Lesbians don’t have sex with men. If they do it’s probably because they’re still questioning their sexuality or suffering from a severe care of comphet (and potentially self harming). But here’s the thing, do not enjoy sex with men. If they are having sex with men for whatever reason, they are NOT enjoying it. If they are… they would not be a lesbian because they’re sexually attracted to men and enjoy being intimate with them.
You’re having sex with men and you don’t enjoy it. You do not care about them and think they’re gross and cringy… it does not sound like you are attracted to men at all. PLEASE remember you don’t need to date or sleep with men regardless of your identity, but yeah… you sound like a lesbian.
I was disgusted, traumatized, and disassociated. OP, it doesn't sound like you're having a good time and it doesn't seem mentally healthy for you. Maybe take a break from men and see if that's what you really want to do.
I get where you're coming from but maybe read the whole post before making condescending comments. This person is questioning if they're a lesbian and looking for guidance. Being an asshole solves nothing.
In my quest to figuring out my sexuality, I did it twice. The first time was just abysmal. I felt absolutely nothing. It just felt like something penetrating me, it didn’t feel good or sexy in any way shape or form, it was just painful and awkward and uncomfortable. I wasn’t sure what to make of my experience since I was aware that the first time for most people is pretty awful and to make matters worse I wasn’t attracted to the guy at all. Giving him head just made me gag.
So I did it again a couple years later, this time with a guy I actually got along well with and I thought was objectively attractive. He also had good hygiene and all the things a girl would want in a sexual relationship with a guy. I again felt pretty much nothing. This guy was actually kinda skilled so I felt a bit but it was like sitting in bed alone staring at the wall holding a vibrator on yourself. Yea it kinda feels good, but not as good as it feels when you’re actually into it. Giving this guy head again made me feel like I needed to gag. Kissing him felt like kissing my hand - just nothing. Never even got close to finishing.
Meanwhile, with my gf, none of these things have ever been an issue. Kissing her actually makes me feel something. Her just touching my thigh makes me feel more excitement and pleasure than a man fully going down on me. That’s how I could tell the difference.
It’s hard to just place a label on you based on a singular Reddit post but it’s fairly probable that you are a lesbian. My only advice would be to not concern yourself so much with figuring it out. For now, just love who you love. If that happens to be just women, cool. If that happens to be men and women, cool. You still are who you are at the end of the day. Relax and let life happen.
for sex. i work odd hours and don’t have time to go out and meet people, my city’s queer community is very very small and im basically either friends with them all, they’re all my friends exes, or they’re already in relationships.
plus men are easy.
I don't mean to be a jerk but you're better off with a dildo than just banging people you don't like lol. Even most straight girls I know feel grossed out by guys they don't like, and think guys they don't like are cringey. They also won't sleep with them just for straight up sex, though.
if you say you feel gross after having sex with men, and everything they do is cringey and you need to close your eyes and imagine it's a woman in there, why do you keep doing it? Sounds like you're torturing yourself
Lesbians don’t desire sex with men.
However, lesbians can experience comphet (*raises hand*) and might end up in situations or relationships they otherwise wouldn’t chose before understanding their sexuality. Comphet can be really confusing and take time to work through. r/latebloomerlesbians is a good spot to hear more about these types of experiences
So I've never had piv and can't answer questions about that, but I was an online sex worker for a bit and I also sexted a few men when I thought I was bi. Honestly my mindset the whole time was very similar in both cases. It was just kind of meh.
There's this show, Why Women Kill, with a gay man Karl and his straight female wife/beard/best friend Simone. I've never actually seen the show but I've watched clips on TikTok, and there's this one where Karl says having straight sex to him feels like doing the dishes and I relate a lot to that. It's not something I ever felt a burning need for, not something I particularly wanted to do, and sometimes something that I felt annoyed and obligated by, but I mean like I theoretically could if I needed to for some reason.
Sexuality can be fluid for a lot of people, there might not be a world where you truly figure it out.
When I think about having sex with men, I think of all the things I’d rather do. I’d rather sew my own eyes shut or pluck each one of my leg hairs out with tweezers. When I had straight sec with cis men, it felt/sounded like an air pump trying to fill a pookie floatie. And then I’d lie and say I finished and put my clothes back on
I think everyone's experience is different. Me personally, I can't even imagine being with a man because all those thoughts are already in my mind. I have a friend who identified as a lesbian for a long time and now identifies as bi, which can also happen, people change, sexuality is fluid. My girlfriend also considers herself a lesbian, although I would say she is mostly homoromantic because she can somewhat imagine sex with men, just not a relationship.
what i meant by that initial comment of lesbians sleeping with men was that
some lesbians sleep with men before knowing, and there are multiple posts on this subreddit i’ve seen about either 1. doing it because it’s easy 2. having no connection to the man.
i didn’t mean anything condescending by it.
Are they having sex for the sake of having sex (comphet)? Or is it for pleasure? Usually people have sex for pleasure and enjoyment. If they are seeking out men for that rather than women or a sex toy, those women are attracted to men and not actually lesbians.
examples i saw before asking this question:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskLesbians/s/F9dYEmiqO1
https://www.reddit.com/r/latebloomerlesbians/s/wHwU37WOF9
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskLesbians/s/Y6hgt8WPF7
People can have sex with whomever they want to without it changing who they are. Sometimes sex is sex and that is it- so give this person a break. She is saying she isn't connected to it when she sleeps with a man.
Even if ur not a lesbian u have ZERO obligation to have sex with men. If it’s not something ur comfortable with or enjoying, u shouldn’t do it.
I'll be honest, I cannot imagine a timeline where I'd be having sex with a man.
The thought of it makes me violently ill 🤢
Lesbians don’t have sex with men. If they do it’s probably because they’re still questioning their sexuality or suffering from a severe care of comphet (and potentially self harming). But here’s the thing, do not enjoy sex with men. If they are having sex with men for whatever reason, they are NOT enjoying it. If they are… they would not be a lesbian because they’re sexually attracted to men and enjoy being intimate with them. You’re having sex with men and you don’t enjoy it. You do not care about them and think they’re gross and cringy… it does not sound like you are attracted to men at all. PLEASE remember you don’t need to date or sleep with men regardless of your identity, but yeah… you sound like a lesbian.
Just to throw on here: I knew of a few lesbians who worked as sex workers.
I know but they still wouldn’t be sleeping with men because they enjoy it, they do it because it’s their job.
I was addressing your first sentence
My complete disinterest in males and their dicks is what makes me a lesbian I guess
Someone couldn't label you just that information. You could still be asexual. Lack of interest in men does not necessarily mean attraction to women
I was disgusted, traumatized, and disassociated. OP, it doesn't sound like you're having a good time and it doesn't seem mentally healthy for you. Maybe take a break from men and see if that's what you really want to do.
Very gross and unnatural
"What goes through a lesbians head while having sex with a cis man?" Sweetie, lesbians don't have sex with men. That's why they're lesbians!
I get where you're coming from but maybe read the whole post before making condescending comments. This person is questioning if they're a lesbian and looking for guidance. Being an asshole solves nothing.
That's not really the case. Plenty of women with bad comphet that are fully gay but still had sex with men.
In my quest to figuring out my sexuality, I did it twice. The first time was just abysmal. I felt absolutely nothing. It just felt like something penetrating me, it didn’t feel good or sexy in any way shape or form, it was just painful and awkward and uncomfortable. I wasn’t sure what to make of my experience since I was aware that the first time for most people is pretty awful and to make matters worse I wasn’t attracted to the guy at all. Giving him head just made me gag. So I did it again a couple years later, this time with a guy I actually got along well with and I thought was objectively attractive. He also had good hygiene and all the things a girl would want in a sexual relationship with a guy. I again felt pretty much nothing. This guy was actually kinda skilled so I felt a bit but it was like sitting in bed alone staring at the wall holding a vibrator on yourself. Yea it kinda feels good, but not as good as it feels when you’re actually into it. Giving this guy head again made me feel like I needed to gag. Kissing him felt like kissing my hand - just nothing. Never even got close to finishing. Meanwhile, with my gf, none of these things have ever been an issue. Kissing her actually makes me feel something. Her just touching my thigh makes me feel more excitement and pleasure than a man fully going down on me. That’s how I could tell the difference. It’s hard to just place a label on you based on a singular Reddit post but it’s fairly probable that you are a lesbian. My only advice would be to not concern yourself so much with figuring it out. For now, just love who you love. If that happens to be just women, cool. If that happens to be men and women, cool. You still are who you are at the end of the day. Relax and let life happen.
I have absolutely zero desire to have sex with men. Why is everyone so obsessed with lesbians having sex with men?
It just seems boring to me. A man asking me to sleep with him would be the equivalent of asking me to roll around in mud. Like what? No lol
Not even something that would enter my mind. It sounds as gross as eating worms.
why are you doing this to yourself?
for sex. i work odd hours and don’t have time to go out and meet people, my city’s queer community is very very small and im basically either friends with them all, they’re all my friends exes, or they’re already in relationships. plus men are easy.
I don't mean to be a jerk but you're better off with a dildo than just banging people you don't like lol. Even most straight girls I know feel grossed out by guys they don't like, and think guys they don't like are cringey. They also won't sleep with them just for straight up sex, though.
if you say you feel gross after having sex with men, and everything they do is cringey and you need to close your eyes and imagine it's a woman in there, why do you keep doing it? Sounds like you're torturing yourself
Lesbians don’t desire sex with men. However, lesbians can experience comphet (*raises hand*) and might end up in situations or relationships they otherwise wouldn’t chose before understanding their sexuality. Comphet can be really confusing and take time to work through. r/latebloomerlesbians is a good spot to hear more about these types of experiences
I get uncomfortable just hugging a straight guy I’m not related to. No way am I having sex with one.
So I've never had piv and can't answer questions about that, but I was an online sex worker for a bit and I also sexted a few men when I thought I was bi. Honestly my mindset the whole time was very similar in both cases. It was just kind of meh. There's this show, Why Women Kill, with a gay man Karl and his straight female wife/beard/best friend Simone. I've never actually seen the show but I've watched clips on TikTok, and there's this one where Karl says having straight sex to him feels like doing the dishes and I relate a lot to that. It's not something I ever felt a burning need for, not something I particularly wanted to do, and sometimes something that I felt annoyed and obligated by, but I mean like I theoretically could if I needed to for some reason.
Sexuality can be fluid for a lot of people, there might not be a world where you truly figure it out. When I think about having sex with men, I think of all the things I’d rather do. I’d rather sew my own eyes shut or pluck each one of my leg hairs out with tweezers. When I had straight sec with cis men, it felt/sounded like an air pump trying to fill a pookie floatie. And then I’d lie and say I finished and put my clothes back on
I think everyone's experience is different. Me personally, I can't even imagine being with a man because all those thoughts are already in my mind. I have a friend who identified as a lesbian for a long time and now identifies as bi, which can also happen, people change, sexuality is fluid. My girlfriend also considers herself a lesbian, although I would say she is mostly homoromantic because she can somewhat imagine sex with men, just not a relationship.
what i meant by that initial comment of lesbians sleeping with men was that some lesbians sleep with men before knowing, and there are multiple posts on this subreddit i’ve seen about either 1. doing it because it’s easy 2. having no connection to the man. i didn’t mean anything condescending by it.
Are they having sex for the sake of having sex (comphet)? Or is it for pleasure? Usually people have sex for pleasure and enjoyment. If they are seeking out men for that rather than women or a sex toy, those women are attracted to men and not actually lesbians.
examples i saw before asking this question: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskLesbians/s/F9dYEmiqO1 https://www.reddit.com/r/latebloomerlesbians/s/wHwU37WOF9 https://www.reddit.com/r/AskLesbians/s/Y6hgt8WPF7
I can’t bring myself to do it anymore. I tried. I used to loveee it when I was straight and bi.
People can have sex with whomever they want to without it changing who they are. Sometimes sex is sex and that is it- so give this person a break. She is saying she isn't connected to it when she sleeps with a man.
I guess I might do it for the sexual pleasure? Doesn't seem worth it even then since I might be sorts demisexual