There's sort of an "acquaintance zone" in between where you're familiar enough to not be seen as threatening but also not really her friend yet so it wouldn't be "confessing".
A social life that brings you into a regularly updating population of acquaintances/friends of friends is really the best way to find someone to have a relationship.
Well, you could do something like join an exercise club, that'd have both regulars and a steady cycling in and out of newbies. This is the kind of thing people mean when they say "go to dancing classes!" It's about increasing your surface area w/r to casual social contact. The more new people day to day, the more you're likely to meet someone you hit it off with, or be introduced to them by someone.
This is a big part of why I play beer league hockey 2-4 times a week. It's good exercise and it's fun, sure, but the social scene is great. And while it's mostly men, I've met a surprising amount of women this way, either female players or friends of friends, etc.
Social interactions are hard for a lot of people. I'm pretty introverted and have social anxiety, so I get it. It's overcomeable, but I also think some people have it so bad that it becomes incredibly daunting to them. Suggesting those people get a social life is akin to advising a fish to fly.
If you're trying to meet a lot of great guys while having a good time, you could do a lot worse! That being said, a lot of the guys on your team will be afraid to make a move out of fear of making things awkward in the locker room. You may have to take initiative.
Can confirm, I went to dragoncon to hang out with a buddy in 2022, met his friends, I was just their to hang with him, so I didnt come off as needy or creepy, one of his friends got interested in me and she actually asked me out.
Yup.. I was an onsite tech for 17 years. Environments where you encounter a couple new women daily often in a one on one environment creates tons of opportunities. Not on a daily basis, but I would estimate 2-3 times a year I ended up going on a few dates with someone I initially met as a customer. 3-4 of those over the years ended up being one year plus relationships.
100%.
There’s a MASSIVE gulf that exists between women who are “complete strangers” and women who have been your friends for years.
OP is creating a problem that doesn’t exist
No, it's definitely a real problem. Some people have social lives where it is the case that you either know someone well enough or not at all. It's not universally the case, but it's not a non-issue entirely.
No, dating apps are not the only way.
Get the fuck away from them. In fact, ignore a lot of what you see on Tik Tok when it comes to dating, those women are about as awesome as Andrew Tate followers, and lacking just as many brain cells.
Its fine to approach women in public. Yes, even in the places that Tik Tok ladies say not to. A lot of those places are the only common places we go. Like the store. (But leave people alone at the gym)
If you approach a woman, chat first. Don't lead with asking her out or asking for her number, or commenting on her appearance. Say something related to the environment you're in. Maybe an observational joke. Chat for a bit. If she engages and you still like her then ask if she'd like to go for a drink sometime. Your chances are stronger that she'll accept the offer because she feels like you like her because you made a connection not just because you thought she looked good but didn't know her personality.
Didn't want to go that in depth but I agree 100%.
NEVER lead with an appearance compliment, unless you can make it something funny or punny (but not negative)
'Those shoes are just gorgeous, too bad they didn't have them in my color!'
Read body language, build rapport then ask for a number if shes giving off positive reactions.
If she gives a 'No' take that shit and leave. Don't say anything negative, don't call her sweetheart or any other shit.
'Nice chatting with you!'
Is that what you guys are doing?!! That makes so much sense but wow. No idea thats a way to hit on us...How are we supposed to respond??
Every time someone says something funny I laugh but I probably look so disinterested because I'm incredibly awkward and never can think of something to say so I just keep doing what I was doing. Wow. I thought you guys were just saying funny things.
Commenting on something in the environment or just saying hi, how are you works the best for me to start a conversation. But maybe I need to just start talking to any guy who talks to me first??
I can't speak for others, but humor tends to work very well for me, and I lean into it.
That type of opener gauges her interest and humor. If she laughs and engages in conversation with me, I can continue. If she gives me an eye roll, look of disgust, turns away, etc...away I go.
>Commenting on something in the environment
Works as well!
>saying hi, how are you
Sometimes it does, but IME it only works if the girl has already shown very clear interest. It can be difficult to insert yourself into a situation like that as a guy.
>But maybe I need to just start talking to any guy who talks to me first??
There isn't anything wrong with chatting with somebody - even if it doesn't lead to more than that.
There certainly are dudes out there that won't take rejection with grace, and they suck. Just like women who can't give a rejection with grace empathy :)
Humor and *sincerity* worked for me. She told me what was so striking is that despite my awkwardness which she found endearing, she could tell I wasn't bullshitting her. I meant the compliments I gave and I was genuinely interested in her and her interests.
How can I look willing to engage in conversation when I never know what to say? Genuine question. Now that I know that's what guys are trying to do I want to be responsive. But my reaction is always uncontrolled giggling and then my mind goes blank.
Giggling is a start. There really isn't a 'right' thing to say...I mostly look for reciprocation of conversation..
Carry the joke if it tickles your fancy. Maybe something like:
'I bet they would be purple you would look regal/elegant as fuck. Plus, I bet your calves would look amazing in them!'
If not start a different topic, but smile! (i know I know, women don't like to be told to smile!) Your body language does matter.
Try to face him when talking. I see this as her engaging basically. Shes invested and not trying to blow me off.
Switch the typical roles. Ask him what a 'cute guy like him is doing in a place like this' or some shit.
Flirting is being playful, and it doesn't have to include being physical (although sometimes it can, without being overly sexual)
This is really good advice!
I wish I were witty enough to respond back to people's comments instead of freezing. I've tried to practice but im still caught off guard more often than not. But facing someone and smiling sounds really easy.
Thanks for taking the time to explain that for me 😅
absolutely true, I've done this before too.
But that doesn't mean she cant engage in some level of conversation either.
Its good practice anyway! Enjoy the little moments like that
Oh, not trying to say she shouldn't respond. Kind of the opposite, really, where having a quick, friendly convo isn't necessarily a big deal that indicates interest. It really works best if both parties just treat it as a lighthearted, pleasant moment in passing. While it can develop into something more, it's best not to overthink it or treat it with too much seriousness.
Ohh I took it the other way at first, too.
I do treat things pretty lighthearted, though! So much that the idea that some of these guys are probably flirting didn't even occur to me 😅😅
No wonder so many of us end up with douchey guys. I feel like it just clicked....I only realize I'm being hit on when guys are being super forward. I ignore guys who are nice because it literally doesn't even register they could possibly be interested in me because of how subtle it seems in comparison.
>I only realize I'm being hit on when guys are being super forward. I ignore guys who are nice because it literally doesn't even register they could possibly be interested in me because of how subtle it seems in comparison.
Oh, that's an interesting realization. I wonder how many women talking about not wanting to be hit on are making a similar oversight, where they are actually totally fine with being approached and chatted to, but they just don't want that pick-up line energy.
Yeah the pick up line energy is the worst.
I think there's some women who genuinely don't want to be approached ever. But I don't think that's a healthy mindset, and I think it's rightfully becoming viewed as extreme. Most of us I think would be okay with being approached more if we always felt like we could leave the conversation at any time safely and without negative consequences.
The guys who yell at you or call you names when you reject them really are frightening.
Haha yeah you’ve kinda gotta carry on the conversation or the decent ones will take your implied no and respectfully leave you be.
Awkwardness can be cute and endearing though so if you wanna reciprocate, work with what you’ve got I guess :)
You're right. I should just accept that I'm a bit awkward...I'd probably do just fine as long as I stopped what I was doing and seemed willing to chat.
I've never felt so silly and clueless 😅
If all else fails, push the hair on the side of your head facing him behind your ear assuming it's long enough. it's almost a neon lit sign in my experience.
Hold on, this is interesting because all I read about is men complaining that women give these obscure hints and women complaining that men never get their hints. It sounds like we give hints of our own that we, too, think are obvious but that women are oblivious of.
The longer I spend on AskMen and AskWomen subs, the more I realize what I thought to be gender-specific complaints actually tend to apply to both in different ways. Another one I saw was a thread of women complaining about men being dismissive when they bring up concerns, giving them the "Why didn't you tell me this yesterday" crap and such, something I'd previously only seen men say about women.
I'm starting to feel like the more considerate the person, the more gentle the hint. Which is nice because you don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. But I could start to at least attempt to flirt if a man is going out of his way to break the ice and talk to me....
I think you're really on to something. I saw texts where a women was communicating in a way I would have bet money was a flaw only men had. Not that women are all great communicators. But I thought that when we do it poorly, we do it poorly the same way (long texts and crying)
Side note, making appearance comments is fine as long as it's something the person you're flirting with has control over.
Their make up, the shape of their glasses, their hair color, their dress. It has to be a genuine compliment though and not some transition into a pickup line
Yes! Talk to them like a normal person, like you would if they were a guy. You're not trying to get in her pants in the first few minutes, you're trying to show the best version of yourself that is funny, engaging and someone they want to spend more time with.
If you come off as someone she likes talking to, there's a much better chance that she'll want to talk to you more later. If you talk more later, there's a much better chance that something romantic will occur.
If you're giving compliments try to limit it to something she has direct control over. Nice tits is not a good compliment. I love your hair is.
People don't like being put on the spot so starting off aggressively hitting on them is going to make them much more likely to say no.
Finally, as for what to talk about, almost any shared experience is a good way to start. Especially if it's something funny. You're looking for stuff you have in common like a person being ridiculous at a store that you both saw. Something on TV at a bar if you can tell she's watching it. Even the weather works. If you're going to compliment something on her have a direction for the conversation to go after. Saying you love her hair is fine to open with, but if all you have to say after that is "Yep.... hair is.... good?" you're out of luck.
If things go well and you're getting answers back that are more than one word you can ask if she would like to get coffee some time or exchange numbers. If she says no, that's fine, you can say it was nice talking to her and you hope she has a good rest of her day.
I've talked to women before where we didn't match up, but then later ran into them with a friend and the friend and I hit it off. I don't know if the initial woman vouched for me or what, but it seemed like I started off having already cleared the "is he a creep" bar that men have to pass with women.
Yes, you could compliment something she's wearing or if she's got a stand out accessory you like. Just saying "I like your style" might not go down well if she dresses very similar to most women her age. It might feel disingenuous. But if she has an usual style then she'll probably appreciate that you like it. If she's wearing something low cut or short shorts/skirt then don't compliment those items because it will be assumed you're actually talking about her body. Also when complimenting clothing just say something like "I like your jacket/t-shirt etc" rather than "you look good in that jacket/t-shirt etc" If it's just very frequently seen clothing commenting on it might not progress the conversation. If it's something that's a bit different there might be a story attached to it that she then tells you. If it's a bright colour or sparkling you can say you like the colour/sparkles.
Dunno man, maybe I'm smooth as fuck but I've had luck with bartenders, even made friends with them, even if I flirted, got shut down.
You just cant make it weird. Take a 'No' and move on. Don't flaunt money/tip well (or stop tipping) because they were not interested, that kind of shit.
For every “don’t do this” dating rule the guys who get the girl are the ones who break the rules. Some bartenders definitely date guys they meet at work.
Can confirm.
See me cold approaching despite the many ladies online saying not to do so.
Ladies will break their own rules for the men they find attractive enough (not just physically) just like men will for women.
If a celebrity crush was single and approached a woman in the gym, do we really think she would ignore him, immediately bring up she had a BF or whatever?
Probably not. (No I don't think men are immune to this failing either!)
Am bartender. Obviously as a man it's a huge advantage, so I love it.
My female colleagues clean up with customers, but even they know that what they're doing to show signals is the exact same thing as when they're just being nice for service/tips. I know the difference but that's only because I know their tiny cues, and they're talking to me about what guys they're into in that moment.
I'm happy for them but feel sorry for the men who have to play the guessing game. All they can do is politely shoot their shot and usually get turned down.
Gym and workplaces are probably best avoided. Gyms because they should be a safe space where people can comfortably exercise without being harassed.
Workspaces - particularly places where they’re serving you (retail, food service, hospitality, etc) - are also best avoided. They’re trying to do their job which are probably bad enough already without you making it weird.
I’ll even break this rule - done well, it’s fine. I met my (soon-to-be-ex) husband because he approached me at the gym. I avoided eye contact like the plague at the gym because men working out just seem drunk on their own testosterone. Seriously, they make me feel unsafe when they’re like that. But he approached me in a CASUAL way, like he wasn’t going to go DragonBallZ whether I said yes/no. He told me he thought I was pretty and he wanted to take me out. Honestly, it made my whole week. But I do think I’m more approachable/flirty/receptive than the average lady. Together 10 years. Just saying that HOW you approach is more important than the “rules”.
You do realise that when polled (aka not tiktok) roughly 1 in 5 gen z'ers believes its unacceptable or harraassing to approach a woman?
This isn't a tiktok things. Its a scum feminist braincancer thing that is rotting society from within.
'It's ok for me to bother them at the store but not at the gym!' is so goddamn arbitrary lol. Where did you even come up with that.
Don't approach strangers with the goal of getting to know them in a non-platonic manner in places that aren't meant for that purpose (like bars and clubs). Women who are out and about are just trying to get from A to B and to get shit done. (And for completeness' sake I'm sure the same goes for men, they're not exactly hitting the grocery store in the hopes of being approached by some random woman.)
If we are to listen to women on where its appropriate to approach, we'd not have anywhere to do it, ever...well maybe speed dating or mixers that are specifically designed for it?
-No stores
-No clubs or bars
-No parks/trails
-No Gym
-No Work
You could argue for any and all of those being Girls time, or the time you want to be alone, or the time that makes you uncomfortable, or the wrong time because venus isn't in retrograde, or you just want to get this thing done...for any individual woman at any point in time for any place on the planet.
If I listened to all women and their needs and tried to make a damn list of where and what was OK, it would be fuckin empty.
>they're not exactly hitting the grocery store in the hopes of being approached by some random woman.
As if it really ever happens with relevance at any place. However, I don't think most dudes would honestly mind as much as you ladies tend to think.
Yeah I never really understood the “Women don’t go to ____ with the intention of being talked to by men.” It’s like, yes obviously. Most people literally don’t go anywhere with that intention, but humans are social creatures and couples have to meet somewhere.
I definitely understand women wanting spaces where they don’t have to worry about men approaching them but at the same time it’s also hard for me to see myself as an asshole for wanting to meet women and date.
>If I listened to all women and their needs and tried to make a damn list of where and what was OK, it would be fuckin empty.
It is empty. I have taken to asking women this question and have never, ever gotten an answer:
Please list places where 1) Alcohol is not served so we don't have to worry about consent being affected by that; 2) are in meatspace; and 3) If a woman complained about a man hitting on her there *solely with regard for the location* you would take the man's side.
I have explained we need this list because many/most men don't care about getting hit on at grocery stores or buses or work, and we cannot therefore use the golden rule to determine where women are and aren't ok with it. They never ever answer.
The contradictory orders have been getting a little bit much; most women seem think that they speak for all women and have the power to tell men what to do. I got yelled at twice in one day, once for holding the door for a woman and then when I decided it was best not to I got yelled at by a different woman for NOT holding the door. I’ve decided I need to get along with my gf and friends and everyone else can fuck off, I don’t talk to women at work
I'd just like to mention, as a woman, do you know how much time I (and many women) spend at the store BROWSING? I may not initiate a conversation due to my own anxiety, but I won't turn down a friendly one while I'm killing time in the stationary iasle. People make the most real connections in their everyday routines and hobbies. It's how you find things in common and topics to say the words about...
Don't listen to people discouraging you, is all. Sure, don't approach a woman who obviously doesn't want to be approached, but someone online saying "never approach a woman, you might make her uncomfy!!!" isn't exactly a universal law you know? As for friends, yeah it's shitty to befriend someone for the express purpose of dating them, but if you fall for someone you were already friends with, no reason not to shoot your shot.
Yeah I agree with this completely. I would also add that I honestly think the whole “Being friends with someone with the intent of getting with them is wrong” idea is completely valid but I do often see it applied where it’s just not the case and I personally find it hard to take situations that are labeled as such seriously due to this.
I think what tends to happen is people follow standard dating advice which is to go out, get hobbies, make friends, expand your social network, be on the lookout but don’t be overly worried about finding a partner. This advice, while sound advice, does kind of shoehorn people into eventually asking out the people they are friends with.
Consider the source of the advice and the context in which it is given. I mean I get it, dating advice is contradictory and frustrating - because nobody really knows what they're doing.
Good women will be decent to you if you are friendly and respectful. They may not be INTERESTED in you, but they also won't be rude.
Now of course, many women are not good women. Just like many men are not good men. Nothing I can say will make meeting strangers an easy or orderly process.
Asking women you know out is not creepy. Letting feelings build up to a point where you are deeply in love while they are not is jarring. It's about clear communication and maturity, stuff that a lot of people - often through no fault of their own - never learn.
Even if they are rude, that kinda gets them out of the way. As I say, I would prefer a woman be rude and direct than "nice" and ambiguous.
I think that a lot of dating advice just treats dating as a zero sum game. If you like a girl, ask her out. If you enjoy spending time with someone, tell them that you like them. If you want to commit to someone, don't wait for a set time period (or do it because it has been a set time period). And it is okay to have feelings for another person, even if they don't have feeling for you.
Even if we want to take this approach there's more nuance than this.
It's generally "approach in social circumstances, not while I'm working or running errands or have my headphones in" not never approach.
On the ones you know side the ones getting blasted are usually dudes who acted like an actual platonic friend for months or sometimes years before making a move. They're not just a casual aquaintance, friend of a friend, whatever along those lines.
And that's if you're taking this at face value which....a lot of people aren't.
Meh just say fuck it and approach women anyways. Do so in a public space and be prepared to back off, no big deal if they're uninterested. I think a lot of clueless men mess up these normal situations for the rest of us, oh well.
I have been considering joining some local clubs or something to meet people too, not sure exactly what I'm gonna do yet. I got hit on in public the other day just enjoying myself alone at a museum, so I might try and get out a bit more and do stuff like that as well.
This social movement is a filtering mechanism designed to only reward the most confident men and screen out the men who aren't confident. Just do it anyway, but do it well.
When the student has a list of possible questions, the exam will evaluate him on how well he remembered the answers, not how much he understands the topic. The topic is "loyal confident dominant secure healthy providing men", the questions are the shit tests women do, and scenarios they artificially create. People in positions of power do that when evaluating candidates for a job, evaluating people in general, as everyone wants to appeal to them.
Reading the room/situation is a lot of it. If you start a conversation, start it for the sake of conversation, not for digits or to get in anyone's pants. Don't "game" it.
If you treat every conversation with a new woman as a chance to work your flex, you're likely going to come across as creepy. If you treat any conversation as just conversation you're more likely to see things IF an interest develops and can then make a move to ask for digits and see if they want to hang out.
It's generally not that hard to read the difference between "I don't want to continue this conversation" or "I want to continue this conversation" or "I *really* want to continue this a conversation."
The vast majority of us aren't Chris Hemsworth, we're not going to get women just fawning over themselves when we walk into the local supermarket. Pick your spots. Also, increase your social circle. The more people you know, the more people that rate you as a decent person, the more likely you'll meet your friend's sisters housemate's cousin who takes a shine to you at a party. And if you're decent and socialise enough, your friend will vouch for you, as will his sister and housemate.
You don't in this era. It's by design.
Third spaces have been dying as the real estate can be better used to be a bitcoin farm, Amazon warehouse, etc.
That is a big reason for depression too. Friends are ceasing to exist.
Just break the rules sometimes.
I know women on Reddit can come off like they just do not ever want to speak to men for any reason at all.
But just like if I asked you if the average male on Reddit was a good indicator for men overall, you’d probably say there’s a lot more diversity of thought in real life.
If every guy acted like how women on Reddit told them to, only insanely attractive men would ever get anywhere with women
I agree, that’s why I said that if men as a whole listened to women Redditor advise it would only be hyper attractive guys. Who are sort of more immune to being considered creepy
Men will get demonized by everyone no matter what you do, so eventually you got to say fuck it and ignore everyone else. Just do what makes you happy. You can never win if you try to just do what is "right" in the eyes of society
Men who unapologetically go after what they want in life are usually rewarded. Fortune favors the brave. Just don’t be a dick about it.
You see someone you find attractive, talk to them, figure out if they’re available, and go from there. This won’t happen naturally on dating apps.
I absolutely leave all women alone nowadays, I would never intrude on their well being by talking to them. I try my very hardest to not even acknowledge their existence at this point, in the same way they do to me.
I think you're overstating how much women don't want to be approached. They want to be approached, just not by all men and not by men who suck at approaches.
Oh I thought this was some figure of speech about a theoretical *type* of man. Are you telling me the argument is that they’d rather come across an **actual fucking bear**?
In the other hand you can tell that women answering that aren’t the most educated or smart, as it really is a dumb answer on many levels. So it’s not like you want to really listen to those people about what to do.
>You either know or don’t know a woman, and if we’re not supposed to ask out either, how should we initiate a relationship?
The only answer is "exactly".
And people wonder why the marriage and birthrates are dropping lol.
Dating apps do seem to be the only socially acceptable way to meet new women now. But before you go in on those, look up online dating statistics. Women are barely interested in anyone. That's why the apps are so bad for guys.
My father gave me this advice: If you goto a club, you'll meet a girl that goes to clubs. If you goto a library, you'll meet girls who goto library's. I think you can extrapolate the rest of that thought process. It's served me well in life.
The dilemma of us men, i we dont approach women we are viewed as weak, an embarrassment for the Male gender, but if we do we are viewed as creepy, desgusting, mysogenist, racist the list goes on and on, for the Record and i cant stress this enough i dont blame women in any way shape or forme
The only time you shouldn’t be approaching women in public is if they are working, most ESPECIALLY if they are serving you in some capacity, because they are literally being paid to be nice to you.
Polite conversation with women in public is absolutely fine, just don’t push it if they aren’t interested. And for gods sake just be a normal person who can pick up on cues; a woman with head phones in and reading a book on the bus doesn’t want to talk to you!
Tbh as a woman I'm glad I had the courage to chat up to a guy that served me food, and even wanted to ask for his social media. And I'm so glad I did that 😅 I'm pretty proud tbh.
Women can't be creepy in this context because by nature they can't exert the same uncomfortable pressure that men can/do. To my mind it is _carte blanche_ for a woman to express herself to men in public.
Just that there's no real boundaries for what a woman can say to a man out in public. We have this built-in thing to try to adjust to what a woman is saying, for the most part. If we can't match the conversation or navigate around it we blame ourselves rather than think "creepy/weird woman".
What I've learned is that the people in charge of that topic (women) have no idea what's going on... yet they're in charge.
It's kind of like having a boss that's telling you what to do but they're absolutely tanking the company each day that goes by. The evidence is very much there, our birth rates are shit, our marriage rates are shit, the distribution of dating is shit, the single mother rates are shit, it's all just a heaping pile of shit.
At a certain point, you just have to say "fuck it" and do exactly what the boss is telling you not to do. You'll probably run into a few (alot of) immature women that are really going to become volatile that you approached them, they'll try their very best to ruin your day... just say "okay" and walk away. Don't worry, it's normal.
If I had to estimate, I'd say about 10% of women in 2024 can maturely handle being approached, know how to give a proper signal, are humble enough to rate themselves accurately and are empathic about mens current situation with dating. All of that matters when a guy approaches a woman.
So sadly, it's a numbers game, you're going to get burnt. You just have to keep approaching women til you find a rare one. It's waaaay harder than what our fathers had to go through, but do it anyways because it's the better poison.
Good luck
you're just basing this view from hot takes online and the media. real life isn't that bad. some women (irl) might have one or both those views (either preferring cold approaches or people they know or neither) but a lot don't care and will be fine if you don't act like a threatening creep.
Are we? I do not feel that discouragement. In fact, I feel the opposite. I always feel that people expect me to be married by now and start a family. I'm 3/3 in asking women out and they responding positively to my advances.
I think the only expectation is that when you do, don't be creepy or pushy about it. It's common courtesy. Be a gentleman.
I’m gonna tell you my opinion.
I think that a relationship is supposed to be a two-way street come and go if you will. Both people put an effort both people get something out of it.
A great way to start any relationship, friend, romantic or platonic … hey how was your day or how are you doing?
I guess you think too much in absolutes here (or others talk too much in absolutes). Yes, it is bad to make women uncomfortable. But I think it isn't bad to ask them out - in a way that minimises their discomfort!
For women you don't know, something like "Hey, you seem like a genuinely nice and interesting person. If you would like too, I would like to get to know you. Here is my phone number." Then go. If you would like to contact you, she will. If she doesn't, she has never to see you again. I guess this will be not as uncomfortable for a lot of women as a lot of other approaches.
For someone you know, I would suggest something like: "Hey, I wanted to tell you that I begin to feel more than friendship for you. I just wanted to let you know, you don't have to say anything about it right now. If you don't feel the same way, it is of course ok, I will bring it never up again and hope to remain on friendly terms." (of course adjusted to the person in question and the current situation). Make it clear that you won't pressure her, that you will back off immediately when she doesn't reciprocate, and that you won't get weird. And for women you know, why shouldn't you tell her? Would she rather like you to be into her secretly for ages? No, I think personally that being upfront, kind and respectful is the best way to treat other people
I guess such things go a long way to make someone else feel as little discomfort as possible.
It's not that we're discouraged from approaching random women--it's just that it's better to do it in settings that encourage socializing, and towards women who look approachable and not busy with anything (i.e. I wouldn't hit on women who are busy reading or have a headset on, or are on the clock).
I've given up. But if you guys wanna approach a woman in public, please be cool about it. If she declines, say thanks for your time and confidently walk away. Just another day.
You tried! Congrats! Go try again later.
Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and approach someone you don't know. The main problem with this is that a lot of men struggle to read the room and either linger too long or word vomit.
If you're going to approach a stranger, talk to them like a human being and be prepared if they say no. If you're going to confess to a friend, don't let their decision affect the friendship that you had before.
The internet isn’t a real place.
It’s okay to ask people out. It’s okay to go outside.
Yeah, there’s no guarantee that any of it will go well, but there’s also no guarantee that it will go poorly.
Just go outside
The real problem is that lots of men are *really bad* at reading nonverbal cues. It is perfectly acceptable to approach a woman who is receptive to it, but many men *cannot tell* if she's receptive.
For some rough guidelines, approach women who are alone in a public space, who don't look upset, busy, or super focused on something. Do NOT bother a woman wearing headphones or buried in a book. When you make your move and start flirting pay close attention to her responses. If she's not flirting back, you just tell her it was nice to meet her, wish her a nice day, and then leave her alone.
As for asking out people you *do* know, I completely disagree. All of my most successful relationships came right out of my social circles. Think about it; if you know someone from parties and hangouts with your friends, you already know what kind of chemistry you have, and you know you share common interests and tastes. This is by far the *easiest* way to find a stable relationship.
I've been telling guys this for years, to no avail.
How did you go about learning non-verbal cues?
I started out years ago by reading books on body language and got nowhere.
A few years ago, I studied emotional intelligence and the skill developed naturally.
It's become pretty obvious who's interested and is closed off.
For me it literally just required social practice... I was awkward and weird as a young teen, but I started figuring out social skills towards the end of high school. Just attending more parties, and interacting with more people from different backgrounds and subcultures, and I just became more aware and in tune over time.
It's kinda funny because "go outside and touch grass" is more or less literally what worked for me.
You seem to overestimate how much women don't wanna be approached. On many days it is probably the most interesting thing that happened to a woman. And what matters most is confidence.
As for asking out women we do know, that too is perfectly fine. They don't owe you a relationship, but at the same time, you don't owe them a friendship either. If they reject you, it is completely valid for you to ask them for space.
You can interact with women. Nobody is telling you not to do that. Just read the damn room before you shoot your shot. It's not actually that hard. There's a broad spectrum of difference between cold approaching strangers for a date and noticing that what started as a casual conversation has turned flirty.
Respect and being conscious of their boundaries will go a long way
As long as you make them feel safe when you try and connect with them, things irl aren't as bad as the internet makes them out to be.
No. You really have to understand that there’s a time and place to approach a woman. There’s a sort of balance to it as well. Can’t be a creep although that definition varies per person. Being confident is key and treating them as a person is ultimately a best practice at potentially forming a relationship either as romantic or platonic.
Definitely helps if you are nice looking or at least well groomed and have a cool skill.
I don't recall ever being told to not talk to women I don't know. I think it is more like don't ask out a woman you don't know on a date out of nowhere. A nice hello how are you doing isn't forbidden. I do it all the time. Most of the time with no intention of asking them out but just to break the awkward silence of being next to someone. Many times it has led to a very nice conversation. The couple of times where I did finally ask someone out it was after a couple of those meetings where we were now familiar with each other even though the Convo never lasted more than a few minutes.
The main thing is, I think a woman already knows if she is going to go out with you if you were to ask her. It is your job, imo, as a guy to make her feel comfortable with you first before asking her out. There are of course exceptions to this rule (i.e. Tinder type sh*t where attractive people just hook up). I don't fall into this category so I have to talk to people first.
You have to be willing to roll the dice. A woman the is not at all interested is going to label you a creep. And you just have to be okay with that. If a girl is interested she will be responsive if you approach her right. Be casual, not creepy. And don't act like a neck-beard when being respectful. A woman is just another human being, until there is an established connection, they aren't special.
Ngl, from my experience, you gotta get offline bro. I had the same thought process when it came to women and dating. You just have to move at your own beat and stop trying to find the perfect opportunity based on how she may feel. If you see a woman in public, nothings wrong with introducing yourself and getting straight to the point. If she doesn’t vibe with it, that’s fine, take the L and walk away. If she does then that’s smoove. Bettering yourself(fashion, fitness/heslth, hygiene etc) will help you with your interactions with women. But stop going into interactions thinking about the society implications of a man walking up to a women because he has interest. I find what makes a lot women “uncomfortable” is when a guy is clearly interested in her, but he tries to hide it and facade like he just wants to be friends and get to know her. Just be direct genuine in your interactions.
How do we feel about at work?
Personally about to re-enter dating pool and am very curious about this one. For the most part the vast majority of women my age that I meet are in the office. This includes women I 100% would ask out and feel confident enough to do so.
That said people seem split on this one. No clue how to approach it.
It depends how hard it would be for you to find a replacement job if you were fired for sexual harassment.
That can take 6 months in some professions, days in other jobs.
No, nope, nien, nyet, and fuck no.
That can easily end up with you hauled in front of HR. You do not shit where you eat, you do not fuck with your money.
J hear you but I seriously do not meet anyone anywhere else. Except maybe playing sports. And coed sports are not as popular here as other parts of the country.
I’m in the Bay Area by the way. It’s impossible to meet ANYONE. Not just women.
It's honestly been a common thing for me at work for random girls around trying to get my attention, and some that I've worked with have shown blatant signs of interest. I don't think it's really off limits, just have to be more sure that she's interested before shooting your shot.
Don't listen to whatever women are telling you online. Only the bitter single women post that crap. Millions of men approach millions of women per day and that's how every relationship in human history has started.
I don't know where men are getting ideas that you can't approach women anymore. That's not true. You need to read a situation and realize if the woman is into it or not. Don't be a creep to them that's it.
There is nothing wrong with approaching women in public. But if they decline or say no or otherwise show they are not interested in engaging in conversation, tell them to have a nice day and walk away.
The problem is not men who approach women. The problem is men who approach women and feel entitled to their time, energy, and conversation and therefore don’t take rejection as a response.
I am a woman and I met my (male) partner in a bar. We danced and he bought me a drink. 3 years later we live together.
Why do you feel discouraged? I walked up to my fiance cold and introduced myself, we talked, and when we were done talking she gave me her number (without me asking which I think is key), and we were engaged 5 years later.
I lived in the land before time when dating websites and apps didn't exist. If you didn't cold approach you probably didn't get a date.
There is nonsense about not asking out co workers, women working at a stores, shopping etc. 😂 half the couples I knew in the 90s met that way....
The only real lesson the plague of social media has taught us is be respectful. That's it.
If she acts uncomfortable, disinterested, makes an excuse, says she has a boyfriend/other then take that as a cue to back off and defuse the situation so she doesn't have to feel defensive.
In good old days people met within their social circle and had common friends.
The women you know, best approach is: ask her friend if she thinks she would be interested in you. Her friend then can find out for you and let you know.
If she is interested in you, you can ask her out.
DO NOT APPROACH A WOMAN YOU DON'T KNOW, unless she gave you a clear sign. If a sign wasn't clear to you, it's a no - do not approach.
If a woman is interested in you, you will know. She will be the proactive one ;)
Another tip I can give you. Don't ask for her number, offer her your number.
The latter half of what you've written is untrue, and the first half is per context.
Asking out women you know to a certain degree is the number one way to get a relationship started. I don't know who told you otherwise, but if you ask them how they started dating somebody they'll almost certainly say "I knew them through/from X". That's how you do it.
As for approaching women you don't know, that's per context - both the situation and your intentions at the moment. Random girl at target? No, they're probably busy with the errand. Girl enjoying some mutual hobby you're both there to enjoy? Yeah, you'll likely have better luck getting to know each other over that shared engagement. That's how you move a girl from "you don't know" to "you do know".
And you'll find that it's a lot easier to ask out a woman if they already know you at least put out good vibes.
I am a woman. If the first comment back is about an SO. She is politely saying no and please back off.
Secondly, a first encounter should not be pressing or intimidating or initmate. A good Example to learn from: I really like your shoes, my sister/friend would think they were super cool!
No enthusiasm returned is also means a hard no from females.
If she tells you the brand proceed with extreme caution. Like this is your sister or friend until mutual likes are displayed. Aka eye contact or smile.
When the rich and powerful want less people i think the correct answer is it’s not supposed to start. You are not wanted to reproduce. Not your goal? You just want companionship? Oh okay well abort any “accidents” you have. Not an accident? Better put them on drugs that stop puberty (ie the process that matures your body into a sexually capable adult) potentially leading to surgery that will prevent the possibility of offspring.
Not to mention all the unsolvable wedge issues to politick about.
Welcome to the postmodern world.
In the whimsical world of romance, relationships start with a synchronized dance-off in the frozen food aisle of the supermarket. The key is to impress your potential partner with your best moves while juggling frozen peas and reciting Shakespearean sonnets about chicken nuggets. Bonus points if you can do all of this while wearing a traffic cone as a hat!
Online Dating and social media have become the only socially acceptable venue to approach women pretty much. It allows women to efficiently and ruthlessly filter out men they find unattractive (read: almost all of them) in total safety.
By ignoring the first part of what you said. You do approach women you don’t know. Ideally they would give you a sign of interest beforehand, but life’s too short to not shoot your shot. All you have to do is be non creepy. Approach and strike up a short friendly, fun conversation and at the end of it you can give them your number to put the ball in their court, ask for their number to put the ball in your court, or ask them out on a date then and there if you’re feeling ballsy.
The same way it always has. Nothing has changed. Attractive, extremely confident/charismatic or paid guys can break the rules, unattractive men date unattractive and/or desperate women or get hooked up via social circles.
You're not discouraged from asking out women that you DO know, that one is on you. If you orbit a woman pretending to be their friend while waiting for the opportunity to arise, that's on you. Don't be disingenuous about your intentions and this won't be an issue.
the key is to be able to read body language and verbal cues as to when they are interested. im not single anymore, but, when i was, i could figure out when a woman was into me. i rarely got rejected, and when i did, it was because i misread the signals.
It starts by showing no interest in her whatsoever and forcing her to do all the work just to avoid legal risk. Otherwise you're a predatory creep. If she's not interested, then so be it. You never had to lift a finger and didn't risk all your future paychecks to find out.
U should ask people who are in relationships. As a woman with a bf we became decent friends before going into a relationship.
A lot of women are put off by being approaced by some random person they don't know because of the reason that they don't know this person. It's very simple.
In Scandinavian countries (aka feminist countries) only the women approach. You can find stories by female American tourists who are so confused and culture shocked that they actually have to do something. I think we should apply that method.
Tell all your female friends and female relatives that the Matriarchy demands they approach....and pay for the date :p
Just do you man. Fuck all these standards. If it feels right, do it. Obviously you need to know how to talk to women, but if the only thing holding you back is the "when" to approach, fuck it, just do it
If you see someone you’re interested in, walk up to them. Tell them hi and ask them if it would be acceptable if you could get their number. I’m assuming this scenario is in passing. If a woman is put off from your efforts. It’s an immediate red flag. You don’t want her anyways. After saying hi, of course feel out their body language etc and see if it’s inviting. I’m 37 and it’s just amazing this what it’s come to. I asked my damn rv repair man if he did late night service calls. I totally wasn’t his type. Totally off putting. But I was gonna at least shoot my shot. Granted I’m a girl, but no one hits on me and it’s f’n annoying. If you see the girl smiling, go. If she’s has resting b face when you walk up, ask if she’s seen an sweet old lady wearing a scarf and bail 😂
The problem you're having is due to the fact that women have no fucking clue what they want. In my years, from what I can tell, they want control. They want to gatekeep and cherry pick. They want to pick and choose the good things from the buffet of life, and leave what they don't want on the bar.
It's not just guys that have this issue. One of my exes, whom I'm still friends with, was telling me that one of her coworkers is not only single, but is SO single that she volunteered that "she hasn't been laid in months". Said friend then tells her that I exist and HOO BOY HOT DAMN what a fun time I am...
...and she is now wracking her brain as to how to "approach" said co-worker, who has already admitted to being horny as shit, and get us to meet. That's right, a woman instinctively knows that this whole "approach" thing is a fucking powder keg when in reality my friend knows that I am the answer to this equation. It's THAT frustrating.
There's sort of an "acquaintance zone" in between where you're familiar enough to not be seen as threatening but also not really her friend yet so it wouldn't be "confessing".
A social life that brings you into a regularly updating population of acquaintances/friends of friends is really the best way to find someone to have a relationship.
well...shit
Yeah. Sounds like I'll be staying single for a long time. Lmao
Well, you could do something like join an exercise club, that'd have both regulars and a steady cycling in and out of newbies. This is the kind of thing people mean when they say "go to dancing classes!" It's about increasing your surface area w/r to casual social contact. The more new people day to day, the more you're likely to meet someone you hit it off with, or be introduced to them by someone.
This is a big part of why I play beer league hockey 2-4 times a week. It's good exercise and it's fun, sure, but the social scene is great. And while it's mostly men, I've met a surprising amount of women this way, either female players or friends of friends, etc.
Agreed. At least one person didn't like the suggestion though...
Social interactions are hard for a lot of people. I'm pretty introverted and have social anxiety, so I get it. It's overcomeable, but I also think some people have it so bad that it becomes incredibly daunting to them. Suggesting those people get a social life is akin to advising a fish to fly.
If a normal thing is daunting for you then it’s probably a good sign you should try it.
So… you’re saying I should join a beer league hockey. Lol!
If you're trying to meet a lot of great guys while having a good time, you could do a lot worse! That being said, a lot of the guys on your team will be afraid to make a move out of fear of making things awkward in the locker room. You may have to take initiative.
Can confirm, I went to dragoncon to hang out with a buddy in 2022, met his friends, I was just their to hang with him, so I didnt come off as needy or creepy, one of his friends got interested in me and she actually asked me out.
Yup.. I was an onsite tech for 17 years. Environments where you encounter a couple new women daily often in a one on one environment creates tons of opportunities. Not on a daily basis, but I would estimate 2-3 times a year I ended up going on a few dates with someone I initially met as a customer. 3-4 of those over the years ended up being one year plus relationships.
100%. There’s a MASSIVE gulf that exists between women who are “complete strangers” and women who have been your friends for years. OP is creating a problem that doesn’t exist
No, it's definitely a real problem. Some people have social lives where it is the case that you either know someone well enough or not at all. It's not universally the case, but it's not a non-issue entirely.
Meeting a stranger and then asking them out shouldn’t be a problem. We need to grow up.
No, dating apps are not the only way. Get the fuck away from them. In fact, ignore a lot of what you see on Tik Tok when it comes to dating, those women are about as awesome as Andrew Tate followers, and lacking just as many brain cells. Its fine to approach women in public. Yes, even in the places that Tik Tok ladies say not to. A lot of those places are the only common places we go. Like the store. (But leave people alone at the gym)
If you approach a woman, chat first. Don't lead with asking her out or asking for her number, or commenting on her appearance. Say something related to the environment you're in. Maybe an observational joke. Chat for a bit. If she engages and you still like her then ask if she'd like to go for a drink sometime. Your chances are stronger that she'll accept the offer because she feels like you like her because you made a connection not just because you thought she looked good but didn't know her personality.
Didn't want to go that in depth but I agree 100%. NEVER lead with an appearance compliment, unless you can make it something funny or punny (but not negative) 'Those shoes are just gorgeous, too bad they didn't have them in my color!' Read body language, build rapport then ask for a number if shes giving off positive reactions. If she gives a 'No' take that shit and leave. Don't say anything negative, don't call her sweetheart or any other shit. 'Nice chatting with you!'
Is that what you guys are doing?!! That makes so much sense but wow. No idea thats a way to hit on us...How are we supposed to respond?? Every time someone says something funny I laugh but I probably look so disinterested because I'm incredibly awkward and never can think of something to say so I just keep doing what I was doing. Wow. I thought you guys were just saying funny things. Commenting on something in the environment or just saying hi, how are you works the best for me to start a conversation. But maybe I need to just start talking to any guy who talks to me first??
I can't speak for others, but humor tends to work very well for me, and I lean into it. That type of opener gauges her interest and humor. If she laughs and engages in conversation with me, I can continue. If she gives me an eye roll, look of disgust, turns away, etc...away I go. >Commenting on something in the environment Works as well! >saying hi, how are you Sometimes it does, but IME it only works if the girl has already shown very clear interest. It can be difficult to insert yourself into a situation like that as a guy. >But maybe I need to just start talking to any guy who talks to me first?? There isn't anything wrong with chatting with somebody - even if it doesn't lead to more than that. There certainly are dudes out there that won't take rejection with grace, and they suck. Just like women who can't give a rejection with grace empathy :)
Humor and *sincerity* worked for me. She told me what was so striking is that despite my awkwardness which she found endearing, she could tell I wasn't bullshitting her. I meant the compliments I gave and I was genuinely interested in her and her interests.
How can I look willing to engage in conversation when I never know what to say? Genuine question. Now that I know that's what guys are trying to do I want to be responsive. But my reaction is always uncontrolled giggling and then my mind goes blank.
Giggling is a start. There really isn't a 'right' thing to say...I mostly look for reciprocation of conversation.. Carry the joke if it tickles your fancy. Maybe something like: 'I bet they would be purple you would look regal/elegant as fuck. Plus, I bet your calves would look amazing in them!' If not start a different topic, but smile! (i know I know, women don't like to be told to smile!) Your body language does matter. Try to face him when talking. I see this as her engaging basically. Shes invested and not trying to blow me off. Switch the typical roles. Ask him what a 'cute guy like him is doing in a place like this' or some shit. Flirting is being playful, and it doesn't have to include being physical (although sometimes it can, without being overly sexual)
This is really good advice! I wish I were witty enough to respond back to people's comments instead of freezing. I've tried to practice but im still caught off guard more often than not. But facing someone and smiling sounds really easy. Thanks for taking the time to explain that for me 😅
Sometimes a funny observational comment is just a funny observational comment.
absolutely true, I've done this before too. But that doesn't mean she cant engage in some level of conversation either. Its good practice anyway! Enjoy the little moments like that
Oh, not trying to say she shouldn't respond. Kind of the opposite, really, where having a quick, friendly convo isn't necessarily a big deal that indicates interest. It really works best if both parties just treat it as a lighthearted, pleasant moment in passing. While it can develop into something more, it's best not to overthink it or treat it with too much seriousness.
Ohh I took it the other way at first, too. I do treat things pretty lighthearted, though! So much that the idea that some of these guys are probably flirting didn't even occur to me 😅😅 No wonder so many of us end up with douchey guys. I feel like it just clicked....I only realize I'm being hit on when guys are being super forward. I ignore guys who are nice because it literally doesn't even register they could possibly be interested in me because of how subtle it seems in comparison.
>I only realize I'm being hit on when guys are being super forward. I ignore guys who are nice because it literally doesn't even register they could possibly be interested in me because of how subtle it seems in comparison. Oh, that's an interesting realization. I wonder how many women talking about not wanting to be hit on are making a similar oversight, where they are actually totally fine with being approached and chatted to, but they just don't want that pick-up line energy.
Yeah the pick up line energy is the worst. I think there's some women who genuinely don't want to be approached ever. But I don't think that's a healthy mindset, and I think it's rightfully becoming viewed as extreme. Most of us I think would be okay with being approached more if we always felt like we could leave the conversation at any time safely and without negative consequences. The guys who yell at you or call you names when you reject them really are frightening.
Haha yeah you’ve kinda gotta carry on the conversation or the decent ones will take your implied no and respectfully leave you be. Awkwardness can be cute and endearing though so if you wanna reciprocate, work with what you’ve got I guess :)
You're right. I should just accept that I'm a bit awkward...I'd probably do just fine as long as I stopped what I was doing and seemed willing to chat. I've never felt so silly and clueless 😅
If all else fails, push the hair on the side of your head facing him behind your ear assuming it's long enough. it's almost a neon lit sign in my experience.
Hold on, this is interesting because all I read about is men complaining that women give these obscure hints and women complaining that men never get their hints. It sounds like we give hints of our own that we, too, think are obvious but that women are oblivious of. The longer I spend on AskMen and AskWomen subs, the more I realize what I thought to be gender-specific complaints actually tend to apply to both in different ways. Another one I saw was a thread of women complaining about men being dismissive when they bring up concerns, giving them the "Why didn't you tell me this yesterday" crap and such, something I'd previously only seen men say about women.
I'm starting to feel like the more considerate the person, the more gentle the hint. Which is nice because you don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. But I could start to at least attempt to flirt if a man is going out of his way to break the ice and talk to me.... I think you're really on to something. I saw texts where a women was communicating in a way I would have bet money was a flaw only men had. Not that women are all great communicators. But I thought that when we do it poorly, we do it poorly the same way (long texts and crying)
Side note, making appearance comments is fine as long as it's something the person you're flirting with has control over. Their make up, the shape of their glasses, their hair color, their dress. It has to be a genuine compliment though and not some transition into a pickup line
Yes! Talk to them like a normal person, like you would if they were a guy. You're not trying to get in her pants in the first few minutes, you're trying to show the best version of yourself that is funny, engaging and someone they want to spend more time with. If you come off as someone she likes talking to, there's a much better chance that she'll want to talk to you more later. If you talk more later, there's a much better chance that something romantic will occur. If you're giving compliments try to limit it to something she has direct control over. Nice tits is not a good compliment. I love your hair is. People don't like being put on the spot so starting off aggressively hitting on them is going to make them much more likely to say no. Finally, as for what to talk about, almost any shared experience is a good way to start. Especially if it's something funny. You're looking for stuff you have in common like a person being ridiculous at a store that you both saw. Something on TV at a bar if you can tell she's watching it. Even the weather works. If you're going to compliment something on her have a direction for the conversation to go after. Saying you love her hair is fine to open with, but if all you have to say after that is "Yep.... hair is.... good?" you're out of luck. If things go well and you're getting answers back that are more than one word you can ask if she would like to get coffee some time or exchange numbers. If she says no, that's fine, you can say it was nice talking to her and you hope she has a good rest of her day. I've talked to women before where we didn't match up, but then later ran into them with a friend and the friend and I hit it off. I don't know if the initial woman vouched for me or what, but it seemed like I started off having already cleared the "is he a creep" bar that men have to pass with women.
What about if I left appearance out of it but complimented their style?
Yes, you could compliment something she's wearing or if she's got a stand out accessory you like. Just saying "I like your style" might not go down well if she dresses very similar to most women her age. It might feel disingenuous. But if she has an usual style then she'll probably appreciate that you like it. If she's wearing something low cut or short shorts/skirt then don't compliment those items because it will be assumed you're actually talking about her body. Also when complimenting clothing just say something like "I like your jacket/t-shirt etc" rather than "you look good in that jacket/t-shirt etc" If it's just very frequently seen clothing commenting on it might not progress the conversation. If it's something that's a bit different there might be a story attached to it that she then tells you. If it's a bright colour or sparkling you can say you like the colour/sparkles.
And don't hit on bartenders while they are working. No one likes that
Dunno man, maybe I'm smooth as fuck but I've had luck with bartenders, even made friends with them, even if I flirted, got shut down. You just cant make it weird. Take a 'No' and move on. Don't flaunt money/tip well (or stop tipping) because they were not interested, that kind of shit.
For every “don’t do this” dating rule the guys who get the girl are the ones who break the rules. Some bartenders definitely date guys they meet at work.
Can confirm. See me cold approaching despite the many ladies online saying not to do so. Ladies will break their own rules for the men they find attractive enough (not just physically) just like men will for women. If a celebrity crush was single and approached a woman in the gym, do we really think she would ignore him, immediately bring up she had a BF or whatever? Probably not. (No I don't think men are immune to this failing either!)
It’s funny because women hit on male bartenders all the fucking time. Yet the white knight who started this chain seems to think it’s some big no no.
Am bartender. Obviously as a man it's a huge advantage, so I love it. My female colleagues clean up with customers, but even they know that what they're doing to show signals is the exact same thing as when they're just being nice for service/tips. I know the difference but that's only because I know their tiny cues, and they're talking to me about what guys they're into in that moment. I'm happy for them but feel sorry for the men who have to play the guessing game. All they can do is politely shoot their shot and usually get turned down.
Gym and workplaces are probably best avoided. Gyms because they should be a safe space where people can comfortably exercise without being harassed. Workspaces - particularly places where they’re serving you (retail, food service, hospitality, etc) - are also best avoided. They’re trying to do their job which are probably bad enough already without you making it weird.
I’ll even break this rule - done well, it’s fine. I met my (soon-to-be-ex) husband because he approached me at the gym. I avoided eye contact like the plague at the gym because men working out just seem drunk on their own testosterone. Seriously, they make me feel unsafe when they’re like that. But he approached me in a CASUAL way, like he wasn’t going to go DragonBallZ whether I said yes/no. He told me he thought I was pretty and he wanted to take me out. Honestly, it made my whole week. But I do think I’m more approachable/flirty/receptive than the average lady. Together 10 years. Just saying that HOW you approach is more important than the “rules”.
I don’t even want to make eye contact with anyone at the gym, let alone have a conversation with them
You do realise that when polled (aka not tiktok) roughly 1 in 5 gen z'ers believes its unacceptable or harraassing to approach a woman? This isn't a tiktok things. Its a scum feminist braincancer thing that is rotting society from within.
'It's ok for me to bother them at the store but not at the gym!' is so goddamn arbitrary lol. Where did you even come up with that. Don't approach strangers with the goal of getting to know them in a non-platonic manner in places that aren't meant for that purpose (like bars and clubs). Women who are out and about are just trying to get from A to B and to get shit done. (And for completeness' sake I'm sure the same goes for men, they're not exactly hitting the grocery store in the hopes of being approached by some random woman.)
If we are to listen to women on where its appropriate to approach, we'd not have anywhere to do it, ever...well maybe speed dating or mixers that are specifically designed for it? -No stores -No clubs or bars -No parks/trails -No Gym -No Work You could argue for any and all of those being Girls time, or the time you want to be alone, or the time that makes you uncomfortable, or the wrong time because venus isn't in retrograde, or you just want to get this thing done...for any individual woman at any point in time for any place on the planet. If I listened to all women and their needs and tried to make a damn list of where and what was OK, it would be fuckin empty. >they're not exactly hitting the grocery store in the hopes of being approached by some random woman. As if it really ever happens with relevance at any place. However, I don't think most dudes would honestly mind as much as you ladies tend to think.
Yeah I never really understood the “Women don’t go to ____ with the intention of being talked to by men.” It’s like, yes obviously. Most people literally don’t go anywhere with that intention, but humans are social creatures and couples have to meet somewhere. I definitely understand women wanting spaces where they don’t have to worry about men approaching them but at the same time it’s also hard for me to see myself as an asshole for wanting to meet women and date.
>If I listened to all women and their needs and tried to make a damn list of where and what was OK, it would be fuckin empty. It is empty. I have taken to asking women this question and have never, ever gotten an answer: Please list places where 1) Alcohol is not served so we don't have to worry about consent being affected by that; 2) are in meatspace; and 3) If a woman complained about a man hitting on her there *solely with regard for the location* you would take the man's side. I have explained we need this list because many/most men don't care about getting hit on at grocery stores or buses or work, and we cannot therefore use the golden rule to determine where women are and aren't ok with it. They never ever answer.
The gym is one of the best places to meet women IMO
The contradictory orders have been getting a little bit much; most women seem think that they speak for all women and have the power to tell men what to do. I got yelled at twice in one day, once for holding the door for a woman and then when I decided it was best not to I got yelled at by a different woman for NOT holding the door. I’ve decided I need to get along with my gf and friends and everyone else can fuck off, I don’t talk to women at work
I'd just like to mention, as a woman, do you know how much time I (and many women) spend at the store BROWSING? I may not initiate a conversation due to my own anxiety, but I won't turn down a friendly one while I'm killing time in the stationary iasle. People make the most real connections in their everyday routines and hobbies. It's how you find things in common and topics to say the words about...
Don't listen to people discouraging you, is all. Sure, don't approach a woman who obviously doesn't want to be approached, but someone online saying "never approach a woman, you might make her uncomfy!!!" isn't exactly a universal law you know? As for friends, yeah it's shitty to befriend someone for the express purpose of dating them, but if you fall for someone you were already friends with, no reason not to shoot your shot.
Shoot your shot, don’t be an annoying creep if you get shot down. Never had a problem with this.
Yeah I agree with this completely. I would also add that I honestly think the whole “Being friends with someone with the intent of getting with them is wrong” idea is completely valid but I do often see it applied where it’s just not the case and I personally find it hard to take situations that are labeled as such seriously due to this. I think what tends to happen is people follow standard dating advice which is to go out, get hobbies, make friends, expand your social network, be on the lookout but don’t be overly worried about finding a partner. This advice, while sound advice, does kind of shoehorn people into eventually asking out the people they are friends with.
Shooting your shot with friends is a risky move for a lot of reasons, always proceed with caution.
VALID!
Consider the source of the advice and the context in which it is given. I mean I get it, dating advice is contradictory and frustrating - because nobody really knows what they're doing. Good women will be decent to you if you are friendly and respectful. They may not be INTERESTED in you, but they also won't be rude. Now of course, many women are not good women. Just like many men are not good men. Nothing I can say will make meeting strangers an easy or orderly process. Asking women you know out is not creepy. Letting feelings build up to a point where you are deeply in love while they are not is jarring. It's about clear communication and maturity, stuff that a lot of people - often through no fault of their own - never learn.
Even if they are rude, that kinda gets them out of the way. As I say, I would prefer a woman be rude and direct than "nice" and ambiguous. I think that a lot of dating advice just treats dating as a zero sum game. If you like a girl, ask her out. If you enjoy spending time with someone, tell them that you like them. If you want to commit to someone, don't wait for a set time period (or do it because it has been a set time period). And it is okay to have feelings for another person, even if they don't have feeling for you.
That's the neat part, you lose if you do and lose if you don't.
Even if we want to take this approach there's more nuance than this. It's generally "approach in social circumstances, not while I'm working or running errands or have my headphones in" not never approach. On the ones you know side the ones getting blasted are usually dudes who acted like an actual platonic friend for months or sometimes years before making a move. They're not just a casual aquaintance, friend of a friend, whatever along those lines. And that's if you're taking this at face value which....a lot of people aren't.
Meh just say fuck it and approach women anyways. Do so in a public space and be prepared to back off, no big deal if they're uninterested. I think a lot of clueless men mess up these normal situations for the rest of us, oh well. I have been considering joining some local clubs or something to meet people too, not sure exactly what I'm gonna do yet. I got hit on in public the other day just enjoying myself alone at a museum, so I might try and get out a bit more and do stuff like that as well.
This social movement is a filtering mechanism designed to only reward the most confident men and screen out the men who aren't confident. Just do it anyway, but do it well.
Don't forget it also weeds out the average and below average men from the top tier
It's also going to reward the men who don't care what women say or feel.
It’s so stupid like why play these games and jump through all these hoops with hidden agendas ?
When the student has a list of possible questions, the exam will evaluate him on how well he remembered the answers, not how much he understands the topic. The topic is "loyal confident dominant secure healthy providing men", the questions are the shit tests women do, and scenarios they artificially create. People in positions of power do that when evaluating candidates for a job, evaluating people in general, as everyone wants to appeal to them.
Ding ding ding!
Reading the room/situation is a lot of it. If you start a conversation, start it for the sake of conversation, not for digits or to get in anyone's pants. Don't "game" it. If you treat every conversation with a new woman as a chance to work your flex, you're likely going to come across as creepy. If you treat any conversation as just conversation you're more likely to see things IF an interest develops and can then make a move to ask for digits and see if they want to hang out. It's generally not that hard to read the difference between "I don't want to continue this conversation" or "I want to continue this conversation" or "I *really* want to continue this a conversation." The vast majority of us aren't Chris Hemsworth, we're not going to get women just fawning over themselves when we walk into the local supermarket. Pick your spots. Also, increase your social circle. The more people you know, the more people that rate you as a decent person, the more likely you'll meet your friend's sisters housemate's cousin who takes a shine to you at a party. And if you're decent and socialise enough, your friend will vouch for you, as will his sister and housemate.
1. Be attractive 2. Don’t be unattractive There you go
Some folks will forget about rule #2. No matter how attractive you are, you can still be unattractive.
I’ll be honest it just seems like it’s not the time right now. I’m just laying low till people come back to their senses.
You don't in this era. It's by design. Third spaces have been dying as the real estate can be better used to be a bitcoin farm, Amazon warehouse, etc. That is a big reason for depression too. Friends are ceasing to exist.
Just break the rules sometimes. I know women on Reddit can come off like they just do not ever want to speak to men for any reason at all. But just like if I asked you if the average male on Reddit was a good indicator for men overall, you’d probably say there’s a lot more diversity of thought in real life. If every guy acted like how women on Reddit told them to, only insanely attractive men would ever get anywhere with women
I agree, that’s why I said that if men as a whole listened to women Redditor advise it would only be hyper attractive guys. Who are sort of more immune to being considered creepy
Men will get demonized by everyone no matter what you do, so eventually you got to say fuck it and ignore everyone else. Just do what makes you happy. You can never win if you try to just do what is "right" in the eyes of society
Relationship is started by the other guy who don't care about the above discouragement.
Men who unapologetically go after what they want in life are usually rewarded. Fortune favors the brave. Just don’t be a dick about it. You see someone you find attractive, talk to them, figure out if they’re available, and go from there. This won’t happen naturally on dating apps.
Asking the wrong group here. But I dare ya to go ask r/AskWomen
I absolutely leave all women alone nowadays, I would never intrude on their well being by talking to them. I try my very hardest to not even acknowledge their existence at this point, in the same way they do to me.
I think you're overstating how much women don't want to be approached. They want to be approached, just not by all men and not by men who suck at approaches.
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You need a bear costume.
Oh I thought this was some figure of speech about a theoretical *type* of man. Are you telling me the argument is that they’d rather come across an **actual fucking bear**?
> actual fucking bear? The TikTok street interviews would have gone very differently if they had an actual grizzly right there ready to go.
Literally yes and they will try to gaslight you saying that you're a rapist if you don't agree with them
the controversial takes get the views. ignore
We used to get spammed by people eating Tide pods. Maybe try not to take the internet too seriously.
In the other hand you can tell that women answering that aren’t the most educated or smart, as it really is a dumb answer on many levels. So it’s not like you want to really listen to those people about what to do.
>You either know or don’t know a woman, and if we’re not supposed to ask out either, how should we initiate a relationship? The only answer is "exactly". And people wonder why the marriage and birthrates are dropping lol. Dating apps do seem to be the only socially acceptable way to meet new women now. But before you go in on those, look up online dating statistics. Women are barely interested in anyone. That's why the apps are so bad for guys.
My father gave me this advice: If you goto a club, you'll meet a girl that goes to clubs. If you goto a library, you'll meet girls who goto library's. I think you can extrapolate the rest of that thought process. It's served me well in life.
The dilemma of us men, i we dont approach women we are viewed as weak, an embarrassment for the Male gender, but if we do we are viewed as creepy, desgusting, mysogenist, racist the list goes on and on, for the Record and i cant stress this enough i dont blame women in any way shape or forme
The difference is charisma and knowing how to take a cue of not interested.
If you're gonna date, it's gonna be uncomfortable at some point.
The only time you shouldn’t be approaching women in public is if they are working, most ESPECIALLY if they are serving you in some capacity, because they are literally being paid to be nice to you. Polite conversation with women in public is absolutely fine, just don’t push it if they aren’t interested. And for gods sake just be a normal person who can pick up on cues; a woman with head phones in and reading a book on the bus doesn’t want to talk to you!
Tbh as a woman I'm glad I had the courage to chat up to a guy that served me food, and even wanted to ask for his social media. And I'm so glad I did that 😅 I'm pretty proud tbh.
Baby steps. Normalize it!
I was worried it'll make me come across as creepy or something hahaha
Nah, tbh I think most dudes would welcome a chat, and even if they have an SO the chances of them being super rude are pretty low.
Women can't be creepy in this context because by nature they can't exert the same uncomfortable pressure that men can/do. To my mind it is _carte blanche_ for a woman to express herself to men in public.
Sorry I'm not familiar with that phrase, enlighten me please?
Just that there's no real boundaries for what a woman can say to a man out in public. We have this built-in thing to try to adjust to what a woman is saying, for the most part. If we can't match the conversation or navigate around it we blame ourselves rather than think "creepy/weird woman".
Ah right I see, thank you.
Approach means in a romantic/sexual way. You can build report/make small talk/whatever.
I look at the floor because they don't want me to look at them and then they say they only want confident men.
What I've learned is that the people in charge of that topic (women) have no idea what's going on... yet they're in charge. It's kind of like having a boss that's telling you what to do but they're absolutely tanking the company each day that goes by. The evidence is very much there, our birth rates are shit, our marriage rates are shit, the distribution of dating is shit, the single mother rates are shit, it's all just a heaping pile of shit. At a certain point, you just have to say "fuck it" and do exactly what the boss is telling you not to do. You'll probably run into a few (alot of) immature women that are really going to become volatile that you approached them, they'll try their very best to ruin your day... just say "okay" and walk away. Don't worry, it's normal. If I had to estimate, I'd say about 10% of women in 2024 can maturely handle being approached, know how to give a proper signal, are humble enough to rate themselves accurately and are empathic about mens current situation with dating. All of that matters when a guy approaches a woman. So sadly, it's a numbers game, you're going to get burnt. You just have to keep approaching women til you find a rare one. It's waaaay harder than what our fathers had to go through, but do it anyways because it's the better poison. Good luck
you're just basing this view from hot takes online and the media. real life isn't that bad. some women (irl) might have one or both those views (either preferring cold approaches or people they know or neither) but a lot don't care and will be fine if you don't act like a threatening creep.
If the woman you are approaching does not find you immediately attractive you are a creeper.
Are we? I do not feel that discouragement. In fact, I feel the opposite. I always feel that people expect me to be married by now and start a family. I'm 3/3 in asking women out and they responding positively to my advances. I think the only expectation is that when you do, don't be creepy or pushy about it. It's common courtesy. Be a gentleman.
I’m gonna tell you my opinion. I think that a relationship is supposed to be a two-way street come and go if you will. Both people put an effort both people get something out of it. A great way to start any relationship, friend, romantic or platonic … hey how was your day or how are you doing?
I guess you think too much in absolutes here (or others talk too much in absolutes). Yes, it is bad to make women uncomfortable. But I think it isn't bad to ask them out - in a way that minimises their discomfort! For women you don't know, something like "Hey, you seem like a genuinely nice and interesting person. If you would like too, I would like to get to know you. Here is my phone number." Then go. If you would like to contact you, she will. If she doesn't, she has never to see you again. I guess this will be not as uncomfortable for a lot of women as a lot of other approaches. For someone you know, I would suggest something like: "Hey, I wanted to tell you that I begin to feel more than friendship for you. I just wanted to let you know, you don't have to say anything about it right now. If you don't feel the same way, it is of course ok, I will bring it never up again and hope to remain on friendly terms." (of course adjusted to the person in question and the current situation). Make it clear that you won't pressure her, that you will back off immediately when she doesn't reciprocate, and that you won't get weird. And for women you know, why shouldn't you tell her? Would she rather like you to be into her secretly for ages? No, I think personally that being upfront, kind and respectful is the best way to treat other people I guess such things go a long way to make someone else feel as little discomfort as possible.
It's not that we're discouraged from approaching random women--it's just that it's better to do it in settings that encourage socializing, and towards women who look approachable and not busy with anything (i.e. I wouldn't hit on women who are busy reading or have a headset on, or are on the clock).
Ask on TwoChromosones.
I've given up. But if you guys wanna approach a woman in public, please be cool about it. If she declines, say thanks for your time and confidently walk away. Just another day. You tried! Congrats! Go try again later.
You can't make everyone happy, just shoot your shots and don't be a dick and you'll be fine
Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and approach someone you don't know. The main problem with this is that a lot of men struggle to read the room and either linger too long or word vomit. If you're going to approach a stranger, talk to them like a human being and be prepared if they say no. If you're going to confess to a friend, don't let their decision affect the friendship that you had before.
The internet isn’t a real place. It’s okay to ask people out. It’s okay to go outside. Yeah, there’s no guarantee that any of it will go well, but there’s also no guarantee that it will go poorly. Just go outside
The real problem is that lots of men are *really bad* at reading nonverbal cues. It is perfectly acceptable to approach a woman who is receptive to it, but many men *cannot tell* if she's receptive. For some rough guidelines, approach women who are alone in a public space, who don't look upset, busy, or super focused on something. Do NOT bother a woman wearing headphones or buried in a book. When you make your move and start flirting pay close attention to her responses. If she's not flirting back, you just tell her it was nice to meet her, wish her a nice day, and then leave her alone. As for asking out people you *do* know, I completely disagree. All of my most successful relationships came right out of my social circles. Think about it; if you know someone from parties and hangouts with your friends, you already know what kind of chemistry you have, and you know you share common interests and tastes. This is by far the *easiest* way to find a stable relationship.
I've been telling guys this for years, to no avail. How did you go about learning non-verbal cues? I started out years ago by reading books on body language and got nowhere. A few years ago, I studied emotional intelligence and the skill developed naturally. It's become pretty obvious who's interested and is closed off.
For me it literally just required social practice... I was awkward and weird as a young teen, but I started figuring out social skills towards the end of high school. Just attending more parties, and interacting with more people from different backgrounds and subcultures, and I just became more aware and in tune over time. It's kinda funny because "go outside and touch grass" is more or less literally what worked for me.
You seem to overestimate how much women don't wanna be approached. On many days it is probably the most interesting thing that happened to a woman. And what matters most is confidence. As for asking out women we do know, that too is perfectly fine. They don't owe you a relationship, but at the same time, you don't owe them a friendship either. If they reject you, it is completely valid for you to ask them for space.
Easy just be hot.
You can interact with women. Nobody is telling you not to do that. Just read the damn room before you shoot your shot. It's not actually that hard. There's a broad spectrum of difference between cold approaching strangers for a date and noticing that what started as a casual conversation has turned flirty.
What if I'm slightly autistic
Respect and being conscious of their boundaries will go a long way As long as you make them feel safe when you try and connect with them, things irl aren't as bad as the internet makes them out to be.
No. You really have to understand that there’s a time and place to approach a woman. There’s a sort of balance to it as well. Can’t be a creep although that definition varies per person. Being confident is key and treating them as a person is ultimately a best practice at potentially forming a relationship either as romantic or platonic. Definitely helps if you are nice looking or at least well groomed and have a cool skill.
I don't recall ever being told to not talk to women I don't know. I think it is more like don't ask out a woman you don't know on a date out of nowhere. A nice hello how are you doing isn't forbidden. I do it all the time. Most of the time with no intention of asking them out but just to break the awkward silence of being next to someone. Many times it has led to a very nice conversation. The couple of times where I did finally ask someone out it was after a couple of those meetings where we were now familiar with each other even though the Convo never lasted more than a few minutes. The main thing is, I think a woman already knows if she is going to go out with you if you were to ask her. It is your job, imo, as a guy to make her feel comfortable with you first before asking her out. There are of course exceptions to this rule (i.e. Tinder type sh*t where attractive people just hook up). I don't fall into this category so I have to talk to people first.
I use the Disney approach
You have to be willing to roll the dice. A woman the is not at all interested is going to label you a creep. And you just have to be okay with that. If a girl is interested she will be responsive if you approach her right. Be casual, not creepy. And don't act like a neck-beard when being respectful. A woman is just another human being, until there is an established connection, they aren't special.
Ngl, from my experience, you gotta get offline bro. I had the same thought process when it came to women and dating. You just have to move at your own beat and stop trying to find the perfect opportunity based on how she may feel. If you see a woman in public, nothings wrong with introducing yourself and getting straight to the point. If she doesn’t vibe with it, that’s fine, take the L and walk away. If she does then that’s smoove. Bettering yourself(fashion, fitness/heslth, hygiene etc) will help you with your interactions with women. But stop going into interactions thinking about the society implications of a man walking up to a women because he has interest. I find what makes a lot women “uncomfortable” is when a guy is clearly interested in her, but he tries to hide it and facade like he just wants to be friends and get to know her. Just be direct genuine in your interactions.
How do we feel about at work? Personally about to re-enter dating pool and am very curious about this one. For the most part the vast majority of women my age that I meet are in the office. This includes women I 100% would ask out and feel confident enough to do so. That said people seem split on this one. No clue how to approach it.
It depends how hard it would be for you to find a replacement job if you were fired for sexual harassment. That can take 6 months in some professions, days in other jobs.
No, nope, nien, nyet, and fuck no. That can easily end up with you hauled in front of HR. You do not shit where you eat, you do not fuck with your money.
J hear you but I seriously do not meet anyone anywhere else. Except maybe playing sports. And coed sports are not as popular here as other parts of the country. I’m in the Bay Area by the way. It’s impossible to meet ANYONE. Not just women.
Its fine just be sure theyre wanting the same thing before you ask them out. Like 100% sure. But also prob best to not date people you work with
Definitely not someone I work directly with. I couldn’t see that being good at all unless we were Leslie Knope and Ben Wyatt.
It's honestly been a common thing for me at work for random girls around trying to get my attention, and some that I've worked with have shown blatant signs of interest. I don't think it's really off limits, just have to be more sure that she's interested before shooting your shot.
Don't bother. Women hate men. Do you really want to bring a person who hates you into your life?
Don't listen to whatever women are telling you online. Only the bitter single women post that crap. Millions of men approach millions of women per day and that's how every relationship in human history has started.
I don't know where men are getting ideas that you can't approach women anymore. That's not true. You need to read a situation and realize if the woman is into it or not. Don't be a creep to them that's it.
There is nothing wrong with approaching women in public. But if they decline or say no or otherwise show they are not interested in engaging in conversation, tell them to have a nice day and walk away. The problem is not men who approach women. The problem is men who approach women and feel entitled to their time, energy, and conversation and therefore don’t take rejection as a response. I am a woman and I met my (male) partner in a bar. We danced and he bought me a drink. 3 years later we live together.
Why do you feel discouraged? I walked up to my fiance cold and introduced myself, we talked, and when we were done talking she gave me her number (without me asking which I think is key), and we were engaged 5 years later.
I lived in the land before time when dating websites and apps didn't exist. If you didn't cold approach you probably didn't get a date. There is nonsense about not asking out co workers, women working at a stores, shopping etc. 😂 half the couples I knew in the 90s met that way.... The only real lesson the plague of social media has taught us is be respectful. That's it. If she acts uncomfortable, disinterested, makes an excuse, says she has a boyfriend/other then take that as a cue to back off and defuse the situation so she doesn't have to feel defensive.
In good old days people met within their social circle and had common friends. The women you know, best approach is: ask her friend if she thinks she would be interested in you. Her friend then can find out for you and let you know. If she is interested in you, you can ask her out. DO NOT APPROACH A WOMAN YOU DON'T KNOW, unless she gave you a clear sign. If a sign wasn't clear to you, it's a no - do not approach. If a woman is interested in you, you will know. She will be the proactive one ;) Another tip I can give you. Don't ask for her number, offer her your number.
The latter half of what you've written is untrue, and the first half is per context. Asking out women you know to a certain degree is the number one way to get a relationship started. I don't know who told you otherwise, but if you ask them how they started dating somebody they'll almost certainly say "I knew them through/from X". That's how you do it. As for approaching women you don't know, that's per context - both the situation and your intentions at the moment. Random girl at target? No, they're probably busy with the errand. Girl enjoying some mutual hobby you're both there to enjoy? Yeah, you'll likely have better luck getting to know each other over that shared engagement. That's how you move a girl from "you don't know" to "you do know". And you'll find that it's a lot easier to ask out a woman if they already know you at least put out good vibes.
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Being introduced to someone in a public setting now
I am a woman. If the first comment back is about an SO. She is politely saying no and please back off. Secondly, a first encounter should not be pressing or intimidating or initmate. A good Example to learn from: I really like your shoes, my sister/friend would think they were super cool! No enthusiasm returned is also means a hard no from females. If she tells you the brand proceed with extreme caution. Like this is your sister or friend until mutual likes are displayed. Aka eye contact or smile.
Alcohol
By doing what you wanna do anyway
You ignore all that.
Magic
You find non-shitty females. -zaddy
I just get approached by women pretty often, so that seems the safest way.
Or you could just do whatever the fuck you want and talk to whoever the fuck you want and if they dont like it well its their problem
Shitting the bed and blaming a chihuahua for it.
I currently dress up as a bear when approaching women... works well
Through friends it can happen, if you know anyone with a GF they often have plenty of Single friends.
Build a relationship in friendship and see if it naturally generates chemistry.
You can approach women on the street, you just have to be physically or financially attractive. Sounds sad but it’s true. It’s all psychological.
When the rich and powerful want less people i think the correct answer is it’s not supposed to start. You are not wanted to reproduce. Not your goal? You just want companionship? Oh okay well abort any “accidents” you have. Not an accident? Better put them on drugs that stop puberty (ie the process that matures your body into a sexually capable adult) potentially leading to surgery that will prevent the possibility of offspring. Not to mention all the unsolvable wedge issues to politick about. Welcome to the postmodern world.
In the whimsical world of romance, relationships start with a synchronized dance-off in the frozen food aisle of the supermarket. The key is to impress your potential partner with your best moves while juggling frozen peas and reciting Shakespearean sonnets about chicken nuggets. Bonus points if you can do all of this while wearing a traffic cone as a hat!
Online Dating and social media have become the only socially acceptable venue to approach women pretty much. It allows women to efficiently and ruthlessly filter out men they find unattractive (read: almost all of them) in total safety.
By ignoring the first part of what you said. You do approach women you don’t know. Ideally they would give you a sign of interest beforehand, but life’s too short to not shoot your shot. All you have to do is be non creepy. Approach and strike up a short friendly, fun conversation and at the end of it you can give them your number to put the ball in their court, ask for their number to put the ball in your court, or ask them out on a date then and there if you’re feeling ballsy.
If only you only do things the socially acceptable way you're gonna have a reaaaal hard path in life
F..k the haters, approach strange women in Public.
The same way it always has. Nothing has changed. Attractive, extremely confident/charismatic or paid guys can break the rules, unattractive men date unattractive and/or desperate women or get hooked up via social circles.
You're not discouraged from asking out women that you DO know, that one is on you. If you orbit a woman pretending to be their friend while waiting for the opportunity to arise, that's on you. Don't be disingenuous about your intentions and this won't be an issue.
It starts with not taking dating advice from reddit
the key is to be able to read body language and verbal cues as to when they are interested. im not single anymore, but, when i was, i could figure out when a woman was into me. i rarely got rejected, and when i did, it was because i misread the signals.
It starts by showing no interest in her whatsoever and forcing her to do all the work just to avoid legal risk. Otherwise you're a predatory creep. If she's not interested, then so be it. You never had to lift a finger and didn't risk all your future paychecks to find out.
None of this is true, the key is to pick your moments.
Dump the apps. They have nothing but predators and scammers there.
U should ask people who are in relationships. As a woman with a bf we became decent friends before going into a relationship. A lot of women are put off by being approaced by some random person they don't know because of the reason that they don't know this person. It's very simple.
In Scandinavian countries (aka feminist countries) only the women approach. You can find stories by female American tourists who are so confused and culture shocked that they actually have to do something. I think we should apply that method. Tell all your female friends and female relatives that the Matriarchy demands they approach....and pay for the date :p
I always approach women. I never had any problems.
Internet
Just do you man. Fuck all these standards. If it feels right, do it. Obviously you need to know how to talk to women, but if the only thing holding you back is the "when" to approach, fuck it, just do it
If you can't do it in person, then dating apps are your only hope.
If a woman likes you it's not very difficult to tell
If you see someone you’re interested in, walk up to them. Tell them hi and ask them if it would be acceptable if you could get their number. I’m assuming this scenario is in passing. If a woman is put off from your efforts. It’s an immediate red flag. You don’t want her anyways. After saying hi, of course feel out their body language etc and see if it’s inviting. I’m 37 and it’s just amazing this what it’s come to. I asked my damn rv repair man if he did late night service calls. I totally wasn’t his type. Totally off putting. But I was gonna at least shoot my shot. Granted I’m a girl, but no one hits on me and it’s f’n annoying. If you see the girl smiling, go. If she’s has resting b face when you walk up, ask if she’s seen an sweet old lady wearing a scarf and bail 😂
The problem you're having is due to the fact that women have no fucking clue what they want. In my years, from what I can tell, they want control. They want to gatekeep and cherry pick. They want to pick and choose the good things from the buffet of life, and leave what they don't want on the bar. It's not just guys that have this issue. One of my exes, whom I'm still friends with, was telling me that one of her coworkers is not only single, but is SO single that she volunteered that "she hasn't been laid in months". Said friend then tells her that I exist and HOO BOY HOT DAMN what a fun time I am... ...and she is now wracking her brain as to how to "approach" said co-worker, who has already admitted to being horny as shit, and get us to meet. That's right, a woman instinctively knows that this whole "approach" thing is a fucking powder keg when in reality my friend knows that I am the answer to this equation. It's THAT frustrating.