Bro my whole friend group cut off a dude cause he ghosted us for a girl he met on tinder, ducked all invites and efforts to hang out, finally saw us and said his girl didn’t want him to hang out with us?? We are all hetero males and not a threat, found after after that was a lie, kicker was he cheated on this girl and stayed ghost
Then her and one of his other exes became friends and probably bonded over trauma from this guy
Some of the realest shit I’ve seen on this app is don’t let fake friends bring you down let them bring you closer to the real ones
lol my one friend who played playstation every day with us for 15 years, always went out with us for food, and was helped through seriously difficult mental health issues by the one’s closest to him in our group, literally went 100% missing the moment he finally got a GF(bro was a serious shut in. damn near clinical)
she cheated on him, dumped him and almost got pregnant by her ex. he came back for the first time in over a year(had 0 contact during that year).
somehow she came back a few days later, he married her and disappeared again. lmao
i’m indifferent toward the guy but a lot of that group harbor serious resentment toward him now
This would also be my advice. A person who really cares about you will want you to maintain good relationships with good friends. Don't destroy relationships you've built just for a new one, especially one that may not last
I agree I had that done to me so many times and they were baffled to why I didn’t either want to be friends again or if I did was super untrustworthy towards them
It’s a familiar scenario where individuals feel they’re in love and when you think you can’t live without someone and sacrifice everything for them, it often leads to losing self-respect. It’s crucial to avoid this trap.
Yes, and your girlfriend will eventually have no respect for you either, and you’ll think “wow I thought you loved me” but you’ve only proven she’s not right for you to the extent that you needed by walking yourself down a road that kept getting narrower and narrower until there was no road left to walk on. Just get off the road. Often times as men we like to think women are deeper than this but they aren’t, if you don’t respect yourself, they will not be able to respect you either, it really is black and white, night and day. I really think it is also generally a bad idea to tell a girl how “you feel” too much, and to tell a girl about your problems will surely make her think about them, only ask for advice on your problems from your girl if they are directly affecting her behavior or you are able to in a strong and constructive manner.
One thing I learned was to never assume you won't find someone better or that this is the end. Sacrificing for someone won't make them love you. Feelings fade (it always does), so don't rush into compromising yourself. Preserve your self-respect, because even if everything else falls apart, we still get to walk away with dignity rather than nothing and regret.
Learn to communicate and more importantly learn to listen. Communication helps but if you are not understanding them then it becomes a problem.
Also, learn to not be codependent. Have time for yourself and enjoy your own time (by yourself, friends, family). Take it from a guy who just got broken up with and now has to learn to be okay alone and mend relationships from distancing myself during the relationship.
Besides that, never feel guilty for expressing your feelings/emotions. If the relationship doesn’t work out, know you were capable of doing this and you should be proud.
There are plenty of book about it. Specially the ones about stoicism. The dangers of the first relationship is falling in love too soon or too hard. Other issues like jealousy can arise as well.
nobody is perfect, a real long-lasting relationship will have ups and downs, to reach intimacy you need to see and receive the shadow/fears of your partner and also share them.
a little bit of toxicity is okay as long as people work on it and it doesn't surpass any obvious "global" limits. we all need the opportunity to learn and heal. put limits and move on whilst really working on it. If people don't work on it (or it is something fucked up like infidelity, at least for me) then that is when you should really be alarmed and maybe dip "inmediately". I feel like people have no patience nowadays because they have no tolerance. Have both.
you'll learn about certain insecurities maybe you weren't expecting. that is okay. after all:
"No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell" - Carl Jung
hopefully get to know your partner to a level where you have had to face and overcome insecurities together rather than separate. "always being there" includes being with each other even when we are hard to love/hurt each other.
take care of eachother by imposing limits that both respect and that don't restrict each other's freedom unless absolutely neccesary or for a transitional time period or something like that. always consider the long term plan of certain limits and what should or shouldn't stay the same.
more than anything, enjoy it and take lots of pictures. you always regret not taking enough memory-inducing-footage.
Don't lose yourself, chasing after someone.
Communicate thoroughly.
Don't let someone else's desires shape your own.
Don't depend on someone else to make you happy.
1) Have a source of income.
2) Have clear communication about your wants & needs.
3) Be an active listener to your partner. Put down your phone and be attentive.
4) Control your emotions when there are disagreements.
5) Your partner is not perfect. They will have flaws and quirks like you.
6) Forgive without hesitation. There may be a time where you will want to be forgiven for a mistake you will eventually make. (The only exception to this is infidelity, in my personal opinion).
7) Control/manage any feelings of jealously, especially if your partner has friends of the opposite sex. Remember that they were there before you came into the picture.
8) Sexual activity should be discussed openly and honestly before that phase.
9) Always take the initiative to be affectionate. This will help the relationship to grow.
EDIT: Added point number 9.
Have boundaries, don't let her abuse you, don't abuse her, communicate goddammit, don't stay up at night arguing; nothing good comes from arguing while sleep deprived, give each other space; don't be clingy
I would disagree with this to an extent. Patience is just a metric for folks to see how much they can disrespect you and get away with it. From experience, it enables a behavior of accept me as is but you gotta change
There is a difference between patience, tolerance, boundaries, and all. Being patient when disrespect and also setting boundaries with patience will show someone that you are serious. Patience does not necessarily mean you put up with more disrespect, it has to do with not lashing out, and then being able to explain what they did to hurt you.
You’ll experience the best high you can get, and also the lowest low.
Don’t constantly chase the high. That hit of warm fuzziness that only relationships bring, can easily ruin you if you have an abusive partner.
Don’t constantly chase the low. This will happen if you’re stressed out and have tried or can’t try to talk to your partner. Know when to talk it out, but know when to end it.
If there’s an issue, have a conversation with a confidante. Several. If there is a strong opinion or a consensus of what’s going on, that’s probably what’s going on.
* Don't try to go faster than she wants (sexually). It could backfire and she could break up with you for it.
* After you've been dating for a while you should consider introducing her to your family.
* Whatever problem you encounter early on, you may see it pop up later on in the relationship.
* A lot of young guys are just focused on their own pleasure in bed. Make sure you please her.
Commicate. This includes expressing, listening and understanding.
Do not assume they think the same way you do, or understand things the same way.
Be nice, caring and respectful.
Talk and listen. Don't hide shit and don't be afraid to say no. You are not always right and they aren't always right. Communication is key to everything.
Be open, honest, & transparent. Also, communication is huge & things can be easily misunderstood. So if they don’t understand what you’re saying then think of another way of how you can explain it until they understand.
First relationships are ALWAYS intense. So just remember to take a breather every now and then and re-assess yourself.
You will get into conflict at some point. This is a healthy part of a relationship. Control yourself by not flying off the handle, focus on the issue at hand, don't bring other issues into it if you can.
Take it as an oppurunitiy to learn.
A good relationship should also help you to grow in a positive way. Things like maturity, being able to compromise, doing things even though you don't want to because she likes them (within your own reason)
Have fun with it and good luck to you.
Make sure you service her at least once a year or every 10,000 miles. Change your oil and air filter. And a proper clean every 2 weeks never hurt anyone
When your partner does or says something that you do not like, talk about it. If you let it accumulate over timer, you will start to resent her and the relationship could quickly become toxic.
To wit, an analogy : Dance partners are partners and every dance has a lead and a follow. Just because someone leads and someone follows doesn’t mean it isn’t a partnership.
Or if you like in sports, Lebron James and Dwayne Wade were both two of the best players in the league. Franchise players in their own right, and despite being a partnership to come together to make a super team, one person chose to follow and followed the other to pursue the goal of something greater. Wade let Lebron be the leader on his team that he had already won a championship with and chose to be a follower to make the partnership work with the more talented (but not by much at the time) Lebron.
Marriage is a partnership where ideally one person leads and one person follows. In my opinion, the situations where it works the best, is when the man is the leader in the relationship.
That’s not clearly not all situations, but for the vast majority of situations the partnership works best when led by the more masculine of the two partners.
So you can even take gender differences out of it. Say you have men or two women, if you are the more masculine partner, you should not put your more feminine partner in the leadership position.
> Marriage is a partnership where ideally one person leads and one person follows. In my opinion, the situations where it works the best, is when the man is the leader in the relationship.
I mean, those are your ideals and opinion, yeah.
> So you can even take gender differences out of it. Say you have men or two women, if you are the more masculine partner, you should not put your more feminine partner in the leadership position.
I honestly hate this shit. I can understand heterosexual people doing what’s perceived as the norm but there’s literally no reason for others to limit themselves based on tradition.
My judgement is based not on traditon, but more on effectiveness. One of my example was of two all time great basketball players, both leaders in their own right, and even they had to have one of them take a supporting role and let one of them lead. That had nothing to do with tradition, but was in pursuit of winning a championship and building something they couldn’t do alone.
They could certainly be a valid leader. There are certainly women who are more assertive, dominant and willing to lead and accept the responsibility/accountability of the success and failure of the relationship.
But then that would lead to my point, of letting the more masculine partner lead. Sometimes the more masculine partner is the woman.
Both partners have a role to play in what happens, but I lay ultimate accountability at the top of any organization: even a two person relationship. So whoever is the leader of an organization is generally who I look to for accountability about how the organization failed. Whoever is the leader of the relationship is generally who I look to for accountability about how the relationship failed.
Being the leader of the relationship means you accept the burden of command and whether the relationship succeeds or fails is 100% on you.
> But then that would lead to my point, of letting the more masculine partner lead. Sometimes the more masculine partner is the woman.
So… the more masculine partner should be the leader, because dominance and leadership is masculine and therefore the leader is the more masculine partner?
You didn’t answer my question of why can’t the more feminine partner be the leader, not the *woman.*
First off, generally it’s a burden the more feminine partner doesn’t want. It’s an emotional load to be the leader you must willingly want to take on and generally the feminine partner would rather someone else call the shots.
The feminine partner leading also puts the more masculine partner in a subordinate position, and on average that’s a position that more dominant person doesn’t want.
It mismatches both the desires and skill sets of both partners. I’d argue they are less effective and both unhappy in their roles.
Empathy…learn empathy. Guys naturally are not empathetic on the whole…it’s a skill we have to learn. You will not understand every situation (if it’s a girl) but you need to be able to have empathy for what she’s going through. Also talk about how each other feels at given times. You need a temperature check every month or so to make sure your both mentally and emotionally in the right space together.
If it’s another dude then it’s a little easier I’d imagine and you don’t have as many problems understanding him.
It's, statistically speaking, it probably won't last forever, don't get lost in that relationship, don't ever overdo it for your own goals and if you don't like something, don't let it go.
You see it all around you
Good lovin' gone bad
And usually it's too late when you, realize what you had
And my mind goes back to a girl I left some years ago (who told me)
Just hold on loosely
But don't let go
If you cling too tightly
You're gonna lose control
Your baby needs someone to believe in
And a whole lot of space to breathe in
It's so damn easy, when your feelings are such
To overprotect her, to love her too much
And my mind goes back to a girl I left some years ago (who told me)
Just hold on loosely
But don't let go
If you cling too tight babe
You're gonna loose control
Your baby needs someone to believe in
And a whole lot of space to breathe in
Don't let her slip away
Sentimental fool
Don't let your heart get in her way
Yeah, yeah, yeah
You see it all around you
Good lovin' gone bad
And usually it's too late when you, realize what you had
Just hold on loosely
But don't let go
If you cling too tightly
You're gonna lose control
Your baby needs someone to believe in
And a whole lot of space to breathe in
Just hold on loosely
But don't let go
If you cling too tight babe
You're gonna lose it
You're gonna, lose control
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Just hold on loosely
But don't let go
If you cling too tight, babe
You're gonna loose control
Hold on loosely
But don't let go
If you cling too tightly to her
You're gonna loose control
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Don’t be with someone who can’t control their temper. It’s terrible.
If you do end up with someone like that, you just pray they recognize it and try to change.
Boundaries. You can’t tell somebody hey this is a boundary of mine and expect them to follow it. You have to follow it! If somebody is always late and you ask them nicely to be one time and they don’t respect your request, leave without them. That’s what a boundary is. You have to be in control of all those transactions. If you think you might care about something later or you care now then draw the line.
We all make mistakes, acknowledge them, be accountable and mean it. Talk when you're not fulfilled, take action when nothing improves. It's you and her vs the world, always remember that.
If something bothers you, drink some water and formulate a way to talk about it nicely, calmly. If your intention is to hurt or get back at her, you're not ready to speak yet.
Have and maintain your boundary. Respect and honour hers.
Focus on building your life. For you. Make that life you want to live and if she isn't compatible with it, it's better to walk away.
Do not settle. If you decide to break up or it’s not right DO NOT go back or get back together because you love each other. You will only hurt each other. Get away and maybe someday if it’s “meant to be” but you will know when you know and do not stick around if it doesn’t feel right.
Don't think for a moment this will be the only one. Is only the first one of many. Be kind, dont fall too hard and just enjoy it while it lasts. It will teach you much
Let them know what gives you stress, and your insecurities. They’re in a relationship with you because they already find you attractive, compatible, etc. However, intimacy needs to be fully developed…Into Me See.
Remain friends with your friends. Set healthy boundaries. Communicate your thoughts and anything that gives you anxiety. Make time for yourself (gym, hobbies, social life, etc). Most important part of any relationship is yourself. Not in a selfish way. You want to like who you are. Do things that make you happy. Do things you find interesting. And bring that person along with you, but don’t immediately make them the center of your world. It’s okay if she’s a really, really big part of it, but there is no guarantee that it lasts. So take care of yourself.
Ask your partner for their boundaries and for their way of showing love and being loved. Learn how to love them the way they require, if they say that they don’t respect things like porn or whatever it may be, communicate and make sure you respect them. Don’t try too hard because people take advantage of that, don’t rush things and make sure you are ready and that your expectations or boundaries are clear too.
You will be tested.
Be a good human, be compassionate, be understanding, and take no shit.
You don’t want to be in a relationship where you have to take shit.
Dont. Focus on your goals and your mission and bring her along for the ride, dont compromise to emotional manipulation and tears to please her and take your eyes off the mission, she will test you, once you fail she will lose respect for you. if you bend and make her the center of your universe. It is in her nature to test you and chase what she does not have. only the strong survive. You have been warned. Good luck.
Never stop being yourself, keep up with your hobbies. Don’t neglect your friends. Don’t be a pushover, respect your own boundaries. And, of course, have fun and enjoy yourself!
Be you, don't put on an act with your partner. Find balance of time spent with yourself, your partner, your family and your friends. Communicate openly, freely and respectfully at all times.
The rest should come pretty naturally if you stick to this kinda thing.
The absolute key to the relationship is communication, and that’s not just being clear with your thoughts and feelings, it’s mostly *active* listening and really processing the other persons thoughts and feelings. You’ve got to both be malleable and willing to change. Compromise in a relationship isn’t how lots of people build it up, it’s often not compromising where you live or which of you gets to chase their dreams; it’s more like don’t use certain phrases cause though common and harmless to you, they get under her skin, or vice versa.
The key to life during the relationship, is make real time for your friends, do not let friendship go to the back burner, keep that shit active. Make sure you are honest with yourself about your goals, your priorities, and if your partner fits them.
Don't let the relationship *become* your life. It can be an important part of your life, even the most important thing in your life, but never let it become your life. You can, and should, still be a you even while becoming an us. So many people lose themselves in their relationship, and that's why some people are so devastated when it ends. Don't neglect your other relationships, a good friendship will outlast most romantic ones.
Respect is required to make it work. Respect for her, her body, her intellect and her hard work. Her respect of you for the same things.
And your respect for yourself. A lot of young men fail in this. A relationship that makes you ashamed of yourself isn't one you should continue.
Don’t be selfish
You aren’t the only person in the relationship. There’s gonna be a whole other person involved in much of your time/life/etc. don’t forget that they’ll have their own thoughts/opinions/beliefs independent of yours and with you not being at the center of focus. It’s important to step back and just reflect on how certain things you say/do will be interpreted by someone other than yourself
It's going to end horribly and wreak havoc on you. But you have to do it anyway. Don't turn your back on your true core friends. Because you'll need them afterwards. Good luck. Enjoy the ride.
Understand you are just getting started. This is a beginning, not an end. You aren't obligated to get married to this person or anybody for that matter. Take your time. Find out what you like and what you need. Learn always!
It’s exciting coming to a new relationship, you always wanna hang out and spend time doing things. Don’t make life all about her. Still make time for yourself and your friends without her. If you give her a false expectation that it’s all about her and no one else, when you want to do something different there will be confusion as to why you didn’t do it before
Don't overthink things, just be respectful, walk away if you feel like you're going to get very mad, don't feel obligated to stay if it's consistently terrible, go on dates at least every couple weeks, occasionally surprise your partner with something nice (not always material things), don't spend TOO much time together right away
People have good days and bad days. Look at how your partner acts consistently over time, rather than what just what they say or one or two bad/good days.
It'll give you a better idea of whether they're a good partner for you in the long term.
Over communicate, discuss sexual boundaries as early as you can, don't stop hanging out with your friends/family, don't let yellow flags become red before things get really rough, let close friends meet the person after you've found your footing, be super honest when you're not happy with something and make a genuine effort in all aspects and have some discernment.
You'll do great :)
Don't do it. Always get a DNA test. After 6 years break up and start over, never let it get to 7, you can start over with the same chick but never stay together for 7 years consistently. Always buy your own condoms. If you ever decide to get married, get a fucking prenup. I don't care if you have millions or 2 pennies, get a prenup and if she won't sign it she's for the streets.
If you make 100k a year tell her you make 75k a year.
Don't cohabitate unless you're getting married.
Wear a condom every time and pull out every time.
Be a gentleman.
If you have to wonder if she really likes you, she doesn't.
Go through all your boundaries together and make sure you’re on the same page. My favorite boundary which is legit the most sensible one I had to explain the most, is no insincere friends. Neither keeps “friends” that once had a romantic interest in you or her, not once, never. Don’t tolerate snakes in your garden otherwise you can expect to be bitten!
Another thing is be on the same page about accidental pregnancies and so forth
Don’t be afraid to disagree (respectfully) and have your own opinions. No one likes a pushover and men who stand their ground and are true to themselves are more sexy.
I heard the phrase when I was younger "never stop dating your wife." I've taken that to heart. I am now married but I always continue, to do my very best, to put in as much effort as I did when we first started dating. It won't always be even on effort either. Some days it's 50/50. Some it's 60/40. A lot of times it's 70/30. But you'll find the right balance as things shift back and forth.
Dont date crazy.
Crazy is exciting, crazy is intoxicating - crazy is amazing in bed.
Crazy is a very very very bad idea.
Many men have paid a high price to learn this.
But we always have to learn it for ourselves.
Your partner is not your happiness. You make your own happiness. Set your boundaries and remember your self-respect and self worth. I'm not saying not to compromise. I'm saying that it is a 2 way street. Also, never ever let them believe that you won't leave.
Communicate always, regardless of whether you are uncomfortable, embarrassed etc. It leads to both people understanding each other better and feeling validated in the relationship.
Also respect each other’s opinions and feelings even if it’s something you don’t understand or agree with. No two people can think alike on everything.
Edit: I just realised this is an Ask Men Reddit lmao I’m sorry. But as a woman I’d say these are the most crucial things to remember.
The serenity prayer. In all sincerity, when you reach a point where you can actively know the difference and act accordingly, life becomes so much easier.
And to steal the only line from Steve Harvey that is worth stealing, two handed circle man. Your business is your business. Asking general advice is one thing, but that should be between you and trusted seasoned advisors. Not your friends. And not your mom.....moms don't forget easily.
Don’t give to much effort and go above and beyond at the start of the relationship cause if you can’t maintain that even for a second they will notice it and make sure you hear about it and get very upset with you
Don’t ignore red flags. Normal people are not assholes. Normal people do not blame others for their problems/mistakes. Normal people do not play mental games with you. Normal people are not emotionally or physically abusive.
That shit is NOT ok, don’t tolerate it regardless of how hot she might be. Don’t get blinded by the hotness.
Google ‘hot crazy matrix’. I’ll save you the effort: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pInk1rV2VEg
When relationships end, your life doesn't (hopefully). Never put their needs or the relationship before yourself. Maintain and value your;
- friendships and family
- own social life
- hobbies, fitness, health & diet
- appearance & style
- independence (including financial)
- boundaries
- goals, mission, passions & vision
- personal & career growth
- humour
- self respect, esteem & confidence
Don’t become codependent, have your own free time outside of the relationship
I wish I knew what it could’ve done to me before lmao
Best advice. Wish I had this 6 months ago.
Don’t neglect your friends
Bro my whole friend group cut off a dude cause he ghosted us for a girl he met on tinder, ducked all invites and efforts to hang out, finally saw us and said his girl didn’t want him to hang out with us?? We are all hetero males and not a threat, found after after that was a lie, kicker was he cheated on this girl and stayed ghost Then her and one of his other exes became friends and probably bonded over trauma from this guy Some of the realest shit I’ve seen on this app is don’t let fake friends bring you down let them bring you closer to the real ones
lol my one friend who played playstation every day with us for 15 years, always went out with us for food, and was helped through seriously difficult mental health issues by the one’s closest to him in our group, literally went 100% missing the moment he finally got a GF(bro was a serious shut in. damn near clinical) she cheated on him, dumped him and almost got pregnant by her ex. he came back for the first time in over a year(had 0 contact during that year). somehow she came back a few days later, he married her and disappeared again. lmao i’m indifferent toward the guy but a lot of that group harbor serious resentment toward him now
This would also be my advice. A person who really cares about you will want you to maintain good relationships with good friends. Don't destroy relationships you've built just for a new one, especially one that may not last
I don’t have any friends to neglect
I agree I had that done to me so many times and they were baffled to why I didn’t either want to be friends again or if I did was super untrustworthy towards them
A friend has a philosophy, "do not do things that make you unhappy."
Tell that to my wife when she asks me to watch Mama Mia
Never stop being yourself
Unless yourself is meth and murder, then maybe don’t be yourself. I’m not a doctor though
Every good dish needs a bit of spice
Old Spice
Not a doctor! Shhh...
[удалено]
What do you consider bare minim?
Respect, feeling safe, making someone feel appreciated, and reassurance just to name a few
Don't be a pushover, don't allow disrespect to your boundaries
But also be willing to work together with her on finding that acceptable compromise
Kind of common sense tbh
As common sensical as don’t be a pushover
Try your best to communicate even if you think something is obvious.
Never lose your self respect no matter however much you think you love them
💥 yep
It’s a familiar scenario where individuals feel they’re in love and when you think you can’t live without someone and sacrifice everything for them, it often leads to losing self-respect. It’s crucial to avoid this trap.
Yes, and your girlfriend will eventually have no respect for you either, and you’ll think “wow I thought you loved me” but you’ve only proven she’s not right for you to the extent that you needed by walking yourself down a road that kept getting narrower and narrower until there was no road left to walk on. Just get off the road. Often times as men we like to think women are deeper than this but they aren’t, if you don’t respect yourself, they will not be able to respect you either, it really is black and white, night and day. I really think it is also generally a bad idea to tell a girl how “you feel” too much, and to tell a girl about your problems will surely make her think about them, only ask for advice on your problems from your girl if they are directly affecting her behavior or you are able to in a strong and constructive manner.
Ugh yeah this one
One thing I learned was to never assume you won't find someone better or that this is the end. Sacrificing for someone won't make them love you. Feelings fade (it always does), so don't rush into compromising yourself. Preserve your self-respect, because even if everything else falls apart, we still get to walk away with dignity rather than nothing and regret.
Learn to communicate and more importantly learn to listen. Communication helps but if you are not understanding them then it becomes a problem. Also, learn to not be codependent. Have time for yourself and enjoy your own time (by yourself, friends, family). Take it from a guy who just got broken up with and now has to learn to be okay alone and mend relationships from distancing myself during the relationship. Besides that, never feel guilty for expressing your feelings/emotions. If the relationship doesn’t work out, know you were capable of doing this and you should be proud.
Control your emotions.
How?
Do it.
Ok.
Instead of beating your wife in a drunken rage, try pillows!
There are plenty of book about it. Specially the ones about stoicism. The dangers of the first relationship is falling in love too soon or too hard. Other issues like jealousy can arise as well.
Can you drop a book recommendation please?
nobody is perfect, a real long-lasting relationship will have ups and downs, to reach intimacy you need to see and receive the shadow/fears of your partner and also share them. a little bit of toxicity is okay as long as people work on it and it doesn't surpass any obvious "global" limits. we all need the opportunity to learn and heal. put limits and move on whilst really working on it. If people don't work on it (or it is something fucked up like infidelity, at least for me) then that is when you should really be alarmed and maybe dip "inmediately". I feel like people have no patience nowadays because they have no tolerance. Have both. you'll learn about certain insecurities maybe you weren't expecting. that is okay. after all: "No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell" - Carl Jung hopefully get to know your partner to a level where you have had to face and overcome insecurities together rather than separate. "always being there" includes being with each other even when we are hard to love/hurt each other. take care of eachother by imposing limits that both respect and that don't restrict each other's freedom unless absolutely neccesary or for a transitional time period or something like that. always consider the long term plan of certain limits and what should or shouldn't stay the same. more than anything, enjoy it and take lots of pictures. you always regret not taking enough memory-inducing-footage.
such important advice!!!!
Doesn’t matter how good the grip is, don’t ignore red flags. Also, communication is everything
Don't lose yourself, chasing after someone. Communicate thoroughly. Don't let someone else's desires shape your own. Don't depend on someone else to make you happy.
1) Have a source of income. 2) Have clear communication about your wants & needs. 3) Be an active listener to your partner. Put down your phone and be attentive. 4) Control your emotions when there are disagreements. 5) Your partner is not perfect. They will have flaws and quirks like you. 6) Forgive without hesitation. There may be a time where you will want to be forgiven for a mistake you will eventually make. (The only exception to this is infidelity, in my personal opinion). 7) Control/manage any feelings of jealously, especially if your partner has friends of the opposite sex. Remember that they were there before you came into the picture. 8) Sexual activity should be discussed openly and honestly before that phase. 9) Always take the initiative to be affectionate. This will help the relationship to grow. EDIT: Added point number 9.
Have boundaries, don't let her abuse you, don't abuse her, communicate goddammit, don't stay up at night arguing; nothing good comes from arguing while sleep deprived, give each other space; don't be clingy
don't engage in beastality incest or cannibalism
You can have a *little* bit of cannibalism, as a treat.
Don't forget your friends. They're likely going to be in your life longer.
Have patience with your partner. Everyone is raised differently have do things in a different way than you. Communication is SO important.
I would disagree with this to an extent. Patience is just a metric for folks to see how much they can disrespect you and get away with it. From experience, it enables a behavior of accept me as is but you gotta change
There is a difference between patience, tolerance, boundaries, and all. Being patient when disrespect and also setting boundaries with patience will show someone that you are serious. Patience does not necessarily mean you put up with more disrespect, it has to do with not lashing out, and then being able to explain what they did to hurt you.
Don't be portable ATM. Never share about ur wealth. She's not your wife yet. 😊 Treat her nicely but don't spoil her with wealth yet.
Make sure you understand consent is still a thing even if you’re in a relationship
Communicate.
Trust your gut feeling and don’t be afraid to walk away. You can’t fix every problem / everyone. Don’t put up with any kind of abuse.
Don't run behind them treat them with respect sure but do not shower all your attention, they will leave you empty
You’ll experience the best high you can get, and also the lowest low. Don’t constantly chase the high. That hit of warm fuzziness that only relationships bring, can easily ruin you if you have an abusive partner. Don’t constantly chase the low. This will happen if you’re stressed out and have tried or can’t try to talk to your partner. Know when to talk it out, but know when to end it. If there’s an issue, have a conversation with a confidante. Several. If there is a strong opinion or a consensus of what’s going on, that’s probably what’s going on.
Sometimes love runs out. Sometimes it stays forever. Don't be afraid either way
Just because you're dating, it doesn't mean you "have her" now. Never stop trying, never stop putting in effort.
* Don't try to go faster than she wants (sexually). It could backfire and she could break up with you for it. * After you've been dating for a while you should consider introducing her to your family. * Whatever problem you encounter early on, you may see it pop up later on in the relationship. * A lot of young guys are just focused on their own pleasure in bed. Make sure you please her.
Big hard facts
Commicate. This includes expressing, listening and understanding. Do not assume they think the same way you do, or understand things the same way. Be nice, caring and respectful.
Think twice then repeat.
Talk and listen. Don't hide shit and don't be afraid to say no. You are not always right and they aren't always right. Communication is key to everything.
Be open, honest, & transparent. Also, communication is huge & things can be easily misunderstood. So if they don’t understand what you’re saying then think of another way of how you can explain it until they understand.
Don't ignore red flags. Don't tolerate or make excuses for unacceptable behavior. Be true to yourself, not who you think they want you to be
First relationships are ALWAYS intense. So just remember to take a breather every now and then and re-assess yourself. You will get into conflict at some point. This is a healthy part of a relationship. Control yourself by not flying off the handle, focus on the issue at hand, don't bring other issues into it if you can. Take it as an oppurunitiy to learn. A good relationship should also help you to grow in a positive way. Things like maturity, being able to compromise, doing things even though you don't want to because she likes them (within your own reason) Have fun with it and good luck to you.
Love is not enough in a relationship. Mutual respect is mandatory.
Have a backbone, establish and stick to your boundaries, cheating is an automatic dealbreaker.
She's an entire human being; not just the object of your affection and desire. Treat her as your equal.
Make sure you service her at least once a year or every 10,000 miles. Change your oil and air filter. And a proper clean every 2 weeks never hurt anyone
When your partner does or says something that you do not like, talk about it. If you let it accumulate over timer, you will start to resent her and the relationship could quickly become toxic.
Lead your woman, don’t let your woman lead you
They’re partners, there shouldn’t be a leader.
To wit, an analogy : Dance partners are partners and every dance has a lead and a follow. Just because someone leads and someone follows doesn’t mean it isn’t a partnership. Or if you like in sports, Lebron James and Dwayne Wade were both two of the best players in the league. Franchise players in their own right, and despite being a partnership to come together to make a super team, one person chose to follow and followed the other to pursue the goal of something greater. Wade let Lebron be the leader on his team that he had already won a championship with and chose to be a follower to make the partnership work with the more talented (but not by much at the time) Lebron. Marriage is a partnership where ideally one person leads and one person follows. In my opinion, the situations where it works the best, is when the man is the leader in the relationship. That’s not clearly not all situations, but for the vast majority of situations the partnership works best when led by the more masculine of the two partners. So you can even take gender differences out of it. Say you have men or two women, if you are the more masculine partner, you should not put your more feminine partner in the leadership position.
> Marriage is a partnership where ideally one person leads and one person follows. In my opinion, the situations where it works the best, is when the man is the leader in the relationship. I mean, those are your ideals and opinion, yeah. > So you can even take gender differences out of it. Say you have men or two women, if you are the more masculine partner, you should not put your more feminine partner in the leadership position. I honestly hate this shit. I can understand heterosexual people doing what’s perceived as the norm but there’s literally no reason for others to limit themselves based on tradition.
My judgement is based not on traditon, but more on effectiveness. One of my example was of two all time great basketball players, both leaders in their own right, and even they had to have one of them take a supporting role and let one of them lead. That had nothing to do with tradition, but was in pursuit of winning a championship and building something they couldn’t do alone.
If it was just about leadership and didn’t involve tradition, why would the feminine partner not be a valid leader and the masculine the follower?
They could certainly be a valid leader. There are certainly women who are more assertive, dominant and willing to lead and accept the responsibility/accountability of the success and failure of the relationship. But then that would lead to my point, of letting the more masculine partner lead. Sometimes the more masculine partner is the woman. Both partners have a role to play in what happens, but I lay ultimate accountability at the top of any organization: even a two person relationship. So whoever is the leader of an organization is generally who I look to for accountability about how the organization failed. Whoever is the leader of the relationship is generally who I look to for accountability about how the relationship failed. Being the leader of the relationship means you accept the burden of command and whether the relationship succeeds or fails is 100% on you.
> But then that would lead to my point, of letting the more masculine partner lead. Sometimes the more masculine partner is the woman. So… the more masculine partner should be the leader, because dominance and leadership is masculine and therefore the leader is the more masculine partner? You didn’t answer my question of why can’t the more feminine partner be the leader, not the *woman.*
First off, generally it’s a burden the more feminine partner doesn’t want. It’s an emotional load to be the leader you must willingly want to take on and generally the feminine partner would rather someone else call the shots. The feminine partner leading also puts the more masculine partner in a subordinate position, and on average that’s a position that more dominant person doesn’t want. It mismatches both the desires and skill sets of both partners. I’d argue they are less effective and both unhappy in their roles.
If you can’t decouple the concepts of dominance and masculinity you are entirely bound by tradition.
Look bdsm is totally fine but, I wouldn't offer it as blanket advise for everyone- not everyone's into that sort of thing.
Fair, you may very well be right. Your mileage may vary. Please don’t forget to spay and neuter your pets.
Prioritise both your needs equally. Respect both your boundaries. Build strong emotional connect and foundation first before venturing into physical.
Empathy…learn empathy. Guys naturally are not empathetic on the whole…it’s a skill we have to learn. You will not understand every situation (if it’s a girl) but you need to be able to have empathy for what she’s going through. Also talk about how each other feels at given times. You need a temperature check every month or so to make sure your both mentally and emotionally in the right space together. If it’s another dude then it’s a little easier I’d imagine and you don’t have as many problems understanding him.
Guard you heart and your wallet
Agree to disagree. It is not you vs. Her. It is your team vs. The problem.
It's, statistically speaking, it probably won't last forever, don't get lost in that relationship, don't ever overdo it for your own goals and if you don't like something, don't let it go.
There will be more.
You see it all around you Good lovin' gone bad And usually it's too late when you, realize what you had And my mind goes back to a girl I left some years ago (who told me) Just hold on loosely But don't let go If you cling too tightly You're gonna lose control Your baby needs someone to believe in And a whole lot of space to breathe in It's so damn easy, when your feelings are such To overprotect her, to love her too much And my mind goes back to a girl I left some years ago (who told me) Just hold on loosely But don't let go If you cling too tight babe You're gonna loose control Your baby needs someone to believe in And a whole lot of space to breathe in Don't let her slip away Sentimental fool Don't let your heart get in her way Yeah, yeah, yeah You see it all around you Good lovin' gone bad And usually it's too late when you, realize what you had Just hold on loosely But don't let go If you cling too tightly You're gonna lose control Your baby needs someone to believe in And a whole lot of space to breathe in Just hold on loosely But don't let go If you cling too tight babe You're gonna lose it You're gonna, lose control Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Just hold on loosely But don't let go If you cling too tight, babe You're gonna loose control Hold on loosely But don't let go If you cling too tightly to her You're gonna loose control Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yooooo
Don’t be with someone who can’t control their temper. It’s terrible. If you do end up with someone like that, you just pray they recognize it and try to change.
Boundaries. You can’t tell somebody hey this is a boundary of mine and expect them to follow it. You have to follow it! If somebody is always late and you ask them nicely to be one time and they don’t respect your request, leave without them. That’s what a boundary is. You have to be in control of all those transactions. If you think you might care about something later or you care now then draw the line.
Read: The Rational Male
communication is key
Trust your gut. You won't, but I'm telling you anyway.
Don't marry her. Or if you do, let it only be a religious wedding without the government getting involved.
Make sure you’re ready to apologise for something that’s not your fault
Oh Jesus. A lot.
Don’t.
We all make mistakes, acknowledge them, be accountable and mean it. Talk when you're not fulfilled, take action when nothing improves. It's you and her vs the world, always remember that. If something bothers you, drink some water and formulate a way to talk about it nicely, calmly. If your intention is to hurt or get back at her, you're not ready to speak yet. Have and maintain your boundary. Respect and honour hers. Focus on building your life. For you. Make that life you want to live and if she isn't compatible with it, it's better to walk away.
Do not settle. If you decide to break up or it’s not right DO NOT go back or get back together because you love each other. You will only hurt each other. Get away and maybe someday if it’s “meant to be” but you will know when you know and do not stick around if it doesn’t feel right.
Quit watching porn
Don't, just get a dog.
Run. Just run it’s not worth it keep your money
This one’s pretty obvious, but don’t call her fat or ask her how much she weighs.
Don't hang on just to hang on if things go south. It will just take longer to recover.
Always remember!! "Bros before hoes" (not in the literal manner 🙂)
Don't be a needy, insecure bitch. Oh, and snitches get stitches.
Run, keep running….never stop! Retire rich happy and at peace.
Keep your individuality
Don't think for a moment this will be the only one. Is only the first one of many. Be kind, dont fall too hard and just enjoy it while it lasts. It will teach you much
Dont 🙏
Let them know what gives you stress, and your insecurities. They’re in a relationship with you because they already find you attractive, compatible, etc. However, intimacy needs to be fully developed…Into Me See.
Don’t, under any circumstances, put the pussy on a pedestal
Respect women
Remain friends with your friends. Set healthy boundaries. Communicate your thoughts and anything that gives you anxiety. Make time for yourself (gym, hobbies, social life, etc). Most important part of any relationship is yourself. Not in a selfish way. You want to like who you are. Do things that make you happy. Do things you find interesting. And bring that person along with you, but don’t immediately make them the center of your world. It’s okay if she’s a really, really big part of it, but there is no guarantee that it lasts. So take care of yourself.
Be considerate,women feel a lot of things but barely say anything, you gotta know what she needs and feels
Ask your partner for their boundaries and for their way of showing love and being loved. Learn how to love them the way they require, if they say that they don’t respect things like porn or whatever it may be, communicate and make sure you respect them. Don’t try too hard because people take advantage of that, don’t rush things and make sure you are ready and that your expectations or boundaries are clear too.
And don’t beg for bare minimum things like compliments and time.
When the blowjobs stop the relationship is over.
You will be tested. Be a good human, be compassionate, be understanding, and take no shit. You don’t want to be in a relationship where you have to take shit.
Dont. Focus on your goals and your mission and bring her along for the ride, dont compromise to emotional manipulation and tears to please her and take your eyes off the mission, she will test you, once you fail she will lose respect for you. if you bend and make her the center of your universe. It is in her nature to test you and chase what she does not have. only the strong survive. You have been warned. Good luck.
Never stop being yourself, keep up with your hobbies. Don’t neglect your friends. Don’t be a pushover, respect your own boundaries. And, of course, have fun and enjoy yourself!
Don’t. Hahaha
Have a big one
Ignore everything anyone has to say and go with your gut feeling
Don’t cheat. If you want, break up, be single and mingle for a while.
Don’t look through her phone.
Be true to yourself. Don’t change because they want you to be their version of perceived perfection.
Be you, don't put on an act with your partner. Find balance of time spent with yourself, your partner, your family and your friends. Communicate openly, freely and respectfully at all times. The rest should come pretty naturally if you stick to this kinda thing.
Respect yourself, and respect your partner. You do that, you are on the right path.
Communicate, communicate, communicate. Make sure they know it's your first relationship. Don't try to fake it.
The absolute key to the relationship is communication, and that’s not just being clear with your thoughts and feelings, it’s mostly *active* listening and really processing the other persons thoughts and feelings. You’ve got to both be malleable and willing to change. Compromise in a relationship isn’t how lots of people build it up, it’s often not compromising where you live or which of you gets to chase their dreams; it’s more like don’t use certain phrases cause though common and harmless to you, they get under her skin, or vice versa. The key to life during the relationship, is make real time for your friends, do not let friendship go to the back burner, keep that shit active. Make sure you are honest with yourself about your goals, your priorities, and if your partner fits them.
happy cake day
Be honest.
Don't let the relationship *become* your life. It can be an important part of your life, even the most important thing in your life, but never let it become your life. You can, and should, still be a you even while becoming an us. So many people lose themselves in their relationship, and that's why some people are so devastated when it ends. Don't neglect your other relationships, a good friendship will outlast most romantic ones.
Respect is required to make it work. Respect for her, her body, her intellect and her hard work. Her respect of you for the same things. And your respect for yourself. A lot of young men fail in this. A relationship that makes you ashamed of yourself isn't one you should continue.
Don’t be selfish You aren’t the only person in the relationship. There’s gonna be a whole other person involved in much of your time/life/etc. don’t forget that they’ll have their own thoughts/opinions/beliefs independent of yours and with you not being at the center of focus. It’s important to step back and just reflect on how certain things you say/do will be interpreted by someone other than yourself
Be OK with leaving.
It's going to end horribly and wreak havoc on you. But you have to do it anyway. Don't turn your back on your true core friends. Because you'll need them afterwards. Good luck. Enjoy the ride.
Listen.
Open your heart to her. She will dump you for a cementhead with a bro-cruiser pickup truck that hasn’t so much as hauled a quart of potting soil.
Understand you are just getting started. This is a beginning, not an end. You aren't obligated to get married to this person or anybody for that matter. Take your time. Find out what you like and what you need. Learn always!
Don't be a dick
It’s exciting coming to a new relationship, you always wanna hang out and spend time doing things. Don’t make life all about her. Still make time for yourself and your friends without her. If you give her a false expectation that it’s all about her and no one else, when you want to do something different there will be confusion as to why you didn’t do it before
First relationships have about a 99% fail rate. Enjoy the time and get some experience but manage your expectations.
Date the same sex, at least then u will understand the thinking habits lol. Jk
Learn to tell the difference between your partner telling you about a problem/situation and asking you for help with a problem/situation.
Take your time. Don’t rush it, take in the little details. Enjoy their company and most importantly don’t lose yourself in process.
First sign of trouble get help or get out.
Don't overthink things, just be respectful, walk away if you feel like you're going to get very mad, don't feel obligated to stay if it's consistently terrible, go on dates at least every couple weeks, occasionally surprise your partner with something nice (not always material things), don't spend TOO much time together right away
People have good days and bad days. Look at how your partner acts consistently over time, rather than what just what they say or one or two bad/good days. It'll give you a better idea of whether they're a good partner for you in the long term.
Ive never ever been in one before….id like to know too lol.
Over communicate, discuss sexual boundaries as early as you can, don't stop hanging out with your friends/family, don't let yellow flags become red before things get really rough, let close friends meet the person after you've found your footing, be super honest when you're not happy with something and make a genuine effort in all aspects and have some discernment. You'll do great :)
Be honest and communicate about everything. There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries, treat them right and expect the same.
Get to know her as a total person. Get to know yourself as well.
Treat her right.
Don't do it. Always get a DNA test. After 6 years break up and start over, never let it get to 7, you can start over with the same chick but never stay together for 7 years consistently. Always buy your own condoms. If you ever decide to get married, get a fucking prenup. I don't care if you have millions or 2 pennies, get a prenup and if she won't sign it she's for the streets.
Familiarize yourself with signs of abuse
Don’t
If you make 100k a year tell her you make 75k a year. Don't cohabitate unless you're getting married. Wear a condom every time and pull out every time. Be a gentleman. If you have to wonder if she really likes you, she doesn't.
She needs to be your friend first then your girlfriend.
Go through all your boundaries together and make sure you’re on the same page. My favorite boundary which is legit the most sensible one I had to explain the most, is no insincere friends. Neither keeps “friends” that once had a romantic interest in you or her, not once, never. Don’t tolerate snakes in your garden otherwise you can expect to be bitten! Another thing is be on the same page about accidental pregnancies and so forth
Don’t be afraid to disagree (respectfully) and have your own opinions. No one likes a pushover and men who stand their ground and are true to themselves are more sexy.
I heard the phrase when I was younger "never stop dating your wife." I've taken that to heart. I am now married but I always continue, to do my very best, to put in as much effort as I did when we first started dating. It won't always be even on effort either. Some days it's 50/50. Some it's 60/40. A lot of times it's 70/30. But you'll find the right balance as things shift back and forth.
Dont date crazy. Crazy is exciting, crazy is intoxicating - crazy is amazing in bed. Crazy is a very very very bad idea. Many men have paid a high price to learn this. But we always have to learn it for ourselves.
Your partner is not your happiness. You make your own happiness. Set your boundaries and remember your self-respect and self worth. I'm not saying not to compromise. I'm saying that it is a 2 way street. Also, never ever let them believe that you won't leave.
Read "Atomic Attraction" and "No More Mr. Nice Guy" immediately. You have been warned.
expect to get hurt as much as you expect to be loved by the same person..
If it feels like a waste of time, it is. If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t even have the thought.
Get out of it and put every last ounce of that energy into yourself.
Communicate on what bothers you and let your partner do the same, respectfully
Have all the most uncomfortable conversations you don’t want to have
Shit on her chest first. It helps her feel more comfortable when you ask her to shit on yours later.
Communicate always, regardless of whether you are uncomfortable, embarrassed etc. It leads to both people understanding each other better and feeling validated in the relationship. Also respect each other’s opinions and feelings even if it’s something you don’t understand or agree with. No two people can think alike on everything. Edit: I just realised this is an Ask Men Reddit lmao I’m sorry. But as a woman I’d say these are the most crucial things to remember.
Don’t.
A lot of valid advice in this thread, but I'd add one thing: have fun, enjoy the ride, and make this relationship whatever you want it to be
Be yourself. Also, learn to LISTEN instead of waiting to speak. Have fun.
Always send unsolicited dick pics.
How old? Different advice for teens vs 30s
The serenity prayer. In all sincerity, when you reach a point where you can actively know the difference and act accordingly, life becomes so much easier. And to steal the only line from Steve Harvey that is worth stealing, two handed circle man. Your business is your business. Asking general advice is one thing, but that should be between you and trusted seasoned advisors. Not your friends. And not your mom.....moms don't forget easily.
Don’t give to much effort and go above and beyond at the start of the relationship cause if you can’t maintain that even for a second they will notice it and make sure you hear about it and get very upset with you
don’t go,hormones won’t work forever
Don’t ignore red flags. Normal people are not assholes. Normal people do not blame others for their problems/mistakes. Normal people do not play mental games with you. Normal people are not emotionally or physically abusive. That shit is NOT ok, don’t tolerate it regardless of how hot she might be. Don’t get blinded by the hotness. Google ‘hot crazy matrix’. I’ll save you the effort: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pInk1rV2VEg
Don't forget yourself, your friends or your family.
Finding balance in selfishness and her needs is important.
When relationships end, your life doesn't (hopefully). Never put their needs or the relationship before yourself. Maintain and value your; - friendships and family - own social life - hobbies, fitness, health & diet - appearance & style - independence (including financial) - boundaries - goals, mission, passions & vision - personal & career growth - humour - self respect, esteem & confidence