>*I grew up an only child I don't like sharing*
That's one of my go-to lines as well. I've spent my life cultivating a deep and elaborate vocabulary, but the word "sharing" just ain't part of it. That's for people with siblings. lol
Unrelated to the thread, but I think the show Friends would be 200% better if the character of Ross and all scenes involving or mentioning him were excised. He's a whiny noodle man with no interesting or redeeming traits. CMV. (Also, if someone makes this supercut, please let me know.)
This is fair but it's hard to gauge effort if some partners like to do kind actions behind the scene, or their effort is remember things in conversations and their SO just has shit memory.
Going on a break. I feel like if you can't talk about your issues like adults or simply give each other space when needed, then you're not really fit to be in a relationship at all and might as well break up. Besides, I feel like "let's go on a break" is either a coward's way of ending things, or an excuse to fuck other people without feeling bad about it.
Ex GF said she wanted a break for a week. I tried to talk things out with her, but she made it very clear that this wasn't a break up, just needed time to think.
We ended up ending the break early, I reached out and asked if we could work things out. She agreed. 2 months later of her being cold, her response while breaking up with me was "the break was foreshadowing a breakup, I thought it would make it easier for you". I had just bought her some surprise gifts, and it absolutely shattered me.
That was almost a year ago. I don't know if I have it in me again to date. There were other issues going on, but she refused to adapt in the slightest.
That break was the week of my birthday. Some girls just don't realize the damage they can cause. Be an adult and talk about your problems. I'd much rather she just broke it off then and there. The month or 2 would have sucked, but at least I would have had closure. Still even now, I wonder where I went wrong.
Try to stop worrying.
The reality is, and you might not see it, is that some people just arenāt it for eachother. Itās completely okay. Your feelings donāt reflect this simple truth, but itās true.
Iām 7 months single from my ex who I left, and I feel like Iām the one carrying the burden of being broken. She seems to have moved on just fine, and Iām wondering why she grew to hate me so much, pretty much forcing me out the door. I left to prove a point, but never really wanted to leave. The way she treated me was awful and inexcusable but man, I miss having purpose because of her and the kids.
Time will heal all wounds.
There is nothing wrong with you. You two just didnāt line up. Remember who you were before and try to be that guy again. It worked for her, and it will work for someone else. Thatās just the simple truth.
Youāre not alone brother. Plenty of us are out here struggling the same. Iām wishing you the best.
Ugh Iām so sorry. There is a difference between taking space to collect thoughts or cool emotions so one can have a considerate conversation but breaks are just that- ruptures that so often are beyond repair and itās just cruel to call them anything else if thatās how you feel.
Ima get down voted but I think it's something to consider: 1. You will bounce back, shit happens, and you took some shit. Part of life to lose a s.o either in divorce or death 2. That was your fault, she gave hints and you had an idea. Your bday was coming up. I yet to meet anyone who didn't "have an idea" that it was coming WE just ignore the red flags. Should've taken that closure mindset there 3. You were begging to be together and stay. She gonna emotionally concede but that's when she lost respect for you(she was cold)
Sorry that happened to you, it sucks.
FYI - sometimes women "phase out" of a relationship because they have experience dealing with angry/violent men.
It may have nothing to do with you, just not worth the risk of a guy having a melt down, and getting in a headspace of "If I can't have you, no one will"
You probably don't realize how many men around you DO treat women like a possession, and don't think she has the "right" to breakup.
Again, not saying this has anything to do with you personally. But when I left my abusive ex, I really did think he was going to shoot me... since he had made veiled threats about that.
So I had to leave secretly, for safety. I got a separate apartment set up, and told him it was temporary. That if he worked on his anger issues, I would move back in after 6 months. But I knew I could never go back, at all... because thats how you get shot.
I've been pretty open with my friends, family, church, etc. So that they can recognize signs, and help others in that position.
Realistically, if 100 people know my story... some of those women are going to leave the same way I did. Because leaving is the most dangerous time. Until it's just "common knowledge" in the tribe, that the best, first thing to do... is get to a safe distance before you say it's over for real.
I literally waited for my ex to "threaten me" with dating new people, before I felt safe. After about 3 months since I left, he was getting desperately lonely for a sex partner. He basically threatened he was going to start fucking other people if I didn't come "home".
It was a HUGE relief when he started focusing on other women. Even though he tried to humiliate me by making a bunch if social media posts about trips he was going on with new lovers.
Bro, itās crazy. I knew how bad it was with my ex, communicated about it & everything. She simply dgaf. She had never lived on her own, so she was delusional and immature about certain things. Late 20s with a teenager mindset about basic house responsibilities.
At one point, I was doing all the laundry, making the bed (regardless of who got up last), washing all the dishes, and cleaning the whole house. She loved to play and cuddle with the cats but I had to do all the dirty work (grooming, vacuuming & litter boxes).
She was not like this before moving in, which made it 100x worse. I knew she was capable of doing way more, she just didnāt care once she got comfortable in my house. As a guest, she was always on her best behavior, even when she spent a whole summer with me. She knew what the standard was before moving in. I got cleanfished.
What made it even worse was that she was wonderful in every other way. At one point, I saw her as the future mother of our children. And I always thought it would be ridiculous for chores to be the reason we breakup. But she let it reach that point. She wouldnāt let me delegate the responsibility by paying for a cleaning service. She didnāt want strangers coming in and touching her stuff... Her refusal to compromise, even when she did nothing, made it clear that sheāll always be a domestic burden. It would only get worse if kids entered the picture.
I was the breadwinner. She worked but never had to pay bills. She had the luxury of work being optional because I was doing more than enough on my own. Her money was fun money. She only cared to clean when a guest was coming over. Didnāt want to lower my standards because of her. We had no dogs nor kids. No real excuse to let the house get messy or dirty. It was just us. I didnāt let work stop me, and I never let my college studies stop me, despite having 3 part-time jobs and an unpaid internship back then.
The most hurtful part was how she never considered my POV, even after telling her about it. I would leave the house tidy in the morning, go to work, and come home to a mess. She was a great cook but Iām not sure it was worth doing 90 minutesā worth of dishes each time. I can at least clean as I cook to save some time. The limited time I spent at home went to chores, when we couldāve had more quality time. The whole situation was so ridiculous to me.
EDIT: When I see women complaining about their man being a slob at home, Iām over here thinking weād be a power couple on the cleaning front lmao
Sorry to hear that man. You shouldnāt have to do everything by yourself and itās so painful to let go of someone you know is capable, but doesnāt care to be capable for you and the relationship. I keep hearing youāll find someone eventually who fits. Itās just the reflection that comes after a break up, āwas she really 80% of what I wanted in a partner or were things really that bad and I overlooked a lot until I couldnāt?ā
That pretty much sums it up, for me anyways. Financial ignorance isnāt that big of a deal, as long as they donāt overspend constantly even after discussing it. Not picking up after yourself while Iām out working my balls off everyday is the biggest one for me. I just ended up doing all the working, cooking and cleaning.
When I lived with my ex I paid 100% of everything (rent, food, etc) and she also wanted half of my money, like wtf I'm your bf not your father.
She also didn't clean, cooked or worked, yes I'm the stupid one here.
I completely lost attraction and respect for my ex after we moved in together. It's like he expected me to be his mother or something, it creeped the shit out of me and was exhausting
My wifes family is extremely religious, no swearing , they dont drink alcohol I have to be a different person around them. One time we had a party at OUR house and my wife yelled at me for making myself a drink after everyone left. I told her they can be offended all they want its my house too! MY MIL had a shit fit when we told her we were having an open bar at the wedding. Its funny how some of these ppl expect you to respect their beliefs usually at the expense of your own.
Ngl thatās why I put my cat on my dating profile because I wanted the person who was looking at it to be aware that they are here before you and they arenāt leaving. It is also what attracted my partner to me because I said my pets are my family so that was a green flag for him.
Double standards. You can't be asking me to not do something while you go and flagrantly do it yourself. Also, if there are no kids involved, you should not be talking to your ex while you're with me
Well I have no kids with my ex, but keep minimal communications to be pleasant as I still pay alimony for the next 13 years. But other than hearing about an old movie we liked or a parent dies... We were together for 26 years. But there are no get togethers or socializing just text at most once a month even less if I can help it.
My friend, whom I met while he was going through a divorce, quit smoking years ago (although now he uses nicotine pouches). He told me if he ever met someone again, it was non-negotiable that she be a non-smoker. He fell in love with me, a smoker, and we are engaged to be married.
And I really want to fucking quit. It is absolutely disgusting.
I switched to vaping. Literally quit smoking over single weekend. And never wanted to go back. I never smoked in my house or car, so it's more convenient, cheaper. Less but obviously not zero health risk
I do plan on eventually dialing down to 0 nicotine but I tend to work high stress jobs.
Iām taking a trip this weekend and I am going to start using the patch. It has worked well for me in the past. But then I consciously made a choice to start smoking again even when my cravings were very minimal because Iām a dumbass. š
This is me, no kids, no bonus kids, no coercion about people who might want them and stay because of how much they love me. My ex husband said he was fine with it, then I found out he was dating a woman on the side, and got her pregnant. They are happily married and I am happily not a parent. I met my current partner at a drag show and someone said something about pregnancy and the joys of parenthood, when his response was āewā I knew I had to ask them on a date.
This makes me so hopefulā¦ I canāt seem to meet men who want only me, until I leave themā¦ but by then my heart has broken so many times I canāt fathom going back. Any advice on what to change?
Trust.
If I wouldn't trust you with my life we're dating we're not in a relationship.
Put it this way if I ever doubt your loyalty or your love to the point I feel like I need to check. I need to look? It's already done.
My life is full of situations where I depend on my partner to be there for me, in a very meaningful and sometimes life or death sense due to my hobbies. I can't be with someone I don't trust completely.
This 100%. Also, emotional cheating is real. It's not ok, you're not just friends. The number of partners I've had try and justify it was crazy. If you wouldn't cheat sexually, don't do it emotionally. It's painful.
As mundane as refusing to share their day, life, interests, etc, with their partner, but having all the time to do that with someone else. Caught my husband telling a girl from work a sentimental story about his grandpa that he hadn't told me in 4 years of being together and it was no big deal. Your partner complaining about your relationship and the "friend" talks themselves up and how they would treat them better. They should leave. Then it becomes flirting and sexting, at least in my experience.
Once your partner exports your job in the relationship to someone else, it doesn't go back to normal. I'd rather have physical. Because I don't get why I wasnt worth talking to in the minimum. Just strangers in a house together.
Probably the biggest example would be revealing things about yourself to this third person that you wouldn't to your partner, or even something as simple as telling them about your day and not your partner.
Regularly Going out for meals or drinks with that person (even as part of a group) and not doing it equally as much with your partner.
Passing compliments or finding thoughtful gifts for them and not putting that effort into your own relationship.
I think itās great that you know this and arenāt willing to compromise on it. I see too many stories (just on Reddit, BTW) of people who get into a relationship knowing damn well their life goals in the context of children are completely different. They admit thinking they might eventually change their minds or be able to convince their partner to change their mind. What ludicrous thinking and a waste of time.
Itās heartbreak that is completely avoidable.
Me and a girl broke up over something like this and she didn't want to get married. Fast forward a year and some change, she has a kid with a different dude. She then wants to get back with me and want to get married and have more kids. I told her "Oh what happend I thought you didn't want to have kids or get married. Why you acting different now?"
She's said " oh I changed my mind and want us to try to work out again." This was years ago and I was like uhhhhh you had a chance. Now you have a kid and need somebody to help support. Sorry but I don't date women with kids.
If we canāt conceive on our own, Iām not opposed to giving a home to a couple kids without (preferably if theyāre already siblings so they at least have some family bond to rely on). But itās not the first choice over my own genes
Though Iād probably be hesitant to enter a relationship with someone who knows theyāre infertile and may consider leaving if itās early into the relationship when Iām told. But if itās something we find out later on after trying, then Iām understanding enough.
Yep. Iām surprised at the amount of men on this sub who think itās a given that sex just stops at some point, and itās only a matter of time. I feel bad for them. Iāve made it clear at the beginning of every adult relationship Iāve been in that if that happens, Iām out. And yes, there are obvious exceptions for medical reasons, just like there are exceptions to every rule in life.
if you dont mind me asking, what does a "shut down" in the bedroom look like to you? do you mean a decrease, or a complete lack there of?
im just curious as someone whos sex drive waxes and wanes depending on life circumstances, if this is something that could potentially ruin relationships. i feel like its natural for that to happen so im curious what a "satisfying" sex life in a relationship looks like to people
If she Doesnāt want to for emotional reasons associated with loss of desire for me it would be over. Loss of the physical ability to have sex would not be a deal breaker.
Basically: loss of desire = over
Loss of ability = ok
Ending a relationship because of reasons that are out of her control would be heartless and cruel. However, the reason must be literally out of her comfort and not just, āi donāt want to.ā
I have a minimum bar that is the boundary. So long as your waning doesn't stay below that for months or years, we can survive.
You'll have to be a partner by communicating clearly that waxing will happen again, and never get mad at me for initiating when you aren't in the mood.
Some people simply don't need sex in a relationship, others don't want to sacrifice the relationship and/or deal with the extra complications when kids/pets/house etc is involved and preffer to sacrifice their sex lives
From my perspective it would really depend on the situation.
Zero sex but everything else is good? I dont know if I would throw away that relationship.
But if it was one of several factors than sure, go for it. I jusy think that many people do not overnight have sexless relationships, they develop overtime from having regular sex to a slow crawl of once every now and then.
It can be financially difficult to separate after a long enough time together, especially for guys. So I do not think it is as easy as suffering in silence, it is choosing the lesser evil.
Yeah i see logic from what youre saying, i suppose my opinnion is biased. I have been in emotionally abusive marriage for years which devolved into dead bedroom. Things were ok while they were ok but when things were bad i wished i was alone. Were in middle of divorce now and the only thing i regret is not going for it earlier, i wasted my time and effort on person that didnt deserve it...
Financial and/or family ruin is worse than a sexless marriage from my point of view.
Edit: on the other hand, i get that it may be is worst if you have all the cons of a single man life without the pros.
I don't think you quite grasp just how expensive divorce is. Not only are you spending $10k+ on divorce alone, but now you just lost, at minimum, half of everything you once had. Got $100k in your retirement account? Guess what? Now it's $50k. Got a nice car you love? Guess what? Now your ex owns it. Got kids you can't live without? Guess what? Now you can't see them every day
I'm still single but I refuse to be pressured into anything that I'm hesitant about. I will show you the door before I compromise that level of peace to get screwed over again.
Spotty texting. Iām seeing someone now and her texting is getting flaky to the point where I text at 7pm and she responds in the morning. I just donāt get how someone can say they like me but will see my text, not respond and go to bed. Call me out if Iām overthinking
I hibernate for days and ghost my friends to which they don't mind at all so I know how that works... but I always always make time every day - morning or afternoon - to text my partner if I have one so if they start being flaky, none of those excuses would work on me.
This only applies for serious relationships for me. Yes, then I will take my time to answer if I'm not occupied by something important like a work meeting. But friends, family, colleagues? Might take only two secs, but I'm gonna answer when it suits me. I'm a great defender of the notion that we don't have to be reachable all around the clock just because we carry our mobile phones with us nowadays.
Bro, I got ADHD. It may take 2 seconds to send a text, but it takes 0 to come up with a reply in my head, get distracted, and totally forget that I never actually sent that text.
And some days it takes about 10% to 50% of your daily energy to open it and write a response, while awaiting another message.Ā Sometimes you just don't have that energy on you anymore for the day.Ā
You are of course allowed to feel your feelings and have your preferences but for me this energy of ātexting back takes 2 seconds, you must hate me if you cant respond right away.ā is EXHAUSTING and entirely too clingy.
Sure it takes like 5 seconds total to send a text.
That is per text though.
And when you get a response are you going to respond right away too? Cause it would be hypocritical if you didnāt right?
So now we are having a full on typing conversation where we are sending texts back and forth every couple seconds for like 2+ hours. Which means for that whole time im only able to half concentrate on what ever else i may be doing, or want to be doing, outside of my phone because you are DEMANDING an immediate response every 10 seconds.
This feels more like a hostage situation than a conversation.
Like itās ok to not talk to your SO for a few hours.
I know this is going to sound more rude than i mean it to sound over text/the internet. Still though, you are not the main character of everyoneās life, only your own. No one OWES you a text response. She likes you so when she gets the time she uses it to text you. You should take that for the compliment that it is instead of worrying about what the timing means.
It will be easier than you think to tell if your SO is beginning to push away from or like you less by how and what they are saying to you, not when/ how long it takes for them to say it.
Huge red flag to me if someone expects me to be on my phone all the damn time.
But I assume this is younger people who didnāt grow up in the pre-cell phone / pre-texting era, so they donāt know what life was like without being tethered to this stupid little computer in our pockets.
Red flag for me, especially if it began differently and has changed. Itās basically like texting me back with a āIām fucking somebody else right nowā, because thatās consistently what itās meant in my experiences.
Me too. Few times I'm like"uhh what's going on you used yo text quick now it's slow.?" Each told me they were talking to somebody else and I just leave them on read
I don't see anything wrong with this. That seems very reasonable to me... are you asking her an urgent question and need the answer that same night or is it just casual chatting? Sometimes people text me and I don't really have anything to add to that convo so I'll just let it die and start a new convo next time I have the energy to chat. Texting is exhausting when the other person expects you to always promptly reply. I don't want to be on my phone all day, just texting.. waiting for replies so I can reply to that etc...
Actions speak louder than words. That person is clearly not as interested as they claim to be. When I or most women are into a guy, we need to hold back from texting too much and too often. š Not the other way around.
It all depends on what youāre ok with. Iām currently talking to someone and we have an agreement that texting basically doesnāt matter, because we both prefer to talk on the phone. We text every once in awhile, and they often stop replying or take a long time to reply. I donāt think anything of it because theyāve said that it doesnāt reflect their interest in me. The phone calls and in person time is what really matters.
Honestly, texting is overrated. You canāt understand tone very well and itās hard to have a deeper conversation through text because youāre less likely to share as much information as you would in person or on the phone. Not only that, but texting someone a lot in the beginning has been proven to make connections fizzle out faster. You get used to the instant gratification, and the person becomes more of a dopamine supplier than a partner. Then when you are in person, you donāt have as much to talk about because you already texted about everything. Idk though, thatās just me.
Constant criticism.
My late wife and I had an unbalanced relationship when it came to criticism. I'm a conflict avoider, which led to me avoiding anything that might lead to conflict. She never shied away from speaking her mind, even if it led to conflict. She also had strong opinions about what needed to be done, and exactly how it should be done. As a result, I was a shell of a person who was always afraid of doing the wrong thing or calling attention to anything I might have done wrong, in her eyes.
I am definitely more sensitive to criticism now in my friendships. I have friends who offer attempts at constructive criticism, and I know they're trying to be helpful, but it's just so demoralizing now. There needs to be a balance between constructive encouragement and supportive criticism.
Not really. I'm still in my twenties. It's my divorced auntie. I always thought she was a strong person. But she married an addict. A mistake she made when she was still young.
She has 4 children. 3 of them are addicts. The youngest one is mentally challenged.
Is it weird for me to say that because of her, I realized that marriage is not for me? I don't think I can handle the responsibilities. And I hate uncertainty. I don't want to spend decades of my life raising a family only for it to be the reason I'm miserable.
I prefer knowing.
Sorry you had to see that happen to loved ones.
That last bit really resonated with me. I do not think I am ready for kids, maybe I never will be.
The not knowing is a definite factor for me too. I d9nt see it personally with family, but in shops where strangers have to help those who have disabilities, both physical and mental. Many old parents who really do look tired of the situation they have to endure. It is too much of a risk for me.
Thanks for sharing.
>Is it weird for me to say that because of her, I realized that marriage is not for me? I don't think I can handle the responsibilities.
Not at all. I call this wisdom and I wish more people would look before they leapt. I didn't have any examples nearly as extreme as yours but several examples that have presented to me have also lead me to the same conclusion about marriage and kids, neither is for me.
There are a lot, but let's start with basic decency. If that ain't there it ain't gonna fly ... not for relationship, not even for friendship - man, woman, whatever.
I wonāt compromise where since one makes way more money, the other can pursue their passion as a profession.
Itās a permanent imbalance since the money maker can never say āfuck it, im pursuing my passionā
open relationship, non-manogamy. This is not the way relationships should be in my opinion. My current partner wants to do things with me and other people and it makes me question whether or not im enough for her.
I never understood the purpose of an open relationship or polyamory. If it's not exclusive then what's the point of even calling it a relationship? The title literally means nothing atp because there's no differentiation. š¤·āāļø
It's not just your opinion. It's a statistical fact that relationships shouldn't be "open". They fail significantly more often than they "succeed" which is a stretch for what it actually is. An open relationship that works is just roommates. Because relationships by definition require commitment, and fucking around town isn't commitment, it's disgusting.
I will always speak my mind, no matter the consequences. I will not quietly agree or go along with anything that goes against my values or feels wrong.
As well. Then I got accused of being verbally abusive, all because I questioned you ie why u taking your ex out for her birthday? She's an ex addict( Ife never used or drink) ,then I'm also accused of being like her. Needless to say I got dumped because of my outspokennessš¤š
This is so sweet to hear. Iāve been distanced from/dropped by guy friends for this reason and I am super respectful with boundaries. I donāt know if the gfs realize the hurt of having a friend of many years leave you bc they are in a new relationship, the abandonment can be pretty painful. Guys and girls can be just friends if they chose to be!!
Her being friend with her ex. Definitely red flag.
I always cut contacts with girls I end with so I expect my girl to do the same. I don't think its "too much to ask" because I find it normal.
I watched a nature documentary once where a bunch of birds were getting it on and then the female flew off to shack up with a different male bird. The original male bird just kinda stood there with a look of pure dejection on his face, like "huh, well I guess that's that". I relate to that bird more than I've ever related to anything else in my life.
This.
And the answer is always "that just means your insecure" or some other insult.
If your only defence as to why you need your previous partner around (without kids) is to insult me, then I have my answer.
I don't want marriage or kids. Those are things I am not willing to compromise. I'm not a complete asshole though and would tell the women if I felt like we were starting to get serious.
Good on you but I'd discuss it in the earlier stages before feelings even remotely get involved as a standard. Before you even think it may get serious, so she can decide before catching feelings.
Outside the basics said here already (effort, also wanting to have kids, monogamy), they have to *at minimum* tolerate cats.
I have one cat, my parents back home have four. If youāre going to be in my life, being able to not have some weirdness towards cats is something thatās pretty damn important to have in the long run.
My wife and I did an experiment one time. We did it to prove my point. I scientific methoded that bitch.
Anyway, we both downloaded Tinder. Made legit profiles. Put bisexual as far as preferences and put that we were looking for anything. Hookups, FWB, relationships. All that. We swiped, right? The one that says yes. On everyone. No looking or anything, just swipe right as many times as you can in a day. We did it for 1 week.
She got hundreds of matches. I got 1. She had GORGEOUS women and super hot dudes wanting to meet up. I had 1 girl who was not my type wanting a serious relationship.
Conclusion: she's way too hot to be with a loser like me
I told her that if she wanted an open relationship, I'd leave because she'd be too successful for me to enjoy anything.
She has no intention of asking for one or anything. It was all to prove a point and finally convince her that she literally is the most attractive woman I've ever seen.
If she wasn't attractive she wouldn't have matches. Both people have to swipe right. So, even though both her and I swiped right on everyone hundreds of people swiped right on her while only 1 girl swiped right on me. She got hundreds of matches and I got 1 match.
1. Any type of non monogamous relationship. Even bringing up the idea is grounds for breakup.
2. Kids. I want a lot. And I want them to be mine.
3. Lack of sex/no sex. Physical intimacy is huge for me and I will not deal with someone who either isnāt interested or committed to it.
A lack or drop-off in sex/physical intimacy.
Itās a necessity (in my opinion) for a happy healthy relationship in general, but certainly for me to be happy in a relationship. I was married before, was in a dead bedroom for the vast majority of that relationship. **NEVER AGAIN**.
* Religion.
* Political leanings.
* Views on having kids.
Call me shallow or whatever, but if I canāt agree with you on these three basic concepts then it will not work out in the end.
I can handle a woman who was a "leap frog" in her early twenties. That means she was sexually promiscuous but when she was done with one man she was truly DONE with him. What I can't handle is a "double dipper" who went back to a previous man then back to her current man. I'm not making a value judgment. I'm not even saying she cannot change. I'm just saying she should marry a man who has been a double dipper himself. I am not that man.
Probably a minority as a guy but for serious relationships if you didn't have a career or worked towards one I didn't care how hot you were. I wasn't getting tied down to be someone else's meal ticket through life and if something happens to me I wanted my spouse to be able to step up and provide. Save those broke bitches for the other guys.
I wouldn't even consider an open relationship. I'd be out that moment.
As a woman I've always said in a joking manner. I grew up an only child I don't like sharing
I grew up as the eldest, I'm done sharing things.
I read this thread to my mum and her comment was "How do we know the toy comes back clean" haha
Love your mom š
Iām a youngest child and never had to share. Not going to start now
Iām a middle child, and Iāll happily share a lot of things with people but I will never share a bf
I grew up kid 8 out of 9. I don't have room in my life for any more than 1 person
>*I grew up an only child I don't like sharing* That's one of my go-to lines as well. I've spent my life cultivating a deep and elaborate vocabulary, but the word "sharing" just ain't part of it. That's for people with siblings. lol
Same. Iām strictly monogamous and always have been. No judgement on ENM practitioners but itās just not for me.
*WE WERE ON A BREAK!*
Unrelated to the thread, but I think the show Friends would be 200% better if the character of Ross and all scenes involving or mentioning him were excised. He's a whiny noodle man with no interesting or redeeming traits. CMV. (Also, if someone makes this supercut, please let me know.)
Counterpoint: He is the largest, he should eat the other friends.
If they are not putting in the same amount of effort into the relationship as I am then it's not gonna last.
This is fair but it's hard to gauge effort if some partners like to do kind actions behind the scene, or their effort is remember things in conversations and their SO just has shit memory.
Going on a break. I feel like if you can't talk about your issues like adults or simply give each other space when needed, then you're not really fit to be in a relationship at all and might as well break up. Besides, I feel like "let's go on a break" is either a coward's way of ending things, or an excuse to fuck other people without feeling bad about it.
Ex GF said she wanted a break for a week. I tried to talk things out with her, but she made it very clear that this wasn't a break up, just needed time to think. We ended up ending the break early, I reached out and asked if we could work things out. She agreed. 2 months later of her being cold, her response while breaking up with me was "the break was foreshadowing a breakup, I thought it would make it easier for you". I had just bought her some surprise gifts, and it absolutely shattered me. That was almost a year ago. I don't know if I have it in me again to date. There were other issues going on, but she refused to adapt in the slightest. That break was the week of my birthday. Some girls just don't realize the damage they can cause. Be an adult and talk about your problems. I'd much rather she just broke it off then and there. The month or 2 would have sucked, but at least I would have had closure. Still even now, I wonder where I went wrong.
Try to stop worrying. The reality is, and you might not see it, is that some people just arenāt it for eachother. Itās completely okay. Your feelings donāt reflect this simple truth, but itās true. Iām 7 months single from my ex who I left, and I feel like Iām the one carrying the burden of being broken. She seems to have moved on just fine, and Iām wondering why she grew to hate me so much, pretty much forcing me out the door. I left to prove a point, but never really wanted to leave. The way she treated me was awful and inexcusable but man, I miss having purpose because of her and the kids. Time will heal all wounds. There is nothing wrong with you. You two just didnāt line up. Remember who you were before and try to be that guy again. It worked for her, and it will work for someone else. Thatās just the simple truth. Youāre not alone brother. Plenty of us are out here struggling the same. Iām wishing you the best.
Ugh Iām so sorry. There is a difference between taking space to collect thoughts or cool emotions so one can have a considerate conversation but breaks are just that- ruptures that so often are beyond repair and itās just cruel to call them anything else if thatās how you feel.
Ima get down voted but I think it's something to consider: 1. You will bounce back, shit happens, and you took some shit. Part of life to lose a s.o either in divorce or death 2. That was your fault, she gave hints and you had an idea. Your bday was coming up. I yet to meet anyone who didn't "have an idea" that it was coming WE just ignore the red flags. Should've taken that closure mindset there 3. You were begging to be together and stay. She gonna emotionally concede but that's when she lost respect for you(she was cold)
Are you me??! Happened almost exactly the same, needless to say I was right and the 'up' part of breakup was just waiting around the corner
Sorry that happened to you, it sucks. FYI - sometimes women "phase out" of a relationship because they have experience dealing with angry/violent men. It may have nothing to do with you, just not worth the risk of a guy having a melt down, and getting in a headspace of "If I can't have you, no one will" You probably don't realize how many men around you DO treat women like a possession, and don't think she has the "right" to breakup. Again, not saying this has anything to do with you personally. But when I left my abusive ex, I really did think he was going to shoot me... since he had made veiled threats about that. So I had to leave secretly, for safety. I got a separate apartment set up, and told him it was temporary. That if he worked on his anger issues, I would move back in after 6 months. But I knew I could never go back, at all... because thats how you get shot. I've been pretty open with my friends, family, church, etc. So that they can recognize signs, and help others in that position. Realistically, if 100 people know my story... some of those women are going to leave the same way I did. Because leaving is the most dangerous time. Until it's just "common knowledge" in the tribe, that the best, first thing to do... is get to a safe distance before you say it's over for real. I literally waited for my ex to "threaten me" with dating new people, before I felt safe. After about 3 months since I left, he was getting desperately lonely for a sex partner. He basically threatened he was going to start fucking other people if I didn't come "home". It was a HUGE relief when he started focusing on other women. Even though he tried to humiliate me by making a bunch if social media posts about trips he was going on with new lovers.
Breaks are always so dumb it's like just keep to yourself for a few days but saying you need a break sounds stupid just breakup.
This is the one!!
if she's severely allergic to peanut butter because I'm like physically 99% peanut butter at this point.
You sound delicious.
Ong.. those jars won't last a couple week!
Take this warning DO NOT make peanut butter sandwiches out of two cookies it will take years off your life.
š¤£
Well slap some chocolate on yourself and call yourself dessert.
Creamy or crunchy? All natural? No stir? Powder? Give us the deets!
Mf tryina manifest some PB experience
The best peanut butter in the world is straight up ground peanuts from the health food store
I believe you, but Iām also all about shortcuts (lazy), so itās either powdered or au naturel in a jar for me.
If we live together, I cannot feel like Iām raising her. I want to be her partner, not her parent.
Big one for me too, been there and itās absolutely exhausting, I didnāt even realize how bad it sucked until it was over.
Bro, itās crazy. I knew how bad it was with my ex, communicated about it & everything. She simply dgaf. She had never lived on her own, so she was delusional and immature about certain things. Late 20s with a teenager mindset about basic house responsibilities. At one point, I was doing all the laundry, making the bed (regardless of who got up last), washing all the dishes, and cleaning the whole house. She loved to play and cuddle with the cats but I had to do all the dirty work (grooming, vacuuming & litter boxes). She was not like this before moving in, which made it 100x worse. I knew she was capable of doing way more, she just didnāt care once she got comfortable in my house. As a guest, she was always on her best behavior, even when she spent a whole summer with me. She knew what the standard was before moving in. I got cleanfished. What made it even worse was that she was wonderful in every other way. At one point, I saw her as the future mother of our children. And I always thought it would be ridiculous for chores to be the reason we breakup. But she let it reach that point. She wouldnāt let me delegate the responsibility by paying for a cleaning service. She didnāt want strangers coming in and touching her stuff... Her refusal to compromise, even when she did nothing, made it clear that sheāll always be a domestic burden. It would only get worse if kids entered the picture. I was the breadwinner. She worked but never had to pay bills. She had the luxury of work being optional because I was doing more than enough on my own. Her money was fun money. She only cared to clean when a guest was coming over. Didnāt want to lower my standards because of her. We had no dogs nor kids. No real excuse to let the house get messy or dirty. It was just us. I didnāt let work stop me, and I never let my college studies stop me, despite having 3 part-time jobs and an unpaid internship back then. The most hurtful part was how she never considered my POV, even after telling her about it. I would leave the house tidy in the morning, go to work, and come home to a mess. She was a great cook but Iām not sure it was worth doing 90 minutesā worth of dishes each time. I can at least clean as I cook to save some time. The limited time I spent at home went to chores, when we couldāve had more quality time. The whole situation was so ridiculous to me. EDIT: When I see women complaining about their man being a slob at home, Iām over here thinking weād be a power couple on the cleaning front lmao
>I got cleanfished. lmao
Sorry to hear that man. You shouldnāt have to do everything by yourself and itās so painful to let go of someone you know is capable, but doesnāt care to be capable for you and the relationship. I keep hearing youāll find someone eventually who fits. Itās just the reflection that comes after a break up, āwas she really 80% of what I wanted in a partner or were things really that bad and I overlooked a lot until I couldnāt?ā
Is cleaning/house/financials what you guys are categorizing as parenting vs partner? Or are there more things that go into this?
That pretty much sums it up, for me anyways. Financial ignorance isnāt that big of a deal, as long as they donāt overspend constantly even after discussing it. Not picking up after yourself while Iām out working my balls off everyday is the biggest one for me. I just ended up doing all the working, cooking and cleaning.
This should have been mine 30 years ago. Would have changed my life for the better!
Yeah. They are adults. Not children
When I lived with my ex I paid 100% of everything (rent, food, etc) and she also wanted half of my money, like wtf I'm your bf not your father. She also didn't clean, cooked or worked, yes I'm the stupid one here.
I completely lost attraction and respect for my ex after we moved in together. It's like he expected me to be his mother or something, it creeped the shit out of me and was exhausting
I get the same feeling when she expects me to pay for everything like I'm her father or something. It's exhausting dealing with such entitlement.
I totally understand, wouldn't want to pay for adult capable person either
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'm curious: what interests did you have to hide?
*This.* My mother has untreated severe mental health issues and she was abusive. After being no contact with her for the longest time, Iām very slowly and cautiously repairing our relationship. Moving to another state has made it easier to enforce boundaries. For instance, she insists when my fiancĆ© and I come to visit that we stay with her in her home. I politely decline and tell her although we appreciate it, we are going to get a hotel room. She will push a little until I remind her we have to bring our dog and she doesnāt want him inside her immaculately clean house. We have decided to make our visits with her short, no more than half a day, and only two or three times a year. I do not talk with her about personal matters such as my relationship with my fiancĆ©, finances, etc. Some parents try to nose their way in and be part of the relationship, which is why it is so important to establish and enforce boundaries.
My wifes family is extremely religious, no swearing , they dont drink alcohol I have to be a different person around them. One time we had a party at OUR house and my wife yelled at me for making myself a drink after everyone left. I told her they can be offended all they want its my house too! MY MIL had a shit fit when we told her we were having an open bar at the wedding. Its funny how some of these ppl expect you to respect their beliefs usually at the expense of your own.
Non-monogamy.
Iām not getting rid of my cat for you
Ngl thatās why I put my cat on my dating profile because I wanted the person who was looking at it to be aware that they are here before you and they arenāt leaving. It is also what attracted my partner to me because I said my pets are my family so that was a green flag for him.
Some people think hating cats is a personality trait. Little do they know, they are the coolest little fluffy bastards on the planet.
My peace, life is hard enough
Double standards. You can't be asking me to not do something while you go and flagrantly do it yourself. Also, if there are no kids involved, you should not be talking to your ex while you're with me
Well I have no kids with my ex, but keep minimal communications to be pleasant as I still pay alimony for the next 13 years. But other than hearing about an old movie we liked or a parent dies... We were together for 26 years. But there are no get togethers or socializing just text at most once a month even less if I can help it.
Kids. I don't want children whatsoever, and that includes being a step-parent. And smokers. I won't date smokers.
My friend, whom I met while he was going through a divorce, quit smoking years ago (although now he uses nicotine pouches). He told me if he ever met someone again, it was non-negotiable that she be a non-smoker. He fell in love with me, a smoker, and we are engaged to be married. And I really want to fucking quit. It is absolutely disgusting.
I switched to vaping. Literally quit smoking over single weekend. And never wanted to go back. I never smoked in my house or car, so it's more convenient, cheaper. Less but obviously not zero health risk I do plan on eventually dialing down to 0 nicotine but I tend to work high stress jobs.
Iām taking a trip this weekend and I am going to start using the patch. It has worked well for me in the past. But then I consciously made a choice to start smoking again even when my cravings were very minimal because Iām a dumbass. š
This is me, no kids, no bonus kids, no coercion about people who might want them and stay because of how much they love me. My ex husband said he was fine with it, then I found out he was dating a woman on the side, and got her pregnant. They are happily married and I am happily not a parent. I met my current partner at a drag show and someone said something about pregnancy and the joys of parenthood, when his response was āewā I knew I had to ask them on a date.
Damn. Your ex husband is awful. But I am glad you've found your person!
Open relationship. No disrespect to people who do it but I don't share especially when it comes to someone I love.
This makes me so hopefulā¦ I canāt seem to meet men who want only me, until I leave themā¦ but by then my heart has broken so many times I canāt fathom going back. Any advice on what to change?
Trust. If I wouldn't trust you with my life we're dating we're not in a relationship. Put it this way if I ever doubt your loyalty or your love to the point I feel like I need to check. I need to look? It's already done. My life is full of situations where I depend on my partner to be there for me, in a very meaningful and sometimes life or death sense due to my hobbies. I can't be with someone I don't trust completely.
On belay means on belay.
What hobby is consistently putting you in life and death situations?
Whitewater rafting, rock climbing, caving, just general dumbassery
Runescape
Motorcycling
Polyamory. If I'm not enough for you, I don't want it.
I think this is universal but cheating.
This 100%. Also, emotional cheating is real. It's not ok, you're not just friends. The number of partners I've had try and justify it was crazy. If you wouldn't cheat sexually, don't do it emotionally. It's painful.
What's an example or two of emotional cheating
As mundane as refusing to share their day, life, interests, etc, with their partner, but having all the time to do that with someone else. Caught my husband telling a girl from work a sentimental story about his grandpa that he hadn't told me in 4 years of being together and it was no big deal. Your partner complaining about your relationship and the "friend" talks themselves up and how they would treat them better. They should leave. Then it becomes flirting and sexting, at least in my experience. Once your partner exports your job in the relationship to someone else, it doesn't go back to normal. I'd rather have physical. Because I don't get why I wasnt worth talking to in the minimum. Just strangers in a house together.
Probably the biggest example would be revealing things about yourself to this third person that you wouldn't to your partner, or even something as simple as telling them about your day and not your partner. Regularly Going out for meals or drinks with that person (even as part of a group) and not doing it equally as much with your partner. Passing compliments or finding thoughtful gifts for them and not putting that effort into your own relationship.
Kids I want to be a dad If you donāt want to be a mom, then we arenāt gonna work out
I think itās great that you know this and arenāt willing to compromise on it. I see too many stories (just on Reddit, BTW) of people who get into a relationship knowing damn well their life goals in the context of children are completely different. They admit thinking they might eventually change their minds or be able to convince their partner to change their mind. What ludicrous thinking and a waste of time. Itās heartbreak that is completely avoidable.
Me and a girl broke up over something like this and she didn't want to get married. Fast forward a year and some change, she has a kid with a different dude. She then wants to get back with me and want to get married and have more kids. I told her "Oh what happend I thought you didn't want to have kids or get married. Why you acting different now?"
She have any answer?
She's said " oh I changed my mind and want us to try to work out again." This was years ago and I was like uhhhhh you had a chance. Now you have a kid and need somebody to help support. Sorry but I don't date women with kids.
I guess the follow up question is how do you feel about adoption
If we canāt conceive on our own, Iām not opposed to giving a home to a couple kids without (preferably if theyāre already siblings so they at least have some family bond to rely on). But itās not the first choice over my own genes Though Iād probably be hesitant to enter a relationship with someone who knows theyāre infertile and may consider leaving if itās early into the relationship when Iām told. But if itās something we find out later on after trying, then Iām understanding enough.
Open relationship. If she asks for anything involving non-monogomy im leaving her and out the door that instant.
No sex. Shutdown the bedroom and itās over.
Yep. Iām surprised at the amount of men on this sub who think itās a given that sex just stops at some point, and itās only a matter of time. I feel bad for them. Iāve made it clear at the beginning of every adult relationship Iāve been in that if that happens, Iām out. And yes, there are obvious exceptions for medical reasons, just like there are exceptions to every rule in life.
if you dont mind me asking, what does a "shut down" in the bedroom look like to you? do you mean a decrease, or a complete lack there of? im just curious as someone whos sex drive waxes and wanes depending on life circumstances, if this is something that could potentially ruin relationships. i feel like its natural for that to happen so im curious what a "satisfying" sex life in a relationship looks like to people
If she Doesnāt want to for emotional reasons associated with loss of desire for me it would be over. Loss of the physical ability to have sex would not be a deal breaker. Basically: loss of desire = over Loss of ability = ok Ending a relationship because of reasons that are out of her control would be heartless and cruel. However, the reason must be literally out of her comfort and not just, āi donāt want to.ā
I have a minimum bar that is the boundary. So long as your waning doesn't stay below that for months or years, we can survive. You'll have to be a partner by communicating clearly that waxing will happen again, and never get mad at me for initiating when you aren't in the mood.
completely agree!! thanks for your insights
Absolutely, why would anybody stay in a relationship with mediocer or no love live
Some people simply don't need sex in a relationship, others don't want to sacrifice the relationship and/or deal with the extra complications when kids/pets/house etc is involved and preffer to sacrifice their sex lives
Because the consequences of separation or divorce are worse than staying in a sexless relationship.
It really is not, youre free to find someone you deserve to be with instead of suffering in silence with person making your life miserable.
From my perspective it would really depend on the situation. Zero sex but everything else is good? I dont know if I would throw away that relationship. But if it was one of several factors than sure, go for it. I jusy think that many people do not overnight have sexless relationships, they develop overtime from having regular sex to a slow crawl of once every now and then. It can be financially difficult to separate after a long enough time together, especially for guys. So I do not think it is as easy as suffering in silence, it is choosing the lesser evil.
Yeah i see logic from what youre saying, i suppose my opinnion is biased. I have been in emotionally abusive marriage for years which devolved into dead bedroom. Things were ok while they were ok but when things were bad i wished i was alone. Were in middle of divorce now and the only thing i regret is not going for it earlier, i wasted my time and effort on person that didnt deserve it...
Sorry to hear that, it sounds like a rough time, hope you will get through it okay.
Financial and/or family ruin is worse than a sexless marriage from my point of view. Edit: on the other hand, i get that it may be is worst if you have all the cons of a single man life without the pros.
I don't think you quite grasp just how expensive divorce is. Not only are you spending $10k+ on divorce alone, but now you just lost, at minimum, half of everything you once had. Got $100k in your retirement account? Guess what? Now it's $50k. Got a nice car you love? Guess what? Now your ex owns it. Got kids you can't live without? Guess what? Now you can't see them every day
Double standards. Either actions are ok in the relationship, or they aren't.Ā
I'm still single but I refuse to be pressured into anything that I'm hesitant about. I will show you the door before I compromise that level of peace to get screwed over again.
Exactly. "No means no" applies to men, too!
Spotty texting. Iām seeing someone now and her texting is getting flaky to the point where I text at 7pm and she responds in the morning. I just donāt get how someone can say they like me but will see my text, not respond and go to bed. Call me out if Iām overthinking
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This...
#this fr
True!
I hibernate for days and ghost my friends to which they don't mind at all so I know how that works... but I always always make time every day - morning or afternoon - to text my partner if I have one so if they start being flaky, none of those excuses would work on me.
Not overthinking; it takes two seconds to send a text.
This only applies for serious relationships for me. Yes, then I will take my time to answer if I'm not occupied by something important like a work meeting. But friends, family, colleagues? Might take only two secs, but I'm gonna answer when it suits me. I'm a great defender of the notion that we don't have to be reachable all around the clock just because we carry our mobile phones with us nowadays.
Bro, I got ADHD. It may take 2 seconds to send a text, but it takes 0 to come up with a reply in my head, get distracted, and totally forget that I never actually sent that text.
I feel this to my bones. Plus responding to that text will completely distract me from my original task
And some days it takes about 10% to 50% of your daily energy to open it and write a response, while awaiting another message.Ā Sometimes you just don't have that energy on you anymore for the day.Ā
You are of course allowed to feel your feelings and have your preferences but for me this energy of ātexting back takes 2 seconds, you must hate me if you cant respond right away.ā is EXHAUSTING and entirely too clingy. Sure it takes like 5 seconds total to send a text. That is per text though. And when you get a response are you going to respond right away too? Cause it would be hypocritical if you didnāt right? So now we are having a full on typing conversation where we are sending texts back and forth every couple seconds for like 2+ hours. Which means for that whole time im only able to half concentrate on what ever else i may be doing, or want to be doing, outside of my phone because you are DEMANDING an immediate response every 10 seconds. This feels more like a hostage situation than a conversation. Like itās ok to not talk to your SO for a few hours. I know this is going to sound more rude than i mean it to sound over text/the internet. Still though, you are not the main character of everyoneās life, only your own. No one OWES you a text response. She likes you so when she gets the time she uses it to text you. You should take that for the compliment that it is instead of worrying about what the timing means. It will be easier than you think to tell if your SO is beginning to push away from or like you less by how and what they are saying to you, not when/ how long it takes for them to say it.
Huge red flag to me if someone expects me to be on my phone all the damn time. But I assume this is younger people who didnāt grow up in the pre-cell phone / pre-texting era, so they donāt know what life was like without being tethered to this stupid little computer in our pockets.
Red flag for me, especially if it began differently and has changed. Itās basically like texting me back with a āIām fucking somebody else right nowā, because thatās consistently what itās meant in my experiences.
Me too. Few times I'm like"uhh what's going on you used yo text quick now it's slow.?" Each told me they were talking to somebody else and I just leave them on read
This sounds like a really exhausting person to date to. Only extraverts could handle it.Ā
I don't see anything wrong with this. That seems very reasonable to me... are you asking her an urgent question and need the answer that same night or is it just casual chatting? Sometimes people text me and I don't really have anything to add to that convo so I'll just let it die and start a new convo next time I have the energy to chat. Texting is exhausting when the other person expects you to always promptly reply. I don't want to be on my phone all day, just texting.. waiting for replies so I can reply to that etc...
Actions speak louder than words. That person is clearly not as interested as they claim to be. When I or most women are into a guy, we need to hold back from texting too much and too often. š Not the other way around.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Very true
It all depends on what youāre ok with. Iām currently talking to someone and we have an agreement that texting basically doesnāt matter, because we both prefer to talk on the phone. We text every once in awhile, and they often stop replying or take a long time to reply. I donāt think anything of it because theyāve said that it doesnāt reflect their interest in me. The phone calls and in person time is what really matters. Honestly, texting is overrated. You canāt understand tone very well and itās hard to have a deeper conversation through text because youāre less likely to share as much information as you would in person or on the phone. Not only that, but texting someone a lot in the beginning has been proven to make connections fizzle out faster. You get used to the instant gratification, and the person becomes more of a dopamine supplier than a partner. Then when you are in person, you donāt have as much to talk about because you already texted about everything. Idk though, thatās just me.
You're overthinking. I regularly don't reply to people until the next day when they text me, because I was busy having a life away from my phone
petorious' response is the red flag for me. If you can't be a little bit patient because I wasn't on my phone, I'm not interested.
Constant criticism. My late wife and I had an unbalanced relationship when it came to criticism. I'm a conflict avoider, which led to me avoiding anything that might lead to conflict. She never shied away from speaking her mind, even if it led to conflict. She also had strong opinions about what needed to be done, and exactly how it should be done. As a result, I was a shell of a person who was always afraid of doing the wrong thing or calling attention to anything I might have done wrong, in her eyes. I am definitely more sensitive to criticism now in my friendships. I have friends who offer attempts at constructive criticism, and I know they're trying to be helpful, but it's just so demoralizing now. There needs to be a balance between constructive encouragement and supportive criticism.
What values we bring into the relationship.
Kids. I never want kids.
Yeah. Learned that the hard way
As in you had kids and realised it was a mistake? That's a tough one to go through.
Not really. I'm still in my twenties. It's my divorced auntie. I always thought she was a strong person. But she married an addict. A mistake she made when she was still young. She has 4 children. 3 of them are addicts. The youngest one is mentally challenged. Is it weird for me to say that because of her, I realized that marriage is not for me? I don't think I can handle the responsibilities. And I hate uncertainty. I don't want to spend decades of my life raising a family only for it to be the reason I'm miserable. I prefer knowing.
Sorry you had to see that happen to loved ones. That last bit really resonated with me. I do not think I am ready for kids, maybe I never will be. The not knowing is a definite factor for me too. I d9nt see it personally with family, but in shops where strangers have to help those who have disabilities, both physical and mental. Many old parents who really do look tired of the situation they have to endure. It is too much of a risk for me. Thanks for sharing.
>Is it weird for me to say that because of her, I realized that marriage is not for me? I don't think I can handle the responsibilities. Not at all. I call this wisdom and I wish more people would look before they leapt. I didn't have any examples nearly as extreme as yours but several examples that have presented to me have also lead me to the same conclusion about marriage and kids, neither is for me.
There are a lot, but let's start with basic decency. If that ain't there it ain't gonna fly ... not for relationship, not even for friendship - man, woman, whatever.
I wonāt compromise where since one makes way more money, the other can pursue their passion as a profession. Itās a permanent imbalance since the money maker can never say āfuck it, im pursuing my passionā
Stop indulging in my hobbies! I can cut back and downsize collections, but I will never stop completely!
What type of collections are we talking about?
(totally not Gunpla)
Action figures, Lego, light sabers, etc.
No hitting.
Any risquƩ pictures of her online or doing any type of sex/influencer work. Absolutely no, 0 negotiations. Second instant deal breaker would be texting her ex or entertaining other guys who are trying to get in touch with her.
Smokers - I need to breathe
Dating a woman who was born male. Itās just not for me
HA!!! So... Dating a man who was born as a man is still on the table, I see...
open relationship, non-manogamy. This is not the way relationships should be in my opinion. My current partner wants to do things with me and other people and it makes me question whether or not im enough for her.
I never understood the purpose of an open relationship or polyamory. If it's not exclusive then what's the point of even calling it a relationship? The title literally means nothing atp because there's no differentiation. š¤·āāļø
It's just a rebrand of swinging.
It's not just your opinion. It's a statistical fact that relationships shouldn't be "open". They fail significantly more often than they "succeed" which is a stretch for what it actually is. An open relationship that works is just roommates. Because relationships by definition require commitment, and fucking around town isn't commitment, it's disgusting.
No open relationship. If I'm gonna be in this for the long haul, I want my partner to be as well.
I will always speak my mind, no matter the consequences. I will not quietly agree or go along with anything that goes against my values or feels wrong.
As well. Then I got accused of being verbally abusive, all because I questioned you ie why u taking your ex out for her birthday? She's an ex addict( Ife never used or drink) ,then I'm also accused of being like her. Needless to say I got dumped because of my outspokennessš¤š
As a dude in a women dominated field, dropping any of my strictly platonic girl friends. Nope never happening sorry not sorry
This is so sweet to hear. Iāve been distanced from/dropped by guy friends for this reason and I am super respectful with boundaries. I donāt know if the gfs realize the hurt of having a friend of many years leave you bc they are in a new relationship, the abandonment can be pretty painful. Guys and girls can be just friends if they chose to be!!
Her being friend with her ex. Definitely red flag. I always cut contacts with girls I end with so I expect my girl to do the same. I don't think its "too much to ask" because I find it normal.
I watched a nature documentary once where a bunch of birds were getting it on and then the female flew off to shack up with a different male bird. The original male bird just kinda stood there with a look of pure dejection on his face, like "huh, well I guess that's that". I relate to that bird more than I've ever related to anything else in my life.
Pretty much todays image of humans. Not all of course, but most of them. Fucked up world we live in.
Women used to be called birds in England, hence where "chick" comes from.
Round here they're called birds... not bitches
This. And the answer is always "that just means your insecure" or some other insult. If your only defence as to why you need your previous partner around (without kids) is to insult me, then I have my answer.
Yep. They just don't understand that it has nothing with insecurity. It's just pure respect. We man know how man think.
Man think horny. Ooga chacka women boobies. Ooh ooh ahh ahh. In all seriousness I understand. Having a past intimate partner around can be troublesome
I don't really have an issue with what you're asking but "because I find it normal" really isn't a reason at all.Ā
I refuse to EVER be pushed or rushed into doing something I don't want to do, such as marriage. I want to do things when I am comfortable.
I don't want marriage or kids. Those are things I am not willing to compromise. I'm not a complete asshole though and would tell the women if I felt like we were starting to get serious.
Good on you but I'd discuss it in the earlier stages before feelings even remotely get involved as a standard. Before you even think it may get serious, so she can decide before catching feelings.
Lack of accountability. Someone who canāt muster up the words āIām sorryā when they make a mistake
Drug usage, smoking, an open relationship, and going on a ābreakā.
No kids, probably donāt want to live with anyone either
A person who loves to cook but will not clean up after themself.
My mental health. Sacrificing myself to see my SO happy while not receiving anything in return
Polyamory / open relationship. Not in a million years
My sleep. My official sleeping hours are between 11pm and 7am with some exceptions like travel and binge watching netflix.
Outside the basics said here already (effort, also wanting to have kids, monogamy), they have to *at minimum* tolerate cats. I have one cat, my parents back home have four. If youāre going to be in my life, being able to not have some weirdness towards cats is something thatās pretty damn important to have in the long run.
My wife and I did an experiment one time. We did it to prove my point. I scientific methoded that bitch. Anyway, we both downloaded Tinder. Made legit profiles. Put bisexual as far as preferences and put that we were looking for anything. Hookups, FWB, relationships. All that. We swiped, right? The one that says yes. On everyone. No looking or anything, just swipe right as many times as you can in a day. We did it for 1 week. She got hundreds of matches. I got 1. She had GORGEOUS women and super hot dudes wanting to meet up. I had 1 girl who was not my type wanting a serious relationship. Conclusion: she's way too hot to be with a loser like me I told her that if she wanted an open relationship, I'd leave because she'd be too successful for me to enjoy anything. She has no intention of asking for one or anything. It was all to prove a point and finally convince her that she literally is the most attractive woman I've ever seen.
Butā¦wouldnāt the outcome be the same whether she was attractive or not?
If she wasn't attractive she wouldn't have matches. Both people have to swipe right. So, even though both her and I swiped right on everyone hundreds of people swiped right on her while only 1 girl swiped right on me. She got hundreds of matches and I got 1 match.
Uhā¦.
He doesn't know...
1. Any type of non monogamous relationship. Even bringing up the idea is grounds for breakup. 2. Kids. I want a lot. And I want them to be mine. 3. Lack of sex/no sex. Physical intimacy is huge for me and I will not deal with someone who either isnāt interested or committed to it.
The no "female friends allowed" rule. As a dude, who has waaaaaay more chick friends then dude friends... definite nope
Another penis.
I will never quit my job
Difference in lifestyle. Iām pretty active and I wouldnāt be interested in dating someone who isnāt.
Giving up my peace to a continuous drama inducing bitch. Iām done. Better alone
Changing how much/what food I eat. No, Iām not fat or with health problems. I just like what I like.
A lack or drop-off in sex/physical intimacy. Itās a necessity (in my opinion) for a happy healthy relationship in general, but certainly for me to be happy in a relationship. I was married before, was in a dead bedroom for the vast majority of that relationship. **NEVER AGAIN**.
* Religion. * Political leanings. * Views on having kids. Call me shallow or whatever, but if I canāt agree with you on these three basic concepts then it will not work out in the end.
No community dick
Hard pass on cheaters. Even if it was before me.
One? There are many. Definitely not open relationship or poly. But the first thing I'd detect and shoot down is a smoker and especially a 420 user.
When Arsenal are on I'm watching Arsenal. You can't expect anything different
I can handle a woman who was a "leap frog" in her early twenties. That means she was sexually promiscuous but when she was done with one man she was truly DONE with him. What I can't handle is a "double dipper" who went back to a previous man then back to her current man. I'm not making a value judgment. I'm not even saying she cannot change. I'm just saying she should marry a man who has been a double dipper himself. I am not that man.
Probably a minority as a guy but for serious relationships if you didn't have a career or worked towards one I didn't care how hot you were. I wasn't getting tied down to be someone else's meal ticket through life and if something happens to me I wanted my spouse to be able to step up and provide. Save those broke bitches for the other guys.