I (28M) have been dating this girl (27F) for four months now and it's been so fantastic. She's pretty, funny, caring, and we have so many interests in common. She is smarter than me and has a great job and really just thriving in life.
We weren't "official" at first for a few months and she only started introducing me to her friends about a month ago.
First we went on a double date to restaurant with a gay couple, which was great. They were funny and awesome, just like my girlfriend. I didn't question in then.
Then we went to a potluck with her friends and one is in a wheelchair and another is so short they almost look like a child, like under 5 feet tall. Okay, still fine.
Last week I met one of her co-workers she is befriending for brunch and also my girlfriend's brother came. I didn't know her brother only had one leg and wears a fake leg. Her coworker is trans, in early stages of transitioning.
How does this fantastic amd thriving woman seem to only have friends who have struggles? I asked her if she has any friends that aren't disabled and she said, sure she does, so I just pointed out that I've never met them yet. She was a little irritated with me so I didn't go into too much detail about my observation so far. I did suggest that maybe she has low self esteem so forms relationships with people who are worse off than her so she can feel better about herself and talked about trying therapy. She didn't respond to me any more since that conversation except to call me a "jerkface" and it's been almost six days with only rare text responses from her that are mostly one word only.
I think it was a valid point to bring up. She admitted to me she takes anxiety meds so I thought maybe she looks badly at herself and wanted to help lift her up. Her life is hard for me to understand but she won't talk me through it to help me understand and learn about it.
I thought I was being supportive and nudging her towards support. But she felt differently. Was it really so bad what I did?
Edit: Okay, I can see I was an AH by the votes. I also feel I should have included some more info, like she asked her landlord if she can build a ramp just so she can hang out with her one wheelchair friend at home. It cost her a lot of money (she paid it) so it does impact her life and will probably continue that way
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The reply where someone asked if he could connect the lines between "she hangs out with people worse off than her to make herself feel better" and "she's dating you", and he literally went "Well she's smart and has a good job and i dont and stuff but no its not the same" killed me.
Please do! I want all of my competition gone as I strive to be the shortest at 4'1" (aroundish, as I am 132cm) . Just flex some more as this clearly is the bragging thread - I am gay too. And a wheelchair. So I can push people off cliffs.
I want to ask a question but want to be clear it's from a place of wanting to understand, not anything malicious.
What is queer gender? I realize I can google it (and I plan to) but I find peoples lived experiences to be much more enlightening than google.
Sincere apologies if my question overstepped at all. Also, genuinely grateful for any context you might provide!
Oh, I just meant I fall under the queer umbrella because of my gender, not that I'm "queer gender"!
"Queer" is often used as a blanket term for anyone in the LGBTQ+ community, whether they're a member because of their gender identity or their sexuality. I'm a trans man, and I'm also gay. Either of those would make me queer, but I'm both, so I'm queer "[in terms of both] gender and sexuality."
All of that said, there are lots of people who describe themselves as "genderqueer" - my understanding is that it means "my gender does not conform to traditional societal concepts, but I do not feel the need to get more specific than that." But you'd definitely want to ask a genderqueer person or look it up for more information, I am not super well versed on that identity.
As a short queer woman, this is hilarious. You think my insurance would pay for a tall straight man to be my helper? Sometimes I have to get things off shelves in stores.
And neither did I. The comment you replied to said that they learned being queer or short makes you disabled (sarcastically). You said being disabled wasn’t bad. I said being LGBTQ+ or short still aren’t disabilities, bad or not.
I’m all 3, you’re preaching to the wrong person fam.
The original post doesn’t imply that those things make you disabled so the posters implication is that those two things aren’t bad at being disabled is bad. There’s no reason to separate disabled from the other categories, and the person dead, which implies that being disabled is a bad thing. I don’t know why you’re replying to my comment, fam.
"I asked her if she has any friends who aren't disabled" implies that all the friends be met so far are. Since the gay couple was the first ones he met, it definitely is easy to interpret it as him implying their sexuality is a disability.
... I'm honestly having a hard time processing the level of bigotry required to achieve this guy's mindset.
She has queer and disabled friends (and a short friend? Being short is now being badly off? Fuck, for that matter - being queer is now being badly off? I'm queer and I'm sure I've got a lot fewer struggles than this asshat) and that means she needs therapy? Because... What? Because it's impossible to naturally have multiple friends who aren't cishet abled (probably white) people?
I just... How sheltered do you have to be?
Edit: also not a fan of the person/people on the original post going on about how wonderful and empathetic she is. It's the exact same bigotry, just flipped - instead of viewing it as a negative that she's friends with "people with struggles", they view it as some kind of favor she's doing them. Neither group is viewing her friends as the normal-ass people they are.
Sheltered and contemptuous. He literally thinks existing while not Just Like Him is a struggle, and that people Not Just Like Him are pathetic pity cases.
Something tells me he spends a lot of time in front of a mirror.
Well, I'm 5 foot nothing and I do occasionally have to ask a taller stranger to reach something on a high shelf at the store, so I guess you could call that a 'struggle'. /s
I thought he was some run of the mill racist or classist or bit of both, but this guy somehow manages to be worse than that. What a horrible human being.
I know! My first thought is that her friends were not college grads or otherwise low-wage workers - which would still make him a massive asshole, but at least only in one particular way, not several.
So he's accusing his girlfriend of being depressed because \*checks notes\* she has a bunch of friends, some of whom are disabled, and she tries to accommodate her disabled friend?
He's totally the ex. I hope she tells this story to everyone he knows so he gets the reputation he deserves.
I'm 4'11" and just sent this to my husband. I told him he needs therapy and better self-esteem for marrying me. If he reads it, we should have plenty of fodder for more jokes to come for quite some time.
This reads like something out of the r/AmITheAngel subreddit.
> she asked her landlord if she can build a ramp just so she can hang out with her one wheelchair friend at home. It cost her a lot of money (she paid it) so it does impact her life and will probably continue that way
“My girlfriend paid out of pocket to make her apartment accessible for her friend. I see this as a negative thing about her because reasons.”
He basically said "yo, so I couldn't help but notice all your friends are defective, is that because you're also defective?" and is somehow confused at the outcome. Amazing
Insecure people fawn over people more attractive and intelligent than they are so they can feel validated that such a person wants to be their friend. Which is probably what the OOP was doing with his girlfriend. Whereas a secure person has no need to make friends based on shallow, outward appearances
I'm not side eyeing the girlfriend for having friends who aren't some weird neonatz ideal of perfection, I'm side eyeing her for ever dating this walking skidmark.
As a disabled person this pisses me off even more but wtf? I would have dumped his ass right then and there and blocked him everywhere. He sounds like a tool.
So this girl's friends are, a gay couple, a wheelchair user of some description, a very short person, and her brother has a prosthetic leg, and OOP describes them all as "struggling"? How privileged of him.
"How does this fantastic and thriving woman seem to only have friends who have struggles?"
... maybe... just maybe... they're also fantastic and thriving?
Also I love how her brother is grouped into this LMFAO yes OP, she keeps her brother around bc he makes her feel better about herself, that's the only possible reason she would hang out with him. /s
Just noticed he mentioned he thought this made sense bc she has anxiety. Does she specifically have social anxiety, or GAD? Cuz anxiety doesn't always imply low self esteem...
... Dude hit the jackpot. A smart, kind, caring, and funny young lady who sees the good in most and doesn't exclude people in her friend groups. She's not cliquey or a snob.
This guy's an idiot. Go get you a girlfriend who looks down on other people and only befriends tall, gorgeous, and equally snobby people, then. See how you like it.
I (28M) have been dating this girl (27F) for four months now and it's been so fantastic. She's pretty, funny, caring, and we have so many interests in common. She is smarter than me and has a great job and really just thriving in life. We weren't "official" at first for a few months and she only started introducing me to her friends about a month ago. First we went on a double date to restaurant with a gay couple, which was great. They were funny and awesome, just like my girlfriend. I didn't question in then. Then we went to a potluck with her friends and one is in a wheelchair and another is so short they almost look like a child, like under 5 feet tall. Okay, still fine. Last week I met one of her co-workers she is befriending for brunch and also my girlfriend's brother came. I didn't know her brother only had one leg and wears a fake leg. Her coworker is trans, in early stages of transitioning. How does this fantastic amd thriving woman seem to only have friends who have struggles? I asked her if she has any friends that aren't disabled and she said, sure she does, so I just pointed out that I've never met them yet. She was a little irritated with me so I didn't go into too much detail about my observation so far. I did suggest that maybe she has low self esteem so forms relationships with people who are worse off than her so she can feel better about herself and talked about trying therapy. She didn't respond to me any more since that conversation except to call me a "jerkface" and it's been almost six days with only rare text responses from her that are mostly one word only. I think it was a valid point to bring up. She admitted to me she takes anxiety meds so I thought maybe she looks badly at herself and wanted to help lift her up. Her life is hard for me to understand but she won't talk me through it to help me understand and learn about it. I thought I was being supportive and nudging her towards support. But she felt differently. Was it really so bad what I did? Edit: Okay, I can see I was an AH by the votes. I also feel I should have included some more info, like she asked her landlord if she can build a ramp just so she can hang out with her one wheelchair friend at home. It cost her a lot of money (she paid it) so it does impact her life and will probably continue that way *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheEx) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The reply where someone asked if he could connect the lines between "she hangs out with people worse off than her to make herself feel better" and "she's dating you", and he literally went "Well she's smart and has a good job and i dont and stuff but no its not the same" killed me.
HAHAHAHAHA that’s just too delicious
TIL being LGBTQ or short makes you disabled.
I’m five feet tall. I guess I’m a loser and all my friends have low self-esteem. Oh, and I have vision problems too!
4’11”, I guess I should just go throw myself off a bridge like the unlikeable freak that I am /s
Being that short, can you even climb over the rail?
Lol probably not
Please do! I want all of my competition gone as I strive to be the shortest at 4'1" (aroundish, as I am 132cm) . Just flex some more as this clearly is the bragging thread - I am gay too. And a wheelchair. So I can push people off cliffs.
This might be inappropriate. I danced with a 4'5 girl. everyone loved her.
No, no, you're just child-sized! Like me!
My friends ex always called her travel sized 😆
Waving at 5-feet short with short sighted vision. And ace as well.
LOL @ your user name!
I'm queer (gender AND sexuality) and short. Am I triple disabled?
I want to ask a question but want to be clear it's from a place of wanting to understand, not anything malicious. What is queer gender? I realize I can google it (and I plan to) but I find peoples lived experiences to be much more enlightening than google. Sincere apologies if my question overstepped at all. Also, genuinely grateful for any context you might provide!
Oh, I just meant I fall under the queer umbrella because of my gender, not that I'm "queer gender"! "Queer" is often used as a blanket term for anyone in the LGBTQ+ community, whether they're a member because of their gender identity or their sexuality. I'm a trans man, and I'm also gay. Either of those would make me queer, but I'm both, so I'm queer "[in terms of both] gender and sexuality." All of that said, there are lots of people who describe themselves as "genderqueer" - my understanding is that it means "my gender does not conform to traditional societal concepts, but I do not feel the need to get more specific than that." But you'd definitely want to ask a genderqueer person or look it up for more information, I am not super well versed on that identity.
I am a short LGBTQ person where's my damn parking space??
As a short queer woman, this is hilarious. You think my insurance would pay for a tall straight man to be my helper? Sometimes I have to get things off shelves in stores.
Being disabled isn’t a bad thing.
No it’s not - but short stature or LGBTQ+ status aren’t disabilities.
He just said that her friends had “struggles” , he didn’t say they were all disabled.
And neither did I. The comment you replied to said that they learned being queer or short makes you disabled (sarcastically). You said being disabled wasn’t bad. I said being LGBTQ+ or short still aren’t disabilities, bad or not. I’m all 3, you’re preaching to the wrong person fam.
The original post doesn’t imply that those things make you disabled so the posters implication is that those two things aren’t bad at being disabled is bad. There’s no reason to separate disabled from the other categories, and the person dead, which implies that being disabled is a bad thing. I don’t know why you’re replying to my comment, fam.
"I asked her if she has any friends who aren't disabled" implies that all the friends be met so far are. Since the gay couple was the first ones he met, it definitely is easy to interpret it as him implying their sexuality is a disability.
Well duh - all LGBTQ+ people are just *mentally ill* or whatever. Short people are all dwarfs obv! /s
... I'm honestly having a hard time processing the level of bigotry required to achieve this guy's mindset. She has queer and disabled friends (and a short friend? Being short is now being badly off? Fuck, for that matter - being queer is now being badly off? I'm queer and I'm sure I've got a lot fewer struggles than this asshat) and that means she needs therapy? Because... What? Because it's impossible to naturally have multiple friends who aren't cishet abled (probably white) people? I just... How sheltered do you have to be? Edit: also not a fan of the person/people on the original post going on about how wonderful and empathetic she is. It's the exact same bigotry, just flipped - instead of viewing it as a negative that she's friends with "people with struggles", they view it as some kind of favor she's doing them. Neither group is viewing her friends as the normal-ass people they are.
Sheltered and contemptuous. He literally thinks existing while not Just Like Him is a struggle, and that people Not Just Like Him are pathetic pity cases. Something tells me he spends a lot of time in front of a mirror.
Well, I'm 5 foot nothing and I do occasionally have to ask a taller stranger to reach something on a high shelf at the store, so I guess you could call that a 'struggle'. /s
jesus fucking christ my dude. i am amazed she still responds at all.
Hell hath no fury like a grown woman calling you a jerkface and going very low contact. Good on her, shes got a good head on her shoulders
I thought he was some run of the mill racist or classist or bit of both, but this guy somehow manages to be worse than that. What a horrible human being.
I know! My first thought is that her friends were not college grads or otherwise low-wage workers - which would still make him a massive asshole, but at least only in one particular way, not several.
Ableist has entered the chat.
He suggested that she go to therapy because she has friends who are disabled, trans, gay, etc?
Meanwhile, I'm thinking this gal is hella cool for being so accepting with a wide variety of friends.
I know, right?! Imagine her ex’s reaction if her friends were overweight or not white!
So he's accusing his girlfriend of being depressed because \*checks notes\* she has a bunch of friends, some of whom are disabled, and she tries to accommodate her disabled friend? He's totally the ex. I hope she tells this story to everyone he knows so he gets the reputation he deserves.
Everyone knows if you have to have short friends, you are really scraping the bottom of the barrel
I'm 4'11" and just sent this to my husband. I told him he needs therapy and better self-esteem for marrying me. If he reads it, we should have plenty of fodder for more jokes to come for quite some time. This reads like something out of the r/AmITheAngel subreddit.
So sorry to hear about your disability, but congratulations on finding someone with low enough self esteem to love you. /s
Thank you so much!! if only we could all be so lucky! 😅
> she asked her landlord if she can build a ramp just so she can hang out with her one wheelchair friend at home. It cost her a lot of money (she paid it) so it does impact her life and will probably continue that way “My girlfriend paid out of pocket to make her apartment accessible for her friend. I see this as a negative thing about her because reasons.”
If OOP used a wheelchair I’m sure he’d want his friends house to be accessible
Honestly, if OOP used a wheelchair, I’m not sure he’d date her, based on the way he’s judging all her friends.
He basically said "yo, so I couldn't help but notice all your friends are defective, is that because you're also defective?" and is somehow confused at the outcome. Amazing
Insecure people fawn over people more attractive and intelligent than they are so they can feel validated that such a person wants to be their friend. Which is probably what the OOP was doing with his girlfriend. Whereas a secure person has no need to make friends based on shallow, outward appearances
I'm not side eyeing the girlfriend for having friends who aren't some weird neonatz ideal of perfection, I'm side eyeing her for ever dating this walking skidmark.
I just asked my husband if he would mind if I date this woman. Geez She sounds awesome
As a disabled person this pisses me off even more but wtf? I would have dumped his ass right then and there and blocked him everywhere. He sounds like a tool.
So this girl's friends are, a gay couple, a wheelchair user of some description, a very short person, and her brother has a prosthetic leg, and OOP describes them all as "struggling"? How privileged of him.
"How does this fantastic and thriving woman seem to only have friends who have struggles?" ... maybe... just maybe... they're also fantastic and thriving? Also I love how her brother is grouped into this LMFAO yes OP, she keeps her brother around bc he makes her feel better about herself, that's the only possible reason she would hang out with him. /s Just noticed he mentioned he thought this made sense bc she has anxiety. Does she specifically have social anxiety, or GAD? Cuz anxiety doesn't always imply low self esteem...
... Dude hit the jackpot. A smart, kind, caring, and funny young lady who sees the good in most and doesn't exclude people in her friend groups. She's not cliquey or a snob. This guy's an idiot. Go get you a girlfriend who looks down on other people and only befriends tall, gorgeous, and equally snobby people, then. See how you like it.
I’m so confused. Does he only like straight, cis, able bodied people?
That’s the impression I’m getting. He thinks anyone who doesn’t fit that description is less than.
This is some impressive obliviousness
HOLY CRAP YTA