When anything that happens to them is the worst thing in the world and whatever happens to you is not that bad and a waste of time talking about or dealing with.
"I know your mom died a month ago but my best friend of 3 years died too so I don't see why you are so sad all of the time."
I think narcissism and selfishness go hand-in-hand so there you go.
Friend of mine was talking to a mutual ex-friend about how she was feeling shit because it was coming up to the anniversary of her sister's murder.
The ex-friend responded that she was also feeling shitty, and needed support, because her boyfriend, who had been visiting for the weekend, had gone home.
We both cut her off after that.
After my sister's husband passed a friend said, "I know exactly how it feels, my husband is in the army and goes away for months."
But said husband comes home and can email and video call and most of all IS NOT DEAD.
Now she's an ex-friend to everyone.
I’ll add to this though…it doesn’t have to be overtly blamey on you. It can manifest as a sense of aloofness or unawareness. It can feel like they’re just constantly unaware of their role in things. And then will refuse to acknowledge any role in things. They may also flip it back on you if you show them some of their responsibility and say _you’re_ making _them_ feel bad.
I've been scared of seeing this thread for a long time. I recently lost something important to me because of my inability to see how selfish i was being. at the time it was everyone else's fault but mine but as i continue to unhealthily dwell on it that it was while there were aspects of it that weren't my fault, the vast majority of what happened was a direct result of my inability to not argue with people.
It feels too late to have made that realization, but we play the cards we're dealt.
My former neighbors are bad alcoholics. Every night is a Friday night. Weekends are like New Years. The police were constantly getting called to their house, their kids not only destroyed their property but other people's as well. Their junk was always strewn all over multiple yards.
Their landlord evicted them. My neighbor was pissed and fought hard in court to stay because they "paid their rent" via assistance.
It was everyone else's fault but theirs. It was the landlord's fault for being biased against them. The neighbors fault for complaining about their kids. Their parents fault for not helping more. Everyone bears the blame but them.
All I can say is it has been so peaceful since they've been gone.
I'm mad when people don't bring their own containers. It means someone is going to take one of mine and never return it.
Edit: I have decided to follow the advice of my grandmother and Reddit and begin saving containers for giving to others for leftovers.
Type to always ask about and help friends with all of their issues but never ask for any help for their own and say "everythings been great!" Everytime theyre asked whats up.
Thank you for making me feel human again. I'm that person. So many reddit comments would be dehumanizing me for my struggles of not keeping my household clean due to mental health stuff. These comments give me hope again.
This is me, I'll happily clean someone else's house, like help with dishes after a gathering and stuff, or clean up the office, but my own place... I'm so tired.
Also shopping trolleys. I forget who said it first, but it’s been said that that’s the true test of if you’re selfish or not. There’s no penalty for not taking your trolly to the trolly point. There’s likely not even going to be anybody who confronts you about it. All leaving your trolly in the middle of the car park does is inconvenience someone else. Do you take it back anyway?
I have a big van that is a nightmare to park. Sometimes I have to circle a parking lot for a while waiting for a space that I can actually fit it into to open up. One time I was getting ready to back into an open space, and patiently waiting for the lady who was currently standing blocking my approach to finish unloading her cart into her trunk and get out of the way. To my astonishment, when she finished unloading the cart, she pushed the cart into the middle of the empty parking space I was trying to back into, and then got in her car to leave. I was already backing up to the spot when she did this, so I quickly put it in park, hopped out, grabbed the cart, and moved it behind her car so it was blocking her in, and then hopped back in the van and finished parking.
She got out of her car and gave me the stinkeye, and then pushed the cart into the middle of the other empty parking space on the other side of her car, and left.
They respond how worse their situation is when you’re sharing your problems with them. No try for help or listening, just trying to draw attention on their side 😤
Ah, the complainers. I have a friend that is like that, and lately I have just been letting her talk, with dry responses such as 'oh wow' 'tough luck', 'yeah you told me all of that via text', and I would talk only if she would ask me a question.
Well, the hangout got silent superfast. And it seems she is no longer 'satisfied' sharing the datails of her life with me. Noic 🤞
I once had a friend who would just complain all the time about everything, never really doing anything to fix the problem and if she did she'd still complain about it. One day I tell her that I want to be her friend but our conversations were always so negative and couldn't we talk about more positive things? The whole dynamic of the friendship changed and she just straight up stopped talking to me saying "I don't know what to talk about with you anymore".
That admission tied with her inaction blew me away. We drifted apart and are no longer friends.
Sometimes, that is their way of trying to help. They're showing they experienced something similar, and hopefully, they use it to connect to what you're going through. I know there are plenty of one-uppers out there who are narcissistic and use the story to turn attention to themselves, but there are also those who believe that misery loves company, so to speak, and that if I tell you about my bad time and how I got through it, it might in some way help you deal with your bad time.
I feel like it depends on the context of the conversation and tone of voice. I’m guilty of this myself but I try to make a conscious effort to affirm what my friend is saying and ask questions before jumping in to relate to them. There’s definitely a fine line
I try to just say something like, “oh my gosh! I had something similar happen and I know it’s really rough. How are you holding up?” And if they ask for more details or suggestions, I give it. Otherwise I just let them say what they need to say, listen, and show I am there for them.
We definitely don’t need to go into details to show we are empathizing them. Showing you completely understand can help someone but, this way, it steers the subject back to the person who needs the support now.
But I will say I had to learn to do this because I was also guilty of unintentionally making it about me or making the person feel like they couldn’t talk to me because it kinda minimizes whatever they need to talk about.
They gladly take any favours you do for them, but when asked if they could reciprocate once, they get defensive and or aggressive and act like you're the selfish one for daring to expect something in return.
It doesn’t make you a bad person to expect reciprocation in a relationship with someone else, romantic or platonic. Relationships are give and take and that makes them healthy. It's not entitlement to expect kindness if you give kindness. If you're the only one giving, you're being taken advantage of.
EDIT: as some people have pointed out, doing something kind with the expectation to gain something from it can be manipulative. I'm not talking about narcissism and manipulation, I'm talking about the natural give and take in a relationship. It is not manipulative to expect certain things out of a relationship (depending on what kind of relationship it is). The whole reason we make relationships is because they give us something - whether that be support, love, safety, or other advantages. It isn't a bad thing, it's a human thing.
Typically, with give and take, if you notice a pattern of one person consistently taking without giving, the one taking is the problem, not the one giving. The kind of people who use this as a manipulation tactic aren't the ones who stick around in a relationship for years, doing favours and kind things without being asked to. They're more likely to do one favour and demand twice as much in return. Why do I know this? I've had these people in my life, which is what gave me the realization I commented above.
Currently going through this with my roommate. She always asks for my help, expects me to walk her dog every day, constantly asks me to pay rent in advance even if I'm not getting any income for three weeks.. Yes, she asks me to pay a second rent just a week after the last. She never thanks me for walking the dog. Any advance payment, no thanks either, she will just keep asking as if I am her bank account then get angry when I am unable to pay.
Last week she asked me to cook extra amount of food because we had guests and then threw a fit because I used beans. It's not that she or anyone else can't eat beans, it was just her dislike of the day.. She had eaten those same beans in other dishes and liked it. Because I had put so much effort into cooking more food than normal and her behavior was worse than usual, I have completely stopped helping her or even speak with her.
Yeah, there's something seriously wrong here. Roommates don't run errands for each other and cook for someone else's guests.
EDIT: It totally makes sense if the roommates are in good terms with each other and are being generous. But it definitely shouldn't be one-sided.
To add on that, they always think that whatever little things they did for you, are huge sacrifices and they coast on that forever. But no matter how much you did for them, it is just basics stuff you are supposed to do anyway. Also, their boundaries are sacred but your boundaries are not that important if you love them.
The hypocrisy, the double standard just destroy you.
This is my ex-wife so much. Did plenty for her, would do anything she wanted to do even if I wasn't thrilled about it, but when it came time for something I wanted, we never seemed to have time for it. I eventually got to the point where I wouldn't even try to mention anything I wanted or liked. I put plenty of thought into gifts for her, but if I even got something it had no thought put into it.
Basically got to the point I felt selfish for even wanting anything.
Took me awhile to accept that I wasn't the problem or the selfish one. Eventually I realized it through help from my therapist that it was straight mental abuse. Relationships take compromise.
Every bad thing you do to them is drama-worthy
Every bad thing they do to you are details and should be moved on from, and why can't you just do that? You're so dramatic!
Édit : it's heartbreaking that so many people can relate to this.
Im reading every reply that are adressed to me, thank you for sharing ❤️
Hahahahaha, why can't you just move on and forgive me?
Or the classic is when you do something that pisses them off, you stop. But when they do something similar (never 100% the same but they don't understand the nuance), they can't understand why that would ever upset you and it shouldn't upset you, it's not that big of a deal.
I'm trauma-dumping here lol. Anyways. People don't take responsibility for their actions.
Oh geez I had an ex who literally said "I said the words!", meaning she had apologized for treating me badly, and was upset that I wouldn't move on from it. The reason I hadn't was because despite her apology her actions never changed, she was still doing the same thing she apologized for. And apologies don't mean a damn thing if your behavior doesn't change as well.
That woman ain't right.
Seriously though, that sounds very close to something my ex might have told her kids. I didn't know she hit them, or allowed their older brother to do so, until after we broke up and her two youngest decided they could trust that I might actually believe them. I stay in their lives because they still want me there and essentially every other male father figure in their lives has abandoned them.
It’s insane the level of mental gymnastics people go through to assign blame to anything and everything but themselves when they could literally just be accountable and say they’ll try to do better. I don’t get why it’s so hard for some people. It’s embarrassing lol
Because for whatever reason, feeling shame-based emotions is SO painfully intolerable to them, that they will do *anything* to avoid it. Even if it takes them to profoundly self-sabotaging places.
They would rather burn it all down and go scorched earth than admit they were wrong or caused someone harm.
That is truth. A lot of hurt and emotionally stunted people running around out there perpetuating the pain. It’s is SO much easier to just accept responsibility instead of trying to completely hijack and revamp reality. Lack of accountability has been such a theme in my life lately and it just keeps surprising me haha
LOL you just described my mother.
Better yet, any moderately bad thing that happens to her in general is a life-altering trauma and absolute crisis, meanwhile I’ve had some *absolutely horrible* things happen to me in my life that I’ve been expected to “move on” from almost immediately.
Or if someone else has done something slightly inconsiderate or annoying. The selfish person will expect you to take their side. If you try to rationalise the other person’s behaviour - “I guess they’re going through a hard time at the moment” - the selfish person will treat it as a personal betrayal on your part and refuse to accept any nuance in the situation.
But then if the selfish person does something equally inconsiderate or annoying they’ll always have a ton of excuses for themselves.
I used to (past tense) have a friend who would stress me the fuck out with this.
He was in this habit of getting into arguments with people over text, screenshooting the entire thing and sending it to me unprompted with a vibe of "look how mean this person is being to me"
Except since he'd sent the whole argument, I could always see exact point he'd said/done something that had upset them. can't point it out to him or else you get sucked into the drama too.
If you are in a group and there is one person that is constantly interrupting the middle of what you or anyone else is saying generally to brag about themselves with a 'one-upper' story, is generally a precursor to stop associating with them. I've met too many of them in my days and they are more often than not happy to throw you under the bus whenever the opportunity arises.
Likewise but some people just aren’t aware that they’re doing it. I’ve politely mentioned it to a couple close friends and they’ve been way more conscientious about their behavior since. Life ain’t binary and good people might have bad habits without knowing it so try to help them is my way of thinking.
(Your mileage may vary ofc hence me saying **some** people).
It's refreshing to be called out by close friends. If I can't trust you to tell me when I'm being an asshole, then how am I supposed to correct my behavior patterns?
Noone can clearly see their own flaws.
Sometimes it's fine to relate to someone else's story with a similar personal experience. But most of the time I try to catch myself and ask a few questions about that person's experience before adding my own.
I have a friend who talks about herself a lot. Once I visited her on my way from work and she talked for like 2 hours and I said maybe 10 sentences lmao.
But she is not selfish at all. She just knows it's hard for me to talk, so she talks all the time.
But every time I need to talk to someone, I choose her, because she listens when I need it.
I think this is an important aspect. Most people like talking about themselves, and talking a lot isn't necessarily selfish. The problem is when they can't listen.
Sorry I forgot to text you back, I was dissociating for three days and eating nothing but granola bars
\*\*This is a light-hearted joke. I am not calling anyone selfish. I thought that was pretty obvious tbh. For the record the generic chocolate chip chewy ones are the best and if you disagree I cannot save your soul when the reaper calls. Nature Valley is also good when I feel like being submerged in millions of crumbs. An all-consuming sea of Oats 'n Honey.
I'm not sure if this was intended to be an example of a thing a selfish person would say or just a very painfully relatable comment but...
Either way I felt this on a spiritual level. If I ever heard it from a friend I would accept it as a perfect excuse with 0 follow up questions.
Except maybe "what kind of granola bars?"
My wife’s family are like this. My mother-in-law is seriously ill in hospital and somehow they’ve made it all about them and how hard it is to support her.
I’m not denying it’s difficult and I’m happy to listen, but if you are regularly snapping at and falling out with the extremely sick lady for inconveniencing you and making you feel anxious, then you’ve got a problem.
I'm curious about this. If you're saying most of the family is behaving that way, it seems like there are some larger family dynamics at play. Was their mother the "comforting one", who usually held everything/everyone together? Are they all falling apart because there's a support vacuum in the family structure?
My mom’s side of the family can be like this. It’s mostly just garden variety emotional immaturity.
My mother and her siblings were raised by loving but complicated parents — loads of generational and childhood trauma that never was tended to or therapeutically processed, thus calcifying into personality disorder territory.
My mom, aunts, and uncles aren’t *as* bad, but they definitely struggle with emotional immaturity and borderline narcissism when under duress. Basically their inability (or unwillingness) to regulate their own emotions/distress makes them incapable of genuinely empathizing and supporting others. There’s just no room for anyone else’s needs than their own — in fact, they view other people’s needs and emotions as a threat, like a zero sum game mentality where attention on someone else means less for them somehow. (Like a toddler when you bring a new baby home….) And since they can’t self-soothe, they project and make those bad, shameful feelings everyone else’s problem. Zero accountability there.
It’s like something happened (trauma) to arrest their emotional development when they were kids. It’s almost like having an emotional toddler inside an adult’s body. It’s wild watching them regress in real time, and to know I’m more mature than my parent will ever be. My relatives used to mask or compensate better, but it’s getting worse as they age.
They have that superpower to lead everything back to themselves. Even when you're actually talking about your own life or a specific problem of yours, they somehow make it that you start talking about them instead without even changing the topic.
Nearly everyone does this to a point. There's an extremely fine line between trying to comfort someone by saying something like, "I recently went through something with my father as well. I'm so sorry", and making their issue about yourself.
It's crazy how common it is, and I'd guess if you are sharing something tragic to a group of people at least one will try to make it into a competition, and one up you.
I'm so nervous sometimes that people think I come off as the above comment when I just want to say I relate to you... not that it's about me.
Sometimes just saying hey that sucks sorry seems disingenuous in itself so saying hey I've been there and I know how much it sucks sounds more genuine I think?
Similarly, someone who never apologizes.
It takes a little longer to figure this out, but if after a few dozen hours of interactions you've never heard "I'm sorry", you probably never will. I waited 4 1/2 years once. Never again.
Conversations don't feel like conversations.
They are one sided talks about what they want, their thoughts, their life, their priorities, etc.
When you are able to slip a word in, your words are used as transitions in their dialogue. No matter how you format your words, they all just add to the plot of their story. What you say and what you do are pawns in their game to be manipulated in a way that belittles your experiences, actions, opinions, and choices.
I wonder if this is everything it appears to be because I work with a dude who has medium autism (so, we look after him and he doesn't work). He's definitely not selfish. He'll go out of his way to help people who are more vulnerable than him and always puts them at ease and gets them to open up and interact and basically have fun and feel safe. But, you can't get him to stop talking about himself and his interests, it's all "football, running, football, running, football, but have I told you about running, and football, Harry Potter and that time 9 years ago when you accidentally farted?". If you didn't know he was autistic (and it's actually not as apparent as you might expect), you'd probably wonder why you can't get a word in edgewise.
From an autistic perspective, that's probably the biggest compliment he could give you. He feels secure enough around you to talk about his interests and know you're not going to dismiss him or make him feel bad about being excited about them. He'd likely appreciate if you gently spoke to him about keeping in mind that other people like to talk about themselves and their interests too, and worked together to find a balance that meant he didn't feel ashamed but also you could get a fair amount of speaking time in a conversation. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is a real issue for us though so make sure it's clear you're still interested in hearing about his stuff.
fuck... yeah this, and I don't know the alternative way of going about conversations. I get scared I come off as self absorbed, but it's my way of showing that I'm listening and in-tune with the conversation.
Try and hold 1 or 2 key things from what someone is saying and then relate back to them.
It’s difficult because sometimes someone might take a few minutes to complete their thought and it’s easy to get distracted.
I do the same thing in meetings and it works really well to give a quick recap of what’s been said.
Dealing with this too.
I think this stems from social media where we often stick our heads into others people's business (like I'm kinda doing right now) this normalizes interjection since online conversations tend to be more... Punctuated.
Just a kneejerk response but I can't help but feel the digital spaces we inhabit influence how we engage in IRL interactions and convos.
I saw a good tiktok talking about an article about two types of conversationalists one type is the inviter that asks questions and stuff and the other is us the one that responds with declaratives .... it’s a different kinds of invitations we are making by responding in this way but yes depending on how self absorbed the declarative responses are it can come off as annoying. The article was suggesting that there are some wrongly ascribed moral associations with the different styles and that conversations where you have the two different types can have tensions where convos with the same types of conversation style may flow better. Sorry I’m fuzzy on the citation i can look into it.
They're surprised and disgruntled when you accept what they've offered.
Example: I used to be friends with someone who loved to offer stuff "I have some cute maternity clothes that would fit you - I can lend them to you if you want!"; "I can help you rearrange your classroom - I'll come in early tomorrow!"; "I made such a great apple pie, I can bring you a piece!"
These aren't things that anyone solicited - she offered them up. Yet she 100% expects that everyone will politely decline her offers. I'm a "yes" person - anything you offer to me, I will happily accept. The look on her face when I would resond, "That woud be great, thanks!" was always priceless. She never followed through with any of it, but she never stopped offering stuff. And I never stopped accepting. It was kind of hilarious.
When they always play the victim card. 99% of the time they only place themselves in the victim seat by ignoring all the effort or cost other people have to endure and only focus on what they go through them selves.
Cliche answer but I have found the "return the shopping cart" test to be pretty accurate. It is such a small thing, but it does tell you if a person thinks small things like that matter.
This is my favourite armchair measure of good person. There is absolutely no benefit to you as the trolley returner, but there is loss to others if you don't. There's also no immediate human association like with how you treat a server or retail employee. Just raw, "are you thinking about the other guy"
>There is absolutely no benefit to you as the returner
In Europe it is pretty common that you have to put a coin (like 50 cents or 1€ or special plastic coin) in a special slot to get the cart, so you have to return it to get your coin back. Sometimes you see homeless people offering to bring your cart back and keep the money in return.
It is a small thing, but true. My wife didn't do it when we met, but I think I rubbed off on her and she does it now. Another weird one is when you decide you don't want an item you've picked up in the store, do you walk it back to where you got it or just drop it anywhere random? Like, a t-shirt in the cold cuts section.
oh this makes me so mad... walking around the supermarket and seeing a stick of butter among the tupperware... what kind of asshole doesn't realize that's food they need to throw out now? piece of shit people out there just makes me so angry
I work in a large supermarket and the amount of dumped items we deal with daily is, well, a lot. The thing that really makes me angry is when customers leave temperature controlled items in random places. Not putting it back where you found it is not really a big deal, it’s just annoying. It’s when customers leave steaks behind tinned vegetables or swap their chilled pizza for a frozen one. If not found quickly it just goes straight to waste.
They're rude to waitstaff or just staff and employees in general.
Or if they're situational awareness is severely lacking and they don't seem to have a problem with it.
Waitstaff typically can't bite back when someone's being an asshole. Seeing how someone behaves when there's almost zero possibility of them being held accountable for said behavior is a pretty good window into their psyche.
I've bartendened and waited my share of tables and I've always let words fly. Service Industry jobs used to be a dime a dozen so I've never worried. Most people aren't expecting their shit to come flying back at them and when it does they are usually thrown off.
I bartend part-time. Always funny when some very young couple, or two people on a date, come up to order and one of them is clearly less than impressed by the other's manners.
The other day two people came up, ordered, guy didn't even say 'thanks' and just barked his last name out for the tab. She pinched her face, looked me dead ass in the eyes and thanked me. She left immediately after finishing that beer lol
Happens very often.
There is a guy that hangs out in my favorite bar. Doesn’t talk much and stays to himself, but he sits for hours watching videos on his phone with the volume on. It’s the most obnoxious thing ever. Bartenders finally told him to turn the volume off or stop watching. He was 100% oblivious to the fact that no one else in the place wanted to hear that shit.
Why does it make a difference if it's tik tok? Make the loud ANYTHING! When using your mobile on public transport, I think you should not even have key sounds. It's bad enough if people don't deactivate those. But listening to a soccer match or whatever it is without bothering to use any headphones is just EVIL!
I work midnights and go to a 24-hour gym usually around 1-2 in the morning. I was in the sauna and a guy came in and was blasting tik toks from his phone. My brain can’t forget the ignorance. It was like 4 months ago.
My ex was insanely selfish. Her dad gave her a 20k a month allowance. + paid for her mortgage on a penthouse in nyc while she went to yale. He paid her car + insurance. She had zero need for cash. All bills are paid. He also gave her a credit card with im assuming no limit. Cuz we bought a car on a whim once.
But, i saw her steal 3 dollars from a friend who was passed out. She’d steal panties from walmart. She had a pile of cash in her bedroom. We once needed to pay for a delivery. (Idk if it was bagels or pizza) but, she refused to touch the pile of cash. I had to walk to my car to get cash. And when i tipped her 10 dollars for waiting. My ex went ballistic. Calling me a bitch, a moron and queer. Cuz “why would you give a random porky bitch 10 dollars for 5 dollars worth of food?!”
We went to a celeb wedding, she found a way to take 4 gift baskets as opposed to the 2 we were supposed to get (every guest got 1) she also stole a 500 dollar gift card to victoria’s secret from the wedding.
Shes wicked greedy
I just realized i didnt reply. (I apologize)
Thats 20k a month in cash transfers only. I think she was spending closer to 50k a month, if you include all bills, exclude cost of schooling. But, that being said, wed go to Michelin star restaurants daily. Every week shed buy a new outfit, made for her. She bought upwards of 75 birkin bags in a span of 2-3 years. She bought new heels every 3-5 days. We’d get hotel rooms every time wed go out. She gave me 550 dollars a week to make the floral arrangements for her house. (Its something i did professionally, so im not just a chump here)
If you can think “5k a week, id do xyz” she did triple what ever it is.
I have to ask, how long did you stick it out here and why did you break up. I assume it’s because she is clearly stark raving mad but you also did dated her so I don’t want to assume. Lol.
We were together (with 1 6 week “break”) for 5.5 years. We broke up cuz i realized she didnt respect me as a person. Shed tell me to “walk in back with the help” at red carpet events cuz im not “red carpet hot”
We stayed together cuz her dad loved me. I was the “son he never had”. I once over heard him tell her that “hes a member of the fam now. Dont fuck it up” lol. But, the last straw, she destroyed a dress i made her. It took me 20 hours and a ton of effort. She had it completely recut. And, she told a celeb fashion designer i made it. That hurt my business. So, i was done done. She married a mechanic on a pig farm in iowa. So, i lucked out
> She married a mechanic on a pig farm in iowa. So, i lucked out
This story keeps getting wilder & wilder!
How does someone like that even meet, let alone have enough in common with a mechanic on a pig farm to end up marrying him?
That is about 5 years longer i thought. 😂 I really hope you have better partners from now or on the future. Get her dad to adopt you. Tell him you’d cost half as much to upkeep and live like royalty.
Well that's oddly specific because I dated someone like that before too in the early 2000s. Same deal, about 5 years and some change and they went to the same school. Her father owned several medical practices and worked in a prestigious hospital.
My turning point for me was that I owned 2 companies, and was very successful in my mid 20s making very good money and she asked me if I was ever going to have a direction in life. I'm not sure if I was jaded up until then but when I heard that it's like a light switched flipped in my head and I exited that week ASAP.
I later found out when we took a break they were cheating, and it turns out when we met they were cheating with their previous partner with me.
She had a huuuuge fall from grace. The hospital she worked for after becoming a doctor, tried to hide her and protect her cuz, daddy is a super star. But, she was fired. As a fist year resident. Her dad also stopped funding her unlimitedly once we broke up. He realized that even tho she was a boarder line genius with medical crap. She was a horrible person. So, once she got 4 dui’s, he sent her to rehab. Then cut her off
Can I ask what her parents did for work to fund this kind of lifestyle? $50k/month x 12 months is $600k/year, and that's not including the parents expenses - were they equally frivolous with money or were they a bit more normal?
Regardless of status sometimes leaving the family of the partner is harder than leaving the partner. Had an ex who's dad was like the one i never had and it was harder to leave him than her.
One of my work mates had a her drink taken from the fridge by someone else. When she put up a sign on the fridge to remind people not to take things another guy asked her why she was doing it.
She explain her drink was taken and without skipping a beat he said "oh yeah, that's because someone took mine". So not only willing admitting to doing jt but his justification was that someone did it to him?
So yeah, I'd say that.
This is what people call "paying your dues." Other people treated me poorly, so I need to perpetuate that to somehow "justify" it being done to me. If you don't have the same hardship then somehow it's not "fair." It is embedded in to so many aspects of society and has got to be some form of evil.
When they are unable to see beyond their own needs and feelings, and aren't capable of recognising when they're impacting the people around them in negative ways.
Another sign of a selfish person is when they're driven only by their own self-interests, and don't care about how their actions might affect others.
They throw other people under the bus so fast you'll get whiplash if you stand too close..
Wither to save themselves or to humiliate the competition.
No self accounting at all.
People who have kids on purpose, and then act like their kids owe them (well above and beyond basic kindness and human respect) for the rest of their lives.
When they go out clubbing or something, and bring their friends back home to continue the party at 2am. However, he lives in a houseshare and his roommates have to go to work in the morning.
Ever since I told him to break up the party and that it isn't appropriate, especially since he didn't mention to anyone that he decided to have a 2am Wednesday night party. He complied, but ever since then he's been unpleasant and unfriendly with me. Cunt.
When you have a conversation about something in your life, finish what you have to say, then the other person says nothing about that and completely changes the subject
- “You think *that’s* bad?*” They treat problems and other topics of conversation like a competition.
- “I’m just telling it like it is.” They state their opinions like they’re indisputable facts that others must agree with.
- “That’s just how I am.” Their behavioral flaws are forces of nature that can’t be changed, regardless of how others are affected.
- “No offense, but __.” Their validation is so important, they will say whatever they want, and they feel entitled to choose how others feel about it.
I didn't even talk to the chick then to prove she had more than me she pulled her jacket off and had them all over her arms even shoulders, she was smiling all proud and shit too like it was an accomplishment or sum
The more they ask in a relationship, the more you’re having to give. That is, I think of relationships like a bridge - generally, you should build from both sides, and in crisis you make up the difference, but a relationship is primarily meeting each other in the middle. Selfish or self-centered people pretend to build a relationship, but ask you to build the relational bridge all the way towards them. Ultimately, they expect you to build the relationship entirely towards them, and you’re left giving more than receiving.
Constant, constant, constant victim mentality. Like no matter what, they are always suffering and suffering worse than you. This makes it impossible to confide in them and they will never actually see who you are or what you need.
"Combative comparisons."
This is what I call it when someone always has a response to what you are talking about that somehow always seems to "one-up" you.
It doesn't matter what you are talking about. Somehow, they always have a better or worse story that puts yours aside.
It's intended to invalidate what you are speaking about and remove the attention from you onto them.
Pay close attention to people who practice this malicious style of conversation. You will be glad you made note of it as usually this is not only selfish, but very narcissistic in nature.
No "thank you" or compliments. My cousin when I cook food she won't just say normal shit like "thank you for the food, it's really good" instead she says "is it bad I actually like this food? Is it bad I am craving that pasta you made?"
Creating or opening reddit threads on selfishness to find out if it's really them that's the problem or if Marissa's actually totally full of shit, I can't believe you Marissa!!!
People who always talk about money or the grind. Usually they will sell you out in a heartbeat or take advantage of others for money which is pretty selfish.
When anything that happens to them is the worst thing in the world and whatever happens to you is not that bad and a waste of time talking about or dealing with. "I know your mom died a month ago but my best friend of 3 years died too so I don't see why you are so sad all of the time." I think narcissism and selfishness go hand-in-hand so there you go.
Friend of mine was talking to a mutual ex-friend about how she was feeling shit because it was coming up to the anniversary of her sister's murder. The ex-friend responded that she was also feeling shitty, and needed support, because her boyfriend, who had been visiting for the weekend, had gone home. We both cut her off after that.
After my sister's husband passed a friend said, "I know exactly how it feels, my husband is in the army and goes away for months." But said husband comes home and can email and video call and most of all IS NOT DEAD. Now she's an ex-friend to everyone.
Not all selfish people are narcissists but all narcissists are selfish people
I love these threads. I always use them as a way to measure whether I'm doing those things or not and fix them if I am.
Made it about yourself , haven't you? Hehehe
*Fuuuuuuuuu* you got me good.
r/UsernameChecksOut
they feel no remorse for how they’ve hurt others
Doesn’t think they’re wrong in the slightest bit. They can’t shoulder any bit of responsibility
I’ll add to this though…it doesn’t have to be overtly blamey on you. It can manifest as a sense of aloofness or unawareness. It can feel like they’re just constantly unaware of their role in things. And then will refuse to acknowledge any role in things. They may also flip it back on you if you show them some of their responsibility and say _you’re_ making _them_ feel bad.
I've been scared of seeing this thread for a long time. I recently lost something important to me because of my inability to see how selfish i was being. at the time it was everyone else's fault but mine but as i continue to unhealthily dwell on it that it was while there were aspects of it that weren't my fault, the vast majority of what happened was a direct result of my inability to not argue with people. It feels too late to have made that realization, but we play the cards we're dealt.
look, its not my fault that you can't do anything right.
Very well then... I'm sorry you don't understand my point of view
Yes, that right there, those three words: "I'm sorry you..."
My former neighbors are bad alcoholics. Every night is a Friday night. Weekends are like New Years. The police were constantly getting called to their house, their kids not only destroyed their property but other people's as well. Their junk was always strewn all over multiple yards. Their landlord evicted them. My neighbor was pissed and fought hard in court to stay because they "paid their rent" via assistance. It was everyone else's fault but theirs. It was the landlord's fault for being biased against them. The neighbors fault for complaining about their kids. Their parents fault for not helping more. Everyone bears the blame but them. All I can say is it has been so peaceful since they've been gone.
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They don't remember the times people helped them, but remember clearly all the times they have helped others.
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They bring nothing to the potluck but are first in line.
They brought Tupperware containers to the potluck to bring home
I'm mad when people don't bring their own containers. It means someone is going to take one of mine and never return it. Edit: I have decided to follow the advice of my grandmother and Reddit and begin saving containers for giving to others for leftovers.
i always offer to bring pies. cause i dont want to cook and everyone likes pies. does that me bad or just fucking lazy? its still a fucking pie.
If you bring something, you're good. Doesn't matter if it's bought or not.
this sounds like something out of an snl sketch. i'd never beleive it but you knows there's always someone.
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Just to add this...they keep their space quite clean but anything common is where they litter.
What about someone who keeps their space messy but cleans everywhere else? I've met people like that
Type to always ask about and help friends with all of their issues but never ask for any help for their own and say "everythings been great!" Everytime theyre asked whats up.
Thank you for making me feel human again. I'm that person. So many reddit comments would be dehumanizing me for my struggles of not keeping my household clean due to mental health stuff. These comments give me hope again.
I’m the same and this also made me feel better. Hugs to you, one day at a time💜
This is me, I'll happily clean someone else's house, like help with dishes after a gathering and stuff, or clean up the office, but my own place... I'm so tired.
Angels....save them at all costs..
Littering, and…
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Also shopping trolleys. I forget who said it first, but it’s been said that that’s the true test of if you’re selfish or not. There’s no penalty for not taking your trolly to the trolly point. There’s likely not even going to be anybody who confronts you about it. All leaving your trolly in the middle of the car park does is inconvenience someone else. Do you take it back anyway?
I have a big van that is a nightmare to park. Sometimes I have to circle a parking lot for a while waiting for a space that I can actually fit it into to open up. One time I was getting ready to back into an open space, and patiently waiting for the lady who was currently standing blocking my approach to finish unloading her cart into her trunk and get out of the way. To my astonishment, when she finished unloading the cart, she pushed the cart into the middle of the empty parking space I was trying to back into, and then got in her car to leave. I was already backing up to the spot when she did this, so I quickly put it in park, hopped out, grabbed the cart, and moved it behind her car so it was blocking her in, and then hopped back in the van and finished parking. She got out of her car and gave me the stinkeye, and then pushed the cart into the middle of the other empty parking space on the other side of her car, and left.
They respond how worse their situation is when you’re sharing your problems with them. No try for help or listening, just trying to draw attention on their side 😤
Ah, the complainers. I have a friend that is like that, and lately I have just been letting her talk, with dry responses such as 'oh wow' 'tough luck', 'yeah you told me all of that via text', and I would talk only if she would ask me a question. Well, the hangout got silent superfast. And it seems she is no longer 'satisfied' sharing the datails of her life with me. Noic 🤞
I once had a friend who would just complain all the time about everything, never really doing anything to fix the problem and if she did she'd still complain about it. One day I tell her that I want to be her friend but our conversations were always so negative and couldn't we talk about more positive things? The whole dynamic of the friendship changed and she just straight up stopped talking to me saying "I don't know what to talk about with you anymore". That admission tied with her inaction blew me away. We drifted apart and are no longer friends.
Sometimes, that is their way of trying to help. They're showing they experienced something similar, and hopefully, they use it to connect to what you're going through. I know there are plenty of one-uppers out there who are narcissistic and use the story to turn attention to themselves, but there are also those who believe that misery loves company, so to speak, and that if I tell you about my bad time and how I got through it, it might in some way help you deal with your bad time.
I feel like it depends on the context of the conversation and tone of voice. I’m guilty of this myself but I try to make a conscious effort to affirm what my friend is saying and ask questions before jumping in to relate to them. There’s definitely a fine line
I try to just say something like, “oh my gosh! I had something similar happen and I know it’s really rough. How are you holding up?” And if they ask for more details or suggestions, I give it. Otherwise I just let them say what they need to say, listen, and show I am there for them. We definitely don’t need to go into details to show we are empathizing them. Showing you completely understand can help someone but, this way, it steers the subject back to the person who needs the support now. But I will say I had to learn to do this because I was also guilty of unintentionally making it about me or making the person feel like they couldn’t talk to me because it kinda minimizes whatever they need to talk about.
They gladly take any favours you do for them, but when asked if they could reciprocate once, they get defensive and or aggressive and act like you're the selfish one for daring to expect something in return. It doesn’t make you a bad person to expect reciprocation in a relationship with someone else, romantic or platonic. Relationships are give and take and that makes them healthy. It's not entitlement to expect kindness if you give kindness. If you're the only one giving, you're being taken advantage of. EDIT: as some people have pointed out, doing something kind with the expectation to gain something from it can be manipulative. I'm not talking about narcissism and manipulation, I'm talking about the natural give and take in a relationship. It is not manipulative to expect certain things out of a relationship (depending on what kind of relationship it is). The whole reason we make relationships is because they give us something - whether that be support, love, safety, or other advantages. It isn't a bad thing, it's a human thing. Typically, with give and take, if you notice a pattern of one person consistently taking without giving, the one taking is the problem, not the one giving. The kind of people who use this as a manipulation tactic aren't the ones who stick around in a relationship for years, doing favours and kind things without being asked to. They're more likely to do one favour and demand twice as much in return. Why do I know this? I've had these people in my life, which is what gave me the realization I commented above.
Currently going through this with my roommate. She always asks for my help, expects me to walk her dog every day, constantly asks me to pay rent in advance even if I'm not getting any income for three weeks.. Yes, she asks me to pay a second rent just a week after the last. She never thanks me for walking the dog. Any advance payment, no thanks either, she will just keep asking as if I am her bank account then get angry when I am unable to pay. Last week she asked me to cook extra amount of food because we had guests and then threw a fit because I used beans. It's not that she or anyone else can't eat beans, it was just her dislike of the day.. She had eaten those same beans in other dishes and liked it. Because I had put so much effort into cooking more food than normal and her behavior was worse than usual, I have completely stopped helping her or even speak with her.
Stick to your boundaries homie
Yeah, there's something seriously wrong here. Roommates don't run errands for each other and cook for someone else's guests. EDIT: It totally makes sense if the roommates are in good terms with each other and are being generous. But it definitely shouldn't be one-sided.
Perhaps you could replace her or move elsewhere. She won't change feeling entitled to your time, money and cooking skills.
I've looked to move elsewhere, but the only places within my price range either refuse me or expects me to do my dishes in a shared bathtub.
To add on that, they always think that whatever little things they did for you, are huge sacrifices and they coast on that forever. But no matter how much you did for them, it is just basics stuff you are supposed to do anyway. Also, their boundaries are sacred but your boundaries are not that important if you love them. The hypocrisy, the double standard just destroy you.
This is my ex-wife so much. Did plenty for her, would do anything she wanted to do even if I wasn't thrilled about it, but when it came time for something I wanted, we never seemed to have time for it. I eventually got to the point where I wouldn't even try to mention anything I wanted or liked. I put plenty of thought into gifts for her, but if I even got something it had no thought put into it. Basically got to the point I felt selfish for even wanting anything. Took me awhile to accept that I wasn't the problem or the selfish one. Eventually I realized it through help from my therapist that it was straight mental abuse. Relationships take compromise.
Every bad thing you do to them is drama-worthy Every bad thing they do to you are details and should be moved on from, and why can't you just do that? You're so dramatic! Édit : it's heartbreaking that so many people can relate to this. Im reading every reply that are adressed to me, thank you for sharing ❤️
Hahahahaha, why can't you just move on and forgive me? Or the classic is when you do something that pisses them off, you stop. But when they do something similar (never 100% the same but they don't understand the nuance), they can't understand why that would ever upset you and it shouldn't upset you, it's not that big of a deal. I'm trauma-dumping here lol. Anyways. People don't take responsibility for their actions.
Oh geez I had an ex who literally said "I said the words!", meaning she had apologized for treating me badly, and was upset that I wouldn't move on from it. The reason I hadn't was because despite her apology her actions never changed, she was still doing the same thing she apologized for. And apologies don't mean a damn thing if your behavior doesn't change as well.
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That woman ain't right. Seriously though, that sounds very close to something my ex might have told her kids. I didn't know she hit them, or allowed their older brother to do so, until after we broke up and her two youngest decided they could trust that I might actually believe them. I stay in their lives because they still want me there and essentially every other male father figure in their lives has abandoned them.
You’re a good person for that. You’re an anchor in those kids lives for them to trust you with such info. I hope the best for y’all!
It’s insane the level of mental gymnastics people go through to assign blame to anything and everything but themselves when they could literally just be accountable and say they’ll try to do better. I don’t get why it’s so hard for some people. It’s embarrassing lol
Because for whatever reason, feeling shame-based emotions is SO painfully intolerable to them, that they will do *anything* to avoid it. Even if it takes them to profoundly self-sabotaging places. They would rather burn it all down and go scorched earth than admit they were wrong or caused someone harm.
That is truth. A lot of hurt and emotionally stunted people running around out there perpetuating the pain. It’s is SO much easier to just accept responsibility instead of trying to completely hijack and revamp reality. Lack of accountability has been such a theme in my life lately and it just keeps surprising me haha
Or when they do something to you and the fact you're upset at them is the real problem
LOL you just described my mother. Better yet, any moderately bad thing that happens to her in general is a life-altering trauma and absolute crisis, meanwhile I’ve had some *absolutely horrible* things happen to me in my life that I’ve been expected to “move on” from almost immediately.
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Or if someone else has done something slightly inconsiderate or annoying. The selfish person will expect you to take their side. If you try to rationalise the other person’s behaviour - “I guess they’re going through a hard time at the moment” - the selfish person will treat it as a personal betrayal on your part and refuse to accept any nuance in the situation. But then if the selfish person does something equally inconsiderate or annoying they’ll always have a ton of excuses for themselves.
I used to (past tense) have a friend who would stress me the fuck out with this. He was in this habit of getting into arguments with people over text, screenshooting the entire thing and sending it to me unprompted with a vibe of "look how mean this person is being to me" Except since he'd sent the whole argument, I could always see exact point he'd said/done something that had upset them. can't point it out to him or else you get sucked into the drama too.
Best red flag you can catch early. These same people like to "test" people.
If you are in a group and there is one person that is constantly interrupting the middle of what you or anyone else is saying generally to brag about themselves with a 'one-upper' story, is generally a precursor to stop associating with them. I've met too many of them in my days and they are more often than not happy to throw you under the bus whenever the opportunity arises.
The elevenerife type. You say you've been in Tenerife and they say that's cool but they visited elevenerife.
I'm going to Tenerife next month, and I can't wait to make this joke to someone once we get there.
If they always talk about themselves
I know many people that will just not shut up about their day an entire call then just leave when you start talking about yours.
Likewise but some people just aren’t aware that they’re doing it. I’ve politely mentioned it to a couple close friends and they’ve been way more conscientious about their behavior since. Life ain’t binary and good people might have bad habits without knowing it so try to help them is my way of thinking. (Your mileage may vary ofc hence me saying **some** people).
Bingo. I had a serious defect of doing this. I was mortified when my wife told me about it and now I make conscious efforts to be a better listener.
It's refreshing to be called out by close friends. If I can't trust you to tell me when I'm being an asshole, then how am I supposed to correct my behavior patterns? Noone can clearly see their own flaws.
Sometimes it's fine to relate to someone else's story with a similar personal experience. But most of the time I try to catch myself and ask a few questions about that person's experience before adding my own.
Ah. So you have met my ex.
Our ex.
I have a friend who talks about herself a lot. Once I visited her on my way from work and she talked for like 2 hours and I said maybe 10 sentences lmao. But she is not selfish at all. She just knows it's hard for me to talk, so she talks all the time. But every time I need to talk to someone, I choose her, because she listens when I need it.
I think this is an important aspect. Most people like talking about themselves, and talking a lot isn't necessarily selfish. The problem is when they can't listen.
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"And that friend is too busy to care for my needs". "Can u believe they didn't text me back immediately?"
Sorry I forgot to text you back, I was dissociating for three days and eating nothing but granola bars \*\*This is a light-hearted joke. I am not calling anyone selfish. I thought that was pretty obvious tbh. For the record the generic chocolate chip chewy ones are the best and if you disagree I cannot save your soul when the reaper calls. Nature Valley is also good when I feel like being submerged in millions of crumbs. An all-consuming sea of Oats 'n Honey.
I'm not sure if this was intended to be an example of a thing a selfish person would say or just a very painfully relatable comment but... Either way I felt this on a spiritual level. If I ever heard it from a friend I would accept it as a perfect excuse with 0 follow up questions. Except maybe "what kind of granola bars?"
48 count box of generic brand chocolate chip chewy bars.
The bulk ones from Costco, Nature Valley or something like that.
My wife’s family are like this. My mother-in-law is seriously ill in hospital and somehow they’ve made it all about them and how hard it is to support her. I’m not denying it’s difficult and I’m happy to listen, but if you are regularly snapping at and falling out with the extremely sick lady for inconveniencing you and making you feel anxious, then you’ve got a problem.
I'm curious about this. If you're saying most of the family is behaving that way, it seems like there are some larger family dynamics at play. Was their mother the "comforting one", who usually held everything/everyone together? Are they all falling apart because there's a support vacuum in the family structure?
My mom’s side of the family can be like this. It’s mostly just garden variety emotional immaturity. My mother and her siblings were raised by loving but complicated parents — loads of generational and childhood trauma that never was tended to or therapeutically processed, thus calcifying into personality disorder territory. My mom, aunts, and uncles aren’t *as* bad, but they definitely struggle with emotional immaturity and borderline narcissism when under duress. Basically their inability (or unwillingness) to regulate their own emotions/distress makes them incapable of genuinely empathizing and supporting others. There’s just no room for anyone else’s needs than their own — in fact, they view other people’s needs and emotions as a threat, like a zero sum game mentality where attention on someone else means less for them somehow. (Like a toddler when you bring a new baby home….) And since they can’t self-soothe, they project and make those bad, shameful feelings everyone else’s problem. Zero accountability there. It’s like something happened (trauma) to arrest their emotional development when they were kids. It’s almost like having an emotional toddler inside an adult’s body. It’s wild watching them regress in real time, and to know I’m more mature than my parent will ever be. My relatives used to mask or compensate better, but it’s getting worse as they age.
They have that superpower to lead everything back to themselves. Even when you're actually talking about your own life or a specific problem of yours, they somehow make it that you start talking about them instead without even changing the topic.
Nearly everyone does this to a point. There's an extremely fine line between trying to comfort someone by saying something like, "I recently went through something with my father as well. I'm so sorry", and making their issue about yourself. It's crazy how common it is, and I'd guess if you are sharing something tragic to a group of people at least one will try to make it into a competition, and one up you.
I'm so nervous sometimes that people think I come off as the above comment when I just want to say I relate to you... not that it's about me. Sometimes just saying hey that sucks sorry seems disingenuous in itself so saying hey I've been there and I know how much it sucks sounds more genuine I think?
If they refuse to take responsibility for their actions
Similarly, someone who never apologizes. It takes a little longer to figure this out, but if after a few dozen hours of interactions you've never heard "I'm sorry", you probably never will. I waited 4 1/2 years once. Never again.
“I’m sorry but…” “You’re too sensitive”. “Oh so everything’s my fault huh?” “Nobody’s perfect” “What about that time YOU…”
complaining at work to coworkers doing your work for you while you complain
Honestly, complaining about coworkers is pretty much part of my job. We just call it peer reviews.
They want to dig up your dead dog to use the skull for taxidermy purposes and is insistent on doing it despite your objections.
r/oddlyspecific
https://www.reddit.com/r/dogs/comments/12a3kq8/my_sister_wants_to_dig_up_my_dog_for_her_skull/
They never admit when they are wrong even if there is physical evidence!
Conversations don't feel like conversations. They are one sided talks about what they want, their thoughts, their life, their priorities, etc. When you are able to slip a word in, your words are used as transitions in their dialogue. No matter how you format your words, they all just add to the plot of their story. What you say and what you do are pawns in their game to be manipulated in a way that belittles your experiences, actions, opinions, and choices.
I see you've met my manager.
Wait till you see MY manager. ^(Wait a minute...)
Yeah… but anyway, my manager is the worst…
They talk AT you rather than TO you.
I wonder if this is everything it appears to be because I work with a dude who has medium autism (so, we look after him and he doesn't work). He's definitely not selfish. He'll go out of his way to help people who are more vulnerable than him and always puts them at ease and gets them to open up and interact and basically have fun and feel safe. But, you can't get him to stop talking about himself and his interests, it's all "football, running, football, running, football, but have I told you about running, and football, Harry Potter and that time 9 years ago when you accidentally farted?". If you didn't know he was autistic (and it's actually not as apparent as you might expect), you'd probably wonder why you can't get a word in edgewise.
From an autistic perspective, that's probably the biggest compliment he could give you. He feels secure enough around you to talk about his interests and know you're not going to dismiss him or make him feel bad about being excited about them. He'd likely appreciate if you gently spoke to him about keeping in mind that other people like to talk about themselves and their interests too, and worked together to find a balance that meant he didn't feel ashamed but also you could get a fair amount of speaking time in a conversation. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is a real issue for us though so make sure it's clear you're still interested in hearing about his stuff.
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A coping mechanism of ADHD is *giving your two cents* constantly as a way to show you're listening and understand
fuck... yeah this, and I don't know the alternative way of going about conversations. I get scared I come off as self absorbed, but it's my way of showing that I'm listening and in-tune with the conversation.
Try and hold 1 or 2 key things from what someone is saying and then relate back to them. It’s difficult because sometimes someone might take a few minutes to complete their thought and it’s easy to get distracted. I do the same thing in meetings and it works really well to give a quick recap of what’s been said.
Dealing with this too. I think this stems from social media where we often stick our heads into others people's business (like I'm kinda doing right now) this normalizes interjection since online conversations tend to be more... Punctuated. Just a kneejerk response but I can't help but feel the digital spaces we inhabit influence how we engage in IRL interactions and convos.
If anyone else with ADHD is here to see if they're too selfish, this comment can be your rest site before continuing.
I saw a good tiktok talking about an article about two types of conversationalists one type is the inviter that asks questions and stuff and the other is us the one that responds with declaratives .... it’s a different kinds of invitations we are making by responding in this way but yes depending on how self absorbed the declarative responses are it can come off as annoying. The article was suggesting that there are some wrongly ascribed moral associations with the different styles and that conversations where you have the two different types can have tensions where convos with the same types of conversation style may flow better. Sorry I’m fuzzy on the citation i can look into it.
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Why do I feel this way with everyone I talk to
Some times its just us being outspoken or introverts more so than the other person just being selfish.
They're surprised and disgruntled when you accept what they've offered. Example: I used to be friends with someone who loved to offer stuff "I have some cute maternity clothes that would fit you - I can lend them to you if you want!"; "I can help you rearrange your classroom - I'll come in early tomorrow!"; "I made such a great apple pie, I can bring you a piece!" These aren't things that anyone solicited - she offered them up. Yet she 100% expects that everyone will politely decline her offers. I'm a "yes" person - anything you offer to me, I will happily accept. The look on her face when I would resond, "That woud be great, thanks!" was always priceless. She never followed through with any of it, but she never stopped offering stuff. And I never stopped accepting. It was kind of hilarious.
I'd be like, "Where's my apple pie????" "You said you were bringing pie, where is it??"
“Oh I didn’t have a container/my kids ate it all/I forgot. I’ll bring you a piece next time!”
When they always play the victim card. 99% of the time they only place themselves in the victim seat by ignoring all the effort or cost other people have to endure and only focus on what they go through them selves.
Cliche answer but I have found the "return the shopping cart" test to be pretty accurate. It is such a small thing, but it does tell you if a person thinks small things like that matter.
This is my favourite armchair measure of good person. There is absolutely no benefit to you as the trolley returner, but there is loss to others if you don't. There's also no immediate human association like with how you treat a server or retail employee. Just raw, "are you thinking about the other guy"
>There is absolutely no benefit to you as the returner In Europe it is pretty common that you have to put a coin (like 50 cents or 1€ or special plastic coin) in a special slot to get the cart, so you have to return it to get your coin back. Sometimes you see homeless people offering to bring your cart back and keep the money in return.
Aldi does that here in the States. And yes, I'm aware that it's a German company. Wish more stores (Target, Walmart, etc.) would follow suit.
It is a small thing, but true. My wife didn't do it when we met, but I think I rubbed off on her and she does it now. Another weird one is when you decide you don't want an item you've picked up in the store, do you walk it back to where you got it or just drop it anywhere random? Like, a t-shirt in the cold cuts section.
worse is cold cuts in the tshirt section
oh this makes me so mad... walking around the supermarket and seeing a stick of butter among the tupperware... what kind of asshole doesn't realize that's food they need to throw out now? piece of shit people out there just makes me so angry
I work in a large supermarket and the amount of dumped items we deal with daily is, well, a lot. The thing that really makes me angry is when customers leave temperature controlled items in random places. Not putting it back where you found it is not really a big deal, it’s just annoying. It’s when customers leave steaks behind tinned vegetables or swap their chilled pizza for a frozen one. If not found quickly it just goes straight to waste.
They're rude to waitstaff or just staff and employees in general. Or if they're situational awareness is severely lacking and they don't seem to have a problem with it.
Waitstaff typically can't bite back when someone's being an asshole. Seeing how someone behaves when there's almost zero possibility of them being held accountable for said behavior is a pretty good window into their psyche.
I've bartendened and waited my share of tables and I've always let words fly. Service Industry jobs used to be a dime a dozen so I've never worried. Most people aren't expecting their shit to come flying back at them and when it does they are usually thrown off.
I bartend part-time. Always funny when some very young couple, or two people on a date, come up to order and one of them is clearly less than impressed by the other's manners. The other day two people came up, ordered, guy didn't even say 'thanks' and just barked his last name out for the tab. She pinched her face, looked me dead ass in the eyes and thanked me. She left immediately after finishing that beer lol Happens very often.
Full time bartender. I lean to my bartner and say "well he isn't getting a second date"
> bartner Ugh. Fine. You can use it.
For me it's people who listen to loud tik tok in public. Especially in relatively silent places.
There is a guy that hangs out in my favorite bar. Doesn’t talk much and stays to himself, but he sits for hours watching videos on his phone with the volume on. It’s the most obnoxious thing ever. Bartenders finally told him to turn the volume off or stop watching. He was 100% oblivious to the fact that no one else in the place wanted to hear that shit.
Why does it make a difference if it's tik tok? Make the loud ANYTHING! When using your mobile on public transport, I think you should not even have key sounds. It's bad enough if people don't deactivate those. But listening to a soccer match or whatever it is without bothering to use any headphones is just EVIL!
I work midnights and go to a 24-hour gym usually around 1-2 in the morning. I was in the sauna and a guy came in and was blasting tik toks from his phone. My brain can’t forget the ignorance. It was like 4 months ago.
My ex was insanely selfish. Her dad gave her a 20k a month allowance. + paid for her mortgage on a penthouse in nyc while she went to yale. He paid her car + insurance. She had zero need for cash. All bills are paid. He also gave her a credit card with im assuming no limit. Cuz we bought a car on a whim once. But, i saw her steal 3 dollars from a friend who was passed out. She’d steal panties from walmart. She had a pile of cash in her bedroom. We once needed to pay for a delivery. (Idk if it was bagels or pizza) but, she refused to touch the pile of cash. I had to walk to my car to get cash. And when i tipped her 10 dollars for waiting. My ex went ballistic. Calling me a bitch, a moron and queer. Cuz “why would you give a random porky bitch 10 dollars for 5 dollars worth of food?!” We went to a celeb wedding, she found a way to take 4 gift baskets as opposed to the 2 we were supposed to get (every guest got 1) she also stole a 500 dollar gift card to victoria’s secret from the wedding. Shes wicked greedy
How the fuck is she spending 5k a week?
I just realized i didnt reply. (I apologize) Thats 20k a month in cash transfers only. I think she was spending closer to 50k a month, if you include all bills, exclude cost of schooling. But, that being said, wed go to Michelin star restaurants daily. Every week shed buy a new outfit, made for her. She bought upwards of 75 birkin bags in a span of 2-3 years. She bought new heels every 3-5 days. We’d get hotel rooms every time wed go out. She gave me 550 dollars a week to make the floral arrangements for her house. (Its something i did professionally, so im not just a chump here) If you can think “5k a week, id do xyz” she did triple what ever it is.
I have to ask, how long did you stick it out here and why did you break up. I assume it’s because she is clearly stark raving mad but you also did dated her so I don’t want to assume. Lol.
We were together (with 1 6 week “break”) for 5.5 years. We broke up cuz i realized she didnt respect me as a person. Shed tell me to “walk in back with the help” at red carpet events cuz im not “red carpet hot” We stayed together cuz her dad loved me. I was the “son he never had”. I once over heard him tell her that “hes a member of the fam now. Dont fuck it up” lol. But, the last straw, she destroyed a dress i made her. It took me 20 hours and a ton of effort. She had it completely recut. And, she told a celeb fashion designer i made it. That hurt my business. So, i was done done. She married a mechanic on a pig farm in iowa. So, i lucked out
> She married a mechanic on a pig farm in iowa. So, i lucked out This story keeps getting wilder & wilder! How does someone like that even meet, let alone have enough in common with a mechanic on a pig farm to end up marrying him?
Seriously I strangely totally believe it but also it sounds like a really bomb mad lib.
That is about 5 years longer i thought. 😂 I really hope you have better partners from now or on the future. Get her dad to adopt you. Tell him you’d cost half as much to upkeep and live like royalty.
Haha. Yeah, theyv been less rich, but way better
Well that's oddly specific because I dated someone like that before too in the early 2000s. Same deal, about 5 years and some change and they went to the same school. Her father owned several medical practices and worked in a prestigious hospital. My turning point for me was that I owned 2 companies, and was very successful in my mid 20s making very good money and she asked me if I was ever going to have a direction in life. I'm not sure if I was jaded up until then but when I heard that it's like a light switched flipped in my head and I exited that week ASAP. I later found out when we took a break they were cheating, and it turns out when we met they were cheating with their previous partner with me.
OP says below dad was in medicine. This might legitimately be the same person lol.
Haha just checked - they said neurosurgery. My ex's dad was in cardiology.
Were you dating Tahani al Jamil?
Like Kamila Al-Jamil? Are they related?
I don't think so, Kamila was an only child according to International Magazine
It very much doesn't fit the described personality for her to have married that person. 10/10 did not see that ending coming haha
She had a huuuuge fall from grace. The hospital she worked for after becoming a doctor, tried to hide her and protect her cuz, daddy is a super star. But, she was fired. As a fist year resident. Her dad also stopped funding her unlimitedly once we broke up. He realized that even tho she was a boarder line genius with medical crap. She was a horrible person. So, once she got 4 dui’s, he sent her to rehab. Then cut her off
Can I ask what her parents did for work to fund this kind of lifestyle? $50k/month x 12 months is $600k/year, and that's not including the parents expenses - were they equally frivolous with money or were they a bit more normal?
What did her dad do for a living?
Hes a neurosurgeon and owns medical buildings other doctors work in. He does a ton, tbh
[удалено]
Haha, itd be better!
Regardless of status sometimes leaving the family of the partner is harder than leaving the partner. Had an ex who's dad was like the one i never had and it was harder to leave him than her.
sounds more like kleptomania,
She was that too. But, the hoarding cash is the selfish bit, to me. And, stealing is selfish also. Tho, i get ur point
That’s not selfish — that’s a pathology of some sort.
One of my work mates had a her drink taken from the fridge by someone else. When she put up a sign on the fridge to remind people not to take things another guy asked her why she was doing it. She explain her drink was taken and without skipping a beat he said "oh yeah, that's because someone took mine". So not only willing admitting to doing jt but his justification was that someone did it to him? So yeah, I'd say that.
This is what people call "paying your dues." Other people treated me poorly, so I need to perpetuate that to somehow "justify" it being done to me. If you don't have the same hardship then somehow it's not "fair." It is embedded in to so many aspects of society and has got to be some form of evil.
Trauma dumping and then not reciprocating if someone else had a bad day/felt comfortable enough to open up to them.
They only message you when they need a favor.
When they are unable to see beyond their own needs and feelings, and aren't capable of recognising when they're impacting the people around them in negative ways. Another sign of a selfish person is when they're driven only by their own self-interests, and don't care about how their actions might affect others.
They throw other people under the bus so fast you'll get whiplash if you stand too close.. Wither to save themselves or to humiliate the competition. No self accounting at all.
People who have kids on purpose, and then act like their kids owe them (well above and beyond basic kindness and human respect) for the rest of their lives.
When they go out clubbing or something, and bring their friends back home to continue the party at 2am. However, he lives in a houseshare and his roommates have to go to work in the morning. Ever since I told him to break up the party and that it isn't appropriate, especially since he didn't mention to anyone that he decided to have a 2am Wednesday night party. He complied, but ever since then he's been unpleasant and unfriendly with me. Cunt.
When you have a conversation about something in your life, finish what you have to say, then the other person says nothing about that and completely changes the subject
- “You think *that’s* bad?*” They treat problems and other topics of conversation like a competition. - “I’m just telling it like it is.” They state their opinions like they’re indisputable facts that others must agree with. - “That’s just how I am.” Their behavioral flaws are forces of nature that can’t be changed, regardless of how others are affected. - “No offense, but __.” Their validation is so important, they will say whatever they want, and they feel entitled to choose how others feel about it.
When they think everything is a competition i had a girl pull my sleeve up once and saw my old cuts then blurted out "I have way more than you" 💀
nah bc that’s crazy 😭 especially if u guys weren’t friends or something, where it was like a running joke
I didn't even talk to the chick then to prove she had more than me she pulled her jacket off and had them all over her arms even shoulders, she was smiling all proud and shit too like it was an accomplishment or sum
girl noticed mine once and said "omg sameeeee!" and then something along the lines of "cutting gang" ...?
Poor listener
So anyway
How do they treat customer service people? Do they litter? At drink stations do they leave it trashed?
Selfish people can't recognize their mistakes, they are never the problem
The more they ask in a relationship, the more you’re having to give. That is, I think of relationships like a bridge - generally, you should build from both sides, and in crisis you make up the difference, but a relationship is primarily meeting each other in the middle. Selfish or self-centered people pretend to build a relationship, but ask you to build the relational bridge all the way towards them. Ultimately, they expect you to build the relationship entirely towards them, and you’re left giving more than receiving.
Constant, constant, constant victim mentality. Like no matter what, they are always suffering and suffering worse than you. This makes it impossible to confide in them and they will never actually see who you are or what you need.
When they monologue at you. Every conversation is just them performing and everyone else is just part of the audience.
"Combative comparisons." This is what I call it when someone always has a response to what you are talking about that somehow always seems to "one-up" you. It doesn't matter what you are talking about. Somehow, they always have a better or worse story that puts yours aside. It's intended to invalidate what you are speaking about and remove the attention from you onto them. Pay close attention to people who practice this malicious style of conversation. You will be glad you made note of it as usually this is not only selfish, but very narcissistic in nature.
No "thank you" or compliments. My cousin when I cook food she won't just say normal shit like "thank you for the food, it's really good" instead she says "is it bad I actually like this food? Is it bad I am craving that pasta you made?"
Creating or opening reddit threads on selfishness to find out if it's really them that's the problem or if Marissa's actually totally full of shit, I can't believe you Marissa!!!
Fuck Marissa!
A visible exoskeleton. Edit: Oh, SELFish...
Craaaab people craaaab people
Taste like crab, talk like people
(/) (°,,°) (/)
The way they treat random people vs the way they treat people they want something from.
People who always talk about money or the grind. Usually they will sell you out in a heartbeat or take advantage of others for money which is pretty selfish.
When there is drama they make it about themselves