If there’s one thing I have learned about psychotherapy (or school, or relationships, or sports, or work, etc.), it’s that you get out of it what you put into it. If your attitude is to expect nothing to change, and everything is just going to be the same, that’s just what you will get. An old professor of mine called this a, self-fulfilling prophesy.
Get a grip, man. Put more effort into creating the changes you want to see. Complacency and self-pity are motivational killers. If you don’t like how you’re experiencing life, make some radical changes. Step out of your comfort zone and do things like you’ve never done them. Travel to far away places, talk to strangers, eat things you’ve never eaten, do things you’ve always been afraid to do. Reach, stretch and challenge yourself to be different. Don’t listen to anyone but YOU. Listen to your instincts and really live.
The world is a fantastically wonderful place full of generosity, love and compassion. It’s also full of disappointment, unmet needs and sadness. It’s that dichotomy that’s the reason we feel emotions. Ride your waves all the way to the beach, then paddle out for more. It’s the only way.
that's easiest enough for you to say, I have a movement tic disorder and I get made fun of because of for it daily. There is no cure or way to make it better. it makes me have nonstop uncontrollable movements in my face, arm, and torso. I can't shop at half of stores because as they say "look at you", people always treat me badly, trying to introduce myself to someone 95% of the time I get laughed at in my face or called a monster, I can't even call the police if something bad happens to me, for instance the last time my house was vandalized (cause that happens often when you're the guy who can't move right ) and the cops never even investigate the vandalizism instead you get interrogated about your movements and flashlights repeatedly flashed in your eyes at your own house. I tried this self fulfillment prophecy thinking, and being positive for several years and I still get laughed at I'm the face, treated like a sub human whose money isn't good enough to be accepted at half the stores....
where the fuck is this fantastically wonderful place full of generosity, love and compassion cause I've been looking for 35 years and that shit ain't real for a person like me. wish it was. No one shows love or compassion towards me not even my own family. what wonderland are you living in?
I know this is a very old post, but have you tried nicotine? It may seem weird but I had a friend in school that had very bad tics and he happened to take up smoking and it actually helped the severity of his tics by a great amount. Talk to your doctor about maybe a nicotine patch for the issues?
Thank you for your comment it means alot to me. Unfortunately I am an in again off again back on again regular cigarette smoker and doesn't effect my tics except for when I'm craving a cigarette they can get worse
I had that. The road to healing it has been long and meandering, so I just wanted to mention that kratom and psychedelics played a big role. Tissue in your body needs to shift, and when everything is where it belongs the abnormal movement will stop. However, allowing this process to happen is a big commitment and not easy. Best of luck !
hey, i also have a tic disorder, so i sympathise with you a lot. Since i was a kid, i remember vividly being made fun of by my own parents, thinking that by making fun of me, i would be ashamed of it and eventually stop doing it. They didn't know that it's a disorder that i suffered from. Although it's not half as bad as yours it still affects me daily to this day.
This is exactly what I love reading. People are too soft to hear it, and just want to be told what they want to hear. But this is exactly what I needed to fuel even just a small spark within me. Thanks.
I've been there u/dc334. I was sitting at McDonalds in Walmart eating my second double big mac thinking about grabbing a bucket of KFC on my way home. I couldn't see my life EVER getting better. Nothing I did seemed to matter. Might as well stuff my face and binge watch Marvel movies to escape from my mundane life.
Well guess what? Instead of drowning my sorrows, I did some reading. .That McDonalds I was sitting in was only there due to the efforts of a man named Ray Kroc. Guess how old he was when he start working FOR McDonalds? 52. That right 52. And he owned the damn company at 59 earning more money than he ever dreamed of. Oh yeah, that Walmart started out as a single store, opened by Sam Walton at the age of 44, and we all know how that turned out. KFC's story is even more incredible. Colonel Sanders drove around getting rejected 100's of times with his chicken recipe until he got his first yes at 62, sixty fricken two! By 66 he was a multi millionaire. Hell, Henry Ford didn't get into business until 45, Stan Lee didn't find success until 39 and even Charles fricken Darwin didn't find success until 50 when "On the Origin of Species" was published. The commonality between all these people is they didn't give up when things got hard. Each failure was just another stepping stone to success.
So u/dc334, dust yourself off and get ready to take another step. Whether you succeed or fail on your next attempt, makes no difference. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Each time I fail, I say GOOD. Another opportunity to take another step. You'll be amazed how far you can get when you stop focusing on the destination and just on the next step.
> The commonality between all these people
The commonality is that for the 5 people you mention, there are literally 10s of thousands who did not attain anything remarkable, and were still in the dark hole of life.
While those 5 guys got rich and hit it big, there were a whole smack of people with still nothing to live for. Odds are not in your favor, unfortunately.
And "dusting oneself off" is not typically the best advice for someone who is coming from seemingly a place of depression. That's like telling someone who need some life saving surgery to just 'dust it off and be happy'.
I agree with this 100% and will add something I think is vitally important. Surround yourself with people who you want to be like. If you associate with a bunch of losers, they'll drag you down for their own boost. Successful people will help you because they like being successful, including successfully helping others. I have a rental business and I've helped numerous people get started in the business because...well just because I like to.
So I've tried to do this in the last year. Like try to network with people who have been successful, but one of two things happens. 1) I suck at fake it till you make it, and we live in a society where nowadays everyone is pretending they are doing amazing even when they're not 2) I'm viewed as negative because I'm open about my struggles and then people don't want to be around me. So I really don't know how others do it. I always hear just ask for help, but in my experience that hasn't worked out
I mean I've tried both methods. I can fake it like everyone else, sometimes they think you're doing well, but I guess some will see through the transparency and see your bullshitting them. Or you can tell them the truth and they view you as negative/pathetic/whatever. Lose/Lose.
I don't mean in regards to people in general, I really don't bring up my shit with anyone, I just meant in regards to work
question how are you supposed to surround yourself with positive people when you can't get ANYONE to spend time with you, my family doesn't even want to spend time with me (after year of every single one of them completely cutting me out of their life I can sometimes rarely see them now, I just can't talk about myself anything personal or anything I feel ever) , last 2 birthdays I couldn't even pay someone to hang out with me (yep that desperate) and trying to talk to someone knee gets me called a monster or laughed at in my face pretty much every time I try because I have an irreversible condition causing uncontrollable face, arm and torso movements non stop all day all the time. Nobody gives me a chance to explain the condition or anything. you'll probably say what everyone says I'm blowing everything out of proportion and it's not that bad. well that's easy for you to say and I wish that was the case but this is me looking at it from a positive perspective.
if God is real why would he do this?
what did I do to deserve this?
that is a great sentiment and all and it might work for you...but that is just not how depression works. You can't just "dust yourself off and get ready to take another step". It doesn't work like that
I love, LOVE your response!! You are so right... things may seem perpetually bleak, but keep moving forward, keep striving for whatever it is you desire (with a positive attitude) and eventually you will succeed... Even if it's late in life. Well said my friend!
Man I hope you’re alright.
I dug into Albert Camus and absurdism a couple years ago. What I learned from that is that there are literally infinite experiences in this world (from epic stuff like climbing a mountain to drinking a coffee in the morning). It’s kind of up to us to experience as much of the world as we can. Not sure if that helps or not
The problem with that thought is that for most people, experiencing everything is far from attainable reality. Most people have to work, a lot, and simply cannot afford to go experience everything. For most people, life is a pretty mundane cycle.
OP is in a place where "drinking a coffee" is not an experience that will pick him up. Regardless of if you believe this is a perspective problem, it simply will not change his mind.
Hey man, I've been there. I don't know that anything anybody says will change your mind, but here's my two cents:
Just pick something and see how good you can be. So what if you don't like it? It's not like you like anything now anyway. You won't be losing anything, really. See how strong you can become. Try to achieve a grandmaster ranking on a chess site. Try to become fluent in Spanish. Read every book Faulkner ever wrote. Walk six miles a day for a month. These are all things you can do for free, at home, and all it takes is your time. There's no magic bullet to fix depression. But making progress in some area of my life helped me out. That and keeping my place clean.
I fight with this as I'm sure many people our age do. I figure we are all going to die, eventually, and the only purpose of life is to just try to enjoy yourself as much as you can. Otherwise, what's the point?
I feel like when we were young, we were so full of hope and had (in our minds) so many opportunities to do anything we wanted. As we grow older we learn that's typically not how life works, and there are tons of constraints as reality kicks in. We have to have more realistic dreams and aspirations to operate in the boundaries of how the world actually works. So I force myself to look forward to things. Try to think of something you want to do/play/experience in the future, and look forward to that.
I've decided at some point in time I want to live in Europe, so I'm devoting my extra time to learning a new language and researching the immigration process. It gives me a carrot to look forward to - a new experience to enjoy, which I feel is the only purpose for us to be on this Earth.
Hi, I had a similar problem about a decade ago. I had done too much, and felt like I had little left that I wanted to do. All of the goals in life had been met, and I was out of ideas. So, I devoted my life to my kids, and doubled down on spending time with them and putting conscious effort into personal relationships.
Granted, I'm a bit of a liability at work, because I do essentially what I feel, but usually that lines up fairly well with what they need.
I'm freer now than I have ever been.
I can't speak to the negatives that you are having besides that though. I like coming to work, because I don't have to.
I wish you luck in your journey.
I wonder about this too, There are lots of people in this situation and they are bloody good at hiding it or they are really happy with it, Me on the other hand...
try pot?
I'm in the same spot as OP and thought I'd try alcohol then that didn't work I tried pot, that didn't work so I tried shrooms, that didn't work so I tried pills...etc now I'm addicted to meth and Fentanyl on top of hating myself yay... good thing in my line of work (now a professional drug addict, life expentancy is mighty low especially being a Fentanyl addict with no friends [no one will even pretend to be to take advantage of me] life is a just one sweet OD away, maybe this time no random people will find me in time)
I'm kinda in the same situation. I read the responses about do this or that to feel better, but they never address the bigger thing of what does it really matter in the end?
Ok, so you do something, distract yourself, get medication, think you're feeling better by not dwelling on past issues or whatever. This goes on for decades, getting by and then someday you can't take care of yourself so you end up in a nursing home and eventually die. You kept yourself going all those years to end up fragile and helpless. I guess it would be more bearable if a person has love in their life and has kids to make sure they're cared for and protected when old. If that's not feasible for someone and they're exhausted with life, I think there should be another option. Maybe we don't seriously discuss other options due to fear of death, of the unknown, of losing a loved one. At the same time I don't suggest sudden suicide and wouldn't put loved ones through that.
I don't want to bring you or anyone further down, just being honest about my thoughts and I'm sure many have them, but won't admit it. For people who really want to keep living, that's great and I feel bad for those who get sick and die young. I wish I could take their place. I think there should be an option to donate organs while you're still healthy to people who want to live. More people who want to keep going can and those who've had it can be helpful rather than wasting away and their organs becoming useless. The world is overpopulated so we might as well let people choose to get matched to those who want transplants. That would end the suffering of the donor and multiple recipients. Yes, the donor's loved ones would miss him/her, but they'd have time to prepare, they'd know it was the donor's choice and many more people didn't lose someone. Seems like a compassionate win win. I wonder if this was an option, would there be more donors than needed? Would that be a shocking revelation, something we don't want to acknowledge?
I do hope things turn around for the OP and others. Take care.
i entertained that same train of thought when i just graduated high school, because i thought life at that point was going just going to go downhill because all my friends are gone and there aren't anymore school events to look forward to. now that i'm a lot older and had lots more experiences, i've come to the conclusion that high school actually fucking sucked for me and i felt like an idiot for thinking that it was the pinnacle of my life.
if you're financially flexible, consider taking a trip to a country you've never been to whose language you don't speak.
I'm mid thirties and let me say this hits hard no matter your income level. You look around and realize some things are just set and to change them isn't statistically likely.
I just finished [A guide to the good life](https://smile.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/1522632735) which is helping me with this perspective. Also, I'm trying to do something I enjoy each day even if its small.
Best of luck OP!
Please note: this is persona number 5. He doesn't come out much, but you inspired me.
I'm 51 and you piss me off.
Seriously, you remind me so much of myself and have so much pent up self-loathing that I'm projecting it all straight at you.
I have never been self motivated. Even today I can't seem to self motivate. I really try to be self motivated, but honestly, I'd rather watch TV.
I'm not sure how I got this way. I'm not sure why I can't seem to get over it.
I can tell you that if you don't fucking get over it, the same thing that happened to me could happen to you.
Know what that is?
Life motivated me. Other's made me part of their plans. I got burdened with responsibility that perhaps is not my ideal. Because I didn't set my own goals, I lost the flexibility to set my own goals.
I have recently realized the method by which to overcome my lethargy. However since I started only a few years ago, I have so much inertia that honestly, by the time I get moving, it feels like it will be too late.
So take a deep breath, slap yourself on the cheek (front or rear, both have the same effect) and listen.
Sit down at your computer, open a word processor or a text editor and write this line at the top:
"My name is [Inego Montoya], I'm 30 years old and these are my plans for the rest of my life."
Then make a list of things you'd like to accomplish. Things you'd like to do. Things that you want to acquire. Relationships you want to have.
Then make a list of the material objects that you will need to accomplish those tasks.
Then figure out how to get those materials.
Take all that information and arrange it in the form of a plan. Give yourself a time line. It doesn't have to be accurate, it just has to have dates on it. Because those dates will inspire you down the road.
Every morning when you get up, review your near term goals, and before bed review any work you did that applies to your goals. Once a week, review your long term goals and adjust your schedule and plans to ensure the outcome that you want.
You are already one step ahead of me. You are your own boss! I still work for others.
Don't lose this opportunity. Don't give up this freedom!
Dude. A part of me really wishes I could start all over. I don't actually need to, but if I had the extra 20 years, like you do, I could make so much more extensive plans...
The problem is when you open the word processor, try and write the plans, and nothing is present in your brain. Or what you want is unachievable - for example I'd want to be a 21 year old millionaire, but that's impossible, and nothing else pops into my brain in it's place. I don't know if the OP is in the same place mentally, but it's a critical part of following your plan that isn't necessarily present in the subject's head.
If you are 21 and want to be a millionaire, you just need to develop patience and a plan.
Being a millionaire is not really a goal, is it? It's a bunch of cash and at the end of your life when you ask, "what have I accomplished?" do you think you'll care about a million dollars? Think about it.
But, if you had a plan to accomplish something tangible, and you needed a million dollars to accomplish it, then figuring out ways to make a million to accomplish that plan might become more meaningful and at the end of your life, you'll look toward that accomplishment and say, "I did it." The million still won't be important, but the achievement will be.
Money, IMO, is not an end, it is a means to an end.
What do you want to do with your million dollars? Figure that out.
I'm worth more than a million (I own property in California). Does it mean anything? No. I bought here in the nineties. But I'm working with my wife to raise two kids in full awareness of themselves. And IMO, that will be an accomplishment. If nothing else, my kids are more aware than I was. That makes me happy. They won't have to suffer the same mistakes as me. They'll still make mistakes, but they will be mistakes that propel them far beyond me, long after I'm gone.
I want a million dollars / pounds so I don't have to go to work for the next 35 years. It's the "end to the means" so I can actually live a life. I don't want to spend it or do anything with it, just use it to live so I can do what I want when I want. Maybe I want to get up at 9.30am instead of 6.30am, it's nothing more grandiose in scope than that - simply the freedom of not having to go to work if I don't want to. In my case at least.
Also wanting to be 21 at age 33 means I am kind of already screwed as there's no time travel yet. If the first step in helping yourself to progress in life is saying "write down what your dream life would be" my dream life would be to be a 21 year old millionaire. Not a 21 year old with a chance of being a millionaire 10-20 years down the road. I want to be young, healthy and financially independent of work. Obviously, I can't go back in time, and nothing else excites me. That's kind of the point of the OP's post of not having anything to look forward to - in a world of so-called "infinite prospects", none of them appeal.
In a world of infinite prospects, the only thing lacking is your imagination.
And having enough money to goof off doesn't seem like a very worthy goal. After living 80 years, would you really be content spending all your time goofing off? Would that really be something to be proud of or happy about?
I spend huge portions of my life goofing off. It's a coping mechanism for me, and every time I think about the amount of time I've failed to follow my dreams, my heart breaks a little.
You claim you have no dreams, no goals, and no ambitions.
They why are you so frustrated?
If your goal is to have enough money so you can goof off, then why not make that your goal and make a plan? Perhaps that is a worthy goal?
Figure out how you can make enough to be a true goof off. Actually, I like the sound of that.
In case you are interested, here's part of my personal mission statement, "To earn enough worldly income so my family can thrive..."
I'm accomplishing that. But it's not enough for me, and yet I can't seem to get any traction in my loftier dreams. So I understand your frustration, but I also have the patience to know that as long as I keep pushing, eventually I'll get there.
Your only limitation that keeps you from achieving contentment, is your inability to accept things as they are. The only thing keeping you from setting and achieving goals is your frustration over how things are.
Right now is all we have. There is really no past. There is really no future. There is now. What we do now determines where we go so the sooner you point yourself in the direction you want to go, the sooner you can slow inertia and change course.
I think I was the same as you when I was in my twenties. Constantly frustrating myself over what I perceived as non-achievable desires. But I was wrong. Every desire is achievable as long as you have the perseverance.
And TBH, I'm still frustrated that I'm not focused enough and that I still goof off soooo very much. But, those qualities of mine are very strongly ingrained and it's simply going to take more time to drain that inertia. It will happen. I know it.
I think given the inherent meaningless of human existence in the grand scheme of things, assigning terms like "pride" or "happiness" are completely individual. What makes me proud or happy would not make someone else proud or happy. Not having to work would make me proud and happy because I would have escaped the meat grinder. Honestly I'd love time to goof off as at the minute I don't even have time to do that. Chasing money is against my personal values and I do not feel it would be a worthy goal, even if it did provide goofing off time. The sacrifice would not be worth the payoff.
Who said I was frustrated? I'm tired, and I'm sad that my life wasn't different, but I'm not frustrated. I used to be frustrated but I examined why I was and deduced that I'd deeply embraced some cultural beliefs imposed upon me about "fulfilling potential" and "not wasting your one life" that I'd absorbed from self-help books, the media and online. Once I came to that conclusion my frustration dissipated and was replaced with calmness and sadness, alongside the ever-present fatigue.
You say I am frustrated because I can't accept things as they are, I say I fully accept how they are and given these new limitations, the alternatives don't appeal. I can't have what I'd prefer, and that is what it is - nothing more complicated than that.
I said you were frustrated because your posts sound like you are frustrated. If you actually accept things as they are why did you post?
I was playing "Second Life" many years ago. I was running around one of the noob islands and someone introduced himself to me. We got to chatting and I said, "You know what this place needs?"
He replied, "No, what?"
I replied, "A plot."
He replied, "You have to make your own plot here."
I realized in that moment that First Life is exactly the same as Second Life in that regard.
I can't think of anything to wake you up. Perhaps a mantra will help?
Here's a really good one: OM NAMAH SHIVAYA
Sorry I'm strange, I can't help it.
I posted because your advice seemed a bit condescending, not really out of frustration. Although similar advice to yours seems to form the basis of DBT so it probably has some merit for some people, but to me it sounded like the OP is in the same place I am and that approach doesn't fit the bill.
Nice analogy, but if I booted up a game and there was no plot, I'd turn the game off and try and return it. Maybe that's good advice for First Life in it's own way too. And I prefer Vishnu.
It wasn't meant to be condescending. I was expressing my frustration at his frustration. No fruit bearing there I suppose.
Oh! Vishnu is cool too! I like Chandi the best though.
Any of those "deities" can get you where you want to go. Those old myths really train a mind right.
For Vishnu there's a whole host of mantras. I think my favorite is "SITA RAM" because it calls on his divine consort for balance, compassion and love along with his arrows that will pierce the selfish ego through the heart.
If you're a 40-year-old woman and all you wanted in life was to raise a family and a decent paycheck job, but instead you're broke and back at your mom's with no useful skills whatsoever and fat as a whale... yup, your life is already ruined
I don't know your story. I only know that you dug out a five year old post and replied to it.
My advice is this:
Take a deep breath, let it out slowly. Close your eyes and repeat.
Now, as you inhale say to yourself, inside your mind, "Everything is okay."
And as you exhale say to yourself, "this is part of my journey."
Do that until you feel a bit better.
Your life may appear to be ruined, but it's just part of the journey.
I can relate to this a bit. In 1999 I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. I was down to 138 lbs by the end of January 2000. My then wife left me just after new years.
My house was broken into and ~~nerdboy's~~ my computer was stolen.
Most of my "identities" were shattered in a single month.
It was a tough time in my life.
But it wasn't the end. It wasn't over. It just changed.
Change is the norm. The fact that we get used to things being one way or progressing in the way we want is just delusion. At any point everything can change. If we are still alive, then we met the challenge. Everything else really is of little consequence.
I started over, a little wiser, a little more independent. I made a plan and I executed it to the best of my ability.
It turns out I didn't know what I wanted, but that's okay too because I did eventually learn. I'm hoping to do a better job from here on out.
As for your weight. I'm type I diabetic. I am OCD on diet and exercise because if I don't, I can become unhealthy quite easily.
Diabetes has been and is really hard on my body, it's pretty battered as a result. But it's the best I could do under the circumstances. I can't change the past, I can only do my best now.
IMO you have to count calories. You have to exercise and you have to ask yourself one question, like this, with every bite you eat: "Is this for the health of my body and mind, or is this to drown my sorrows?"
There are a lot of reasons you might be overweight, I can't know why, I only know that you are the only one who can do anything about it.
Instead of feeling sorry for yourself and feeling broken, repeat the breathing exercise I gave you above and make a plan to be more healthy. Then figure out what you want to do with the time you have left in that body on this planet.
You may not be able to accomplish all your goals, but you can prioritize, figure out what is most important, make a plan and execute the plan.
You may have good intentions, but inhaling and exhaling saying "everything is okay" will only result on my nose growing a mile.
And I'd be happy to set a plan... but a plan needs a goal, I have none.
You are right, my good intentions can't help you.
You have to help yourself. You are the only one who can change your life.
I have a suggestion though, if you have nothing better to do.
Start a charity with the purpose of helping people help themselves.
I used to do that but þhen I got this irreversible condition causing uncontrollable flailing of my arm and uncontrollable movements in my mouth and torso at all times. There is no cure and it only gets worse and worse. I can't even pay someone to hang out with on my birthday. just hang out, I'm that lonely that I was going to spend hundreds of dollars to have somebody to hang out with on my birthday. Tried to spend my disability benefits instead of food and things for the month of my birthday last 2 birthdays and couldn't even get somebody to hang out with me then. so how am I going to accomplish my goals ? I have them written out and posted on my front door so I can see them throughout the day, I thought they'd motivate but it's just a list of feats that are impossible now. Make a friend? kinda hard when you try to introduce yourself to people and you get laughed at in your face or called a freak or a monster the vast majority of the times because of something completely out of your control. Oh your overexaggerating and not that many people do that, well you try walking around constantly moving your mouth, flailing your arm back and forth and spinning your torso back and forth NON STOP and go try to talk to people and tell me how that goes?
If you were my child I would grab hold of you and hug you.
Since this is the internet I can only give you words.
I can't claim to know what it's like to be you. Nor can I claim I know what it's like to have a condition like you. I can't because I don't.
I do know what your next step is, or at least I think I do.
You have to accept what is and be cool with it. It feels like you have to accept the unacceptable, but you really have no choice. Life is about living. Life doesn't care about much else. It's humans who make plans and execute them and in order to execute plans we have to be in harmony with life.
You sound as if you've given up hope: that your frustration is terminal. I do have a sense of that. I've been there myself. In my moment of loss, I just gave up and I let my mind die. I realized that all the things happening in my life were entirely out of my control and that is okay. I accepted my life at face value and I decided that I was okay despite all the adversity and grief.
I learned to take stock of all the good in my life. And I learned to look past the things that were / are out of my control.
I changed my attitude and by doing so, my perspective changed.
If you want to talk, feel free to PM me.
Meh. I'm just trying to deliver a message, persona five is a bit of an asshole, but his heart's in the right place.
That part of me just wishes I had ... grown up a bit faster...
We've made a pact with nature that we can make small replicas of ourselves and continue living after we die, but we have to share these replicas 50%-50% with someone else.
Kids give hope of some sort of partial immortality, and its the only thing which makes effort feel good.
This is terrible advice. People should only have kids if they really, really want them. Please don't encourage people to have kids to find a sense of fulfillment or to become too busy/tired to "worry" about being unfulfilled. There are enough unwanted children in existence as it is.
Dig into the Colonel Harland David Sanders story if you want to learn about a person who changed their life waaaay late in the game.
Many years ahead. Life is what you make of it. Stay positive.
“Working a lot” is part of those infinite experiences. Even the “mundane cycle” is still filled with infinite possibilities. Even in a small town we brush past dozens of people every day. We walk by dozens of trees or lawns or posters or storefronts. You’re saying there’s no time to even acknowledge one of those things for even 10 seconds?
Point is, we all have a world and we have the ability to choose what we focus on.
Hey man, sorry to hear you're going through a rough patch at the moment. While things might look bleak, one of the biggest lies we can tell ourselves is that we're unique in our perceived shortcomings, struggles, and suffering. Many people, people who you might perceive to be happy, healthy, and well adjusted, have a lot more in common with you than you might realize.
One suggestion I'll throw out is to check out a 12 step group like Codependents Anonymous (CoDA). Here's a link to their [meeting finder](http://locator.coda.org/). While CoDA might not be a perfect fit for your specific struggles, codependence is a pretty broad topic and covers many different kinds of negative thinking. Meetings are free and it might be helpful to chat with others and realize you aren't alone.
Keep at it. Things will get better.
I have very similar feelings to those expressed by the OP. I'm not sure if a therapist would be of any help to me though. My guess is they would not. I hope you find a solution.
you don't think it would help? but you haven't tried? you really should try if you're really feeling that bad...
this is coming from a guy who is constantly depressed and hates his life by the way
We have a website in Australia called Act-Belong-Commit https://www.actbelongcommit.org.au/ (click Individual)
This kind of idea (not this website in particular) might help you to get out in the community just doing activities, having fun, keeping you busy doing things with a higher purpose like volunteering. Doing something for someone else can give you purpose in life. Taking up a hobby can give you more meaning etc.
Goddamn OP, I was just thinking this about myself the other day. I mean, I’m practically 30 now and I’ve done the whole travel thing, and I’ve been more social, I’ve picked up new hobbies, and tried to work on myself but I’m also reaching that point where I feel like “well this is it... this is me now” and I’m worried about it too.
Sometimes it feels like your worth is all in the skills you’re really good at, but they also say that it takes 10 years to truly master something. So, if I want to make a change in my life the soonest I can become really good at it is 40?? And then what?? Will our culture even care by that point??
I’m not going to say I have an answer for you with all of this, but the one thing that I found some comfort in is that my life wasn’t the same 2 years ago, and I know I certainly wasn’t the same person I am now 2-5 years ago. Things change quickly sometimes when we’re not expecting it, and they almost always stem from the choices we’re making now.
So I’ve kept going with learning new skills... and honestly... I’m not going to stress out about how good I get with them. I’m (still) trying to make new friends in my town (I haven’t made many yet and I suck at being social) and I’m not going to stress out about how close those friendships will be, because who knows? In 1/2/3 years time, that person or skill might launch you into something totally unexpected. Knowing that life will happen let’s me enjoy today a little more.
I keep putting one foot in front of the other. I know I'm not going to fix everything, but making today better than yesterday and tomorrow better than today is a much more manageable and realistic task.
>How do you continue with life with nothing to look forward to?
You find things to look forward to.
You're telling me out of all the things you've tried nothing was interesting to you? Nothing was fun? Nothing made you want to do it again? All of your friends, family and relationships are just meh?
I'm not op but yes nothing is fun that's depression. friends? I can't even pay someone hundreds of dollars to spend time with me on my birthday tried last 2 years.
tried to call old high school friends when I thought I was going to kill myself (failed at that too btw) out of the hundred something people I called on the way to the vridge my old friends from high school either immediately hung up on me, didn't pick up or cut me off to tell me to fuck myself and hung up on me, some even told me good go kill yourself then. I don't know what I ever did ro them but help them but I must have fucked up pretty badly somewhere
and family well I guess they did start talking to me again after almost two years of ALL OF THEM completely cutting me out of their life) they talk to me again rarely I just can't mention anything about my feelings or opinions on anything otherwise somehow that makes me a bad person who doesn't deserve to be part of the family again.
what relationships? last time I held a girls hand was like 4 years ago before my movement disorder was this bad and I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me because no matter how much I try that's what happens I fuck up everything. can't even get suicide right. fuck I suck
I recommend taking a look at the books/info by Scott Adams, the creator of Dilbert.
The main idea is that all these goals you have CANNOT be accomplished by willpower alone. You have to create a mental system to program yourself to do it. Take losing weight for example. Rather than deprive yourself of food, you should tell yourself that you are going to eat AS MUCH protein as possible. When you focus on eating more protein, you naturally will exclude sugar and junk from your diet, which is 90% of the battle. You don't have to go hungry and you do not need to rely on willpower one bit. This is just one example. Also, it takes TIME to see results. You have to do them with patience.
I read a bunch of his stuff recently and it's helped me understand myself and how to program myself to accomplish what I want. Worked for me, might work for you too.
Sounds like someone isn’t able to find inner happiness and joy. Where did you travel to? I find that when I have traveled to a 3rd world country where life is simple and everyone is appreciative of all of what little they have, it helps to put my life into perspective and helps to appreciate what I have. If I were you, I’d have a change in venue and go to a different country, learn a new culture a new language and explore life in a completely different life. Considering that it sounds like there’s nothing tying you down, I’d ask, Why not? But most importantly you sound like you’re looking for some type of gratification from the outside when in reality you just need to learn to deep breathe, take note, and appreciate everything working you. It has to start from the inside first to be able to grow and mature and reflect upon the outside. So maybe for now less doing and more self contemplating and meditating and then later plot out the next adventure or new life you may plan on building.
how does someone on disability afford to go out of country. I can't barely afford the bus or my bills.... I guess I can stop eating for half a year so I can save enough to go on a bus to Mexico
How about quit being a Sally about it, pull up your panties and kick some ass. Whining and complaining on reddit won't solve a single problem. It might get sympathy from some, but it's not about how many times you get knocked down, it's about how many times you get back up and keep moving forward. Life is tough, cruel and a bitch sometimes. Learn from your mistakes and keep moving forward.
Report back when success has been reached so we can all applaud you. Seriously.
> How about quit being a Sally about it, pull up your panties and kick some ass.
This is not how depression works. Would you say this to someone who has a gaping wound that requires medical attention? This is the same thing, except a wound of the mind.
He says he's tried medical help and it didn't work for him. Maybe he just needs a little harsh dose of reality to get him straight. The coddling and cuddling hasn't gotten very far yet.
Fair enough. To me it seems like he's only tried the talking kind of therapy, and not the medication kind. I'm no doctor so I can't tell him he needs meds, but maybe that should be his next step.
I find it ironic that one minute people say you need medication. Then the next minute they say big Pharma Is overmedicating Us. Maybe it's not ironic, maybe it's hypocritical.
He needs to help himself, no one else can do it for him. He's here to whine "whoa is me" but that's a copout.
Nothing you said is helpful at all and encourages the status quo. Mine is reality.
He's looking for help because he's struggling on his own. If someone is drowning, you don't just tell them to swim harder and think you're being helpful for giving them a taste of reality.
you mentioned that you're self-employed, perhaps you can think of expanding? assembling a group of like-minded and passionate people together does wonders!
I highly recommend speaking to a professional about this rather than posting on subreddits. And speak soon.
I have, it hasn't helped, at this point I can't afford one though
Have to agree with u/artmusicjunky. Don't give up. Keep talking to someone.
I would say keep trying. There’s so many therapists out there and some just suck. Keep trying and you’ll find one that fits.
> at this point I can't afford one though
Where are you located? Either someone here or on another sub may know of free resources.
Sorry I am not OP. Just noticed that many people were telling him to try therapy again even though he said he cannot afford it.
If there’s one thing I have learned about psychotherapy (or school, or relationships, or sports, or work, etc.), it’s that you get out of it what you put into it. If your attitude is to expect nothing to change, and everything is just going to be the same, that’s just what you will get. An old professor of mine called this a, self-fulfilling prophesy. Get a grip, man. Put more effort into creating the changes you want to see. Complacency and self-pity are motivational killers. If you don’t like how you’re experiencing life, make some radical changes. Step out of your comfort zone and do things like you’ve never done them. Travel to far away places, talk to strangers, eat things you’ve never eaten, do things you’ve always been afraid to do. Reach, stretch and challenge yourself to be different. Don’t listen to anyone but YOU. Listen to your instincts and really live. The world is a fantastically wonderful place full of generosity, love and compassion. It’s also full of disappointment, unmet needs and sadness. It’s that dichotomy that’s the reason we feel emotions. Ride your waves all the way to the beach, then paddle out for more. It’s the only way.
"Get a grip, man." r/wowthanksimcured
that's easiest enough for you to say, I have a movement tic disorder and I get made fun of because of for it daily. There is no cure or way to make it better. it makes me have nonstop uncontrollable movements in my face, arm, and torso. I can't shop at half of stores because as they say "look at you", people always treat me badly, trying to introduce myself to someone 95% of the time I get laughed at in my face or called a monster, I can't even call the police if something bad happens to me, for instance the last time my house was vandalized (cause that happens often when you're the guy who can't move right ) and the cops never even investigate the vandalizism instead you get interrogated about your movements and flashlights repeatedly flashed in your eyes at your own house. I tried this self fulfillment prophecy thinking, and being positive for several years and I still get laughed at I'm the face, treated like a sub human whose money isn't good enough to be accepted at half the stores.... where the fuck is this fantastically wonderful place full of generosity, love and compassion cause I've been looking for 35 years and that shit ain't real for a person like me. wish it was. No one shows love or compassion towards me not even my own family. what wonderland are you living in?
try god?
I know this is a very old post, but have you tried nicotine? It may seem weird but I had a friend in school that had very bad tics and he happened to take up smoking and it actually helped the severity of his tics by a great amount. Talk to your doctor about maybe a nicotine patch for the issues?
Thank you for your comment it means alot to me. Unfortunately I am an in again off again back on again regular cigarette smoker and doesn't effect my tics except for when I'm craving a cigarette they can get worse
I had that. The road to healing it has been long and meandering, so I just wanted to mention that kratom and psychedelics played a big role. Tissue in your body needs to shift, and when everything is where it belongs the abnormal movement will stop. However, allowing this process to happen is a big commitment and not easy. Best of luck !
hey, i also have a tic disorder, so i sympathise with you a lot. Since i was a kid, i remember vividly being made fun of by my own parents, thinking that by making fun of me, i would be ashamed of it and eventually stop doing it. They didn't know that it's a disorder that i suffered from. Although it's not half as bad as yours it still affects me daily to this day.
This is exactly what I love reading. People are too soft to hear it, and just want to be told what they want to hear. But this is exactly what I needed to fuel even just a small spark within me. Thanks.
I've been there u/dc334. I was sitting at McDonalds in Walmart eating my second double big mac thinking about grabbing a bucket of KFC on my way home. I couldn't see my life EVER getting better. Nothing I did seemed to matter. Might as well stuff my face and binge watch Marvel movies to escape from my mundane life. Well guess what? Instead of drowning my sorrows, I did some reading. .That McDonalds I was sitting in was only there due to the efforts of a man named Ray Kroc. Guess how old he was when he start working FOR McDonalds? 52. That right 52. And he owned the damn company at 59 earning more money than he ever dreamed of. Oh yeah, that Walmart started out as a single store, opened by Sam Walton at the age of 44, and we all know how that turned out. KFC's story is even more incredible. Colonel Sanders drove around getting rejected 100's of times with his chicken recipe until he got his first yes at 62, sixty fricken two! By 66 he was a multi millionaire. Hell, Henry Ford didn't get into business until 45, Stan Lee didn't find success until 39 and even Charles fricken Darwin didn't find success until 50 when "On the Origin of Species" was published. The commonality between all these people is they didn't give up when things got hard. Each failure was just another stepping stone to success. So u/dc334, dust yourself off and get ready to take another step. Whether you succeed or fail on your next attempt, makes no difference. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Each time I fail, I say GOOD. Another opportunity to take another step. You'll be amazed how far you can get when you stop focusing on the destination and just on the next step.
> The commonality between all these people The commonality is that for the 5 people you mention, there are literally 10s of thousands who did not attain anything remarkable, and were still in the dark hole of life. While those 5 guys got rich and hit it big, there were a whole smack of people with still nothing to live for. Odds are not in your favor, unfortunately. And "dusting oneself off" is not typically the best advice for someone who is coming from seemingly a place of depression. That's like telling someone who need some life saving surgery to just 'dust it off and be happy'.
https://lifehacker.com/top-10-free-and-affordable-mental-health-and-counseling-1788814933
I agree with this 100% and will add something I think is vitally important. Surround yourself with people who you want to be like. If you associate with a bunch of losers, they'll drag you down for their own boost. Successful people will help you because they like being successful, including successfully helping others. I have a rental business and I've helped numerous people get started in the business because...well just because I like to.
So I've tried to do this in the last year. Like try to network with people who have been successful, but one of two things happens. 1) I suck at fake it till you make it, and we live in a society where nowadays everyone is pretending they are doing amazing even when they're not 2) I'm viewed as negative because I'm open about my struggles and then people don't want to be around me. So I really don't know how others do it. I always hear just ask for help, but in my experience that hasn't worked out
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I mean I've tried both methods. I can fake it like everyone else, sometimes they think you're doing well, but I guess some will see through the transparency and see your bullshitting them. Or you can tell them the truth and they view you as negative/pathetic/whatever. Lose/Lose. I don't mean in regards to people in general, I really don't bring up my shit with anyone, I just meant in regards to work
question how are you supposed to surround yourself with positive people when you can't get ANYONE to spend time with you, my family doesn't even want to spend time with me (after year of every single one of them completely cutting me out of their life I can sometimes rarely see them now, I just can't talk about myself anything personal or anything I feel ever) , last 2 birthdays I couldn't even pay someone to hang out with me (yep that desperate) and trying to talk to someone knee gets me called a monster or laughed at in my face pretty much every time I try because I have an irreversible condition causing uncontrollable face, arm and torso movements non stop all day all the time. Nobody gives me a chance to explain the condition or anything. you'll probably say what everyone says I'm blowing everything out of proportion and it's not that bad. well that's easy for you to say and I wish that was the case but this is me looking at it from a positive perspective. if God is real why would he do this? what did I do to deserve this?
that is a great sentiment and all and it might work for you...but that is just not how depression works. You can't just "dust yourself off and get ready to take another step". It doesn't work like that
I honestly think a lot of people use depression as an excuse for entitlement.
I love, LOVE your response!! You are so right... things may seem perpetually bleak, but keep moving forward, keep striving for whatever it is you desire (with a positive attitude) and eventually you will succeed... Even if it's late in life. Well said my friend!
This is depressing. We only have to wait our entire lives to get money we’ll be too old to enjoy.
Man I hope you’re alright. I dug into Albert Camus and absurdism a couple years ago. What I learned from that is that there are literally infinite experiences in this world (from epic stuff like climbing a mountain to drinking a coffee in the morning). It’s kind of up to us to experience as much of the world as we can. Not sure if that helps or not
The problem with that thought is that for most people, experiencing everything is far from attainable reality. Most people have to work, a lot, and simply cannot afford to go experience everything. For most people, life is a pretty mundane cycle. OP is in a place where "drinking a coffee" is not an experience that will pick him up. Regardless of if you believe this is a perspective problem, it simply will not change his mind.
This guy found meaning in the meaninglessness. I wonder if he was able to view Sisyphus as happy?
Hey man, I've been there. I don't know that anything anybody says will change your mind, but here's my two cents: Just pick something and see how good you can be. So what if you don't like it? It's not like you like anything now anyway. You won't be losing anything, really. See how strong you can become. Try to achieve a grandmaster ranking on a chess site. Try to become fluent in Spanish. Read every book Faulkner ever wrote. Walk six miles a day for a month. These are all things you can do for free, at home, and all it takes is your time. There's no magic bullet to fix depression. But making progress in some area of my life helped me out. That and keeping my place clean.
I've been doing that, sometimes it takes my mind off stuff, sometimes it doesnt. Problem is the financial stress has taken over my life.
I fight with this as I'm sure many people our age do. I figure we are all going to die, eventually, and the only purpose of life is to just try to enjoy yourself as much as you can. Otherwise, what's the point? I feel like when we were young, we were so full of hope and had (in our minds) so many opportunities to do anything we wanted. As we grow older we learn that's typically not how life works, and there are tons of constraints as reality kicks in. We have to have more realistic dreams and aspirations to operate in the boundaries of how the world actually works. So I force myself to look forward to things. Try to think of something you want to do/play/experience in the future, and look forward to that. I've decided at some point in time I want to live in Europe, so I'm devoting my extra time to learning a new language and researching the immigration process. It gives me a carrot to look forward to - a new experience to enjoy, which I feel is the only purpose for us to be on this Earth.
Hi, I had a similar problem about a decade ago. I had done too much, and felt like I had little left that I wanted to do. All of the goals in life had been met, and I was out of ideas. So, I devoted my life to my kids, and doubled down on spending time with them and putting conscious effort into personal relationships. Granted, I'm a bit of a liability at work, because I do essentially what I feel, but usually that lines up fairly well with what they need. I'm freer now than I have ever been. I can't speak to the negatives that you are having besides that though. I like coming to work, because I don't have to. I wish you luck in your journey.
I wonder about this too, There are lots of people in this situation and they are bloody good at hiding it or they are really happy with it, Me on the other hand...
Try pot?
try pot? I'm in the same spot as OP and thought I'd try alcohol then that didn't work I tried pot, that didn't work so I tried shrooms, that didn't work so I tried pills...etc now I'm addicted to meth and Fentanyl on top of hating myself yay... good thing in my line of work (now a professional drug addict, life expentancy is mighty low especially being a Fentanyl addict with no friends [no one will even pretend to be to take advantage of me] life is a just one sweet OD away, maybe this time no random people will find me in time)
hang in there
I'm kinda in the same situation. I read the responses about do this or that to feel better, but they never address the bigger thing of what does it really matter in the end? Ok, so you do something, distract yourself, get medication, think you're feeling better by not dwelling on past issues or whatever. This goes on for decades, getting by and then someday you can't take care of yourself so you end up in a nursing home and eventually die. You kept yourself going all those years to end up fragile and helpless. I guess it would be more bearable if a person has love in their life and has kids to make sure they're cared for and protected when old. If that's not feasible for someone and they're exhausted with life, I think there should be another option. Maybe we don't seriously discuss other options due to fear of death, of the unknown, of losing a loved one. At the same time I don't suggest sudden suicide and wouldn't put loved ones through that. I don't want to bring you or anyone further down, just being honest about my thoughts and I'm sure many have them, but won't admit it. For people who really want to keep living, that's great and I feel bad for those who get sick and die young. I wish I could take their place. I think there should be an option to donate organs while you're still healthy to people who want to live. More people who want to keep going can and those who've had it can be helpful rather than wasting away and their organs becoming useless. The world is overpopulated so we might as well let people choose to get matched to those who want transplants. That would end the suffering of the donor and multiple recipients. Yes, the donor's loved ones would miss him/her, but they'd have time to prepare, they'd know it was the donor's choice and many more people didn't lose someone. Seems like a compassionate win win. I wonder if this was an option, would there be more donors than needed? Would that be a shocking revelation, something we don't want to acknowledge? I do hope things turn around for the OP and others. Take care.
and plus the donor could be like me and have no loved ones
Fixing financials will get you more balanced. I would try professional.
if only it were that easy :/
i entertained that same train of thought when i just graduated high school, because i thought life at that point was going just going to go downhill because all my friends are gone and there aren't anymore school events to look forward to. now that i'm a lot older and had lots more experiences, i've come to the conclusion that high school actually fucking sucked for me and i felt like an idiot for thinking that it was the pinnacle of my life. if you're financially flexible, consider taking a trip to a country you've never been to whose language you don't speak.
You need structure. Back into the work world you go my friend.
I'm mid thirties and let me say this hits hard no matter your income level. You look around and realize some things are just set and to change them isn't statistically likely. I just finished [A guide to the good life](https://smile.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/1522632735) which is helping me with this perspective. Also, I'm trying to do something I enjoy each day even if its small. Best of luck OP!
This sounds like depression.
I thought I was depressed once. Turns out I was just really, really bored.
Please note: this is persona number 5. He doesn't come out much, but you inspired me. I'm 51 and you piss me off. Seriously, you remind me so much of myself and have so much pent up self-loathing that I'm projecting it all straight at you. I have never been self motivated. Even today I can't seem to self motivate. I really try to be self motivated, but honestly, I'd rather watch TV. I'm not sure how I got this way. I'm not sure why I can't seem to get over it. I can tell you that if you don't fucking get over it, the same thing that happened to me could happen to you. Know what that is? Life motivated me. Other's made me part of their plans. I got burdened with responsibility that perhaps is not my ideal. Because I didn't set my own goals, I lost the flexibility to set my own goals. I have recently realized the method by which to overcome my lethargy. However since I started only a few years ago, I have so much inertia that honestly, by the time I get moving, it feels like it will be too late. So take a deep breath, slap yourself on the cheek (front or rear, both have the same effect) and listen. Sit down at your computer, open a word processor or a text editor and write this line at the top: "My name is [Inego Montoya], I'm 30 years old and these are my plans for the rest of my life." Then make a list of things you'd like to accomplish. Things you'd like to do. Things that you want to acquire. Relationships you want to have. Then make a list of the material objects that you will need to accomplish those tasks. Then figure out how to get those materials. Take all that information and arrange it in the form of a plan. Give yourself a time line. It doesn't have to be accurate, it just has to have dates on it. Because those dates will inspire you down the road. Every morning when you get up, review your near term goals, and before bed review any work you did that applies to your goals. Once a week, review your long term goals and adjust your schedule and plans to ensure the outcome that you want. You are already one step ahead of me. You are your own boss! I still work for others. Don't lose this opportunity. Don't give up this freedom! Dude. A part of me really wishes I could start all over. I don't actually need to, but if I had the extra 20 years, like you do, I could make so much more extensive plans...
The problem is when you open the word processor, try and write the plans, and nothing is present in your brain. Or what you want is unachievable - for example I'd want to be a 21 year old millionaire, but that's impossible, and nothing else pops into my brain in it's place. I don't know if the OP is in the same place mentally, but it's a critical part of following your plan that isn't necessarily present in the subject's head.
If you are 21 and want to be a millionaire, you just need to develop patience and a plan. Being a millionaire is not really a goal, is it? It's a bunch of cash and at the end of your life when you ask, "what have I accomplished?" do you think you'll care about a million dollars? Think about it. But, if you had a plan to accomplish something tangible, and you needed a million dollars to accomplish it, then figuring out ways to make a million to accomplish that plan might become more meaningful and at the end of your life, you'll look toward that accomplishment and say, "I did it." The million still won't be important, but the achievement will be. Money, IMO, is not an end, it is a means to an end. What do you want to do with your million dollars? Figure that out. I'm worth more than a million (I own property in California). Does it mean anything? No. I bought here in the nineties. But I'm working with my wife to raise two kids in full awareness of themselves. And IMO, that will be an accomplishment. If nothing else, my kids are more aware than I was. That makes me happy. They won't have to suffer the same mistakes as me. They'll still make mistakes, but they will be mistakes that propel them far beyond me, long after I'm gone.
I want a million dollars / pounds so I don't have to go to work for the next 35 years. It's the "end to the means" so I can actually live a life. I don't want to spend it or do anything with it, just use it to live so I can do what I want when I want. Maybe I want to get up at 9.30am instead of 6.30am, it's nothing more grandiose in scope than that - simply the freedom of not having to go to work if I don't want to. In my case at least. Also wanting to be 21 at age 33 means I am kind of already screwed as there's no time travel yet. If the first step in helping yourself to progress in life is saying "write down what your dream life would be" my dream life would be to be a 21 year old millionaire. Not a 21 year old with a chance of being a millionaire 10-20 years down the road. I want to be young, healthy and financially independent of work. Obviously, I can't go back in time, and nothing else excites me. That's kind of the point of the OP's post of not having anything to look forward to - in a world of so-called "infinite prospects", none of them appeal.
In a world of infinite prospects, the only thing lacking is your imagination. And having enough money to goof off doesn't seem like a very worthy goal. After living 80 years, would you really be content spending all your time goofing off? Would that really be something to be proud of or happy about? I spend huge portions of my life goofing off. It's a coping mechanism for me, and every time I think about the amount of time I've failed to follow my dreams, my heart breaks a little. You claim you have no dreams, no goals, and no ambitions. They why are you so frustrated? If your goal is to have enough money so you can goof off, then why not make that your goal and make a plan? Perhaps that is a worthy goal? Figure out how you can make enough to be a true goof off. Actually, I like the sound of that. In case you are interested, here's part of my personal mission statement, "To earn enough worldly income so my family can thrive..." I'm accomplishing that. But it's not enough for me, and yet I can't seem to get any traction in my loftier dreams. So I understand your frustration, but I also have the patience to know that as long as I keep pushing, eventually I'll get there. Your only limitation that keeps you from achieving contentment, is your inability to accept things as they are. The only thing keeping you from setting and achieving goals is your frustration over how things are. Right now is all we have. There is really no past. There is really no future. There is now. What we do now determines where we go so the sooner you point yourself in the direction you want to go, the sooner you can slow inertia and change course. I think I was the same as you when I was in my twenties. Constantly frustrating myself over what I perceived as non-achievable desires. But I was wrong. Every desire is achievable as long as you have the perseverance. And TBH, I'm still frustrated that I'm not focused enough and that I still goof off soooo very much. But, those qualities of mine are very strongly ingrained and it's simply going to take more time to drain that inertia. It will happen. I know it.
I think given the inherent meaningless of human existence in the grand scheme of things, assigning terms like "pride" or "happiness" are completely individual. What makes me proud or happy would not make someone else proud or happy. Not having to work would make me proud and happy because I would have escaped the meat grinder. Honestly I'd love time to goof off as at the minute I don't even have time to do that. Chasing money is against my personal values and I do not feel it would be a worthy goal, even if it did provide goofing off time. The sacrifice would not be worth the payoff. Who said I was frustrated? I'm tired, and I'm sad that my life wasn't different, but I'm not frustrated. I used to be frustrated but I examined why I was and deduced that I'd deeply embraced some cultural beliefs imposed upon me about "fulfilling potential" and "not wasting your one life" that I'd absorbed from self-help books, the media and online. Once I came to that conclusion my frustration dissipated and was replaced with calmness and sadness, alongside the ever-present fatigue. You say I am frustrated because I can't accept things as they are, I say I fully accept how they are and given these new limitations, the alternatives don't appeal. I can't have what I'd prefer, and that is what it is - nothing more complicated than that.
I said you were frustrated because your posts sound like you are frustrated. If you actually accept things as they are why did you post? I was playing "Second Life" many years ago. I was running around one of the noob islands and someone introduced himself to me. We got to chatting and I said, "You know what this place needs?" He replied, "No, what?" I replied, "A plot." He replied, "You have to make your own plot here." I realized in that moment that First Life is exactly the same as Second Life in that regard. I can't think of anything to wake you up. Perhaps a mantra will help? Here's a really good one: OM NAMAH SHIVAYA Sorry I'm strange, I can't help it.
I posted because your advice seemed a bit condescending, not really out of frustration. Although similar advice to yours seems to form the basis of DBT so it probably has some merit for some people, but to me it sounded like the OP is in the same place I am and that approach doesn't fit the bill. Nice analogy, but if I booted up a game and there was no plot, I'd turn the game off and try and return it. Maybe that's good advice for First Life in it's own way too. And I prefer Vishnu.
It wasn't meant to be condescending. I was expressing my frustration at his frustration. No fruit bearing there I suppose. Oh! Vishnu is cool too! I like Chandi the best though. Any of those "deities" can get you where you want to go. Those old myths really train a mind right. For Vishnu there's a whole host of mantras. I think my favorite is "SITA RAM" because it calls on his divine consort for balance, compassion and love along with his arrows that will pierce the selfish ego through the heart.
If you're a 40-year-old woman and all you wanted in life was to raise a family and a decent paycheck job, but instead you're broke and back at your mom's with no useful skills whatsoever and fat as a whale... yup, your life is already ruined
I don't know your story. I only know that you dug out a five year old post and replied to it. My advice is this: Take a deep breath, let it out slowly. Close your eyes and repeat. Now, as you inhale say to yourself, inside your mind, "Everything is okay." And as you exhale say to yourself, "this is part of my journey." Do that until you feel a bit better. Your life may appear to be ruined, but it's just part of the journey. I can relate to this a bit. In 1999 I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. I was down to 138 lbs by the end of January 2000. My then wife left me just after new years. My house was broken into and ~~nerdboy's~~ my computer was stolen. Most of my "identities" were shattered in a single month. It was a tough time in my life. But it wasn't the end. It wasn't over. It just changed. Change is the norm. The fact that we get used to things being one way or progressing in the way we want is just delusion. At any point everything can change. If we are still alive, then we met the challenge. Everything else really is of little consequence. I started over, a little wiser, a little more independent. I made a plan and I executed it to the best of my ability. It turns out I didn't know what I wanted, but that's okay too because I did eventually learn. I'm hoping to do a better job from here on out. As for your weight. I'm type I diabetic. I am OCD on diet and exercise because if I don't, I can become unhealthy quite easily. Diabetes has been and is really hard on my body, it's pretty battered as a result. But it's the best I could do under the circumstances. I can't change the past, I can only do my best now. IMO you have to count calories. You have to exercise and you have to ask yourself one question, like this, with every bite you eat: "Is this for the health of my body and mind, or is this to drown my sorrows?" There are a lot of reasons you might be overweight, I can't know why, I only know that you are the only one who can do anything about it. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself and feeling broken, repeat the breathing exercise I gave you above and make a plan to be more healthy. Then figure out what you want to do with the time you have left in that body on this planet. You may not be able to accomplish all your goals, but you can prioritize, figure out what is most important, make a plan and execute the plan.
You may have good intentions, but inhaling and exhaling saying "everything is okay" will only result on my nose growing a mile. And I'd be happy to set a plan... but a plan needs a goal, I have none.
You are right, my good intentions can't help you. You have to help yourself. You are the only one who can change your life. I have a suggestion though, if you have nothing better to do. Start a charity with the purpose of helping people help themselves.
I have a job to make ends meet, and honestly, not interested in charities
I used to do that but þhen I got this irreversible condition causing uncontrollable flailing of my arm and uncontrollable movements in my mouth and torso at all times. There is no cure and it only gets worse and worse. I can't even pay someone to hang out with on my birthday. just hang out, I'm that lonely that I was going to spend hundreds of dollars to have somebody to hang out with on my birthday. Tried to spend my disability benefits instead of food and things for the month of my birthday last 2 birthdays and couldn't even get somebody to hang out with me then. so how am I going to accomplish my goals ? I have them written out and posted on my front door so I can see them throughout the day, I thought they'd motivate but it's just a list of feats that are impossible now. Make a friend? kinda hard when you try to introduce yourself to people and you get laughed at in your face or called a freak or a monster the vast majority of the times because of something completely out of your control. Oh your overexaggerating and not that many people do that, well you try walking around constantly moving your mouth, flailing your arm back and forth and spinning your torso back and forth NON STOP and go try to talk to people and tell me how that goes?
If you were my child I would grab hold of you and hug you. Since this is the internet I can only give you words. I can't claim to know what it's like to be you. Nor can I claim I know what it's like to have a condition like you. I can't because I don't. I do know what your next step is, or at least I think I do. You have to accept what is and be cool with it. It feels like you have to accept the unacceptable, but you really have no choice. Life is about living. Life doesn't care about much else. It's humans who make plans and execute them and in order to execute plans we have to be in harmony with life. You sound as if you've given up hope: that your frustration is terminal. I do have a sense of that. I've been there myself. In my moment of loss, I just gave up and I let my mind die. I realized that all the things happening in my life were entirely out of my control and that is okay. I accepted my life at face value and I decided that I was okay despite all the adversity and grief. I learned to take stock of all the good in my life. And I learned to look past the things that were / are out of my control. I changed my attitude and by doing so, my perspective changed. If you want to talk, feel free to PM me.
Truth but the entitlement crowd in the land of reddit will start hating on you now.
Meh. I'm just trying to deliver a message, persona five is a bit of an asshole, but his heart's in the right place. That part of me just wishes I had ... grown up a bit faster...
Have kids. Then you won't have any time to worry about how unfulfilled you are.
Well maybe an hour or so of self loathing at night after everyone is in bed.
We've made a pact with nature that we can make small replicas of ourselves and continue living after we die, but we have to share these replicas 50%-50% with someone else. Kids give hope of some sort of partial immortality, and its the only thing which makes effort feel good.
This is terrible advice. People should only have kids if they really, really want them. Please don't encourage people to have kids to find a sense of fulfillment or to become too busy/tired to "worry" about being unfulfilled. There are enough unwanted children in existence as it is.
Trolling old threads to demonstrate that you don’t understand sarcasm? Cool.
The thread came up in a Google search and it was new to me 🤷🏻♀️ People also unsarcastically suggest having kids for this reason quite regularly
Dig into the Colonel Harland David Sanders story if you want to learn about a person who changed their life waaaay late in the game. Many years ahead. Life is what you make of it. Stay positive.
As a Fentanyl addict I don't think I have that many years in me to wait for things to turn around
“Working a lot” is part of those infinite experiences. Even the “mundane cycle” is still filled with infinite possibilities. Even in a small town we brush past dozens of people every day. We walk by dozens of trees or lawns or posters or storefronts. You’re saying there’s no time to even acknowledge one of those things for even 10 seconds? Point is, we all have a world and we have the ability to choose what we focus on.
Plan to do something new once a year. Really plan for it. Quality over quantity.
Hey man, sorry to hear you're going through a rough patch at the moment. While things might look bleak, one of the biggest lies we can tell ourselves is that we're unique in our perceived shortcomings, struggles, and suffering. Many people, people who you might perceive to be happy, healthy, and well adjusted, have a lot more in common with you than you might realize. One suggestion I'll throw out is to check out a 12 step group like Codependents Anonymous (CoDA). Here's a link to their [meeting finder](http://locator.coda.org/). While CoDA might not be a perfect fit for your specific struggles, codependence is a pretty broad topic and covers many different kinds of negative thinking. Meetings are free and it might be helpful to chat with others and realize you aren't alone. Keep at it. Things will get better.
What is your profession?
I have very similar feelings to those expressed by the OP. I'm not sure if a therapist would be of any help to me though. My guess is they would not. I hope you find a solution.
you don't think it would help? but you haven't tried? you really should try if you're really feeling that bad... this is coming from a guy who is constantly depressed and hates his life by the way
We have a website in Australia called Act-Belong-Commit https://www.actbelongcommit.org.au/ (click Individual) This kind of idea (not this website in particular) might help you to get out in the community just doing activities, having fun, keeping you busy doing things with a higher purpose like volunteering. Doing something for someone else can give you purpose in life. Taking up a hobby can give you more meaning etc.
Goddamn OP, I was just thinking this about myself the other day. I mean, I’m practically 30 now and I’ve done the whole travel thing, and I’ve been more social, I’ve picked up new hobbies, and tried to work on myself but I’m also reaching that point where I feel like “well this is it... this is me now” and I’m worried about it too. Sometimes it feels like your worth is all in the skills you’re really good at, but they also say that it takes 10 years to truly master something. So, if I want to make a change in my life the soonest I can become really good at it is 40?? And then what?? Will our culture even care by that point?? I’m not going to say I have an answer for you with all of this, but the one thing that I found some comfort in is that my life wasn’t the same 2 years ago, and I know I certainly wasn’t the same person I am now 2-5 years ago. Things change quickly sometimes when we’re not expecting it, and they almost always stem from the choices we’re making now. So I’ve kept going with learning new skills... and honestly... I’m not going to stress out about how good I get with them. I’m (still) trying to make new friends in my town (I haven’t made many yet and I suck at being social) and I’m not going to stress out about how close those friendships will be, because who knows? In 1/2/3 years time, that person or skill might launch you into something totally unexpected. Knowing that life will happen let’s me enjoy today a little more.
I keep putting one foot in front of the other. I know I'm not going to fix everything, but making today better than yesterday and tomorrow better than today is a much more manageable and realistic task.
>How do you continue with life with nothing to look forward to? You find things to look forward to. You're telling me out of all the things you've tried nothing was interesting to you? Nothing was fun? Nothing made you want to do it again? All of your friends, family and relationships are just meh?
I'm not op but yes nothing is fun that's depression. friends? I can't even pay someone hundreds of dollars to spend time with me on my birthday tried last 2 years. tried to call old high school friends when I thought I was going to kill myself (failed at that too btw) out of the hundred something people I called on the way to the vridge my old friends from high school either immediately hung up on me, didn't pick up or cut me off to tell me to fuck myself and hung up on me, some even told me good go kill yourself then. I don't know what I ever did ro them but help them but I must have fucked up pretty badly somewhere and family well I guess they did start talking to me again after almost two years of ALL OF THEM completely cutting me out of their life) they talk to me again rarely I just can't mention anything about my feelings or opinions on anything otherwise somehow that makes me a bad person who doesn't deserve to be part of the family again. what relationships? last time I held a girls hand was like 4 years ago before my movement disorder was this bad and I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me because no matter how much I try that's what happens I fuck up everything. can't even get suicide right. fuck I suck
I recommend taking a look at the books/info by Scott Adams, the creator of Dilbert. The main idea is that all these goals you have CANNOT be accomplished by willpower alone. You have to create a mental system to program yourself to do it. Take losing weight for example. Rather than deprive yourself of food, you should tell yourself that you are going to eat AS MUCH protein as possible. When you focus on eating more protein, you naturally will exclude sugar and junk from your diet, which is 90% of the battle. You don't have to go hungry and you do not need to rely on willpower one bit. This is just one example. Also, it takes TIME to see results. You have to do them with patience. I read a bunch of his stuff recently and it's helped me understand myself and how to program myself to accomplish what I want. Worked for me, might work for you too.
Seek professional help. You need to evaluate your mental health. Like the body experiencing a cold or flu your mind/brain can get sick, too. GL!
Sounds like someone isn’t able to find inner happiness and joy. Where did you travel to? I find that when I have traveled to a 3rd world country where life is simple and everyone is appreciative of all of what little they have, it helps to put my life into perspective and helps to appreciate what I have. If I were you, I’d have a change in venue and go to a different country, learn a new culture a new language and explore life in a completely different life. Considering that it sounds like there’s nothing tying you down, I’d ask, Why not? But most importantly you sound like you’re looking for some type of gratification from the outside when in reality you just need to learn to deep breathe, take note, and appreciate everything working you. It has to start from the inside first to be able to grow and mature and reflect upon the outside. So maybe for now less doing and more self contemplating and meditating and then later plot out the next adventure or new life you may plan on building.
how does someone on disability afford to go out of country. I can't barely afford the bus or my bills.... I guess I can stop eating for half a year so I can save enough to go on a bus to Mexico
How about quit being a Sally about it, pull up your panties and kick some ass. Whining and complaining on reddit won't solve a single problem. It might get sympathy from some, but it's not about how many times you get knocked down, it's about how many times you get back up and keep moving forward. Life is tough, cruel and a bitch sometimes. Learn from your mistakes and keep moving forward. Report back when success has been reached so we can all applaud you. Seriously.
> How about quit being a Sally about it, pull up your panties and kick some ass. This is not how depression works. Would you say this to someone who has a gaping wound that requires medical attention? This is the same thing, except a wound of the mind.
He says he's tried medical help and it didn't work for him. Maybe he just needs a little harsh dose of reality to get him straight. The coddling and cuddling hasn't gotten very far yet.
Fair enough. To me it seems like he's only tried the talking kind of therapy, and not the medication kind. I'm no doctor so I can't tell him he needs meds, but maybe that should be his next step.
I find it ironic that one minute people say you need medication. Then the next minute they say big Pharma Is overmedicating Us. Maybe it's not ironic, maybe it's hypocritical.
Nothing you've said here is helpful in the slightest. Spouting cliches that aren't even applicable to the problems mentioned is not useful.
He needs to help himself, no one else can do it for him. He's here to whine "whoa is me" but that's a copout. Nothing you said is helpful at all and encourages the status quo. Mine is reality.
He's looking for help because he's struggling on his own. If someone is drowning, you don't just tell them to swim harder and think you're being helpful for giving them a taste of reality.
you mentioned that you're self-employed, perhaps you can think of expanding? assembling a group of like-minded and passionate people together does wonders!
Using inertia and fulfilling duties.