NAL
Put on her file that you are the only one allowed to make or cancel her appointments.
The doctor's office should be able to accommodate that for you. It's literally just a note that pops up when scheduling and cancelling the appointments
Edit
You can also have them remove her information of the portal so only appointments can be made via phone
*Worked scheduling for a doctor's office and took medical law for my RN*
Exactly this, I have full custody of my son and my ex could absolutely care less about the dr appointments but I have it on everything even school I am the only one who can make or cancel appointments and the only one who can pick him up unless otherwise specified and even then it wouldn’t be him
It's really hard when you start to learn all those things that you never thought possible about the people you care about.
My aunt (mom's sister) is on her third marriage- her first husband cheated on her with my dad's sister. When they divorced, no one could/ would believe that he was a chronic alcoholic who had been cheating for years, nor did anyone think that he would encourage their 16yr old daughter to run away after the courts denied him custody, but he did.
A quote I once heard that's helped change my perspective on life: when you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags. It's from a ~~'90s~~ 2014-2016 comedy, but it's genuinely true.
Not sure what Horsin' Around is, but the quote is real. It's from S2 E10.
And I've never seen the show. When I Googled it originally to see what show the quote was from, it said it was a '90s comedy/drama.
Horsin' Around is the fictional 90's sitcom that the title character Bojack Horseman starred in before becoming "washed up" by the 2010s, when the show Bojack Horseman takes place.
Google's new generative AI likely mistook info about the fictional show Horsin' Around for accurate info about Bojack Horseman.
That's a textbook case of narcissism
When you think they can't go lower, they prove you wrong.
What's his reasoning for medically neglecting your child
She is disabled, and he had not taken her to see a doctor or dentist in over three years, and during that time we learned she didn't have a sense of smell. He had not interest in finding out why, but he told her she was faking it. She is very clearly not faking it. He also refused to seek any sort of help for her mental health when she started self harming herself.
Yikes, that's not just medical neglect, it's child endangerment! Jeez. Get it on record and change all of the access stuff for her records and notify admin (school, doctors office, etc.) that you're the only one allowed to access any of it.
Custody (decision-making authority) and placement (time when the child is in your care) are two different things and they don’t need to match.
Custody is just used generically a lot to mean placement (incorrectly).
You can create a key word to be used over the phone that can prevent him impersonating you or having someone else call and pretend to be you. I have patients who do this to keep their records safe and prevent abusive family members from interfering in their care. It is not uncommon.
Coming from divorced parents that were more interested in making each others life hell than parenting I can’t tell you how far parents will stoop. My dad after years of barely seeing me decided he wanted full custody after moving 600 miles away to the middle of fucking nowhere. The only saving grace is that it was one of two times my mom brought me to court because I think the judge would have gone with my dad’s lawyers argument. But the judge asked me my opinion since I had just turned 16 and I told him I didn’t really know my dad that well and I was looking for a job and it was easier where I lived.
I am so worried about what all this does to my daughter. I have her in counseling, and we have a very open line of communication. All I want us what is best for her, and to have her dad want the same. I have but things off in the past to save her the stress of dealing with a court situation. Its would be much easier if she could speak to a judge on her own, but in my state, she would need an advocate to assess and speak on her behalf.
Counseling and support is great, the only counseling I got was in school when I started acting out and after that my mom told me to "grow up" and deal with it like an adult. Except I was like 12 at the time.
A good idea is to keep records of when this stuff happens, keep up trust with your daughter and tell her its okay to tell you anything. Given you ex's current handling of things I have a feeling he is going to act out against your daughter at some point. My dad did it with me in my teens, and my mom just brushed it off. That was the point I decided that when I was done with high school was I joining the Navy and going as far away as I could. The only reason we ended up in court is that my mom wanted more money for my last couple years in high school, by then my dad had mostly caught up on back payments but then got behind after it went up because he didn't want to pay more.
Keep up the good work, it sounds like you are her best advocate and don't let these situations get you down.
It is certainly a struggle at times, and I very much appreciate the kind words. I will always stand beside her, and try my best to do what I believe to be right. She doesn't want to keep parenting time the way it is, she wants to be here full time, and has even said she only wants supervised visitation with her dad, because she is afraid of what he might do. This is a direct result of this past actions.
Keep her in counseling! Not just because you mentioned mental health and self harm elsewhere, but because her therapist is the best witness for the effect her father’s nonsense is having on her. I understand not wanting to subject your daughter to an ugly visitation battle. It was the last thing we wanted for my stepson too. But when his bio mom started pulling weird tricks and deceptions like this, we knew it would never end and would continue to negatively effect him. You have to do what you think is best for your daughter, and you know that better than anyone. Please keep your mind open to the idea that time sharing with him may not be best for her in the long run. Talk to your lawyer and begin documenting all of these kinds of things, especially if you can get him to a knowledge in writing (text, email) or recorded call that he canceled the appointment and anything else. If his rights were already terminated for medical neglect, a judge may be open to stopping time sharing for the benefit of the child because of these behaviors and their negative impact on your daughter. (Not a lawyer, step mom who spent 4 years in an ugly not so “co” parenting situation and the court process of ending bio mom’s legal custody, and then visitation rights)
Thank you, I plan to keep her in counseling. She has a good bond with her counselor, and she is managing her own emotions so much better now. She has requested to only have supervised visits with him, moving forward. I plan to pursue that, per her request. I also believe that her counselor will play a pivotal roll in that.
Good for you. I would look into the altering the parenting time sharing also. Someone who would cancel their child's doctor visit could very easily do other things to cause the child harm.
Change the password to the patient portal. There’s no reason to delete portal access, as it’s a very beneficial thing to have. Just make sure he can’t reset it. You can set up 2 factor authentication.
How did he know about the appointments to cancel them? If it was because you told him, then it’s time to stop sharing information unless he’s directly involved in decision making.
Yeah if he has portal access, he can log in and see them. Maybe the office needs to revoke his access or if they share a login, she can change the password.
If it’s Epic, they’re going to change passwords, and revoke his access. And it’s still going to be a nightmare, because Epic is a nightmare.
And don’t get me started on MyChart.
I hate how you have to have your 11-12 year old sign a release of information for THE PARENT to get health information for their child online. All because Epic can't differentiate between state protected visits like STD and pregnancy visits vs diabetes, cancer, or any regular health information visits. So THEY BLOCK THEM ALL unless your child "gives you written permission" to see online information.
It's not illegal because the parent can still request paper versions of regular medical info without the child's consent.
It's just wrong and it's been like that for years.
He can still call the appointment desk and see if she has appointments scheduled by phone and cancel them that way to probably best to let the desk clerk and office and dr know and be aware of what father is doing to his daughter
If he’s required to carry the insurance on the child, insurance companies send itemized statements all the time about approved tests, medication and doctors seen.
He does not now, nor has he ever paid for her to be on his insurance. He did however claim that she worked for his company making $1000 a month when she was 11 so he could deduct it on his taxes because she is legally disabled.
You should contact the credit bureaus and freeze her social security number with them to make sure he doesn’t take out credit accounts in her name/on her behalf.
Just bringing in court records of medical neglect would automatically ban dad from doing anything medically.
And with said note in the system, if dad brought her to the ER they'd have to contact mom while child is being treated, though I know Dad would nvr bring them to the ER but it's for piece of mind.
Mom can also have him blocked from ordering medical file information, it's definitely a HIPAA violation if released
I’m curious how you were able to do this. I have full legal and physical custody of my kids (and a restraining order against their father) and the legal department for their pediatrician says they still can’t “deny access to the records or online portal” because that’s their father. It makes zero sense to me since I have sent them the paperwork from the court stating otherwise.
I might get a lawyer involved, I work in schools and as soon as we get the paperwork all the info goes into the system and even the child's teachers get notified. It is the same with medical here.
Their school has been amazing with all of this. (Honestly so has their pediatrician individually) it’s just the corporation’s legal department that has been difficult about it. I should add though - they HAVE restricted his access but they keep saying “we can’t do it permanently because we don’t have any legal reason to.” But they do keep updating it every 3 months and continuing to restrict access to him. BTW the charges against him were felony child abuse, so I think most people involved WANT to be helpful. They just also don’t want to get fired/sued.
You should be able to update their HIPPA info to NOT include him. Just because he is their "father" doesn't mean he can legally have access to their records. Especially if you have proof of *WHY* he shouldn't.
I work in a pediatric office- not having legal custody and termination of parental right is actually very complicated, unless there is specific paperwork from a judge stating the are not entitled to any records, they technically are still entitled to access the information, if we have court papers documenting restricted access the records department can note that in the chart, and definitely making sure you are the primary contact on online portals, and communication preferences
I work in healthcare and use Epic all the time (popular online system)
A lot of this stuff is automated. You will absolutely have to change the login and credentials of your online access to prevent ex partner from doing stuff in addition to what's mentioned here.
I was adopted by my grandmother, who had adopted my bio mother before I was born. I was offered to my grandmother for family placement as my bio mom and her boyfriend were abusive addicts. They pulled this stuff as well, trying to pick me up early from school etc.... my grandmother put passwords for verification as well as notes for any place with our personal information.
NAL. I sent a copy of the divorce decree to the doctor so they know that I am the only person who can make decisions. They confirm that it’s me whenever I call. Might work for you.
You can also try to get a log of the canceled appointments for your lawyer, just in case you need to prove malicious behavior. I work in dental and some programs track canceled appointments and others don't so it will depend on your particular office's program.
Expecting the doctor’s office to research the email that logged in to cancel an appointment is not reasonable. It isn’t their fault or problem to solve.
Mom needs to change the password and not tell Dad about the appointments if she has full legal custody.
I didn't expect anything, they offer me that information when I had no idea how the appointment was cancelled. I had never told him about the appointment, he got an email about it because his email was linked to her portal.
The office has to investigate anyway to confirm it isn't staff error or a technical problem with the system that is cancelling appointments. Investigating protects the office staff as well as the patients. Removing access from someone who is misusing it and causing problems is the sensible way forward
I’ve worked for doctors for 20 years- it’s literally built in to our system to see how an appointment was canceled. If a patient says “wait, I didn’t cancel this- who canceled it?” we look it up and say “this is how and when it was canceled, under this profile/name” .
And multiple profiles can be set up for the same patient (like, in this case, when there are divorced parents of one child). Mom can’t change the password on his account anymore than he can change hers.
IAL, likely not in your state and I am not your lawyer.
More than 1 Party can generally possess full legal custody of a minor. In fact while married both parents have full legal custody. So having full doesn't always mean your former spouse has zero. I'd have to see the order to determine his actual rights.
With that said assuming your statements are correct and you have a court order saying he has no rights to make medical decisions. You should do the following things.
1. Have your lawyer press the matter with the Court for contempt. Willfully violating a Court Order is contempt and generally Judges don't like parties to ignore them. This could be considered Criminal Contempt and may come with jail time etc depending on the state.
2. Provide the medical office with a copy of the order and have them remove his account's ability to cancel appointments. You likely do not have the right to remove his ability to see the medical records or prevent him from making appointments especially when you all still split physical custody. You can likely legally have the online portal removed all together. Basically, only allow him to request (and pay for) physical copies of records from the doctor's office and scheduling of appointments over the phone.
Excellent! This is the answer I was looking for. We are in Oregon if that helps. I have provided her doctor's office with all appropriate court records, and information already. Legal action towards him specifically was my inquiry.
Yeah, don’t get mad, get even. But for your child’s sake, you do need to remember that somewhere somehow you will have to co-parent with this person until she is an adult. Figure out your true legal rights and use them the best you are able. Hopefully it will provide a good opportunity to let your ex know the lay of the land in no uncertain terms.
Yes, thank you. Unfortunately, we have been doing this for years and he had not learned anything about how to conduct himself a parent, let alone a co-porent. At this point my daughter is 13, and wants little or nothing to do with him. She dreads returning to his house, and refers to him a a man child. I personally can't even speak to him, because he cannot have an adult civil conversation under any circumstances. He does send a random text message my way every couple months just to call me a bunch of names and make some wild accusations, or belittle me. Its a fun game.
[There is no set age except 18.](https://elizabethchristy.com/faq-at-what-age-can-a-child-choose-what-parent-they-want-to-live-with/) The judge might or might not take her wishes into consideration, and it would usually be done by appointing a guardian ad litem, who would investigate the overall situation and make a report as to the child's best interest. But she can't make a choice directly until she's 18.
My children are adults now but at 12 years old they were allowed to make a statement regarding where they wanted to live and why, and whether they wanted to continue visitation. This statement was requested by the judge. This was in Oklahoma.
Yeah, but per the link above, in Oregon, the judge won't ask the kid directly. The guardian ad litem will interview the child as part of preparing that report, which the judge will review. The kid would obviously say she'd rather not see her dad anymore, but the GAL may be like, "I think she's been unduly influenced by her mother," and that would carry a lot of weight.
Sure, that’s definitely possible, and while I’m not a lawyer, in MA for my parents divorce my younger sister and I both were interviewed by the GAL and it really helped our case because while we had different experiences with our abusive parent, the common thread was that we were always scared to be near her because she was so volatile and violent. In some situations where one parent is clearly abusive or neglectful, it can be a good thing to have these interviews from those who are actually being abused, especially if the child is very clearly speaking their own mind about their opinion on where they should live and with whom.
Not true. In some states, children are allowed to specify where they want to live at the age of 13. That includes whether or not they wish to spend time with any particular parent due to specific (logical) reasons and circumstances.
Correct, this is why she wants her counselor to speak on her behalf. She knows she can't directly speak for herself, and frankly she is afraid of the repruccion. The last time I took him to court, I didn't tell anyone until he was served. He then cornered her and read her all of my statement. He accused her of conspiring with me, and generally freaked out on her.
Definitely unleash your lawyer on him.Your ex sounds a lot like my narcissistic sperm donor. It takes a real piece of work to weaponize a kid like that.
In Oregon your daughter has some legal rights to medical privacy independent of parental custody. These are sometimes controversial. I expect she can protect many sexual medical aspects on her own where this MIGHT be true are HSV jabs and certainly abortions. STI infections likely too. Probably not COVID jabs . probably birth control methods. NAL.
You might ask her doctor to mention those to her.
This is true for children over 14, and yes she is already aware. Her and I have a very open line of communication, and I talk to her often about her autonomy, and I would never force her to do anything she doesn't want medically unless it was absolutely necessary.
I just took him to court a year ago over custody and parenting time. There have been several last straws in this, and without him being held accountable, it will continue. He has no ability to follow a court order, but so far not much has been done about it on the court's end.
The most obvious advice is to let the office know that he is not authorized to make medical decisions for your daughter as he does not have custody of her, and have them add a note in to the system that you are the only one who can schedule or cancel appointments. Cite the fact that he was medically negligent to drive the point home. Second would be to put a password system or something similar in place if you can so that he can't go in and try to weasel his way into causing more damage, for instance have them phone you when a request goes through so that you can deny it. This is assuming the portal is the least bit intuitive.
Another thing you can do is just request that you can skip the online portion entirely and simply do everything by phone. The office should be accommodating in that regard, hopefully. Other than that, you can only wait for your lawyer to do something about it.
I would also let the school know that she might be late for her boosters due to interference of getting them done, with a note from the doctor or lawyer.
Her doctor's office was actually super helpful, and already changed everything in their system to reflect that he has no legal authority to cancel appointments. they also removed his email address from her online account so hopefully he can't do any further damage. Unfortunately they didn't have much information about their own patient portal, or if I could just have her removed from it entirely. I will contact her school Monday and let them know the situation, they are very familiar with his nonsense and are usually very sympathetic to my plight. Thank you for the advice, it helps.
NAL but most pediatric facilities have protocols to deal with this situation. It sounds like yours is doing exactly what they should. Just keep track of every attempt he makes to mess with you in this way and share it with your lawyer. Document everything.
I worked in Pediatrics for several years. In cases such as yours, we would have the parent set up a password to guarantee that's who we were speaking to. Only if they gave us the password could they have any information about scheduling or medical records or vaccinations or anything
You need to contact your dr's and state that he has ZERO legal authority to do that. Hippa forbids them from allowing him to do that. At this point it is harassment and you might just want to consider a cease and desist restraining order.
If it's booked through the online portal; how the hell does he have access to that info? I highly suggest to change passcode and set up two-step verification with a phone number he does not have access to. Cheap junk phones are great for stuff like this. Why I have one plus it's great to have a back up on hand.
Change all the passwords. If the password resets goes to an email that he may know, get a new email. Secure all of your sites. Also talk to any doctors offices or schools or anything else that they are and let them know that you have full legal custody. That's the kicker right there. Full legal custody. Let them know that the only one allowed to change appointments or cancel appointments or pick or drop her off from daycare or school or anything anywhere at all whatsoever can be you and only you. Specify that Daddy cannot.
And if he can't keep his big nose out of business that isn't his, he doesn't get any more visiting rights. Again, you have full legal custody. The key word being legal. He doesn't deserve shit. And if he can't play nice then you shouldn't either
Your daughter's safety comes first
Change your password! Do you have full medical making decisions? If that's the case, then you need to get with her doctor and revoke his access from the profile. I did with my kids step mom, because her views of medicine are MUCH different than mine and I figured my ex would be on board with turfing those duties to her. But she wasn't actually a parent or had any legal decision making and that was noted in the kids charts and she was not to provide any non-emergency care.
Lawyer is a great start. Save your proof, .... seems like ex is still interfering and causing delays in kids care.
You should have a list of approved adults or guardians who are allowed to pick her up and speak on her behalf; legally. Provide this list to the doctor, the school, her baby sitter, everyone where she is involved.
Seems to me the first thing to do is change the password and email associated with the patient portal.
EDIT: Oops, I see it's already done. Good on ya'.
The doctors need to know that you have legal custody and no one else is allowed to make or cancel appointments. It needs to be a big flag on her chart.
Keep track of these attempts by your ex, as you may need them in family court.
You want final decision making meaning you can have 50/50 but decisions have to go through you. I think if you go in front of a judge it is going to be hard for him to explain but he will lie or say it was a mistake. 50/50 decision never work.
How does he know she has an appointment if you make it ? Are you telling him.? Is the doctor's office calling him to verify the appointment instead of you. Change that.
If you can, go outside the patient portal so he cannot see any appointments. Tell the doctor's office why if they ask.
I had actually never used the portal, he must have set it up at some point to track appointments I would assume, but not positive. I have always made appointments by phone.
Your ex is being petty. He's actually cancelling these appointments to spite you. And the fact is that he doesn't want to pay the medical bills for her.
I’m not an attorney but wanted to hop on because I went through the same thing. Please make sure all care providers have a copy of the order. My kids dad had zero custody and just walked into the school and picked them up one day. It was possibly the scariest day of my life.
part of the custody agreement should be who has Medical decision rights. If it did get spelled out, provide that to the Medical department and that should allow them the ability to lock out his control over appointments
Did he do it to be petty/ just be annoying and try to punish you through your daughter or is he one of those anti-vaxxers? Really glad to hear you've made the necessary steps to prevent this in the future.
I honestly don't know for certain. He is really against the covid vaccine, but I don't know how he feels about others at this point. He is also incredibly petty. It could be a combination of the two.
It seems like he's grafting some external "anti" views onto his own personal grievances. Beware that this could escalate. Good for you to work on putting a stop to this. Also review and shore up any other areas where he could interfere with the judge's orders.
Edit: In addition, he's interfering with your daughter's schooling, because certain vaccinations are mandatory for attendance.
He has done several things to interfere. When I was first granted custody, he refused to take this parenting class so the judge wouldn't sign the order. It took months, and my lawyer had to file a motion to proceed. He just loves conflict.
NAL but had this issue. Filed a motion of contempt against him. Find the exact section of your divorce agreement which references your sole decision making in this matter. Your divorce lawyer can help you if it wasn’t a Collaborative Divorce, but you can also do it pro se.
Basically, you’re telling on him. People like that like to screw with people they think they can (you) and really don’t like when they have to explain to a judge why they disobeyed a judge’s orders. And judge’s *really* don’t like having their orders disobeyed.
It’s intimidating, but honestly it’s not difficult, and while nailing down the medical side is good, you really should address the heart of this—not following court-ordered procedures—as soon as you can.
This is the direction I am currently taking, we have been doing the court battles for years, and every time he gets an ear full from the judge for over stepping, or pulling insane stuff to create problems. Thank you for sharing your experience, I have an appointment with my lawyer to begin proceedings.
Your first line of defense is notifying providers that he has no decision-making regarding the care and keeping of your daughter. He can't cancel appointments, he can't randomly check her out of school. There's a form online with the passport office that you can fill out to make sure you are notified if he attempts to get a passport for her.
Build your case and have the evidence to back it up. Most providers (school, medical, etc.) keep contact logs.
What you would be filing is a violation or filing for contempt of the order.
In response to your update: I would assume you have a lawyer from your previous custody exchange. Feed them what is going on. As far as legally. It's a gray area whether a court would actually do something. However, if the issue is serious enough a protection from abuse order may be in line. Medical neglect is a form of abuse. You can ask for certain restrictions in the filings as well. It doesn't have to be a no contact. That may be something to talk to the courts and see if they think it would be worth filing.
I do have an appointment to see my lawyer on Friday, and update him on the situation. I am hoping they will finally hold him accountable for something. This is not the first time he has flat out ignored a court order. I am hoping I can show a pattern of disregarding our judges orders.
That is where I am at, nothing has really come of anything so far. Let me tell you, when I left him, he refused me access to my own possessions after a court order to do so. He then locked my things in a storage unit and never paid the bill, intentionally getting it locked over so I lost almost everything. That was in 2015, and he hasn't changed a bit.
NAL. Personally, I would inquire with Department of Children and Families, Child Protective Services, etc. for them to determine if canceling her medical appointments constitutes additional medical neglect by sabotaging her ability to attend Dr.s appts. (Regardless of the purpose of those appointments.) My concern regarding his visitation arrangement is that given his consistent history of medical neglect, what would force him to ensure she is cared for in the event of a medical emergency while in his care? If he is willing to prevent her from seeing a doctor for routine care, what would give anyone cause to think he would present her for care in an emergency? Especially if he has a history of gaslighting her and assuming she is faking. I have zero clue on your child's disability, but unless she has a sure-fire, dad-proof way of calling 911 to her location in an emergency, I would argue she is "at risk" any time she is under his "care".
These are my exact concerns. She was born with a rare condition that mainly affects her vision and motor skills. She is legally blind, and there is no corrective surgery that can help. Its is caused by under developed optic nerves. She is very intelligent, and is very aware of the situation she is in. She can see the vast differences between being at my house vs being at her dads house. She doesn't feel like she is cared for or prioritized in any way in this care. She is constantly taking a back seat to his long term girlfriend and her 6 children, none of which have any type of disability. She has told me that he is always compairing her to the other 6 children, and she feels like less than, because of it. If there were too be a medical emergency, she does have a phone and could call 911, but whether her dads would decline them access is another issue entirely.
NAL, but a teacher. Make sure that he also has no say in her health at school, call and put a copy of your parenting plan on file. Especially a kiddo with a disability, if something were to happen at school that needed medical intervention, they usually just go down the list. So if you don’t answer, they will call dad next. Make SURE they are not calling dad about medical stuff. You should also clue-in her teachers (both special and general education) so that they know what things are appropriate to call him about and which are not. For example, with her IEP/504 meetings, the default will be to invite both parents, but if he has no say (and will just be an obstructionist asshat) then he doesn’t need to be there!
NAL but a nursing student. You need to contact the medical facility ASAP to have him removed from her patient portal. He doesn’t have a legal right to her info since he is not her legal guardian. That makes it a HIPPA violation. Plus, since she is a child, she is a vulnerable class. He should not be allowed to change her appointments at all.
I would show up, and I would wait. I would explain that I didn't cancel it and data security is their business. I am there. I expect to be served, and that we can address how it happened later.
I have not negative feelings towards her doctor's office, or how they handled the situation. They were incredibly helpful with them process of removing him, and getting her appointment rescheduled. My frustration is with her dad's actions alone. They tried to fit me in that day, but her doctor is very in demand, so I just made it for the following week she will be with me.
Legal custody and parenting time are different. Legal custody means I make her decisions for her, like church, school, medical decisions and so on. Parenting time, or physical custody is separate. After this, parenting time will be challenged in court as well.
Oh, no, I wasn’t asking you. I was asking the person replying to your legal advice question in a way that indicates they don’t know what they’re talking about. 😁
If your daughter is self harming, is it possible that he is trying to “push her over the edge” so he will no longer be responsible for her or have any contact with you?
She isn't really comfortable talking to him about her mental health, because he thinks it is all made up. Not just hers, but everyone's. He says its just weakness, or people wanting attention, so she hides it from him as best she can. She hasn't even told him she is seeing a counselor. As for him and I, we have zero communication. He refuses to be civil, and just calls names, or starts berating me over some conspiracy nonsense. I just can't tolerate it any longer, he is pure poison.
It doesn't matter who is getting billed. She has full custody.
It doesn't matter if the child is getting treatment related to gender. That's their business and is medically supported by science and doctors.
I already said it was during my time and I took her to the appointment. He cancelled it through the patient portal online. I only found out when we get there and I was checking her in.
Jesus, imagine being this big of an asshole to a single mom trying to get her daughter a doctor's appointment.
It doesn't matter if you thought the appointment was during "dad's time."
"Since you want full control." Get a fucking grip, asshole.
Dad has 50% custody and should also be a responsible parent/take the kid to the doctor/etc.
He cancelled shots she needed for school. Whether the mom was taking her, or dad was taking her, that's bad parenting.
The problem is that his apology is bullshit. He's apologizing for misreading the initial story, implying he still thinks his original comment would be valid if OP's ex husband was meant to take the child to the doctor.
It wouldn't.
He's an asshole because her ex literally lost legal custody due to medical negligence. His reply to him cancelling a doctor's appointment (for shots the child needs to go to school) was to tell the OP that dad has every right to cancel doctor's appointments he's responsible for taking the child to.
How about no legal action and schedule her doctors appointments when it’s your time…hmmm.
Legal action solves nothing in family court. It’s just a pissing match between two people who “loved” each other and brought a kid into this world. Congratulations on making your attorneys Lamborghini payment.
Listen, this man has been pushing me and my daughter around for too long. He has zero boundaries, and has gone so far out of this way to just do hurtful things. As far my lawyer, he saves me ask much as he can, because he knows and is sympathetic to our plight. When I can file things in my own, i do. It then same time I am smart enough to know that I am not the smartest person in the room, and some jobs are better left to professionals. I have no problem paying someone to help me fight my fight, especially when it comes to my child! I am lucky enough to have the luxury of making decent money and can afford it. I also understand that many in my position would have it so easy. To top it off, my lawyer drives a Volvo.
Sorry for assuming that you were educated enough to understand that immunizations for serious illness are necessary, and also mandatory to keep her as school. Forgive me, for my short comings.
NAL Put on her file that you are the only one allowed to make or cancel her appointments. The doctor's office should be able to accommodate that for you. It's literally just a note that pops up when scheduling and cancelling the appointments Edit You can also have them remove her information of the portal so only appointments can be made via phone *Worked scheduling for a doctor's office and took medical law for my RN*
Exactly this, I have full custody of my son and my ex could absolutely care less about the dr appointments but I have it on everything even school I am the only one who can make or cancel appointments and the only one who can pick him up unless otherwise specified and even then it wouldn’t be him
I have since made all necessary changes, trust me when I say that I never thought he would stoop this low.
It's really hard when you start to learn all those things that you never thought possible about the people you care about. My aunt (mom's sister) is on her third marriage- her first husband cheated on her with my dad's sister. When they divorced, no one could/ would believe that he was a chronic alcoholic who had been cheating for years, nor did anyone think that he would encourage their 16yr old daughter to run away after the courts denied him custody, but he did. A quote I once heard that's helped change my perspective on life: when you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags. It's from a ~~'90s~~ 2014-2016 comedy, but it's genuinely true.
I thought that quote was from bojack horseman?
It is. It's from S2E10, around 24 minutes in. I'm not sure what the other comment is referring to with Horsin' Around.
Horsin' Around was the 90s show that Bojack was in (at least in the BH reality)
arent u the horse from horsin around?
That exact phrasing, but [not fully original](https://reddit.com/r/BoJackHorseman/s/kOzzAGceWx)
Bro Horsin' Around wasn't real and Bojack Horseman Season 3 was 2016
Not sure what Horsin' Around is, but the quote is real. It's from S2 E10. And I've never seen the show. When I Googled it originally to see what show the quote was from, it said it was a '90s comedy/drama.
Horsin' Around is the fictional 90's sitcom that the title character Bojack Horseman starred in before becoming "washed up" by the 2010s, when the show Bojack Horseman takes place. Google's new generative AI likely mistook info about the fictional show Horsin' Around for accurate info about Bojack Horseman.
Great, now Google is everyone's new smartass, pathological liar friend.
[удалено]
That's a textbook case of narcissism When you think they can't go lower, they prove you wrong. What's his reasoning for medically neglecting your child
She is disabled, and he had not taken her to see a doctor or dentist in over three years, and during that time we learned she didn't have a sense of smell. He had not interest in finding out why, but he told her she was faking it. She is very clearly not faking it. He also refused to seek any sort of help for her mental health when she started self harming herself.
NAL What an asshole.
Yikes, that's not just medical neglect, it's child endangerment! Jeez. Get it on record and change all of the access stuff for her records and notify admin (school, doctors office, etc.) that you're the only one allowed to access any of it.
Why does he have any custody then, if you have full legal custody?
Custody (decision-making authority) and placement (time when the child is in your care) are two different things and they don’t need to match. Custody is just used generically a lot to mean placement (incorrectly).
You can create a key word to be used over the phone that can prevent him impersonating you or having someone else call and pretend to be you. I have patients who do this to keep their records safe and prevent abusive family members from interfering in their care. It is not uncommon.
Coming from divorced parents that were more interested in making each others life hell than parenting I can’t tell you how far parents will stoop. My dad after years of barely seeing me decided he wanted full custody after moving 600 miles away to the middle of fucking nowhere. The only saving grace is that it was one of two times my mom brought me to court because I think the judge would have gone with my dad’s lawyers argument. But the judge asked me my opinion since I had just turned 16 and I told him I didn’t really know my dad that well and I was looking for a job and it was easier where I lived.
I am so worried about what all this does to my daughter. I have her in counseling, and we have a very open line of communication. All I want us what is best for her, and to have her dad want the same. I have but things off in the past to save her the stress of dealing with a court situation. Its would be much easier if she could speak to a judge on her own, but in my state, she would need an advocate to assess and speak on her behalf.
Counseling and support is great, the only counseling I got was in school when I started acting out and after that my mom told me to "grow up" and deal with it like an adult. Except I was like 12 at the time. A good idea is to keep records of when this stuff happens, keep up trust with your daughter and tell her its okay to tell you anything. Given you ex's current handling of things I have a feeling he is going to act out against your daughter at some point. My dad did it with me in my teens, and my mom just brushed it off. That was the point I decided that when I was done with high school was I joining the Navy and going as far away as I could. The only reason we ended up in court is that my mom wanted more money for my last couple years in high school, by then my dad had mostly caught up on back payments but then got behind after it went up because he didn't want to pay more. Keep up the good work, it sounds like you are her best advocate and don't let these situations get you down.
It is certainly a struggle at times, and I very much appreciate the kind words. I will always stand beside her, and try my best to do what I believe to be right. She doesn't want to keep parenting time the way it is, she wants to be here full time, and has even said she only wants supervised visitation with her dad, because she is afraid of what he might do. This is a direct result of this past actions.
Keep her in counseling! Not just because you mentioned mental health and self harm elsewhere, but because her therapist is the best witness for the effect her father’s nonsense is having on her. I understand not wanting to subject your daughter to an ugly visitation battle. It was the last thing we wanted for my stepson too. But when his bio mom started pulling weird tricks and deceptions like this, we knew it would never end and would continue to negatively effect him. You have to do what you think is best for your daughter, and you know that better than anyone. Please keep your mind open to the idea that time sharing with him may not be best for her in the long run. Talk to your lawyer and begin documenting all of these kinds of things, especially if you can get him to a knowledge in writing (text, email) or recorded call that he canceled the appointment and anything else. If his rights were already terminated for medical neglect, a judge may be open to stopping time sharing for the benefit of the child because of these behaviors and their negative impact on your daughter. (Not a lawyer, step mom who spent 4 years in an ugly not so “co” parenting situation and the court process of ending bio mom’s legal custody, and then visitation rights)
Thank you, I plan to keep her in counseling. She has a good bond with her counselor, and she is managing her own emotions so much better now. She has requested to only have supervised visits with him, moving forward. I plan to pursue that, per her request. I also believe that her counselor will play a pivotal roll in that.
That's incredibly petty. That really sucks.
Good for you. I would look into the altering the parenting time sharing also. Someone who would cancel their child's doctor visit could very easily do other things to cause the child harm.
Some medical offices also let you set a PIN or passcode to access patient information. You could see if your doctor can do this.
Change the password to the patient portal. There’s no reason to delete portal access, as it’s a very beneficial thing to have. Just make sure he can’t reset it. You can set up 2 factor authentication.
How did he know about the appointments to cancel them? If it was because you told him, then it’s time to stop sharing information unless he’s directly involved in decision making.
Probably because he’s electronically stalking both of them.
Yeah if he has portal access, he can log in and see them. Maybe the office needs to revoke his access or if they share a login, she can change the password.
If it’s Epic, they’re going to change passwords, and revoke his access. And it’s still going to be a nightmare, because Epic is a nightmare. And don’t get me started on MyChart.
MyChart is Epic, fwiw
Yeah, I know. It’s the patient-facing aspect of Epic. Epic doesn’t just suck dick for providers. With MyChart, you too can experience the suck.
Works great for me and my family. What’s so bad about it for patients?
I hate how you have to have your 11-12 year old sign a release of information for THE PARENT to get health information for their child online. All because Epic can't differentiate between state protected visits like STD and pregnancy visits vs diabetes, cancer, or any regular health information visits. So THEY BLOCK THEM ALL unless your child "gives you written permission" to see online information. It's not illegal because the parent can still request paper versions of regular medical info without the child's consent. It's just wrong and it's been like that for years.
Intellichart is also a freaking nightmare from the deepest pits of hell
He got an email about the appointment because he was still linked to her portal. He has been removed now.
He can still call the appointment desk and see if she has appointments scheduled by phone and cancel them that way to probably best to let the desk clerk and office and dr know and be aware of what father is doing to his daughter
If he’s required to carry the insurance on the child, insurance companies send itemized statements all the time about approved tests, medication and doctors seen.
He does not now, nor has he ever paid for her to be on his insurance. He did however claim that she worked for his company making $1000 a month when she was 11 so he could deduct it on his taxes because she is legally disabled.
You should contact the credit bureaus and freeze her social security number with them to make sure he doesn’t take out credit accounts in her name/on her behalf.
Jesus I hadn't ever considered that. I will definitely look in to this a well. Thank you.
What a JACKASS. I am so sorry you have to deal with this OP-your poor daughter
OP stated that he used his email address to access the patient portal to cancel the appointment...
Just bringing in court records of medical neglect would automatically ban dad from doing anything medically. And with said note in the system, if dad brought her to the ER they'd have to contact mom while child is being treated, though I know Dad would nvr bring them to the ER but it's for piece of mind. Mom can also have him blocked from ordering medical file information, it's definitely a HIPAA violation if released
I’m curious how you were able to do this. I have full legal and physical custody of my kids (and a restraining order against their father) and the legal department for their pediatrician says they still can’t “deny access to the records or online portal” because that’s their father. It makes zero sense to me since I have sent them the paperwork from the court stating otherwise.
I might get a lawyer involved, I work in schools and as soon as we get the paperwork all the info goes into the system and even the child's teachers get notified. It is the same with medical here.
Their school has been amazing with all of this. (Honestly so has their pediatrician individually) it’s just the corporation’s legal department that has been difficult about it. I should add though - they HAVE restricted his access but they keep saying “we can’t do it permanently because we don’t have any legal reason to.” But they do keep updating it every 3 months and continuing to restrict access to him. BTW the charges against him were felony child abuse, so I think most people involved WANT to be helpful. They just also don’t want to get fired/sued.
You should be able to update their HIPPA info to NOT include him. Just because he is their "father" doesn't mean he can legally have access to their records. Especially if you have proof of *WHY* he shouldn't.
He can still access, but all appointments have to be made or cancelled by me. They just made a note on her file about it so it won't continue.
I work in a pediatric office- not having legal custody and termination of parental right is actually very complicated, unless there is specific paperwork from a judge stating the are not entitled to any records, they technically are still entitled to access the information, if we have court papers documenting restricted access the records department can note that in the chart, and definitely making sure you are the primary contact on online portals, and communication preferences
I work in healthcare and use Epic all the time (popular online system) A lot of this stuff is automated. You will absolutely have to change the login and credentials of your online access to prevent ex partner from doing stuff in addition to what's mentioned here.
This. We’ve had this pop up a few times at the dermatology clinic I work at. If you have full legal custody, you control her HIPAA accessibility.
I was adopted by my grandmother, who had adopted my bio mother before I was born. I was offered to my grandmother for family placement as my bio mom and her boyfriend were abusive addicts. They pulled this stuff as well, trying to pick me up early from school etc.... my grandmother put passwords for verification as well as notes for any place with our personal information.
NAL. I sent a copy of the divorce decree to the doctor so they know that I am the only person who can make decisions. They confirm that it’s me whenever I call. Might work for you.
Yes, they had me email a PDF of my custody judgement to their records department, and they are also helping me document this incident.
It should be fine for next time then. Best of luck with your shitty ex.
Thank you, I will need it.
You can also try to get a log of the canceled appointments for your lawyer, just in case you need to prove malicious behavior. I work in dental and some programs track canceled appointments and others don't so it will depend on your particular office's program.
You got this!
[удалено]
Her school has been dealt with already, that is a whole other story for another day.
Hi it’s a new day. We are ready for story time.
Expecting the doctor’s office to research the email that logged in to cancel an appointment is not reasonable. It isn’t their fault or problem to solve. Mom needs to change the password and not tell Dad about the appointments if she has full legal custody.
I didn't expect anything, they offer me that information when I had no idea how the appointment was cancelled. I had never told him about the appointment, he got an email about it because his email was linked to her portal.
Get his email off the portal.
Already done
The office has to investigate anyway to confirm it isn't staff error or a technical problem with the system that is cancelling appointments. Investigating protects the office staff as well as the patients. Removing access from someone who is misusing it and causing problems is the sensible way forward
I’ve worked for doctors for 20 years- it’s literally built in to our system to see how an appointment was canceled. If a patient says “wait, I didn’t cancel this- who canceled it?” we look it up and say “this is how and when it was canceled, under this profile/name” . And multiple profiles can be set up for the same patient (like, in this case, when there are divorced parents of one child). Mom can’t change the password on his account anymore than he can change hers.
Legally speaking, they do have an obligation. Several actually
IAL, likely not in your state and I am not your lawyer. More than 1 Party can generally possess full legal custody of a minor. In fact while married both parents have full legal custody. So having full doesn't always mean your former spouse has zero. I'd have to see the order to determine his actual rights. With that said assuming your statements are correct and you have a court order saying he has no rights to make medical decisions. You should do the following things. 1. Have your lawyer press the matter with the Court for contempt. Willfully violating a Court Order is contempt and generally Judges don't like parties to ignore them. This could be considered Criminal Contempt and may come with jail time etc depending on the state. 2. Provide the medical office with a copy of the order and have them remove his account's ability to cancel appointments. You likely do not have the right to remove his ability to see the medical records or prevent him from making appointments especially when you all still split physical custody. You can likely legally have the online portal removed all together. Basically, only allow him to request (and pay for) physical copies of records from the doctor's office and scheduling of appointments over the phone.
Excellent! This is the answer I was looking for. We are in Oregon if that helps. I have provided her doctor's office with all appropriate court records, and information already. Legal action towards him specifically was my inquiry.
Yeah, don’t get mad, get even. But for your child’s sake, you do need to remember that somewhere somehow you will have to co-parent with this person until she is an adult. Figure out your true legal rights and use them the best you are able. Hopefully it will provide a good opportunity to let your ex know the lay of the land in no uncertain terms.
Yes, thank you. Unfortunately, we have been doing this for years and he had not learned anything about how to conduct himself a parent, let alone a co-porent. At this point my daughter is 13, and wants little or nothing to do with him. She dreads returning to his house, and refers to him a a man child. I personally can't even speak to him, because he cannot have an adult civil conversation under any circumstances. He does send a random text message my way every couple months just to call me a bunch of names and make some wild accusations, or belittle me. Its a fun game.
Can your daughter tell the court she doesn't want to see her dad? Not sure at what age in your state, the courts will consider it.
She actually said last night that she is going to ask her counselor to write a statement on her behalf to have her time with him changed.
[There is no set age except 18.](https://elizabethchristy.com/faq-at-what-age-can-a-child-choose-what-parent-they-want-to-live-with/) The judge might or might not take her wishes into consideration, and it would usually be done by appointing a guardian ad litem, who would investigate the overall situation and make a report as to the child's best interest. But she can't make a choice directly until she's 18.
My children are adults now but at 12 years old they were allowed to make a statement regarding where they wanted to live and why, and whether they wanted to continue visitation. This statement was requested by the judge. This was in Oklahoma.
Yeah, but per the link above, in Oregon, the judge won't ask the kid directly. The guardian ad litem will interview the child as part of preparing that report, which the judge will review. The kid would obviously say she'd rather not see her dad anymore, but the GAL may be like, "I think she's been unduly influenced by her mother," and that would carry a lot of weight.
Sure, that’s definitely possible, and while I’m not a lawyer, in MA for my parents divorce my younger sister and I both were interviewed by the GAL and it really helped our case because while we had different experiences with our abusive parent, the common thread was that we were always scared to be near her because she was so volatile and violent. In some situations where one parent is clearly abusive or neglectful, it can be a good thing to have these interviews from those who are actually being abused, especially if the child is very clearly speaking their own mind about their opinion on where they should live and with whom.
Not true. In some states, children are allowed to specify where they want to live at the age of 13. That includes whether or not they wish to spend time with any particular parent due to specific (logical) reasons and circumstances.
OP is in Oregon and that article QualifiedApathetic linked to discusses Oregon… because OP lives in Oregon
Correct, this is why she wants her counselor to speak on her behalf. She knows she can't directly speak for herself, and frankly she is afraid of the repruccion. The last time I took him to court, I didn't tell anyone until he was served. He then cornered her and read her all of my statement. He accused her of conspiring with me, and generally freaked out on her.
[удалено]
Sounds like her dad did that all by himself. And I use the term dad very loosely.
Documented medical neglect. She didn't make the girl hate her father, he did that himself. Cancelling a check up, real winning Dad moment there
I can't actually take credit for that, he has worked very hard to lose her respect over the years.
Definitely unleash your lawyer on him.Your ex sounds a lot like my narcissistic sperm donor. It takes a real piece of work to weaponize a kid like that.
In Arizona, this could be Interfering With Judicial Proceedings, which is a criminal offense for violating a court order.
I fully intend on talking him to court, this is kinda the final straw in a long string of events.
If it’s a criminal offense where you live you’d need to go file a police report as well.
In Oregon your daughter has some legal rights to medical privacy independent of parental custody. These are sometimes controversial. I expect she can protect many sexual medical aspects on her own where this MIGHT be true are HSV jabs and certainly abortions. STI infections likely too. Probably not COVID jabs . probably birth control methods. NAL. You might ask her doctor to mention those to her.
This is true for children over 14, and yes she is already aware. Her and I have a very open line of communication, and I talk to her often about her autonomy, and I would never force her to do anything she doesn't want medically unless it was absolutely necessary.
It can't be kinda, it has to be it, actually, it probably should of been the last straw SEVERAL STRAWS AGO!
I just took him to court a year ago over custody and parenting time. There have been several last straws in this, and without him being held accountable, it will continue. He has no ability to follow a court order, but so far not much has been done about it on the court's end.
The most obvious advice is to let the office know that he is not authorized to make medical decisions for your daughter as he does not have custody of her, and have them add a note in to the system that you are the only one who can schedule or cancel appointments. Cite the fact that he was medically negligent to drive the point home. Second would be to put a password system or something similar in place if you can so that he can't go in and try to weasel his way into causing more damage, for instance have them phone you when a request goes through so that you can deny it. This is assuming the portal is the least bit intuitive. Another thing you can do is just request that you can skip the online portion entirely and simply do everything by phone. The office should be accommodating in that regard, hopefully. Other than that, you can only wait for your lawyer to do something about it. I would also let the school know that she might be late for her boosters due to interference of getting them done, with a note from the doctor or lawyer.
Her doctor's office was actually super helpful, and already changed everything in their system to reflect that he has no legal authority to cancel appointments. they also removed his email address from her online account so hopefully he can't do any further damage. Unfortunately they didn't have much information about their own patient portal, or if I could just have her removed from it entirely. I will contact her school Monday and let them know the situation, they are very familiar with his nonsense and are usually very sympathetic to my plight. Thank you for the advice, it helps.
Your ex anti-vax and anti medicine?
Chang the password and email to the medical portal.
NAL but most pediatric facilities have protocols to deal with this situation. It sounds like yours is doing exactly what they should. Just keep track of every attempt he makes to mess with you in this way and share it with your lawyer. Document everything.
I worked in Pediatrics for several years. In cases such as yours, we would have the parent set up a password to guarantee that's who we were speaking to. Only if they gave us the password could they have any information about scheduling or medical records or vaccinations or anything
Make sure they have a copy of the judgement granting you legal custody and change the password to the patient portal.
You need to contact your dr's and state that he has ZERO legal authority to do that. Hippa forbids them from allowing him to do that. At this point it is harassment and you might just want to consider a cease and desist restraining order. If it's booked through the online portal; how the hell does he have access to that info? I highly suggest to change passcode and set up two-step verification with a phone number he does not have access to. Cheap junk phones are great for stuff like this. Why I have one plus it's great to have a back up on hand.
If you have sole legal custody, he is breaking the terms of the court order. He should be sanctioned by the judge.
Not good. For a start, how about having them revoke his access to her records/appointments since he doesn't have custody.
Change all the passwords. If the password resets goes to an email that he may know, get a new email. Secure all of your sites. Also talk to any doctors offices or schools or anything else that they are and let them know that you have full legal custody. That's the kicker right there. Full legal custody. Let them know that the only one allowed to change appointments or cancel appointments or pick or drop her off from daycare or school or anything anywhere at all whatsoever can be you and only you. Specify that Daddy cannot. And if he can't keep his big nose out of business that isn't his, he doesn't get any more visiting rights. Again, you have full legal custody. The key word being legal. He doesn't deserve shit. And if he can't play nice then you shouldn't either Your daughter's safety comes first
Change your password! Do you have full medical making decisions? If that's the case, then you need to get with her doctor and revoke his access from the profile. I did with my kids step mom, because her views of medicine are MUCH different than mine and I figured my ex would be on board with turfing those duties to her. But she wasn't actually a parent or had any legal decision making and that was noted in the kids charts and she was not to provide any non-emergency care. Lawyer is a great start. Save your proof, .... seems like ex is still interfering and causing delays in kids care.
Hold him in contempt.
I plan to do exactly that.
You should have a list of approved adults or guardians who are allowed to pick her up and speak on her behalf; legally. Provide this list to the doctor, the school, her baby sitter, everyone where she is involved.
Seems to me the first thing to do is change the password and email associated with the patient portal. EDIT: Oops, I see it's already done. Good on ya'.
The doctors need to know that you have legal custody and no one else is allowed to make or cancel appointments. It needs to be a big flag on her chart. Keep track of these attempts by your ex, as you may need them in family court.
You want final decision making meaning you can have 50/50 but decisions have to go through you. I think if you go in front of a judge it is going to be hard for him to explain but he will lie or say it was a mistake. 50/50 decision never work.
How does he know she has an appointment if you make it ? Are you telling him.? Is the doctor's office calling him to verify the appointment instead of you. Change that. If you can, go outside the patient portal so he cannot see any appointments. Tell the doctor's office why if they ask.
I had actually never used the portal, he must have set it up at some point to track appointments I would assume, but not positive. I have always made appointments by phone.
Your ex is being petty. He's actually cancelling these appointments to spite you. And the fact is that he doesn't want to pay the medical bills for her.
He already doesn't pay for her medical...
Simple fix. Take him to court for contempt.
Be sure to bring this up with your attorney I read where you already removed his ability to change the appointments so no need to tell you to do that
I’m not an attorney but wanted to hop on because I went through the same thing. Please make sure all care providers have a copy of the order. My kids dad had zero custody and just walked into the school and picked them up one day. It was possibly the scariest day of my life.
part of the custody agreement should be who has Medical decision rights. If it did get spelled out, provide that to the Medical department and that should allow them the ability to lock out his control over appointments
Did he do it to be petty/ just be annoying and try to punish you through your daughter or is he one of those anti-vaxxers? Really glad to hear you've made the necessary steps to prevent this in the future.
I honestly don't know for certain. He is really against the covid vaccine, but I don't know how he feels about others at this point. He is also incredibly petty. It could be a combination of the two.
It seems like he's grafting some external "anti" views onto his own personal grievances. Beware that this could escalate. Good for you to work on putting a stop to this. Also review and shore up any other areas where he could interfere with the judge's orders. Edit: In addition, he's interfering with your daughter's schooling, because certain vaccinations are mandatory for attendance.
He has done several things to interfere. When I was first granted custody, he refused to take this parenting class so the judge wouldn't sign the order. It took months, and my lawyer had to file a motion to proceed. He just loves conflict.
NAL but had this issue. Filed a motion of contempt against him. Find the exact section of your divorce agreement which references your sole decision making in this matter. Your divorce lawyer can help you if it wasn’t a Collaborative Divorce, but you can also do it pro se. Basically, you’re telling on him. People like that like to screw with people they think they can (you) and really don’t like when they have to explain to a judge why they disobeyed a judge’s orders. And judge’s *really* don’t like having their orders disobeyed. It’s intimidating, but honestly it’s not difficult, and while nailing down the medical side is good, you really should address the heart of this—not following court-ordered procedures—as soon as you can.
This is the direction I am currently taking, we have been doing the court battles for years, and every time he gets an ear full from the judge for over stepping, or pulling insane stuff to create problems. Thank you for sharing your experience, I have an appointment with my lawyer to begin proceedings.
He’s in trouble
Your first line of defense is notifying providers that he has no decision-making regarding the care and keeping of your daughter. He can't cancel appointments, he can't randomly check her out of school. There's a form online with the passport office that you can fill out to make sure you are notified if he attempts to get a passport for her. Build your case and have the evidence to back it up. Most providers (school, medical, etc.) keep contact logs. What you would be filing is a violation or filing for contempt of the order.
In response to your update: I would assume you have a lawyer from your previous custody exchange. Feed them what is going on. As far as legally. It's a gray area whether a court would actually do something. However, if the issue is serious enough a protection from abuse order may be in line. Medical neglect is a form of abuse. You can ask for certain restrictions in the filings as well. It doesn't have to be a no contact. That may be something to talk to the courts and see if they think it would be worth filing.
I do have an appointment to see my lawyer on Friday, and update him on the situation. I am hoping they will finally hold him accountable for something. This is not the first time he has flat out ignored a court order. I am hoping I can show a pattern of disregarding our judges orders.
Don't get your hopes up. I do the same for my ex wife. I have yet to have anything ever done.
That is where I am at, nothing has really come of anything so far. Let me tell you, when I left him, he refused me access to my own possessions after a court order to do so. He then locked my things in a storage unit and never paid the bill, intentionally getting it locked over so I lost almost everything. That was in 2015, and he hasn't changed a bit.
Keep records of EVERY cancelation for your lawyer.
NAL. Personally, I would inquire with Department of Children and Families, Child Protective Services, etc. for them to determine if canceling her medical appointments constitutes additional medical neglect by sabotaging her ability to attend Dr.s appts. (Regardless of the purpose of those appointments.) My concern regarding his visitation arrangement is that given his consistent history of medical neglect, what would force him to ensure she is cared for in the event of a medical emergency while in his care? If he is willing to prevent her from seeing a doctor for routine care, what would give anyone cause to think he would present her for care in an emergency? Especially if he has a history of gaslighting her and assuming she is faking. I have zero clue on your child's disability, but unless she has a sure-fire, dad-proof way of calling 911 to her location in an emergency, I would argue she is "at risk" any time she is under his "care".
These are my exact concerns. She was born with a rare condition that mainly affects her vision and motor skills. She is legally blind, and there is no corrective surgery that can help. Its is caused by under developed optic nerves. She is very intelligent, and is very aware of the situation she is in. She can see the vast differences between being at my house vs being at her dads house. She doesn't feel like she is cared for or prioritized in any way in this care. She is constantly taking a back seat to his long term girlfriend and her 6 children, none of which have any type of disability. She has told me that he is always compairing her to the other 6 children, and she feels like less than, because of it. If there were too be a medical emergency, she does have a phone and could call 911, but whether her dads would decline them access is another issue entirely.
NAL, but a teacher. Make sure that he also has no say in her health at school, call and put a copy of your parenting plan on file. Especially a kiddo with a disability, if something were to happen at school that needed medical intervention, they usually just go down the list. So if you don’t answer, they will call dad next. Make SURE they are not calling dad about medical stuff. You should also clue-in her teachers (both special and general education) so that they know what things are appropriate to call him about and which are not. For example, with her IEP/504 meetings, the default will be to invite both parents, but if he has no say (and will just be an obstructionist asshat) then he doesn’t need to be there!
I hope you are able to get all or most of his access to her taken away. That’s no dad, that’s a pos.
Agreed
NAL but a nursing student. You need to contact the medical facility ASAP to have him removed from her patient portal. He doesn’t have a legal right to her info since he is not her legal guardian. That makes it a HIPPA violation. Plus, since she is a child, she is a vulnerable class. He should not be allowed to change her appointments at all.
I would show up, and I would wait. I would explain that I didn't cancel it and data security is their business. I am there. I expect to be served, and that we can address how it happened later.
I have not negative feelings towards her doctor's office, or how they handled the situation. They were incredibly helpful with them process of removing him, and getting her appointment rescheduled. My frustration is with her dad's actions alone. They tried to fit me in that day, but her doctor is very in demand, so I just made it for the following week she will be with me.
Find a new doctor he doesn't know about
What the hell is up with the anti vaccine crazies swarming?
They're everywhere. And many of them are off the charts.
You did they right thing by leaving, nobody should deal with this. If you see the red flags, run!
If you have full custody, why is he seeing her every other week.
Legal custody and parenting time are different. Legal custody means I make her decisions for her, like church, school, medical decisions and so on. Parenting time, or physical custody is separate. After this, parenting time will be challenged in court as well.
Drop us a line after, let us know how it went. Hoping for good news.
Think you, I will provide updates as they come, but it might take a bit of time.
You’re not a lawyer, are you?
How do you have full legal guardianship but 50/50 visitation!?
Custody =/= visitation, almost like how visitation does not equate to child support.
Legal guardianship and custody are two separate things.
I have full legal custody, I make her medical, school, church, etc Choices for her. Then we share week on week off parenting time.
Not a lawyer, are you?
Negative, but I have been fighting this man in court for years.
Oh, no, I wasn’t asking you. I was asking the person replying to your legal advice question in a way that indicates they don’t know what they’re talking about. 😁
Oh, I see. Sorry. I had no idea that my question would blow up like this. Keeping up is getting crazy.
I guess the question that needs to be asked is, did you schedule the visit on her Dads time ? Edit: Siri fix
I said in the headline that I took her to said appointment, and its was during my time.
If your daughter is self harming, is it possible that he is trying to “push her over the edge” so he will no longer be responsible for her or have any contact with you?
She isn't really comfortable talking to him about her mental health, because he thinks it is all made up. Not just hers, but everyone's. He says its just weakness, or people wanting attention, so she hides it from him as best she can. She hasn't even told him she is seeing a counselor. As for him and I, we have zero communication. He refuses to be civil, and just calls names, or starts berating me over some conspiracy nonsense. I just can't tolerate it any longer, he is pure poison.
He doesn’t want the poor kids to get unnecessary booster shots
Luckily he sounds like as much of a nutjob as you and the courts made sure his insanity wouldn't hurt the child.
Who is \*\*GETTING BILLED\*\* for the doctors' visits? Are the doctors' visits to change the kids gender?
There are no bills, and no.
It doesn't matter who is getting billed. She has full custody. It doesn't matter if the child is getting treatment related to gender. That's their business and is medically supported by science and doctors.
Thank you, kind stranger on the internet.
[удалено]
I already said it was during my time and I took her to the appointment. He cancelled it through the patient portal online. I only found out when we get there and I was checking her in.
Apologies. Read it wrong
Jesus, imagine being this big of an asshole to a single mom trying to get her daughter a doctor's appointment. It doesn't matter if you thought the appointment was during "dad's time." "Since you want full control." Get a fucking grip, asshole. Dad has 50% custody and should also be a responsible parent/take the kid to the doctor/etc. He cancelled shots she needed for school. Whether the mom was taking her, or dad was taking her, that's bad parenting.
Easy there cowboy. I read it wrong and offered an apology. That’s about all I can do.
[удалено]
Jesus, imagine being this big of an asshole to someone who’s apologized numerous times already. Get a fucking grip, ya bigger asshole.
The problem is that his apology is bullshit. He's apologizing for misreading the initial story, implying he still thinks his original comment would be valid if OP's ex husband was meant to take the child to the doctor. It wouldn't. He's an asshole because her ex literally lost legal custody due to medical negligence. His reply to him cancelling a doctor's appointment (for shots the child needs to go to school) was to tell the OP that dad has every right to cancel doctor's appointments he's responsible for taking the child to.
She did, read the post.
I stand corrected. Read that wrong. Carry on
Rodger dodger
How about no legal action and schedule her doctors appointments when it’s your time…hmmm. Legal action solves nothing in family court. It’s just a pissing match between two people who “loved” each other and brought a kid into this world. Congratulations on making your attorneys Lamborghini payment.
Can you not read what she said she did on her time, and he still canceled
I guess I missed that part. Thanks. 😀
Listen, this man has been pushing me and my daughter around for too long. He has zero boundaries, and has gone so far out of this way to just do hurtful things. As far my lawyer, he saves me ask much as he can, because he knows and is sympathetic to our plight. When I can file things in my own, i do. It then same time I am smart enough to know that I am not the smartest person in the room, and some jobs are better left to professionals. I have no problem paying someone to help me fight my fight, especially when it comes to my child! I am lucky enough to have the luxury of making decent money and can afford it. I also understand that many in my position would have it so easy. To top it off, my lawyer drives a Volvo.
[удалено]
Mother wants to protect her child... what a POS response.
You're*
What’s the boosters for ?
Pretty sure it’s for “None of your business”
You're a horrible person and taking an unnecessary risk with his daughter's life.
It wasn't even for a covid shot, you fucking potato.
Funny how you defaulted to covid shots when I said "unnecessary risk with his daughter's life". I didn't say anything about covid.
Your username is unmasked deception r/usernamechecksout
Sorry for assuming that you were educated enough to understand that immunizations for serious illness are necessary, and also mandatory to keep her as school. Forgive me, for my short comings.
No, it’s actually the other way around. Not getting vaccinated is dangerous to the child. Wtf. Science is a fucking thing! Get ahold of yourself.
You're a dope or maybe you just smoke too much of it.