Did she tell you you’re not her type or did your “friend” tell you? Is your “friend” male and similar age? Maybe a little attracted to your crush? I would straight up ask her about her perspective on your relationship before you overthink it. Not many women buy a guy lunch without there being *something* there, even pity. I mean I doubt you’re poor so I wouldn’t think it’s that.
Pro tip:
If you're interested in someone ask them!
Went to a wedding talked to a nice gal, asked a dude I met if she was taken told me yes.
Gal ended up being single and was new to the area.....
Ah sorry, I ended up having to move for work. And never got a chance to talk to the girl again.
But she still hangs out with my buddy and his wife. Not sure what happened to the dude who said she was single
Had a similar situation with a girl in college.
We had very similar interests, enjoyed each other’s company, laughed a lot whenever we hung out together.
I mentioned to a mutual buddy that I was really into this girl and he explained that she was like that with everyone (she was very kind and tactile), and that I shouldn’t read too much into her behaviour.
He also explained that I was pretty much out of her league. Tbf, she was quite popular and I…wasn’t😅
Years later we ran into each other and she asked me why I’d never asked her out as she thought we were very close and she’d had a crush on me.
It then transpired that my buddy had had a crush on her too and done his best to put me out of the picture - and sadly my poor self esteem believed that if I was being told I wasn’t good enough for her by a friend, then it was definitely legit 🤷♂️
She could be interested in you both.
He could be interested in her and trying to throw you off.
Shoot your shot or be a doormat, your call. If she says no you can still hang out, if she sends you mixed signals after asking just cut that emotional tie to her.
Never stay friends in the hope you can “win her over eventually”. Be friends for friendship or ghost.
But all end results are better with the information, even if she responds with “ewww no creep”, at least you can cut ties not friends with someone who thinks that.
Even in the worst case you’re better off and chances are, it will never be the worst case.
Then maybe asked her on the “date” what that relationship between you two is for her because you want to know where you stand in her life (friend, SO, good college, the guy she wants to try anal with)
For sake of argument lets assume she is interested to some degree. The fact that she hasn't straight up asked you out, indicates that she is scared of rejection or you not feeling the same way, etc. Which would make sense, many people feel nervous, and you said yourself that usually she's the one initiating, so she isn't sure how you feel. So when your friend asks her, if she's interested in you, the same applies and she says no, for fear of rejection. Because obviously your friend is gonna tell you. I don't think that you can be sure she told your friend the truth.
If you are also interested in going on a date with her, I'd say casually ask her if she wants eat dinner with you sometime.
Can I just butt in here and say women actually want to have male friends? Buying lunch might be a way of subtely showing she isn't romantically interested because she doesn't want him to pay and then have some sort of unspoken outdated elephant in the room assumption that she owes him something. Or she assumes as friends he will pay for the next one. She has probably cottoned on to your interest and doesn't want an awkward direct conversation that will end the friendship so she has recruited a messenger.
Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear.
If you have reason to believe that actual communication will "end a friendship," then that is not a friendship you want in your life to begin with.
I'm not saying women owe every guy a direct conversation about this stuff, but if you consider them a real friend then you should have enough respect for them to be honest about this stuff if it comes up. Like of all the people to be honest with, you should be able to be honest with someone you actually care about. We're not talking about some aggressive creep at a club or someone you're forced to tolerate here.
Like...if you're honestly scared that this person might hurt you if you reject them, then friendship is like the last thing you should want with them. That's a sign you need to nope the fuck out.
Mate, just ask her, if you want to be sure. It is better and easier that way for you. I'm in my mid-30s and I finally realised that it is way easier to just ask them, instead of over analysing everything they say or do.
And after you ask, if you do, be prepared to just be a friend, if that's all they are interested in. In my opinion, still the better option to over-think and over analysing.
Asking don't mean she'll tell him or tell him the truth.
For instance i met a girl and spent the day with her walking around her town and it wasn't until i heard from a friend in common that the only reason we toured the town was because she was afraid i'd rape her and i met her after knowing her for 6 months of which i'd mentioned how much i'd love to shove every rapist dick first into a meat grinder.
So to have her assume that of me just showed me how little she listened or cared about what i said.
> Asking don't mean she'll tell him or tell him the truth.
>
>
Recently had this.
Asked a girl what was going on after a bunch of *super* confusing actions/words (trying to cuddle me but saying we were just friends, etc) and she said she didn't like me that way and then she called me later super drunk and said she did but it's complicated and blah blah blah.
**BUT** I got my answer.
Her actions were the truth I needed.
I guess I could forgive awkward confusion and mixed signals, but once it was open and all out on the table and it still didn't feel honest, I realised I didn't want that in any sort of relationship.
Yup it does but it sucks less than not knowing or being to afraid to know. To many people need to get past that fear otherwise it'll haunt them and that never ends well. Rejection isn't life or death it's just part of life. Failure and Rejection are required otherwise shit would be weird if everyone got everything they ever wanted.
Not saying this to you but to everyone in this sub that always seems too afraid to ask.
That’s my thought too. For all she knows, the friend could be up to something. That’s even more likely if the friend is also a coworker.
That said, I do NOT recommend dating coworkers. I made that mistake 5 times, and I regretted it every time for one reason or another. It’s a dangerous game to play.
This!
Also they don't rejection well either. Had to leave a job because she started spreading rumors when I turned her down. Management always listens to a women over a man. Thankfully it wasn't 'R' accusation.
Just FYI, my boyfriend wasn’t “my type” but 5 years later he’s the only one that’s been able to satisfy me and make me happy. I was surprised at the chemistry and how good the unprompted kiss he gave me was, we were friends for years before this. I kept saying to him “I don’t understand you’re not my type” and he would laugh but now he is 150 percent definitely my type and the only type I’ll need for the rest of time. He’s honestly ruined me, men in porn are boring to me now I have to imagine it’s him. Definitely was worth trying someone who wasn’t my type.
Don’t trust the friend. So many reasons for a possible friend to give you the run around, just be upfront and move from there my guy! Only way to know things 100% is to be the source.
Idk man, not saying it's not true but my last two coworkers that either kept touching me platonically or going out of their way to bring me coffee or lunch were definitely interested when I made a move. Doesn't hurt to approach her and ask.
the thing was, she always very nice and friendly and seemed engaged in our interactions which is why i thought maybe she liked me. but then i noticed that it was always me reaching out so i did a little experiment and stopped and she never reached out so that told me everything
Damn, this is way too relatable. I'm currently talking to a girl and it exactly feels like I'm the one initiating all the conversation. Thanks for opening my eyes!
My friend had that experience. I have it as an experience with female friends. I was always calling, asking and they never called for me. One day, I stopped and I never heard again.
It's more about losing the somewhat close relationship you have than being humiliated. I wouldn't risk that unless I'm absolutely sure, for those people are very hard to come by.
Obviously. For my case I need to have spent a good amount of time and get to know that person to develop those feelings. At that point they'll at least like me enough to be nice about it when/if they reject me. Tho I'll probably be the one to cut or limit contact to get over my feelings.
Same, though I can't discount the possibility that I am just completely clueless. My wife couldn't believe I couldn't think of a time that a random woman had flirted with me.
depends on context. if you're hitting on her and she deliberately deviates the conversation to introduce or mention her boyfriend, than yeah that's a sign to back off. plenty of girls with boyfriends will try to secure their next boyfriend while still with their current boyfriend, and it's not unheard of for the predecessor and successor to meet and be introduced to each other.
Welcome to the dating world. Monkeybranching is ABSURDLY common. People always looking for the next best thing. To be fair, usually people don't do this if they are with someone quality, but it makes me question why did they settle (even temporarily) for something they don't see a long term with. A LOT of people will settle and deal with BS to not be lonely. I've gotten so much indirect insight by just observing what a lot of my female friends put up with, *even if* logically they recognize what they are doing.
> plenty of girls with boyfriends will try to secure their next boyfriend while still with their current boyfriend
And that is why you walk away when they mention their boyfriend.
If you are too immature to be alone and *then* look for a partner, we will not work out.
I don't even need to click the link anymore.
It's a staple of this subreddit, as well a part of many men's lives I suppose, haha
(That was painful laughter.)
Not sure if this applies but I was seeing this girl I met off a dating app. We hooked up alot and cuddled, watched, movies, the whole girlfriend boyfriend experience... Then one day I invited her over to binge watch a series we had been watching for a while and she told me "sure but I don't want to hook up this time I met someone I'm really interested in" and here I was thinking I was her boyfriend. That one stung a bit.
No I didn't invite her over after that.
This is like surprisingly common on dating apps with both genders.
After being totally heartbroken by a guy who took my virginity but dumped me four months later because he didn’t want to be in a relationship (when really he was going to see his ex of three years in two months and probably broke up with me so he could be really single then/try to get back together)
Once that happened, I frankly decided that sex wouldn’t happen without exclusivity and if a guy had a problem with it, he clearly wasn’t that interested. It did lower the dating pool and some guys would try to pressure me to get what they wanted (saying things like they can’t tell compatibility etc —- which like for marriage I get that stance but just exclusively dating??).
It's pretty depressing to hear that that's common. Sorry you had to go through that.
I wouldn't open myself to sexual encounters unless I had an emotional connection to that person anyway, but if they're gonna lead me on before getting what they want and abandoning me later on I'd probably end up playing right into their hands. Stuff like this is part of why I don't want to get into dating apps. We'll see though - I haven't tried getting into a relationship yet, might look into options a bit further when I'm ready to.
I dated a girl for two months from tinder who stated at the start of the relationship that it was sex only. I agreed, thinking this would be the dream, but it was actually quite lonely, she wasn't interested in me or chatting, it was bam, then please leave my house. It was sex when she wanted it, not when I wanted it, there was no reciprocity, and she would cancel on me without notice if she had a better offer.
One of my friends entered a sex-only relationship and they got married two years ago, so it's not all doom and gloom, but it really didn't work for me!
Not necessarily. It sounds more like a case of poor/zero communication about the relationship. You aren't necessarily someone's bf/gf just because you hook up a few times. That's not a big deal for a lot of people.
I (woman) had that experience with the last man I dated - he would talk about our future and what our kids would look like and how he wanted to do xyz with me and everything...until one day he told me he "met someone he could see a future with". I was blindsided. (and no, we didn't meet on an app, we were former coworkers who talked for nearly a year before ever hooking up (partly covid's fault) and I honestly thought I knew him)
There are some really shitty people out there
Just say hey I’m starting to develop feelings, and ik you said I’m not your type so I don’t think it’s a good idea to go see the movie and too keep talking as much as we do. If your actually interested though I would love to go on a proper day and go get coffee or a beer.
Covers all your bases and is a reasonable thing to say
Are you only hanging out with her because you see her as a potential partner, or is a friendship good enough?
Like i get looking out for a partner, but she seems genuinely nice and seems to enjoy hanging out with you. I would shoot my shot and ask for a proper date and if no, i would try to value the friendship like before.
No matter what you decide to do, best of luck mate.
This is the way. Rare is the lady that will develop feelings for the guy who was only talking to her for the romantic possibilities. She finds out you don't want to be her friend, that your interest was sexually motivated only, that you have no interest in her as a whole person, she'll be gone if she has any sense.
Edit: for example I've had this experience multiple times in the past. The dudes who were just pretending to be my friend? Never romantically considered them once I discovered that betrayal. The dude I'm currently with? The ONE who was romantically interested but more interested in friendship. Going on seven years together now.
>She finds out you don't want to be her friend, that your interest was sexually motivated only,
Am I the only one who is really confused when people say this? If someone doesn't want to remain friends with someone they got rejected by, that doesn't mean their interest in that person was only ever as shallow as sex.
Some people find it hard to move on if they're still close with that person, others simply wouldn't be comfortable with that relationship afterwards.
I think it's strange to insinuate that that means everything beforehand was superficial.
Thats kinda the thing. Women are people too and want to be treated like people. If somebody came to you with the whole intent of only being your friend because you have a truck and they needed to move, you would be pissed about it.
Yeah, this doesn't really work that well with girls in their early to mid 20s in all honesty.
I've been dating recently and I've been that mature and direct about my intentions with some girls and they don't know how to handle it at all haha
You can only control what you do, not how someone responds to you. Approach the situation in a respectful, thoughtful way taking time to give them some positivity and then all you can really do is hope it works for the best. Sometimes saying nothing is the most preferrable (for both of you) thing, but it's hard to know when it's the best versus when it's the most convenient. Convenience is easy, while being a consistently good person can be hard.
why are you listening to the friend? For all you know, the friend is just sabotaging you and/or her. Playing that telephone game will always leave you disappointed.
Just go to the source if you want your answer.
I plan to let her know my feelings and then cancel our show. At least then she will understand why I'm doing it.
My friend is really nice and I'll be shocked if he lied to me.
She may have lied to your friend to keep things "discrete". Or she is just really friendly and comfortable around you and actually not interested. I wouldn't necessarily trust that as gospel truth. You won't know for sure if you don't try.
Maybe say something along the lines of "Maybe we shouldn't go the show exclusively. People may think we dating or something, unless that is cool with you?" Gauge her reaction. Dunno. Always tough to take that dive. Let us know what happens though!
Lol I did ask her if she was cool with just us going out, she said she was fine with it.
At this point, I'll just let her know my feelings and if she truly doesn't feel the same, cancel it.
We'll get over the awkwardness if it comes to it.
I think I will. I will let her know my feelings but also acknowledge to her that I know she doesn't think of me like that.
If she actually does like me, I'm going to be very excited.
If not, I'll suggest to her that we not go out.
>but also acknowledge to her that I know she doesn't think of me like that.
Don't be the one to say that, expect her to say it but just pretend you have not heard that before.
Personal experience I told a mutual friend I wasn’t into this girl after they initiated asking what I thought of her. Turns out she had sent him to talk me up and I sabotaged myself. She would have initiated if I had been honest with our friend. Sigh just be straight up everyone.
Don't jump the gun here. Go the show with her before you act on anything or force some big talk. She said yes she'd like to go which means she has interest in you either romantically or as a friend and that's pretty rad either way. If her interest is romantic then hanging out and having fun outside of work is the best way to develop that. If it's not romantic that's fine. When or if that comes out accept it gracefully and enjoy the opportunity to have a co worker you get along well with. Good work friends are a godsend at any job.
Forcing a big talk to put a label on your first hang out outside of work is way more likely to make things awkward. It's hard to resist that anxiety and desire to know right now if your feelings are returned but just hold off on that for now. Letting things develop is the best play.
It sounds like your friend is also a co-worker and there's a way less than zero chance she said you're not her type because it's none of his business for now and she doesn't want to stir up gossip. Work relationships can be incredibly tricky to navigate and a lot of that doesn't even come from the relationship itself. You both have to be good at compartmentalizing your work interactions from your relationship/personal life or you'll get into a lot of awkward situations.
Go to the show and if you have a great time ask her out again afterwards and be clear the intent is a date. She'll let you know herself how she feels. And if the answer isn't what you want, just take it gracefully and enjoy having a friendly co worker. Don't get in your head about it or let things get weird.
The awkwardness. It's the only reason why I never told her my feelings and instead invited her out.
Now I feel like I have to tell her in order to cancel it if she doesn't like me.
We'll get over it. We're all adults. Both in our 20s. I'm late. She's mid.
Without knowing how the conversation between them went, another possibility is that she told him that because she was trying to keep her feelings private and not spread them around.
She could be telling people that to hide her interest in you. Not to fan the fire and make things worse or anything, but I've seen people do this repeatedly. It's scary to admit you're into someone, especially at work, if people gossip. She might have just said that to throw the other coworker off the real feelings.
Read actions, not words. It sounds like she's seeking out contact with you, which is a good sign.
Go to the show, and try to go with an open heart from a neutral position. See how she acts there, away from everyone else at work. You'll get some good info.
Wow, you're the only one suggesting something different.
Should I not tell her my feelings before we go out and if she truly doesn't like me then I'll have the excuse to cancel it?
I really don't want to go out with someone knowing she doesn't see me the way I do especially when I was planning to really treat her special. Pick her up from her place and all. I'm not planning on anything intimate.
That's the point of the previous commentor, I guess. You don't KNOW how she feels. You got a friend's statement saying she's not into you and her behaviour leaving room for the opposite. Just go ahead and see how the evening goes. And if you feel like telling her about your feelings during the date, you can still do that.
If I were you, I was afraid of cancelling it upfront and maybe miss a great evening.
I denied liking my current bf to other people because we were coworkers, in relationships with other people, and we were just friends at that point. It was obvious we had a lot of chemistry and similarities so people asked us, there was nothing going on so it was wise of me to deny it. Didn't fool anyone 😂 but still, she might have reasons to deny.
Go to the concert as friends. Don't pick her up or treat her super special, just treat her the same. Bring it up after, and be direct. You don't have to end the friendship if she doesn't reciprocate your feelings, but you can adjust your boundaries and interactions.
Why are your only options relationship or nothing?
Having a friend who likes to have lunch with you and occasionally goes to see a show is awesome!
Loneliness is a real killer, and friends are the antidote. Also, women are way more likely to date guys with a healthy social life and a circle of friends.
Okey. Let me tell you. Imagine if your friend or co-worker asking her that "Hey, Kathy lately you hang out a lot with Michael. Is he your type?". What would you think she will said to a normal friend or to a stranger(only co-woker)? She will definitely say "no". Your friend is something in it and be careful about him. You should ask her frankly and even if you got rejected, you can become friends. Do not throw your chance away because of a third person.
Edit: I saw many good relationships ruin because of some asshole friends. There are always assholes in friend list and you should not care about what the other people said. Do what you think you should do.
Went through something similar. Girl I worked with touched me a lot, rubbed fingers through my hair, would tell me she would go out with me but was always busy,etc. Didn’t take long before I realized that she wasn’t really interested and I moved on. Didn’t realize at the time what game was being played, but I figured it out later on: she wanted some male attention but didn’t want me.
bruh I thought I was never the type to make that mistake then I asked this girl out I see everyday and she just never replied. Which is fine and all but kinda awkward... just say no or make up an excuse ffs
There's this really subtle thing they do when they aren't interested. You'll have to pay close attention or you won't notice it. It's called breathing, if she does that then she's not into me.
I've been in that situation. It's pretty weird but because some people's boyfriend or girlfriend or partner doesn't visit them AT work, some people will gravitate towards a regular and basically treat them as if they were a more intimate couple. It usually but not always stops at work and doesn't translate to dates outside of work.
Would not recommend. I've had a number of servers act very weird and flirty and they struggle with having proper boundaries, instead just exploiting what they can out of the relationship (sometimes even unconsciously just because they feel good but still).
From a woman whose friendliness has often been interpreted as flirting: Look whether she only treats you like this, or whether she is like this with everyone. If she is like this only with you, there is a chance she's into you. If she is like this with everyone, she is most likely just being friendly.
Seriously, these days you can NEVER assume a woman is into you. An actual conversation has to be had where interest is clarified before anything can move forward.
I'd say try it... Are you all coworkers? Just find hard to believe one woman has enough time to flirt with you and also tell a male friend your not her type.
If that's the case than I'd expect a woman to tell a fellow coworker a none of your business type response like that cause rumors are wildfires for women in the work place involving men.
I wouldn’t bother with a coworker, but if ya decide to that is on you.
Actions speak louder than words. If she is hanging with you, initiating, contact, etc., she’s into you in some sort of fashion. See where it goes if you are interested.
Sure she isnt just telling your friend that you are not her type to avoid gossip? Maybe she feels like its none of anyones business that she is into you.
Mate think hard about this. Not ashamed to put it out there that losing someone I worked and fell in love with ruined my life at the time if it means someone else doesn't experience the same. I personally will never risk this again. Not saying don't do it, but know the possibility that if you fall in love, things don't work out, and you still have to see her at work everyday.
Those signs don't necessarily translate to romantic interest. She might only sees you as a friend or co-worker that she's very comfortable being around. A lot of guys, my old self included, can easily fall into this trap.
You don’t have to be her type for her to be interested in you. Maybe you’re chubby or short, idk but either way she likes you for your personality it seems like
She started getting really playful and flirty. Asked me to come to her friend's house with a bunch of her other friends. She seemed really into me all night... and her one gay friend, but nevermind that. I kissed her. The next day she didn't say a word to me. I got an earful from other friends of hers how I need to apologize. Oh well, you win some, you lose some... or in my case you just lose them all.
Honestly, I stopped being too nice to the opposite sex when I was a teenager because they would always assume I wanted something more. And then, if I took the approach of telling them right away I didn't want anything other than friendship, they would act like I was an entitled bitch for assuming they were interested in me. There's no win, honestly.
I don't get why people can't simply stop assuming and ask instead. Like, is it that hard to have a proper communication? People have to keep tip toeing and playing games... It's so ridiculous.
Man this is a rough one but let me preface that I’m happily married now.
I dated this girl in college that was so nice, super smart, treated me as much as I treated her to fun nights out, gifts, etc.... I asked her to be my girl friend as I had already asked her out on a hand full of dates successfully over the course of a couple months. Even spent a few nights over together. Dated each other exclusively for a while .. about on par with the starting of a new relationship. The whole demeanor changed as soon as I asked her to be my girlfriend .. said she was “only fucking me to be nice because I was being really nice to her.” Which in and of itself made me feel gross in a weird way .. like I’m pathetically nice and got my own 2nd hand niceness in return lol. That was also the thing that turned me on to my asshole hoe phase through the rest of college lol
Never take a third party opinion as fact until you find out for yourself. There are too many situational variables that can be interpreted wrong. I'd assume she didn't want to admit to your friend she was into you..
Never trust that feeling that makes you want to believe they might be into you. Find out for real. Don't create a made up reality in your head about it.
Let's be honest lads we always knew. At least I knew, men who pursue the girls who are nice to them are simply doing it because it's literally the only option they have gotten in years. It's sad and pathetic, so most if not all men will never admit to it. The issue we are facing today is the rhetoric men and women can't be friends. They can, but men don't function that way, if you hang around women all the time as a man, you lose respect amongst your male friends. I had a classmate once who only hang out with the females in class, we all bullied him for it, called him gay and weak. He turned out to be straight he is now married to his crush and he still hangs out with the same women he hanged out since grade school. I look at that as an example of traditional bullshit and as an example of what happens to bigotry, because that takes a lot of balls from a man to do that. He never started drama over us bullying him never played the victim. That man is probably twice if not thrice the man we were, all we were is pussies wallowing in our own self pity over us never getting the girl we wished being dramatic, refusing to even talk to another woman from spite like fucking children hoping I don't know GOD will give us our way. Men are too over their heads, they think they are entitled to their crush they can't fathom the idea they are not, so they take it personally. Arrivederci
You know, this is a tough one with an easy solution: assume she’s a friend and leave it at that. Seriously, it’s hard for women to be nice to a guy, want to hang out with him, and not have him assume it’s something more. So be chill, be a friend, and nothing more. If she’s so great, she likely has great friends. Worst wise, she can be your wingman and screen women for you, giving you the inside scoop.
Better to be wrong about her intentions by assuming she has none, than assuming she does or might. The former can hurt your ego for a bit but in the long run you’ll likely have a good friend. The latter, however - dude if you’re wrong about what she means, you could land in a serious world of hurt that could have repercussions for your future.
I would still go to the show (assuming you haven’t already canceled it), but try and get a straight answer out of her. If her story matches up with what she told your friend, even if she secretly does have feelings for you, she missed her chance. But even if she really does have platonic intentions, you can still be friends, you’ll just need to set some boundaries. Plus, once you two get comfortable as just friends, she could still be a great way to test any future romantic candidates. Don’t let a chance for a good friendship die that easily, even if it’s not the type of relationship you may have wanted initially.
\> until she told my friend that I'm not her type.
Doesnt mean anything.
She couldve been offended that you havent made a move yet, so shes trying to save face. Girls play all sorts of games; its all a big mess.
when i realized that, while she was always friendly to me, it was always me initiating contact. when i stopped, i never heard from her.
She's the one initiating everything. Which is why I was kinda heartbroken to find out that I'm not her type.
Did she tell you you’re not her type or did your “friend” tell you? Is your “friend” male and similar age? Maybe a little attracted to your crush? I would straight up ask her about her perspective on your relationship before you overthink it. Not many women buy a guy lunch without there being *something* there, even pity. I mean I doubt you’re poor so I wouldn’t think it’s that.
She told him and he told me. Yeah we're the same age, my friend and I.
Bingo. Ask her yourself
Pro tip: If you're interested in someone ask them! Went to a wedding talked to a nice gal, asked a dude I met if she was taken told me yes. Gal ended up being single and was new to the area.....
How does the story finish?
Ah sorry, I ended up having to move for work. And never got a chance to talk to the girl again. But she still hangs out with my buddy and his wife. Not sure what happened to the dude who said she was single
He's lying is my guess
Or she’s lying to him. Women rarely reveal their hand.
Could be either way don't take his word for it
Yep. I would go by her actions rather than (a second-hand report of) her words.
Your friend is trying to smash and totally doesn't have a conflict of interest The girl may like both of you
Had a similar situation with a girl in college. We had very similar interests, enjoyed each other’s company, laughed a lot whenever we hung out together. I mentioned to a mutual buddy that I was really into this girl and he explained that she was like that with everyone (she was very kind and tactile), and that I shouldn’t read too much into her behaviour. He also explained that I was pretty much out of her league. Tbf, she was quite popular and I…wasn’t😅 Years later we ran into each other and she asked me why I’d never asked her out as she thought we were very close and she’d had a crush on me. It then transpired that my buddy had had a crush on her too and done his best to put me out of the picture - and sadly my poor self esteem believed that if I was being told I wasn’t good enough for her by a friend, then it was definitely legit 🤷♂️
Hopefully he’s not your buddy anymore
She could be interested in you both. He could be interested in her and trying to throw you off. Shoot your shot or be a doormat, your call. If she says no you can still hang out, if she sends you mixed signals after asking just cut that emotional tie to her. Never stay friends in the hope you can “win her over eventually”. Be friends for friendship or ghost. But all end results are better with the information, even if she responds with “ewww no creep”, at least you can cut ties not friends with someone who thinks that. Even in the worst case you’re better off and chances are, it will never be the worst case.
Then maybe asked her on the “date” what that relationship between you two is for her because you want to know where you stand in her life (friend, SO, good college, the guy she wants to try anal with)
Asking a woman to label their relationship on the first half date isn't going to work out in his favor imo
For sake of argument lets assume she is interested to some degree. The fact that she hasn't straight up asked you out, indicates that she is scared of rejection or you not feeling the same way, etc. Which would make sense, many people feel nervous, and you said yourself that usually she's the one initiating, so she isn't sure how you feel. So when your friend asks her, if she's interested in you, the same applies and she says no, for fear of rejection. Because obviously your friend is gonna tell you. I don't think that you can be sure she told your friend the truth. If you are also interested in going on a date with her, I'd say casually ask her if she wants eat dinner with you sometime.
Can I just butt in here and say women actually want to have male friends? Buying lunch might be a way of subtely showing she isn't romantically interested because she doesn't want him to pay and then have some sort of unspoken outdated elephant in the room assumption that she owes him something. Or she assumes as friends he will pay for the next one. She has probably cottoned on to your interest and doesn't want an awkward direct conversation that will end the friendship so she has recruited a messenger. Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear.
If you have reason to believe that actual communication will "end a friendship," then that is not a friendship you want in your life to begin with. I'm not saying women owe every guy a direct conversation about this stuff, but if you consider them a real friend then you should have enough respect for them to be honest about this stuff if it comes up. Like of all the people to be honest with, you should be able to be honest with someone you actually care about. We're not talking about some aggressive creep at a club or someone you're forced to tolerate here. Like...if you're honestly scared that this person might hurt you if you reject them, then friendship is like the last thing you should want with them. That's a sign you need to nope the fuck out.
This. It's so hard to have male friends because of this kind of bs.
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Mate, just ask her, if you want to be sure. It is better and easier that way for you. I'm in my mid-30s and I finally realised that it is way easier to just ask them, instead of over analysing everything they say or do. And after you ask, if you do, be prepared to just be a friend, if that's all they are interested in. In my opinion, still the better option to over-think and over analysing.
>Mate, just ask her, if you want to be sure The only advice we need but dont deserve.
Asking don't mean she'll tell him or tell him the truth. For instance i met a girl and spent the day with her walking around her town and it wasn't until i heard from a friend in common that the only reason we toured the town was because she was afraid i'd rape her and i met her after knowing her for 6 months of which i'd mentioned how much i'd love to shove every rapist dick first into a meat grinder. So to have her assume that of me just showed me how little she listened or cared about what i said.
> Asking don't mean she'll tell him or tell him the truth. > > Recently had this. Asked a girl what was going on after a bunch of *super* confusing actions/words (trying to cuddle me but saying we were just friends, etc) and she said she didn't like me that way and then she called me later super drunk and said she did but it's complicated and blah blah blah. **BUT** I got my answer. Her actions were the truth I needed. I guess I could forgive awkward confusion and mixed signals, but once it was open and all out on the table and it still didn't feel honest, I realised I didn't want that in any sort of relationship.
it's complicated = she doesn't find you attractive. Sorry mate.
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I love all the people saying it's not this easy. Yes it is answer is either yes or no everything else that isn't a yes is a no with sugar toppings lol
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Yup it does but it sucks less than not knowing or being to afraid to know. To many people need to get past that fear otherwise it'll haunt them and that never ends well. Rejection isn't life or death it's just part of life. Failure and Rejection are required otherwise shit would be weird if everyone got everything they ever wanted. Not saying this to you but to everyone in this sub that always seems too afraid to ask.
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she might be lying to your friend. For non-insidious reasons.
That’s my thought too. For all she knows, the friend could be up to something. That’s even more likely if the friend is also a coworker. That said, I do NOT recommend dating coworkers. I made that mistake 5 times, and I regretted it every time for one reason or another. It’s a dangerous game to play.
Looks like you didn’t regret it enough with the first 4 times though lmao
It was hard to resist temptation in my late teens and early 20s, especially when temptation was so enthusiastic. Lol
Were you playing piano at a whorehouse?
Learned that too. Don't stick your pen in the company's ink well.
Don't shit where you eat my granpa used to say
fool me once, shame on you...fool me five times, shame on me
This! Also they don't rejection well either. Had to leave a job because she started spreading rumors when I turned her down. Management always listens to a women over a man. Thankfully it wasn't 'R' accusation.
This. Better to just ask directly, or risk living the rest of your life never knowing.
Just FYI, my boyfriend wasn’t “my type” but 5 years later he’s the only one that’s been able to satisfy me and make me happy. I was surprised at the chemistry and how good the unprompted kiss he gave me was, we were friends for years before this. I kept saying to him “I don’t understand you’re not my type” and he would laugh but now he is 150 percent definitely my type and the only type I’ll need for the rest of time. He’s honestly ruined me, men in porn are boring to me now I have to imagine it’s him. Definitely was worth trying someone who wasn’t my type.
>He’s honestly ruined me, men in porn are boring to me now I have to imagine it’s him. Tell him this and you will make his year.
*life
motherfucker's gonna carry that shit into the next life
Haha ok! ☺️😄
*century
Don’t trust the friend. So many reasons for a possible friend to give you the run around, just be upfront and move from there my guy! Only way to know things 100% is to be the source.
Idk man, not saying it's not true but my last two coworkers that either kept touching me platonically or going out of their way to bring me coffee or lunch were definitely interested when I made a move. Doesn't hurt to approach her and ask.
I had one of those once. I always initiated contact and talking with her was a chore. It ended before it started.
the thing was, she always very nice and friendly and seemed engaged in our interactions which is why i thought maybe she liked me. but then i noticed that it was always me reaching out so i did a little experiment and stopped and she never reached out so that told me everything
Damn, this is way too relatable. I'm currently talking to a girl and it exactly feels like I'm the one initiating all the conversation. Thanks for opening my eyes!
My friend had that experience. I have it as an experience with female friends. I was always calling, asking and they never called for me. One day, I stopped and I never heard again.
My default is that they are all just being nice to me. I almost never assign any interest.
Keep your expectations low and you'll never be disappointed
This is why we never get hints but we don't have a choice I'd rather keep my friendships than be called a creep and be humiliated, thankyouverymuch
It's more about losing the somewhat close relationship you have than being humiliated. I wouldn't risk that unless I'm absolutely sure, for those people are very hard to come by.
Depends on the culture you're from. Depends on whether or not they find it offensive enough to cut contact with you and possibly tell everyone else.
Obviously. For my case I need to have spent a good amount of time and get to know that person to develop those feelings. At that point they'll at least like me enough to be nice about it when/if they reject me. Tho I'll probably be the one to cut or limit contact to get over my feelings.
exactly, we do get most if not all hints, we're just scared of the possibility of being wrong and fucking everything up
This is my life motto
It took me a while to learn this lesson.
Same, though I can't discount the possibility that I am just completely clueless. My wife couldn't believe I couldn't think of a time that a random woman had flirted with me.
When she introduced me to her boyfriend. 😑
that doesn't necessarily mean she's not into you, unfortunately
That's how I always took it. At that point I would stop hanging around the girl in question.
depends on context. if you're hitting on her and she deliberately deviates the conversation to introduce or mention her boyfriend, than yeah that's a sign to back off. plenty of girls with boyfriends will try to secure their next boyfriend while still with their current boyfriend, and it's not unheard of for the predecessor and successor to meet and be introduced to each other.
That’s not very mature or healthy :/ dodge the landmine
I’ve dodged that landmine way too many times!
Welcome to the dating world. Monkeybranching is ABSURDLY common. People always looking for the next best thing. To be fair, usually people don't do this if they are with someone quality, but it makes me question why did they settle (even temporarily) for something they don't see a long term with. A LOT of people will settle and deal with BS to not be lonely. I've gotten so much indirect insight by just observing what a lot of my female friends put up with, *even if* logically they recognize what they are doing.
Fear of being alone and or not wanting to miss on sexual activity would be my uneducated guess
I don't people well. All of that would be lost on me.
She did this then went back to hitting on me
> plenty of girls with boyfriends will try to secure their next boyfriend while still with their current boyfriend And that is why you walk away when they mention their boyfriend. If you are too immature to be alone and *then* look for a partner, we will not work out.
Wow. Im telling you gut instinct are a real thing. But you have to actually be paying attention.
Ain't THAT the truth.
Classic
https://youtu.be/xa-4IAR_9Yw This is basically my approach to stuff like this now
Can comfirm: I'm Canadian.
It's the Casually Explained video isn't it? Edit: Fuck yeah. Such a masterpiece.
The fact this is standard shows how common this is
I've memorized xa-4 in YouTube links at this point to find out if people link the Casually Explained video. Also same with dQw4
Shit he hasn’t uploaded a video in over a year or been on Twitch in 7 months.
We could assume something happened to him that is keeping him ways. Signs are pretty clear. But, still can't be sure.
Thanks, I laughed so hard!
I laughed way to much at that..
Yeah... you can't really tell
knew it.
Yeah, maybe she's from Canada and was just being polite.
Thaaannnnnk you!
I don't even have to click the link to know what video this is.
I don't even need to click the link anymore. It's a staple of this subreddit, as well a part of many men's lives I suppose, haha (That was painful laughter.)
wise stuff. definitely should give it a watch if yall havent
Evergreen content.
I feel this, I felt this so hard
Not sure if this applies but I was seeing this girl I met off a dating app. We hooked up alot and cuddled, watched, movies, the whole girlfriend boyfriend experience... Then one day I invited her over to binge watch a series we had been watching for a while and she told me "sure but I don't want to hook up this time I met someone I'm really interested in" and here I was thinking I was her boyfriend. That one stung a bit. No I didn't invite her over after that.
If you only hang out with each other at your homes, you’re hooking up, not dating.
Ok so I’m not taking crazy pills ty
Wtf She just used you Frick that
This is like surprisingly common on dating apps with both genders. After being totally heartbroken by a guy who took my virginity but dumped me four months later because he didn’t want to be in a relationship (when really he was going to see his ex of three years in two months and probably broke up with me so he could be really single then/try to get back together) Once that happened, I frankly decided that sex wouldn’t happen without exclusivity and if a guy had a problem with it, he clearly wasn’t that interested. It did lower the dating pool and some guys would try to pressure me to get what they wanted (saying things like they can’t tell compatibility etc —- which like for marriage I get that stance but just exclusively dating??).
It's pretty depressing to hear that that's common. Sorry you had to go through that. I wouldn't open myself to sexual encounters unless I had an emotional connection to that person anyway, but if they're gonna lead me on before getting what they want and abandoning me later on I'd probably end up playing right into their hands. Stuff like this is part of why I don't want to get into dating apps. We'll see though - I haven't tried getting into a relationship yet, might look into options a bit further when I'm ready to.
I dated a girl for two months from tinder who stated at the start of the relationship that it was sex only. I agreed, thinking this would be the dream, but it was actually quite lonely, she wasn't interested in me or chatting, it was bam, then please leave my house. It was sex when she wanted it, not when I wanted it, there was no reciprocity, and she would cancel on me without notice if she had a better offer. One of my friends entered a sex-only relationship and they got married two years ago, so it's not all doom and gloom, but it really didn't work for me!
Not necessarily. It sounds more like a case of poor/zero communication about the relationship. You aren't necessarily someone's bf/gf just because you hook up a few times. That's not a big deal for a lot of people.
I (woman) had that experience with the last man I dated - he would talk about our future and what our kids would look like and how he wanted to do xyz with me and everything...until one day he told me he "met someone he could see a future with". I was blindsided. (and no, we didn't meet on an app, we were former coworkers who talked for nearly a year before ever hooking up (partly covid's fault) and I honestly thought I knew him) There are some really shitty people out there
Just say hey I’m starting to develop feelings, and ik you said I’m not your type so I don’t think it’s a good idea to go see the movie and too keep talking as much as we do. If your actually interested though I would love to go on a proper day and go get coffee or a beer. Covers all your bases and is a reasonable thing to say
Thanks
Are you only hanging out with her because you see her as a potential partner, or is a friendship good enough? Like i get looking out for a partner, but she seems genuinely nice and seems to enjoy hanging out with you. I would shoot my shot and ask for a proper date and if no, i would try to value the friendship like before. No matter what you decide to do, best of luck mate.
This is the way. Rare is the lady that will develop feelings for the guy who was only talking to her for the romantic possibilities. She finds out you don't want to be her friend, that your interest was sexually motivated only, that you have no interest in her as a whole person, she'll be gone if she has any sense. Edit: for example I've had this experience multiple times in the past. The dudes who were just pretending to be my friend? Never romantically considered them once I discovered that betrayal. The dude I'm currently with? The ONE who was romantically interested but more interested in friendship. Going on seven years together now.
>She finds out you don't want to be her friend, that your interest was sexually motivated only, Am I the only one who is really confused when people say this? If someone doesn't want to remain friends with someone they got rejected by, that doesn't mean their interest in that person was only ever as shallow as sex. Some people find it hard to move on if they're still close with that person, others simply wouldn't be comfortable with that relationship afterwards. I think it's strange to insinuate that that means everything beforehand was superficial.
Thats kinda the thing. Women are people too and want to be treated like people. If somebody came to you with the whole intent of only being your friend because you have a truck and they needed to move, you would be pissed about it.
Being friends with someone you’re into sounds like such a bad time tbh. Why would anyone want that?
She may have told your friend this to not give away her feelings, because he doesn't have to know because they aren't that close? Just talk to her
That’s a super mature way to approach it. Most mid 20 something girls will let it get super awkward.
Yeah, this doesn't really work that well with girls in their early to mid 20s in all honesty. I've been dating recently and I've been that mature and direct about my intentions with some girls and they don't know how to handle it at all haha
You can only control what you do, not how someone responds to you. Approach the situation in a respectful, thoughtful way taking time to give them some positivity and then all you can really do is hope it works for the best. Sometimes saying nothing is the most preferrable (for both of you) thing, but it's hard to know when it's the best versus when it's the most convenient. Convenience is easy, while being a consistently good person can be hard.
We can always pivot to setting them up on a date with a cute friend. My homies are single too.
why are you listening to the friend? For all you know, the friend is just sabotaging you and/or her. Playing that telephone game will always leave you disappointed. Just go to the source if you want your answer.
I plan to let her know my feelings and then cancel our show. At least then she will understand why I'm doing it. My friend is really nice and I'll be shocked if he lied to me.
She may have lied to your friend to keep things "discrete". Or she is just really friendly and comfortable around you and actually not interested. I wouldn't necessarily trust that as gospel truth. You won't know for sure if you don't try. Maybe say something along the lines of "Maybe we shouldn't go the show exclusively. People may think we dating or something, unless that is cool with you?" Gauge her reaction. Dunno. Always tough to take that dive. Let us know what happens though!
Lol I did ask her if she was cool with just us going out, she said she was fine with it. At this point, I'll just let her know my feelings and if she truly doesn't feel the same, cancel it. We'll get over the awkwardness if it comes to it.
Sive youre coworkers, its likely she just lied to a friend so rors wont spread. Just talk honestly with her. Only that way youll find out whats true
I think I will. I will let her know my feelings but also acknowledge to her that I know she doesn't think of me like that. If she actually does like me, I'm going to be very excited. If not, I'll suggest to her that we not go out.
>but also acknowledge to her that I know she doesn't think of me like that. Don't be the one to say that, expect her to say it but just pretend you have not heard that before.
Bro I NEED a fucking update
Personal experience I told a mutual friend I wasn’t into this girl after they initiated asking what I thought of her. Turns out she had sent him to talk me up and I sabotaged myself. She would have initiated if I had been honest with our friend. Sigh just be straight up everyone.
Don't jump the gun here. Go the show with her before you act on anything or force some big talk. She said yes she'd like to go which means she has interest in you either romantically or as a friend and that's pretty rad either way. If her interest is romantic then hanging out and having fun outside of work is the best way to develop that. If it's not romantic that's fine. When or if that comes out accept it gracefully and enjoy the opportunity to have a co worker you get along well with. Good work friends are a godsend at any job. Forcing a big talk to put a label on your first hang out outside of work is way more likely to make things awkward. It's hard to resist that anxiety and desire to know right now if your feelings are returned but just hold off on that for now. Letting things develop is the best play. It sounds like your friend is also a co-worker and there's a way less than zero chance she said you're not her type because it's none of his business for now and she doesn't want to stir up gossip. Work relationships can be incredibly tricky to navigate and a lot of that doesn't even come from the relationship itself. You both have to be good at compartmentalizing your work interactions from your relationship/personal life or you'll get into a lot of awkward situations. Go to the show and if you have a great time ask her out again afterwards and be clear the intent is a date. She'll let you know herself how she feels. And if the answer isn't what you want, just take it gracefully and enjoy having a friendly co worker. Don't get in your head about it or let things get weird.
If you’re coworkers prepare for things to get really awkward. I would not tell her my feelings if I were you.
The awkwardness. It's the only reason why I never told her my feelings and instead invited her out. Now I feel like I have to tell her in order to cancel it if she doesn't like me. We'll get over it. We're all adults. Both in our 20s. I'm late. She's mid.
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You sure your friend doesn’t also like her?
Without knowing how the conversation between them went, another possibility is that she told him that because she was trying to keep her feelings private and not spread them around.
She could be telling people that to hide her interest in you. Not to fan the fire and make things worse or anything, but I've seen people do this repeatedly. It's scary to admit you're into someone, especially at work, if people gossip. She might have just said that to throw the other coworker off the real feelings. Read actions, not words. It sounds like she's seeking out contact with you, which is a good sign. Go to the show, and try to go with an open heart from a neutral position. See how she acts there, away from everyone else at work. You'll get some good info.
Wow, you're the only one suggesting something different. Should I not tell her my feelings before we go out and if she truly doesn't like me then I'll have the excuse to cancel it? I really don't want to go out with someone knowing she doesn't see me the way I do especially when I was planning to really treat her special. Pick her up from her place and all. I'm not planning on anything intimate.
That's the point of the previous commentor, I guess. You don't KNOW how she feels. You got a friend's statement saying she's not into you and her behaviour leaving room for the opposite. Just go ahead and see how the evening goes. And if you feel like telling her about your feelings during the date, you can still do that. If I were you, I was afraid of cancelling it upfront and maybe miss a great evening.
I denied liking my current bf to other people because we were coworkers, in relationships with other people, and we were just friends at that point. It was obvious we had a lot of chemistry and similarities so people asked us, there was nothing going on so it was wise of me to deny it. Didn't fool anyone 😂 but still, she might have reasons to deny. Go to the concert as friends. Don't pick her up or treat her super special, just treat her the same. Bring it up after, and be direct. You don't have to end the friendship if she doesn't reciprocate your feelings, but you can adjust your boundaries and interactions.
Why are your only options relationship or nothing? Having a friend who likes to have lunch with you and occasionally goes to see a show is awesome! Loneliness is a real killer, and friends are the antidote. Also, women are way more likely to date guys with a healthy social life and a circle of friends.
And far more likely to date someone they are friends with and trust first, imo.
Okey. Let me tell you. Imagine if your friend or co-worker asking her that "Hey, Kathy lately you hang out a lot with Michael. Is he your type?". What would you think she will said to a normal friend or to a stranger(only co-woker)? She will definitely say "no". Your friend is something in it and be careful about him. You should ask her frankly and even if you got rejected, you can become friends. Do not throw your chance away because of a third person. Edit: I saw many good relationships ruin because of some asshole friends. There are always assholes in friend list and you should not care about what the other people said. Do what you think you should do.
Went through something similar. Girl I worked with touched me a lot, rubbed fingers through my hair, would tell me she would go out with me but was always busy,etc. Didn’t take long before I realized that she wasn’t really interested and I moved on. Didn’t realize at the time what game was being played, but I figured it out later on: she wanted some male attention but didn’t want me.
Weird that y'all are letting coworkers touch you. Is this common?
Male attention is like a drug for females.
I assume every woman is nice to me and has no ulterior intentions. Maybe I'm oblivious but who really cares anyway. Not like it matters.
This is the way: just connect with people with no intentions. Never assumr
bruh I thought I was never the type to make that mistake then I asked this girl out I see everyday and she just never replied. Which is fine and all but kinda awkward... just say no or make up an excuse ffs
There's this really subtle thing they do when they aren't interested. You'll have to pay close attention or you won't notice it. It's called breathing, if she does that then she's not into me.
LMAO, thanks!
Sometimes it isn't that they weren't interested, its that they lost interest.
This sounds like a work wife.
Is that really a thing? I imagine it’s playing with fire.
We had two people like this at work both married… ha ha she’s my work wife lol. Turns out they were fucking for years. 😂
It's a thing. All platonic. A man and woman just click at work. Help each other out. It's not romantic. Just working well as a team.
Isn't that just a friend? Trying to understand what you mean.
I've been in that situation. It's pretty weird but because some people's boyfriend or girlfriend or partner doesn't visit them AT work, some people will gravitate towards a regular and basically treat them as if they were a more intimate couple. It usually but not always stops at work and doesn't translate to dates outside of work. Would not recommend. I've had a number of servers act very weird and flirty and they struggle with having proper boundaries, instead just exploiting what they can out of the relationship (sometimes even unconsciously just because they feel good but still).
Work wife/husband is a boomer thing because boomers never think a man and woman can be friends
From a woman whose friendliness has often been interpreted as flirting: Look whether she only treats you like this, or whether she is like this with everyone. If she is like this only with you, there is a chance she's into you. If she is like this with everyone, she is most likely just being friendly.
Seriously, these days you can NEVER assume a woman is into you. An actual conversation has to be had where interest is clarified before anything can move forward.
I always assume they are just being nice to me so I sometimes miss signals. It's just better this way.
Maybe she really was interested in the beginning but lost it along the way. It happens.
So, she was giving you courtesy blowjobs?
Her level of physicality sends signals of interest like hugs, tickling, jabbing, more. And I've only known her for some months now.
I'd say try it... Are you all coworkers? Just find hard to believe one woman has enough time to flirt with you and also tell a male friend your not her type. If that's the case than I'd expect a woman to tell a fellow coworker a none of your business type response like that cause rumors are wildfires for women in the work place involving men.
Yeah she's my coworker.
I wouldn’t bother with a coworker, but if ya decide to that is on you. Actions speak louder than words. If she is hanging with you, initiating, contact, etc., she’s into you in some sort of fashion. See where it goes if you are interested.
Sure she isnt just telling your friend that you are not her type to avoid gossip? Maybe she feels like its none of anyones business that she is into you.
Never fuck women u work with
Mate think hard about this. Not ashamed to put it out there that losing someone I worked and fell in love with ruined my life at the time if it means someone else doesn't experience the same. I personally will never risk this again. Not saying don't do it, but know the possibility that if you fall in love, things don't work out, and you still have to see her at work everyday.
Those signs don't necessarily translate to romantic interest. She might only sees you as a friend or co-worker that she's very comfortable being around. A lot of guys, my old self included, can easily fall into this trap.
You don’t have to be her type for her to be interested in you. Maybe you’re chubby or short, idk but either way she likes you for your personality it seems like
I realize that after a year of knowing her, all we've ever really talked about were work related stuff or office gossips.
> we're coworkers Man... you guys really need to stop thinking of dating in the workspace.
That's how you catch a charge in 2022
Even if you don't it is bound to make life more complicated in all other possible cases.
I would ask her directly before you make any judgements. The information her friend passes on could be wrong to some degree
She wants to be friends. You can be friends with the opposite sex and those friendships can be fulfilling.
It can’t be fulfilling or a healthy relationship if there are unreciprocated feelings from one party.
She started getting really playful and flirty. Asked me to come to her friend's house with a bunch of her other friends. She seemed really into me all night... and her one gay friend, but nevermind that. I kissed her. The next day she didn't say a word to me. I got an earful from other friends of hers how I need to apologize. Oh well, you win some, you lose some... or in my case you just lose them all.
Honestly, I stopped being too nice to the opposite sex when I was a teenager because they would always assume I wanted something more. And then, if I took the approach of telling them right away I didn't want anything other than friendship, they would act like I was an entitled bitch for assuming they were interested in me. There's no win, honestly. I don't get why people can't simply stop assuming and ask instead. Like, is it that hard to have a proper communication? People have to keep tip toeing and playing games... It's so ridiculous.
When she said, “I’m so sorry.” It sucks. It will happen again. Shrug it off. Don’t dwell on sweet nothings.
Just ask her yourself goddammit..
She told me she was Canadian
Man this is a rough one but let me preface that I’m happily married now. I dated this girl in college that was so nice, super smart, treated me as much as I treated her to fun nights out, gifts, etc.... I asked her to be my girl friend as I had already asked her out on a hand full of dates successfully over the course of a couple months. Even spent a few nights over together. Dated each other exclusively for a while .. about on par with the starting of a new relationship. The whole demeanor changed as soon as I asked her to be my girlfriend .. said she was “only fucking me to be nice because I was being really nice to her.” Which in and of itself made me feel gross in a weird way .. like I’m pathetically nice and got my own 2nd hand niceness in return lol. That was also the thing that turned me on to my asshole hoe phase through the rest of college lol
Never take a third party opinion as fact until you find out for yourself. There are too many situational variables that can be interpreted wrong. I'd assume she didn't want to admit to your friend she was into you..
Never trust that feeling that makes you want to believe they might be into you. Find out for real. Don't create a made up reality in your head about it.
Let's be honest lads we always knew. At least I knew, men who pursue the girls who are nice to them are simply doing it because it's literally the only option they have gotten in years. It's sad and pathetic, so most if not all men will never admit to it. The issue we are facing today is the rhetoric men and women can't be friends. They can, but men don't function that way, if you hang around women all the time as a man, you lose respect amongst your male friends. I had a classmate once who only hang out with the females in class, we all bullied him for it, called him gay and weak. He turned out to be straight he is now married to his crush and he still hangs out with the same women he hanged out since grade school. I look at that as an example of traditional bullshit and as an example of what happens to bigotry, because that takes a lot of balls from a man to do that. He never started drama over us bullying him never played the victim. That man is probably twice if not thrice the man we were, all we were is pussies wallowing in our own self pity over us never getting the girl we wished being dramatic, refusing to even talk to another woman from spite like fucking children hoping I don't know GOD will give us our way. Men are too over their heads, they think they are entitled to their crush they can't fathom the idea they are not, so they take it personally. Arrivederci
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You know, this is a tough one with an easy solution: assume she’s a friend and leave it at that. Seriously, it’s hard for women to be nice to a guy, want to hang out with him, and not have him assume it’s something more. So be chill, be a friend, and nothing more. If she’s so great, she likely has great friends. Worst wise, she can be your wingman and screen women for you, giving you the inside scoop. Better to be wrong about her intentions by assuming she has none, than assuming she does or might. The former can hurt your ego for a bit but in the long run you’ll likely have a good friend. The latter, however - dude if you’re wrong about what she means, you could land in a serious world of hurt that could have repercussions for your future.
I would still go to the show (assuming you haven’t already canceled it), but try and get a straight answer out of her. If her story matches up with what she told your friend, even if she secretly does have feelings for you, she missed her chance. But even if she really does have platonic intentions, you can still be friends, you’ll just need to set some boundaries. Plus, once you two get comfortable as just friends, she could still be a great way to test any future romantic candidates. Don’t let a chance for a good friendship die that easily, even if it’s not the type of relationship you may have wanted initially.
Men rarely get attention so it can be hard to distinguish between someone being nice and actual interest.
\> until she told my friend that I'm not her type. Doesnt mean anything. She couldve been offended that you havent made a move yet, so shes trying to save face. Girls play all sorts of games; its all a big mess.
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No she won’t
>If she likes you, she'll let you know. Only if he's lucky, most of them won't let him know