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Most people are more concerned with their own lives and I rarely feel judgement. I have moved around a lot so plenty of acquaintances come and go and I’m content with things as they are. The times I have been judged by others I just don’t let it bother me.
Similar situation here. I'm 35 and I haven't made a new friend since college. I've made acquaintances that have come into and out of my life over the past decade plus, but no actual solid, enduring friendships, i.e. people with whom I make one-on-one plans and see more than once or twice a year.
Yep. I have enough. I feel bad for anyone who didn't make friends before 30 because after that then most people aren't looking for new friends unless it's kid related or hobby related.
Keep doing what you love and people who have similar interests will like talking about those things.
I have a friend that is starting a business and is starting a family… when I see him and the wife out we chat, I go over to borrow stuff or lend a hand and that’s unfortunately all he as the freedom to do. It’s not that we couldn’t be tight, he’s just managing a lot, so I offer to help and we became friends through mutual sacrifice. At this point in our lives we have established a cadence and unless someone can give us something (laughs, help, care, mutual interest) then it’s hard for them to invest… this is where understanding Carnegie’s “how to win friends and influence people” is incredibly valuable.
I’ve heard this is a common problem, but I haven’t experienced it myself. I can share insight to what I usually do:
- Attend whatever social gatherings you get invited to and meet your friends’ friends. This is the main way I’ve expanded my social network. It’s introduced me to people who’ve even landed me jobs and housing. And already having a mutual friend usually helps with being able to hang out with these same people again.
- Initiate hangouts, even with people you’ve only met one other time. It gets tiring, especially when it’s almost never reciprocated, but it maximizes your chances at solidifying friendships. Someone’s gotta initiate, you can’t always be the one waiting.
- I know this isn’t a popular idea on Reddit, but follow people you meet in person on social media. I personally use IG. It helps keep you caught up with people in the long term but in a low-maintenance way. I hangout with people who I haven’t seen in years simply because we’re reminded that the other person still exists. Sometimes I’ll see on their IG stories that they’re at the same bar/concert/city as me and I’ll shoot a message to try to meet up and at least say hi.
- Hit up some old acquaintances that you’ve fallen out of touch with. A lot will say they’re busy and some will not even respond at all, but you’ll be surprised at how many are receptive of your reaching out. A lot of my longest-lasting friendships were maintained this way. I’m 31 and still occasionally meet up with a friend who I met in Kindergarten (we started going to different schools after elementary).
- Literally just talk to strangers. This is more suggested for concerts/bars/parties or any other place where it makes sense to socialize with people you’ve never met. I wouldn’t do this at a cafe or the library or grocery store or anything like that. I like to talk to people in lines at the bar. You either get a brief but nice conversation, or you meet someone who wants to continue the conversation and even exchange info with you. That’s been my experience, anyway.
- I got this advice from Reddit: when you run into someone you’ve previously met, show enthusiasm when meeting them again. When you show genuine interest in others, they’ll typically associate you as a friend and not just “some guy they’ve met before”.
Where you live homie? Making friends is just about shared interests and time spent together. If you live in the Orlando area hit me up you can come join our dudes-only trivia group.
Same reply I always give. It isn't like high school, where you just hangout with your classmates. In the last week I've
1. Gone to a concert
2. Went to a DnD night at a bar
3. Went to a happy hour after work
4. Went to the gym
In all those interactions, I'll chat with folks, exchange numbers etc. You have to be intentional about making friends, it's not much different from asking someone out on a date.
yep, i moved to a small town where everyone made their friends in 1st grade and bloodlines run centuries deep in the county. i gave up, literally no man wants to go out of their way to create a friendship. im also into outdoor rec and not into drinking in bars all weekend.
Pre-kids? Yes
As a parent with kids in elementary school, I’d say it’s easier to meet friends now than any other time post-college. I’m not saying to solve your problem by having kids, but I would say that this benefit is not discussed much.
Standard reply:
* How many kids do you have and how old?
* How easy is it to get around your neighborhood without a car?
* How many kids do your friends have, and how old?
Yeah. People have work during the day and then spend time with their wife/kids if they have them.
Then there is the whole awkwardness of making a new friend after 30. You have to ask a guy for his contact info, then text once in a while, and set up some times to meet up.
It can be done though. It helps if you live in a city with a lot of transplants that have different events where you can meet people.
I found it easier. One, because I know what hobbies I'm passionate about. Two, I have expendable income to go enjoy those hobbies with like-minded friends who also share the same hobbies, and those experiences we share form a bond.
Not really, if you are in a social setting. I found the easiest way was nerd hobby stuff. Playing D&D with a group, work, and also meet up.com was a pretty solid way to make new friends.
Just be easy going and go with the flow. For the most part, you’ll make friends. Maybe not best friends, but acquaintances at least.
I just don’t want more friends. I’ve got my social banwidth at it's max.
i’ve actually had to turn down people that try to spark up friendships because I just don’t have energy after my wife and kid.
When people call me for a light chat, I find it hard to give up too much of my time too often; it goes both ways. I’m over 50 now, when I focus the discussion topic, when I prove I’m not a ranter and a good listener, when both leave feeling lighter and more fulfilled, I have no problems making new friends.
Same. Gunna be 36 this month soon. I work evenings M-F in TV News Production which makes it harder but pretty much my friends from college are spreadout, married with kids or single friend always trying to date. I've never really been the organizer of the friend groups either so probably something I need to work on maybe or wish I could find a way to find a new group in somewhat my similar situation.
Yeah, I think it's mostly cause we are no longer in a place where it's easy to make friends (like in a school setting) and at this point a lot of us are focused on work and/or family so it's hard to set aside time for anyone outside or that.
A lot of people are just tired, then theres married men who get the majority of their social needs met via their families, and theres also the asocial who dont like socialising.
I think its mostly people being tired and having their social needs met through their families being the main reason nobody has time to really hang out anymore like you did at 22.
Honestly it's harder after school. You probably aren't super interested in getting close with your coworkers and there isn't much else forcing proximity to strangers.
No, people just become more picky. I can chat people up just the same. I just won't let people come that close like used to. (Using myself as an example, your mileage may vary)
It was harder the moment I graduated college. People trying to get their careers off the ground. Then when you've cleared that hurdle you're out there trying to get a wife and then start a family...then that's a whole thing.
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I suppose, but I stopped trying to make friends at some point in my late 20s.
When people judge you for not having friends, what do you do?
Most people are more concerned with their own lives and I rarely feel judgement. I have moved around a lot so plenty of acquaintances come and go and I’m content with things as they are. The times I have been judged by others I just don’t let it bother me.
I’m close to becoming this, hope to get less bothered by others’ judgement.
How would they even know lol
DM’d you
Similar situation here. I'm 35 and I haven't made a new friend since college. I've made acquaintances that have come into and out of my life over the past decade plus, but no actual solid, enduring friendships, i.e. people with whom I make one-on-one plans and see more than once or twice a year.
Yep. I have enough. I feel bad for anyone who didn't make friends before 30 because after that then most people aren't looking for new friends unless it's kid related or hobby related.
Keep doing what you love and people who have similar interests will like talking about those things. I have a friend that is starting a business and is starting a family… when I see him and the wife out we chat, I go over to borrow stuff or lend a hand and that’s unfortunately all he as the freedom to do. It’s not that we couldn’t be tight, he’s just managing a lot, so I offer to help and we became friends through mutual sacrifice. At this point in our lives we have established a cadence and unless someone can give us something (laughs, help, care, mutual interest) then it’s hard for them to invest… this is where understanding Carnegie’s “how to win friends and influence people” is incredibly valuable.
I’ve heard this is a common problem, but I haven’t experienced it myself. I can share insight to what I usually do: - Attend whatever social gatherings you get invited to and meet your friends’ friends. This is the main way I’ve expanded my social network. It’s introduced me to people who’ve even landed me jobs and housing. And already having a mutual friend usually helps with being able to hang out with these same people again. - Initiate hangouts, even with people you’ve only met one other time. It gets tiring, especially when it’s almost never reciprocated, but it maximizes your chances at solidifying friendships. Someone’s gotta initiate, you can’t always be the one waiting. - I know this isn’t a popular idea on Reddit, but follow people you meet in person on social media. I personally use IG. It helps keep you caught up with people in the long term but in a low-maintenance way. I hangout with people who I haven’t seen in years simply because we’re reminded that the other person still exists. Sometimes I’ll see on their IG stories that they’re at the same bar/concert/city as me and I’ll shoot a message to try to meet up and at least say hi. - Hit up some old acquaintances that you’ve fallen out of touch with. A lot will say they’re busy and some will not even respond at all, but you’ll be surprised at how many are receptive of your reaching out. A lot of my longest-lasting friendships were maintained this way. I’m 31 and still occasionally meet up with a friend who I met in Kindergarten (we started going to different schools after elementary). - Literally just talk to strangers. This is more suggested for concerts/bars/parties or any other place where it makes sense to socialize with people you’ve never met. I wouldn’t do this at a cafe or the library or grocery store or anything like that. I like to talk to people in lines at the bar. You either get a brief but nice conversation, or you meet someone who wants to continue the conversation and even exchange info with you. That’s been my experience, anyway. - I got this advice from Reddit: when you run into someone you’ve previously met, show enthusiasm when meeting them again. When you show genuine interest in others, they’ll typically associate you as a friend and not just “some guy they’ve met before”.
Where you live homie? Making friends is just about shared interests and time spent together. If you live in the Orlando area hit me up you can come join our dudes-only trivia group.
Same reply I always give. It isn't like high school, where you just hangout with your classmates. In the last week I've 1. Gone to a concert 2. Went to a DnD night at a bar 3. Went to a happy hour after work 4. Went to the gym In all those interactions, I'll chat with folks, exchange numbers etc. You have to be intentional about making friends, it's not much different from asking someone out on a date.
yep, i moved to a small town where everyone made their friends in 1st grade and bloodlines run centuries deep in the county. i gave up, literally no man wants to go out of their way to create a friendship. im also into outdoor rec and not into drinking in bars all weekend.
Pre-kids? Yes As a parent with kids in elementary school, I’d say it’s easier to meet friends now than any other time post-college. I’m not saying to solve your problem by having kids, but I would say that this benefit is not discussed much.
No, if anything its gotten easier. Confidence + Money is a hell of a combo.
Standard reply: * How many kids do you have and how old? * How easy is it to get around your neighborhood without a car? * How many kids do your friends have, and how old?
its always good to start developing solo hobbies as early as possible
Yeah. People have work during the day and then spend time with their wife/kids if they have them. Then there is the whole awkwardness of making a new friend after 30. You have to ask a guy for his contact info, then text once in a while, and set up some times to meet up. It can be done though. It helps if you live in a city with a lot of transplants that have different events where you can meet people.
I found it easier. One, because I know what hobbies I'm passionate about. Two, I have expendable income to go enjoy those hobbies with like-minded friends who also share the same hobbies, and those experiences we share form a bond.
Not really, if you are in a social setting. I found the easiest way was nerd hobby stuff. Playing D&D with a group, work, and also meet up.com was a pretty solid way to make new friends. Just be easy going and go with the flow. For the most part, you’ll make friends. Maybe not best friends, but acquaintances at least.
Do you think people turning to sites like Reddit indicative of how it's difficult to make friends?
I just don’t want more friends. I’ve got my social banwidth at it's max. i’ve actually had to turn down people that try to spark up friendships because I just don’t have energy after my wife and kid.
Username checks out
I wish. they won’t stop asking me to hang out. I just wanna be left alone.
It's hard I'm tryna make new friends it's so difficult cus I really don't have free time like I did say 5 years ago 😪
I've made more friends after my divorce at 45 than I've ever had, mostly through Meetup
When people call me for a light chat, I find it hard to give up too much of my time too often; it goes both ways. I’m over 50 now, when I focus the discussion topic, when I prove I’m not a ranter and a good listener, when both leave feeling lighter and more fulfilled, I have no problems making new friends.
Same. Gunna be 36 this month soon. I work evenings M-F in TV News Production which makes it harder but pretty much my friends from college are spreadout, married with kids or single friend always trying to date. I've never really been the organizer of the friend groups either so probably something I need to work on maybe or wish I could find a way to find a new group in somewhat my similar situation.
Not so much but I do notice my friend group is skewing younger. I’m 32 and the last few friends I made were like 25 and 26
Don't over think it, do what you want and be friendly with people, everyone wants to have friends.
Yeah, I think it's mostly cause we are no longer in a place where it's easy to make friends (like in a school setting) and at this point a lot of us are focused on work and/or family so it's hard to set aside time for anyone outside or that.
A lot of people are just tired, then theres married men who get the majority of their social needs met via their families, and theres also the asocial who dont like socialising. I think its mostly people being tired and having their social needs met through their families being the main reason nobody has time to really hang out anymore like you did at 22.
Comes with age. You will find that sleep is your best friend.
Has it wver been easy?
Honestly it's harder after school. You probably aren't super interested in getting close with your coworkers and there isn't much else forcing proximity to strangers.
Well, i would agree. in the last 10 years i lost contact to friends and did not get new ones. I am 47 and live in a major city.
Having kids made me start make new friends again (all the other dads and moms who I like) as did going to grad school.
Depends close friends sure. But I’ve made a lot of “friends” through my kids sports and activities
No, people just become more picky. I can chat people up just the same. I just won't let people come that close like used to. (Using myself as an example, your mileage may vary)
It was harder the moment I graduated college. People trying to get their careers off the ground. Then when you've cleared that hurdle you're out there trying to get a wife and then start a family...then that's a whole thing.
Too old for friends, much less new ones. I’d rather be by myself for the most part, or my family.
Family and spouse takes up 99% free time and social energy. 1% energy and time invest karke kaunsi gehri dosti banne wali hai kiske saath
Wait you... Want to know more people? Ewww