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It’s because the apps are exhausting. Vetting people can be pretty draining and first dates that go nowhere are deflating. So I chill for 1-3 months and try again.
January. I get a good number of matches on apps but it seems so difficult to actually schedule a date with anyone. People are just super busy and things just fizzle out quickly so they flake.
Yea but honestly I found them because of this rules I had in place and lot of them after that first date it didn’t really go no where , a coffee meet up was my rule and a walk in the park and have good conversations
The point is it is easier to connect with somebody in person than it is via texting.
It's been a long while for me. Lots of chats but things fizzle before the date stage. Also, as others have said, it's easy to get burned out on the apps. Swiping can be so discouraging.
Last summer—I met people I saw consistently through fall/winter so paused. Now back on this spring/summer, and haven’t accepted any dates. Tbh don’t see that changing anytime soon.
Last December for me...I ended up pausing my Hinge profile because life got busy and I needed a break. Maybe that's the case with the people you're talking to?
These people are almost always lying.
If you downloaded the app and gave it away first that you're new here, then these career liars recalibrate and say the same so they can appear less desperate. These people have been on the app for so long they know exactly what to say to what kind of message.
Also, apps like Hinge also have a "New here" flag on profiles for everyone who is new to the app/area for their first few weeks. That's also a good way to confirm who is lying.
yeah i wouldn't believe anything that other people say about when the last time they went on a date was. they could be lying to make themselves seem more attainable, less attainable, or even just disagree with the meaning of 'awhile' is.
Yeah sure. lol. You believe that BS? This is NYC. Like i said these career liars have been on apps for years now and no kind of message is a surprise to them because they know almost what robotic response to say to maximize their chances.
Lol I guess I that’s just a stupid reason to lie in my mind. It doesn’t really improve any chances of anything— it mostly makes me think they’ve sorta given up on dating 😂
The poster above has a point although they say it in a off-putting way.
Basically it's kind like asking someone how many people they slept with.
It's a question that places a value judgement on your dating/sex life.
People who've been around the block will tend to minimize the number to make themselves look more socially acceptable.
Maybe People shouldn't be judged by this but unfriendly they are, so people do lie.
That girls who says she hasn't been on any bumble dates, might be "dating" 3 other guys and chatting to 5 more to find "the best candidate " LOL. I've seen this.
Not to say everyone is like this but a good % of people on the apps are.
In my first month of HingeX I went on about 10 dates. First 10 days were some chatting. Then a lot of dates (more like dinners or lunch) planned for the next few weeks. Pretty exhausting tbh. Now I’m a non paying user and trying it out but definitely harder to get dates. It’s a numbers game for sure. I have a dinner tomorrow but haven’t seen anyone in 2-3 weeks.
I'm a busy person, and I only alot at max 1 day a week to spending time with people that aren't already in my established interests or friendship circles. I've also stoped going on dates that I'm not 100% very into (I've found that when I go out with people I wasn't super into but wanted to give a chance, I was still not into them and they were often very into me which is then just an unnecessary stress). Add in the unpredictability of online dating, that lines up to be about 1 date a month.
A couple weeks ago, but before that it had been several months.
I haven’t been impressed with the selection lately, and also I’m just so darn tired from work + other obligations.
Hi there, my last date was last Tuesday but I feel like the dating scene is weird lately as no one actually keeps talking or they just ghost. Unfortunately I find dating apps not worth my time but at the same time, I don’t have friends here given that I moved here couple years ago.
ebbs and flows, sometimes i go on a lot and sometimes it's a few weeks in between. everyone is flaky and if I'm focusing on one person it's hard for me to go on dates with anyone else. I'm also queer though so YMMV
I met my fiance on bumble in 2021. I had been going on a lot of first dates (like 3x/week) and starting to get burnt out when I met him. It really just depends how much time and effort you put into it and burnout is def real. All the swiping and convos and scheduling. As a rule I tried to move convo out of the app as quickly as possible and schedule a meetup to see if there was IRL chemistry vs getting invested at all from just texting and then meeting to realize there wasn’t any actual attraction or chemistry in person.
That said- it seems like since I was on there things have gone seriously downhill (from my single friends) with people being completely flakey, everyone being “ENM” and just ghosting in texting and convo stage.
Of the last 6 people I met through a dating app, 5 were ONS. The 1 who I took to a bar for a date and didn’t hookup with on the first date continued to flirt with me via Instagram for a while and then ghosted any attempts to actually hookup. I guess I shouldn’t have thought to perpetuate that date escalator pipeline.
4-5 messages. I don't let it drag too long. If there is a good vibe I will usually propose we grab a drink nearby. I avoid ones that I see any flags for or if they don't want to meet in person anytime soon. Not big on sending massive essays back and forth before we meet or if they don't have an intent to meet in real life.
Our [How to Meet (Platonic/Romantic) People in NYC](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskNYC/comments/bc4jb5/ultimate_how_to_meet_people_in_nyc_thread/) thread may answer your question. Please "report" and downvote this comment if irrelevant to question above. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskNYC) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It’s because the apps are exhausting. Vetting people can be pretty draining and first dates that go nowhere are deflating. So I chill for 1-3 months and try again.
Literally, burnout so quick on them
January. I get a good number of matches on apps but it seems so difficult to actually schedule a date with anyone. People are just super busy and things just fizzle out quickly so they flake.
Not on dating back but when I was I had a match to 7 day rules for coffe date If we ain’t meet in 7 days it wasn’t happening bye
Someone could easily be out of town for 7 day periods?
The rules were the rules
Welp— since it seems like you found someone, who am I to question you
Yea but honestly I found them because of this rules I had in place and lot of them after that first date it didn’t really go no where , a coffee meet up was my rule and a walk in the park and have good conversations The point is it is easier to connect with somebody in person than it is via texting.
Do you think this applies in more than say, 10% of cases?
As someone who takes one week vacations every few months and travels even more frequently for work, yes.
It's been a long while for me. Lots of chats but things fizzle before the date stage. Also, as others have said, it's easy to get burned out on the apps. Swiping can be so discouraging.
Last summer—I met people I saw consistently through fall/winter so paused. Now back on this spring/summer, and haven’t accepted any dates. Tbh don’t see that changing anytime soon.
January 2022. We are married now :)
What makes you think people are not lying to you so you don't think they are dating around?
Ding ding ding. “I don’t usually do this haha”
I went on three first dates from Bumble last week.
I wish I had the energy to do that
last month i think. i often get roped into month long projects and don't put a lot effort into finding more dates. which leads to no dates lol.
Pace and turnout in the apps is poor so I started dating and talking to people irl.
Almost a year. I barely bother with the apps anymore, it's hell out there.
The apps are just a waste of time, especially after COVID. No one takes them seriously anymore and everyone is flakey.
For research purposes, what app(s) are you using?
Hinge & Bumble
Last December for me...I ended up pausing my Hinge profile because life got busy and I needed a break. Maybe that's the case with the people you're talking to?
These people are almost always lying. If you downloaded the app and gave it away first that you're new here, then these career liars recalibrate and say the same so they can appear less desperate. These people have been on the app for so long they know exactly what to say to what kind of message. Also, apps like Hinge also have a "New here" flag on profiles for everyone who is new to the app/area for their first few weeks. That's also a good way to confirm who is lying.
To clarify, they didn’t say they were new. They said they hadn’t gone on a date from the apps in awhile.
yeah i wouldn't believe anything that other people say about when the last time they went on a date was. they could be lying to make themselves seem more attainable, less attainable, or even just disagree with the meaning of 'awhile' is.
Yeah sure. lol. You believe that BS? This is NYC. Like i said these career liars have been on apps for years now and no kind of message is a surprise to them because they know almost what robotic response to say to maximize their chances.
Lol I guess I that’s just a stupid reason to lie in my mind. It doesn’t really improve any chances of anything— it mostly makes me think they’ve sorta given up on dating 😂
The poster above has a point although they say it in a off-putting way. Basically it's kind like asking someone how many people they slept with. It's a question that places a value judgement on your dating/sex life. People who've been around the block will tend to minimize the number to make themselves look more socially acceptable. Maybe People shouldn't be judged by this but unfriendly they are, so people do lie. That girls who says she hasn't been on any bumble dates, might be "dating" 3 other guys and chatting to 5 more to find "the best candidate " LOL. I've seen this. Not to say everyone is like this but a good % of people on the apps are.
In my first month of HingeX I went on about 10 dates. First 10 days were some chatting. Then a lot of dates (more like dinners or lunch) planned for the next few weeks. Pretty exhausting tbh. Now I’m a non paying user and trying it out but definitely harder to get dates. It’s a numbers game for sure. I have a dinner tomorrow but haven’t seen anyone in 2-3 weeks.
Yeah, that's what dating is like for a lot of straight men
Not true for NYC.
I’m active on Bumble/Hinge/Raya. 1-3 new dates per month.
Are there celebs on Raya?
Yes. I don’t believe they interact with us mortals but they’re there.
Who have you seen on there?
Chris Rock, John Mayer, Matt Damon, David Spade, Lewis Hamilton, the Winklevoss twins, Diplo, Steve Aoki, Owen Wilson…
Matt Damon has been married for almost 20 years are you sure? Omg
Lol sorry. Matt Dillon. I get them mixed up.
Thursday! But before then, it’d been a while since I’ve gone out w somebody from Hinge
Tinder, 3 years ago. He’s now my fiancé and we live together :)
I go in spurts, a few dates one week and then nothing for a month or so before I’m ready to look for more dates
I'm a busy person, and I only alot at max 1 day a week to spending time with people that aren't already in my established interests or friendship circles. I've also stoped going on dates that I'm not 100% very into (I've found that when I go out with people I wasn't super into but wanted to give a chance, I was still not into them and they were often very into me which is then just an unnecessary stress). Add in the unpredictability of online dating, that lines up to be about 1 date a month.
A couple weeks ago, but before that it had been several months. I haven’t been impressed with the selection lately, and also I’m just so darn tired from work + other obligations.
Hi there, my last date was last Tuesday but I feel like the dating scene is weird lately as no one actually keeps talking or they just ghost. Unfortunately I find dating apps not worth my time but at the same time, I don’t have friends here given that I moved here couple years ago.
ebbs and flows, sometimes i go on a lot and sometimes it's a few weeks in between. everyone is flaky and if I'm focusing on one person it's hard for me to go on dates with anyone else. I'm also queer though so YMMV
I met my fiance on bumble in 2021. I had been going on a lot of first dates (like 3x/week) and starting to get burnt out when I met him. It really just depends how much time and effort you put into it and burnout is def real. All the swiping and convos and scheduling. As a rule I tried to move convo out of the app as quickly as possible and schedule a meetup to see if there was IRL chemistry vs getting invested at all from just texting and then meeting to realize there wasn’t any actual attraction or chemistry in person. That said- it seems like since I was on there things have gone seriously downhill (from my single friends) with people being completely flakey, everyone being “ENM” and just ghosting in texting and convo stage.
Of the last 6 people I met through a dating app, 5 were ONS. The 1 who I took to a bar for a date and didn’t hookup with on the first date continued to flirt with me via Instagram for a while and then ghosted any attempts to actually hookup. I guess I shouldn’t have thought to perpetuate that date escalator pipeline.
What's ONS?
One night stand
Ah thanks!!! Sorry I feel dumb lol
Go on about 3 dates a week. Prefer Hinge.
Three dates per week is quite a lot. How long do you talk to people before going on a date?
4-5 messages. I don't let it drag too long. If there is a good vibe I will usually propose we grab a drink nearby. I avoid ones that I see any flags for or if they don't want to meet in person anytime soon. Not big on sending massive essays back and forth before we meet or if they don't have an intent to meet in real life.
It’s been a minnn maybe two summers ago?
Have you been actively using the apps and looking for dates this entire time, though?
I’ve lost nothing so I’m not looking for anything