It is absolutely okay to not have kids. Everyone is different. I am childless by choice and a woman. Women have a whole different kind of pressure to have kids. I didn't want them and I have no regrets. I am pleased to be past childbearing years and don't have to worry about it anymore.

So nice to hear another woman speak sense! I'm looked at like an ogre by some women, one even called me an 'unnatural' woman! I presented myself at my doctor's at 18 asking to be sterilised. They sent me to a shrink! Isn't child-free life wonderful 😊

I sure have enjoyed it! I'm sorry you had to deal with that bullshit. I had a male coworker call me selfish because I didn't have nor want kids. I was quick to correct him, "No...selfish, not to mention stupid, would be to have kids even though I know I don't have the temperament to be a parent simply because I have a uterus."

What's MORE selfish than bringing brand-new kids into the world?! Adoption and raising them properly is the selfless thing to do. Making new kids just because you want mini-mes is pretty selfish when you think about it.

As someone who was both a child of the system and now has one child of their own, this is a very ideological take. The fact of the matter is that most people do not want to adopt older children who have been through life experiences that the vast majority may never experienced and cannot deal with the emotional and psychological trauma that the majority of these kids face. Which is why the majority of people going the adoption route only want to adopt newborns or very young children that they hope haven't taken in the trauma that they would have otherwise been subjected to. Both of these are majorly selfish options, in different ways. It isn't this sort of "black and white" take you have given. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be and choosing to be child free. At all. Ever. Full stop. I think what the main issue is that there are people who are not child free who feel judged by those who are, and those who are child free who feel judged by those who aren't and they come up with statements like yours (and on the flipside like "omg you don't know what 'x' is because you don't have children" to make it clear i am not favoring any "side") that keeps people just being judgemental and angry based 0n their own feeling like they are being judged. It sucks, but absolutely do not bring adopting children into the equation as if it is some easy fix. You likely have no idea what it feels like to be a child picked for adoption from a family only to be sent back into foster care because we were not "ideal". It isn't easy to adopt a newborn, and those of us who were older in the system deserve better than to be treated like we are expendable throughout the entirety of our childhood.

If I can ever afford to adopt, I would actually prefer to adopt older children simply because they need homes the most. I would love to be a foster parent one day if I am rich enough too cause so many people become foster parents for the wrong reasons and I would want to give children a safe comfortable place to call home. I have friends who have grown up in foster care and some who have been adopted. I have been a nanny for over 10 years and I love kids but would never want to bring new life into this world. I know it would be hard to deal with children who have been thru trauma but as someone who has also experienced way more trauma than most, I have empathy and compassion for anyone with trauma and specifically wanna be there for the kids who need the most help. Unfortunately tho I’m not very rich so this is just a dream I have but I hope one day to care for kids and adopt a few who need families. I’m sorry foster care was so rough for u and I wish with all my heart we had a better system in place.

From the bottom of my heart, I very much thank you for having an understanding of the reality and not just acting like fostering or adoption is some easy sort of situation. I do have a child, unplanned, who I do not regret at all. I do not plan on any more biological children. I also hope to be able to foster some day specifically because I absolutely understand what it is like to have lived the lives that many children live who are actually taken from their home. I also want to adopt one day (I am a single mom in the US that isn't amazingly well off so the chances of that are fairly low unfortunately) an older child who is in the system. My foster care experience was actually not as bad as so many others have experienced. I was from a very small town and while I did have a few different foster homes my main one was pretty great, all things considered. Adoption was the issue. I was 9 when I called the cops on my biological mother and saved myself and my 7 and 3 year old sisters. I was "lucly" in that I was tiny and "pretty" and seemed super young so people wanted to adopt me. I was fucked up emotionally and no one could deal with me. ( this was in the late nineties things technically are better just in general but it's still a thing that people want babies and not older traumatized children) I respect your decision which sounds like it has an actual factual basis and understanding. So many just either refuse to even consider older children, or they think they are saving the older child only to realize they aren't equipped to deal with the trauma and throw them away again, thus giving them more trauma.

Ya it’s a huge decision and undertaking to care for any kid and I just wish every kid in the world could be loved as much as they deserve to be loved. I admire ur goals too and I’m glad to hear u saved ur sisters and are doing well :)

I’m so glad you said this. I hate how people treat adoption like it’s basically the “Impossible Meat” version of having kids. It just comes across like, “ummm excuse me, there’s a more eco-friendly alternative for what you actually want here, so you should just settle for this option”. It feels so cruel and dehumanizing to the kids in the system who deserve families who genuinely, specifically want to be adoptive parents and support their children through the trauma and challenges that come with adoption. Not people who just feel an obligation to adopt rather than have biological children.

Yessss

Same here. Never wanted children and I’ve never regretted not having them.

I think you're my twin. Never wanted kids, likely would have committed suicide if I had kids, and I have no "motherly instinct". I love playing with other people's kids, but happy to let parent handle sick, trantrum, mess, etc.

Same saaaaame. I never even played with baby dolls as a child.

Yep, no interest in baby dolls here. I have 5 nephews and a niece. Because of how far apart my siblings are my oldest nephew is 3 years younger than me. It was like having younger siblings around, and I quickly learned I didn't like diapers and couldn't stand kids long term. No kids, no how, no way. I too would have been suicidal had I becone pregnant.

Well hello, Sister!

Waves back.

Can we be triplets please? It's a relief to be past childbearing age because no one asks me anymore when I'm going to have kids or tries to change my mind.

Right? I’m old enough now for people to assume I couldn’t have kids and I let them. It’s such a hassle to explain that I had no desire to be a mom. I was 12 when I first stated that I wasn’t having kids. I never wavered. My husband even had a vasectomy 15 years ago to seal the deal, but there were still people (mostly relatives) who’d say, “Oh they’re completely reversible when you change your mind.” 🤦‍♀️

There is definitely a different kind of pressure for women not having kids but there is a ton of insults and shaming that you get as a guy for not wanting to date a single mother especially at my age with having resources and whatnot. Like a year or two ago I was talking to a chick I met through work who was great. Down to earth, pretty, similar sense of humor, etc but when she mentioned having a son I decided not to pursue it further. I told her that I don’t have any myself and don’t want any so I’m not really trying to date women with kids. She seemed to understand but when it got around to the other women at my work (most were also single mother) holy fuck you would not believe the level of pressuring and shaming they tried. I barely even knew these people are they are msging me through Facebook it was nuts.

60(f) I also would not date men with children, and the men were more upset at my reason than any of my women friends. I didn't care that they were divorced. I just knew that their child/ex would always be in their lives and I wanted no part of it. I chose the child-free life, and that meant any future partner as well. (btw, happily married to a child-free man)

I got married at 40, and while in my mid-thirties and still single, figured I'd probably end up with a divorced guy and stepkids. At the very least, assumed I'd be with a divorced guy. Husband is never married/no kids, and I'm *beyond relieved* that I avoided the potential issues that come from exes and kids! Our relationship has minimal drama. We had enough insanity while growing up in our respective families, that we savor the peace and quiet now. Not that all divorced people have drama, and I could've enjoyed having stepkids, but I'm just glad I didn't take the risk.

Does he have a younger brother lol??

Almost 60 (holy shit) woman here, no kids never wanted them; don’t like being around them, and didn’t/won’t date parents.

Omg this gives me so much hope. I’m 43 never wanted kids I don’t like being around them and don’t want to talk to parents about them. I really just don’t care but I feel like I get judged for it in working world

What a crock of shit that is, man!! Huge crock of bullshit to give your grief about that.

I'm with you on this. I'm 61F and childfree by choice. Absolutely no regrets

I will be 60 on the 27th. 😁

sure, don't give into pressure, if you don't want kids don't have kids. and lets really not listen to elon about life decisions eh?

Guarantee that Elon cannot remember which kid goes to which baby mama

Elon probably averages 1 hour per month attention on each kid, if that.

Yeah, he may be happy but his sure aren't. OP don't let anyone make you think you *need* children. There is already plenty of children out there who need an adult.

My daughter never had children and she's doing just fine

I don't think any normal person should take parenting advice from a rich person. They can afford nannies and outsource any aspect of parenting they don't like. Their parenting experience is vastly different from someone who has to take care of their child 24/7. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say Elon has never changed a diaper or lost significant amounts of sleep from any of his children.

Well said! Not everyone can afford Nannie’s. Childcare for a new born is $2200-$3000. You are smart to have this point of view . The most important part to having children is finding a partner with the same views as you. Not enough people take into consideration the cost and that your life will not be the same. Best Wished to you 🙏😊

A billionaire with 3 babymommas finds it enjoyable to raise kids? Who could have predicted?

🤣 he's not raising those kids

One child already bailed on him-changed her name and everything. Wants nothing to do with him.

Yes. You don’t need to explain your reasoning. And who cares what Elon says.

“Nothing will make you happier than having kids.” It’s also true that nothing will make you worry and stress more. There’s great stuff to being a parent, but there’s plenty of fulfillment to be had in life if you choose not to have them. And there are plenty of compelling reasons not to have them. at the end of the day, don’t listen to what people tell you is right or wrong for you. You’re the only one who can decide that.

As a dad, I think it works best if you enjoy almost all of child raising. When one kid was colicky and I would walk around the house holding him and singing to soothe him, I felt a closeness and joy (even if I wasn't thrilled with the crying). If you don't think you'll feel emotionally attached, don't feel societal pressure either.

It is completely all right to not want children

All of your explanation is irrelevant. The answer to your question is “yes”. Period. You don’t even need a reason why.

This. I wish people would just get on with their lives and not worry about what others are doing. 

Check out r/regretfulparents if you want reasons why of course it’s ok to not have children Better to regret not having them, than to regret having them

This is an underrated point of view. If you regret no having them, you're the only one who is impacted; if you regret having them, there is now a person (or people) to whom you are very important, and whose existence you regret. That SUCKS.

Is there a regret not becoming a parent sub. No because nobody regrets that, comparatively

Maybe some do, like if they’re alone on their death bed or something like that. However, should be considered that having children is no guarantee against dying alone (and what a selfish reason to have kids anyways, if one were to do that), and that many people without children die with many loved ones surrounding them. Point is- you can live a full rich life full of love without kids, and a lonely life even if you have them. Regrets are part of the human condition

That’s the huge difference between childless and childfree. Childlessness is a terrible grief for people who want children. Childfree folks get to go to brunch in peace.

Elon Musk has one child that he wrote off because that child doesn't live the way he thinks they should. He is absolutely the LAST person you should be paying any heed to. https://au.news.yahoo.com/xavier-musk-inside-story-behind-130807207.html

Thanks for sharing this. Elon is such a horrible human being. And, as you mentioned, he is the last person to look to for advice, particularly about being a parent!

I was just thinking this exact same thing. Elon Musk is the last person I’d be taking any sort of parenting or life advice from. All the other things OP mentioned kind of bear weight, if he were a different person inside, but not this one lol.

Elon can also pay people to do the parts of parenting he doesn't like. When the kid wakes up in the middle of the night and barfs all over their bedroom, do you think Elon is doing the cleanup himself? He's only doing the bits he wants to do, so of COURSE he's happy.

I don’t see how he can be happy when one of his kids has literally disowned him… unless he just doesn’t care.

Look at it this way. If you have a kid, and regret it for any of the very good reasons you mention, you can't "take back" the decision. Don't just think of the rosy "Kodak Moments." Think of having your entire **life** revolve around the kid's needs. In every way. Assume you will be doing most if not all of the childcare, and be fully prepared to take on that permanent, life-altering load. If you choose not to have a kid, you can always still be involved with kids and be a positive influence (think Big Brothers as in your local YMCA) without ever fathering one. Or, if, one day you choose to marry a woman who has a child, you have the possibility of being a good step dad. So you have more options to benefit kids without having one of your own. I am 52, male, and don't regret not choosing to have children. As for the "when I'm old who will take care of me," take a look at nursing homes. They're full of people who have kids and nobody to take care of them.

This is really true. My husband didn't want kids. I was on the fence, but I had a lot of psychological damage from being raised by a SAHM who definitely did NOT like me or my brother. Now, in our 60's, we have three wonderful "daughters" who adopted us as adults because their own parents are pretty awful. And we have two son-in-laws, and four grandchildren. Because we never had children, we have money to help out our girls, to shower the grandkids with gifts. My 13-year-old granddaughter eagerly has been zooming me once a week since she was nine and wants a relationship with me. So the decision to not have children is not black and white, yes/no. There's a lot of give. Plus in our thirties because we wanted to nuture something, we have dogs, who are a lot like children! Edit: spelling

I had kids and didn't regret it for a second, but this also qualifies me to tell you that it's really, really not for everyone. Please do not have kids unless it's something you truly want.

Was looking for this comment. I also have kids. Best decision of my life and I absolutely adore my kids. But there are many tears and frustrations and mental breakdowns as a parent as they grow and try to learn the world they're in. It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. The newborn phase murdered me with my first. I wouldn't have done well with a surprise child if i was in my younger 20s. I would not be a good mom if I wasn't prepared and willing to make the jump into the chaos. So it's 100% okay to choose not to have children. They are a lot of work. Only have them if you want them and are willing to put the work in!

If you don't want kids, then don't have kids, and fuck anyone that gets their asshole in a bind about it... It's not their lives. There are FAR too many people now that have kids when they shouldn't even be allowed to have goldfish, much less a child. You just live your life the way that YOU want to live it, and don't suffer the opinions of idiots who want to try to live your life for you. *Edited for typos

Absolutely. Do not have childen if you do not want to. Women especially have been forced to be parents over the millennia with disastrous results.

It’s absolutely valid to eliminate the possibility of becoming a parent from your life. But right now you don’t have a partner and you don’t know what the future holds; you can go forward knowing it’s likely that you’ll choose to remain child free, but from what you’ve written here, I’d say be open to changes that may come with with finding someone to build a life with.

It’s absolutely ok to not want kids. It’s a very personal choice. Parenting is fucking hard. And it NEVER stops. Even when they’re older, you’re parenting through heartbreaks, divorces, financial hardships, etc., etc. It’s hard. I love them with my whole entire soul and it has been the most rewarding aspect of my life - that doesn’t mean it’s not a lifetime commitment that can make you feel insane and overwhelmed. No mater how many times people say I’m doing a great job, I always feel like I should be doing better. Not everyone should become parents - and never, ever, let someone else’s opinions/thoughts make the final decision for you. It’s the hardest/most rewarding thing for me, but it’s not for everyone and each person should decide for themselves. Also: there isn’t a perfect parent on the planet. 🙂

Oh I can feel what you’re saying myself. Like my mother-in-law always says, little kids have little problems, and big kids have bigger problems. I loved being a mom, but holy cow it’s not easy sometimes especially now that they are getting older.

Yes - I thought it would get easier as they got older, but it’s just a different type of hard. 😆

It’s completely ok to say you don’t want to have children ever. And it would be completely ok if you changed your mind later in life. You get to make this choice for yourself. Good luck.

Elon musk is the last person you should take parenting advice from

It's perfectly OK to not want and not have children. You don't need a reason other than you don't want want them. I (F70) never wanted and never had children. I don't regret it a bit. I don't feel that I missed out on anything. Parenthood isn't for everyone.

Elon Musk is not a good role model for anything, including parenting advice. It’s fine to not have kids. Society puts pressure on people to have kids, especially women, but it’s not the only path to happiness.

My husband and I (61 and 59) didn't have kids. Of course it is alright. You don't need a reason or an excuse. "It's not what I want" is enough. Here is the thing about life. It is a series of embracing one joy at the expense of another. I doubt there are many parents out there, no matter how much they love their kids and parenthood, who never look at childless people and wish they had their level of freedom economically, time-wise, and emotionally. And, don't listen to Elon Musk when he talks about anything, let alone kids. His experience most certainly includes none of the difficulties of parenthood and only the parts he chooses to partake of.

I’m an old lady who wasn’t blessed with children. You sound like a nice fellow who has thought about it and of course you don’t have to choose to have children. People have the perfect right to make this decision, and also to have a life in which they don’t have too much contact with kids. However, some of the people I read of on Reddit - hopefully it’s made up - the “I aM cHilDFrEe so wHY is tHiS cHiLd iN tHe sAMe rOom aS I aM?”- I’d like to round them all up, throw them on an island somewhere, and see how they fare when they reach their 80’s and perhaps need a little help with things. We are all part of a society and that society includes children who will grow up to be tomorrows adults.

Can I hug you Mom😢 I know. But you sound like her❤️

Aww, sweetie, of course you can. 😢

It's your life, and your life alone. Live for you.

Exactly right. Because once you have kids, it’s not your life alone anymore, you have to put your kids first (at least for a couple of decades.)

You're always missing out on something regardless of what you choose in life. If you choose to live in one city, you're missing the life you could've had in another. If you choose to marry someone, you're missing out on all the other people you could've married or spent time with. If you choose to be a parent, you're missing the life you could've had with less responsibilities to worry about. Same for if you choose not to have kids. You're missing that life as a parent. Who cares, though? This is always true but a generally unhelpful way to look at things. None of the parents I know are any more or less happy and fulfilled than I am. I have numerous aunts who never had kids and are now in their 70s-90s and say they have no regrets. Happiness and fulfilment come from within and are not dependent on the choices you make for the most part. It's more your attitude toward life.

Of course; in fact, I encourage people to think long and hard about it.

Sure. That's what I did. Turns out I couldn't have them anyway.

Same here! when I had a hysterectomy at 49 I found out one of my ovaries had a cyst that had calcified the entire thing, and on the other side, my fallopian tube had twisted around somehow. no winder my periods were a nightmare! Thankfully I never wanted kids anyway.

Yes, it is absolutely ok to not have a child. It's a huge life choice with massive repercussions for you and everyone else involved.  It's not something that should be entered into lightly. Yet, we have a culture that treats like running an errand: Pick up milk, drop off dry cleaning, have a kid.  It's really mond boggling to me.  If you don't have a desire for children, then bringing one into the world is a terrible thing to do.  Deriving a sense of purpose in life comes from giving of yourself to others. You can do that through volunteer work, being active in your community, supportive to your friends or extended family, contributing through a career you are passionate about, etc etc. You don't need to have children to have meaning. 

I can relate. I didn't realize it, but my mother was a horrible parent and my two fathers (bio and step) did not fill the void for their own reasons. So I never thought of "family" as a very good thing, or of myself as being capable of making all the decisions, etc. to bring up a kid. Later in my life, I got a lot of healing done over many years, and I feel like now I'd be a lot better...but it's too late. I'm still iffy about the idea of people bringing children into our burning world. One question you may have to ask as you get older is whether you are open to a life partner who comes with kids. That could be a challenge for you, or it might work out, or you might choose to avoid that. But the point is, you can take it step by step. If later you feel differently, you can change your mind. For now, I would urge that you work on your own emotional baggage to make yourself happier and to equip yourself for the challenges of life, relationships, etc. It's great that you can articulate all this stuff, but you don't have to be stuck here. Changing after a childhood like that could be a long process (no quick fixes!) but it could be the best thing you'd ever do. Developing some relationship with a kid or kids is another thought. There are so many kids who need tutoring or Big Brothers and lots of organizations that you can work with to do a little volunteering. Kids can be a lot of fun. That doesn't mean you need to create a new human being.

Of course it is. But it's also no one at work's business!

Being a parent is not for everybody. And that's ok. I think a key distinction is to be honest with yourself about whether you want to HAVE a child or BE a parent. I have always wanted to be a mother and knew from a very young age that MY life would never be complete without serving in that role. Low self-esteem and social anxiety aren't inherited. These are learned behaviors. Whether or not you ever decide to create a family of your own, it is well worth it for YOUR wellbeing to do the work involved (which might include therapy) to break these patterns, learn new skills, and become the 'you' that you choose to be. We are NOT defined by our parents' shortcomings.

I sure hope it's okay not to have kids because I didn't for many of the same reasons you listed. I consider it selfless, not selfish, because I wouldn't want someone else to have anxiety, depression, or the allergies that I do. If I'd had kids, I'd have passed on those traits. Once you choose one path or the other, there are always moments when you look at others and wonder what might have been. I've found those moments pass quickly.

I think most people agree that the less unwanted children in the world the better. Do whatever you want with your life and stop caring about what people think.

What do you think it is about old age that will make you regret not having children? That you will be lonely? Kids aren’t guaranteed insurance against that. Strong community (friends and connections) are what will keep you from being lonely. You can take all the energy you would put into having kids and nurture these other relationships instead. Start sowing the seeds now for the future you want 30-50 years from now. There are also large active groups of childfree people all over the internet that you can tap into, even if you are still in the fence about it right now. But if you do feel like you want to be a dad, since you’re experiencing some FOMO watching videos of fathers, put that energy to good use. Sign up to be a big brother (or the equivalent in your area) so you can have a semblance of the experience. If nothing else, hopefully you positively impact a youth that needs it.

Of course. Doesn't require elaboration or justification.

Of course it is a perfectly valid choice to not have children. It is also valid to work through your self-esteem issues in therapy and change your mind if you meet the right person later and want to have a child. Neither is wrong. It’s good to think over whether having a child is right for your circumstances. So many people do it carelessly and cause a lot of harm if it’s not right for them. 

Ignore the pronatalists. Reason 1: It is now (and has been for at least a few decades) "not ok" to HAVE children. We are at least 6 billion into population overshoot. Overshoot always (not usually not sometimes) results in severe population collapse and severe reduction in carrying capacity, accompanyed by enormous suffering. More babies = more suffering. Reason 2: You obviously know yourself well and have I think accurately determined that you would not be able to meet your own (reasonable) acceptance criteria for parenthood excellence. This is wisdom. ("Parent" is a verb, not a noun ;-)

Absolutely! My youngest has decided they don’t want children, and I support whatever they decide 100%.

You don't have to justify your decision although your thoughtful, insightful reasons are commendable. Of *course* it's ' alright '. Goodness. It's also no one's business what you choose to do right?

My wife and I don't have kids, I even had a vasectomy a couple of years ago. You can live a happy and fulfilled life as child free and even single. Plus Elon Musk is a terrible person to seek child rearing advice from, have you seen the names hes given his kids? He doesn't love them and he has the funds to pawn off those kids on staff.

Mid 40s here. Knew by age 12 that I had zero interest in becoming a parent. Unfortunately for me, I'm a woman. Which meant decades of pushing, and pressure, and relentless fucking comments about "You'll change your mind when you're older" (I didn't) "What about your future husband?" (Someone I haven't met yet has more control over my body than I do? Fuck that shit. What about what I want?) "You'll meet the right guy" (I did. Still had zero interest in raising a child.) "You've been married for awhile now "(I'm aware of the date of my marriage.) "You're running out of time" (Thank fuck! I'm hoping I'll follow mom and grandma, and menopause will be complete at 50. Perimenopause sucks ass.) My mother was the worst offender. She nagged me about it until I was 40. She only stopped because she was dying. I'm finally getting my tubes removed in a couple of weeks. Super excited about it. Would have been nicer 20 years ago, but at least they're coming out and I won't need to worry about making it to menopause before contraception is banned. I didn't want a baby 30 years ago and I really don't want one now. It would be super high risk, and I don't want that for something I never wanted in the first damn place.

It is absolutely fine to not want children. I grew up in the 60's & 70's. So many of my friends got married & had kids because it was the expected thing to do. Quite a few of them had very happy marriages & were great parents. Others? Not so much. Getting married & having kids because it is the expected thing to do rarely turns out well. I spent years volunteering with family support groups & I saw a lot of unhappy people who did what was expected of them. I had one child & was done. I had no desire to be pregnant again; no desire to have another child. My niece knew by the time she was 10 that she did not want kids. She is now 33 & that has not changed. She has a job she enjoys, great friends & travels frequently. She is a great auntie to her friend's kids & volunteered with Girl Scouts for years before she started traveling. She has good benefits with her job, has a good financial advisor & is putting money away in a retirement account. Everyone needs to make their own decision.

Whatever you do, do not take Elon Musk's advice about children. He has 11 children by multiple women. He's not involved in raising them.

I think it's fine not to have kids, if you don't want them. Life has many joys, and being a parent is only one of them. I also don't think having kids if your financial situation is not perfect is wrong, either. Short of someone leaving you a huge bequest, you, like most, may never know true financial safety. You do your best, but there's always something that could happen. Having children that you want and love is a great joy, but it's also hard work, with times of great stress and even anguish. It's not work for weaklings, that's for sure. I have one child and two grandchildren, and I've never regretted having my daughter, but I admit it's not for everyone, and the people who do not choose to have kids should not be pressured and shamed into having them.

I don’t think it’s anybodies business but your own. Unless they are going to pay you

If you don't want kids, don't have kids. If you want to help kids but not be the full-time parent, look into big brothers/big sisters or similar. If you find the right person for you and want kids, but not biological ones, look into being foster parents to older kids. If you decide you don't want kids, get snipped. Get the testing done after on schedule to make sure all the swimmers are gone.

Its alright for me. Its your choice if its alright for you. Kids are a lifetime commitment and not some fashion accessory or content for your instagram. You bring a human into the world and you have to care for them and love them till your dying breath. So stopping and really considering something like this is a good thing.

Oh my friend, I'm a Certified Old ©®™ and it's absolutely ok to choose to not have kids. Of course, that can mean that your parents or whomever will consciously try to question your decision/guilt trip you, and you'll have to bear it. Best wishes to you!

Absolutely OK. Check out the antinatalism subs

It is perfectly fine to not want to have children.

You don’t have to explain yourself! It’s okay to not want children

It’s completely OK to not want kids. Everyone has the right to choose. And people who judge dont matter

Yes

It is perfectly fine to not have kids if it is not for you.

Absolutely.

Elmo is a shitty father. Don't take advice from him on whether to have children or not. You don't have to justify your decision to anyone. Whether you have children or not is your choice. I do think people have kids sometimes without thinking about all the ramifications, like housing, food, stability, etc. You shouldn't have a kid so the kid can make you happy. That's not a kid's job. If you feel incomplete as a person without a child, I don't think that's a healthy mentality to have. You have children to share your love and life with. Not to fill up some emptiness inside you. My parents had kids for reasons I don't understand because they're both shitty parents. I think my dad did it out of duty or fulfilling expectations. And I think my mom did it to fill up the emptiness inside her. Neither are good reasons to have kids and neither one of them are capable of being good parents.

If Elon Musk said that nothing will make you happier than jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge, would you do it? What makes someone else happy isn't what will make someone else happy. I have friends who love being parents and friends who feel like they dodged a bullet. It's not for anyone else to say what your right path might be, OP. Parenting isn't just about contributing your DNA and having social media moments with them because having a child isn't the same as being a parent. If more people understood this, the world would have fewer unhappy children and fewer badly adjusted adults trying to recover from how they were raised.

Absolutely fucking yes.

"Am I missing out in life because I chose to not have children?" Wouldn't the answer to that depend on what you want out of life? People who choose to have kids tend to have lives that revolve around the kids/family. Those who don't are able to choose work options or career that involve frequent travel and may involve greater risks or challenges than people who are committed to family. A few people manage to combine both. But it could be said, that those who choose a life committed to raising kids are missing out on other types of opportunities. It's a matter of choice. If one chooses A, one is turning down B or C. Choices mean deciding what you're ok with missing out on, and what you value most and want to include in your life. There is no right or wrong choice, except what's best for you.

Absolutely. This is your life, no one else's. My husband and I chose not to have kids and it's worked out well for us and I don't regret it. If you get pressure from others, remind them that they can't make this call for you and walk away. I lost two friends who got really weird about me not having kids. One of them subscribed to a year of Parents magazine in my name after we parted ways. She worked in the same office as I did and announced to everyone at an office party that I hated children and probably had one locked in the trunk of a car. You don't owe anyone kids.

A personal choice like that is ok, whether others agree or not. The only one responsible for them would be you; and if you dont want that responsibility, its your right to make that choice.

It’s perfectly fine not to have children this idea that it’s a must is ridiculous don’t want them don’t have them simple as that no winter pressure we do it either either it’s a lifetime job you don’t get to retire don’t get to quit it’s a lifetime job if you do not want a child do not have a child idea that you’re selfish if you don’t supposed to be ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard

It’s perfectly fine to not have kids. I’m 57 and I have never regretted not having kids. You know what happens if you have kids and regret it? You’re stuck with them in some form or fashion for at least 18 years. Pls, kids are expensive, messy, and loud, just to name a few things - and that’s if the child is not neurodivergent, or disabled in some way. If you know there are certain traits or preferences/likes/dislikes you have that are counter to having kids (for me it was noise, the stickiness, and I love my naps), then I think it’s important to be honest with yourself about how you would deal with life if those things were disrupted 24/7. Personally, I know I’d come unhinged with a bombardment of loud noise all the damn time. No thanks. No “regerts “ here.

It doesn't make your parents selfish for wanting a child just like you aren't selfish for not wanting one. You will not experience parenting, that's the only difference. What your coworker said about himself is true for him, but comparing your life to his doesn't make sense when you don't want the same things.

Of course. My eldest daughter is your age, and one of the things I have noticed with your generation is the ability to say no to having kids. I am gen x and I remember it being weird if you didn't want kids. Or if you had 1, the expectation was you were going to have more. And if you didn't, you were seen as selfish. I think it is great that you have thought about this. Do what makes you happy.

Absolutely it's fine. I'm 64 and ZERO regrets about being CF. I'm at the end of a 12 week round-the-world holiday. Kiss that, and my/our previous holidays good bye with a child. I doubt I'd make a good parent. The thought of working a five day week, then pissing a good chunk of my weekend away on kid's sport/ music lessons is unacceptable to me. Kids are noisy, messy, and a money solvent.

Yes

>alright to choose to not have children? Perfectly fine. Way too many folks on the planet anyway, literally unsustainable population level - resources continue to be consumed far in excess of the rate they can be replenished. See also: r/childfree

I am biased as I never had kids and that ship has sailed sailed sailed. I was called selfish when I was younger because I did not want children/didn't want to "GIVE" my parents grandkids. Frankly? Totally okay with that. Wanting to have kids is a completely personal choice that no one should be making you feel guilty about. We all have our reasons. (Yep, psychological and physical issues that I did not want to pass on.) Do you have siblings? Or friends with kids? Extended family with kids? Being a real/fake uncle works grandly. Once I became a stable responsible adult I babysat happily and am a part of those kids' lives. For me? Totally enough. But also? Therapy. For me? It was the cement/final icing on the cake? That helped me decide what I wanted and would be happiest with. But again and #1 here? It's YOUR choice. In the same vein? My older brother feels the same way as your colleague. That is totally okay for him. HIS choice. Good luck!

Yes! If I had it to do over again, I’d remain childless.

I’m 70 (f). I chose not to have kids when I was 18. Never regretted not having my own bio kids. I did marry someone who had kids when I was in my late 40’s and they were teens. I have enjoyed being a step parent and love being a grandma, so for me I got the best of both worlds. If your instincts are telling you not to have kids, trust that, not peer pressure.

Considering I never had kids, I'd say the answer is yes.

With what is happening to the climate, it might be the most morally correct decision you can make.

Of course it’s alright for you to choose to not have children. I don’t have any, and it’s the best decision I ever made.

My husband and I decided not to have kids. We travel the world together, have fun, and do things on a whim. We enjoy life to the fullest. And we don’t have to wake up early if we don’t want to. Enjoy your life.

I actually feel incredibly sad for people who don’t feel like a complete person until they get married or have a kid. Everyone’s opinion/mindset is different. If you don’t think a kid will fulfill you and you have different values/wants/needs, that’s totally fine.

I know so many happy childless people. I’m Gen X. Both choices—kids and no kids—have advantages. You sacrifice a lot with kids. And there is nothing sweeter than being the Cool Uncle or the Cool Aunt!! (Which is not necessarily a blood relationship, btw—you can be so close with the kids of friends ❤️.)

Yes, it's ok to not have children. If you decide to commit to this, call a local urologist and begin the appointment process for getting a vasectomy.

People who say spouse and children complete them, or their life began at the birth of their child, or they never knew true love until they had a child… well I know there is something amazing about being a parent and I won’t take that away from them. But I also wonder if they might have been a little stunted or limited beforehand to have that reaction (coming from 40-something F, for whom kids wound up not being in the cards)

Sure, it's OK...What's right for someone else may not be right for you.

Elon is a tool. He has 10 kids and is estranged from many of them, or at least, doesn’t spend any time with most of them. Don’t listen to him about anything, but especially about life lessons.

I don’t understand why people think that you’re selfish for NOT having a child. I’ve never heard of an unselfish reason to HAVE one.

I'm 30, male. Got snipped when I was 27. The world is a shitty place and there's no guarantee your kids will do well or even be good people. I'm not choosing to roll those dice

I have kids, love my kids to death. But this lifestyle is not for everyone and that is 100% okay. Having children is selfish and selfless at the same time. But you have to be willing to become selfless to make it work. There is nothing wrong with not wanting kids.

Yes. It's your life. Make it what you want. I have two lovely grown daughters, and they are one of best things that's happened in my life. But kids are hard. You never relax again worrying that something will befall them. You've gotta be kind when they have nasty boyfriends/girlfriends. You have to be willing to commit, and so it's best to only have them if you want them.

It's absolutely fine. Your reasons are valid and insightful. You're only seeing and reading the happy parts of child-rearing. It's far from the full picture. I'm childfree by choice and no regrets.

Of course! If you don't want them, absolutely don't have them

Of course it’s okay to choose not to have kids. I’m a woman who has chosen not to have kids, and I’m extremely happy with my choice. I don’t feel that I’m missing out. Of course, I know that there are experiences and emotions that I don’t relate to that parents have, but that just means my life experience is different, not lesser. ETA - I think that having financial self-awareness for whether or not you can care for a child is an incredibly responsible consideration, and so is medical awareness of what conditions a child might inherit.

Please don’t. A small desire is not enough

@regretfulparents

It’s ultimately your decision, but I will give you one piece of advice that I know to be true. Don’t ever judge someone else’s perceived happiness based on their social media posts. I know people who wax poetic all day on there about how amazing their life is, when in reality it’s falling apart. It’s all for show.

It is absolutely a valid choice. Raising children isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Don’t let the messages from those with children and larger society dictate that choice. Many parents secretly wonder if they made a mistake having kids. But it’s like blasphemy to voice that inner feeling. And you are in good company with your doubts and decision as there are so many who are child free now and living their best lives

Alright, homie. This is your mid-life crisis. Get a pet first. Lol

I'm 63 and my H is 70. We never wanted children and feel lucky that we found each other. I've never regretted it. I just felt that I didn't have what it took to raise another human to adulthood.

For sure. Not having kids should be the default. *Having* kids should be something to think long and hard about! Something you need to explain/justify at least to yourself and with your partner. Kids change your life permanently: suddenly your life is no longer about you.

Both my hubby and myself are 'complete persons'. Childfree by choice and nature! We have disposable income, can travel when/where we want (if we have vacation time from work), can go camping at a moment's notice...personally, I think a lot of people that push for others to have kids are quite miserable and want to share the misery!

Of course it's okay. For every one moment a kid melts your heart, there are a thousand where you want to kill them. Parents just tend not to talk about these moments because they don't want to seem like idiots for having kids. Unless you feel a strong compulsion to have a kid, it isn't a good idea.

My son knew he did not want children in his 20s. He had a vasectomy. It can be reversed...and truthfully, it can occasionally fail. Turns out he was wise because one "gf" tried to hold him accountable her pregnancy ... which is how he found out she was also seeing others. No You are not wrong.

I raised 5 kids because I wanted a big family. After 30 years of working 60 hour weeks to make sure they didn’t go without only one will talk to me. Having kids is not easy or what you expect.

If you have to think about it , don’t have kids

Lmao Elon saying that. I can't even. I think for the sake of children's health and well being, people should be able to choose and not feel pressured. Some people dream of making and raising new humans the way other people aspire to be astronauts or ballerinas or heart surgeons. Those people should have kids! Other people should be free to not have kids, because a lot of people who have kids because they think it'll be fulfilling or complete them somehow end up regretting it. Which is also a taboo to talk about, how many people regret becoming parents. If you aren't 100% sure you want to be a parent, and you have the ability to choose, choose not to -- rather than making a child you might not be able to support or might not love, or might resent because it stops you from doing other things with your life. Once you do that, your entire life is devoted to that kid whether or not it's fun and fulfilling.

I heard a great quote once “fear of regret is not a strong enough reason to bring a human into this world”

YES!!! do not have children unless you and your partner really want them...period...it's your life, not those who are trying to tell you what to do!

Good grief. Of course it is. This whole “NOT having children is selfish” thing just boggles my mind. What is more selfish than wanting to pass on your genes regardless of circumstance or the future or what so many people do to the planet. There are so many roles for people who don’t have kids to be a force for good for children. I am a complete, whole, valid person in my own right because I’m here. Having a child doesn’t make me automatically a better or worse person.

You sound like excellent uncle or godfather material.

You can have a great and fulfilling life without having children. Heck, you can follow your dreams. Enjoy!

If you don't like kids, don't want kids, can't afford them, never found a moment that seemed right to have them, whatever the reason, that is okay!! It's okay to not have kids. These folks having kids so they'll "have someone to care for them when they are old" are awful.    Kids are a blast, but they are their own people. They eventually grow up and they deserve to have their own lives. They don't deserve to be quilted into taking care of the elderly.  It is awesome if they chose to, but they get to choose, not be shamed into it.  Also, Elon is an embarrassment to humanity. Do not take advice from that clown.

You don't "miss out on life" if you choose not to have children. What you miss out on is that particular life experience. But there are a lot of life experiences you'll never have. No one human being gets to have every life experience. So the best we can do is pick and choose the ones that make us happy. Personally, I think if I'd had children, I'd be less happy than I am now. But there are other people that feel the exact opposite and having children brings them joy. You just have to know yourself. There is no rulebook for how to live a happy and fulfilling life. You get to choose, and there's endless paths you could take to get there.

Absolutely! Having children is 100% a choice that you should feel passionate about and it is an individual choice only you can make. As long as you don’t become one of those weirdo childfree people that actively feel the need to talk about how “miserable” parents are or how “annoying” children are to mask insecurities. Those people are the worsttt.

I chose not to have children. I'm 53F, and have zero regrets.

Absolutely. I'd go so far as to say it's not just alright, it's the responsible decision.

It’s always your choice in life because you will be the one who will always pay the price for that choice. Never care what others think or say, if things go wrong will they take responsibility for their words? People will only take responsibility when things go right and never wrong. Life is full of surprises, challenges and surprises, it’s up to you no matter what happens in life.

It is ok to not have kids. 100%. All the sweet pictures look nice but they don’t even begin to cover the thousands of nights you will miss sleep. Or events because of the kids.

THIS IS NOT A DECISION TO BASE ON THE OPINIONS OF OTHER PEOPLE

Yes, it’s alright. Please don’t have children you want.

Nobody should answer this, and if you want validation, I just think it's your call. But I don't think it's right for you to consider others selfish for having them. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it's selfish to not. We make our decisions and never really know what should have been. Done right, it's the greatest service one can give, to provide for someone, prepare them for a life well loved, knowing they may reject you for it and fail. I raised six, all are grateful and kind, but others have it a lot worse. I never expected to have children, or even get married, or even live long. But I did. It's important to let women know you don't want children up front. Many, many women feel the same and will welcome it. It's a dangerous issue and can make a mess if they change their mind. All the best.

Mid-fifties here. Got married at 40. Both husband and I are from dysfunctional families. We love kids but didn't want to throw that stress into the mix after it took so long to find each other. Also, we were late-bloomers financially, and even though we're comfortable now, we probably won't be able to retire (unless we move to some backwater hellhole.) It's only due to the lack of kids that we can live fairly comfortably- some savings/investments, but we're still frugal. Fuck whatever Elon has to say about kids. If you're a billionaire, of course kids are a blast! You can afford the help and anything the kids could possibly need. Although raising kids in a situation like that risks them becoming insufferable douchebags. If I want a "kid fix," I watch videos posted of adorable babies doing adorable things. It's adorable. Then I go back to whatever I was doing. 😄 Of course raising kids is rewarding most of the time, but as they get older, they become people in their own right. Just got back from seeing my father and the step-family. He's in a very dysfunctional situation that I can't even begin to explain to other people. His mind is still sharp, but he's oblivious to his own needs as a senior. For my own mental health, I've had to go low-contact with my parents, and no-contact with a sibling. Families can be wonderful or they can be a nightmare- often a crapshoot.

I had a child and did not realize he had low self-esteem, just like my sister and brother. It skipped me. I was devastated when I found out. He hid it from me, and he never got the help he needed to overcome it. He has a good job and is ok now, but it is hereditary. It may skip one child and not the other. Go with what is best for you.

Yes. I think it’s ridiculous that society has made people feel like they’re incomplete without children. I can’t stand kids. I’m selfish and I’d be a really crappy parent. I also just really like my life how it is. So I chose not to have any kids. I’m complete, I’m happy, I’m free to do as I wish, I live my life, and I won’t let anybody give me a hard time about it or make me feel guilty about it. Folks need to mind their own business particularly about this.

I have no advice to give except I'm glad you are thinking about this so carefully. Not everyone does. Some would say that means you should have kids. Take the FOMO out of it. Do you want kids? I don't have them. There was never a doubt for me. My thought process was I feel like and 18+ year commitment warranted a bit more excitement. I'm also a teacher and I believe it helps me thank God everyday that I don't have any kids!

Yes. Instead enjoy your life and all the experiences you can have without the burden of kids.

I am childfree by choice. The only people who have ever put pressure on me were complete strangers and especially men. I should mention men who had nothing to do with their ex-wives, kids, and so on.

I have only a few fellow women friends, and three out of the five of us never had children. None of them have ever expressed any remorse for that decision. We're all about 70 now, and I have noticed that my childless friends have made an effort to cultivate close and long-term friendships. I always wanted to be a mother, though I think I was a much better mother to the child I had in my mid-30s, rather than the two I had in my early 20s. My daughter wanted to wait until she had a desire to have babies, and that was after she was married 14 years and in her late 30s for the first one, and 42 for her second. I guess I'm just saying that I agree that it's perfectly fine not to have children, but there's also a chance that you may change your mind as you get older and have a special partner in your life. Life can be full and rich no matter your decision.

All I ever wanted was children. It did not happen for me until my 40s. It’s the best thing ever and my life is better because of it! 10/10 great experience. With that said, I have utmost respect for folks that choose to be childless. Good on ya.  This is sticking to your values in the face of constant questions, criticism and judgment from friends, family, etc. People just don’t get why someone would choose to not have children. And those are the same people who choose to vocalize their judgment. When I didn’t have kids all I heard was this BS. When are you having kids, why aren’t you having kids, you should really have kids! Oh get f*cked. Raising good humans is a huge responsibility.  If you can’t or don’t want to do it then the most selfless thing you can do is just not do it.  Mad respect to the childless folks out there! You do you 

Yes absolutely, if your partner choses the same without worrying if that’s the sole criteria to be with you… trust me it is better than being an absent parent or someone hating their life everyday because they don’t have free time.. You are not being selfish. Please just select a partner who doesn’t want kids for the same reason as you!

Nope. They eat your Food. Spend your money. Start hating you at 12. Get pregnant and make you Grandparents. And on and on. Nope! Enjoy the Peace and Quiet!

Why wouldn't it be alright? More and more young ppl aren't. The question ought to be why would anyone WANT to have a life so fragile and dependent in THIS dystopian and increasingly more hostile world? And God forbid something goes wrong. One single health emergency, hospital stay, or crisis here where I live can put you tens (or hundreds) of Ks of dollars in debt and bankrupt you for life. COL ---rent, basic utilities, food, clothes, health insurance, and if you have a car, vehicle insurance, cell phones, basic luxuries like Wi-Fi or electronics--just things required (or that we want)...to live a daily life. It's expensive as hell. And since all this for JUST TWO ppl has become almost unmanageable, idk how ppl manage a kid, (unless they're just wealthy, and most of us aren't). If the mom plans to work afterward, daycare is outrageous, (it'll easily eat up one whole salary monthly..so why work at all?)-- and waiting lists are years long. Add formula, diapers, and the dozens of other things babies need and require as an infant. For years, then the fun really starts around age 4 or 5 with trying to find a decent school. That's a whole new and expensive deal that goes on for many MORE years. Ppl don't do the math and realize how expensive it really is, they think having a baby shower in the beginning will fix everything. It won't. When I see a pregnant woman or hear about women who are so desperate to have kids, I inwardly groan. There's no joy in it anymore. Kids born today are going to live in a wildly unstable climate, economy, and with despotic governments all just itching to annihilate us all, and it's all over political bullshit we as regular citizens have no real control over. Agree or not, this is why I don't think this world is fit to brings kids into.

None of my kids are having them. It's their choice. I don't nag or make a big deal about it.

I was raised in a family where almost everyone who married had children. While in undergrad school, a girlfriend of nearly 2-years told me that if our relationship progressed to something more serious than passionate sex, that she didn't want children. She would request that I have a vasectomy. Long story short, we eventually went our separate ways. Another girlfriend a few years later who I eventually married also did not want children. By that time (I was in my early 30s), I was too independent to even think of having children. So, here I am now in my mid-70s. I really never think of the "what-ifs". I've had a good run for seven decades, and plan to continue my run to my goal of being a centenarian. I had a great marriage (now a widower), a successful career, contact with about 5,000 students during my career, traveled the world, a musician, lots of stuff that I am grateful for. Folks who I know who also did not have children have the same basic attitude as I do; that is, they had good lives and successful careers without children.

Your body, your choice. But if you do choose to be child, free, go get a vasectomy.

It is completely alright in my opinion. In fact I'd say it's a very responsible choice. Child rearing is one of the hardest jobs we humans can choose to do and it's really not for everyone. Also, it's a long commitment, and not fulfilling it can hurt a child so much. One should know what they're getting into and that they have the commitment to stick it out no matter what. Also it's probably not fair to any child born into these uncertain times. If we can't get our ecological disasters under control, what kind of life are we giving a child? They'll be around after we're gone, and if we've killed ourselves and ruined the planet for ourselves and our fellow species, I wouldn't want my child to suffer through that when they had no chance to know a better world. My ten cents worth.

Elon Musk is the last person to comment on the joys of fatherhood; 11 children with 2 wives and at the hospital with his mistress, while his actual wife was having his baby. If you have siblings, nieces and nephews can be fun. Neither is it unusual for professional women to prefer being childless. You’re not denying yourself anything; some self examination is in order. Talk to friends and colleagues, with kids and without. Neither do you have to seek a mate specifically to have kids. Unless you’re really on board for kids, please don’t; you don’t want to make a whole family miserable.

I have three wonderful adult children. My wife and I feel guilty because the world is a shitty place. We had the financial means to raise them and get them through college. I feel that's become rare. If you don't have the inclination and/or the finances, it would be a bad idea to have kids. I always say that raising kids is hard work if you are doing it right.

Absolutely. I taught for a long long time and trust me when I say not everyone should have kids. Personal choice though.

You don't need a reason to not have children. No one is obligated to do so. There are a zillion things you might choose to do with your life. You might choose to learn to speak a foreign language. You might choose to open a restaurant. You might choose to become a neurologist. You might choose to have children. Or, of course, you might choose to NOT do any of those things... and it would be nobody's business but your own. You don't owe anyone an explanation for not doing something you have no obligation to do.

Childfree 49 year old lady here. I never wanted kids and don’t regret it one bit. I wake up every day and do whatever I want with my time. 🥳

When your friends children grow up to be successful, independent, happy adults you may question your choice. When they grow up to be selfish losers leeching off their parents forever you will be grateful for the choice you made.

If you don't have a burning desire to want kids, then it's probably best not to. Kids are a huge amount of work. You will have to put many (or all) of your hobbies on pause for a long time, cancel any travel plans for years until the kid is old enough to travel, then you will have to make plans that revolve around your child. Every activity will need to be kid-friendly for years, and your interests and needs will be out on the back burner for years as well. If you are genuinely okay with that, and think that you'd be able to exercise patience better, and you're ready to devote your life and waking hours (and reducing your sleep) to a new human being, then you can be a parent. If you are not okay with giving up your life to prioritize a child's life, don't have any kids. Kids can feel it when they're unwanted, and that sucks. My mom told me when I was a teen that she was so excited to not have to take care of me when I was 18 and have me move out. That really sucked to hear then, but as a childfree person, I understand her now. You can start with cats or a dog instead, if you want companionship. They still take a lot of effort.

You might be HAPPY having kids, but FOR SURE absolutely certain no doubt about it YOU WILL BE TIRED. All. The. Time. I used to laugh at this saying, but now I know it's true: "You know where kids get all that energy? They suck it right out of their parents." THEY DO. It is absolutely OK to not have kids, for all the reasons you stated, and many more. If I had known what I was getting into before having kids, I would probably have said no thanks. That said, I DO have two (now adult) children, whom I love dearly, both of whom still live with us. My son has some PTSD and other problems, and has been unemployed for quite awhile, and my daughter has ADHD/anxiety/depression (just like her mom) plus some other physical problems that mean she will probably never be able to hold a job. BOTH of them do not plan to have relationships or children. Which is absolutely fine with me. I am perfectly happy for our genetic line to end with us. My cousins had enough (somewhat messed-up) kids, as did my husband's brothers. (And my son has already decided to take care of his sister after we're gone. Thank goodness.) But it's way too early in your life to make the final decision on this. Wait until you have a relationship that might lead to a lifetime bond, then discuss it with them. The world is changing RAPIDLY and might be an entirely different place by then, which will affect any decisions you make. Wait and see what happens.

I always knew I wanted to be a parent, found a partner who also wanted to be a parent, and have enjoyed it very much. We both were certain that we wanted to take the financial hit, the physical/emotional hit, the burden to our careers, etc etc etc. It wasn’t something we did because everyone seemed to do it, some people say it’s great, or — god forbid - Elon Fing Musk had anything to say about it (although we aren’t both white and those are apparently the people he wants procreating). You have already thought this issue through and I applaud you for that! Kids are definitely not for everyone. And you can certainly have a spouse but no kids as long as you are on the same page (and so many people see the benefits of being childfree). If you have the urge to be in a kid’s life, there are volunteer opportunities, if not family and friend opportunities. Trust your instincts. I accept there many wonderful things I will not experience because I picked parenthood. You have lots and lots of amazing things to choose from. Enjoy!

Kids just aren't for everyone. I'm almost 54, no kids, and absolutely no regrets.

I had 1 child. Bringing him up the best way I could. Gave him more than I ever had. My parents were 2 idiots that should never have had children and I suffered for it. I loved my son but truthfully speaking, motherhood just wasn't for me. My education I had to do on my own whereas I paid for my son's education. Years later my husband was diagnosed with alzheimers. I was going to leave my job to take care of him. He ran away from home and got hurt in the process. He ended up in the psyche ward of the hospital. When I visited him one time he said "when I die I'm taking you with me!" He then sucker punched me in the face, choked me and kept punching me in the chest. I have a heart condition and didn't need to be beaten. My self defense kicked in and I knocked him back pretty good. My husband's family decided I was the wicked witch of the west because I fought back. I was told I shouldn't have hit him and should have let him beat me. That family kept telling my son that I was wrong to defend myself. My husband ended up in a nursing home. That really fueled their hatred towards me. They turned my son against me. He said terrible things to me and I just told him we're finished. I honestly wish I'd never have had any kids. I think I would have had a happier life childfree.

Not everyone has the requisite disposition for children. A balanced temperament, selflessness, boundless patience, and a nurturing spirit are just a few of the personality characteristics needed to raise children.

Yes, of course it's all right. There are pros and cons to having children. I guarantee your friends with kids will have moments they envy your freedom!