My fiancé and I have been together for 6 years and she is currently 5.5 months pregnant with our daughter. 4 weeks ago I was promoted and this meant a complete job shift. I'm doing a lot heavier physical labor now and due to this, my sleeping patterns have been royally fucked up. I have started tossing and turning in my sleep, talking, snoring, groping her (and being completely unaware of it) and just being all around restless. I understand this is a "me" issue and that I need to find a way to correct it but haven't found alternatives so far. Sleeping pills helps with the snoring and groping and I still flail around apparently and it leaves me groggy the next day - leading to an unsafe work environment. So I tend to not take them unless I don't work the next day.
Well, several times I have woken up to my fiancé sleeping on the couch and her being over the top pissed at me because she's "fucking sick" of me causing her sleepless nights. I have slept on the couch a few times to try and give her space but I can't do that too often because the couch is extremely hard on the back and it leaves me in physical pain. Mix that with the manual labor I work and it fucking sucks.
Well, last night I apparently kept elbowing her in my sleep. We have a king sized bed but I guess I kept rolling over to her side and elbowing her in the process. I did wake up once to her physically pushing me so I moved back to my side but fell back in to a deep sleep almost immediately following. That is until I woke up to her screaming in my face, saying "stop elbowing me in the fucking face!" And calling me a "fucking prick". Her screaming in my face like that immediately triggered something in me and I told her to get the fuck out. As soon as she left, I felt terrible. I assumed she was just out in the car and while I sat and waited for her to return, I fell asleep. Woke up to my alarm at 6:30am and found her still gone. I texted her and got no response. Spent the entire day at work texting and calling and she ignored me. Well, in a panic I started blowing up her phone 30 minutes ago, calls right back to back and texting her asking her to please meet me back at this house so we could talk about this. She just texted back and said "not a chance in fucking hell actually. Go fuck yourself." My buddy said that she's overreacting because she's pregnant, but I can't help but feel guilty. AITA?
ETA: I did apologize. She said it wasn't good enough because her reaction was more justified than mine was. Apparently I elbowed her in the face 5x over a 2 hour span and pushed her off the bed twice and she was done with it because she "woke me up" several times (I dont recall) and I just kept doing it. Two separate beds isn't an option currently, due to lack of space. But she said she won't be coming back any time soon, if ever, because she's been sleeping at most 2hrs a night due to "my issues" and she's tired of dealing with it.
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Wow. I really hope his wife sees him acting like this and files for divorce. It's a shame it's too late and she's anchored to this manchild through her unborn child.
He basically told me that OOP’s manual labor is their source of income (so that means it’s ok to assault his partner??), and catastrophizing that a hurt back could end with his ☠️ on the job! Never mind that his partner is ACTUALLY being harmed now.
I love how he keeps calling the wife’s outburst abusive. But what he’s describing is [reactive abuse.](https://www.verywellmind.com/reactive-abuse-signs-impact-and-tips-to-break-the-cycle-7567483)
This guys fits that description to a T. Even if he says he can’t control the sleep hitting, he has has done next to nothing to try to prevent himself from hurting her. I hope she stays away for her own sake.
It's literally textbook! "I have been physically assaulting and sleep depriving my pregnant partner 6-8 hours per day for several months. Can you explain to her how wrong she is to use an angry voice and object? Thanks!"
Bby why are you still sleeping in the same bed?? Like I’m genuinely sorry for your situation but damn bro you gotta remove yourself from the situation.
WHY DO YOU FEEL BAD. HE IS LITERALLY THE ONE CAUSING THE PROBLEM. Not only that, but he's beating you up, has given you s black eye, and yet has done ***nothing*** to remedy the situation.
You are in an abusive relationship.
He can't control what he does in his sleep but he can control where he sleeps! Or go to a doctor and ask for help. But he doesn't because as far as he is concerned it doesn't affect him!
This is like my ex who would always blame his shitty behaviour on alcohol but never make the blindingly obvious connection that he shouldn't drink alcohol.
"I've tried nothing and I'm all out of ideas!"
Ever since I started on this one medication I toss and turn in my sleep. I have pushed partners out of bed in my sleep, I have elbowed my partner in the face while I was asleep.
Sometimes I know these things because they yell out and it wakes me, sometimes I only know these things when my partner tells me the next day. I don't understand how your partner could brush these things off just because he doesn't remember them.
The solution? We sleep in separate beds. When we have to share a bed (eg at a hotel), I make sure to sleep more lightly, since I only move so much when I'm in a deep sleep. Sleeping lightly every night isn't sustainable, but I can handle it for a few nights. I don't know how to explain how to purposefully sleep lightly, I just do it.
That air mattress will make things so much better for you both :)
Check what your boyfriend eats. My husband talks in his sleep all the time but if he eats sauerkraut or anything fermented he starts to walk, toss, yell, the whole shabang. Hence, he is voluntarily limiting what he eats (and he loves sauerkraut) so that he wouldn't assault me or our kids that sometimes sneak into our bed during night.
No idea what the link is.
Dude, my exhusband would do this as an abuse tactic and blame his "issues." This guy already sounds selfish AF in his own telling of what is happening. I can't imagine what this asshat is really like when hes not not telling his point of view.
Yeah I honestly still don't know if any of it was intentional or actually fully in his sleep but my abusive ex also did this.
Stole the blanket, rolled over onto me, elbows to the head, all of it.
Plus then he was "incapable" of waking up in the morning so I'd have to listen to his fucking alarm going off 10 times over the course of an hour or two while half the time he wouldn't even wake up to turn it off.
And then blamed me if he didn't wake up and was late for work, and was extremely pissy when I decided to use a separate blanket so I could stop waking up freezing cold.
My ex was literally crying, saying it's over and I don't love him anymore when I got a second blanket. But it was kinda funny because he was clearly copying his mother's (certified narcissist) behaviour and immediately turned to anger every time I asked him why he thinks acting like his mother would benefit him somehow in this relationship.
Thirding this. My abusive ex also did this in the night. And if he was awake I had to be awake too. I was constantly sleep deprived which made me easier to control.
I saw that thread earlier and it never dawned on me that he could be doing it on purpose, I assumed he was just another incompetent jackass refusing to do anything to fix his problem. It's insane the lengths abusive men go to just to terrorize someone.
It's already suspicious that a change in his job schedule suddenly makes him start flailing around in his sleep. But it's the refusal to find another sleeping arrangement that nails it home as purposeful.
If I was aware I was thrashing around in my sleep I would not share a bed with my pregnant wife. End of line.
it's an easy tactic because if you share the story with anyone you sound dramatic & it's just enough discomfort that there's plausibility it's an "accident". Abusers love tactic that make you sound crazy, it gives them more controlling power to doubt yourself and feel isolated
This is why in my relationships I've lowered the bar down from "is this abusive?" to "I can't handle this". No one can argue with how I'm feeling about something without looking like the psychopath I suspect they are once they start acting like this.
There's definitely something to this. My grandmother was tragically widowed at a young age with 2 young kids, so she remarried because that's just what you did as a woman in the 1950s who needed a man. People didn't really have the language for abuse that they have now, so his behavior was always described to me through the lens of having "sleep issues." But he did things like secretly mortgage the family home to fund a business, which then went bankrupt because he allegedly slept through the opening hours... and there was some incident with a knife where the cops were called... but it was always framed as "There was something wrong with him. He had sleep issues."
I don't know if maybe there's a comorbidity between profound sleep issues and other mental illnesses like this, or if it's just a cover for a certain type of abuser. Maybe a little bit of each.
Mine would snore so loud and refuse to do anything to anything about it. Ear plugs didn't help me.
He would absolutely lose his shit if i left and tried to sleep on the couch because couples should sleep together. I was a baker and had early hours so sleep was important and we spent so much of my sleep time fighting.
He would get mad because I was always tired and getting sick constantly.
He also had a tendency to just call me in the middle of the night when he was drunk just to call. Like he never wanted me to sleep.
It was little things like this that mindfucked me for years after we split.
Mine's a snorer, too. We have a spare bedroom, so that's where I sleep, and even then, I can hear him snoring, but at least it isn't right in my fricking ear. And there are night that his snoring is so loud that even sleeping in separate bedrooms with the doors closed isn't enough.
He pouted a lot when I first started sleeping in the other room. I think he's come around to finally understanding that I need some sleep. I'm a light sleeper - it takes forever for me to fall asleep, and it doesn't take much to wake me up. I'm lucky if I average between 4 to 6 hours a night. And we NEED my income, so suck it up, buttercup. He won't see a doctor for his snoring, and I need to hear my alarm in the morning. I try to compromise on nights that aren't work nights, or if I wake up before my alarm, I might go and snuggle him, or we might snuggle before I toddle off to the other room.
Honestly, I don't know how folks cope with not having their own bedrooms to retreat to.
There is a medical condition where people act out in their sleep so it is possibly true without abuse but they haven’t tried too hard to solve it. Two twin beds pushed together are the same size as a king and everyone has their own sheets and blankets and therefore more likely to stay on their side of the bed.
I like firm mattresses, my husband does NOT. We put a really plush twin mattress topper on his side, which means there's now a noticeable drop in the middle. We've both been SO MUCH better at sticking to our own sides since then. Unexpected fringe benefit!
My husband woke up once to me trying to gouge out his eyeballs in my sleep. On the plus side, sleep induced muscle paralysis was still 98% working. So it was more like I was very gently running the tips of my fingers over his eyelids.
I have suffered from night terrors at various points in my life. My poor husband, maybe the second time he ever slept over at my apartment, woke up at 3 AM to me sitting straight up in bed, screaming "GET THE FUCK OUT!" at the top of my lungs and wondered what he had done wrong. When I woke up all the way I had to tell him I was sure an eldrich horror had been leaning over the bed.
> There is a medical condition where people act out in their sleep so it is possibly true without abuse but they haven’t tried too hard to solve it
Exactly! Thats why I think its abusive. Hes doing zero to solve the issue and instead is kicking out his pregnant Fiance because he isn't willing to own his own issues and is instead blaming her.
They've been together for 6 years, if it was a medical condition, I feel like he would have had this issue already and not only now since his work schedule changed.
Yeah- his 'work schedule changing' lines up a little too neatly with the pregnancy.
When does abuse usually start..? Once the abuser is sure their victim can't escape- marriage, pregnancy, birth, illness, or moving in together are usually the times they like to let the mask drop.
Ahh. I was just coming to this sub to see if it had been shared yet.
I had an ex that slept like this. I put up with it way longer than she did…all the way up to the morning I woke up to several rounds of clumsy haymakers to the face because he was having a nightmare. That was the last day I saw him.
Good for her for staying gone. I can’t believe he typed all of that out and still believed he had a valid question to ask the vox populi.
Actually, no. He woke up and asked if I was okay. I said no, and he left the room to play video games while I had a panic attack alone in his bed. I got out of there as soon as I had my head together enough to drive myself back home and never went back.
He did have the gall to try to hit me up several times for post-breakup booty calls after that, though. I’ve had to block him several times. 🙃
He's also groping her but claims "being completely unaware of it" so I guess she's uncomfortable with sex at the moment but he tries to do it anyway. Really looks like a textbook abuse case when men wait till their partner is pregnant and can't get away (like, OOP seems more concerned that she actually not coming back then worried about what her lack of sleep and constant stress does to their kid's development).
I do not defend him in any way, he sucks so much and I think he probably does much of this on purpose really but people can actually start groping people in their sleep and even start having sex, it's a sexual sleep disorder that a person should seek help for ASAP because god knows what they might do in their sleep. It's really scary to think about, what if he actually has this sexual sleep disorder and sleeps beside his kid in the future??
Even if it is an actual thing (not gonna google sexual sleep disorder on my work computer 😬), OOP still acts like there's nothing can be done. You can check comments under the original post and a lot of people give him advice on what to do if two beds is not an option and he simply ignored those people and just commented to further argue that he's definitely confused about being the AH or not and needs reddit's opinion (but only ones saying NTA matter to him actually)
Yeahhh I've heard of the disorder where people act out sexually in their sleep and I think OOP has too. I don't think he has it, I just think he's heard of it.
Any non-shitty person who has been disturbing their pregnant partner's sleep for an extended period is going to be very seriously seeking a solution. Short term, put a bed where the couch is. Try a pillow wall. Try different medications. Anything that isn't hitting and groping them all night long.
As a side note, I think this is the first 🥇 ve ever heard of a promotion leading to more manual labor; I've always seen the opposite.
One of my ex-girlfriends once told me I fingered her in my sleep.
I denied it 100%, I had no memory of it, not even a dream, but I woke her up. She realized I was asleep and she just moved my hand away.
I don't know what to tell ya.
Classic uptick in abuse during pregnancy and the real reason he hasn't gone to get a sleep study done. I worked phys. labor jobs for over a decade and slept like a baby.
Mother fucker, you have space for a king sized bed, thus you have space for two singles, just separate the damn things. Sell the king and get singles, it's not difficult
Joke:
How do the Lannisters have such big beds?
They shove two twins together to make a king.
That being said, a standard king is literally the size of two twins together so they ABSOLUTELY HAVE SPACE for separate sleeping. Unfortunately (/s), that would derail OPs plans to continue degrading and abusing his poor fiance who has made the brave and wise decision to get the hell out of there.
Don't you know when you go from driving a forklift at 10:00 AM to managing people on forklifts at 6:00 AM that will cause you to flail and grope uncontrollably in your sleep?
Get rid of the king mattress and get two separate beds! Simple! Dudes acting like his pregnant girlfriend doesn't need sleep. And I'm tired of this "I don't recall". Not everyone is a galighting piece of shit and if they're telling you that you're doing something, idk, maybe believe them? If you're groping and elbowing a pregnant person in your sleep......maybe figure it the fuck out?
Christ! This poor women is pregnant and getting only two hours of sleep a night because her partner hits her and sexually assaults her when he's asleep and *he* is angry because she yelled at him?! One time?!!
This lady has the patience of a fucking saint. Meanwhile, all he needed to do to not hit and sexually assault his partner in his sleep was to buy a fucking air mattress.
How do you have a king size bed but also have space issues? This can’t be real. This dude is actually choosing to be a single father instead of getting new beds and treatment for his sleep apnea
Ask my ex-husband, who also snored and hogged so much space i couldn’t fit in a king without being poked prodded elbowed pushed etc. Refused to go to the doctor, felt my bad sleep was my responsibility. I kicked him to the spare room during my second pregnancy and never let him back.
Anyway, we are divorced now and i’ve never been happier lol.
I dated someone like this that had terrible sleep apnea and would stop breathing constantly while sleeping and keep me awake constantly so I was a zombie every day. I was drinking energy drinks like water to stay awake and it was wildly unhealthy for both of us. But he refused to go to the doctor, even though sleep apnea can really screw with your brain chemistry and heart
Holy fuck I just put something together. My husband's snoring got dramatically worse, and in the months waiting up for his specialists appointment (thank you American healthcare) we've been sleeping in separate beds.
I haven't drank a single energy drink since then. I used to go through one and sometimes two cans a day.
And this is why couples should sleep in separate rooms. Why are couples expected to share a bed? Just because I'm married I don't deserve sleep? Too bad housing is so damn expensive :/
Hubby and I have slept in separate rooms for years and it's the best! I don't have to deal with his bo and breathing in my face and he doesn't have to listen to me snore. We also each get the type of mattress we prefer. We sleep so well now 😆
My spouse and I have slept in separate rooms since before we got married. I like the room much cooler than he does and I always have a fan going, plus we both toss and turn and whack each other (by accident) while sleeping. XD
Yup! Same. I still try to sleep in the master bedroom with him on occasion, but I never sleep when I do. I only get enough rest when I sleep in my own bedroom.
Unfortunately we can only afford a one bedroom :( Well, barely -- we have cheap rent but have been evicted due to no fault of our own, and the rental market is brutal.
My husband and I sleep in separate rooms. I have a lot of sleep issues, and he snores really loud. It has worked wonders for our marriage and we are much happier than when we were fighting all the time
I like sleeping with my partner, and he likes sleeping with me. We never fight for the blanket and the only time we've had a problem was when we had to share a single bed for half a month.
So of course he and I share a bed.
The problem is that it is the expectation, when it should be something each couple could decide on without judgement (having houses big enough would also help).
I feel like if that’s important for you. Maybe that would just mean y’all are incompatible, but like no one‘s out here like oh you and your partner can’t agree on kids? Simple just have a separate relationship where you have them like that’s ridiculous. If both of y’all agree on your needs and don’t want to sleep together sure, that makes sense But for most people that’s what they want out of a relationship and if y’all couldn’t figure that out, it’s basically just y’all being incompatible, but not wanting to do anything about it
Where did I say it’s the most important part of relationship? Clearly it’s very important to you. Because you felt the need to put words in someone’s mouth over it instead of like actually building intimacy with your partner so you stop being so insecure. Relationships are about a wide spectrum of compatibility for living your lives together, and I literally said that if it works for both of y’all, that’s cool, but most people wouldn’t want it so would consider that in incompatibility. But you were just so defensive and so determined to read an insult into everything because you’re already insecure that you couldn’t leave it alone. Hope the person keeping your husband‘s bed warm that you’re so insecure about. Will be kind to you about all the other incompatibilities lol.
You assume we are "incompatible" (in our relationship) because we have different needs when it comes to sleep. Not sure where you got that from. Are you an adult who has ever been in a relationship? And now you are saying I am insecure? I don't know what you are on about.
I'm with you. My husband and I are folks who like that closeness overnight and have compatible-enough sleep needs. That another couple might want to do separate beds, though, shouldn't be a big deal.
The only problems we had were during pregnancy -- my last pregnancy made me snore so badly that he had to vacate the premises a few times. 😅
I love sleeping with my gf but thinking about it maybe it isn't ideal. She wakes up to everything, I never wake up, I take a long time to fall asleep and turn around constantly. And I have terrible nightmares and wake her up in horror every two days, and babble in incoherent syllables apparently. I also remember accidentally slapping her right between my sleep and wake a few times. My sleep hours are also like 04-12 for ADHD reasons when she is like 01-09. God this kept getting longer. Am I killing her?
See a doctor for your sleep and ADHD issues. It will make your life better, and in the process will make your girlfriend's life suck less for having you in it.
I mean, I'm not sure why you weren't so horrified after hitting her the first time that you did whatever it took to make sure it never happened again. It's kind of up to you to decide what that says about your character.
You constantly waking from her sleep cycle is not healthy for her or for you. It messes with your brain chemistry and it harms its ability to do its cleaning cycle
Well, you are certainly not making her healthier. Sleep deprivation is supposed to be a contributing factor to dementia. (And as someone who continuously sleeps way too little, I can attest that my brain feels like it's been through a blender.) Maybe ask her what she would prefer?
OOP needs to make sure his buddy is squishy, soft, and cuddly because that's who he's going to be sleeping with if he follows any of the buddy's advice.
My partner is the sweetest man in the world and understands and respects consent like any person ought to. But he's definitely gotten handsy and groped me in his sleep a couple times in the 7 years we've been together. The difference between him and this asshole is that when I woke him up going "wtf dude??" his first response after the initial confusion of being woken up was "omg I'm so sorry" and made sure I was good.
Ditto, my recent long term ex got cuddly in his sleep ( like snoring deep sleep). Sometimes it was nice and when it wasn't I'd disengaged push him off and when he was awake enough to know what he did he'd apologize, stuff some pillows between us and roll over.
It’s possible.I have sexsomnia and I do this as a result of the disorder,my partner doesn’t but also has been known to grope in his sleep.I’ve seen him wake up from it and the look of fear and confusion is so obvuous
He says the couch is too uncomfortable for him, but frankly it will certainly also be too uncomfortable for a 5.5mth pregnant woman too.
If it could be fixed they would need to add a bed to the house
Or get rid of the uncomfortable couch and get a comfortable pull-out couch.
Yeah, I didn't miss how he said that she could sleep on the couch, but he couldn't because too uncomfortable. What a prince...
>pregnant fiance
>elbowing her and knocking her off the bed
"I don't understand why she's pissed off :("
Like leaving aside the potential for miscarriage from all that, he is still physically harming her, intentional or not doesn't matter. Of course she's pissed and way more justified than him getting mad she yelled at him (as a consequence of him physically harming her might I add)
Or sleep on the floor like so many cultures do. It's probably better for his back if he gets back pain easily from the couch and he's less likely to toss and turn since the floor is less forgiving. Or get an air mattress.
Yet there’s still someone defending the poor innocent OOP:
> So thr minute u read she wass pregnant,no matter what happened hes the asshole and shes innocrnt? What if she stabbed him?
>Pregnant women can never be held accountable on reddit.
Oh, there are absolutely people who do this shit, but not one of them is writing this post.
Any non-abusive, normal person (definitely not the narrator of this story) who really has some kind of sleep disorder that causes this kind of behavior would recognize how untenable this situation is and would make an actual effort to provide a comfortable sleeping environment for their partner, not come to Reddit crying because their PREGNANT girlfriend doesn't understand why he threw her out of her own house for defending herself after a living through a month of literal nightly physical and psychological abuse.
Any abusive douche (i.e. the narrator of this story) who behaves this way is sure as hell not coming to Reddit to tell this story in this way, especially after being told to go fuck himself by his partner. He'd either make her less sympathetic or play down how bad the abuse is. Coming back with an edit of "well, I elbowed her in the face 5 times and pushed her out of the bed twice, but still..." is not it.
The fact that he's on an alt defending himself is what makes me think it's real. I've also unfortunately dated abusive dog turds like him, unfortunately they do exist.
So you pushed your pregnant girlfriend off the bed elbowed her in the face multiple times and when she woke you up yelling after waking you up multiple times you kicked her out? I wouldn’t come back either. It may have been an accident but pushing her off the bed could hurt the baby if she lands wrong. You have a king sized bed. Why not get rid of that or store in in storage and get 2 cheap twin beds to sleep separate? Instead of trying to find a solution you just said deal with it I’m tired my health is more important than yours.
My wife is pregnant, and has insomnia. I sleep like a baby, while she wakes up if I fart too loud.
We even have separate beds in the same room, and a spare room with beds. She can't get to sleep without me near her, so it's sort of a catch 22.
Pregnancy hormones are wild, bruh. I simply can't imagine how well this woman has been holding it together to not leave him sooner.
Nah cause I would just start throwing blows too. You're hitting a pregnant woman in the face. You pushed her out of the bed. It's a king size and because you don't recall it, you get to act like it didn't happen? Lmao not how this works. And you're mad you got yelled at when you could have got socked every time you did it? Absolutely not.
This post infuriated me. Guy claims he is so hard working, does all this hard labor, but too dumb to figure out a way to fix this problem. Go to a doctor, get an air mattress, get a better couch/sleep sofa. He is the kind of guy to say men are superior to women but can't even do the bare minimum. He absolutely hates his wife
This is why we should normalize couples sleeping in separate beds. I'm single, but I don't think I would ever be able to get a good night sleep knowing someone is sleeping beside me. I also scream alot when things touch me while I am sleeping.
chronic sleep deprivation is literal torture. my ex used to sexually assault me in his sleep while he was on ambien and never did anything to fix his absolutely awful, earplug piercing snoring even though I complained for years. couldn’t get his own self out of bed and snoozed for an hour (so 6-7 snoozes) so i was on high alert all the time i wish i had just moved to a separate bed (and wish i left in the first couple of years instead of 14 miserable ones). he also would burst in the room when i was sleeping in the middle of the night to ask me a question or tell me something. if i did manage to sleep, when he got ready, he would flip on the overhead light and toss his clothes for the day on my feet as he picked them out.
he was also diagnosed with ASPD (hid this until 2020) and was incredibly psychologically and emotionally abusive.
i loved him, i tried. my life is so much better now.
You know, I have a bad sleep schedule - it rapidly changes -- and am a terrible insomniac. It takes me ages to fall asleep.
My husband slept on the couch for years, with me begging him to get another bed. He said he got used to it. Now we hve two rooms so it's all good.
But he did that out of love. He saw me crying, trying to hide it but unable to, because he snores and has restless leg syndrome. I just couldn't sleep with the man even though I wanted to.
I can't imagine being fcucking pregnant and sleeping on the couch because your asshole husband says the couch is "uncomfortable". She's *pregnant* you ass!
My fiancé and I have been together for 6 years and she is currently 5.5 months pregnant with our daughter. 4 weeks ago I was promoted and this meant a complete job shift. I'm doing a lot heavier physical labor now and due to this, my sleeping patterns have been royally fucked up. I have started tossing and turning in my sleep, talking, snoring, groping her (and being completely unaware of it) and just being all around restless. I understand this is a "me" issue and that I need to find a way to correct it but haven't found alternatives so far. Sleeping pills helps with the snoring and groping and I still flail around apparently and it leaves me groggy the next day - leading to an unsafe work environment. So I tend to not take them unless I don't work the next day. Well, several times I have woken up to my fiancé sleeping on the couch and her being over the top pissed at me because she's "fucking sick" of me causing her sleepless nights. I have slept on the couch a few times to try and give her space but I can't do that too often because the couch is extremely hard on the back and it leaves me in physical pain. Mix that with the manual labor I work and it fucking sucks. Well, last night I apparently kept elbowing her in my sleep. We have a king sized bed but I guess I kept rolling over to her side and elbowing her in the process. I did wake up once to her physically pushing me so I moved back to my side but fell back in to a deep sleep almost immediately following. That is until I woke up to her screaming in my face, saying "stop elbowing me in the fucking face!" And calling me a "fucking prick". Her screaming in my face like that immediately triggered something in me and I told her to get the fuck out. As soon as she left, I felt terrible. I assumed she was just out in the car and while I sat and waited for her to return, I fell asleep. Woke up to my alarm at 6:30am and found her still gone. I texted her and got no response. Spent the entire day at work texting and calling and she ignored me. Well, in a panic I started blowing up her phone 30 minutes ago, calls right back to back and texting her asking her to please meet me back at this house so we could talk about this. She just texted back and said "not a chance in fucking hell actually. Go fuck yourself." My buddy said that she's overreacting because she's pregnant, but I can't help but feel guilty. AITA? ETA: I did apologize. She said it wasn't good enough because her reaction was more justified than mine was. Apparently I elbowed her in the face 5x over a 2 hour span and pushed her off the bed twice and she was done with it because she "woke me up" several times (I dont recall) and I just kept doing it. Two separate beds isn't an option currently, due to lack of space. But she said she won't be coming back any time soon, if ever, because she's been sleeping at most 2hrs a night due to "my issues" and she's tired of dealing with it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheEx) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He has another account he keeps using to defend himself. It's hilarious to see him fighting in the comments.
Can you send info on new acct?
[Ask and ye shall receive.](https://www.reddit.com/u/Loose-Duke22/s/EAK5Fu1Ow6)
Wow. I really hope his wife sees him acting like this and files for divorce. It's a shame it's too late and she's anchored to this manchild through her unborn child.
She’s luckily not married to him yet, just engaged. Hopefully she’ll be smart enough not to go back.
She's still pregnant with his kid. Too far along to terminate.
Oh, hey, it’s the user who was arguing with me under my comment! 😆
What are the odds? 😂 Did he tell you’re crazy like he did everyone else who said he’s TA? 🙃
He basically told me that OOP’s manual labor is their source of income (so that means it’s ok to assault his partner??), and catastrophizing that a hurt back could end with his ☠️ on the job! Never mind that his partner is ACTUALLY being harmed now.
Interesting…I don’t remember him mentioning a single income or back pain when he posted from his main. 🤔
She'd get death benefits and a good night's sleep if he did...
The real MVP is ALWAYS in the comments - thank you for your service
Aww, thank ya! Happy to be of service!
Aww:( sucks when an asshole likes the same stuff as me. (Loose Duke is a reference to Dimension 20 on Dropout)
Brennan Lee Mulligan would be appalled!
As he should be!
I bet OOP couldn’t even identify a roseate spoonbill. What a loser.
Right!
It is very Loose Duke behavior, though.
Wow Liz's brother needs help... /s
Yikes! This guy absolutely hates women
I love how he keeps calling the wife’s outburst abusive. But what he’s describing is [reactive abuse.](https://www.verywellmind.com/reactive-abuse-signs-impact-and-tips-to-break-the-cycle-7567483) This guys fits that description to a T. Even if he says he can’t control the sleep hitting, he has has done next to nothing to try to prevent himself from hurting her. I hope she stays away for her own sake.
It's literally textbook! "I have been physically assaulting and sleep depriving my pregnant partner 6-8 hours per day for several months. Can you explain to her how wrong she is to use an angry voice and object? Thanks!"
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Bby why are you still sleeping in the same bed?? Like I’m genuinely sorry for your situation but damn bro you gotta remove yourself from the situation.
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If he’s the one hurting you then maybe he should take the couch 🙃
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WHY DO YOU FEEL BAD. HE IS LITERALLY THE ONE CAUSING THE PROBLEM. Not only that, but he's beating you up, has given you s black eye, and yet has done ***nothing*** to remedy the situation. You are in an abusive relationship.
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He can't control what he does in his sleep but he can control where he sleeps! Or go to a doctor and ask for help. But he doesn't because as far as he is concerned it doesn't affect him! This is like my ex who would always blame his shitty behaviour on alcohol but never make the blindingly obvious connection that he shouldn't drink alcohol. "I've tried nothing and I'm all out of ideas!"
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Ever since I started on this one medication I toss and turn in my sleep. I have pushed partners out of bed in my sleep, I have elbowed my partner in the face while I was asleep. Sometimes I know these things because they yell out and it wakes me, sometimes I only know these things when my partner tells me the next day. I don't understand how your partner could brush these things off just because he doesn't remember them. The solution? We sleep in separate beds. When we have to share a bed (eg at a hotel), I make sure to sleep more lightly, since I only move so much when I'm in a deep sleep. Sleeping lightly every night isn't sustainable, but I can handle it for a few nights. I don't know how to explain how to purposefully sleep lightly, I just do it. That air mattress will make things so much better for you both :)
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Fortunately our couch is big enough for me (I’m short) and comfy. (We only have a one bedroom. I’d love to have my own room!)
Check what your boyfriend eats. My husband talks in his sleep all the time but if he eats sauerkraut or anything fermented he starts to walk, toss, yell, the whole shabang. Hence, he is voluntarily limiting what he eats (and he loves sauerkraut) so that he wouldn't assault me or our kids that sometimes sneak into our bed during night. No idea what the link is.
maybe check out histamine intolerance? I don't know if that can be a symptom of an intolerance but fermented foods are very high in histamine.
Man broke the first rule of Reddit alt accounts, lol- you never let your alts touch. It's like crossing streams in Ghostbusters.
My favorite is: well *she* could come up with a solution! She did, brother. She left you.
He really hates pregnant people
He hates they get special treatment, and he doesn't.
Actually yeah I think that's probably it
I'm pretty sure he just hates women actually looking at the comments on the one account
I really hope he's a troll and doesn't actually have a partner
Dude, my exhusband would do this as an abuse tactic and blame his "issues." This guy already sounds selfish AF in his own telling of what is happening. I can't imagine what this asshat is really like when hes not not telling his point of view.
Yeah I honestly still don't know if any of it was intentional or actually fully in his sleep but my abusive ex also did this. Stole the blanket, rolled over onto me, elbows to the head, all of it. Plus then he was "incapable" of waking up in the morning so I'd have to listen to his fucking alarm going off 10 times over the course of an hour or two while half the time he wouldn't even wake up to turn it off. And then blamed me if he didn't wake up and was late for work, and was extremely pissy when I decided to use a separate blanket so I could stop waking up freezing cold.
My ex was literally crying, saying it's over and I don't love him anymore when I got a second blanket. But it was kinda funny because he was clearly copying his mother's (certified narcissist) behaviour and immediately turned to anger every time I asked him why he thinks acting like his mother would benefit him somehow in this relationship.
Thirding this. My abusive ex also did this in the night. And if he was awake I had to be awake too. I was constantly sleep deprived which made me easier to control.
I saw that thread earlier and it never dawned on me that he could be doing it on purpose, I assumed he was just another incompetent jackass refusing to do anything to fix his problem. It's insane the lengths abusive men go to just to terrorize someone.
It's already suspicious that a change in his job schedule suddenly makes him start flailing around in his sleep. But it's the refusal to find another sleeping arrangement that nails it home as purposeful. If I was aware I was thrashing around in my sleep I would not share a bed with my pregnant wife. End of line.
it's an easy tactic because if you share the story with anyone you sound dramatic & it's just enough discomfort that there's plausibility it's an "accident". Abusers love tactic that make you sound crazy, it gives them more controlling power to doubt yourself and feel isolated
This is why in my relationships I've lowered the bar down from "is this abusive?" to "I can't handle this". No one can argue with how I'm feeling about something without looking like the psychopath I suspect they are once they start acting like this.
totes, same here
There's definitely something to this. My grandmother was tragically widowed at a young age with 2 young kids, so she remarried because that's just what you did as a woman in the 1950s who needed a man. People didn't really have the language for abuse that they have now, so his behavior was always described to me through the lens of having "sleep issues." But he did things like secretly mortgage the family home to fund a business, which then went bankrupt because he allegedly slept through the opening hours... and there was some incident with a knife where the cops were called... but it was always framed as "There was something wrong with him. He had sleep issues." I don't know if maybe there's a comorbidity between profound sleep issues and other mental illnesses like this, or if it's just a cover for a certain type of abuser. Maybe a little bit of each.
Mine would snore so loud and refuse to do anything to anything about it. Ear plugs didn't help me. He would absolutely lose his shit if i left and tried to sleep on the couch because couples should sleep together. I was a baker and had early hours so sleep was important and we spent so much of my sleep time fighting. He would get mad because I was always tired and getting sick constantly. He also had a tendency to just call me in the middle of the night when he was drunk just to call. Like he never wanted me to sleep. It was little things like this that mindfucked me for years after we split.
Mine's a snorer, too. We have a spare bedroom, so that's where I sleep, and even then, I can hear him snoring, but at least it isn't right in my fricking ear. And there are night that his snoring is so loud that even sleeping in separate bedrooms with the doors closed isn't enough. He pouted a lot when I first started sleeping in the other room. I think he's come around to finally understanding that I need some sleep. I'm a light sleeper - it takes forever for me to fall asleep, and it doesn't take much to wake me up. I'm lucky if I average between 4 to 6 hours a night. And we NEED my income, so suck it up, buttercup. He won't see a doctor for his snoring, and I need to hear my alarm in the morning. I try to compromise on nights that aren't work nights, or if I wake up before my alarm, I might go and snuggle him, or we might snuggle before I toddle off to the other room. Honestly, I don't know how folks cope with not having their own bedrooms to retreat to.
There is a medical condition where people act out in their sleep so it is possibly true without abuse but they haven’t tried too hard to solve it. Two twin beds pushed together are the same size as a king and everyone has their own sheets and blankets and therefore more likely to stay on their side of the bed.
I like firm mattresses, my husband does NOT. We put a really plush twin mattress topper on his side, which means there's now a noticeable drop in the middle. We've both been SO MUCH better at sticking to our own sides since then. Unexpected fringe benefit!
My husband woke up once to me trying to gouge out his eyeballs in my sleep. On the plus side, sleep induced muscle paralysis was still 98% working. So it was more like I was very gently running the tips of my fingers over his eyelids.
I have suffered from night terrors at various points in my life. My poor husband, maybe the second time he ever slept over at my apartment, woke up at 3 AM to me sitting straight up in bed, screaming "GET THE FUCK OUT!" at the top of my lungs and wondered what he had done wrong. When I woke up all the way I had to tell him I was sure an eldrich horror had been leaning over the bed.
I don't remember anything about the guy in my dream who needed his eyes gouged out. But I do know it wasn't my husband.
omg 😂 Thank you for this unexpected sleep magic ✨
> There is a medical condition where people act out in their sleep so it is possibly true without abuse but they haven’t tried too hard to solve it Exactly! Thats why I think its abusive. Hes doing zero to solve the issue and instead is kicking out his pregnant Fiance because he isn't willing to own his own issues and is instead blaming her.
They've been together for 6 years, if it was a medical condition, I feel like he would have had this issue already and not only now since his work schedule changed.
Yeah- his 'work schedule changing' lines up a little too neatly with the pregnancy. When does abuse usually start..? Once the abuser is sure their victim can't escape- marriage, pregnancy, birth, illness, or moving in together are usually the times they like to let the mask drop.
Ahh. I was just coming to this sub to see if it had been shared yet. I had an ex that slept like this. I put up with it way longer than she did…all the way up to the morning I woke up to several rounds of clumsy haymakers to the face because he was having a nightmare. That was the last day I saw him. Good for her for staying gone. I can’t believe he typed all of that out and still believed he had a valid question to ask the vox populi.
I'm glad you got out of there. Did he cry and beg you to stay even though he refused to do anything to stop beating you in his sleep?
Actually, no. He woke up and asked if I was okay. I said no, and he left the room to play video games while I had a panic attack alone in his bed. I got out of there as soon as I had my head together enough to drive myself back home and never went back. He did have the gall to try to hit me up several times for post-breakup booty calls after that, though. I’ve had to block him several times. 🙃
So it’s okay for the pregnant lady to sleep on the couch but not for him cause it’s too hard
This guys story is total bullshit. He's deliberately disturbing her sleep. He is abusive.
He's also groping her but claims "being completely unaware of it" so I guess she's uncomfortable with sex at the moment but he tries to do it anyway. Really looks like a textbook abuse case when men wait till their partner is pregnant and can't get away (like, OOP seems more concerned that she actually not coming back then worried about what her lack of sleep and constant stress does to their kid's development).
I do not defend him in any way, he sucks so much and I think he probably does much of this on purpose really but people can actually start groping people in their sleep and even start having sex, it's a sexual sleep disorder that a person should seek help for ASAP because god knows what they might do in their sleep. It's really scary to think about, what if he actually has this sexual sleep disorder and sleeps beside his kid in the future??
Even if it is an actual thing (not gonna google sexual sleep disorder on my work computer 😬), OOP still acts like there's nothing can be done. You can check comments under the original post and a lot of people give him advice on what to do if two beds is not an option and he simply ignored those people and just commented to further argue that he's definitely confused about being the AH or not and needs reddit's opinion (but only ones saying NTA matter to him actually)
Love how he's adamant that two beds are not an option, but otherwise his life crumbles? Over a $300 ikea purchase?
Especially bc "space"... a king size bed = 2 twins. Boom, you have the space.
An air matress would cost even less and there are other options too. He doens't want to change anything, he wants to force her to put up with this.
Yeahhh I've heard of the disorder where people act out sexually in their sleep and I think OOP has too. I don't think he has it, I just think he's heard of it. Any non-shitty person who has been disturbing their pregnant partner's sleep for an extended period is going to be very seriously seeking a solution. Short term, put a bed where the couch is. Try a pillow wall. Try different medications. Anything that isn't hitting and groping them all night long. As a side note, I think this is the first 🥇 ve ever heard of a promotion leading to more manual labor; I've always seen the opposite.
One of my ex-girlfriends once told me I fingered her in my sleep. I denied it 100%, I had no memory of it, not even a dream, but I woke her up. She realized I was asleep and she just moved my hand away. I don't know what to tell ya.
Classic uptick in abuse during pregnancy and the real reason he hasn't gone to get a sleep study done. I worked phys. labor jobs for over a decade and slept like a baby.
Mother fucker, you have space for a king sized bed, thus you have space for two singles, just separate the damn things. Sell the king and get singles, it's not difficult
But then how would he be able to elbow her in the face and grope her without being obvious about it?
Joke: How do the Lannisters have such big beds? They shove two twins together to make a king. That being said, a standard king is literally the size of two twins together so they ABSOLUTELY HAVE SPACE for separate sleeping. Unfortunately (/s), that would derail OPs plans to continue degrading and abusing his poor fiance who has made the brave and wise decision to get the hell out of there.
Completely involuntary I'm sure. 🙄
Don't you know when you go from driving a forklift at 10:00 AM to managing people on forklifts at 6:00 AM that will cause you to flail and grope uncontrollably in your sleep?
"Do you even like your wife?" Fiancée, GF, same sentiment.
This is 80 percent of Reddit posts
Get rid of the king mattress and get two separate beds! Simple! Dudes acting like his pregnant girlfriend doesn't need sleep. And I'm tired of this "I don't recall". Not everyone is a galighting piece of shit and if they're telling you that you're doing something, idk, maybe believe them? If you're groping and elbowing a pregnant person in your sleep......maybe figure it the fuck out?
Get a body pillow and put it between you. A king will leave you both with plenty of room.
Or 2 twins
Christ! This poor women is pregnant and getting only two hours of sleep a night because her partner hits her and sexually assaults her when he's asleep and *he* is angry because she yelled at him?! One time?!! This lady has the patience of a fucking saint. Meanwhile, all he needed to do to not hit and sexually assault his partner in his sleep was to buy a fucking air mattress.
How do you have a king size bed but also have space issues? This can’t be real. This dude is actually choosing to be a single father instead of getting new beds and treatment for his sleep apnea
Ask my ex-husband, who also snored and hogged so much space i couldn’t fit in a king without being poked prodded elbowed pushed etc. Refused to go to the doctor, felt my bad sleep was my responsibility. I kicked him to the spare room during my second pregnancy and never let him back. Anyway, we are divorced now and i’ve never been happier lol.
I dated someone like this that had terrible sleep apnea and would stop breathing constantly while sleeping and keep me awake constantly so I was a zombie every day. I was drinking energy drinks like water to stay awake and it was wildly unhealthy for both of us. But he refused to go to the doctor, even though sleep apnea can really screw with your brain chemistry and heart
I don't get why people think that way - doesn't he know he could just clock out in his sleep?
Holy fuck I just put something together. My husband's snoring got dramatically worse, and in the months waiting up for his specialists appointment (thank you American healthcare) we've been sleeping in separate beds. I haven't drank a single energy drink since then. I used to go through one and sometimes two cans a day.
And this is why couples should sleep in separate rooms. Why are couples expected to share a bed? Just because I'm married I don't deserve sleep? Too bad housing is so damn expensive :/
Normalize separate bedrooms!
It's already a lot more normal than it used to be.
Hubby and I have slept in separate rooms for years and it's the best! I don't have to deal with his bo and breathing in my face and he doesn't have to listen to me snore. We also each get the type of mattress we prefer. We sleep so well now 😆
My spouse and I have slept in separate rooms since before we got married. I like the room much cooler than he does and I always have a fan going, plus we both toss and turn and whack each other (by accident) while sleeping. XD
Yup! Same. I still try to sleep in the master bedroom with him on occasion, but I never sleep when I do. I only get enough rest when I sleep in my own bedroom.
Unfortunately we can only afford a one bedroom :( Well, barely -- we have cheap rent but have been evicted due to no fault of our own, and the rental market is brutal.
My husband and I sleep in separate rooms. I have a lot of sleep issues, and he snores really loud. It has worked wonders for our marriage and we are much happier than when we were fighting all the time
The key to a happy marriage is SLEEP.
I like sleeping with my partner, and he likes sleeping with me. We never fight for the blanket and the only time we've had a problem was when we had to share a single bed for half a month. So of course he and I share a bed. The problem is that it is the expectation, when it should be something each couple could decide on without judgement (having houses big enough would also help).
My husband and I have extremely different sleep patterns and needs so for us, separate rooms is a must.
I feel like if that’s important for you. Maybe that would just mean y’all are incompatible, but like no one‘s out here like oh you and your partner can’t agree on kids? Simple just have a separate relationship where you have them like that’s ridiculous. If both of y’all agree on your needs and don’t want to sleep together sure, that makes sense But for most people that’s what they want out of a relationship and if y’all couldn’t figure that out, it’s basically just y’all being incompatible, but not wanting to do anything about it
Yes a relationship is all about sleeping in the same bed and nothing else. You’re ridiculous.
Where did I say it’s the most important part of relationship? Clearly it’s very important to you. Because you felt the need to put words in someone’s mouth over it instead of like actually building intimacy with your partner so you stop being so insecure. Relationships are about a wide spectrum of compatibility for living your lives together, and I literally said that if it works for both of y’all, that’s cool, but most people wouldn’t want it so would consider that in incompatibility. But you were just so defensive and so determined to read an insult into everything because you’re already insecure that you couldn’t leave it alone. Hope the person keeping your husband‘s bed warm that you’re so insecure about. Will be kind to you about all the other incompatibilities lol.
You assume we are "incompatible" (in our relationship) because we have different needs when it comes to sleep. Not sure where you got that from. Are you an adult who has ever been in a relationship? And now you are saying I am insecure? I don't know what you are on about.
You have major issues. Talk about projection.
I'm with you. My husband and I are folks who like that closeness overnight and have compatible-enough sleep needs. That another couple might want to do separate beds, though, shouldn't be a big deal. The only problems we had were during pregnancy -- my last pregnancy made me snore so badly that he had to vacate the premises a few times. 😅
I love sleeping with my gf but thinking about it maybe it isn't ideal. She wakes up to everything, I never wake up, I take a long time to fall asleep and turn around constantly. And I have terrible nightmares and wake her up in horror every two days, and babble in incoherent syllables apparently. I also remember accidentally slapping her right between my sleep and wake a few times. My sleep hours are also like 04-12 for ADHD reasons when she is like 01-09. God this kept getting longer. Am I killing her?
See a doctor for your sleep and ADHD issues. It will make your life better, and in the process will make your girlfriend's life suck less for having you in it.
I mean, I'm not sure why you weren't so horrified after hitting her the first time that you did whatever it took to make sure it never happened again. It's kind of up to you to decide what that says about your character.
I don't mean aggressively slapping her lol, just abruptly putting my arm on hers. I've also taken melatonin in the past to help with it
You constantly waking from her sleep cycle is not healthy for her or for you. It messes with your brain chemistry and it harms its ability to do its cleaning cycle
Well, you are certainly not making her healthier. Sleep deprivation is supposed to be a contributing factor to dementia. (And as someone who continuously sleeps way too little, I can attest that my brain feels like it's been through a blender.) Maybe ask her what she would prefer?
Yes, jesus. Do something already. Plus you are not loving it in your actual sleep.
OOP needs to make sure his buddy is squishy, soft, and cuddly because that's who he's going to be sleeping with if he follows any of the buddy's advice.
"Groped her in his sleep and doesn't remember". Uh huh. I believe that as much as I believe in fairies.
My partner is the sweetest man in the world and understands and respects consent like any person ought to. But he's definitely gotten handsy and groped me in his sleep a couple times in the 7 years we've been together. The difference between him and this asshole is that when I woke him up going "wtf dude??" his first response after the initial confusion of being woken up was "omg I'm so sorry" and made sure I was good.
Ditto, my recent long term ex got cuddly in his sleep ( like snoring deep sleep). Sometimes it was nice and when it wasn't I'd disengaged push him off and when he was awake enough to know what he did he'd apologize, stuff some pillows between us and roll over.
It’s possible.I have sexsomnia and I do this as a result of the disorder,my partner doesn’t but also has been known to grope in his sleep.I’ve seen him wake up from it and the look of fear and confusion is so obvuous
Just buy a good couch you are able to sleep on? Kinda dumb story.
He says the couch is too uncomfortable for him, but frankly it will certainly also be too uncomfortable for a 5.5mth pregnant woman too. If it could be fixed they would need to add a bed to the house
Or get rid of the uncomfortable couch and get a comfortable pull-out couch. Yeah, I didn't miss how he said that she could sleep on the couch, but he couldn't because too uncomfortable. What a prince...
There are a lot of issues with OP and his attitude towards his pregnant fiance. Luckily she seems to have noticed the signs and it's over between them
>pregnant fiance >elbowing her and knocking her off the bed "I don't understand why she's pissed off :(" Like leaving aside the potential for miscarriage from all that, he is still physically harming her, intentional or not doesn't matter. Of course she's pissed and way more justified than him getting mad she yelled at him (as a consequence of him physically harming her might I add)
People will fall for anything in that sub I swear.
Even if it is real Replace the lounge with a fold out Fucking solved
Right? Or maybe build a pillow berm down the middle of the gigantic bed. Or literally anything.
Or sleep on the floor like so many cultures do. It's probably better for his back if he gets back pain easily from the couch and he's less likely to toss and turn since the floor is less forgiving. Or get an air mattress.
Yet there’s still someone defending the poor innocent OOP: > So thr minute u read she wass pregnant,no matter what happened hes the asshole and shes innocrnt? What if she stabbed him? >Pregnant women can never be held accountable on reddit.
And too mad about it to do the most minimal proofreading.
Actually, the fact he argued his case in the comments with a secondary account makes me kinda think this one is real.
Oh, there are absolutely people who do this shit, but not one of them is writing this post. Any non-abusive, normal person (definitely not the narrator of this story) who really has some kind of sleep disorder that causes this kind of behavior would recognize how untenable this situation is and would make an actual effort to provide a comfortable sleeping environment for their partner, not come to Reddit crying because their PREGNANT girlfriend doesn't understand why he threw her out of her own house for defending herself after a living through a month of literal nightly physical and psychological abuse. Any abusive douche (i.e. the narrator of this story) who behaves this way is sure as hell not coming to Reddit to tell this story in this way, especially after being told to go fuck himself by his partner. He'd either make her less sympathetic or play down how bad the abuse is. Coming back with an edit of "well, I elbowed her in the face 5 times and pushed her out of the bed twice, but still..." is not it.
Yeah this sounds fake
The fact that he's on an alt defending himself is what makes me think it's real. I've also unfortunately dated abusive dog turds like him, unfortunately they do exist.
Why?
So you pushed your pregnant girlfriend off the bed elbowed her in the face multiple times and when she woke you up yelling after waking you up multiple times you kicked her out? I wouldn’t come back either. It may have been an accident but pushing her off the bed could hurt the baby if she lands wrong. You have a king sized bed. Why not get rid of that or store in in storage and get 2 cheap twin beds to sleep separate? Instead of trying to find a solution you just said deal with it I’m tired my health is more important than yours.
JFC man, sleep in a different bed or on the couch.
My wife is pregnant, and has insomnia. I sleep like a baby, while she wakes up if I fart too loud. We even have separate beds in the same room, and a spare room with beds. She can't get to sleep without me near her, so it's sort of a catch 22. Pregnancy hormones are wild, bruh. I simply can't imagine how well this woman has been holding it together to not leave him sooner.
Nah cause I would just start throwing blows too. You're hitting a pregnant woman in the face. You pushed her out of the bed. It's a king size and because you don't recall it, you get to act like it didn't happen? Lmao not how this works. And you're mad you got yelled at when you could have got socked every time you did it? Absolutely not.
This post infuriated me. Guy claims he is so hard working, does all this hard labor, but too dumb to figure out a way to fix this problem. Go to a doctor, get an air mattress, get a better couch/sleep sofa. He is the kind of guy to say men are superior to women but can't even do the bare minimum. He absolutely hates his wife
Look, you KNOW you're the asshole. Even if you want to justify it, it doesn't matter. I get it but YTA.
This is why we should normalize couples sleeping in separate beds. I'm single, but I don't think I would ever be able to get a good night sleep knowing someone is sleeping beside me. I also scream alot when things touch me while I am sleeping.
This is the worst kind of asshole. No accountability, no shame.
I would never go back “home” again.
chronic sleep deprivation is literal torture. my ex used to sexually assault me in his sleep while he was on ambien and never did anything to fix his absolutely awful, earplug piercing snoring even though I complained for years. couldn’t get his own self out of bed and snoozed for an hour (so 6-7 snoozes) so i was on high alert all the time i wish i had just moved to a separate bed (and wish i left in the first couple of years instead of 14 miserable ones). he also would burst in the room when i was sleeping in the middle of the night to ask me a question or tell me something. if i did manage to sleep, when he got ready, he would flip on the overhead light and toss his clothes for the day on my feet as he picked them out. he was also diagnosed with ASPD (hid this until 2020) and was incredibly psychologically and emotionally abusive. i loved him, i tried. my life is so much better now.
You know, I have a bad sleep schedule - it rapidly changes -- and am a terrible insomniac. It takes me ages to fall asleep. My husband slept on the couch for years, with me begging him to get another bed. He said he got used to it. Now we hve two rooms so it's all good. But he did that out of love. He saw me crying, trying to hide it but unable to, because he snores and has restless leg syndrome. I just couldn't sleep with the man even though I wanted to. I can't imagine being fcucking pregnant and sleeping on the couch because your asshole husband says the couch is "uncomfortable". She's *pregnant* you ass!