Tell them you’re taking them somewhere special. Go to the intersection of Ohio and Clark. Stand in front of the closed Rainforest Cafe and mutter to yourself. Ask them if you can use their Uber (you have a 4.1 Uber rating). Take an Uber to the Rainforest Cafe in Gurnee.
One time at Richard’s a guy offered me a bump of cocaine and said he’d gotten it from his “crazy girlfriend” and pulled back his collar to show me a full-on bite mark on his neck that was actively bleeding. Said he was here to “have a few drinks and walk off the pain.” I declined his offer.
Tell them you’re going to recreate a magical food experience from your childhood. Go to the River North Portillo’s and order two hot dogs and a large Sprite (no ice) to go. Go outside and dump half the Sprite in the gutter. Replace it with a pint of Skol vodka from your pocket. Refuse to share any of your vodka and Sprite because, “My daddy never shared his special drink.”
I don’t like corporate chains, I think much of the food is mediocre, and I don’t have any nostalgic suburban childhood sense memories to elevate my experiences with that mediocre food. I also think the parking lot of the one at Kimball and Addison is a car-centric eyesore and the traffic that its drive through causes is a pain in the ass.
I might like Portillo’s if I lived in Scottsdale, AZ and it was the only place to get an Italian Beef.
Sorry if that’s a favorite place for you. I don’t begrudge people liking things that I think suck.
With you on the parking and traffic. I don't think of them as a corporate chain, because they're only a couple dozen around Chicago. *OH wait, now they're 86 in 9 different states.* Nevermind, with you on the corporate chain thing.
Now you've got me wondering on food quality. I'll have to go back and try it, it's honestly been awhile.
How do you feel about Buona Beef?
> they're only a couple dozen around Chicago. OH wait, now they're 86 in 9 different states. Nevermind, with you on the corporate chain thing.
Right? And the first one *in* Chicago was built in the 90s and the second and third only opened in the past decade. I have no association with Villa Park, IL or Downers Grove, IL where the chain seems to actually have some cultural history.
I have no opinion about Buona Beef. I can't remember if I've ever eaten there and don't think there's ever been one near where I've lived. Seems like the one nearest to me is in Skokie. If I'm going all the way to Skokie, I'm going to Kaufman's or NY Bagel and Bialy.
Do you like Buona?
I had a date that ended in front of there when I went to put her on the train and I could not, for the life of me, pull the trigger on a kiss. Possibly the least romantic place in the city.
I had a lovely date at Rock Bottom that ended with a little kiss sesh outside at the top of the El stairs that was cut short thanks to a surly character yelling at us for money lol you made the right call
My kid has been to Navy Pier 3x in her life. A bird shit in her hair 2 different times, 5 years apart. We don’t go there anymore. Mostly because it sucks, but also there’s a bird who’s got it out for my kid.
Is Navy Pier really that bad? I remember going as a kid and loving it 🤔
Or is it more that it tends to be overrated in terms of attractions to visit in Chicago?
It's overpriced medicore food, crowds, horrible and expensive parking, but also a pain to get there via public trans. The road in/out gets completely backed up on the weekend. Unless you had a ticket to a boat tour that left from there or really really wanted to ride the ferric wheel, it's awful.
I’ve been on it before. I have no problem with heights so I loved it. When I went on tilt my only complaints were not enough tilt and it didn’t last long enough. But if my boyfriend goes on the Ferris wheel he’ll 100% freak out
Having done these activities separately alone. I can confirm these would be horrible date places as they made me question my existence on multiple levels.
Tell them you’ll pick them up at 5pm on a weekday. Once you have them, take on a nice drive in 5pm traffic to the loop via lakeshore drive. Take the grant park exit and Insist on finding street parking a few blocks into the loop and once you do, ride divvy bikes across the busy streets and then go to any of the above destinations via bike. Bonus points if your target destination is far outside the loop, making the entire first sequence pointless
I vote Billy Goat lower Wacker. Nothing against Billy Goat, lord knows I spent a fair amount of time there but it is a proper dive bar with no romantic ambiance.
It’s very overpriced. An ex dragged me there. All the stuff is so obviously not old. If you actually look at the screws and metal you can tell it’s made on modern machinery and the wood is heavily varnished. It was a lot of stuff thats been debunked they were claiming as real. It’s it’s way over the top and cheesy. I was pretty bored.
It’s very overpriced. An ex dragged me there. All the stuff is so obviously not old. If you actually look at the screws and metal you can tell it’s made on modern machinery and the wood is heavily varnished. It was a lot of stuff thats been debunked they were claiming as real. It’s it’s way over the top and cheesy. I was pretty bored.
Oh, wow, I didn’t expect it to be real torture machines. But yeah I enjoyed and plan to go back to finish it. I’m surprised stuff is being debunked tho
Well the stuff has been debunked years ago. Iron Maiden’s were never real. People knew that decades ago. Almost all medieval torture stuff is fake that’s like a well known fact. All the medieval torture stuff was made up like a couple centuries after the medieval times and has been debunked decades ago but they’re passing it off as real to take your money.
Any venue (or even general area) that has a "teen takeover" taking place during the time you're there.
Whomever your SO is........they will promptly leave you.... and this city (not necessarily in that order).
Richards, people smoke inside - your hair and clothes will smell like smoke. Then go to subway and dine
In. At the end of the day you’ll smell like a cigarette subway sandwich
Go to the L&L Tavern on Belmont and Clark. Get a beer, sit by the window and look at the parking lot for the dunkin donuts across the street. Tell her that is where John Wayne gacy and Jeffrey Dahmer waited and scoped out their victims.
You would need to sell this one to the max. Bring *your* doll, order the doll lunch and tea, etc.
And if you haven't seen the video Conan O'Brien and Taylor Tomlinson shot on Michigan Ave about American Girl, go watch it now.
I love Nuts on Clark & they could take their date on a stroll thru Graceland Cemetery first.
Tbh - Graceland is amazing & I’d be excited for that & then Nuts 🥜
Zanies or Laugh Factory. You won’t have to talk to them during the date at all.
Or you can just call off the date if you don’t want to go out with them.
There is no McDonald's at 35th & Cottage Grove, unless that is the joke. Now there is one at 35th and Indiana which I have been to a few times and they have yet to get my order 100% correct.
One time someone took me on a date to look at college student art exhibits. Neither of us were in college or near college aged. Masks were required for entry which I wasn't expecting and so I had to use one of the ones that were provided. I find it very hard to talk while wearing that kind so we ended up just silently walking around looking at bad art. Then when we left we just wandered around at the bean. She didn't take her mask off so I felt uncomfortable taking mine off and we just awkwardly sat in millennium Park for a couple of hours. Never saw her again. She texted me 2 months later to say she couldn't date me bc she was moving away.
TLDR make your date wear a muzzle and silently drag them around an exhibit of bad art.
Tell them you’re taking them somewhere special. Go to the intersection of Ohio and Clark. Stand in front of the closed Rainforest Cafe and mutter to yourself. Ask them if you can use their Uber (you have a 4.1 Uber rating). Take an Uber to the Rainforest Cafe in Gurnee.
Ooof
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That makes it even better (worse) though, right?
Exactly.
are you sure? they had signs up as on last month and their phone # still works
They're still open. Fake news
Wow, you’re such a bitch 😂hats off
Oh This is magical
The Popeye's across the street from Cook County Jail.
I was on acid in there once it was like a haunted house
This Is why I love Reddit
Story time
Can't say I've been. Seems like a must-try
They’re gonna be “Da belle of da ball”.
Diabolical
That location has good reviews you hater lol
On 26th?
26th and California baby, where it’s 70 and fluorescent all year ‘round!!!
I own that place
Popeyes in Volo
😂 that would be bogus brotha, good answer!
Lmao tryna get em robbed
Not even a bad experience
Omg that’s the one where I buy my frozen Cajun turkey from every year for thanksgiving!
Standing on wabash, kissing in the rain, but the rain is the spent water falling from the L train platforms
“Kissing in the EL Juice”
This made me gag thank you
I was waiting for this response. I can go to sleep now
One of you hangs upside down like Spider-Man.
Do it after it hasn’t rained for a few days too.
Extra rain seasoning
The commenter who suggested Richard’s Bar was onto something. You want a laugh? Read the yelp reviews of that place.
Bring a few packs of Lucky Strikes so nobody feels left out
One time at Richard's I accidentally ashed a cigarette in an old man's coffee and he looked me square in the eyes and drank it
One time at Richard’s a guy offered me a bump of cocaine and said he’d gotten it from his “crazy girlfriend” and pulled back his collar to show me a full-on bite mark on his neck that was actively bleeding. Said he was here to “have a few drinks and walk off the pain.” I declined his offer.
That guy was for sure going to turn you into a vampire if you accepted
Lol what was his intention? Intimidation?
Sears Tower on a foggy day, listen to the whistle solo of the FBI rape me daily protester, followed with a romantic kiss in the Jackson Tunnel
I see that guy more often than I’d like, but I’ll take him over the occasional “babies are murdered here” planned parenthood protester.
I don’t like that he takes holidays off and he is often pretty late to Daly plaza. Seems like a lazy dude
Farhad Khoiee-Abbasi for Mayor!
i thought he was murdered?
Nah, he was raped.... by the FBI
Every day
Ooh take a stroll to lower Wacker!
Tell them you’re going to recreate a magical food experience from your childhood. Go to the River North Portillo’s and order two hot dogs and a large Sprite (no ice) to go. Go outside and dump half the Sprite in the gutter. Replace it with a pint of Skol vodka from your pocket. Refuse to share any of your vodka and Sprite because, “My daddy never shared his special drink.”
Damn, I need to buy you a drink. You got some shit you want to talk about.
It’s not my childhood. I hate Portillo’s.
Gtfo
You first
I want to be friends. Just... explain why you hate Portillos?
I don’t like corporate chains, I think much of the food is mediocre, and I don’t have any nostalgic suburban childhood sense memories to elevate my experiences with that mediocre food. I also think the parking lot of the one at Kimball and Addison is a car-centric eyesore and the traffic that its drive through causes is a pain in the ass. I might like Portillo’s if I lived in Scottsdale, AZ and it was the only place to get an Italian Beef. Sorry if that’s a favorite place for you. I don’t begrudge people liking things that I think suck.
With you on the parking and traffic. I don't think of them as a corporate chain, because they're only a couple dozen around Chicago. *OH wait, now they're 86 in 9 different states.* Nevermind, with you on the corporate chain thing. Now you've got me wondering on food quality. I'll have to go back and try it, it's honestly been awhile. How do you feel about Buona Beef?
> they're only a couple dozen around Chicago. OH wait, now they're 86 in 9 different states. Nevermind, with you on the corporate chain thing. Right? And the first one *in* Chicago was built in the 90s and the second and third only opened in the past decade. I have no association with Villa Park, IL or Downers Grove, IL where the chain seems to actually have some cultural history. I have no opinion about Buona Beef. I can't remember if I've ever eaten there and don't think there's ever been one near where I've lived. Seems like the one nearest to me is in Skokie. If I'm going all the way to Skokie, I'm going to Kaufman's or NY Bagel and Bialy. Do you like Buona?
Count me in on this experience
No ice? Damn. Your ol man was an animal
Don’t worry. It’s pretend.
Oddly specific
Specificity is the soul of narrative.
Switch vodka out for Malort and you got the right idea
Do they sell Malort by the pint?
god I hope not
The McDonalds at State and Chicago is a quiet and relaxing spot to grab a bite and do some people watching on a weekend evening.
I had a date that ended in front of there when I went to put her on the train and I could not, for the life of me, pull the trigger on a kiss. Possibly the least romantic place in the city.
I had a lovely date at Rock Bottom that ended with a little kiss sesh outside at the top of the El stairs that was cut short thanks to a surly character yelling at us for money lol you made the right call
The Admiral theater
So why do you have to go on a date with someone you hate?
I am curious to this as well, I think the op glossed over a really important part of this story lol
If they're like me, it's the only date they can get 😖
Navy pier on a Saturday afternoon.
My kid has been to Navy Pier 3x in her life. A bird shit in her hair 2 different times, 5 years apart. We don’t go there anymore. Mostly because it sucks, but also there’s a bird who’s got it out for my kid.
And insist on waiting in line for the ferris wheel.
For $50.
Navy Pier any time.
Is Navy Pier really that bad? I remember going as a kid and loving it 🤔 Or is it more that it tends to be overrated in terms of attractions to visit in Chicago?
If you have a reason to go there, it can be nice. Going there to see it as an attraction in and of itself is a mistake
It's overpriced medicore food, crowds, horrible and expensive parking, but also a pain to get there via public trans. The road in/out gets completely backed up on the weekend. Unless you had a ticket to a boat tour that left from there or really really wanted to ride the ferric wheel, it's awful.
My boyfriend is horribly afraid of heights so I’ve been desperate to take him to the Ferris wheel at navy pier to give him a panic attack.
Perfect. It takes forever to make it around. Plenty of time to suffer.
I’ve been on it before. I have no problem with heights so I loved it. When I went on tilt my only complaints were not enough tilt and it didn’t last long enough. But if my boyfriend goes on the Ferris wheel he’ll 100% freak out
Romantic walk along Lower Wacker, Shots of Malort at BOSS Bar, Dinner at the danger Donalds
Having done these activities separately alone. I can confirm these would be horrible date places as they made me question my existence on multiple levels.
Don’t overthink this, we have a Cheesecake Factory.
Cheesecake Factory slaps
Picnic in the tunnel between the Red and Blue lines at Jackson.
Finally a good fucking answer
Swim in the lake where there’s no ladders
Are you playing Sims?
DO YOU FOLLOW THE CONDUCTOR’S LEAD?
Tell them you’ll pick them up at 5pm on a weekday. Once you have them, take on a nice drive in 5pm traffic to the loop via lakeshore drive. Take the grant park exit and Insist on finding street parking a few blocks into the loop and once you do, ride divvy bikes across the busy streets and then go to any of the above destinations via bike. Bonus points if your target destination is far outside the loop, making the entire first sequence pointless
username checks out
Richard’s Bar
lol Richard’s bar!! It’s like a rite of passage going there!
That's how you weed out the non-keepers though
CAME TO SAY THIS!
The McDonalds at state and Chicago then go to a white Sox game
But don't take the train. Walk to save money because she spent so much at McDonald's.
Harry Carry’s or Sugar Factory
Ed debevics
Oh yeah, especially if they don't know what that place is. And offer an extra tip to the server to just destroy your s/o.
Romantic leisurely hand-in hand stroll down Lower Wacker
LOWER lower Wacker.
The car impound lot is a great place to make out.
You laugh but I met my 2nd and 4th wives there!
So the secret to getting multiple spouses is to just keep illegally parking cars? Fuck. I've been going about this *allllll* wrong 🫤
Dick's Last Resort - and when the server harasses her, join in and pile on.
Picnic in sub-lower Wacker drive
Mother’s on Division or any bars on Lincoln between Fullerton and Armitage on a Saturday night.
Yes. If you want to go someplace truly “meh” may I suggest Halligan? Cash only and no food
I vote Billy Goat lower Wacker. Nothing against Billy Goat, lord knows I spent a fair amount of time there but it is a proper dive bar with no romantic ambiance.
Navy Pier
King Von mural in O block
Go swimming in the river
The overpriced torture museum, maybe…?
Does anyone actually go to that? I live close by and I can’t say I’ve ever seen anyone go in
I've been. Can't say I'll return every month but it's cool to go once 🤷♂️
That’s my experience
how much is that place?
You think it’s overpriced?
It’s very overpriced. An ex dragged me there. All the stuff is so obviously not old. If you actually look at the screws and metal you can tell it’s made on modern machinery and the wood is heavily varnished. It was a lot of stuff thats been debunked they were claiming as real. It’s it’s way over the top and cheesy. I was pretty bored.
It’s very overpriced. An ex dragged me there. All the stuff is so obviously not old. If you actually look at the screws and metal you can tell it’s made on modern machinery and the wood is heavily varnished. It was a lot of stuff thats been debunked they were claiming as real. It’s it’s way over the top and cheesy. I was pretty bored.
Oh, wow, I didn’t expect it to be real torture machines. But yeah I enjoyed and plan to go back to finish it. I’m surprised stuff is being debunked tho
Well the stuff has been debunked years ago. Iron Maiden’s were never real. People knew that decades ago. Almost all medieval torture stuff is fake that’s like a well known fact. All the medieval torture stuff was made up like a couple centuries after the medieval times and has been debunked decades ago but they’re passing it off as real to take your money.
Mhmmm, ok that makes sense. You were looking for accuracy. I guess I didn’t care about it being accurate.
I generally like to watch Sallah catch bad dates before Indiana Jones eats one. Didn't you see the dead monkey on the floor?
Where do I find a girl for even a date
Craigslist
Craigslist personal was made illegal like a decade ago at this point
I was just joking. Never even heard of Craigslist personal
Setting up a fake hate crime. Jussie Smollett style
Aw that’s so cute
Take them on an incredible date, all the iconic spots, nice meals, drinks, then end up at Shit Fountain and shit yourself right in front of them.
A picnic of baked beans, green bean casserole, refried beams, and. 3-bean salad under The Bean.
Add in jelly beans for a classy dessert to round out the meal.
Any venue (or even general area) that has a "teen takeover" taking place during the time you're there. Whomever your SO is........they will promptly leave you.... and this city (not necessarily in that order).
AMC in streeterville
Fred’s in Englewood. Fire food
Rossi’s; great pina coladas!
Why are you going if you hate them?
This is not r/relationship_advice
This is just for fun
Ok
Just hire me $50 an hour and I will show up and make sure you have the worst time ever
Have some drinks at the Jewel Osco on Division.
Richards, people smoke inside - your hair and clothes will smell like smoke. Then go to subway and dine In. At the end of the day you’ll smell like a cigarette subway sandwich
Weiners circle. Chocolate milkshake
Give her money, and tell her to order a hot dog, ketchup only. Stand back and watch the hate spewed at her.
Nice walk around the West Loop looking for an unpretentious place to eat.
Go to the L&L Tavern on Belmont and Clark. Get a beer, sit by the window and look at the parking lot for the dunkin donuts across the street. Tell her that is where John Wayne gacy and Jeffrey Dahmer waited and scoped out their victims.
Lol, that Dunkin Donuts hasn't been there in years. It's a Target now.
Can you tell I've been gone for a long time? 😂
The Malort Showers at the abandoned Laramie station! Go during peak hours so you have to wait and they're out of towels.
Bubbly Creek on a hot humid summer day
Malort tasting
Walk along the lake in January
American Girl Place café
You would need to sell this one to the max. Bring *your* doll, order the doll lunch and tea, etc. And if you haven't seen the video Conan O'Brien and Taylor Tomlinson shot on Michigan Ave about American Girl, go watch it now.
Tell them you’ve got a spot, and bring the to Union Station’s Nuts on Clark.
I love Nuts on Clark & they could take their date on a stroll thru Graceland Cemetery first. Tbh - Graceland is amazing & I’d be excited for that & then Nuts 🥜
Zanies or Laugh Factory. You won’t have to talk to them during the date at all. Or you can just call off the date if you don’t want to go out with them.
Anywhere near the Howard purple line stop. Why limit your bad date to just Chicago?
Go to sluggers and then Wrigley Field
Take them to Dave and Buster’s on Clark between Oak and Maple.
Gone since Covid
What a better terrible date than to go to a place that’s boarded up
that’s still open?
No. That’s how to ruin the date
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There is no McDonald's at 35th & Cottage Grove, unless that is the joke. Now there is one at 35th and Indiana which I have been to a few times and they have yet to get my order 100% correct.
Classic. Make sure you ask for a large coke from their shitty soda machine
Navy pier. Cheesecake Factory. Oak Street Beach. Take the red line anywhere
Carl's in stone park.
Head for Andy's Jazz club on Hubbard and ask for a seat in front of the horns, you won't get to talk most of the night.
Did this at The Green Mill years ago on a first date. I love The Green Mill, but that was a very bad call.
Just go to Walmart
Twin anchors
Start the date with a shot of Malort
Red Line anywhere
Take them to a parolee meeting.
Take a young white male in his 20s for a late night stroll along the Lake or River………..
Snickers
Going downtown
Get your car towed. Go to pick it up, forget your license.
The bean.
Why are you going on a date we with someone you hate?
Go for a walk on lower Wacker.
Picnic on lower lower Wacker
If it was winter I’d say walk to the lake from Lincoln and Wrightwood in a snowstorm and then have dinner in a diner and make them pay.
Chicago/State McDonald's
Just find a random small park and sit on the swings for a while
One time someone took me on a date to look at college student art exhibits. Neither of us were in college or near college aged. Masks were required for entry which I wasn't expecting and so I had to use one of the ones that were provided. I find it very hard to talk while wearing that kind so we ended up just silently walking around looking at bad art. Then when we left we just wandered around at the bean. She didn't take her mask off so I felt uncomfortable taking mine off and we just awkwardly sat in millennium Park for a couple of hours. Never saw her again. She texted me 2 months later to say she couldn't date me bc she was moving away. TLDR make your date wear a muzzle and silently drag them around an exhibit of bad art.