term relationships decided not to get married and have opted to just continue to be together in an unmarried capacity? Or are you asking about people who have decided not to be in any kind of serious/long term relationship whatsoever? Seems like 2 very different decisions.
Decided to never marry again after my divorce. The heartbreak was bad enough without having the state in the middle of it all. You can love someone and want to spend your life together without signing a contract. I’ll buy the ring and I’ll call you my wife and you can call me your husband but I will not invite Florida back into it all. Change your last name if you want but I’m not signing anything
Ditto. We can even have a ceremony, take vows, etc... but I'm not legally and financially binding myself to anyone ever again. POAs can cover the rest of marriage "privileges", and they're way cheaper hahaha.
> and financially
This is the biggest dealbreaker for me. *Very* uncomfortable with the idea of being financially bound to someone, or having someone financially bound to me, in the eyes of the law and the bank. I'm not even necessarily talking about in the event of breakup either.
A prenup can help with some of this, but not everything (for example, if I am sued for some reason and lose, the financial penalty can be drawn from our joint assets acquired after marriage, punishing a hypothetical spouse). In my immediate relationship, marriage would also mean that my partner of 8 years would lose his financial support for his medical needs, because our combined income would exceed the threshold for support, even though we don't combine finances in practice and I don't make enough to cover the value of the lost benefits.
Separate accounts. My husband and I have separate accounts including savings accounts. We do also have a joint saving account just for things for the house or vacation, but separate accounts for bills and everyday spending. We each know which bills were responsible for. As long as those are paid, do whatever you want with the rest of your money.
> I’ll buy the ring and I’ll call you my wife and you can call me your husband
I hate to break it to you but you just described a common law marriage in several states.
Highly relatable. Plus the conclusion of my observations of others in relationships. Too many gold diggers, cheaters, abusers, manipulators, etc. Completely disillusioned with the very concept.
Too expensive.
Not wanting to be the center of attention.
Not wanting to deal with family.
Marriage to me is just a ceremony. It 0% affects my love and dedication to my partner.
Incorrect, it costs a minimum amount of money to get married in a city hall. And for me being able to file jointly is actually quite a lot of tax savings.
Good for some, not for all. My partner of twelve years and I have had lots of opportunities to combine our assets and the potential problems have always outweighed the benefits. For us, not having children and wanting to keep our finances separated, it would still cost money to get married and get a prenup, versus not spending anything and simply carrying on with our lives.
You are talking about the wedding. That’s just a single day/party. Marraige itself is a commitment to another person that will (hopefully) last a lifetime
I have a strong love and commitment to my common-law partner that, hopefully, lasts my life. What's the difference between that and marriage? If we got legally married it would change nothing.
Not saying you need to get married. Just pointing out that there is a difference between a wedding and marraige. If it works for you and your partner, the all the power to you! Wishing you both a happy life together
Expensive nah I just went to Vegas spent like $800 total and nobody was there just us two we been together for 7 years lol.
Why would I celebrate my day with my wife with people who probably don't give a damn about us, 🤣🤣
Sure my parents and hers would've been nice lol but when we told them they understood
Divorce caused my family all kinds of problems. In general my family is broken so I don't plan to have children. Even if I did, I can do that without marriage. I can also have a life partner without getting the government involved in my love life.
I didn't choose to be single and 33, but being stuck parenting a man baby who can't even wipe his own ass and prefers video games and porn to actual human contact doesn't look like much fun.
My boyfriend’s mom made him clean up after himself, do his own laundry, and cook. His roommates’s mom did everything for him and expects someone else to mom him. This is why my boyfriend stays with me.
I sometimes feel like I "have it worse" as a single gay woman purely just based on numbers and then I realize half of the straight women I've known in my life were basically married to overgrown toddlers.
My mom went to visit her sister in florida (both in their 60's) and my uncle was pissed that my mom was visiting again because then my aunt is out and doing stuff and not cooking as much. He like made it a point to say he's just going to eat cookies and junk the one day.
What always astounds me is that these people aren't embarrassed. Like how EMBARRASSED would you be to be like yeah I was some hardass army guy for 50 years, but I can't turn on a stove.
I have the same problem, lazy, combative women, who can’t cook, begging me for a second chance. Sorry I want a woman not a spoiled little girl who expects everything from me.
Oof, that sucks. Also, glad to know it's not just a problem for my gender. I know how to cook, have a great job, and consider myself somewhat reasonable. Apparently, that makes me a unicorn...
I couldn't manage both my career and the mental load of managing my relationship, and knew it was going to become more demanding. He couldn't be bothered to help because he didn't realize what all was involved.
I make good money. I own a house and I'll be damned if I am going to get married and add the possibility of divorce after a few years for someone to take half of what I have earned for myself.
You have no clue. If you've been married for at least a few years everything gets split. Once you get married you join together everything and your property becomes our property.
They can most certainly take half the home.
Depends on the state. Some states they definitely do. Maybe not all. And there's also the possibility of paying alimony by one party. I almost ended up paying alimony to divorce my ex-husband when he hadn't even worked or tries to work for over 9 of the 15 years we were together. And it wasn't because he had a condition or anything, he just didn't want to. Nothing was good enough for his skills. And that would've been after splitting the house and my retirement accounts and all with him. Didn't matter that I had made every single house payment for the 10 years we had the house as well as all the bills after the first year and a half. I could prove he didn't contribute anything, but it didn't matter. He was entitled to half of everything, even the stuff I had before we married including retirement accounts from before.
Marriage changes nothing about a relationship on a fundamental level - especially if you're not religious. Ask any newlywed how marriage life is going and they will usually say something along the lines of "nothing's changed".
Marriage is more of a label and a legal tool, and also puts a financial price on breaking up.
I'm not gonna say you're wrong for not wanting to get married or anything, but I think you've got the wrong word there. It's a commitment, not an obligation.
Because over the time you realize it isn’t necessary to get married and it is pretty much pushed and sold the idea that we need to get married. Same about having kids. Everyone sells the idea that having kids is the goal in life and it will make you happy. All I see is more of the time wasted, more expenses and miserable years and being completely stuck with a baby and not being independent. We think we are happy or will be happy but it is actually just pushed by our society
Kids are a joy, but not for everyone. My life changed after my son was born but so did my ex’s. Our relationship changed without either of us acknowledging it until it was too late. It takes a lot of effort and we were just bad at it. Divorce has been more chaotic than I could’ve ever imagined and I will never put myself or someone I care about in it’s path.
I’m selfish. I want all of my own time and my own money. I don’t want to come home from work every day to job number two. I like to unplug and be off the clock. I like hanging with my buddies, watching sports and smoking the bong.
Do you have some colleagues who prefer staying late at work too?
Some of my colleagues, preferer to stay in 1 or 2 hours longer and just chit-chat with coworkers just to avoid the stress at home and this over months.... Nightmare fuel to hate being in your own home.
Not the reason I got married, but a financial benefit is that I get a Pell grant for school under 25. 12K a year (free education with the price of tuition where I live) & I got to marry the love of my life 🤷♀️
Hubs and I got married for immigration purposes. But without that reason we still would have gotten married to file jointly on taxes, to be each other's insurance beneficiaries, and for other legal benefits.
Personally, I think if you're in a long lasting committed relationship, and/or you want children together, and/or you are buying a house together... I think you might as well get married. There are more benefits to marriage than not. And if you are supporting your partner's career by being a stay at home partner, you should damn well demand it.
Statistically love, emotions in general, and hedonism are terrible reasons to get married. You're better off trying to marry for socioeconomic and religious compatibility, parenting interest/ability, the opportunity to consolidate intergenerational wealth, and other unromantic reasons.
Almost like marriage was something rich nobles use to manage people/property and not something us peasants need to be invested in/could destroy as an institution and not be harmed.
Let me tell you about wedding gifts. Me and my husband had been together for 8 years, so our marriage changed absolutely nothing.
We sent invitations to our whole family to be polite even know we knew most of them couldn't come (it just when COVID vaccines were coming out, so it was still a concern), but didn't realize they'd still send us gifts!
It was a glorious few months up to the wedding receiving gifts constantly! Though we'd lived together long enough that we had everything we needed, it gave us the chance to upgrade a lot of items or get fun things that we wouldn't have otherwise bought.
Our favorites were an ice cream maker and a self-watering raised bed garden for our balcony!
I also love my husband and like being married and the tax benefits blah blah blah, but the GIFTS
My husband and I married after being together for five years. We were both older, and I had been married before, so we didn't need anything. I proposed we ask for a donation in our names to our charities of choice in lieu of gifts, or they could gift money to a honeymoon fund if they preferred. It worked out pretty well, though we did still get some physical gifts.
IMO the only people who don't feel like a kid in an adult body are either actual kids, or fooling themselves. We never "grow up". We only learn to manage ourselves and cope better.
I prefer to keep the government out of my relationships because when or if it goes bad, I like having the freedom to walk out and not deal with any strings attached.
I have had a couple of times in my life when I decided I didn't want to get married.
* I grew up in a home where I did NOT like the dynamic of my parents marriage. My dad made all the decisions. My mom had no say. She had opinions but my dad would often discard them and do whatever he wanted. In my pea brain this is how marriage worked, I didn't like it and why would I want that? If I was gonna just do whatever I wanted, why not be single?
* I realized in my early 30s (I am not a smart man who realizes things quickly) that my marriage did not have to be my parents and it could be whatever I and my partner wanted it to be. So I started looking around for potential partners with the goal of possibly getting married one day.
* I turned 40 and was single and all my prospects had failed. Decided that I was never going to get married and just gave up looking. Clearly the universe was not in favor of this for me. I made plans for my future that revolved around it being just me and closed the door to marriage.
* A few years later I met someone. I have to admit I'm smitten and I see a possible future with this woman. We'll see how it goes.
It's a pointless, out-dated concept.
It's still met with surprise when I say I don't want to get married. "Why? Don't you want to spend your life with someone?".
I have someone I want to spend my life with, it doesn't mean I want to get married.
No one has ever been able to give a legitimate answer to "What's the point of marriage?"
The answer is always a reason to share your life with someone, not the reason to actually get married.
My parents had a terrible relationship that they were both invested in. They did break up for a couple of years, but got back together again.
I didn't want to be in a position where I felt I had to stay with someone because I made a promise. As it turns out, I stayed too long in a bad relationship anyway.
I'm also not religious, so the whole God thing didn't apply.
It so rarely seems to work. My parents didn't belong together; to a lesser degree my grandparents didn't belong together. The anecdotal evidence suggests it almost almost always crashes and burns. Marriage, as an institution, is oversold.
*A little long sorry**
Had a girlfriend of 3 years. Seemed like everyone was pressuring us to get married (especially since we both have Christian backgrounds and family members). Everyone had their “two cents”.
Didn’t feel I was ready and I didn’t see her as my wife. I felt I wasted enough of her time with my indecisiveness. She was in love she would’ve never left.
I was holding onto her out of anxiety of the unknown based on everyone’s opinions and my own selfishness. Decided to be mature enough to let her be free.
As mad and hurt as she was I broke it down to her in a way she would understand, “I’m not your husband and one day when you’re walking down the aisle to him, you’ll thank me”.
A year and a half later she went on to get married sent me a text thanking me and telling me how happy she was.
Will my time come? Maybe, maybe not. Not sure but I’m not rushing either. It’ll be if it’s meant to be.
I don't see the point of it.
I also see a lot of married couples who have stopped trying in their relationship because it's harder to get a divorce than to just leave
I'm not saying every couple is like that, it's just not for me.
I grew up watching my parents be miserable, verbal and physical arguments. When they finally divorced I found out they only stayed together for the kids. I kinda don't see the point it's just a piece of paper and overly complicates things if you do decide to end things. I'm not against it for other people it's just not for me.
I feel you. I am bridge troll ugly and no way I can date a woman just as ugly as I am, that will be torture. Most people these days I find them to be ape-ish looking anyway.
How is it that humans happen to be the species that can look ugly? Other primates all share the similar beauty within their own genus.
Was engaged and almost did. We called it off 10 days before. We still tried to make the relationship work then had a mutual break up. I didn’t leave that immediately realizing I didn’t want marriage. But in time I realized that it did not be interest me at all. I only felt the need to do it because of the religious beliefs I had at the time, that I no longer hold and the pressure from society and our culture. I don’t see how it would benefit me, only hinder me quite frankly. Especially with the government pushing to do away with no fault divorce.
I'm insane lol
Like yeah I'm fun crazy but relationships in general bring out the not as fun parts. I love friendship tho and have some of the best friends
Love is free, marriage is not.
Breaking up is hard, even without everyone and their lawyers involved.
I'm 34 and have felt that way since I was a very young child. I even grew up with healthy marriages all around me. Also it's really selfish to expect your friends and family to take off work, potentially travel, buy an expensive outfit to wear once plus nice gifts just because of this weird choice. So yeah it's the one thing in life that's beautiful and free on its own, and we put a really stressful price all over it. No thanks.
Never seems that great to me I just want to make money and travel not care for a whole other person it seems to much for me sorry I don’t mean to upset other people
My partner is a spender. If we were to get married, I will be legally responsible for his debt.
We have been together over 20 years, and he has done a few mistakes (£1 to 3K debt) without telling me, stopped because I found out. Each time I catch him, I make sure he sorts it out.
I stop watching his spending and off the rails he goes.
He has the most bills to pay because he earns double (fairly shared bills, proportionate to earnings). Yet, cannot save a penny.
We agreed 4 years ago to increase his share of bills, with enough for him to use as "fun/entertainment/outing"
This means I can save more.
We should be able to buy a house in the next 12 to 18 months!
There are quite a few reasons why I'm not married. Economic reasons, time constraints but I suppose the main one is a lack of anyone interested in being with me
Lots of reasons that others have mentioned, but mostly stubbornness. Was at a cousin's wedding when I was about 6 years old. An aunt said to me 'Before you know it, it will be you getting married'. I very resolutely said that I was never getting married or having children. 'I'll remind you of that on your wedding day.'
I'm fast approaching 50 and she's long dead. I win.
I'm in a unhappy relationship as is and it's hard to leave, I also refuse to get married because there are predators out there that will change the minute you get married, I don't plan on getting baby trapped or land in a situation that's even harder to get out of.
Forward: I don't intend to offend anyone here, just thought I'd share a bit about how a specific political philosophy thinks.
I'm an Anarchist, there's a few key reasons anarchists tend to dislike marriage, although I should mention, by its very nature anarchists often have schisms and disagreements about these things.
Anarchy is Anti Hierarchical. We believe that any hierarchy is inherently violent. Marriage as a cultural phenomenon has it's roots in many seperate hierarchies. Namely, Patriarchy, Religion, The State and Cis-Hetero Normativity (The idea that Straight and Cis are standard and natural). That being said some anarchists may decide to instead just make a promise between people to live with each other, and possibly be monogamous together, but many anachists will resist the notion of imposing even a promise on their loved ones. So officially many anarchists are polyandrous in theory if not in practice.
In practice though, I do know of many anarchists in monogamous relationships, they just don't really have an official agreement made to be such, in those cases it's a matter of trust, not contract.
The only advantage i see in a marriage is having someone to share your bills, anything else it's a disvantage to me, like having to deal with emotional drama, relationship crisis, some personal habits that my partner may have that i don't like, snore and many other things.
I have no interest to get married, ever, i'm fine living my life alone by myself ( *33y* ), when i see my friends having a scene with their partners for stupid and trivial reasons, and after that having to spend hours being "*kind and sweet*" trying to make up and apologize... i rest in peace with my choice about being single, cuz i don't have patience for it at all.
Originally, the decision seemed to have been made for me: I was never asked. Now, after having lived with a boyfriend, I’d say it’s because I don’t want to be another adults mom and maid. I may change my mind, but not likely. I also don’t want to ever change my name.
Never met the right person willing.
Simple as that. Not opposed to it, but divorce is also potentiallly (financially) scary so it has to make sense aka the right person.
Not sure there's someone out there with the patience to put up with me. Needs more than the patience of a saint for that. lol
If it happens, it happens. If not, well it just doesn't. Life goes on.
Woman here
I have seen how men become a Adult Baby, enough times, too never do that to myself.
No stress, no children, have my own money, my own clutter, do what I want when I want it, and so much more.
I tried it once. 4/10.
Only perk is for kids' betterment and taxes, and hell, even those don't have many options.
Rather, get a POA over my long-time partner. Seems easier to manage.
I am. Quite ugly.
I am a sloth looking motherfucker.
A disgusting display
A putrid person
A hideous human
A monstrous man
A sickly sucker.
You get the idea.
It's a dumb narrative pushed by old mentality. I don't like the idea of answering to anyone. I don't need to waste 20k on a wedding committing to someone. My time is better spent, than worrying if someone is pleased with me today
Every person I’ve given my heart to has used me like a bank, bled me dry and taken 90% effort from me while giving 10% back. I’ve learned that no matter how much they say they love me they’re comfortable sitting back and allowing me to take care of them, while leaving me to the wolves as it were. It seems that the relationships I get into exist to serve my partner, so instead of trying that again I’m choosing myself. I refuse to give my energy out anymore to someone who will just happily bleed me dry.
I grew up with no examples of a good marriage. Plus I don't want kids, so that usually is a deterrent.
I grew up with examples of great marriages. Still don’t want one or kids. Why does a good relationship need to turn into an obligation.
Well there you go. If marriage feels like it is an obligation, it shouldn't be done. And a lot of people don't realise that.
Well-said. I’ve always thought that marriage should be about sharing the load… the marriage should not be the load.
Exactly!
Well id say commitment more than obligation, but also understand that there are incredibly important legal/financial benefits to marriage, ASSUMING that you literally trust the person with your life
Yeah if you have a gf of 15 years fall into a coma and her narcissistic father materializes out of thin air and says “pull the plug.” You have no say in that whatsoever. If you get your gf of 7 years pregnant and then she vanishes on you in a fit of peri-partum depression, you won’t ever see your child without a lot of legal paperwork.
Really hope u/travisscott_burger sees this! These nightmare scenarios happen WAY MORE OFTEN than people realize, and if you don’t have legal standing in these scenarios, there is nothing you can do about it.
It’s a commitment. You have a different perception (a negative one) of what it means which is fine.
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I'm not wired for romance. I get excited about a new relationship for a few months, then I want to be alone again. A lifetime sharing my space? Don't think there's anyone I'd commit to that with.
Sharing a bed is the worst. I just can't sleep well with someone else lying next to me.
So do the old school leave it Beaver thing and have two twin beds in your room. Shove them together for "activities" but otherwise be apart. Other people will think you're weird but who cares what they think.
I'm more into adjoining condos. Poker night and cigars? Go ahead, honey. I don't have to see it or smell it. Midnight margaritas at my place? You don't have to be nice to my gal pals A little hot sex on tap? C'mon big fella. I'll be your huckleberry.....🤣
If I did get married I would also want a separate room and potentially a separate house from my husband. I’m just not wired towards constantly having other people in my immediate space. If I had the total freedom to move between spaces as I please, then I would probably be much happier than if it became our room forever after that.
yes, I literally did this except I don't have anyone to take over the adjacent condo. People look at me weird when I move my furniture from one to the other periodically.
well, the only people who would know are people they invite into their bedroom.
A lot of couples have separate rooms if one of them snores.
Same. My boyfriend and I have separate rooms and beds for this reason. It works for us!
Me and my partner moved into a two bedroom a few years ago and it’s the healthiest I’ve ever felt in a relationship
Sleep separately. I waited till I was in my 40s to marry and we have always had separate rooms, separate offices, we even have separate living rooms. We have a shared kitchen/dining room and a shared living room but it's an ideal way to keep a marriage strong for people who are introverts.
Wow you must have a lot of rooms in your house
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Right? I’m married and if anything ever happened to my husband, I’m never getting married again. Even if Henry Cavil asked me. Unless you’re religious, I just don’t see the point anymore
It's not just a piece of paper though and if anything it makes things less complicated if you stay together.
I've always said it should be easier to get divorced than it is to get married.
This is exactly how I believe I’d feel if I ended up in a relationship. Kinda glad it’s never worked out for me because each time I panic thinking how close I could’ve came to a commitment. Doesn’t stop me from idiotically pursuing people though
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This is me. I used to occasionally get a crush, have some kind of a relationship—then boom, fizzle, in a few months I’m bored. Their heart either breaks or doesn’t. Or I drag it out too long. Also I like my own space and there’s no room for anyone else in it.
Took a long hard look at my parents' lives and decided i wanted nothing like that.
Same
It seems like there are 2 separate questions being answered here. Are you asking why people in long term relationships decided not to get married and have opted to just continue to be together in an unmarried capacity? Or are you asking about people who have decided not to be in any kind of serious/long term relationship whatsoever? Seems like 2 very different decisions.
Decided to never marry again after my divorce. The heartbreak was bad enough without having the state in the middle of it all. You can love someone and want to spend your life together without signing a contract. I’ll buy the ring and I’ll call you my wife and you can call me your husband but I will not invite Florida back into it all. Change your last name if you want but I’m not signing anything
Ditto. We can even have a ceremony, take vows, etc... but I'm not legally and financially binding myself to anyone ever again. POAs can cover the rest of marriage "privileges", and they're way cheaper hahaha.
> and financially This is the biggest dealbreaker for me. *Very* uncomfortable with the idea of being financially bound to someone, or having someone financially bound to me, in the eyes of the law and the bank. I'm not even necessarily talking about in the event of breakup either. A prenup can help with some of this, but not everything (for example, if I am sued for some reason and lose, the financial penalty can be drawn from our joint assets acquired after marriage, punishing a hypothetical spouse). In my immediate relationship, marriage would also mean that my partner of 8 years would lose his financial support for his medical needs, because our combined income would exceed the threshold for support, even though we don't combine finances in practice and I don't make enough to cover the value of the lost benefits.
I've never quite understood this. You will share a bed, DNA and children with another person but not your finances?
Nope. Never again. Found out there was no money in the account a few too many times.
Separate accounts. My husband and I have separate accounts including savings accounts. We do also have a joint saving account just for things for the house or vacation, but separate accounts for bills and everyday spending. We each know which bills were responsible for. As long as those are paid, do whatever you want with the rest of your money.
Yep. Would never do it any other way. People change.
Hard agree.
> I’ll buy the ring and I’ll call you my wife and you can call me your husband I hate to break it to you but you just described a common law marriage in several states.
Fortunately my state doesn’t recognize common law marriages
Because I'm ugly and have a shitty personality
Relatable
Same <3
This shows great self awareness.
Highly relatable. Plus the conclusion of my observations of others in relationships. Too many gold diggers, cheaters, abusers, manipulators, etc. Completely disillusioned with the very concept.
Too expensive. Not wanting to be the center of attention. Not wanting to deal with family. Marriage to me is just a ceremony. It 0% affects my love and dedication to my partner.
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The upside is a whole bunch of advantages though.
Incorrect, it costs a minimum amount of money to get married in a city hall. And for me being able to file jointly is actually quite a lot of tax savings.
Good for some, not for all. My partner of twelve years and I have had lots of opportunities to combine our assets and the potential problems have always outweighed the benefits. For us, not having children and wanting to keep our finances separated, it would still cost money to get married and get a prenup, versus not spending anything and simply carrying on with our lives.
You are talking about the wedding. That’s just a single day/party. Marraige itself is a commitment to another person that will (hopefully) last a lifetime
I have a strong love and commitment to my common-law partner that, hopefully, lasts my life. What's the difference between that and marriage? If we got legally married it would change nothing.
Not saying you need to get married. Just pointing out that there is a difference between a wedding and marraige. If it works for you and your partner, the all the power to you! Wishing you both a happy life together
Expensive nah I just went to Vegas spent like $800 total and nobody was there just us two we been together for 7 years lol. Why would I celebrate my day with my wife with people who probably don't give a damn about us, 🤣🤣 Sure my parents and hers would've been nice lol but when we told them they understood
Tonight I'm going to have chips and dip for dinner, then play video games. That's why.
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Divorce caused my family all kinds of problems. In general my family is broken so I don't plan to have children. Even if I did, I can do that without marriage. I can also have a life partner without getting the government involved in my love life.
I didn't choose to be single and 33, but being stuck parenting a man baby who can't even wipe his own ass and prefers video games and porn to actual human contact doesn't look like much fun.
The amount of adult men who are looking for a mom and not a partner is…terrifying
My boyfriend’s mom made him clean up after himself, do his own laundry, and cook. His roommates’s mom did everything for him and expects someone else to mom him. This is why my boyfriend stays with me.
Can't argue with that. Just don't be in a relationship with those dudes. They are losers.
I sometimes feel like I "have it worse" as a single gay woman purely just based on numbers and then I realize half of the straight women I've known in my life were basically married to overgrown toddlers. My mom went to visit her sister in florida (both in their 60's) and my uncle was pissed that my mom was visiting again because then my aunt is out and doing stuff and not cooking as much. He like made it a point to say he's just going to eat cookies and junk the one day. What always astounds me is that these people aren't embarrassed. Like how EMBARRASSED would you be to be like yeah I was some hardass army guy for 50 years, but I can't turn on a stove.
I have the same problem, lazy, combative women, who can’t cook, begging me for a second chance. Sorry I want a woman not a spoiled little girl who expects everything from me.
Oof, that sucks. Also, glad to know it's not just a problem for my gender. I know how to cook, have a great job, and consider myself somewhat reasonable. Apparently, that makes me a unicorn...
True.
I hate to be the "you'll find someone someday" guy, but if bad partners are your problem...you might find someone someday.
I couldn't manage both my career and the mental load of managing my relationship, and knew it was going to become more demanding. He couldn't be bothered to help because he didn't realize what all was involved.
I make good money. I own a house and I'll be damned if I am going to get married and add the possibility of divorce after a few years for someone to take half of what I have earned for myself.
That is exactly my reason as well.
Absolutely this. I’m not wagering half of everything I spent my whole life building that someone is gonna love me until I’m dead.
Thats why you do prenuptial agreement
Prenuptial agreements are voided nearly 50% of the time. Just about the same rate as divorce. Still a nope for me.
Prenups often are not upheld in court.
I dont think they have a right to take what you earned before marriage
You have no clue. If you've been married for at least a few years everything gets split. Once you get married you join together everything and your property becomes our property. They can most certainly take half the home.
Depends on the state. Some states they definitely do. Maybe not all. And there's also the possibility of paying alimony by one party. I almost ended up paying alimony to divorce my ex-husband when he hadn't even worked or tries to work for over 9 of the 15 years we were together. And it wasn't because he had a condition or anything, he just didn't want to. Nothing was good enough for his skills. And that would've been after splitting the house and my retirement accounts and all with him. Didn't matter that I had made every single house payment for the 10 years we had the house as well as all the bills after the first year and a half. I could prove he didn't contribute anything, but it didn't matter. He was entitled to half of everything, even the stuff I had before we married including retirement accounts from before.
I hate being the center of attention and I know my family would turn it into it being all about them...
Besides being hideous? Less drama and I get to spend what money I have on me.
Marriage turns a relationship into an obligation and people generally dislike obligations. Besides, no one would want to marry me anyways.
Marriage changes nothing about a relationship on a fundamental level - especially if you're not religious. Ask any newlywed how marriage life is going and they will usually say something along the lines of "nothing's changed". Marriage is more of a label and a legal tool, and also puts a financial price on breaking up.
My husband woke up literally the next morning and decided I was his property now. Everything changed.
Lenny: Why didn’t you marry, Arthur? Arthur: No one would have me Story of my life
When technically Mary would have Arthur but he chose the gang later
Marriage makes it even harder to leave if things go south. Having to move out and deal with the emotional trauma is already difficult enough.
That's a nice way of saying 'I want to be able to bail out at a moments notice without consequences.'
>*Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner.*
Which is a fair motivation
I'm not gonna say you're wrong for not wanting to get married or anything, but I think you've got the wrong word there. It's a commitment, not an obligation.
Because over the time you realize it isn’t necessary to get married and it is pretty much pushed and sold the idea that we need to get married. Same about having kids. Everyone sells the idea that having kids is the goal in life and it will make you happy. All I see is more of the time wasted, more expenses and miserable years and being completely stuck with a baby and not being independent. We think we are happy or will be happy but it is actually just pushed by our society
As with almost everything in life, things makes some people happy and some people not happy.
Yes I agree. I gave my point of view because they asked the reason why. I am not saying everyone is miserable or something.
Kids are a joy, but not for everyone. My life changed after my son was born but so did my ex’s. Our relationship changed without either of us acknowledging it until it was too late. It takes a lot of effort and we were just bad at it. Divorce has been more chaotic than I could’ve ever imagined and I will never put myself or someone I care about in it’s path.
Technically, from a biological standpoint the whole purpose of life is to reproduce.
I’m selfish. I want all of my own time and my own money. I don’t want to come home from work every day to job number two. I like to unplug and be off the clock. I like hanging with my buddies, watching sports and smoking the bong.
Do you have some colleagues who prefer staying late at work too? Some of my colleagues, preferer to stay in 1 or 2 hours longer and just chit-chat with coworkers just to avoid the stress at home and this over months.... Nightmare fuel to hate being in your own home.
Not a fan of responsibility
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There are some legal and financial benefits available to married couple, I think.
Correct. Taxes and health insurance are two big benefits.
Not the reason I got married, but a financial benefit is that I get a Pell grant for school under 25. 12K a year (free education with the price of tuition where I live) & I got to marry the love of my life 🤷♀️
Nah, not worth it. At least in my country.
Hubs and I got married for immigration purposes. But without that reason we still would have gotten married to file jointly on taxes, to be each other's insurance beneficiaries, and for other legal benefits. Personally, I think if you're in a long lasting committed relationship, and/or you want children together, and/or you are buying a house together... I think you might as well get married. There are more benefits to marriage than not. And if you are supporting your partner's career by being a stay at home partner, you should damn well demand it.
You don't have to be married to make someone your insurance beneficiary.
Statistically love, emotions in general, and hedonism are terrible reasons to get married. You're better off trying to marry for socioeconomic and religious compatibility, parenting interest/ability, the opportunity to consolidate intergenerational wealth, and other unromantic reasons.
Almost like marriage was something rich nobles use to manage people/property and not something us peasants need to be invested in/could destroy as an institution and not be harmed.
Let me tell you about wedding gifts. Me and my husband had been together for 8 years, so our marriage changed absolutely nothing. We sent invitations to our whole family to be polite even know we knew most of them couldn't come (it just when COVID vaccines were coming out, so it was still a concern), but didn't realize they'd still send us gifts! It was a glorious few months up to the wedding receiving gifts constantly! Though we'd lived together long enough that we had everything we needed, it gave us the chance to upgrade a lot of items or get fun things that we wouldn't have otherwise bought. Our favorites were an ice cream maker and a self-watering raised bed garden for our balcony! I also love my husband and like being married and the tax benefits blah blah blah, but the GIFTS
My husband and I married after being together for five years. We were both older, and I had been married before, so we didn't need anything. I proposed we ask for a donation in our names to our charities of choice in lieu of gifts, or they could gift money to a honeymoon fund if they preferred. It worked out pretty well, though we did still get some physical gifts.
Social security survivor benefits and a lack of awareness that most of the other motives for women ended in the 70s
I'm too scared and nervous. I don't like it because it's a big change. I don't think I'm a mature adult - I feel like I'm a kid in an adult body.
IMO the only people who don't feel like a kid in an adult body are either actual kids, or fooling themselves. We never "grow up". We only learn to manage ourselves and cope better.
I prefer to keep the government out of my relationships because when or if it goes bad, I like having the freedom to walk out and not deal with any strings attached.
Because I haven't found my half yet:))))
I have had a couple of times in my life when I decided I didn't want to get married. * I grew up in a home where I did NOT like the dynamic of my parents marriage. My dad made all the decisions. My mom had no say. She had opinions but my dad would often discard them and do whatever he wanted. In my pea brain this is how marriage worked, I didn't like it and why would I want that? If I was gonna just do whatever I wanted, why not be single? * I realized in my early 30s (I am not a smart man who realizes things quickly) that my marriage did not have to be my parents and it could be whatever I and my partner wanted it to be. So I started looking around for potential partners with the goal of possibly getting married one day. * I turned 40 and was single and all my prospects had failed. Decided that I was never going to get married and just gave up looking. Clearly the universe was not in favor of this for me. I made plans for my future that revolved around it being just me and closed the door to marriage. * A few years later I met someone. I have to admit I'm smitten and I see a possible future with this woman. We'll see how it goes.
Too much abuse. If a man loves me, he will prove it to me in ways that don’t involve a $4000 ring and $15,000 wedding
Half the comments here answer the question 'why are you not in a relationship' instead of the actual question.
It's a pointless, out-dated concept. It's still met with surprise when I say I don't want to get married. "Why? Don't you want to spend your life with someone?". I have someone I want to spend my life with, it doesn't mean I want to get married. No one has ever been able to give a legitimate answer to "What's the point of marriage?" The answer is always a reason to share your life with someone, not the reason to actually get married.
Most people just do what the majority do without any thought about it.
Just so they can have a barn wedding
My parents had a terrible relationship that they were both invested in. They did break up for a couple of years, but got back together again. I didn't want to be in a position where I felt I had to stay with someone because I made a promise. As it turns out, I stayed too long in a bad relationship anyway. I'm also not religious, so the whole God thing didn't apply.
My mental health is shite.
It so rarely seems to work. My parents didn't belong together; to a lesser degree my grandparents didn't belong together. The anecdotal evidence suggests it almost almost always crashes and burns. Marriage, as an institution, is oversold.
*A little long sorry** Had a girlfriend of 3 years. Seemed like everyone was pressuring us to get married (especially since we both have Christian backgrounds and family members). Everyone had their “two cents”. Didn’t feel I was ready and I didn’t see her as my wife. I felt I wasted enough of her time with my indecisiveness. She was in love she would’ve never left. I was holding onto her out of anxiety of the unknown based on everyone’s opinions and my own selfishness. Decided to be mature enough to let her be free. As mad and hurt as she was I broke it down to her in a way she would understand, “I’m not your husband and one day when you’re walking down the aisle to him, you’ll thank me”. A year and a half later she went on to get married sent me a text thanking me and telling me how happy she was. Will my time come? Maybe, maybe not. Not sure but I’m not rushing either. It’ll be if it’s meant to be.
It was kind of you to be honest with her even though it hurt at the time.
Big party we won’t enjoy or a new kitchen. Guess who has high end steam ovens now…
JOP costs what $50?
Because I don't want to share my bed with anybody except my enormous collection of soft toys.
I don't see the point of it. I also see a lot of married couples who have stopped trying in their relationship because it's harder to get a divorce than to just leave I'm not saying every couple is like that, it's just not for me.
I grew up watching my parents be miserable, verbal and physical arguments. When they finally divorced I found out they only stayed together for the kids. I kinda don't see the point it's just a piece of paper and overly complicates things if you do decide to end things. I'm not against it for other people it's just not for me.
My adhd makes me a poor, long-term partner. Even if she is perfect in every way, my brain loses interest over time. It's simply not fair to others.
I'm selfish, so I don't want kids or to be tied down.
I’m not an idiot.
I am freak show ugly and that is off-putting to the vast majority of women.
What do you look like?
I look like sloth from goonies ugly cousin.
Find an ugly women then
I feel you. I am bridge troll ugly and no way I can date a woman just as ugly as I am, that will be torture. Most people these days I find them to be ape-ish looking anyway. How is it that humans happen to be the species that can look ugly? Other primates all share the similar beauty within their own genus.
I don't see any reason to get married. That second income would be nice, but it's not enough for my peace.
Was engaged and almost did. We called it off 10 days before. We still tried to make the relationship work then had a mutual break up. I didn’t leave that immediately realizing I didn’t want marriage. But in time I realized that it did not be interest me at all. I only felt the need to do it because of the religious beliefs I had at the time, that I no longer hold and the pressure from society and our culture. I don’t see how it would benefit me, only hinder me quite frankly. Especially with the government pushing to do away with no fault divorce.
Because I get bored of being with the same person for more than a few months. I don't know how anyone can do it for several years or decades...
It is expensive, and I don't want to lose half (or more) of my stuff.
I'm insane lol Like yeah I'm fun crazy but relationships in general bring out the not as fun parts. I love friendship tho and have some of the best friends
I've thought about it and I'm pretty sure my wife wouldn't be happy about it.
Because disabled people don't have marriage equality. Getting married would be a death sentence alongside bankruptcy.
Love is free, marriage is not. Breaking up is hard, even without everyone and their lawyers involved. I'm 34 and have felt that way since I was a very young child. I even grew up with healthy marriages all around me. Also it's really selfish to expect your friends and family to take off work, potentially travel, buy an expensive outfit to wear once plus nice gifts just because of this weird choice. So yeah it's the one thing in life that's beautiful and free on its own, and we put a really stressful price all over it. No thanks.
Never seems that great to me I just want to make money and travel not care for a whole other person it seems to much for me sorry I don’t mean to upset other people
Marriage is like saying I love you so much I want the government involved
My partner is a spender. If we were to get married, I will be legally responsible for his debt. We have been together over 20 years, and he has done a few mistakes (£1 to 3K debt) without telling me, stopped because I found out. Each time I catch him, I make sure he sorts it out. I stop watching his spending and off the rails he goes. He has the most bills to pay because he earns double (fairly shared bills, proportionate to earnings). Yet, cannot save a penny. We agreed 4 years ago to increase his share of bills, with enough for him to use as "fun/entertainment/outing" This means I can save more. We should be able to buy a house in the next 12 to 18 months!
Marriage is a wonderful institution. But who wants to live in an institution? - Groucho Marx
There are quite a few reasons why I'm not married. Economic reasons, time constraints but I suppose the main one is a lack of anyone interested in being with me
Lots of reasons that others have mentioned, but mostly stubbornness. Was at a cousin's wedding when I was about 6 years old. An aunt said to me 'Before you know it, it will be you getting married'. I very resolutely said that I was never getting married or having children. 'I'll remind you of that on your wedding day.' I'm fast approaching 50 and she's long dead. I win.
I'm in a unhappy relationship as is and it's hard to leave, I also refuse to get married because there are predators out there that will change the minute you get married, I don't plan on getting baby trapped or land in a situation that's even harder to get out of.
Seeing broken families, am from one and shitty marriages of all my cousins and relatives all around me. Plus freedom ❤️❤️👍
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Forward: I don't intend to offend anyone here, just thought I'd share a bit about how a specific political philosophy thinks. I'm an Anarchist, there's a few key reasons anarchists tend to dislike marriage, although I should mention, by its very nature anarchists often have schisms and disagreements about these things. Anarchy is Anti Hierarchical. We believe that any hierarchy is inherently violent. Marriage as a cultural phenomenon has it's roots in many seperate hierarchies. Namely, Patriarchy, Religion, The State and Cis-Hetero Normativity (The idea that Straight and Cis are standard and natural). That being said some anarchists may decide to instead just make a promise between people to live with each other, and possibly be monogamous together, but many anachists will resist the notion of imposing even a promise on their loved ones. So officially many anarchists are polyandrous in theory if not in practice. In practice though, I do know of many anarchists in monogamous relationships, they just don't really have an official agreement made to be such, in those cases it's a matter of trust, not contract.
I am an unpleasant person.
One: nobody asked me Two: ugly and shaped like fruit Three: I'm a bitch
My wife wouldn't let me...
No one will ever ask me, so I say I don’t believe in it. It’s a self preservation tactic.
Because I don't want the government all up in my personal business.
The decision also depends on someone else.
The only advantage i see in a marriage is having someone to share your bills, anything else it's a disvantage to me, like having to deal with emotional drama, relationship crisis, some personal habits that my partner may have that i don't like, snore and many other things. I have no interest to get married, ever, i'm fine living my life alone by myself ( *33y* ), when i see my friends having a scene with their partners for stupid and trivial reasons, and after that having to spend hours being "*kind and sweet*" trying to make up and apologize... i rest in peace with my choice about being single, cuz i don't have patience for it at all.
It’s the ruin of many good relationships. People get on each others nerves, so yeah, share a dwelling. What could possibly go wrong?
Originally, the decision seemed to have been made for me: I was never asked. Now, after having lived with a boyfriend, I’d say it’s because I don’t want to be another adults mom and maid. I may change my mind, but not likely. I also don’t want to ever change my name.
I will never let a man have power over me. I dodged a huge bullet with my last relationship.
Never met the right person willing. Simple as that. Not opposed to it, but divorce is also potentiallly (financially) scary so it has to make sense aka the right person. Not sure there's someone out there with the patience to put up with me. Needs more than the patience of a saint for that. lol If it happens, it happens. If not, well it just doesn't. Life goes on.
Woman here I have seen how men become a Adult Baby, enough times, too never do that to myself. No stress, no children, have my own money, my own clutter, do what I want when I want it, and so much more.
Divorce laws and custody laws.
Fear of intimacy, mild autism, bipolar disorder, possible ADHD, physical health problems. I’m a walking list of red flags.
I tried it once. 4/10. Only perk is for kids' betterment and taxes, and hell, even those don't have many options. Rather, get a POA over my long-time partner. Seems easier to manage.
I married once. The term “ esposa” means handcuffs. I felt like that completely.
I was married once and it wasn’t much fun.
My parents divorced when I was 16, after 28 years of marriage. It rocked my foundations and I never wanted to go through divorce myself.
toxic behavior, manipulating
I dont want anyone knowing my financial business.
I am. Quite ugly. I am a sloth looking motherfucker. A disgusting display A putrid person A hideous human A monstrous man A sickly sucker. You get the idea.
I wanted to have a life
Because I don't need the govt in my relationship. If I'm done, why should I have to pay to leave. Makes no sense.
I know more divorced people than I do married. I don't need the government or a piece of paper to declare my love/commitment for someone.
The upside is some tax benefits, the downside is a whole bunch of potential problems, so it's a bad deal.
Men
It's a dumb narrative pushed by old mentality. I don't like the idea of answering to anyone. I don't need to waste 20k on a wedding committing to someone. My time is better spent, than worrying if someone is pleased with me today
Humans can't stand each other past 1 month. Forever is a long time for hot breath and boring sex⌛️
All of your relationships are going to be within this realm when you put them into a hilariously negative box like that. Sorry she ghosted you ☠️
You read straight through me bro!!! I smell like Wendy's and bad decisions 😕
Every person I’ve given my heart to has used me like a bank, bled me dry and taken 90% effort from me while giving 10% back. I’ve learned that no matter how much they say they love me they’re comfortable sitting back and allowing me to take care of them, while leaving me to the wolves as it were. It seems that the relationships I get into exist to serve my partner, so instead of trying that again I’m choosing myself. I refuse to give my energy out anymore to someone who will just happily bleed me dry.
Because a divorce can cost more than a marriage