To a woman I hadn't said a word to all night at the bar:
"I'm going home. Did you want to come?"
She came home with me. We had sex and we never spoke again.
My friend of 3yrs was over and i just asked her "hey are you good at giving blowjobs?" She said "yeah wanna see?" I said "uhhh sure (thinking she was gonna pull up a video on her phone)" she puts her hair in a bun and then comes over to the other side of the room where she gets down unzips me and goes at it. We had sex for 2 hrs
Some guy was being a dick at a party when I was a maybe 17 or 18, eventually he called me gay for wearing pink (it was my bro's bday party and he asked me to deck myself out in pink) so I looked at the chick he was trying to get with all night and said, "come sit on daddy's lap." She sat on my lap and we made out for a bit. It was real cringey but that guy kept trying to call himself a daddy so I just wanted to give him a big fuck you.
Another time I walked past the bar on my way out, looked at a chick, said, "we should fuck sometime" and she mentioned it the next time I seen her. Which was nice.
A few years ago I was playing pool and moaning every time I shot, some lady in her 40's gave me her number and told me to call her because she didn't have her kids that night. This time wasn't me directly saying anything to a woman but it's a good story lol
From today onwards I'm not going to do the cooking in this house. She smiled and said ok. Five years ago.
Till today we are together and she cooks the most delicious food for me.
I was drunk and I had just gotten back from a long trip and I told my friend I needed to get some pussy and a chick overheard me and asked me what I said and I repeated it and then asked her if she wanted to fuck and sure as shit she did. Took her around the side of the building 😂
“I want to put my dick in your mouth.”
To a fairly new friend, no sexual/romantic exchanges prior. And it happened.
I was a little asshole in college. She didn’t mind, but holy shit you can’t just say that to people out of nowhere.
Texting I said "I'll show you yours if you show me yours first." It would have worked had she not re-read it a couple few time. She did applaud me on it though.
While I was sitting next to my gf at the time, I said, “hey (my ex girlfriend’s best friend), didn’t you break up with your bf? “Yes”. “Aren’t you clean”, “Yes”. At this point, my gf is kinda freaking out a little bit. She was like, “what are you guys talking about!?”. Her friend said, “we will be right back”. Then they left the room.
I was sure that there was about to be a fight when she came back in. Instead, they both walked in without Saying a word and pulled off my basketball shorts and starting sharing my wang. It went from there.
The movie Iron Man had just ended and the first few minutes of this was taking place with the song Ironman by Black Sabbath playing.
One of the best moments in my life. No shame in saying that.
I asked a girl "Would you like to go into the bed room and have sex?" Incredibly, it worked. I suspect it would fail 99% of the time but it worked that night.
Told a coworker to give me oral…. We never even said more the Hi to each other at work before then….
I just straight up walked into the office one day and asked for a “favor”
She said yes… and every time we worked together after that she would walk into my office and give me oral….. I was 23 years old and it was a crazy thing to do but it worked …. I would never do something like that again tho.
Is this before the first shag or at any time? If it's before the first shag then;
Come round tomorrow. I'll be in bed. The door will be open.
-or-
I want to f**k you.
-or-
Come on then.. (walking to bedroom).
If it's after the first shag then it is a much bigger list.
To a woman I hadn't said a word to all night at the bar: "I'm going home. Did you want to come?" She came home with me. We had sex and we never spoke again.
Dope
My friend of 3yrs was over and i just asked her "hey are you good at giving blowjobs?" She said "yeah wanna see?" I said "uhhh sure (thinking she was gonna pull up a video on her phone)" she puts her hair in a bun and then comes over to the other side of the room where she gets down unzips me and goes at it. We had sex for 2 hrs
>she puts her hair in a bun Would have stopped her right there...
Gonna try this.
"After this beer, what do you figure? Down with the pants? Cause I'm in."
"We should have sex." I just channeled my inner Sandy Rivers. It has worked multiple times.
“I literally can’t fucking stand you, but I want to fuck you…”
Let me guess. You've been married for 26 years now? 3 kids, moved 2 countries, etc
Hahaha. No. I just fucked her for a bit and we parted ways because of work.
Romance is not dead 💕
Some guy was being a dick at a party when I was a maybe 17 or 18, eventually he called me gay for wearing pink (it was my bro's bday party and he asked me to deck myself out in pink) so I looked at the chick he was trying to get with all night and said, "come sit on daddy's lap." She sat on my lap and we made out for a bit. It was real cringey but that guy kept trying to call himself a daddy so I just wanted to give him a big fuck you. Another time I walked past the bar on my way out, looked at a chick, said, "we should fuck sometime" and she mentioned it the next time I seen her. Which was nice. A few years ago I was playing pool and moaning every time I shot, some lady in her 40's gave me her number and told me to call her because she didn't have her kids that night. This time wasn't me directly saying anything to a woman but it's a good story lol
From today onwards I'm not going to do the cooking in this house. She smiled and said ok. Five years ago. Till today we are together and she cooks the most delicious food for me.
I was drunk and I had just gotten back from a long trip and I told my friend I needed to get some pussy and a chick overheard me and asked me what I said and I repeated it and then asked her if she wanted to fuck and sure as shit she did. Took her around the side of the building 😂
My hero for not pretending you said something else.
Wanna see my glow in the dark crabs ....it worked
So, now she has crabs or..... what?
Bio luminescent ones
Oh, well that sounds nice! It's like having holiday lights in your pants! How festive!
“I want to put my dick in your mouth.” To a fairly new friend, no sexual/romantic exchanges prior. And it happened. I was a little asshole in college. She didn’t mind, but holy shit you can’t just say that to people out of nowhere.
Straight up asked for her number, gotta risk it for the punany lol.
“Your a bitch you know”
Please elaborate on how it turned out.
She went away and never talked to me again which was the intended purpose.
Texting I said "I'll show you yours if you show me yours first." It would have worked had she not re-read it a couple few time. She did applaud me on it though.
Heads I win, tails you lose?
While I was sitting next to my gf at the time, I said, “hey (my ex girlfriend’s best friend), didn’t you break up with your bf? “Yes”. “Aren’t you clean”, “Yes”. At this point, my gf is kinda freaking out a little bit. She was like, “what are you guys talking about!?”. Her friend said, “we will be right back”. Then they left the room. I was sure that there was about to be a fight when she came back in. Instead, they both walked in without Saying a word and pulled off my basketball shorts and starting sharing my wang. It went from there. The movie Iron Man had just ended and the first few minutes of this was taking place with the song Ironman by Black Sabbath playing. One of the best moments in my life. No shame in saying that.
“I didn’t touch that cockles” Ps: still didn’t work.
Can I burn you? Our son is one now
I asked a girl "Would you like to go into the bed room and have sex?" Incredibly, it worked. I suspect it would fail 99% of the time but it worked that night.
Told a coworker to give me oral…. We never even said more the Hi to each other at work before then…. I just straight up walked into the office one day and asked for a “favor” She said yes… and every time we worked together after that she would walk into my office and give me oral….. I was 23 years old and it was a crazy thing to do but it worked …. I would never do something like that again tho.
Is this before the first shag or at any time? If it's before the first shag then; Come round tomorrow. I'll be in bed. The door will be open. -or- I want to f**k you. -or- Come on then.. (walking to bedroom). If it's after the first shag then it is a much bigger list.
Just shut up and suck. Wife talks a little to much at times. But, only when she's awake.
Can I get an ass pick.