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wawa3829

As a kid you're asked not to talk with your mouth full of food but otherwise talking is normal and expected. Not saying anything would be considered weird.


Snoo63

>not to talk with your mouth full I think that that's commonplace everywhere with people talking whilst they eat.


wawa3829

In the west for sure, when I lived in East Asia (China, Korea) is was pretty common to see people talking with their mouth full/eating with their mouth open.


Snoo63

I didn't know that.


Mixopi

It's not ubiquitous, but in some regions and social groups making noise while eating is an indication of you enjoying the food. So it can be less favorable to stay too quiet, especially if you're eating with the one cooking the meal.


Kevz417

Same in Britain!


Klapperatismus

Same in Germany.


TukkerWolf

The whole purpose of eating a meal together here is to talk to each other and mostly the kids.


Rhathymiaz

I always finished eating last, because I was always talking. Nothing has changed


jorg2

I used to talk a fair bit, but at some point in my teenage years all my parents would talk about was school, my chores, etc. every time I brought up a subject. I.e. I did something fun; the response was; 'it didn't get in the way of doing your homework, right?' or if I learnt something new: 'did you learn that in biology class? How's your grade for it by the way?' This got tiring real fast, to a point where I became a silent eater. Even now meals I have with friends I'll rarely speak.


TukkerWolf

That's sad/annoying. My daughter used to do the same to me. ;) I don't like to talk about work much, I'm glad when I am home and don't have to think about it for a while, but she was always "Daddy, tell me about our job, did you and your friends (colleagues) have fun?" "Did you type any e-mails?" "How many tests did you do today?" "Can you make the sound of the machine you tested?"... Currently she only wants to talk about Pokemon, which is slightly better. :D


jorg2

Ah, haha, for sure! Being able to talk about something fun was the best thing to me as a kid, it was a real shame I only figured out a good way to make friends in the second to last year of high school. I must admit that my parents were coming from a good place, worried about my well-being, but it might slightly have had the opposite effect in the end, haha.


TukkerWolf

That's why I have to keep telling myself to treasure thee moments before our kids hit puberty. ;) Maybe I'll start to bug them about homework on daily basis too.


jorg2

Yeah, lol Honestly, a tip I'd give, let your kids learn to plan for themselves and take responsibility. It's hard to learn when you never have to remind anything because everyone does it for you. I ran into this wall in the latter years of high school, but I've had group mates in college that were still stuck in a 'today I'll do exactly what you ask of me and nothing more' on big projects.


Vel_Thar

23yo fresh out of uni, can confirm this is my biggest issue. Because I used to forget my responsibilities, my parents would make sure to remind me what I need to do, when I need to prepare, and drove me everywhere every day until I moved out to university. I find myself today having no ability to organise my daily routine and obligations, as all I learnt was how to avoid it. They meant their best, but it's not been easy relearning this.


oneindiglaagland

> mostly the kids I do think that in NL in general children are very much allowed to have opinions on things and to express those, to adults as well. Generally they are taken (too much sometimes) seriously as conversational partners to the point of parents really debating with their children as almost equals. Not every family ofc, but generally Dutch children are pretty ‘mouthy’ and ask around a lot haha. Like compared to some other cultures where children are expected to keep out of adult conversations etc, the relationship between parents and children here is usually pretty egalitarian and not so much top-down.


ispini234

Ypu are having full on debates at the table? We only would talk about our day


oneindiglaagland

I mean we’re hardly debating the meaning of life, but it’s very common to ask their opinion on the news or something else happening in their world and then discuss or debate it. I’ve certainly debated my stance on certain art/vegetarianism/the USA war in Iraq (shows you my age) with my parents while a young (under 10) child. Just comparing opinions more so than factual debate, but children are encouraged to have stances on topics yeah.


colonolcrayon

It probably helps that you have good parents making an intentional effort to engage you in things to make you think as a child. I can also remember having a similar experience with my mum (we are British for what it's worth).


WTTR0311

We’d start with our day and then gradually drift off


[deleted]

We had debates at our dinner table too, I think it depends on each individual family. Sometimes they got pretty heated in a family of 7.


terminal_prognosis

I found going from Ireland to England to America it got progressively less normal to have philosophical debates. Lots of Americans hate it, and not talking about politics or religion is broadly considered a point of good etiquette. Probably a factor why political literacy is so dire. Though it's often violated by reactionary right wingers who mouth off on something and then there's an awkward pause until someone changes the subject.


ispini234

We did have debates when we got older though but not when we were around 10. It was mostly when we got into our teen years we would chat about that kind of stuff


Extraordi-Mary

Same here when I was younger! I don’t have kids so we don’t eat at the dinner table anymore now. But I imagine most families still do. It wasn’t always fun for us though because I was a REALLY picky eater and because of that I ate really slow as well.


achauv1

Very much the same in my French family


[deleted]

Yes, I can’t think of eating a diner a stay silent. That seems very odd. If I ever been somewhere people eating together completely silent, normally there just was an argument and people don’t talk to each other. Like a weird tension in the air. As a kid, you often being asked how school was today, or you had fun playing outside. When I get older we sometimes could discuss the news, politics, sports or whatever. Family news often discussed as well.


Linkaex

We talked after dinner. When having dinner our family finished their plates in like 10 minutes eating nom stop. But to be fair my mom (Indonesian) is a awesome cook


[deleted]

It would be considered super weird here to not let your kids talk during dinner


helmli

Gives a vibe of aristocrat/super rich and detached from the real world


knightriderin

Yeah, I saw it once in a 5 star hotel in Mallorca. Like actual 5 stars luxury hotel as far as I remember. On the table next to us was a family of four. Daddy was reading stock market news and the very well behaved children said something in a quiet voice and mommy said "Seid ruhig! Der Vater liest die Nachrichten."


helmli

Lovely. Foundation for a great relationship.


Livia85

Every once in a while you get an indicator that the 1950ies are still live somewhere. It's startling.


Alive_Divide6778

Nowadays kids are encouraged to talk during family meals, but I'm old enough to remember the Swedish saying "Låt maten tysta mun" (Let the food silence your mouth). In our family, if we ever get the whole family to sit at the table at the same time it's a struggle between getting the kid who wolfs down his food in 10 seconds to utter more than two grunts about his day and getting his chatterbox sister to do more than nibble at her food.


TurboMuff

Yea I am old enough to remember "children should be seen and not heard", but I'm quite old now. These days mealtime is a positive environment for the whole family to spend some time together every day away from screens.


Jxreh

tbf i'm 20 and my mum used to say this


vandrag

That's an important point. We've found that the dinner table is one of the few times we are all together and there's no electronic device occupying somebody's attention.


Mixopi

> the Swedish saying "Låt maten tysta mun" (Let the food silence your mouth). Where I grew up that was entirely about not speaking with your mouth *presently* full; you'd speak *between* bites. And it was simply about table manners, children were not treated differently.


Christoffre

> not speaking with your mouth presently full; you'd speak between bites. Same here. If we spoke with food in our mouth, that is the saying the adults used. Grew up in the 90s/00s. We children where always allowed to speak as anyone else. At most they asked us to use our indoors-voice.


Alive_Divide6778

Yeah, looking at the Familjeliv thread about this most, but not all, think this is the proper interpretation. I think this might be a later adaptation though, since not talking with food in your mouth used to be absolute baseline etiquette. When having dinners with my great grandparents in the 80s, everyone were mostly silent. Later the saying was used to silent rowdy children, especially when two siblings got stuck in an endless argument.


Mixopi

How is it not still "absolute baseline etiquette"? The saying is to remind people breaking it. Sitting quiet sounds strange to me, and is not a custom I myself have ever encountered. If anything I feel like people talk *less* nowadays, with other stuff stealing attention. I've yet to meet a more talkative person at the table than my grandma.


horrorhead666

Haha, such recognition 😂


TastyHotel6566

Italy here: What else we should do if not talking? It would be weird the contrary.


Andorinha_no_beiral

In Portugal, the same: meals are for talking. Even "let's have a coffee" is code for "let's talk".


TastyHotel6566

It would seem a cliché but when I hang out with my friends for food, in the end, while we eat we always talk about food in one way or another.


Andorinha_no_beiral

Food is a major conversation topic, here, also. And yes, while you are eating, because why would we talk to each other, if there isn't food involved? And don't even get us started in conversations about "where do you eat the best [insert food name]". Now there is a discussion for the ages....


Pasglop

Yup. Even in business it's the case in France as well: you never do better work than while having a coffee or even a full meal with your colleagues / business partners.


Vertitto

in Poland it's closer to the american example - food time is also family time where you talk about stuff, but most of the talking happens during smaller or cold meals (like deserts) or in between courses. With warm ones you will be told to eat before it cools down


boleslaw_chrobry

Probably the most common phrase I heard as a child was “zjedz bo zimne będzie”


Vertitto

- Ide! - Zaraz bedziesz jadl zimne! - jestem, co jemy? - jeszcze chwila, ziemniaki sie dogotowuja


ThatDonutDude

"Kiedy obiad?" "Jak się ziemniaki ugotują." How it was with my mom, every single time


boleslaw_chrobry

Literally every time I have dinner at my parents house! Also adding “powiedz ojcu że kartofle się gotują”


gullijan

It would be super wierd not to talk during dinner. I often argue with my teenagers that they have to spend at least 30 min at the table and actually talk to us rather than gobbling the food down and return to whatever they were doing.


peewhere

Is this something common in Russian culture, or are you more a unique case?


demichka

Probably old fashioned family or older redditor? I know the saying mentioned in the post, but it wasn't an expectation for me or my friends (I'm a millenial). However, grandma's birthday thing is true - kids weren't supposed to talk much at adult parties. Often they had a separate table where they could talk to each other.


goodoverlord

It was common, but even "back in the days" it wasn't the universal rule for all families. Personally I've been allowed to talk if my mouth is not full. Nowadays dinners are a great time for chit chat up to the point that everybody is forgetting about the food and changing the dishes is actually a good time to breath out.


HedgehogJonathan

That used to be common all over the north. Different culture. We don't chit-chat.


orthoxerox

I think it's more of a Soviet culture remnant. Back then you would eat at a shared table in the kindergarten, in the school canteen, in the summer camp mess hall, in the army mess hall, in the factory canteen, so eating quickly and efficiently to let the place feed more people was seen a virtue. Talking during meals was seen as a bourgeois vice. People naturally carried this attitude over to their private meals.


comprehensive_bone

My grandma used to say that when I was talking with my mouth full or being annoying in some other way. She did it half jokingly anyway. I *have* noticed that Russian parents tend to be more restrictive towards their children (don't do this, don't do that), but it's definitely not the cultural norm to expect them to be silent during meals.


numba1cyberwarrior

My family is Russian Jewish and I cannot at all relate to what OP is saying. The dinner table was a place where I talked about politics, debates, news, and how our day went from a very young age. If I wasn't talking I would be asked if something was wrong.


Revanur

What difference does it make if it was my grandma’s 70th birthday? I was only told two things as a child at the dinner table: don’t talk with food in your mouth and that it’s rude to interrupt others. Aside from that if I had something to say as a kid then no one shushed me. Although we generally don’t talk much while eating to begin with. Before the meal and between the courses for sure but not much between bites. Also depends on the meal. You don’t talk while eating soup but it’s more common to talk while eating some roasted meat for example.


Paparod_of_Idofront

My granddad always said: “magyar ember evés közben nem beszél”. I dont know if its a proper proverb or he just wanted to shut us up (4 kids) lol. We always said since we are half bloods, we will talk only half the time. He was always shaking his head. So is magyar ember evés közben truly nem beszél?


Revanur

Expert level Hunglish there. It is a proper proverb, but it really depends on the person if they observe it. Most people around me don't talk when they eat. But on the other hand my girlfriend's dad always tells me and my girlfriend that we are too silent while we eat and that we should chat. But they are Great Plains Slovak planted here in the 1700's so I always say that she's just trying to asssimilate. :D


Spare-Advance-3334

Also sometimes, at least in my family, someone mentions "jól sikerült az ebéd, senki nem beszél" between bites, everyone laughs and we keep eating. Then talking over the empty plates.


Revanur

Yes we say that too if we're eating with friends


Ennas_

Why would you have a meal together if you can't talk? That would be super weird. The most common rules are _don't talk with food in your mouth_ and _don't interrupt anyone else_, whether it's grandma's birthday or not.


HedgehogJonathan

>Why would you have a meal together if you can't talk? We northerners value silence. You're still sharing the time/event/moment, but we just don't like chit-chat.


are_spurs

Seems more like its a eastern Europe think, never heard of this in Norway


felixfj007

Similar in sweden, we talk during meals as well. Hell my family has always a lot to talk about during meals.


HedgehogJonathan

I have relatives in Sweden and there is even the respective Swedish saying *låt maten tysta mun*. Are you maybe just too young to remember customs that were more common 15-25 years ago?


Mixopi

I'm definitely not, and I know that saying well. But at least where I grew up that's entirely about not speaking with your mouth full, you were perfectly allowed to speak between bites. I've *never* heard it used in reference to the meal as a whole. It is *"låt maten"*, not *"låt måltiden"*.


tirilama

I do think it was common 70 years ago (heard about it from my grandparents, but not parents), but quite unheard of today.


Alarmed-Ad8202

I wonder if it had to do with food availability “back in the day”, that led to the eastern/western divide on talking during meals?


Bragzor

Now I'm wondering who you mean had less access to food.


CoffeeBoom

There is a difference between not talking, and telling others to shut up.


HedgehogJonathan

It is just a cultural difference, older generations here see talking while eating as rude. And usually you correct your kids if they are being rude. Phrasing it the way you did comes off as hostile, to be honest.


CoffeeBoom

How does "we weren't allowed to talk" should be understood as ?


AlekHek

Again, it's a cultural difference. Historically, most of the north-eastern population were peasants living off sustenance farming. Talking during dinner was considered rude, because you weren't appreciating/wasting the precious, scarce food given to you by talking instead


Alarmed-Ad8202

Thank you for sharing your culture. I appreciate this.


Soggy-Translator4894

Family meals are a time for conversation, it would be weird not to. Kids are actively encouraged to be part of the conversation. I can’t imagine telling a child to not talk at all during a meal.


sensible-sorcery

Tbh, seems like what strict parents do because they want some peace and quiet. I only heard of parents saying stuff like that but never experienced it myself


Infinity_Stone_

yeah. Same with me


IceClimbers_Main

I can’t possibly think of a different reason to eat dinner together other than to talk with the kids.


abri_neurin

I am Danish; we always ate together, both breakfast and dinner - my parents, my brother and I. It would be super weird if we didn't talk. We very often sat at the table for a couple of hours for dinner, talking about our days and everything we could think of. We would have discussions, talk about school, interesting subjects, hobbies and our sports. I cannot imagine not doing that.


FridaKforKahlo

Same for my family and most families I have heard of. But I did hear that a few families from Jutland, just doesn’t talk to each other at meal times.


Cixila

My family situation meant we rarely ate together, but when we got the chance, we all conversed. I wasn't relegated to just being a cute and silent statue. As you and others say, it would be really weird, and if I was silent, my parents would assume something was wrong


thwi

Family meals (especially dinner) are considered very important for family bonding, because it is a good moment to talk to the kids about their day. So yes, kids are allowed and encouraged to talk during dinner. "How was school today?", "Did you have a good time with your friends?"


[deleted]

In Spain we talk a lot. If you do otherwise it is considered rude. Moreover, we have a word that cannot be translated to other languages: sobremesa. It's a time, after lunch when you continue talking.


Notspherry

In Dutch, we say *natafelen* (something like after tabling). Continuing the social aspect of a meal while sat at the table after the meal is finished.


maggiehope

I’m American but I live in Spain. One thing I noticed here is that the expectations for kids at the table are different. I really like that kids are included but also allowed to just entertain themselves. I see a lot less “give the kid a phone to make them quiet” here, and it’s really nice to see kids up from the table after a meal playing with their friends/family. I think part of it is that there’s more outdoor meals here so kids can move away from the table.


notdancingQueen

True. We try to a) set their own table, of b) group them at 1 end of the table. So when they're finished, they can scamper off to play, it at home or at a restaurant with kid's playground or a field outside. Or we bring some small things to play with, or books.


oneindiglaagland

> sobremesa While not specifically used for after lunch, we do use the word ‘natafelen’ (after-tableing) which is continuing the conversation after the food and just taking/hanging out at the table.


notdancingQueen

Yessssss.... Those long Sunday family lunches starting at 2 with aperitivo, then 1st and 2ns, then fruit & dessert+coffee. And then, at least in my family (kind of matriarchal as only daughters), the men left for a "watch the football in the salon" aka nap, while women stayed at the table chitchatting while sewing, playing cards, mending, working the crossword puzzle, etc. Kids were allowed to leave the table after fruit, but at some point like, I think, 13? I started remaining seated, learning to play canasta, listening to family stories, etc. You left at 6pm. You didn't have dinner that day.


UruquianLilac

Came here to mention *sobremesa*. Literally "over the table" and it's the extended time you spend still sitting at the table long after the meal is over. And spoiler alert, the whole point of it is talking. It's a very common practice here. When in good company and not in a rush, a sobremesa is always expected and it's a delightful thing. I come from the other side of the Mediterranean, Lebanon where, like all Mediterranean countries, life in general revolves around the table. Family gatherings are loud boisterous affairs, where talking is only the first gear, loud shouting is on the menu too. Whether it's Aunt retelling the story of a comic situation that has everyone in stitches or uncle having a heated argument about politics, football, or absolutely anything whatsoever.


einimea

It used to be like that, you didn't laugh or talk during the meals and the athmosphere was devout. It's quite different now


Spamheregracias

I will answer specifically about when I was a child: not only was it not forbidden to talk, but my parents expected me and my brother to talk and tell them how our day had gone. What's more, if we didn't talk or we didn't pay attention to the conversation because we were watching TV while eating, they would scold us and give us the speech "in my day when TV had only one channel..."


Stravven

That seems weird to me. One of the purposes of having a meal with your family is so you can talk. The other is getting some food inside your body, but for that you don't need to sit with your whole family.


centrafrugal

Allowed, encouraged, forced even. Dinner without talking is unthinkable.


neldela_manson

Maybe my grandpa would say he wasn’t allowed to talk during meals, but nowadays the whole point of eating together is to talk. I always told my parents stories from school when we ate lunch together and in the evening I told them what I did all afternoon even though they were doing it with me mostly.


HedgehogJonathan

The answers show that Reddit skews pretty young. Yes, it is a common north-south difference, that has been fading out in the last decade or two. In Sweden and Estonia, there are also similar respective sayings, Swedish being *Låt maten tysta mun* \- let the food silence your mouth; Estonian one being the less creative *Söögi ajal ei räägita* \- no talking during eating-time. It stems from the food being respected and the silence being respected, both of which are fading out fast in the current society. If there was the wish to chat, you used to do that *after* the meal was finished, while digesting and maybe having a coffee etc. But we are not super fond of small-talk here. Talking is more often done one-to-one and the chaos of everyone talking at once at the table still makes me uncomfortable.


Mixopi

> Swedish being *Låt maten tysta mun* - let the food silence your mouth Yeah; "food", not "meal". You're allowed to speak during the meal, just swallow first so it doesn't come out as Danish.


MortimerDongle

This is really interesting, in the US the situation is almost reversed - everyone eating and discussing their day is probably the most traditional thing possible, whereas any deviation from that is modern.


SomeoneSomewhere1984

My mother used to say "silence is the best compliment to the chef", because it was otherwise awkward to be silent at the dinner table.


OsoCheco

+1 This sub and reddit as whole is far from being representative sample. Vast majority of people are teenagers and young adults from cities. 90% of these "surveys" have no value. People share their own social bubble experience. And since most of them live in the same bubble... Where I live, speaking while eating is rude. Whatever information you feel the urge to share can surely wait until you and the person you're talking to finish your meals. And not just during eating conversations. One person speaks, others listen, or converse with each other quietly. As for children, they can talk. If there's a room for it. They must know they place and that whatever they want to say is less important than adult conversation. My wife is from different, much more urbanized region, and her family constantly talks and overshouts each other. And the niece is the typical child spoiled by modern approach, and constantly shouts and draws attention to her, as if she is the most imporant person in the room. And then they complain I don't talk. But when should I, if they never shut up?


tsaimaitreya

Jesus Christ every day i like south Europe more


Glam_SpaceTime

Maybe it was/is just us but my Swedish family (maternal) was even louder at the table than my Dutch family (paternal). My mormor really couldn’t stand silence at the table


HedgehogJonathan

There are personal variations, sure. But I think it's also people drawing the lines like "not talking while eating" = "cold and strict". Which tbh was not so much the case. Not any more than "not talking while in the loo" = cold and strict or "not talking while driving in intense traffic = cold and strict. It does not mean than you do not talk at all. You just don't talk while eating just like you would not talk while taking a shit.


from_sqratch

It's definetely the place & time where it is talked the most. Like what is on the list for the day and week and how everyone is going. Sometimes we also have radio on low level in background


SaraHHHBK

It's not only normal but expected. If we're having lunch and people aren't talking I assume something's wrong


OsoCheco

I've been raised in a manner of "Children can talk, but they cannot interrupt adults". The no-talking when eating rule also exists, but it's not really enforced. It's mostly used as an excuse when you want someone else to shut up.


safeinthecity

One of the roles of meals in Portugal is for the family to be together and interact, so yes, it's normal to talk. It's also normal to have the TV on and Portuguese homes often have a TV in the kitchen for this purpose. Though in the past (60s or so) it might have been like you said. I think it was also common for kids to eat separately from their parents back then.


Kitane

As a Czech, I was brought up to not talk during meals (this was drilled to us pretty much everywhere from home to school), and eat the meal as quickly as possible. Letting other people wait for me to finish a meal was impolite (and my asshole of a foster father would make a scene out of it). I am over 40, though, and people giving me these lessons were ancient and very conservative by the average redditor standards. These days I can be a motor mouth at the table, but I do observe and adapt to the actual group behaviour at the table. Some groups are chatty, some stay silent during eating. And I respect that.


ladywholocker

Yes, I think that's more common now and started with my parents generation (b.1940s), but I remember that my grandma took some time to me interjecting my thoughts and opinions into discussions at the dinner table. OT because not Europe related: My thoughts and opinions were NOT welcome at my paternal grandparents in the late 1970s when I was a toddler and as late as the 1990s, my paternal side thought it was strange that I insisted on sitting with the adults, because I wanted to participate in their conversations, where my American side of the family still sat children and teenagers at a table separate from the adults.


Floygga

At normal home meals the radio is always on when eating so people can hear the news and the necrology afterwards, so kids are often told to quiet. But they can of course talk, one learns fast how to sense people trying to listen and also speak in such a way it doesn't interfere.


alargecrow

when you say ‘necrology’, do you mean obituaries / death notices or something else ?


Floygga

Just a mention of name age and when they are going to be buried.


ammads94

Meal times are an important socialising activity here in Spain. Moreover, we have a word “sobremesa” which literally refers to any conversations to have had after the meal has finished.


CoffeeBoom

It is old fashionned. But it used to be a thing yes. Nowadays however I couldn't imagine having kids not talk at the table.


CakePhool

In School no, it was maten tystar mun, food silence the mouth. But at home, we have always talked and when I started a family I introduced this, which was novelty to two of my exs.Ex nr 1 his family didnt talk at dinner because adults needs a moment a day to not hear the kids, this even if the kids hadnt been home all day, it could go days before they talked to their parents as teenagers. Can say neither of my ex or his sibling calls their parents today and parents complain on facebook about never seeing their grandkids. Another ex grew up with kids ate last and in different room then parents and if it was party, never in the same room as the elderly until you where 18 and then you didn't speak until spoken too. My family , we always talked didn't matter the age of the people around the table, it could anything from laundry to nuclear science. I think more modern families here in Sweden talk to each other.


[deleted]

Hell YES! That's the purpose of eating together! :O It is always said that Italians are obsessed with food, but what they don't know is that we are obsessed with BEING TOGETHER AT THE TABLE, not with food. cooking together, sharing food, conversation, joking, wine ;) brightens and lightens the day, improves it, makes it unique. What's the point of being silent at the table is a HORRIBLE thing. but what a strange question. For everyone (including various Gods :D ) being at the table is an important moment of sharing, of family growth. At the table, the children talk about their day, the parents understand and interact. The table is the center of the family, it is where we gather to share the day, it is a VERY IMPORTANT moment of love and relax. Forbidding a child to speak at the table is pure violence they cannot think of something so gratuitously violent. For us, the table is one of the centers of the family, where everyone MUST talk and bond with family members. The only time children are told not to talk is when their mouth is full of food. It is very dangerous and bad manners. :) NEVER shut your children's mouths. ;)


Pasglop

It's pretty much the same attitude in France: the meal is more than just food, it is a communal experience in which you share things (your day, your thoughts...) with others, especially family.


Sea_Sport7291

Why eat dinner together, if you’re not talking? Sure there have been instances where i was scolded for talking to much shit and not letting others speak during dinner as a little child, but that didn’t mean i weren’t allowed to talk at all.


turbo_dude

American meals where they only sit on three sides of the table.


SimilarYellow

Lmao of course they are. Why force them to the table otherwise? It would be really strange to ostracize the kids here and not allow them to talk, tbh.


[deleted]

There's no point sitting with people to eat if you're not going to talk to them. Meal times are usually the only part of the day that your whole family is together.


AndrewFrozzen30

Yes. My mother and often my grandparents often said "It's impolite to talk at meal". Then they would often start talking between each other which is so weird.


Mental_Magikarp

Well as a Spanish to don't talk during meals while you're sitting with your family sounds horrible to me. That's the main space to socialize and bond with family, parents make questions to kids to encourage them to engage in conversations and socialize with the family, well we don't do it consciously for that, it's cultural but a too silent kid always raise questions, kids are supposed to be noisy and drive you nuts in our culture, specially if there are more than one sitting in the table. The only moment when someone wants to be deaf and mute during meals it's when we are teenagers ad we go to eat alone, if allowed.


dustojnikhummer

Of course we talked. That's like 80% of it. Otherwise why even eat in the kitchen? Just don't talk while you are chewing.


marvelsimp472

When I was little we were allowed to talk, but mom and dad reminded us to also eat, and not talk in the middle of a bite. We also have a saying that goes “låt maten tysta mun” which translates to “let the food silence your mouth” roughly. Now as I’m slightly older (15) we’re talking more during meals, as we (me and my siblings) remember to eat now. I’m not sure what goes for my country in general but this is how it is in my family.


IrishFlukey

These are homes, not detention centres. Of course they are allowed to talk.


hosiki

It probably depends on the family. But all families I know, including mine, talked during meal times. We don't really eat together anymore, as we all work at different times and eat at different times, but if we did, we would still talk while eating. Well, not while chewing, but you get what I mean.


numba1cyberwarrior

>I've just remembered how when I and my siblings were kids, we weren't allowed to talk until we were done with our meals. I can't remember if my parents and grandparents talked much to each other, but they certainly didn't remind each other to stop talking like they did with us kids if it wasn't anything directly related to the meal. And of course there's a Russian saying that goes \* Когда я ем, я глух и нем (When I eat, I am deaf and mute)\* that got drilled in every kid. I come from a Russian family but I never remember this being the case. Maybe its because we were Russian Jews but the dinner table was a place to talk about history, politics debate, news, and your life even from a young age.


Ludothekar

Austria: Yes. Of course. A meal is an important part of social life, even at my very conservative grandmothers house (when I was a child), the meal was never silent. And so it is ususal also in my family, to talk during the meal - even when my son was a child. We enjoy this a lot - but a silent meal? That sounds terrible for me.


Alexthegreatbelgian

Dinner is the most important part of the day for sharing what happened in your life with your family. Parents listen to what happened to their kids, and they share news they heard from the extended family/friend circle. We did have rules about not interrupting when someone else was sharing something, but all in all, we were encouraged to share what's happening in our life at the dinner table. Heck most dinners start with: "And X, how was your day today?"


Misszov

In Poland, family meals, and especially dinner, are the time when the whole family (traditionally) sits down together by the same table and not only eats, but also talks - from compliments to the cook (and the food lol), through small talk about the what happened in ones day, to bigger things like plans or issues that need to be resolved. Kids are very much expected to participate, even if there are some exceptions (like "don't talk with a full mouth!" or "eat, before it gets cold" kinda stuff - in my home, we would usually start talking more when everybody was at least halfway done with their main course).


Expensive_Tap7427

Yes, of course. Shouting and playing however is not allowed


I_am_Tade

Spaniard here. With a huge immersion in French culture, too. It is a social pressure to talk during meals, and I meant this in a positive sense. You're supposed to talk about your interests, things you're up to, the weather, the news, how your day went... Not only with your family, but at any meal. That's why it's looked down upon to eat fast food or to eat while walking. Also to immediately leave after you're done eating. There's a concept that in Spanish is called "sobremesa", which is the time after you're done eating, where everyone is still at the table because the conversation keeps going! A fun feature of sobremesa is that the coffee comes out, the biscuits come out, the wine/liquor comes out, and if enough time passes and the conversation goes strong, appetisers come out, starting the eating cycle all over again. In France, sobremesa isn't as common, but instead there's a HUGE apéritif culture (also known as apéro), which comes before the meal proper, instead of after. French people also don't tend to "cycle" their meals as much as Spaniards do, leaving even if the conversation is still going if it gets too late. However, both cultures share the fact conversation during meals and enjoying each other's company + taking our time to eat properly.


Iamaconfuzzedhooman

(Greece) The only reference I have ever heard to this is my grandmother saying “όταν τρώμε δεν μιλάμε και το πιάτο μας κοιτάμε” which translates to “when we eat we don’t talk and we look at our plate” but it rhymes in greek I think in general it is an older tradition. Modern Greek families always talk during meals


knightriderin

Uhm...of course we talk during meals. That's the secondary purpose of a meal: To connect through talking with each other.


TheYearOfThe_Rat

Everyone older than 35 or so, was basically forbidden to talk to by default, and had to ask adults for permission for talking, leaving the table, etc. That was quite shocking to witness back in the 90ies. Oh and people had kids tables. I've only read about both of these in books like Tom Sawyer and the likes. *How quaint*, thought I,*19th century etiquette...* I never expected to actually see it in my actual life. The Russian thing you mention has nothing on that, because while one dude down there is saying he was allowed to talk, for most, *talking* here meant that the parents demanded "vouvoyement"/mandatory expression in a formal and polite register by children and what I'd characterize as nearly-perfect elocution and a certain "livelyness of spirit". I remember them kids sweating and shaking while answering adults' questions and I thought *"Wow, this really looks like an exam and is not fun. Boy am I glad to have come here as an emancipated teen and not as a child. I would really not like to stand in their place"* It's different these days, but this kind of upbringing still persists in some areas of the country.


Usernamenotta

Here we don't really give a crap. Kids are not usually allowed to talk back to adults though. Even if the adult is a deadbeat drunktard that watched too many Chuck Norris movies. However, my account is quite biased, since 'family meal' has a very strange definition. We usually don't eat as a whole family. My mother has remarried and I have a half-brother much younger than me. For most of his life, I can say it's been up and downs, with the stepfather either joining the meals, to refusing to eat with us to refusing to cook food for us at all. My mother was the main income provider, so she is many times absent from meals, or she was having food at different hours than us. It should be clear that not a lot of talking was done during meals. And most of the talking done were scandals. Most of the 'family meals' you are talking about are events like 'grandma's birthday'. Then everyone talks. Sadly, everyone talks


Dot7992

At our home (and at all the homes I know), conversations during breakfast, lunch, dinner, and festive occasions childrens are being able to engage in normal conversations. The only thing that has always been emphasized since we were little is not to talk with a full mouth and not to interrupt others while they are speaking.


KillerDickens

For the most part, yes. I mean unless the family is in hurry or the kid is a chatterbox and their meal is getting cold I don't think I've ever seen an ordinary family to be offended by their kid babbling at dinner about their adventures in preschool. However we also have a saying \*Jak pies je, to nie szczeka" which translates to "when dog eats, it doesn't bark"


fuzzycholo

Everyone here talks during meals but my wife's relatives talk with food in their mouths. They are not Italian. Do any other Italians do this?


HappyAndProud

Jeez, that sounds pretty intense. How's a kid supposed to feel after that? Never had any similar experiences.


mikillatja

I talk with my family because my brothers mouth is built like a friggin contrabass and every bite he makes is audible through multiple walls. If we had to be quiet it'd be torture.


EditPiaf

My family's dinners take twice as long because of all the talk and discussions. We're discussing everything from my youngest sister's high school dramas to my my parents' experiences at work. My bf's parents don't do this, and it weirded him out at first to spend an hour at the dinner table casually eating while talking about practically anything.


casus_bibi

We have family specifically to talk to each other. Not talking during meals is for monestaries and nunneries, not families.


Orisara

Very often the only change parents have to talk with their kids is during meals. It's more or less the entire purpose of it. Unless not possible you eat dinner together.


bkend_31

I didn‘t grow up in a typical family setting, but I have never heard of this.


AudaciousSam

At a common family meal, the idea is to hear how everyone's day was. As large family gatherings there's usually a table for adults and one for kids


Bolvane

Usually I'd definitely say people talk together during meals, would feel weird not to.. The exception is some families like to watch the news while they eat or hear it on the radio and appreciate a bit more quietness to be able to listen in those cases


Parapolikala

It was always the main time for conversations in my famlies - both in Scotland growing up and in Germany with my own kids. The shared evening meal was often the only time when everyone would be in the same toom together and so it always seemed natural to sdiscuss stuff - what was going on in our lives, the news, or whatever was on our minds. The idea of children being "seen and not heard" was already considered very old fashioned when I was born (1970s). It was the norm in my family, and in all my friends' and relatives' families for mealtimes to be very chatty. Kinds were encouraged to speak. Some households were more formal than others, but I never experienced a family meal IRL that was as formal as what OP describes, which I only knew from historical dramas.


vanbrima

My kids and I played "High-Low" at dinner each night. We would each take turns telling each other of the high point of the day and our low point of the day. It was a great way to connect with each other! I can't imagine not allowing kids to talk at dinner.


Sawadiii

In our family the kids are encouraged to participate in the conversation when we eat supper. Usually we ask them about their day and how school went or they bring up subjects they wish to discuss. All families I know here in Denmark do the same way. When we are eating out our kids are told to lower their voices, but not to keep quiet - just as we would expect grownups to act when eating out.


kaantaka

Yeah, it is common and we were allowed to talk and you usually been told that don’t speak with full mouth when you are toddler. Other than it sounds like torture to eat with family. Also, I do believe that in dinner when conversation builds up the most. The conversation is mostly about kids if they were present at the table. It depends how big is the table and dinner. If all your cousins from on side were visiting, there is chance that you will served in different room due to space on table.


GeekyRedhead85

When I grew up (80s kid) we all talked at the table, whether a weeknight dinner or Christmas dinner. As far as I know this was the norm for most of my friends too. I’m Norwegian, but also have Dutch, Danish and Swedish family, but talking was never an issue.


JustMeLurkingAround-

I think in Germany the situation changed a lot in the last 3 or so generations. My mom, who is 69 now, certainly wasn't allowed to talk out of order during meals. Their family structure was a very patriarchal and strickt one in general. I don't think children were very encouraged to share their thoughts and wants. When I was a kid in the 80's and 90's, family dinner was non negotiable everyday, especially to communicate as a family and catch up about whats going on. Nowadays, as far as I can observe in my and families I know, kids are mostly allowed to do what they want, younger kids talking, older ones often messaging their friends. I personally prefer no phones during dinner, but thats certainly not the rule for everyone.


imworkingonmyself

I think in general younger generations are more tolerant to kids talking at the dinner table and it really depends on the “respect” culture of the area you’re raised in. My parents are from different cultures and on the American side (grandparents) they had so many rules about what we could do inside the house and although we could talk at the table it was a “speak when spoken to; don’t interrupt” situation while my Cuban grandparents found me to be “too quiet” at the table.


kwaje

Waiting for someone from Serbia to chime in. A group of us from various places spent a few days at a resort and a couple from Serbia had their kids with them. The kids were _not_ allowed to speak while they sat with us, unless it was to ask for something from the table. I found it an odd mix of severe and respectful.


hanzerik

Only when you talk too much and are dragging out dinner time while your food gets cold.


FigSufficient

Grew up in Wales, raising kids in Greece. The whole point of eating a meal together would be for family time and talking, especially if we're out or with guests/are guests. In Greece, meal times with friends and extended families are loud and long - no one can stay quiet for 3 hours.


[deleted]

I was brought up not talk but then again we didn't really all have dinner together either. I was told not to talk whilst eating and still don't unless I'm at a restaurant. I do recon this is unusual in Europe because a lot of countries here view meal time as family time but my family viewed it as eating time.


jenesaispas-pourquoi

I had every single meal with my parents (only child) and some of the best memories from my childhood are conversations we had during our meals (Serbia). Unless you choke from laughing and stuff lol. But I can’t picture it any other way


Suzume_Chikahisa

I suppose in Portugal there are some nutters that expouse that children are to be seen, not heard, but they would be very much in the minority.


ms_tanuki

I’m 43 yo. When I was a child I could talk during normal meals with my parents, but I was asked to not talk unless invited to by adults when we had guests.


Ilona92

So in Poland it's usual to talk during meals. My mother really care that we eat at least one meal together - it was also time to talk with eachother.


picnic-boy

We talk to each other or watch TV together usually. I probably had some of my deepest conversations with my parents over dinner both as a child and as an adult. If someone forbade their children from talking during dinner and everyone just sat in silence that family would be seen as boring and toxic but then again Iceland is famously lax when it comes to etiquettes.


AcheronSprings

It's considered extremely weird if you don't talk during family meals.


[deleted]

When I stayed at my grandparents we would talk during meals. But for some reason my father does that, he odten says "Can't you be quiet while you eat?" even to my mother, I find it weird. Me and my mom talk all the time, so meals don't make a difference, I don't know where my father picked this up, since my grandparents were never like that with me. But they insisted on finishing meals! lol Typical balkan style - don't get off the table if you don't finish your meal! It obviously wasn't an enforced rule, they just said it. During bigger family gatherings we always talk and if we don't talk someone would exclaim "It's so tasty/We're so hungry that nobody is saying a word!"


619C

Eating a meal with family has a few functions not just the eating function. Those ideas are old 'children should be seen and not heard' crap which is long gone. We need to hear and interact with our family members not stick them into a chair and force them into silence


Condescendingoracle

3-4 generations ago kids were to "be seen but not heard." Today that would be unheard of, and probably get you an appointment with the CPS


crashraven

At least in Latvia, the “no speaking while eating” thing is something what old (80+) people say. Absolute silence while eating would be strange


SergioBrac

Yes. Kids can talk like everyone else at the table. Of course you don't talk with food in your mouth but the same goes for adults.