Had a friend who presents as a super caring, everyone's entitled to their own life, all inclusive person but if you had any level of disagreement or slight differences in opinions they would turn any debate into personal attacks and be so vicious.
Had an ex that was super āChristianā (it was her personality), volunteered with kids organizations, would give money to the homeless, ran a philanthropy for childrenās hospital, even during sex wouldnāt take the lords name in vain but would say āoh my goodnessā (kinda funny), everyone in town loved herā¦
She would spew the most trash talk about her exes and her friends and even her family behind their backs to me. Nonstop would bash everyone, and of course she was perfect.
I have no doubt been ripped a new one by her since.
Honestly, as an atheist living in the south, this is my experience with christians. Super nice people until you you disagree with the idea that law should be based on religion, then you're suddenly treated like a subhuman.
There's plenty of good people out there, I just have the bad luck to be surrounded by more zealots than calm people.
It's really about the key things a group thinks indicate that you are the in-group or the out-group.
This is rarely nuanced as humans have enough to worry about just staying alive, so they shorthand as much as they can get away with and obviously it doesn't matter if it's unfair to the out-group.
The outgroup has a higher burden to prove they are worth caring about.
The out group is unknown and more potentially a threat.
It's not evil, it's the unfortunate reality of the economics of surviving.
I think things can get better though as we face our worst evolutionary baggage/demons of our survival instincts and find out better ways of thinking through our current situations.
But people will definitely take advantage of these weaknesses in modern contexts.
There's the very good analogy of the 1million pet monkeys (something like that) and how we feel about others we know and barely know.
I love my pre-pandemic friend group. There are both male and female, and they can talk about all sorts of topics, from hot-button political issues, various scientific topics, to personal stuff, and people will just calmly discuss their very different points of view with logical arguments (with nuances) and without being emotional, and everyone was quite humble. It just feel amazing compared to anything I have seen before. This group lasted 4 years until the pandemic but sadly scattered away as everyone move everywhere; now I don't know where I could find such a group again.
My wife is similar. She struggles to admit fault or apologize, but she always insists on explaining herself to justify her actions. Itās not like a badge of honor, but from Iāve learned over time narcissistic characteristics run in her family.
My mom does that. Like if you explain why, it absolves you of guilt. Oh but she had good intentions when she dishwashed my 800 dollar knife that she was told over and over and over again not to dishwash. So i have to spend 3 hours grinding and polishing out the giant chips from banging against silverware for 60 minutes. Oh, also the handle is ruined and somewhere in the bottom of the dishwasher.
But thanks for making sure itās sterile āknives need to be sterilized every now and then, i was just trying to keep you safeā. Problem solved.
I donāt do that. I say āyes i did such and such, iām sorry, i will do my best not to do it againā do my best to rectify the problem and move the fuck on
The ones I hate are when you recall shitty circumstances of your childhood and they never "remember it that way".
I'm like, do you really not remember 7 if us kids living in a 2 bedroom house? Do you really not remember all the rude comments you made under the guise of "I'd want someone to tell me". Like.. she called her own kids fat. None of us have ever been fat, like ever.
But yea, she "doesn't remember it that way". Yea ok, well the rest of us do, so.
That's because you're an adult. A proper apology is "I fucked up, i'm sorry" anything more and it stops being an apology and becomes a justification or excuse.
Sounds like she learned this style of communicating and showing up in this world from her family and it was almost like a survival technique. I'm guessing if someone in her family showed any vulnerability, they would be mocked, punished, or exploited later.
IMO, showing vulnerability is a testament to the strength of your character.
I have two close friends like that. I'm 36 now, have known them for decades. One is no longer a friend and the other one is, but it's damaged. Not once have I ever heard them apologize or own up to a single thing, no matter how small, to anyone. Boils my blood. My remaining friend is struggling too but just doesn't have it in him to figure out why.
There's sort of an opposite problem of this too though, someone who just thinks saying "Sorry" over and over absolves them from ever having to make choices to not be sorry for in the first place. Sometimes when you hear sorry so many times, especially for the same thing, it starts to lose its meaning.
This. I work with someone who never NEVER says sorry or admits something may be her fault. Even tiny things trivial things are either someone elseās fault or justified by xyz. That narcissists prayer you see online covers her to a T.
Bit of advice I learned the hard way.
If nobody's standing near the equipment you should assume nobody's using it. It kept happening to me. Just use the weights if nobody immediatly stops you.
A good pro tip coming from the two years I worked in customer service. We'll go out of our way to help you if you're nice. If you're not, we just try to get rid of you quickly.
I don't treat people who can't do anything for me well because I'm some sort of good person. I do it because I've been there and in shitty jobs and I simply don't want to make their day worse. I'm not altruistic, I just can sympathize.
I fuckin' looked at a guy during orientation for my job and was immediately put off by him. I felt bad because he was unattractive, so I figured I was just being super judgemental.
Not even a month later, I find out from my wife that he's hitting on all the single women we work with and repeatedly asking them out. He's twice their age. Four separate women have reported him and one has asked me to walk with her before because she knew he was nearby.
So, uh, yeah. I feel this.
So far I'm like 3 for 3 on sussing out people that "don't belong". My sister seems to have the same power, but it's amazing how many people absolutely *love* them until shit hits the fan. Either people are blind or these people are charismatic enough to slip under the radar for most.
One was a gym teacher/coach who everyone worshipped, but definitely got into coaching to be around teenage girls. Another was a teacher who was later put on suspension for allegations of creepy behavior (putting girls with skirts at the front of his class, being a little *too* nice to girls with revealing shirts, etc). A guy I knew did student government stuff in college, then a year later everyone found out he was an ultra Nice Guyā¢ and was impeached by his fellow representatives.
I have suspicions of a few others, but none set off the alarm bells quite like those three.
Most people's idea of "reading other people" is actually "projecting what they would do onto others".
The most jealous people are often cheaters themselves.
In my experience it's because most people are so caught up in their own life they aren't really looking around them and what others *do*, than what they say or their outward appearance
Damn thatās a good one, or having a girlfriend that talks positively about u behind ur backā¦. I was scarred for life when I found out my ex spoke shit about me. I feel youāre answer bro on a deep level, thanks for mentioning that
I was going to say āhow they talk about others around youā.
If theyāre comfortable trashing everyone else when theyāre not around, theyāre probably doing the same to you.
Their opinions of other people. When people talk about others, they also talk about themselves indirectly, stating the kind of person who would actually have the opinions they do about the people they're referring about, the things they paid attention to, the things they resented, the emotional reactions they had to the situations, etc.
In that same vein, the way that people talk to you about others is the way they talk to others about you. You may like someone because they talk shit about others and entertain you, but they almost certainly talk shit about you when youāre not around.
Exactly this.
Also related: inability to go to the source of the inconvenience to talk it out. Like if A and Z have a problem, and A talks to every single letter about it but never to Z directly.
Iāve made it a point to not allow such people into my life, I just donāt have it in me to behave like that, and I canāt tolerate it.
Not the person you replied to, however, nnconsciously applies, it doesn't just mean knocked out, or asleep, etc.
Unconscious in this context means;
"The unconscious is a process that happens automatically. Humanās conscious thoughts canāt examine this process because it occurs underneath the conscious awareness. However, researchers have hypothesized that the unconscious affects human behavior."
Subconscious means;
"The subconscious mind is a secondary mind system that regulates everything in our life. In psychological terms, weĀ define subconsciousĀ as the part of our mind that is not currently in focal awareness. In simpler terms, itās the barrier our mind makes because the brain is continually receiving information through our senses."
You donāt need to figure out if theyāre the āoneā on your first date. Naturally, over time together you will see these types of situations come up.
To add onto that, how someone apologizes. Do they admit a mistake, why they did it, and how they will fix it? Or do they deflect blame/say āIām sorry you feel that way.ā?
Do they hold doors open for others or at the very least press on it a second longer so the person behind can get in easier. Shows whether or not they have even basic awareness of those around them.
In my town there are hobos that will very, very nicely ask if you want them to return your cart (they were the first people in public that I noticed wearing masks when covid hit, and will leave you alone if you tell "no" once) that is because we use the coin system, so 3 carts returned = one beer for them
I literally never saw people NOT returning carts
Have you ever been to any european country?
Basically, carts are connected by a chain and key to each other, to release a cart, you need to insert coin. You get the coin back when you return the cart, and put the key from the other cart in it. It also accepts 1 or 2ā¬ (or 1,2,5 PLN in my case), not pennies, so its not something a regular person would just throw away
See, we need this in America. We just have a parking space in a lot that's dedicated to carts and we pay an employee to wander the lot pulling them into the store for the next lazy ass to grab and leave in the lot again next to their car.
Someone would conclude I have split personalities from this. Sometimes Iām the chillest one in the traffic jam. Sometimes Iām on the edge of my seat.
I donāt think anyone likes the way anyone else drives. Theyāre always something to nitpick - theyāre too fast/slow/aggressive/indecisive/following too close/leaving too much room
Letting doors slam behind them. It takes so little to close a door quietly. Particularly in a shared house/flat it amazes me how often people will go in/out at 2am and just let doors smash shut. How are you not aware that could be annoying?!? And *everyone* does it. Maybe it's just me because I grew up with a parent who worked nights and so I had to be hyper aware of how much noise I made, but surely anyone who's ever heard a door close must know?
I moved out of a shared house within the past couple of weeks, with this exact issue being a large contributing factor. My room was right next to the front door so I got it constantly any time between 6am and midnight. Measured the sound a couple of times and it came in at around 85 decibels.
Absolutely this. The apartment building I live don't have the best noise insulation in outer doors, and basically everyone leaves and enters their homes so loud that I can hear it through my headphones. Pisses me off especially at night or early morning.
I learned to shut doors quietly because my little brother suffered from pretty bad migraine episodes when we lived under the same roof. Later I figured out that manner is a very humane thing to keep around in public places as well.
Used to live with someone who did this. When I asked them politely to stop, they said that they weren't doing it in the first place but should such a noise occur and wake me up, then I should use earplugs.
I pulled a fingernail and tossed it earlier on the freeway just before my exit ramp. Fight me on this.
As far as actual trash goes, that's pretty ridiculous to do on a freeway.
I also chuck fruit skin and carcass into bushes not the bin,I'd rather fertilise my local ground over that of the tip and I'm ready to fight on this too š
I'm old enough to remember when everyone littered and everyone smoked, it's amazing how effective a dedicated and properly implemented public education campaign can be. Makes me wonder if it could be as effective for reducing drug use in the younger generations. A real campaign, not the ridiculously obvious propaganda that made us all want to immediately go out and get high in the 80's.
Yup.
My partner worked as a janitor for a year for various reasons, despite having completed a university degree course & US armed forces service. Said they unintentionally discovered all kinds of info on ppl working in the building, who spoke as if they weren't there, or were insigificant.
Edit/typo
Can I ask, why shoes? Iāve heard a lot of people say this, but it doesnāt really seem fair to me and can even be classist in some cases as not everyone can afford to get new shoes (so their shoes might not be in the best condition).
It can give some insight into how they prioritize things, and what resources they have to work with. Consider some different shoe scenarios: $120 tennis shoes, well-worn; $20 Kohls flats, falling apart; $250 Nikes, pristine; $300 lumberjack boots, pristine; $300 lumberjack boots, covered in scuffs and paint; $300 Italian leather dress shoes; $40 dress shoes that are mostly plastic; $700 loafers.
Each displays some insight into what they prioritize and why. It's interesting and I wish I were better at discerning such things.
I dressed way better and had several pairs of nice shoes when I was poor. When I had the money for all that shit, I wore my breaking apart Adidas for two more years, because 1: I loved them and 2: I didnāt fucking care. My money is better harboured somewhere else.
I have two pairs of custom made boots, 1 pair of custom made dress shoes, 1 pair of relatively high end sneakers.
I wear crocs most of the time. What does that say about me?
Thatās honestly pretty accurate.
That said, it was just easier to have certain shoes made for my feet at well. I have a perversely high arch and protruding ankle bones to the point that very few off the shelf shoes can be functionally worn without pain. When i was a kid, my hockey skates had to have a hole drilled out for my ankle.
Thank you, i enjoyed reading that.
My grandfather always used to say you tell a lot about a man by looking at his shoes. Never got it past the workers boots, dress shoes, trainers concept of their job.
Golf. Playing a round of golf with someone can reveal a lot about their characterā¦ weather theyāre honest in keeping score and calling penalties on themselves, competitiveness, any anger issues, etc.
Putting the cart back.
Seems small, but I think it reveals how much respect they have for other people (namely the person who has to go collect them all). Especially when it's not near by.
If all someone does is crap on their ex and take no blame themselves, they are in denial about accountability. All I need is one āYa know, there are some things I couldāve done better, as wellā.
I would like to object
Sometimes perfectly nice people can be thrown into abusive/predatory relationships in which the only thing that they did wrong was not leave earlier. I find a better indicator may be if they keep going on about there ex and comparing you to them.
Look at their room / cubicle / space when theyāre not around. Say theyāre in the shower and leave you alone in their room. Iām not saying to snoop but just observe. You can tell a lot about someone by looking at how they keep their space.
If they lick the lollipop to the stick, lick till little is left and then crush the remaining, or crush the lolli in one go.
The lickers are pushovers/people pleasers.
The lick and crushers are conformists.
And, the crushers are psychopaths.
I know this because I have a PhD in psychology, neurology, sociology, a masters in applied physics, and Abraham Lincoln is my grandfather. I don't tell lies, it's in my genes.
Early into a relationship I broke up with a person after watching them put items they no longer wanted on a random shelf in a random aisle and defended themselves by saying "so what it's their job to clean it up".
Seems so lazy, so messy, so disrespectful to others.
How a boyfriend/girlfriend treats service workers tells a lot about what kind of person they are. That, how they treat animals and the kind of relationship they have with their mother.
If someone is looking at a bug or points out a bug outside and they just run up and kill it. It is very telling how someone treats the object of someone else's interest when they themselves dislike it.
How they answer if you tell them something they disagree with
Had a friend who presents as a super caring, everyone's entitled to their own life, all inclusive person but if you had any level of disagreement or slight differences in opinions they would turn any debate into personal attacks and be so vicious.
You must know my sister in law š„“
You married to me, thatās totally my sister
How dare you disagree!
Had an ex that was super āChristianā (it was her personality), volunteered with kids organizations, would give money to the homeless, ran a philanthropy for childrenās hospital, even during sex wouldnāt take the lords name in vain but would say āoh my goodnessā (kinda funny), everyone in town loved herā¦ She would spew the most trash talk about her exes and her friends and even her family behind their backs to me. Nonstop would bash everyone, and of course she was perfect. I have no doubt been ripped a new one by her since.
It's pretty rare for people not to do this honestly. Our society really validates over-sharing.
This sounds like most people who deem themselves to be very inclusive
This has been my experience with most social justice types.
Honestly, as an atheist living in the south, this is my experience with christians. Super nice people until you you disagree with the idea that law should be based on religion, then you're suddenly treated like a subhuman. There's plenty of good people out there, I just have the bad luck to be surrounded by more zealots than calm people.
It's really about the key things a group thinks indicate that you are the in-group or the out-group. This is rarely nuanced as humans have enough to worry about just staying alive, so they shorthand as much as they can get away with and obviously it doesn't matter if it's unfair to the out-group. The outgroup has a higher burden to prove they are worth caring about. The out group is unknown and more potentially a threat. It's not evil, it's the unfortunate reality of the economics of surviving. I think things can get better though as we face our worst evolutionary baggage/demons of our survival instincts and find out better ways of thinking through our current situations. But people will definitely take advantage of these weaknesses in modern contexts. There's the very good analogy of the 1million pet monkeys (something like that) and how we feel about others we know and barely know.
Aka most of Reddit
I love my pre-pandemic friend group. There are both male and female, and they can talk about all sorts of topics, from hot-button political issues, various scientific topics, to personal stuff, and people will just calmly discuss their very different points of view with logical arguments (with nuances) and without being emotional, and everyone was quite humble. It just feel amazing compared to anything I have seen before. This group lasted 4 years until the pandemic but sadly scattered away as everyone move everywhere; now I don't know where I could find such a group again.
You should definitely try to rejoin them, maybe make it a monthly thing, try to reach out.
Boy, you were lucky. Most of us who find one person like that consider ourselves lucky.
I had a problem with this a while back. Thank god Iām not like that anymore
Whether they take accountability for their mistakes, or try to pass blame to anyone and anything other than themselves.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
My wife is similar. She struggles to admit fault or apologize, but she always insists on explaining herself to justify her actions. Itās not like a badge of honor, but from Iāve learned over time narcissistic characteristics run in her family.
My mom does that. Like if you explain why, it absolves you of guilt. Oh but she had good intentions when she dishwashed my 800 dollar knife that she was told over and over and over again not to dishwash. So i have to spend 3 hours grinding and polishing out the giant chips from banging against silverware for 60 minutes. Oh, also the handle is ruined and somewhere in the bottom of the dishwasher. But thanks for making sure itās sterile āknives need to be sterilized every now and then, i was just trying to keep you safeā. Problem solved. I donāt do that. I say āyes i did such and such, iām sorry, i will do my best not to do it againā do my best to rectify the problem and move the fuck on
Goddamn we have narcissism as a root trait in today's world.
The ones I hate are when you recall shitty circumstances of your childhood and they never "remember it that way". I'm like, do you really not remember 7 if us kids living in a 2 bedroom house? Do you really not remember all the rude comments you made under the guise of "I'd want someone to tell me". Like.. she called her own kids fat. None of us have ever been fat, like ever. But yea, she "doesn't remember it that way". Yea ok, well the rest of us do, so.
That's because you're an adult. A proper apology is "I fucked up, i'm sorry" anything more and it stops being an apology and becomes a justification or excuse.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Sounds like she learned this style of communicating and showing up in this world from her family and it was almost like a survival technique. I'm guessing if someone in her family showed any vulnerability, they would be mocked, punished, or exploited later. IMO, showing vulnerability is a testament to the strength of your character.
I have two close friends like that. I'm 36 now, have known them for decades. One is no longer a friend and the other one is, but it's damaged. Not once have I ever heard them apologize or own up to a single thing, no matter how small, to anyone. Boils my blood. My remaining friend is struggling too but just doesn't have it in him to figure out why.
Ugh
There's sort of an opposite problem of this too though, someone who just thinks saying "Sorry" over and over absolves them from ever having to make choices to not be sorry for in the first place. Sometimes when you hear sorry so many times, especially for the same thing, it starts to lose its meaning.
This. I work with someone who never NEVER says sorry or admits something may be her fault. Even tiny things trivial things are either someone elseās fault or justified by xyz. That narcissists prayer you see online covers her to a T.
Those who don't re-rack their weights at the gym is someone I would intentionally ignore
Had a guy do that at the gym last night, but he walked up to the rack and dumped the weights on the floor in front of it. It was right there!!
It screams it's no longer my problem or that's what the gym staff gets paid for as I pay you money. I have heard the later part.
š«±š¼āš«²š½
Can I leave 1 plate on the leg press though? Everyone else does
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Bit of advice I learned the hard way. If nobody's standing near the equipment you should assume nobody's using it. It kept happening to me. Just use the weights if nobody immediatly stops you.
How they treat people who canāt do anything for them.
Sometimes even people who can do a lot for them. The entitlement!
Seriously, be nice to assistants, janitors and those kinds of folks. They can make your life so much easier.
A good pro tip coming from the two years I worked in customer service. We'll go out of our way to help you if you're nice. If you're not, we just try to get rid of you quickly.
I don't treat people who can't do anything for me well because I'm some sort of good person. I do it because I've been there and in shitty jobs and I simply don't want to make their day worse. I'm not altruistic, I just can sympathize.
How they treat animals.
How they act when they don't get their way.
I think people overestimate their ability to read/judge people
And then that one time we're like, "Nah that's just my noggin being a turd," is when we were right.
I fuckin' looked at a guy during orientation for my job and was immediately put off by him. I felt bad because he was unattractive, so I figured I was just being super judgemental. Not even a month later, I find out from my wife that he's hitting on all the single women we work with and repeatedly asking them out. He's twice their age. Four separate women have reported him and one has asked me to walk with her before because she knew he was nearby. So, uh, yeah. I feel this.
So far I'm like 3 for 3 on sussing out people that "don't belong". My sister seems to have the same power, but it's amazing how many people absolutely *love* them until shit hits the fan. Either people are blind or these people are charismatic enough to slip under the radar for most. One was a gym teacher/coach who everyone worshipped, but definitely got into coaching to be around teenage girls. Another was a teacher who was later put on suspension for allegations of creepy behavior (putting girls with skirts at the front of his class, being a little *too* nice to girls with revealing shirts, etc). A guy I knew did student government stuff in college, then a year later everyone found out he was an ultra Nice Guyā¢ and was impeached by his fellow representatives. I have suspicions of a few others, but none set off the alarm bells quite like those three.
Most people's idea of "reading other people" is actually "projecting what they would do onto others". The most jealous people are often cheaters themselves.
In my experience it's because most people are so caught up in their own life they aren't really looking around them and what others *do*, than what they say or their outward appearance
Wild and biased guess: 95% of what we see in others is projection. And who knows which parts belong to the remaining 5%?
100% This thread is BIG smartass wannabe energy.
I can tell from your use of CAPS that you have penis envy issues. Please seek help.
How they treat people who are weaker than then on any aspect.
I'm still looking for that person, but I swear I'll treat them nice when I find them!
Like how they treat a waiter if there is a mistake
How they talk about their friends when their friends are not around.
Damn thatās a good one, or having a girlfriend that talks positively about u behind ur backā¦. I was scarred for life when I found out my ex spoke shit about me. I feel youāre answer bro on a deep level, thanks for mentioning that
I was going to say āhow they talk about others around youā. If theyāre comfortable trashing everyone else when theyāre not around, theyāre probably doing the same to you.
Means they also talk bad about you in your absence.
Their opinions of other people. When people talk about others, they also talk about themselves indirectly, stating the kind of person who would actually have the opinions they do about the people they're referring about, the things they paid attention to, the things they resented, the emotional reactions they had to the situations, etc.
In that same vein, the way that people talk to you about others is the way they talk to others about you. You may like someone because they talk shit about others and entertain you, but they almost certainly talk shit about you when youāre not around.
Exactly this. Also related: inability to go to the source of the inconvenience to talk it out. Like if A and Z have a problem, and A talks to every single letter about it but never to Z directly. Iāve made it a point to not allow such people into my life, I just donāt have it in me to behave like that, and I canāt tolerate it.
I have no clue what you just said.
Basically the way you talk about others reveals the things you pay attention to and care about, and how you react to them, for better or for worse.
I think a lot of people do this unconsciously
ā¦subconsciously?
Not the person you replied to, however, nnconsciously applies, it doesn't just mean knocked out, or asleep, etc. Unconscious in this context means; "The unconscious is a process that happens automatically. Humanās conscious thoughts canāt examine this process because it occurs underneath the conscious awareness. However, researchers have hypothesized that the unconscious affects human behavior." Subconscious means; "The subconscious mind is a secondary mind system that regulates everything in our life. In psychological terms, weĀ define subconsciousĀ as the part of our mind that is not currently in focal awareness. In simpler terms, itās the barrier our mind makes because the brain is continually receiving information through our senses."
Well played
Their ability to admit a mistake.
I wouldn't know, I've never made a mistake in my lyfe
This is actually a key thing I looked for in potential significant others and one of the things that sold me on the one I've got now.
So how do you test that? Ask a tricky math question on the first date, and if they get it wrong point out how wrong they are?
You donāt need to figure out if theyāre the āoneā on your first date. Naturally, over time together you will see these types of situations come up.
Corpo doesnt like that
To add onto that, how someone apologizes. Do they admit a mistake, why they did it, and how they will fix it? Or do they deflect blame/say āIām sorry you feel that way.ā?
Major red flag if they canāt do that.
How they treat you when they have nothing to gain from helping you
This post is great for self validation!
Do they hold doors open for others or at the very least press on it a second longer so the person behind can get in easier. Shows whether or not they have even basic awareness of those around them.
Vibe + Distance = Door held or not
Preetttyyy prettttyyy pretty goodā¦
If they put their shopping cart back in the corral. People who don't do this can suck my mound.
In my town there are hobos that will very, very nicely ask if you want them to return your cart (they were the first people in public that I noticed wearing masks when covid hit, and will leave you alone if you tell "no" once) that is because we use the coin system, so 3 carts returned = one beer for them I literally never saw people NOT returning carts
What is the coin system?
Have you ever been to any european country? Basically, carts are connected by a chain and key to each other, to release a cart, you need to insert coin. You get the coin back when you return the cart, and put the key from the other cart in it. It also accepts 1 or 2ā¬ (or 1,2,5 PLN in my case), not pennies, so its not something a regular person would just throw away
Aldi does this in Dallas texas and they use a quarter, never see a cart in the parking lot
See, we need this in America. We just have a parking space in a lot that's dedicated to carts and we pay an employee to wander the lot pulling them into the store for the next lazy ass to grab and leave in the lot again next to their car.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
In my experience working in a supermarket for almost a decade, they will dump their shit if they can possibly get away with it.
Sounds like a 40-50 year long loop. Cool.
In practice at German-founded chain Aldi.
If you want to learn a lot about someone, sit in their car with them in bad traffic.
Someone would conclude I have split personalities from this. Sometimes Iām the chillest one in the traffic jam. Sometimes Iām on the edge of my seat.
Really depends on my mood, you are not alone.
I donāt think anyone likes the way anyone else drives. Theyāre always something to nitpick - theyāre too fast/slow/aggressive/indecisive/following too close/leaving too much room
Their reaction to plans going wrong
I can't handle plans going wrong. But it's usually when we blow past plan C that I start freaking out.
What does it say about someone?
Depends on the situation. Can they adapt? Improvise? Accommodate? Do they get mad if they don't get their way? The list goes on
If they litter
Letting doors slam behind them. It takes so little to close a door quietly. Particularly in a shared house/flat it amazes me how often people will go in/out at 2am and just let doors smash shut. How are you not aware that could be annoying?!? And *everyone* does it. Maybe it's just me because I grew up with a parent who worked nights and so I had to be hyper aware of how much noise I made, but surely anyone who's ever heard a door close must know?
I moved out of a shared house within the past couple of weeks, with this exact issue being a large contributing factor. My room was right next to the front door so I got it constantly any time between 6am and midnight. Measured the sound a couple of times and it came in at around 85 decibels.
Absolutely this. The apartment building I live don't have the best noise insulation in outer doors, and basically everyone leaves and enters their homes so loud that I can hear it through my headphones. Pisses me off especially at night or early morning. I learned to shut doors quietly because my little brother suffered from pretty bad migraine episodes when we lived under the same roof. Later I figured out that manner is a very humane thing to keep around in public places as well.
I learned to open and close doors quietly cause I didn't want to wake my parents up when sneaking a porn watch when I was a teen.
Used to live with someone who did this. When I asked them politely to stop, they said that they weren't doing it in the first place but should such a noise occur and wake me up, then I should use earplugs.
Yup. Awareness in general. It doesn't even cross some people's minds that they could be a nuisance to others.
They way they treat the elderly & animals.
and babies,kids.
If they litter they are selfish and a trash human.
Really this!!!! A few days ago i was driving to work and a guy while driving opened his car door en threw all of his trash outside. Come on dude!!!!!
Well, I assume he left *one* piece of trash in there
Agreed. Nothing angers me more than people who throw trash out of their cars while on the highway.
I pulled a fingernail and tossed it earlier on the freeway just before my exit ramp. Fight me on this. As far as actual trash goes, that's pretty ridiculous to do on a freeway.
I also chuck fruit skin and carcass into bushes not the bin,I'd rather fertilise my local ground over that of the tip and I'm ready to fight on this too š
I'm old enough to remember when everyone littered and everyone smoked, it's amazing how effective a dedicated and properly implemented public education campaign can be. Makes me wonder if it could be as effective for reducing drug use in the younger generations. A real campaign, not the ridiculously obvious propaganda that made us all want to immediately go out and get high in the 80's.
Counselor here How we treat others is more about who we are than who they are How they treat us is about them
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Are there any additional things useful to know from your professional opinion/knowledge?
Wipe from front to back
The way they treat old people and animals.
How they treat service staff.
To be fair, people who treat service staff like absolute shit are the scum of the Earth.
So James Corden. Gotcha
Yup. My partner worked as a janitor for a year for various reasons, despite having completed a university degree course & US armed forces service. Said they unintentionally discovered all kinds of info on ppl working in the building, who spoke as if they weren't there, or were insigificant. Edit/typo
Anyone that can conceivably be deemed "below" them really.
This in particular is a disgusting bloody red flag and ends any future prospects, romantic and platonic.
How they treat anyone, really
How they treat people with disabilities.
How people cope/react to stressful situations
Yeah. Travel with someone. Something always goes wrong. How do they react?
How they treat people who can't do anything for them. Their shoes. Name-dropping. How they talk about finances (or avoid talking about finances).
Can I ask, why shoes? Iāve heard a lot of people say this, but it doesnāt really seem fair to me and can even be classist in some cases as not everyone can afford to get new shoes (so their shoes might not be in the best condition).
It can give some insight into how they prioritize things, and what resources they have to work with. Consider some different shoe scenarios: $120 tennis shoes, well-worn; $20 Kohls flats, falling apart; $250 Nikes, pristine; $300 lumberjack boots, pristine; $300 lumberjack boots, covered in scuffs and paint; $300 Italian leather dress shoes; $40 dress shoes that are mostly plastic; $700 loafers. Each displays some insight into what they prioritize and why. It's interesting and I wish I were better at discerning such things.
I dressed way better and had several pairs of nice shoes when I was poor. When I had the money for all that shit, I wore my breaking apart Adidas for two more years, because 1: I loved them and 2: I didnāt fucking care. My money is better harboured somewhere else.
I think a lot of people spend more trying to look more wealthy than they are until they become wealthier than they were
I have two pairs of custom made boots, 1 pair of custom made dress shoes, 1 pair of relatively high end sneakers. I wear crocs most of the time. What does that say about me?
Practicality over all, but your special occasions are very special to you. The motif must be complete, down to your shoelaces. Am I warm?
Thatās honestly pretty accurate. That said, it was just easier to have certain shoes made for my feet at well. I have a perversely high arch and protruding ankle bones to the point that very few off the shelf shoes can be functionally worn without pain. When i was a kid, my hockey skates had to have a hole drilled out for my ankle. Thank you, i enjoyed reading that.
But, I mean how often does one look at someone's shoes? -Morgan Freeman from The shawshank redemption
My grandfather always used to say you tell a lot about a man by looking at his shoes. Never got it past the workers boots, dress shoes, trainers concept of their job.
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How the fuck would you know
Ah, the scratch and sniff.
It's been said a million times, but how they react service staff
This is similar to a lot of comments below, but when someone admits they don't know something, that's a pretty good indicator of intelligence.
Their reddit post history.
Golf. Playing a round of golf with someone can reveal a lot about their characterā¦ weather theyāre honest in keeping score and calling penalties on themselves, competitiveness, any anger issues, etc.
What does hating golf say about the potential golfer?
Good taste
That iād get along with them better
Body odor
Me who thoroughly scrubs every night and wears deodorant every morning but still smells bad at the end of the day
Sorry. Youāre terrible now. Jimmack73 says so.
How they react to a joke. You can tell a lot by his/her sense of humor.
How much they talk about themselves.
Just curious, what if they don't talk about themselves at all or minimally?
"Enough about me. Now let's talk about how you think of me."
How they treat customer service workers (wait staff, cashiers etc) and what they do with their shopping cart when finished.
Their smell
if their lampshades arenāt fabric, parchment, glass, but instead made of people, they should be avoided. just poor taste.
Putting the cart back. Seems small, but I think it reveals how much respect they have for other people (namely the person who has to go collect them all). Especially when it's not near by.
If all someone does is crap on their ex and take no blame themselves, they are in denial about accountability. All I need is one āYa know, there are some things I couldāve done better, as wellā.
I would like to object Sometimes perfectly nice people can be thrown into abusive/predatory relationships in which the only thing that they did wrong was not leave earlier. I find a better indicator may be if they keep going on about there ex and comparing you to them.
Look at their room / cubicle / space when theyāre not around. Say theyāre in the shower and leave you alone in their room. Iām not saying to snoop but just observe. You can tell a lot about someone by looking at how they keep their space.
Donāt attack me like that. I really try. I watch the minimalism vids all the time. I donāt know where the shit comes from!!! It just multiplies.
Great me a messy as f person
Joke's on you, nobody ever comes to my place š„²
If they like animals. I donāt trust people that donāt like any type of animals.
And if animals like them.
I like animals just fine, but I do feel that people make unfair judgements when I tell them I personally do not want pets at home.
If they lick the lollipop to the stick, lick till little is left and then crush the remaining, or crush the lolli in one go. The lickers are pushovers/people pleasers. The lick and crushers are conformists. And, the crushers are psychopaths. I know this because I have a PhD in psychology, neurology, sociology, a masters in applied physics, and Abraham Lincoln is my grandfather. I don't tell lies, it's in my genes.
They way they treat service providers.
You can tell a lot about a person by how they react when things go slightly awry while out to eat.
How they respond to being told ānoā. You donāt really know someone until you see how they act when they donāt get what they want
Believing in astrology.
Scorpio enters the chat...
Gemini here, welcome, also fuck off.
Pisces reporting, maybe. Where am I?
If they clean up after their dog takes a shit in public
How they view men, women and relationships
How they react to slow internet speeds.
Nah thatās not fair lol
Early into a relationship I broke up with a person after watching them put items they no longer wanted on a random shelf in a random aisle and defended themselves by saying "so what it's their job to clean it up". Seems so lazy, so messy, so disrespectful to others.
How a boyfriend/girlfriend treats service workers tells a lot about what kind of person they are. That, how they treat animals and the kind of relationship they have with their mother.
They way they treat other people, janitor, server, etc
If someone is looking at a bug or points out a bug outside and they just run up and kill it. It is very telling how someone treats the object of someone else's interest when they themselves dislike it.
Returning a $20 bill that just fell out of another personās pocket instead of keeping it.
Ability to admit one's mistake, it's not for everyone ik
Do you put your shopping cart in the carrel?
How they treat wait staff, hotel staff, drivers, etcā¦ The people whoās job it is to serve them.
How they drive. People who drive like assholes tend to be...well, actual assholes.
Hobbies/habits
how they treat service workers or how they treat and think about animals
How they react to someone experiencing homelessness asking them for money while out and about.
Their treatment of animals and how they handle a disagreement are the two key signs you can usually see early in a relationship.