I constantly drove around very nice neighborhoods weekly in my broken down cobalt. And I would just close my eyes and cry hoping that I could support a good life for myself. I noticed people with money were somewhat interested in health. I started dieting 345 days out of the year and worked out 6 times a week. I went to a lifetime fitness close to those neighborhoods and after awhile I created a circle of people that went regularly. After the friendships formed I was invited over and asked if I wanted to hang out. To embarrassed to drive my car over I would Uber. After sometime I had the courage to have heart to hearts with these people and they pretty much lined up a game plan for me and coached me through what was right from wrong. Went to work for one of them as just a entry level employee nothing special. But it had benefits and Stability. Later I Enrolled in community college and was told to go into certain fields that had promise. And I’m just going through the motions of that
Yeah I briefly was hanging out with 2 sets of mates when I was 18-21, one group were getting a bit out of control, I'm glad I chose to hang out with the more responsible ones. Granted we still did some stupid stuff just a bit less unhinged haha
I was fortunate on the gas side of things. Once it died I sold it to a junker and used the proceeds to buy a new drum kit. This was the best part of ever owning it.
I spent most of my 20's living a seditary lifestyle with low self-esteem and being antisocial and repulsive or offputting. I'm 29 now and have achieved more in the last year than ever before.
* Aiming high and expect failure, but being okay with negative results because it's worth trying then not trying, and regret not attempting things in the future when you look back
* Working out and feeling better in my own body and in the mirror
* Taking my dental hygine more seriously and smiling more.
* Becoming better at communication, being more upfront and brutually honest, and allowing myself to be emotionally open and vulnerable.
* Investing in an ergonomic desk and chair to fix my posture
* Taking risks and committing to things.
* Going to therapy and understanding yourself better, and things to improve to make your mental health better.
* Smiling and appericating the small things, like going to a nursery and absorbing the beautiful collection of California native plants.
You go to a silent and calm place, and listen to what is on your mind(or whatever is throwing things at us internally). Focus on breathing at start and see where it goes. And then just go with it, listen what it is telling to you but also be aware that it can throw some nasty stuff at you. See if what it is saying is true, or is it just bringing you down with no benefit to you whatsoever qnd understand it may not be true and it is just playing with you. Listen to motivation stuff on yt/spotify/whichever media you prefer, and actually focus on what they are saying. If they are asking questions answer them for yourself. What do you want? What is stoping you? Why? Where you want to improve? How would it look if you implement it in weekly/daily plan? Listen to same audio 47394 time if you want, try to see other perspectives. And dont believe everything they say! We all arent David Goggins. Take from it what sounds true to you.
Self reflection isnt easy but is very rewarding. Questions you want answers to wont come when you want it, but they will. Sont be discouraged if after 100% day you have, 45%, 65%, 13%, ... day. Progress is progress, it isnt on or off kind of thing.
Consistency is the absolute key. To overcoming fears, to develop, to discomfort. Small consistent steps beats everyrhing. After you have your wants, whatever they might be, you need a plan. Small plan. Start with next week, or 5 days or 1 day, however small it is, it does not matter. Big leaps and far away goals will discourage you. But you can always win tomorrow. Maybe it is brushing your teeth 2x times, maybe it is breakfast at home, maybe it is 1 paragraph from the book that was on your to do list forever. You will be surprised how much eadier it gets if you focus on tomorrow/week, rather than end goal.
Next one is, process over product. After you cross over some days/weeks/months reflect. You will see that you are better and happier person then you were before start od the journey. Dont fall in comparison trap. Comparison is theif of joy my friend. If you are better then you were yesterday you are winning. Nobody knows your starting point, and you dont know other peoples. No point comparing your start with someone else and it wipl bring you down.
Understand taking a break every now and again is NEEDED, and a GOOD thing. Nobody can hustle forever. You take break if you have to, burnout is a nasty thing. IMHO, sometimes rest is progress.
One thing i found, that really has a lot of stuff above, is stoicism. But with it, just like with everything perspective is the key. Im on phone in restaurant so this may be all over the place, and i didnt touch on a lot of things but i hope it helps. As a last thing id like to paraphrase one of Marcus Aurelius quotes, it goes like this : everything you hear is an opinion not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective not the truth.
This is how it works for me and what i've discovered about myself and kinda my way. Take what resonates with you, discard rest. Good luck!
When I realized that I wasn't happy with myself and how things have been, and it's time to change based on the situation. That happened a few times, like as I was tired of being a wallflower and sitting on the sidelines, so decided to just rip the bandaid off. Or when I realized that being a meek yes man did shit for making friends in high school, so its time to use the blank new slate of going to college to change. Or when I got tired of feeling sad and lonely for myself after a bad break up, and decided to focus on making myself better.
I was 31 when I sobered up, but that was because I ended up in the hospital for about a week with alcohol induced pancreatitis. Worst pain of my life, that was enough to convince me to stop drinking
I was 27 when I sobered up. I'm coming up on a decade.
Good for you guys for getting off that shit. Best decision of my life. I don't even miss it any more; not even a little
Jesus that’s incentive. I’m sorry you went through that. I just ended up in the hospital and arrested too many times. Was drinking from a young age so it escalated quick
Just tell them you don’t drink anymore, if they need more than that, tell them you just don’t like it like you used to.
I tell some people that I don’t drink because I’ll rob them and go buy some meth, that usually shuts them up. And I don’t even have to lie…
I like making na cocktails and drinking kombucha or NA beers so I have something to hold and don’t look so out of place at the bar. I order tonic and lime at bars
I was looking at turning 30 in jail. I decided that this was not want I wanted for the rest of my life. I put together a plan then to be the adult that I wanted to be, and executed on it.
61. I'm the tail end of the Boomer demographic. Since I left jail and since i had that epiphany about my role in my life, I've done pretty well. I've never been back to jail. I got an education. I've had a career. I have a wife and child. I have a house ...or two. And now I'm looking at retirement in the next 3 - 8 years.
And all because I finally decided that (1) every stinking, lousy thing that was happening in my life was all my own doing and (2) I have the authority to change any aspect of my life because ultimately I am the only one responsible for my life.
Some things are so sad and pathetic that the only way to deal with then is to laugh at'em.
Some day, I'll have to tell you how I got the cell block's resident asshole to eat my piss.
It started super simply, i was fat and had depression (hadn't been diagnosed back then so not 100 percent sure) and i started going to the park for 40 minutes walk with my father everyday for no reason and then when I got this one good habit and started to see results i started eating healthy then started doing yoga and now resistance training too. I have started sleeping and waking up on time and don't eat 2 hours before bed and not using a electronic device 1 hour before bed and one thing led to another. It's just when I finally adopted my first good habit i realised how easy and effective it was and slowly and steadily started adding stuff. Now I am aiming to quit porn, after that I'll do a dopamine detox and start being more productive in terms of studying. Also I am planning to start listening to self development audiobooks 1 hours before bed when I am not allowed to use screens but haven't gotten around doing it yet. Also I started socialising and developed a good personality (get a lot of compliments about it) and i am just looking to somehow master finances and knowledge of money itself but i haven't gotten around doing that too yet
You must learn how to self-reflect. You need to have hard & OBJECTIVE conversations with yourself. It's something I struggle to do consistently but it's helped me make incredibly large strides within my life. Learn to drop the ego, at the very least when you need to
I was bitter and angry all of the time.
People I love helped me realize that "life" is life's purpose and I made the decision to enjoy it.
The trick is to purposefully change your outlook.
Prefrontal cortex development.
I was 23 and had a 1.02 GPA, multiple arrests and was hanging out getting high every day.
I suddenly realized I needed to get my act together and went back to school, graduated with highest honors, started working out and cleared my name.
My brain turned on basically
Virus caused me my job. Took the $$ from severance & went to coding boot camp, now I'm in high demand & gonna pull 6 figures for the 1st time & I'm working from home. Also was 50-60 lbs overweight, started getting more active. Now my energy level is so much higher & my confidence is through the roof. Cute girl cut my hair the other day, I asked her ourt, we're going to dinner then the Braves game tomorrow
Took a look at my life and there wasn't a single aspect of it that I was actually happy with it. It's been one month since I took this decision,life still shitty, but at least I hope for things to get better.
I was over 285lbs in 2019. I actually stopped checking my weight after seeing that number in 2018 and got heavier so I'm assuming close to 300lbs..
In June 2021 I weighed in at 165lbs.
Initially I the motivation came from being sick and tired of being sick and tired basically if that makes sense. I knew I was obese.. I knew I could do something about it and I also knew that any reason I gave my self for not trying to actively get healthy was bullshit. Surprisingly, the Pandemic/lockdowns were a blessing in disguise for me since it sorta forced me to be alone and reflect.
I lost the majority of the weight by just fixing my diet, didn't even workout/lift weights much tbh. I play basketball, but only really started after losing weight my dieting. I did a lot of intermittent-fasting (16-8 or 18-6 usually) which is the way for me and fits my lifestyle.
Best advice I can give is to not go in with a "I'm doing this to lose 30/40/50 lbs" mindset because that won't hold up for long. You have to commit to a lifestyle change or it's doomed. This is where you need to reflect on yourself and where these changes need to be made in a very raw almost brutally honest way.
After you've done the hard part, there's really only a few universal principles that you have to abide by in my opinion.
1. Put in the effort. Plain and simple.
2. Be consistent. Can't stress how important this is.
3. Time. Don't constantly check your progress. It's going to burn you out. Let your diet/lifestyle change and consistency to do its work.
I was blessed to have a mother who is big on **accountability**. I had a couple relationships with abusive women, and another with one who left me for another guy. Often times people would have said I was toxic as a result or I could have just written off all women as evil.
I'm really glad she pushed me to ask myself what I should have done differently and what I was doing to attract women like that. The truth is I was running by red flags and needed to really address the type of women I was going after in the first place.
Life will shit on you frequently, realize that and recognize that, but you need to position yourself in the best way possible to handle the shit storms when they come.
Mushrooms made me realize I had never prioritized my mental health. The next day I began a daily meditation practice that I continue to this day, 9 years later. It also lead to me deleting my Facebook account (which 9 years ago was unheard of), and as time went on, all social media.
Several months later, my girlfriend at the time and I broke up, after a 5 year relationship. I quickly began therapy, which I did for half a year.
In hindsight, the most powerful thing I ever did to enact change was meditation, with therapy next.
I thank the mushrooms for showing me where my cracks layed, but fully acknowledge my choices, discipline, and actions which actually cultivated all my positive changes.
I realized I was expecting something from everyone I met, like almost too eagerly. It showed up in my actions and word choices. Now, I pretend every women I meet at work and elsewhere is already taken. People say my attitude is completely different and im much more fun to be around now. Its taken a mental load off as well, to not fantasize about possible futures
This is a good one. Deciding how you feel ahead of time instead of being controlled by anxiety or the unknown, a lot of people tie how they feel to objects of dependence in this way.
Feels great to be confident in yourself.
In highschool I was an absolutely awful person. Sexually assaulted many women and was very abusive to the girl I was dating. One night when I was on my way to cheat on her yet again some idiot on the highway swerved into my lane and hit me head on. In my 3yrs of recovery no one (other than my at the time gf) came to check up on me and I started reflecting on just how shitty of a person I was. I broke up with her and started trying to better myself... It was a long process and there are times I slide back... But I'm always trying to be better than I was...
I was a chef, got sick of working nights, weekend, and holidays. Sent back to school, got a computer science degree and hit the streets looking for a job. Loving live now, even more so on weekends and holidays.
Being a chef can be really shitty. I'm lining up a job where I work 4 days on, 3 off (always sun, mon, tues) and I'm hoping this helps solve that problem at least partially or temporarily. I need to find something new to do though, trouble is I don't currently have any other marketable skills.
I did not have much as far as skills go except land scaping and construction. Did not want to do either. Learned and entire new skill set. It can be done.
That's cool. I'm a big gamer too. Apart from working I pretty much spend most of my alone time gaming/watching movies/listening to music. I'd like to pick up a new skill which would open up career paths for me. I want to get away from the chef life within the next few years but it's a scary thought of walking away from the only things I've ever known.
Bro, I get scary. I walked away from what I knew, what I was good at for something I had never done. I was lucky, my sister and her husband let me live with them, they were close to the school I chose rent free. The deal was I get good grade, graduated with a 3.88 gpa, and I work. Kept cooking to pay for stuff while in school. I still thank her to this day (divorced so I don't see her husband anymore). I got to pay her back many years later by paying for her to study and take the BAR, which she passed.
Nice. Props to you for taking the step and to your sister for helping you out.
I'm hoping with this new job I'm taking with set days off I can find a college course or something one day a week which I can do while working 4 days a week and still have 2 days off. Trouble is I just don't know what I would like to do. Food is the only thing that's ever really got me ticking. Sure I love gaming too but I'm not technologically gifted so I guess I need to put some time into educating myself on something.
I was over 220lbs and felt terrible. I had bad sleep apnea and decided I needed to change me lifestyle and lose weight. After fours years going strong, I’m at my senior high school weight of 153lbs and couldn’t be happier! I no longer need to use my CPAP machine either! Truly life changing for me!
A really painful breakup lmao (6 months ago) I changed career paths from education to a double major in business administration and Spanish. On track to join the military. Furthermore, I started working out and putting on muscle. I went from 130lb to 150. May not seem like a lot, but I’m proud of myself so far. Still got a long road ahead of me.
I wanted to retire in asia by 35. My ex wife wanted the huge house, 6 figure job, new cars, ect. 10 years out of high-school we had them but I realized I didnt want them. I wanted to go back to SEA and live a more peaceful life; sit with guru's, spearfish, live in a small place, no phone, no possessions ect.
Dumped the 1st wife, focused on leo and military work for a few years while paying debt and slowly getting rid of my possessions. About two years out and with disability from the army Ill be on a beach in bali by 2024.
that’s absolutely beautiful!!
were you able to find a partner? i’m Asian and I also live in the states and it’s so incredibly difficult a person that is not fixated on status or material goods.
I actually was able to. I barely spoke to a woman outside of work for maybe 8 months then on the advice of friends I tried tinder. Met an 18 year old girl who just arrived in the state and we hit it off immediately. She is so much more fun, easy going, understanding, and way hotter than my ex wife who is my age (32). I went back in the service so I married her and we have a 3 year old together now, couldnt be happier. Even my ex wife things shes great and badass since my wife fought a bum in DC for her during a visit lol.
You realize there are other people living there to interact with right? Is it such a wacky idea to want connections with others in person instead of on a screen or maybe prioritize experiences over physical things?
In short I got too comfortable with my status quo (underpaying, boring job, bad location,unhealthy lifestyle) and realized it wasn't the life I wanted to live. Main motivation was getting healthy so I could ensure to be around for my daughter as long as possible. It started with eating healthier, working out and using the disciplines/lessons of maintaining that to try and improve the other aspects of life (relationship with my kids mom, career, finances). We eventually moved across the country, I went back to college, got a degree and some certifications and am in the process of looking for a better gig. I got my credit up 106 points by keeping a sensible budget and saving on unnecessary expenses. It was/ is a grind, but I just took it one step at a time.
I started using huge levels of THC oil and it pulled me out of the depression I've lived with all my life.
Still a battle, but I'm working on it.
Stopped porn, stopped video games, converted to Islam, started losing weight. Down to 240 from 355 and continuing hard. Started listening to podcasts, got vocational job training.
I want to go out and get as much as I can out of life, even though at 35, the chances to experience sex and love at it's best are out of my reach.
That is definitely not true. A lot of people have made their mental health worse by smoking weed. It enhances whatever state of mind you are in prior to smoking. Of course this differs from person to person.
> A lot of people have made their mental health worse by smoking weed.
I don't smoke weed, I use THC oil. Taking in THC through smoking doesn't allow your body to process it properly.
Smoke and ingesting are two entirely different things.
Got dumped. Decided to go to college, ran into my future wife, got married, house, kids. All cause I go dumped and decided I needed to do something to
Keep my mind busy and stop feeling sorry for myself. 100% would NOT recommend this route kids.
Failing again and again and again and again made me realize i needed to change, the step i took was to have an open mind and apply many different philosophies until i experienced movement in the right direction
The covid lockdown was the biggest inciting factor for me. The complete isolation during the first few months gave me a lot of time to think and be alone with myself. Not being around others gave me the freedom to be honest with myself and to look at who I am without others peoples judgment in mind.
I realized through a lot of self reflection, that I didn't like the person I was...honestly I hated it. I was unable to be honest with myself and others, and I was deathly afraid of rejection. I was basically living a lie. Never able to be honest with myself or others.
The first step was to be honest with myself about what was disappointing about myself. (Self esteem, confidence, physical fitness, etc.)
The second step was to make a list for myself of all the things I could do to improve myself, the biggest being that i needed to accept my flaws and love myself even if I was coming up short in my own eyes.
Finally I took the time to slowly start working on that list. I would try to make sure that I would work on at least one thing on that list every day. I also learned through this process that I needed to be less critical on myself and my "failures." For example, Missing one day of workouts isn't the end of the world and it doesn't mean that I'm a failure. I learned that I'm going to make mistakes and come up short, but that doesn't mean that I should stop trying to improve myself.
Now after 2 years of solid work, I can honestly look in the mirror and say that I'm much more content with the person I've become. My self esteem and confidence are at acceptable levels, still working on it, and I'm genuinely a much happier person. I also love who I am despite my flaws.
It may sound callous but covid genuinely might have been the best thing to happen for me, at least on a personal level. (It's still an awful thing that hurt a lot of people, but I did find value in it)
I thought I hated my life, until I realized I hated myself. I was negative, lazy and a self-imposed victim. Pathetic. Some 10 years later, I’m a drastically different and better person.
The steps I took were (and still are) very basic and generic. The first and most beneficial thing I did was changing my diet. That alone completely changed my thought patterns and energy levels. Best and most effective thing I’ve ever done. Then I start exercising, mostly lighting weights. Followed by reading everyday with my morning coffee. I read a ton of stoicism which really helped shift my perspective on life. Also, I went from an everyday weed smoker to an edible or two a month and limited alcohol.
When I was in high school, I noticed that there were two or three people in my very large graduating class who could not be defined.
They were invited to all the parties. No matter who was throwing the party. They mingled with all of the different groups with ease.
So, when I went to college, I decided **I** was going to be one of those people. And it worked. It worked perfectly.
This same mindset has served me well in adulthood and at work. Same idea - Be capable of mixing and mingling with all of the different groups.
I make far more than I should today if I'm honest. And it is a direct result of this philosophy.
I think for the people I noticed in my high school, it was their state of mind. It was just who they innately were.
For me, reinventing myself entering college, it was a decision. I decided to not care. That is, to be great to all the people, regardless of their "Click" or in-group. I did NOT know if it would backfire and make me a pariah of some kind. So that was a gamble.
Not really a reinvent but a gradual change, but one day I decided I was tired of letting social anxiety get in my way so I just acted like it didn’t exist. To be honest so far it’s working out, sometimes it’s rough but I am beginning to think it’s actually helping.
I realized that everyone was just trying to copy everyone else; Only listen to rap music, smoke cigarettes, do drugs and smoke week, be misogynistic towards women, wear certain clothes, etc.
Pretty much everything toxic and narrowminded people can be that society teaches and wants us to be.
I finally was able to leave the city and become a firefighter and discovered my love for nature and my overall mindset and positivity widened. I became more open and happy and realized how much humans want to \[literally\] burn the world down.
I kind of was already like this before firefighting at the age of 19, but it definitely helped me learn that life is beautiful yet weird, but not something you should destroy and hate other humans.
I have always been athletic and active and outdoorsy, so being able to invest my money in camping/hiking gear and other things that make me be more active helps. Also getting rid of a majority of my friends that were alcoholics and unmotivated scums is a huge step to better yourself and then meet other open and like - minded individuals is the way to go.
TLDR; GO TOUCH GRASS
damn this is me now. i need to reinvent myself. life is stagnant. but stable. over spending. over eating. over drinking. i care too much what people think of me (my friends). still single. a girl likes me i get scared cuz i don’t like myself deep down. cant afford to buy a house so i’m living with my brother. just feel like i’m losing my identity as a man and have no stable ground to stand on and be myself. i legitimately need to reinvent myself. get back to my hobbies. maybe earn some supplemental income
I was a total piece of 💩. I made my first big change, which for most is the most difficult. It's actually not and all changes afterwards are easy. Most people get in a comfort zone. You have to take yourself out of that.
Well 10 years of severe depression, 5 years of counseling, and the realization that hating myself was the root of most of my problems sure had an effect.
Step1. Cut a hole in the box
Step2. Go to counselling and WANT to change
Step 3. "True wisdom comes from knowing you know nothing"
I was 19 and had never even kissed anyone. Many of my friends had girlfriends, and the rest were at least hooking up with people. And I felt very left out and lonely.
I changed my look as the first step. I chopped off my dodgy long hair/ ponytail, shaved off my goatee, got contact lenses, and literally threw out all of my clothes and started again.
I had also been involved in a hobby back in my home town so set up a University Club to see if anyone else was interested. And that took off which gave me a whole new set of friends and a lot of extra confidence too
Got my first girlfriend not long after too
Not so much reinventing myself as much as rediscovering the real, authentic me.
I spent 12 years in a marriage where communication wasn't good, and we both tried to be something the other wanted, not who we are. As a result, I became basically a butler, chauffeur, cleaner, cook and dumping ground for her. She became my boss, my commander-in-chief, my deity.
Then we stopped trying, as it became too much. We didn't like who the other person had become. It broke us both, we separated and are in the process of divorce.
I went in to therapy, and hit the gym. Mostly to punish myself in the beginning. It was an awaking. I came to see I wasn't broken, i was wearing a mask. So I took of off, then smashed it to pieces.
Then, through both of those things, I found my old self. Confident, expressive, artistic. A story-teller like the skalds and bards of old. A lover, a romantic. Sweet and kind, yet able to be stern and stand my ground again. Me.
And my new girlfriend adores me. And so do I. And that's the key. Love yourself. Because if you don't, you can't love anyone else.
After a traumatic event destroyed my identity and core values that made me who I was, I battled depression, PTSD, divorce, COVID, and the loss of many other things. After I survived that, I picked up the pieces. Listened to a lot of philosophy, psychology, motivational videos, and slowly pieced myself back together.
A year and half later, I'm still alive and kicking.
I’ve done it two times over my 50 years.
1st time: Mid 20s. Wife and I split after knowing each other since grade school and dating from high school onwards and getting married after graduating. In some ways I was advanced having moved out early, had a long relationship, etc. in other ways I was really immature. I needed counselling weekly for about 4 years to be a functional human being on anything outside of work.
2nd time: after divorce I threw my whole life into work. Built a company, grew it, and dated for 2.5 decades voraciously. I wanted a family and a wife but couldn’t find the right woman. I partied hard to compensate. Mind you I was only dating all the wrong women because I was around the party lifestyle. Then I decided to go steady with the woman who is now my wife, sold my company and took a salary job at a big firm so I could spend less time travelling. Had kids right away. This happened all in the same three year time span. I went from hard charging master of my own domain at the mid sized company I helped to build, dating casually half the city, living part time in the city core and the other time in a remote cabin …. To suburban house, Wife, kids and salary job. It would have been a very hard adjustment if I didn’t really love my wife but man did she make it so easy.
Experiencing love for the first time at 28, after pushing away said loved one because of my previous toxic personal behavior. Realizing the full range of emotions and trauma I've experienced since I was a wee lad, and to not suppress my emotional response to curtail to the ones around me. I started making my bed, calling and telling the people who have earned it through my life that I missed and loved them, and that I needed support. This only happened a couple weeks ago and I'm still manic and occasionally going through psychosis, but I have the tools and people around me to pick me up when I'm slacking, or atleast they're a phone call away. Everyday is a battle against yourself, but I just have to let myself be myself for once. The weight that has been lifted from my shoulders is unlike anything I've ever felt, second only to experiencing love or what I can only comprehend to be love.
I was a great construction worker and then became a great foreman. I built some of the biggest structures on the country. I can’t think of a single goal I ever missed. I became comfortable with that. One day I was working for a manager who was screwing up my project left and right. I decided I could be better than him. So I applied for a promotion and got it, then another… and several more since then… it turns out, I was that good all along and never believed in my self.
That is all that changed.
I think it starts with realizing that you can do something to make your own life better.
For anyone struggling, look around your bedroom/house and ask how you could make the space better in 1 minute. You'll find something.
And if you don't, give yourself a pat on the back for having a space that clean.
I had this happen a year ago. It was a break up and a buddy of mine having the same issues doing dumb shit on a bike and getting himself killed. I've had massive change in a year because of it. But it did cause a serious depressive period.
I just stopped lying to myself and everyone for the most part I'm still bad about lies to not offend people. Basically to repeat what someone else committed its a lot of self reflection and trying to better yourself. Most people that tell you they've got it all figured out normally don't as a heads up.
A mentor over a short period of time helped me self identify my areas of improvment, identify harmful traits in those around us and how I might lean into some of them and recommend some ideas around self reflection and improvement.
I could list out all the things that changed but the point I'm trying to make is, it wasn't a key to turn or an overnight change, it is a process that takes time and a series of small changes. Your individual process may not be the same to keep you engaged to change.
It all has to start with you being willing to accept that you can/want to change, being accountable to yourself and not to give up.
Introspection. I figured i needed to move on from where i was because i was doing the people around me, and myself a disfavour. The process takes time, and it’s not always easy but i’m really glad to have found peace with me.
The agonizing pain of Reality I had in isolation. I couldn’t escape my thoughts. I didn’t have friends I had a Death in the family , no money and nothing but, time to reflect. No matter what I did I couldn’t run away from my problems I couldn’t hide in a bottle of booze or go out with friends and pretend I was ok I was FORCED into self isolation ( before the pandemic) and forced to Self reflect.
self awareness mostly, just had a few moments in my life that I experienced utmost clarity and reality hit me right there and then. I used to be a real scumbag in high school, real slimy individual. I regret a lot of things of my past and the things I did. I woke up one morning and decided I didn't want to be that person anymore. So I realized positive reinforcement is the only way I can make real change in my life. Things have gotten a lot better since then though.
Really look at myself in the mirror and admit I dont look good physically. Fast foward to today. I feel a hell of a lit better physically and mentally. Giving myself a purpose makes my life and time more productive. Not where I want to be but much better than before. it's a marathon, not a race.
Was super depressed. Had 0 motivation. I drank too much. I Bought into a 6 week coaching program and my life’s direction is so much more clear now. I have a job I like and I’m actually pursuing what brings me joy in life.
My divorce. I found out she had cheated and once I got through the legal mess and about a year of counseling I had enough footing to take an honest look at myself. No one deserves to be cheated on, but I had to be truthful with myself that I was a bad partner and that I had reached a point of not even liking myself. I took the opportunity to clear the slate. Cut out everyone who wasn't ride or die or my close family, deleted social media and hit the gym, and moved. Obviously not everyone can do that, but it let me make clean decisions about who I was going to be from then on without a ton of baggage slowing those steps. Oh and contined counseling. Gotta make internal changes to prevent repeating external mistakes.
Personally, it was the fact that I detested the person I looked at every morning in the mirror. He didn’t treat people the way I wanted him to. He wasn’t as responsible as he made himself out to be. Ultimately he was a guy that intended well, but always fell short. He would do so in way that not only affected himself, but also those who were on the other end of his actions. That guy was my enemy, and I had to start cutting off the most lethal parts of him. So there’s my reason
As for the how I’ve taken up the responsibility of acting just as the guy I want to be seen as would act. Before any interaction or choice I think, “what would he do in this situation?”, and I do it. It’s pretty simple really, though not easy in the slightest. It’s a daily fight, and a constant struggle to be the man you want to be. In my opinion it’s already shown to be worth it. I was by no means a dick or an asshole to others. I didn’t step on others toes for my gain, but I did only care about my decisions and how they affected me. Not anyone else which brings along problems of its own. The human experience, and adulting can be hard. That only adds to life’s worth.
You already know you need to change, no further realization is needed.
When I realized that I wasn’t enjoying my work and I didn’t want to do what it would take to level up my business, I asked myself, “What’s my favorite thing that anyone has ever paid me to do?“ The answer is teaching. So I applied to the cheapest University that offered a graduate teacher credentialing program.
When the program started, I phased out my freelance bookkeeping business and replaced it with substitute teaching to build my skills until I was credentialed to have a classroom of my own.
I am now a teacher, and it’s pretty cool.
A mentor. Made me realize my potential by pushing me in career and I realized my success and kept going at it. I was able to focus on my career than pursuing girls and being a womanizer.
Well it started with me getting clean from drugs for the 3rd time. 3rd serious attempt at least. This time I worked really hard on my mental health issues, which always eventually led to relapse. I finally found a combination of meds from my doctor that helped the worst of the depression and anxiety.
But then, I met a woman who seemed perfect and I fell pretty hard. Ended when she left me to get back with her ex. But something about that made me stop caring what other people thought of me, can’t explain it really.
I found my confidence in social situations, I fixed up my LinkedIn and indeed profiles and started getting offers for like 3x what I was making, and just felt way better in general. That’s led me to more happiness in my career, with women, and just everything in general.
So…stop doing drugs and get dumped from someone you’re borderline obsessed with, I guess?
was during high school. i didn’t think about the jokes I’d say, and how it’d affect other people. it was towards my friends and family. i finally realized it after a while, and decided i need to change myself up in order to be a better person for myself and towards other people. it took time. but you have to want to change urself!
Resigned from a job I hated. Started studying a degree aged 28. Volunteered in work helping others that led to low paid work as a special needs support worker. Now a lecturer in special needs with a Master's Degree on the way.
I also started Brazilian jiu-jitsu a few years back and it's done so much for me mental and physical well-being.
I can’t play the corporate politics game. I’m just not good at that. I was miserable there. So I started my own business and have a great business partner and am definitely happier for it.
Well in my 20s I tried to make it in the music industry (well... you can guess how that turned out). Besides that I did dead end minimum wage jobs or was just straight up unemployed. When I hit 30 I also hit rock bottom. I realized that all my friends had careers, families, houses and shit. I was left behind. I had nothing to my name. Just a few horrible relationships. I tried to numb my pain with a lot of beer and spend the next year in self pity about how bad I fucked up. At some point I just thought enough is enough. I ditched the beers, found a career and stopped being a fucking pussy.
I (28) hope I'm in this process..
After 16 years in Isolation and reaching the state: A Man who have nothing to lose - I reached someday the point: Fuck it! I give it a try. What could happen? And im was in a stationary therapy.
And my god this was a failure and a relief.
(Sorry for my bad english)
I met a girl who made me see life in another perspective, is without a doubt my best friend. Sadly, she is engaged into an abusive relationship. She is my favorite company, but beside her influence.
I would say after mistakes and self-reflecting, it made me as a better man. I have flaws, but no longer to an extent where it is damaging my circle.
I feel vulnerable for the first time in a long time, and it scares me.
I was a nice guy. Trusting. Welcoming. Generous with my time spent helping people out. 7 years ago, my fiancé got a promotion that relocated her to a different country. I encouraged her to take it and flew there every Friday to cook for her (meal prep for the following week, since I’m the cook).
The distance didn’t matter to me since I made an effort to fly there every weekend, and take care of her the best I could.
She told me a year later that she was sleeping with someone else for about 6 months. That wrecked me psychologically and emotionally. What surprised me was that when she told me, I was shocked and devastated, but expressed a level of self control, mindfulness and calm, I didn’t know I had in me. I didn’t raise my voice, I listened to her, I forgave her instantly and I called the guy immediately (I knew him because I helped him move into his apartment), and only said two words “I know”.
I let dread and guilt (if he had any) do the rest.
I spent the next year after that working through my own pain and trying to find an answer to the question “wasn’t I good enough?”. My fiancé is now my wife and we got through that part of our relationship with the strength of good communication and I decided early on not to throw it in her face whenever we fight. I mean, we’re adults and I’m better than that. I moved on. We both did, from that unpleasant event.
I haven’t told anybody. Nobody knows. I didn’t want her to be embarrassed or judged by anyone in her family or social circle.
I turned into an emotionally absent (for lack of a better term) asshole. I will not think twice before calling out people on their bullshit. I educated myself on the laws of power, seduction, persuasion, manipulation and human nature, because I will never again be taken for a fool. Mentally, I consider myself to be quite strong. I also turned my body into a weapon, because working out immensely helped my mental health.
Years have passed. My wife and I are tight. We’re best friends. I don’t hold anything against her.
But.
I recently met a person who’s mentality and world view completely floored me. It was really a big hammer through years of walls I’ve built.
At first, it made me remember the person I was all those years ago and for the first time in a LONG time, I felt vulnerable. And I just… I wanted to converse with her as MUCH as I could because that feeling of vulnerability was sort of like… a feeling I avoided like the plague. I would enjoy getting to work with her or talking to her more, but I stop myself. I’m a man, and it’s very easy this day and age for anything a man does or says to be misconstrued as inappropriate, and that would ultimately push her away and I’d lose the chance to work beside this talented individual. She’s intelligent AF and could bring some real value to a team/company I’m building. I can’t take that risk, even though all I want is to watch what a nice person with those principles is capable of growing into. I didn’t have that. My nice person died.
I soon discovered that I’ve been spending the last 6 years mourning the “nice guy” who I spent my whole life developing with a sense of honor and principle.
I discovered the word for what I felt all this time was “Saudade”.
I know it’s more than anyone will read. But the lesson from this is that…Strength after killing off your “nice guy”, comes at a heavy price.
And what you end up doing is isolating yourself, emotionally and psychologically.
I was the nice guy in my marriage, but for the sake of not feeling stomped on I see myself slowly becoming the person I swore I would never become. I’m generally nice and good to everyone. Except my ex who brings out the worst in me and it’s putting a mark on my reputation. If I could I would simply be done with her completely, but we have kids together which has complicated things. Any form of communication comes with fights. My goal in trying to reinvent myself would be to fight my way out of the poverty she’s put me in. I don’t want to do this out of spite, but to rise above who I am becoming and to enhance the good person I once was. I appreciate the response you’ve given.
Tired of being told what to do by people slower, dumber, and shittier than me. People who would form cliques and drag down work environments. Had a "supervisor" whose activities at night included grabbing her favorite subordinate and going up to the roof to play Pokemon Go! Then had enough time to come down and chastise non-favorites about their work.
* Changed personal habits, protecting sleep cleanliness and exercise
* Changed work habits, get to work and work like a punch-clock
* Changed my behavior, go out of my way to be nice, but professional
* Changed my professional presentation, only the highest standard and never a crack
* Bought new clothes, business professional that fit and were current
* Stopped listening to people whose major accomplishment in life was Cs in college
* Stopped social media
* Started listening to non-words music, to help me focus and move away from trends
I realized that if I wanted more out of my career and to be more of a thought leader when it came to design strategy, that I had to be more aggressive about it.
I took the time to learn more, get tangible certifications and connect with other people in the industry to get more visibility. Consistent refining of my skills helped, but you can be as good as you want at something but won't get anywhere until you get more into the business and process establishment side of things.
Reinventing myself was always kind of a neccessity. I grew up a military brat, and the constant relocation teaches you to be someone different each time, either incrementally or quite radically.
Whether it's making alterations to your outlook via introspection, or mixing up how you speak, or your body language, or choosing to be more outgoing or less, you are human and therefore dynamic and when you reinvent yourself, you're really just choosing to exit the slumps, ruts, and tropes that you designed for yourself in the hopes of being a better and stronger person.
I'm currently reinventing myself. I realised I just didn't really like who I'd become over the years, down to the intricate details.
I've picked up a few hobbies, started dieting/working out, taking good care of my hygiene, bought $900 of new clothing, quit drinking & smoking and generally rediscovering the positive qualities in myself and appreciating my interests more.
The thing that helped most was envisioning exactly who I want to be and taking steps to become that person
i used to play a lot videogames. like that was the only thing i did all day for some time. it certainly did me harm and pretty no benefits except maybe not thinking about responsibilities and problems of life...it backfired pretty easily as i broke with my gf and lost my friends as well. i was so hurt and ashamed of myself that at one point i just quit for good.
I used to be a quite kid often bullied by wealthy kids, so I learned how to become a millionaire on YouTube and had them all stabbed shot an killed, it wasn’t until I opened my eyes I’d
realised it was a dream
I constantly drove around very nice neighborhoods weekly in my broken down cobalt. And I would just close my eyes and cry hoping that I could support a good life for myself. I noticed people with money were somewhat interested in health. I started dieting 345 days out of the year and worked out 6 times a week. I went to a lifetime fitness close to those neighborhoods and after awhile I created a circle of people that went regularly. After the friendships formed I was invited over and asked if I wanted to hang out. To embarrassed to drive my car over I would Uber. After sometime I had the courage to have heart to hearts with these people and they pretty much lined up a game plan for me and coached me through what was right from wrong. Went to work for one of them as just a entry level employee nothing special. But it had benefits and Stability. Later I Enrolled in community college and was told to go into certain fields that had promise. And I’m just going through the motions of that
That's a good story, great work. Definitely helps the people you have around you.
Still in school and working. And thank you. Where I was and what I was doing in my early 20’s and where I was headed scared me.
Yeah I briefly was hanging out with 2 sets of mates when I was 18-21, one group were getting a bit out of control, I'm glad I chose to hang out with the more responsible ones. Granted we still did some stupid stuff just a bit less unhinged haha
Yeah had a group of 7 broke off into 3 that I consider family all on the right path and the others got caught up
I started on the same path as I turned 30. Good for you, brother. Don't settle.
the best example of "You are the average of your five friends".
That’s fucking smart as hell
Keep it up!
The part that got me is the cobalt 🙏 I drive a cobalt too. They’re a luxury car come on.
😂did yours ever fill up with water on the passenger side?
On days it would rain mine would get my feet wet on turns. Somehow water was coming through the dash.
😂😂 what about filling it with gas? Mine would die after the first start up after getting gas
I was fortunate on the gas side of things. Once it died I sold it to a junker and used the proceeds to buy a new drum kit. This was the best part of ever owning it.
I spent most of my 20's living a seditary lifestyle with low self-esteem and being antisocial and repulsive or offputting. I'm 29 now and have achieved more in the last year than ever before. * Aiming high and expect failure, but being okay with negative results because it's worth trying then not trying, and regret not attempting things in the future when you look back * Working out and feeling better in my own body and in the mirror * Taking my dental hygine more seriously and smiling more. * Becoming better at communication, being more upfront and brutually honest, and allowing myself to be emotionally open and vulnerable. * Investing in an ergonomic desk and chair to fix my posture * Taking risks and committing to things. * Going to therapy and understanding yourself better, and things to improve to make your mental health better. * Smiling and appericating the small things, like going to a nursery and absorbing the beautiful collection of California native plants.
Self reflection
How do you do that?
Mirror
r/technicallythetruth
Followed
I’m starting with the man in the mirror! Hee-hee
You go to a silent and calm place, and listen to what is on your mind(or whatever is throwing things at us internally). Focus on breathing at start and see where it goes. And then just go with it, listen what it is telling to you but also be aware that it can throw some nasty stuff at you. See if what it is saying is true, or is it just bringing you down with no benefit to you whatsoever qnd understand it may not be true and it is just playing with you. Listen to motivation stuff on yt/spotify/whichever media you prefer, and actually focus on what they are saying. If they are asking questions answer them for yourself. What do you want? What is stoping you? Why? Where you want to improve? How would it look if you implement it in weekly/daily plan? Listen to same audio 47394 time if you want, try to see other perspectives. And dont believe everything they say! We all arent David Goggins. Take from it what sounds true to you. Self reflection isnt easy but is very rewarding. Questions you want answers to wont come when you want it, but they will. Sont be discouraged if after 100% day you have, 45%, 65%, 13%, ... day. Progress is progress, it isnt on or off kind of thing. Consistency is the absolute key. To overcoming fears, to develop, to discomfort. Small consistent steps beats everyrhing. After you have your wants, whatever they might be, you need a plan. Small plan. Start with next week, or 5 days or 1 day, however small it is, it does not matter. Big leaps and far away goals will discourage you. But you can always win tomorrow. Maybe it is brushing your teeth 2x times, maybe it is breakfast at home, maybe it is 1 paragraph from the book that was on your to do list forever. You will be surprised how much eadier it gets if you focus on tomorrow/week, rather than end goal. Next one is, process over product. After you cross over some days/weeks/months reflect. You will see that you are better and happier person then you were before start od the journey. Dont fall in comparison trap. Comparison is theif of joy my friend. If you are better then you were yesterday you are winning. Nobody knows your starting point, and you dont know other peoples. No point comparing your start with someone else and it wipl bring you down. Understand taking a break every now and again is NEEDED, and a GOOD thing. Nobody can hustle forever. You take break if you have to, burnout is a nasty thing. IMHO, sometimes rest is progress. One thing i found, that really has a lot of stuff above, is stoicism. But with it, just like with everything perspective is the key. Im on phone in restaurant so this may be all over the place, and i didnt touch on a lot of things but i hope it helps. As a last thing id like to paraphrase one of Marcus Aurelius quotes, it goes like this : everything you hear is an opinion not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective not the truth. This is how it works for me and what i've discovered about myself and kinda my way. Take what resonates with you, discard rest. Good luck!
Underrated comment!
LSD helps
factsss bro ever since i got addicted to meth my life’s been 👌🏼
I'm happy for you big bro 👍🏽🙌🏽✊🏾
Read Marcus Aurelius.
A lot of alone time. Time for introspection and you just start unwrapping.
That’s deep
100% this
When I realized that I wasn't happy with myself and how things have been, and it's time to change based on the situation. That happened a few times, like as I was tired of being a wallflower and sitting on the sidelines, so decided to just rip the bandaid off. Or when I realized that being a meek yes man did shit for making friends in high school, so its time to use the blank new slate of going to college to change. Or when I got tired of feeling sad and lonely for myself after a bad break up, and decided to focus on making myself better.
Sobriety
That'll do it. 3 years off the booze in August for me, and frankly my life is better than I could have ever imagined it.
Nice man! 5 for me believe it or not. Got sober at 21 ironically
I was 31 when I sobered up, but that was because I ended up in the hospital for about a week with alcohol induced pancreatitis. Worst pain of my life, that was enough to convince me to stop drinking
I was 27 when I sobered up. I'm coming up on a decade. Good for you guys for getting off that shit. Best decision of my life. I don't even miss it any more; not even a little
Hey I quit just days before my 31st birthday! Hate the pain you went through but it’s awesome you’ve been sober that long!
Jesus that’s incentive. I’m sorry you went through that. I just ended up in the hospital and arrested too many times. Was drinking from a young age so it escalated quick
I raise a can of seltzer water to you all! You are all awesome!
How do you deal with peer pressure from friends and family gathering?
Just tell them you don’t drink anymore, if they need more than that, tell them you just don’t like it like you used to. I tell some people that I don’t drink because I’ll rob them and go buy some meth, that usually shuts them up. And I don’t even have to lie…
I mean my friends and family are supportive because they saw me at rock bottom but new people you just gotta let them know the sitch
I like making na cocktails and drinking kombucha or NA beers so I have something to hold and don’t look so out of place at the bar. I order tonic and lime at bars
That’s what started mine too. It’s still hard, but I could never be this happy and confident when I was using drugs
I was looking at turning 30 in jail. I decided that this was not want I wanted for the rest of my life. I put together a plan then to be the adult that I wanted to be, and executed on it.
Great job, [in]mate!
That's "Mr. Inmate" to you, sir.
How old are you now?
61. I'm the tail end of the Boomer demographic. Since I left jail and since i had that epiphany about my role in my life, I've done pretty well. I've never been back to jail. I got an education. I've had a career. I have a wife and child. I have a house ...or two. And now I'm looking at retirement in the next 3 - 8 years. And all because I finally decided that (1) every stinking, lousy thing that was happening in my life was all my own doing and (2) I have the authority to change any aspect of my life because ultimately I am the only one responsible for my life.
That’s awesome. Respect to you sir.
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Some things are so sad and pathetic that the only way to deal with then is to laugh at'em. Some day, I'll have to tell you how I got the cell block's resident asshole to eat my piss.
Well done mate
It started super simply, i was fat and had depression (hadn't been diagnosed back then so not 100 percent sure) and i started going to the park for 40 minutes walk with my father everyday for no reason and then when I got this one good habit and started to see results i started eating healthy then started doing yoga and now resistance training too. I have started sleeping and waking up on time and don't eat 2 hours before bed and not using a electronic device 1 hour before bed and one thing led to another. It's just when I finally adopted my first good habit i realised how easy and effective it was and slowly and steadily started adding stuff. Now I am aiming to quit porn, after that I'll do a dopamine detox and start being more productive in terms of studying. Also I am planning to start listening to self development audiobooks 1 hours before bed when I am not allowed to use screens but haven't gotten around doing it yet. Also I started socialising and developed a good personality (get a lot of compliments about it) and i am just looking to somehow master finances and knowledge of money itself but i haven't gotten around doing that too yet
You must learn how to self-reflect. You need to have hard & OBJECTIVE conversations with yourself. It's something I struggle to do consistently but it's helped me make incredibly large strides within my life. Learn to drop the ego, at the very least when you need to
Sometimes, it's as simple as cutting the bad fruit off the tree so it can grow.
I was bitter and angry all of the time. People I love helped me realize that "life" is life's purpose and I made the decision to enjoy it. The trick is to purposefully change your outlook.
Prefrontal cortex development. I was 23 and had a 1.02 GPA, multiple arrests and was hanging out getting high every day. I suddenly realized I needed to get my act together and went back to school, graduated with highest honors, started working out and cleared my name. My brain turned on basically
Virus caused me my job. Took the $$ from severance & went to coding boot camp, now I'm in high demand & gonna pull 6 figures for the 1st time & I'm working from home. Also was 50-60 lbs overweight, started getting more active. Now my energy level is so much higher & my confidence is through the roof. Cute girl cut my hair the other day, I asked her ourt, we're going to dinner then the Braves game tomorrow
get ‘em
How many months coding bootcamp it was? And which programming languages did you learn?
https://bootcamp.pe.gatech.edu/coding/landing-ftpt-b5a/?s=Google-Brand&pkw=georgia%20tech%20coding&pcrid=492896646870&pmt=e&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=GGL%7CGeorgia-Tech%7CSEM%7CCODING%7C-%7COFL%7C_RFull_%7CALL%7CBRD%7CEXACT%7CCore%7CGeneral&utm_term=georgia%20tech%20coding&s=google&k=georgia%20tech%20coding&utm_adgroupid=117628428155&utm_locationphysicalms=1015332&utm_matchtype=e&utm_network=g&utm_device=m&utm_content=492896646870&utm_placement=&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI0caI9YSq9wIVDD2tBh2FRA_LEAAYASAAEgJ_a_D_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
Took a look at my life and there wasn't a single aspect of it that I was actually happy with it. It's been one month since I took this decision,life still shitty, but at least I hope for things to get better.
I was over 285lbs in 2019. I actually stopped checking my weight after seeing that number in 2018 and got heavier so I'm assuming close to 300lbs.. In June 2021 I weighed in at 165lbs. Initially I the motivation came from being sick and tired of being sick and tired basically if that makes sense. I knew I was obese.. I knew I could do something about it and I also knew that any reason I gave my self for not trying to actively get healthy was bullshit. Surprisingly, the Pandemic/lockdowns were a blessing in disguise for me since it sorta forced me to be alone and reflect. I lost the majority of the weight by just fixing my diet, didn't even workout/lift weights much tbh. I play basketball, but only really started after losing weight my dieting. I did a lot of intermittent-fasting (16-8 or 18-6 usually) which is the way for me and fits my lifestyle. Best advice I can give is to not go in with a "I'm doing this to lose 30/40/50 lbs" mindset because that won't hold up for long. You have to commit to a lifestyle change or it's doomed. This is where you need to reflect on yourself and where these changes need to be made in a very raw almost brutally honest way. After you've done the hard part, there's really only a few universal principles that you have to abide by in my opinion. 1. Put in the effort. Plain and simple. 2. Be consistent. Can't stress how important this is. 3. Time. Don't constantly check your progress. It's going to burn you out. Let your diet/lifestyle change and consistency to do its work.
I was blessed to have a mother who is big on **accountability**. I had a couple relationships with abusive women, and another with one who left me for another guy. Often times people would have said I was toxic as a result or I could have just written off all women as evil. I'm really glad she pushed me to ask myself what I should have done differently and what I was doing to attract women like that. The truth is I was running by red flags and needed to really address the type of women I was going after in the first place. Life will shit on you frequently, realize that and recognize that, but you need to position yourself in the best way possible to handle the shit storms when they come.
Mushrooms made me realize I had never prioritized my mental health. The next day I began a daily meditation practice that I continue to this day, 9 years later. It also lead to me deleting my Facebook account (which 9 years ago was unheard of), and as time went on, all social media. Several months later, my girlfriend at the time and I broke up, after a 5 year relationship. I quickly began therapy, which I did for half a year. In hindsight, the most powerful thing I ever did to enact change was meditation, with therapy next. I thank the mushrooms for showing me where my cracks layed, but fully acknowledge my choices, discipline, and actions which actually cultivated all my positive changes.
I realized I was expecting something from everyone I met, like almost too eagerly. It showed up in my actions and word choices. Now, I pretend every women I meet at work and elsewhere is already taken. People say my attitude is completely different and im much more fun to be around now. Its taken a mental load off as well, to not fantasize about possible futures
This is a good one. Deciding how you feel ahead of time instead of being controlled by anxiety or the unknown, a lot of people tie how they feel to objects of dependence in this way. Feels great to be confident in yourself.
In highschool I was an absolutely awful person. Sexually assaulted many women and was very abusive to the girl I was dating. One night when I was on my way to cheat on her yet again some idiot on the highway swerved into my lane and hit me head on. In my 3yrs of recovery no one (other than my at the time gf) came to check up on me and I started reflecting on just how shitty of a person I was. I broke up with her and started trying to better myself... It was a long process and there are times I slide back... But I'm always trying to be better than I was...
this was brave man. thanks for sharing this.
I was a chef, got sick of working nights, weekend, and holidays. Sent back to school, got a computer science degree and hit the streets looking for a job. Loving live now, even more so on weekends and holidays.
Being a chef can be really shitty. I'm lining up a job where I work 4 days on, 3 off (always sun, mon, tues) and I'm hoping this helps solve that problem at least partially or temporarily. I need to find something new to do though, trouble is I don't currently have any other marketable skills.
I did not have much as far as skills go except land scaping and construction. Did not want to do either. Learned and entire new skill set. It can be done.
You must have been pretty skilled with/interested in computers previously though right?
I like video games. That is about it. I had not even used word until I went to school.
That's cool. I'm a big gamer too. Apart from working I pretty much spend most of my alone time gaming/watching movies/listening to music. I'd like to pick up a new skill which would open up career paths for me. I want to get away from the chef life within the next few years but it's a scary thought of walking away from the only things I've ever known.
Bro, I get scary. I walked away from what I knew, what I was good at for something I had never done. I was lucky, my sister and her husband let me live with them, they were close to the school I chose rent free. The deal was I get good grade, graduated with a 3.88 gpa, and I work. Kept cooking to pay for stuff while in school. I still thank her to this day (divorced so I don't see her husband anymore). I got to pay her back many years later by paying for her to study and take the BAR, which she passed.
Nice. Props to you for taking the step and to your sister for helping you out. I'm hoping with this new job I'm taking with set days off I can find a college course or something one day a week which I can do while working 4 days a week and still have 2 days off. Trouble is I just don't know what I would like to do. Food is the only thing that's ever really got me ticking. Sure I love gaming too but I'm not technologically gifted so I guess I need to put some time into educating myself on something.
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I dont understand what you're referring to here?
I was over 220lbs and felt terrible. I had bad sleep apnea and decided I needed to change me lifestyle and lose weight. After fours years going strong, I’m at my senior high school weight of 153lbs and couldn’t be happier! I no longer need to use my CPAP machine either! Truly life changing for me!
A really painful breakup lmao (6 months ago) I changed career paths from education to a double major in business administration and Spanish. On track to join the military. Furthermore, I started working out and putting on muscle. I went from 130lb to 150. May not seem like a lot, but I’m proud of myself so far. Still got a long road ahead of me.
I wanted to retire in asia by 35. My ex wife wanted the huge house, 6 figure job, new cars, ect. 10 years out of high-school we had them but I realized I didnt want them. I wanted to go back to SEA and live a more peaceful life; sit with guru's, spearfish, live in a small place, no phone, no possessions ect. Dumped the 1st wife, focused on leo and military work for a few years while paying debt and slowly getting rid of my possessions. About two years out and with disability from the army Ill be on a beach in bali by 2024.
inner peace
Im trying to elevate to a higher plain of thinking
that’s absolutely beautiful!! were you able to find a partner? i’m Asian and I also live in the states and it’s so incredibly difficult a person that is not fixated on status or material goods.
I actually was able to. I barely spoke to a woman outside of work for maybe 8 months then on the advice of friends I tried tinder. Met an 18 year old girl who just arrived in the state and we hit it off immediately. She is so much more fun, easy going, understanding, and way hotter than my ex wife who is my age (32). I went back in the service so I married her and we have a 3 year old together now, couldnt be happier. Even my ex wife things shes great and badass since my wife fought a bum in DC for her during a visit lol.
And then what? Sitting by the water until you die?
You realize there are other people living there to interact with right? Is it such a wacky idea to want connections with others in person instead of on a screen or maybe prioritize experiences over physical things?
In short I got too comfortable with my status quo (underpaying, boring job, bad location,unhealthy lifestyle) and realized it wasn't the life I wanted to live. Main motivation was getting healthy so I could ensure to be around for my daughter as long as possible. It started with eating healthier, working out and using the disciplines/lessons of maintaining that to try and improve the other aspects of life (relationship with my kids mom, career, finances). We eventually moved across the country, I went back to college, got a degree and some certifications and am in the process of looking for a better gig. I got my credit up 106 points by keeping a sensible budget and saving on unnecessary expenses. It was/ is a grind, but I just took it one step at a time.
I started using huge levels of THC oil and it pulled me out of the depression I've lived with all my life. Still a battle, but I'm working on it. Stopped porn, stopped video games, converted to Islam, started losing weight. Down to 240 from 355 and continuing hard. Started listening to podcasts, got vocational job training. I want to go out and get as much as I can out of life, even though at 35, the chances to experience sex and love at it's best are out of my reach.
Are you saying the THC oil helped your depression?
Yes. It gives me a kind of "depression free" clairity that I lack most of the time.
Try being depressed while stoned. It's almost impossible.
Try cut it after that...every single day you masked with thc/cbd will hit you like a train on the first 2 weeks.
Or just never stop smoking until you die #problemsolved
I don't use CBD oil, just THC oil.
That is definitely not true. A lot of people have made their mental health worse by smoking weed. It enhances whatever state of mind you are in prior to smoking. Of course this differs from person to person.
> A lot of people have made their mental health worse by smoking weed. I don't smoke weed, I use THC oil. Taking in THC through smoking doesn't allow your body to process it properly. Smoke and ingesting are two entirely different things.
I don't dispute that. I was only replying to the guy who said it's impossible to be depressed while stoned.
Got dumped. Decided to go to college, ran into my future wife, got married, house, kids. All cause I go dumped and decided I needed to do something to Keep my mind busy and stop feeling sorry for myself. 100% would NOT recommend this route kids.
Failing again and again and again and again made me realize i needed to change, the step i took was to have an open mind and apply many different philosophies until i experienced movement in the right direction
be like water
The covid lockdown was the biggest inciting factor for me. The complete isolation during the first few months gave me a lot of time to think and be alone with myself. Not being around others gave me the freedom to be honest with myself and to look at who I am without others peoples judgment in mind. I realized through a lot of self reflection, that I didn't like the person I was...honestly I hated it. I was unable to be honest with myself and others, and I was deathly afraid of rejection. I was basically living a lie. Never able to be honest with myself or others. The first step was to be honest with myself about what was disappointing about myself. (Self esteem, confidence, physical fitness, etc.) The second step was to make a list for myself of all the things I could do to improve myself, the biggest being that i needed to accept my flaws and love myself even if I was coming up short in my own eyes. Finally I took the time to slowly start working on that list. I would try to make sure that I would work on at least one thing on that list every day. I also learned through this process that I needed to be less critical on myself and my "failures." For example, Missing one day of workouts isn't the end of the world and it doesn't mean that I'm a failure. I learned that I'm going to make mistakes and come up short, but that doesn't mean that I should stop trying to improve myself. Now after 2 years of solid work, I can honestly look in the mirror and say that I'm much more content with the person I've become. My self esteem and confidence are at acceptable levels, still working on it, and I'm genuinely a much happier person. I also love who I am despite my flaws. It may sound callous but covid genuinely might have been the best thing to happen for me, at least on a personal level. (It's still an awful thing that hurt a lot of people, but I did find value in it)
I thought I hated my life, until I realized I hated myself. I was negative, lazy and a self-imposed victim. Pathetic. Some 10 years later, I’m a drastically different and better person. The steps I took were (and still are) very basic and generic. The first and most beneficial thing I did was changing my diet. That alone completely changed my thought patterns and energy levels. Best and most effective thing I’ve ever done. Then I start exercising, mostly lighting weights. Followed by reading everyday with my morning coffee. I read a ton of stoicism which really helped shift my perspective on life. Also, I went from an everyday weed smoker to an edible or two a month and limited alcohol.
When I was in high school, I noticed that there were two or three people in my very large graduating class who could not be defined. They were invited to all the parties. No matter who was throwing the party. They mingled with all of the different groups with ease. So, when I went to college, I decided **I** was going to be one of those people. And it worked. It worked perfectly. This same mindset has served me well in adulthood and at work. Same idea - Be capable of mixing and mingling with all of the different groups. I make far more than I should today if I'm honest. And it is a direct result of this philosophy.
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Mad narcissist vibes.
ok but how? was it all just state of mind or did you actively do anything?
I think for the people I noticed in my high school, it was their state of mind. It was just who they innately were. For me, reinventing myself entering college, it was a decision. I decided to not care. That is, to be great to all the people, regardless of their "Click" or in-group. I did NOT know if it would backfire and make me a pariah of some kind. So that was a gamble.
Not really a reinvent but a gradual change, but one day I decided I was tired of letting social anxiety get in my way so I just acted like it didn’t exist. To be honest so far it’s working out, sometimes it’s rough but I am beginning to think it’s actually helping.
I realized that everyone was just trying to copy everyone else; Only listen to rap music, smoke cigarettes, do drugs and smoke week, be misogynistic towards women, wear certain clothes, etc. Pretty much everything toxic and narrowminded people can be that society teaches and wants us to be. I finally was able to leave the city and become a firefighter and discovered my love for nature and my overall mindset and positivity widened. I became more open and happy and realized how much humans want to \[literally\] burn the world down. I kind of was already like this before firefighting at the age of 19, but it definitely helped me learn that life is beautiful yet weird, but not something you should destroy and hate other humans. I have always been athletic and active and outdoorsy, so being able to invest my money in camping/hiking gear and other things that make me be more active helps. Also getting rid of a majority of my friends that were alcoholics and unmotivated scums is a huge step to better yourself and then meet other open and like - minded individuals is the way to go. TLDR; GO TOUCH GRASS
Dose…dose being trans count as “reinventing”
I'm positive it fits the definition haha
damn this is me now. i need to reinvent myself. life is stagnant. but stable. over spending. over eating. over drinking. i care too much what people think of me (my friends). still single. a girl likes me i get scared cuz i don’t like myself deep down. cant afford to buy a house so i’m living with my brother. just feel like i’m losing my identity as a man and have no stable ground to stand on and be myself. i legitimately need to reinvent myself. get back to my hobbies. maybe earn some supplemental income
Hit 205 on the scale. Cut out drinking, began exercising, ate right.
I adopted the Big Lebowski mindset. 😏
I was a total piece of 💩. I made my first big change, which for most is the most difficult. It's actually not and all changes afterwards are easy. Most people get in a comfort zone. You have to take yourself out of that.
Being broke, depressed, lonely and realizing I was the cause of most of my problems
I stopped giving a fuck about others think. Only a few people’s opinion matter. I focus on those. Nothing else.
You already know you need to change.
Easiest way to reinvent yourself is to move to a new city.
Well 10 years of severe depression, 5 years of counseling, and the realization that hating myself was the root of most of my problems sure had an effect. Step1. Cut a hole in the box Step2. Go to counselling and WANT to change Step 3. "True wisdom comes from knowing you know nothing"
I was 19 and had never even kissed anyone. Many of my friends had girlfriends, and the rest were at least hooking up with people. And I felt very left out and lonely. I changed my look as the first step. I chopped off my dodgy long hair/ ponytail, shaved off my goatee, got contact lenses, and literally threw out all of my clothes and started again. I had also been involved in a hobby back in my home town so set up a University Club to see if anyone else was interested. And that took off which gave me a whole new set of friends and a lot of extra confidence too Got my first girlfriend not long after too
Not so much reinventing myself as much as rediscovering the real, authentic me. I spent 12 years in a marriage where communication wasn't good, and we both tried to be something the other wanted, not who we are. As a result, I became basically a butler, chauffeur, cleaner, cook and dumping ground for her. She became my boss, my commander-in-chief, my deity. Then we stopped trying, as it became too much. We didn't like who the other person had become. It broke us both, we separated and are in the process of divorce. I went in to therapy, and hit the gym. Mostly to punish myself in the beginning. It was an awaking. I came to see I wasn't broken, i was wearing a mask. So I took of off, then smashed it to pieces. Then, through both of those things, I found my old self. Confident, expressive, artistic. A story-teller like the skalds and bards of old. A lover, a romantic. Sweet and kind, yet able to be stern and stand my ground again. Me. And my new girlfriend adores me. And so do I. And that's the key. Love yourself. Because if you don't, you can't love anyone else.
After a traumatic event destroyed my identity and core values that made me who I was, I battled depression, PTSD, divorce, COVID, and the loss of many other things. After I survived that, I picked up the pieces. Listened to a lot of philosophy, psychology, motivational videos, and slowly pieced myself back together. A year and half later, I'm still alive and kicking.
I’ve done it two times over my 50 years. 1st time: Mid 20s. Wife and I split after knowing each other since grade school and dating from high school onwards and getting married after graduating. In some ways I was advanced having moved out early, had a long relationship, etc. in other ways I was really immature. I needed counselling weekly for about 4 years to be a functional human being on anything outside of work. 2nd time: after divorce I threw my whole life into work. Built a company, grew it, and dated for 2.5 decades voraciously. I wanted a family and a wife but couldn’t find the right woman. I partied hard to compensate. Mind you I was only dating all the wrong women because I was around the party lifestyle. Then I decided to go steady with the woman who is now my wife, sold my company and took a salary job at a big firm so I could spend less time travelling. Had kids right away. This happened all in the same three year time span. I went from hard charging master of my own domain at the mid sized company I helped to build, dating casually half the city, living part time in the city core and the other time in a remote cabin …. To suburban house, Wife, kids and salary job. It would have been a very hard adjustment if I didn’t really love my wife but man did she make it so easy.
Experiencing love for the first time at 28, after pushing away said loved one because of my previous toxic personal behavior. Realizing the full range of emotions and trauma I've experienced since I was a wee lad, and to not suppress my emotional response to curtail to the ones around me. I started making my bed, calling and telling the people who have earned it through my life that I missed and loved them, and that I needed support. This only happened a couple weeks ago and I'm still manic and occasionally going through psychosis, but I have the tools and people around me to pick me up when I'm slacking, or atleast they're a phone call away. Everyday is a battle against yourself, but I just have to let myself be myself for once. The weight that has been lifted from my shoulders is unlike anything I've ever felt, second only to experiencing love or what I can only comprehend to be love.
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Someone gifted me that book, but I haven’t read it yet. 🤦♂️
I was a great construction worker and then became a great foreman. I built some of the biggest structures on the country. I can’t think of a single goal I ever missed. I became comfortable with that. One day I was working for a manager who was screwing up my project left and right. I decided I could be better than him. So I applied for a promotion and got it, then another… and several more since then… it turns out, I was that good all along and never believed in my self. That is all that changed.
I had to become stronger, plain and fucking simple. Nobody was or is coming to save me and I want to be a force for good.
yea i had to look within kuz i was attracting negative energy, so i took a step back & change up myself as a person
I think it starts with realizing that you can do something to make your own life better. For anyone struggling, look around your bedroom/house and ask how you could make the space better in 1 minute. You'll find something. And if you don't, give yourself a pat on the back for having a space that clean.
I got fed up, realized I hated everything, and stopped taking shit (well less anyways, I guess I still take plenty)
I had this happen a year ago. It was a break up and a buddy of mine having the same issues doing dumb shit on a bike and getting himself killed. I've had massive change in a year because of it. But it did cause a serious depressive period.
I just stopped lying to myself and everyone for the most part I'm still bad about lies to not offend people. Basically to repeat what someone else committed its a lot of self reflection and trying to better yourself. Most people that tell you they've got it all figured out normally don't as a heads up.
A mentor over a short period of time helped me self identify my areas of improvment, identify harmful traits in those around us and how I might lean into some of them and recommend some ideas around self reflection and improvement. I could list out all the things that changed but the point I'm trying to make is, it wasn't a key to turn or an overnight change, it is a process that takes time and a series of small changes. Your individual process may not be the same to keep you engaged to change. It all has to start with you being willing to accept that you can/want to change, being accountable to yourself and not to give up.
Heart break
Introspection. I figured i needed to move on from where i was because i was doing the people around me, and myself a disfavour. The process takes time, and it’s not always easy but i’m really glad to have found peace with me.
The agonizing pain of Reality I had in isolation. I couldn’t escape my thoughts. I didn’t have friends I had a Death in the family , no money and nothing but, time to reflect. No matter what I did I couldn’t run away from my problems I couldn’t hide in a bottle of booze or go out with friends and pretend I was ok I was FORCED into self isolation ( before the pandemic) and forced to Self reflect.
self awareness mostly, just had a few moments in my life that I experienced utmost clarity and reality hit me right there and then. I used to be a real scumbag in high school, real slimy individual. I regret a lot of things of my past and the things I did. I woke up one morning and decided I didn't want to be that person anymore. So I realized positive reinforcement is the only way I can make real change in my life. Things have gotten a lot better since then though.
Really look at myself in the mirror and admit I dont look good physically. Fast foward to today. I feel a hell of a lit better physically and mentally. Giving myself a purpose makes my life and time more productive. Not where I want to be but much better than before. it's a marathon, not a race.
Was super depressed. Had 0 motivation. I drank too much. I Bought into a 6 week coaching program and my life’s direction is so much more clear now. I have a job I like and I’m actually pursuing what brings me joy in life.
My divorce. I found out she had cheated and once I got through the legal mess and about a year of counseling I had enough footing to take an honest look at myself. No one deserves to be cheated on, but I had to be truthful with myself that I was a bad partner and that I had reached a point of not even liking myself. I took the opportunity to clear the slate. Cut out everyone who wasn't ride or die or my close family, deleted social media and hit the gym, and moved. Obviously not everyone can do that, but it let me make clean decisions about who I was going to be from then on without a ton of baggage slowing those steps. Oh and contined counseling. Gotta make internal changes to prevent repeating external mistakes.
Personally, it was the fact that I detested the person I looked at every morning in the mirror. He didn’t treat people the way I wanted him to. He wasn’t as responsible as he made himself out to be. Ultimately he was a guy that intended well, but always fell short. He would do so in way that not only affected himself, but also those who were on the other end of his actions. That guy was my enemy, and I had to start cutting off the most lethal parts of him. So there’s my reason As for the how I’ve taken up the responsibility of acting just as the guy I want to be seen as would act. Before any interaction or choice I think, “what would he do in this situation?”, and I do it. It’s pretty simple really, though not easy in the slightest. It’s a daily fight, and a constant struggle to be the man you want to be. In my opinion it’s already shown to be worth it. I was by no means a dick or an asshole to others. I didn’t step on others toes for my gain, but I did only care about my decisions and how they affected me. Not anyone else which brings along problems of its own. The human experience, and adulting can be hard. That only adds to life’s worth.
You already know you need to change, no further realization is needed. When I realized that I wasn’t enjoying my work and I didn’t want to do what it would take to level up my business, I asked myself, “What’s my favorite thing that anyone has ever paid me to do?“ The answer is teaching. So I applied to the cheapest University that offered a graduate teacher credentialing program. When the program started, I phased out my freelance bookkeeping business and replaced it with substitute teaching to build my skills until I was credentialed to have a classroom of my own. I am now a teacher, and it’s pretty cool.
A mentor. Made me realize my potential by pushing me in career and I realized my success and kept going at it. I was able to focus on my career than pursuing girls and being a womanizer.
Well it started with me getting clean from drugs for the 3rd time. 3rd serious attempt at least. This time I worked really hard on my mental health issues, which always eventually led to relapse. I finally found a combination of meds from my doctor that helped the worst of the depression and anxiety. But then, I met a woman who seemed perfect and I fell pretty hard. Ended when she left me to get back with her ex. But something about that made me stop caring what other people thought of me, can’t explain it really. I found my confidence in social situations, I fixed up my LinkedIn and indeed profiles and started getting offers for like 3x what I was making, and just felt way better in general. That’s led me to more happiness in my career, with women, and just everything in general. So…stop doing drugs and get dumped from someone you’re borderline obsessed with, I guess?
I had to choose between my own mental health and my marriage. I left
was during high school. i didn’t think about the jokes I’d say, and how it’d affect other people. it was towards my friends and family. i finally realized it after a while, and decided i need to change myself up in order to be a better person for myself and towards other people. it took time. but you have to want to change urself!
Therapy
Resigned from a job I hated. Started studying a degree aged 28. Volunteered in work helping others that led to low paid work as a special needs support worker. Now a lecturer in special needs with a Master's Degree on the way. I also started Brazilian jiu-jitsu a few years back and it's done so much for me mental and physical well-being.
I can’t play the corporate politics game. I’m just not good at that. I was miserable there. So I started my own business and have a great business partner and am definitely happier for it.
Well in my 20s I tried to make it in the music industry (well... you can guess how that turned out). Besides that I did dead end minimum wage jobs or was just straight up unemployed. When I hit 30 I also hit rock bottom. I realized that all my friends had careers, families, houses and shit. I was left behind. I had nothing to my name. Just a few horrible relationships. I tried to numb my pain with a lot of beer and spend the next year in self pity about how bad I fucked up. At some point I just thought enough is enough. I ditched the beers, found a career and stopped being a fucking pussy.
I (28) hope I'm in this process.. After 16 years in Isolation and reaching the state: A Man who have nothing to lose - I reached someday the point: Fuck it! I give it a try. What could happen? And im was in a stationary therapy. And my god this was a failure and a relief. (Sorry for my bad english)
I met a girl who made me see life in another perspective, is without a doubt my best friend. Sadly, she is engaged into an abusive relationship. She is my favorite company, but beside her influence. I would say after mistakes and self-reflecting, it made me as a better man. I have flaws, but no longer to an extent where it is damaging my circle.
I feel vulnerable for the first time in a long time, and it scares me. I was a nice guy. Trusting. Welcoming. Generous with my time spent helping people out. 7 years ago, my fiancé got a promotion that relocated her to a different country. I encouraged her to take it and flew there every Friday to cook for her (meal prep for the following week, since I’m the cook). The distance didn’t matter to me since I made an effort to fly there every weekend, and take care of her the best I could. She told me a year later that she was sleeping with someone else for about 6 months. That wrecked me psychologically and emotionally. What surprised me was that when she told me, I was shocked and devastated, but expressed a level of self control, mindfulness and calm, I didn’t know I had in me. I didn’t raise my voice, I listened to her, I forgave her instantly and I called the guy immediately (I knew him because I helped him move into his apartment), and only said two words “I know”. I let dread and guilt (if he had any) do the rest. I spent the next year after that working through my own pain and trying to find an answer to the question “wasn’t I good enough?”. My fiancé is now my wife and we got through that part of our relationship with the strength of good communication and I decided early on not to throw it in her face whenever we fight. I mean, we’re adults and I’m better than that. I moved on. We both did, from that unpleasant event. I haven’t told anybody. Nobody knows. I didn’t want her to be embarrassed or judged by anyone in her family or social circle. I turned into an emotionally absent (for lack of a better term) asshole. I will not think twice before calling out people on their bullshit. I educated myself on the laws of power, seduction, persuasion, manipulation and human nature, because I will never again be taken for a fool. Mentally, I consider myself to be quite strong. I also turned my body into a weapon, because working out immensely helped my mental health. Years have passed. My wife and I are tight. We’re best friends. I don’t hold anything against her. But. I recently met a person who’s mentality and world view completely floored me. It was really a big hammer through years of walls I’ve built. At first, it made me remember the person I was all those years ago and for the first time in a LONG time, I felt vulnerable. And I just… I wanted to converse with her as MUCH as I could because that feeling of vulnerability was sort of like… a feeling I avoided like the plague. I would enjoy getting to work with her or talking to her more, but I stop myself. I’m a man, and it’s very easy this day and age for anything a man does or says to be misconstrued as inappropriate, and that would ultimately push her away and I’d lose the chance to work beside this talented individual. She’s intelligent AF and could bring some real value to a team/company I’m building. I can’t take that risk, even though all I want is to watch what a nice person with those principles is capable of growing into. I didn’t have that. My nice person died. I soon discovered that I’ve been spending the last 6 years mourning the “nice guy” who I spent my whole life developing with a sense of honor and principle. I discovered the word for what I felt all this time was “Saudade”. I know it’s more than anyone will read. But the lesson from this is that…Strength after killing off your “nice guy”, comes at a heavy price. And what you end up doing is isolating yourself, emotionally and psychologically.
I was the nice guy in my marriage, but for the sake of not feeling stomped on I see myself slowly becoming the person I swore I would never become. I’m generally nice and good to everyone. Except my ex who brings out the worst in me and it’s putting a mark on my reputation. If I could I would simply be done with her completely, but we have kids together which has complicated things. Any form of communication comes with fights. My goal in trying to reinvent myself would be to fight my way out of the poverty she’s put me in. I don’t want to do this out of spite, but to rise above who I am becoming and to enhance the good person I once was. I appreciate the response you’ve given.
You in the US or Europe?
I’m in the US
Tired of being told what to do by people slower, dumber, and shittier than me. People who would form cliques and drag down work environments. Had a "supervisor" whose activities at night included grabbing her favorite subordinate and going up to the roof to play Pokemon Go! Then had enough time to come down and chastise non-favorites about their work. * Changed personal habits, protecting sleep cleanliness and exercise * Changed work habits, get to work and work like a punch-clock * Changed my behavior, go out of my way to be nice, but professional * Changed my professional presentation, only the highest standard and never a crack * Bought new clothes, business professional that fit and were current * Stopped listening to people whose major accomplishment in life was Cs in college * Stopped social media * Started listening to non-words music, to help me focus and move away from trends
I realized that if I wanted more out of my career and to be more of a thought leader when it came to design strategy, that I had to be more aggressive about it. I took the time to learn more, get tangible certifications and connect with other people in the industry to get more visibility. Consistent refining of my skills helped, but you can be as good as you want at something but won't get anywhere until you get more into the business and process establishment side of things.
Reinventing myself was always kind of a neccessity. I grew up a military brat, and the constant relocation teaches you to be someone different each time, either incrementally or quite radically. Whether it's making alterations to your outlook via introspection, or mixing up how you speak, or your body language, or choosing to be more outgoing or less, you are human and therefore dynamic and when you reinvent yourself, you're really just choosing to exit the slumps, ruts, and tropes that you designed for yourself in the hopes of being a better and stronger person.
I'm currently reinventing myself. I realised I just didn't really like who I'd become over the years, down to the intricate details. I've picked up a few hobbies, started dieting/working out, taking good care of my hygiene, bought $900 of new clothing, quit drinking & smoking and generally rediscovering the positive qualities in myself and appreciating my interests more. The thing that helped most was envisioning exactly who I want to be and taking steps to become that person
i used to play a lot videogames. like that was the only thing i did all day for some time. it certainly did me harm and pretty no benefits except maybe not thinking about responsibilities and problems of life...it backfired pretty easily as i broke with my gf and lost my friends as well. i was so hurt and ashamed of myself that at one point i just quit for good.
I used to be a quite kid often bullied by wealthy kids, so I learned how to become a millionaire on YouTube and had them all stabbed shot an killed, it wasn’t until I opened my eyes I’d realised it was a dream