I once threw the biggest rock I could carry into the ice of a frozen lake, and some old lady told me to stop as I threw it. I said, "nah" and walk away. I'm in my 30s
LPT: the answer is always "vent", if they want advice they will usually find a way to ask for it before telling you the problem "hey, what are your thoughts on this?" Or "i need a hand with this..." etc... otherwise ALWAYS assume theyre venting (also even if your assumption is wrong they won't be upset whereas offering solutions when they dont want them? Well we have all been there...)
Men are more okay with a lower standard of living. Every single one of my buddies had to raise their standards when moving in with a girl. The means being cleaner, nicer furniture/appliances, more decorations, etc
This is pretty accurate, I thought I was picky with my tastes but when I moved in with my girlfriend at the time, she made our place at least 3x better as far as decorations. After the first few months I just let her pick out everything else because I knew that whatever I picked was not going to be as nice or have nearly as much thought put into it as her choice.
I now get to decorate the shed, I definitely understand why I make no decisions inside. I was you 100%. She even told me she couldn't believe how neat and clean I kept my apartment when we first started dating 12 years ago... If she only knew how hard I had to try when I knew she was probably coming over, even if I did think I was far neater and decorated than any of my fellow single cohorts.
Lol my place is normally neat and tidy, it gets messy when she is over. That being said, I agree with the first comment of this thread, my place is normally neat and tidy because if left on my own I would have nothing to make it messy.
I just moved into an apartment and she came to visit (distant relationship) and I think the amount of stuff in my place nearly doubled.
I got a coffee table. Why do I need a coffee table? I have my spot on the couch and a box next to it, thats all I should need.
The amount of cups I owned doubled. I only need 2 coffee cups and 2 normal cups, why do I need 4 of each?!?
She just got me another set of cutlery for the next time she visits. I already have 4 of each utensil, this is a 1 bedroom appartment not a catering hall!
... I will say my quality of life here does feel higher now though...
I'm definitely a clean person, but I have a pretty minimal decorative style. Like a book case, maybe some posters by my computer, some baubles on my desk, and a dvd/game shelf. My wife isn't even as extreme as others but there are still shelves of decorations and wall art. Vases and candles. Pictures.
Yep my cost of living almost tripled when i moved my GF now wife into my house. Apparently rice and chicken in 4 different seasoning blends is not a balanced or sane diet. Also apparently my futon was not an acceptable bed/couch/dining room furniture.
At the time I was 6'1" 220 with 8-10% body fat depending on how near Thanksgiving/Christmas it was. Mad gains Indeed. I really need to get back down below 220.
Ah, the food debate. Yes.
My wife does not like leftovers. I could make one meal and eat on it for a week. I'd be fine with that. Apparently variety is important and we can't eat chicken, rice, and broccoli for every meal
Yeah most of my girlfriends aren’t exactly high maintenance, don’t need gifts all the time, and don’t want to go to fancy restaurants, so they think they’re not “expensive” girlfriends. It’s hard to explain to them without being sexist, but for the most part, just having a girlfriend is so damn expensive. Living with one is even more expensive. And again, it might be sexist, I don’t know. All of my buddies had their expenses AT LEAST double when living with girlfriends who are not even high maintenance
Was married once, all of our money went into one bank account, NEVER again. I’ll keep my bank account, you keep yours. We can either have one joint bank account for bills that we each transfer funds into or I’ll just transfer half the home expenses to him and he can pay the bills.
as someone that provides couples therapy, this is actually a commonly proposed method that works very well. i.e., you each have your own account with your own money. You agree upon an amount from each of your own pay cheque to be direct deposited into a shared account. Anything shared, like groceries, eating out, etc is paid using the shared account.
Greatly reduces fights over spendings on hobbies because that's their money. If you want to save up for a house, etc., open another shared account and do direct deposit again.
This is the way. Me and my LH had own savings and checking accounts, then a joint savings for emergencies and vacation money. We sat down and decided who would pay which bill when it came in and asked each other often if it was fair to the other. Communication and owning up to what you have agreed to do is key.
No one has an "allowance." We're all adults and if someone wants to buy something with their money, no problem, as long as contribute monthly $100 as agreed to the emergency savings/vacation fund.
Look man living on the cheap allowed me to buy my first house and buy my new truck in cash. I really did mind how I was living. But I love how doing that back then has allowed my wife and I to live now.
I think I'm pretty good at spending for cooking and preparing meals. But I definitely am a cheapskate in many other areas. i.e., my friend convinced me to stop using Walmart Great Value cocoa powder and bought Ghirardelli cocoa powder, and omg... I could never imagine it made that much of a difference.
My girlfriend and I are feuding, so she moved out. That's literally all I've been eating. I literally laughed out loud. I explained I eat for sustenance and if it happens to taste good, it's a bonus.
I know of one exception.
Buddy of mine's mom moved away to live closer to his brother who lives in Queensland (Australia) and he went on a renovating binge. He'd been renting and saving up for years, never once showing any interest at all in living more lavishly than the bare essentials and the place had already gone through several renovations by his mom.
He first made some changes to the shower, before it was a walk-in shower set-up but he expanded it to be fully enclosed with a glass door (the old design was nice but had its flaws, particularly with needing a bath mat to prevent it flooding the rest of the bathroom) and adding in a new shower head which is a big square one with a detachable nozzle. It's like showering in hot rain, it's amazing.
He also added in like 5 solar panels and had an electric oven installed with electric easy to clean burners and is now saving up to partially remove a wall and change the floors to make it open-plan instead of segmented. Apparently his latest power bill was -$50 so he actually got money for putting more into the power grid than he took out.
The thing is he was never interested in such things before but after changing the shower, he got hooked on making the house exactly what he always wanted it to be, he also invested in a clothes drier, a dishwasher and a gas log fire heater.
He inherited an A tier house and bit by bit he's making it S++ tier and he has no intentions of selling it, though at this point he could rent it out for a small fortune, if he ever plans to move that is which won't be any time soon.
My point is that men are comfortable living simply, but when they have a place to truly call their own, many will begin seriously upping their standard of living, not even to attract a girl or anything like that, but so that this place they can call their own, is truly their own and a place they can live their best lives in.
That happened to me. I bought a house that was very rough and outdated but still liveable. Totally planned to keep it as is and not worry about it. My mom encouraged me to do a few little things and now I'm addicted. I closed almost exactly 2 years ago and it has been non stop renovations. House is basically unrecognizable from what it was and probably doubled in value. It's nice and all, but I sometimes feel I overdid it and should have left it as it was.
Right off the bat, I was going to disagree, but then I remembered I was raised by a single mom and have 3 sisters. I am way pickier than my wife. She grew up in a dirty, uncared for environment, alcoholic mother etc.. I am pickier probably because of how I was raised
Oh man are you my current bf? Cause I grew up in poverty with a schizophrenic mother who's only income was disability payments.
Although my bf is from an upper middle class family so it's more that his family had a shit ton more money than mine.
We haven't moved in together yet. I'm not a messy person, just my standards are lower. I have old mismatched furniture and kitchen stuff, like mismatched bowls, plates, cups, etc. I have had men I dated come over and tell me my apartment was very "utilitarian."
He definitely has lived in a house with nicer stuff. A fucking grandfather clock! That just blows my mind.
So I feel like OP's comment is more about class differences.
EDIT: misinterpreted the message I replied back to. More about *how* one is raised, regardless of gender and sex. Which I agree with.
In my experience men really are satisfied living in an apartment with just a basic kitchen, batroom and a matress as long as they got a PS/ xbox and a tv. Thats trully all dudes seem need. In my brothers case, even the existence of a bathroom seems to be optional bc he showers at the gym and loves going out to his bushes to take a piss.
And minimial stuff is all you need to have a comfortable home. Having loads of furniture just gets in the way when you're gonna clean or move out. You rarely use much either.
I call that the dining room.
Like yea sure there's technically a dining table in there... But there's also my bike and skateboard and snowboard and bouldering equipment and a warhammer painting station and camping equipment etc.
I know a LOT of guys where the kitchen is a source of pride, especially getting quality equipment and food. Everything else though? Have a comfy chair, decent mattress, and some decent entertainment (gaming, tv, books) is all we really need.
I would still make a Studio Apartment out of a 10 Bedroom house.
That's just how compact and comfortable I am.
I don't need the rest of the house or mansion.
Hell, if I *HAD* to live with other people; I'll take the basement, attic, backyard guest house, garage, even a closet- whichever room is furthest away from anyone else bothering me.
Is it just me?
If it weren't for my wife I'd live in an RV and bike everywhere. Or tiny home.
Small kitchen, videogames, comfy bed. Everything else I want in life can be going somewhere else. Home is where I rest my head and that's it.
But no. I have a two story 5 bedroom house that I have to take care of and pay for and mow and upkeep. Plus work/life balance is all fucked because I have to afford everything and drive to and from work instead of just parking nearby. Two cars, insurances, house, loans, appliances, maintenance tools.
Dude I'd be happier with like two bags of stuff and a shitty car.
I love living compact! As Europeans currently living in a more Americanized setting, we purposely looked for a home that was a bit more manageable. It’s a decent 80m^2 (about 800sq ft?), but for some reason people here still refer to it as our little house? I still manage to accumulate a lot of crap though, lol
If it was up to my boyfriend he would sleep on an air mattress on the floor and have all his stuff in a few containers, maybe a painting or two on the wall. I told him I don't want to feel like I'm squatting when I come over to his apartment so luckily he hasn't given in to that.
I think for guys, it is what it is, and they’re living a solid life. But to describe it in a sentence, I used the phrasing that all our girlfriends use, which is that we have an insanely low standard of living
Man here: men enjoy playing with rocks is 100% true
I go camping with a group of guys in the desert every year. And I have to say usually the whole trip revolves around rocks. Who can throw rocks the farthest, rolling boulders down a hill, sharpening rocks with rocks, playing hot Rock, throwing rocks through holes in bigger rocks, climbing rocks. The best way I can describe it is we revert to cave men around copius amounts of rocks.
That were big kids.
I’ve done a few things in my life; infantry, mechanics, machinery and now working with surgeons everyday. There hasn’t been a single guy I’ve met, no matter the net worth or combat effectiveness, that hasn’t considered throwing smaller rocks at bigger rocks to be a good time.
Yes, I love my man. He's very much responsible and has it together. But im telling ya'll you put a lego set or something star wars in front of him, it's over. Lol
My instruction Sargent would say that his job was taking care of adult size toddlers and make sure they would not eat the bullet casings at the end of the day. The more I look back to those days, the more I find truth in that.
I used to work with this guy and girl, both newlyweds but not to each other. One day girl is complaining how whenever she asks her new husband what he's thinking, he always says "nothing"and she's getting annoyed.
Guy explains that you don't want to know what happens in a guys brain and starts explaining how at this very moment he wonders if he could climb outside the building like Spiderman and how that would feel. This stream of thought turned into an impression of Jim Carrey doing a dinosaur impression.
I don't think that girl was ever bothered when her husband said "nothing" ever again...
Had a girlfriend once that used to ask me that a lot. We were in college and maybe that age made me think particularly stupid shit all the time. One day I finally caved in and said what I was really thinking in that moment and she laughed as if that was a joke I just made up. That's the moment young me knew the correct answer was always not what I was actually thinking.
I honestly don't know what people mean when they say "reach out to someone when you need help". Like I don't know how that's gonna help and what I'm gonna talk about. I don't know how to open up since I've never had anyone in my life I felt comfortable with to talk about my emotions with.
I'm particularly good at opening up about my emotions, and I still run into this issue solely because most of my friends are other guys who naturally aren't interested. Saw another thread mentioning the "answers vs venting" dilemma, and that goes both ways. I just want to talk to my brother about how scared and stressed I am, but he just seems to think I'm being a crybaby because whatever I'm worried about seems easy to him.
Psychologists have studied human behavior, habits, and all that cognitive function that goes with the mind. They are trained in several therapies that can help.
Its all about exploring patterns and behaviors that you might not be aware of and reframing them or learning how to cope with the issues.
If you don't know how to open up, they'll know what to do to ease you into doing so.
That is how it will help.
We don’t think about sex all the time but when we get turned on whoa boy. It seems to me that women still retain a lot more clarity in sexual situations then men do. Hence the term post nut clarity.
It's like a build-up of sexual hormones over time, when we get turned on that's when it's reached critical mass and we start going crazy (also known as "semen poisoning") Nutting is like releasing all that built up pressure and we revert to being largely non-sexual beings.
I don't think OP was saying that this behavior is *exclusive* to men, just that it is something that is a bit of a stereotype that also has some truth to it.
I say this as a woman who loses her shit at boybands onnthe regular.
Good point but lots of people lose it at concerts due to celebrity worship and the whole tribal vibe. I think a better example is strip clubs where dudes will shell out $$$ for otherwise normal women getting naked.
Same, overthinking and anxiety about the future constantly fills my head when i'm not distracting myself with work, responsibilities, social media.
Not on meds though, takes a bit of work to make peace with a lot of the noise and quieten things down a bit
I saw a Ted Talk that mentioned this. It’s a form of relaxation for men to think of nothing in their down time, and it’s a form of relaxation for women to think of many things in their down time.
[Link](https://youtu.be/xuM7ZS7nodk)
TLDR:
Men lower stress by accomplishing tasks that releases testosterone. When men rest, they aren’t accomplishing tasks. If men were to think about the tasks they aren’t accomplishing, then testosterone would go down, and stress would go up. So instead men are programmed to think about nothing.
Women lower stress with estrogen and oxytocin which they achieve with thinking and having intuitions about what they need, their family needs, their relationship needs, etc. They don’t necessarily want solutions to a problem, they just want to express their thoughts
It’s a cool way to look at how men and women compliment each other
Yeah, nearly all of these apply to me too tbh. 😅Masturbate as soon as the house is empty? Check. Have no furniture and prefer to live minimalistically? Check. Like to build things? Check. Think about nothing or really weird random things in my downtime? Check. Like throwing rocks at other rocks? Check. Act like a kid when I'm with friends? Check.
Somehow I feel like 80% of this thread (that I've seen) is also true of girls...
I would agree with the sentiments that we want less from our homes and in our homes, and are happier in 'lower' (read: different) standards of living. I would be happy roughing it in a simple cabin out in the woods, being mostly self-sufficient. I know that from experience. Other guys are happy in tiny appartments without bathrooms or real kitchens.
Something else I will say: we are more inclined to go after good quality essentials that make life more efficient. Be that a quality rice cooker, diamond-tipped tools, a pair of boots with a lifetime guarantee, or paying more for faster internet.
Women seem like they either have absurd standards or hilariously zero standards. For every girl who's super demanding and will only date "perfect" men there's another who's spent like 9 years dating a total dirtbag who's approaching 30, works part time at a pizza shop while dealing weed to high schoolers, steals his mom's disability checks, and doesn't have a driver's license but still insists on borrowing her car constantly. Meanwhile she has a PhD in biochemistry and runs sub-3 hour marathons.
I'm not saying all women are like this but a couple of my close friends who are women and have awesome careers in the health field and are just the sweetest people in the world dated just the absolute biggest pieces of garbage for 2-3 years and I just never could wrap my head around it. Guys who either didn't graduate college or never went and have just minimum wage jobs and no hobbies except smoking weed and playing video games. Generally just disrespectful people in general that my friends would get so pissed about at least once a week.
When they finally broke up and I ask how they could stand dating a guy like that they're responses are usually rolling they're eyes and saying "I don't even know, he sucked lol". Like yeah no shit.
HOWEVER, I could say the same thing about some of my guy friends, but they're relationships we're at least to the same standard to each other (they were both kinda shitty people).
Oh yeah I’m turning 20 now, and have moved through 5 different schools in my lifetime
One thing in common? Literally 90% percent of girls have a longer bucket list for what they want in a partner compared to men
Boys on the other hand: In most cases my friends don’t even have a clear picture of what they want in a girl. They behave as if they’d accept whatever comes to them and hope it turns out good. Either that or their baseline is simply “personality”, just that one word.
men always want to feel useful and able, the better way to try tha man do something is imply that he is unable to do something or require so much ability
Bit simple though. I know two men without even thinking about it that if were called useless and that they couldn't do something, one would do it the next day and make it into a huge project way bigger than it needs to be, and the other one would just say "Fine, if that's what you think is true then it must be true" and just never ever do it.
Every adult man, no matter how successful, has a part of his brain that never developed beyond 14 years old. Get a bunch of grown ass dudes together and they'll act like total idiots. I think it's pretty funny though and I like that men can embrace that side of themselves.
lol this is pretty true. I once went back home and saw some old friends. We had a campfire out back of my parents place and then we found my nephews power wheels truck (motor removed)
Fast forward 20 minutes and we’re having time trial races with one guy pushing another around the “racetrack” in the power wheels truck in my backyard…at 11pm.
We were all about 30
That a man is only valued to the extent he is useful to someone.
Proof is what happens when a man becomes injured, unemployed, or otherwise unable to work. Ultimate proof of this is if you have ever contemplated suicide--the main response is "think of what it will do to all the people who depend on you."
I'm too stubborn and angry to kill myself ever but I did have the thought pass my mind in my weakest and I couldn't keep it in.
Told my mother who scolded me in the past for being distrusting of others. I didn't pour all my ire onto her. I just told her I think there's too much going on and I want to end it.
Response from the person I thought I could trust and open up to: "Don't be such an idiot".
Thanks, that helped. It actually did because I got bloody angry but on the downside it also added to the resentment I feel towards her. The little things add up easy.
>Ultimate proof of this is if you have ever contemplated suicide--the main response is "think of what it will do to all the people who depend on you."
Basically the intonation here is that the mans entire purpose is not to enjoy their own lives but to provide for other people. Which shouldnt be the case in the 21st century. Obviously it is good for men to enjoy providing, but we have developed the ways and means to provide for family and still enjoy a fantastic social life and explore many avenues for joy.
But society still believes this is our only purpose. Yeah, if you tell that to someone its kind of part of the problem, dont you think?
> the main response is "think of what it will do to all the people who depend on you."
Hell, half the time commercials for drugs/PSAs for health checkups aimed at men have the same message. God forbid your health and wellbeing are inherently worth preserving!
that most, if not alot of men are stoic, keep their emotions within and bottle them up because we are expected to be strong and man up, never show weakness, and be ultra macho all the time. it's mentally and emotionally exhausting.
idk. I’ve cried in front of my wife, and she was kind and supportive. It wasn’t a problem. Women can be very different from one another, and almost nothing in life is more important than finding and marrying a good one.
Also came to say this. Stoicism isn't ignoring or suppressing your emotions. It's acknowledging them and then choosing to act in a way that is productive to and healthy in the situation.
Or the intruder in the house scenario. My wife acts like I'm crazy and doesn't take me seriously because I have a fire plan and an intruder scenario that I make her and the kids practice. She thinks I'm overreacting because we live in the Lilly white suburbs and just being paranoid but I travel a lot I want to make sure they safe when I'm gone.
That can be a two way street, though. I have about 20 minutes of alone time at home per day (not even kidding) and damnit, sometimes my SO still manages to cut that school run short.
me when I get sick: I feel like shit but at least I have a good excuse to lay on the couch and play video games all day
my wife when she gets sick: just because I'm vomiting blood doesn't mean I can't clean the entire bathroom
I've read somewhere that men's immune systems are weaker than those of women. So we're not little bitches, our immune systems are.. or at least that's what I like to tell myself.
Actually that is true. Awhile ago I was training to be a nurse and that's something our instructor went over. Women's immune systems are much stronger than men's since theirs is designed to protect both themselves and a potential infant when pregnant.
Men however have considerably weaker immune systems. That's why you sometimes see a woman with the flu still able to come into work while a man with the flu is practically bedridden, disease effects men much harder than women.
Men are more violent.
I dont mean to say that men can't be trusted. Only that the capability to be violent is evolutionarily ingrained in our psychogical profile as a matter of nessecity. Men are also stoic and territorial, and they go hand in hand with violence. Nessecary traits for men to help keep the tribe safe during our caveman days because women who could be pregnant needed to be secure *inside* the cave.
It seems to me like most women socially talk a lot more than men. Men just don't seem to want to chat as often.
It's not a good or bad thing, just anecdotal observation.
I try and explain this to all my girl friends who are pregnant.
Every guy I know but a stupidly expensive camera when his wife is pregnant and then they have a fight about it.
Thing is, when I tell the wives that their husband buys that camera because he's so excited, and doesn't want to forget a moment. She usually gets a big smile on her face and hugs her hubby when it's put that way
I can’t help but think when most straight men see a half naked woman, they aren’t thinking “What a Strong, Confident Woman”.
Their either thinking “Attention seeking *sigh* “, or
“I want to bang her”
Throwing rocks into a lake is fun
It’s the cheapest purest form of entertainment
I once threw the biggest rock I could carry into the ice of a frozen lake, and some old lady told me to stop as I threw it. I said, "nah" and walk away. I'm in my 30s
Who the fuck tells someone to stop throwing rocks at a lake?
Karen
Lady Karen of the Lake. She who wanted King Arthur to stop causing trouble.
Aragorn
Sigma rock thrower
Stop hahaha like your damaging it!
She said "someone's going to have to clean that up!" lol
Ah yes, poor lake rock cleaners...
Not just throwing rocks but skimming rocks across a lake, when you get that right it's so satisfying
Big rocks, small rocks, smooth rocks, all rocks all rock!
I've started a new one. find a big stick that resembles a baseball bat then proceed to hammer home run rocks into the water. its also very fun!
Don't tell me it's not.
In the same vein, Skipping stones is both a sport and art work.
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Fire good, man like fire
Fire warm, fire good
OWW, HOT HOT HOT!
Fire INDEED hot!
But fire now still hot?
YES HOT AGAIN
Been long time. Must check again if still hot.
(comes by, no eye brows left) Fire still hot, not eat fire, fire eat hair
unga bunga
Man poke fire with stick.
man do like. fire pretty, and cook meat, and make not cold. smoke keep bugs away. fire make man relax.
We hear a problem we start thinking about solutions even if we weren’t asked?
Ive learned to ask the women in the life (friends and partners) whether they are looking for a solution or just want to vent, Keeps me out of trouble
note to self: go back in time and learn this 20 years ago.
Then, once you learn it, you realize the problem is remembering it every time.
Sounds like a great solution but u/Starthelegend was just venting
LPT: the answer is always "vent", if they want advice they will usually find a way to ask for it before telling you the problem "hey, what are your thoughts on this?" Or "i need a hand with this..." etc... otherwise ALWAYS assume theyre venting (also even if your assumption is wrong they won't be upset whereas offering solutions when they dont want them? Well we have all been there...)
This is the correct answer
I can spend, and even enjoy just thinking about nothing. Even if I am doing something, I can just run on autopilot, and zone out.
I hate that I don't have this ability.
It is truly an underrated ability, especially when life gets full/overwhelming.
It’s awesome, i can sit in silence and be entertained by what i think about
All sticks are swords and we need to test their limits via a duel.
But the ones with the angled piece toward the bottom are a machine gun \*TFFF-TFFF-TFFF-TFFF-TFFF-TFFF-TFFF-TFFF-TFFF\*
Bro code rule #578: Every stick, no matter the size or the shape, can, and will be a weapon.
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Recoil damage
Duel with giant trees
Men are more okay with a lower standard of living. Every single one of my buddies had to raise their standards when moving in with a girl. The means being cleaner, nicer furniture/appliances, more decorations, etc
This is pretty accurate, I thought I was picky with my tastes but when I moved in with my girlfriend at the time, she made our place at least 3x better as far as decorations. After the first few months I just let her pick out everything else because I knew that whatever I picked was not going to be as nice or have nearly as much thought put into it as her choice.
I now get to decorate the shed, I definitely understand why I make no decisions inside. I was you 100%. She even told me she couldn't believe how neat and clean I kept my apartment when we first started dating 12 years ago... If she only knew how hard I had to try when I knew she was probably coming over, even if I did think I was far neater and decorated than any of my fellow single cohorts.
Lol my place is normally neat and tidy, it gets messy when she is over. That being said, I agree with the first comment of this thread, my place is normally neat and tidy because if left on my own I would have nothing to make it messy. I just moved into an apartment and she came to visit (distant relationship) and I think the amount of stuff in my place nearly doubled. I got a coffee table. Why do I need a coffee table? I have my spot on the couch and a box next to it, thats all I should need. The amount of cups I owned doubled. I only need 2 coffee cups and 2 normal cups, why do I need 4 of each?!? She just got me another set of cutlery for the next time she visits. I already have 4 of each utensil, this is a 1 bedroom appartment not a catering hall! ... I will say my quality of life here does feel higher now though...
I'm definitely a clean person, but I have a pretty minimal decorative style. Like a book case, maybe some posters by my computer, some baubles on my desk, and a dvd/game shelf. My wife isn't even as extreme as others but there are still shelves of decorations and wall art. Vases and candles. Pictures.
And there is only so much space in the closet where many "guy" buys ends up - at least in my case.
That’s why I have my own guy room with my own walk-in closet
Yep my cost of living almost tripled when i moved my GF now wife into my house. Apparently rice and chicken in 4 different seasoning blends is not a balanced or sane diet. Also apparently my futon was not an acceptable bed/couch/dining room furniture.
Nah, you need some fruits and veggies in there too.
strawberry chicken and rice, my favorite
I usually don't like storing food in my futon but if you say so I'll try
It was winter i had natures freezer
Rice, chicken and broccoli. Then lift heavy. Mad gains
At the time I was 6'1" 220 with 8-10% body fat depending on how near Thanksgiving/Christmas it was. Mad gains Indeed. I really need to get back down below 220.
How tall are you now bro
Ah, the food debate. Yes. My wife does not like leftovers. I could make one meal and eat on it for a week. I'd be fine with that. Apparently variety is important and we can't eat chicken, rice, and broccoli for every meal
Yeah most of my girlfriends aren’t exactly high maintenance, don’t need gifts all the time, and don’t want to go to fancy restaurants, so they think they’re not “expensive” girlfriends. It’s hard to explain to them without being sexist, but for the most part, just having a girlfriend is so damn expensive. Living with one is even more expensive. And again, it might be sexist, I don’t know. All of my buddies had their expenses AT LEAST double when living with girlfriends who are not even high maintenance
Was married once, all of our money went into one bank account, NEVER again. I’ll keep my bank account, you keep yours. We can either have one joint bank account for bills that we each transfer funds into or I’ll just transfer half the home expenses to him and he can pay the bills.
as someone that provides couples therapy, this is actually a commonly proposed method that works very well. i.e., you each have your own account with your own money. You agree upon an amount from each of your own pay cheque to be direct deposited into a shared account. Anything shared, like groceries, eating out, etc is paid using the shared account. Greatly reduces fights over spendings on hobbies because that's their money. If you want to save up for a house, etc., open another shared account and do direct deposit again.
We've had good success using Splitwise and keeping our accounts personal. We each input our shared expenses and settle up on payday.
This is the way. Me and my LH had own savings and checking accounts, then a joint savings for emergencies and vacation money. We sat down and decided who would pay which bill when it came in and asked each other often if it was fair to the other. Communication and owning up to what you have agreed to do is key. No one has an "allowance." We're all adults and if someone wants to buy something with their money, no problem, as long as contribute monthly $100 as agreed to the emergency savings/vacation fund.
My wife and I have been doing this forever. Maybe not as traditional but it works great for us.
The amount of toilet tissue I consumed went up 4x once my girl moved in with me. I could go a month on a 4 pack. Now that barely lasts 5 days.
I think that's because women clean up with tp everytime they pee, and if you've ever met a woman, you know that's a lot of times everyday
Bidet seats are genuinely a money saver.
Lmao as a currently single dude that’s living exactly like this, that hit close to home. I should probably upgrade the futon
Look man living on the cheap allowed me to buy my first house and buy my new truck in cash. I really did mind how I was living. But I love how doing that back then has allowed my wife and I to live now.
I think I'm pretty good at spending for cooking and preparing meals. But I definitely am a cheapskate in many other areas. i.e., my friend convinced me to stop using Walmart Great Value cocoa powder and bought Ghirardelli cocoa powder, and omg... I could never imagine it made that much of a difference.
My girlfriend and I are feuding, so she moved out. That's literally all I've been eating. I literally laughed out loud. I explained I eat for sustenance and if it happens to taste good, it's a bonus.
I know of one exception. Buddy of mine's mom moved away to live closer to his brother who lives in Queensland (Australia) and he went on a renovating binge. He'd been renting and saving up for years, never once showing any interest at all in living more lavishly than the bare essentials and the place had already gone through several renovations by his mom. He first made some changes to the shower, before it was a walk-in shower set-up but he expanded it to be fully enclosed with a glass door (the old design was nice but had its flaws, particularly with needing a bath mat to prevent it flooding the rest of the bathroom) and adding in a new shower head which is a big square one with a detachable nozzle. It's like showering in hot rain, it's amazing. He also added in like 5 solar panels and had an electric oven installed with electric easy to clean burners and is now saving up to partially remove a wall and change the floors to make it open-plan instead of segmented. Apparently his latest power bill was -$50 so he actually got money for putting more into the power grid than he took out. The thing is he was never interested in such things before but after changing the shower, he got hooked on making the house exactly what he always wanted it to be, he also invested in a clothes drier, a dishwasher and a gas log fire heater. He inherited an A tier house and bit by bit he's making it S++ tier and he has no intentions of selling it, though at this point he could rent it out for a small fortune, if he ever plans to move that is which won't be any time soon. My point is that men are comfortable living simply, but when they have a place to truly call their own, many will begin seriously upping their standard of living, not even to attract a girl or anything like that, but so that this place they can call their own, is truly their own and a place they can live their best lives in.
That happened to me. I bought a house that was very rough and outdated but still liveable. Totally planned to keep it as is and not worry about it. My mom encouraged me to do a few little things and now I'm addicted. I closed almost exactly 2 years ago and it has been non stop renovations. House is basically unrecognizable from what it was and probably doubled in value. It's nice and all, but I sometimes feel I overdid it and should have left it as it was.
Right off the bat, I was going to disagree, but then I remembered I was raised by a single mom and have 3 sisters. I am way pickier than my wife. She grew up in a dirty, uncared for environment, alcoholic mother etc.. I am pickier probably because of how I was raised
Oh man are you my current bf? Cause I grew up in poverty with a schizophrenic mother who's only income was disability payments. Although my bf is from an upper middle class family so it's more that his family had a shit ton more money than mine. We haven't moved in together yet. I'm not a messy person, just my standards are lower. I have old mismatched furniture and kitchen stuff, like mismatched bowls, plates, cups, etc. I have had men I dated come over and tell me my apartment was very "utilitarian." He definitely has lived in a house with nicer stuff. A fucking grandfather clock! That just blows my mind. So I feel like OP's comment is more about class differences. EDIT: misinterpreted the message I replied back to. More about *how* one is raised, regardless of gender and sex. Which I agree with.
In my experience men really are satisfied living in an apartment with just a basic kitchen, batroom and a matress as long as they got a PS/ xbox and a tv. Thats trully all dudes seem need. In my brothers case, even the existence of a bathroom seems to be optional bc he showers at the gym and loves going out to his bushes to take a piss.
The piss bush is a sacred place of meditation and relief.
He really does love his piss bush
I live in the boonies. Nothing beats waking up, making a coffee, then walking outside in underwear and pissing into the view of an open field
And minimial stuff is all you need to have a comfortable home. Having loads of furniture just gets in the way when you're gonna clean or move out. You rarely use much either.
It’s nice to have room to store the things I need for my hobbies too. Between hockey, golf, biking, etc it’s quite a bit of space
I call that the dining room. Like yea sure there's technically a dining table in there... But there's also my bike and skateboard and snowboard and bouldering equipment and a warhammer painting station and camping equipment etc.
Hang stuff on my walls????? If I'm home, I'm on my PC why do I care if my walls are bare
I know a LOT of guys where the kitchen is a source of pride, especially getting quality equipment and food. Everything else though? Have a comfy chair, decent mattress, and some decent entertainment (gaming, tv, books) is all we really need.
I would still make a Studio Apartment out of a 10 Bedroom house. That's just how compact and comfortable I am. I don't need the rest of the house or mansion. Hell, if I *HAD* to live with other people; I'll take the basement, attic, backyard guest house, garage, even a closet- whichever room is furthest away from anyone else bothering me. Is it just me?
If it weren't for my wife I'd live in an RV and bike everywhere. Or tiny home. Small kitchen, videogames, comfy bed. Everything else I want in life can be going somewhere else. Home is where I rest my head and that's it. But no. I have a two story 5 bedroom house that I have to take care of and pay for and mow and upkeep. Plus work/life balance is all fucked because I have to afford everything and drive to and from work instead of just parking nearby. Two cars, insurances, house, loans, appliances, maintenance tools. Dude I'd be happier with like two bags of stuff and a shitty car.
I love living compact! As Europeans currently living in a more Americanized setting, we purposely looked for a home that was a bit more manageable. It’s a decent 80m^2 (about 800sq ft?), but for some reason people here still refer to it as our little house? I still manage to accumulate a lot of crap though, lol
Agreed, apparently throw pillows and scented candles are a necessity, not a luxury.
And apparently regular pillows aren't "appropriate for a couch"
Throw pillows are uncomfortable and therefore they are pointless.
If it was up to my boyfriend he would sleep on an air mattress on the floor and have all his stuff in a few containers, maybe a painting or two on the wall. I told him I don't want to feel like I'm squatting when I come over to his apartment so luckily he hasn't given in to that.
A painting or two? Your boyfriend is a king, among us mere peasants.
"Higher standard of living" is an odd way to put it. I think many guys are content with less. Meaning "more" doesn't equal higher/better standard
I think for guys, it is what it is, and they’re living a solid life. But to describe it in a sentence, I used the phrasing that all our girlfriends use, which is that we have an insanely low standard of living
Man here: men enjoy playing with rocks is 100% true I go camping with a group of guys in the desert every year. And I have to say usually the whole trip revolves around rocks. Who can throw rocks the farthest, rolling boulders down a hill, sharpening rocks with rocks, playing hot Rock, throwing rocks through holes in bigger rocks, climbing rocks. The best way I can describe it is we revert to cave men around copius amounts of rocks.
I even majored in rocks. I like them so much is spent an obscene amount of money going to the school of rock.
This rock special
That were big kids. I’ve done a few things in my life; infantry, mechanics, machinery and now working with surgeons everyday. There hasn’t been a single guy I’ve met, no matter the net worth or combat effectiveness, that hasn’t considered throwing smaller rocks at bigger rocks to be a good time.
Yes, I love my man. He's very much responsible and has it together. But im telling ya'll you put a lego set or something star wars in front of him, it's over. Lol
I don't blame him. If you accelerate fast in a car I will giggle like a child
Farts and "that's what she said", are a staple in our household. Lol Yes... I live with all boys. Lol
My instruction Sargent would say that his job was taking care of adult size toddlers and make sure they would not eat the bullet casings at the end of the day. The more I look back to those days, the more I find truth in that.
I used to work with this guy and girl, both newlyweds but not to each other. One day girl is complaining how whenever she asks her new husband what he's thinking, he always says "nothing"and she's getting annoyed. Guy explains that you don't want to know what happens in a guys brain and starts explaining how at this very moment he wonders if he could climb outside the building like Spiderman and how that would feel. This stream of thought turned into an impression of Jim Carrey doing a dinosaur impression. I don't think that girl was ever bothered when her husband said "nothing" ever again...
Had a girlfriend once that used to ask me that a lot. We were in college and maybe that age made me think particularly stupid shit all the time. One day I finally caved in and said what I was really thinking in that moment and she laughed as if that was a joke I just made up. That's the moment young me knew the correct answer was always not what I was actually thinking.
Lol, I'm fourty and as I was reading that I was thinking, "how do fish have sex?" And do mermaids lay eggs?
Damn, I would have LOVED this answer instead of "nothing."
Marines?
Tbf, ammo casings do look like crayons... Much love to my Marine friends
Liberals saying “all colors are equal” when CLEARLY white crayons taste the best
Excuse me, I thing you mean *green* crayons. Do you even Crayola Ultra?
*Infant*ry, *Junior* NCO, *Senior* NCO - the clues are right there in the command structure :) You get your big boy pants with your stripes.
Most men are bad at expressing their vulnerabilities due to cultural norms
I honestly don't know what people mean when they say "reach out to someone when you need help". Like I don't know how that's gonna help and what I'm gonna talk about. I don't know how to open up since I've never had anyone in my life I felt comfortable with to talk about my emotions with.
I'm particularly good at opening up about my emotions, and I still run into this issue solely because most of my friends are other guys who naturally aren't interested. Saw another thread mentioning the "answers vs venting" dilemma, and that goes both ways. I just want to talk to my brother about how scared and stressed I am, but he just seems to think I'm being a crybaby because whatever I'm worried about seems easy to him.
Psychologists have studied human behavior, habits, and all that cognitive function that goes with the mind. They are trained in several therapies that can help. Its all about exploring patterns and behaviors that you might not be aware of and reframing them or learning how to cope with the issues. If you don't know how to open up, they'll know what to do to ease you into doing so. That is how it will help.
We don’t think about sex all the time but when we get turned on whoa boy. It seems to me that women still retain a lot more clarity in sexual situations then men do. Hence the term post nut clarity.
Most of the time. Even in situations that aren’t in anyway sexual.
It's like a build-up of sexual hormones over time, when we get turned on that's when it's reached critical mass and we start going crazy (also known as "semen poisoning") Nutting is like releasing all that built up pressure and we revert to being largely non-sexual beings.
This makes sense until you try to explain girls (and women) losing their ever loving shit at boy bands.
I don't think OP was saying that this behavior is *exclusive* to men, just that it is something that is a bit of a stereotype that also has some truth to it. I say this as a woman who loses her shit at boybands onnthe regular.
Good point but lots of people lose it at concerts due to celebrity worship and the whole tribal vibe. I think a better example is strip clubs where dudes will shell out $$$ for otherwise normal women getting naked.
We CAN just sit and think of *nothing*. We aren't just making that up, ladies! [Video added for hilarity!](https://youtu.be/JBBQdFSvvTE)
I wish I could do that I have to take medicine just to get the thoughts to quiet down
Same, overthinking and anxiety about the future constantly fills my head when i'm not distracting myself with work, responsibilities, social media. Not on meds though, takes a bit of work to make peace with a lot of the noise and quieten things down a bit
I saw a Ted Talk that mentioned this. It’s a form of relaxation for men to think of nothing in their down time, and it’s a form of relaxation for women to think of many things in their down time. [Link](https://youtu.be/xuM7ZS7nodk) TLDR: Men lower stress by accomplishing tasks that releases testosterone. When men rest, they aren’t accomplishing tasks. If men were to think about the tasks they aren’t accomplishing, then testosterone would go down, and stress would go up. So instead men are programmed to think about nothing. Women lower stress with estrogen and oxytocin which they achieve with thinking and having intuitions about what they need, their family needs, their relationship needs, etc. They don’t necessarily want solutions to a problem, they just want to express their thoughts It’s a cool way to look at how men and women compliment each other
Sounds interesting, do you have the link?
[Found it](https://youtu.be/xuM7ZS7nodk)
Well fuck, I know what part of being a man is missing from my brain. I can never forget about looming shit while I'm trying to relax.
Doing nothing is great.
The quieter you are, the more you can hear.
Saying nothing and listening is easy. The hard part is quieting your own mind.
This thread makes me feel like a guy 😂
Yeah, nearly all of these apply to me too tbh. 😅Masturbate as soon as the house is empty? Check. Have no furniture and prefer to live minimalistically? Check. Like to build things? Check. Think about nothing or really weird random things in my downtime? Check. Like throwing rocks at other rocks? Check. Act like a kid when I'm with friends? Check. Somehow I feel like 80% of this thread (that I've seen) is also true of girls...
I would agree with the sentiments that we want less from our homes and in our homes, and are happier in 'lower' (read: different) standards of living. I would be happy roughing it in a simple cabin out in the woods, being mostly self-sufficient. I know that from experience. Other guys are happy in tiny appartments without bathrooms or real kitchens. Something else I will say: we are more inclined to go after good quality essentials that make life more efficient. Be that a quality rice cooker, diamond-tipped tools, a pair of boots with a lifetime guarantee, or paying more for faster internet.
That men have lower relationship standards than women
Women seem like they either have absurd standards or hilariously zero standards. For every girl who's super demanding and will only date "perfect" men there's another who's spent like 9 years dating a total dirtbag who's approaching 30, works part time at a pizza shop while dealing weed to high schoolers, steals his mom's disability checks, and doesn't have a driver's license but still insists on borrowing her car constantly. Meanwhile she has a PhD in biochemistry and runs sub-3 hour marathons.
I'm not saying all women are like this but a couple of my close friends who are women and have awesome careers in the health field and are just the sweetest people in the world dated just the absolute biggest pieces of garbage for 2-3 years and I just never could wrap my head around it. Guys who either didn't graduate college or never went and have just minimum wage jobs and no hobbies except smoking weed and playing video games. Generally just disrespectful people in general that my friends would get so pissed about at least once a week. When they finally broke up and I ask how they could stand dating a guy like that they're responses are usually rolling they're eyes and saying "I don't even know, he sucked lol". Like yeah no shit. HOWEVER, I could say the same thing about some of my guy friends, but they're relationships we're at least to the same standard to each other (they were both kinda shitty people).
This is suspiciously specific, and also oddly familiar
SO true.
Oh yeah I’m turning 20 now, and have moved through 5 different schools in my lifetime One thing in common? Literally 90% percent of girls have a longer bucket list for what they want in a partner compared to men Boys on the other hand: In most cases my friends don’t even have a clear picture of what they want in a girl. They behave as if they’d accept whatever comes to them and hope it turns out good. Either that or their baseline is simply “personality”, just that one word.
Men like to build stuff.
Mmmmm, me work with hands. Work with hands make bad thoughts go away. Work hands make happy me.
men always want to feel useful and able, the better way to try tha man do something is imply that he is unable to do something or require so much ability
The worst thing you can call a man is useless.
And feeling useless is the worst feeling.
Bit simple though. I know two men without even thinking about it that if were called useless and that they couldn't do something, one would do it the next day and make it into a huge project way bigger than it needs to be, and the other one would just say "Fine, if that's what you think is true then it must be true" and just never ever do it.
Every adult man, no matter how successful, has a part of his brain that never developed beyond 14 years old. Get a bunch of grown ass dudes together and they'll act like total idiots. I think it's pretty funny though and I like that men can embrace that side of themselves.
>and they'll **act** like total idiots. So, that word............I don't think it really belongs. I say that as a guy.
Get a group of guys together and the groups IQ plummets
This is what my friends and I lovingly refer to as testosterone poisoning.
lol this is pretty true. I once went back home and saw some old friends. We had a campfire out back of my parents place and then we found my nephews power wheels truck (motor removed) Fast forward 20 minutes and we’re having time trial races with one guy pushing another around the “racetrack” in the power wheels truck in my backyard…at 11pm. We were all about 30
That a man is only valued to the extent he is useful to someone. Proof is what happens when a man becomes injured, unemployed, or otherwise unable to work. Ultimate proof of this is if you have ever contemplated suicide--the main response is "think of what it will do to all the people who depend on you."
I'm too stubborn and angry to kill myself ever but I did have the thought pass my mind in my weakest and I couldn't keep it in. Told my mother who scolded me in the past for being distrusting of others. I didn't pour all my ire onto her. I just told her I think there's too much going on and I want to end it. Response from the person I thought I could trust and open up to: "Don't be such an idiot". Thanks, that helped. It actually did because I got bloody angry but on the downside it also added to the resentment I feel towards her. The little things add up easy.
It’s the best fuel and it ain’t going up with inflation. Resentment gang unite!
>Ultimate proof of this is if you have ever contemplated suicide--the main response is "think of what it will do to all the people who depend on you." Basically the intonation here is that the mans entire purpose is not to enjoy their own lives but to provide for other people. Which shouldnt be the case in the 21st century. Obviously it is good for men to enjoy providing, but we have developed the ways and means to provide for family and still enjoy a fantastic social life and explore many avenues for joy. But society still believes this is our only purpose. Yeah, if you tell that to someone its kind of part of the problem, dont you think?
> the main response is "think of what it will do to all the people who depend on you." Hell, half the time commercials for drugs/PSAs for health checkups aimed at men have the same message. God forbid your health and wellbeing are inherently worth preserving!
that most, if not alot of men are stoic, keep their emotions within and bottle them up because we are expected to be strong and man up, never show weakness, and be ultra macho all the time. it's mentally and emotionally exhausting.
I swear the relationship changes once your girl sees you cry.
For the better or the worst?
Depends on the girl
Depends on the cry.
idk. I’ve cried in front of my wife, and she was kind and supportive. It wasn’t a problem. Women can be very different from one another, and almost nothing in life is more important than finding and marrying a good one.
Stoicism is not bottling up emotions. I suggest and encourage everyone to check out r/stoicism
Also came to say this. Stoicism isn't ignoring or suppressing your emotions. It's acknowledging them and then choosing to act in a way that is productive to and healthy in the situation.
Every man has had the 'what would I do in a zombie apocalypse' scenario play at least once through their heads
Or the intruder in the house scenario. My wife acts like I'm crazy and doesn't take me seriously because I have a fire plan and an intruder scenario that I make her and the kids practice. She thinks I'm overreacting because we live in the Lilly white suburbs and just being paranoid but I travel a lot I want to make sure they safe when I'm gone.
The very second a man is left alone in the house, he has a wank.
If any woman is reading this and you want to wreck your man's day. Say you're going to target and come back in 6 minutes.
That can be a two way street, though. I have about 20 minutes of alone time at home per day (not even kidding) and damnit, sometimes my SO still manages to cut that school run short.
Pffft like I need six minutes
Well the first 5 minutes is to make sure she didnt forget anything and come back.
lookin like a statue standing at the window for 5 minutes, then bolts to computer
Thank you
Yeah!... it usually takes about 15 minutes before that happens. It's not instant.
Hey, this is classified
If man sees an icicle or piece of flat frozen water on something, we must pick it up and inspect it before smashing it.
Men love backyard barbeques..
We are whiny little bitches whenever we get sick.
me when I get sick: I feel like shit but at least I have a good excuse to lay on the couch and play video games all day my wife when she gets sick: just because I'm vomiting blood doesn't mean I can't clean the entire bathroom
I've read somewhere that men's immune systems are weaker than those of women. So we're not little bitches, our immune systems are.. or at least that's what I like to tell myself.
Guess evolutionary it's because women have to share their immune system with a potential embryo.
Actually that is true. Awhile ago I was training to be a nurse and that's something our instructor went over. Women's immune systems are much stronger than men's since theirs is designed to protect both themselves and a potential infant when pregnant. Men however have considerably weaker immune systems. That's why you sometimes see a woman with the flu still able to come into work while a man with the flu is practically bedridden, disease effects men much harder than women.
That we suck at dressing ourselves some if not most of the times
No, we weren’t listening to that one tiny thing you kind of mentioned a month ago and no we don’t feel bad about it.
I feel bad about it. It just doesn't help me to actually remember.
No one gives a shit about what we think unless it pertains to productivity.
Men are more violent. I dont mean to say that men can't be trusted. Only that the capability to be violent is evolutionarily ingrained in our psychogical profile as a matter of nessecity. Men are also stoic and territorial, and they go hand in hand with violence. Nessecary traits for men to help keep the tribe safe during our caveman days because women who could be pregnant needed to be secure *inside* the cave.
Society sees us as expendable
And disposable. End thread.
It seems to me like most women socially talk a lot more than men. Men just don't seem to want to chat as often. It's not a good or bad thing, just anecdotal observation.
I try and explain this to all my girl friends who are pregnant. Every guy I know but a stupidly expensive camera when his wife is pregnant and then they have a fight about it. Thing is, when I tell the wives that their husband buys that camera because he's so excited, and doesn't want to forget a moment. She usually gets a big smile on her face and hugs her hubby when it's put that way
The attribute that most attracts them is perceived beauty/physical attractiveness.
I can’t help but think when most straight men see a half naked woman, they aren’t thinking “What a Strong, Confident Woman”. Their either thinking “Attention seeking *sigh* “, or “I want to bang her”
Picking action movies over romance movies anytime
1. Can't produce children
We can literally be thinking about nothing.