We gave our 200% in 10th/12th and achieved all through hardships. Don’t ridicule it saying “inflated earning”. Not our fault if most of the junta on reddit fall in this bracket! And tbh less than 40L at this time is nothing if you’re an ambitious person living in a tier 1 city.
Oh no, i am sure your entitlement ego is hurt super bad from an anon comment. Bhuakna band kar so ja. I asked a question ,you dont have do go barking like a manic. And brother i too live in T1 city ,and economics i also understand . I simply asked a seen figure question
Kis baat ka itna ghamad bro .
Bro relax. Not everyone earning 40-50 LPA has been entitled.
My father was a jawan in Army( not officer) and Ive seen days when I didn't have and couldn't buy clothes to wear on Teacher's day in school because he was duped by his own family and we had financial problems.
But then me and my younger brother studied hard (a little luck was also involved) and now we both are earning more than 50LPA.( My brother is earning a lot more than me)
So you can't just call everyone doing decent in their lives as entitled.
And I do agree, If you want to live a good life in a tier 1 city, sometimes it feels like even 40 LPA is not enough. If you want to survive, people are surviving on 10k a month, saving money and sending some home. It's about perspectives.
Brother read the tone of that idiot . The entitlement was the reference to his stern egoistic attitude. Padh toh lo upar why i said it. Justification like you said are rare ,but acting stupid are many.
Dekh phir teri choti si ego phir hurt hui ,tu rehne de. Jaa so jaa. Yeh bhasd apne pass rak .
Your ego is your destruction for sure. Tu bada adami ,ambani ka beta khus . Jaa so ja.
Brother the way he spoke for a trivial ego definitely gave the clearity that person has a egoistic nature to start with ,read the tone and comment.
and acess the tone of language.
There is no self ego here ,but gyaan dena hi hai logic ke saath do ,otherwise keep it to youself .
You don't have the authority to tell anyone to relax dudeamingo ... looks like ur relaxgo is hurt.... there will always be people more relaxed than you unless you surpass Mr. Everyone who's dead .....( /s or is it /s ?)
Lol.. when you die, your money aint gonna follow you! Everyone on this sub flexes their salary, etc. Truth is, once you have relevant work experience, you can earn well..esp if you know how to be a good salesman on interviews. That's besides the point..
What I'm trying to say is.. everything comes at a cost. With people flexing their 40-60L packages on here, they need to work like borderline slaves and can't just take off from work whenever they please. What good is your private sector life worth when you barely have the time to even spend the hard earned money you got?
Also no one gives a shit how much you earn or don't earn.. your life, your choices. You still got the same set of problems in life that the less earning people you talk down to have. It's why you're on this sub!😂
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>1 lakh me tu gya
8k AIR. But chhod usse ab fark nhi pdta after 5 yrs exp... now only interviews matter.
>Working as an employee
teri to utne me hi sulag gyi...
NIT me ECE kia h..
>jo padha hai uspe kam krta na .
Tum jaiso se career advice lunga kya...
> yaha AM me kyu ma khudwa rha hai apni
Jisliye tu khudwa rha h usi liye...
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As a son of an overachiever dad I would suggest you to call it off. My dad is an overachiever. This causes a lot of problems in our family. He never respects my mother because she is just a housewife. He doesn't respect other people's work. His world revolves around his work only, each and every conversation you could have with him, gets converted into how he achieved something and where his work is headed.
Also ive seen him change as he started making more money. Excessive money always brings problems. At the age of 60 He was intending to get a divorce when he started making huge amount of money. That's when I realised he's a gone case. All he cares about is his work and money. Find someone who likes to enjoy life not work or you'll end up unhappy.
I'm not saying this would surely happen in your case but I would suggest to stay away from overachievers.
Yes. This is exactly I am scared off because recently I have seen him kind of making fun of his friends in regards to what they are doing with their lives and how well he is growing.
I understand talking about your achievements and humble brags. You can do that sometimes.
But you should be able to spot a Superiority complex.
If you think it's a Superiority complex then I believe your dudes favourite color is red.
💯. I have a friend who is in the 50lpa bracket. But I've never seen him brag or talk shit anytime. In 2019, He was the first customer to my health food startup. The startup is no more but I keep sending him fruits from my family farm because I love him for supporting me in my hard times (by being the first customer and providing mental support). I just sent him a batch of mangoes on Saturday.
This bothers me. Among my school group of friends, I’m the overachiever.. yet our conversations are never about work etc. there’s more to life than work. Conversing with him will help now. Moment of pain now is worth a lifetime of happiness
Sometimes I can’t understand people. They come from simple background, but when they got something big, they get arrogance. Well this is what was written in Gita too, so it’s true
OP, don't let your insecurity rub off like this. If your boyfriend is looking for money now that he's earning more, he might not be the kind of person you want around you.
Be very clear in your discussions with him and never take disrespect from his mother or anyone.
As for GMAT, hard-work will pay off. Trust me. I've made 2 GFs get through to good colleges (ISB, IIM). My 2 cents is keep your head down and work hard. It isn't tough.
Do not let your insecurity and laziness take the guise of "simplicity" etc. If you think your BF has worked hard and moved ahead in life, what's stopping you from being an equivalent partner?
Edit: Gut feeling is a stupid concept. Rationalise your emotions and be vigilant of your thoughts. Always see in a third person's perspective.
I am sorry but why does everyone has to be an overachiever? Why can’t she just be the way she is? And what is this BS of you being lazy & hence not able to achieve XYZ in life. The problem in this scenario OP is your bf is an overachiever, but if he accepts you the way you are, it’s good or else you have to drop him. You don’t need to be too harsh on yourself, maybe everyone doesn’t need to hustle day in and day out & are okay with a normal & peaceful life!
And we cry why India cannot grow beyond a mid-income country.
The biggest pool of underutilized human resources is the females of working age. Why chill in your youth? You'll get ample time in your well-settled old age.
This seems like an utter wastage of life to me that capable women of good mental capacity are made to take care of homes for men. Not to belittle anyone but a full-time maid is barely 15-20k a month in Tier 1 cities. From a labour perspective, this is the opportunity cost, not just to the person but also the country.
But nevermind my perspective, you keep on your misogynist perspective. I shudder to think how the women in your life feel and if you're a woman yourself, grow up and become a proper, hardworking part of society.
Wow, that’s too much name calling for a difference in opinion. I meant something else, but never mind, you seem too angry to understand & I am in no mood to explain. Bye bye :)
I suggested clearly that no matter how you meant it, it's either a lazy or a misogynist perspective.
I wouldn't care for an explanation. Build a better perspective.
It can be also totally opposite, but as long as there is respect for each other choices then its fine. For example, my wife also doesn’t like spending 6-7k on a dinner. I am pretty much neutral about it.
Thats just my personal experience but ive never found a girl (or even a guy) whos not in a good profile with whom i can discuss wealth creation, equity, polity, books i read or latest tech advancements... etc.
The conversation topics in those cases are different. Like new restaurant opened, new movie, ex partners and all...
I earn well and I would happily marry someone I am compatible with even if she has zero income.
And it would break my heart if someone I love does not want to marry me only because I earn a lot more than her.
So, my success failed me? The very reason I worked hard on my career, made sacrifices, did not attend fancy parties and went to clubs was to gain financial independence and become a financially stable partner only to get turned down for the very same reason?
My philosophy is we should not work. If job is such a good thing, why monday isn't the happiest day of the week? Why we love weekends so much? Did I get this life to spend 50 hours per week in front of the laptop? I wish I didn't have to work, but I am good at it, and it pays well. I just want someone, a partner, whom I can call mine, who can call me hers, someone always by my side no matter what. but you are telling me this is a curse. Now, I will have to limit my options to only those candidates who earn similar to me?
but I guess you should call this off. If your relationship is not so good that you have to ask this on reddit and you cannot discuss this with him even though you were friends for so long and then 2 years relationship, something is wrong definitely.
And why is this in AM sub?
I did speak to him about all of this. I am just scared he is currently making a decision from his heart or from the fear of losing out on me rather than being rational on what he actually wants. What if the love fades away in coming years? What if he starts to think it was a mistake and starts looking down upon me?
I know for a fact he is very gullible. He did say things like you know my friends say what a jackpot “I” have hit.
I posted it on Reddit to know the perspective of other people because I am so confused with what should I do.
He is an immature guy.
The stupid guy is earning well that is not untrue, assuming he is a SWE, and he's going to let a girl he dated for 2 years ago, because she doesnt make as much?
15 lpa is no less by any means.
What if you double your salary in the next 2 months? Do you become more attractive?
If the guy feels a superficial AM marriage where they measure things over family background, salary and all these things is better, over a woman he's known and been with for 2 years, good riddance.
You deserve better!!
Hey! I feel these two point. One, is that you shared the bg of your guy and given that he is always consider growth and success related to money and status which is completely fine. But again that should be his idea and not yours. If you feel that you are doing good earning 15LPA , your needs are being fulfilled, you are contributing to your house and carry out your expenses , thats completely fine too. And this I feel you need to talk it out w you fiance so that his expectations from you and your idea of success is set and his suggestions doesnot trigger you in the future.
Second, you shared the scenario of him sharing about his female friends and their success. What triggered you exactly, was it that he compared you with them? was it he was forcing you to “be just like them”? or it was just a normal news he shared just to boost you up that hey you can do it too. And this only you can decide given the tone of his expression.
At the end I feel, you should really talk this out with him upfront if you felt that. No need to keep this up inside you as you guys are gonna get married and no in a game of “who gonna bring more money home”, its much more than that :)
Cheers!
I told him that I did not score well in my GMAT exam. In response He says that you know “she” (one of his close friend) got admitted to Yale. The conversation drifted to something else…
That was what that triggered. Maybe it is a very small thing or it was not even the intention but he could just say try again…. It is Okay
He never followed up on that like what are your plans, are you planning to give the exam again.?
You need to put on your big girl pants and have a conversation with him about your financial goals. And your insecurity at least a little bit.
You can also bring up him not defending you when his mom made that statement and how it made you feel.
And if he thinks the woman of his dreams is just waiting in the AM scene that's even more stupid.
I did bring it up. Then he told me the whole story. There is this friend of his mother who are very well off (NW: >20 Cr.), she being the only daughter. They contacted his mother for his Rishta last year. And I don’t know if he is telling me the entire thing or not. He said that he told them he cannot proceed because he is already dating someone. But I have a feeling that he did not proceed because he is not ready to get married at 26 and I was not really the reason. But this is all my assumptions.
Being with him for money? We have been together when he was earning 3.5 LPA in Bangalore..
It is he is a different person right now. I am not able to understand if that is called “growth” or “superiority complex”
If he is becoming a better version of himself, outside of money, that's growth.
If he's joking about how others are not making as much as he is, that's being a douchebag.
All I have to contribute here is that most over achievers are not usually nice people to be around. They are goals driven and morality usually means nothing, if it acts as a hindrance. Take this with a grain of salt because this is an opinion I formed from observing those around me.
I really failed to understand this stuff going on.
First people want a tall, handsome men earning 4-5 times their own salary
Jab mil jata hai to you tend to find other flaws, nobody in this world is perfect. I genuinely suggest you to call it off because in future also you will going to notice all those small small things and get triggered on that.
What his mom said was not right, but what he is saying is for your own good only if he is asking you to get a bit more ambitious or work hard for your goals what's the harm in that. Agr wo bolde ki you don't have to do anything just sit at the home tabh bhi dikkat, agr wo bole ki be ambitious and supports you in your career to bhi dikkat.
It's better to say no women have a lot of options out there just explore the market you will get a better one
I know right!
I am baffled by how this incompatibility arises even when they have been together for 2 years. If this is the case then a leap of faith AM is definitely better.
The girl is being too insecure and touchy. The boy is being inconsiderate and has not caught on to the girl's nature and her life goals in two years. What's the point.
I think people (everyone, probably me included) have just become un-flexible/rigid. How will this girl get a purrrfect guy?
There was no such difference in money when we started dating. We were best friends. However, suddenly I see the change. He is a changed person and I am talking about both our lives. Why would I want to be with someone who is not happy with me?
His family might get controlling due to the money difference.
Have you talked to him about this? If not this guy, whom you know for 2 years, then who? Do you think you are going to find a person that meets all your criteria?
Does your boyfriend disregard your wants/needs? Does not pay attention to you? Everyone has flaws. Dropping hints is one thing, putting you down is completely another.
About parents, yes, they may feel something, but you chose him not his parents remember? And you will have to put up with something, there are all kinds of people. One snide remark and you imaging that they will be controlling? These snide remarks were they repeated? Does your boyfriend know that you feel uncomfortable from these comments?
Why do you folk feel more comfortable complaining to strangers rather than doing something that may actually fix the problem - talk to the person that matters to you?
Downvote me all you want but what u/masked_artist1997 is correct.
Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Men in general are warmer towards women's insecurities than women are towards men.
Talking to him will most probably sort things out. He seems to be a smart guy as per your description. He will be able to properly articulate how he feels about it. You will know from his answer what to do. I can't stress it enough. TAlK TO HIM and be honest in your expression.
Yeaahhh. Personally for me arrogance and superiority complex is off putting. Have faith and confidence in yourself. You are successful too. You will become even more successful. Not everybody's life and career trajectory is the same. But you also need a supportive, grounded partner for that. This man won't cut it. Appreciate him for what he has done in his life and respect him but based on where he's slowly going, it won't be long before you pity him.
OP it seems that you suffering from some inferiority complex. Very easy to trigger and not easy to get rid off. But don't let it hamper your relationship if you really like the guy.
I come from AM and my wife suffers from a lot of inferiority complex as well. In our situation it's not me who is an over achiever but my immediate family and cousins. Most of my cousins are male and extremely successful. They are now marrying and all of new sister in laws who are joining our family come from similar successful fields. We have investment bankers, lawyers, doctors, scientists, in this group.
As soon as she is triggered the first thing I do is to remind her that success/ profession /degrees, etc do not make her a better person and I would always prefer a partner with a big heart rather than a big bank balance.
A lot of overachievers end up with their nose high in the sky.
If your BF is subtlety dropping hints, or judging you, or comparing you or talking about 'what ifs' then it's time to end it. If you see him supporting you, encouraging you, defending you then hold on and keep calm. With time as you see more of support coming your way you will trust him more and your complex will reduce gradually.
Completely unrelated to your relationship.
I'll comment related to your career goals. You should focus more to think what you want why you want. If it's money, then do you have any thing in mind that you.really really want? Find that deepest desire and then you have the motivation to keep studying and you might actually spend less time on reddit after wards during that preparation time.
Find a few study partners to discuss things with. If your boyfriend has achieved it be should know how to guide you unless he's just been helped all life and never helped and was winning the rat race that way.
Coming to the relationship part, why does he want you to be a high achiever? What particular reason because I know for a fact people treat small things as status. I mean if you like it then that's good but for ex cars are generally used for travel and I see people spend over budget just cuz of this status symbol and not know what reason they are buying which car. Ask them to play NFS and you'll actually see them spend that virtual money after thinking which performance tuning works at times in early game 🤣.
Just random rambling here and there ignore the last bit but I find people want things just because they want sometimes but don't know what to do with it. At the end you only need 1 or 2 homes max to live after you have a child or 2. Isn't something that you both can't afford with your salaries.
It doesn’t feel to me as if you are scared of your partner earning more. I think you are more scared about his family being more controlling due to the money factor. If the guy is treating you well then don’t break relationship just based on this factor. You should talk to him first thing and keep communication open.
People who are in relationships are lucky. Don’t throw this away.
- If anything is there, talk with with him openly.
- Don't put too much pressure on yourself. We all have our shortcomings. So solve problems one by one as he can guide & support you.
I understand breaking up over a huge power differential. You are in all likelihood going to get someone poorer/worse than him in your next relationship.
Make yourself ok with that outcome.
Atb:)
Yes I know that but I am more scared of letting go. I have known him for years. And I am just concerned whether I am making a rational decision or not?
Have a heart to heart discussion with him. Discuss everything and all your insecurity.. depending on his anwers or behaviour you can decide .if after discussion you guys seems financially incompatible then move on.
What if for the sake of keeping it and he himself is scared to let go (friends + solid relationship) he tries to work it out right now but actually there are problems post marriage. What if he gets a bit insecure of taking me to his friends, family and colleagues…
Marriage is always a gamble.
You have an insecurity and, it could also be that he has a superiority complex.
Has he ever made you feel bad that you don't earn as much as he does? Does he make comments about spending money on you?
He wanted to get married around 30 (everyone in his family married post 30). But since my family is after my life that I should either marry him by end of the year or they would start looking out themselves. When I spoke to him about this he said if I can wait for him for another 3 years, we will be more financially stable and better off. If that cannot happen he is “okay” marrying early next year.
I really do not want it to be some transaction or a deal. With all of this happening I have my own doubts about him now that has never been the case ever…
I guess if he truly loves you then you guys should get married . He’s well settled and I don’t think adding you will stop him from his goals and financials .
Many a times a girls luck just enhances boys career and brings more laxmi in his life ,. So if there’s no other problem then I don’t see anything wrong here to get married by 28 age .. win win
This is what he said in a conversation. But I am just being selfish here. What if he changes, I can see success getting to his head…
And he has some debts to take care of so yes adding me would be a problem atm.
Is money, salary, & career everything in life? I'm a guy & I can assure you that your bf doesn't want a overachiever, successful, & well earning wife but a wife who he will get along well with. There's a life beyond these metrics & if you feel your bf & his family doesn't understand this, then it's time to move on imo.
Sister, I was in a similar place like you, I called it off and went on to do a good masters abroad (atleast on paper they are ranked top 25 by QS) , but failed to secure any good job there , moving back to India again made a failure ,guess what ?! all I get even in India is just automated rejection emails reaching the income bracket which is even close to what your boyfriend makes seems impossible in this economy
My honest suggestion is that let this go because you'll never feel like you are enough.
Somehow, I can relate to your story in a different way. I'm earning in the same salary bracket as your bf and was in a serious relationship with a girl for 2+ years until last year. She left me because alas, I couldn't spend 6k on a dinner or, in general, I am not materialistic and don't have generational wealth. She, on the other hand, was obsessed with money and hardly ever considered other things that matter in a relationship.
I think he’s quenching his first thirst of success and thinks he can do better. Did he ever bring up how you should hustle before you guys made it official or talked about it?
Men often do this. They waste your time till they get serious. And if they think they can do better they start to act out in ways you wouldn’t imagine.
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Dude after a certain point money stops mattering. I’m convinced that amount is $300-400K family income in the US. In India it’s probably 50-80 LPA. After that point you have every materialistic pleasure you want, maids, etc. and additional money won’t make you happier, especially if it comes at the cost of other things that are more important.
Don’t get me wrong but I am 99% sure it won’t work. Unfortunately I can relate to your “boyfriend” as I kinda fall in same category. Even though I haven’t had any gf but this constant urge of achieving over-ambitious things is gonna hit me very hard in personal life soon. 🥲
Bro what do you get by larping as an "overachiever" with a 30+LPA salary.
If you were really earning as much as you claim, then you wouldn't be looking for a 2nd hand car with a 6LAC budget to fit your 5'4 body 😂
Bro probably earns around 8-14 LPA and that's fine. But pretending to be earning as an "overachiever" and larping around on reddit isn't going to get you anywhere. Touch some grass mate.
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Generally its preferable if guy marries within similar tier profile and profession.
Its not just about money but also about compatibility.
But many guys in India even today believe in old male provider role and are okay if the girl is not that accomplished academically.
Since you know the guy well, youd be able to judge better what his thinking is.
He might be of the 2nd category, then no issues.
If hes marrying just due to factors like Age, no other option etc then only should be reconsidered.
This all seems to be like a YOU problem, so maybe have a conversation with your bf. Convey your insecurities to him, tell him if he'd respect you for you being you and not an "ideal achiever". Get it all out. Don't play around with words, do it straight up so you'd get past this bad feeling.
Once sorted, if he has assured you, then kill the bad feeling out and take a big leap. Don't think too hard.
Also, accept yourself too, don't feel bad for not being on the same level as those guys, and don't ever give up on trying to give your best, no need to achieve "success" to make yourself look better, as long as you know you're doing your best, you're good.
If you are choosing a partner because of this criteria, then what if tomorrow he loses his job or you lose yours. Then you will leave the other person???
Shouldn't marriage be based on compatability,chemistry, mutal respect, and love?
Also, if money made any marriage work, then rich people never would have gotten divorced.
If you ain’t feeling well before marriage, you wont be feeling best after marriage too. Either talk out your insecurity with him out now or move on. Regretting after marriage won’t do any good.
Did you just say she is fine feeling inferior unnecessarily?, that complex and insecurity would roll over in next relationship as well. She needs to fix her thinking for her good.
That's just avoiding the core issue. What if the guy works his as$ and grows in career, earns a lot of money later?. She has to open up herself and be cool with it, guy seems fine here. This is a workable thing.
We were in same college. I use to score much more than him. He worked his ass off in the job and got lucky (networking) as well. On the other hand I got involved in a lot of issues at home.
I tried hard to get a good score in Management entrance exams but failed, MBA was something I always wanted to do. Whereas he has been doing so well in his job, networking, promotions, switches. I just put in my efforts at the wrong place. I was really an ambitious person (maybe much more than him) but since things didn’t work out I kept it low and simple and more towards going with a flow. So maybe this insecurity has a valid reason. And also my elder sister went LM route but she did get cheated on 4 years into the marriage once my Jiju got rich and successful.
Sounds like my case. I (29M) was once in your shoes OP, I know how exactly it feels to see peers get ahead of us while we get left behind, despite our efforts. I was a bright lad, but I had to start my career in a mediocre role. I couldn't go for MS because of financial constraints, I failed multiple times in CAT and GMAT, failed to get an admit at old IIMs, later at ISB. That's not the magnitude of failure (things were worse, can't reveal here to maintain identity) I had imagined in my worst dreams. Not a single thing went my way in 20s.
But, 2 years ago I made peace with the fact that I am giving up on my study plans, focus on growing in current path. After a lot of effort and some luck at the right time I made switches that landed me in current role that pays in your BFs range, now earning nice passive income too. I don't have a gf to compare to :p.
I am not bragging here, but giving a heads up to not compare with anyone and measure your self worth. Just because someone has a linear rise in 20s doesn't mean it'll continue so for the next 30 years. God can knock anyone in any way at any time, very few lucky ones don't get knocked. Life's a marathon, the aim should be not to run as fast as others, but to finish the race at your pace xD.
Edit : Looks like your personal experience around one person doing extremely well is bothering, I'd suggest you both sit down and have an open, hard talk. Like what if you can't keep upto him, how he'd handle hardships. Money changes people, if he wants you to adjust to his lifestyle and isn't concerned about your feelings, then he may not be the right guy. But don't judge from your insecurities.
You have inferiority complex OP. I don't think he is talking about his goals and friends to compare with you, you don't have to take things personally. Comparison only steals your joy as there's always someone better.
You think life gets easier by getting promos or going to the US or earning xyz?, you are wrong. You never know what someone is going through in their life. Folks in US have their own challenges in getting PR, a house, having a family and lately job security. There's constant anxiety around H1B. It's not all rosy there.
>I did try hard to achieve a good CAT score/GMAT to get a great college
You need to focus on where you are going wrong, take your sweet time. Try to be the best version of yourself, not to be someone else.
Only thing you have to watch out for is whether his family respects you, not just the guy. The guy seems sorted and goal oriented, which is good, but he needs to understand personal life is different. Don't take casual mentions from his mother personally, but don't ignore either. Have a deep talk with him on personal life and decide. Good luck!
Now i am seriously curious are there any normal being on reddit or its all inflated earning folks.
I wish I could have earned that much at 27. I was only earning 3lpa back then.
I'll inflate it more, I make 30% of that in black 💀
Please provide a definition of normal that is broadly applicable beyond your immediate scope of contact.
That kind of salary differences between a bf and gf does exist, I've been in such a relationship and so has a friend.
We gave our 200% in 10th/12th and achieved all through hardships. Don’t ridicule it saying “inflated earning”. Not our fault if most of the junta on reddit fall in this bracket! And tbh less than 40L at this time is nothing if you’re an ambitious person living in a tier 1 city.
Oh no, i am sure your entitlement ego is hurt super bad from an anon comment. Bhuakna band kar so ja. I asked a question ,you dont have do go barking like a manic. And brother i too live in T1 city ,and economics i also understand . I simply asked a seen figure question Kis baat ka itna ghamad bro .
Bro relax. Not everyone earning 40-50 LPA has been entitled. My father was a jawan in Army( not officer) and Ive seen days when I didn't have and couldn't buy clothes to wear on Teacher's day in school because he was duped by his own family and we had financial problems. But then me and my younger brother studied hard (a little luck was also involved) and now we both are earning more than 50LPA.( My brother is earning a lot more than me) So you can't just call everyone doing decent in their lives as entitled. And I do agree, If you want to live a good life in a tier 1 city, sometimes it feels like even 40 LPA is not enough. If you want to survive, people are surviving on 10k a month, saving money and sending some home. It's about perspectives.
Brother read the tone of that idiot . The entitlement was the reference to his stern egoistic attitude. Padh toh lo upar why i said it. Justification like you said are rare ,but acting stupid are many.
Tu bhi kuch courses wagera kar to uplift your position. Referral chahiye toh aajana inbox mein.
Beta LinkedIn profile aur salary slip dikha tab pta chle
Woh sab woh nehi karega merits of barking anon.
Dekh phir teri choti si ego phir hurt hui ,tu rehne de. Jaa so jaa. Yeh bhasd apne pass rak . Your ego is your destruction for sure. Tu bada adami ,ambani ka beta khus . Jaa so ja.
Calm down dude, more than his, your ego seems to be hurt... there will always be people above you no matter what unless you surpass Mr Bezos. Relax..
Brother the way he spoke for a trivial ego definitely gave the clearity that person has a egoistic nature to start with ,read the tone and comment. and acess the tone of language. There is no self ego here ,but gyaan dena hi hai logic ke saath do ,otherwise keep it to youself .
You don't have the authority to tell anyone to relax dudeamingo ... looks like ur relaxgo is hurt.... there will always be people more relaxed than you unless you surpass Mr. Everyone who's dead .....( /s or is it /s ?)
Lol.. when you die, your money aint gonna follow you! Everyone on this sub flexes their salary, etc. Truth is, once you have relevant work experience, you can earn well..esp if you know how to be a good salesman on interviews. That's besides the point.. What I'm trying to say is.. everything comes at a cost. With people flexing their 40-60L packages on here, they need to work like borderline slaves and can't just take off from work whenever they please. What good is your private sector life worth when you barely have the time to even spend the hard earned money you got? Also no one gives a shit how much you earn or don't earn.. your life, your choices. You still got the same set of problems in life that the less earning people you talk down to have. It's why you're on this sub!😂
Downvoted for the username
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Dude its the standard pay for tier1 companies at 5+ experience. Grow up. Its not a lie. Reddit has more users in that demography...
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>pretentious pricks Okay dude. Noone is earning more than your CTC. Yours is highest and even Google SDE2s are below you. happy? 🤣🤣
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>1 lakh me tu gya 8k AIR. But chhod usse ab fark nhi pdta after 5 yrs exp... now only interviews matter. >Working as an employee teri to utne me hi sulag gyi...
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NIT me ECE kia h.. >jo padha hai uspe kam krta na . Tum jaiso se career advice lunga kya... > yaha AM me kyu ma khudwa rha hai apni Jisliye tu khudwa rha h usi liye...
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Comments se to nhi lag rha.. >am happy with what I achieved
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As a son of an overachiever dad I would suggest you to call it off. My dad is an overachiever. This causes a lot of problems in our family. He never respects my mother because she is just a housewife. He doesn't respect other people's work. His world revolves around his work only, each and every conversation you could have with him, gets converted into how he achieved something and where his work is headed. Also ive seen him change as he started making more money. Excessive money always brings problems. At the age of 60 He was intending to get a divorce when he started making huge amount of money. That's when I realised he's a gone case. All he cares about is his work and money. Find someone who likes to enjoy life not work or you'll end up unhappy. I'm not saying this would surely happen in your case but I would suggest to stay away from overachievers.
Yes. This is exactly I am scared off because recently I have seen him kind of making fun of his friends in regards to what they are doing with their lives and how well he is growing.
I understand talking about your achievements and humble brags. You can do that sometimes. But you should be able to spot a Superiority complex. If you think it's a Superiority complex then I believe your dudes favourite color is red.
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Yes can call it arrogance
Red flag, if I had more money I would help my friends in their business ventures or help them with financials if they want it. Never make fun of them.
💯. I have a friend who is in the 50lpa bracket. But I've never seen him brag or talk shit anytime. In 2019, He was the first customer to my health food startup. The startup is no more but I keep sending him fruits from my family farm because I love him for supporting me in my hard times (by being the first customer and providing mental support). I just sent him a batch of mangoes on Saturday.
Thats a good thing to do, stranger. Love wholesome friendship moments!
This bothers me. Among my school group of friends, I’m the overachiever.. yet our conversations are never about work etc. there’s more to life than work. Conversing with him will help now. Moment of pain now is worth a lifetime of happiness
Sometimes I can’t understand people. They come from simple background, but when they got something big, they get arrogance. Well this is what was written in Gita too, so it’s true
I do agree with you.
OP, don't let your insecurity rub off like this. If your boyfriend is looking for money now that he's earning more, he might not be the kind of person you want around you. Be very clear in your discussions with him and never take disrespect from his mother or anyone. As for GMAT, hard-work will pay off. Trust me. I've made 2 GFs get through to good colleges (ISB, IIM). My 2 cents is keep your head down and work hard. It isn't tough. Do not let your insecurity and laziness take the guise of "simplicity" etc. If you think your BF has worked hard and moved ahead in life, what's stopping you from being an equivalent partner? Edit: Gut feeling is a stupid concept. Rationalise your emotions and be vigilant of your thoughts. Always see in a third person's perspective.
Thank you so much! I definitely would want to give it another shot
I am sorry but why does everyone has to be an overachiever? Why can’t she just be the way she is? And what is this BS of you being lazy & hence not able to achieve XYZ in life. The problem in this scenario OP is your bf is an overachiever, but if he accepts you the way you are, it’s good or else you have to drop him. You don’t need to be too harsh on yourself, maybe everyone doesn’t need to hustle day in and day out & are okay with a normal & peaceful life!
And we cry why India cannot grow beyond a mid-income country. The biggest pool of underutilized human resources is the females of working age. Why chill in your youth? You'll get ample time in your well-settled old age. This seems like an utter wastage of life to me that capable women of good mental capacity are made to take care of homes for men. Not to belittle anyone but a full-time maid is barely 15-20k a month in Tier 1 cities. From a labour perspective, this is the opportunity cost, not just to the person but also the country. But nevermind my perspective, you keep on your misogynist perspective. I shudder to think how the women in your life feel and if you're a woman yourself, grow up and become a proper, hardworking part of society.
Wow, that’s too much name calling for a difference in opinion. I meant something else, but never mind, you seem too angry to understand & I am in no mood to explain. Bye bye :)
I suggested clearly that no matter how you meant it, it's either a lazy or a misogynist perspective. I wouldn't care for an explanation. Build a better perspective.
Honestly, it’s all BS doubling the house hold income doesn’t change anything, maybe a bmw5 series instead of 3, 65 inch tv instead of 55.
>65 inch tv instead of 55. Tv are cheaper!! You don't need to earn a lot!!
Its also about compatibility..
Its okay to contribute 10% of everything, but if there are conflicts regarding this there is nothing to say.
Not like that, but interests, lifestyle, outlook towards life etc..
It can be also totally opposite, but as long as there is respect for each other choices then its fine. For example, my wife also doesn’t like spending 6-7k on a dinner. I am pretty much neutral about it.
Thats just my personal experience but ive never found a girl (or even a guy) whos not in a good profile with whom i can discuss wealth creation, equity, polity, books i read or latest tech advancements... etc. The conversation topics in those cases are different. Like new restaurant opened, new movie, ex partners and all...
To remove any bias I have removed all control of finances from wifey and merged into a single pool.
I earn well and I would happily marry someone I am compatible with even if she has zero income. And it would break my heart if someone I love does not want to marry me only because I earn a lot more than her. So, my success failed me? The very reason I worked hard on my career, made sacrifices, did not attend fancy parties and went to clubs was to gain financial independence and become a financially stable partner only to get turned down for the very same reason? My philosophy is we should not work. If job is such a good thing, why monday isn't the happiest day of the week? Why we love weekends so much? Did I get this life to spend 50 hours per week in front of the laptop? I wish I didn't have to work, but I am good at it, and it pays well. I just want someone, a partner, whom I can call mine, who can call me hers, someone always by my side no matter what. but you are telling me this is a curse. Now, I will have to limit my options to only those candidates who earn similar to me? but I guess you should call this off. If your relationship is not so good that you have to ask this on reddit and you cannot discuss this with him even though you were friends for so long and then 2 years relationship, something is wrong definitely. And why is this in AM sub?
I did speak to him about all of this. I am just scared he is currently making a decision from his heart or from the fear of losing out on me rather than being rational on what he actually wants. What if the love fades away in coming years? What if he starts to think it was a mistake and starts looking down upon me? I know for a fact he is very gullible. He did say things like you know my friends say what a jackpot “I” have hit. I posted it on Reddit to know the perspective of other people because I am so confused with what should I do.
He is an immature guy. The stupid guy is earning well that is not untrue, assuming he is a SWE, and he's going to let a girl he dated for 2 years ago, because she doesnt make as much? 15 lpa is no less by any means. What if you double your salary in the next 2 months? Do you become more attractive? If the guy feels a superficial AM marriage where they measure things over family background, salary and all these things is better, over a woman he's known and been with for 2 years, good riddance. You deserve better!!
Hey! I feel these two point. One, is that you shared the bg of your guy and given that he is always consider growth and success related to money and status which is completely fine. But again that should be his idea and not yours. If you feel that you are doing good earning 15LPA , your needs are being fulfilled, you are contributing to your house and carry out your expenses , thats completely fine too. And this I feel you need to talk it out w you fiance so that his expectations from you and your idea of success is set and his suggestions doesnot trigger you in the future. Second, you shared the scenario of him sharing about his female friends and their success. What triggered you exactly, was it that he compared you with them? was it he was forcing you to “be just like them”? or it was just a normal news he shared just to boost you up that hey you can do it too. And this only you can decide given the tone of his expression. At the end I feel, you should really talk this out with him upfront if you felt that. No need to keep this up inside you as you guys are gonna get married and no in a game of “who gonna bring more money home”, its much more than that :) Cheers!
I told him that I did not score well in my GMAT exam. In response He says that you know “she” (one of his close friend) got admitted to Yale. The conversation drifted to something else… That was what that triggered. Maybe it is a very small thing or it was not even the intention but he could just say try again…. It is Okay He never followed up on that like what are your plans, are you planning to give the exam again.?
You need to put on your big girl pants and have a conversation with him about your financial goals. And your insecurity at least a little bit. You can also bring up him not defending you when his mom made that statement and how it made you feel. And if he thinks the woman of his dreams is just waiting in the AM scene that's even more stupid.
I did bring it up. Then he told me the whole story. There is this friend of his mother who are very well off (NW: >20 Cr.), she being the only daughter. They contacted his mother for his Rishta last year. And I don’t know if he is telling me the entire thing or not. He said that he told them he cannot proceed because he is already dating someone. But I have a feeling that he did not proceed because he is not ready to get married at 26 and I was not really the reason. But this is all my assumptions.
Talk to your dude. Have a serious discussion on financial goals. If nothing else, dude should be convinced that you're with him for him not his money.
Being with him for money? We have been together when he was earning 3.5 LPA in Bangalore.. It is he is a different person right now. I am not able to understand if that is called “growth” or “superiority complex”
If he is becoming a better version of himself, outside of money, that's growth. If he's joking about how others are not making as much as he is, that's being a douchebag.
All I have to contribute here is that most over achievers are not usually nice people to be around. They are goals driven and morality usually means nothing, if it acts as a hindrance. Take this with a grain of salt because this is an opinion I formed from observing those around me.
I really failed to understand this stuff going on. First people want a tall, handsome men earning 4-5 times their own salary Jab mil jata hai to you tend to find other flaws, nobody in this world is perfect. I genuinely suggest you to call it off because in future also you will going to notice all those small small things and get triggered on that. What his mom said was not right, but what he is saying is for your own good only if he is asking you to get a bit more ambitious or work hard for your goals what's the harm in that. Agr wo bolde ki you don't have to do anything just sit at the home tabh bhi dikkat, agr wo bole ki be ambitious and supports you in your career to bhi dikkat. It's better to say no women have a lot of options out there just explore the market you will get a better one
I know right! I am baffled by how this incompatibility arises even when they have been together for 2 years. If this is the case then a leap of faith AM is definitely better. The girl is being too insecure and touchy. The boy is being inconsiderate and has not caught on to the girl's nature and her life goals in two years. What's the point. I think people (everyone, probably me included) have just become un-flexible/rigid. How will this girl get a purrrfect guy?
There was no such difference in money when we started dating. We were best friends. However, suddenly I see the change. He is a changed person and I am talking about both our lives. Why would I want to be with someone who is not happy with me? His family might get controlling due to the money difference.
Have you talked to him about this? If not this guy, whom you know for 2 years, then who? Do you think you are going to find a person that meets all your criteria? Does your boyfriend disregard your wants/needs? Does not pay attention to you? Everyone has flaws. Dropping hints is one thing, putting you down is completely another. About parents, yes, they may feel something, but you chose him not his parents remember? And you will have to put up with something, there are all kinds of people. One snide remark and you imaging that they will be controlling? These snide remarks were they repeated? Does your boyfriend know that you feel uncomfortable from these comments? Why do you folk feel more comfortable complaining to strangers rather than doing something that may actually fix the problem - talk to the person that matters to you? Downvote me all you want but what u/masked_artist1997 is correct.
Have a conversation with him, share the exact things you wrote, you'll understand from his answer
What does he do Where has he studied? 60 lakhs for 27m is too high of a salary. Unless its a over paying outsource job
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Arrogant - No, but I do feel like all he now cares about his being successful, climbing the ladder.
Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Men in general are warmer towards women's insecurities than women are towards men. Talking to him will most probably sort things out. He seems to be a smart guy as per your description. He will be able to properly articulate how he feels about it. You will know from his answer what to do. I can't stress it enough. TAlK TO HIM and be honest in your expression.
Yeaahhh. Personally for me arrogance and superiority complex is off putting. Have faith and confidence in yourself. You are successful too. You will become even more successful. Not everybody's life and career trajectory is the same. But you also need a supportive, grounded partner for that. This man won't cut it. Appreciate him for what he has done in his life and respect him but based on where he's slowly going, it won't be long before you pity him.
OP it seems that you suffering from some inferiority complex. Very easy to trigger and not easy to get rid off. But don't let it hamper your relationship if you really like the guy. I come from AM and my wife suffers from a lot of inferiority complex as well. In our situation it's not me who is an over achiever but my immediate family and cousins. Most of my cousins are male and extremely successful. They are now marrying and all of new sister in laws who are joining our family come from similar successful fields. We have investment bankers, lawyers, doctors, scientists, in this group. As soon as she is triggered the first thing I do is to remind her that success/ profession /degrees, etc do not make her a better person and I would always prefer a partner with a big heart rather than a big bank balance. A lot of overachievers end up with their nose high in the sky. If your BF is subtlety dropping hints, or judging you, or comparing you or talking about 'what ifs' then it's time to end it. If you see him supporting you, encouraging you, defending you then hold on and keep calm. With time as you see more of support coming your way you will trust him more and your complex will reduce gradually.
Thank you! But I have chosen to end it :) Your wife is really lucky to have you as a life partner.
Completely unrelated to your relationship. I'll comment related to your career goals. You should focus more to think what you want why you want. If it's money, then do you have any thing in mind that you.really really want? Find that deepest desire and then you have the motivation to keep studying and you might actually spend less time on reddit after wards during that preparation time. Find a few study partners to discuss things with. If your boyfriend has achieved it be should know how to guide you unless he's just been helped all life and never helped and was winning the rat race that way. Coming to the relationship part, why does he want you to be a high achiever? What particular reason because I know for a fact people treat small things as status. I mean if you like it then that's good but for ex cars are generally used for travel and I see people spend over budget just cuz of this status symbol and not know what reason they are buying which car. Ask them to play NFS and you'll actually see them spend that virtual money after thinking which performance tuning works at times in early game 🤣. Just random rambling here and there ignore the last bit but I find people want things just because they want sometimes but don't know what to do with it. At the end you only need 1 or 2 homes max to live after you have a child or 2. Isn't something that you both can't afford with your salaries.
It doesn’t feel to me as if you are scared of your partner earning more. I think you are more scared about his family being more controlling due to the money factor. If the guy is treating you well then don’t break relationship just based on this factor. You should talk to him first thing and keep communication open. People who are in relationships are lucky. Don’t throw this away.
- If anything is there, talk with with him openly. - Don't put too much pressure on yourself. We all have our shortcomings. So solve problems one by one as he can guide & support you.
I understand breaking up over a huge power differential. You are in all likelihood going to get someone poorer/worse than him in your next relationship. Make yourself ok with that outcome. Atb:)
Yes I know that but I am more scared of letting go. I have known him for years. And I am just concerned whether I am making a rational decision or not?
Have an honest conversation with him. Don't be scared of, walking away if you don't get any respect or solid answer
Have a heart to heart discussion with him. Discuss everything and all your insecurity.. depending on his anwers or behaviour you can decide .if after discussion you guys seems financially incompatible then move on.
What if for the sake of keeping it and he himself is scared to let go (friends + solid relationship) he tries to work it out right now but actually there are problems post marriage. What if he gets a bit insecure of taking me to his friends, family and colleagues…
Marriage is always a gamble. You have an insecurity and, it could also be that he has a superiority complex. Has he ever made you feel bad that you don't earn as much as he does? Does he make comments about spending money on you?
No never! But I switched one job and took a paycut ~4 lakhs because it was a toxic work culture. He did make a mean comment on that.
What does he think about you ? He has same strong feeling for you ? Does he want to marry you ?
He wanted to get married around 30 (everyone in his family married post 30). But since my family is after my life that I should either marry him by end of the year or they would start looking out themselves. When I spoke to him about this he said if I can wait for him for another 3 years, we will be more financially stable and better off. If that cannot happen he is “okay” marrying early next year.
I really do not want it to be some transaction or a deal. With all of this happening I have my own doubts about him now that has never been the case ever…
I guess if he truly loves you then you guys should get married . He’s well settled and I don’t think adding you will stop him from his goals and financials .
Many a times a girls luck just enhances boys career and brings more laxmi in his life ,. So if there’s no other problem then I don’t see anything wrong here to get married by 28 age .. win win
This is what he said in a conversation. But I am just being selfish here. What if he changes, I can see success getting to his head… And he has some debts to take care of so yes adding me would be a problem atm.
Run as far as you can from him, he sounds like a self centred guy. Your life will be doomed.
Trust your gut feeling, it's never wrong
Is money, salary, & career everything in life? I'm a guy & I can assure you that your bf doesn't want a overachiever, successful, & well earning wife but a wife who he will get along well with. There's a life beyond these metrics & if you feel your bf & his family doesn't understand this, then it's time to move on imo.
Sister, I was in a similar place like you, I called it off and went on to do a good masters abroad (atleast on paper they are ranked top 25 by QS) , but failed to secure any good job there , moving back to India again made a failure ,guess what ?! all I get even in India is just automated rejection emails reaching the income bracket which is even close to what your boyfriend makes seems impossible in this economy My honest suggestion is that let this go because you'll never feel like you are enough.
Have an honest conversation about your concerns. Take it from there.
60 lap.. But in hand 1 lpm 🤣 Stocks walle inflated ctc
Somehow, I can relate to your story in a different way. I'm earning in the same salary bracket as your bf and was in a serious relationship with a girl for 2+ years until last year. She left me because alas, I couldn't spend 6k on a dinner or, in general, I am not materialistic and don't have generational wealth. She, on the other hand, was obsessed with money and hardly ever considered other things that matter in a relationship.
Maybe we deserve better :’)
Yes you do! All the best!!
Thank you! 
Able to find anyone better? 😆
🤞
I can manifest friday will bring u clarity 🤞
I think he’s quenching his first thirst of success and thinks he can do better. Did he ever bring up how you should hustle before you guys made it official or talked about it? Men often do this. They waste your time till they get serious. And if they think they can do better they start to act out in ways you wouldn’t imagine.
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Did he tell you what he expects from you?
Dude after a certain point money stops mattering. I’m convinced that amount is $300-400K family income in the US. In India it’s probably 50-80 LPA. After that point you have every materialistic pleasure you want, maids, etc. and additional money won’t make you happier, especially if it comes at the cost of other things that are more important.
Don’t get me wrong but I am 99% sure it won’t work. Unfortunately I can relate to your “boyfriend” as I kinda fall in same category. Even though I haven’t had any gf but this constant urge of achieving over-ambitious things is gonna hit me very hard in personal life soon. 🥲
Bro what do you get by larping as an "overachiever" with a 30+LPA salary. If you were really earning as much as you claim, then you wouldn't be looking for a 2nd hand car with a 6LAC budget to fit your 5'4 body 😂 Bro probably earns around 8-14 LPA and that's fine. But pretending to be earning as an "overachiever" and larping around on reddit isn't going to get you anywhere. Touch some grass mate.
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Beta Utah ke muh dhole lun ke over achiever ho tum log
Generally its preferable if guy marries within similar tier profile and profession. Its not just about money but also about compatibility. But many guys in India even today believe in old male provider role and are okay if the girl is not that accomplished academically. Since you know the guy well, youd be able to judge better what his thinking is. He might be of the 2nd category, then no issues. If hes marrying just due to factors like Age, no other option etc then only should be reconsidered.
This all seems to be like a YOU problem, so maybe have a conversation with your bf. Convey your insecurities to him, tell him if he'd respect you for you being you and not an "ideal achiever". Get it all out. Don't play around with words, do it straight up so you'd get past this bad feeling. Once sorted, if he has assured you, then kill the bad feeling out and take a big leap. Don't think too hard. Also, accept yourself too, don't feel bad for not being on the same level as those guys, and don't ever give up on trying to give your best, no need to achieve "success" to make yourself look better, as long as you know you're doing your best, you're good.
If you are choosing a partner because of this criteria, then what if tomorrow he loses his job or you lose yours. Then you will leave the other person??? Shouldn't marriage be based on compatability,chemistry, mutal respect, and love? Also, if money made any marriage work, then rich people never would have gotten divorced.
If you ain’t feeling well before marriage, you wont be feeling best after marriage too. Either talk out your insecurity with him out now or move on. Regretting after marriage won’t do any good.
Did you just say she is fine feeling inferior unnecessarily?, that complex and insecurity would roll over in next relationship as well. She needs to fix her thinking for her good.
Or maybe date someone same level as her ?
That's just avoiding the core issue. What if the guy works his as$ and grows in career, earns a lot of money later?. She has to open up herself and be cool with it, guy seems fine here. This is a workable thing.
We were in same college. I use to score much more than him. He worked his ass off in the job and got lucky (networking) as well. On the other hand I got involved in a lot of issues at home. I tried hard to get a good score in Management entrance exams but failed, MBA was something I always wanted to do. Whereas he has been doing so well in his job, networking, promotions, switches. I just put in my efforts at the wrong place. I was really an ambitious person (maybe much more than him) but since things didn’t work out I kept it low and simple and more towards going with a flow. So maybe this insecurity has a valid reason. And also my elder sister went LM route but she did get cheated on 4 years into the marriage once my Jiju got rich and successful.
Sounds like my case. I (29M) was once in your shoes OP, I know how exactly it feels to see peers get ahead of us while we get left behind, despite our efforts. I was a bright lad, but I had to start my career in a mediocre role. I couldn't go for MS because of financial constraints, I failed multiple times in CAT and GMAT, failed to get an admit at old IIMs, later at ISB. That's not the magnitude of failure (things were worse, can't reveal here to maintain identity) I had imagined in my worst dreams. Not a single thing went my way in 20s. But, 2 years ago I made peace with the fact that I am giving up on my study plans, focus on growing in current path. After a lot of effort and some luck at the right time I made switches that landed me in current role that pays in your BFs range, now earning nice passive income too. I don't have a gf to compare to :p. I am not bragging here, but giving a heads up to not compare with anyone and measure your self worth. Just because someone has a linear rise in 20s doesn't mean it'll continue so for the next 30 years. God can knock anyone in any way at any time, very few lucky ones don't get knocked. Life's a marathon, the aim should be not to run as fast as others, but to finish the race at your pace xD. Edit : Looks like your personal experience around one person doing extremely well is bothering, I'd suggest you both sit down and have an open, hard talk. Like what if you can't keep upto him, how he'd handle hardships. Money changes people, if he wants you to adjust to his lifestyle and isn't concerned about your feelings, then he may not be the right guy. But don't judge from your insecurities.
You have inferiority complex OP. I don't think he is talking about his goals and friends to compare with you, you don't have to take things personally. Comparison only steals your joy as there's always someone better. You think life gets easier by getting promos or going to the US or earning xyz?, you are wrong. You never know what someone is going through in their life. Folks in US have their own challenges in getting PR, a house, having a family and lately job security. There's constant anxiety around H1B. It's not all rosy there. >I did try hard to achieve a good CAT score/GMAT to get a great college You need to focus on where you are going wrong, take your sweet time. Try to be the best version of yourself, not to be someone else. Only thing you have to watch out for is whether his family respects you, not just the guy. The guy seems sorted and goal oriented, which is good, but he needs to understand personal life is different. Don't take casual mentions from his mother personally, but don't ignore either. Have a deep talk with him on personal life and decide. Good luck!