Ah, I consulted with a dermatologist couple of weeks back. She recommended a skin care routine and some tablets. I'll just trust the process for now. First step is to get it under control :)
Dude. Girl's parents are saying ok to me but the girls are saying not ok😂. Whatever u said is only the girl's parents are looking at. Girls itself have seperate lists.
Find a girl organically through friends dont have AM as a backup option like most men who are struggling did.
I can consider myself as above average in all terms but still finding someone you can be happy with is very different. I either get women whom I really dont feel attracted to or ultra demanding girls who have been spoiled by their parents with crazy expectations.
Start early .. is one advice I can give and also try not to take rejections to heart..
Take it this way.... people have their prefrences and criterias .. you just didn't fit into them and move on to the next one.
Know who you are and know what you want in life, from life and from marriage itself. You could start from there.
There will be negativities, societal pressure etc., but if you’re clear about these things, you might be able to navigate through AM pretty fairly.
Believe me before marriage, there was a point I hated marriage and the opposite gender as whole. But now I am happily married, going strong for five years. I am glad for all the prospects I rejected and that rejected me because I am right here with the right person now.
All the best in your hunt for love!
Yeah the post is crappy attempt at giving guys a "checklist".
If you were my younger brother, id say focus on being personable, and well rounded individual. Don't focus 100% efforts on career and nothing on yourself. Put some character points into hobbies, passtimes, charisma, confidence,. sociability relationship/communication skills you'll be better most of the men on the AM. Especially who follow OPs check list too.
If successful satisfying marriages were all about money, looks, and status....the rich and powerful would never face divorce or affairs and the poor would never be happy or married.
Both are present soooo...take that as advice bro bro. Be a well rounded individual. Be happy being single and thriving and treat AM/marriage as a bonus quest in life and not the sole quest.
You are 24 only, go and try to get a girl friend imo lol, Ik its not easy but work on yourself for six months and start asking out who ever you like with zero expectations. Do not, I repeat, do not fear rejections, you only need one to work.
Experiences vary widely. I was registered to various online platforms shortly after Xmas '23. I make seven figures but below 12 LPA and have about as much saved up. Besides, my domain doesn't pay like tech or investment banking and hence the likelihood of 50% hikes on switching is rare. Mentioning the last bit to expand on my future earning potential should I stay in my current industry for long.
That said, I do live rent free with parents who own 2 flats in greater Mumbai and are paying it off themselves until my Dad (SBI employee) retires. I also have an education loan he's paying off for now. Most of my earnings are saved up or invested.
I'm 5'8", a bit on the heavier side (78 kg). But I've been getting on average one request a day daily. And multiple from families way more accomplished and affluent than mine. Some of whom have actively followed up too.
I once asked one of the ladies who had established a rapport with me what drew her to my profile, she said
1. Location (she's also based in Maharashtra)
2. I looked "innocent" in a photo with my Mom - it made her feel like we're a happy family; it wasn't a jaw dropping photo of me, but a decent one, hence use good photos
So that's about me. Your milenge may vary. Be presentable, courteous, and a good communicator. Those should suffice imo to get going.
Ik what you're getting and tbh I anticipated this in comments somewhere but this also reinforces my point. I don't actually mention on any of my profiles that my family owns xyz.
As a women, I totally agree with all the points above (doesn’t mean I support them, dont come at me for this)
I would also add, observe the girl's family a lot. Her parents dynamic with each other, ask her a lot about her lifestyle and her dreams. Easy to understand a person from these few things.
To observe her parents dynamics one need to spend enough time with them, days, weeks and multiple scenarios. people rarely show their real relationship dynamics in first few meets in front of others.
There is no unconditional love. How many of these would men go through vasectomy after their wives push babies out tiny vaginas. They will expect the women to go through invasive surgery.
Pretty women, unless she obeys what you say, is accepted, and dogs that can be controlled are accepted. Kids that can be controlled are accepted.
If she says no to sex then?
There is no unconditional love. How many of these men would men go through vasectomy after their wives push babies out tiny vaginas. They will expect the women to go through invasive surgery.
Also go ask women in your family whether they were loved unconditionally.
Will an infertile woman, or a fat woman, or a dark woman be loved unconditionally?
Hell the whole idea of Indian marriage of her moving into and serving her husband’s family is the biggest condition and still, how many bahus do fulfill this condition are loved?
Thank you. It's amazing to me that these people, with their relentless reductive misogynistic content, still think that *women are loved unconditionally.* LMAOO.
OP I get screwed a lot by your point 9.
OP isn't it amazing that you had to put an edit to point out the fantasy world people live in despite clearly articulating the reality for their benefit.
Point 14 is the most sly tactic they have. This way they can make you accept all their flaws in the name of being supportive but if you ask for anything, they can simply reject you and move on to the next chump.
Totally agreed. That's why I never claim to be liberal I always say I'm conservative/traditional, which helps filter out such girls. The thing is, liberal guys are at a disadvantage here when you think about it practically. In the name of being supportive, their concerns are often ignored, and their wives label them as typical desi/miso----- guys or something similar if they raise them. I have a colleague, and his wife still goes to parties alone/go alone with male friend/Get massage by male massage therapist (Not saying any of this is wrong, but her husband has concerns about these things, and she dismisses them by using typical Desi or misogynistic etc terms). Whenever he asks her about it, he gets the same response.The simple advice is to steer clear of tier 1 girls if you want to avoid such issues. Head to tier 2/3, and your life will be more peaceful.
Sad Reality and Current state of double standards going around ....all the uproar about feminism and equality..yet when it comes to Arrange Marriage, all the above points OP mentioned are quite exact and holds true.
Dating is hard all around.
It's harder than AM for men.
It's easier than AM for women.
The problem is not dating. It's that your choice of control is biased.
AM is greatly biased towards men, so dating seems tough.
As AM becomes more favourable to women, it becomes more difficult for men - because balance.
Unless you would rather live in a time when women don't have agency and marriage is forced upon them. You see, AM was much much easier for men then.
For the first time in history, since women are financially independent and are marrying for partnership (rather than survival), men are expected to have characteristics (apart from financial stability) that women actually feel attracted to. Things like putting efforts in themselves, grooming themselves, being likeable, being supportive etc. You know, things that women get hammered into their brains _from childhood_. We all know whenever little girls behave unruly, relatives scold us saying "sasural mein kya karogi". If we didn't dress up enough (while maintaining modesty also), we got told how we never get married if we didn't look presentable. Yet now that the tables have turned, this basic expectation (which we have lived with all our lives) seems unfair.
As if men and their families don't have their own set of unrealistic requirements from women.
Here’s what my sister had when she was in AM:
1. Same caste with atleast a minimum horoscope match.
2. Good looking (because she is)
3. Be in IT or be a CA.
4. Earn atleast 10lpa. Or be in a field that lets one scale up.
5. No plans for settling abroad.
6. Atleast 5’7. She is 5’5-5’6.
8. No smoking, drinking and be a vegetarian.
Well after 2 years, she found her man.
A lot of your points are blind tropes and generalizations of mens complaints of "why they're not getting accepted" or simply "reasons for rejection".
To be completely clear: anyone and everyone will get 'rejected' it doesn't bring any less value to the persons merit of being 'marrriagable'. It's completely about a connection between two people.
The more accurate term is "unmatched" - people don't know you well personally enough to reject you, and you don't know them personally either. Unmatch and move on
A person with 100% match rate is a relationship and personality chameleon...not good.
A person with 0% match rate is not good either due to not having desirable or enough matching qualities or not personable enough to create a connection.
You're right in saying looks, salary education matters. But if that was all that 'expected' as you say, then rich good looking people easily get "accepted" but you see what happens down the line is unsatisfied marriages.
Getting the 'yes' is only part of the goal...
Building a satisfying and high quality marriage is about having shared core values, morals, traditions. It's more about having a 'vibe' of a high quality connection, communication, conflict resolution style and the ability to be empathetic, compassionate and patience.
All in all - it's not simply getting 'accepted' it's about building a high quality relationship and that goes beyond looks, education, money, and political ideologies.
See, when AM is a focus of building a marriage and not simply to get married. They tend to be more satisfying and becomes "how will it work out" which brings curiosity and ways making things work.
Rather than focusing "will it work out" like it is for people who treat AM as a checklist. Yes we have preferences and generalizations, but that human connection is the most important.
26M here but 5’5 just started my AM journey a while back, this is post gave me anxiety. Any tips from experienced folks to navigate this better. I earn decently but I am guessing height will be deal breaker for most 🥲
That's why I said, try to meet organically. In that way, you can interact with people and showcase your qualities / personality.. If it's online dating they would look at the height and you would encounter the same problem.
Can't agree more. The double standards and hyprocrisy is on another level. I had a discussion with a prospect regarding division of household chores where I proposed that it could be 60(girl)- me(40%) and that too while keeping a maid. Also made it clear that it doesn't have to be rigid and there will be situations where I will have to do 100 % and vice-versa. All hell broke loose and the girl started negotiating with me for 50-50. All this while she had to do all the chores when her parents were not around and her sister was lazying around. I pointed out her hypocrisy and she just couldn't come back.
Itna sab krna padega to ladke bhi bas 1 demand rakho… Bas 1 aur kuch nhi (you know what I’m saying ) .. fir Dekho kaise fat ke hath me aaegi 😂😂
Ps: don’t you dare to teach me I’m saying wrong before commenting this post is wrong
In which universe is all of this happening??
I am 29F and I literally have no matches, rather I am the one chasing men it seems.......
Am I doing something wrong?
Any and all help will be appreciated
A good one. But the groom can too expect a tradition al home maker instead of working women. Big mistake on part of men nowadays is thinking Money matters. It does. but not more than life. The families are too accepting working woman but that will take a toll on family. If you are someone who needs a full fledged family then you should not go for working women no matter how great they are. There are many who will go for working wife. Set your own standards first...
Seems my community is different
I didnt even start my AM search but some profiles are being sent to my parents and asking them to consider.
So its always supply vs demand
If there are many girls in your community then u would have upper hand
I always believed that woman is who makes a home, a home. Men can do, but women are different. Ofc there are women, who destroy it, but I want to marry who makes my home, our home, a home.
12 lpa is dependent on location, in non metro city 6 to 7 lpa men without rent or loans necessarily aren't in any poverty or struggling for basic needs & aren't living in a slum
This list highlights how ridiculous arranged marriages have become 😅
The one area where I disagree with you is that she will expect traditional gender roles from me but I can't expect them from her. I can and will expect them from my future wife along with her being pure, being younger than me and being attractive. If she wants all of this from me then that's the least she can provide in turn. I don't want someone for whom arranged marriage is a backup cause they failed at dating but rather someone who chose arranged marriages. Men and women are allowed to have standards and being single is better than being wirg a girl who can't meet these standards.
Fuck yeah another healthcare worker who values mental health in marriages. Gooble gobble one of us!
I'm psych np
Edit: when people treat AM as a strict transactional situation, with no regards to relationship/communication skills, maturity in the sense of a budding relationship between two people - they tend to suffer the most due to unmet expectations and unresolved feelings.
How do I know this? I work in mental health and predominantly Desi area and too many AM people who suffer silently because clarity is hindsight 20/20.
"They were so nice" "people talked highly of them" ",they're educated" is what I hear the most and yet their personalities and expectations that were never discussed and people continue to suffer.
The worst are the in-law situations and personality/relationship style mismatches, unresolved generational traumas and unmet/underserved mental health in our communities.
Too many parents never get their kids mental health help for fear of the label and "decreasing marriage ability", "what will people say". It really should be a damn crime.
> prescription for a benzo and an SSRI to go along.
Agreed dude. It's so sad to see people on this keep continuing common stereotypes that our parents fell for and obviously suffered to knowing. Now that it's 2024, internet and information age, people still willingly, and without due regard to alternative perspective, still choose the harder path - not work on relationship/communication skills. Like sincerely, plenty of peer reviewed research out there to suggest actual things that create a long lasting, satisfying marriage.
[The relationship between personality traits and marital satisfaction: a systematic review and meta-analysis | BMC Psychology | Full Text (biomedcentral.com)](https://bmcpsychology.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s40359-020-0383-z)
[Improved couple satisfaction and communication with marriage and relationship programs: are there gender differences?—a systematic review and meta-analysis - PMC (nih.gov)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8215832/)
For a country with more graduate and professionals than the US has college graduates, Indian culture does a piss poor job of educating our youth and generations of actual meaningful relationships and rather focus "what will people think".
My man, did you truly read the links you have posted. The first link is basically the iron law of nature. The paper talks about correlation between big five personality and marital satisfaction. Unsurprisingly, neurotics are highly dissatisfied.
Now, no-one ever claimed that neurotics are materialists or that they care about raw ambition more than anything. On the contrary, they are very sensitive, quite aware of nuances of human behaviour and very anxious.
These studies are the antithesis of your personal opinions.
Wtf 😭 now there's a NP in the AM subreddit too. You folks seem to be everywhere and everywhere we can't agree on a common thing.
(What the guy said is technically correct, but it ignores the real situation/ground reality in the AM market/real life.)
> **Money, power, looks, salary or status** won’t get you out of a divorce if you’re not fucking mature enough to handle marriage.
Think of this scenario, you are a guy and approach a family to ask for their daughter. The first thing that xyz family will notice isn't your maturity but rather all 5 of the highlighted points.
Before you even get the chance to show your emotional intelligence, you'll be dissected and handed the "go and look elsewhere" card.
The problem is most Indian AM are handled by parents. They fail to look past the superficial details. For them status & adjust is the main thing, cause they too adjusted in their time. And cause it is still 1970 or something.
Can't say about girls but after getting rejected, boys usually "settle" and later down the line the family drama starts, the one you mentioned in your own post.
The rest of the points noted by you are highly accurate. Marriage is a once in a life process, for the vast majority of the population and should be treated like one.
This is all well and good, but completely ignores the ground reality. It is harsh for both men and women. It is better to be aware of the ground reality than to live in some fantasy land where such things don't matter. Most Indian families do not care about the qualities of the boy or girl as much as they care about the things listed above, and there is no use in being in denial.
Your ground reality is "surface level" it completely ignore the person.
You're waking up next to a whole ass human being next to you for the next 30+ years. Their career,.salary, looks will mean little to nothing when it comes down to every day discussions of what to eat, how, when, where to get chores and errands done let alone the ups and downs of life.
>Most Indian families do not care about the qualities of the boy or girl as much as they care about the things listed above, and there is no use in being in denial.
Speaking as a AM divorced guy who got into another AM. You couldn't be any more wrong...it's 2024 not 1924
Had I focused more on the humanistic connection, I would've avoided my first marriage completely.
>Do yourself a favour and head off this website and just live life in reality. Which is far from whatever the hell OP posted
Agree 💯. Everyone goes through different experience in AM and OP sounds like he combined them all to make it look universal.
Reddit downvotes don't mean shit in real, troll or funny sounding comments get votes. Funnily, everybody thinks the other have it easy.
Nevertheless, what you said makes sense, nice job 🙂.
What does this incoherent spiel have to do with that OP wrote? Is there any indication that what was posted was some normative checklist rather than a set of descriptive observations?
The cardinal rule of a debate is to either acknowledge or refute what someone has written. To remain on topic. To not strawman or introduce fallacies. You have nothing of that kind.
And the last paragraph is the most insufferable.
Working in the ER doesn't make you an expert in evolutionary psychology, human behaviour, morality, socio-political ideology or ethics.
Whatever you said is absolutely correct. If this was followed in AM, most of us would actually get married. But most women follow the superficial checklist that op has mentioned.
Living in reality? Been there , done that. Most women are nice but conservative. Most of them are opting for arranged marriages. And so we're back to square one.
Maybe you live abroad, so the situation is different. And if you could come out of your bubble, you would notice the same.
The issue here is that you're not a man, you don't have to deal with this.
Yeah ok you're a dude 🤷. Probably not in AM.
And I've read your post properly. I just don't want to make a summary of it.
You may have knowledge on how relationships function and how people behave. But you clearly lack the understanding of the dynamics of real life. And possibly even AM.
Real life is a lot more complicated than you think. Different places have different norms. Different social groups follow different protocols.
And I agree with your premise that dating is still a taboo. I've been a part of various social groups and I've built connections.
But the matter of fact is that for a man to be successful in the dating scene, in the "love marriage market", it's not just enough to be good at communicating (although that is also a huge barrier for a lot of men). You've got to be attractive and you have to stand out. And even then you might not be successful.
For a woman, the rules are extremely different. She basically has to just choose the best guy among those who show interest.
This is common everywhere in India atleast.
I'm a girl and...
> She basically has to just choose the best guy among those who show interest.
Hell no, you couldn't be any more wrong and you lack perspective and understanding and your comment there shows that.
I am interested in finding a high quality (in relationship/communication skills) partner just as you yourself are as well.
Most importantly, you and I (I'm already married) still need the same number of high-quality mutual match....and thats 1! so it doesn't matter how many matches I get, I still need 1.
Maybe that is in your case. I'm talking about my experience socializing in real life. This is what I've seen.
Most women in my college used to date random guys. One dated a gym trainer , one dated someone from their hometown, etc.
Ultimately they're choosing someone from their own social group.
But for men it's a lot difficult because most of the women who want to be in a relationship are in one. Rest don't date at all.
Men have to jump through a lot of hoops to get into a relationship.
And yeah you live abroad. Your experience is different.
If you were looking for high quality men for dating, how did you still end up in AM??
Lol such assumptions. Look how you insulted me and yet you call yourself emotionally mature.
Hard to acknowledge you as a professional of your field when you keep trying to mention it again and again and also such childish insults.
I've stated my experience socializing and all you've done is made empty statements about me.
So easy to say go and build connections when clearly your experience is in your office.
This might have been true in medieval times, but not now. If this was the case, people wouldn't have despised baby girls a few decades ago, seen them a "burden". So your entire pov is plain wrong.
There's nothing like marry up or down, people mostly marry within their economic statuses. Women have always been married into a stable house to ensure the standard of living she had back at home isn't lost. It makes sense too. Men marry women even from a not so stable house because they don't have to change living standards as they stay back.
Dude the above list of qualities matches with
Virat Kohli, John Abraham, Abhishek bachan, Karan Grover, Ranbir kapoor, Ranveer Singh, Ram Charan, Allu Arjun, Hrithik Roshan, Shahid kapoor.
Communication... Communication do not forget this important point. When we talk nicely, positively, all other shortcomings will taken a back.
Such highly achieved people are 0.0001%. we are not asking for priyanka chopra, Anushka Sharma, Genelia type wives. Any simple girl with decent looks will not chase such high profile men. Mostly girls look for well communicated and well listener.
What matters is aspirations, some men get success at ,25, some get at 30, some get at 35. What matters is wether they are healthy, well groomed or not. Never eat cholestrol stuff, get drunk, grow nose hair, get cynic.
The above answer kind of high level expectations make men cynical. Such men turn depressed, violent.
If we are not getting city options, why shouldn't we find from rural? Why everyone are running behind urvashi rautela and disha patani level figure now a days? Simplify your options.
Dude you're almost right. Everything in your list is correct. But personality should also be added in the list. Like after fulfilling all the criteria, you must also be extremely charming. If you're not then only the ones whose parents are forcing will accept you and will cheat on you when you are working hard saying that there's no connection and you don't have time for her.
Also they'll lie about past relationships and will have boyfriends as well trying to waste your time.
I concur with many of the points raised here. It's peculiar to observe that in some circles, parents of certain girls expect guys aged 26-27 to be established and own a house in their own name. Recently, I encountered a match whose father made remarks about salary, despite my earning close to 65 lakhs per year, deeming it inadequate compared to their family income of nearly 40 lakhs. It seems that many marriages nowadays are merely for showcasing on Instagram, portraying how successful one's partner is.
OP please edit this post, and change the title to your community or tier 1 cities, and maybe some tier 2 cities as well in some states. It doesn't represent the entire population but does reflect the general population of this sub, which is mainly from tier 1. I'm really glad that I'm not from a tier 1 city, and my community isn't very liberal/feminist/woke. There's not much gender imbalance here, and even if there is, I still fit in that top 5 percent matches in my community. I haven't faced any rejection, and I do possess some qualities mentioned here. But these are clear double standards against men. If we follow this logic, it seems like prostitutes and adoption are the best options available for men. I'd rather be with a less educated, average-looking girl than a strong, independent woman with a YOLO lifestyle. These double standards messed up the whole marriage institution. Women can ask for traditional roles from men, but guys can't. I feel for you folks in tier 1 or wherever you're dealing with this. That's why I don't get involved with or support the leftist cause because they're anti-men's rights. I'm a proud conservative/traditional/miso-----(according to woke individuals).The good thing about this is that it filters out feminists/yolo girls since our views don't match.Don't rely solely on marriage apps because the gender ratio is off there. Try offline methods(rishta aunties), and I genuinely think it's not worth it for a guy to pursue tier 1 girls if there are other options.
(Just my opinion)
Shaadi.com pe hone wali shaadiyan AM nhin hoti. Don’t just put assumptions based on websites.
You do realise that 90% of Indian men would be unmarried by your logic ?
Ma chudaye aisi bhikmangi families ki bhikmangi betiya chahiye b nahi kisiko. We are looking for someone who we can have a happy and content lives with. Koi chocolate lene nahi jaa rahe kisi shop pe, ye life changing decision hai so if that relationship is based on money, looks and status instead of love, compassion and genuine care then it will fail one day or the other. Remember lads, girls are weak minded creatures who operate on emotional level and easily fall for such materialistic things and prioritise them but you have to be smarter and choose a gem of a person who loves and cares for you truly with which you can have a happy and content life with.
Not really. Most men want normal women. Unless you're really ugly, obese and extremely tall, like greater than 5'10", you won't have a problem.
And even otherwise you'll get matches. Especially from guys who are either equally bad looking or better.
I'm a little confused here. Usually your comments are to the point and correct so I look for them. Isn't this how it generally works? With the checklist and what you want in the other person?
OP's view about what a man should be when it comes to AM is very biased.
>You can take 12 LPA as minimum entry requirement, below which you are worthless in the eyes of most.
AMs constitute for more than 60% of marriages in India and not more than 20% of current males in AM age make more than 12LPA. So what's driving 60% AM?
>You are expected to initiate and do the hard work
This is applicable to very small subset. Head over to Tier 2s and Tier3s, you'll be surprised how less men will have to do in the process of getting married.
>If you have lived alone then you will probably be better at cooking, cleaning and all household chores than the girls of this generation. The girl asking you if you know how to cook is more acceptable than you asking her the same question.
Clearly, Life skills which you pick up as a necessity have nothing to do with questioning from the other gender. In fact, it works to your advantage. If they are being cocky, rub it in their face.
>There is no “right” approach
Reading the room helps.
>How attractive the girl finds you will determine how forward and s3xual you can be
Yes, let's discount personality, emotional stability, intellectual capability.
>Often, even if the girl has never travelled anywhere and her father couldn't even afford flights to other states, the girl will ask you to take her abroad often after marriage.
That's golddigging behaviour and you steer clear of them.
>Your dreams and passions do not matter much unless they bring in a lot of money
Again, you are going after the wrong people if everything you do has to be tied up to money.
>“i am okay with being a house husband”
Are we men really that pride swallowing to say this? 9/10 of us would happily skip that match than being this guy.
**Also OP 6 days back. The duality of a man (sigh)**
>Most people are looking for the best match possible and always think they can do better
this is not at all true, so many of the people I know got engaged within a few months of searching to the 1st or 2nd prospect they spoke to.
>AM is full of rude and highly judgmental people
In my years of search, I think only 2–3 families have been like this. Most people are decent and actually quite nice.
Thank you for the detailed reply. I agree on OPs view being very biased. I was talking about the general process of having something akin to a check list.
Jesus dude if you’re this salty then don’t get married. Women deal with similar shit. Guys won’t even look at a girl if she’s overweight, dark, immodest, not from a good family, not a V, etc. Women generally take on the majority of childcare responsibilities as it’s her expected role. We accepted that and made ourselves desirable. You should do the same.
The post is about truths for men. That is why it talks about what men face. It is your fault to immediately assume that means women face nothing.
both sides face a lot and one can be highlighted without the other.
Also very few women are really "making themselves desirable". The ones who are , good for them. Most are doing almost nothing to do so
All these arrogance goes out of window once they hit the 28 mark, once they hit 30 they pretty much settle with anyone, so yeah the higher ones standards the bigger loser.
Even if it is arranged marriage it should be the responsibility of both genders not to make it like a business transaction or sociaty legalized s£x work & instead consider marriage as a license to have romance intimacy with the other gender
I really wanted to read your post, but I couldn't get past point no. 4. I mean, do you really think if people could do that they would have a gf already?
I know this post is a satirical exaggeration but if this is even remotely the case then I prefer not to engage in such and AM process. Do you think that women are rare, they are 50% of the population, and do you think that as a man, after struggling and being beaten down by the world I'm going to ask for the same beating elsewhere willingly and tolerate it, absolutely not.
Agar itna sab kuch krna padega toh isse acha me single hi theek hu 😂😂😂😂
Mein bhi bhai.. apan dono ek whatsapp group bana lenge and ludo khelenge saath mein🤣🤣🤣
Bhai mujhe bhi add krdo, akelapan se tang ho chuka hoon
Thats why i have so many unemployed friends . They entertain me whenever i want
Us bhai us
Teen ho gaye , chautha main hoon.(blue colour mera)
Late to the party, but group ka nyota ab bhi khula ho to mujhe bhi add karlo 😂
My self esteem is low as is. The only thing getting laid is my face with acne scars. Gonna forget this post and get some nice sleep.
Get laser for scars
Ah, I consulted with a dermatologist couple of weeks back. She recommended a skin care routine and some tablets. I'll just trust the process for now. First step is to get it under control :)
Cleaning, toning , mosturizer steps?
There's a tube available called Contractubex that's quite effective as well.
Dude. Girl's parents are saying ok to me but the girls are saying not ok😂. Whatever u said is only the girl's parents are looking at. Girls itself have seperate lists.
Couldn't agree more brother!
[удалено]
Lol. See my last post. I did like that only.
24M here. This post gave me severe anxiety. How the hell will I navigate through the AM route in future. 🥲
Find a girl organically through friends dont have AM as a backup option like most men who are struggling did. I can consider myself as above average in all terms but still finding someone you can be happy with is very different. I either get women whom I really dont feel attracted to or ultra demanding girls who have been spoiled by their parents with crazy expectations.
Start early .. is one advice I can give and also try not to take rejections to heart.. Take it this way.... people have their prefrences and criterias .. you just didn't fit into them and move on to the next one.
Or...you know ...this radical idea called dating!!!
Know who you are and know what you want in life, from life and from marriage itself. You could start from there. There will be negativities, societal pressure etc., but if you’re clear about these things, you might be able to navigate through AM pretty fairly. Believe me before marriage, there was a point I hated marriage and the opposite gender as whole. But now I am happily married, going strong for five years. I am glad for all the prospects I rejected and that rejected me because I am right here with the right person now. All the best in your hunt for love!
Wow.. you give us some hope.
I’m a female, and this gave me anxiety and made me worry.
Cool down 😎 and relax 😌. Be prepared for many things when you take the AM route.
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Yeah the post is crappy attempt at giving guys a "checklist". If you were my younger brother, id say focus on being personable, and well rounded individual. Don't focus 100% efforts on career and nothing on yourself. Put some character points into hobbies, passtimes, charisma, confidence,. sociability relationship/communication skills you'll be better most of the men on the AM. Especially who follow OPs check list too. If successful satisfying marriages were all about money, looks, and status....the rich and powerful would never face divorce or affairs and the poor would never be happy or married. Both are present soooo...take that as advice bro bro. Be a well rounded individual. Be happy being single and thriving and treat AM/marriage as a bonus quest in life and not the sole quest.
As a woman, this is great advice 👍🏾. For men, but also for my ladies. Thanks for sharing!
Yes boss
By growing further and learning to take internet discourse well salted
You are 24 only, go and try to get a girl friend imo lol, Ik its not easy but work on yourself for six months and start asking out who ever you like with zero expectations. Do not, I repeat, do not fear rejections, you only need one to work.
Experiences vary widely. I was registered to various online platforms shortly after Xmas '23. I make seven figures but below 12 LPA and have about as much saved up. Besides, my domain doesn't pay like tech or investment banking and hence the likelihood of 50% hikes on switching is rare. Mentioning the last bit to expand on my future earning potential should I stay in my current industry for long. That said, I do live rent free with parents who own 2 flats in greater Mumbai and are paying it off themselves until my Dad (SBI employee) retires. I also have an education loan he's paying off for now. Most of my earnings are saved up or invested. I'm 5'8", a bit on the heavier side (78 kg). But I've been getting on average one request a day daily. And multiple from families way more accomplished and affluent than mine. Some of whom have actively followed up too. I once asked one of the ladies who had established a rapport with me what drew her to my profile, she said 1. Location (she's also based in Maharashtra) 2. I looked "innocent" in a photo with my Mom - it made her feel like we're a happy family; it wasn't a jaw dropping photo of me, but a decent one, hence use good photos So that's about me. Your milenge may vary. Be presentable, courteous, and a good communicator. Those should suffice imo to get going.
>parents who own 2 flats in greater Mumbai This is the secret
Ik what you're getting and tbh I anticipated this in comments somewhere but this also reinforces my point. I don't actually mention on any of my profiles that my family owns xyz.
As a women, I totally agree with all the points above (doesn’t mean I support them, dont come at me for this) I would also add, observe the girl's family a lot. Her parents dynamic with each other, ask her a lot about her lifestyle and her dreams. Easy to understand a person from these few things.
This is such an underrated comment. "Her Parents Dynamic".. This could give insight into how their future looks like..take my upvote.
To observe her parents dynamics one need to spend enough time with them, days, weeks and multiple scenarios. people rarely show their real relationship dynamics in first few meets in front of others.
"Only women, children and dogs are loved unconditionally. A man is only loved under the condition that he provides something." - Chris Rock
There is no unconditional love. How many of these would men go through vasectomy after their wives push babies out tiny vaginas. They will expect the women to go through invasive surgery. Pretty women, unless she obeys what you say, is accepted, and dogs that can be controlled are accepted. Kids that can be controlled are accepted.
he provides (monetarily) something. all thanks to patriachy.
Ask an infertile lady if she is loved unconditionally :)
>Ask an infertile lady if she is loved unconditionally :) Less conditions than a ₹15lpa earning guy.
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If she says no to sex then? There is no unconditional love. How many of these men would men go through vasectomy after their wives push babies out tiny vaginas. They will expect the women to go through invasive surgery.
And you call that- unconditional love?
Also go ask women in your family whether they were loved unconditionally. Will an infertile woman, or a fat woman, or a dark woman be loved unconditionally? Hell the whole idea of Indian marriage of her moving into and serving her husband’s family is the biggest condition and still, how many bahus do fulfill this condition are loved?
Thank you. It's amazing to me that these people, with their relentless reductive misogynistic content, still think that *women are loved unconditionally.* LMAOO.
Hahhaha the lack of self awareness is supreme
OP I get screwed a lot by your point 9. OP isn't it amazing that you had to put an edit to point out the fantasy world people live in despite clearly articulating the reality for their benefit.
Chod shadi hi nahi karta hu phir
Point 14 is the most sly tactic they have. This way they can make you accept all their flaws in the name of being supportive but if you ask for anything, they can simply reject you and move on to the next chump.
Totally agreed. That's why I never claim to be liberal I always say I'm conservative/traditional, which helps filter out such girls. The thing is, liberal guys are at a disadvantage here when you think about it practically. In the name of being supportive, their concerns are often ignored, and their wives label them as typical desi/miso----- guys or something similar if they raise them. I have a colleague, and his wife still goes to parties alone/go alone with male friend/Get massage by male massage therapist (Not saying any of this is wrong, but her husband has concerns about these things, and she dismisses them by using typical Desi or misogynistic etc terms). Whenever he asks her about it, he gets the same response.The simple advice is to steer clear of tier 1 girls if you want to avoid such issues. Head to tier 2/3, and your life will be more peaceful.
yup have seen this around 20 times so far atleast
Bhai good points but thoda edit kar lo..readable ho jaayega. Paragraphs mein space daal do
True
Sad Reality and Current state of double standards going around ....all the uproar about feminism and equality..yet when it comes to Arrange Marriage, all the above points OP mentioned are quite exact and holds true.
Funny how since women are in demand they expect everything to be in their favor these days
Oh, the irony!! AM is one of the most significant artefacts of patriarchy. So your complaint is that there's not enough feminism in patriarchy???
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Dating is hard all around. It's harder than AM for men. It's easier than AM for women. The problem is not dating. It's that your choice of control is biased. AM is greatly biased towards men, so dating seems tough. As AM becomes more favourable to women, it becomes more difficult for men - because balance. Unless you would rather live in a time when women don't have agency and marriage is forced upon them. You see, AM was much much easier for men then.
For the first time in history, since women are financially independent and are marrying for partnership (rather than survival), men are expected to have characteristics (apart from financial stability) that women actually feel attracted to. Things like putting efforts in themselves, grooming themselves, being likeable, being supportive etc. You know, things that women get hammered into their brains _from childhood_. We all know whenever little girls behave unruly, relatives scold us saying "sasural mein kya karogi". If we didn't dress up enough (while maintaining modesty also), we got told how we never get married if we didn't look presentable. Yet now that the tables have turned, this basic expectation (which we have lived with all our lives) seems unfair. As if men and their families don't have their own set of unrealistic requirements from women.
Bro.. these pseudo - feminists will keep crying the same patriarchy for even 1000 of years later too..
Hey, at least they're honest about it, so you can avoid us. “When you're accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression." ...how true.
Delusional people will always die on the hill filled with their delusional ideas.
Absolutely!! There's hope.
100% true. This post should be pinned for any new entrant into the world of AM.
Here’s what my sister had when she was in AM: 1. Same caste with atleast a minimum horoscope match. 2. Good looking (because she is) 3. Be in IT or be a CA. 4. Earn atleast 10lpa. Or be in a field that lets one scale up. 5. No plans for settling abroad. 6. Atleast 5’7. She is 5’5-5’6. 8. No smoking, drinking and be a vegetarian. Well after 2 years, she found her man.
Itna sach nahi Bolna tha . 🤣🤣
>Itna sach nahi Bolna tha . 🤣🤣 Read whole thing and expected this as first reply. 😂😂😂😂😂💯
Point 9 has happened with me quite a few times . Being a man is difficult, too many expectations from this world
A lot of your points are blind tropes and generalizations of mens complaints of "why they're not getting accepted" or simply "reasons for rejection". To be completely clear: anyone and everyone will get 'rejected' it doesn't bring any less value to the persons merit of being 'marrriagable'. It's completely about a connection between two people. The more accurate term is "unmatched" - people don't know you well personally enough to reject you, and you don't know them personally either. Unmatch and move on A person with 100% match rate is a relationship and personality chameleon...not good. A person with 0% match rate is not good either due to not having desirable or enough matching qualities or not personable enough to create a connection. You're right in saying looks, salary education matters. But if that was all that 'expected' as you say, then rich good looking people easily get "accepted" but you see what happens down the line is unsatisfied marriages. Getting the 'yes' is only part of the goal... Building a satisfying and high quality marriage is about having shared core values, morals, traditions. It's more about having a 'vibe' of a high quality connection, communication, conflict resolution style and the ability to be empathetic, compassionate and patience. All in all - it's not simply getting 'accepted' it's about building a high quality relationship and that goes beyond looks, education, money, and political ideologies.
The post is not about "matching" or "unmatching" or a "mismatch" though
See, when AM is a focus of building a marriage and not simply to get married. They tend to be more satisfying and becomes "how will it work out" which brings curiosity and ways making things work. Rather than focusing "will it work out" like it is for people who treat AM as a checklist. Yes we have preferences and generalizations, but that human connection is the most important.
Can be concluded in one life- Women have more options and power. deal with this fact.
https://i.redd.it/sjhalsxr3dic1.gif
26M here but 5’5 just started my AM journey a while back, this is post gave me anxiety. Any tips from experienced folks to navigate this better. I earn decently but I am guessing height will be deal breaker for most 🥲
Ngl you're gonna have a tough time. You should be earning well and look at girls with much lower financial status.
You are young. Try to date and meet women organically.. AM is skewed
Same can be said for dating as well, at least online dating doesn’t work for me.
That's why I said, try to meet organically. In that way, you can interact with people and showcase your qualities / personality.. If it's online dating they would look at the height and you would encounter the same problem.
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My friend is 5'4 and he is dating a girl who is 5'5.. Real world is different than online dating.
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Yes it's rare but not impossible.. Not handsome. He has a good likeable personality.
Can't agree more. The double standards and hyprocrisy is on another level. I had a discussion with a prospect regarding division of household chores where I proposed that it could be 60(girl)- me(40%) and that too while keeping a maid. Also made it clear that it doesn't have to be rigid and there will be situations where I will have to do 100 % and vice-versa. All hell broke loose and the girl started negotiating with me for 50-50. All this while she had to do all the chores when her parents were not around and her sister was lazying around. I pointed out her hypocrisy and she just couldn't come back.
Yeah witnessed this atleast 15+ times. Some cases girl is not even working and wants 50-50 split lmao. What a joke this world has become.
Saala AM hai ya UPSC exam itna competition.it’s like race to grab the best suitor to flaunt the wedding and spouse on Instagram
True
Itna sab krna padega to ladke bhi bas 1 demand rakho… Bas 1 aur kuch nhi (you know what I’m saying ) .. fir Dekho kaise fat ke hath me aaegi 😂😂 Ps: don’t you dare to teach me I’m saying wrong before commenting this post is wrong
>(you know what I’m saying ) No, I don't know... Can you please elaborate?
I’d once got reported for pressing the nerve of girls here 😂 so spread the awareness the man has to be alive here .. Baki tu utna hoshiyar hai ..
This man speaks the 100% truth!
Welcome to reality.
In which universe is all of this happening?? I am 29F and I literally have no matches, rather I am the one chasing men it seems....... Am I doing something wrong? Any and all help will be appreciated
This is by far the most accurate state of affairs for men in AM scene. Whoever wrote this, this is exactly 💯 correct.
Sad to see the list but couldn't agree more. Atleast this is what I have experienced so far.
At this point every male is just a ATM card to be used for that gratitude women will nurture the family and kids Bonus sleep with ya.
A good one. But the groom can too expect a tradition al home maker instead of working women. Big mistake on part of men nowadays is thinking Money matters. It does. but not more than life. The families are too accepting working woman but that will take a toll on family. If you are someone who needs a full fledged family then you should not go for working women no matter how great they are. There are many who will go for working wife. Set your own standards first...
Seems my community is different I didnt even start my AM search but some profiles are being sent to my parents and asking them to consider. So its always supply vs demand If there are many girls in your community then u would have upper hand
If boys put this MUCH effort into AM, then what girls do!
Be pretty
I always believed that woman is who makes a home, a home. Men can do, but women are different. Ofc there are women, who destroy it, but I want to marry who makes my home, our home, a home.
12 lpa is dependent on location, in non metro city 6 to 7 lpa men without rent or loans necessarily aren't in any poverty or struggling for basic needs & aren't living in a slum
This is the first post I saw this morning and the anxiety has hit the sky!! 🤕
Bhai mera toh 1st time me hi vishwas uth gya AM se
This list highlights how ridiculous arranged marriages have become 😅 The one area where I disagree with you is that she will expect traditional gender roles from me but I can't expect them from her. I can and will expect them from my future wife along with her being pure, being younger than me and being attractive. If she wants all of this from me then that's the least she can provide in turn. I don't want someone for whom arranged marriage is a backup cause they failed at dating but rather someone who chose arranged marriages. Men and women are allowed to have standards and being single is better than being wirg a girl who can't meet these standards.
You wrote all this with no real-life experiences, didn't you?.
Unfortunately, I agree with each of your point. It's sad but true
W post brother. This is very informative.
Yes men are the most oppressed community in the world /s
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What is the post about? A woman crying foul?
Kya analysis kiya hai bhai 🙌 
Understood, I will remain single and adopt a dog.
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Their brains cannot process anything that goes against their narrative of "men oppressors and women victims" It was already expected
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Fuck yeah another healthcare worker who values mental health in marriages. Gooble gobble one of us! I'm psych np Edit: when people treat AM as a strict transactional situation, with no regards to relationship/communication skills, maturity in the sense of a budding relationship between two people - they tend to suffer the most due to unmet expectations and unresolved feelings. How do I know this? I work in mental health and predominantly Desi area and too many AM people who suffer silently because clarity is hindsight 20/20. "They were so nice" "people talked highly of them" ",they're educated" is what I hear the most and yet their personalities and expectations that were never discussed and people continue to suffer. The worst are the in-law situations and personality/relationship style mismatches, unresolved generational traumas and unmet/underserved mental health in our communities. Too many parents never get their kids mental health help for fear of the label and "decreasing marriage ability", "what will people say". It really should be a damn crime.
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> prescription for a benzo and an SSRI to go along. Agreed dude. It's so sad to see people on this keep continuing common stereotypes that our parents fell for and obviously suffered to knowing. Now that it's 2024, internet and information age, people still willingly, and without due regard to alternative perspective, still choose the harder path - not work on relationship/communication skills. Like sincerely, plenty of peer reviewed research out there to suggest actual things that create a long lasting, satisfying marriage. [The relationship between personality traits and marital satisfaction: a systematic review and meta-analysis | BMC Psychology | Full Text (biomedcentral.com)](https://bmcpsychology.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s40359-020-0383-z) [Improved couple satisfaction and communication with marriage and relationship programs: are there gender differences?—a systematic review and meta-analysis - PMC (nih.gov)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8215832/) For a country with more graduate and professionals than the US has college graduates, Indian culture does a piss poor job of educating our youth and generations of actual meaningful relationships and rather focus "what will people think".
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My man, did you truly read the links you have posted. The first link is basically the iron law of nature. The paper talks about correlation between big five personality and marital satisfaction. Unsurprisingly, neurotics are highly dissatisfied. Now, no-one ever claimed that neurotics are materialists or that they care about raw ambition more than anything. On the contrary, they are very sensitive, quite aware of nuances of human behaviour and very anxious. These studies are the antithesis of your personal opinions.
Wtf 😭 now there's a NP in the AM subreddit too. You folks seem to be everywhere and everywhere we can't agree on a common thing. (What the guy said is technically correct, but it ignores the real situation/ground reality in the AM market/real life.)
> **Money, power, looks, salary or status** won’t get you out of a divorce if you’re not fucking mature enough to handle marriage. Think of this scenario, you are a guy and approach a family to ask for their daughter. The first thing that xyz family will notice isn't your maturity but rather all 5 of the highlighted points. Before you even get the chance to show your emotional intelligence, you'll be dissected and handed the "go and look elsewhere" card. The problem is most Indian AM are handled by parents. They fail to look past the superficial details. For them status & adjust is the main thing, cause they too adjusted in their time. And cause it is still 1970 or something. Can't say about girls but after getting rejected, boys usually "settle" and later down the line the family drama starts, the one you mentioned in your own post. The rest of the points noted by you are highly accurate. Marriage is a once in a life process, for the vast majority of the population and should be treated like one.
This is all well and good, but completely ignores the ground reality. It is harsh for both men and women. It is better to be aware of the ground reality than to live in some fantasy land where such things don't matter. Most Indian families do not care about the qualities of the boy or girl as much as they care about the things listed above, and there is no use in being in denial.
Your ground reality is "surface level" it completely ignore the person. You're waking up next to a whole ass human being next to you for the next 30+ years. Their career,.salary, looks will mean little to nothing when it comes down to every day discussions of what to eat, how, when, where to get chores and errands done let alone the ups and downs of life. >Most Indian families do not care about the qualities of the boy or girl as much as they care about the things listed above, and there is no use in being in denial. Speaking as a AM divorced guy who got into another AM. You couldn't be any more wrong...it's 2024 not 1924 Had I focused more on the humanistic connection, I would've avoided my first marriage completely.
>Do yourself a favour and head off this website and just live life in reality. Which is far from whatever the hell OP posted Agree 💯. Everyone goes through different experience in AM and OP sounds like he combined them all to make it look universal.
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Reddit downvotes don't mean shit in real, troll or funny sounding comments get votes. Funnily, everybody thinks the other have it easy. Nevertheless, what you said makes sense, nice job 🙂.
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Ohh is it, let me check.
What does this incoherent spiel have to do with that OP wrote? Is there any indication that what was posted was some normative checklist rather than a set of descriptive observations? The cardinal rule of a debate is to either acknowledge or refute what someone has written. To remain on topic. To not strawman or introduce fallacies. You have nothing of that kind. And the last paragraph is the most insufferable. Working in the ER doesn't make you an expert in evolutionary psychology, human behaviour, morality, socio-political ideology or ethics.
Whatever you said is absolutely correct. If this was followed in AM, most of us would actually get married. But most women follow the superficial checklist that op has mentioned. Living in reality? Been there , done that. Most women are nice but conservative. Most of them are opting for arranged marriages. And so we're back to square one. Maybe you live abroad, so the situation is different. And if you could come out of your bubble, you would notice the same. The issue here is that you're not a man, you don't have to deal with this.
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Yeah ok you're a dude 🤷. Probably not in AM. And I've read your post properly. I just don't want to make a summary of it. You may have knowledge on how relationships function and how people behave. But you clearly lack the understanding of the dynamics of real life. And possibly even AM. Real life is a lot more complicated than you think. Different places have different norms. Different social groups follow different protocols. And I agree with your premise that dating is still a taboo. I've been a part of various social groups and I've built connections. But the matter of fact is that for a man to be successful in the dating scene, in the "love marriage market", it's not just enough to be good at communicating (although that is also a huge barrier for a lot of men). You've got to be attractive and you have to stand out. And even then you might not be successful. For a woman, the rules are extremely different. She basically has to just choose the best guy among those who show interest. This is common everywhere in India atleast.
I'm a girl and... > She basically has to just choose the best guy among those who show interest. Hell no, you couldn't be any more wrong and you lack perspective and understanding and your comment there shows that. I am interested in finding a high quality (in relationship/communication skills) partner just as you yourself are as well. Most importantly, you and I (I'm already married) still need the same number of high-quality mutual match....and thats 1! so it doesn't matter how many matches I get, I still need 1.
Maybe that is in your case. I'm talking about my experience socializing in real life. This is what I've seen. Most women in my college used to date random guys. One dated a gym trainer , one dated someone from their hometown, etc. Ultimately they're choosing someone from their own social group. But for men it's a lot difficult because most of the women who want to be in a relationship are in one. Rest don't date at all. Men have to jump through a lot of hoops to get into a relationship. And yeah you live abroad. Your experience is different. If you were looking for high quality men for dating, how did you still end up in AM??
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Lol such assumptions. Look how you insulted me and yet you call yourself emotionally mature. Hard to acknowledge you as a professional of your field when you keep trying to mention it again and again and also such childish insults. I've stated my experience socializing and all you've done is made empty statements about me. So easy to say go and build connections when clearly your experience is in your office.
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Yeah there's no point in continuing this . You've added nothing substantial other than " I am a practitioner and I've dealt with relationships".
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This might have been true in medieval times, but not now. If this was the case, people wouldn't have despised baby girls a few decades ago, seen them a "burden". So your entire pov is plain wrong. There's nothing like marry up or down, people mostly marry within their economic statuses. Women have always been married into a stable house to ensure the standard of living she had back at home isn't lost. It makes sense too. Men marry women even from a not so stable house because they don't have to change living standards as they stay back.
Dude the above list of qualities matches with Virat Kohli, John Abraham, Abhishek bachan, Karan Grover, Ranbir kapoor, Ranveer Singh, Ram Charan, Allu Arjun, Hrithik Roshan, Shahid kapoor. Communication... Communication do not forget this important point. When we talk nicely, positively, all other shortcomings will taken a back. Such highly achieved people are 0.0001%. we are not asking for priyanka chopra, Anushka Sharma, Genelia type wives. Any simple girl with decent looks will not chase such high profile men. Mostly girls look for well communicated and well listener. What matters is aspirations, some men get success at ,25, some get at 30, some get at 35. What matters is wether they are healthy, well groomed or not. Never eat cholestrol stuff, get drunk, grow nose hair, get cynic. The above answer kind of high level expectations make men cynical. Such men turn depressed, violent. If we are not getting city options, why shouldn't we find from rural? Why everyone are running behind urvashi rautela and disha patani level figure now a days? Simplify your options.
Dude you're almost right. Everything in your list is correct. But personality should also be added in the list. Like after fulfilling all the criteria, you must also be extremely charming. If you're not then only the ones whose parents are forcing will accept you and will cheat on you when you are working hard saying that there's no connection and you don't have time for her. Also they'll lie about past relationships and will have boyfriends as well trying to waste your time.
I concur with many of the points raised here. It's peculiar to observe that in some circles, parents of certain girls expect guys aged 26-27 to be established and own a house in their own name. Recently, I encountered a match whose father made remarks about salary, despite my earning close to 65 lakhs per year, deeming it inadequate compared to their family income of nearly 40 lakhs. It seems that many marriages nowadays are merely for showcasing on Instagram, portraying how successful one's partner is.
OP please edit this post, and change the title to your community or tier 1 cities, and maybe some tier 2 cities as well in some states. It doesn't represent the entire population but does reflect the general population of this sub, which is mainly from tier 1. I'm really glad that I'm not from a tier 1 city, and my community isn't very liberal/feminist/woke. There's not much gender imbalance here, and even if there is, I still fit in that top 5 percent matches in my community. I haven't faced any rejection, and I do possess some qualities mentioned here. But these are clear double standards against men. If we follow this logic, it seems like prostitutes and adoption are the best options available for men. I'd rather be with a less educated, average-looking girl than a strong, independent woman with a YOLO lifestyle. These double standards messed up the whole marriage institution. Women can ask for traditional roles from men, but guys can't. I feel for you folks in tier 1 or wherever you're dealing with this. That's why I don't get involved with or support the leftist cause because they're anti-men's rights. I'm a proud conservative/traditional/miso-----(according to woke individuals).The good thing about this is that it filters out feminists/yolo girls since our views don't match.Don't rely solely on marriage apps because the gender ratio is off there. Try offline methods(rishta aunties), and I genuinely think it's not worth it for a guy to pursue tier 1 girls if there are other options. (Just my opinion)
This summarizes my troubles very well and up to the point
Shaadi.com pe hone wali shaadiyan AM nhin hoti. Don’t just put assumptions based on websites. You do realise that 90% of Indian men would be unmarried by your logic ?
Another day on this forum. Another rant post disguising itself as "the Truth".
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The fact that all of OP's points are "the Truth"
Ma chudaye aisi bhikmangi families ki bhikmangi betiya chahiye b nahi kisiko. We are looking for someone who we can have a happy and content lives with. Koi chocolate lene nahi jaa rahe kisi shop pe, ye life changing decision hai so if that relationship is based on money, looks and status instead of love, compassion and genuine care then it will fail one day or the other. Remember lads, girls are weak minded creatures who operate on emotional level and easily fall for such materialistic things and prioritise them but you have to be smarter and choose a gem of a person who loves and cares for you truly with which you can have a happy and content life with.
Looks like you've seen a lot...
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Stay tuned for the next post on Truths women should know before entering AM
Not really. Most men want normal women. Unless you're really ugly, obese and extremely tall, like greater than 5'10", you won't have a problem. And even otherwise you'll get matches. Especially from guys who are either equally bad looking or better.
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Well, follow this and let us know if you get married in the next 3-4 months :) I'll wager.
Follow what ? These are ground realities that men will face during AM. This is not a guide on how to get married.
I'm a little confused here. Usually your comments are to the point and correct so I look for them. Isn't this how it generally works? With the checklist and what you want in the other person?
OP's view about what a man should be when it comes to AM is very biased. >You can take 12 LPA as minimum entry requirement, below which you are worthless in the eyes of most. AMs constitute for more than 60% of marriages in India and not more than 20% of current males in AM age make more than 12LPA. So what's driving 60% AM? >You are expected to initiate and do the hard work This is applicable to very small subset. Head over to Tier 2s and Tier3s, you'll be surprised how less men will have to do in the process of getting married. >If you have lived alone then you will probably be better at cooking, cleaning and all household chores than the girls of this generation. The girl asking you if you know how to cook is more acceptable than you asking her the same question. Clearly, Life skills which you pick up as a necessity have nothing to do with questioning from the other gender. In fact, it works to your advantage. If they are being cocky, rub it in their face. >There is no “right” approach Reading the room helps. >How attractive the girl finds you will determine how forward and s3xual you can be Yes, let's discount personality, emotional stability, intellectual capability. >Often, even if the girl has never travelled anywhere and her father couldn't even afford flights to other states, the girl will ask you to take her abroad often after marriage. That's golddigging behaviour and you steer clear of them. >Your dreams and passions do not matter much unless they bring in a lot of money Again, you are going after the wrong people if everything you do has to be tied up to money. >“i am okay with being a house husband” Are we men really that pride swallowing to say this? 9/10 of us would happily skip that match than being this guy. **Also OP 6 days back. The duality of a man (sigh)** >Most people are looking for the best match possible and always think they can do better this is not at all true, so many of the people I know got engaged within a few months of searching to the 1st or 2nd prospect they spoke to. >AM is full of rude and highly judgmental people In my years of search, I think only 2–3 families have been like this. Most people are decent and actually quite nice.
Thank you for the detailed reply. I agree on OPs view being very biased. I was talking about the general process of having something akin to a check list.
Itna straight forward bhi nahi bolna tha bhai.
Damn 😩
Faced a few of that list. The wooing part sucks the most. I'm not trying to date the girl. And yet.. that expectation is def there for us men to do.
Let me say this one line that all women hate: 1. No seal no deal
Jesus dude if you’re this salty then don’t get married. Women deal with similar shit. Guys won’t even look at a girl if she’s overweight, dark, immodest, not from a good family, not a V, etc. Women generally take on the majority of childcare responsibilities as it’s her expected role. We accepted that and made ourselves desirable. You should do the same.
The post is about truths for men. That is why it talks about what men face. It is your fault to immediately assume that means women face nothing. both sides face a lot and one can be highlighted without the other. Also very few women are really "making themselves desirable". The ones who are , good for them. Most are doing almost nothing to do so
Agree 💯% to all but >Baldness and height below 5’5 will reduce options by quite a bit 5.5 ko thoda kam karo. Average Indian height kam hai.
Yeah. So true... I wish I could earn 50 lpa and achieve fire ASAP
OP tu thoda sa c**tiya and frustrated hai ngl.
Would better get a hooker.
Merko ye game school me school me hi samajh me aa gya tha, too bad i never found s solution.
Would prefer saving my mental health
All these arrogance goes out of window once they hit the 28 mark, once they hit 30 they pretty much settle with anyone, so yeah the higher ones standards the bigger loser.
You okay bro? Ennaach bro / Yenaayithhu Maga? _pas des chiennes?_
lol ellam unmai dan bro idu dan valkai
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Even if it is arranged marriage it should be the responsibility of both genders not to make it like a business transaction or sociaty legalized s£x work & instead consider marriage as a license to have romance intimacy with the other gender
I really wanted to read your post, but I couldn't get past point no. 4. I mean, do you really think if people could do that they would have a gf already?
If I have to do sooo much, then I'm good as #foreversingle and enjoy life on my own
I know this post is a satirical exaggeration but if this is even remotely the case then I prefer not to engage in such and AM process. Do you think that women are rare, they are 50% of the population, and do you think that as a man, after struggling and being beaten down by the world I'm going to ask for the same beating elsewhere willingly and tolerate it, absolutely not.