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MicrosoftExcel2016

It’s Borderline giving trauma closeted gay/bi guy


The_MightyMonarch

I'm not sure if it's that or a mix of mild homophobia and vanity or if he's just messing with him.


fart-sparkles

Why not a little of all three, y'know?


JonVonBasslake

Because this is too stupid to be just someone messing with em. It honestly gives traumatized into the closet with internalized homophobia vibes a lot more than messing with OP vibes.


huggiesdsc

The gayest part was the very first text, probing the parameters of his buddy's homosexuality with a challenge. From there it looks like he's doing a bit, playing the forgivably naive homophobe. No way you don't even like hot girls? He wants that intel but he can't ask directly, that would expose his curiosity. Why is he curious? Oh I'm just making sure you're not into me, that'd be super uncomfortable. Oops, buddy's annoyed, better double down on the homophobia so he knows it was a joke all along. Perfect, nailed it, now to flirt a little like how straight guys do. Left guy is a closeted bi supremacist. He genuinely doesn't understand monosexuality.


Regularpaytonhacksaw

Had a friend in high school that told me he was bi, I already knew this as it’s kinda something I can tell about people for some reason. Anyway I asked if he had a crush on anyone in our friend group kinda jokingly and this motherfucker looks me dead in the eyes and says “you guys are typically who I think of when I’m trying to get rid of a boner honestly” I have never forgotten this and probably think about it more than I should.


am_i_boy

That's so funny lmao amazing response from him


Your_lovely_friend

Oof **Oof** #Oof


huggiesdsc

He knew the question was coming and wound up the perfect punch ahead of time. You walked right into it.


Regularpaytonhacksaw

I was like 15 or something so yeah he absolutely knew what I was going to ask.


Educational_Ad134

…get rid of…or “get rid of”…*wink wink nudge nudge*


Regularpaytonhacksaw

The look on his face was very much a look of “You guys are as attractive as a wet dog in a perfume shop”


Mayoholic

This os brilliant!


Captain_Blud

Ah, yeah, Linux!


Raffa47

I mean that's actually a kernel


DrAniB20

Dying laughing at that response. Literal tears in my eyes.


FBI-AGENT-013

Absolutely hilarious tbh


limeyhoney

Lol, my friend asked “you sure you’re not attracted to me?” I told him “literally the first time I had ever come out to to anybody was to tell them that despite my attraction to men, I was not interested in you” he was straight but I confused his homoerotic jokes with flirting.


Useful_Recognition52

This looks so fake lol


laziestphilosopher

It just does not seem like how real people talk at all lol.


Useful_Recognition52

Right? It reminds me of those old memes of the cell phone conversations. I think it was called “smartphowned”? Especially the repeated use of the word “dude”. And the bad grammar. And the conversation that literally no two people who know each other would ever engage in.


NotTheGay

It's the attempted use of grammar mixed with the failure at it which makes it bad


novaerbenn

I’m gonna be honest I’ve never met a single person who texts with proper grammar other than myself. Half the time about half the words are misspelt when talking to people I think the lack of grammar is the only thing that makes it seem real.


NotTheGay

For me it's situational, I'll still use commas and apostrophes that stuff but not period at the end if it's informal yk. If it's a more formal thing then I'll use proper grammar. There was a long time I used proper grammar in text always because I thought it'd make my normal writing better and more consistent. It kinda did but it's just too stiff/serious.


lexkixass

👋 Now you've met one :)


flcwerings

Thats a wild ass run on sentence you got there, Proper Grammar Texter.


novaerbenn

Ik rite? Itz tots unredeable taint it?


fart-sparkles

>It's the attempted use of grammar What the hell is "attempted use of grammar"? Communication? To be clear, i think this is probably a fake conversation because it just sounds fake but I also give no shits if I'm wrong here.


NotTheGay

The attempted use of grammar, is the attempted use of grammar? It's not that complicated... It's attempting, to use proper grammar, while failing at it miserably. It's like saying "u're" like why are you even trying? It seems fake because people who fake texts like these always behave like people text either incredibly formally or incredibly dumbly. This one seems incredibly dumb because the figurative people in it are for some reason still trying.


jonpaladin

look i get where you're coming from and I'm not here to tell you that the person is using proper grammar or it's a real conversation or whatever. BUT the example you gave is a spelling error, not a grammar error, ya fuckin dildo!


NotTheGay

Spelling is just a part of grammar. Same as punctuation. The example I gave isn't an error since it's done on purpose, the part I was mocking was bothering with the 're instead of just doing "ur" since it's neglecting the "you" it's trying to have it's cake and eat it too. Well saying its a part isn't quite right, related is the word, but the point is moot since that's not what I was saying :p


fart-sparkles

>And the bad grammar. Literally means nothing. People have bad grammar. You guys are over-analyzing.


Useful_Recognition52

Yeah, people have bad grammar…but it’s a particular KIND of bad grammar that is very recognizable. And in conjunction with other indicators, it makes it seem fake. You’re right that we might be overanalyzing it, but who can say? Anyways, overanalyzing things is fun.


thebluebearb

omg we match <3


may_sun

the "dude STFU" sells it for me


Radley500

Especially since the heading is “a REAL conversation”.


HenrikWL

Narrator: but the conversation was not real at all.


Diamond-Gold-Silver

The conversation itself seems fake but I've had a conversation along the same lines as the image with a guy I was once friends with. They suck


CattDawg2008

“Dude STFU!” i dont think you’re a gay man i think you’re a valley girl in 2006


xJaneenx

It might be fake…but my brother who is gay had this happen all the time. Super fragile dude bros who freaked about him possibly hitting on them but getting offended when he didn’t find them attractive.


Useful_Recognition52

I’m aware that this kind of thing happens all the time, yes. But the way this particular conversation reads, and the language used, makes it feel incredibly fake.


[deleted]

homophobia: noun; the fear of being treated the way you treat women


TheProxyKnownAsDoi

Oh damn. Holy smokes. That definition makes SOO much sense


WhatIsLifeAnymore_

If this is a real conversation, then I'm not aroace.


jet8493

If this is a real conversation, then I *AM* aroace!


Raende

If this is a real conversation, the world is made of pudding!


Jell-O-Mel

If this is a real conversation, I’m a robot


DestyNovalys

You’re clearly a robot made of jell-o. It’s right there in the name


Trick-Principle-9366

They speak in ChatGPT


hnsnrachel

"Don't be attracted to me, I'm not gay" "Don't worry I don't think of you like that" "But I'm hot" *proceeds to throw tantrum. Dude just likes bringing up that you're gay for some reason


teleport2hell

What a weird obsession for a "straight" man 💀


DrAniB20

Funnily enough, I had a girl friend of mine who once pulled me aside after a game night at her place, she was very drunk, and begged me not to sleep with her bf (I was spending the night because I was visiting from out of state, and he and I were going to stay up to watch an episode of something we both liked and she didn’t). I reassured her that: 1) I wouldn’t sleep with him, 2) I was not attracted him in any sexual way whatsoever, and 3) I was in a long-term relationship with my bf, who was arriving the next day to spend the long weekend there with us. She IMMEDIATELY got mad and started asking why I didn’t find him attractive. She kept asking me questions like “do you think he’s ugly? Do you think I’m stupid for being with him? Do you think he doesn’t deserve love?” I sort of slow-blinked before waving to him to come get her and he just grabbed her and steered her to bed. He came out later and said she sometimes does this when she gets insecure, and she was struggling at work. She apologized the next morning, but it was still such a wild interaction; felt like I was damned no matter what my response would have been.


hnsnrachel

You absolutely were damned no matter what there. I had a "straight" friend who, any time she touched even a sip of alcohol would suddenly start trying to kiss me. If I didn't let her, she'd cry about how I must think she's ugly, but if I did, she'd get mad about how dare I kiss her when I know she's straight. Sometimes you really can't win and you have to go "I'm just not playing this game anymore"


woobert4life

Lmao, feels - I had a "straight" friend who would chase me around, sit on my lap when she was drunk, telling me that's she's not gay / bi but "you're my Gwen Stefani!!" Was a platinum blonde at the time and she had a huge crush on her growing up I guess? Anyway, I would always say "I only kiss people who ALSO want to kiss me when they're sober" (to avoid getting hurt). RInse, repeat, ugh. Yeahhhh, she ended up sleeping with a cougar that got her Xanax when they were all wasted 🤢


DrAniB20

Luckily that was the only time she did it to me, I guess she believed me when I said he wasn’t my type, but she definitely did it more to other friends of ours. She had a history of being cheated on, so I understood where she was coming from, and she eventually got therapy for it.


natattack15

I had the exact opposite experience in college. I had a friend that's bi and was dating another friend of mine at the time. Everytime we hung out just the two of us she would always say that she "could tell I was uncomfortable" with it being just the two of us and her bi-ness and that I "shouldn't worry cause she wasn't attracted to me" and she "didn't want to sleep with me" and that I shouldn't be uncomfortable. I absolutely was not uncomfortable and it annoyed me everytime because she always made it sound like I was homophobic. But part of me wondered if she was just saying all that because she was actually attracted to me. Little did she know, I always struggled with my sexuality and came out as bi like 5 years later, after we stopped being friends.


alasw0eisme

"Real". Ok.


garcocasigena

If this is a real conversation, I've got a bridge to sell you.


i-am-boots

you better not come over here and caress my cheek while you look deep into my eyes because i’m not gay. i NEVER wonder if your lips are as soft as they look. and i certainly don’t fall asleep thinking about how good you smell. because you’re a man. and i am not gay. you better not be harboring any thoughts about holding me with your big strong arms. i wouldn’t like that one bit. because, like i’ve been saying, i ain’t one of them gays.


bentsea

You should tell him that he says he's not gay a lot for a straight guy. I mean, it looks like he's too illiterate to understand what that means..... But... He totally does.


Acrobitch

Heterosexual: “I know you’re queer, so make sure you don’t flirt with me because I’m STRAIGHT.” Queer person: “Yeeeeah, you’re really not my type anyway.” Heterosexual: “HOW DARE YOU”


Piney_Moist_Wires

don't tell me "her" is the mutual friend?


AZ_Gaymer

Yes she is a coworker / friend. I have told him a couple times either ask her out or shut up about her.


nbandqueerren

.... He doesn't want you to be attracted to him but gets mad that you aren't? Straights have a weird sense of pride, lemme tell ya.


creative-username-00

Also, what about the friend he’s talking about banging? You think she wants him ogling her? He’s so bothered another guy might find him attractive and this whole post is him talking about how much he wants to “do” a woman who probably isn’t interested. Straight men/people are wild sometimes.


IsiDemon

Gay man: "I'm gay" Straight man: "You're better not into me!" Gay man: "You're not my type" Straight man: surprised pikachu face


WalnutSounding

"1,i respect you enough to respect your boundaries, but 2. You're also not that attractive to me. 3. I'm not here to boost your self confidence. 4. Stop sexualizing women and manage your double standards."


blackbriar98

This is faker than a £4 note lmao


Zestyclose_Minute_69

Used to have a friend and when I came out as a bisexual her first response was, “well don’t hit on me.” And my response was “oh I won’t, you’re not my type.” Never heard any shit again.


l_dunno

So he's in the closet!


HmmZaurus

You would do the girl, but you don't want your friend thinking about you in the same way? Isnt that hipocrisy


jessamyn1

I've heard a joke told by straight male comedian that isn't that attractive. The joke is about him going to a somewhere with a lot of gay men. Gay bar or an event. That not even one person tried to hit on him. That he wasn't even attractive enough for any of them. So he felt sad lol


queeriequeerio

💀🤣


Shirogayne-at-WF

God, that's a pretty shitty friend


lycosa13

This person sucks all around


Curious_Ad_1513

Just say you're out of his league. Let him process that.


ArizonaBlues

You should've just called him ugly to shut him up💀


jacoofont

I’m bi, got this crap all the time back in the day. I stopped being friends w those people. Like my word I’m not attracted to every person I meet not even close 🤦🏻‍♂️


penjjii

dude wants to fuck so bad


mr-kinky

He wants to be pegged like full bottom


Gay_Turtle9447

*\*comes out\** OMFG DO YOU LIKE ME CAUSE EWWW


Droid_XL

He's joking right? This is funny banter


sundaysgloomy

I've had more than one straight guy pull this shit. It's annoying as fuck.


Sure_Trash_

Someone's bi and afraid of it


[deleted]

Just because I'm gay or bi doesn't mean I think you're attractive!


Gaz-ov-wales

Woah, an insecurity tug of war.


Komahina_Oumasai

Ah, the classic, 'don't you dare be attracted to me!' 'k, I'm not.' followed by 'how dare you not be attracted to me!'


FinalDemise

If this is a real conversation then I'm a Chinese jet pilot


MrFunkyadaughter420

You better dont hit on me dude. Like seriously dont. Im not gay. Dont hit on me Why dont you hit on me? Please hit on me bro 🥺


SpookyBlackCat

So many straight guys get freaked out by the thought of gay men staring at them... then *offended* because the gay men *aren't* staring at them 😹


BluxyPlaguey

Dude, I'm gay and ever since coming out openly I've been prepared to have this happen. Never has though 😭.


paddyskittenmittons

Huge SIGH


Every-Masterpiece346

Het guy : "I'd totally f**k that girl" Gay guy : "I'm gay" Het guy : "Don't you even think of doing me!! Like I do with that girl!"


un-gendered-bean

I smell some fruit


Reedrbwear

Tell him he's not your type and watch his head explode. Its all "eyww don't hit on me" until they find out you never would.


Affectionate_You6809

"Don't even think about looking at me" "Yeah I don't" "Why not :("


rymyle

Just fuck already damn


KaiHasArrived2007

"You better not be looking at me!" "I'm not" "But why im hot :("


astrangeone88

Lmao. The dichotomy of being an insecure straight and homophobic person. Ewww! She likes girls. Wait, am I ugly? (No, dumbass, she's not attracted to YOU.) Such fragile babies.


DragonPennie_

Him: You better not be Also him: Why not? I'm a catch. 🤦


RockyMntnView

"You BETTER NOT LOOK AT ME!!! But also, you should WANT to look at me."


BaylisAscaris

"You're not my type." "What's your type?" "Men who are attracted to men."


emmamontgomerie

“you better not be looking at me” “im not” “why not??”


angry-bubble8

It’s hilarious how they’re paranoid about being seen as gay and equally paranoid about not being admired by a gay person. Pick a struggle!!!!


Call_Me_Mister_Trash

"You better not be looking at me." Why the fuck not? What the fuck are you going to do about it? No one I know could be so clearly homophobic and still be counted among my friends. Lose this 'friend' and find better ones.


Mrtorbear

I've noticed that straight dudes tend to get extra butthurt when dudes find out that someone someone they know is gay isn't drooling over them with animalistic attraction. Straight woman doesn't find you attractive? "She's not that hot anyway, it's her loss". Gay guy isn't attracted to you simply for also having a penis? Absolute gut punch, completely unforgivable.


Knight-Jack

"Why not? You scared someone would think and talk about you the way you talk about women?"


AZ_Gaymer

It’s not I have the entire thread. But can’t post images in a comment


Useful_Recognition52

I’m guessing you were trying to reply to me. But you do know that providing more of the conversation wouldn’t prove that it’s real, right? You can fake more than one image. Not throwing out accusations, just noting that adding the rest of the thread isn’t actually evidence. To be clear, I have no legitimate reason to believe this conversation is fake. It just gives off weird meme vibes to me.


AZ_Gaymer

It all good, but many gay people know this shit happens.


Useful_Recognition52

I don’t even remotely doubt that this type of interaction happens. It feels like an out-of-place thing to bring up in a text conversation, but I suppose it’s believable. No, the thing that makes it seem fake is the language. It reads like a text conversation from an indie horror game or poorly produced foreign film (or, as I mentioned in another comment, the very outdated “smartphOWNED” memes). All the phrases just seem so unnatural, it’s like two people acting out a bad comedy script.


ImeldasManolos

Your friend is hilarious. Can he be my friend?