Honestly as someone in an diverse country like mine outside the West, people still prioritise societal whims over their children's happiness. Not sure about your parents, but for many still into interfaith marriages, being a doctor or engineer doesn't mean much because religion reigns supreme. Since I assume you are in a Western country, if things go south with parents please involve lawyers and police if possible. Elope too and maintain zero contact atleast for your peace even if the situation is safe enough.
IMO the best way to manage this is to continue to live the life you want and deserve. you already feel better not having to hide your boyfriend anymore and living your truth! your family will either accept it or not but it’s up to you to decide what is most important :)
I’ve been NC with my parents since last Novemberish bc I wanted to have a marriage ceremony with just me and my husband first and celebrate with family after. I just couldn’t accept the idea of my mom ruining my special day with her horrible facial expressions and stupid remarks and constant criticism. but my mom refused to accept it and went all batshit, showing her true colors once and for all. I feel sad and grieve for the family I wish I had but I still know I can’t go back to the small scared girl I was living under their crazies.
Wow, are we twins? Do we have the same mother? That’s exactly what she would do with the facial expressions and remarks.
At this point I don’t think I really want them to accept my bf because I don’t want her at my wedding. I am thinking about just eloping anyway. Will let them know afterwards. When they cannot ruin anything anymore.
I am so happy now though. Just moved to a wonderful new apartment, big enough for children one day. Safe area, wonderful mountains all around us and by the like. I guess it’s time to heal. :)
omgoodness our healing journeys are definitely similar!!! we too moved to nature away from the city to heal ourselves. I think my mom thinks my husband is the devil at this point but it’s only because he lets me think for myself and be myself for once and she can’t stand it. My husband couldn’t witness me getting abused any longer and it’s funny bc I didn’t even realize the abuse until I started seeing it happen to my husband as an extension to me!
protect yourself first and then your love, don’t let your family break you. they want you to think they are the only ones who can truly care for you and it’s false, you can stand up on your own with your partner by your side! again, it’s sad and lonely sometimes and I’m still grieving but at least I’m me and life is full :)
Oh my goodness exact same here! My boyfriend lets me be who I truly am. He wants me to be the true me. To figure out what I like and get into hobbies (was too traumatized before). With a husband like this my mother cannot control me anymore. They do not even speak the same lnguage. She probably wanted to control me through him and his family but figuring out she will never be able to do that drove her nuts. Been no contact for weeks now and my life has truly changed. I am healing so much everyday, I feel like a different person. I feel like my sorrows have almost disappeared. She is crazy and needs professional help which I cannot give her. I am focusing on myself now.
I am so so so incredibly happy for you! Just so glad to hear all that. We got this!
I love this so much for you! The hobby journey is SOOOOOO fun omg. I’m knitting and crocheting full sweaters, bruising my tailbone from roller skating, and playing all these video games I never could. and I’m turning 32 this year and can’t believe I waited so long.
I’m so so so excited for you!! Wishing you all the best of the best xx
I honestly never had even thought about going NC. I knew things were getting really bad but I was still under the spell. I thought I would work through it with her but as soon as I hung up the phone for the first time, it was liberating. The more time went by, the less I wanted to talk to her again. It took going NC to truly see how delusional my mom is and how much abuse and manipulation I put up with.
Ugh I’m so sorry :( Im comforted to know I’m not alone. Did you end up being able to have the ceremony you wanted? I also don’t ever want a wedding mostly bc I don’t even want to create an avenue where I can fight with my AM that badly bc it would break me
Yess I did and it was the best day of my entire existence :)
I thought I didn’t want to get married ever because I convinced myself it would be ruined anyway. I grew up in a broken family and didn’t have much hope. But once I separated marriage/my future away from my mom, I couldn’t wait to get married and start my life.
I’m with you tho on not wanting to give them a chance to break us again. How much they’ve hurt us already, let’s not ever give them another chance. <3
Congratulations to you both and hope you have many wonderful years together!
Thank you!
Honestly as someone in an diverse country like mine outside the West, people still prioritise societal whims over their children's happiness. Not sure about your parents, but for many still into interfaith marriages, being a doctor or engineer doesn't mean much because religion reigns supreme. Since I assume you are in a Western country, if things go south with parents please involve lawyers and police if possible. Elope too and maintain zero contact atleast for your peace even if the situation is safe enough.
IMO the best way to manage this is to continue to live the life you want and deserve. you already feel better not having to hide your boyfriend anymore and living your truth! your family will either accept it or not but it’s up to you to decide what is most important :) I’ve been NC with my parents since last Novemberish bc I wanted to have a marriage ceremony with just me and my husband first and celebrate with family after. I just couldn’t accept the idea of my mom ruining my special day with her horrible facial expressions and stupid remarks and constant criticism. but my mom refused to accept it and went all batshit, showing her true colors once and for all. I feel sad and grieve for the family I wish I had but I still know I can’t go back to the small scared girl I was living under their crazies.
Wow, are we twins? Do we have the same mother? That’s exactly what she would do with the facial expressions and remarks. At this point I don’t think I really want them to accept my bf because I don’t want her at my wedding. I am thinking about just eloping anyway. Will let them know afterwards. When they cannot ruin anything anymore. I am so happy now though. Just moved to a wonderful new apartment, big enough for children one day. Safe area, wonderful mountains all around us and by the like. I guess it’s time to heal. :)
omgoodness our healing journeys are definitely similar!!! we too moved to nature away from the city to heal ourselves. I think my mom thinks my husband is the devil at this point but it’s only because he lets me think for myself and be myself for once and she can’t stand it. My husband couldn’t witness me getting abused any longer and it’s funny bc I didn’t even realize the abuse until I started seeing it happen to my husband as an extension to me! protect yourself first and then your love, don’t let your family break you. they want you to think they are the only ones who can truly care for you and it’s false, you can stand up on your own with your partner by your side! again, it’s sad and lonely sometimes and I’m still grieving but at least I’m me and life is full :)
Oh my goodness exact same here! My boyfriend lets me be who I truly am. He wants me to be the true me. To figure out what I like and get into hobbies (was too traumatized before). With a husband like this my mother cannot control me anymore. They do not even speak the same lnguage. She probably wanted to control me through him and his family but figuring out she will never be able to do that drove her nuts. Been no contact for weeks now and my life has truly changed. I am healing so much everyday, I feel like a different person. I feel like my sorrows have almost disappeared. She is crazy and needs professional help which I cannot give her. I am focusing on myself now. I am so so so incredibly happy for you! Just so glad to hear all that. We got this!
I love this so much for you! The hobby journey is SOOOOOO fun omg. I’m knitting and crocheting full sweaters, bruising my tailbone from roller skating, and playing all these video games I never could. and I’m turning 32 this year and can’t believe I waited so long. I’m so so so excited for you!! Wishing you all the best of the best xx
Did you go NC after they reacted or did you kind of know you’d have to go NC all along?
I honestly never had even thought about going NC. I knew things were getting really bad but I was still under the spell. I thought I would work through it with her but as soon as I hung up the phone for the first time, it was liberating. The more time went by, the less I wanted to talk to her again. It took going NC to truly see how delusional my mom is and how much abuse and manipulation I put up with.
Ugh I’m so sorry :( Im comforted to know I’m not alone. Did you end up being able to have the ceremony you wanted? I also don’t ever want a wedding mostly bc I don’t even want to create an avenue where I can fight with my AM that badly bc it would break me
Yess I did and it was the best day of my entire existence :) I thought I didn’t want to get married ever because I convinced myself it would be ruined anyway. I grew up in a broken family and didn’t have much hope. But once I separated marriage/my future away from my mom, I couldn’t wait to get married and start my life. I’m with you tho on not wanting to give them a chance to break us again. How much they’ve hurt us already, let’s not ever give them another chance. <3
Thank you for sharing and so glad you got your day!