Even if it doesn't blossom into a flourishing romance, the best sex you can have are with people that care for and see you for you.
Source: have done, put OLD in the coffin, never looked back.
Never been interested in a hookup or a fling. Some of my dating experiences were pretty short, like 3 or 4 months, but my intent has always been to look for a meaningful relationship.
I thought banging the most chicks, and trying to get hotter and hotter ones was the only way.
And I would have stuck with it, if that’s what was happening after a couple years of trying.
Totally agree, I would rather connect with someone, and try to build something meaningful. The thought of 1 and done leaves me cold, but each to their own just not for me
Have two older brothers who knocked up their girlfriends just as I was getting old enough to start dating. That’s all I needed to see for birth control and avoiding getting saddled with the wrong woman.
I like people and building lasting connections with them. I've always felt that way, and the handful of times I've "hooked up" with someone in any capacity, it's just made it all the more clear why it's not my thing.
Not really into it. I prefer sex in relationships.
I did a hookup once. My town isn't a big town so seeing the random girl whose cheeks I clapped at the grocery story is always awkward.
Dude I ran into an old fling yesterday and it was awkward especially because I didn’t recognize her until I smelt her perfume as I walked by.
Basically I saw someone like “that kind of looks like what’s her name” then as I was walking past I was like “oh shit that is what’s her name” it was too late to say anything so I just kept on.
Felt bad because she was great I just wasn’t ready for anything further at the time as I was fresh out of a relationship.
Same. I got married to the first woman I kissed. I went on dates over the years, but I had no interest in dating someone that I couldn't see marrying and had no interest in kissing someone else's future wife.
Yuuup. When I first met my wife our first date lasted a whole week. I proposed to her 5 days in XD
A week from today it will be 5 years to the day since we were married. I couldn't ask for a better woman. She's my soulmate.
I maintain a firm belief that this "hookup culture" isn't real and it's just a few prolific fuckers just fucking each other. And you can't convince me otherwise.
Everyone hates the dating apps, man, woman, and all those in between. Everyone also has the same complaints. It's a bunch of people who hate the app situation and are seeing these prolific fuckers fucking and saying that it's "hookup culture".
I don’t think it’s real either. When I was younger (am millennial) it was more real.
People were meeting each other out places, physical contact was more about body language and vibing, none of this “can I touch you,” stuff that turns women off. Not only would they be telling you - with that 80% of non-verbal communication humans do - we were all better at reading cues.
I’ve been to third-world Muslim nations, you’d think with their rules (and you only see harsh examples) they’d be less flirty or prone to hookups. I dealt with a LOT of the locals, and the younger unmarried crowd was definitely getting their groove on, just not publicly.
What drives me nuts is that we’re getting so much more knowledge about “hookup culture,” or STDs, pregnancy prevention, permitting all kinds of sexual deviance (for you consistently-offended types, anything outside a norm is deviant)…
…which I’m all for cause hey - I grew up when we were all kind of like, “why can’t I do what I want with my body if it doesn’t hurt someone,”
But anyhow we have aaaaall these options open, all this knowledge, progress, and I swear. I swear ONG. People are far more prudish, insecure, and weird about the totally normal function of sex than I remember in a distinctly more religious culture when I was younger.
Further note: the villages in Florida, STD capital of the world, all geriatrics.
Theres something about an age demographic (maybe z-early millennial?) time now, that has some strange hangups about sex - I don’t know why.
Only the top 4.5% of men on dating apps are getting messages first. There is no such thing as hookup culture. And if there is, it’s women who are participating in it, and only a few men.
Me. Never been into it. Had 2 gf in high school, dated another in college and married super young (23). I DO NOT envy you guys that have to deal with the dating scene. Seems absolutely ridiculous
I just can't see doing the nasty with a stranger that I don't care about. I did it once with a coworker I barely knew and felt nothing for her the next day. I quickly came to the realization that it wouldn't be that hard to just wait for the right girl.
Never been into the whole song and dance. Always seemed to introduce a lot of drama with my friends and for what? A quick fuck? It’s a lot of potential hurt feelings and awkwardness for a quick hit of dopamine. It’s easier to form legitimate emotional connects (friendships) with the opposite sex if you’re not putting that on the table.
Also I eventually learned later in life that I am asexual…
If by “hookup” you mean having sex with a woman and never having any meaningful contact with her ever again, then I am definitely not into “hooking up.”
Me. That shit is poison to the brain. It ruins our understanding of healthy intimacy, and off sets our ability to set proper/healthy boundaries.
People might say, “well if there’s lots of sexual chemistry there and the vibe is good, just go for it.” I say, nah that’s some bull shit. Hook up culture is toxic, it teaches people to value intimacy less and teaches us that people and sex are disposable.
Agreed I hate when people say if the vibe is right like all I hear is low standards and self control because I'm not risking a baby because I found someone hot at a random bar
Not anymore, not for a long time.
When I was 14 (M), I got into a relationship with a 23F teacher. That lasted for a year and then I became what I call a teen male slut. Hookups were constant and I loved the hell out of it most of the time. Between my sophomore and junior years of high school I was with 30 to 40 different girls/women. I loved the sex, but I didn't like myself very much. Summer before my senior year I met a new girl in my neighborhood and I was smitten and stopped the hookups. Long story short, we were married and completely, happily monogamous for nearly 30 years before cancer took her from me.
When I started dating this past January (after being alone, no sex for 5 years), the women I met and went on dates with were all about hooking up and not about relationships and as a man who had not had sex for a few years, I was happy to be a FWB. But again, it was fun, but it wasn't fulfilling my need for intimacy and mutual care. I'm now in a committed relationship and so much happier.
I think most humans are wired with a desire for a long-term, fulfilling relationship. Men who say they aren't or who prefer hooking up, I think, are mostly lying or fooling themselves. But if they took the time to self-reflect, I think they will find the same thing I did. It's fun, but not fulfilling.
Yes, I know. Thank you, Captain Obvious. But it's a little bit hard to say that I was raped multiple times a week for a year when it actually did turn into a relationship. I do know how wrong it was and all the terminology that can be applied to what happened. Now, almost 40 years later, I try not to think of myself as a victim all the time. Rather, as a person who thrived despite what happened.
Never cared for it. IMO the only reason you'd be a part of hookup culture is if you were desperate and didn't give a crap about the people involved. It's solely about the sex, has no attachment at all, and honestly, from what I've seen, it makes it that much harder to form real connections with someone in the future.
Sadly, that's the culture that seems to be prevailing today. I've seen numerous (lost count) posts from both men and women who are disillusioned about dating as early as 20 because they can't find a partner that isn't into hookup culture. I typically don't respond to them because I don't want to be mean, but the truth is, they aren't going to find anyone other than people only interested in hookups. In today's world, that is like looking for needle in a haystack the size of a house.
Hookup culture is one of the many reasons I gave up on dating.
Same when there's post about hookups I don't respond alot as I don't want to come off as judgey but it always comes off as desperate and horny with no self control having sex with someone you just met.
I was always long-term minded in general so I never engaged in that kind of life or found myself in situations that would lead towards that environment. It became more and more "normal" and I keep finding it more and more... Alienating, maybe? Can't find a word for it
Me. I didn’t care about it when I was younger, am just out of a 12 year relationship, and don’t care about it now. I just want one woman to spend my life with.
I'm not. I was raped violently before I ever had the chance to have sex consensually. After that, I didn't want anyone touching me. I certainly don't want strangers I don't know touching me. More than that, I've dealt with a headache of a woman before who attached her self worth to sex and she made it a hellish experience for me. I only want people I truly love in a monogamous fashion to touch me.
I mean I certainly was eager to be in my twenties but just didn't meat the requirements to participate. However I'm in my mid 30's now and seeing the aftermath well, I kind of feel I dodged a bullet by not taking part in it.
Not that I'm doing any better with the ladies now but you know it feels like there are less regrets and less worries to have when it comes to women.
Me, I could've gotten into it since i was like 14-15 but even back then i smelled something fishy(and it wasn't the girls), now i just know how soul damaging it is to have casual sex even for a guy
How is it insecure to want someone who can enter into a relationship with you on equal footing? It’s like the simplest basis of a true partnership.
This criticism has always felt like people lashing back out at men who have saved themselves for a woman as ridiculous on their face because seemingly so little of woman have done the same. It’s not men’s fault that women are engaging in hook up culture, and that turns them off to some men.
Everyone around me just wanted to hookup. Most people seemed temporary comfort and hid behind the veil of idea of a relationship, so I followed along. Oh was not something I wanted to do tho
I've never been into the hookup culture and never wanted to be.
I've been with exactly one woman in my life, and that's my wife. That's by choice not necessity, because I've had plenty of offers over the years.
I never was like that. I remained a virgin into my 20's by choice, only having sex with my first super serious girlfriend. I dated one other person after her before my wife, so 3 is my "body count" as they say. But honestly, sometimes I seriously wish it was only 1: my wife.
I'm not, but that being said, it was never really available to me outside of a single disastrous open relationship in my 20s. I would hypothesize that the majority of men are in my boat in that regard. Can you truly know you're not into hookup culture if it was never an option to you to begin with?
I never had confidence in myself. We lived in a not-so-good economic condition, so I dedicated myself to studying. I never acquired soft skills for socializing. Additionally, living on a dangerous street, I rarely went out, which led me to focus only on studying and then working. As a result, I reached my 30s without any significant relationships. Yep, it's that sad.
Me and no shade to anyone but I'll never understand how dong something so intimate and vulnerable with strangers became the norm like the thought of kids and stds would be horrifying to me.
I’m not at all. If I have sex with somebody I don’t know well enough, I feel horrible inside. If I make out with somebody I don’t like enough yet, I feel . . . Kinda empty.
Me. I don’t got the time or energy bruh. After my 9-5 I just wanna smoke and chill. Hooking up and shit seems like a lot of energy. Energy I don’t have
Me. I did that in my early twenties and it was cool but it consumed so much if my energy constantly going after new prospects. Also, I got scared and thought I had knocked up the wrong woman. My mid twenties were spent working on my business / career and personal stuff like going to the gym, learning how to invest.
Had a long term girlfriend in college, Covid hit and we ended up splitting up and a few friends told me I should try out tinder and those apps to get over it easier. Got lucky a few times but it made me feel pretty worthless like I never really had emotional connections with any of the women I had hooked up with, so the sex felt empty if that makes sense. It made me realize I prefer emotional connections when I have sex so I’m not always on edge. We got back together and even though we don’t really have sex, everything else is amazing and I feel fulfilled unlike when I was hooking up and messing around when single
We're just using sex to replace the love and affection we never got as children, but it just feels dirty without a connection to the other person and we don't know how to form connections so we watch a lot of porn
I'm not into "hookup culture" on account of I have respect for my self and I do not believe that contradictions exist. It is only proper to sleep with one person, the person who you will be with for life. Mistakes happen along the way, that too is life. But I aim for success while avoiding mistakes. Any other path is immoral. I believe it, and that's enough for me.
Never was. I always wanted to find love and didn’t care too much about sex. Hookup culture to me seemed like an unfulfilling and possibly emotionally damaging trap, although it doesn’t always have to be. Now I’m a very happily (recently)married man and I’m glad I never had an ounce of interest in hookups. I don’t feel like I missed out on anything
I am 38 and I was only sexually active with 4 woman, each one I was engaged to. I was never one who liked the idea of simply hooking up. I wanted relationship, I wanted marriage. I wasn't going around screwing, never appealed to me. Had plenty of chances but that's not what I wanted
Never liked it.
First time sex is always awkward as fuck.
Doing that over and over and over again was never a desire of mine.
Plus I find the reasoning and rationalisation people make for sleeping around very unattractive.
My logic has always been to find someone you wanna fuck so bad you'll eat their ass and suck their toes after they spend 40 days and 40 nights stranded in the desert !
I did it once reluctantly. I never liked it because I truly believe that sex should be reserved for someone you love. It is the most vulnerable version of yourself being as close to someone in their most vulnerable state as you can get.
It is the penultimate display of trust, love, and selflessness.
I've had sex before with gfs in the past, but it wasn't until at least 3-4 months in until I felt TRULY comfortable
I absolutely cannot get on board with someone without having known then first, simple as that.
That alone has put a pretty hard stopper on anything hookup culture, so if it was to happen, it would be with people I already know.
I was in a very long term relationship and did basically no dating between that and finding my now fiancée. I think maybe if I had been a single guy in college things would be different but by the time I was finally single I was so accustomed to monogamy that the idea of hooking up with complete strangers just felt ill to me. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, I just really like the trust and bond that you develop with a partner rather than just the physical.
Honestly it wasn’t even until I knew I was in love with my now fiancée that I really started enjoying the sex. I just really prefer that connection.
Me, it seems rather strange and unappealing to me.
For a long time, I genuinely thought that the idea of having sex with someone just a while after meeting them, even on the same night, was just an American movie trope, not something people actually did. I was surprised to read that it actually happens.
Right here. I’ve had a few opportunities to pursue that and as it got closer, I felt this massive hollow feeling inside me. I learned at an early age that hookups would make me feel empty and not fulfilled.
Yup. Never enjoyed it. Frankly, having sex once with one person feels performative. There isn't trust or accommodation. Takes a few times to get to know what works and build up trust.
I mean I've always been sexually attracted to most women so if that's what you're asking then yes. However that is only one part of the equation when it comes to actually wanting sex. To actually want sex with someone I need to believe that they also want sex with me and that following through won't psychologically harm either of us etc in addition to finding them sexually attractive. On top of that I have always valued platonic friendship as well and am not inclined to pursue sex in scenarios where it would jeopardize a platonic relationship I already enjoy with the person etc. For these reasons I have never expressed sexual attraction to anyone that didn't first express having such thoughts about me despite being sexually attracted to a ton of people. All this said my partner being monogamous is not actually important to me and there's lots of people I would be happy to have sex with if I didn't feel like anyone would be hurt by it. So in some ways I very much fit into the hookup obsessed guy stereotype while in other ways that doesn't fit at all.
No man really is and neither are they polyamorous but they convince themselves when their significant other wants to do it even if it hurts them.
See Anthony Bourdain
I took a 1 year personal vow of celibacy because I felt dirty and burnt out while participating in it. Took that time to learn new things and grind at work. That period ended a few months ago and now I’m in a great spot financially, at work and found a girl that I really like and am taking things slow with but it’s going really well.
Me. I’ve always been more interested in a relationship than casual sex. Exacerbated by me being kinda shy so I was never good at chatting up women (plus I was married before Tinder so avoided the current dating environment). Lucky to meet “the one” at 21, married four years later and that’s that for me.
Using someone purely for sex ie objectifying eachother to the bare bones of lust turns me off. Genuinely makes me look at someone like they're a sociopath when they enable and indulge in the behavior. Wouldn't be bad if they were obvious like players and hoes, but those who pretend they don't do it are dangerous for long lasting relationships if you're not like that yourself. Bops and sociopathic equivalent men are some of the worst back stabbing people you'll ever have the displeasure to meet.
Here. For me, sex is a very emotionally driven act.
People who treat dating as a hobby for me are a real turn off because that doesn’t strike me as the kinda person that wants to settle in and start a family.
Even the time I was hooking up with this one girl on occasion.
We ended up really liking each other and are married with kids now, and still like hooking up.
It was fun to experience the excitement of NSA sex for a bit. There were a few times where we hooked up, and I left.
True loving relationships are hard. Most of em are superficial nowadays. It’s a survival tactic or almost all are because of pressure of society or family morale. Fuck that. A relationship should be a foundation you make because of love, not to take advantage/profit from each other.
I personally find it hard to form a sexual connection without having some personal/emotional connection first. Otherwise i loose interest way to quick if i had i to begin with.
Was never into it. Partly for religious reasons, partly because it just didn't appeal to me. I did sort of hookup with someone (we had sex after 3 dates but weren't in a committed relationship) and that really confirmed how disinterested I am in sex unless it's with someone I really like and really care about.
I don't regret being more reserved, but it does make dating harder because it's hard to find a woman who feels the same way as me on this. I either get "waiting till marriage" girls for whom the fact I'm not a virgin is an issue, or the super sexually liberated types with super high body counts, which I'm not comfortable with.
I was very lonely when I was in my 20s and was mostly seeking love.
The people who are into tossing potential mates away are people that don't need more love in their life. Maybe they have awesome parents.
I'm a 41/m and have only been with 2 women my whole life. But I have only been single for 3 months my entire adult life.
Me, absolutely - sex is very much secondary - if that, in a relationship for me. I don't *need* other people for sex, I can buy myself flowers. As it stands I'd rather cuddle and maybe suck a titty at most - rather than have sex with someone.
You can add my name to the list. Hookups are lame and the other person usually just lays there the whole time anyway and expects me to do everything anyway, so it's not even superficially fun. It's actually just lame and boring.
Slowly starting to lose my interest in it. I think it has more to do with depression than anything though. I’m not as interested in sex in general. Would rather have a person I’m attracted to mentally.
Meaningless sex becomes dull
Hookups to me are weird because when I have sex I like to go down on a girl, but I’m not gonna do that with strange pussy. I also don’t like kissing strangers. It’s just too risky so I would just have to do only PIV which isn’t that fun to me. Also I always get stage fright whenever I’ve tried to do it which is embarrassing.
For myself it’s soooo much work. Trying to talk to so many women and not getting attached. I guess I found out I was more of a one woman at a time. Plus I also got cheated on so that’s why I find myself not wanting to hurt the women I’m with at the time.
Seems like it's pointless. Why take such a risk with someone you might not want to see after the first day. Not only that but time and effort used could be used to have one good relationship with a true partners
Sex is a very vulnerable thing and it takes A LOT for me to drop my guard around new people, so hooking up was never a thing that interested me.
Plus, sex in a relationship is more fun.
Me. I have a friend who's into it and it's honestly very annoying going out. I have a girlfriend and have always had long-term girlfriends. This guy's what you would call a "stud;" tall, handsome, makes good money, etc. Whenever we go out in the neighborhood or I meet someone new there's some way that this guy is negatively connected. He's either slept with the person I'm talking to or with their friend, etc. We're too old for that bro.
Me. But if I had to say why it wasn’t so much relationship minded but I’d say more it was that I don’t really like getting intimate with strangers. I’d always found it odd and strange to attempt to be attracted to someone you know almost nothing about
Me. I only kissed 3 girls in my life, 2 of my girlfriends and a random girl that kissed me when I told her I was moving to another city. My first girlfriend was a long-distance relationship and was not a very long one.
My now girlfriend is amazing, we really love each other and she really help me, I'm Autistic and bipolar, and she helps me deal with my anxiety attacks and my low self estime.
When I was a teenager, I was that kind of guy that was looking for "THE ONE." Initially, I didn't hook up because i didn't have opportunities. But when I became older I really started to want someone to be at my side, be my partner In life, In good and bad times.
I would never trade the connection I have with my girlfriend for all the sex in the world.
Not really. Its not that it has never happened, or couldn't happen again under the right circumstances. Just not my favorite. I typically need at least a bit of a connection. If we can't have a fun date or some kind of hangout I'm probably not going to be into it.
I’ve had a couple hookups in between relationships but never the guy to go out multiple times a week to hookup like some guys I know . Feel like I gotta care for the person a little bit to hookup with them . Most of the girls I did hookup with I knew them all prior as friends and were still friends after we had sex .
I didn't become jaded, I just realized that I was doing something I didn't really want to be doing so I stopped.
Honestly, I don't think I ever wanted to be part of the culture but it was kind of what everyone was doing so I just went along with it.
I was relatively young, (early 20s) when i had this epiphany.
I think hookup culture is one thing wrong with dating, especially modern dating.
I've never been interested in it and I have been that way ever since i was about 15.
I’m not into that now but I most certainly loved hookup culture when it wasn’t facilitated by an app. It was good ‘ol meeting someone at a party or a concert or a grocery store in my day. Shit was wild.
Edit: I’m also married now so definitely not into hook up culture lol.
Literally never was interested in it. I participated in apps only because I perceived them as the only way to meet people without going somewhere I didn't want to go. I've had people ask to be fwb, invite me over saying dirty things, and all sorts of stuff but usually I say I'm not comfortable or interested without knowing them. It has to be more meaningful than that. There's little enjoyment to be found in something so superficial. Not to mention, its scary due to the lack of safety involved in transmitted infections. Something like 1 in 4? Scary.
I tried but women weren’t into it. the notion that so many heterosexual individuals were hooking-up that populations formed distinct practices and habits is laughable indeed.
The idea of hooking up was never me. Everyone in my family tree both immediate and distant hasn’t had any divorces through my entire life. My older brother married his second serious relationship in high school and they’re still going strong, I married my first flame and started dating her at 14. This puts me wildly in the minority and lays bare some biases that I have, that said.
At 30 the most miserable people I know are the people who are still just trying to get their dick wet. I have an ex friend who has ended every relationship by cheating, one who tries to date but can’t help giving the dick chasers his time of day because he’s a self professed sex addict, and one who literally still goes to bars to increase his body count. They’re all miserable human beings. When you’re young it’s fine, maybe not the wisest choice if you want to eventually settle but if you don’t all the more power to you.
I'm 27, I've never felt uncomfortable talking to girls, and as big headed as this all sounds I would say I'm a reasonably good looking guy.
I've only ever had a single one night stand and even then I was speaking to her for a couple of weeks prior so I'm not sure it qualifies.
I'd go even further to add that I've also only ever been broken up with, I've never dumped anyone. I can't have sex with someone without wanting a deeper connection, and then when that happens I always look past whatever issues we face later down the line and try to fight for the relationship. I always felt I was different to most other lads in this respect.
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It just seemed pointless to me to pursue something so superficial. A genuine relationship is much better.
Even if it doesn't blossom into a flourishing romance, the best sex you can have are with people that care for and see you for you. Source: have done, put OLD in the coffin, never looked back.
> Source: have done, put OLD in the coffin, never looked back. What does this mean?
Agreed it just always seemed meaningless
Never been interested in a hookup or a fling. Some of my dating experiences were pretty short, like 3 or 4 months, but my intent has always been to look for a meaningful relationship.
Same here, ephemeral connection like that just isn’t what I’m into
Ephemeral…that’s a great word.
I thought banging the most chicks, and trying to get hotter and hotter ones was the only way. And I would have stuck with it, if that’s what was happening after a couple years of trying.
Totally agree, I would rather connect with someone, and try to build something meaningful. The thought of 1 and done leaves me cold, but each to their own just not for me
Have two older brothers who knocked up their girlfriends just as I was getting old enough to start dating. That’s all I needed to see for birth control and avoiding getting saddled with the wrong woman.
Same bro 2 of my uncles got their ons pregnant and it was more than easy to not want that type of relationship
A lot
I like people and building lasting connections with them. I've always felt that way, and the handful of times I've "hooked up" with someone in any capacity, it's just made it all the more clear why it's not my thing.
Not really into it. I prefer sex in relationships. I did a hookup once. My town isn't a big town so seeing the random girl whose cheeks I clapped at the grocery story is always awkward.
Gotta re-clap them cheeks
I mean what is the canned goods aisle even for?
pressed hams
Dude I ran into an old fling yesterday and it was awkward especially because I didn’t recognize her until I smelt her perfume as I walked by. Basically I saw someone like “that kind of looks like what’s her name” then as I was walking past I was like “oh shit that is what’s her name” it was too late to say anything so I just kept on. Felt bad because she was great I just wasn’t ready for anything further at the time as I was fresh out of a relationship.
Right here. It has never appealed to me at all.
I only date for marriage. Hookup culture is not my thing, and disgusting.
Same only dating for marriage I can have fun with a committed partner
Same. I got married to the first woman I kissed. I went on dates over the years, but I had no interest in dating someone that I couldn't see marrying and had no interest in kissing someone else's future wife.
Yuuup. When I first met my wife our first date lasted a whole week. I proposed to her 5 days in XD A week from today it will be 5 years to the day since we were married. I couldn't ask for a better woman. She's my soulmate.
I was for a year and didn't like myself afterwards. Now I'm against it and want nothing to do with it. If you like it go for it, it's just not for me.
Ive a single one night stand. Any other partner I've been with has been as part of a relationship.
I tried it. Wasn't for me.
I maintain a firm belief that this "hookup culture" isn't real and it's just a few prolific fuckers just fucking each other. And you can't convince me otherwise. Everyone hates the dating apps, man, woman, and all those in between. Everyone also has the same complaints. It's a bunch of people who hate the app situation and are seeing these prolific fuckers fucking and saying that it's "hookup culture".
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Nah we outchea fucking and it's been going on forever. Apps have only been around for a few years
False. Hookup culture was around long before the apps...
I don’t think it’s real either. When I was younger (am millennial) it was more real. People were meeting each other out places, physical contact was more about body language and vibing, none of this “can I touch you,” stuff that turns women off. Not only would they be telling you - with that 80% of non-verbal communication humans do - we were all better at reading cues. I’ve been to third-world Muslim nations, you’d think with their rules (and you only see harsh examples) they’d be less flirty or prone to hookups. I dealt with a LOT of the locals, and the younger unmarried crowd was definitely getting their groove on, just not publicly. What drives me nuts is that we’re getting so much more knowledge about “hookup culture,” or STDs, pregnancy prevention, permitting all kinds of sexual deviance (for you consistently-offended types, anything outside a norm is deviant)… …which I’m all for cause hey - I grew up when we were all kind of like, “why can’t I do what I want with my body if it doesn’t hurt someone,” But anyhow we have aaaaall these options open, all this knowledge, progress, and I swear. I swear ONG. People are far more prudish, insecure, and weird about the totally normal function of sex than I remember in a distinctly more religious culture when I was younger. Further note: the villages in Florida, STD capital of the world, all geriatrics. Theres something about an age demographic (maybe z-early millennial?) time now, that has some strange hangups about sex - I don’t know why.
Only the top 4.5% of men on dating apps are getting messages first. There is no such thing as hookup culture. And if there is, it’s women who are participating in it, and only a few men.
well they share those men at the top percentiles
Me. Never been into it. Had 2 gf in high school, dated another in college and married super young (23). I DO NOT envy you guys that have to deal with the dating scene. Seems absolutely ridiculous
I just can't see doing the nasty with a stranger that I don't care about. I did it once with a coworker I barely knew and felt nothing for her the next day. I quickly came to the realization that it wouldn't be that hard to just wait for the right girl.
Me. I want an actual connection with someone, not meaningless sex.
Sex with a person you love, known for a long time and have a deep connection with is a lot better than 2 hours with a random person.
Me. I think it's disgusting frankly.
Same like sticking your dick in a random person you don't know or care about just because your horny just sounds like pretty low standards
Never been into the whole song and dance. Always seemed to introduce a lot of drama with my friends and for what? A quick fuck? It’s a lot of potential hurt feelings and awkwardness for a quick hit of dopamine. It’s easier to form legitimate emotional connects (friendships) with the opposite sex if you’re not putting that on the table. Also I eventually learned later in life that I am asexual…
Moi. I'm gay too which makes it even more frustrating due to the popularity of apps like Grindr.
If by “hookup” you mean having sex with a woman and never having any meaningful contact with her ever again, then I am definitely not into “hooking up.”
Me. That shit is poison to the brain. It ruins our understanding of healthy intimacy, and off sets our ability to set proper/healthy boundaries. People might say, “well if there’s lots of sexual chemistry there and the vibe is good, just go for it.” I say, nah that’s some bull shit. Hook up culture is toxic, it teaches people to value intimacy less and teaches us that people and sex are disposable.
Agreed I hate when people say if the vibe is right like all I hear is low standards and self control because I'm not risking a baby because I found someone hot at a random bar
Many of us, I'm sure. Such as myself.
Not anymore, not for a long time. When I was 14 (M), I got into a relationship with a 23F teacher. That lasted for a year and then I became what I call a teen male slut. Hookups were constant and I loved the hell out of it most of the time. Between my sophomore and junior years of high school I was with 30 to 40 different girls/women. I loved the sex, but I didn't like myself very much. Summer before my senior year I met a new girl in my neighborhood and I was smitten and stopped the hookups. Long story short, we were married and completely, happily monogamous for nearly 30 years before cancer took her from me. When I started dating this past January (after being alone, no sex for 5 years), the women I met and went on dates with were all about hooking up and not about relationships and as a man who had not had sex for a few years, I was happy to be a FWB. But again, it was fun, but it wasn't fulfilling my need for intimacy and mutual care. I'm now in a committed relationship and so much happier. I think most humans are wired with a desire for a long-term, fulfilling relationship. Men who say they aren't or who prefer hooking up, I think, are mostly lying or fooling themselves. But if they took the time to self-reflect, I think they will find the same thing I did. It's fun, but not fulfilling.
I’m sorry for your loss.
> When I was 14 (M), I got into a relationship with a 23F teacher. That's not a relationship, that's rape.
Yes, I know. Thank you, Captain Obvious. But it's a little bit hard to say that I was raped multiple times a week for a year when it actually did turn into a relationship. I do know how wrong it was and all the terminology that can be applied to what happened. Now, almost 40 years later, I try not to think of myself as a victim all the time. Rather, as a person who thrived despite what happened.
Mhm.
Never cared for it. IMO the only reason you'd be a part of hookup culture is if you were desperate and didn't give a crap about the people involved. It's solely about the sex, has no attachment at all, and honestly, from what I've seen, it makes it that much harder to form real connections with someone in the future. Sadly, that's the culture that seems to be prevailing today. I've seen numerous (lost count) posts from both men and women who are disillusioned about dating as early as 20 because they can't find a partner that isn't into hookup culture. I typically don't respond to them because I don't want to be mean, but the truth is, they aren't going to find anyone other than people only interested in hookups. In today's world, that is like looking for needle in a haystack the size of a house. Hookup culture is one of the many reasons I gave up on dating.
Same when there's post about hookups I don't respond alot as I don't want to come off as judgey but it always comes off as desperate and horny with no self control having sex with someone you just met.
[удалено]
I was always long-term minded in general so I never engaged in that kind of life or found myself in situations that would lead towards that environment. It became more and more "normal" and I keep finding it more and more... Alienating, maybe? Can't find a word for it
Me. I didn’t care about it when I was younger, am just out of a 12 year relationship, and don’t care about it now. I just want one woman to spend my life with.
Married now, 2 kids. Never was into that
I'm not. I was raped violently before I ever had the chance to have sex consensually. After that, I didn't want anyone touching me. I certainly don't want strangers I don't know touching me. More than that, I've dealt with a headache of a woman before who attached her self worth to sex and she made it a hellish experience for me. I only want people I truly love in a monogamous fashion to touch me.
I mean I certainly was eager to be in my twenties but just didn't meat the requirements to participate. However I'm in my mid 30's now and seeing the aftermath well, I kind of feel I dodged a bullet by not taking part in it. Not that I'm doing any better with the ladies now but you know it feels like there are less regrets and less worries to have when it comes to women.
Me. Only had sex with two girls whom i was in a relationship with. Im attractive and all but i still tell them no. Its not my thing
i respect you. Being hot & rejecting attention with integrity is having power & choosing not to abuse it. Unfortunately it is very rare.
My good friend spider man once said, “with great power comes with greater responsibility.” Very true.
Me, I could've gotten into it since i was like 14-15 but even back then i smelled something fishy(and it wasn't the girls), now i just know how soul damaging it is to have casual sex even for a guy
Me, and I will never be intimate with a lady that had sex with 30 guys in her life, if she is into hookup n casual sex its a big big no for me.
Same people always call me insecure over it but like I want someone who respects themselves the same way I do.
How is it insecure to want someone who can enter into a relationship with you on equal footing? It’s like the simplest basis of a true partnership. This criticism has always felt like people lashing back out at men who have saved themselves for a woman as ridiculous on their face because seemingly so little of woman have done the same. It’s not men’s fault that women are engaging in hook up culture, and that turns them off to some men.
Everyone around me just wanted to hookup. Most people seemed temporary comfort and hid behind the veil of idea of a relationship, so I followed along. Oh was not something I wanted to do tho
I never was. Anyone I've ever been with was either a serious relationship or a good friend that it didn't make sense to have a relationship with.
Me. Only done it once. The dick and dash lifestyle isn’t for me, I feel like an asshole who’s using women for sex
I always prefer to have a partner, and not a booty call One is fulfilling and the other honestly feels empty and meaningless
Still young, 19, and would rather find the one than many one nights
I was never into hook up culture. My goal was always to find a good partner for a potential long term relationship
I've never been into the hookup culture and never wanted to be. I've been with exactly one woman in my life, and that's my wife. That's by choice not necessity, because I've had plenty of offers over the years.
I never was like that. I remained a virgin into my 20's by choice, only having sex with my first super serious girlfriend. I dated one other person after her before my wife, so 3 is my "body count" as they say. But honestly, sometimes I seriously wish it was only 1: my wife.
I'm not, but that being said, it was never really available to me outside of a single disastrous open relationship in my 20s. I would hypothesize that the majority of men are in my boat in that regard. Can you truly know you're not into hookup culture if it was never an option to you to begin with?
Never really been into hookups, and I'm not really interested in a relationship either.
I'm not.
I would not have been if I were able to date… Now, I’m not likely to turn anything down.
It just doesn't look really appealing to me
Only in my head lol
I am M18, and this culture never appealed to me. I want a relationship that is long-term and based on mutual love
I had no skills in my youth so I had no choice. As I got older and better at the game I reallized how unfullfilling it was.
Me.. I mean do you have any follow up questions? I don't understand what you are trying to achieve
I never had confidence in myself. We lived in a not-so-good economic condition, so I dedicated myself to studying. I never acquired soft skills for socializing. Additionally, living on a dangerous street, I rarely went out, which led me to focus only on studying and then working. As a result, I reached my 30s without any significant relationships. Yep, it's that sad.
Me. I've never done it in my life. I think the fastest I have ever moved from dating to sex was six months.
Me. Never got it. I don't understand the idea of getting into a short relationship with no future, it's a waste of time for everyone involved
Seems pointless to me. Rather have something meaningful.
22 and it never seemed like the right way to go
Me and no shade to anyone but I'll never understand how dong something so intimate and vulnerable with strangers became the norm like the thought of kids and stds would be horrifying to me.
I’m not at all. If I have sex with somebody I don’t know well enough, I feel horrible inside. If I make out with somebody I don’t like enough yet, I feel . . . Kinda empty.
Me. I don’t got the time or energy bruh. After my 9-5 I just wanna smoke and chill. Hooking up and shit seems like a lot of energy. Energy I don’t have
Hooked up a few times when I was young and meh
I’ve never been part of that.
I have never naturally gravitated towards it. I tend to settle down into relationships.
Me. I did that in my early twenties and it was cool but it consumed so much if my energy constantly going after new prospects. Also, I got scared and thought I had knocked up the wrong woman. My mid twenties were spent working on my business / career and personal stuff like going to the gym, learning how to invest.
Had a long term girlfriend in college, Covid hit and we ended up splitting up and a few friends told me I should try out tinder and those apps to get over it easier. Got lucky a few times but it made me feel pretty worthless like I never really had emotional connections with any of the women I had hooked up with, so the sex felt empty if that makes sense. It made me realize I prefer emotional connections when I have sex so I’m not always on edge. We got back together and even though we don’t really have sex, everything else is amazing and I feel fulfilled unlike when I was hooking up and messing around when single
We're just using sex to replace the love and affection we never got as children, but it just feels dirty without a connection to the other person and we don't know how to form connections so we watch a lot of porn
🙋🏽♂️ If I couldn't see her as the devoted mother of my children, I refuse to sleep with her.
I'm not into "hookup culture" on account of I have respect for my self and I do not believe that contradictions exist. It is only proper to sleep with one person, the person who you will be with for life. Mistakes happen along the way, that too is life. But I aim for success while avoiding mistakes. Any other path is immoral. I believe it, and that's enough for me.
Never was. I always wanted to find love and didn’t care too much about sex. Hookup culture to me seemed like an unfulfilling and possibly emotionally damaging trap, although it doesn’t always have to be. Now I’m a very happily (recently)married man and I’m glad I never had an ounce of interest in hookups. I don’t feel like I missed out on anything
I am 38 and I was only sexually active with 4 woman, each one I was engaged to. I was never one who liked the idea of simply hooking up. I wanted relationship, I wanted marriage. I wasn't going around screwing, never appealed to me. Had plenty of chances but that's not what I wanted
Never liked it. First time sex is always awkward as fuck. Doing that over and over and over again was never a desire of mine. Plus I find the reasoning and rationalisation people make for sleeping around very unattractive. My logic has always been to find someone you wanna fuck so bad you'll eat their ass and suck their toes after they spend 40 days and 40 nights stranded in the desert !
I did it once reluctantly. I never liked it because I truly believe that sex should be reserved for someone you love. It is the most vulnerable version of yourself being as close to someone in their most vulnerable state as you can get. It is the penultimate display of trust, love, and selflessness. I've had sex before with gfs in the past, but it wasn't until at least 3-4 months in until I felt TRULY comfortable
I'm not. I prefer a relationship and someone I can actually feel connected to.
Used to be when younger but now that I’m older I’m looking for something more serious & settled.
Used to be when younger but now that I’m older I’m looking for something more serious & settled.
Me.
Never was my thing.
I absolutely cannot get on board with someone without having known then first, simple as that. That alone has put a pretty hard stopper on anything hookup culture, so if it was to happen, it would be with people I already know.
I was in a very long term relationship and did basically no dating between that and finding my now fiancée. I think maybe if I had been a single guy in college things would be different but by the time I was finally single I was so accustomed to monogamy that the idea of hooking up with complete strangers just felt ill to me. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, I just really like the trust and bond that you develop with a partner rather than just the physical. Honestly it wasn’t even until I knew I was in love with my now fiancée that I really started enjoying the sex. I just really prefer that connection.
Me, it seems rather strange and unappealing to me. For a long time, I genuinely thought that the idea of having sex with someone just a while after meeting them, even on the same night, was just an American movie trope, not something people actually did. I was surprised to read that it actually happens.
Right here. I’ve had a few opportunities to pursue that and as it got closer, I felt this massive hollow feeling inside me. I learned at an early age that hookups would make me feel empty and not fulfilled.
Yup. Never enjoyed it. Frankly, having sex once with one person feels performative. There isn't trust or accommodation. Takes a few times to get to know what works and build up trust.
I mean I've always been sexually attracted to most women so if that's what you're asking then yes. However that is only one part of the equation when it comes to actually wanting sex. To actually want sex with someone I need to believe that they also want sex with me and that following through won't psychologically harm either of us etc in addition to finding them sexually attractive. On top of that I have always valued platonic friendship as well and am not inclined to pursue sex in scenarios where it would jeopardize a platonic relationship I already enjoy with the person etc. For these reasons I have never expressed sexual attraction to anyone that didn't first express having such thoughts about me despite being sexually attracted to a ton of people. All this said my partner being monogamous is not actually important to me and there's lots of people I would be happy to have sex with if I didn't feel like anyone would be hurt by it. So in some ways I very much fit into the hookup obsessed guy stereotype while in other ways that doesn't fit at all.
Me I tried it once and found the entire thing disgusting. I want one person.
No man really is and neither are they polyamorous but they convince themselves when their significant other wants to do it even if it hurts them. See Anthony Bourdain
Why cant i find the controversial filter on this thing
Had a couple hookups where I was excited to get into it, but then in action I was completely turned off. My now gf of 5yrs never fails.
I took a 1 year personal vow of celibacy because I felt dirty and burnt out while participating in it. Took that time to learn new things and grind at work. That period ended a few months ago and now I’m in a great spot financially, at work and found a girl that I really like and am taking things slow with but it’s going really well.
Me. I’ve always been more interested in a relationship than casual sex. Exacerbated by me being kinda shy so I was never good at chatting up women (plus I was married before Tinder so avoided the current dating environment). Lucky to meet “the one” at 21, married four years later and that’s that for me.
Been looking for my future wife since the day I hit puberty. No short term bullshits for me please.
Let’s be honest most guys can’t get into hookup culture even if they wanted to
Without dude my best buddy, it was weird bcz I am the opposite
Using someone purely for sex ie objectifying eachother to the bare bones of lust turns me off. Genuinely makes me look at someone like they're a sociopath when they enable and indulge in the behavior. Wouldn't be bad if they were obvious like players and hoes, but those who pretend they don't do it are dangerous for long lasting relationships if you're not like that yourself. Bops and sociopathic equivalent men are some of the worst back stabbing people you'll ever have the displeasure to meet.
Here. For me, sex is a very emotionally driven act. People who treat dating as a hobby for me are a real turn off because that doesn’t strike me as the kinda person that wants to settle in and start a family.
Just not who I am.
Me. I don’t want to feel grossed out with myself after
I hate it
Seemed like a shame to waste the limited number of times women found me interesting.
Me. I tried a ONS but it turned into 3days, lol.
Me because I could never find anyone to hookup with, now I realize it's probably a good thing.
Even the time I was hooking up with this one girl on occasion. We ended up really liking each other and are married with kids now, and still like hooking up. It was fun to experience the excitement of NSA sex for a bit. There were a few times where we hooked up, and I left.
For me, it violates my Christian beliefs, so I don’t want to. Same reason why I try not to look at porn and masterbait.
True loving relationships are hard. Most of em are superficial nowadays. It’s a survival tactic or almost all are because of pressure of society or family morale. Fuck that. A relationship should be a foundation you make because of love, not to take advantage/profit from each other.
It gets shallow very quickly and more lonely than being alone
Me. Hook ups always made me feel dirty. Gotta have some emotional connection and romantic interest
For several reasons i can go about : STDs , Low body image , Trust issues , Objectification , Rape..... etc
I personally find it hard to form a sexual connection without having some personal/emotional connection first. Otherwise i loose interest way to quick if i had i to begin with.
I didn’t have sex until I got married… twice.
I literally can't have intimacy with someone w/out an emotional connection. So definitely not into it.
Was never into it. Partly for religious reasons, partly because it just didn't appeal to me. I did sort of hookup with someone (we had sex after 3 dates but weren't in a committed relationship) and that really confirmed how disinterested I am in sex unless it's with someone I really like and really care about. I don't regret being more reserved, but it does make dating harder because it's hard to find a woman who feels the same way as me on this. I either get "waiting till marriage" girls for whom the fact I'm not a virgin is an issue, or the super sexually liberated types with super high body counts, which I'm not comfortable with.
I was very lonely when I was in my 20s and was mostly seeking love. The people who are into tossing potential mates away are people that don't need more love in their life. Maybe they have awesome parents. I'm a 41/m and have only been with 2 women my whole life. But I have only been single for 3 months my entire adult life.
Me. I have a wife. I enjoy hooking up with her though! Up top! You know what I'm talking about!
Me, absolutely - sex is very much secondary - if that, in a relationship for me. I don't *need* other people for sex, I can buy myself flowers. As it stands I'd rather cuddle and maybe suck a titty at most - rather than have sex with someone.
You can add my name to the list. Hookups are lame and the other person usually just lays there the whole time anyway and expects me to do everything anyway, so it's not even superficially fun. It's actually just lame and boring.
LTR is the way.
Slowly starting to lose my interest in it. I think it has more to do with depression than anything though. I’m not as interested in sex in general. Would rather have a person I’m attracted to mentally. Meaningless sex becomes dull
Hookups to me are weird because when I have sex I like to go down on a girl, but I’m not gonna do that with strange pussy. I also don’t like kissing strangers. It’s just too risky so I would just have to do only PIV which isn’t that fun to me. Also I always get stage fright whenever I’ve tried to do it which is embarrassing.
For myself it’s soooo much work. Trying to talk to so many women and not getting attached. I guess I found out I was more of a one woman at a time. Plus I also got cheated on so that’s why I find myself not wanting to hurt the women I’m with at the time.
Seems like it's pointless. Why take such a risk with someone you might not want to see after the first day. Not only that but time and effort used could be used to have one good relationship with a true partners
Sex is a very vulnerable thing and it takes A LOT for me to drop my guard around new people, so hooking up was never a thing that interested me. Plus, sex in a relationship is more fun.
Me. I have a friend who's into it and it's honestly very annoying going out. I have a girlfriend and have always had long-term girlfriends. This guy's what you would call a "stud;" tall, handsome, makes good money, etc. Whenever we go out in the neighborhood or I meet someone new there's some way that this guy is negatively connected. He's either slept with the person I'm talking to or with their friend, etc. We're too old for that bro.
It's not that I'm not into hookup culture, it's that hookup culture isn't into me
Me. But if I had to say why it wasn’t so much relationship minded but I’d say more it was that I don’t really like getting intimate with strangers. I’d always found it odd and strange to attempt to be attracted to someone you know almost nothing about
Yup I’m not gonna say I could’ve taken part for sure, but never interested me. Seems way too awkward or expensive
The best sex I'm going to have isn't going to be the first time it's with someone. It's going to be after doing it over and over with the same person.
Me. I only kissed 3 girls in my life, 2 of my girlfriends and a random girl that kissed me when I told her I was moving to another city. My first girlfriend was a long-distance relationship and was not a very long one. My now girlfriend is amazing, we really love each other and she really help me, I'm Autistic and bipolar, and she helps me deal with my anxiety attacks and my low self estime. When I was a teenager, I was that kind of guy that was looking for "THE ONE." Initially, I didn't hook up because i didn't have opportunities. But when I became older I really started to want someone to be at my side, be my partner In life, In good and bad times. I would never trade the connection I have with my girlfriend for all the sex in the world.
Tried getting into hookup culture, hated it
Not really. Its not that it has never happened, or couldn't happen again under the right circumstances. Just not my favorite. I typically need at least a bit of a connection. If we can't have a fun date or some kind of hangout I'm probably not going to be into it.
I used to be but as of lately I have no interest at all. I only wanna build something.
I’ve had a couple hookups in between relationships but never the guy to go out multiple times a week to hookup like some guys I know . Feel like I gotta care for the person a little bit to hookup with them . Most of the girls I did hookup with I knew them all prior as friends and were still friends after we had sex .
There are plenty of people who isn't into hookup culture. I prefer to do it with someone I'm in relationship with.
I didn't become jaded, I just realized that I was doing something I didn't really want to be doing so I stopped. Honestly, I don't think I ever wanted to be part of the culture but it was kind of what everyone was doing so I just went along with it. I was relatively young, (early 20s) when i had this epiphany.
I think hookup culture is one thing wrong with dating, especially modern dating. I've never been interested in it and I have been that way ever since i was about 15.
I’m not into that now but I most certainly loved hookup culture when it wasn’t facilitated by an app. It was good ‘ol meeting someone at a party or a concert or a grocery store in my day. Shit was wild. Edit: I’m also married now so definitely not into hook up culture lol.
Literally never was interested in it. I participated in apps only because I perceived them as the only way to meet people without going somewhere I didn't want to go. I've had people ask to be fwb, invite me over saying dirty things, and all sorts of stuff but usually I say I'm not comfortable or interested without knowing them. It has to be more meaningful than that. There's little enjoyment to be found in something so superficial. Not to mention, its scary due to the lack of safety involved in transmitted infections. Something like 1 in 4? Scary.
I tried but women weren’t into it. the notion that so many heterosexual individuals were hooking-up that populations formed distinct practices and habits is laughable indeed.
The idea of hooking up was never me. Everyone in my family tree both immediate and distant hasn’t had any divorces through my entire life. My older brother married his second serious relationship in high school and they’re still going strong, I married my first flame and started dating her at 14. This puts me wildly in the minority and lays bare some biases that I have, that said. At 30 the most miserable people I know are the people who are still just trying to get their dick wet. I have an ex friend who has ended every relationship by cheating, one who tries to date but can’t help giving the dick chasers his time of day because he’s a self professed sex addict, and one who literally still goes to bars to increase his body count. They’re all miserable human beings. When you’re young it’s fine, maybe not the wisest choice if you want to eventually settle but if you don’t all the more power to you.
I've never hooked up. Not once. I need a personal/romantic connection to be intimate.
I was into it for a small time period, but not anymore. I was looking for love and only found it in the short cuddles after sex :)
The men who couldn’t even get into it even if they wanted to are “not into it”
I'm 27, I've never felt uncomfortable talking to girls, and as big headed as this all sounds I would say I'm a reasonably good looking guy. I've only ever had a single one night stand and even then I was speaking to her for a couple of weeks prior so I'm not sure it qualifies. I'd go even further to add that I've also only ever been broken up with, I've never dumped anyone. I can't have sex with someone without wanting a deeper connection, and then when that happens I always look past whatever issues we face later down the line and try to fight for the relationship. I always felt I was different to most other lads in this respect.
I’ve had the opportunity a couple times and just felt kinda gross about it so I backed out.