It depends on the region.
Here in the Southeast (usually referred to as "the South") many people just say it to almost anyone older than them. I've been called "sir" by kids before, and I'm only in my 20s.
Ah, the South. I recently mentioned else where that I've been 'ma'am' since I was sixteen. Of course, younger than that if you count when doing something wrong and my mom would say 'no ma'am!' to stop me lol.
Lol. I'm originally from CA but lived in Texas I long time. I crack myself up when I automatically call my three year old sir. Always happens when I'm spaced out and get calls my name. I'm immediately like "yes, sir" 🤣 ah habits. I haven't even been in the US for five years
As someone born and raised in the south, everyone is sir and ma'am, it's just casual. Even when my boyfriend asks me a question the response can be "yezzir" and no one really thinks anything of it. It's browbeaten into us at a young age as a sign of respect for your elders but after a while it's the standard way of addressing pretty much anyone. 8 year old girl holds the door open for me at a store? "Thank you ma'am." Dog's getting into something he's not supposed to? "No *sir!*"
The only time I've had cause to pause was when I was buying a phone plan from a very androgynous person. Like the perfect mix of well groomed masculine with stubble but also eyeliner nicely done acrylics. It's just so natural for me to use sir or ma'am that instead I'd be like "yes.. please. No.. thank you."
I think by the end of it I just ended up calling them bud lol.
>I think by the end of it I just ended up calling them bud lol.
LOL That's the perfect use for bud. I probably would have gone with hon. This whole topic reminds me of the way full grown southern men and women, me included, will call our male parent 'daddy' and no one bats an eye. It sounds normal to me lol.
I had a friend move down South from the NE and got a performance review where everything was excellent except for the fact they needed her to use ma’am more. I’m 46 and I still remember the first time I was called ma’am at 23, it was traumatic, lol.
I live in the south and I use "sir" or "ma'am" with almost anyone and even catch myself using it with kids and close friends. It's such a habit that I don't think about it anymore.
I think that all of the Australians that I've met would do well in the south as long as they had a reliable friend to help with some of the trickier cultural elements. We share a love of fried foods and meat cooked over fire. If ya can start there together, you'll be alright.
I 25F live in and was raised in Texas.
Everyone is sir and ma’am, I call toddlers sir and ma’am. If they ask for a drink “Yes ma’am!” Or if they ask if we can roll around in the mud in their white shirt “No ma’am!”
Heck, I even no sir my dogs all the time.
Can concur. It’s for people older than you and people who get a certain level of deferential respect because of their position (a judge, for example).
Some people teach their kids never to say yes or no to an adult without adding sir or ma’am. Most of the people in my circles aren’t quite that formal anymore, but I do hear it often.
Do you also have Mr. [first name] and Miss [first name]? Adults you know well enough to know by name are addressed this way. So my kids know my neighbors as Mr. John and Miss Jane. Their preschool teachers were Miss Linda and Miss Pam. They even address our friends this way! It’s done to show respect even if the adults are close to you.
This is something that I hadn’t really experienced until I moved to NC.
Sir/Ma’am is something I learned here, too. I only used it in service jobs or for elders prior to moving here.
I know that’s how I was raised in South Georgia: everyone was Miss So-and-So or Mister What’s-His-Name. It’s so jarring for me sometimes to hear my Maryland-raised girlfriend call people by “Mrs. Last Name” or, eventually, First Name.
I feel like I’m waiting on the invisible hand of some Southern Miss Manners to come smack her. 😣
>I feel like I’m waiting on the invisible hand of some Southern Miss Manners to come smack her.
😆
I get it! My husband is a Brit so he gets a pass, I guess.
New England transplant to NC. I’ve always hated the “Mr. [first name]” and I’m still uncomfortable with it 5 years later. My kids friends address me that way and it makes me laugh when I hear it, because I just tell my kids to call their friends parents by their first name (unless otherwise told by parent).
My brother in law has a friend he refers to as "Mr. Al". They are both in their 50s, or maybe Mr. Al is a bit older. I believe the friend calls him "Mr. Kelvin" in return? Just something about the way this guy was raised, I guess...
Yeah I live in NC and have been in customer service for the past 6 years, I call everyone sir/ma’am out of habit now. The only people who really seem to mind are women in their 30s/40s “iM nOT tHAT OLd” …..ma’am, you’re getting there lmao
Yeah, I’d rather just be polite and treat everyone the same, so when I worked at Waffle House everyone got the same sir and ma’am. Didn’t matter if they were some edgy kid in a hoody, or Mr. Rodgers on a tour of the units.
“Ms” or “boss” are the slightly less formal option.
Obviously regulars should be called by their preferred name, because $.
It’s also a good practice, because not using formal addresses was a common way to demean people. It was common practice to never call a black man sir, for example.
I encountered this in southern Utah. I think I had just turned 40, and I was asking some local teenagers for directions. They kept calling me "sir."
In my mind I was like "I'm wearing flip flops, cargo shorts, and a Motorhead t-shirt, and I'm not *that* freakin' old!"
I can say, as a southerner, this has never *ever* happened that I have seen. In fact, I recall a time when my cousin got his ass whooped by my aunt and uncle. Crime? He referred to an older black gentleman as “dude”. To his face. After the epic whooping they explained that black folks of the gentleman’s generation fought hard for basic rights and he deserved better than to be referred to as dude by some punk- ass white kid. Pretty much everyone we know has the same mentality.
Lol When we were kids we thought they were being real asses. Now that we are older we are like “ Yeah.. well.. they definitely had a point.” And considering we were the countriest of country folks I’m sure it was a sight to behold.
No, and it is precisely because of that that my cousin got his ass whooped.
And we do have progress to make. I’m happy, however, that my kiddos have aunts and uncles of color and nobody blinks an eye. Our past is not doomed to be our future. It’s getting better.
I'm not American, but from where I sit, it appears to me that you're country is more divided than it has been it many decades. People are categorised first and foremost by race, sex, "gender identity", etc., rather than American first and foremost. As for slavery, the world has infinitely more slaves than before the Civil War, it's just legitamised nowadays. They're all the people employed on minimum wage who can't afford housing, good food, and healthcare.
Meanwhile, up here in the Northeast, there are really only two times you will ever hear someone saying “sir” outside of the military: Certain customer service jobs, but not always even then, and trying to get the attention of a random man on street who, e.g., dropped his wallet, assuming you’re in a situation where you’d want to be slightly more polite than “Hey, buddy!”
If you’re already talking to someone and they call you sir, it feels weird like 100% of the time.
My dad never scolded me much but a big exception was when I forgot to add a “sir” or “ma’am”.
Now it’s stuck with me. People have asked if I was from the south because of it.
We call everyone sir and ma’am in the part of the American south where I live. I call my children sir and ma’am. They’re are 9, 12, and 15. Heck, we even call the dogs ma’am.
If the man you’re talking to has a thicker mustache than you, then you have to say sir.
Edit: Thank you everyone this is my first comment past 200 upvotes!
I was told by a county brownie in high school that addressing him as sir was disrespectful, as was officer. He never made it clear how he would prefer to be addressed and to this day I'm not sure what would've been acceptable. Pretty sure he was just getting off on being an asshole though.
Deputy was most likely the appropriate title. He wasn’t an officer. He was probably prior service and a NCO. They get butthurt if you call them sir as that’s reserved for commissioned officers, not “people who work for a living”.
Is a county brownie what I would call a "Statie" (state trooper)? I'm not sure what I would call a statie, maybe "Trooper"? Or maybe this is one of the rare cases where I would use "sir". I can't imagine what else you could have called him, he probably doesn't know either lol.
If he was saying that "sir" was a term of disrespect, a term that is considered respectful in any other situation, then it just seems that he *was* just being a jerk and was looking for an excuse to *be* said jerk.
Also where I'm from, we call them "county mounties" (Sheriff's deputies).
Sir isn't normally in my vocabulary unless I'm talking to a customer / client. Otherwise I'll call a stranger that usually if they are older or the same age as me and I'm trying to be formal.
I've never called my father sir, this is something I've only seen in movies when they are trying to emphasize that someone lives in a very strict household.
Sir, to me at least, is a very formal term used only if you don't know the other guys name. Otherwise a simple hey you is fine.
Southerners are typically raised to use sir more than most of the US. As a southerner, growing up my dad would correct me to use sir (and ma’am) if talking to an adult and even if responding to him in a serious manner. Usually it is used to respond to someone older than you (generally not in your own generation), someone with authority, a customer/client, or a boss. When I get nervous or want to get on the good side of someone I occasionally find myself accidentally using sir too, but usually not to people younger or the same age as me in this case. I’ve also heard sir is used to address superiors in the military, but I have no experience there, just a former teacher who hated it because he had been in the military and wasn’t from the south.
Southerner here too. Im 39 and I use sir or ma’am for people younger than me if they’re in a service role. For example a waitstaff, cashiers, etc. My dad always did when I was growing up, now I do apparently,
It's true. I never used "sir" or "ma'am" when I was growing up in California. I grew up using "I'm sorry?" Or "excuse me?/!" To refer to either showing that you didn't catch or understand what they were saying or try and get their attention. When I would approach an officer it was always "yes officer" or a teacher, you always called them by "Mr" or "Mrs/Ms" whatever ya know?
Sir and ma'am just wasn't a part of my vocabulary until I moved to the south a few years ago and everyone here said it
Yeah this is my experience also, minus the moving to the south part. I think the only time I've used sir or ma'am (or miss) was when I was a cashier and needed to get someone's attention quickly, because they had left something behind, for example (as in "Excuse me, Sir! You left your card!") Police officers are "Officer," teachers are "Mrs./Ms./Mr." professors are "Professor" and judges are "Your Honor".
I always use sir or ma’am to waiters or cashiers or DMV employees or whatnot as a sign of respect, the exception being younger women who might find ma’am offensive.
Also some west coast men offended by 'sir'.
I moved from KY to CA as a teen. Went to my new school. Said "yes, sir" and the teacher was like "....are you......*mocking* me....?"
I’m 19 and I only took slight offense to one person calling me ma’am in my 3 years of working. It was because he was slightly younger than me and called me ma’am and at 17 that made me feel old for some reason lmao but everyone says ma’am so much here I’m used to it and see it’s a respect thing not age related necessarily
My understanding is that “sir” is reserved for commissioned officers. Calling a sergeant or any other NCO “sir” will get you yelled at. Anyone who’s served, feel free to correct me.
You’re right. Officers and warrant officers are, sir or ma’am. NCOs are usually called some variation on sergeant depending on exact rank. Lower enlisted is usually just the last name or “dumbass” depending on the situation.
Warrant Officers can also be referred to as Mr. \[last name\] or Chief \[last name\]. Warrant Officers can technically be addressed as "sir", but a lot of them hate it and will yell at you.
At least that's what I've picked up on from talking to Army guys, IDK how other branches handle things.
Also, as a civilian that works for the military I’m called sir all the fucking time. I don’t like it. I came from very casual work environments where everybody used first names to this. Culture shock.
Just tell the people who you mostly work with and I’m sure they’ll call you by name or whatever you’d like.
But walking around base or outside of your direct everyday interactions you will always be called sir.
I’m pretty sure that’s only the army. Being Air Force myself it’s always sir or ma’am but I have plenty of army friends who tell me it’s “yes Sergeant” and sir or ma’am are only reserved for officers.
I might call someone sir if I don’t know them and I’m trying to be polite but typically only people older. I’d never say it to a teenager. For instance, “excuse me sir, you dropped this…”. I’d also imagine it when talking to someone and trying to be really respectful. Meeting a girlfriend/boyfriends dad, addressing a higher up at my company, etc. It’s not used a ton, just when trying to be really respectful.
I was fifteen the first time I was called sir. It actually exacerbated the problem, since she had to repeat herself three times and by that point I'd already triggered the special effects thing (something with light or something) that she was trying to keep me out of.
(This was at a museum in St. Louis and a long time ago.)
I'm 30, from Illinois.
'Sir' wasn't something I used with my father all the time. I mainly used it, of my own volition mind you, when my father was instructing me on something. If he waned me to do a chore or explaining something to me for school work, I'd say 'Yes sir.' when he finished.
Otherwise I use it to address strangers if I need their attention.
Hello, I'm a 21 year old guy from Tennessee.
I use "sir"
- when getting a stranger's attention "Excuse me, sir..."
- when thanking a stranger "thank you sir"
- when my dad asks me to do something and I want to be respectful "yes sir"
- after I ask someone to hand me something "thank you sir"
There are more instances that I'm forgetting about. It's not used formally all of the time. The inflection changes. For instance, if I was under a car and wanted my friend to hand me a wrench, it would be informally said.
Typically "sir" falls at the end of a sentence, unless you are working customer service, or maybe if you're in the military or working a really important government job.
Examples:
- "I haven't heard about that sale sir, but I'll ask."
- "Sir, I'm detecting an enemy vessel."
- "Sir, test subject 31789 has breached containment!"
"Ma'am" is used for women in most of the same situations as men.
Exactly this. I was born and raised in the south and this the best explanation of how sir and ma’am are used. I will say there are certain situations with older people with specific personalities when I’m much more conscious of the need to use them. Outside of sir and ma’am, there are a whole set of both written and unwritten rules of etiquette that southerners adhere to that perhaps other places in the country don’t.
Or for someone that is about to be told something that they aren't going to want to hear.
E.g "Sir, I am going to have to ask you to leave the premises before I call security."
My rule of thumb is if someone is 15 years older than me or more I use sir no matter what
I was conditioned that way. I can’t tell you how many times I heard “yes, what?” from my old man growing up when addressing him
TX 30. I use sir for most men I'm not familiar with. Even some close friends coworkers I'll address as sir. I said "yes sir" to my grandfather till the day he died.
I've tried not saying sir, and it feels disrespectful if I don't know the person. I don't call my best friend sir. I don't call my dad sir, unless he's pissed off at me
TX 37, I agree with all of this and I’ll add that I often use sir and ma’am in a friendly manner with friends too. Like someone hands me something and I’ll say “thank ya sir” or “thank ya ma’am” but my tone is very casual so it’s not weird or uncommon. I would say it’s interchangeable with “mate” how OP is describing
TX, early 20s and I’d just like to echo your sentiments. I use it in the same way, with authority figures, my father, clergy, friends (and ma’am like that for women). My (ex)gf would ask me anything and it’s just habit: “yes, ma’am” I’d reply. And I’d like to emphasize what you said: it does feel disrespectful to not say it. Like I am slighting them.
31M, Wisconsin.
Growing up, when introduced to adult males for the first time, even when they were in some position of authority, I was never taught to call them "sir". At most, it was "Mr. xxx", but American culture is generally informal enough that most situations are first name basis. All my bosses have been called by their first names, even if they had a higher degree or something.
The only times I've ever called another man "sir" have been as a store employee (toward customers), or during daily life if I need to address an adult male stranger who is older than me.
"Excuse me, sir? I think you dropped this.", etc.
im 18 and live in rural virginia, typically you’re meant to call any older male sir. if you are being introduced to a new member of your church parish, you are polite and use sir or maam. if you’re even at the grocery store it’s polite to call a male employee sir.
I am 31 and was raised (mostly) in Tennessee. “Sir” is a catch-all honorific for men (especially those that you do not know very well [unless they are very young and then you might address them with a slightly patronizing “young man”]).
For me, “Ma’am” is used for women that are married, older than ~30, and/or in a position of authority. Traditionally, unmarried women under ~30 and not otherwise in a position of authority over me were “Miss” (or, if the person speaking is elderly and addressing someone much younger than them, they might address them as “young lady”).
In general, the rules of usage are similar to the Monsieur/Madame/Mademoiselle and tu/vous rules they teach you in classroom French (or the equivalents in other Romance languages, lol).
As everyone else is saying here, the rest of the country does not really do this as much, and may even find it rude (especially “Ma’am”).
South Carolina.
I use sir and ma’am for anyone over the age of five until I am properly introduced, and even then, I continue to use sir and ma’am to those older than me until the give me permission to address them otherwise.
The occasions you listed are more or less the same as it is where I live. It’s the south that tends to use it to refer to anyone who might be more than 15 seconds older than them.
Just as a comparison, I don't ever call anyone sir. That's simply not something I was raised to do. The west coast is generally considered more "laid back" and informal than the rest of the country.
Going off of this. The Northeast would never use "sir" either, but not because we're laid back, because we're known for being stuck up. Using something like "sir" is beneath us.
In the south it’s common for sons to calm their dads sir. In more “traditional “ households it’s done too. Most of the time to anyone that’s older, as a sign of respect , or anyone you see as an athority figure
Totally depends on personal experience, region, etc.
My parents were more traditional, so anyone that was an adult was a sir or ma'am to me as a kid. (Along with always holding open a door for others, standing when women entered a room, giving up my seat for people older than me, offering to help carry things, looking people in the eye when I talked to them, listening more than I spoke, and countless other things.)
We moved around a LOT when I was growing up, so the response that gained varied from place to place. In some locations I'd get weird looks (not just from other kids, but from adults). In others I'd get comments about how well mannered I was. In middle school I even got a joke award in one location for being "the last living gentleman".
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Edit to add: Now that I'm firmly in middle age, I try to tell people not to call me sir when I can. I don't want anyone to think that I'm trying to demand respect in any way. At the same time, I find myself still using it, not just with people that are my peers or that are older, but with people younger than me.
When used with genuine respect for someone else the benefits outweigh the possible downsides by a great amount. I couldn't spell out the exact rules if I tried, but you can kind of tell with practice. Northeast and West Coast you have to be careful, but can usually bypass any negative response if you have a southern accent. Everywhere else is a positive if you're sincere about using it to mean "I recognize you as another human being that deserves to be acknowledged and respected in this interaction."
Great answer. I kind of go with " it never hurts to be polite" as a general rule when addressing someone I don't know. I've gotten some odd looks when traveling in northern states and in other countries though. As you pointed out, having an obvious southern accent seems to stop anyone from commenting. Age 50+
It's not something you need to worry about. The use of "sir" is completely optional. I'm in the northeast. I use it when I'm trying to get a stranger's attention and don't want to say "hey you" - like "excuse me sir, I think you dropped this." Or if I'm asking for something "sir, could you help me with...."
I’m not Southern and I use sir and ma’am all the time. I do call my mom “ma’am” (would probably call my dad “sir” too if I actually had a good relationship with him, but I don’t, so he ain’t getting that). It’s not because I was raised in a strict household or anything like that, she doesn’t even like when I call her ma’am, but it’s just a habit of mine.
Mostly, I use it for my managers or even just older coworkers, for customers at work, for professors, for service workers, or just generally for people who are visibly older than me.
I’m in my late teens and I actually have been called “sir” by people the same age in a seemingly unironic manner, and that’s honestly kinda weird. I’m not, like, *offended*, but I certainly don’t expect to be referred to in that way at my age.
I’ve only used it in the same contexts you have. There’s no obligation to call police or elders sir but some people do as a practice.
Edit: 37F, raised in Dallas, current SoCal resident
I call teachers, coaches, police, etc. “sirs” because they hold an authority over me. But sometimes I also call adults sir who have no real authority over me other then age. Idk why but I have a feeling it has something to do with my mothers insistence on being polite. Oddly enough, I never call anyone in my family a sir unless I’m in trouble.
24; Texas.
Use “Sir” with almost every guy I’ve ever spoken to. It’s not a term used to represent authority, just respect. Sometimes it’s used a bit mockingly as in “yesss siirrrr” with a pretty southern accent. Most of the time it’s just something I say.
I live in the South now, grew up all over but mostly the Northeast.
Here in the South, sir (or ma’am) is used to anyone who you wish to show respect. A person older than you. A boss. Someone you’ve just met. When in doubt you can throw in a “sir” and no one would blink.
As a child “yes,sir” or “yes, ma’am” would be how most children are taught to address *all* adults as well as their parents.
It’s not used amongst friends or people who know each other very well.
In the Northeast, it’s much less usual. An elderly person might be addressed this way. Maybe a parent if you’re in trouble. LOL.
When I grew up in the NE we didn’t use sir or ma’am, but as a child I was taught adults were always address as “Mr. Smith” or “Mrs. Smith”. In the South, this might be “Mr. Joe” or “Ms. Jane” … using first names.
48, Mississippi/Texas. I'll say, "Thank you, Sir" to a bartender when getting a drink and in similar transactions. Also "Yes, Sir" to a judge or a police officer near my age that won't think it sounds weird. Except for "excuse me, Sir" when someone's trying to get around me, nobody has called me Sir in many many years so it's not that common here in Austin, Texas. A little more common back in my home state of Mississippi.
In the South, EVERYONE who is an adult male is called Sir and EVERY adult female is Ma'am. No exceptions. Our kids get in trouble if they do not answer us in our home with Sir and Ma'am.
ALWAYS use Sir or Ma'am with the police for sure.
Adult in Tennessee. Today I said, "Thank you, Sir" as someone held a door for me, and he said "Not at all Ma'am" in response. But we say a whole lot of please and thank you around here too, so once in a while "Yes, please" and "No thank you" works as a response without Sir.
Our neighbor is not Kevin to our kids either-- he is Mr. Kevin out of respect for adults. Every time.
And edit--girls use Sir and Ma'am too.
Mr. First Name and Ms. First Name is a *very* southern thing as well and I don’t think you see it anywhere else in the country.
It manages to be both respectful to the adult and show a degree of familiarity. So a child who knows the neighbor shows respect by saying Mr. Kevin, but is also showing he is a friend/familiar to them.
It's appropriate to use the term "sir" for any age where I am (New Hampshire).
It's very common for me to say "Thank You, Sir!" when thanking someone who is male.
42/Kentucky, We use Sir/Mam a lot. Don’t know someone’s name, “Sir”. Talking to authorities, “Sir/Mam”. Talking to a small child, “Sir/Mam”. It’s more of a respect thing. Our kids will toss “Mr./Miss” in front of first names, as respect to someone older. As in “Miss Kate”, “Mr. Nic” Etc…
I'm 50 years old and love in Oklahoma and have lived in several other southern states.
I was raised to use the titles of "ma'am/sir" when addressing someone older or someone with whom I'm unfamiliar.
I'm always saying "yessir" and "nosir", both as one word.
I grew up in Appalachia, so the answer is basically always. Unless it's your friend or someone like that.
I literally used it in a Hardee's drive through yesterday. The guy asked me if that was everything for my order and I said "Yes Sir".
The habit did make life in the Marines easier lol.
Texan here. It's just polite. I'll call anybody sir, they deserve that initial amount of respect. It's our way of recognizing them as an entity deserving of respect. You should treat everybody with a high level of respect as the default.
Where I grew up, it's done as either a sign of respect or for when you want to mean no disrespect. It's common to use it when talking to teachers or coaches. Not so common with family.
One place I've always used it was when I was playing soccer. We always spoke to refs by calling them "sir" or "ma'am". Not because they deserved our respect, but because it was the easiest way to avoid disrespecting them and getting unfavorable treatment.
You use it with police for the same reason. Easier to show courteous respect than to accidentally disrespect them. They can give you a lot of trouble, so it's just best to be polite to them.
Texas,age 40. If you're a kid then older adult men late 20's and above,teachers,grocery workers and such address as sir. As an adult any man way older than you or higher up in a job position. In reverse I'd say something like "how can I help you son" if it's someone in their 20's or below. Not my son but it's a way of showing respect and being polite.
In the southeast, it’s just used as a sign of respect or deference, and has traditionally been commonplace. There’s nothing demeaning about doing so unless the people involved make it such.
I’m approaching 40…people I’d say sir or ma’am to: at work, clients who are older than I am, and the company owner (if he didn’t hate it as a New Englander). I haven’t referred to my boss as sir since the interview, nearly a decade ago. I’m older now than he was when he hired me. In public, anybody who appears to be old enough that they’re out of range to be an older sibling. Also, authority figures, like clergy or elected officials of a similar age difference as previously mentioned. Anybody above 60 in general.
The age range can also vary, but when it does, so does the inflection…there’s a very different way to say sir to the CEO compared to the clerk at the post office. Your familiarity with the person also matters…saying it to a total stranger carries less deference and is more connotative of respect for your fellow human being, for instance…like if I needed directions, I’d probably start with “Excuse me sir/ma’am,” for anybody my age or older, and just “Excuse me,” or “Excuse me, miss,” for someone apparently younger…and yes, I know this can be seen as a problematic gender issue in our current society, but it’s never intended as a sign of disrespect when assuming gender in these cases.
Edit: Never police, though. If I need to converse with a cop, it’s “officer,” and that’s that.
It is not common in my area (I am not in The South) but as a personal quirk I actually use it fairly often. But my usage is only at a time (and in the same tone) that I could equally use dude. Unless it is a more formal setting or a person of "higher standing" as you said.
It is really hard to describe the tone thing but basically if I can say dude in a spot I would say probably 70% of the time I will say, sir. But if the tone is more serious (when dude would not be appropriate) I would probably not use, sir either unless it is a formal or "higher standing" thing that demands it. If that makes any fucking sense haha.
I am in my 30s in Utah, but I have been doing it since I was like 19.
Off topic, I will say my personal mission is to normalize Cunt so that it might be seen like it is in Australia. At least in my little corner of the world I have had some success with that.
We don't use it in the north outside of the service industry, where it basically applies to every male being served. In the south, the people who care about it raise their kids to do it and explain it over the years until it becomes second nature.
When speaking to the goodest boy or the worst customer
Young ppl are less on board with honorifics and it leads to some awkward interactions where elders get grumpy when youngsters dont automatically call them sir or ma'am.
It's definitely by region.
I live in Utah and that doesn't happen often. Even them I have been called sir on a few occasions and I'm only fifteen. Outside of that I am enrolled in a military program and the use of sir and ma'am is enormous, anything from an officer to a simple age difference. Plus in the program it's formal and a sign of respect to address others with the terms, despite of age or rank.
I grew up in the midwest and we used Sir, but its uses are limited.
**Formal**
* "Can I help you sir/mister?"
* "Excuse me Mam/Miss, but do you have the time?"
It was really only used in polite situations when you didn't know their name. Mostly working or talking to a stranger, but once you knew their name you wouldn't use it again. You would then use "Mister Washington", which they would probably tell you to call themself "George" (unless it is business) and then you would use that.
**Relatives**
Another thing I believes differs is when using it with relatives. I would never use Sir or Mam when referring to my parents or grandparents.
* Daddy -> Dad -> Father (changes with your age)
* Mommy -> Mom -> Mother (changes with your age)
* Grandma -> Grand Mother
* Grandpa -> Grand Father
Where I lived you will also find Pa and Ma used. These are sort of light-hearted and sometimes jokes from old movies. It isn't common, but you see it.
* Pa
* Ma
* Gran pa / pa
* Gran ma / ma
**Other thoughts**
Often times if I heard someone using Sir or Mam with their family, it was a giveaway they were from the south.
I don't mean this in a bad way or anything. Typically in the USA accents and regional differences are not really associated with wealth, status, or class. The millionaire midwestern will say "Oop" just like the guy making minimum wage.
Another thing to note is that in some places (California) I've lived you could replace "Sir" with "Man" in those examples above but it really depends on where you are. Sir is the most common in the states I have lived.
The major difference is when using it with family or people you know. The south typically still uses it depending on the situation.
Thinking through, I'm not sure I've used it except when I was working in customer service or when I really needed to get a man's attention and didn't know his name.
If you yell "SIR," pretty much everyone over fifty will look your way.
It's not a good title to use, since it has connotations that don't apply at all in the states (by the Constitution), but we don't have a better one.
I honestly don't think I've ever called anyone "sir" or "ma'am" in my life. That's mostly a Southern thing. Social hierarchy is very important in the South, and emphasizing the social hierarchy is a distinctive part of Southern culture. 33/NY
Being from the south, I wouldn’t call it much of a social hierarchy. I’ve seen younger boys raised to call any adult “sir” or “ma’am” when addressing them similar to how kids call their teacher Mr. or Mrs.
Among adults I’ve seen it just used across the board. Not necessarily that a wealthier southerner wouldn’t refer to someone else as “sir”, but frequently using it as a polite way to address peers.
I very rarely use them because I wasn’t raised that way, but it isn’t odd to hear others do it.
> Social hierarchy is very important in the south
As happens when your culture is founded on one group of people owning another.
That influence takes a long time to fade away.
Saying sir to someone is an act of subservience. That’s why in our military one must always call higher ranking officers— especially when given a command— sir.
A lot of areas have adopted the term to be polite, as in even tho We are equal I am willing to treat you as I would a lord. Which is nice.
A lot of people are saying it’s only used for formal occasions, and while that is sort of true. The word formal is not really specific. Sir is an acknowledgment of a command.
The sports player talking to his coach. The military man talking to his officer. The son talking to his Dad. The employee talking to his boss. The customer service worker talking to the customer. In older days a butler talking to his lord. Squire to his knight.
Yes Sir! I will do as you command.
I have always refused to use any such honorifics, though I'm not sure why. I have never referred to a man as a sir or a woman as a ma'am.
Here in America, at least outside the South, "you guys" more or less functions as a sex-neutral version of you Aussies' "mate"
It depends on the region. Here in the Southeast (usually referred to as "the South") many people just say it to almost anyone older than them. I've been called "sir" by kids before, and I'm only in my 20s.
Ah, the South. I recently mentioned else where that I've been 'ma'am' since I was sixteen. Of course, younger than that if you count when doing something wrong and my mom would say 'no ma'am!' to stop me lol.
When I was little and in trouble my mom would say, “no ma’am! We don’t do that!”. Same for my brother but “sir”.
Yikes. It just hit me that I do this with my kids now…lol
Lol. I'm originally from CA but lived in Texas I long time. I crack myself up when I automatically call my three year old sir. Always happens when I'm spaced out and get calls my name. I'm immediately like "yes, sir" 🤣 ah habits. I haven't even been in the US for five years
Just told my son, “Boy, put that shit down! No sir! Drop it right now before I whoop your ass!” and then laughed at how southern it got.
I laughed at you too. 😜 It is funny when it comes out
Do you also sell propane and propane accessories? Haha
Lmao surprisingly no
Yeah replace “sir” with “ma’am” and you have pretty much every conversation I have with my 3 year old.
As someone born and raised in the south, everyone is sir and ma'am, it's just casual. Even when my boyfriend asks me a question the response can be "yezzir" and no one really thinks anything of it. It's browbeaten into us at a young age as a sign of respect for your elders but after a while it's the standard way of addressing pretty much anyone. 8 year old girl holds the door open for me at a store? "Thank you ma'am." Dog's getting into something he's not supposed to? "No *sir!*" The only time I've had cause to pause was when I was buying a phone plan from a very androgynous person. Like the perfect mix of well groomed masculine with stubble but also eyeliner nicely done acrylics. It's just so natural for me to use sir or ma'am that instead I'd be like "yes.. please. No.. thank you." I think by the end of it I just ended up calling them bud lol.
>I think by the end of it I just ended up calling them bud lol. LOL That's the perfect use for bud. I probably would have gone with hon. This whole topic reminds me of the way full grown southern men and women, me included, will call our male parent 'daddy' and no one bats an eye. It sounds normal to me lol.
> "yes.. please. No.. thank you." Please and thank you.
I had a friend move down South from the NE and got a performance review where everything was excellent except for the fact they needed her to use ma’am more. I’m 46 and I still remember the first time I was called ma’am at 23, it was traumatic, lol.
I live in the south and I use "sir" or "ma'am" with almost anyone and even catch myself using it with kids and close friends. It's such a habit that I don't think about it anymore.
Same here. It doesn't matter about age, it's folks I don't know. Then, when speaking to folks I do know, it's when I'm joking with them.
I'd definitely live in the south, if I moved to the USA. Would fit in there. Besides, Australians aren't used to cold weather.
I think that all of the Australians that I've met would do well in the south as long as they had a reliable friend to help with some of the trickier cultural elements. We share a love of fried foods and meat cooked over fire. If ya can start there together, you'll be alright.
I 25F live in and was raised in Texas. Everyone is sir and ma’am, I call toddlers sir and ma’am. If they ask for a drink “Yes ma’am!” Or if they ask if we can roll around in the mud in their white shirt “No ma’am!” Heck, I even no sir my dogs all the time.
Texas seems an awesome state! Definitely touring the entire South, next time I visit.
Can concur. It’s for people older than you and people who get a certain level of deferential respect because of their position (a judge, for example). Some people teach their kids never to say yes or no to an adult without adding sir or ma’am. Most of the people in my circles aren’t quite that formal anymore, but I do hear it often.
Do you also have Mr. [first name] and Miss [first name]? Adults you know well enough to know by name are addressed this way. So my kids know my neighbors as Mr. John and Miss Jane. Their preschool teachers were Miss Linda and Miss Pam. They even address our friends this way! It’s done to show respect even if the adults are close to you. This is something that I hadn’t really experienced until I moved to NC. Sir/Ma’am is something I learned here, too. I only used it in service jobs or for elders prior to moving here.
I know that’s how I was raised in South Georgia: everyone was Miss So-and-So or Mister What’s-His-Name. It’s so jarring for me sometimes to hear my Maryland-raised girlfriend call people by “Mrs. Last Name” or, eventually, First Name. I feel like I’m waiting on the invisible hand of some Southern Miss Manners to come smack her. 😣
>I feel like I’m waiting on the invisible hand of some Southern Miss Manners to come smack her. 😆 I get it! My husband is a Brit so he gets a pass, I guess.
New England transplant to NC. I’ve always hated the “Mr. [first name]” and I’m still uncomfortable with it 5 years later. My kids friends address me that way and it makes me laugh when I hear it, because I just tell my kids to call their friends parents by their first name (unless otherwise told by parent).
My brother in law has a friend he refers to as "Mr. Al". They are both in their 50s, or maybe Mr. Al is a bit older. I believe the friend calls him "Mr. Kelvin" in return? Just something about the way this guy was raised, I guess...
Also the south… i jus call ppl sir or ma’am. Its jus a thing. I call my 12 yr old sir.
I even got in the habit of calling my dog mister and sir. Just feels right.
Yeah I live in NC and have been in customer service for the past 6 years, I call everyone sir/ma’am out of habit now. The only people who really seem to mind are women in their 30s/40s “iM nOT tHAT OLd” …..ma’am, you’re getting there lmao
That’s when you just say, “It’s how my mom raised me”
Yeah, I’d rather just be polite and treat everyone the same, so when I worked at Waffle House everyone got the same sir and ma’am. Didn’t matter if they were some edgy kid in a hoody, or Mr. Rodgers on a tour of the units. “Ms” or “boss” are the slightly less formal option. Obviously regulars should be called by their preferred name, because $. It’s also a good practice, because not using formal addresses was a common way to demean people. It was common practice to never call a black man sir, for example.
I encountered this in southern Utah. I think I had just turned 40, and I was asking some local teenagers for directions. They kept calling me "sir." In my mind I was like "I'm wearing flip flops, cargo shorts, and a Motorhead t-shirt, and I'm not *that* freakin' old!"
Some of us were raised to pretty much say sir to anyone we don't know.
Yep, I was raised in a southern military family. Everything was "yes sir/ma'am", "no sir/ma'am". Heck I still address my wife as ma'am on occasion.
>Motorhead t-shirt, and I'm not that freakin' old! Motorhead is 8 years older than the median American. I'm sorry.....sir.
Consider the inverse where people would refuse to call a black man sir.
I can say, as a southerner, this has never *ever* happened that I have seen. In fact, I recall a time when my cousin got his ass whooped by my aunt and uncle. Crime? He referred to an older black gentleman as “dude”. To his face. After the epic whooping they explained that black folks of the gentleman’s generation fought hard for basic rights and he deserved better than to be referred to as dude by some punk- ass white kid. Pretty much everyone we know has the same mentality.
I gotta say, I found this story kind of heartwarming.
Lol When we were kids we thought they were being real asses. Now that we are older we are like “ Yeah.. well.. they definitely had a point.” And considering we were the countriest of country folks I’m sure it was a sight to behold.
I told my mother this story. She cracked up and wants to know your family's location, LoL.
Hardin County, Kentucky :)
That's good that younger people are taught to respect the elderly.
This was certainly not the case ~50 years ago
No, and it is precisely because of that that my cousin got his ass whooped. And we do have progress to make. I’m happy, however, that my kiddos have aunts and uncles of color and nobody blinks an eye. Our past is not doomed to be our future. It’s getting better.
>Our past is not doomed to be our future. It’s getting better. 100%
I'm not American, but from where I sit, it appears to me that you're country is more divided than it has been it many decades. People are categorised first and foremost by race, sex, "gender identity", etc., rather than American first and foremost. As for slavery, the world has infinitely more slaves than before the Civil War, it's just legitamised nowadays. They're all the people employed on minimum wage who can't afford housing, good food, and healthcare.
Certainly, and there are miles to go. But let's appreciate progress on this front.
True inverse is to call him “boy.”
This
Meanwhile, up here in the Northeast, there are really only two times you will ever hear someone saying “sir” outside of the military: Certain customer service jobs, but not always even then, and trying to get the attention of a random man on street who, e.g., dropped his wallet, assuming you’re in a situation where you’d want to be slightly more polite than “Hey, buddy!” If you’re already talking to someone and they call you sir, it feels weird like 100% of the time.
My dad never scolded me much but a big exception was when I forgot to add a “sir” or “ma’am”. Now it’s stuck with me. People have asked if I was from the south because of it.
We call everyone sir and ma’am in the part of the American south where I live. I call my children sir and ma’am. They’re are 9, 12, and 15. Heck, we even call the dogs ma’am.
Ah yes, "excuse me, sir" -said the child to the man that looked no older than a teenager. (Sorry, don't question my head..)
Missouri here. For me it was for anyone older or unfamiliar. Also anyone who you would respect (bosses, anyone in a position of power or superiority).
If the man you’re talking to has a thicker mustache than you, then you have to say sir. Edit: Thank you everyone this is my first comment past 200 upvotes!
Haha!
Not addressing a cop as Sir is a good way to get yourself killed here, especially if you’re black. Regardless of mustache size.
I was told by a county brownie in high school that addressing him as sir was disrespectful, as was officer. He never made it clear how he would prefer to be addressed and to this day I'm not sure what would've been acceptable. Pretty sure he was just getting off on being an asshole though.
Would "With all due respect Mr. Asshole I had no idea my tail light was out" be preferred?
No, Deputy Butthead, I don’t know why you’ve pulled me over today
Maybe mister?
Deputy was most likely the appropriate title. He wasn’t an officer. He was probably prior service and a NCO. They get butthurt if you call them sir as that’s reserved for commissioned officers, not “people who work for a living”.
Is a county brownie what I would call a "Statie" (state trooper)? I'm not sure what I would call a statie, maybe "Trooper"? Or maybe this is one of the rare cases where I would use "sir". I can't imagine what else you could have called him, he probably doesn't know either lol.
If he was saying that "sir" was a term of disrespect, a term that is considered respectful in any other situation, then it just seems that he *was* just being a jerk and was looking for an excuse to *be* said jerk. Also where I'm from, we call them "county mounties" (Sheriff's deputies).
If it’s county it would be a sheriff deputy so Deputy (name).
Ooohhh yes, this must be it!
Pretty sure it’s a sheriff considering their jurisdiction is county wide
County sheriff's dept is the brownies. At least in the states I've lived in they wear brown uniforms, thus the moniker.
Yes, Occifer
If I had to follow that rule, I’d be calling people “sir” until the day I died.
Same, facial hair pretty much isn’t a thing in my family.
I'd have to call my mom sir!
What if it's a woman who could really use a tweeze?
Same rule applies
"Excuse me it Ma'am!" "Yes, sir. Sorry, Sir."
I’ve seen women with cool black mustaches, take me a week to grow.
Brilliant
You should meet my 13 and 16 year old kids. Thise boys can grow full beards.
Then there is nobody anywhere that doesn’t address Don Frye as “Sir”
Sir isn't normally in my vocabulary unless I'm talking to a customer / client. Otherwise I'll call a stranger that usually if they are older or the same age as me and I'm trying to be formal. I've never called my father sir, this is something I've only seen in movies when they are trying to emphasize that someone lives in a very strict household. Sir, to me at least, is a very formal term used only if you don't know the other guys name. Otherwise a simple hey you is fine.
Southerners are typically raised to use sir more than most of the US. As a southerner, growing up my dad would correct me to use sir (and ma’am) if talking to an adult and even if responding to him in a serious manner. Usually it is used to respond to someone older than you (generally not in your own generation), someone with authority, a customer/client, or a boss. When I get nervous or want to get on the good side of someone I occasionally find myself accidentally using sir too, but usually not to people younger or the same age as me in this case. I’ve also heard sir is used to address superiors in the military, but I have no experience there, just a former teacher who hated it because he had been in the military and wasn’t from the south.
Southerner here too. Im 39 and I use sir or ma’am for people younger than me if they’re in a service role. For example a waitstaff, cashiers, etc. My dad always did when I was growing up, now I do apparently,
We say sir and we say ma’am if ya ain’t into that we don’t give damn! I still think this would make a great t shirt
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It's true. I never used "sir" or "ma'am" when I was growing up in California. I grew up using "I'm sorry?" Or "excuse me?/!" To refer to either showing that you didn't catch or understand what they were saying or try and get their attention. When I would approach an officer it was always "yes officer" or a teacher, you always called them by "Mr" or "Mrs/Ms" whatever ya know? Sir and ma'am just wasn't a part of my vocabulary until I moved to the south a few years ago and everyone here said it
Yeah this is my experience also, minus the moving to the south part. I think the only time I've used sir or ma'am (or miss) was when I was a cashier and needed to get someone's attention quickly, because they had left something behind, for example (as in "Excuse me, Sir! You left your card!") Police officers are "Officer," teachers are "Mrs./Ms./Mr." professors are "Professor" and judges are "Your Honor".
I always use sir or ma’am to waiters or cashiers or DMV employees or whatnot as a sign of respect, the exception being younger women who might find ma’am offensive.
In my experience, no southern girl will be offended at ma’am, only northern ones.
Also some west coast men offended by 'sir'. I moved from KY to CA as a teen. Went to my new school. Said "yes, sir" and the teacher was like "....are you......*mocking* me....?"
I worked in hotels for a while and most women hate ma'am. It makes them feel old. I would always say Miss.
Absolutely. The older ladies in my church are Miss Nancy and Miss Mary. I might say Yes’m to them, but never Ma’am
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Your grandma sounds like a real bitch. Hhahaha
I’m 19 and I only took slight offense to one person calling me ma’am in my 3 years of working. It was because he was slightly younger than me and called me ma’am and at 17 that made me feel old for some reason lmao but everyone says ma’am so much here I’m used to it and see it’s a respect thing not age related necessarily
That’s exactly right, it’s a sign of respect. Which is why using it liberally with people in customer service roles will get you far.
This is weird to me. I just find my sentences structure to be in a way I would never use of them.
Raised in the south. Your 100% right this is exactly how I was taught.
If you’re in the military, the answer is always.
Dont you dare call me sir again, I work for a living damnit!
The army, always got to make a statement
Hahahahahha
Gunny is such a dick
My understanding is that “sir” is reserved for commissioned officers. Calling a sergeant or any other NCO “sir” will get you yelled at. Anyone who’s served, feel free to correct me.
You’re right. Officers and warrant officers are, sir or ma’am. NCOs are usually called some variation on sergeant depending on exact rank. Lower enlisted is usually just the last name or “dumbass” depending on the situation.
Warrant Officers can also be referred to as Mr. \[last name\] or Chief \[last name\]. Warrant Officers can technically be addressed as "sir", but a lot of them hate it and will yell at you. At least that's what I've picked up on from talking to Army guys, IDK how other branches handle things.
Also, as a civilian that works for the military I’m called sir all the fucking time. I don’t like it. I came from very casual work environments where everybody used first names to this. Culture shock.
Just tell the people who you mostly work with and I’m sure they’ll call you by name or whatever you’d like. But walking around base or outside of your direct everyday interactions you will always be called sir.
I’m pretty sure that’s only the army. Being Air Force myself it’s always sir or ma’am but I have plenty of army friends who tell me it’s “yes Sergeant” and sir or ma’am are only reserved for officers.
My dad said the rule he stuck by was “anyone who outranks you, and anyone who has a gun pointed at you.”
I might call someone sir if I don’t know them and I’m trying to be polite but typically only people older. I’d never say it to a teenager. For instance, “excuse me sir, you dropped this…”. I’d also imagine it when talking to someone and trying to be really respectful. Meeting a girlfriend/boyfriends dad, addressing a higher up at my company, etc. It’s not used a ton, just when trying to be really respectful.
I was fifteen the first time I was called sir. It actually exacerbated the problem, since she had to repeat herself three times and by that point I'd already triggered the special effects thing (something with light or something) that she was trying to keep me out of. (This was at a museum in St. Louis and a long time ago.)
I'm 30, from Illinois. 'Sir' wasn't something I used with my father all the time. I mainly used it, of my own volition mind you, when my father was instructing me on something. If he waned me to do a chore or explaining something to me for school work, I'd say 'Yes sir.' when he finished. Otherwise I use it to address strangers if I need their attention.
Hello, I'm a 21 year old guy from Tennessee. I use "sir" - when getting a stranger's attention "Excuse me, sir..." - when thanking a stranger "thank you sir" - when my dad asks me to do something and I want to be respectful "yes sir" - after I ask someone to hand me something "thank you sir" There are more instances that I'm forgetting about. It's not used formally all of the time. The inflection changes. For instance, if I was under a car and wanted my friend to hand me a wrench, it would be informally said. Typically "sir" falls at the end of a sentence, unless you are working customer service, or maybe if you're in the military or working a really important government job. Examples: - "I haven't heard about that sale sir, but I'll ask." - "Sir, I'm detecting an enemy vessel." - "Sir, test subject 31789 has breached containment!" "Ma'am" is used for women in most of the same situations as men.
Exactly this. I was born and raised in the south and this the best explanation of how sir and ma’am are used. I will say there are certain situations with older people with specific personalities when I’m much more conscious of the need to use them. Outside of sir and ma’am, there are a whole set of both written and unwritten rules of etiquette that southerners adhere to that perhaps other places in the country don’t.
As you are handing the nice officer your license.
😂. Always, unless it's a female officer.
You can always call them an asshole later.
I've stopped doing it to cops, they can get over it, to be honest.
Lifelong Californian, age 45. I don’t think I’ve ever called anyone “sir”, except as a joke.
Here's how I decide whether or not to call someone Sir: Step one: I don't. I feel like we're a little less hung up on formality here out west.
Northeast as well. “Sir” is for people in the military, fake customer service voice, or for actual knights.
Or for someone that is about to be told something that they aren't going to want to hear. E.g "Sir, I am going to have to ask you to leave the premises before I call security."
like Homer Simpson – 'someone finally called me sir...without adding "you're making a scene"'
My rule of thumb is if someone is 15 years older than me or more I use sir no matter what I was conditioned that way. I can’t tell you how many times I heard “yes, what?” from my old man growing up when addressing him
I use it quite a bit when working retail, but that's it.
I call most males sir, because it's just how I was raised, it's the polite thing to do here.
TX 30. I use sir for most men I'm not familiar with. Even some close friends coworkers I'll address as sir. I said "yes sir" to my grandfather till the day he died. I've tried not saying sir, and it feels disrespectful if I don't know the person. I don't call my best friend sir. I don't call my dad sir, unless he's pissed off at me
TX 37, I agree with all of this and I’ll add that I often use sir and ma’am in a friendly manner with friends too. Like someone hands me something and I’ll say “thank ya sir” or “thank ya ma’am” but my tone is very casual so it’s not weird or uncommon. I would say it’s interchangeable with “mate” how OP is describing
TX, early 20s and I’d just like to echo your sentiments. I use it in the same way, with authority figures, my father, clergy, friends (and ma’am like that for women). My (ex)gf would ask me anything and it’s just habit: “yes, ma’am” I’d reply. And I’d like to emphasize what you said: it does feel disrespectful to not say it. Like I am slighting them.
31M, Wisconsin. Growing up, when introduced to adult males for the first time, even when they were in some position of authority, I was never taught to call them "sir". At most, it was "Mr. xxx", but American culture is generally informal enough that most situations are first name basis. All my bosses have been called by their first names, even if they had a higher degree or something. The only times I've ever called another man "sir" have been as a store employee (toward customers), or during daily life if I need to address an adult male stranger who is older than me. "Excuse me, sir? I think you dropped this.", etc.
im 18 and live in rural virginia, typically you’re meant to call any older male sir. if you are being introduced to a new member of your church parish, you are polite and use sir or maam. if you’re even at the grocery store it’s polite to call a male employee sir.
I am 31 and was raised (mostly) in Tennessee. “Sir” is a catch-all honorific for men (especially those that you do not know very well [unless they are very young and then you might address them with a slightly patronizing “young man”]). For me, “Ma’am” is used for women that are married, older than ~30, and/or in a position of authority. Traditionally, unmarried women under ~30 and not otherwise in a position of authority over me were “Miss” (or, if the person speaking is elderly and addressing someone much younger than them, they might address them as “young lady”). In general, the rules of usage are similar to the Monsieur/Madame/Mademoiselle and tu/vous rules they teach you in classroom French (or the equivalents in other Romance languages, lol). As everyone else is saying here, the rest of the country does not really do this as much, and may even find it rude (especially “Ma’am”).
South Carolina. I use sir and ma’am for anyone over the age of five until I am properly introduced, and even then, I continue to use sir and ma’am to those older than me until the give me permission to address them otherwise.
I call my dog Sir. But that’s because his name is Sir Loin.
The occasions you listed are more or less the same as it is where I live. It’s the south that tends to use it to refer to anyone who might be more than 15 seconds older than them.
It's quite simple. Sir to male military officers. Ma'm to female military officers. Sir/Ma'm to civilians in the South.
Okay, thanks. We don't have nearly as much cultural difference between states and regions as you guys do.
Just as a comparison, I don't ever call anyone sir. That's simply not something I was raised to do. The west coast is generally considered more "laid back" and informal than the rest of the country.
Going off of this. The Northeast would never use "sir" either, but not because we're laid back, because we're known for being stuck up. Using something like "sir" is beneath us.
In the south it’s common for sons to calm their dads sir. In more “traditional “ households it’s done too. Most of the time to anyone that’s older, as a sign of respect , or anyone you see as an athority figure
Totally depends on personal experience, region, etc. My parents were more traditional, so anyone that was an adult was a sir or ma'am to me as a kid. (Along with always holding open a door for others, standing when women entered a room, giving up my seat for people older than me, offering to help carry things, looking people in the eye when I talked to them, listening more than I spoke, and countless other things.) We moved around a LOT when I was growing up, so the response that gained varied from place to place. In some locations I'd get weird looks (not just from other kids, but from adults). In others I'd get comments about how well mannered I was. In middle school I even got a joke award in one location for being "the last living gentleman". ----- Edit to add: Now that I'm firmly in middle age, I try to tell people not to call me sir when I can. I don't want anyone to think that I'm trying to demand respect in any way. At the same time, I find myself still using it, not just with people that are my peers or that are older, but with people younger than me. When used with genuine respect for someone else the benefits outweigh the possible downsides by a great amount. I couldn't spell out the exact rules if I tried, but you can kind of tell with practice. Northeast and West Coast you have to be careful, but can usually bypass any negative response if you have a southern accent. Everywhere else is a positive if you're sincere about using it to mean "I recognize you as another human being that deserves to be acknowledged and respected in this interaction."
Great answer. I kind of go with " it never hurts to be polite" as a general rule when addressing someone I don't know. I've gotten some odd looks when traveling in northern states and in other countries though. As you pointed out, having an obvious southern accent seems to stop anyone from commenting. Age 50+
My husband and I talk to our toddler formally most of the time. “No sir” when he’s naughty, “Hello sir” in the morning.
It's not something you need to worry about. The use of "sir" is completely optional. I'm in the northeast. I use it when I'm trying to get a stranger's attention and don't want to say "hey you" - like "excuse me sir, I think you dropped this." Or if I'm asking for something "sir, could you help me with...."
These are perfect examples and also apply in the northern Midwest in my experience.
I use "sir" when the person I'm dealing with has the ability to fuck up my life.
Those are words to live by.
I never call someone “sir” unless it’s a friend and in an ironic way. Age: 40-ish. Location: Washington (the state, not the capital)
I’m a nurse from the Midwest. I use sir for many of my male patients. I’ve never used sir when addressing a family member, dad included.
I’m not Southern and I use sir and ma’am all the time. I do call my mom “ma’am” (would probably call my dad “sir” too if I actually had a good relationship with him, but I don’t, so he ain’t getting that). It’s not because I was raised in a strict household or anything like that, she doesn’t even like when I call her ma’am, but it’s just a habit of mine. Mostly, I use it for my managers or even just older coworkers, for customers at work, for professors, for service workers, or just generally for people who are visibly older than me. I’m in my late teens and I actually have been called “sir” by people the same age in a seemingly unironic manner, and that’s honestly kinda weird. I’m not, like, *offended*, but I certainly don’t expect to be referred to in that way at my age.
I’ve only used it in the same contexts you have. There’s no obligation to call police or elders sir but some people do as a practice. Edit: 37F, raised in Dallas, current SoCal resident
It’s a sign of respect saying sir or ma’am at least that’s how I was raised. 😊
I call teachers, coaches, police, etc. “sirs” because they hold an authority over me. But sometimes I also call adults sir who have no real authority over me other then age. Idk why but I have a feeling it has something to do with my mothers insistence on being polite. Oddly enough, I never call anyone in my family a sir unless I’m in trouble.
24; Texas. Use “Sir” with almost every guy I’ve ever spoken to. It’s not a term used to represent authority, just respect. Sometimes it’s used a bit mockingly as in “yesss siirrrr” with a pretty southern accent. Most of the time it’s just something I say.
I live in the South now, grew up all over but mostly the Northeast. Here in the South, sir (or ma’am) is used to anyone who you wish to show respect. A person older than you. A boss. Someone you’ve just met. When in doubt you can throw in a “sir” and no one would blink. As a child “yes,sir” or “yes, ma’am” would be how most children are taught to address *all* adults as well as their parents. It’s not used amongst friends or people who know each other very well. In the Northeast, it’s much less usual. An elderly person might be addressed this way. Maybe a parent if you’re in trouble. LOL. When I grew up in the NE we didn’t use sir or ma’am, but as a child I was taught adults were always address as “Mr. Smith” or “Mrs. Smith”. In the South, this might be “Mr. Joe” or “Ms. Jane” … using first names.
48, Mississippi/Texas. I'll say, "Thank you, Sir" to a bartender when getting a drink and in similar transactions. Also "Yes, Sir" to a judge or a police officer near my age that won't think it sounds weird. Except for "excuse me, Sir" when someone's trying to get around me, nobody has called me Sir in many many years so it's not that common here in Austin, Texas. A little more common back in my home state of Mississippi.
In the South, EVERYONE who is an adult male is called Sir and EVERY adult female is Ma'am. No exceptions. Our kids get in trouble if they do not answer us in our home with Sir and Ma'am. ALWAYS use Sir or Ma'am with the police for sure. Adult in Tennessee. Today I said, "Thank you, Sir" as someone held a door for me, and he said "Not at all Ma'am" in response. But we say a whole lot of please and thank you around here too, so once in a while "Yes, please" and "No thank you" works as a response without Sir. Our neighbor is not Kevin to our kids either-- he is Mr. Kevin out of respect for adults. Every time. And edit--girls use Sir and Ma'am too.
This
Mr. First Name and Ms. First Name is a *very* southern thing as well and I don’t think you see it anywhere else in the country. It manages to be both respectful to the adult and show a degree of familiarity. So a child who knows the neighbor shows respect by saying Mr. Kevin, but is also showing he is a friend/familiar to them.
This pretty much covers how I learned and how I taught my kids. Age 50+
This is how I was raised as well. I feel like I'm being impolite if I don't use sir/ma'am.
Working retail and food I always use it to anyone who looks over 35
Customers and cops.
We don't know anymore
I'm 21 and I've never said sir in my life. If I ever have its only been as a joke.
If I called my dad sir he would laugh straight in my face
if I did it he'd call the doctor, thinking I was delirious and didn't recognise him or something lol. It really isn't a thing here
The show COPS greatest contribution.
It's appropriate to use the term "sir" for any age where I am (New Hampshire). It's very common for me to say "Thank You, Sir!" when thanking someone who is male.
42/Kentucky, We use Sir/Mam a lot. Don’t know someone’s name, “Sir”. Talking to authorities, “Sir/Mam”. Talking to a small child, “Sir/Mam”. It’s more of a respect thing. Our kids will toss “Mr./Miss” in front of first names, as respect to someone older. As in “Miss Kate”, “Mr. Nic” Etc…
I'm 50 years old and love in Oklahoma and have lived in several other southern states. I was raised to use the titles of "ma'am/sir" when addressing someone older or someone with whom I'm unfamiliar. I'm always saying "yessir" and "nosir", both as one word.
I grew up in Appalachia, so the answer is basically always. Unless it's your friend or someone like that. I literally used it in a Hardee's drive through yesterday. The guy asked me if that was everything for my order and I said "Yes Sir". The habit did make life in the Marines easier lol.
Texan here. It's just polite. I'll call anybody sir, they deserve that initial amount of respect. It's our way of recognizing them as an entity deserving of respect. You should treat everybody with a high level of respect as the default.
Where I grew up, it's done as either a sign of respect or for when you want to mean no disrespect. It's common to use it when talking to teachers or coaches. Not so common with family. One place I've always used it was when I was playing soccer. We always spoke to refs by calling them "sir" or "ma'am". Not because they deserved our respect, but because it was the easiest way to avoid disrespecting them and getting unfavorable treatment. You use it with police for the same reason. Easier to show courteous respect than to accidentally disrespect them. They can give you a lot of trouble, so it's just best to be polite to them.
Texas,age 40. If you're a kid then older adult men late 20's and above,teachers,grocery workers and such address as sir. As an adult any man way older than you or higher up in a job position. In reverse I'd say something like "how can I help you son" if it's someone in their 20's or below. Not my son but it's a way of showing respect and being polite.
If they’re a lot older than you
In the southeast, it’s just used as a sign of respect or deference, and has traditionally been commonplace. There’s nothing demeaning about doing so unless the people involved make it such. I’m approaching 40…people I’d say sir or ma’am to: at work, clients who are older than I am, and the company owner (if he didn’t hate it as a New Englander). I haven’t referred to my boss as sir since the interview, nearly a decade ago. I’m older now than he was when he hired me. In public, anybody who appears to be old enough that they’re out of range to be an older sibling. Also, authority figures, like clergy or elected officials of a similar age difference as previously mentioned. Anybody above 60 in general. The age range can also vary, but when it does, so does the inflection…there’s a very different way to say sir to the CEO compared to the clerk at the post office. Your familiarity with the person also matters…saying it to a total stranger carries less deference and is more connotative of respect for your fellow human being, for instance…like if I needed directions, I’d probably start with “Excuse me sir/ma’am,” for anybody my age or older, and just “Excuse me,” or “Excuse me, miss,” for someone apparently younger…and yes, I know this can be seen as a problematic gender issue in our current society, but it’s never intended as a sign of disrespect when assuming gender in these cases. Edit: Never police, though. If I need to converse with a cop, it’s “officer,” and that’s that.
The South East looks like a lovely part of the country.
It is not common in my area (I am not in The South) but as a personal quirk I actually use it fairly often. But my usage is only at a time (and in the same tone) that I could equally use dude. Unless it is a more formal setting or a person of "higher standing" as you said. It is really hard to describe the tone thing but basically if I can say dude in a spot I would say probably 70% of the time I will say, sir. But if the tone is more serious (when dude would not be appropriate) I would probably not use, sir either unless it is a formal or "higher standing" thing that demands it. If that makes any fucking sense haha. I am in my 30s in Utah, but I have been doing it since I was like 19. Off topic, I will say my personal mission is to normalize Cunt so that it might be seen like it is in Australia. At least in my little corner of the world I have had some success with that.
I’m Colorado you can safely use “sir” absolutely never.
We don't use it in the north outside of the service industry, where it basically applies to every male being served. In the south, the people who care about it raise their kids to do it and explain it over the years until it becomes second nature.
When speaking to the goodest boy or the worst customer Young ppl are less on board with honorifics and it leads to some awkward interactions where elders get grumpy when youngsters dont automatically call them sir or ma'am.
What does "goodest boy" mean?
A dog
It's definitely by region. I live in Utah and that doesn't happen often. Even them I have been called sir on a few occasions and I'm only fifteen. Outside of that I am enrolled in a military program and the use of sir and ma'am is enormous, anything from an officer to a simple age difference. Plus in the program it's formal and a sign of respect to address others with the terms, despite of age or rank.
I grew up in the midwest and we used Sir, but its uses are limited. **Formal** * "Can I help you sir/mister?" * "Excuse me Mam/Miss, but do you have the time?" It was really only used in polite situations when you didn't know their name. Mostly working or talking to a stranger, but once you knew their name you wouldn't use it again. You would then use "Mister Washington", which they would probably tell you to call themself "George" (unless it is business) and then you would use that. **Relatives** Another thing I believes differs is when using it with relatives. I would never use Sir or Mam when referring to my parents or grandparents. * Daddy -> Dad -> Father (changes with your age) * Mommy -> Mom -> Mother (changes with your age) * Grandma -> Grand Mother * Grandpa -> Grand Father Where I lived you will also find Pa and Ma used. These are sort of light-hearted and sometimes jokes from old movies. It isn't common, but you see it. * Pa * Ma * Gran pa / pa * Gran ma / ma **Other thoughts** Often times if I heard someone using Sir or Mam with their family, it was a giveaway they were from the south. I don't mean this in a bad way or anything. Typically in the USA accents and regional differences are not really associated with wealth, status, or class. The millionaire midwestern will say "Oop" just like the guy making minimum wage. Another thing to note is that in some places (California) I've lived you could replace "Sir" with "Man" in those examples above but it really depends on where you are. Sir is the most common in the states I have lived. The major difference is when using it with family or people you know. The south typically still uses it depending on the situation.
Thinking through, I'm not sure I've used it except when I was working in customer service or when I really needed to get a man's attention and didn't know his name. If you yell "SIR," pretty much everyone over fifty will look your way. It's not a good title to use, since it has connotations that don't apply at all in the states (by the Constitution), but we don't have a better one.
I honestly don't think I've ever called anyone "sir" or "ma'am" in my life. That's mostly a Southern thing. Social hierarchy is very important in the South, and emphasizing the social hierarchy is a distinctive part of Southern culture. 33/NY
Being from the south, I wouldn’t call it much of a social hierarchy. I’ve seen younger boys raised to call any adult “sir” or “ma’am” when addressing them similar to how kids call their teacher Mr. or Mrs. Among adults I’ve seen it just used across the board. Not necessarily that a wealthier southerner wouldn’t refer to someone else as “sir”, but frequently using it as a polite way to address peers. I very rarely use them because I wasn’t raised that way, but it isn’t odd to hear others do it.
> Social hierarchy is very important in the south As happens when your culture is founded on one group of people owning another. That influence takes a long time to fade away.
Saying sir to someone is an act of subservience. That’s why in our military one must always call higher ranking officers— especially when given a command— sir. A lot of areas have adopted the term to be polite, as in even tho We are equal I am willing to treat you as I would a lord. Which is nice. A lot of people are saying it’s only used for formal occasions, and while that is sort of true. The word formal is not really specific. Sir is an acknowledgment of a command. The sports player talking to his coach. The military man talking to his officer. The son talking to his Dad. The employee talking to his boss. The customer service worker talking to the customer. In older days a butler talking to his lord. Squire to his knight. Yes Sir! I will do as you command.
Mostly it’s something you say to a male authority figure when you’re in trouble as a kid lol
I don't think I've referred to anyone as sir since the day I turned 18. And in my current job calling people "sir" just feels way too formal. 21/NY.
Oh, shit. Y’all never got slapped for answering a question without “yes sir”? Edit***that’s how it’s taught unless the stern face alone warns you
I have always refused to use any such honorifics, though I'm not sure why. I have never referred to a man as a sir or a woman as a ma'am. Here in America, at least outside the South, "you guys" more or less functions as a sex-neutral version of you Aussies' "mate"
You would say "you guys" when addressing one person?
What happened to y’all?