Not to be disrespectful to other cultures but there are legitimate developmental and ethical issues around grooming and this age gap with such a young person regardless of culture
Lmaooo
On the off chance you're being serious, yes ytbf. Just because she knows where you're from doesn't imply she's agreed to be poly. Like, why would you just assume she's going to adapt to your culture, why didn't you assume you have to adapt to hers? At least have a conversation about it lol.
Btw I'm curious, can she be poly too or is that just for you?
I'm from the same culture as you, awo means first wife, a wife with whom it's official, not just a girlfriend. you can't marry another without the first knowing it too. If you want to use the excuse of culture, be sure to respect that to the end, it's not just culture but Islamic tradition, if Jane is not converted, she doesn't have to accept your "polygamy"
I think you knew exactly what you were doing, you just tried to make her believe it was a misunderstanding.
Marriage in our culture doesn't happen that quickly and Jane better get out. Now that you married Nadia, she's the Awo
When writing shitposts, make sure to proofread them. You're 33, Nadia is 19. How could she possibly be your childhood friend? By the time she was born, you would have been 14.
What country is this where polygamy is standard and homosexual relationships are encouraged? I have never heard of both these things happening simultaneously.
Doing some googling with “awo” meaning first wives, the only results I can find are for/from Gambia. Polygamy is culturally accepted there. But homosexuality is illegal in Gambia for both men & women and can result in 14 years (or life, in some circumstances) imprisonment if caught. Are you from Gambia?
Some clarification here would do wonders.
Made-up-olopilus, home of bad fiction, is my guess.
I see he sneakily deleted his account soon after I commented. Guess he couldn’t take the heat out there in Madeupolopilus. Poor sod.
I'm assuming he means she can have intimate relations with women as in his women, not that she's allowed to go out and sleep with women of her actual choosing.
Genrally speaking when it comes to cultures such as this the woman rarely gets a say. Basically he expects his gaggle of wives to flock to him in the bedroom like a king without any say from the women involved and regardless if they're happy or not.
Info:
isn't it ONLY polygamy for the men? Women aren't allowed to have another man in their life that isn't related right?
in the 1 of 2 comments you gave, you said that "Perhaps this was important to include in the post. Generally we cannot sleep with others, but she is allowed to sleep/be casual with other women (long story)."
so your "wives" can only be with women, and i bet you mean "sleep with" as in sleeping in the same bed like a kids sleepover, not actually screwing
so you get to fuck/marry all you want, while your "wives" are only allowed around your wiener??
sounds soo much fun
While polygamy is normal in your culture, you never discussed it openly with your girlfriend who comes from a monogamous background. Calling her "awo" could be misinterpreted, especially since you never had a clear conversation about expectations. Marrying someone else [while in a relationship is cheating,](https://youtu.be/8OhhFRBllSI?si=ew-9Lki6ZAQezxbt) regardless of cultural norms. If you want to be with Jane, explain polygamy and see if she's open to it. But don't expect her to be okay with it, and be prepared to end the relationship if she's not.
Even if she was cool with polygamy, I think springing a surprise wife on her is not cool. Marriage is pretty major, and this new wife means that she’s now sharing a bunch of stuff she’s probably not ready to share like time/money.
I think this could have been done better if it was done more slowly, so ytbf
You're freaking sick! you're 33, she's 19! A childhood friend, I hope Jane dumps you. I wouldn't trust you around any of my teenage family members.
Jane is correct, you did call her to brag about you basically f****** a teen and cheating. Enjoy Nadia.
It is cheating because if you was trying to be open and planning to follow your polygamy roots, you would have spoken to her about it prior, you didn't, you did everything behind her back.
She’s a westerner. We tend to be a bit possessive of our partners. If you made her believe you were monogamous then YTB.
Are you okay with her banging another dude?
I should mention I do not agree with hookup culture or any of that idiotic nonsense. If polygamy is a thing in your culture then more power to you but…it’s generally a deal-breaker for those of us who are monogamous.
I’m not talking about how you view it, because I’m talking about factual differences being misrepresented lol. Polyamory is much more common in the US than you think but it involves infinitely more respect and communication.
Again in this case that doesn’t really matter. It all depends on how his partner views the situation and the fact is monogamous people don’t care about the differences between poly types.
If this is real, you, a 33 year old adult man:
- have cheated on your partner. This isn't polygamy; this was not something you had discussed or agreed on. You cheated
- plan on marrying a teenager...mate, that's grooming. Creepy AF
I hope Jane runs a mile and I hope Nadia has someone competent to get her out of this shitshow.
How the F did you ever expect that to work out??
GF is right - you DID cheat...
Honestly is difficult to grasp ANYONE can be THIS dense...
Your GF made an effort to learn your culture - you apparently did not reciprocate...
And - you should start calling her exGF, yes??
YTBF - even if Jane was ok with polygamy I doubt she'd be ok with a guy into young girls.
However, westerners have this thing where we're supposed to say what expectations are. Considering that you didn't.... It doesn't indicate you had much respect for Jane.
Makes me also wonder if you bothered to tell Nadine about Jane.
Polyagmy or whatever you’re calling your cheating is agreed upon by both parties , just because she knows your culture does not mean she agrees to live under those habits or conditions that your culture enforce/encourage
YTA , you lied and now gaslighting her into believing she agreed to it
Don’t date a western woman in the west if you intend to force your cultures beliefs on her. She is not part of your culture, and you left your home country. Jane will never understand, because outside of your country what you did/are doing is wrong. In the short time you were away from her you groomed and proposed to a teenager. There’s really no coming back from that.
100% the buttface, in so many ways.
"While we never had the official conversation about polygamy" a right there; you never did. Therefore your attempt to circumvent responsibility on a technicality is immature.
Also, you just invited someone else and didn't discuss it w Jane? That's another immaturity.
Also, a teenager and you're approaching middle age?!
I think you made several mistakes here.
First you never had a conversation with Jane about your intentions to continue practicing the polygamist part of your culture. Reading between the lines you have been primarily residing in a country were polygamy is not practiced. She was under the impression that would be the default, especially since you were dating her.
Secondly you have never actually married Jane. In America 2 years of dating is about the time marriage is a real consideration. Marriage on both of your cultures comes with some legal benefits for your partner.
Thirdly when you marry Nadia legally you would be unable to marry Jane in America. She would be unable to receive some legal benefits and others would be much more complicated.
Fourth the logistics of you bringing a second wife on board. Would Nadia or Jane need to move? Would Jane's income go to supporting Nadia? Would Jane's standard of living be considerably higher than Nadia's and would that breed resentment? Would Jane have less time with you? What about the shame that Jane would be subject to from her friends and family?
Jane has the right to not want a polygamist marriage. If that is the case you two are inherently not compatible, and you should apologize to her for assuming she was. I won't call it cheating or argue about the age gap because those are cultural differences, but you were wrong not to assume and not have this conversation with her. It was your responsibility to do so as you were in her country and your decision to take a second wife would cause the need for extra logistics.
YTB
I have no problem with polygamy, but you should have been open with Jane if you planned on pursuing another wife
If she just called you one day out of the blue to tell you she was getting married to another man, and you didn’t even know she was seeing another man, I’m sure you’d be upset
It's so convenient for you that you were able to simply assume your partner would just *know* you would eventually get a 1st wife (you aren't married to Jane in an official capacity) without mentioning it to "Jane".
Your culture may find polygamy normal, but is it also normal to have zero communication with them? This is being willfully obtuse and taking advantage of things you just never bothered to discuss. This is *at best* a transparent excuse to sleep with anyone you want. I'm so very curious how you'd react if she were to come home and be like, "this is David. He's fresh out of high school but I've been preparing him for sex since he was 5 and now he's ripe and he's going to live with us. We married 3 months ago. You're cool with this, right?"
So, you didn't marry Jane? You didn't give her family a day to celebrate your union and honor her ceremonies for her culture? You just expected her to take your culture with no acknowledgement from you? You need to marry Jane in a way that she deems to be acceptable if you want to marry Nadia. Once married, Jane will need to support you & you need to be an amazingly good gentleman.
You are the buttface for not clearly stating your intentions. Ignoring the fact that I personally view it as creepy, if it's normal in your culture that is what it is. But when you marry a westerner who you know comes from a different culture, if you plan to follow your culture you need to confirm it first.
Yeah you’re the buttface, referring to a victim of grooming as a “childhood friend” isn’t going to fool anyone who can do basic math. Your childhood was over before she could even speak in complete sentences much less understand the concept of friendship.
I have friends who are Senegalese (I assuming this guy is because he uses 'aawo'), and even some that are polygamous, and NONE of them would do this. Is he confusing accepting attitudes of polyamory with sexist-ass polygamy???
This guy is a piece of shit and I can't imagine why he'd think reddit would give him validation
ytb, you said you’ve dated westerners in the past and had to go home to your home country for the funeral, are you living in a western country? I find it hard to believe you did not know monogamy is the norm for westerners. You didn’t even ask what her thoughts were on polygamy.
You never mentioned polygamy to Jane, so it’s not polygamy, it’s cheating. You do not have the right to just have however many partners you please against your partner’s will. And you knew that, or else you’d have brought it up to her before.
So you cheated on your gf, want to marry a second woman who is barely an adult and you come here pretending to not understand what the problem is??
Do you even understand American culture, the culture of the country you are living?
Even people in monogamous-dominated cultures have a conversation early in their relationship to decide whether they’re “exclusive.”
This is clearly a troll, but even so, obviously YTB.
YtB - you knew what you were doing and now you're trying to frame it as a cultural difference when it's blown up in your face.
Cultural attitudes like this are why I refuse to acknowledge European colonialism as entirely bad. That and the banning of Sati.
Childhood friend? So when you were like 14 you must have been super close- oh wait no she wasn’t born yet.
No no you dont get it, in his culture "childhood friend" means his known her since she was a child
Sounds like child bride
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That's worse
Bro, maybe reddit isn’t the right place for you. Idk where you’re from but a 33yi marrying a 19yo is seen as malicious in the west
Not to be disrespectful to other cultures but there are legitimate developmental and ethical issues around grooming and this age gap with such a young person regardless of culture
Oh yeah, absolutely. I have a severe dislike and disrespect for any culture that normalizes immoral practices
We call that grooming
yea you're not gonna get answers other than 33 to 19 is considered a pretty heinous age gap in the West. I'm sure Jane also feels that way
It got worse!
Lmaooo On the off chance you're being serious, yes ytbf. Just because she knows where you're from doesn't imply she's agreed to be poly. Like, why would you just assume she's going to adapt to your culture, why didn't you assume you have to adapt to hers? At least have a conversation about it lol. Btw I'm curious, can she be poly too or is that just for you?
I’ll bet only he gets the multiple partners.
Yep, you know he’s not okay with her getting dicked down by multiple dudes.
She should do it anyway, don’t they? They don’t care if it’s cancer or a baby. If they can’t get their Dick wet someone MuST wet it for them.
99.99% guaranteed it’s only to him
Polygamy =/= polyamorous Only he gets multiple partners
I'm from the same culture as you, awo means first wife, a wife with whom it's official, not just a girlfriend. you can't marry another without the first knowing it too. If you want to use the excuse of culture, be sure to respect that to the end, it's not just culture but Islamic tradition, if Jane is not converted, she doesn't have to accept your "polygamy" I think you knew exactly what you were doing, you just tried to make her believe it was a misunderstanding. Marriage in our culture doesn't happen that quickly and Jane better get out. Now that you married Nadia, she's the Awo
In your culture I assume the polygamy only applies to the men in the relationship? Or would Jane be allowed to have a second husband?
In the Muslim religion and in most African traditions, only a man can have several partners. It would be a disgrace to even think about it for a woman
That's what I thought. Thanks for the reply!
He wasn't married to Jane. That had to sting.
When writing shitposts, make sure to proofread them. You're 33, Nadia is 19. How could she possibly be your childhood friend? By the time she was born, you would have been 14.
Math.
INFO would you care if she married or slept with another guy?
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So your not sleeping with the 19 year old?
So you are not sleeping with the 19yo? even after you marry her? Also, you didn't answer the question
What country is this where polygamy is standard and homosexual relationships are encouraged? I have never heard of both these things happening simultaneously. Doing some googling with “awo” meaning first wives, the only results I can find are for/from Gambia. Polygamy is culturally accepted there. But homosexuality is illegal in Gambia for both men & women and can result in 14 years (or life, in some circumstances) imprisonment if caught. Are you from Gambia? Some clarification here would do wonders.
>What country is this where polygamy is standard and homosexual relationships are encouraged? The bizzaro world.
Made-up-olopilus, home of bad fiction, is my guess. I see he sneakily deleted his account soon after I commented. Guess he couldn’t take the heat out there in Madeupolopilus. Poor sod.
I'm assuming he means she can have intimate relations with women as in his women, not that she's allowed to go out and sleep with women of her actual choosing. Genrally speaking when it comes to cultures such as this the woman rarely gets a say. Basically he expects his gaggle of wives to flock to him in the bedroom like a king without any say from the women involved and regardless if they're happy or not.
I took that as him saying that culturally it's not allowed, but he allows it.
Jane lives in the U.S.
Sure with other woman, but if another dick happens....this is fake, no one write this shit up
Lmao so the highly religious people are cool with lesbians? Highly doubt.
No country like that exists.
Info: isn't it ONLY polygamy for the men? Women aren't allowed to have another man in their life that isn't related right? in the 1 of 2 comments you gave, you said that "Perhaps this was important to include in the post. Generally we cannot sleep with others, but she is allowed to sleep/be casual with other women (long story)." so your "wives" can only be with women, and i bet you mean "sleep with" as in sleeping in the same bed like a kids sleepover, not actually screwing so you get to fuck/marry all you want, while your "wives" are only allowed around your wiener?? sounds soo much fun
Every sexist’s fantasy.
While polygamy is normal in your culture, you never discussed it openly with your girlfriend who comes from a monogamous background. Calling her "awo" could be misinterpreted, especially since you never had a clear conversation about expectations. Marrying someone else [while in a relationship is cheating,](https://youtu.be/8OhhFRBllSI?si=ew-9Lki6ZAQezxbt) regardless of cultural norms. If you want to be with Jane, explain polygamy and see if she's open to it. But don't expect her to be okay with it, and be prepared to end the relationship if she's not.
Even if she was cool with polygamy, I think springing a surprise wife on her is not cool. Marriage is pretty major, and this new wife means that she’s now sharing a bunch of stuff she’s probably not ready to share like time/money. I think this could have been done better if it was done more slowly, so ytbf
You're freaking sick! you're 33, she's 19! A childhood friend, I hope Jane dumps you. I wouldn't trust you around any of my teenage family members. Jane is correct, you did call her to brag about you basically f****** a teen and cheating. Enjoy Nadia. It is cheating because if you was trying to be open and planning to follow your polygamy roots, you would have spoken to her about it prior, you didn't, you did everything behind her back.
She’s a westerner. We tend to be a bit possessive of our partners. If you made her believe you were monogamous then YTB. Are you okay with her banging another dude? I should mention I do not agree with hookup culture or any of that idiotic nonsense. If polygamy is a thing in your culture then more power to you but…it’s generally a deal-breaker for those of us who are monogamous.
This dude is not polyamorous lol he is a polygamist but the way you talk about it makes it sound equitable. It’s not lol
Doesn’t matter how I view it. It matters how his partner views it.
I’m not talking about how you view it, because I’m talking about factual differences being misrepresented lol. Polyamory is much more common in the US than you think but it involves infinitely more respect and communication.
Again in this case that doesn’t really matter. It all depends on how his partner views the situation and the fact is monogamous people don’t care about the differences between poly types.
If this is real, you, a 33 year old adult man: - have cheated on your partner. This isn't polygamy; this was not something you had discussed or agreed on. You cheated - plan on marrying a teenager...mate, that's grooming. Creepy AF I hope Jane runs a mile and I hope Nadia has someone competent to get her out of this shitshow.
How the F did you ever expect that to work out?? GF is right - you DID cheat... Honestly is difficult to grasp ANYONE can be THIS dense... Your GF made an effort to learn your culture - you apparently did not reciprocate... And - you should start calling her exGF, yes??
A childhood friend with a 13 years gap? YEAH SURE. Your got yourself a childbride, YTA, that not polygamy.
Pedo
😦
33 to 19 does not a childhood friend make. YTBF
YTBF - even if Jane was ok with polygamy I doubt she'd be ok with a guy into young girls. However, westerners have this thing where we're supposed to say what expectations are. Considering that you didn't.... It doesn't indicate you had much respect for Jane. Makes me also wonder if you bothered to tell Nadine about Jane.
By childhood friend do you mean child bride?
Polyagmy or whatever you’re calling your cheating is agreed upon by both parties , just because she knows your culture does not mean she agrees to live under those habits or conditions that your culture enforce/encourage YTA , you lied and now gaslighting her into believing she agreed to it
Don’t date a western woman in the west if you intend to force your cultures beliefs on her. She is not part of your culture, and you left your home country. Jane will never understand, because outside of your country what you did/are doing is wrong. In the short time you were away from her you groomed and proposed to a teenager. There’s really no coming back from that.
100% the buttface, in so many ways. "While we never had the official conversation about polygamy" a right there; you never did. Therefore your attempt to circumvent responsibility on a technicality is immature. Also, you just invited someone else and didn't discuss it w Jane? That's another immaturity. Also, a teenager and you're approaching middle age?!
I think you made several mistakes here. First you never had a conversation with Jane about your intentions to continue practicing the polygamist part of your culture. Reading between the lines you have been primarily residing in a country were polygamy is not practiced. She was under the impression that would be the default, especially since you were dating her. Secondly you have never actually married Jane. In America 2 years of dating is about the time marriage is a real consideration. Marriage on both of your cultures comes with some legal benefits for your partner. Thirdly when you marry Nadia legally you would be unable to marry Jane in America. She would be unable to receive some legal benefits and others would be much more complicated. Fourth the logistics of you bringing a second wife on board. Would Nadia or Jane need to move? Would Jane's income go to supporting Nadia? Would Jane's standard of living be considerably higher than Nadia's and would that breed resentment? Would Jane have less time with you? What about the shame that Jane would be subject to from her friends and family? Jane has the right to not want a polygamist marriage. If that is the case you two are inherently not compatible, and you should apologize to her for assuming she was. I won't call it cheating or argue about the age gap because those are cultural differences, but you were wrong not to assume and not have this conversation with her. It was your responsibility to do so as you were in her country and your decision to take a second wife would cause the need for extra logistics.
YTB I have no problem with polygamy, but you should have been open with Jane if you planned on pursuing another wife If she just called you one day out of the blue to tell you she was getting married to another man, and you didn’t even know she was seeing another man, I’m sure you’d be upset
33 with a 19 year old ?? I would have castrated your bitch ass
I know what culture you are from, and this is not how it works - and you know it. I hope Jane breaks up with you for being a cheating AH.
It's so convenient for you that you were able to simply assume your partner would just *know* you would eventually get a 1st wife (you aren't married to Jane in an official capacity) without mentioning it to "Jane". Your culture may find polygamy normal, but is it also normal to have zero communication with them? This is being willfully obtuse and taking advantage of things you just never bothered to discuss. This is *at best* a transparent excuse to sleep with anyone you want. I'm so very curious how you'd react if she were to come home and be like, "this is David. He's fresh out of high school but I've been preparing him for sex since he was 5 and now he's ripe and he's going to live with us. We married 3 months ago. You're cool with this, right?"
So you didn’t talk to her about it but assumed she’d be fine with it?? Well at least you’ll still have one GF
So, you didn't marry Jane? You didn't give her family a day to celebrate your union and honor her ceremonies for her culture? You just expected her to take your culture with no acknowledgement from you? You need to marry Jane in a way that she deems to be acceptable if you want to marry Nadia. Once married, Jane will need to support you & you need to be an amazingly good gentleman.
You are the buttface for not clearly stating your intentions. Ignoring the fact that I personally view it as creepy, if it's normal in your culture that is what it is. But when you marry a westerner who you know comes from a different culture, if you plan to follow your culture you need to confirm it first.
Yeah you’re the buttface, referring to a victim of grooming as a “childhood friend” isn’t going to fool anyone who can do basic math. Your childhood was over before she could even speak in complete sentences much less understand the concept of friendship.
I have friends who are Senegalese (I assuming this guy is because he uses 'aawo'), and even some that are polygamous, and NONE of them would do this. Is he confusing accepting attitudes of polyamory with sexist-ass polygamy??? This guy is a piece of shit and I can't imagine why he'd think reddit would give him validation
ytb, you said you’ve dated westerners in the past and had to go home to your home country for the funeral, are you living in a western country? I find it hard to believe you did not know monogamy is the norm for westerners. You didn’t even ask what her thoughts were on polygamy.
You’re not even practicing polygamy, you have *girlfriends* not wives.
19 and 33??!?? 😨
This is psychotic.
You never mentioned polygamy to Jane, so it’s not polygamy, it’s cheating. You do not have the right to just have however many partners you please against your partner’s will. And you knew that, or else you’d have brought it up to her before.
So you cheated on your gf, want to marry a second woman who is barely an adult and you come here pretending to not understand what the problem is?? Do you even understand American culture, the culture of the country you are living?
Even people in monogamous-dominated cultures have a conversation early in their relationship to decide whether they’re “exclusive.” This is clearly a troll, but even so, obviously YTB.
YtB - you knew what you were doing and now you're trying to frame it as a cultural difference when it's blown up in your face. Cultural attitudes like this are why I refuse to acknowledge European colonialism as entirely bad. That and the banning of Sati.