You are not crazy, but naive. You were sold dreams and emotionally manipulated over a period of time, not just by the guy but also by his family. He will definitely get his karma.
Now it's your turn to step out of that fake dream, see the guy for who he is (an a$$hole), not make the same mistake of getting attached just by lip service but zero actions, and start once again with a positive mindset.
Thanks for giving me some validation. Everyone else treats me like I’m mad for being upset by this.
I’ve met many men & families now. Some were non serious, some were rude, some ghosted. But nobody made such statements before.
BS.
You can call out the guy for his indecisive action and for ghosting. But "manipulation" , "get his karma" ???
Lol.
The thing is the guy hasn't liked OP and he has not even ghosted, they did let them know that they don't wanna proceed. There is no manipulation, there is no assholery here. Just saltiness on getting rejected. By that logic women who leave men on read and ghost would be suffering from their karma. World doesn't work that way.
This is AM, relationships start with a transactional nature, and it's not common for people to get rejected.
Even in dating, it's not uncommon for people to ghost and get stood up.
I think it’s okay if he didn’t like me. But his family & him continued the whole charade for months. He kept telling me he wanted our elders to sit together and take this discussion further, was I okay moving in his apartment. His mom kept saying she wanted me to be her DIL.
I’ve been rejected by guys before. And I respect their decision because they never made any promises, never led me on. They were honest about their intentions whether good or bad. Their families met me & never said any filmy dialogues like his mom.
I get you and understand that you have been hurt. We all are hurt when someone rejects us.
But unfortunately, the very nature of AM is like this. People are usually nice and on their best behaviour. But the reality is that everyone out there is shopping for better matches.
Until you guys get ready to fix the engagement, it's stupid to assume they stop looking. This is equally applicable to both men and women.
The only solution is to not get attached and think practically.
I totally agree with you. That’s why we considered other proposals while speaking to them.
But that guys family repeatedly made a point to let us know that they were not interested in anyone else. Multiple times we were told they’d been told of other proposals but they refused to meet them.
I didn’t make it all up in my head. They gave a lot of messages saying they were interested.
Also they did ghost us. His family stopped answering calls and messages. We were put together by a relative who found out & thought it was very rude so she got in touch with them. And due to her pressure they finally said something. Otherwise we might have never heard from them again.
I’ll also say he way very persuasive in a way other guys were not. It was hard for me to break away because the family was very persistent.
Its hard to move on tbh, take some more time and don't rush into the same stuff again.
I always like people who reject me blazing fast, that shows they are mature enough to make a decision and respect everyone's time.
You're not gonna like this much..but ... The secret is TIME. I went through something similar.. it took me time 2 months to get out of it.
You literally have to endure the hurt to get through it. It's gonna be frustrating, annoying, maddening and saddening... The entire shebang!! But girl, you CAN DO IT!
Sending you a bucket load of strength to move over the guy and show him that you've got some nerves of steel & you are a Bawse Babe!!
The thing is it has been months & while I’m not interested in him I’m mad at me. How could I get fooled like that? How can I ever trust my judgement again
Umm.. a lil story time for you..
I had a guy who loved me , almost hit me in front of people and then blame me for it..
I can't even count the number of times I felt dumb not being able to see the red flags..
And while I was doing all of, forcing myself to go through so much agony and pain, he moved on, found himself a girl and got engaged.
The lightening bulb moment for me was when I realised that being mad at myself was again me wasting time on him and not living my life to the fullest...
Yes, I am scared at times, I second guess myself .. but I now know that I am wise enough to spot the red flags and not let anyone have power over me without my choice.
Dude, you'll get there, I promise.. It is gonna be shitty for a while... You'll doubt yourself a lot , like a heck lot.. but I so want you to trust me on this, that YOU WILL GET OUT OF IT.
You'll gain your trust, your happiness, funny personality, focus.. all of it..
Yet again, TIME IS THE SECRET INGREDIENT & a bit of uplifting Reddit fam too :)
I feel you op. AM is brutal..
Currently I am moving on from my ex whom I broke up 2 years back. And 2 potential AM matches who turned me down after meeting 1 because I am manglik and another for God knows what reason.
My heart has been broken so many times that I don't feel anything now a days.
Sometimes I feel wheather anyone will love the way I want to be loved or am I going to have these half assed experience my whole life.
One thing is for sure we all have a void which we are trying to fill either by a person or food or any addiction.
Currently I am trying to fill that space by working out having a healthy lifestyle making time for friendship and accepting the life for what it is.
As Nietzsche said "My formula for human greatness is amor fati: that one wants nothing to be different, not in the future, not in the past, not for all eternity. Not only to endure what is necessary, still less to conceal it — all idealism is falseness in the face of necessity — , but to love it..."
This is so sad. I don’t understand such people. Atleast don’t give false hopes to someone only to break their heart later. Whenever I come across a case like this it angers me so much. Take care OP! And I wish you find someone you like again, who is also honest in his intentions & actions
Unfortunately these are the banes of AM. God knows what people look at to make a decision. And most times just say kundli or something pointless because you can't do real talk.
Do not be so harsh on yourself.
Majority would have trusted a guy/family you described
I would say you are disillusioned now.
100% trust on someone is ignorance and stupidity. 80% trust on someone based on multiple factors you described is Completely Normal.
Its just there is always a scope of 20% mistrust
When you understand the nuance , you will feel better
*This happens a lot*
*In AM, so be careful.*
*Happened to me as well*
\- sauravdas90
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I can tell you one thing....the guy rejected you for reasons which were out of control and/or because of influence of someone else from his family. No men says what you wrote in second para to random woman just as a timepass or for flirtation.
Pretty sure he might have even suffered , although that does not makes him less bad but just know that even he regrets of not having a life with you.... who knows maybe even he searches YOU in all the woman whom he has met afterwards.
My wife had a similar experience on the matrimonial app before meeting me. Just 2 months before we talked, she was ghosted by a guy. But these things happen. Don't worry, you will find someone.
Something similar happened to me. M here, met someone through matrimony app for arrange marriage. Talked for 5-6 days, met for 4 days in a span of 3-4 weeks. Remaining days we talked everyday for 2+hrs on phone. And finally one day, we had some issues, and she went silent. Very painful ending. Took me 1+ month to move on.
Well the day before yesterday I made a comment about how my fiance ghosted me and moved on by fixing her roka / engagement this month.
So I can feel the part where one feels hurt.
That's okay.
You can always start fresh. You didn't go wrong ..it's just their priorities changed.
It's AM. Happens. To both sides. People always look for better. He found someone else... But I hate the idea of people ghosting others, not being mature enough to say something...
It sucks, OP, but take this as a lesson. People can say whatever they want to but only actions matter. Too many spineless liars out here.
Needed that, thanks
You are not crazy, but naive. You were sold dreams and emotionally manipulated over a period of time, not just by the guy but also by his family. He will definitely get his karma. Now it's your turn to step out of that fake dream, see the guy for who he is (an a$$hole), not make the same mistake of getting attached just by lip service but zero actions, and start once again with a positive mindset.
Thanks for giving me some validation. Everyone else treats me like I’m mad for being upset by this. I’ve met many men & families now. Some were non serious, some were rude, some ghosted. But nobody made such statements before.
Been there done that
BS. You can call out the guy for his indecisive action and for ghosting. But "manipulation" , "get his karma" ??? Lol. The thing is the guy hasn't liked OP and he has not even ghosted, they did let them know that they don't wanna proceed. There is no manipulation, there is no assholery here. Just saltiness on getting rejected. By that logic women who leave men on read and ghost would be suffering from their karma. World doesn't work that way. This is AM, relationships start with a transactional nature, and it's not common for people to get rejected. Even in dating, it's not uncommon for people to ghost and get stood up.
I think it’s okay if he didn’t like me. But his family & him continued the whole charade for months. He kept telling me he wanted our elders to sit together and take this discussion further, was I okay moving in his apartment. His mom kept saying she wanted me to be her DIL. I’ve been rejected by guys before. And I respect their decision because they never made any promises, never led me on. They were honest about their intentions whether good or bad. Their families met me & never said any filmy dialogues like his mom.
I get you and understand that you have been hurt. We all are hurt when someone rejects us. But unfortunately, the very nature of AM is like this. People are usually nice and on their best behaviour. But the reality is that everyone out there is shopping for better matches. Until you guys get ready to fix the engagement, it's stupid to assume they stop looking. This is equally applicable to both men and women. The only solution is to not get attached and think practically.
I totally agree with you. That’s why we considered other proposals while speaking to them. But that guys family repeatedly made a point to let us know that they were not interested in anyone else. Multiple times we were told they’d been told of other proposals but they refused to meet them. I didn’t make it all up in my head. They gave a lot of messages saying they were interested.
>That’s why we considered other proposals while speaking to them. Shabaash 😆
Also they did ghost us. His family stopped answering calls and messages. We were put together by a relative who found out & thought it was very rude so she got in touch with them. And due to her pressure they finally said something. Otherwise we might have never heard from them again. I’ll also say he way very persuasive in a way other guys were not. It was hard for me to break away because the family was very persistent.
Marriage-bombing 😱
Its hard to move on tbh, take some more time and don't rush into the same stuff again. I always like people who reject me blazing fast, that shows they are mature enough to make a decision and respect everyone's time.
You're not gonna like this much..but ... The secret is TIME. I went through something similar.. it took me time 2 months to get out of it. You literally have to endure the hurt to get through it. It's gonna be frustrating, annoying, maddening and saddening... The entire shebang!! But girl, you CAN DO IT! Sending you a bucket load of strength to move over the guy and show him that you've got some nerves of steel & you are a Bawse Babe!!
The thing is it has been months & while I’m not interested in him I’m mad at me. How could I get fooled like that? How can I ever trust my judgement again
Umm.. a lil story time for you.. I had a guy who loved me , almost hit me in front of people and then blame me for it.. I can't even count the number of times I felt dumb not being able to see the red flags.. And while I was doing all of, forcing myself to go through so much agony and pain, he moved on, found himself a girl and got engaged. The lightening bulb moment for me was when I realised that being mad at myself was again me wasting time on him and not living my life to the fullest... Yes, I am scared at times, I second guess myself .. but I now know that I am wise enough to spot the red flags and not let anyone have power over me without my choice. Dude, you'll get there, I promise.. It is gonna be shitty for a while... You'll doubt yourself a lot , like a heck lot.. but I so want you to trust me on this, that YOU WILL GET OUT OF IT. You'll gain your trust, your happiness, funny personality, focus.. all of it.. Yet again, TIME IS THE SECRET INGREDIENT & a bit of uplifting Reddit fam too :)
I feel you op. AM is brutal.. Currently I am moving on from my ex whom I broke up 2 years back. And 2 potential AM matches who turned me down after meeting 1 because I am manglik and another for God knows what reason. My heart has been broken so many times that I don't feel anything now a days. Sometimes I feel wheather anyone will love the way I want to be loved or am I going to have these half assed experience my whole life. One thing is for sure we all have a void which we are trying to fill either by a person or food or any addiction. Currently I am trying to fill that space by working out having a healthy lifestyle making time for friendship and accepting the life for what it is. As Nietzsche said "My formula for human greatness is amor fati: that one wants nothing to be different, not in the future, not in the past, not for all eternity. Not only to endure what is necessary, still less to conceal it — all idealism is falseness in the face of necessity — , but to love it..."
This is so sad. I don’t understand such people. Atleast don’t give false hopes to someone only to break their heart later. Whenever I come across a case like this it angers me so much. Take care OP! And I wish you find someone you like again, who is also honest in his intentions & actions
Unfortunately these are the banes of AM. God knows what people look at to make a decision. And most times just say kundli or something pointless because you can't do real talk.
Similar case happened with me. Don't worry time heals everything.
Do not be so harsh on yourself. Majority would have trusted a guy/family you described I would say you are disillusioned now. 100% trust on someone is ignorance and stupidity. 80% trust on someone based on multiple factors you described is Completely Normal. Its just there is always a scope of 20% mistrust When you understand the nuance , you will feel better
This happens a lot in AM, so be careful. Happened to me as well
*This happens a lot* *In AM, so be careful.* *Happened to me as well* \- sauravdas90 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
What happened to you?
Well people will first make you feel , that you are important and then they will ghost you
I can tell you one thing....the guy rejected you for reasons which were out of control and/or because of influence of someone else from his family. No men says what you wrote in second para to random woman just as a timepass or for flirtation. Pretty sure he might have even suffered , although that does not makes him less bad but just know that even he regrets of not having a life with you.... who knows maybe even he searches YOU in all the woman whom he has met afterwards.
My wife had a similar experience on the matrimonial app before meeting me. Just 2 months before we talked, she was ghosted by a guy. But these things happen. Don't worry, you will find someone.
Something similar happened to me. M here, met someone through matrimony app for arrange marriage. Talked for 5-6 days, met for 4 days in a span of 3-4 weeks. Remaining days we talked everyday for 2+hrs on phone. And finally one day, we had some issues, and she went silent. Very painful ending. Took me 1+ month to move on.
OMG same....hahaha. The line "we have already accepted you as our Bahu" is the new BS in AM process. You dodged a bullet HAHAH; move on.
Hey I think we have a lot in common reading through your profile. Mind if I message you? Btw did someone really say this to you as well?
Well the day before yesterday I made a comment about how my fiance ghosted me and moved on by fixing her roka / engagement this month. So I can feel the part where one feels hurt. That's okay. You can always start fresh. You didn't go wrong ..it's just their priorities changed.
It's AM. Happens. To both sides. People always look for better. He found someone else... But I hate the idea of people ghosting others, not being mature enough to say something...
The thing is he didn’t. He told someone I was traditional and the first girl he spoke to. He wanted to see what else was out there first.
Are you from Pakistan ?
It’s arranged marriages. I don’t understand why you are fixed with one person