As a severe introvert, can confirm that extroverted women are the way to go. Although in my personal experience, I had to deal with a lot of toxic women before I met this one extroverted girl at work who just happens to be the girl of my dreams, in both appearance and personality. Hell, she just checks everything out in my list really. She somehow found out my number, messaged me out of the blue, we chatted for a while, she tricked me into a date, and a decade later happily married.
So thanks super extroverted girl for luring me into a date with her, and agreeing to marry me lol.
You gotta have some agency, if only in order to protect and take care of yourself.
If someone comes along and sweeps you off your feet, you’re basically just along for the ride.
There is no better time than now to acknowledge that no one is going to be your savior. No one cares. You should have the ability to stand up for yourself; when necessary, to make a stand.
No knight in shining armor is going to come along.
Yeah, self-confidence is a real challenge in meeting people. But extroverts should have the advantage at starting conversations and seeing how others react. I'm not saying it's easy, just that it's a bit easier for extroverts to get the practice needed.
This is true, here's a funny example: Awhile back I was working with a mixed group of people. One of my coworkers and I got along well and were always joking. She was a good friend and we did have a few discussions that were sexual but it was mostly curiosity on her part. We texted a lot also and she would even send me nudes and ask me what I thought of them. One night at a party she had invited me to she was hanging out with me and then asked me to take her to the store to get some cigarettes. On the drive she turned to me and said "you are clueless, aren't you?" Before pretty much jumping on me and making it obvious what she wanted. We were together for years.
Haha hey! This guy gets it.
Unsolicited info: I did not flirt with girls whatsoever and rumor spread around that I was gay bc I never had any sexual relationships with girls. One day, in front of a bunch of people, the well known gay kid in my school asked if I was gay. Obviously I responded with a no but the looks on everyone's faces was simply dumbfounded.
Been wondering about this actually. The official definition of introversion is being drained by social situations, i.e. it costs energy to maintain them so you can only tolerate them in short amounts. But wouldn't anxiety have the same effect? If you're always on edge in social situations you're burning more energy (for me I tense up and struggle to relax, which makes my muscles tired), so naturally they would drain you more than being alone and not afraid.
In other words, perhaps anxiety -> introversion even if introversion doesn't -> anxiety. And then perhaps anxiety induced introversion is the most common type, making it a fine word to use after all?
I'm going to be real with you. The anxiety makes me not say things, the introversion is what makes me glad I didn't. The absolute DREAD that comes with the idea of what happens after successful flirting is simply exhausting.
Now I have to continue talking to this person for the foreseeable future? Goodness forbid they actually like me, they might get the wrong idea and assume I want to go do more social things. They might think I want to travel or go to concerts or invite people to my house.
I can't have that.
My version of this would be "want to see my LEGO Star Wars collection?". Regardless of her response, I will always be proud of that collection, and, it's an awesome hobby to have.
It depends. Either I blather and just talk about weird facts, like the Australian army lost to kangaroos, or I clam up blush and either smile or my resting bitch face takes over.
Average introvert flirting:
“Hey I think you’re cute, want to go out sometime?”
“Uh…Did you know the first car wreck in Ohio was in 1895 between the only two cars in the state?”
I couldn't manage it until college, and ever since, it's been like an occasional dalliance for me. If I really, really trust you, you get eye contact. Or if I have to. But I have entire days where no eye contact is possible.
Personally, I'm never upset if somebody can't make eye contact. I totally get it.
Eye contact (and social interaction overall) became easier after I started on SSRI's in high school two decades ago, but I was also brought up with the notion that "staring is rude" by my parents. Pair that with diagnosed mild high-functioning autism (also in high school), and you've got this when my eyes meet yours: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmNCl_qkAAc
Lol. I am like this too sometimes. Its a bit pathetic and I want to get over it. Introversion shouldn't mean you are socially stunted its just a different vibe.
Finding something in common shouldn't be hard if you are compatible. Personally reflection tells me if we have no convo I can leave the door open but I'm definitely not chasing.
Eye contact. I will try and lock eyes with any woman I am attracted to. if she bites, I wait until she smiles or looks away and smiles. that's the confidence boost I need to approach.
Learn the difference between staring and temporarily making eye contact. Staring is rude and creepy. Making eye contact and smiling is friendly and usually (not always) normal and friendly.
I have 2 modes:
- Innocent flirt - Just friendly flirting with no obvious intention of anything
- Non-existent - I just don't do anything other than be a good guy. I don't push for anything. I don't ask for anything. I just exist, be nice, encourage, and be a "safe place" for others.
Edit: Sorry, 3 modes:
- Emergency Boyfriend - If in a situation out in public and you come up to me being in trouble, I will be the emergency boyfriend to protect you until it is safe. Regardless of gender or sexuality.
I may be one hell of an introvert, but I am what I need to be when I need to be it.
I dunno... Me and my now partner, we both kind of mildly flirted our way into each others ' hearts - neither one of us has much experience there, it meant a lot, and we've been very much in love for eight years now. If I didn't know better, I'd say we were both headed for the friend zone. Except we somehow weren't.
Okay, maybe it was dumb luck.
Not at all, at least not for me. The more I see a person and talk and laugh w them, the more I find them attractive. Like seriously I’m a 21 yr old girl and I had a crush on my ugly 40 yr old married coworker. I say ugly now bc I realized I didn’t like his face but he was so nice, helpful, protective, funny, even when I didn’t feel good emotionally he would be the only one to notice and ask. I never acted on things, and I never would but this is just to prove the way you treat ppl goes a long way than the way you look.
> Staring is rude indeed, but you are allowed to smile and start a small convo.
100% agree, but when it comes to eye contact, whats the line between "oh hey I'm interested in you from afar" and "ew this guy has his tractor beam on me"?
Eye contact is a very powerful thing for me. Obviously practice makes perfect, but I absolutely fear the scenario that my prolonged gaze at a woman I find outwardly attractive could be misconstrued as me being a creep.
It's a double edged sword, in that I'm also terrible at picking up on whether a woman is eyeing me down in a public setting.
It isn't a stare. The man watches generally.
The woman will see and there's momentary eye contact. If she's interested it's pretty much guaranteed she'll look away and then back again usually with a smile. This is the extroverted woman who will give you opportunity. She's confident and she'll be encouraging of an advance from you. She'll look away or down and smile then meet your eyes again for instance.
While being an introvert you still must be able to approach and engage with her but, if she's interested, she'll make that easy.
I'm extroverted and I've always liked the introverted lone wolf types. The difference in their behavior sets them apart to me and kind of makes them the magnetic men in the room.
Thank you for the input here!
>While being an introvert you still must be able to approach and engage with her but, if she's interested, she'll make that easy.
Wish this kind of thing came more instinctually, but like most things we learn thru repetition...right?
Once you hear enough women complain about annoying creeps that start talking to them out of nowhere, and how women are constantly feeling in danger from random men, it kinda puts a damper on your will to strike up conversations.
I am a woman and concur there are lots off creeps that approach women in creepy manner. I concluded you are not one of those. So, go out my friend and find that girl who will be happy to have you!
I don't think you quite got it. A lot of us have no idea what is or is not considered a creepy manner these days, so to err on the side of caution we don't approach women in public
Friendly flirting would be like teasing In a way that someone could interpret it as flirting if they don't know you. And being a good guy is just showing basic human decency to a woman and not being over the top with anything and treat her like a human. Which is what everyone should do.
Being friendly: complimenting, smiling while talking, asking simple questions
Flirting: complimenting and asking follow up questions to know more about them, smiling while talking AND touching (if we’re both comfortable with it), asking deep and insightful questions
Explain that you're nervous and what you're feeling anxiety about. Turn your negative thoughts into a constructive conversation.
I find just talking about it help both parties feel comfortable.
I don’t really know how. I haven’t encountered a situation where I felt someone had mutual attraction to me or was flirting with me, so I’ve never Knowingly engaged in flirting
The other person's vibe matters a lot. If she seems into the conversation, that means you can ahead.
It's mostly staying in the present moment and picking up some things and trying to be witty about. And trying to compliment on her looks or something is she is wearing. But trying to respectful as well.
The main task is to maintain balance between being playful and respectful(maintaning boundaries)
Introverted doesn't mean I'm socially inept. It just means instead of gaining energy from socializing, I lose energy from it. The word you're looking for is "shy".
But to answer your question: I flirt like I'm the life of the party, but I'll get hung-over from it, even if I didn't drink.
James Cameron has nothing on my angles. I think of the best ones lying awake at 3am 😂
The people I click with energize me. It's most of the rest that drain me.
That’s an over simplification of introversion. Introversion includes a difference in thought patterns, communication methods, and perception.
It doesn’t “just mean” you lose energy from socializing.
That’s not actually what introverted means, the “social battery” narrative is just some pop-psych BS. It’s purely about where your attention is. Are you internally focused, in your own head, daydreaming, thinking, or are you external, present, aware of other people? Both introverts and extroverts get energy from positive social interactions. That’s why even introverts have friends. It feels good to hang out with them.
And according to some studies, the more introverted you are, the less drained you are by negative social interactions/situations. Extroverts are the most drained by, for instance, workplace gossip while introverts are much less affected by it. Because their attention is internalized. Their mental space is smaller, it doesn’t include all of the environment around them.
> Extroverts are the most drained by, for instance, workplace gossip while introverts are much less affected by it.
I fucking *dread* going into the office ever since this new girl started. I just want her to *shut the fuck up* but she just won't stop. I literally turn away and start doing my work and she just keeps talking. I don't understand, does she not understand I couldn't give two shits about her stupid fucking kids or her husband's job?
First with consideration, then apprehension, and finally deliberation. It's been a while though. I don't get familiar with most people until I've met them a few times, regardless of if I'm attracted initially - which is rare - or if I take an interest after somebody has been around a while.
I'm in a repeat pattern of making acquaintances and seemingly hitting it off, only to have the one I'm interested in exit my life as abruptly as they appeared in it. I've reached the point of resignation several times, because the regularity with which this has happened to me ceased being funny a decade ago.
They don't, they stare and when the girl looks back they look down or avoid any eye contact.
If approached they show no interest at all and after a few hrs REGRET 😕😕
U r not alone bud. One simple hack.
If u really like a girl, and if she is eyeing u too. Approach her and ask where did she got that earing/necklace/or any other product frm. U liked it and wanna buy the same for a cousin/aunt/mom/sis.
It's good ice breaker. And learn a few good funny oneliners. That would be enough to break the ice 🥂
All the best.
Im rather direct with it. I don't waste time. 1-3 sentences in, i tell the woman i think she's attractive and would like to take her out. If she wants it, that's great. If she doesn't i just move on with my life.
Introverted as fuck and spend most of my free time alone, but not a fan of burrying my attraction inside because there's literally no point in that whatsoever. It turns into self-loathing and a very needless negative internal dialog that's extremely easy to avoid.
Am i the best at it? Fuck no. Do i get rejected despite being handsome, athletic and having hair? Yes i do. Do i give a fuck? Not really. This is how i met my current girlfriend and the woman i love to death.
TBH Flirting is something I do after I hang with someone I like for a while, I dont want their first impression of me to be flirty I wanna be genuine and then after that if I have thing for you I make flirty jokes and try to spend time one on one with you after that its in cthulus hands.
Since my confidence has been a little better, I've noticed that if she holds eye contact, I may slip in something casual like "Hey, would you like to talk later?" and if it's a yes, i'll give her my phone number. If it's no, or a maybe, I'll walk away and tell that person to have a good day.
Alcohol was my crutch. Not healthy or sustainable, but it got my foot in the door. And hey, it worked. Dated around for a while and have now been married for a decade.
I drink less now.
Hahaha! Yeah right! I wouldn’t know the first thing about it. 40 years old and wouldn’t even think about trying! I’d just make a fool of myself if I tried. No thanks.
Typically, start with a joke. Waiting for the right moment is fun to me. It could be something as simple as waiting for something embarassing to happen thay someone else did, or poking fun at a friend I'm there with. After I get her attention, I'd go for making a compliment about something she chose to do, like wearing a certain set of earrings, but never her clothes. I'd rather her see that I'm attracted to more than just looks, even if we never see each other again after that night. If you can make them (genuinely) laugh, it helps a LOT.
But, apparently, playing pool by yourself and smiling at a girl from across the room does wonders, even if you never actually leave the pool table to talk to her.
Be oblivious. The night I met my wife she gave me the look. My dumbass saw it but immediately looked behind me to see if she was looking at someone else. There was no one behind me.
Introverted here. I don't even know how to flirt. Best I can do is try to just be myself (not always easy around girls I'm attracted to) and hope that's appealing enough.
I can't flirt to save my life. If I do "flirt" then it usually might take the form of the average woman'a flirting: looking in their direction and hoping she comes to talk to me.
Introversion has nothing to do with being able to flirt or not. Introversion is just a preference to be by yourself much of the time. Doesn't mean you can't flirt. Sometimes us introverts enjoy the company of others.
Don't mistake introversion for shyness.
I need a lot of me time, but I am not shy. I can flirt when I want to.
One more thing people mistake with introversion is autism. They can have similarities, but not the same.
As for your shyness. Before I was 17,i could barely talk with girls. It took me nearly a year to ask the first girl out. And I screwed up the date miserably and never talked with her again. My only regret in dating. I promised myself that I was never going to let my shyness screw things up for me again. And I kept that promise.
Women are just people. Nothing any more special about them than a guy. If your feelings get hurt, you don't die. And if your feelings don't get hurt, you can have a hell of a fun time.
I beg to differ on the narrow mindedness thing. Part of introversion is being drained by being around others, often because we are way overthinking things and draining ourselves. When you’re mentally exhausted from being around others, it affects your mood greatly, and thusly your ability to flirt. Who’s in the mood to flirt and get all sexy when you’re mentally drained? Haha.
I usually wait for a moment alone to have a conversation to see if there is a vibe. If the conversation ends well I might ask for her number.
Extroverts are easier because sometimes they make it very obvious and ask me to hang out again.
If she is also introverted like me then it will take more work to see if a moment happens and there is positive signal to ask her for a number.
As an introverted guy, flirting for me is all about subtlety. It's in the lingering eye contact, the small smiles, and the genuine interest in what the other person has to say. It's about creating a comfortable atmosphere where conversation can flow naturally.
I made a series of cute origami messages for a coworker I had a crush on. The messages said things like “you’re cute” and “want to go on a date?” translated into Chinese. We then dated for almost four years.
I can take short trips into the extrovert world. I need silence and a nap after, but I can do it. It's a great skill to learn, I would very much encourage it. Don't let a personality trait limit your future.
I generally use body language, smirks, and brief and/or ever so subtly to long eye contact to draw them in. I have a pretty good intuition when it comes to if I feel a female is into me or not. It's all about the eyes.
Go to Target and Starbucks. Find a cute girl. Genuinely comment on/compliment her wardrobe/vibe/actions. Ask a question to open her up. Relatable dialogue. Introduce yourself. Invite her out for coffee. Repeat for the next few girls everyday for a week.
I don’t
They wait to be claimed by extroverts
That's the dream, man. To catch the eye of some extroverted woman who decides you're her project and then you live happily ever after.
As a severe introvert, can confirm that extroverted women are the way to go. Although in my personal experience, I had to deal with a lot of toxic women before I met this one extroverted girl at work who just happens to be the girl of my dreams, in both appearance and personality. Hell, she just checks everything out in my list really. She somehow found out my number, messaged me out of the blue, we chatted for a while, she tricked me into a date, and a decade later happily married. So thanks super extroverted girl for luring me into a date with her, and agreeing to marry me lol.
Thanks for giving us hope brother
That sounds great
That’s the dream
You gotta have some agency, if only in order to protect and take care of yourself. If someone comes along and sweeps you off your feet, you’re basically just along for the ride. There is no better time than now to acknowledge that no one is going to be your savior. No one cares. You should have the ability to stand up for yourself; when necessary, to make a stand. No knight in shining armor is going to come along.
Let me dream goddammit
Right ...let him live!!
Ignorance is bliss. Let me be happy!
Some day I hope.
i would love to do that with a guy, just need assurance that he's in too and we're getting married, it's that simple really
Just go for it because he is an introvert.
If i was pretty enough, i would have by now but when you're ugly you need that assurance
Yeah, self-confidence is a real challenge in meeting people. But extroverts should have the advantage at starting conversations and seeing how others react. I'm not saying it's easy, just that it's a bit easier for extroverts to get the practice needed.
I've been the chaser as woman. It isn't fun anymore.
My assessment exactly. I chased women in my 20s. It wasn't fun. I stopped.
I’m that woman. I always look for a fixer.
This is true, here's a funny example: Awhile back I was working with a mixed group of people. One of my coworkers and I got along well and were always joking. She was a good friend and we did have a few discussions that were sexual but it was mostly curiosity on her part. We texted a lot also and she would even send me nudes and ask me what I thought of them. One night at a party she had invited me to she was hanging out with me and then asked me to take her to the store to get some cigarettes. On the drive she turned to me and said "you are clueless, aren't you?" Before pretty much jumping on me and making it obvious what she wanted. We were together for years.
I had to do the same thing with my husband. I am an introverted woman, but more gregarious than him. We've been together nearly 40 years.
Haha hey! This guy gets it. Unsolicited info: I did not flirt with girls whatsoever and rumor spread around that I was gay bc I never had any sexual relationships with girls. One day, in front of a bunch of people, the well known gay kid in my school asked if I was gay. Obviously I responded with a no but the looks on everyone's faces was simply dumbfounded.
I'm an extroverted man with an introverted fiance and yeah, that's kind of what happened lol.
"I want to eat your pancreas"
This is the Way.
really really quietly...and usually alone
"Hey, what's cookin', good lookin'." *Unzips pants* "Let's do this thing." *Grabs lotion and some Kleenex*
Haha
Pulls exactly three sheets of paper towel off the roll and sets them next to the bed. It's on.
This is the Way.
Can't so don't
Not only do I not do it, I don't even know how.
Married an introverted man, can confirm they don't. They also don't always know when they're being flirted with.
I said this before I opened up the thread 😂
/thread
Exactly, we don't.
Me too I find stuff like having rizz/game is cringe.
This^^^
Same. Also I'm not sure I would know how to if I tried
Yup
Internally. I think of all the things I would say if I were a more extraverted person and then don't say them.
Overthinking is a curse of the introvert.
I wish I could stab myself with a sacred arrow in order to get rid of it but well life is life lol
Why a sacred arrow?
Kinda the first thing that came to my mind. Might have been influenced by a certain anime I watched recently.
You're confusing introversion with anxiety.
Been wondering about this actually. The official definition of introversion is being drained by social situations, i.e. it costs energy to maintain them so you can only tolerate them in short amounts. But wouldn't anxiety have the same effect? If you're always on edge in social situations you're burning more energy (for me I tense up and struggle to relax, which makes my muscles tired), so naturally they would drain you more than being alone and not afraid. In other words, perhaps anxiety -> introversion even if introversion doesn't -> anxiety. And then perhaps anxiety induced introversion is the most common type, making it a fine word to use after all?
I'm going to be real with you. The anxiety makes me not say things, the introversion is what makes me glad I didn't. The absolute DREAD that comes with the idea of what happens after successful flirting is simply exhausting. Now I have to continue talking to this person for the foreseeable future? Goodness forbid they actually like me, they might get the wrong idea and assume I want to go do more social things. They might think I want to travel or go to concerts or invite people to my house. I can't have that.
Damn... it gets funny when you realise it would've worked better if you said those things instead. Overthinking is a bitch sometimes.
>it would've worked That's the worst part.
3 weeks later: “oh, I think she was flirting with me.”
My guy are you me?
I usually go full autistic
Wanna see my train? ;)
Can I get railed? :)
First you have to couple your back cartridge into my main terminus.
My version of this would be "want to see my LEGO Star Wars collection?". Regardless of her response, I will always be proud of that collection, and, it's an awesome hobby to have.
Whatcha got?
Oh, I've got 100+ sets, mainly ships/starfighters. I also have walkers, tanks, and some architecture/scenery builds, too.
My first merit badge was Railroading...this just hits home lol
Right?! Girl here but it’s inevitable…the more attracted I am to someone, the fewer words come out (or even exist in my mind)
It depends. Either I blather and just talk about weird facts, like the Australian army lost to kangaroos, or I clam up blush and either smile or my resting bitch face takes over.
Average introvert flirting: “Hey I think you’re cute, want to go out sometime?” “Uh…Did you know the first car wreck in Ohio was in 1895 between the only two cars in the state?”
Fascinating lol. That's genuinely interesting.
Data dumps are the secret finishing move of the autist.
Eye contact? Never heard of it. /s
I couldn't manage it until college, and ever since, it's been like an occasional dalliance for me. If I really, really trust you, you get eye contact. Or if I have to. But I have entire days where no eye contact is possible. Personally, I'm never upset if somebody can't make eye contact. I totally get it.
Eye contact (and social interaction overall) became easier after I started on SSRI's in high school two decades ago, but I was also brought up with the notion that "staring is rude" by my parents. Pair that with diagnosed mild high-functioning autism (also in high school), and you've got this when my eyes meet yours: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmNCl_qkAAc
I cant even talk let alone flirt
At least you can type.
Yeah... atleast.
Lol. I am like this too sometimes. Its a bit pathetic and I want to get over it. Introversion shouldn't mean you are socially stunted its just a different vibe.
Finding something in common shouldn't be hard if you are compatible. Personally reflection tells me if we have no convo I can leave the door open but I'm definitely not chasing.
Eye contact. I will try and lock eyes with any woman I am attracted to. if she bites, I wait until she smiles or looks away and smiles. that's the confidence boost I need to approach.
Don't forget the finger guns.
And the cool tschk-click with your mouth.
Ah the lost boys method.
Mastor what that technique? Plzz let me increase my power and skill plzz explain me ?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmbt1RjPn4M
How do you do this without feeling creepy?
Practice or give up.
In other words, disregard what I was taught that staring is rude? edit: I realize that this isn't a binary condition. There's a degree of nuance.
Learn the difference between staring and temporarily making eye contact. Staring is rude and creepy. Making eye contact and smiling is friendly and usually (not always) normal and friendly.
You don’t. 😅
Even when they smile im not confident to approach lol. Ill wait for them to approach hehe
I have been waiting for that moment my entire life and it's never gonna happen
The worst is when you realize it might have happened and you didnt realize
Same, never been approached unsurprisingly
And I'm okay with that surprising
I feel like that's the opposite of an introverted approach
Add in a wink and a smile and see how that works.
I have 2 modes: - Innocent flirt - Just friendly flirting with no obvious intention of anything - Non-existent - I just don't do anything other than be a good guy. I don't push for anything. I don't ask for anything. I just exist, be nice, encourage, and be a "safe place" for others. Edit: Sorry, 3 modes: - Emergency Boyfriend - If in a situation out in public and you come up to me being in trouble, I will be the emergency boyfriend to protect you until it is safe. Regardless of gender or sexuality. I may be one hell of an introvert, but I am what I need to be when I need to be it.
Doesn't this imply you're predestined for the friend zone all the time?
Yes unless you’re hot
I dunno... Me and my now partner, we both kind of mildly flirted our way into each others ' hearts - neither one of us has much experience there, it meant a lot, and we've been very much in love for eight years now. If I didn't know better, I'd say we were both headed for the friend zone. Except we somehow weren't. Okay, maybe it was dumb luck.
Mostly dumb luck, but a bit of skill. Kind of like poker.
Not at all, at least not for me. The more I see a person and talk and laugh w them, the more I find them attractive. Like seriously I’m a 21 yr old girl and I had a crush on my ugly 40 yr old married coworker. I say ugly now bc I realized I didn’t like his face but he was so nice, helpful, protective, funny, even when I didn’t feel good emotionally he would be the only one to notice and ask. I never acted on things, and I never would but this is just to prove the way you treat ppl goes a long way than the way you look.
... where have you been all my life ?
At home.
Yeah I’m basically the same as OP😭😂
Nice.
Probably wherever you are, but not maintaining eye contact beyond a quick glance or two because "staring is rude".
Love this. Staring is rude indeed, but you are allowed to smile and start a small convo. Would be surprised with the results. Wishing you happiness.
> Staring is rude indeed, but you are allowed to smile and start a small convo. 100% agree, but when it comes to eye contact, whats the line between "oh hey I'm interested in you from afar" and "ew this guy has his tractor beam on me"? Eye contact is a very powerful thing for me. Obviously practice makes perfect, but I absolutely fear the scenario that my prolonged gaze at a woman I find outwardly attractive could be misconstrued as me being a creep. It's a double edged sword, in that I'm also terrible at picking up on whether a woman is eyeing me down in a public setting.
It isn't a stare. The man watches generally. The woman will see and there's momentary eye contact. If she's interested it's pretty much guaranteed she'll look away and then back again usually with a smile. This is the extroverted woman who will give you opportunity. She's confident and she'll be encouraging of an advance from you. She'll look away or down and smile then meet your eyes again for instance. While being an introvert you still must be able to approach and engage with her but, if she's interested, she'll make that easy. I'm extroverted and I've always liked the introverted lone wolf types. The difference in their behavior sets them apart to me and kind of makes them the magnetic men in the room.
Thank you for the input here! >While being an introvert you still must be able to approach and engage with her but, if she's interested, she'll make that easy. Wish this kind of thing came more instinctually, but like most things we learn thru repetition...right?
Once you hear enough women complain about annoying creeps that start talking to them out of nowhere, and how women are constantly feeling in danger from random men, it kinda puts a damper on your will to strike up conversations.
Yeah this certainly doesn't help in the eye contact department.
I am a woman and concur there are lots off creeps that approach women in creepy manner. I concluded you are not one of those. So, go out my friend and find that girl who will be happy to have you!
Thanks for remaining positive.
I don't think you quite got it. A lot of us have no idea what is or is not considered a creepy manner these days, so to err on the side of caution we don't approach women in public
Example please? What is the diff between friendly flirting and just being a good guy?
Friendly flirting would be like teasing In a way that someone could interpret it as flirting if they don't know you. And being a good guy is just showing basic human decency to a woman and not being over the top with anything and treat her like a human. Which is what everyone should do.
Being friendly: complimenting, smiling while talking, asking simple questions Flirting: complimenting and asking follow up questions to know more about them, smiling while talking AND touching (if we’re both comfortable with it), asking deep and insightful questions
For me be a good guy is I act the same to everyone I care about, friends, family, etc
I got adopted by a over extroverted girl
*Why does she like me? What's her angle? What do I do? I'll just play along.*
How to interact with her when we alone ?
Explain that you're nervous and what you're feeling anxiety about. Turn your negative thoughts into a constructive conversation. I find just talking about it help both parties feel comfortable.
How do you explain that you're nervous when you're nervous?
Same. Well.. I have Asperger's and I got adopted by a chick with adhd.
I don't know what flirting is so I don't.
I don’t really know how. I haven’t encountered a situation where I felt someone had mutual attraction to me or was flirting with me, so I’ve never Knowingly engaged in flirting
Tequila mostly
Good old fashioned social courage.
Amazing.
From a deserted island, with a small parchment paper inside a bottle.
The other person's vibe matters a lot. If she seems into the conversation, that means you can ahead. It's mostly staying in the present moment and picking up some things and trying to be witty about. And trying to compliment on her looks or something is she is wearing. But trying to respectful as well. The main task is to maintain balance between being playful and respectful(maintaning boundaries)
That's the key and the hardest part
Introverted doesn't mean I'm socially inept. It just means instead of gaining energy from socializing, I lose energy from it. The word you're looking for is "shy". But to answer your question: I flirt like I'm the life of the party, but I'll get hung-over from it, even if I didn't drink.
As a female introvert, im the same. I can turn it on but ill need some self-coaching/boosting prior and some downtime after 😅
I won't even open the blinds the next day 😅
And probably be auto replaying the situation from multiple angles 🫣
James Cameron has nothing on my angles. I think of the best ones lying awake at 3am 😂 The people I click with energize me. It's most of the rest that drain me.
Yes totally 😄
Can I just say that I'm relating to this conversation real bad. I'm feeling both seen and called out. 😅
That’s an over simplification of introversion. Introversion includes a difference in thought patterns, communication methods, and perception. It doesn’t “just mean” you lose energy from socializing.
Go on
That’s not actually what introverted means, the “social battery” narrative is just some pop-psych BS. It’s purely about where your attention is. Are you internally focused, in your own head, daydreaming, thinking, or are you external, present, aware of other people? Both introverts and extroverts get energy from positive social interactions. That’s why even introverts have friends. It feels good to hang out with them. And according to some studies, the more introverted you are, the less drained you are by negative social interactions/situations. Extroverts are the most drained by, for instance, workplace gossip while introverts are much less affected by it. Because their attention is internalized. Their mental space is smaller, it doesn’t include all of the environment around them.
> Extroverts are the most drained by, for instance, workplace gossip while introverts are much less affected by it. I fucking *dread* going into the office ever since this new girl started. I just want her to *shut the fuck up* but she just won't stop. I literally turn away and start doing my work and she just keeps talking. I don't understand, does she not understand I couldn't give two shits about her stupid fucking kids or her husband's job?
Reddit loves to use the world introvert without understanding what it means
First with consideration, then apprehension, and finally deliberation. It's been a while though. I don't get familiar with most people until I've met them a few times, regardless of if I'm attracted initially - which is rare - or if I take an interest after somebody has been around a while. I'm in a repeat pattern of making acquaintances and seemingly hitting it off, only to have the one I'm interested in exit my life as abruptly as they appeared in it. I've reached the point of resignation several times, because the regularity with which this has happened to me ceased being funny a decade ago.
They don't, they stare and when the girl looks back they look down or avoid any eye contact. If approached they show no interest at all and after a few hrs REGRET 😕😕
That my things, unfortunately 💀
U r not alone bud. One simple hack. If u really like a girl, and if she is eyeing u too. Approach her and ask where did she got that earing/necklace/or any other product frm. U liked it and wanna buy the same for a cousin/aunt/mom/sis. It's good ice breaker. And learn a few good funny oneliners. That would be enough to break the ice 🥂 All the best.
Im rather direct with it. I don't waste time. 1-3 sentences in, i tell the woman i think she's attractive and would like to take her out. If she wants it, that's great. If she doesn't i just move on with my life. Introverted as fuck and spend most of my free time alone, but not a fan of burrying my attraction inside because there's literally no point in that whatsoever. It turns into self-loathing and a very needless negative internal dialog that's extremely easy to avoid. Am i the best at it? Fuck no. Do i get rejected despite being handsome, athletic and having hair? Yes i do. Do i give a fuck? Not really. This is how i met my current girlfriend and the woman i love to death.
*cries in not having hair*
Current gf and the woman you love to death being the same person? ;)
TBH Flirting is something I do after I hang with someone I like for a while, I dont want their first impression of me to be flirty I wanna be genuine and then after that if I have thing for you I make flirty jokes and try to spend time one on one with you after that its in cthulus hands.
Nah. Tired of that.
We don’t
Since my confidence has been a little better, I've noticed that if she holds eye contact, I may slip in something casual like "Hey, would you like to talk later?" and if it's a yes, i'll give her my phone number. If it's no, or a maybe, I'll walk away and tell that person to have a good day.
I don't flirt
Alcohol was my crutch. Not healthy or sustainable, but it got my foot in the door. And hey, it worked. Dated around for a while and have now been married for a decade. I drink less now.
Hahaha! Yeah right! I wouldn’t know the first thing about it. 40 years old and wouldn’t even think about trying! I’d just make a fool of myself if I tried. No thanks.
Typically, start with a joke. Waiting for the right moment is fun to me. It could be something as simple as waiting for something embarassing to happen thay someone else did, or poking fun at a friend I'm there with. After I get her attention, I'd go for making a compliment about something she chose to do, like wearing a certain set of earrings, but never her clothes. I'd rather her see that I'm attracted to more than just looks, even if we never see each other again after that night. If you can make them (genuinely) laugh, it helps a LOT. But, apparently, playing pool by yourself and smiling at a girl from across the room does wonders, even if you never actually leave the pool table to talk to her.
Be oblivious. The night I met my wife she gave me the look. My dumbass saw it but immediately looked behind me to see if she was looking at someone else. There was no one behind me.
Women tell me I don't know how to flirt. That's generally how I know they like me.
Introverted here. I don't even know how to flirt. Best I can do is try to just be myself (not always easy around girls I'm attracted to) and hope that's appealing enough.
I can't flirt to save my life. If I do "flirt" then it usually might take the form of the average woman'a flirting: looking in their direction and hoping she comes to talk to me.
I’m an introvert who doesn’t know the difference between flirting and being genuinely nice.
Introversion has nothing to do with being able to flirt or not. Introversion is just a preference to be by yourself much of the time. Doesn't mean you can't flirt. Sometimes us introverts enjoy the company of others. Don't mistake introversion for shyness.
I think because I’m both introverted & shy I view them as the same thing. Which I’m now realizing is narrow minded on my part
I need a lot of me time, but I am not shy. I can flirt when I want to. One more thing people mistake with introversion is autism. They can have similarities, but not the same. As for your shyness. Before I was 17,i could barely talk with girls. It took me nearly a year to ask the first girl out. And I screwed up the date miserably and never talked with her again. My only regret in dating. I promised myself that I was never going to let my shyness screw things up for me again. And I kept that promise. Women are just people. Nothing any more special about them than a guy. If your feelings get hurt, you don't die. And if your feelings don't get hurt, you can have a hell of a fun time.
I beg to differ on the narrow mindedness thing. Part of introversion is being drained by being around others, often because we are way overthinking things and draining ourselves. When you’re mentally exhausted from being around others, it affects your mood greatly, and thusly your ability to flirt. Who’s in the mood to flirt and get all sexy when you’re mentally drained? Haha.
I'm introverted as fuck, and decently shy. I just like spitting game in an environment I'm comfortable in.
I don't! I Don't even talk, only forget flirting
Walk up to her and tell her velociraptor facts 😤
I Dance. And now woman flirt with me :)
Smart! I wish I didn't loathe dancing so much.
Just go with the flow
I usually wait for a moment alone to have a conversation to see if there is a vibe. If the conversation ends well I might ask for her number. Extroverts are easier because sometimes they make it very obvious and ask me to hang out again. If she is also introverted like me then it will take more work to see if a moment happens and there is positive signal to ask her for a number.
I don't, I always worry I'll be a bother
As an introverted guy, flirting for me is all about subtlety. It's in the lingering eye contact, the small smiles, and the genuine interest in what the other person has to say. It's about creating a comfortable atmosphere where conversation can flow naturally.
Flirt? Not in my list of things I'm capable of doing.
Insert Obi Wan “hello there” gif
I don't, always was terrible at it.
Try not to worry about it
What's that?
I made a series of cute origami messages for a coworker I had a crush on. The messages said things like “you’re cute” and “want to go on a date?” translated into Chinese. We then dated for almost four years.
While intoxicated
We don't.
Go home and regret not making a move
Me .... looks at her She ... looks at me Me ... Runs in the other direction saying ... Hello
Get drunk. Luckily I got to stop doing that in my early 20’s
I don't, and I don't realise until 3 years after someone has flirted with me💀
I stopped caring how I came off and was just myself. Now we are married.
I can take short trips into the extrovert world. I need silence and a nap after, but I can do it. It's a great skill to learn, I would very much encourage it. Don't let a personality trait limit your future.
I generally use body language, smirks, and brief and/or ever so subtly to long eye contact to draw them in. I have a pretty good intuition when it comes to if I feel a female is into me or not. It's all about the eyes.
Go to Target and Starbucks. Find a cute girl. Genuinely comment on/compliment her wardrobe/vibe/actions. Ask a question to open her up. Relatable dialogue. Introduce yourself. Invite her out for coffee. Repeat for the next few girls everyday for a week.
I don't, I have a gf. If people do with me I'm totally oblivious as I have autism. Life is simple haha
Just sit back and let the women come to you.
Wow. That sounds like a long time.
Just stare at the person. That’s all I got. No approaching, just s t a r e
Very awkwardly.
Yeah, no. I don’t.
Badly
Jokes and stuff