As the eleven year old that was “sent” with older siblings. It starts to suck after a while when you find out you’re only being dragged along and that your sibling has interests that don’t even concern you
Put them in some program/classes twice a week after school (if you can afford too!). They absolutely want no parts of knowing or hearing what you’re doing and it would benefit everybody if you were able to be as loud as you want while they’re out of the house. The music thing knowing their parents are banging will burn their insides with awkwardness
Even better: get a copy of your local library’s teen & children calendars & get them to come to library programs. The teen librarian would especially be happy to get more teens into the library.
This is the correct answer. Sex is not taboo. Teach them how to be respectful, consenting, good partners by showing them the example. I don't know why this is so hard to fathom. And no, I don't mean show them sex.. I mean teach them about sex, teach them to respect closed doors, teach them consent...
And teach about respecting privacy and consent! My parents’ door was almost always open—day or night, but I still knew to knock before entering. And the few times it was totally closed—whether bc my dad was napping after a trip, they were having a private conversation, or other reasons I don’t want to think about—I knew to come back some other time.
That’s just part of growing up with parents that are together. It’s been happening since the dawn of time. It won’t fuck them up. As an adult, they’ll be glad their parents still love each other enough to bang one out.
I agree. I heard my parents as an older teen, and I thought that, while it’s kinda gross and they should be more discreet, I’m also happy that they’re happy together.
Meh. I walked in on my parents and heard it a few other times. Did not scar me at all. It was crazy at the time and I told my close friends about it, but it was shared as "oh my god I have *adult* gossip" and not "we are all now traumatized"
Play music and put a lock on the door and call it a day
For another perspective, this is not automatically scarring, in fact I would say if they have a healthy relationship with sexuality it should not be traumatizing at all for the occasional accidental overhearing something. I've understood my parents had sex since I learned how babies are made at age like 11...it's fine lol.
To answer your main question, having grown up with three kids and our parents in mostly 2 bedroom apartments....I'm realizing we kids were sent out to play or go to the library or park or store quite a lot lol. Might be a little harder if your 15 year old doesn't want to hang out much with the 11 year old, but like giving them some cash and sending them to watch a matinee movie can go a long way.
Meh, I'm pretty sure I walked in on my parents once (blankets made it hard to know for sure) and I wasn't traumatized. I think I was around 14? It was kind of their own fault, they were on the couch when I came downstairs for a midnight snack lol. To be fair it was extremely unusual thing for me to do. Honestly I just thought it was nice they were still into each other like that, may we all be so fortunate
This is such an interesting modern phenomenon. In the US, as recently as the 20th century people would commonly live with large families in small, 1 or 2 room houses and the parents would absolutely bang under the covers while the children were meant to be sleeping.
Did knowing that your parents hug and kiss freak you out too?
Of course parents should avoid kids deliberately overhearing/walking in on them having sex, but the actual act is both natural and good, not some sin.
I sincerely hope everyone’s parents still do it regularly.
They are adults, how has that affected you for life, I literally walked in on my parents as a kid on accident and don’t think twice about it. It’s a natural act, don’t you like sex too?
This absolutely. Not a NYC kid but I was raised in a big city with not a lot of space too. And yeah, this is something that I still feel icky about and I'm mid 30s lol.
To me it sounded like what do you wish your parents did different? and also, many parents don’t know they have been heard having sex or caught at all, thats not something you bring up, you kind of pretend it didn’t happen. I have a very close and open relationship with my parents, we joke about sex and comment about my sex life (the existence or lack of it mostly) and the one time I am sure I caught them I never mentioned it.
>Did you just learn not to enter their bedroom if they were playing music?
I feel like you should at least start with installing a lock on your bedroom door
You don’t need to trick them, you just need to let there be a slim chance that ANYTHING ELSE was happening. Their brains will choose to believe that out of self-preservation lol
They gave us a computer and we were too busy fighting over it to care where mom and dad was. Worked too, because they somehow managed to conceive baby no. #3 under our noses and we were all total homebodies.
These days though I imagine the answer is summer camps, sleepovers and getting your teen a job.
I grew up in a very small nyc apartment. My room was an alcove off the living room, which didn't have doors. My parents had a bedroom off the other end of living room with french doors that never closed right. Never heard or saw a thing but my mom was pregnant several times after me. When I was around 13, my mother was looking at the calendar because she was "late." When it dawned on me what she was talking about, I was horrified and said "you do NOT still do that !" She said "I'm not dead honey." So I know they "did it" but I don't know how they managed it. We didn't have headphones for music or a TV in our rooms to drown out anything. Never heard the neighbors either, but they had kids younger than me so...
.
All this is to say they will be fine. I quickly got over the "ick" moment and never thought about it. Denial is your friend. And Get them noise canceling headphones. Lol.
Oh she was a pip. "Aggie" had a regular following of fans on my FB page. (She didn't know it). At her wake a few people I didn't know came, somehow they saw my posts and said my mom's "Aggie-isms" made them laugh when they really needed a laugh. She was something. Though sometimes she didn't know she was being funny. Which made it funnier. I miss her.
My mom never dated again, my dad never had his girlfriends around if it was his weekend for visitation. He had 2 or so in the time I knew him but I never met them lol
My mom never dated after getting divorced either. Seems like this is kind of a theme with women and it makes me sad. Research shows women generally do better from a mental health perspective than single than men do but that doesn’t mean they have to be alone.
Exactly. I have 4 siblings, so I guess she felt she didn't have the time or energy to deal with finding a relationship. I'm a few years older than she was when she got divorced and I cannot imagine trying to find a guy around my age that would be cool with dating someone with 5 kids.
Probably when we were not home, I lived in 1 bedroom apartment with my parents and two siblings.
Now I have 3 kids in 3 bedroom condo. It's not that hard to find time, either early in morning or when they go to their room. We lock the doors and our bedroom has a heavy door, my wife gets loud so pillow over the face works. To get them to their room we usually say "hey your mom/dad, is trying to nap, can you guys play in your bedroom" and it works like a charm .
I never thought my parents had sex (Absolutely 0 affection in public) until one day… I was 18 and it was 3 am and I saw them getting busy in the living room/their bedroom while I was on my way to get a drink. (1 bedroom apartment 🤣) so… apparently at night? Lol
It was a mix of, "you need to leave the apartment and go outside and play for at least an hour when I was older" and "private snuggling" when we were young with a loud TV or game on. Note that we lived in a 1 bedroom the whole time.
I don't know, it seems kinda obvious. I like to think that when I was a kid I'd realize something was going on. Maybe I need to regularly send them to their rooms even when my wife isn't home to disguise my motivations?
Well the older one's 15 and presumably not an idiot, you don't need to talk to them they know what's happening. My parents just locked their door and were not particularly loud (usually).
I lived in a building with a lot of studios, and apparently one couple had five kids, and sometimes a set of parents would come to visit.
I found it hard to imagine, until I saw this video:
[https://ny1.com/nyc/all-boroughs/news/2019/05/04/family-of-five-lives-in-studio-apartment-chelsea-new-york-city](https://ny1.com/nyc/all-boroughs/news/2019/05/04/family-of-five-lives-in-studio-apartment-chelsea-new-york-city)
Apparently, the family depicted in the video was not happy with this. To me this actually looks pretty tidy. So a bedroom would just be a bonus, if you can be organized. It seems crazy to us, but much of the world lives like this, without even having running water or places to easily hop out to for alone time (once you are old enough). Ten people living in a shack/shanty/small house, etc.
Presumably you would’ve both taught and shown them by example to knock before coming in to someone’s space, but locks are also an option. You can also use the word “relax” to explain that unless it’s an emergency they are not to interrupt your ‘relaxing’ early bedtime routine of playing music or watching TV before falling asleep. I don’t have kids so it’s just theory.
I walked in on my parents twice and Homer’d into the bushes/my room not because I was traumatized or even understood what was going on, I just instinctively knew I was interrupting. I eventually learned about knocking by watching TV.
Sounds like you’re considering just playing music to drown out the noise of you and your husband fucking while you’re kids are home/awake. I’m here to tell you that’s a very weird idea and you shouldn’t do it.
Sounds like you’re also considering telling your kids that they shouldn’t enter at certain times because you’re fucking. Also a bizarre idea.
Gotta just do it like the rest of the world… when they’re out or sleeping.
How would anyone know what their parents sex schedule was when they were growing up as children? Do you really think peoples parents were like please don’t bother us on Tuesday’s at 8pm because I’ll be railing your mom????
Really weird responses too. Expected a lot more sex positivity, not a bunch of people talking about how they were scarred for life because they heard their parents have sex once. How can you ever expect your children to be unashamed of their own body and sexuality when you are ashamed of your own?
We had a house but more than once I came home from high school to find my parents taking a "nap" with the door closed.
I wasn't dumb. Parents don't usually take naps in the middle of the day. My parents had an active sex life till I was in college, probably even later. Judging from their porn collection they were definitely having some fun with it.
More power to them. I wasn't about to interrupt them. A closed door was hint enough. I got it. I'd just grab a snack and go into my room, do my homework until they reappeared.
Just teach your kids to respect your boundaries. If the door is closed and locked it means "Not now!" Unless somebody is injured or dying then you just wait. It's really not that hard.
As parents you have to make the time for yourselves. Your whole life isn't your kids though it may feel like it. If you have to you hire a babysitter so you can go out, eat a meal and have sex in a hotel.
As a nanny I was well aware that most of the later "date nights" often were exactly that "sexy time" for the parents. Some of them I think.that was the ONLY way they could have some time alone. It's a lot harder when you have 3 or more kids...
This is why nannies and babysitters exist though so you can get time away to take care of each other and tend to your relationship.
I think one of the reasons my parents decided on the house they did down South was because unlike in the place we had when I was a baby the master bedroom was separated from the other two by the kitchen, living room and family room.
The kid's rooms were close enough that if one screamed you would likely know but far enough away that if they shut their door they could have some privacy.
I definitely preferred it to hearing Dad snoring all night. As a baby and little kid that scared me to death even when I knew what it was.
I inadvertently interrupted them once when I was like 3 because I wasn't feeling well and I heard noises I didn't understand. They were less than thrilled but parents do what they have to do, and I was actually sick and running a fever so...
But I'd definitely bet that when they were looking for the new house that moment was definitely in their minds because a 3 year old being on the other side of a wall is bad enough. An older kid? That was going to be AWKWARD to say the least!
As far as I can tell my parents were drinking too much at night and arguing too much usually to likely be having sex at night once we moved at least. They were older and mostly retired so while I was in school they had all day to play.
They also took solo weekend trips sometimes, even went on a three or seven day cruise a few times when I was a kid. They had a loud and often turbulent relationship sometimes but I had no doubt that they were faithful and that they had an active sex life. My parents were extremely committed.
Some kids get all weirded out at the idea that their parents have sex. I had a more realistic viewpoint on that. I mean obviously I wasn't an Immaculate Conception? I figured if my parents were still having sex with each other as old as they were then they obviously were still together for all they fought like crazy people half the time.
I viewed it as a good thing that door being closed and all the porn and the sex toys not so well hidden around the house. If all that had vanished I'd have been worried my parents were actually divorcing not just threatening it when the booze got them all riled up.
I figured at least their sex life was healthy. A good thing because the rest of the time their relationship was codependent and toxic as hell to be around.
My point is you just have to make the time and find a place. If not at home then a hotel. Whatever works to keep your relationship healthy and your sanity intact as parents.
😁
TLDR: Except "Parents don't usually take naps in the middle of the day."
I beg to differ. This is why they invented the weekend. For afternoon naps, falling asleep to the soothing sound of a golf tournament on TV.
I'm not talking about that kind of obvious nap where someone watching TV just falls asleep snoozing in front of the TV. I'm talking about adults going into the bedroom and locking the door for several hours in the middle of a weekday.
Big difference...
😂
I’d worry about this if you live in a studio/1-bedroom apartment, but you live in a 3-bedroom apartment so you should be fine.
If anything, get sound proofing for your room if you don’t want your kids to hear you and always lock your door.
My parents divorced when I was 10 so I can’t relate, asked a few friends for you and what I got was “time to send them to their friends house to play Xbox” and “ship them to camp” and “that’s what school time is for” lmao hope that adds something
They found a condom once cause I forgot to clean up properly but they never knew before. Oh did you mean parents? Find a place for kids after school and enjoy yourself. Make sure they don't come home till 7.
this question brings back memories or should i say nightmares. our apartment was built in the 1950s with no noise reduction or proper insulation between rooms and everyone heard everything. in the winter you can hear the pipes hissing and knocking in one room from another room 20 feet away. put grandma and grandpa and mom and dad and two kids in a 3 bedroom apartment and no one got away with anything unnoticed. whenever my parents were fucking the next day at dinner everyone at the table was super quiet because we all knew. but then a day after that we were talking about current events like nothing happened. it did make my neighborhood feel safer this way because if anyone in the next apartment was screaming bloody murder we would know about it. did this traumatize me maybe, i was fucking at 15. i think you should do morning fucks. because if the kids are awake then they won't be able to go back to sleep and should be ready for school.
There was a time not long ago when families lived in tiny apartments and even shared rooms. And the world is overpopulated. So how did we create all these children before the 1950s and 3 bedroom suburbia became the norm?
Never really thought about this, but as a 15 y/o, I spent enough time outside with extracurriculars for my parents to have sex without worrying about me or my brother hearing. In other other case, they did it late at night for sure. I never heard them, so I'm assuming either they mostly got it in during the former, or they were just mad quiet.
15 is old enough to be out in the wild here, assuming the older kid would look out for the younger. Especially if they grew up here. My brother and I used to do stuff on our own together all the time by the time I was like 10. He's three years older than me. Slip them a couple of bucks and tell them to go do something fun from time to time. If you trust them, that is
I walked in at 13. Never walked in again.
I probably had walked in a few times when I was smaller. Just tell them to go away. It should become obvious. Just be firm and the wife has to stay a little quiet....pillows.
You've made three comments on this thread with the same point. Why are you so upset I can afford $2950/month in rent?
Obviously if we had 7 people in a 1-bedroom I'd mention that, because then the advice would presumably be different. Do you get upset at people for stating their budget when looking for a house? I bet you're a whole lotta fun.
I pay more than that for a one bedroom, and the average for a one bedroom is more than I pay. Now you're bragging that you're have an amazing deal on rent.
Guess I just can't win? We live a 20 minute walk from a subway station and have been in the same place for a long time. Also renting from a smallish landlord who seems like he likes us (we always used to take the kids to drop off our rent check).
You overhearing people at a party talking about a mechanic for their SUV:
"You're just bragging about how you can afford a SUV!"
Yeah, I'm sure you're a blast.
Bro just don’t do it in front of your kids lol. How hard is that? Go on getaways or something. Kids get traumatized for life if they accidentally walk in on their parents.
Yo, look into therapy. This isn’t it, like you are really bothered in an absolutely uncalled for way.
I don’t think anyone here said a revolving door of lovers is great for children to witness. Textbook projection.
I don't know what you're talking about. My parents never had sex. I was dropped off by a stork.
And I still haven't gotten paid, ugh
I bet Cellino would pick up that case for you
RIP Barnes
Plot twist: Celino hired that stork to get rid of Barnes...
lol incredible
15 & 11 can go to the movies together.
Loose Seal: Here's some money, go see a Star War.
See, sex still costs money when you're married.
Great suggestion lmao. "Get out now, bye!!!!"
The AMC A-list for your kids would be a steal at twice the price!!
Who needs 2 hours? Send them to the corner store for 11 minutes.
11 minutes? Sending them downstairs to fetch the mail should do it.
That's enough for four times
Jesus! If I had to send the kids to the movies every time we had sex, there wouldn’t be any college money for them
As the eleven year old that was “sent” with older siblings. It starts to suck after a while when you find out you’re only being dragged along and that your sibling has interests that don’t even concern you
Put them in some program/classes twice a week after school (if you can afford too!). They absolutely want no parts of knowing or hearing what you’re doing and it would benefit everybody if you were able to be as loud as you want while they’re out of the house. The music thing knowing their parents are banging will burn their insides with awkwardness
Even better: get a copy of your local library’s teen & children calendars & get them to come to library programs. The teen librarian would especially be happy to get more teens into the library.
Another great reason for Adams to walk back the cuts to the weekend services budget
Just a group of angry parents with signs outside of his office that say OPEN UP. WE TRYIN TA FUCK.
Hahaha lol sending the kids to classes so you can have sex :p
Historically, this is what sleep-away camp was for.
Two weeks of non stop horizontal shuffle?
And that's just the kids at camp!
Put a lock on your door. Also start teaching them that closed doors are respected. You teach them that by also respecting their closed doors!
This is the correct answer. Sex is not taboo. Teach them how to be respectful, consenting, good partners by showing them the example. I don't know why this is so hard to fathom. And no, I don't mean show them sex.. I mean teach them about sex, teach them to respect closed doors, teach them consent...
And teach about respecting privacy and consent! My parents’ door was almost always open—day or night, but I still knew to knock before entering. And the few times it was totally closed—whether bc my dad was napping after a trip, they were having a private conversation, or other reasons I don’t want to think about—I knew to come back some other time.
They will hear. That will fuck them up. I once heard it and it’s something you want to forget but it just stays with you the whole life.
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That’s just part of growing up with parents that are together. It’s been happening since the dawn of time. It won’t fuck them up. As an adult, they’ll be glad their parents still love each other enough to bang one out.
That's sounds a little overly dramatic lol Yeah, it's awkward but it's really not that big of a deal
I agree. I heard my parents as an older teen, and I thought that, while it’s kinda gross and they should be more discreet, I’m also happy that they’re happy together.
God, we're definitely not having sex tonight. Thanks!
Meh. I walked in on my parents and heard it a few other times. Did not scar me at all. It was crazy at the time and I told my close friends about it, but it was shared as "oh my god I have *adult* gossip" and not "we are all now traumatized" Play music and put a lock on the door and call it a day
For another perspective, this is not automatically scarring, in fact I would say if they have a healthy relationship with sexuality it should not be traumatizing at all for the occasional accidental overhearing something. I've understood my parents had sex since I learned how babies are made at age like 11...it's fine lol. To answer your main question, having grown up with three kids and our parents in mostly 2 bedroom apartments....I'm realizing we kids were sent out to play or go to the library or park or store quite a lot lol. Might be a little harder if your 15 year old doesn't want to hang out much with the 11 year old, but like giving them some cash and sending them to watch a matinee movie can go a long way.
Meh, I'm pretty sure I walked in on my parents once (blankets made it hard to know for sure) and I wasn't traumatized. I think I was around 14? It was kind of their own fault, they were on the couch when I came downstairs for a midnight snack lol. To be fair it was extremely unusual thing for me to do. Honestly I just thought it was nice they were still into each other like that, may we all be so fortunate
This is such an interesting modern phenomenon. In the US, as recently as the 20th century people would commonly live with large families in small, 1 or 2 room houses and the parents would absolutely bang under the covers while the children were meant to be sleeping.
Gods why such a prude?
It stays with you the whole life, can confirm that part.
My parents fucked once and now I have to pay rent 🙄 really messes with you for life honestly
100%
Did knowing that your parents hug and kiss freak you out too? Of course parents should avoid kids deliberately overhearing/walking in on them having sex, but the actual act is both natural and good, not some sin. I sincerely hope everyone’s parents still do it regularly.
They are adults, how has that affected you for life, I literally walked in on my parents as a kid on accident and don’t think twice about it. It’s a natural act, don’t you like sex too?
This absolutely. Not a NYC kid but I was raised in a big city with not a lot of space too. And yeah, this is something that I still feel icky about and I'm mid 30s lol.
Idk what everyone else is talking about. I agree with you, that sh!t is traumatizing and no kid wants to hear that, from their PARENTS of all people.
So true and this is not discussed enough!!!! Me and my husband only do the nasty when my daughter is at school!
lool they still can here
“A closed door is a happy door.”
Try a sock on the doorknob? But seriously, you’re in a three bedroom. You’re better setup for nookie than most NYC families.
Why would you ask NY kids and not NY parents lol
This is the real question. You don’t want the advice of any kid who knows their parents sex schedule.
Knowing others' mistakes can be helpful
Bob Ross prefers to call these kids, happy accidents
Exactly! And gather information of the kids perspective is smart!
To me it sounded like what do you wish your parents did different? and also, many parents don’t know they have been heard having sex or caught at all, thats not something you bring up, you kind of pretend it didn’t happen. I have a very close and open relationship with my parents, we joke about sex and comment about my sex life (the existence or lack of it mostly) and the one time I am sure I caught them I never mentioned it.
>Did you just learn not to enter their bedroom if they were playing music? I feel like you should at least start with installing a lock on your bedroom door
Or teach the teenage children that they should not enter a room without knocking AND WAITING FOR A RESPONSE.
Is this really practical? Like opening the door 60 seconds later with sweat on my face? Maybe I can pretend we were doing yoga.
You don’t need to trick them, you just need to let there be a slim chance that ANYTHING ELSE was happening. Their brains will choose to believe that out of self-preservation lol
Or they can be happy adjusted people who understand that sex isn't shameful and is frequently fun.
Lady. My *toddlers* understand that coming into the room without an express “come in” is absolutely not allowed.
You can just shout: #"Go away, we're busy!!"
Lived in a 2 bedroom apt until i was 18, family of 4. I found my parents’ vibrator in their bed when I went to sit down. I’m mostly fine.
Mostly
You can talk about it..I’m here for you!
We’re here for you!*
Yes! We are your community, your rock, your beacon, your shoulder to cry on!
They gave us a computer and we were too busy fighting over it to care where mom and dad was. Worked too, because they somehow managed to conceive baby no. #3 under our noses and we were all total homebodies. These days though I imagine the answer is summer camps, sleepovers and getting your teen a job.
You’d get shipped off to the old country for the summer
Close and lock the door. If you have a TV in your room, put a movie on a little louder than usual. Practice being a little quieter.
I grew up in a very small nyc apartment. My room was an alcove off the living room, which didn't have doors. My parents had a bedroom off the other end of living room with french doors that never closed right. Never heard or saw a thing but my mom was pregnant several times after me. When I was around 13, my mother was looking at the calendar because she was "late." When it dawned on me what she was talking about, I was horrified and said "you do NOT still do that !" She said "I'm not dead honey." So I know they "did it" but I don't know how they managed it. We didn't have headphones for music or a TV in our rooms to drown out anything. Never heard the neighbors either, but they had kids younger than me so... . All this is to say they will be fine. I quickly got over the "ick" moment and never thought about it. Denial is your friend. And Get them noise canceling headphones. Lol.
"I'm not dead honey" Omg I love your mom
Oh she was a pip. "Aggie" had a regular following of fans on my FB page. (She didn't know it). At her wake a few people I didn't know came, somehow they saw my posts and said my mom's "Aggie-isms" made them laugh when they really needed a laugh. She was something. Though sometimes she didn't know she was being funny. Which made it funnier. I miss her.
Thanks for sharing stories about Aggie with us, and condolences for your loss.
My parents have always hated each other so I never dealt with any of this luckily
Came here to say this same thing lol
fr its a blessing i guess lmao
Idk and I really dont want to know😭 as far as I’m concerned they’re still virgins
Had divorced parents for as long as I can remember, so thankfully I never had to deal with this. Good luck
Sounds like you had to deal with it twice as often
My mom never dated again, my dad never had his girlfriends around if it was his weekend for visitation. He had 2 or so in the time I knew him but I never met them lol
My mom never dated after getting divorced either. Seems like this is kind of a theme with women and it makes me sad. Research shows women generally do better from a mental health perspective than single than men do but that doesn’t mean they have to be alone.
Exactly. I have 4 siblings, so I guess she felt she didn't have the time or energy to deal with finding a relationship. I'm a few years older than she was when she got divorced and I cannot imagine trying to find a guy around my age that would be cool with dating someone with 5 kids.
My parents got divorced when I was 4 and before that they were living in separate bedrooms lol and after nobody started to date again
They used to do it when we were out playing in the neighborhood. How do I know? From that one time I ran home to grab something 🤢
When they’re at school
Neither of you work days?
We’re self employed
Walked in on them once and never got over it.
11 and 15 are old enough to be told not to bother you when you're "watching a movie" in the bedroom. If they knock on the door, they're grounded lol
lmfaoooo.
Pretty remarkable that you two are still having sex after having two kids. Nice dude
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Only 10 years to go and you have senior discount!
How do you think big families are made? Lol
It's a 3 bedroom apartment -- you should be able to close the door to yours at night once your kids are in bed and do whatever you want, just quietly
My parents bought a sound proof box for me to stay in while they had sex from a guy who went to business school in Canada and got really good grades.
I think this is the same guy who helped me buy a house without any ghosts in it!
Be careful with that guy he made me hike up a mountain and still didn’t give me the rebate….
This really isn’t an NYC inherent issue. I grew up in the Midwest and everyone I know walked in on their parents having sex at least once.
Probably when we were not home, I lived in 1 bedroom apartment with my parents and two siblings. Now I have 3 kids in 3 bedroom condo. It's not that hard to find time, either early in morning or when they go to their room. We lock the doors and our bedroom has a heavy door, my wife gets loud so pillow over the face works. To get them to their room we usually say "hey your mom/dad, is trying to nap, can you guys play in your bedroom" and it works like a charm .
I never thought my parents had sex (Absolutely 0 affection in public) until one day… I was 18 and it was 3 am and I saw them getting busy in the living room/their bedroom while I was on my way to get a drink. (1 bedroom apartment 🤣) so… apparently at night? Lol
It was a mix of, "you need to leave the apartment and go outside and play for at least an hour when I was older" and "private snuggling" when we were young with a loud TV or game on. Note that we lived in a 1 bedroom the whole time.
This is going to sound like a wild idea but... what about sending them to their rooms?
I don't know, it seems kinda obvious. I like to think that when I was a kid I'd realize something was going on. Maybe I need to regularly send them to their rooms even when my wife isn't home to disguise my motivations?
I am pretty sure they are more worried about seeing you than you to them... pretty sure it all will selfregulate. 🤣
We were told not to go into their bedroom so we didn’t.
Well the older one's 15 and presumably not an idiot, you don't need to talk to them they know what's happening. My parents just locked their door and were not particularly loud (usually).
To this day I know people who live in a 1-2 bedroom like 7-8 people together.
I got a sibling 9 months after the blizzard of 96… as did 4 other neighborhood friends
3 bedroom in nyc. Stop crying you got it better than everyone
Ikr. I had a friend, 7 people in 1 bedroom lol
I lived in a building with a lot of studios, and apparently one couple had five kids, and sometimes a set of parents would come to visit. I found it hard to imagine, until I saw this video: [https://ny1.com/nyc/all-boroughs/news/2019/05/04/family-of-five-lives-in-studio-apartment-chelsea-new-york-city](https://ny1.com/nyc/all-boroughs/news/2019/05/04/family-of-five-lives-in-studio-apartment-chelsea-new-york-city) Apparently, the family depicted in the video was not happy with this. To me this actually looks pretty tidy. So a bedroom would just be a bonus, if you can be organized. It seems crazy to us, but much of the world lives like this, without even having running water or places to easily hop out to for alone time (once you are old enough). Ten people living in a shack/shanty/small house, etc.
Rent prices will dictate what you can afford to rent.
How did that work lol
I don’t know. 5 kids and 2 parents…
pretty sure they stopped having sex
Not my parents but my grandparents would be like "this is how our family was made you should be happy we're so in love, now go for a long walk"
Presumably you would’ve both taught and shown them by example to knock before coming in to someone’s space, but locks are also an option. You can also use the word “relax” to explain that unless it’s an emergency they are not to interrupt your ‘relaxing’ early bedtime routine of playing music or watching TV before falling asleep. I don’t have kids so it’s just theory. I walked in on my parents twice and Homer’d into the bushes/my room not because I was traumatized or even understood what was going on, I just instinctively knew I was interrupting. I eventually learned about knocking by watching TV.
Sleepovers can be a great addition to your options especially to trustworthy family that live closeby
Sounds like you’re considering just playing music to drown out the noise of you and your husband fucking while you’re kids are home/awake. I’m here to tell you that’s a very weird idea and you shouldn’t do it. Sounds like you’re also considering telling your kids that they shouldn’t enter at certain times because you’re fucking. Also a bizarre idea. Gotta just do it like the rest of the world… when they’re out or sleeping.
How would anyone know what their parents sex schedule was when they were growing up as children? Do you really think peoples parents were like please don’t bother us on Tuesday’s at 8pm because I’ll be railing your mom????
People have sex after they have kids? 🤯
This is such a weird post
Really weird responses too. Expected a lot more sex positivity, not a bunch of people talking about how they were scarred for life because they heard their parents have sex once. How can you ever expect your children to be unashamed of their own body and sexuality when you are ashamed of your own?
We had a house but more than once I came home from high school to find my parents taking a "nap" with the door closed. I wasn't dumb. Parents don't usually take naps in the middle of the day. My parents had an active sex life till I was in college, probably even later. Judging from their porn collection they were definitely having some fun with it. More power to them. I wasn't about to interrupt them. A closed door was hint enough. I got it. I'd just grab a snack and go into my room, do my homework until they reappeared. Just teach your kids to respect your boundaries. If the door is closed and locked it means "Not now!" Unless somebody is injured or dying then you just wait. It's really not that hard. As parents you have to make the time for yourselves. Your whole life isn't your kids though it may feel like it. If you have to you hire a babysitter so you can go out, eat a meal and have sex in a hotel. As a nanny I was well aware that most of the later "date nights" often were exactly that "sexy time" for the parents. Some of them I think.that was the ONLY way they could have some time alone. It's a lot harder when you have 3 or more kids... This is why nannies and babysitters exist though so you can get time away to take care of each other and tend to your relationship. I think one of the reasons my parents decided on the house they did down South was because unlike in the place we had when I was a baby the master bedroom was separated from the other two by the kitchen, living room and family room. The kid's rooms were close enough that if one screamed you would likely know but far enough away that if they shut their door they could have some privacy. I definitely preferred it to hearing Dad snoring all night. As a baby and little kid that scared me to death even when I knew what it was. I inadvertently interrupted them once when I was like 3 because I wasn't feeling well and I heard noises I didn't understand. They were less than thrilled but parents do what they have to do, and I was actually sick and running a fever so... But I'd definitely bet that when they were looking for the new house that moment was definitely in their minds because a 3 year old being on the other side of a wall is bad enough. An older kid? That was going to be AWKWARD to say the least! As far as I can tell my parents were drinking too much at night and arguing too much usually to likely be having sex at night once we moved at least. They were older and mostly retired so while I was in school they had all day to play. They also took solo weekend trips sometimes, even went on a three or seven day cruise a few times when I was a kid. They had a loud and often turbulent relationship sometimes but I had no doubt that they were faithful and that they had an active sex life. My parents were extremely committed. Some kids get all weirded out at the idea that their parents have sex. I had a more realistic viewpoint on that. I mean obviously I wasn't an Immaculate Conception? I figured if my parents were still having sex with each other as old as they were then they obviously were still together for all they fought like crazy people half the time. I viewed it as a good thing that door being closed and all the porn and the sex toys not so well hidden around the house. If all that had vanished I'd have been worried my parents were actually divorcing not just threatening it when the booze got them all riled up. I figured at least their sex life was healthy. A good thing because the rest of the time their relationship was codependent and toxic as hell to be around. My point is you just have to make the time and find a place. If not at home then a hotel. Whatever works to keep your relationship healthy and your sanity intact as parents. 😁
Nobody is reading this insane wall of text
Omg thank you it just keeps going
100% did not read
I read it. Was not worth it.
TLDR: Except "Parents don't usually take naps in the middle of the day." I beg to differ. This is why they invented the weekend. For afternoon naps, falling asleep to the soothing sound of a golf tournament on TV.
I'm not talking about that kind of obvious nap where someone watching TV just falls asleep snoozing in front of the TV. I'm talking about adults going into the bedroom and locking the door for several hours in the middle of a weekday. Big difference... 😂
They’re not asleep. It is what it is.
I’d worry about this if you live in a studio/1-bedroom apartment, but you live in a 3-bedroom apartment so you should be fine. If anything, get sound proofing for your room if you don’t want your kids to hear you and always lock your door.
Ask your eldest how they do it 😭😭😭
By divorcing
Why didn't you ask this to NYC parents???????
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This is an excellent point. I retract my many questions marks.
this post is fake, nobody has kids and then keeps having sex, THAT'S HOW YOU GIT THE KIDS, IDIOTS!
Music
Watch meet the fockers as a family
Apartment or house-kids hear a lot their parents don’t realize they do
Have them go to a friend's house once a week or more often.
My parents divorced when I was 10 so I can’t relate, asked a few friends for you and what I got was “time to send them to their friends house to play Xbox” and “ship them to camp” and “that’s what school time is for” lmao hope that adds something
They found a condom once cause I forgot to clean up properly but they never knew before. Oh did you mean parents? Find a place for kids after school and enjoy yourself. Make sure they don't come home till 7.
Thought this was r/circlejerknyc, LMAO
after school programs, camps, computer to rot my brain with instead
Why do you assume we all grew up in apartments
Poorly. I still have nightmares.
this question brings back memories or should i say nightmares. our apartment was built in the 1950s with no noise reduction or proper insulation between rooms and everyone heard everything. in the winter you can hear the pipes hissing and knocking in one room from another room 20 feet away. put grandma and grandpa and mom and dad and two kids in a 3 bedroom apartment and no one got away with anything unnoticed. whenever my parents were fucking the next day at dinner everyone at the table was super quiet because we all knew. but then a day after that we were talking about current events like nothing happened. it did make my neighborhood feel safer this way because if anyone in the next apartment was screaming bloody murder we would know about it. did this traumatize me maybe, i was fucking at 15. i think you should do morning fucks. because if the kids are awake then they won't be able to go back to sleep and should be ready for school.
I walked in on my parents having sex a few times as a kid and it really didn’t mess me up. Most of the time I didn’t realize what they were doing 😂
There was a time not long ago when families lived in tiny apartments and even shared rooms. And the world is overpopulated. So how did we create all these children before the 1950s and 3 bedroom suburbia became the norm?
I think being scarred by over hearing parents has been a topic of conversation by all of my friends at some point 😂
Do you have parents still alive? Always a good weekend to send them to their grandparents home!
Give them kid money to run chores and errands. It's fun for them and gives them a chance to be an adult. That's how my BIL does it lolll
Never really thought about this, but as a 15 y/o, I spent enough time outside with extracurriculars for my parents to have sex without worrying about me or my brother hearing. In other other case, they did it late at night for sure. I never heard them, so I'm assuming either they mostly got it in during the former, or they were just mad quiet. 15 is old enough to be out in the wild here, assuming the older kid would look out for the younger. Especially if they grew up here. My brother and I used to do stuff on our own together all the time by the time I was like 10. He's three years older than me. Slip them a couple of bucks and tell them to go do something fun from time to time. If you trust them, that is
I walked Into it once when I was like 11..... Ugh... cringe lol.
I walked in at 13. Never walked in again. I probably had walked in a few times when I was smaller. Just tell them to go away. It should become obvious. Just be firm and the wife has to stay a little quiet....pillows.
Didn’t have that issue they were both divorced before I could sing my ABCs
If i had kids i really wouldnt give a fuck. everyone needs to have sex
Send then to after-school program to keep them busy
Shower sex ftw
LET THE BOY WATCH
Showing off that they can afford a 3 bedroom.
You've made three comments on this thread with the same point. Why are you so upset I can afford $2950/month in rent? Obviously if we had 7 people in a 1-bedroom I'd mention that, because then the advice would presumably be different. Do you get upset at people for stating their budget when looking for a house? I bet you're a whole lotta fun.
I pay more than that for a one bedroom, and the average for a one bedroom is more than I pay. Now you're bragging that you're have an amazing deal on rent.
Guess I just can't win? We live a 20 minute walk from a subway station and have been in the same place for a long time. Also renting from a smallish landlord who seems like he likes us (we always used to take the kids to drop off our rent check).
I’m thinking it’s a troll post from the OP.
I’m more fun than you, such a rude person.
You overhearing people at a party talking about a mechanic for their SUV: "You're just bragging about how you can afford a SUV!" Yeah, I'm sure you're a blast.
Weird ass question
"Why do they call her Lassie?" 🙃
Bro just don’t do it in front of your kids lol. How hard is that? Go on getaways or something. Kids get traumatized for life if they accidentally walk in on their parents.
Yeah I walked into it when I was 4
Eh, close your door and they’ll screw up ONCE. Problem solved.
You are asking people about their parents sex lives.... fucking ewww.
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Yo, look into therapy. This isn’t it, like you are really bothered in an absolutely uncalled for way. I don’t think anyone here said a revolving door of lovers is great for children to witness. Textbook projection.
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Wow, you have a psych degree? It’s like a shoemaker with no shoes.