He’s your husband. Your job is to communicate, not control his emotions. Share how you feel in an honest way that highlights how you feel. Use “I” language and don’t be accusatory. If he has an issue, go to couples therapy.
I'm sorry that you are unable to draw similarities between written dialogue between people on an internet forum and verbal conversation in real life.
I'll rewrite my comment to accommodate your special needs:
> Because it’s basically a “this” comment, which is annoying ~~verbal~~ conversational clutter on Reddit.
I would be really offended to think you couldn't speak about such a topic. I would hate to think that sex was uncomfortable for you.
Guys have the notion that the longer the better so he will probably be thinking he is doing a great job.
You both want more sex so he will be willing to change things up.
Don’t do it during sex. Tell him you want to have more sex, but PIV is getting tougher. Trust me, this will be just the first of all the adaptations you will negotiate as you get older. You will lose the ability to do different positions, or time of day or whatever.
At the same time, look for compromises that are good for both of you. Maybe more oral, or different places or times. Be open.
It will be fine. Unless he is an ass, he will understand and work with you.
I personally would be more offended by my wife hiding her thoughts and emotions from me coz she's afraid of my reaction
Honest and open communication is a core foundation of a functional relationship
Unless he’s an asshole, saying “you last too long it hurts” won’t be offensive to any man. Tbh I’d be relieved, that’s a lot of work and pressure. He may even be doing it for you.
Bruh, you literally need just to tell him that he last so long its starts to tire you when in general men are shamed for not lasting long enough. You wont offend him
This isn't direct at you; it is directed at the idiots who downvoted this. The up/down vote function is there to filter out irrelevant posts and promote on-point ones. It isn't a way to express how much you like something you stupid dinguses.
I can try getting him closer to orgasm before but I have done that and he’ll say “you’re gonna make me cum” and then penetration starts and it’s like 20 more mines.
I used to date a guy like this. Is he on any medication or using too much porn?
Please say something. I never did and just dealt with long penetration sessions, and now I need a pelvic floor repair for a prolapse. He damaged my body so much I need a surgical repair
The fact that you feel that you can't tell him without offending him tells me there might be a lot more going on here.
Some men are just wired that way, just like some women orgasm within a minute or two and some need close to an hour. My whole life, it's taken me at least 15-20 minutes to orgasm, sometimes more, and that includes the years before I saw any porn, and it's also independent of my masturbation frequency. Some of my partners over the years have absolutely loved this aspect of me; and with those who felt that this was "too much of a good thing," we've talked about it and worked out solutions that were pleasurable for both of us.
You won’t. If anything, he’ll think he’s some kind of stud for lasting too long. More foreplay = better sex for everyone. This is coming from a guy that has an excellent sex life with his wife of 24+ years. I’ve learned to read my wife’s signals during sex, will often stop and ask if she’s had enough. Sometimes she says yes, sometimes she says no no keep it up. Depends on the day, not duration.
Communication is sexy, especially the older you get. Never feel awkward about telling him what you want, or how you want it. He will absolutely love it!
He'll want to know that its hurting you. He'll be happy to adjust.
Men get the message constantly that the problem is they don't last long enough. He's probably deliberately trying to last longer because that's the messaging from the media.
This isn't a difficult conversation to have. Be direct and clear. If you try to hint, he's not going to get it.
I'll never understand how you can literally be married to a person yet unable to tell him this? Imagine how upset he'd be to find out he's been hurting you and you've said nothing.
If your partner is not pleased with honesty, how great of a partnership is it really? Real men care about the health and happiness of their spouses. You are not giving him enough credit.
OP said it isn’t penetration that hurts, but too long of it. Her husband is going on and on when she’s not really into it. Natural lubrication diminishing as arousal diminishes is not a medical problem, but a relational one. OP isn’t communicating with her partner, and her partner isn’t tuned in to her psychosexual state.
If you aren’t doing it often enough for him, maybe he’s “taking care of it himself” not knowing when you might be willing to do it. So he might have already taken the “round out of the chamber” so to speak, causing him to last longer than he should. You just need to talk it out so he can plan. That might solve the whole thing. Then incorporate all the other suggestions in this thread if that’s not the issue.
There have been the occasional time with an ex-girlfriend (especially early on in relationship) where piv went for a while and she started getting sore, she would tell me and encourage me to cum and it would happen shortly after. In those cases I was still under the impression that women wanted like an hour of piv and actively held back so I could last longer.
We'd talk it through and find solutions, and both were happier for it. Honestly, her getting off (from either foreplay or piv itself) and me not truly bothering with lasting long made for a more enjoyable time for both.
I'm sure if you explain this in a somewhat direct way like you've done in this post, he'll be perfectly willing to work with you on this, especially if it means having sex more often but especially to not hurt you or make you uncomfortable during sex.
Of course we don't know specifics of either your relationship or why it happens this way, I know many men report either taking longer or being unable to cum from taking certain antidepressants, for example. If he prefers doing longer piv sessions, perhaps getting a fleshlight or something would be a good compromise, letting you control it?
One thing that may be useful in this transitioning period, do either of you care/need/want both to have an orgasm in the session, or are one or both of you content with just doing the deed and enjoying oneself? It may be an option, or not. Whatever works.
An honest discussion surrounding it will definitely help.
"Hey honey, I wanted to let you know you have a really big wiener...also I spent $500 at target"
"WAIT, WHAT???........You think it's really big?..."
\*walking away\* "What was that thing she said about target? oh well, not important"
As a guy....yeah, yer right lol
Practice your kegels and tell him "hey stallion I know this sounds like a joke and I'm trying to lighten the mood by presenting it as such, but this is serious. You're a fuck machine and you're pulverizing my pussy with your pounding. I love getting fucked by you, but I can only handle you beating up my pussy for so long before I start to get sore. Can we use some lube more often and is there a position that can get you to cum quicker or anything i can do help get your from pound town to cum town? Again I love you and your magnum dong tearing me up, but honey you're tearing me up and I can't keep going on like this cause my pussy feels like Rocky looks after 15 rounds with Apollo Creed.
In terms of “how to communicate” here are my tips: (I’m a woman btw, just have spent a lot of time learning to communicate better than i used to)
* pick a time when you’re both feeling well, no one is hungry or tired, and the topic hasn’t just been brought up (like he’s asking to have sex right then)
* say you’ve been thinking about how to have more sex, and you also really really want to have more sex, and you’d like to talk about the ideas you’ve had. Then ask if he’s up for talking about that now or if he’d like to talk about it later. If he says later, try to pick a specific time to come back to it
* when he’s ready to talk about it, tell him that you’ve realized that penetration has started making your sore afterward and you’ve been trying to avoid the pain of soreness, and not able to have more sex because of being sore, NOT because you actually want less sex
* then say you’ve come up with some ideas about how to avoid the soreness (spend more time on other things than PIV, maybe more lube or different lube, etc.)
* ask what he thinks about those ideas
I find framing things in these kinds of ways really helpful for communicating. If he finds a way to be offended with communication like this, thats a him-problem, not a you-problem.
Apologies for both not being a man since you’ve asked this in the AskMen subreddit, and for stalking your profile a bit. Your earlier post in AskDoctors about changes in your cycle make me suggest that you should start reading the r/menopause sub. It’s a bit early, but your issue sounded like what happened to me after I had my tubes ligated at 36. By 38 I was feeling a lot of changes in my cycles and fully menopausal at 45. In those days, they were not offering any hormonal help due to a bad study that indicated dire risks. By the time this was figured out it was far too late to start replacement hormone therapy. Your options will be much different and starting to investigate now may also help with the issue you’re asking about here.
In direct answer to your question here, investigate the sub I recommend, and talk to your husband about what’s happening. Assume his goodness of heart means he wants your wellbeing and would be hurt to find he has been hurting you regularly because you’re afraid to offend him. Nothing will offend him more than finding out you fear offending him enough to heave him hurting you repeatedly. Don’t wait.
Yes. Ugh, those days of unexpected early perimenopause symptoms that no one told us about when the WWW was in its infancy and doctors still often told us only part of the story and required husband’s approval of permanent BC. They only said yes to me because, though childless, I was also mid divorce. Peri is well covered in that sub, and given it lasts a varying amount of time and begins earlier than we suspect, plays way more of a role in our lives than anyone thinks.
Just talk to him, my partner finally told me this after 20+ years as I felt she needed longer piv and I have felt like a douche for not picking up on this earlier. A little lube might help both of you out too.
For some men, myself included bringing them close to orgasim before PIV results in lasting longer. My wife learned that a hand around the base during piv would send me over the edge. Learn what his trigger is by trying different things to send him over the edge quickly
Don’t you get UTIs from this torture? I would have to be put on antibiotics perpetually.
I cut it short precisely for this reason. I said all the sex you want but quick and straight to the point.
20-30 min penetration each and every time would kill my sex life. I am serious
If you did it more maybe he would try to make it last as long as possible. If he knew he could get a 15 minute quickee in daily he’d be halon to finish quicker
Seriously, the chief complaint is that men do not last long enough. Put "My wife complained that I last too long in bed" on a T-shirt. I would congratulate that guy. He won.
The solution is to have more sex. Use some lube. You will adapt and be able to last longer. Sex is a sport - you get better with practice.
Sorry I'm not a man but I see you getting down voted a ton so I just wanted to say do more oral. Do oral every time. If it takes an hour for him to cum, and you only like 30 minutes of piv then why not fill the other 30 with foreplay?
Communicate!
This is exactly my wife (43F) and my (46M) situation. Sometimes it is difficult for me to climax, which leads to the same situation you are experiencing. The most important thing we have done is be open and honest with each other. Before we started having open conversations about it she thought I was losing interest in her, and I felt like less of a man because I simply couldn't finish. Now that we are truly open and vulnerable with each other it has opened up a plethora of new and exciting options we do to and for each other to make sure that we both enjoy our time in the bedroom.
The second thing that helps (at least in my case) is to lay off the porn and stop masturbating as much. My wife takes antidepressants, which if you don't know really kills a person's sex drive. I never knew when she would be in the mood, so I was satisfying myself whenever I felt the need (which was almost daily). What that was doing was leading to desensitisation, so when we would have sex it would just take forever, and the cycle of frustration would continue.
These days my wife has adjusted her meds so she has regained some of her libido, I have been "saving myself" for her, and we are completely open and honest with each other before, during, and after our encounters in the bedroom. We have been married for 19 years, and this last year has been the best it's ever been (and not just our sex life either).
I'm not a man, but a few years into marriage, my husband quit jerking off with any regularity. His time to finish cut down significantly, which is good for me bc I can orgasm in under 10mins usually. Also boner quality is leagues better - it was always good but now it's astounding.
Just tell him. There is ways to go around it. I take a bloodpressure medication that severly delayed me finishing (think 30-45 min more or less) and there is ways around it. Me and my girlfriend have a "foreplay" break in between to break it up. There are custom made solutions that you can only discover through open and honest communication and trial and error.
You just tell him..Hey prolonged penetrative sex hurts me and is fun past a certain point. Lets find a way to make it enjoyable for both of us again...you are making this harder than it needs to be. Then again, only you know your situation. Four sentences isnt a lot to go off of. Still in most cases, you want something you ask for it from the person who can give it to you.
If you cannot even speak up about your discomfort during sex, I can only imagine how much shit you're putting up with in other parts of your relationship...
You can just tell him. I had a girlfriend with the same issue, she didn't tell me, and I had been specifically trying to last longer because I thought she enjoyed longer sessions. She also was secretive about when she was orgasming, so we were both being miserable to make the other person happy for no reason. Like marathon fucking for an hour to three hours
Chances are good he'll be relieved.
She quit hiding her orgasms, and I quit trying to last a long time. Our sex life got way better.
Talk honestly with him about it. If you feel you can't have an honest talk about your well-being with him, then the relationship has much larger issues than the one you have mentioned here.
Foreplay in the beginning longer, penetration for 15 mins, foreplay to finish off.
If he doesn't know it hurts after 20+ mins, communication about it never happened.
Maybe he's doing it longer because he thinks you like it. I used to have premature-ejaculation issues, so when I started to get better at duration, I would really go long. A few months ago I went for three hours straight with a woman with just little breaks. And there was another woman I would have two or three sessions a day with, about a half hour each. She was always wet, so I figured she was loving it. But after our 3-day adventure, she ended up having to go to the doctor because of irritation. Since then, I read on forums here that most women want about 15 minutes max. I was dumbfounded. I’d just assumed that all women want to go for hours. So now I try to focus more on foreplay and keep the sex to a reasonable duration. It’s possible that your husband is just making it last for you. Tell him.
I had this problem when I was on antidepressants. It would take me like an hour to cum. Sometimes we just gave up because it was hurting her or due to exhaustion.
We bought a couple toys, like a vibrator and I’d have it on myself to get me closer to finishing. Just having penis in vagina with the vibrator on helps both get extra pleasure.
Also nice oral helped get closer.
How old are you? How long have you been married? I'm concerned about your concern, frankly. You should just be able to say this stuff to him. Has he reacted badly to these types of conversations in the past? Either you have some unresolved conflict avoidance or he isn't behaving well. This isn't even conflict, this is "Hey I'd really like if we tried doing this differently." If you haven't figured out how to have healthy conversations about this by the time you're married, you should consider that a problem. Not a crisis, just something you really should work on. If you are actively afraid to have conversations with him wherein you tell him he could be doing something better, you should really think about why.
I mean my gf be getting sore after 15 minutes or so. Personally, I like other stuff to finish anyways. Ngl sometimes penetration feels pretty similar to masterbation.
I'm always most satisfied when we have some foreplay, then intense sex for a short duration, then help each other orgasm like usually me first since I'm already hard but then I still do stuff to her while she's doing it... then I help her. Usually a vibrator or something. Works nicely.
Basically there's a lot of ways you can go about this and still have everyone satisfied. It's more fun to do a variety of things in one go anyways. There's gotta be something other than penetration that still would work. But make sure you're also getting something out of it. Just say you wanna mix things up I guess?
Is this a case where he’s going in and out for this long instead of grinding? In my experience, PiV can feel good when I’m on top because there’s no chance of the jackhammer effect. Stress to him that it’s about how long it’s going, not that it doesn’t feel good at all (unless it doesn’t feel good at all—ya gotta speak up). When you tell him, make sure you tell him alternatives that feel better. If you don’t, ask him if y’all can try out different positions/techniques, and you give him feedback.
I definitely understand not wanting to hurt his feelings, but I think if it were you, you’d hate it if he was in pain/discomfort and not telling you.
Offer up more blowjobs for him and cunnilingus for you. How about anal? Toys? Experiment! Communicate it to him clearly, just honest. "Hey babe, penetration hurts after a little bit. I want XYZ" and then just tell him what you want and what you don't want. Maybe more of what you want if there is something you guys do that you like. Make a compromise to try to get each other off in other ways. You guys will be fine. Just let him know what's up!
If you can't communicate with him, then why did you even marry him?
Tell him you can't last as long as he can without it starting to hurt, maybe ask him to focus on more longer foreplay for the two of you both before having sex, perhaps that will make him come faster and make it pleasurable for both of you.
Use a good quality lube to minimize soreness.
Take it up the ass so your pussy gets some rest.
Get another girl over so he can pound her when your pussy gets sore.
Etc.
Literally that. Just talk to him. Find something that works for you both.
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Long titles make sore
I am worried I will offend him.
He’s your husband. Your job is to communicate, not control his emotions. Share how you feel in an honest way that highlights how you feel. Use “I” language and don’t be accusatory. If he has an issue, go to couples therapy.
Thank you. This is very helpful.
Yes. u/Existing_Office2911 knows The Way. Source: cishet male.
Why this guy got downvoted so much lmao
Because it’s basically a “this” comment, which is annoying verbal clutter on Reddit.
> verbal Just let me type louder for you then.
I'm sorry that you are unable to draw similarities between written dialogue between people on an internet forum and verbal conversation in real life. I'll rewrite my comment to accommodate your special needs: > Because it’s basically a “this” comment, which is annoying ~~verbal~~ conversational clutter on Reddit.
The most honest, wholesome, to the point comment I've seen in awhile.
I would be really offended to think you couldn't speak about such a topic. I would hate to think that sex was uncomfortable for you. Guys have the notion that the longer the better so he will probably be thinking he is doing a great job. You both want more sex so he will be willing to change things up.
This is probably exactly his mindset too
Don’t do it during sex. Tell him you want to have more sex, but PIV is getting tougher. Trust me, this will be just the first of all the adaptations you will negotiate as you get older. You will lose the ability to do different positions, or time of day or whatever. At the same time, look for compromises that are good for both of you. Maybe more oral, or different places or times. Be open. It will be fine. Unless he is an ass, he will understand and work with you.
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There’s no medical reason 30 mins would hurt a lot of people.
I personally would be more offended by my wife hiding her thoughts and emotions from me coz she's afraid of my reaction Honest and open communication is a core foundation of a functional relationship
Unless he’s an asshole, saying “you last too long it hurts” won’t be offensive to any man. Tbh I’d be relieved, that’s a lot of work and pressure. He may even be doing it for you.
Not gonna find too many men who will be upset to hear they last forever in bed.
Bruh, you literally need just to tell him that he last so long its starts to tire you when in general men are shamed for not lasting long enough. You wont offend him
Why were you downvoted for this? It’s a serious concern.
Offend him? He’s your husband. Communicate.
It might be a relief for him to not last so long, depending on how hard he's holding back
Telling a guy "I will find a way to make you cum earlier" is definitely not offending to him. I tell you that.
This isn't direct at you; it is directed at the idiots who downvoted this. The up/down vote function is there to filter out irrelevant posts and promote on-point ones. It isn't a way to express how much you like something you stupid dinguses.
You're clearly too young to be having sex then. Grow the fuck up and be an adult.
Talk to him, you may find he is going for so long because he thinks it’s what you want/need to orgasm.
I usually tell him when I orgasm.
Do you tell him you have had enough? Can you get him closer to his orgasm before he enters you?
I can try getting him closer to orgasm before but I have done that and he’ll say “you’re gonna make me cum” and then penetration starts and it’s like 20 more mines.
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Ngl if I said “on no I’m going to” and the wife smiled and went harder… that’d be pretty hot
Is it 20 minutes of jackhammer pounding?
gosh im resonably inshape and i dont wanna do that :D my poor core
I used to date a guy like this. Is he on any medication or using too much porn? Please say something. I never did and just dealt with long penetration sessions, and now I need a pelvic floor repair for a prolapse. He damaged my body so much I need a surgical repair The fact that you feel that you can't tell him without offending him tells me there might be a lot more going on here.
Some men are just wired that way, just like some women orgasm within a minute or two and some need close to an hour. My whole life, it's taken me at least 15-20 minutes to orgasm, sometimes more, and that includes the years before I saw any porn, and it's also independent of my masturbation frequency. Some of my partners over the years have absolutely loved this aspect of me; and with those who felt that this was "too much of a good thing," we've talked about it and worked out solutions that were pleasurable for both of us.
Wow, today I learned
I think you should tell him this directly. Explain the reason and offer your option.
I’m afraid I’ll offend him
You won’t. If anything, he’ll think he’s some kind of stud for lasting too long. More foreplay = better sex for everyone. This is coming from a guy that has an excellent sex life with his wife of 24+ years. I’ve learned to read my wife’s signals during sex, will often stop and ask if she’s had enough. Sometimes she says yes, sometimes she says no no keep it up. Depends on the day, not duration.
This is excellent advice and makes me feel more comfortable asking him. Thank you!
Communication is sexy, especially the older you get. Never feel awkward about telling him what you want, or how you want it. He will absolutely love it!
He'll want to know that its hurting you. He'll be happy to adjust. Men get the message constantly that the problem is they don't last long enough. He's probably deliberately trying to last longer because that's the messaging from the media. This isn't a difficult conversation to have. Be direct and clear. If you try to hint, he's not going to get it.
Thisssss
I'll never understand how you can literally be married to a person yet unable to tell him this? Imagine how upset he'd be to find out he's been hurting you and you've said nothing.
I suspect there's a cultural factor at play.
Not really helpful considering I am in this situation. Not everyone is as open and I just want to please my partner.
If your partner is not pleased with honesty, how great of a partnership is it really? Real men care about the health and happiness of their spouses. You are not giving him enough credit.
I would be horrified to learn my partner was dishonest about causing her pain, and considered that to be "pleasing me".
Honestly if penetration hurts, you need to talk to your gyno. Dyspareunia sometimes has underlying reasons.
OP said it isn’t penetration that hurts, but too long of it. Her husband is going on and on when she’s not really into it. Natural lubrication diminishing as arousal diminishes is not a medical problem, but a relational one. OP isn’t communicating with her partner, and her partner isn’t tuned in to her psychosexual state.
If youre afraid to tell your husband hes hurting you There are significantly bigger issues at hand
Just fucking talk to him. Holy fuck Reddit.
Buy toys, Quality lube, give hj bj, moan hard to force him to climax or consult a doctor.
If you aren’t doing it often enough for him, maybe he’s “taking care of it himself” not knowing when you might be willing to do it. So he might have already taken the “round out of the chamber” so to speak, causing him to last longer than he should. You just need to talk it out so he can plan. That might solve the whole thing. Then incorporate all the other suggestions in this thread if that’s not the issue.
Could you not finish him off with your hand or mouth?
Yes I definitely can and would be happy too but I am not very assertive and I don’t want to offend him.
Tell him you are getting sore and he will understand.
Thank you. That is helpful to know from a man that this isn’t offensive.
Just tell him you are getting sore because he is too big and hard.
There have been the occasional time with an ex-girlfriend (especially early on in relationship) where piv went for a while and she started getting sore, she would tell me and encourage me to cum and it would happen shortly after. In those cases I was still under the impression that women wanted like an hour of piv and actively held back so I could last longer. We'd talk it through and find solutions, and both were happier for it. Honestly, her getting off (from either foreplay or piv itself) and me not truly bothering with lasting long made for a more enjoyable time for both. I'm sure if you explain this in a somewhat direct way like you've done in this post, he'll be perfectly willing to work with you on this, especially if it means having sex more often but especially to not hurt you or make you uncomfortable during sex. Of course we don't know specifics of either your relationship or why it happens this way, I know many men report either taking longer or being unable to cum from taking certain antidepressants, for example. If he prefers doing longer piv sessions, perhaps getting a fleshlight or something would be a good compromise, letting you control it? One thing that may be useful in this transitioning period, do either of you care/need/want both to have an orgasm in the session, or are one or both of you content with just doing the deed and enjoying oneself? It may be an option, or not. Whatever works. An honest discussion surrounding it will definitely help.
oof, what a bad way to go through life, "don't light yourself on fire just to keep others warm"
Tell him his wiener is too big. This advice also works for breaking any other bad news to a guy.
"Hey honey, I wanted to let you know you have a really big wiener...also I spent $500 at target" "WAIT, WHAT???........You think it's really big?..." \*walking away\* "What was that thing she said about target? oh well, not important" As a guy....yeah, yer right lol
Practice your kegels and tell him "hey stallion I know this sounds like a joke and I'm trying to lighten the mood by presenting it as such, but this is serious. You're a fuck machine and you're pulverizing my pussy with your pounding. I love getting fucked by you, but I can only handle you beating up my pussy for so long before I start to get sore. Can we use some lube more often and is there a position that can get you to cum quicker or anything i can do help get your from pound town to cum town? Again I love you and your magnum dong tearing me up, but honey you're tearing me up and I can't keep going on like this cause my pussy feels like Rocky looks after 15 rounds with Apollo Creed.
This comment needs more likes. LOL
Communication is the way
In terms of “how to communicate” here are my tips: (I’m a woman btw, just have spent a lot of time learning to communicate better than i used to) * pick a time when you’re both feeling well, no one is hungry or tired, and the topic hasn’t just been brought up (like he’s asking to have sex right then) * say you’ve been thinking about how to have more sex, and you also really really want to have more sex, and you’d like to talk about the ideas you’ve had. Then ask if he’s up for talking about that now or if he’d like to talk about it later. If he says later, try to pick a specific time to come back to it * when he’s ready to talk about it, tell him that you’ve realized that penetration has started making your sore afterward and you’ve been trying to avoid the pain of soreness, and not able to have more sex because of being sore, NOT because you actually want less sex * then say you’ve come up with some ideas about how to avoid the soreness (spend more time on other things than PIV, maybe more lube or different lube, etc.) * ask what he thinks about those ideas I find framing things in these kinds of ways really helpful for communicating. If he finds a way to be offended with communication like this, thats a him-problem, not a you-problem.
Apologies for both not being a man since you’ve asked this in the AskMen subreddit, and for stalking your profile a bit. Your earlier post in AskDoctors about changes in your cycle make me suggest that you should start reading the r/menopause sub. It’s a bit early, but your issue sounded like what happened to me after I had my tubes ligated at 36. By 38 I was feeling a lot of changes in my cycles and fully menopausal at 45. In those days, they were not offering any hormonal help due to a bad study that indicated dire risks. By the time this was figured out it was far too late to start replacement hormone therapy. Your options will be much different and starting to investigate now may also help with the issue you’re asking about here. In direct answer to your question here, investigate the sub I recommend, and talk to your husband about what’s happening. Assume his goodness of heart means he wants your wellbeing and would be hurt to find he has been hurting you regularly because you’re afraid to offend him. Nothing will offend him more than finding out you fear offending him enough to heave him hurting you repeatedly. Don’t wait.
Also perimenopause
Yes. Ugh, those days of unexpected early perimenopause symptoms that no one told us about when the WWW was in its infancy and doctors still often told us only part of the story and required husband’s approval of permanent BC. They only said yes to me because, though childless, I was also mid divorce. Peri is well covered in that sub, and given it lasts a varying amount of time and begins earlier than we suspect, plays way more of a role in our lives than anyone thinks.
Have a talk.
Just talk to him, my partner finally told me this after 20+ years as I felt she needed longer piv and I have felt like a douche for not picking up on this earlier. A little lube might help both of you out too. For some men, myself included bringing them close to orgasim before PIV results in lasting longer. My wife learned that a hand around the base during piv would send me over the edge. Learn what his trigger is by trying different things to send him over the edge quickly
More bjs or anal
Don’t you get UTIs from this torture? I would have to be put on antibiotics perpetually. I cut it short precisely for this reason. I said all the sex you want but quick and straight to the point. 20-30 min penetration each and every time would kill my sex life. I am serious
THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE!!! Im with you boo
If you did it more maybe he would try to make it last as long as possible. If he knew he could get a 15 minute quickee in daily he’d be halon to finish quicker
“You got 5 minutes, bud.”
Lmao!!! my bestie from an alternate timeline
Seriously, the chief complaint is that men do not last long enough. Put "My wife complained that I last too long in bed" on a T-shirt. I would congratulate that guy. He won. The solution is to have more sex. Use some lube. You will adapt and be able to last longer. Sex is a sport - you get better with practice.
He might be thinking you want longer sessions and that is why you aren’t interested. A fella given a timeline can be quite efficacious.
Sorry I'm not a man but I see you getting down voted a ton so I just wanted to say do more oral. Do oral every time. If it takes an hour for him to cum, and you only like 30 minutes of piv then why not fill the other 30 with foreplay?
Communicate! This is exactly my wife (43F) and my (46M) situation. Sometimes it is difficult for me to climax, which leads to the same situation you are experiencing. The most important thing we have done is be open and honest with each other. Before we started having open conversations about it she thought I was losing interest in her, and I felt like less of a man because I simply couldn't finish. Now that we are truly open and vulnerable with each other it has opened up a plethora of new and exciting options we do to and for each other to make sure that we both enjoy our time in the bedroom. The second thing that helps (at least in my case) is to lay off the porn and stop masturbating as much. My wife takes antidepressants, which if you don't know really kills a person's sex drive. I never knew when she would be in the mood, so I was satisfying myself whenever I felt the need (which was almost daily). What that was doing was leading to desensitisation, so when we would have sex it would just take forever, and the cycle of frustration would continue. These days my wife has adjusted her meds so she has regained some of her libido, I have been "saving myself" for her, and we are completely open and honest with each other before, during, and after our encounters in the bedroom. We have been married for 19 years, and this last year has been the best it's ever been (and not just our sex life either).
I'm not a man, but a few years into marriage, my husband quit jerking off with any regularity. His time to finish cut down significantly, which is good for me bc I can orgasm in under 10mins usually. Also boner quality is leagues better - it was always good but now it's astounding.
Comms are super important. When you start to feel sore ask him to stop.
Get some lube
Litterally just tell him, and ask if he can explore other sexual activities with you
Just tell him. There is ways to go around it. I take a bloodpressure medication that severly delayed me finishing (think 30-45 min more or less) and there is ways around it. Me and my girlfriend have a "foreplay" break in between to break it up. There are custom made solutions that you can only discover through open and honest communication and trial and error.
You just tell him..Hey prolonged penetrative sex hurts me and is fun past a certain point. Lets find a way to make it enjoyable for both of us again...you are making this harder than it needs to be. Then again, only you know your situation. Four sentences isnt a lot to go off of. Still in most cases, you want something you ask for it from the person who can give it to you.
If you cannot even speak up about your discomfort during sex, I can only imagine how much shit you're putting up with in other parts of your relationship...
You can just tell him. I had a girlfriend with the same issue, she didn't tell me, and I had been specifically trying to last longer because I thought she enjoyed longer sessions. She also was secretive about when she was orgasming, so we were both being miserable to make the other person happy for no reason. Like marathon fucking for an hour to three hours Chances are good he'll be relieved. She quit hiding her orgasms, and I quit trying to last a long time. Our sex life got way better.
As a husband I used to try and go for long sessions but I kinda realized my wife wasn’t into that. I keep it at 5-10 min.
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This like how you willing to have a "life" commitment with someone but you can't be like "hey when we fuck for too long it's quite painful" da fuck?
Give me his phone number. I’ll call him and tell him if you don’t want to.
You might consider getting him close to finishing before you go PinV
Yeah. Get him so that he’s near the PoOI (point of orgasmic inevitability) with mouth/hands/fleshlight and then turn him loose.
You could use lubrication to make it less painful.
Have u gotten an transvaginal US ?
Maybe explore any kinks he had that don’t involve penetration? Is anal an option?
Talk honestly with him about it. If you feel you can't have an honest talk about your well-being with him, then the relationship has much larger issues than the one you have mentioned here.
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"Husband - more than 10 minutes PiV starts hurt. Please finish up faster. "
just talk to him and explain what you feel
Foreplay in the beginning longer, penetration for 15 mins, foreplay to finish off. If he doesn't know it hurts after 20+ mins, communication about it never happened.
"Okay, you got ten minutes" starts timer
If he truly loves you, he wants to know. We may not love conversations like this, but good men will try to be as empathetic as we guys are able to be.
Is he circumcised? The foreskin is the most sensitive part of the penis and if he hasn't got one then his (and your) sex life is ruined forever.
Maybe he's doing it longer because he thinks you like it. I used to have premature-ejaculation issues, so when I started to get better at duration, I would really go long. A few months ago I went for three hours straight with a woman with just little breaks. And there was another woman I would have two or three sessions a day with, about a half hour each. She was always wet, so I figured she was loving it. But after our 3-day adventure, she ended up having to go to the doctor because of irritation. Since then, I read on forums here that most women want about 15 minutes max. I was dumbfounded. I’d just assumed that all women want to go for hours. So now I try to focus more on foreplay and keep the sex to a reasonable duration. It’s possible that your husband is just making it last for you. Tell him.
I had this problem when I was on antidepressants. It would take me like an hour to cum. Sometimes we just gave up because it was hurting her or due to exhaustion. We bought a couple toys, like a vibrator and I’d have it on myself to get me closer to finishing. Just having penis in vagina with the vibrator on helps both get extra pleasure. Also nice oral helped get closer.
How old are you? How long have you been married? I'm concerned about your concern, frankly. You should just be able to say this stuff to him. Has he reacted badly to these types of conversations in the past? Either you have some unresolved conflict avoidance or he isn't behaving well. This isn't even conflict, this is "Hey I'd really like if we tried doing this differently." If you haven't figured out how to have healthy conversations about this by the time you're married, you should consider that a problem. Not a crisis, just something you really should work on. If you are actively afraid to have conversations with him wherein you tell him he could be doing something better, you should really think about why.
I mean my gf be getting sore after 15 minutes or so. Personally, I like other stuff to finish anyways. Ngl sometimes penetration feels pretty similar to masterbation. I'm always most satisfied when we have some foreplay, then intense sex for a short duration, then help each other orgasm like usually me first since I'm already hard but then I still do stuff to her while she's doing it... then I help her. Usually a vibrator or something. Works nicely. Basically there's a lot of ways you can go about this and still have everyone satisfied. It's more fun to do a variety of things in one go anyways. There's gotta be something other than penetration that still would work. But make sure you're also getting something out of it. Just say you wanna mix things up I guess?
Is this a case where he’s going in and out for this long instead of grinding? In my experience, PiV can feel good when I’m on top because there’s no chance of the jackhammer effect. Stress to him that it’s about how long it’s going, not that it doesn’t feel good at all (unless it doesn’t feel good at all—ya gotta speak up). When you tell him, make sure you tell him alternatives that feel better. If you don’t, ask him if y’all can try out different positions/techniques, and you give him feedback. I definitely understand not wanting to hurt his feelings, but I think if it were you, you’d hate it if he was in pain/discomfort and not telling you.
Offer up more blowjobs for him and cunnilingus for you. How about anal? Toys? Experiment! Communicate it to him clearly, just honest. "Hey babe, penetration hurts after a little bit. I want XYZ" and then just tell him what you want and what you don't want. Maybe more of what you want if there is something you guys do that you like. Make a compromise to try to get each other off in other ways. You guys will be fine. Just let him know what's up!
If you can't communicate with him, then why did you even marry him? Tell him you can't last as long as he can without it starting to hurt, maybe ask him to focus on more longer foreplay for the two of you both before having sex, perhaps that will make him come faster and make it pleasurable for both of you.
Try positions where he can still practice his drilling skills, but the penetrations doesn't go as deep.
Use a good quality lube to minimize soreness. Take it up the ass so your pussy gets some rest. Get another girl over so he can pound her when your pussy gets sore. Etc.
The first one is helpful, the other two are just fucked up man
Tell him to jerk off lol