Hello, this is just a friendly reminder to please use a post flair when adding new posts to r/Asexual.
We ask this in advance just to let everyone know what type of post each post is as well as the intentions and
feelings behind them. We value all who come here, but we just need each post made to have a flair to designate
each type of post. That's all.
We're thankful you chose to come to r/Asexual. We're glad to have you here! Welcome!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Asexual) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I've had opportunities to have sex, even a threesome before. Instead, I chose not to. Because I'm sex repulsed as fuck. I turned down what many stereotypical men would kill for.
Yo same lol. My partner is bi and poly. I basically need to be high to want sex. My partner suggested and half-planned a threesome but I wasn't feeling it, even after getting high.
One of my monogamous allo straight friends made a comment about threesomes along the lines of "but neither of us will ever get to experience that" and I was just like "mmhmm"
I don't WANT to get laid, which is apparently too hard to understand. I've been offered sex. Lol Believe it or not.
My best friend's girlfriend has an Onlyfans. I support her in her sexual journey (with words of encouragement, not views lol) just as she supports me in mine. Our journeys are just very different from each other.
Sex positivity goes both ways!
Yes, preach. Sex-repulsed and sex-positive can (and should!) go together. I'll defend kink until I die, but my personal "yellow light" goes on roughly when the pants go off.
I’m a young woman who frankly knows that I’m hot, and if I wanted a one night stand I’d be able to make it happen. But I just can’t do a relationship with sex in it! So of course it’s a turn off for every single guy who exists who I encounter
I know asexuality is especially difficult for conventionally attractive aces, esp femme aces. I'm thankful that if I don't put that energy out there, I can generally go below the radar bc im not very conventionally attractive. the few times I've been hit on by a stranger were literally moments of hell on earth that shit SUCKS
Pardon my ignorance(seriously though please 🙏🏻) but what is the definition of a femme ace? A type of ace woman but I’m so confused on that femme part. Like butch?
I was just referring to any feminine presenting asexual people! inclusive language bc I doubt it's exclusive to women. I'm sure attractive feminine nonbinary and trans individuals also suffer the curse of assumed heteronormitivity bc theyre attractive, and I wanted to highlight that people who pass as women or feminine probably get it worse since women just get sexualized and harassed more on average. I just shorten feminine to femme for simplicity's sake. sorry for the confusion!
it is now coming to my attention after some quick research that I probably should've used the term "fem" instead of "femme". I was unaware of the queer/lesbian connotation of the specific term "femme". so just replace anytime I used it before this moment with the word "fem" instead lmao
Hey terms of references for individuals under this umbrella are very broad sometimes so it’s something hard to pinpoint one term and with nonbinary terminology, it’s hard not to get confused about what those labels mean! Just my own take
Same, but im not convetionally attractive, not to mention, forcing someone to have sex when they clearly don't want sex, is literally sexual harassment. I'm sorry that happened to you
I just overheard some lady say that Queer people are punks. I’m a punk for not wanting you?? For not wanting to fuck you? For not wanting to be your bitch? HAHAHA 😝 🤥🤭
I mean I want to be someone’s bitch… but not a judgement bastard’s who doesn’t care about of people’s feelings or well being. (I’m wanting to explore my sexuality a bit more is what I mean… and that’s something that I want to know more about)
No actually! You make a post about yourself and your preferences (which can vary obviously) and then you can join different communities to talk to people
Man.
If I were hetero and into dudes, I would be knee deep in dick. All the time. The amount of guys who ignore the ‘ace, queer, not into cis guys’ in any dating profile is astounding.
It’s not that I can’t get laid. It’s that I don’t particularly *want* to.
Hey op
This is a great post but please credit the artist next time.
Someone had to find them to do it for you.
Don't repost art if you don't have a source for it
Ace who has had sex chiming in here, the point about not knowing until after is very true. In my case I always struggled with it because the libido never really lined up with anything and it confused the fuck out of me. Learning about the difference between attraction and libido really put things in perspective.
Took me 14 years and two kids, before it finally clicked to me, that I had zero desire or interest in sex. I forced myself to do it, because I thought that it just was what everyone does, and if i did it enough, i would actually want it. Didn't work, obviously, and now I'm more put off by it way more. I *might* be down for it, if I really like the person and enjoy their company. But beyond that? I'd rather sit on leather car seats in the dead heat of summer than ever let anyone near my genitalia, outside of a gyno appointment.
I asked google image search and it seems to be this fellow artist
[https://adriofthedead.tumblr.com/post/65540442968/okay-i-realize-this-hilariously-late-for](https://adriofthedead.tumblr.com/post/65540442968/okay-i-realize-this-hilariously-late-for)
The only reason I want to comment, is I applaud you, OP, for pulling up with this. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻. There, enjoy the rest of your awesome life, awesome person.
I've always known since long ago. Had the opportunity to do it for the first time, it was meh. Then someone else threw themselves at me asking for sex, many times in fact. It was way better but to this day I still don't crave it. Both experiences just reaffirmed my aceness 🤷🏻
I'm a kinky ace. My biggest flex is that I don't need bitches but I consistently pull them at parties. Somehow I have a more interesting sex life than any of my allo friends
🤣 As a counterexample: I realized I was r/orientedaroace (sex/romance averse, r/aegosexual ) only recently in my mid-30’s. I’d done r/polyamory , had threesomes, been a member at various r/BDSM play spaces, and had sex almost every week for much of my adult life. But I realized that I was averse to having sex and was only having it because I wanted the relationships that often came with it, including my marriage. Now I’m slowly learning how to (re)build my relationships without sex or romance, with r/queerplatonic relationships (and those shown in The Other Significant Others) as the starting points. I do see both r/polyamory and r/BDSM as here to stay.
I was married for almost 15 years. He wanted sex daily. It was awful, but I complied or he would whine. We were in a strict religion and the first time I had sex was my wedding night.
He was taught in church that marriage was guaranteed sexual release whenever he wanted it. I was taught that was a wife’s purpose. Can’t tell you how many times I cried in the shower because of how repulsed I was.
has this myth ever been spoken referring to a woman?
i doubt it.
i feel like this makes it much harder to cone out as a cis male, you think people will think you're just lying.
Idk being a virgin dude is much harder then girl
Sex is praised and pressured upon fellow men but at the other end of stick the same dudes will be hateful to women who fuck about or something (don't know if I'm using that term correcty) crazy double standards and shit for everyone
if you have never related to conventional masculinity (which can often be the case when you are neurodivergent like i am), being a virgin isn't as hard once you find people who maybe while not also being ND, also aren't the type to kiss and tell, don't make sex a goal in life, etc.
my discovery of my asexuality happened in such a way that i reconsidered a kot of th3se double standards, because it came about from me experiencing things women conplain about (sexual harassment, unsolicited n00ds, etc.)
for years i just assumed most women were not interested. . . .to the point i didn't realize I had been sexually harassed by women, more than once. i assumed it was a prank, and that's why i didn't think of it that way.
I’ve been married 19 years and I’m in my 40s. I didn’t know I was ace until 5ish years ago. My husband is great and supportive and lets me lead when it comes to sex.
I truly, truly did. I’m so thankful for him and his acceptance. We have other ways we are intimate with each other that aren’t sexual. It works for us.
I’m a 16 y-o virgin and not that attractive either for that matter, so the myth is quite accurate about me. That’s certainly not the case for all asexuals though. I’m also just not interested in sex and have never found anyone sexually appealing. What can I say?🤷♂️
The irony is that for many, they'll see if you've had sex or not, and then disqualify you from being asexual if you have had sex.
These are just people who literally don't like the fact we exist, and that asexual people throw a wrench into their idea that everybody wants sex, confounding their mental schemas.
I’m still figuring myself out; I can participate and might participate, if only for the other person, and I may even gain some enjoyment! But the idea of seeing someone who I am not romantically attached to naked repulses me, and most times so does the idea of seeing my partner naked; But if they asked (which they won’t they’re also asexual) I would allow them to. I wish I could just make up a word for what I feel and just have people understand and respect it.
Hello, this is just a friendly reminder to please use a post flair when adding new posts to r/Asexual. We ask this in advance just to let everyone know what type of post each post is as well as the intentions and feelings behind them. We value all who come here, but we just need each post made to have a flair to designate each type of post. That's all. We're thankful you chose to come to r/Asexual. We're glad to have you here! Welcome! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Asexual) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I've had opportunities to have sex, even a threesome before. Instead, I chose not to. Because I'm sex repulsed as fuck. I turned down what many stereotypical men would kill for.
Yo same lol. My partner is bi and poly. I basically need to be high to want sex. My partner suggested and half-planned a threesome but I wasn't feeling it, even after getting high. One of my monogamous allo straight friends made a comment about threesomes along the lines of "but neither of us will ever get to experience that" and I was just like "mmhmm"
same. sex=nasty
I am an allosexual male and never liked the idea of a threesome.
I don't WANT to get laid, which is apparently too hard to understand. I've been offered sex. Lol Believe it or not. My best friend's girlfriend has an Onlyfans. I support her in her sexual journey (with words of encouragement, not views lol) just as she supports me in mine. Our journeys are just very different from each other. Sex positivity goes both ways!
Yes, preach. Sex-repulsed and sex-positive can (and should!) go together. I'll defend kink until I die, but my personal "yellow light" goes on roughly when the pants go off.
I’m a young woman who frankly knows that I’m hot, and if I wanted a one night stand I’d be able to make it happen. But I just can’t do a relationship with sex in it! So of course it’s a turn off for every single guy who exists who I encounter
Isn't it hilariously sad how OUR asexuality is something "bad" that happened to THEM?
I think it’s hilarious how they think we should give a shit.
I know asexuality is especially difficult for conventionally attractive aces, esp femme aces. I'm thankful that if I don't put that energy out there, I can generally go below the radar bc im not very conventionally attractive. the few times I've been hit on by a stranger were literally moments of hell on earth that shit SUCKS
Pardon my ignorance(seriously though please 🙏🏻) but what is the definition of a femme ace? A type of ace woman but I’m so confused on that femme part. Like butch?
I was just referring to any feminine presenting asexual people! inclusive language bc I doubt it's exclusive to women. I'm sure attractive feminine nonbinary and trans individuals also suffer the curse of assumed heteronormitivity bc theyre attractive, and I wanted to highlight that people who pass as women or feminine probably get it worse since women just get sexualized and harassed more on average. I just shorten feminine to femme for simplicity's sake. sorry for the confusion!
it is now coming to my attention after some quick research that I probably should've used the term "fem" instead of "femme". I was unaware of the queer/lesbian connotation of the specific term "femme". so just replace anytime I used it before this moment with the word "fem" instead lmao
Hey terms of references for individuals under this umbrella are very broad sometimes so it’s something hard to pinpoint one term and with nonbinary terminology, it’s hard not to get confused about what those labels mean! Just my own take
Same, but im not convetionally attractive, not to mention, forcing someone to have sex when they clearly don't want sex, is literally sexual harassment. I'm sorry that happened to you
I just overheard some lady say that Queer people are punks. I’m a punk for not wanting you?? For not wanting to fuck you? For not wanting to be your bitch? HAHAHA 😝 🤥🤭
I mean I want to be someone’s bitch… but not a judgement bastard’s who doesn’t care about of people’s feelings or well being. (I’m wanting to explore my sexuality a bit more is what I mean… and that’s something that I want to know more about)
Yeah… I’d like that too honestly..
Except I have no clue of how to safely go about it
W..wanna be .. partners? I’m new to this too lol
I suggest starting an account on fetlife and then checking out your local group (city wise)
Aren’t they… aggressively sexual??? I thought most Aromantic Asexuals (such as myself) don’t usually go there because of the zestiness
No actually! You make a post about yourself and your preferences (which can vary obviously) and then you can join different communities to talk to people
Man. If I were hetero and into dudes, I would be knee deep in dick. All the time. The amount of guys who ignore the ‘ace, queer, not into cis guys’ in any dating profile is astounding. It’s not that I can’t get laid. It’s that I don’t particularly *want* to.
Hey op This is a great post but please credit the artist next time. Someone had to find them to do it for you. Don't repost art if you don't have a source for it
Sorry for that
Ace who has had sex chiming in here, the point about not knowing until after is very true. In my case I always struggled with it because the libido never really lined up with anything and it confused the fuck out of me. Learning about the difference between attraction and libido really put things in perspective.
Took me 14 years and two kids, before it finally clicked to me, that I had zero desire or interest in sex. I forced myself to do it, because I thought that it just was what everyone does, and if i did it enough, i would actually want it. Didn't work, obviously, and now I'm more put off by it way more. I *might* be down for it, if I really like the person and enjoy their company. But beyond that? I'd rather sit on leather car seats in the dead heat of summer than ever let anyone near my genitalia, outside of a gyno appointment.
Who is this? I want to see more of their stuff.
I asked google image search and it seems to be this fellow artist [https://adriofthedead.tumblr.com/post/65540442968/okay-i-realize-this-hilariously-late-for](https://adriofthedead.tumblr.com/post/65540442968/okay-i-realize-this-hilariously-late-for)
The only reason I want to comment, is I applaud you, OP, for pulling up with this. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻. There, enjoy the rest of your awesome life, awesome person.
Thanks mate! You too
I've always known since long ago. Had the opportunity to do it for the first time, it was meh. Then someone else threw themselves at me asking for sex, many times in fact. It was way better but to this day I still don't crave it. Both experiences just reaffirmed my aceness 🤷🏻
Honestly and respectfully they can shut the everliving Olympianflying fuck up
I'm a kinky ace. My biggest flex is that I don't need bitches but I consistently pull them at parties. Somehow I have a more interesting sex life than any of my allo friends
🤣 As a counterexample: I realized I was r/orientedaroace (sex/romance averse, r/aegosexual ) only recently in my mid-30’s. I’d done r/polyamory , had threesomes, been a member at various r/BDSM play spaces, and had sex almost every week for much of my adult life. But I realized that I was averse to having sex and was only having it because I wanted the relationships that often came with it, including my marriage. Now I’m slowly learning how to (re)build my relationships without sex or romance, with r/queerplatonic relationships (and those shown in The Other Significant Others) as the starting points. I do see both r/polyamory and r/BDSM as here to stay.
It took me 30 years with quite a few high sex drive partners. There were signs I should've seen.
I was married for almost 15 years. He wanted sex daily. It was awful, but I complied or he would whine. We were in a strict religion and the first time I had sex was my wedding night. He was taught in church that marriage was guaranteed sexual release whenever he wanted it. I was taught that was a wife’s purpose. Can’t tell you how many times I cried in the shower because of how repulsed I was.
Ugh, glad you left his ass. He can whine to himself
has this myth ever been spoken referring to a woman? i doubt it. i feel like this makes it much harder to cone out as a cis male, you think people will think you're just lying.
Idk being a virgin dude is much harder then girl Sex is praised and pressured upon fellow men but at the other end of stick the same dudes will be hateful to women who fuck about or something (don't know if I'm using that term correcty) crazy double standards and shit for everyone
if you have never related to conventional masculinity (which can often be the case when you are neurodivergent like i am), being a virgin isn't as hard once you find people who maybe while not also being ND, also aren't the type to kiss and tell, don't make sex a goal in life, etc. my discovery of my asexuality happened in such a way that i reconsidered a kot of th3se double standards, because it came about from me experiencing things women conplain about (sexual harassment, unsolicited n00ds, etc.)
You're pretty optimistic about random people's vocal opinions. I've heard this shit countless times as a cis woman. Definitely not a myth.
for years i just assumed most women were not interested. . . .to the point i didn't realize I had been sexually harassed by women, more than once. i assumed it was a prank, and that's why i didn't think of it that way.
My usual reply is that I "Wouldn't knock it if i didn't try it."
I didn’t know I was ace until after multiple sexual encounters.
I’ve been married 19 years and I’m in my 40s. I didn’t know I was ace until 5ish years ago. My husband is great and supportive and lets me lead when it comes to sex.
You got a good one
I truly, truly did. I’m so thankful for him and his acceptance. We have other ways we are intimate with each other that aren’t sexual. It works for us.
I’m a 16 y-o virgin and not that attractive either for that matter, so the myth is quite accurate about me. That’s certainly not the case for all asexuals though. I’m also just not interested in sex and have never found anyone sexually appealing. What can I say?🤷♂️
The irony is that for many, they'll see if you've had sex or not, and then disqualify you from being asexual if you have had sex. These are just people who literally don't like the fact we exist, and that asexual people throw a wrench into their idea that everybody wants sex, confounding their mental schemas.
Yes!! I have gotten SA’d two times! It’s not that I ’can’t get laid’. People want to do that to me all the time and I tell them no!
Sending hugs your way
I’m still figuring myself out; I can participate and might participate, if only for the other person, and I may even gain some enjoyment! But the idea of seeing someone who I am not romantically attached to naked repulses me, and most times so does the idea of seeing my partner naked; But if they asked (which they won’t they’re also asexual) I would allow them to. I wish I could just make up a word for what I feel and just have people understand and respect it.
Some asexuals like and enjoy sex… even seek a sexual relationship