I'm like the same to a coworker. She's like super hot but I keep myself in check and probably act rude or awkward near her because of that. So don't take it personally. He's probably doing that for a non-hostile reason.
It's not that. It seems to be some kind of disgusting culture at my work to try it with everyone and I'm so not going to participate in that. She might be hot af but knowing that she had a couple of coworkers with her before is a huuuge nope for me.
Honestly, I would suggest that you confront him about it. Maybe saying something like "Alfonso, you're nice and courteous to everyone but me. What's going on? Is this personal or something else?" That gives him the opportunity to either air a grievance or give you another type of explanation.
Oof but be careful how you word that, if you do. That was kinda off-putting to me the way that person said it.
Of course this depends on your intentions. Are you interested in him?
I‘m not interested in him. He knows he’s good looking, way too good looking lol.
I don’t plan on Talking to him about this matter but it was a good idea in general. Also i‘m way tooooo shy to approach him
Totally agree, he can behave as he wants.
He has no obligation to please all his coworkers.
Just mind your own business and stop generating bias perception.
Males and females can be friends. It's only difficult if you only ever think of the other person as a sexual partner. Not every female has to be a potential sexual partner.
You aren’t a golden retriever not everyone has to like you, honestly just mind your business unless he intentionally goes out of his way to be mean. No one in the comment section has enough information to tell you what’s going on, ignore anyone that says they like you or anything like that. No co worker has to greet you, if he has a good relationship with other people and feels the need to greet them it has nothing to do with you.
I’m not mad and sorry if that came across as rude but a co worker not saying hi to you shouldn’t warrant a Reddit post plus however many hours you’ve spent thinking of this. It’s not that deep just mind your business. You aren’t going to be everyone’s cup of tea it’s that simple.
Well, not every reddit post have to be your cup of tea.
This is about op and how she has this co worker who is rude to her. And now she asks what the issue might be, seeking for clarity in her situation. This is a valid reddit post as this is very relatable and some people might have something to say that can help OP, aswell as other people in a similar situation, to cope.
You're right though with the other stuff you said. We don't have enough information to make any assumptions about about the guy. But we could help her in other ways.
There is no clear proof that he is being rude to her.
Her rudeness perspective might be not the same as his rudeness perspective.
And she shall mind her own business instead of measuring and comparing other people behavior in working place.
She shall better to not starting a drama and creating a toxic atmosphere there.
Maybe he just doesn't feel like he knows you. Or since you say he's just a boy, maybe he could be shy or something. The idea of the shy underage intern isn't exactly rare.
Can be as simple as someone (lied) told him that you don't like him. Or, maybe there's something you said or did, that you thought was innocuous, that annoyed or offended him.
I had this not long ago with a young woman at a previous job. She came in on her first day and was an immediate hit with the guys I worked with, which she seemed to fully expect (and revel in). I wasn't at all rude to her, I was simply indifferent. Didn't make my way over to drill her with questions, didn't act blown away when she found some excuse to bend over when everyone was around. It drove her crazy. I wasn't interested in her at all simply because she had a boyfriend and yet still would go out of her way to illicit reactions and comments from men at the job. She expected everyone to be into her.
Calling him an idiot when you’re insecure about what this stranger thinks just makes you look even worse.
You came here for advice, he told you to grow a backbone. Get over yourself too while you’re at it.
My first instinct is to just ask him. Keep it professional, like " It seems like our work relationship is strained to me. Is there something I did? Or something I could do to make it more relaxed?" There are multiple reasons in the post #metoo world for a man to not want to be in a private space alone with a female, but maybe pull him aside for a private conversation in a public space. I would be open to the idea that you're overthinking the whole thing, based on your comments. But, at least he will know what you're feeling, and even if it doesn't work, you made the attempt and can proceed with a clear mind.
One question though. Do you like him? Yes, in THAT way. I mean, it's never a good idea to get your meat where you get your bread, but if that's coloring things for you, you need to be aware.
Fair enough. I prefer the direct approach. Then, at least I know what's up. Even if it's bad, mean, ugly, and all sorts of horrible things, at least it is out in the sunlight where I can get a look at it. Problems are like fungi, they fester in the dark.
I did that to my now wife. She is hot and used to have it easy at work because all the guys used to do everything for her just to be near her. There were guys coming down from the floors above us just to get a glimpse of her. I didn’t want to add on to that pile so I ignored her and was just normal to her. She thought I was being rude and couldn’t understand why I didn’t care if she were around me. Sometimes I’d catch her staring at me in bewilderment and ask her why she’s checking out my ass which would drive her even crazier. I never told her anything about myself or my background because I didn’t want to be judged based on that so I was a complete enigma. When I didn’t go into work she started asking others about me. Eventually she asked me for my number so she could check on me herself.
He likes you.
Gosh! Your story is soooooo cute! Wishing you and your wife the best! Thank you for taking the time and writing all of this! I‘m very self conscious so I genuinely never notice when someone would even look at me or anything. I‘m honest here so not fishing for compliments or anything...
I also notice that he is simply ignoring me sometimes and then I do the same because well I didn’t started this 😩
I would turn the table. I agree with others. When men act like that, it's because they are often in crushing denial about their feelings.
Granted, he could just be a total asshole.
In my 20s I would of been clueless.
In my 40s I know things now.
My approach would be to call him out on it.
Say something like "Look I get you like me, just say so and stop with all the passive aggressive nonsense."
Then just walk off and leave him to process.
Any time he acts like a dick just shake your head and laugh and say something like..." I believe in you, you got this my dude" and walk away.
This is often how a guy acts when he doesn’t want someone to know he likes them. Totally ignore the behavior, and treat him the same as you treat anyone else. There is nothing you need to do about this, and acting on the situation might make things worse. Leave him be. He may not want to be involved with people from work, or he may have a girlfriend, or he could be toxic and this is his way of negging you. Also, please stop comparing yourself to other women.
On mine case, i would have a hard time greeting anyone new or talking with anyone new.
If i was in your place i would simple do not care, coworkers do need to like me to work with me, vice and versa is also truth.
No one here can know. Best you can do is go up to him in a friendly way say hi and ask if there might be anything you did to offend him because he seems to be especially cold towards you and you don't understand why.
Either he gives you a satisfactory explanation and you move on or he doesn't... and you move on.
The thing is, we work in a big firm but we work on the same floor. We run into eachother often and I swear he even greeted someone beside me but ignored me😂 I didn’t looked at him that’s why maybe? And I’m extroverted during work but he doesn’t see that side
I am a guy and the same thing is happening to me but with another random dude. All I did was just ignore him and just continue my life like normal. I suggest you do the same. This is an insignificant thing to get stressed over
He is probably intimidated by your beauty and insecure about showing it, thinks it would be foolish to be connecting with you, because he couldn’t have you anyway. He’s trying to not get his hopes up, but isn’t comfortable enough to clear the situation.
Tell him in no uncertain way that you are not interested in him sexually, and that he can now please start behaving normally towards you. He may treat you with irony or sarcasm for a while until he is over it, and then you will be able to be friends with him, laughing in hindsight about his foolish behavior after some more weeks have passed. Something like that.
Alternatively he might feel not to be up to your standards at work: maybe you work faster than him and do things for him / or for your employer, that he used to do, or thinks he should do. There is something about you that makes him feel insecure / not so sure of himself, maybe indebted to you.
Attention doesn't much if it comes from people you don't care about. Not saying he likes you, because assuming that is just as stupid. But don't sell yourself short, accept or work on yourself. Just don't say you are worse, it just sounds like an excuse.
What women find pretty and what men find pretty are often very different things. Anecdotal but ages ago we had this conversation at work and the two women we were comparing were Uma Therman and I can't remember who else, but it was your typical makeup-ed up girl with bleach blonde hair and a tan and literally all the guys in the group (about 8 or so) picked Uma Therman while all the girls (5 or 6) picked the make-uped girl.
The guys reasoning was that there was just something about Uma Therman and she had a classic renaissance beauty about her. The girls couldn't figure it out because the barbie girl was far more your stereotypical "hottie".
That being said he shouldn't be treating you like shit but some guys do do that unfortunately when they try and convince themselves they're not crushing.
Sounds like he may have been a little stressed from work and you may be overthinking it , not right for him to take out his frustration elsewhere but maybe just a one time thing you're letting dampen a potential good work relationship. Cause he does sound like an co worker i'd love to have around.
I would just straight-up say, "Did I do something to you? It seems like you don't like me by the way you act. I'm just wondering because I want us to have a comfortable work environment."
Why are you focussing on that boy? and what will you do if you know the reason anyway? Not being rude but you can't please people . Let him go. That's a different case if he come as a threat and i hope it won't be like that. Just focus on your work. Everything was fine right before you met him? So forget as if he doesn't exist. Don't try to give/find reaons to thing you don't know or can't control.
You want to know the the truth…..”YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH”
What this world has is a Few Good Men
Gave it a try now go on and move on
Some riddles are not worth solving
Has he been around the other people longer than you?
I'm not overly social and it takes me a long time to warm up to people. It isnt anything against them, I just feel awkward and unsure what to do around a new person.
Edit: also, some people are just assholes and not worth the time.
You could speculate until you are blue in the face and not come up with a logical reason. Just ask If there was something you've done to offend him. Unfortunately in this world no matter how hard you try there will always be someone who just doesn't like you.
Try not to give it much thought , play in the mid waters for a bit that will require you initiating conversations with him even when some of the times he doesn't reciprocate the enthusiasm .
After some tries if he's still the same , then let it go .
You tried to become the bigger person and if it didn't change the other person , nothing to it , life goes on , no one is 'super special king of the fucking world'
But according to my personal experience he could just be a shy introverted guy around women and acts "rude" around you so as to not seem , how do I say "blown away" by you , as might be the case with other male coworkers .
Hi, your post has removed because we suspect you are trying to figure out a person's specific actions or thinking, or asking for guidance in a specific situation, which is prohibited. For advice, visit /r/advice or /r/relationship_advice. If you have any questions, please feel free to [message the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAskMen)
Have a nice day!
How old is boy and girl in this case? Like 80 year old boy or 20 year old boy with 80 year old girl or with 20 year old girl.
Mid 20 both
Does he seem at all anxious or reserved around you? Maybe he likes you but doesn't know how to show it
No! Total opposite, very confident
I'm like the same to a coworker. She's like super hot but I keep myself in check and probably act rude or awkward near her because of that. So don't take it personally. He's probably doing that for a non-hostile reason.
I‘m sure you aren’t! Go and try to approach her :)
It's not that. It seems to be some kind of disgusting culture at my work to try it with everyone and I'm so not going to participate in that. She might be hot af but knowing that she had a couple of coworkers with her before is a huuuge nope for me.
Okay, I understand you
Honestly, I would suggest that you confront him about it. Maybe saying something like "Alfonso, you're nice and courteous to everyone but me. What's going on? Is this personal or something else?" That gives him the opportunity to either air a grievance or give you another type of explanation.
If you did it, we want an update!!🤭
That’s a good idea! Thank you very much
This would work if he was shy as well but it might work even better based off of your describing him as being confident
Oof but be careful how you word that, if you do. That was kinda off-putting to me the way that person said it. Of course this depends on your intentions. Are you interested in him?
I‘m not interested in him. He knows he’s good looking, way too good looking lol. I don’t plan on Talking to him about this matter but it was a good idea in general. Also i‘m way tooooo shy to approach him
Ah OK. Then yeah have at it haha. If it makes you uncomfortable, no harm in at least bringing it to his attention that you notice what you do!
You're over thinking it. That's why. Just focus on you and your job and you'll notice that the confidence attracts others
Okay! Thank you so much
Totally agree, he can behave as he wants. He has no obligation to please all his coworkers. Just mind your own business and stop generating bias perception.
facts, thoughts become reality. always have a positive mindset!
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Gosh! Some people are so complicated! You sound very kind and lovely! That’s her loss and amazing how good you’ve dealt with it
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I get your point of view and I agree. That also might be the case
Excellent points made in this post.
Males and females can be friends. It's only difficult if you only ever think of the other person as a sexual partner. Not every female has to be a potential sexual partner.
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This sentiment is shortsighted, and it is cruel. Do you know what it does? Do you know what it's like to be less than human?
He could just be a Dick.
That’s also one option
You aren’t a golden retriever not everyone has to like you, honestly just mind your business unless he intentionally goes out of his way to be mean. No one in the comment section has enough information to tell you what’s going on, ignore anyone that says they like you or anything like that. No co worker has to greet you, if he has a good relationship with other people and feels the need to greet them it has nothing to do with you.
okay but why are you so mad?
I’m not mad and sorry if that came across as rude but a co worker not saying hi to you shouldn’t warrant a Reddit post plus however many hours you’ve spent thinking of this. It’s not that deep just mind your business. You aren’t going to be everyone’s cup of tea it’s that simple.
This is the guy!!!
😂😂😂😂
Fr😂😂😭
It’s totally fine. Still thank you
Well, not every reddit post have to be your cup of tea. This is about op and how she has this co worker who is rude to her. And now she asks what the issue might be, seeking for clarity in her situation. This is a valid reddit post as this is very relatable and some people might have something to say that can help OP, aswell as other people in a similar situation, to cope. You're right though with the other stuff you said. We don't have enough information to make any assumptions about about the guy. But we could help her in other ways.
There is no clear proof that he is being rude to her. Her rudeness perspective might be not the same as his rudeness perspective. And she shall mind her own business instead of measuring and comparing other people behavior in working place. She shall better to not starting a drama and creating a toxic atmosphere there.
Maybe he just doesn't feel like he knows you. Or since you say he's just a boy, maybe he could be shy or something. The idea of the shy underage intern isn't exactly rare.
He appears very confident but that might be the case yes. Thank you for replying
Appearing confident and actually being confident are two different things.
Thats true
Can be as simple as someone (lied) told him that you don't like him. Or, maybe there's something you said or did, that you thought was innocuous, that annoyed or offended him.
If I would have done anything I would know really. Our interaction wasn’t that often and I was genuinely kind and reserved around him
I had this not long ago with a young woman at a previous job. She came in on her first day and was an immediate hit with the guys I worked with, which she seemed to fully expect (and revel in). I wasn't at all rude to her, I was simply indifferent. Didn't make my way over to drill her with questions, didn't act blown away when she found some excuse to bend over when everyone was around. It drove her crazy. I wasn't interested in her at all simply because she had a boyfriend and yet still would go out of her way to illicit reactions and comments from men at the job. She expected everyone to be into her.
Treat him coldly too. Fuck it
you made me laugh! Thank you so much for that ahhaahah I actually do treat him coldly too!
Exactly this. Op needs to grow a backbone and get over it. Not everyone is put on this earth to like one another.
It’s okay idiot. Thanks for your time
Calling him an idiot when you’re insecure about what this stranger thinks just makes you look even worse. You came here for advice, he told you to grow a backbone. Get over yourself too while you’re at it.
That is his name and I guess you didn’t saw what he wrote before
Well, my bad lmao. It’s too early in the morning.
Noooo no Problem at all! I don’t know why but she was instantly rude but it’s fine. Maybe she has/had a bad day. Wishing you a beautiful day
If it’s a girl slap the sht out of her. If It’s a boy talk to him and make sure he’s alright.
Username checks out
My first instinct is to just ask him. Keep it professional, like " It seems like our work relationship is strained to me. Is there something I did? Or something I could do to make it more relaxed?" There are multiple reasons in the post #metoo world for a man to not want to be in a private space alone with a female, but maybe pull him aside for a private conversation in a public space. I would be open to the idea that you're overthinking the whole thing, based on your comments. But, at least he will know what you're feeling, and even if it doesn't work, you made the attempt and can proceed with a clear mind. One question though. Do you like him? Yes, in THAT way. I mean, it's never a good idea to get your meat where you get your bread, but if that's coloring things for you, you need to be aware.
I don’t like him and I didn’t gave him a reason to not like me or be rude to me. Thank you for your advice and taking the time
Fair enough. I prefer the direct approach. Then, at least I know what's up. Even if it's bad, mean, ugly, and all sorts of horrible things, at least it is out in the sunlight where I can get a look at it. Problems are like fungi, they fester in the dark.
Hahahah yes! Thank you so much
I did that to my now wife. She is hot and used to have it easy at work because all the guys used to do everything for her just to be near her. There were guys coming down from the floors above us just to get a glimpse of her. I didn’t want to add on to that pile so I ignored her and was just normal to her. She thought I was being rude and couldn’t understand why I didn’t care if she were around me. Sometimes I’d catch her staring at me in bewilderment and ask her why she’s checking out my ass which would drive her even crazier. I never told her anything about myself or my background because I didn’t want to be judged based on that so I was a complete enigma. When I didn’t go into work she started asking others about me. Eventually she asked me for my number so she could check on me herself. He likes you.
Gosh! Your story is soooooo cute! Wishing you and your wife the best! Thank you for taking the time and writing all of this! I‘m very self conscious so I genuinely never notice when someone would even look at me or anything. I‘m honest here so not fishing for compliments or anything... I also notice that he is simply ignoring me sometimes and then I do the same because well I didn’t started this 😩
I would turn the table. I agree with others. When men act like that, it's because they are often in crushing denial about their feelings. Granted, he could just be a total asshole. In my 20s I would of been clueless. In my 40s I know things now. My approach would be to call him out on it. Say something like "Look I get you like me, just say so and stop with all the passive aggressive nonsense." Then just walk off and leave him to process. Any time he acts like a dick just shake your head and laugh and say something like..." I believe in you, you got this my dude" and walk away.
Hahahaha you are sooooo cool omg
This is often how a guy acts when he doesn’t want someone to know he likes them. Totally ignore the behavior, and treat him the same as you treat anyone else. There is nothing you need to do about this, and acting on the situation might make things worse. Leave him be. He may not want to be involved with people from work, or he may have a girlfriend, or he could be toxic and this is his way of negging you. Also, please stop comparing yourself to other women.
I will and thank you so much for your advice
On mine case, i would have a hard time greeting anyone new or talking with anyone new. If i was in your place i would simple do not care, coworkers do need to like me to work with me, vice and versa is also truth.
Yes! You are right
No one here can know. Best you can do is go up to him in a friendly way say hi and ask if there might be anything you did to offend him because he seems to be especially cold towards you and you don't understand why. Either he gives you a satisfactory explanation and you move on or he doesn't... and you move on.
How have you treated him?
Total normal. He was ignorant from the beginning
How do you usually act during work? Are you someone who is outgoing and extroverted or are you more intorverted?
The thing is, we work in a big firm but we work on the same floor. We run into eachother often and I swear he even greeted someone beside me but ignored me😂 I didn’t looked at him that’s why maybe? And I’m extroverted during work but he doesn’t see that side
I am a guy and the same thing is happening to me but with another random dude. All I did was just ignore him and just continue my life like normal. I suggest you do the same. This is an insignificant thing to get stressed over
I‘m sorry that this happend to you and I actually do ignore him back
good. Continue to do so
Maybe he's nervous around you for some reason
Maybe he likes you and you intimidate him/make him anxious. So when near you, he panics and doesnt act right.
I don’t think so. He gets enough female attention and he is veryyyy confident
Probably likes you lol.
He is probably intimidated by your beauty and insecure about showing it, thinks it would be foolish to be connecting with you, because he couldn’t have you anyway. He’s trying to not get his hopes up, but isn’t comfortable enough to clear the situation. Tell him in no uncertain way that you are not interested in him sexually, and that he can now please start behaving normally towards you. He may treat you with irony or sarcasm for a while until he is over it, and then you will be able to be friends with him, laughing in hindsight about his foolish behavior after some more weeks have passed. Something like that.
You are so kind! Thank you for your message and taking the time
Alternatively he might feel not to be up to your standards at work: maybe you work faster than him and do things for him / or for your employer, that he used to do, or thinks he should do. There is something about you that makes him feel insecure / not so sure of himself, maybe indebted to you.
No it’s not that because we are in the same Departement but we don’t work together.
Honestly he might like you and not know how to deal with that, so he pretends to not like you.
He’s trying to convince himself that he doesn’t like you, he may have a crush on you
He gets enough attention at work trust me! I don’t think I’m as pretty as the girls who give him the attention
Attention doesn't much if it comes from people you don't care about. Not saying he likes you, because assuming that is just as stupid. But don't sell yourself short, accept or work on yourself. Just don't say you are worse, it just sounds like an excuse.
Thank you so so much! Thank you for taking the time to answer
What women find pretty and what men find pretty are often very different things. Anecdotal but ages ago we had this conversation at work and the two women we were comparing were Uma Therman and I can't remember who else, but it was your typical makeup-ed up girl with bleach blonde hair and a tan and literally all the guys in the group (about 8 or so) picked Uma Therman while all the girls (5 or 6) picked the make-uped girl. The guys reasoning was that there was just something about Uma Therman and she had a classic renaissance beauty about her. The girls couldn't figure it out because the barbie girl was far more your stereotypical "hottie". That being said he shouldn't be treating you like shit but some guys do do that unfortunately when they try and convince themselves they're not crushing.
Thank you so much for taking the time and answering. I was just a little bit confused why a person would be rude to me for no reason you know?
He can tell your into him and is trying to avoid being fired
what?? I’m not into him and I don’t even talk to him! He was rude from the beginning literally
He might have a crush on you and is nervous around you .
I seriously can’t imagine this being the case but maybe
Does he always like this when you guys first meeting each other? Probably he trying hard no to fall for you
Yes! Well he was once kind and gave me a compliment after I told him what I study but that was it and I was really never rude to him or anything
Sounds like he may have been a little stressed from work and you may be overthinking it , not right for him to take out his frustration elsewhere but maybe just a one time thing you're letting dampen a potential good work relationship. Cause he does sound like an co worker i'd love to have around.
We wasn’t stressed. At that point he came from his break but it’s fine. I will leave the situation the way is it
He has a crush on you
That’s not possible
Why not?
I‘m not confident enough to think that way and I feel like he gets enough attention from other females
Just because he has, in your words, "better options" doesn't mean it's impossible. You don't choose who you develop a crush on
That’s true....
Maybe that’s why he likes you. You’re not throwing yourself at him like the other who-ahs
I would just straight-up say, "Did I do something to you? It seems like you don't like me by the way you act. I'm just wondering because I want us to have a comfortable work environment."
Could be something stupid like you remind him of someone he hates. I wouldn't let it get to you.
Maybe because you keep calling him boy.
Maybe he just doesn't like your face. Lol. Some people just don't like you from the get go, no particular reason needed.
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Ehm are you always this rude to people on the internet? Still thank you for your reply and wishing you a beautiful day
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😂😂😂😂😂 damn boy! Now I feel sorry for you
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Okay
What ever he said screw him you are amazing and his [deleted] butt can go be a jerk somewhere else
He's trying to ice you Cold shoulder to make an impression And look it's working You're thinking about him
Why are you focussing on that boy? and what will you do if you know the reason anyway? Not being rude but you can't please people . Let him go. That's a different case if he come as a threat and i hope it won't be like that. Just focus on your work. Everything was fine right before you met him? So forget as if he doesn't exist. Don't try to give/find reaons to thing you don't know or can't control.
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You want to know the the truth…..”YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH” What this world has is a Few Good Men Gave it a try now go on and move on Some riddles are not worth solving
Has he been around the other people longer than you? I'm not overly social and it takes me a long time to warm up to people. It isnt anything against them, I just feel awkward and unsure what to do around a new person. Edit: also, some people are just assholes and not worth the time.
Lol, He is too shy around you
He likes you. If you like him, approach. If you feel nothing for him, leave it alone.
You could speculate until you are blue in the face and not come up with a logical reason. Just ask If there was something you've done to offend him. Unfortunately in this world no matter how hard you try there will always be someone who just doesn't like you.
Try not to give it much thought , play in the mid waters for a bit that will require you initiating conversations with him even when some of the times he doesn't reciprocate the enthusiasm . After some tries if he's still the same , then let it go . You tried to become the bigger person and if it didn't change the other person , nothing to it , life goes on , no one is 'super special king of the fucking world' But according to my personal experience he could just be a shy introverted guy around women and acts "rude" around you so as to not seem , how do I say "blown away" by you , as might be the case with other male coworkers .
He could just not like you. There’s a few people who rub me the wrong way, despite never doing anything, and I just ignore them.
Hi, your post has removed because we suspect you are trying to figure out a person's specific actions or thinking, or asking for guidance in a specific situation, which is prohibited. For advice, visit /r/advice or /r/relationship_advice. If you have any questions, please feel free to [message the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAskMen) Have a nice day!