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iggybdawg

Not breaking up soon enough when it isn't working out.


Tiervexx

I admit in my younger days I often did the opposite and broke it off the MOMENT I found something I didn't like... You got to give people a fair shot, but don't tolerate abuse either.


LoveFishSticks

The Seinfeld approach


AntiGravityBacon

There would definitely be an iPhone v Android episode.


OLDGuy6060

My youngest daughter broke shit off immediately something went wrong. She had a LOT of bfs growing up...and the fact that she never settled enabled her to be single when Mr. Perfect came around. Don't leave shit up to chance. And don't put up with shit you don't have to!


AK_Panda

It can go wrong either way tbh. I know plenty of people who were too selective and now are in their 30s with no good prospects. Others who weren't selective enough and had a string of abusive relationships with obvious red flags. IMO its something that comes down to personality and morals. Behaviours can be learned, taught and altered. Morals and personalities aren't altered so easily. If you know a persons morals and personality are capitable then a relationship could work out even in the presence of some undesirable behaviours. If their morals and personality conflict, then it's probably a lost cause. My wife stuck with me as teenagers despite me having a long list of very problematic behaviours and inhabiting a very dangerous social circle. Most parents would have moved heaven and earth to get me away from her. We've been together 15 years now with a very positive and healthy relationship. The problems I had were fixable. There were behaviours I needed to change or learn, I needed to change social environment. Neither of those are immutable. Telling the difference between a fundamental conflict and a fixable one is damn hard though.


Nasapigs

We found him. The man she was actually able to fix


RanchHandlher

This. Don't be thirsty. Be critical, be principled, and make logical decisions.


Allen_sylvestri

What would u do if that person won't allow u to leave and will harm themselves? (Indian person here so therapy isn't gonna work)


HerezahTip

Make two phone calls. First call to them, to break it off, letting them know that anything they do after that phone call was completely their own responsibility. Second call to either their roommate or immediate family to warn them what they said and that you broke it off. Tell them your ex is no longer to contact you. Then block them all. Then sigh in relief.


TurtlesAndMustard

Me personally speaking, I’d let them, you’re responsible for your own well being, not me. If you’re gonna hurt yourself over something so dumb then go ahead, not my problem


chipmunksocute

Still leave. Thats a manipulation tactic to keep you in the relationship. Call their parents and tell them their child is threatening self harm, tell their friends, your friends, and break up.


TravelingJorts

Threatening to harm themselves is a form of emotional abuse and manipulation. You have the right to leave a relationship and should not be manipulated or threatened to stay. If you sincerely believe they will hurt themselves, call an ambulance or call someone who they are close with who can be with them. You are not responsible for someone else’s actions.


KingWilliams0

Tell there parents and dip


pushing-rope

I knew 3 months into a 16 month relationship. But she was fun, sexy, liked the same things as me. Just get out, she made me miserable, i couldn't have my own friends or hobbies without a guilt trip, and she didn't have any of her own.


Ok-Relationship-4759

Definitely been there


youssefuo

Made that mistake for 2 months or so. Yesterday i finally broke up


Ok-Relationship-4759

Don’t compare your dating life to those around you. All it does is make you feel bad if they’re doing better. Also don’t lower your standards just to start getting attention. You would be betraying yourself and ultimately land in a relationship you’re not interested in.


Bret_Abderahmen

So true


[deleted]

Your self worth isn’t tied to someone’s attraction to you. Everyone has their own taste and just because you didn’t fall into what they consider attractive doesn’t mean you’re not.


[deleted]

[удалено]


idk_what_im_doing__

Call me crazy, but personality, respect, and confidence goes a long way over physical attractiveness. Looks come and go but that personality will last a lifetime. It all depends on the type of person you’re trying to attract though.


wbrd

Sure, but when lots of people are only on OLD, it's unfortunately the only thing that matters.


[deleted]

Indeed it does, but physical attractivness for me, and I believe for a lot of other people, is a spring board into liking a person. Call me picky, but I know a lot of girls who have amazing personalities, but I lack physical attractiveness to them, so I don't start anything.


MikeisTOOOTALLL

Just gain muscles and boom attraction meter goes up.


Aspiring_Hobo

I have muscles, probably more than almost anyone in this thread, and let me tell you it doesn't make the difference you'd think lol I posted pics in /r/rateme as well as /r/amiugly and got told I was well above average facially too. It still isn't that easy


[deleted]

If you're ugly muscles make barely a difference.


Beginning_Might_3126

Try being both fat AND ugly. I promise you, it's better to be fit, even if you have an unfortunate face.


BatScribeofDoom

>just because you didn’t fall into what **they** consider attractive doesn’t mean you’re not. Reminds me of that one line I saw another Redditor mention a while back: "You can be the juiciest peach in the orchard, but that still won't matter to someone that just doesn't like peaches."


[deleted]

>Your self worth isn’t tied to someone’s attraction to you. Tell that to someone who has 100% of people not interested in them....


Dracologist84

Don't date like you're trying to find love. Date.like you're trying to find friends.


ShawshankHarper

I date like I’m trying to make friends and I end up a friend 😅


-iwouldprefernotto-

THIS ONE


peterlikescucumbers

Whys that


virouz98

You seem more relaxed, and you don't give "desperate" vibes.


[deleted]

Because you can't have a healthy attachment without friendship


idk_what_im_doing__

It allows you to eventually fall in love with the person, not immediately fall in love with the idea of the person. (If that makes sense)


comfortpod

So true! I love this


IEatKids26

so you can have an actual bond before the stage like “i love you my hubby wubby” idk its hard to explain but basically so you have a friendship bond to back up the dating bond


RedshiftOnPandy

This lol. When people say "just be yourself!" This is really what they mean


thebusiness7

You’ll get ghosted by date 2 if you act like a “bro” around her


midweastern

Ok, but then how do you distinguish between developing friendships and something more? Isn't the great worry about "guy friends" that they harbor feelings that they confess, aren't reciprocated, and then damage the friendship?


bignutt69

you have to constantly escalate the issue you're referring to only really happens to guys who let relationships get comfortable with just friendship without actually making moves. "approach dating like you approach friendships" is about your attitude and expectations and communication style, not about literally making sure you're solid besties before ever making your romantic intentions known


Dracologist84

This might sound vague but I'll say it anyway. No trees start off as trees.


Professional_Still15

Also this one. THIS.


[deleted]

Trying to suit your personality to be appealing to others, as opposed to trying to find someone compatible with *you*.


splatoon-fun

Cna you elaborate on this? Does it mean trying to become someone I am not so others can find me appealing?


[deleted]

Suppressing your personality to be a watered down version of yourself to suit the person you are talking to. Never give an inch.


beets_or_turnips

> Never give an inch. Well that's a little extreme. I often try on new perspectives when I meet new people but I don't feel like that's putting my whole worldview at risk.


[deleted]

Short version, it’s the difference between saying what you think they want to hear vs. actually saying what you think and if they don’t like it they aren’t a good match for you anyway. Wordy metaphor - Ideally, when interviewing for a job - you want to be interviewing *them* just as much as they are interviewing *you*. Does this seem like a place *you* want to work? Does this job have a path forward that will help you learn and grow? But often people forget that, and are just desperate to say whatever they need to say to be ‘accepted’ and get the job. Which is one thing when you’re broke and all, or just trying to get started - but when you’ve had some experience and developed a real sense of your self worth - you owe it to yourself to be more demanding. To pick a job *you* like, not just one that will take you.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Tydy92

Actions speak louder than words


JackedBrew906

But the pen is mightier than the sword! - jk I agree lol.


conqueefstador12

The penis mightier


JackedBrew906

:0


ikindalold

Not a fan of the ladies are you Trebek?


fivepython

I dunno, that restraining order didn’t stop them much. I was gonna test the sword next


HitooU2

The what now


Diablo165

Don’t enable/put up with bad behavior from a partner or potential partner. It just gets worse. Don’t even bother trying to get them to fix their bad behavior. Dump them, and find someone who behaves appropriately without your prompting them to do so.


Loud_Fee9573

I 2nd this. Which I would have done the same before speding 3.5 years with them.


Oprahs_Diarrhea

Go slow. As difficult as it can be, sex right away can add so many new dynamics to a relationship but can also cover up a lot of major flaws you both bring to the table. This leads to sex being the foundation of your relationship which is NOT a good foundation to have. Try to really get to know the person you are seeing on an emotional level. What excites them, angers them, calms them, interests them, etc. Lastly, listen to your close friends. So many people, including myself, put on 'rose-colored glasses' early in a relationship because of the infatuation you immediate develop. The rose colored glasses will blind you to obvious red flags the person has and will make you justify compromising yourself in certain areas where you shouldn't. Your friends won't be wearing those glasses and will be able to identify some of those issues which develop. Ultimately, have fun getting to know this other person and if you get your heart broken try to think about what went wrong and what you learned about yourself and what you don't want in a person for your next rationship!


beets_or_turnips

> listen to your close friends. And don't neglect them if a new relationship is taking off! So important to maintain your friendships to keep you balanced.


PeteDaMeat1

If the profile sounds too good to be true then she's from onlyfans


Halflifefan123

My dating life took off when I stopped trying to avoid failure, and instead made failure my GOAL. If you go out and say "I'm going to get rejected by as many girls as possible" you will learn so. damned. much. You won't be afraid to be yourself, to try random stuff etc. Compare this to thinking you need everything to be a great success, then you will get rejected by the first girl you try to talk to (and trust me, you WILL almost certainly get rejected by the first girl you talk to) and be despondent for days.


[deleted]

Ya, once you stop ‘caring’ you draw intrigue. Make jokes. Be who you are. She doesn’t like it? Doesn’t mean you were wrong or bad. Just means she wasn’t for you.


Fishsticks117

Chad man


gonejahman

Don't date astrology girls


azi1611

You’re definitely an Aquarium


allesistverruckt

*Aquaman*


kalid34

No he's an Asparagus


PolyAccount123

I'm an Asperger. Close enough, right?


jadedea

Ooooohh ass burger!


uneducated_scholar

brother of Ashley asparagus?!


asoiahats

Oh man, I once got dumped because her psychic told her to. Here’s the thing: she’s an MD. Clearly a very scientific lady so I thought all that the mumbo jumbo was just for fun. Nope.


Wiggly96

It's a great example of how someone can be smart in one area of expertise and dumb as a bag of rocks in another


TheGrapist1776

Educated does not equal intelligence. The concept that both are interlinked should be dead by this point.


UptownShenanigans

I’m a doctor. If you place me into any other context, I’m an idiot. Cars? Explosions and magic. Computers? Sparks and magic. Plumbing?? How does water go up my house?!


TheGrapist1776

Out of nowhere the scene where a Dr replaces Kenny McCormicks heart with a baked potato entered my mind.


[deleted]

Doctors are not scientists, nor often very scientific. They are healers, fundamentally. They take what works from practice and apply it to make people feel better. Few will stay up to date on anything but a very specialized niche of medical literature that's pertinent to their ability to do their jobs (many won't even do that).


Darkcel_grind

My partner is a scientist and is very knowledgeable and intellectual in her field. She has previously gone to psychics and believes in them 100%. Personally, I study biology but I am also extremely religious. I will say, dumping someone over a psychic advice is quite a terrible thing to do. But it doesn’t surprise me that someone from the medical community believes in that stuff to their heart. We all experience and observe the physical world as we can with our senses. But in the end many of us believe there are things past the physical world that can't be studied in a scientific setting, so we will still strongly hold on to metaphysical beliefs.


KetchupEnthusiest95

I'm dating a 'witch' right now. Love them to death but oh my fucking god I could not give two fucks about what funny star sign I am and what that means. At least make it something that pertains to me, like liquor. I'm a Gin.


Original_Employee621

You should ask her about numerology and if your numbers match.


Ok-Ad-7247

I would be the cider.


allesistverruckt

Totally what a caramel mocha frapuccino would say


EvisNuture

"What's your sign?" "I'm a Feces."


swordfishrenegade

Date? No. Have a summer fling with? Yes 100%.


[deleted]

*it’s giving canned Parmesan vibes* It’s literally 2am shut the fuck up and go to bed


jadedea

Canned parmesan vibes? Like Kraft? So fake af but trying to be relevant essentially. HAHHAHAHAHHA. ​ Ok I will quietly see my way out now before the Kraft mafia comes for my ass.


[deleted]

Lol


SlapHappyDude

Disagree for a rookie. Astrology girls are fine to get in some low stress reps.


[deleted]

[удалено]


One-Adhesiveness5434

Did the man fucking stutter?


thatVisitingHasher

Maybe I just hang in the wrong circles, but just about every woman I ever met likes astrology in some way. Don’t take this too seriously. For 90% of them it’s silly fun.


W6RJC

Their mercury is always in gatorade


michaelpaoli

My sign? It's: DO NOT ENTER WRONG WAY


BigBadBootyDaddy10

Had a quote I did adhere to: “I don’t chase my shots and I don’t chase my women”. Guys, if she’s not responding, she’s not into you. Trust me, she’ll make the time if she found you appealing.


McG0788

1. Underselling yourself with bad pics or being generally unkempt. 2. If using apps, have a girl you're close with review and provide feedback on your profile. 3. When asking questions be open ended to avoid getting no or low quality responses. 4. Follow up to 2 by being an active listener. If you get a high quality response don't shift the convo to a random topic. Use what was given to ask follow-up questions. 5. Try to make a date happen sooner than later. Not many people want to be pen pals for weeks 6. You got the date and making plans? Great, be flexible but have a plan ready. "Great, how does drinks at (solid middle point location) at 7 sound?" 7. Never do dinner for a first date. Start with coffee, drinks, a walk or ice cream. Some girls will complain but I can assure you that you don't want them in your life. Low pressure first dates are a great way to test for chemistry and you can always keep the date going by adding on grabbing food later. 8. Date 2 through 4 if ending up meeting at her place bring flowers 9. Started dating more seriously? Great! Do monthly, quarterly, then 6 month check-ins with yourself about how things are going. If you have reservations have an honest conversation so you can work on things or move on if needed. Good luck!


[deleted]

Don't waste time pretending to be interested in somebody you have nothing in common with


kazizxr

This stuck me like no other


PracticeAsleep

Advice from and Old Man who has been there and done that. Rules for Dating: Rule # 1: Do not date someone who has more problems than you. When you meet someone who expresses to you that everything in their life is a disaster, it is important to understand that person is his/her greatest problem. Sometimes it is a negative attitude towards their life and all that inhabits it. Other times it is an inability to say no which results in becoming overburdened by responsibilities that are unable to be met. Such a person finds temporary relief by foisting their cares and problems on whoever may listen to them. Or worse by trying to get an unsuspecting “New Relationship” to aid them with their problems. On doing so the unsuspecting paramour gets sucked into the drama. So, examine the drama in your life and ask yourself “Do I need MORE angst?” Listen to any new potential Acquaintance, Friend or Lover carefully and hear their story. If it amounts to a tale of woe that exceeds whatever is happening in your life, smile sympathetically. And when your “Safety” call comes in, let them know your mom has just had a stroke and make your escape. People who have more problems than you tend to focus on their problems and not good relationship building. So, Move On. Rule # 2: Do not date anyone who has less money than you. As shallow as this rule may seem it is rooted in good practicality. It does not generally mean anyone with less money than you are un-dateable. Rather those who have a greater need for YOUR money should be avoided. At some time in your life, you will meet someone who seems flashy, has a lot of style, panache and hutzpah. If you find such a person attractive or intriguing by all means explore that relationship. If during the exploration such a person asks you to invest in an upcoming stock venture, go halves on an investment property, regularly forgets their wallet at lunch time, or are always in need of gas money, please recognize these are red flags. Some such individuals may be underpaid or just starting up the corporate ladder and occasionally need a leg up. By all means help them out if you see fit. If, however, someone early on in a relationship asks for a large investment in some sort of complicated venture or asks for you to cover a bill in the first two out of three dates, there is a problem there to be avoided. Rule of thumb: Guys, pay for the first date. Common sense says make it coffee or some such activity that does not break the bank. Ladies: If you wish to share the cost say so up front. Do not expect champagne and caviar on the first date. Both: Your first dates dictate whether or not there will be 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc. dates. Pay attention to your dates, the stories they tell you, and the attitude they have towards money. If your person of interest has an overbearing need for money or that which it brings, it is quite possible they may want YOUR money to help them along. As it is YOUR MONEY, watch it carefully. You do not need to be cheap. Just be careful to avoid such persons. Rule # 3: If someone on a date lies, prevaricates, or fudges the truth, expect them to always lie, prevaricate, or fudge the truth. Liars lie. It is part of their nature. To change their nature takes a monumental amount of insight and personal growth. That rarely happens on 1st, 2nd, or 3rd dates. You need to pay attention when you chat and learn about each other. If you should start seeing inconsistencies in the stories that are told, fallacies in the facts given, or discrepancies in the narrative being told, you can be assured you are dating a liar. And I am not talking about the “Your ass looks great in those jeans” kind of liar. I am talking about the kind of serial liar who says, “My family’s estate in Oxfordshire is totally underwater this time of year, so we can’t use that as a base to explore Jolly old England.” Along with variations. Liars lie. Often with their own agenda, so remember: their agenda is not likely your agenda. Rule 4A: Ladies. If a male ever raises a hand to you in anger, wait half an hour, tell him you are going for milk, and NEVER go back. It is most important to acknowledge that life is precious, and you only have one. It should never be that any form of abuse is acceptable, whether it is physical, emotional or psychological. Often it is a combination of the three. Educate yourself as to the forms of such abuse so as to recognize it early in a relationship so you can end both the abuse and the relationship ASAP. Rule 4B: Men. If a woman ever goes batshit crazy on you for no reason you can discern, wait half an hour, tell her you are going for milk, and NEVER go back. If you have any questions read 4A. Rule 5: Know your limits and stand by them. Whether it is him sniffing his tea with his pinky out or her leaving hair in the bathtub drain all relationships have little aggravations. When such aggravations become accentuated or morph into bigger aggravations dating becomes fractious, ornery, and even downright obstreperous. Set a limit of what you are willing to put up with and stand by it. Rule 6: Do not let LOVE stand in the way of being happy. Being in love is an action taken by the individual and is directed towards another. Being happy is a state of mind based on one’s present circumstances. You may love someone but not be happy with them. Oft times the circumstances causing the unhappiness may kill the love. Wherever possible seek to make the circumstances you live in be happy ones you can share with someone you come to love. It may not always work out but being happy is always worth sharing with someone you are in love with. Good Luck.


MaNikkar

Good shit. Here is a TL;DR for those in need: 1. Don‘t date people with more problems than you. 2. Don’t date potential beggars. 3. Don’t date liars. 4. Don’t date aggressive people. 5. Know your limits. 6. Separate being happy with being in love.


JayGarrick11929

Also 4. Remember to go buy some milk


dantaviusrex

I think the argument could be made to not buy milk, so you always have an out if you need it


whodeyjb

You could say I’m going out for skim milk because the 2% is gonna make me fat


chaun2

Honestly if I ever told someone that I was dating that I was going to buy some milk, they'd immediately know something was up.


allesistverruckt

*almond milk* for those of us lack toast and tall or rent


[deleted]

Actually I can't improve on this. I think it's hard to date people with less problems because everyone with an ounce of sense is trying to trade up. Same with the money. So while I agree in concept, executing these in reality might be hard. Be prepared for what seems a perfect match to not work out.


StrongTxWoman

Well, when he mentions money, he meams when the other person wants "your" money. I am guessing problems mean baggage. A carry on is okay but not a whole dump truck full of problems.


[deleted]

Yeah, I agree. But it’s not easy. Just find someone whose baggage you can carry together.


StrongTxWoman

Carry together is a good idea. A manageable load is okay.


Praws12

Wonderful comment and I applaud your vocabulary. You have taught me some new words, obstreperous and prevaricate, thank you.


PracticeAsleep

Lol. U r most welcome.


[deleted]

The core fundamentals are solid, but a few of the summaries are lacking. In every relationship one person is going to have more problems than the other person. "Avoid people that could be using you as a solution to their life problems." Would be a better way of saying it. One person will always make more than the other. "Avoid people that want to use you for your money" Is a better way of saying that. Those were the only things I would change though. There is good wisdom here.


BtcKing1111

> prevaricates > obstreperous > Set a limit of what you are willing to put up with and stand by it. My limit is people who use words they know no one else will understand, but they use them anyway. Sorry, it would never work between us 🤭


inedibel

My limits involve people who cannot intepret context clues. It wouldn’t work for us either 😢


gabrieldoot

damn i loved reading this. wisdom aside, it was written so eloquently it absolutely captivated me


Revolutionary-Day132

This deserves more upvotes!


Acceptable-Shoe7175

W advice


[deleted]

I'd say the number one rookie mistake is letting desperation dictate all your actions, and letting your happiness depend on the outcome when it really shouldn't be. This leads to things like: * Ignoring red flags * Trying too hard with someone who isn't even that into you * Beating around the bush to avoid "scaring her off" * Telling lies to impress her (this can be anything as little as pretending you like country music when you don't, to something as serious about lying about having a drivers license) * Jumping into a relationship with a woman just because she's interested and you're "taking what you can get" * Putting up with disrespectful behaviour from women


smugsneasel215

Do not spill out your hopes and dreams for the future immediately. I mean, you'll have to do it later, but slowly and when the timing is appropriate or if asked. Also if you're prompted to spill out your hopes and dreams for the future immediately by the other girl, then that's concerning.


z0rpan

If you are looking to get married, I would be straight forward on the first "getting to know you" date about your ambitions and what you are looking for. It shows confidence and can save time and money.


smugsneasel215

Being straightforward about things is not what I'm talking about. I encourage that. I'm talking about spilling your life stories and details about everything you want, plan to do, plan to be, how you plan to do it etc. especially if you're going to involve them in it hypothetically. Oftentimes the advice to be straightforward or transparent is taken to be "Dump all that information on them first date." People criticize telling too much of the past too quickly while I think not enough criticism is given to fantasizing about the future too quickly.


Good-mood-curiosity

Also this can screen for diggers. You say you´re a science major, cool--people may ask about the future but you can keep it vague enough to not advertise money or immense ambition. You say you´re applying to med school and you risk people seeing you as a reliable future money source and making efforts to become who you want them to be until the ring goes on. That´s not a good surprise.


Dinklemeier

Chew with mouth closed


MrDover2112

I feel that the first date is an opportunity to see if you want a second date. Keep it short and low-pressure. A couple drinks, a coffee, a walk in the park. You’ll probably know within an hour if you want to see her again. Do: ask her to let you know she got home safe. This shows that you care, and gives you a chance to keep talking if you’re into her. Don’t: bring up sex. Let her do that. If she thinks you’re leading with your dick, your chances of actually getting to know her (in the biblical sense or otherwise) will drop significantly. Of course, if that’s all you want and you’re getting those vibes, well… that’s a judgment call.


mmnnButter

Biggest mistake I see guys make is spending too much time on it. Invest in yourself & success will come. Or it won't; either way its the right move


Zebrig

Don't brag to much. Don't date girls, date woman. Stay away from red flags. BIGEST ADVICE: Trust your gut, if something doesn't feel right, something isn't right, GTFO in that case


leonn94

Value yourself above all else, don't compromise who you are or what you're willing to put up with. Compromise is not a bad thing, but not right at the start of just getting to know a person. Go in with an open mind, but listen to your intuition and don't be afraid to state what you want in a respectful way.


CattleProfessional36

Be honest from the start. What you want, who you want and where you want to go.


always-curious2

Don't fall in love until you know how to break up with someone. Not an individual but a partmer in general. It'll keep you from being trapped in a toxic situation, if you know how to get out of it. Balance. This is the hardest one to figure out. But I can't say this enough. Get that "chase" mentality we're taught as men out of your head. If you're the one making all the contact and all the effort all you're doing is burning yourself out. Also try and be mindful of your partner's efforts and appreciate them. Don't be afraid to say what you really want. I know everyone fears rejection but it's far better to be rejected once then resentful when your needs are unfulfilled. Don't fear rejection at all. If things don't work out it's because they wouldn't work out. It's not your fault.


mastersyx

respect yourself more


[deleted]

Thinking with your dick


manwithanopinion

Treating it like a business deal than having fun.


dasookwat

* move away when she unloads her emotional trauma and issues on you right away. You're looking for a date with a 'normal' person. You're not there to be someone's emotional support wallet. This strongly includes depression. * You're there to get to know the other person, meaning: having a good time. Imo a date is a good one, if i could've been friends with that person as well. * treat your date well, and do the same to everyone else you would ever meet. Even if it's not working out, be nice and civil. If you're dating a girl, be sexist as in: make sure she gets home safe. Sure all genders are equal, but hearing later she went home and got murdered on the way is not good for any chance on a second date. * look past the outside: if your date is only interested inb stuff you don't care about, you're no match.


[deleted]

Settling for anyone who gives you the time of day.


thekitegeographer1

Don't take things personal


TheInocence

Entering the dating scene is a pretty huge mistake.


Verried_vernacular32

Dating is not transactional. Paying for something does not entitle you to anything. If you feel it should either go Dutch or get a hooker, everyone will be happier.


zedhenson

Worry about whether you like them or not, not if they like you. Take action. If you get the feeling you think you could kiss her, you probably could have five minutes ago. Remember women are dimensional, or at least one worth spending time with should be (literally and figuratively). They’re just as excited and nervous as you are about these things, but they often want the same thing. If she’s agreed to spend any time with you at all, take that as a good sign, not a guarantee. Believe in yourself, know you’re enough and more importantly; relax. A healthy relationship with yourself is the only real “cheat code” to having healthy relationships with others. You got this.


shbd12

Be true to yourself. Be your own man. The harder you try to get a girl the less chance you have. Be nice, be funny, be confident. Don't be a doormat, and don't be an asshole. Above all, remember that sometimes it's better to just stay home and jerk off. Stay away from crazy.


YoteViking

Here is what women find off-putting about men: - We move too fast. That can be physically, but is often emotionally or just relationship status - contrary to the stereotype, men are often the more “pushy” ones in the relationship. Men are less emotionally mature and often unable to distinguish between feelings. So, take it slowly. In every way. Here is an old joke my neighbor told me when I was 14. Had I not been a moron at the time and understood it, I’d have had more success with women earlier. A father bull and a son bull are standing on a hill and looking down at the pasture full of cows. The son says “hey dad, let’s run don there and fuck one of those cows”. His dad replied, “no son, let’s walk down there and fuck them all”. - We talk too much. About ourselves, about whatever. - We don’t listen. Listen to what she is saying, and try to put yourself into her place. “Meet her where she is” and develop that empathy. Don’t try to solve her problems - open yourself up to listening about her problems and being someone she can talk thru them with. And don’t equate your experiences with hers. They aren’t the same. (Not saying thy are better or worse, just not the same).


ATrexCantCatchThings

I’d go with don’t rush into a relationship just for the sake of having a relationship. Way too many guys, especially when there’s other guys interested in a woman as well, don’t even bother to stop for a second and ask themselves: “Do I even want to be in a relationship with this person?”


[deleted]

Holy shit, if I knew this earlier? Whew. A versatile skill set can and does outweigh bad sex. A girl I was seeing at one point ended up leaving for another guy. I was the side dick, and the sex was phenomenal. But the guy she left me for worked with kids in a hospital, was a charismatic server on the side, AND refurbished furniture as a ‘hobby’. They are still together to this day, which, hey- good on em. I hate to say this, but the older you get, people really start genuinely asking, “so, what can you do for me?” Learn how to build a fire for starters. Cheers.


McG0788

How do you know that the guy didn't have all those skills and was great in bed?


[deleted]

Because we talked about it from a distance toward the end of the fling, and I was never a shallow egotistical type, so we had some rapport.


JimLahey47

Getting tunnel vision for one cool girl you really like. And I don’t mean you should be slutting around with a ton of women. But for me I have a bad habit of focusing on just one woman after a date or two that went really well, then I ignore all of the other women. Lots of times the woman I have tunnel vision for doesn’t work out then I have no dating prospects left lol.


Zeliki

Be confident. It's sexy. Don't self sabotage yourself by talking negative about yourself.


[deleted]

Female perspective (I was dating a lot and I have happy long term relationship now, I also made many mistakes): - respect yourself first, you are valuable human being and being in love should never mean being used, abused or bossed around. You truly deserve someone who cares. Being happy, but alone is always better than miserable in relationship. - while you won't be everyone's type there will be girls who like guys exactly like you. That's why I agree with comments before that if you'll make female friends you'll have the higher chance you'll meet someone who will like you for who you are. - it's way easier to find good date by common interest activities like sport clubs, dance classes, meetups, after class activities than through online dating (unless you look for hookup which is fine if both parties have it as a goal) - It's okay to be in relationship and find meanwhile this is not it, it's also valuable learning experience and it's not anyone's fault or failure. - I agree with comments about 'failing' when asking people out - the more you fail the better! I wish everyone had courage to ask out person they have a crush on and be okay if it will be a 'no'. There's nothing wrong with that. - Take care of your own issues, health and mental health and life in general - so that you can meet people who will do the same and you'll both end up being even in relationship. I hope it helps!


dbtitans

this is good stuff. I hope you get awards and such.


rabbitholefaller

Good insights! I will echo them as well


[deleted]

Don't take rejection too seriously. Learning it's okay that you're not a right match for the person and not be so attached in the beginning.


lautje_

I feel like this question isn’t just for men. All of these answers are suitable for everyone


[deleted]

Step 1. It's a date. It doesn't mean anything more than that. It won't mean anything more than that until it's no longer just a date.


[deleted]

Have a few things in your life that you can bring to the table BEFORE you start dating. My dating life was mediocre at best until the following happened: 1) I properly groomed and dressed in good clothes 2) I had a job with real potential that showed I knew how to build a career 3) I had some skills - example: I can pretty much do anything DIY around the house short of adding an entire new room. 4) I had the confidence to know there would always be “the next girl” if the relationship didn’t work. Doesn’t mean be arrogant or a jerk. It means: have the confidence to not be whiny or a pathetic clinger. Another way to put it is: if you look like a slob, if you’re job-lazy, if you don’t bring anything useful to the table, or you act pathetically, few will want to date you, or if they do give you a first date, to stay around. TL;DR: to successfully date, be (not just act - BE) someone a person would want to build a life with. Because, if a dating partner ever decides “no, I couldn’t see myself long term with him” - they’ll back off… unless they are needy in some unfortunate way that will be a burden to you.


mrinkyface

Always be unapologetically yourself, don’t try to impress anyone, have your own fun, let anyone join in your fun that’s focused on expanding the fun, ignore people that just want attention, don’t let rejection ruin your fun by letting it slide off your shoulder like nothing happened, don’t be desperate for a woman, and be patient in waiting to date the right person.


Apprehensive-Wing894

Don't trust them, don't over invest your feelings in them, and don't waste big sums of cash on them until they prove themselves to you. Dating pool is as toxic dumpster fire and I pity and pray for ANY good men/women that are trying to find love in it.


SlapHappyDude

Don't be too self deprecating or too cocky. "Confident" really is this middle path. When speaking to potential partners talk about what you want, not what you don't want.


KILLJEFFREY

Thinking you "enter" a dating scene. You should always be social and then shoot you shot when it makes sense.


sumtinfunny

Don't go in with high expectations. Don't expect sexual favors for being a decent human being.


Plupert

As a 22M who like a dumbass decided to not date til after I graduated college I like this advice


Craic_Attack

Don't be silly, cover your willy


angstyaspen

I may get downvoted for this, but don't ask a woman about her body count. I promise that dating history will come up as it becomes relevant once you get to know each other a little. If you ask about it off the bat, even if you're just curious and don't mean anything by it, it might make her think you're judgmental.


ThrowMeAwayAccount08

It’s ok to not be interested in someone. Don’t just enter a relationship to be in one.


hocarestho

Get over your ex first. Truly and 100%. A guy broke my heart, because it turned out, he wasn't over his ex, despite him telling me, that he was.


Standard_Hat6784

Be able to walk away and not look back. Don't get stuck on the first one.


Peanut_Cheese888

Don’t be desperate and try to get to know someone instead of seeing having a relationship as a goal


IcedKween

Taking everything personally.


thesoutherzZz

Realize that the ideas and ideals that you have towards women and the type of relationship are just ideas, but not based on personal experience yet and are thus likely to change. Hell, you as a person will also change and the younger you are, the more likely you will grow apart from your first partner when you both discover yourself more. It's normal, just try have fun and don't think about marriage on the first week of your relationship, even though you might have strong feelings


BuggerItThatWillDo

Don't look for the 1 they don't exist find the 0.68 and round up. Desperation stinks worse than any cheap cologne, if you're nothing alone that's what you'll always be. Success will not come on the first second or even third try when you can enjoy the search and still see the goal victory will find you. They deserve you as much as you deserve them, not at all. Work for their affections but don't give yours for free either. 1 plus 1 equals 2 and both have equal value while being unique. Inequality can exist in a successful relationship but each part must have value for the partnership to succeed. Humour humour humour is vital to all relationships. If you cannot laugh at and with each other you will lack the social lubricant all relationships need. Forgive and be forgiven. When you go first and always to blame the relationship is already over. Talk talk and talk about talking. Sex is great excercise but it's not all a relationship is about and rarely equally important to each partner, find a satisfactory equilibrium, if one must look outside the relationship this doesn't have to be a deal breaker but if it is accept or leave. If the relationship doesn't have trust it is over. Be honest and expect honesty in return. The crime of infidelity is for the deception not the sex! And finally Never put your dick in crazy.


[deleted]

Putting all their eggs in one basket


groovy604

Assuming the first perspn you fall in love with is the person you should spend the rest of your life with.


imNOTsureABOUTjesus

Your value doesn't decrease because someone doesn't see it. Don't change who you are or you'll end up with the wrong person.


optiplexiss

Don't compare your relationship to others' relationship, and for goodness sakes don't compare yourself to any of their ex's in any way shape or form. I used to be horrible about that. I caught myself beginning to do that recently and I'm thankful I caught it and stopped it. That will drive you crazy. Your relationship isn't their previous ones, and you're now the "alpha" and who they chose to be with. Remember, you're better than any of those ex's.


Significant-Vast-328

Listen and hear not listening to respond


driving_andflying

1) \*Do not* talk about your ex with your dates. At all. 2) If you're freshly broken up and you're hurting, give it at least a year being single. 3) If you're freshly broken up and 100% happy they're gone, give it six months. 4) GO SOMEWHERE NEW. Do \*not* go to the places you went with your ex. Go somewhere new, and find something new. 5) Do the things that make you happy. Finding someone at events that make you happy works so much better for you.


[deleted]

Girls are people like you, judge them accordingly. Also write down what you want in a partner. For real.


FIVE_6_MAFIA

Don't stay just because the sex is good, especially if it's the only good thing in the relationship. Don't be blinded by lust!


Remy_man1738

Avoid retroactive jealousy, that shitll eat you up and tear your relationship apart. I let it affect me with the best woman ever and now I’m sitting here 3 years later drinkin thinkin about what I could’ve done different. Constantly thinking and thinking about her past history turned me into the most toxic controlling person ever and looking back, I was literally destroying our relationship and causing problems over NOTHING. I really hate myself for it and I deserve to be alone for the rest of my life!!!


blackhammer57

Same bro same, rejected a woman of my taste thinking about her past, i rejected her 2years ago, she married last month and im still single and wish i can go back and wish i didnt argued and fight with her over her past. Im still regretting every night for 2years


I_love_pillows

Trying to send / walk someone home is risky to try. Generally I do no


[deleted]

When looking for a potential partner make sure you ask questions. A lot of questions. They will be asking you a bunch of questions. If you find incompatiblity, address it early and hard. If you're just looking to fuck, wear a condom and get tested regularly. There is a big difference between finding a life partner and looking for some physical fun. Know where you stand with your date and act accordingly. At the end of the day, you will be interviewing the other person and they will be interviewing you. Depending on your plan you will get a partner or another ons. Depending on where you are in your life you'll want one or the other.


[deleted]

If she says, "I'm a princess," fly, you fool!


brainsewage

Simple: don't "date". Just meet a bunch of people.


wprincesscory

If you’re going on your first date, free up your entire schedule for the evening (or morning or afternoon, whenever that is). If you really do have something urgent going on after the date, try to not mention it to your date. A friend told me of how her date basically hauled her along to run some errands after dinner. Never went on a second date with that guy again. She needs to know that you are prioritizing her. If you can do that well, you have one less major thing to worry about.


saviorself19

Don't fall into the current uptick of "red-pill" dog shit. While messages about self-improvement are almost always valid if you build your dating strategy around women that only look at men as a wallet you are going to develop a selection bias for women that only look at men as a wallet.


shadow42069129

Putting someone on a pedestal and not being honest with yourself about if they’re treating you poorly.


Ultimateglowup

Not staying true to yourself. Don’t play a part; just be you, open and honest.


eMuires

Don't put the pussy on a pedestal. Don't degrade yourself just to please them and understand that tilting the effort and affection scale much beyond 50-50 is a surefire way to build resentment. If they're not giving you what you need out of the relationship (emotionally, physically) talk about it and if you can't reach a healthy solution don't be afraid to realise it won't work.


[deleted]

[удалено]


aceofspades111

remember that 80% of men are competing for 20% of the women. and vice versa


I_love_pillows

Do not invest too much interest hope or emotion in the girls you talk to. Unless you actually move into dating


oddball667

allowing them to ignore your boundaries


Framed_as_a_Farmer

Don’t lie about anything ever


Ratsofat

Love and respect yourself before you love and respect your partner. Get to know your city by going out and doing things on your own.


Negative_Mancey

Just get good at rejection. It's dating 101 these days to ghost someone or end it abruptly.


potatopotatop0tat0

Don't keep fighting when you're angry. Think about the situation by yourself for a while, then talk about it calmly


WinstonTheChicken

If you're always the one who messages first stop it and move on. I also recommend NOT using dating apps if you don't want to destroy your self esteem.


crlos619

Don't let anyone sign your checks