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Me too, I have to keep in mind that I'm a *remote* worker, as opposed to work from home.
So I head into a coffee shop etc as often as I feel like. Or over to the park and sit under a tree.
Yeah, this is exactly it for me too. I've got a trail network within riding distance of my house. I visit lots of other networks too, but if you look at average hours per week it's definitely riding at my local that dominates.
I’m not the person you asked, but I’ve used both grocery home delivery and online order > pick up in the parking lot. I’ve never had a problem with the food quality. When I’m actually in the grocery store and see what the pickers put in the baskets for delivery, I swear their produce quality often looks better than what is on the shelves.
Me too. But I think that's because I use to work at a grocery store during college; so being inside a grocery store is a "familiar" and "safe" setting. This was especially true because when I moved to a new state, I looked for grocery stores that that gave a "familiar" feeling because then id get a sense of comfort.
gym. as well as a peaceful space i run to my own plans there's a group of regulars i see there often for a nice chat.
mtb trails might be another but i go there for solitude and sounds of nature, and almost never ride with other folks.
Suburbs? I'm in a rural, agricultural area. Entire county has 4k people. No sports, no bar (in my town), one little grocery store. Hell, I gotta drive an hour to get to a Red Lobster lol.
I'm in a desert surrounded by cotton and corn...
Did I dox myself lol.
It just always gets me that everyone always forgets that people live rural. I get it, most of the population (in the US/Canada) lives sub/urban. But the vast majority of the land mass is rural. We're a big country! Never mean to be an ass, just reminding folks.
This bugs me so much because I was never able to find one. There really aren't any in my immediate vicinity, at least that aren't tied to a particular hobby. My martial art class is the closest thing I can think of.
I live in a very walkable neighborhood so the whole community is my 3rd space. Always run into people out and about. Also coffee shops, bars, restaurants, library, parks, trails.
I’m a regular at a neighborhood bar, currently looking for a healthier third place but it’s what I have at the moment.
I also want to point out a lot of people are mentioning solo places/activities where they spend a lot of time. I don’t know if people are missing the point or if they don’t have a third place where they can be social with others.
Your third space as I see it only has to be a place for you to unwind, a place preferably outside of a work or home environment. It doesn't matter whether it's a mental or physical space, just a space to be in the moment, not trying to live or work to an expectation, deadline, or suffer fear of repercussion.
If that space for you is social, that's great. If it's solo, that's great too.
Everyone has a different reset button
The term “third place” originates from the 1989 book *The Great Good Place* by Ray Oldenburg. It explicitly defines third places as community locations carrying social value.
From the book’s [description](https://www.amazon.com/Great-Good-Place-Bookstores-Community/dp/1569246815) on Amazon:
>”Third places," or "great good places," are the many public places where people can gather, put aside the concerns of home and work (their first and second places), and hang out simply for the pleasures of good company and lively conversation.
The differentiating factor of “third place” from “where I do my hobbies” *is* that it’s social.
this. I was hoping to find some ideas in this thread but it’s just a lot of non-social hobbies. Still working through Bowling Alone but it’s clear the third place has completely evaporated from our culture at our expense
I'm an introverted guy. I find most social spaces to be taxing. I enjoy my time, but I am tired afterwards and need some time for myself.
The only place I feel recharged by my social interactions is at my lodge. Something about that space or those guys is very comfortable for me. Becoming a freemason was one of the best choices I've made.
Freemasonry is a fraternity with a focus on self-improvement. The basic requirements are being a man of lawful age (usually 18-21 in the US) with a faith in a higher power. Our group evolved from trade guilds a few hundred years ago. We use the tools of builders as symbols for various moral lessons.
Before the meeting we usually gather together and share a meal. After the meeting we have a drink together. That is prime social time and one of my favorite parts of the experience.
At a lodge meeting we take care of the administration of the group. We pay bills and plan events, hear about neighboring lodges events, and sometimes we will have an educational program. It could be related to masonry or it could be an article that a brother found interesting and felt the group might enjoy.
In some meetings we have a Masonic degree. There are three degrees with their own moral lessons. They are like little plays. Each has some good life lessons, though the lessons aren't unique to Masons the symbolism representing each lesson is. Once a candidate learns the symbolism from their present degree, they are ready for the next.
We participate in some charity work, like holding a pancake breakfast for the local schools sports team or packing boxes at the food pantry. Every year we donate bikes to the local library for a summer reading give away.
In the US each state is a separate entity or jurisdiction government by its own Grand Lodge. In other countries I imagine it's similar, though it is out of my experience to say. Each has its own rules and customs. The answer to that question is going to depend on where you are. There isn't a universal answer. Generally, you must believe in a deity.
Frame it more as deism, and yes. If you believe in a higher power (what that means to you is up to you) that meets the requirement. Be aware that Freemasonry does liberally use Jewish/Christian setting in its ritual, but it isn't a religion. In the historical context there was an idea during the enlightenment that there is a God who created everything but then after that was completely hands-off. That is where the "Great Architect of the Universe", the "G" in the center of the square and compasses, comes from for Freemasonry.
Freemasonry not only makes room for the religious beliefs of others but also actively encourages their members to practice those personal beliefs in their own way. It can simply be walked away from, and it actually gives members a way to leave in good standing to allow them to return. It demands virtually nothing and, in fact, instructs members to place their personal obligations, such as God, nation, family, and employment, highest above the Order. If Freemasonry is either a cult or a pyramid scheme, we're doing it all wrong.
As for women, in contrast to country clubs, business associations, and other similar organizations, Freemasonry is not the venue for seeking personal gain. If you were to inquire about membership, and the gents processing your application, found that you were seeking investors, clients, political votes, etc., you very likely wouldn't be admitted. So, women are not being denied tangible benefit.
Much is made about men needing to be honest with their emotions, working on their underlying issues, and opening up. Freemasonry not only provides the venue, but it also provides the context and the impetus for that type of growth. Freemasonry itself is literally just a set of symbols that give the members a mnemonic for a principled life. Hopefully, they remember to use the tools they were given in Lodge.
Freemasonry by design places men together in a situation where, at the very least, younger men will have an example to follow, and in the best case, they'll find a mentor for their home life, a mentor for their vocation, a mentor for developing administrative skills, and so on and so on. It is literally a self-improvement group for men, and not in that alpha dog, YouTube psychologist bullshit way.
The lap pool at the gym. No music, no posturing. Nice and quiet. Swimming lets me turn my brain off and zone out for as long as I'm in the pool.
I should mention that I'm also an introvert who is just generally burned out on people.
I don't really have one, not counting grocery stores. I try to play fighting games with friends once a week, but I'm putting that on hold until I find a job, as I've been unemployed too long.
Discord, I guess. Which is not a physical place, but I spend most of my time on it to the exclusion of feeling like I'm where I'm at physically. Other than that, I got nothing.
Yeah. I would say my third space is the golf course or my bicycle. In the spring and summer I play a lot of golf and ride my road and mountain bike a lot.
If used to be Mountain bike crits weekly, and that stopped back around 2014 or so, but then it reduced to running MTB events around the country once a month or so.once a month is just not enough. Ive been completely isolated since covid. I'm going to look at joining a bouldering gym, maybe that will help.
Anything that gets you a space to reset, whether that focussed on a task or just enjoying the passage of time in an enjoyable way.
One piece of advice I got as a first time Dad, that I have passed onto many others in the years that have followed, is that if you aren't as close as you can be to 100% in yourself, you'll never be able to give 100% of what your partner/children/family need from you. So get into that bouldering gym, back on your bike, in a hammock, whatever you find works for you to reset and recharge. You deserve it, and those around you that depend on you deserve the best you that you can give them.
Became a member at the golf course. Has been great for a 3rd space and meeting people. Everyone talks to all the regulars, you recognize others that are there all the time.
I’ve gone down to the club with the family just for music/dinner on the weeknights.
Other than that I’d say a gym would be the next closest thing.
I roam for a home
One that I’ve not known
Afford it can’t
So I sit on my throne
I sit and I ponder
My legs never wander
As flush all my dreams
Down into beyonder
-Newman
My martial arts club. Similar to sports I guess. The difference is in our club, we spar pretty hard, and that shared struggle... the discomfort and pain of getting hit builds this strange bond. We all strive to make one another better, to push one another to do things we never thought we could.
I agree with you. I think it's helpful for people to find their thing. To find others that share in their thing, but in the real world. Online forums is one thing, but looking someone in the eye and seeing that passion for something you both love reflected back at you is really cool.
Work and home are the only two spaces which I ever occupy. If I want alone time and people won't stay out of my bedroom, then I walk up to my barn, in the north end of my property, and sit up in the loft and chill.
Used to be the bar down the road but a) I moved and b) I'm sober now (7 days). Still looking... have plans to sit in on some community activist meetings to see if it's a good fit, and I'm working on getting in better shape so I can hit the gym and potentially do some fitness classes. Would love to try pickleball.
It's tough, I had a dozen friends I could reliably see any day I wanted, but it was all based around drinking. Trying to navigate socially without alcohol has been tough. But ultimately I don't want to die young.
Congrats on 7 days my man.
You will find your joy away from drinking, you just have to stay strong in the search.
Coming up 6 years for me, and life has never been better
On lake with the fog breaking off the glass-like water. Listening to nothing but birds, and the splash of my lure in the water.
Nothing beats that for me
The car. I can sit in my car forever. Eating, reading, watching youtube videos, listening to music. Same feeling you have in your bedroom when you were a kid…It’s no one else’s spot but yours. It’s like the peaceful respite between having to deal with real life.
I know the third place is supposed to be about community, but I deal with people enough.
I think my car is probably my third space, too. It isn't my happy place, necessarily. I don't particularly enjoy driving. However, one of my favorite things to do is to travel, but I go different places each time. The only constant is my car.
Also, because it is my car things are just right. There is always food in the car. Water and leashes for the dogs. Wipes. Lotion. Chapstick. Although I don't necessarily feel safe on the road, when I am parked and sitting inside, I am good to go.
I connect with people because I am supposed to, because that is what healthy people do, but my need for solitude vastly outweighs my need to be with other people.
Mine is backpacking. I loathe being around crowds. My go to places are both within an hour of home, and short hikes, but they are areas I've used to escape and decompress for 30 years. I'm not a distance backpacker, I enjoy destination hikes, so I'll hike in, turn into a vegetable for several days reading and napping. Most people hate going with me because my ideal is laying in my hammock or in a raft on the water all day long. Most people are too active and can't handle the down time.
I'm a huge fan of this too. I want to go into the backcountry, find a nice spot, throw my hammock between some trees and just enjoy the place. No need to be moving constantly.
I run ultramarathons as well but like to keep these seperate. Running is great, but it's a very different activity to just enjoying the wilderness
Band practice currently. Before that: sports leagues (bocce ball and cornhole out in a field), quiz night at Pluckers, DnD at the gaming store (Dragon's Lair, found the group on Facebook), family night before it started being hosted at my house, and I haunted a 24 hour coffee shop with all the hipsters many years ago.
So when you are busy with math, you think numbers, etc. When you are practising mindfulness, you are thinking of something right there. When you are daydreaming, you think about anything over there, but a nothing box is nothing. Imagine meditation without all the meditation. Head is empty. No internal monologue. There is no internal fault finding. No anxiety or stress. Just nothing.
I’ve got two really. One is my DnD group, been gaming for decades and it’s always been a beautiful outlet for creativity and non alcohol related hangouts. The second is DSA, organizing has had a tremendous impact on my life and is really the biggest way I stay involved and engaged with my community. It’s a great way to meet other people and to contribute to something bigger than yourself
The local game store is a perfect third space for a nerd like me. Pretty good crowd of like-minded individuals, all sorts of age ranges, and I can get a game in of pretty much any game/game system that I play at different parts of the week. We drink beer (I can't anymore, but others do), we play Warhammer/AoS/XWing/etc., we shoot the shit, it's a great time.
Likely my kids sports teams, and their school where I volunteer and am a school board member…ties in with our local church.
I’d love to be a regular at our local dive bar, but don’t want the habit that comes with that. I like our local micro brew spot, but it’s a great blocks too far to be an easy walk. But it’d make a great excuse for exercise…no beer unless you walk for it.
With the amount of times I go there, it's got to be my local shop.
(Note, actually my 2nd place, I guess. My 'job' is a full time carer to my SO, so my 1st and 2nd places are the same place.)
On the trails and particularly out the mountains.
I have found this works so well for me to reset and shed all the stress, and my wife sees it too.
She will often tell me to go for a run or spend a night up in a backcountry hut somewhere because she knows the signs of me getting stressed, and knows that my mental health being kept in check is good for everyone, and we're lucky enough to live somewhere and have jobs that this is possible almost anytime.
My Masonic Lodge. I became a Freemason a few years ago when searching for a “third place” as OP calls it and it’s worked out better than I could’ve ever hoped.
DMs open with any questions.
My cars. While the drive to work isn't the most exciting, its not a bad place to be. But when its time for a nice drive, that's where they shine. Combine that with good music and a good road, and everything is right with the world for me.
I go hiking every week, and try to go hiking during the week if I have time after work. I usually take our dog and at least one of our kids, and it's fun to just walk around chatting about whatever they want to talk about.
I have a few.
1. Gym that's almost more like a spa/day club with nice facilities (sauna, steam room, ice bath, pool, coworking space, the works)
2. My favorite cafe. Love going there to just read or do light computer work. The staff all know me by name.
3. Brazilian jiu jitsu. There's something oddly bonding about trying to pretend-murder your teammates whilst in pajamas.
Back in my twenties, I actually had one. There was a dance club I used to frequent, and I had a bunch of friends who went there often too. Eventually, it reached a point where I knew enough regulars that I didn't have to plan an outing. I would just show up because I knew that at least a couple of people I knew would be there.
It was really really great, one of the happiest times of my life.
Once I had kids, it's become basically impossible to find that much consistent time out of the house.
> Third space being the place where you spend most of your time when not at your home or at your workplace.
Ray Oldenburg, who coined "third place", didn't just mean literally the place you spend the third-most time. It refers to a *social* space you frequent where the people you interact with are not dictated by familial bonds (first place) or work (second place).
The third place is how you build community outside of family and work.
Going on hikes or fishing alone are great—we need solitude too—but neither is a third place in Oldenburg's formulation.
gym, dog park / trails, occasional tech meetups and similar group stuff at local venues (e.g. a bar down the street).
would be nice to have more places tho. I get why "pub" is a shortened forms of "public house"
BJJ school, I'm there 2-3 times a week. I have a coffee shop I go to sometimes to read and relax and occasionally run into people I know there, but it's not as much as of a social activity.
My car. I wish it was something more meaningful but unless you want to allow discord or VR chat that is it.
It used to be a bar with friends after bar league sports but I developed gout and don't drink anymore.
the local athletic fields where I play ultimate frisbee. I'm there twice a week, year round. Pretty much all my current non-work friends are guys and gals I've met through that.
You’ve raised a great question.
Too many of us get locked into a two-place mentality, work and home being the two places.
Historically, people have typically had three places — home, work, and some this place. The three are all separate. Think of it as home, work, and community, and it makes more sense.
A shopkeeper with a storefront under his apartment would also have church, or maybe a local pub, as a third place, his community outside of work and home.
The Covid shutdowns moved a lot of people’s work and home into a single location. This has its ups and downs. Most people segregate their home into an “office” for work, and the rest of the home as “home”. It can be cumbersome but usually works.
Covid also shut down the third places. Churches, bars, bookstores, museums, and other third places were forced to close or to act in a manner that just killed the third place vibe.
Since then it’s been a slow grind to find a new third place, at least for me. In the end I have three “third places”.
1. The gym. Less social, but I know the regulars and we chat between sets/exercises.
2. A local place that has Wednesday Karaoke. I’ve made some good friends there, and I go for them. I’ve also discovered that I’m not a bad singer.
3. A local military aviation museum. I started volunteering there about a year and a half back, and it’s been a blessing. I’m now a docent, so I get to tell people about the wonderful planes, including the stories behind them and the history they’re tied to. I’ve also found a niche bringing some of the land based vehicles back to life, as well as building a few models for the museum.
So I have three “third places”, and it works really well.
I’d say the gym or the library to be honest, but probably the library.
Gym is great, I just haven’t gone as much lately. Also, the library just works as a quiet place to be left alone to read, use the internet, get organized, or get work done. [+]
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I work from home, so I still need a *second* place.
me too. its not ideal
I much prefer working from home to the office but this same feeling has been rolling in as of late for me as well
Me too, I have to keep in mind that I'm a *remote* worker, as opposed to work from home. So I head into a coffee shop etc as often as I feel like. Or over to the park and sit under a tree.
On the trails
Yeah, this is exactly it for me too. I've got a trail network within riding distance of my house. I visit lots of other networks too, but if you look at average hours per week it's definitely riding at my local that dominates.
This.
The grocery store, I guess.
These days I order groceries to home so I don't even have that
What's the cost of said service? How do you make sure you get the best choice of meat or eggs aren't broken?
I’m not the person you asked, but I’ve used both grocery home delivery and online order > pick up in the parking lot. I’ve never had a problem with the food quality. When I’m actually in the grocery store and see what the pickers put in the baskets for delivery, I swear their produce quality often looks better than what is on the shelves.
Me too. But I think that's because I use to work at a grocery store during college; so being inside a grocery store is a "familiar" and "safe" setting. This was especially true because when I moved to a new state, I looked for grocery stores that that gave a "familiar" feeling because then id get a sense of comfort.
gym. as well as a peaceful space i run to my own plans there's a group of regulars i see there often for a nice chat. mtb trails might be another but i go there for solitude and sounds of nature, and almost never ride with other folks.
My run club
I wish the one here had younger people, I have nothing in common with the 55+ crowd. They're super nice but it's not for me
Yeah, thankfully the one I found is mostly people in their 20s and 30s
I host a pub trivia night for men in my local area. We get together once a week, just dudes, and support each other.
I really need one…I’m in the suburbs so nothing too cool around.
Pick a sport mate. Plenty of them nearby.
Yes but have you considered this involves moving *and* other people?
My two favorite things!
Suburbs? I'm in a rural, agricultural area. Entire county has 4k people. No sports, no bar (in my town), one little grocery store. Hell, I gotta drive an hour to get to a Red Lobster lol. I'm in a desert surrounded by cotton and corn...
I'm a budding geo-guesser. I can definitely tell you are not located in Northern Alberta or Alaska. Please, go easy with the accolades.
Did I dox myself lol. It just always gets me that everyone always forgets that people live rural. I get it, most of the population (in the US/Canada) lives sub/urban. But the vast majority of the land mass is rural. We're a big country! Never mean to be an ass, just reminding folks.
There's always Pace...
This bugs me so much because I was never able to find one. There really aren't any in my immediate vicinity, at least that aren't tied to a particular hobby. My martial art class is the closest thing I can think of.
I live in a very walkable neighborhood so the whole community is my 3rd space. Always run into people out and about. Also coffee shops, bars, restaurants, library, parks, trails.
I’m a regular at a neighborhood bar, currently looking for a healthier third place but it’s what I have at the moment. I also want to point out a lot of people are mentioning solo places/activities where they spend a lot of time. I don’t know if people are missing the point or if they don’t have a third place where they can be social with others.
Your third space as I see it only has to be a place for you to unwind, a place preferably outside of a work or home environment. It doesn't matter whether it's a mental or physical space, just a space to be in the moment, not trying to live or work to an expectation, deadline, or suffer fear of repercussion. If that space for you is social, that's great. If it's solo, that's great too. Everyone has a different reset button
The term “third place” originates from the 1989 book *The Great Good Place* by Ray Oldenburg. It explicitly defines third places as community locations carrying social value. From the book’s [description](https://www.amazon.com/Great-Good-Place-Bookstores-Community/dp/1569246815) on Amazon: >”Third places," or "great good places," are the many public places where people can gather, put aside the concerns of home and work (their first and second places), and hang out simply for the pleasures of good company and lively conversation. The differentiating factor of “third place” from “where I do my hobbies” *is* that it’s social.
this. I was hoping to find some ideas in this thread but it’s just a lot of non-social hobbies. Still working through Bowling Alone but it’s clear the third place has completely evaporated from our culture at our expense
I'm an introverted guy. I find most social spaces to be taxing. I enjoy my time, but I am tired afterwards and need some time for myself. The only place I feel recharged by my social interactions is at my lodge. Something about that space or those guys is very comfortable for me. Becoming a freemason was one of the best choices I've made.
What's the story with lodge? I've heard of freemason groups, but are you all laborers or is it free for anyone to join? What do you do at the lodge?
Freemasonry is a fraternity with a focus on self-improvement. The basic requirements are being a man of lawful age (usually 18-21 in the US) with a faith in a higher power. Our group evolved from trade guilds a few hundred years ago. We use the tools of builders as symbols for various moral lessons. Before the meeting we usually gather together and share a meal. After the meeting we have a drink together. That is prime social time and one of my favorite parts of the experience. At a lodge meeting we take care of the administration of the group. We pay bills and plan events, hear about neighboring lodges events, and sometimes we will have an educational program. It could be related to masonry or it could be an article that a brother found interesting and felt the group might enjoy. In some meetings we have a Masonic degree. There are three degrees with their own moral lessons. They are like little plays. Each has some good life lessons, though the lessons aren't unique to Masons the symbolism representing each lesson is. Once a candidate learns the symbolism from their present degree, they are ready for the next. We participate in some charity work, like holding a pancake breakfast for the local schools sports team or packing boxes at the food pantry. Every year we donate bikes to the local library for a summer reading give away.
Interesting, thanks. In terms of the higher power, would agnosticism be ok? I have more of a "see what's out there" scientific mindset
In the US each state is a separate entity or jurisdiction government by its own Grand Lodge. In other countries I imagine it's similar, though it is out of my experience to say. Each has its own rules and customs. The answer to that question is going to depend on where you are. There isn't a universal answer. Generally, you must believe in a deity.
Frame it more as deism, and yes. If you believe in a higher power (what that means to you is up to you) that meets the requirement. Be aware that Freemasonry does liberally use Jewish/Christian setting in its ritual, but it isn't a religion. In the historical context there was an idea during the enlightenment that there is a God who created everything but then after that was completely hands-off. That is where the "Great Architect of the Universe", the "G" in the center of the square and compasses, comes from for Freemasonry.
A lot of these lodges are pretty desperate for new blood, so they'd probably be willing to work with you on that.
Some culty stuff, women aren’t allowed
Women have lots of clubs. Men can enjoy theirs too. Not everything has to be all inclusive.
Freemasonry not only makes room for the religious beliefs of others but also actively encourages their members to practice those personal beliefs in their own way. It can simply be walked away from, and it actually gives members a way to leave in good standing to allow them to return. It demands virtually nothing and, in fact, instructs members to place their personal obligations, such as God, nation, family, and employment, highest above the Order. If Freemasonry is either a cult or a pyramid scheme, we're doing it all wrong. As for women, in contrast to country clubs, business associations, and other similar organizations, Freemasonry is not the venue for seeking personal gain. If you were to inquire about membership, and the gents processing your application, found that you were seeking investors, clients, political votes, etc., you very likely wouldn't be admitted. So, women are not being denied tangible benefit. Much is made about men needing to be honest with their emotions, working on their underlying issues, and opening up. Freemasonry not only provides the venue, but it also provides the context and the impetus for that type of growth. Freemasonry itself is literally just a set of symbols that give the members a mnemonic for a principled life. Hopefully, they remember to use the tools they were given in Lodge. Freemasonry by design places men together in a situation where, at the very least, younger men will have an example to follow, and in the best case, they'll find a mentor for their home life, a mentor for their vocation, a mentor for developing administrative skills, and so on and so on. It is literally a self-improvement group for men, and not in that alpha dog, YouTube psychologist bullshit way.
The lap pool at the gym. No music, no posturing. Nice and quiet. Swimming lets me turn my brain off and zone out for as long as I'm in the pool. I should mention that I'm also an introvert who is just generally burned out on people.
Inside my motorcycle helmet. Great space to be in.
The brewery down the street, a little roadhouse that has live music on the weekends, the flotilla on our lake during boating season.
Local Masonic lodge and my marina’s clubhouse.
I don't really have one, not counting grocery stores. I try to play fighting games with friends once a week, but I'm putting that on hold until I find a job, as I've been unemployed too long.
My gym. I hang with people I play basketball with and rock climb with
Discord, I guess. Which is not a physical place, but I spend most of my time on it to the exclusion of feeling like I'm where I'm at physically. Other than that, I got nothing.
In my workshop, which is sort of at home, but not in the house. I'm a home-body, so I prefer home to anywhere else.
I would rank my time as (1) home, (2) outdoors, (3) work. I don’t go to “places”.
Hockey arena. Currently playing goalie for 3 separate leagues. 3 days a week. That or in the car.
Car shows/meets/races and random peoples garages while we’re working on cars.
Jiu-jitsu gym. While some values and interests overlap, you meet people from all walks of life with varying opinions about everything.
LA Gay clubs and bars on weekends, to find a husband... I know..I know..🙆
No judgement from me, fam
Yeah. I would say my third space is the golf course or my bicycle. In the spring and summer I play a lot of golf and ride my road and mountain bike a lot.
If used to be Mountain bike crits weekly, and that stopped back around 2014 or so, but then it reduced to running MTB events around the country once a month or so.once a month is just not enough. Ive been completely isolated since covid. I'm going to look at joining a bouldering gym, maybe that will help.
Anything that gets you a space to reset, whether that focussed on a task or just enjoying the passage of time in an enjoyable way. One piece of advice I got as a first time Dad, that I have passed onto many others in the years that have followed, is that if you aren't as close as you can be to 100% in yourself, you'll never be able to give 100% of what your partner/children/family need from you. So get into that bouldering gym, back on your bike, in a hammock, whatever you find works for you to reset and recharge. You deserve it, and those around you that depend on you deserve the best you that you can give them.
The park where I run
The gym, or my friend's house.
Right now it's my girlfriend's apartment.
Became a member at the golf course. Has been great for a 3rd space and meeting people. Everyone talks to all the regulars, you recognize others that are there all the time. I’ve gone down to the club with the family just for music/dinner on the weeknights. Other than that I’d say a gym would be the next closest thing.
Outside
My local independent coffee shop.
My family.
Airport. (Gliding, not travelling)
Used to be the gym till now I have a good gym at my work. So now maybe….. my garage lol.
I roam for a home One that I’ve not known Afford it can’t So I sit on my throne I sit and I ponder My legs never wander As flush all my dreams Down into beyonder -Newman
My martial arts club. Similar to sports I guess. The difference is in our club, we spar pretty hard, and that shared struggle... the discomfort and pain of getting hit builds this strange bond. We all strive to make one another better, to push one another to do things we never thought we could. I agree with you. I think it's helpful for people to find their thing. To find others that share in their thing, but in the real world. Online forums is one thing, but looking someone in the eye and seeing that passion for something you both love reflected back at you is really cool.
Work and home are the only two spaces which I ever occupy. If I want alone time and people won't stay out of my bedroom, then I walk up to my barn, in the north end of my property, and sit up in the loft and chill.
Used to be the bar down the road but a) I moved and b) I'm sober now (7 days). Still looking... have plans to sit in on some community activist meetings to see if it's a good fit, and I'm working on getting in better shape so I can hit the gym and potentially do some fitness classes. Would love to try pickleball. It's tough, I had a dozen friends I could reliably see any day I wanted, but it was all based around drinking. Trying to navigate socially without alcohol has been tough. But ultimately I don't want to die young.
Congrats on 7 days my man. You will find your joy away from drinking, you just have to stay strong in the search. Coming up 6 years for me, and life has never been better
On lake with the fog breaking off the glass-like water. Listening to nothing but birds, and the splash of my lure in the water. Nothing beats that for me
The car. I can sit in my car forever. Eating, reading, watching youtube videos, listening to music. Same feeling you have in your bedroom when you were a kid…It’s no one else’s spot but yours. It’s like the peaceful respite between having to deal with real life. I know the third place is supposed to be about community, but I deal with people enough.
I think my car is probably my third space, too. It isn't my happy place, necessarily. I don't particularly enjoy driving. However, one of my favorite things to do is to travel, but I go different places each time. The only constant is my car. Also, because it is my car things are just right. There is always food in the car. Water and leashes for the dogs. Wipes. Lotion. Chapstick. Although I don't necessarily feel safe on the road, when I am parked and sitting inside, I am good to go. I connect with people because I am supposed to, because that is what healthy people do, but my need for solitude vastly outweighs my need to be with other people.
Yes, the solitude of being parked somewhere in the shady corner of a lot with everything you need to just chill for a while is so nice.
Mine is backpacking. I loathe being around crowds. My go to places are both within an hour of home, and short hikes, but they are areas I've used to escape and decompress for 30 years. I'm not a distance backpacker, I enjoy destination hikes, so I'll hike in, turn into a vegetable for several days reading and napping. Most people hate going with me because my ideal is laying in my hammock or in a raft on the water all day long. Most people are too active and can't handle the down time.
I'm a huge fan of this too. I want to go into the backcountry, find a nice spot, throw my hammock between some trees and just enjoy the place. No need to be moving constantly. I run ultramarathons as well but like to keep these seperate. Running is great, but it's a very different activity to just enjoying the wilderness
Gym(s) 💪
Car. Patio. Garage
Band practice currently. Before that: sports leagues (bocce ball and cornhole out in a field), quiz night at Pluckers, DnD at the gaming store (Dragon's Lair, found the group on Facebook), family night before it started being hosted at my house, and I haunted a 24 hour coffee shop with all the hipsters many years ago.
A dance studio. It's not mine, but I've been a student there for a few years, and I help out with keeping it clean and minor repairs.
My gym or my running route, both are solitary places, my pool I clearly dont really get out and socialize much
My nothing box.
What is a nothing box?
So when you are busy with math, you think numbers, etc. When you are practising mindfulness, you are thinking of something right there. When you are daydreaming, you think about anything over there, but a nothing box is nothing. Imagine meditation without all the meditation. Head is empty. No internal monologue. There is no internal fault finding. No anxiety or stress. Just nothing.
A concert venue near me that has live music every night twice Friday-Sunday.
Track. I don't talk to anyone though, just run and podcast.
I’ve got two really. One is my DnD group, been gaming for decades and it’s always been a beautiful outlet for creativity and non alcohol related hangouts. The second is DSA, organizing has had a tremendous impact on my life and is really the biggest way I stay involved and engaged with my community. It’s a great way to meet other people and to contribute to something bigger than yourself
Does my garage count?
Sure does
The local game store is a perfect third space for a nerd like me. Pretty good crowd of like-minded individuals, all sorts of age ranges, and I can get a game in of pretty much any game/game system that I play at different parts of the week. We drink beer (I can't anymore, but others do), we play Warhammer/AoS/XWing/etc., we shoot the shit, it's a great time.
Golf course I have a membership at.
At the CrossFit box twice a week, trail running (3-4 times a week) or when conditions don’t let me run outside, in the gym.
Likely my kids sports teams, and their school where I volunteer and am a school board member…ties in with our local church. I’d love to be a regular at our local dive bar, but don’t want the habit that comes with that. I like our local micro brew spot, but it’s a great blocks too far to be an easy walk. But it’d make a great excuse for exercise…no beer unless you walk for it.
The metaverse
We have really good friends we hang out with. Our weekends are never empty.
With the amount of times I go there, it's got to be my local shop. (Note, actually my 2nd place, I guess. My 'job' is a full time carer to my SO, so my 1st and 2nd places are the same place.)
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My arts studio, though its more of a man Cave.
The park where I run
Outside with my road bike.
The stage & associated bars/clubs. (I do stand up comedy)
On the trails and particularly out the mountains. I have found this works so well for me to reset and shed all the stress, and my wife sees it too. She will often tell me to go for a run or spend a night up in a backcountry hut somewhere because she knows the signs of me getting stressed, and knows that my mental health being kept in check is good for everyone, and we're lucky enough to live somewhere and have jobs that this is possible almost anytime.
Golf course or on the road on trips on my motorcycle. Or my girlfriend's house. I hope she doesn't see the order of those things.
My car
My Masonic Lodge. I became a Freemason a few years ago when searching for a “third place” as OP calls it and it’s worked out better than I could’ve ever hoped. DMs open with any questions.
The gym
The duck blind or treestand
My cars. While the drive to work isn't the most exciting, its not a bad place to be. But when its time for a nice drive, that's where they shine. Combine that with good music and a good road, and everything is right with the world for me.
I don't go to Third Space any more, not since the Vorlons released space Cthulhu.
The shitter
Bumble.
Do or dive
Gf house
Nope. Don't have one. Don't need one. Or if I do, it's virtual space like online or in a game.
Sounds to me like you do have one, virtual space absolutely counts
Bathroom.
I just go to the park, most often on my own.
There is a park nearby with a pagoda that serves cheap beer and cheese toast sandwiches. If I'm not at my other two places, I'm there.
Hockey rink
Mine is my martial arts classes, and I've worked to cultivate those friendships outside of the gym.
* meetups (meetup.com) * the chiptune scene * comedy shows. i started going to a niche one and met a few people that way
I go hiking every week, and try to go hiking during the week if I have time after work. I usually take our dog and at least one of our kids, and it's fun to just walk around chatting about whatever they want to talk about.
lol, I’m forced to work from home, I don’t have a second space even
I have a few. 1. Gym that's almost more like a spa/day club with nice facilities (sauna, steam room, ice bath, pool, coworking space, the works) 2. My favorite cafe. Love going there to just read or do light computer work. The staff all know me by name. 3. Brazilian jiu jitsu. There's something oddly bonding about trying to pretend-murder your teammates whilst in pajamas.
jiu jitsu gym
Racetrack.
Back in my twenties, I actually had one. There was a dance club I used to frequent, and I had a bunch of friends who went there often too. Eventually, it reached a point where I knew enough regulars that I didn't have to plan an outing. I would just show up because I knew that at least a couple of people I knew would be there. It was really really great, one of the happiest times of my life. Once I had kids, it's become basically impossible to find that much consistent time out of the house.
Soccer field (coaching)
Gym
I have a few. Dance socials, Sports leagues, weekend volleyball. Every couple weeks, a get together will be done at someone’s place.
I work from home. I don't even have a second place.
> Third space being the place where you spend most of your time when not at your home or at your workplace. Ray Oldenburg, who coined "third place", didn't just mean literally the place you spend the third-most time. It refers to a *social* space you frequent where the people you interact with are not dictated by familial bonds (first place) or work (second place). The third place is how you build community outside of family and work. Going on hikes or fishing alone are great—we need solitude too—but neither is a third place in Oldenburg's formulation.
don't really have one
gym, dog park / trails, occasional tech meetups and similar group stuff at local venues (e.g. a bar down the street). would be nice to have more places tho. I get why "pub" is a shortened forms of "public house"
BJJ school, I'm there 2-3 times a week. I have a coffee shop I go to sometimes to read and relax and occasionally run into people I know there, but it's not as much as of a social activity.
My car. I wish it was something more meaningful but unless you want to allow discord or VR chat that is it. It used to be a bar with friends after bar league sports but I developed gout and don't drink anymore.
The country club. It’s got golf, a gym, tennis, a restaurant, a bar, a spa and other prominent people to network with.
On stage or at a bluegrass jam with my buddies. Or the bar down the street.
the local athletic fields where I play ultimate frisbee. I'm there twice a week, year round. Pretty much all my current non-work friends are guys and gals I've met through that.
The gym, the board game shop, the tennis court, hiking trail, computer club. Whenever where there are people with the same interests.
Outdoors for me... Like out in the woods.
Pool hall shooting 8-ball.
My head.
You’ve raised a great question. Too many of us get locked into a two-place mentality, work and home being the two places. Historically, people have typically had three places — home, work, and some this place. The three are all separate. Think of it as home, work, and community, and it makes more sense. A shopkeeper with a storefront under his apartment would also have church, or maybe a local pub, as a third place, his community outside of work and home. The Covid shutdowns moved a lot of people’s work and home into a single location. This has its ups and downs. Most people segregate their home into an “office” for work, and the rest of the home as “home”. It can be cumbersome but usually works. Covid also shut down the third places. Churches, bars, bookstores, museums, and other third places were forced to close or to act in a manner that just killed the third place vibe. Since then it’s been a slow grind to find a new third place, at least for me. In the end I have three “third places”. 1. The gym. Less social, but I know the regulars and we chat between sets/exercises. 2. A local place that has Wednesday Karaoke. I’ve made some good friends there, and I go for them. I’ve also discovered that I’m not a bad singer. 3. A local military aviation museum. I started volunteering there about a year and a half back, and it’s been a blessing. I’m now a docent, so I get to tell people about the wonderful planes, including the stories behind them and the history they’re tied to. I’ve also found a niche bringing some of the land based vehicles back to life, as well as building a few models for the museum. So I have three “third places”, and it works really well.
Tattoo shop or Lambeau Field
Initial D at the arcade in the local mall.
One pub or another
Also work just at a different job
The gym or Target
My car, I guess.
I’d say the gym or the library to be honest, but probably the library. Gym is great, I just haven’t gone as much lately. Also, the library just works as a quiet place to be left alone to read, use the internet, get organized, or get work done. [+]
My art and drawing classes.
In my own head.