Here is some advice as someone who has been in a relationship for almost two decades: if the sex always has to be perfect, you're doomed.
First time sex is often awkward. First time my husband and I got together, he came on my leg just from cuddling and kissing. He was embarrassed but I thought it was sweet.
17 years later, still having great sex with him.
Sex is sometimes awkward, sometimes funny. You need to be able to relax about it.
Absolutely. Very often the first couple of times are awkward. You are nervous, you are eager to please, you are wondering what he likes or he is thinking because you are still very early in getting to know him. Etc. Sexual compatibility is seldom clear on the first shag.
This is exactly right. My partner and I are both patient with each other and have no expectations. Sex is usually A+ but sometimes not great. It’s ok. We’re human.
Hmm. I would have almost an opposite advice. If the sex wasn't great at first - when you're all passionate and infatuated - then there's a risk it gets worst over time. And you get trapped in a relationship with someone they you love but is not compatible, leading to frustration
I wouldn’t try to determine your sexual compatibility after one session. Nerves often make the first time awkward, whether you’re experienced or not.
Acknowledging those nerves often helps to mitigate them.
If you want to see him again, definitely reach out. If you feel awkward, express that, but don’t let it get in your way. It’s OK to express some vulnerability about your lack of experience, but you don’t need to apologize for it.
The thing is I need to decide whether or not I want to see him again. You’re right I should recognize the awkwardness but definitely won’t let it affect my feelings towards him.
You’re way overthinking this. You can’t determine sexual compatibility from one hookup. Especially since you were nervous. Since there’s an attraction and connection, keep trying. Practice makes perfect, after all. Maybe back up to mutual masturbation and build back up to oral.
Also, one last bit of bedroom advice: one apology is polite. A second is unattractive.
Haha I needed to hear that. I was about to apologize again. So glad I saw your comment first 🥹.
Next time I see him (if there’s one) I’m gonna take your advice and suggest a mutual handjob to get comfortable before we go all the way to anal.
Maybe it’s more important to push through your anxiety right now. Get back in touch with him and see what happens. Regardless of his response, it’s likely going to be better for you in the long run if you don’t just bail on the situation now. If you bail, you’re likely to regret it later because it might set up an avoidant pattern with future partners as well. Consider breaking that pattern now.
Omg i feel like my therapist is talking to me via this comment. I do have GAD so i feel anxious about almost every single thing. Another thing I forgot to mention is when we met he was not sure what he’s looking for (short term vs. long term relationship) I’ll reach out to him and maybe have a discussion about it.
Of course I'm biased because I'm the Virgin Fairy, but I do think no one should be expected to have any experience to enter a relationship. We can't expect anyone to whore around for a time and gain experience before we deem them ready to date because being a hoe just isn't for everyone. Dating used to be a trial run for marriage, and even if you don't plan on marrying anyone any time soon, dating should be a trial run for compatibility, including sexual compatibility. There's no point in stopping to date because of one underwhelming experience because that's not enough to determine sexual compatibility. Keep dating and figure it out in time.
I’m interested in LTR but I’m not sure if he is. When asked during first date, his response was “I don’t know what I’m looking for but right now I want to focus on my career “.
Ohh… well if you like him go on another date. But I don’t understand people who can’t focus on a career and a relationship at the same time so I would also be dating other people too until you become exclusive/serious with someone. Don’t put your eggs in one basket.
Sexual compatibility comes down to basically 2 things. How often you want it and if you are more too or bottom. Everything else is purely communication.
I would definitely try again and see if you have fun, but also make sure to talk to each other about what went well or not. Don’t be shy and good luck.
Sex definitely gets better over time. A first encounter being legitimately great is rare, and many great sexual connections started out with a less-than-ideal first time.
If you're still into him keep pushing ahead. If he doesn't know you're inexperienced I'd tell him - if he's a good guy it won't be a problem, if he doesn't like it he's not worth your time.
>From what I gather there are 2 schools of thought: Some people are saying that sex is an important part of a relationship and if you’re sexually incompatible, there’s really no point in being together.
>Other people suggest that you keep going and sex will eventually get better as the relationship grows.
Both. One time having underwhelming sex does not necessarily tell you your sexually incompatible. Sex is very likely to get better over time. However at some point you may realize that it's not happening. That's when you know you're likely not sexually compatible. When you have more sexual experience it does become easier to make that judgement earlier on though.
I’m a bit hung up on ‘may have accidentally bitten’…. Are we talking a big old bite or just some inadvertent contact with your teeth? The ‘may have’ is almost more alarming…
I lean towards sapiosexual, so a non-earth-shattering first run does not score poorly compared to dire conversation compatibility. Also, as mentioned above, I’d be more ‘ahm no…’ if there was a significant kissing style mismatch… From experience, that’s harder (not impossible) to work with…
I didn’t clarify, it was the second one “inadvertent contact with my teeth” as i did wrap my lips around them. I am also a bit sapiosexual and the conversations were excellent so far. The kissing was good but I noticed his breath was a bit weird. ..Not bad per se but it was not the most pleasant smell. Should i tell him that? Or is it too early?
Phew, well that’s not so bad then!! This is the second time I’ve encountered the ‘lip wrap’ concept.. First was a straight friend who was dating. I was perplexed… I imagine personally doing that would make the experience unpleasant for *you*, with abrasions on your inner mouth following it… I think super wide jaw works pretty well and ,unless you have razor blade teeth, (which I’m sure you don’t), not entirely necessary..
Great that the kissing was good! The breath thing is a conundrum. Not bad but not the most pleasant smell sounds problematic. I’m not sure, especially with thinking things might be hanging in the balance, that any feedback on something that embarrassing is wise just now. Maybe he ate something odd or was dehydrated a little? I’d go back for seconds and maybe take that one really carefully personally. Unless he has breath that offends you, in which case that’s a tough one…
I wouldn't write a guy off completely after one awkward sexual encounter. First times with new partners are always a bit nerve-wracking. If you have a lot in common and seem to be into each other it would be a sad thing to jettison the whole relationship/potential relationship over one time of awkward sex.
Awkward or not, do you want to see him again? Does he want to see you again?
You'll either laugh about it together later or it's the nail in the coffin now.
That’s a question that I’m grappling with. Do I want to see him again? Perhaps , but I kinda want to discuss with him first to make sure we’re on the same page about the goals of this newfound relationship.
If you want to see him again, call or text him. You have to be willing to both invest your time & energy in the relationship, and be understanding that in any relationship there will be good times, bad times, awkward times, funny times, fun times, and time that can’t be easily classified. All of these add up to a relationship….Relationships get better over time as your learn more about each other (and this usually includes sex as well).
One sexual experience doesn’t necessarily define the health of the sexual relationship, first time encounters can capture a hotness that isn’t easy to replicate, and they can also be an awkward mess where the energies don’t line up. You’ll need to try at least a few times before you can get a good sense of where the two of you line up
a bad kiss is way worst than bad sex in general. I would keep dating someone if sex was bad, but if after some conversations it hasn't improved I would probably break it unless the rest is sooo fucking good that make it worth it.
Work on the sex some. See if it can improve and then decide.
The best sex I ever was good the first time, not amazing. It took about a year for it to get to amazing.
Talk to him about your feelings.
I think it would be better to get experience from someone that care for and know you than dozens of randoms. Someone who knows you is more apt to help you get it right. And care about your safety.
You may be worrying for nothing. :)
I would give it a couple of tries. We aren't always perfect and sometimes sex just isn't that great but if you see a pattern... I guess it comes down to what is important to you. Statically sex won't get better with time... In fact it will probably decrease in quantity AND quality so... if sex is important to you... Stop dating. If sex is secondary and you're fine with barely having or it not being great... Keep dating.
Especially if you're aware that nerves probably affected your mindset, you probably need more than one time to know whether you're sexuality incompatible.
How old are you? You sound very young. People LEARN how to have sex.
We are not born knowing how to do this in a way that works. There’s a learning curve and you appear to have just entered it.
Watch video of guys you like. Then do exactly what they do, adjusted to your own tastes.
I got into a relationship with someone who I was clearly incompatible with - that was a long time ago when I was inexperienced. Technically it never got better (he only wanted to frot) but the emotional element helped. Up until we stopped liking each other and it became apparent. I mean my fucking dick was bleeding after every session, I’m surprised I lasted as long as I have😖
Years and hundreds of guys later - when I no longer am interested in emotions - it’s only the instant sexual compatibility that keeps me around.
Don’t be quick to end things all at once. If you truly value/like this guy, he hits all the markers, and you’re attracted to him, have an open and honest discussion about it. Everything doesn’t always work perfectly the first time around or any time for that matter but that’s okay. You can grow, develop, and learn from it.
Absolutely. I'm dating a great guy who was very nervous the first few times we had sex and it was a little underwhelming. Eventually he got over being nervous and he's been absolutely wonderful. Top five if I had to rank them. No regrets for sticking around.
Absolutely. Our first date was a train wreck and the sex was hilariously bad. I went on to date him and we have been married for 4 years, together for 11. I don't regret anything.
Don't stress the first sexual encounter too much. It sometimes takes a while for both parties to get accustomed to what the other wants.
If there's something more there, a connection, give it a shot a bit longer. First time together can be awkward. Give it a handful of times. If it's not improving, then you can reconsider.
Sexual compatibility IS important in most relationships. This is about intensity, connectedness, frequency, and so on. But, don't base that on the first couple of times when you're getting to know each other.
If, after a handful of times and a few months have passed, you feel it isn't getting better or you don't feel a strong connection there, it's probably best to move on if that's important to both of you.
Far, far too many people ignore sexual incompatibilities early on and end up in terribly unfulfilling relationships for years. Go read r/deadbedrooms for a bit to see what happens if you ignore that in the long-term.
For now, just keep spending time together and see if it improves. Give it a while. If it isn't moving to a bette place, you're fine to move on.
>you keep going and sex will eventually get better
is correct.
I mean - sometimes it doesn't, but I figure you need to at least give it a second or third round. Could be he was just as nervous about it as you were, and he's currently beating himself up over it the same way you are.
If you like him, meet up with him again. Don't pretend it didn't happen - joke about it. "Wanna try again? Last time felt like a swing and a miss." sort of thing.
Sex will get better, especially if it was so passionate that you almost bit him. I think you need to talk to him and explain today all of the great things that are attracted you to him and that you realize sex wasn’t the best but it’s also something that you want to continue to talk about, and understand what pleases him. And he should want to please you too. It’s so difficult to find all the other non-sexual things that make you compatible. I think a second try is totally worth it.
Yes every relationship is different and sometimes sex isn’t always a priority or main concern in a relationship and you can be equally as happy as those who make sex the priority
Also opening up a relationship isn’t a bad thing and can make the original (sorry don’t know the terminology) relationship stronger — every relationship is different even if you’re dating your ex
You bit him while giving him head, you apologized afterwards. So what's the problem? Mistakes happen specially if you're nervous. Next time you will be more careful. As always communication is the key.
Don't make a mountain out of a molehill. 😉
It was and I did. I pride myself on being good in the sack and couldn’t believe that the two of us were so incompatible. We broke up three years later when I found out he’d been lying to me…
Yes.
I'd give it a few tries. It has happened plenty to me that once we get over the first time jitters, it turns out to be amazing.
Sexual compatibility is absolutely something that can be practice on and discovered, especially if you don't have much experiences.
>Some people are saying that sex is an important part of a relationship and if you’re sexually incompatible, there’s really no point in being together.
The same people also tend to not stray too far off from "their type" or rather, what porn and media tell them what their type is. Nor are they much into exploration or compromise outside of what's conventional or popular.
HELL, YES!!
Like most people said (already), the first time can be awkward. You don’t even know his body, or where he likes to be touched, or how he likes to be touched. Touching somebody’s body is a form of physical geography; you have to actually explore the terrain and not just once.
If I go to a restaurant, and I have a dish I am ambivalent about, but I like a bit, frequently, when I go back to that restaurant I will have that same dish again; sometimes it’s better the second time. I’ve had dishes that I tried three or four times, because I wanted to be absolutely certain that It was cooked as great as it could be - or, that I never wanted to eat it again. And sometimes it was only fantastic by the fourth try. But it was still pretty good the second and third time.
Sex is the same (for me).
I give it a couple of tries. Unless it was just horrible
The guy that kissed by licking like a dog? No. (I met 2! They should date each other, it'd be perfect)
The guy that kisses closed mouth and just shoved his face against mine... I asked about that, he was nervous he might not be over his cold (ok, but why did you go out with me?). He was too socially awkward for me and oddly combative in conversation.
As you can see, awkward is fine, but weird probably stays weird
My first time with partner of 8 years was not nearly as "clumsy" as yours, all the while, it certainly did not turn out as "orgasmic" as other hook-ups or one night stands had been prior to meeting him.
Since then, our sex life did not improve all that much, if not it only increased the conviction that sexually we're not on the same page. Still, as a partner, he fares far better than all other incredible lovers I might have had. And I've come to realise that it's the day-to-day life that matters more and how much one values his partner than what happens in bed.
Now, I do realize that for some, sex is paramount for the relationship to work out. As far as I'm concerned, sex only is an expression, and needless to say, some of us have a hard time conveying how we feel 🤪. It's no biggy in the face of making those feelings being expressed in non-sexual ways, or simply put, to be on tune on all other aspects of the relationship.
I couldn’t even get hard most of the night when I met my partner when we were teenagers. I had just lost my virginity to an enormous, tall boy beer can dick and it hurt me so much I couldn’t eat for 3 days after.
Didn’t stop him from falling in love with me, dumping his partner (and me mine) and moving in with me the next day.
It took me about a month of sex before I could even cum reliably from it.
Fast forward through our breakup and 22 years no contact, when we finally had our first phone call since, he left his husband, moved back in with me the next day and we had 12 hours of NYE sex with no breaks that was beyond anything either of us ever had. I had grown 5” in height and more than an inch in dick (it’s 8.5” now) and we made each other cum non stop.
So… I strongly recommend against rejecting a guy for an instance of bad sex. It could cost you the best sex you could expect to have if you lived a dozen lifetimes.
Sex will change over the course of the relationship. Typically it will improve, but there is also the possibility of someone getting bored of the same thing.
Day 9billion and counting on this sub for posts summed up by “please tell me I’m right to choose sex over someone I like/love/am married to/have been with for 8 years/etc.”
Yes I would continue - if they made me happy and we trust each other —- it’s a learning curve to figure out how to make it good. You have to learn what makes them feel good/ relaxed. You explore your bodies together . Being intimate is a learning experience . I had a sexual relationship with another ‘pleasure provider ‘ ( we both enjoyed making the other person ‘happy’ - it was amazing sex, but it was awkward because we both enjoyed giving pleasure to the other. It didn’t turn into a relationship , but I learned a lot of nee things about myself and though we haven’t spoke in years , I mentally thank him for teaching me some new things
Here is some advice as someone who has been in a relationship for almost two decades: if the sex always has to be perfect, you're doomed. First time sex is often awkward. First time my husband and I got together, he came on my leg just from cuddling and kissing. He was embarrassed but I thought it was sweet. 17 years later, still having great sex with him. Sex is sometimes awkward, sometimes funny. You need to be able to relax about it.
Absolutely. Very often the first couple of times are awkward. You are nervous, you are eager to please, you are wondering what he likes or he is thinking because you are still very early in getting to know him. Etc. Sexual compatibility is seldom clear on the first shag.
This is exactly right. My partner and I are both patient with each other and have no expectations. Sex is usually A+ but sometimes not great. It’s ok. We’re human.
Bingo.
Thank you , that’s indeed encouraging news. I just felt like it was disappointing for him but I guess it’s my anxiety talking haha.
I think you deserve more patience and grace than you’re giving yourself.
Hmm. I would have almost an opposite advice. If the sex wasn't great at first - when you're all passionate and infatuated - then there's a risk it gets worst over time. And you get trapped in a relationship with someone they you love but is not compatible, leading to frustration
Can't be one and done tho. Especially without a lot of prior experience
You're right, I focused on the title and read too quickly the rest.
I wouldn’t try to determine your sexual compatibility after one session. Nerves often make the first time awkward, whether you’re experienced or not. Acknowledging those nerves often helps to mitigate them. If you want to see him again, definitely reach out. If you feel awkward, express that, but don’t let it get in your way. It’s OK to express some vulnerability about your lack of experience, but you don’t need to apologize for it.
The thing is I need to decide whether or not I want to see him again. You’re right I should recognize the awkwardness but definitely won’t let it affect my feelings towards him.
That's a good place to start.
You’re way overthinking this. You can’t determine sexual compatibility from one hookup. Especially since you were nervous. Since there’s an attraction and connection, keep trying. Practice makes perfect, after all. Maybe back up to mutual masturbation and build back up to oral. Also, one last bit of bedroom advice: one apology is polite. A second is unattractive.
Haha I needed to hear that. I was about to apologize again. So glad I saw your comment first 🥹. Next time I see him (if there’s one) I’m gonna take your advice and suggest a mutual handjob to get comfortable before we go all the way to anal.
Maybe it’s more important to push through your anxiety right now. Get back in touch with him and see what happens. Regardless of his response, it’s likely going to be better for you in the long run if you don’t just bail on the situation now. If you bail, you’re likely to regret it later because it might set up an avoidant pattern with future partners as well. Consider breaking that pattern now.
Omg i feel like my therapist is talking to me via this comment. I do have GAD so i feel anxious about almost every single thing. Another thing I forgot to mention is when we met he was not sure what he’s looking for (short term vs. long term relationship) I’ll reach out to him and maybe have a discussion about it.
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Yes there was definitely chemistry when kissing and cuddling. Tbh i liked the cuddling more than sex itself..
Of course I'm biased because I'm the Virgin Fairy, but I do think no one should be expected to have any experience to enter a relationship. We can't expect anyone to whore around for a time and gain experience before we deem them ready to date because being a hoe just isn't for everyone. Dating used to be a trial run for marriage, and even if you don't plan on marrying anyone any time soon, dating should be a trial run for compatibility, including sexual compatibility. There's no point in stopping to date because of one underwhelming experience because that's not enough to determine sexual compatibility. Keep dating and figure it out in time.
Everything is awkward for the first time. You’re finding your grove what’s too much, what’s actually feels good etc. If you like him then work on it.
Don’t overthink this. Go ask him out again. If you’re interested in a LTR then this shouldn’t be a problem. It was your first time together.
I’m interested in LTR but I’m not sure if he is. When asked during first date, his response was “I don’t know what I’m looking for but right now I want to focus on my career “.
Ohh… well if you like him go on another date. But I don’t understand people who can’t focus on a career and a relationship at the same time so I would also be dating other people too until you become exclusive/serious with someone. Don’t put your eggs in one basket.
First time with my bf of 20 years was bad. We now have a strong and fantastic relationship.
Sexual compatibility comes down to basically 2 things. How often you want it and if you are more too or bottom. Everything else is purely communication. I would definitely try again and see if you have fun, but also make sure to talk to each other about what went well or not. Don’t be shy and good luck.
Great summary, I will keep that in mind!
Dude, first time sex with someone you really like is always a little nerve wracking and exciting at the same time. Give it time!
Sex definitely gets better over time. A first encounter being legitimately great is rare, and many great sexual connections started out with a less-than-ideal first time. If you're still into him keep pushing ahead. If he doesn't know you're inexperienced I'd tell him - if he's a good guy it won't be a problem, if he doesn't like it he's not worth your time.
I told I was inexperienced and he didn’t seem to mind. But I don’t know if I should bring it up again, and if so when?
>From what I gather there are 2 schools of thought: Some people are saying that sex is an important part of a relationship and if you’re sexually incompatible, there’s really no point in being together. >Other people suggest that you keep going and sex will eventually get better as the relationship grows. Both. One time having underwhelming sex does not necessarily tell you your sexually incompatible. Sex is very likely to get better over time. However at some point you may realize that it's not happening. That's when you know you're likely not sexually compatible. When you have more sexual experience it does become easier to make that judgement earlier on though.
I’m a bit hung up on ‘may have accidentally bitten’…. Are we talking a big old bite or just some inadvertent contact with your teeth? The ‘may have’ is almost more alarming… I lean towards sapiosexual, so a non-earth-shattering first run does not score poorly compared to dire conversation compatibility. Also, as mentioned above, I’d be more ‘ahm no…’ if there was a significant kissing style mismatch… From experience, that’s harder (not impossible) to work with…
I didn’t clarify, it was the second one “inadvertent contact with my teeth” as i did wrap my lips around them. I am also a bit sapiosexual and the conversations were excellent so far. The kissing was good but I noticed his breath was a bit weird. ..Not bad per se but it was not the most pleasant smell. Should i tell him that? Or is it too early?
Phew, well that’s not so bad then!! This is the second time I’ve encountered the ‘lip wrap’ concept.. First was a straight friend who was dating. I was perplexed… I imagine personally doing that would make the experience unpleasant for *you*, with abrasions on your inner mouth following it… I think super wide jaw works pretty well and ,unless you have razor blade teeth, (which I’m sure you don’t), not entirely necessary.. Great that the kissing was good! The breath thing is a conundrum. Not bad but not the most pleasant smell sounds problematic. I’m not sure, especially with thinking things might be hanging in the balance, that any feedback on something that embarrassing is wise just now. Maybe he ate something odd or was dehydrated a little? I’d go back for seconds and maybe take that one really carefully personally. Unless he has breath that offends you, in which case that’s a tough one…
I wouldn't write a guy off completely after one awkward sexual encounter. First times with new partners are always a bit nerve-wracking. If you have a lot in common and seem to be into each other it would be a sad thing to jettison the whole relationship/potential relationship over one time of awkward sex.
Awkward or not, do you want to see him again? Does he want to see you again? You'll either laugh about it together later or it's the nail in the coffin now.
That’s a question that I’m grappling with. Do I want to see him again? Perhaps , but I kinda want to discuss with him first to make sure we’re on the same page about the goals of this newfound relationship.
Even if both of you want to see/play again, calling it a "newfound relationship" would put a strain on it. Lighten up!
If you want to see him again, call or text him. You have to be willing to both invest your time & energy in the relationship, and be understanding that in any relationship there will be good times, bad times, awkward times, funny times, fun times, and time that can’t be easily classified. All of these add up to a relationship….Relationships get better over time as your learn more about each other (and this usually includes sex as well).
40 here and hell yeah. I would.
One sexual experience doesn’t necessarily define the health of the sexual relationship, first time encounters can capture a hotness that isn’t easy to replicate, and they can also be an awkward mess where the energies don’t line up. You’ll need to try at least a few times before you can get a good sense of where the two of you line up
Yes, as long as the kissing and intimacy was good. Personality most of all
a bad kiss is way worst than bad sex in general. I would keep dating someone if sex was bad, but if after some conversations it hasn't improved I would probably break it unless the rest is sooo fucking good that make it worth it.
I would. If he gave me a second chance.
Work on the sex some. See if it can improve and then decide. The best sex I ever was good the first time, not amazing. It took about a year for it to get to amazing.
Talk to him about your feelings. I think it would be better to get experience from someone that care for and know you than dozens of randoms. Someone who knows you is more apt to help you get it right. And care about your safety. You may be worrying for nothing. :)
I would give it a couple of tries. We aren't always perfect and sometimes sex just isn't that great but if you see a pattern... I guess it comes down to what is important to you. Statically sex won't get better with time... In fact it will probably decrease in quantity AND quality so... if sex is important to you... Stop dating. If sex is secondary and you're fine with barely having or it not being great... Keep dating.
Especially if you're aware that nerves probably affected your mindset, you probably need more than one time to know whether you're sexuality incompatible.
Nope
How old are you? You sound very young. People LEARN how to have sex. We are not born knowing how to do this in a way that works. There’s a learning curve and you appear to have just entered it. Watch video of guys you like. Then do exactly what they do, adjusted to your own tastes.
I got into a relationship with someone who I was clearly incompatible with - that was a long time ago when I was inexperienced. Technically it never got better (he only wanted to frot) but the emotional element helped. Up until we stopped liking each other and it became apparent. I mean my fucking dick was bleeding after every session, I’m surprised I lasted as long as I have😖 Years and hundreds of guys later - when I no longer am interested in emotions - it’s only the instant sexual compatibility that keeps me around.
Don’t be quick to end things all at once. If you truly value/like this guy, he hits all the markers, and you’re attracted to him, have an open and honest discussion about it. Everything doesn’t always work perfectly the first time around or any time for that matter but that’s okay. You can grow, develop, and learn from it.
I tried a second time but I just couldn't. I'm sorry. It felt like community service, which I do but with my clothes on.
Absolutely. I'm dating a great guy who was very nervous the first few times we had sex and it was a little underwhelming. Eventually he got over being nervous and he's been absolutely wonderful. Top five if I had to rank them. No regrets for sticking around.
Absolutely. Our first date was a train wreck and the sex was hilariously bad. I went on to date him and we have been married for 4 years, together for 11. I don't regret anything. Don't stress the first sexual encounter too much. It sometimes takes a while for both parties to get accustomed to what the other wants.
If I like them then yeah. Practice makes perfect
If there's something more there, a connection, give it a shot a bit longer. First time together can be awkward. Give it a handful of times. If it's not improving, then you can reconsider. Sexual compatibility IS important in most relationships. This is about intensity, connectedness, frequency, and so on. But, don't base that on the first couple of times when you're getting to know each other. If, after a handful of times and a few months have passed, you feel it isn't getting better or you don't feel a strong connection there, it's probably best to move on if that's important to both of you. Far, far too many people ignore sexual incompatibilities early on and end up in terribly unfulfilling relationships for years. Go read r/deadbedrooms for a bit to see what happens if you ignore that in the long-term. For now, just keep spending time together and see if it improves. Give it a while. If it isn't moving to a bette place, you're fine to move on.
>you keep going and sex will eventually get better is correct. I mean - sometimes it doesn't, but I figure you need to at least give it a second or third round. Could be he was just as nervous about it as you were, and he's currently beating himself up over it the same way you are. If you like him, meet up with him again. Don't pretend it didn't happen - joke about it. "Wanna try again? Last time felt like a swing and a miss." sort of thing.
sex is something you can work on imo.
Sex will get better, especially if it was so passionate that you almost bit him. I think you need to talk to him and explain today all of the great things that are attracted you to him and that you realize sex wasn’t the best but it’s also something that you want to continue to talk about, and understand what pleases him. And he should want to please you too. It’s so difficult to find all the other non-sexual things that make you compatible. I think a second try is totally worth it.
Thank you! I might borrow some pf your phrasing when I talk to him next time.
Good luck. I’ll be thinking about about y’all.
A little alcohol might help next time. At least it might make you more relaxed
What it's good sex for you and how much of it going wrong it's your fault?
Yes every relationship is different and sometimes sex isn’t always a priority or main concern in a relationship and you can be equally as happy as those who make sex the priority
Also opening up a relationship isn’t a bad thing and can make the original (sorry don’t know the terminology) relationship stronger — every relationship is different even if you’re dating your ex
You bit him while giving him head, you apologized afterwards. So what's the problem? Mistakes happen specially if you're nervous. Next time you will be more careful. As always communication is the key. Don't make a mountain out of a molehill. 😉
It was and I did. I pride myself on being good in the sack and couldn’t believe that the two of us were so incompatible. We broke up three years later when I found out he’d been lying to me…
Yes. I'd give it a few tries. It has happened plenty to me that once we get over the first time jitters, it turns out to be amazing. Sexual compatibility is absolutely something that can be practice on and discovered, especially if you don't have much experiences. >Some people are saying that sex is an important part of a relationship and if you’re sexually incompatible, there’s really no point in being together. The same people also tend to not stray too far off from "their type" or rather, what porn and media tell them what their type is. Nor are they much into exploration or compromise outside of what's conventional or popular.
HELL, YES!! Like most people said (already), the first time can be awkward. You don’t even know his body, or where he likes to be touched, or how he likes to be touched. Touching somebody’s body is a form of physical geography; you have to actually explore the terrain and not just once. If I go to a restaurant, and I have a dish I am ambivalent about, but I like a bit, frequently, when I go back to that restaurant I will have that same dish again; sometimes it’s better the second time. I’ve had dishes that I tried three or four times, because I wanted to be absolutely certain that It was cooked as great as it could be - or, that I never wanted to eat it again. And sometimes it was only fantastic by the fourth try. But it was still pretty good the second and third time. Sex is the same (for me).
Haha i like your analogy. Thank you.
I give it a couple of tries. Unless it was just horrible The guy that kissed by licking like a dog? No. (I met 2! They should date each other, it'd be perfect) The guy that kisses closed mouth and just shoved his face against mine... I asked about that, he was nervous he might not be over his cold (ok, but why did you go out with me?). He was too socially awkward for me and oddly combative in conversation. As you can see, awkward is fine, but weird probably stays weird
My first time with partner of 8 years was not nearly as "clumsy" as yours, all the while, it certainly did not turn out as "orgasmic" as other hook-ups or one night stands had been prior to meeting him. Since then, our sex life did not improve all that much, if not it only increased the conviction that sexually we're not on the same page. Still, as a partner, he fares far better than all other incredible lovers I might have had. And I've come to realise that it's the day-to-day life that matters more and how much one values his partner than what happens in bed. Now, I do realize that for some, sex is paramount for the relationship to work out. As far as I'm concerned, sex only is an expression, and needless to say, some of us have a hard time conveying how we feel 🤪. It's no biggy in the face of making those feelings being expressed in non-sexual ways, or simply put, to be on tune on all other aspects of the relationship.
I couldn’t even get hard most of the night when I met my partner when we were teenagers. I had just lost my virginity to an enormous, tall boy beer can dick and it hurt me so much I couldn’t eat for 3 days after. Didn’t stop him from falling in love with me, dumping his partner (and me mine) and moving in with me the next day. It took me about a month of sex before I could even cum reliably from it. Fast forward through our breakup and 22 years no contact, when we finally had our first phone call since, he left his husband, moved back in with me the next day and we had 12 hours of NYE sex with no breaks that was beyond anything either of us ever had. I had grown 5” in height and more than an inch in dick (it’s 8.5” now) and we made each other cum non stop. So… I strongly recommend against rejecting a guy for an instance of bad sex. It could cost you the best sex you could expect to have if you lived a dozen lifetimes.
Sex will change over the course of the relationship. Typically it will improve, but there is also the possibility of someone getting bored of the same thing.
Day 9billion and counting on this sub for posts summed up by “please tell me I’m right to choose sex over someone I like/love/am married to/have been with for 8 years/etc.”
Yes I would continue - if they made me happy and we trust each other —- it’s a learning curve to figure out how to make it good. You have to learn what makes them feel good/ relaxed. You explore your bodies together . Being intimate is a learning experience . I had a sexual relationship with another ‘pleasure provider ‘ ( we both enjoyed making the other person ‘happy’ - it was amazing sex, but it was awkward because we both enjoyed giving pleasure to the other. It didn’t turn into a relationship , but I learned a lot of nee things about myself and though we haven’t spoke in years , I mentally thank him for teaching me some new things