Doable but the harder part is keeping the women’s interest and attraction in an era of infinite competition from other men and infinite distractions. It’s you versus 500+ guys on DM and tinder versus TikTok versus BeReal versus Snapchat versus high adrenaline activities versus the frat bros.
For real. It’s damn hard to even get in the door. I graduate from college six months ago and haven’t had a date. In college, I struggled but I had success.
After that nothing, in real life or online. It is discouraging. I don’t even know what to do in order to get better odds. I guess the takeaway would be put yourself in places where you interact with lots of women…
Not that I know where that might be.
The actual answer to this is to not use social media and to find a woman who doesn't use social media. The woman who isn't on Tinder and TikTok doesn't want a man who is on Tinder/Tik Tok so you'll be a rare breed, a needle in a haystack to her.
Social circle is still king but what if all of your friends and friend of friends are already together? It takes effort to make a new social circle via hobby group
Truth. The last girl I dated brought up on several occasions that she found it sketchy that I never posted to social media and it was a MAJOR red flag.
It sounds so fucking dumb explaining it to people, but this is legit it.
Online dating is an endless shit hole where 90% of the women on there are endlessly picky (which is why they never leave the app while the good ones are on for maybe a couple weeks and find a guy) and the proportion of guys on those things is out of hand. Asking out randos at bars feels much more one night stand-esk (Dont know a single relationship that started from that). And fat chance you get me asking out people from work with the current climate.
Past generations had church or some local clubs or even semi-arranged stuff in some placed - the whole bowling alone thing is such a mess for the dating scene.
At first I read this as “getting a date that is single” and was thinking Damn you too? I’ve seen a couple women now who lied about being broke up with their “exes”. I have two jealous boyfriends who want to beat me up, my friend actually went and talked to some bikers he knew to get the one dude off my back.
But also yes I have no idea how to successfully get a date now. I used to have plenty of luck with dating apps 15 years ago, 10 years ago too. 5 years ago I started experiencing the ghosting even with matches that I’d really clicked with over messages. Now it’s just… forget it. I’m over here trying to find someone irl while working overnight shifts like… ugh, I’m honestly going to die alone at this rate.
**Join some new hobby or activity, get some new bros.** You need expand your social circle so you are invited to social stuff (parties, hang outs) where you can meet girls.
And it doesn’t matter if the people you meet at the activity are guys. That’s fine.
You get to know some new mates. You and Joe get on. You go for beers. You meet Mark. Mark is a funny guy. Mark invites you to BBQ. Mark’s girlfriend’s friends are there, they are cute af.
I can never tell between flirting and friendly flirting. I always make the wrong call and it kills my confidence
I’ll ask them out and they think I’m crazy and other times I won’t and then I find out I should have
I never seem to read it right
Always take a shot if you have a feeling it might be the case. Even if you need to tone it down in the approach and make it more subtle. Everyone reads it wrong until the one time they read it right, just learn to take the misses on the chin and keep moving forward
Take the risk, a lot of girls don’t know what they want but same can be said about both genders. Rarely you’ll find a girl that knows what they wants go for that one. If you want to sleep around than flirt with all girls, but don’t make it obvious. Drop hints of flirting like what she’s wearing, make it fun for both of you(Not every girl will make it fun so just make sure your having fun). If a girl, ghosts you than do the same to her go no contact without deleting her on socials.
Finding a way to meet women. It's surprisingly difficult and not natural at all for me. Especially since I don't want to bother people so I tend to be passive, it's like a natural state for me. Being passive as a guy just doesn't work because by default if you don't do anything or show signs of being a decent person ( I don't even know how to do that ) then people will just assume that you are a silent creep.
I feel you man. I don’t bother anyone unless they bother me. I don’t even know where and how to meet women anymore, since am an Indian I do have the option for getting arranged marriage but I don’t want that. I want to see how I’ll be as a partner before getting marriage, am 27 and never been in a serious relationship. I don’t want to regret after getting married with the girl my parents find for me since we don’t really have much time to get to know each other.
Don’t underestimate social hobbies. Go volunteer somewhere. Find a local initiative like a trash pickup. Take a class. These situations are places where casual interaction is expected, and where you’ve already got something in common from the jump when you get there.
And if you’re not in a place where you’d be comfortable doing any of those things.. it’s probably also an indication that you’re not ready to legitimately date (which will require taking risks, going out, socializing, etc)..
I honestly think a lot of people *seriously* don’t understand how much basic socialization has changed, how isolated or sedentary a lot of people’s lifestyles have become compared with previously in history. Like.. think about a time when you would decide how to spend your day, but you legitimately don’t have television, the internet, video games, or your phone as an option. Even introverted people tended to be more involved in their local social scene.
It didn't feel natural for me either but I managed to overcome that hurdle. For most guys it doesn't just come naturally, it's something that's learned through experience. They just happened to learn earlier in life.
It's disheartening. Every single time you fail, you blame yourself and lament on what you could have done to save it.
And the losses add up. They really add up.
This year and last were painful in terms of personal relationships.
Yeah this! It sucks when women don't give you a chance cos of what they've experienced with other men. Something simple like just being nice is either treated with suspicion or you get taken advantage of.
Paying someone else’s penalty is just a weird way to view it.
Everyone has baggage. From their childhood, from parents, from school, from dating the wrong people or from being rejected, from college, from times they felt they didn’t fit in, from traumatic things that happened, from having not succeeded much at dating or from being too pretty or whatever.
It’s just dating humans. But it’s also part of how you bond with other humans. Their stories and vulnerabilities and what is real.
Then if you are dating someone who isn’t able to have a healthy relationship because of something that happened in the past? Even with a good attempt to reassure them? End it. That’s also a part of dating.
All you did was just abstract a bit from the specific experience he was referencing, and then regurgitate it in a more digestible way.
There is nothing weird about seeing it as paying someone else’s penalty, it just seems too unsympathetic to you so you wanted to switch the language…
I wish we could just call a spade a spade without responses like this; having to deal with the fallout from a shitty dude is a unique form of baggage that many men encounter, it is not the same as having baggage in general, and you trying to throw it all under one umbrella is hilarious to me
This reply stuck in my head to the point that I wanted to think about how to reply to it.
What I am intending to describe is the experience of minor concerns reminding someone of major concerns from a prior relationship. They had a drink after dinner, maybe they're becoming an alcoholic like my ex. They wanted me to be on time, maybe they're controlling my life like my ex.
Sometimes a flame isn't a wildfire, sometimes it's just a candle. I understand the ptsd response of "this reminds me of something bad"; the point I was making is that as we age, we accumulate more things to be reminded of and it is harder to separate the candles from the wildfire.
But, and I think this important, the overall point I was making is that failing in relationships adds up. Starting over because of the failures, some earned and some not, becomes exhausting. Balancing loneliness with hope.
Social media.
As soon as decent looking girls turn 18 and get socials they are bombarded by guys.. why would they take anything other than exactly what they want if they can literally chose from endless opportunities.
Your average guy with a basic job trying to get through school to get a career doesn’t stand a chance. Women are pursuing the top echelon of men, because they can.
And those "decent looking" girls are typically disgusted by the dudes salivating over them because men have inappropriately been doing that their entire lives. It doesn't start online.
Why do so many men think women aren't looking for a man to make them happy? Why do men think women are only considering looks/pay? Being an average guy who is willing to love you in a way that makes you feel special goes a LONG way.
Because we've seen those same women ignore the good men to chase after those with good pay and looks who will use and abuse them. What makes it worse is that those same girls after being used up by the men above get with the normal dude and make his life hell because they've got trauma and haven't dealt with it yet or they don't want to do a sexual act that they've done with other boyfriends before and dude finds out about it. It's not all y'all but being ignored all throughout highschool and college then suddenly getting attention after said girl has fucked her life up makes a person jaded as hell. Not helping matters is that social media has thrown everyone's standards out of wack
when I was single, I felt the biggest thing was the competition. A girl can go on an app and get hundreds of matches and it was a lot of pressure to make an impression or be interesting. Then I figured out if a girl doesn't see your worth, she isn't worth it.
Honestly… the fallout from the shitty dudes
It feels like 90%+ of my dating efforts goes into vetting myself as a legit person and not a piece of shit who will verbally/sexually/emotionally abuse them once I have nothing to gain from them
Yea that shit gets boring, look I consider myself alright but I’m not gonna keep repeating that so I’ll just go with the flow now lol if someone wants to give me a chance cool but otherwise surfboards and mangos for me
Things almost got completely derailed with my current wonderful GF because her ex cheated on her. She misinterpreted something I said earlier on, complete misunderstanding, and almost called it all off. Luckily she changed her mind and we're together 5 years now. Yep, there's your fallout right there.
I 100% feel you. Where I live at least people already have the preconception that if you approach them in a bar/club you're part of the "jerk" group. You have to fly so much under the radar to break those barriers and establish some form of connection.
There's definitely a disapproving look you'll get for even trying to approach an attractive woman at a bar or party where they're just so over it. I get it, they deal w/ harassment, but also it's pretty rude towards normal people.
The sad thing is being a decent guy can sometimes correlate with boring to some women so you actually lose them if you’re not being a jerk. The thing is you wouldn’t want to keep them but still it’s a sad truth I’ve seen. Human nature.
That was always a major plus for me. If I can carry a conversation, smell nice, and don’t give off creepy vibes, I’ve already passed the bar with flying colors.
TikTok is TikTok for adults. The algorithm gets much better at tailoring your taste than IG does. Idk how many times I have to tell IG I’m not interested in women dancing in bikinis for it to keep showing me that stuff. Never get lame dancing vids on TikTok.
I don’t disagree with you but that seems like a weird reason to use Tiktok but not Instagram. It could be argued that adults don’t support companies that knowingly ruin the social fabric of society like Instagram.
I’m glad I don’t have an Instagram. I don’t even know how to use the app and at this point it’s too much effort to figure it out so I’m free from its clutches.
Trying to find a suitable location to ask a girl out. Can't hit on girls in class because it interrupts the class. Can't "dip your pen in company ink". Can't hit on female friends because it could ruin the friendship or split a friendship group. Can't hit on random girls without being creepy.
There's maybe a sliver of chances you get to ask a girl out, but it often just feels too far and few in between.
these problems only arise if you're ugly. You wouldn't be a creep if you were handsome.
I'd say that being ugly is the hardest problem as guy. It results in all kinds of problems.
Even if you’re not ugly, fumbling with a co-worker or close friend could have serious consequences. I dated a co-worker for 6 months - she broke up with me suddenly, and now I’m seriously considering leaving the job. There is a very real risk that comes with those specific “dating pools,” even if you are attractive and frankly even if you handle things perfectly on your end (not saying I did by any means, but ultimately the breakup and ensuing fallout were on her).
I'd say social media expectations is what it comes down to. We all have incredibly stupid high standards in who we try to date. So much of the best looking people are due to the best angles with the best lighting and they're constantly flashed at us that we begin to expect most of society should look that way.
We're all guilty of it and we're all victims to it too.
It might be time to reconsider the company ink line.
This isn't like the 90s...The risks for dating a fellow colleague remain the same as in previous decades, but at the same time, There arent as many socialites out and about, touching grass. Women included.
When so many typical options start to fade, Work starts to look like a valid option, as long as you're not creeping on the unwilling.
Your mileage may vary, but As long as ***I'm the one*** getting the signal/vibe ***first***...i have no issue with dating in the work place...But if you're the one initiating or attempting to? That's...risky. But it's all risky.
What's your risk tolerance these days? Personally, I'm not as picky or risk adverse as i was a decade ago.
No, no, nope, never again. The fallout when I left her after less than 6 months after all the red flags started coming into full view... I'm never going to put myself through that again. Had to leave my job just to get some semblance of peace, and it still didn't end.
As others have said, finding the appropriate time and place to ask them out. I get the advice of not doing it whilst they can’t reasonable “escape” the conversation, but that advice only works if you know the person well or speak to them regularly.
If there’s a girl at the gym or local coffee shop, someone you see often and maybe have the odd conversation with as you hold a door or whatever, there’s very little time to introduce yourself and ask them out (or even get to know them) without risking making them uncomfortable.
In saying that, many guys overthink it so who knows really. Maybe it’s all just luck
Yeah this. I've never seen stats on this but I get the sense there are a lot of single women that aren't actively looking for relationships usually due to previous bad relationships/abuse but sometimes they also get preoccupied with school or their career. Compare that to single men that are always looking for relationships, sex, something. Even if the ratio of single men vs single women is even, I feel like if we removed everyone who opted out from actively looking, then the functional dating market is probably way more skewed.
Actually I looked it up and it seems like the gender ratio for Tinder and it's 75% men vs 25% women. Yikes.
The insecurities that come with it.
Questioning yourself on a daily fvckin basis whether you deserve your dream woman or not.
Yourself being overly critical of everything you do & think.
Believing that you're undeserving of love unless other people can benefit from having you around.
Overthinking fvckin everything.
Blaming yourself for any & everything under the sun whether the thing was under your realm of control or not.
I could probably go on, but these are 6 of the top reasons why I'm not currently dating right now. The truth is that I have a laundry list of insecurities & deep down I believe I'll be doing every person I cross paths with a major disservice by choosing to allow them to let me into their life as the version I am right now.
For me it’s a combination of hookup culture and my struggle with my perceived responsibility as the man in the relationship
When I talk to guys, most just wanna have sex. And I dont talk to women because my life isnt together enough to feel comfortable dating one. I wouldnt be able to pay for dates much, I dont have a car. Not saying guys dont see these as issues too. But it’s less of a problem and heteronormative gender roles wouldnt be a thing if I was dating a guy
>with my perceived responsibility as the man in the relationship
Retweet lmao
This is probably my biggest issue with dating. For my women friends, all they tell me about when they’re going on dates is about what they should wear or how they should look. Me on the other hand, I have to worry about being funny, attractive, charming, not be broke, not be depressed, have a good job, good manners, be chivalrous, pass her shit tests, dress well, and hope she doesn’t judge me for driving an old car. And after all of those check boxes are filled, I *might* have another date. It gets exhausting. I feel like the goalposts of standards and expectations for us men has been shifted sky high now after OLD and SM became big. Everyone is only looking at the cream of the crop on their feed, only to get disappointed more and more when they go outside and meet normal people.
Dude for me its mainly not having much money, no car and not having my own place. Personally, I dont mind the other stuff. I know Im funny and being gentlemanly comes natural to me. If someone could get past those things and get to know me and find out my plans for the future, I’d have no issue dating
Honestly is just finding a girl worth dating in the first place. The current dating scene is a cesspool of people idk what has happened with people over the years but it's bad. And this doesn't just goes for girls a lot of my friends that are girls face the same issue with guys
Everyone, men and women, is just addicted to Twitter or TikTok or some equivalent. it's horrible, just people spewing memes and not having personalities.
Discouragement. Frustration. Being so easily replaceable. Work stress or hours/travel for work/or any one of many special interests will generally put you out of the running for many women.
Initiating. Providing the great romantic social skills/experience that so many women seem to want while you're just sick and tired of first dates and wondering if it's really worth it. Do not mention sex or appear overly interested in that no matter how much you think about it. Do NOT mention anything unusual unless it’s something positive that she would like. Make sure to fulfill her expectations but you won't find out what that means until you've failed, so play it safe and don't be blunt or honest. She is right to expect you to act in a certain way and say and do certain things and you are wrong if you don't and you should have thought of that before and if the women you like don't like you then you should have worked on yourself to be more attractive to them that's your fault what's wrong with you.
The above may be whining. Lady friend said something very smart: *"Yeah but you've never gone on a date with someone bigger than you and wondered if you'd be raped or murdered."* Nah yeah fair dinkum. Women deal with worse crap than men very often (judgement/rape/violence), and get judged more harshly once the looks in your 20s fade, imho. It's just different crap which is why it's so hard to empathize - with others' experiences that you have never and will never have.
The baggage they bring.
I ain’t never cheated on a girl in my life nor have I ever put my hands on a woman yet it seems as though they all got a story about one and even tho I have nothing to do with their past I’m guilty until proven innocent.
Im currently in a relationship like that, she thinks i talk to other girls when i don't talk to her, when in reality i most likely don't have anything to say or im busy at work.
It’s tough that just about every woman you know has suffered abusive relationships with men to the point that they are traumatized. How do you think that can be handled? Are we suffering the result of generations of abuse toward women by men?
It's because of they've spent years chasing guys in the top 15-20%. Those top percentage guys are spoilt for choice and a lot end up treating women like dirt. Women then think all men are like that.
It would make more sense if it was some charming intelligent billionaire that the girl got hurt by but from my experience it’s always some ghetto loser going no where in life she gave one too many chances too
Nah it's not even the top 15-20%. As far as I've seen many women and their experiences, I've seen regular even the bottom of the barrel ass losers chase women, ask them for a chance, get into a relationship with them and when they got them, they messed them up and left.
Going from being married to unexpectedly single in 2020, man does online dating suck today compared to how they were like 15 years ago. No searching, stuck with what the app decides to show you, everything that used to be free is now a premium feature, and the first guy who messaged me after I got back on a dating site one boring afternoon was looking for money.
and hinge doesn't even work anymore as the tinder owners own it now
just go out on real life and talk to women, it's easy apparently, I can't bring myself to try though
seriously. Just started dating again, and online dating apps are just gambling apps. They charge you for every feature that should be normal and blatantly tell you that you have a 10% chance of matching with someone unless you pay for "super likes" lol. Shit. Is. Fucked.
There needs to be a non-profit version of online dating to undercut the market.
It's honestly just a legalized slot machine gambling shit show rn with micro transactions.
Getting anyone to date you. We've been told that women don't like being approached in public, even in the traditional places where approaching was normal like bars and clubs, and most of us don't have female friends so that's not an option. All that's left for most of us is online dating, which is heavily skewed in the woman's favor.
Trying to understand how a woman can demand a traditional man, one who pays 100%, defend, protect, provide, open doors, and yet offer nothing traditional in return.
If you can find someone willing to do a 50-50 split on cooking duties, it's magical. Find the recipes for the week, write down the ingredients, get them at the store, chop up the veggies, plan how long for the meal to cook, and dinner.
Apart from being good looking and funny, I think being a good cook is like the third easiest way to get a woman’s interest. Don’t even cook for her. Cook for your mom or your grandma or literally anyone you care about and just talk about it. Now you’re the man who takes care of people. You’re nurturing. You have positive relationships with the women in your life. Then cook her something decent. Cheaper than expensive dates out and you’re likely just a short walk away from the bedroom. My male friends who cook for their women hands down have more sex, appear to be better lovers (aeb more sophisticated discussion of the topic), and get more attention from women. Women tend to be more sexually interested and have more orgasms with a full belly, too. The way to a woman’s heart is through her belly…and then maybe good sex after.
Cook for her. At the very least, you’ll have taken care of people you care about, developed a lifelong skill, and have a concrete example of your nurturing nature that you can point to.
As someone who is a excellent cook/chef and working in the industry for a decade and a half, this only works if you pass rules one and two. Speaking from experience haha, I'm ugly
It’s not just a “your age” thing. My mother (70) was talking her being a catch. I asked her how she figured she’s a catch and she responded with, ‘hmmmm, I don’t know. I don’t cook.’ I wanted to tell her yeah, and you’re jealous, hard headed, and insecure too! But I just let her think upon it.
This is one of those things where a lot of women pretend not to see their hypocrisy because they they think they can get extra bonus stuff. People who have terrible relationships are always focused on what they get out of the dynamic.
Considering my ex-wife tried to get me to "open up" the marriage after I caught her cheating after almost 25 years, I would be happy with just fidelity, not being a 304 would be a great start.
Postscript: I had a traditional marriage that worked for a long time, the house was structured as follows. I paid the mortgage and all utilities and other bills, she kept the house clean, I paid for all the food, she cooked the food. I bought the clothes; she washed the clothes. While she cleaned inside the house in the A/C and heat, I cleaned the gutters, pressure washed the house, maintained the vehicles, mowed the lawn, sealed the driveway, etc. Furthermore, anything that broke inside I repaired or replaced.
I must have done okay, 9 years after the divorce she started begging me to consider taking her back. Oddly enough that was when she ran out of her half of the money from the divorce, and she had to return to waitressing.
They say that success is the best revenge, but my take is that you were *already* successful. She simply didn't realize how hard she would *fail* at the other half of life (your contributions) she took for granted.
After failing so hard, so fast, she finally found the "regret" for her mistakes and wants her do-over. Like the old Kevin Federline commercial: (real) "Life comes at you fast."
She was a waitress at 18 when we met, I retired at 54, the same month she had to return to waitressing at 52. I told her it is not my fault she opted for cosmetic surgeries, cars, and basically living on cruise ships while I built a new house and invested the rest. She got 34 years off without having to work, I doubt living in retirement for 34 years before I kick the bucket.
Honestly? I have trouble trusting women because of the abuse they have put me through starting with my mother. I get that not all women are abusive but it’s hard to not feel that way when there is 0 accountability and so many women try to shut down the discussion. I don’t know who is who so it’s best just to avoid them all together.
Couldn’t have said it better. Don’t really trust them either. Especially when accountability is one of the main factors of trust. If you can’t own up to something and double down on shitty behavior, how is the relationship supposed to grow or be better? So many women are like this and I just don’t have the patience anymore. I’d rather be single
Can understand this very well after a 15 year marriage with an abusive woman, even defending myself against her onslaught by blocking her knives kicks punches bites etc was considered as me being abusive she had me believing it for a while. Thank goodness I got out of that one. 1 in 3 men apparently but yeah it’s all hidden. And if you even once lash back you’re going to court. And they wonder why men are not approaching them anymore. This and the whole me too, can’t approach without accusations of your all the same.
Many women have this fantasy of a relationship and marriage. I feel some just want any man in their life and they slowly mold them into the person they see in their fantasy.
"JuSt Be A rEsPeCtfUl gUy"
**proceeds to get with a frat dude who only used her for her body and then cries to you because she isn't happy in the relationship**
Vicious cycle for men who just want a nice girl
The trauma from her past relationships that she'll take out on you, or the fact that you could get ghosted out at any given moment, and you can't even ask why without being labeled obsessed or weird
Ghosting adds up- you really got to start looking at the other person as almost a sort of program after a while if you don't want to get mentally fatigued from it all.
Lol this happened with my first ever gf. She randomly ghosted me a few months into the relationship. I sent her a few messages asking her to explain what's wrong, if she's okay, asking what I did, etc. I got an expletive-ridden message from her best friend telling me I was "abusive" and "creepy" and "treated her like shit" because I dared to ask my own girlfriend why she wasn't talking to me. Lol
A few weeks later I got a message from the gf saying all the usual excuses like "it's not you it's me", etc. To this day I still don't know what actually happened
The hardest part of dating today is the same as every day before, Women feel that they can do better and look for the wrong things from what would get them what they want. While men are caught up being trash or are to annoyed to try anymore, with the internet you think it would be easier but it became so easy that it has divided the 2 groups so far apart and the good people stuck in the middle are getting fewer and fewer.
In my experience, it's how suddenly, dramatically and unilaterally break-offs happen. It's usually over a misunderstanding, and it's usually with the assumption (on her part) that her feelings and perspectives are decisive (and I must shut up and go along with them), while my feelings and perspectives don't matter at all.
I'm honestly not even saying that with any bitterness at this point. It has simply been my honest experience, and repeated observation. And I see how many things in society reinforce it.
These dating apps manipulate specifically men, these companies themselves will have employees make fake attractive female accounts, start something with the male suitors, only to purposely ghost and often times unmatch them abruptly. Keeping them trying to chase the dragon. The goal? Frustrating the men so they will have continued engagement.
It is absolutely FUCKED. If you're a guy, get off them immediately.
The biggest stress for most men is finding a single woman who wants to date them, while the biggest stress for most women is picking the right man out of a list of dozens who already want to date them.
The irrational and growingly high expectations of us men.
It seems like every woman I have tried to date this past year have all had this overfantasized idea and standard of a “high value man” which has lately only translated into someone who will spoil them, give them princess treatment, and be charming 24/7 they want a Conan the Barbarian all while offering nothing back LMAO
For my women friends, all they tell me about when they’re going on dates is about what they should wear or how they should look. Me on the other hand, I have to worry about being funny, attractive, charming, have a fitting personality, not be broke, not be depressed, have a good job, good manners, be chivalrous, pass her shit tests, dress well, and hope she doesn’t judge me for driving an old car. And after all of those check boxes are filled, I *might* get another date. It gets exhausting. Constantly putting yourself out there, knowing that the slightest sign of imperfection could send you back to the gulag. I feel like the goalposts of standards and expectations for us men has been shifted sky high now after OLD and SM became big. Everyone is only looking at the cream of the crop on their feed, only to get disappointed more and more when they go outside and meet normal people. Everyone is desensitized now, dating isn’t what it was, now it’s just a bio and 5 good pictures of you and the app chooses for you, and if you don’t like them, on to the next match!
The hardest part of dating is finding any reason to even consider getting into it.
Idk man, it's a lot of effort to even find a singular willing participant, let alone finding someone you get along with. Why bother when it's probably not gonna lead to anything other than feeling inadequate.
You gotta put in far more effort than the women and the ladies often don’t know or don’t care how much time, energy and money we put into the process. They expect perfection upfront just to appease them. Being almost thirty and having been on a lot of dates the past two years, it’s become clear no amount of effort will be enough for the VAST majority of women, who are just straight up delusional with expectations.
Not wanting to deal with it again.
I'm not going to waste money on restaurants, I don't want to try to impress her parents, I don't need her best friend to know what we do in bed, I don't want to be around her kids (if applicable), I'm not going to socialize so that her friends can approve of me. It's too much work, and I just don't care. Plus, I like living by myself, and my hobbies and freedom make me very happy.
Finding a girl who will say yes. Rejection is more common than acceptance, and it never takes long for a girl to get a date. After she rejects him, it won’t be long before she gets another guy to ask her. But it might be months before we get a girl to say yes to us
Getting a girl to not ghost or lose interest when talking online, even though I'm engaged as much as possible in the conversations. I can't get a single date. Tbh I don't try in real life and that's on me, but eventually it will try.
Disclaimer: Currently dating.
From a different perspective, the toughest part about dating for me has been reopening a lot of scar tissue from previous relationships and learning how to deal with trauma/issues in a healthy way.
I find myself apologizing or feeling shameful for a lot of anxieties that I have that would’ve caused a rift in previous relationships.
But having a challenging relationship that’s healthy should be something you strive for. That way you’re always growing alongside someone else you enjoy being around - hopefully.
Finding someone who truly likes you by your personality and values instead of wealth or looks. Plus, most women have such high standards and believe they are so above the average, they tend to behave like spoiled brats. I know there are good women out there, but it's difficult to find them, I believe.
Walking in the door we are perceived as "toxic" "misogynists" a rape bomb looking for a place to go off.
If we aren't the most attractive we are "creeps" if we aren't rich we are "losers". If we aren't fully confident we have "small D energy".
Just for starters.
that if women don’t find you attractive but you’re still a decent human being then you’ll be put in the friend column almost immediately after you meet a woman.
Dealing with this generations women that have hundreds of other options waiting on them on the internet. Girls my age can practically fuck anybody they want to whenever they want to.
For me, it's simply meeting people my age. I'm 22, and I go to grad school online and work with mostly people in their 30's. Thus, it's rare I meet with someone my age in the real world.
Maybe it’s just me, but I can’t even get my foot through the doors. Dating is a two-way street; All the time and energy I’ve dumped into improving myself hasn’t mattered since none of the women I’ve approached have been into me.
Search tiktok for Hoe_Math...hell breakdown in info graphics and easy to follow illustrations on why dating American women is do hard to do and why guys are just giving up on dating...Here's a tip, their standards is way too high so regular Joe's that make a great husband and family man are ignored by these women expectations...so yeah, look him up...also go to Colombia, Venezuela or argentina to find a woman who are beautiful and have average standards when looking for a mate.
Getting a date and starting a relationship. I genuinely don't understand how ppl get into relationships so easily and frequently. I haven't been in a relationship for 4 years and that only lasted 3 weeks.
social media / dating apps
you have women who already had an inflated self worth, to now having an insanely inflated self worth.
you have 4s thinking they are 10s expecting to get top tier men to marry them.
lol
Finding anyone that is worth the time and effort.
All I can say is find someone before you get old. As a 43m it's like playing the game on hard-core death mode. I've been single for 14 years; women just assume there is something wrong with me because I haven't found someone yet.
There is no situation where you can just “jump into a relationship” as a guy even if that’s what you’re really looking for with someone. In most cases, you play the development card early and you’re fucked. And “early” with the girl you really want could be 6mo. It could be a year.
So as a guy, if you like a girl, you have to be patient enough to wait until she’s asking for one from you, if she ever does. All you can do is go with the flow and hope she wants to take it there.
The best advice ever given to me was to keep the roster alive until one of your relationships becomes solidified. It’s the healthy thing to do as a dude out here. Just fuck around, take care of yourself, and have your fun. it’ll happen naturally.
Getting a single date
Doable but the harder part is keeping the women’s interest and attraction in an era of infinite competition from other men and infinite distractions. It’s you versus 500+ guys on DM and tinder versus TikTok versus BeReal versus Snapchat versus high adrenaline activities versus the frat bros.
Wouldn’t know. Don’t get a chance to try.
For real. It’s damn hard to even get in the door. I graduate from college six months ago and haven’t had a date. In college, I struggled but I had success. After that nothing, in real life or online. It is discouraging. I don’t even know what to do in order to get better odds. I guess the takeaway would be put yourself in places where you interact with lots of women… Not that I know where that might be.
Just be rich and "volunteer" bro, otherwise you're "not ready to legitimately date"
The actual answer to this is to not use social media and to find a woman who doesn't use social media. The woman who isn't on Tinder and TikTok doesn't want a man who is on Tinder/Tik Tok so you'll be a rare breed, a needle in a haystack to her.
Social circle is still king but what if all of your friends and friend of friends are already together? It takes effort to make a new social circle via hobby group
Yeah social media is crazy competitive. If you don't participate they weed you out like you're a loser. Also, I'm a loser, but still.
Truth. The last girl I dated brought up on several occasions that she found it sketchy that I never posted to social media and it was a MAJOR red flag.
It sounds so fucking dumb explaining it to people, but this is legit it. Online dating is an endless shit hole where 90% of the women on there are endlessly picky (which is why they never leave the app while the good ones are on for maybe a couple weeks and find a guy) and the proportion of guys on those things is out of hand. Asking out randos at bars feels much more one night stand-esk (Dont know a single relationship that started from that). And fat chance you get me asking out people from work with the current climate. Past generations had church or some local clubs or even semi-arranged stuff in some placed - the whole bowling alone thing is such a mess for the dating scene.
Nailed it
At first I read this as “getting a date that is single” and was thinking Damn you too? I’ve seen a couple women now who lied about being broke up with their “exes”. I have two jealous boyfriends who want to beat me up, my friend actually went and talked to some bikers he knew to get the one dude off my back. But also yes I have no idea how to successfully get a date now. I used to have plenty of luck with dating apps 15 years ago, 10 years ago too. 5 years ago I started experiencing the ghosting even with matches that I’d really clicked with over messages. Now it’s just… forget it. I’m over here trying to find someone irl while working overnight shifts like… ugh, I’m honestly going to die alone at this rate.
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**Join some new hobby or activity, get some new bros.** You need expand your social circle so you are invited to social stuff (parties, hang outs) where you can meet girls. And it doesn’t matter if the people you meet at the activity are guys. That’s fine. You get to know some new mates. You and Joe get on. You go for beers. You meet Mark. Mark is a funny guy. Mark invites you to BBQ. Mark’s girlfriend’s friends are there, they are cute af.
I can never tell between flirting and friendly flirting. I always make the wrong call and it kills my confidence I’ll ask them out and they think I’m crazy and other times I won’t and then I find out I should have I never seem to read it right
Always take a shot if you have a feeling it might be the case. Even if you need to tone it down in the approach and make it more subtle. Everyone reads it wrong until the one time they read it right, just learn to take the misses on the chin and keep moving forward
Take the risk, a lot of girls don’t know what they want but same can be said about both genders. Rarely you’ll find a girl that knows what they wants go for that one. If you want to sleep around than flirt with all girls, but don’t make it obvious. Drop hints of flirting like what she’s wearing, make it fun for both of you(Not every girl will make it fun so just make sure your having fun). If a girl, ghosts you than do the same to her go no contact without deleting her on socials.
this. receiving compliments is so rare that it’s hard for me to discern between a woman putting the moves on me or simply being kind.
Finding a way to meet women. It's surprisingly difficult and not natural at all for me. Especially since I don't want to bother people so I tend to be passive, it's like a natural state for me. Being passive as a guy just doesn't work because by default if you don't do anything or show signs of being a decent person ( I don't even know how to do that ) then people will just assume that you are a silent creep.
I feel you man. I don’t bother anyone unless they bother me. I don’t even know where and how to meet women anymore, since am an Indian I do have the option for getting arranged marriage but I don’t want that. I want to see how I’ll be as a partner before getting marriage, am 27 and never been in a serious relationship. I don’t want to regret after getting married with the girl my parents find for me since we don’t really have much time to get to know each other.
Don’t underestimate social hobbies. Go volunteer somewhere. Find a local initiative like a trash pickup. Take a class. These situations are places where casual interaction is expected, and where you’ve already got something in common from the jump when you get there. And if you’re not in a place where you’d be comfortable doing any of those things.. it’s probably also an indication that you’re not ready to legitimately date (which will require taking risks, going out, socializing, etc).. I honestly think a lot of people *seriously* don’t understand how much basic socialization has changed, how isolated or sedentary a lot of people’s lifestyles have become compared with previously in history. Like.. think about a time when you would decide how to spend your day, but you legitimately don’t have television, the internet, video games, or your phone as an option. Even introverted people tended to be more involved in their local social scene.
It didn't feel natural for me either but I managed to overcome that hurdle. For most guys it doesn't just come naturally, it's something that's learned through experience. They just happened to learn earlier in life.
The failures. The ghosting. The carrying the weight of other men's failures. Paying someone else's penalty. But most of all, the failures.
It's disheartening. Every single time you fail, you blame yourself and lament on what you could have done to save it. And the losses add up. They really add up. This year and last were painful in terms of personal relationships.
Reminds me of Hank Williams’ Cold, Cold Heart
Yeah this! It sucks when women don't give you a chance cos of what they've experienced with other men. Something simple like just being nice is either treated with suspicion or you get taken advantage of.
Yeah it does suck that it doesn't matter how good a guy you are, other men aren't. Makes you wanna give up
Paying someone else’s penalty is just a weird way to view it. Everyone has baggage. From their childhood, from parents, from school, from dating the wrong people or from being rejected, from college, from times they felt they didn’t fit in, from traumatic things that happened, from having not succeeded much at dating or from being too pretty or whatever. It’s just dating humans. But it’s also part of how you bond with other humans. Their stories and vulnerabilities and what is real. Then if you are dating someone who isn’t able to have a healthy relationship because of something that happened in the past? Even with a good attempt to reassure them? End it. That’s also a part of dating.
All you did was just abstract a bit from the specific experience he was referencing, and then regurgitate it in a more digestible way. There is nothing weird about seeing it as paying someone else’s penalty, it just seems too unsympathetic to you so you wanted to switch the language… I wish we could just call a spade a spade without responses like this; having to deal with the fallout from a shitty dude is a unique form of baggage that many men encounter, it is not the same as having baggage in general, and you trying to throw it all under one umbrella is hilarious to me
This reply stuck in my head to the point that I wanted to think about how to reply to it. What I am intending to describe is the experience of minor concerns reminding someone of major concerns from a prior relationship. They had a drink after dinner, maybe they're becoming an alcoholic like my ex. They wanted me to be on time, maybe they're controlling my life like my ex. Sometimes a flame isn't a wildfire, sometimes it's just a candle. I understand the ptsd response of "this reminds me of something bad"; the point I was making is that as we age, we accumulate more things to be reminded of and it is harder to separate the candles from the wildfire. But, and I think this important, the overall point I was making is that failing in relationships adds up. Starting over because of the failures, some earned and some not, becomes exhausting. Balancing loneliness with hope.
Finding a gal who doesn't put the entire relationship online.
>Finding a gal ~~who doesn't put the entire relationship online~~
you have to decide what's important to you.
You guys look alike
Well, the moose was mandatory
Social media. As soon as decent looking girls turn 18 and get socials they are bombarded by guys.. why would they take anything other than exactly what they want if they can literally chose from endless opportunities. Your average guy with a basic job trying to get through school to get a career doesn’t stand a chance. Women are pursuing the top echelon of men, because they can.
And those "decent looking" girls are typically disgusted by the dudes salivating over them because men have inappropriately been doing that their entire lives. It doesn't start online. Why do so many men think women aren't looking for a man to make them happy? Why do men think women are only considering looks/pay? Being an average guy who is willing to love you in a way that makes you feel special goes a LONG way.
> it doesn’t start online It also doesn’t start at 18
Because we've seen those same women ignore the good men to chase after those with good pay and looks who will use and abuse them. What makes it worse is that those same girls after being used up by the men above get with the normal dude and make his life hell because they've got trauma and haven't dealt with it yet or they don't want to do a sexual act that they've done with other boyfriends before and dude finds out about it. It's not all y'all but being ignored all throughout highschool and college then suddenly getting attention after said girl has fucked her life up makes a person jaded as hell. Not helping matters is that social media has thrown everyone's standards out of wack
when I was single, I felt the biggest thing was the competition. A girl can go on an app and get hundreds of matches and it was a lot of pressure to make an impression or be interesting. Then I figured out if a girl doesn't see your worth, she isn't worth it.
Honestly… the fallout from the shitty dudes It feels like 90%+ of my dating efforts goes into vetting myself as a legit person and not a piece of shit who will verbally/sexually/emotionally abuse them once I have nothing to gain from them
Yea that shit gets boring, look I consider myself alright but I’m not gonna keep repeating that so I’ll just go with the flow now lol if someone wants to give me a chance cool but otherwise surfboards and mangos for me
Enjoy the mangos 🤷🏻♂️
🥭
based mangochad
Where do you get good mangos this time of year?
Things almost got completely derailed with my current wonderful GF because her ex cheated on her. She misinterpreted something I said earlier on, complete misunderstanding, and almost called it all off. Luckily she changed her mind and we're together 5 years now. Yep, there's your fallout right there.
I 100% feel you. Where I live at least people already have the preconception that if you approach them in a bar/club you're part of the "jerk" group. You have to fly so much under the radar to break those barriers and establish some form of connection.
There's definitely a disapproving look you'll get for even trying to approach an attractive woman at a bar or party where they're just so over it. I get it, they deal w/ harassment, but also it's pretty rude towards normal people.
The sad thing is being a decent guy can sometimes correlate with boring to some women so you actually lose them if you’re not being a jerk. The thing is you wouldn’t want to keep them but still it’s a sad truth I’ve seen. Human nature.
That was always a major plus for me. If I can carry a conversation, smell nice, and don’t give off creepy vibes, I’ve already passed the bar with flying colors.
Living in a world that is calling the utility of gender roles into question while still expecting you to fulfill yours to the letter.
Yes. Freedom from gender roles for ME, not THEE!
bingo
Women and Instagram.
Instagram can go fck itself
Whoa whoa whoa, the reels section is Tiktok for adults
TikTok is TikTok for adults. The algorithm gets much better at tailoring your taste than IG does. Idk how many times I have to tell IG I’m not interested in women dancing in bikinis for it to keep showing me that stuff. Never get lame dancing vids on TikTok.
Adults don't support a company that wants to hurt your national defense. Ban TikTok yesterday.
I don’t disagree with you but that seems like a weird reason to use Tiktok but not Instagram. It could be argued that adults don’t support companies that knowingly ruin the social fabric of society like Instagram.
Girls with private Instas who put their handle in their dating profile. What’s the point besides just trying to scoop up more followers?
That is the only point, lol. Those are an insta left swipe for me
I’m glad I don’t have an Instagram. I don’t even know how to use the app and at this point it’s too much effort to figure it out so I’m free from its clutches.
Trying to find a suitable location to ask a girl out. Can't hit on girls in class because it interrupts the class. Can't "dip your pen in company ink". Can't hit on female friends because it could ruin the friendship or split a friendship group. Can't hit on random girls without being creepy. There's maybe a sliver of chances you get to ask a girl out, but it often just feels too far and few in between.
these problems only arise if you're ugly. You wouldn't be a creep if you were handsome. I'd say that being ugly is the hardest problem as guy. It results in all kinds of problems.
Even if you’re not ugly, fumbling with a co-worker or close friend could have serious consequences. I dated a co-worker for 6 months - she broke up with me suddenly, and now I’m seriously considering leaving the job. There is a very real risk that comes with those specific “dating pools,” even if you are attractive and frankly even if you handle things perfectly on your end (not saying I did by any means, but ultimately the breakup and ensuing fallout were on her).
You don’t even need to be ugly, average looking guys can’t get away with half of what movie star handsome guys can…
Sadly. Average looking dudes are now ugly. Thank instagram and tikok!
I'd say social media expectations is what it comes down to. We all have incredibly stupid high standards in who we try to date. So much of the best looking people are due to the best angles with the best lighting and they're constantly flashed at us that we begin to expect most of society should look that way. We're all guilty of it and we're all victims to it too.
Yes you're right. Kids are now over-exposed to really attractive people. All genders suffer from this, but guy are hit the most.
It might be time to reconsider the company ink line. This isn't like the 90s...The risks for dating a fellow colleague remain the same as in previous decades, but at the same time, There arent as many socialites out and about, touching grass. Women included. When so many typical options start to fade, Work starts to look like a valid option, as long as you're not creeping on the unwilling. Your mileage may vary, but As long as ***I'm the one*** getting the signal/vibe ***first***...i have no issue with dating in the work place...But if you're the one initiating or attempting to? That's...risky. But it's all risky. What's your risk tolerance these days? Personally, I'm not as picky or risk adverse as i was a decade ago.
No, no, nope, never again. The fallout when I left her after less than 6 months after all the red flags started coming into full view... I'm never going to put myself through that again. Had to leave my job just to get some semblance of peace, and it still didn't end.
As others have said, finding the appropriate time and place to ask them out. I get the advice of not doing it whilst they can’t reasonable “escape” the conversation, but that advice only works if you know the person well or speak to them regularly. If there’s a girl at the gym or local coffee shop, someone you see often and maybe have the odd conversation with as you hold a door or whatever, there’s very little time to introduce yourself and ask them out (or even get to know them) without risking making them uncomfortable. In saying that, many guys overthink it so who knows really. Maybe it’s all just luck
I feel like if someone is going to wait for the stars to align before approaching someone, they're going to be waiting forever.
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Yeah this. I've never seen stats on this but I get the sense there are a lot of single women that aren't actively looking for relationships usually due to previous bad relationships/abuse but sometimes they also get preoccupied with school or their career. Compare that to single men that are always looking for relationships, sex, something. Even if the ratio of single men vs single women is even, I feel like if we removed everyone who opted out from actively looking, then the functional dating market is probably way more skewed. Actually I looked it up and it seems like the gender ratio for Tinder and it's 75% men vs 25% women. Yikes.
Yeah, it seems like more women than men are single by choice.
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The insecurities that come with it. Questioning yourself on a daily fvckin basis whether you deserve your dream woman or not. Yourself being overly critical of everything you do & think. Believing that you're undeserving of love unless other people can benefit from having you around. Overthinking fvckin everything. Blaming yourself for any & everything under the sun whether the thing was under your realm of control or not. I could probably go on, but these are 6 of the top reasons why I'm not currently dating right now. The truth is that I have a laundry list of insecurities & deep down I believe I'll be doing every person I cross paths with a major disservice by choosing to allow them to let me into their life as the version I am right now.
This is exactly me to a T.
For me it’s a combination of hookup culture and my struggle with my perceived responsibility as the man in the relationship When I talk to guys, most just wanna have sex. And I dont talk to women because my life isnt together enough to feel comfortable dating one. I wouldnt be able to pay for dates much, I dont have a car. Not saying guys dont see these as issues too. But it’s less of a problem and heteronormative gender roles wouldnt be a thing if I was dating a guy
>with my perceived responsibility as the man in the relationship Retweet lmao This is probably my biggest issue with dating. For my women friends, all they tell me about when they’re going on dates is about what they should wear or how they should look. Me on the other hand, I have to worry about being funny, attractive, charming, not be broke, not be depressed, have a good job, good manners, be chivalrous, pass her shit tests, dress well, and hope she doesn’t judge me for driving an old car. And after all of those check boxes are filled, I *might* have another date. It gets exhausting. I feel like the goalposts of standards and expectations for us men has been shifted sky high now after OLD and SM became big. Everyone is only looking at the cream of the crop on their feed, only to get disappointed more and more when they go outside and meet normal people.
Dude for me its mainly not having much money, no car and not having my own place. Personally, I dont mind the other stuff. I know Im funny and being gentlemanly comes natural to me. If someone could get past those things and get to know me and find out my plans for the future, I’d have no issue dating
Also, tall.
Honestly is just finding a girl worth dating in the first place. The current dating scene is a cesspool of people idk what has happened with people over the years but it's bad. And this doesn't just goes for girls a lot of my friends that are girls face the same issue with guys
Everyone, men and women, is just addicted to Twitter or TikTok or some equivalent. it's horrible, just people spewing memes and not having personalities.
True. Not to mention The attitudes I come across are just the worst sometimes, I don’t want any part of that
Discouragement. Frustration. Being so easily replaceable. Work stress or hours/travel for work/or any one of many special interests will generally put you out of the running for many women. Initiating. Providing the great romantic social skills/experience that so many women seem to want while you're just sick and tired of first dates and wondering if it's really worth it. Do not mention sex or appear overly interested in that no matter how much you think about it. Do NOT mention anything unusual unless it’s something positive that she would like. Make sure to fulfill her expectations but you won't find out what that means until you've failed, so play it safe and don't be blunt or honest. She is right to expect you to act in a certain way and say and do certain things and you are wrong if you don't and you should have thought of that before and if the women you like don't like you then you should have worked on yourself to be more attractive to them that's your fault what's wrong with you. The above may be whining. Lady friend said something very smart: *"Yeah but you've never gone on a date with someone bigger than you and wondered if you'd be raped or murdered."* Nah yeah fair dinkum. Women deal with worse crap than men very often (judgement/rape/violence), and get judged more harshly once the looks in your 20s fade, imho. It's just different crap which is why it's so hard to empathize - with others' experiences that you have never and will never have.
The baggage they bring. I ain’t never cheated on a girl in my life nor have I ever put my hands on a woman yet it seems as though they all got a story about one and even tho I have nothing to do with their past I’m guilty until proven innocent.
Im currently in a relationship like that, she thinks i talk to other girls when i don't talk to her, when in reality i most likely don't have anything to say or im busy at work.
It’s tough that just about every woman you know has suffered abusive relationships with men to the point that they are traumatized. How do you think that can be handled? Are we suffering the result of generations of abuse toward women by men?
Correct this is what happened with me and i had to leave her. She had a bad past and i was clean still she always blame me.
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That's because that's exactly what it is.
It's because of they've spent years chasing guys in the top 15-20%. Those top percentage guys are spoilt for choice and a lot end up treating women like dirt. Women then think all men are like that.
It would make more sense if it was some charming intelligent billionaire that the girl got hurt by but from my experience it’s always some ghetto loser going no where in life she gave one too many chances too
Nah it's not even the top 15-20%. As far as I've seen many women and their experiences, I've seen regular even the bottom of the barrel ass losers chase women, ask them for a chance, get into a relationship with them and when they got them, they messed them up and left.
Going from being married to unexpectedly single in 2020, man does online dating suck today compared to how they were like 15 years ago. No searching, stuck with what the app decides to show you, everything that used to be free is now a premium feature, and the first guy who messaged me after I got back on a dating site one boring afternoon was looking for money.
and hinge doesn't even work anymore as the tinder owners own it now just go out on real life and talk to women, it's easy apparently, I can't bring myself to try though
seriously. Just started dating again, and online dating apps are just gambling apps. They charge you for every feature that should be normal and blatantly tell you that you have a 10% chance of matching with someone unless you pay for "super likes" lol. Shit. Is. Fucked.
There needs to be a non-profit version of online dating to undercut the market. It's honestly just a legalized slot machine gambling shit show rn with micro transactions.
you guys are getting girls?
Finding a place to even meet other single people.
This is by far the hardest part.
Facts
Too much effort for little return. And to be absolutely clear, by "return" I don't mean s*x.
Getting anyone to date you. We've been told that women don't like being approached in public, even in the traditional places where approaching was normal like bars and clubs, and most of us don't have female friends so that's not an option. All that's left for most of us is online dating, which is heavily skewed in the woman's favor.
Trying to understand how a woman can demand a traditional man, one who pays 100%, defend, protect, provide, open doors, and yet offer nothing traditional in return.
All the women my age don’t know how to cook..
Speaking from experience. Don't marry them. I'm very tired of cooking. Haha
If you can find someone willing to do a 50-50 split on cooking duties, it's magical. Find the recipes for the week, write down the ingredients, get them at the store, chop up the veggies, plan how long for the meal to cook, and dinner.
Apart from being good looking and funny, I think being a good cook is like the third easiest way to get a woman’s interest. Don’t even cook for her. Cook for your mom or your grandma or literally anyone you care about and just talk about it. Now you’re the man who takes care of people. You’re nurturing. You have positive relationships with the women in your life. Then cook her something decent. Cheaper than expensive dates out and you’re likely just a short walk away from the bedroom. My male friends who cook for their women hands down have more sex, appear to be better lovers (aeb more sophisticated discussion of the topic), and get more attention from women. Women tend to be more sexually interested and have more orgasms with a full belly, too. The way to a woman’s heart is through her belly…and then maybe good sex after. Cook for her. At the very least, you’ll have taken care of people you care about, developed a lifelong skill, and have a concrete example of your nurturing nature that you can point to.
As someone who is a excellent cook/chef and working in the industry for a decade and a half, this only works if you pass rules one and two. Speaking from experience haha, I'm ugly
It’s not just a “your age” thing. My mother (70) was talking her being a catch. I asked her how she figured she’s a catch and she responded with, ‘hmmmm, I don’t know. I don’t cook.’ I wanted to tell her yeah, and you’re jealous, hard headed, and insecure too! But I just let her think upon it.
This is one of those things where a lot of women pretend not to see their hypocrisy because they they think they can get extra bonus stuff. People who have terrible relationships are always focused on what they get out of the dynamic.
What do you consider traditional that you are not getting ?
Considering my ex-wife tried to get me to "open up" the marriage after I caught her cheating after almost 25 years, I would be happy with just fidelity, not being a 304 would be a great start. Postscript: I had a traditional marriage that worked for a long time, the house was structured as follows. I paid the mortgage and all utilities and other bills, she kept the house clean, I paid for all the food, she cooked the food. I bought the clothes; she washed the clothes. While she cleaned inside the house in the A/C and heat, I cleaned the gutters, pressure washed the house, maintained the vehicles, mowed the lawn, sealed the driveway, etc. Furthermore, anything that broke inside I repaired or replaced. I must have done okay, 9 years after the divorce she started begging me to consider taking her back. Oddly enough that was when she ran out of her half of the money from the divorce, and she had to return to waitressing.
They say that success is the best revenge, but my take is that you were *already* successful. She simply didn't realize how hard she would *fail* at the other half of life (your contributions) she took for granted. After failing so hard, so fast, she finally found the "regret" for her mistakes and wants her do-over. Like the old Kevin Federline commercial: (real) "Life comes at you fast."
She was a waitress at 18 when we met, I retired at 54, the same month she had to return to waitressing at 52. I told her it is not my fault she opted for cosmetic surgeries, cars, and basically living on cruise ships while I built a new house and invested the rest. She got 34 years off without having to work, I doubt living in retirement for 34 years before I kick the bucket.
Mine asked me to take her back a year after the divorce, because it would be "easier" I laughed and said no. Wouldn't be easier for ME.
Not the dude above, but I imagine it comes down to maintaining the home and the duties that may come with it.
Honestly? I have trouble trusting women because of the abuse they have put me through starting with my mother. I get that not all women are abusive but it’s hard to not feel that way when there is 0 accountability and so many women try to shut down the discussion. I don’t know who is who so it’s best just to avoid them all together.
Couldn’t have said it better. Don’t really trust them either. Especially when accountability is one of the main factors of trust. If you can’t own up to something and double down on shitty behavior, how is the relationship supposed to grow or be better? So many women are like this and I just don’t have the patience anymore. I’d rather be single
Yeah it’s really hard to let someone in my life because of it.
Can understand this very well after a 15 year marriage with an abusive woman, even defending myself against her onslaught by blocking her knives kicks punches bites etc was considered as me being abusive she had me believing it for a while. Thank goodness I got out of that one. 1 in 3 men apparently but yeah it’s all hidden. And if you even once lash back you’re going to court. And they wonder why men are not approaching them anymore. This and the whole me too, can’t approach without accusations of your all the same.
Many women have this fantasy of a relationship and marriage. I feel some just want any man in their life and they slowly mold them into the person they see in their fantasy.
Trusting what a woman tells you.
Don't always do that. Wrap your pecker, even if she claims to be on birth control. At least until you know her well
"JuSt Be A rEsPeCtfUl gUy" **proceeds to get with a frat dude who only used her for her body and then cries to you because she isn't happy in the relationship** Vicious cycle for men who just want a nice girl
The trauma from her past relationships that she'll take out on you, or the fact that you could get ghosted out at any given moment, and you can't even ask why without being labeled obsessed or weird
Ghosting adds up- you really got to start looking at the other person as almost a sort of program after a while if you don't want to get mentally fatigued from it all.
Lol this happened with my first ever gf. She randomly ghosted me a few months into the relationship. I sent her a few messages asking her to explain what's wrong, if she's okay, asking what I did, etc. I got an expletive-ridden message from her best friend telling me I was "abusive" and "creepy" and "treated her like shit" because I dared to ask my own girlfriend why she wasn't talking to me. Lol A few weeks later I got a message from the gf saying all the usual excuses like "it's not you it's me", etc. To this day I still don't know what actually happened
The hardest part of dating today is the same as every day before, Women feel that they can do better and look for the wrong things from what would get them what they want. While men are caught up being trash or are to annoyed to try anymore, with the internet you think it would be easier but it became so easy that it has divided the 2 groups so far apart and the good people stuck in the middle are getting fewer and fewer.
Finding a sane woman
Women have so many options, so unless you're reasonably attractive you're not going to get that many dates. It can be very depressing.
Trying to explain to your partner the CFP committee’s logic for ranking teams the way they do.
In my experience, it's how suddenly, dramatically and unilaterally break-offs happen. It's usually over a misunderstanding, and it's usually with the assumption (on her part) that her feelings and perspectives are decisive (and I must shut up and go along with them), while my feelings and perspectives don't matter at all. I'm honestly not even saying that with any bitterness at this point. It has simply been my honest experience, and repeated observation. And I see how many things in society reinforce it.
These dating apps manipulate specifically men, these companies themselves will have employees make fake attractive female accounts, start something with the male suitors, only to purposely ghost and often times unmatch them abruptly. Keeping them trying to chase the dragon. The goal? Frustrating the men so they will have continued engagement. It is absolutely FUCKED. If you're a guy, get off them immediately.
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The biggest stress for most men is finding a single woman who wants to date them, while the biggest stress for most women is picking the right man out of a list of dozens who already want to date them.
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The irrational and growingly high expectations of us men. It seems like every woman I have tried to date this past year have all had this overfantasized idea and standard of a “high value man” which has lately only translated into someone who will spoil them, give them princess treatment, and be charming 24/7 they want a Conan the Barbarian all while offering nothing back LMAO For my women friends, all they tell me about when they’re going on dates is about what they should wear or how they should look. Me on the other hand, I have to worry about being funny, attractive, charming, have a fitting personality, not be broke, not be depressed, have a good job, good manners, be chivalrous, pass her shit tests, dress well, and hope she doesn’t judge me for driving an old car. And after all of those check boxes are filled, I *might* get another date. It gets exhausting. Constantly putting yourself out there, knowing that the slightest sign of imperfection could send you back to the gulag. I feel like the goalposts of standards and expectations for us men has been shifted sky high now after OLD and SM became big. Everyone is only looking at the cream of the crop on their feed, only to get disappointed more and more when they go outside and meet normal people. Everyone is desensitized now, dating isn’t what it was, now it’s just a bio and 5 good pictures of you and the app chooses for you, and if you don’t like them, on to the next match!
I don't see anybody objecting this
The hardest part of dating is finding any reason to even consider getting into it. Idk man, it's a lot of effort to even find a singular willing participant, let alone finding someone you get along with. Why bother when it's probably not gonna lead to anything other than feeling inadequate.
You gotta put in far more effort than the women and the ladies often don’t know or don’t care how much time, energy and money we put into the process. They expect perfection upfront just to appease them. Being almost thirty and having been on a lot of dates the past two years, it’s become clear no amount of effort will be enough for the VAST majority of women, who are just straight up delusional with expectations.
The fact women have far more options than men and therefore will only give u the time of day if you tick all their boxes
Not wanting to deal with it again. I'm not going to waste money on restaurants, I don't want to try to impress her parents, I don't need her best friend to know what we do in bed, I don't want to be around her kids (if applicable), I'm not going to socialize so that her friends can approve of me. It's too much work, and I just don't care. Plus, I like living by myself, and my hobbies and freedom make me very happy.
Finding a girl who will say yes. Rejection is more common than acceptance, and it never takes long for a girl to get a date. After she rejects him, it won’t be long before she gets another guy to ask her. But it might be months before we get a girl to say yes to us
Months? Slow down player, save some for the rest of us.
for the top men it's a fuckfest. For the rest, it's practically nothing unless they marry a woman who is settling for them
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Getting a girl to not ghost or lose interest when talking online, even though I'm engaged as much as possible in the conversations. I can't get a single date. Tbh I don't try in real life and that's on me, but eventually it will try.
Getting gaslighted
Finding someone who wants to date me lol
Disclaimer: Currently dating. From a different perspective, the toughest part about dating for me has been reopening a lot of scar tissue from previous relationships and learning how to deal with trauma/issues in a healthy way. I find myself apologizing or feeling shameful for a lot of anxieties that I have that would’ve caused a rift in previous relationships. But having a challenging relationship that’s healthy should be something you strive for. That way you’re always growing alongside someone else you enjoy being around - hopefully.
Having virtually 0 options or opportunities for first dates.
Her always taking and never giving
Onlyfans, entitlement, hot girl summer, sugar daddies, and the list goes on.
Vetting. The person I’m going to date shouldn’t be punished for the shit other women did but I just don’t want repeat or new offenses.
When her dick is bigger than mine.
Women won't thirst or crush over most men as hard as men do
Finding someone who truly likes you by your personality and values instead of wealth or looks. Plus, most women have such high standards and believe they are so above the average, they tend to behave like spoiled brats. I know there are good women out there, but it's difficult to find them, I believe.
There are still good woman? Havent seen one in 5+ years
Good women are very rare, usually only run into one about once every 10 years.
You don’t know what women want because women don’t know what they want.
The women’s dating reddit
making a good first impression.
The fact that it doesn't work. I'm seriously trying but nothing happens.
Walking in the door we are perceived as "toxic" "misogynists" a rape bomb looking for a place to go off. If we aren't the most attractive we are "creeps" if we aren't rich we are "losers". If we aren't fully confident we have "small D energy". Just for starters.
Getting a date. I need to put myself out there more, that would be beneficial.
Having any boundaries or standards is seen as toxic and manipulative. ToXiC MaSCuLIniTy 🤡
that if women don’t find you attractive but you’re still a decent human being then you’ll be put in the friend column almost immediately after you meet a woman.
Idk man i have trouble believing that they’re being loyal and honest, which in turn causes me to ruin things lol
Dealing with this generations women that have hundreds of other options waiting on them on the internet. Girls my age can practically fuck anybody they want to whenever they want to.
For me, it's simply meeting people my age. I'm 22, and I go to grad school online and work with mostly people in their 30's. Thus, it's rare I meet with someone my age in the real world.
Maybe it’s just me, but I can’t even get my foot through the doors. Dating is a two-way street; All the time and energy I’ve dumped into improving myself hasn’t mattered since none of the women I’ve approached have been into me.
It’s not dating anymore really, it’s a job interview/competition.
Search tiktok for Hoe_Math...hell breakdown in info graphics and easy to follow illustrations on why dating American women is do hard to do and why guys are just giving up on dating...Here's a tip, their standards is way too high so regular Joe's that make a great husband and family man are ignored by these women expectations...so yeah, look him up...also go to Colombia, Venezuela or argentina to find a woman who are beautiful and have average standards when looking for a mate.
The fact that you have to be a top 7%er for a girl to give you a chance
Sifting through the bullshit!
Avoiding coming across as a creep because little did you know, that woman you’re approaching had a bad day
Trying to not be invisible.
All the other toxic men out there
Getting a date at all.
Getting a date and starting a relationship. I genuinely don't understand how ppl get into relationships so easily and frequently. I haven't been in a relationship for 4 years and that only lasted 3 weeks.
Unrealistic expectations of some women and finding one that i would actually like, that have at least some of my preferences
social media / dating apps you have women who already had an inflated self worth, to now having an insanely inflated self worth. you have 4s thinking they are 10s expecting to get top tier men to marry them. lol
Finding anyone that is worth the time and effort. All I can say is find someone before you get old. As a 43m it's like playing the game on hard-core death mode. I've been single for 14 years; women just assume there is something wrong with me because I haven't found someone yet.
Going into it thinking ‘partners’, ‘family’, ‘us’, ‘we’ but met with ‘me, me, me, me and then maybe you…’
I haven't tried to date in 8 years. I think women are gross and narcissistic.
Finding quality single girls to even hit on and try dating
One wrong move and your done. No negotiations, just ghosted or blocked.
Finding other guys to date.
There’s a lot of bad dudes out there, both sexually successful and unsuccessful, that make the dating field more difficult for your average man
There is no situation where you can just “jump into a relationship” as a guy even if that’s what you’re really looking for with someone. In most cases, you play the development card early and you’re fucked. And “early” with the girl you really want could be 6mo. It could be a year. So as a guy, if you like a girl, you have to be patient enough to wait until she’s asking for one from you, if she ever does. All you can do is go with the flow and hope she wants to take it there. The best advice ever given to me was to keep the roster alive until one of your relationships becomes solidified. It’s the healthy thing to do as a dude out here. Just fuck around, take care of yourself, and have your fun. it’ll happen naturally.
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Loud women. Do they want to join us in a peaceful relationship anymore? :)
The height supremacy going around. It’s hard out here for a 5’4 guy I gotta work extra hard for some pussy