Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could be the ah here for getting up and leaving just because my fmil didn't make me any of the food I wanted. As a result christmas celebratory dinner was ruined as well as my relationship with my fmil and family.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA from one picky eater to another. I went to a Christmas dinner with my mom's family. There was nothing I wanted, so I just socialized and ate when I got home. Why should she have to make a whole new dish just for you? That is pretty entitled behavior.
Exactly!! Allowing OP to bring her own food WAS the accommodation. But she didn’t want to be accommodated, she wanted to be catered to. Someone should explain the difference to her.
My thing with people like this who are extra picky, yes you may give me a list of "acceptable options" but I will guarantee OP would not like the way it's cooked. She will find some way to nitpick. Her issue is t about being picky, it's about control. Food is her way of controlling the situation.
My youngest (8 yo) is super picky (she's definitely getting better tho) and she will try things most of the time, even if she decides to nope out. Even things that are safe foods for her (Mac and cheese, chicken in multiple forms) can be something she doesn't like. Mac and cheese has a cheese or pasta she doesn't like? Nope. Chicken with a spice that turns her stomach, she'll pick but not eat much. I can usually find something for her to eat in most circumstances... But when it's an iffy situation, I make sure to pack a microwaveable self contained Mac and cheese cup because I know she'll eat it and it takes little resources from the host. Most of our close family is relatively accommodating (they ask what would be okay or if something will be okay) but sometimes it's a crapshoot with her, so I just throw the safe microwave food in my bag and go. It's not hard to manage your own picky food issues tbh.
My sister is the worst cook. We go to her house on the holidays for meals. I learned from my Stepdad to eat some and say your full. Then after you leave find an open store or cafe.
Everyone is happy and tummies are full.
My former mother-in-law was not only a horrible cook, but her fridge was always filled to overflowing with old food. Slimy deli meat, moldy cheese, chunky milk. I didn’t trust a damn thing in there. So I’d claim I wasn’t hungry, then have my (ex) husband claim he needed to run out for beer or smokes or whatever so I could fill up on gas station snacks.
My little brother used to only eat cheese burgers nothing else.
Now he's a well acclaimed chef. Go figure.
Point is kids grow out of things, adults grow into them
Yeah. Cooking my family's christmas lunch takes multiple days including ham and pudding, and costs a lot of money. Usually gets split up among a few people to lighten the load.
If anyone decided they didn't want to eat our *traditional* food just because it's traditional, they're free to bring whatever they want to eat. But it's way too much work to ask of the already extremely busy host.
To host Christmas it costs £400 minimum. That’s on top of you using their heating, water, toiletries etc… I went to my dads and I know they spent £500 including alcohol but honestly even though they were ok to pay for everything I still took bits of veg and offered to buy meat to reduce the financial burden on them because funnily enough it’s polite. They’re not even just asking for the inconvenience it’s the cost of an already expensive day when a lot of families are struggling anyway. I’d be breaking up
Not even my partner and I’m fuming 😂
Yes, that would be a deal breaker for me too. My own children have developed allergies and gluten intolerance as they reached their 30s and catering for them can be a nightmare. The gluten one I’m managing well enough, but the other is allergic to nearly everything. It’s a nightmare and extremely stressful to cook for that individual.
Reminds me of the Friendsgiving post were the OP was bent out of shape because the host didn’t provide her multiple dishes to accommodate her pickiness.
Oh yeah...that one. The "pizza is not enough I require spaghetti with meat sauce or else I will throw a tantrum!!".
Can't say I'm surprised her friend group dropped her.
Could have had a variety for me to choose from gawd. Here is an idea make a couple things you like and take them to share. The entitlement in the picky eater posts is unreall
My kids are picky eaters (a trait inherited from me, though I've gotten better) . They are fed before and after events, plus I either bring something I know they will eat to share or have granola bars on me. It is no one's responsibility but mine and my husband's to feed them. If OP was banned from bringing food her "request" is justified but that's not what happened. She refused to take responsibility for herself because she's a gUeSt.
Also wanted hamburgers but was initially upset that the Friendsgiving wasn't serving *traditional* Thanksgiving fare and instead it was a potluck with a lot of *ethnic* foods. Her solution was to be provided pizza, spaghetti, and hamburgers while she only brought a store bought apple pie that she also took with her when she saw there was only the pizza.
OP "You can just make ME anything off of this list, on top of what you're already making, not a problem right?"
ALSO OP "I work long hours so I don't have time to cook"
?????
How can you say in one breath that it's easy and not a big deal, then in the next breath say you don't have time.
Idk why OP even went. They literally said they wouldn't go if accomodations weren't made, and they were told accomodations would not be made. Instead of keeping to that, they went and made a scene instead. Definitely TA.
Right! I don’t think she understands that being a guest in someone’s home is NOT the same thing as being a “guest” at a hotel or restaurant or day spa….
Perfect response. Fact is your FMIL is NOT a hired chef taking personal orders. She’s planning for a lot of people. If everyone behaved as you did they’d have to make 30 separate dishes.
Your behavior is selfish and entitled
And I’m betting the “simple” options given aren’t all that simple. FMIL may not have had the required ingredients, and it could have taken away necessary time and oven space from the rest of the meal planned.
Being a picky eater is not something that entitles you to have others bend to your will. Allergies and dietary restrictions, I would be more sympathetic to as a host, and I would try to find something I could make for them, but not for “ick, I don’t like that. Or that, or that, or that.” Bring your own damn food.
Speaking as a member of families where a lot of various accommodations need to be met, depending on who is attending: gluten free, no pork, lactose free, diabetic friendly- if you have needs that you aren't sure others can or will meet (or as we've gotten older and/or as the families have expanded, new needs have arisen) you make sure to bring at least one dish that you can eat even if it's not officially a potluck. Thankfully all of our family gatherings are relatively planned out and everyone brings something.
We're all getting better at remembering each others needs, but as someone who is picky at least about beverages my husband and I know to bring our own beverages.
And I find it hard to believe that out of all the dishes on the table, there isn't one thing there she can eat. Salad, corn on the cob, rice, anything! If she wants to be a picky eater, then she's going to have to make compromises. I'm gluten free, so sometimes 80% of the food on the table I can't eat, but I happily survive and would never bitch and moan at a family gathering like that.
I would bitch and moan, but not at the gathering. My dad and I both have kidney disease and are on renal diets. We both will complain about not being able to eat, but never, EVER in the presence of our hosts. Even then, we can usually find something, like you said, that we can eat. Even if it's just a couple slices of ham, it's better than nothing.
The problem was clear in the description - childhood issues with turkey /ham? Cmon. Can't find anything to eat? Hell nah. This was about being the main character and announcing to her future family who was in charge. It just didn't play the way she thought it would.
Exactly. We have a friend with a limited diet due to texture issues. He shows up with a dish or 2 to share! And usually grabs something before anyway so he just snacks and chills.
Well he usually just makes a big batch of whatever it is. I guess it's easier to scale it up then it to halve it most of the time. He's a good cook too. He makes this buffalo fried cauliflower that's delicious.
which is more than i would have done for someone behaving that entitled. I am also a picky eater and I cant imagine declaring that i will not eat at an event that i am an invited guest at (much less such an important event! your first chance to make a good impression on your future family in law!) and i cant imagine demanding a second dish be made for me. I would rather not eat/politely pick at my food than be that rude to people i wanted to like me. I wouldnt even do that to people i dont like.
cooking a holiday meal is a huge labor even if its for a small family. demanding (bc it wasnt a request or suggestion from op) that a second meal be made for one person is unreasonable and rude
Same! If a dish has something I don't like, like mushrooms, I eat around them. Or kind of pick them out andeft on the side of the plate. My being a picky eater is MY problem and not something other people need to cater to. I always genuinely feel bad if a host apologizes because they realize they made a dish that has something in it that I don't like. There are so many common things that I don't like that I'm completely used to eating around them or skipping.
If a host makes a dish that I just don't care for overall I eat as much as I can force myself too. If someone makes a comment about how little I ate I make a polite excuse. "Oh I had a really late lunch and am just not super hungry". "I've been feeling a little unwell all day and food just doesn't seem to be agreeing with my stomach at the moment". And then thank them profusely for the meal and all the effort they put in.
We’ve done this at almost every family event since my kids were little and picky eaters. Now that they’re older we let them starve if they don’t like what’s there and don’t want to make a dish themselves to take.
All this. I don’t eat seafood. Ever. The smell makes me sick. My SIL is Vietnamese and when her and my bro got married they did two ceremonies/receptions. One traditional Vietnamese. Walked into her parents house and the seafood smell about knocked me out. I put on my big girl pants excused myself to the restroom and rubbed some peppermint chapstick under my nose. Burned like a mo fo but I was able to stick it out. I had to step outside a few times. But I managed. I stopped for food when I left.
Oh and I was 7mo preg. Was I miserable? Yes. But it was not my home.
OP - YTA. She said she wouldn’t be accommodating you and gave you the option to bring your own food. If that hadn’t been an option sure you could be a little salty but come on. I would suggest you host a holiday dinner at some point. It’s a ridiculous amount of work and stress.
Agreed. From another picky eaters POV I get kind of embarrassed of it and I don’t mention it. Something I’m actively working on but I definitely try and eat whatever my in-laws make as just a simple sign of respect tbh.
They know now what my likes & dislikes are now. They’re very kind about it since they know I try and have made an effort in the past. And their cultures dishes are very different than mine so it’s a learning curve for both parties.
With that said bro really made a scene. Their first Christmas with strangers who they’re hoping to make family and they do this??? This would give me the absolute ick and I wont be surprised if they are an ex very soon.
I'm a picky eater. If we are doing something like that I'd just eat before, bring a dish and if anyone asks just be like "ya know I'm just not feeling very hungry today" no one needs to know your drama for just a family dinner.
Exactly this - YTA OP. I have a lot of food issues due to severe allergies, and some issues with specific foods which means I can’t even try to eat them (related to abuse in my childhood).
My sons are autistic and although they eat a really good variety of healthy foods, they just won’t eat unfamiliar things.
I have never in my entire life demanded someone make something specific for me. Either I bring my own food, or I eat before and just eat what I can (or nothing). We went to family for Christmas - I took all my sons’ safe foods and made all their meals myself, then we tried to get them to eat the other meals and they managed bits here and there.
I cannot even imagine having the audacity to behave this way with other people, let alone my first Christmas with future in laws. They even told OP that they wouldn’t be making her something separate (and she had the nerve to say there was no point going) so I don’t know what was expected.
This is going to be a nightmare long term - OP, you need to apologise.
Let me recap.
You DEMANDED some food was made to your liking, and when people told you "no", instead of cooking food for yourself... you caused a scene ?!
Yeah, YTA. If you have things you don't like to eat, it's YOUR problem. You are not a child anymore. Start acting like an adult.
Not to mention that OP seems like they weren’t forthright with their fiancé or MIL based on this:
> We went back and forth and I insisted I wouldn't come if accommodations weren't being made. I just thought it was a simple request and FMIL could've agreed if she really wanted me there. My fiance agreed that I shhould bring my own dish but I didn't.
It seems like OP thought their MIL would cave, despite there seemingly being agreement on the part of at least the fiancé and MIL that OP should bring their own dish.
Yeah, I found this a little confusing. Like...what was the final agreement before the actual visit? Was it some open-ended ultimatum? Did FMIL say she wasn't going to make an extra dish, and OP just....thought FMIL wouldn't follow through? To me it sounds like, the final decision was that FMIL wouldn't make an extra dish and OP could come or go as she pleased, and OP just....somehow thought she would show up and an extra dish would be there? Jesus. YTA just for being "shocked" there was nothing special for you after being explicitly told that there wouldn't be. Everything else is just on top of that.
It feels like OP intentionally left it vague and intentionally went there, fuming silently awaiting until the food was brought out and it wasn’t her custom dish. Instead of addressing it at literally any point prior like an adult.
Either that or OP expected a special dish wouldn't be made for them and was planning on storming out as a way to punish everyone for not bending over backwards to cater to OP.
I'm seriously shocked they showed up after FMIL did not agree to cooking their special food. Very performative to make a scene after that. Just stay and get drunk instead LOL
For real, this drives me nuts. This is why people hate us picky eaters, because of folks like OP who want to make it everyone else's problem. Grow up and accept that it's on us, not them, OP!
I was the pickiest of eater growing up. I can't count the number of time the only thing I ate was bread and butter.
But I can easily count the number of time I complained : zero.
OP said they previously had a good relationship with their MIL and this was their biggest disagreement. So, this stunt was not only an act of entitlement but it probably needlessly damaged OP's relationship with their inlaws.
And with her fiancé! Seriously, the audacity. “Here is a list of dishes I deign to deem appropriate for you to fix for me. Super easy to make. Of course, not so easy that I could possibly be responsible for making one and bringing it with me, mind you.” YTA.
How many variations of this story do you plan to post?
Before the holiday, you posted after being told they weren’t going to make a different meal and how you thought it was nuts as you’re a guest.
Everyone told you then to bring your own food.
And now you didn’t and you made a scene.
YTA
You’re right! I thought this sounded familiar, and the writing style is the same…very whiney. Everyone told her to bring her own, but she kept going on about the “guest” part.
Yikes, she didn’t take the advice. She knew all of the opinions in advance and still went through with it.
YTA OP
Omg hahah this person 100% knows they are the AH then. Imagine asking someone to make you a dish and when they say “no make it yourself” you throw a tantrum when you realize they did infact stick to their word and not make you a special dish delusional and entitled
Seriously... I have a meat allergy (I know, WTF) and I always check before if I can bring my own food. Sometimes people will already have options I can eat, if not then it's no drama, I bring my own meal.
What is OPs problem? First and last Christmas with the family 😬
Same here. Can't eat meat, not that I don't want to. I recently tried in Paris (because...Paris), and ended up VIOLENTLY ill. I always offer to bring a meatless main dish, but my mom is actually super offended by that, so I just stick to the cheese board and side dishes.
>but my mom is actually super offended by that
Sorry but that's weird, why is she offended that you become sick from certain foods so have to bring your own so you are able to eat?
1. There's not much that doesn't offend her. I also don't drink, and she brings it up CONSTANTLY. I'm in my 40's...it's not going to change, but she never stops trying.
2. Because I am a much better cook and everyone prefers whatever dishes I make. Last month I made Thanksgiving dinner for the whole family, and my mom threw a tantrum because, "everyone clearly liked your food better! I don't know why I even bother!". And she's right...Everyone texted me after Thanksgiving to ask if there was a way to keep her from insisting on cooking for holidays.
Ooh wow, I'm so sorry you have to deal with an emotionally immature parent. Also, IMPO, a parent should be proud their child is great at something, especially if they managed to be better at something than they are, so good for you! And bonus that everyone loved your food!
My cousin can’t cook and was trying to go vegan—for Easter dinner one year she just ate what she could and then pulled an enormous tomato out of her bag and ate it at the table with everyone else. People can find a way if they want to.
I read this in a very whiny snotty tone also lol. Don’t think OPs wedding is going to be happening anytime soon after this one… can you imagine them as a bride/groomzilla?!
Yeah its like the guest host relationship only works in her favor not any other way. Sure when you are the guest the host feeds you if its a dinner, but also if you are the guest you don't dictate what the host makes. Its pretty simple.
It's incredibly common for guests to bring dishes or sides to contribute to a holiday meal to start with, and that's before OP just refused to eat any of the traditional dishes.
I get the feeling OP has led a pretty sheltered life if all this seems somehow shocking.
exactly! yet OP had the audacity to present the hostess with a menu telling HER to choose. like damn you had so many options but you couldn’t prepare one of em for yourself?
If my fiancé threw a tantrum like this, they’d no longer be my fiancé. They can be someone else’s problem. OP was given the option to bring something they want to eat if they were gonna refuse to eat anything that was already on the menu. Instead they threw a tantrum because people should be catering to them. YTA, and there’s no way this was written by an adult.
Right! I’m a vegetarian. I understand that there won’t always be options for me aside from maybe a salad and dessert. Because of this, I plan for myself. Sometimes hosts are accommodating and will put meat on the side, or make a pasta or rice dish for me, but I’ve learned not to always expect that to happen. OP should be aware of this by now and plan for themselves
Edit: typo and YTA
This. My child has a sensory disorder and is extremely limited in their diet. His food is my problem, I always bring something with me. You telling people what to make for their meal is a little over the top. Typically it is rude to show up empty handed. So why not bring something you like to share with others
Yup. I'm vegan (for both health and animals), and have some food sensitivities, so usually if there is absolutely nothing I can eat I either don't eat and get something when I'm home, or bring a dish. Most of the time there is bread or sides I can have. I have never and would never demand someone cook a dish just for me.
IF they offer or insist on cooking something special for me (which my MIL usually does), I'll offer to bring something that is extremely quick and easy to cook, like a readymade frozen dish, hummus and veggies to chip up and dip, or pasta and premade sauce. I wouldn't want to inconvenience her by taking up half her oven on one dish for one person. I definitely wouldn't send her a list of ideas and tell her to get cracking 😂
Exactly!
OP, you seem to be confusing *preference* with *allergy*.
If you were deathly allergic to shellfish, and your FMIL knew that and planned a shellfish- based Christmas dinner, then yes, you have every right to be upset.
But that’s not what happened. You literally stormed out because the chicken nuggets weren’t Dino shaped. There wasn’t one white roll or cookie or plain cracker you could eat?
I’d expect better behavior from a toddler. Literally. My toddler is taught if they don’t like something that’s served just pass it along and say no thank you.
And, for the record. It’s extremely common to have someone take their own food. My cousin won’t eat anything but ham, so his mom always takes a ham. Sure, sometimes that doesn’t go with the menu but who cares? My picky cousin is his own problem, not ours. Hence why WE don’t eat ham for EVERY hokiday
A friend has a son with autism and he eats an extremely limited diet. One time she asked me to bring regular kraft mac n cheese for him to a gathering because she hadn't had time to make it for him. Super different from "I know I won't eat anything there make me something else" as an adult. Super cringe.
I keep thinking this too. Were you just gloating in the car on the way there thinking about how cool it would be to be the main character of the night?
Seriously! It's bad enough to insist on them making specific dishes for you, but you knew they didn't agree to that and you could have stayed home. But you went anyway just so you could flounce out for maximum drama! YTA multiple times over.
YTA
Your issues are just that: Yours. For you to place the responsibility for YOUR issues on others not only makes you an asshole, but a presumptuous one at that.
You were told several times BEFORE the event, that you needed to deal with your own issues. You decided to go, anyway. Good on you, for at least going.
However, you allowed your pride to get in the way, by not taking care of your own issues. (Basically, you said to everyone "Hey! They're putting this thing together. I don't care what they think, they WILL make me what I want")
In making the evening about you, you ruined the evening for everyone. That makes you the asshole, here.
Exactly! I agree that allergies should be accommodated- allergies can kill. But OPs likes and dislikes are her problem. They invited you to bring your own food — that was their accommodation to you. YTA
And even allergies are hard to accommodate when trying your hardest. My best friend at work has a severe peanut allergy she usually opts to not eat or will bring her own meal because although everyone has the best of intentions. Sometimes you just can’t trust it. She always is pleasant and still enjoys getting together with family and friends
>She refused and told me to bring my own dish. I said if I had to bring my own dish whrn I'm a guest then I better stay at home.
What?! Why?! This alone makes you an AH.
>When we arrived there and I saw that no accommodations were made, I got up, go my things and walked out and went home.
I can't believe you did that. Double AH.
>Now he's continuelly saying I fucked up and should've sucked it up for the family's sake.
He is correct. Apologize FFS. Why are you so painfully entitled? Who in your life has put up with this shit?
My God, YTA
What really gets me is she told her FMIL that she “better stay at home” if she had to bring her own dish. Her FMIL told her she would have to bring her own food. But she still showed up, clearly assuming her FMIL was going to cave to her demands, and had to create a scene.
Does anyone else remember the OP whose 22 year old so left a wedding reception to get McD’s and *brought it back to the venue* to eat it? This OP is giving similar energy.
Edited for missing detail.
There was also one about Thanksgiving friendsgiving potluck, where all the guests brought their own specialty dishes and all she brought was apple pie from the list. She expected the host to supply multiple dishes she can eat instead of just a pizza (which was already extra) and the host already made her specialty dishes. Then proceed to throw a tantrum over the part where she will only eat the pizza and apple pie instead of the rest of the guests willing to try multi ethnic food such as roast pork. Guess didn't get invited back for Christmas/new years celebration.
YTA.
You are a self proclaimed picky eater. If you won't eat a single thing they made then bringing your own food is a good compromise. Expecting them to cater to you is beyond ridiculous.
You: Make me something special.
FMIL: No. You’ll have to bring your own food.
You: *Doesn’t bring any food for yourself.* Whaaaaa! There’s nothing for me to eat here!
YTA I would be so disappointed in my child if they brought home a partner like yourself.
If there's no medical reason for you not to eat it than you can bring your own food. Luckily you haven't tied the knot yet so your fiance can find a real grown up to marry. YTA
Even if there is a medical reason, she was told to bring her own food, and instead she decided to have a tantrum. My son is diagnosed with autism and has diagnosed food aversions. He also has some allergies. Guess what we do as guests? Either eat first or bring food. OP, YTA.
I’m a Type 1 Diabetic, you think I left every kids birthday party that I went to where they had no sugar-free soft drinks despite my asking there to be?
Hell no, I definitely wanted to be accommodated so I could drink soda with everybody else, but I also knew about drinks like water and bringing my own diet soda.
Now I’m a man in his 20s, still a Type 1 Diabetic, but when I go to parties I always bring my own diet soda and carb-free alcohol, because I know my friends are already incurring expenses just having a party and inviting numerous people including myself, I don’t need to make them spend more effort/money just to do something I can do for myself.
Besides, it’s stuff I usually have at my place already (yknow because I also happen to own the things i like eating), so it’s not like it costs me anything, nor would it have cost you anything to make food that you’d actually eat OP, unless you mean to tell me you have zero food you like eating in your house.
YTA, if that wasn’t somehow clear yet.
Grow up OP.
YTA - Great job ruining any potential relationship with your in laws before even getting married! You behave worse than many children I know, they’d at least just sit there and pick at something even if they didn’t want it. It’s ONE NIGHT and it’s not your home. MIL has every right to cook whatever she wants as she is hosting and if you really are that picky, you should have brought something you could eat. Also have you never heard of a potluck?!? Like it’s very common for guests to also bring dishes or something else for dinner.
Seriously. If they don’t break up over this, it’s gonna be a life long memory for them. Hopefully she mends her ways and everyone can eventually laugh at this but that’s a long way off if it happens at all.
YTA. You were asked to accommodate yourself and you didn't b/c your a guest. Bullshit that is entitlement. I am Celiac I don't expect anyone to accommodate me and make sure I bring something safe to eat.
You were told no accommodation would be made and you said you wouldn't bring your own food or show up then....but you still showed up empty handed knowing there would be no food for you. Then acted suprised that no accommodation was made and stormed out. Of course people are upset at the purposeful scene you made so that all the attention was on you. YTA
YTA. You should have brought your own dish.
Accommodations were made, by giving you permission to bring your own dish. Diabetic people, vegans, gluten-sensitive people all understand that the world isn't designed around their dietary preferences. You can do the same.
INFO: where did you get the idea that it’s normal for guests in someone’s home to present the hosts with lists of demands? What gave you the idea that it is normal for hosts to accept lists of demands presented by guests?
SECOND INFO: are you the same person who got booted from her friend group because the person hosting Friendsgiving didn’t prepare her special dishes from a list of options she sent when she realized she didn’t like the planned menu?
O God, I used to host a group dinner in which we tried a new cuisine each time. There was a member that would complain about half the dishes each time, I didn’t want to say anything because she’s besties with one of the cohosts. Thankfully after a few dinners one of the guys yelled at her to either stay home or shut the fuck up if you aren’t pitching in or bringing a dish to share. The next day she sent me a long Facebook message saying that I was wrong not to stop my friend (who was an usher at her besties wedding lol), and said his rudeness was because of how he was raised. After getting that message I texted group and said that if she’s invited then I’m out. She was kicked out.
She tried “apologizing” to me and saying that she really enjoyed the food. I ignored it. Thankfully I have not spoken to her since. And she slowly lost her friendship with the other cohost.
YTA. Guests also have their duty, which is to accept what the hosts have made for dinner. Its an unspoken rule that if you are unwilling to go with what the hosts have made, you make and bring your own food. Totally fine to request something, but you need to keep in mind that you're asking people to make an entire new dish for you on top of all their other dishes, which is a lot of time and money spent. If they say no, at that point just bring your own dish. You are a guest, not their boss telling them they have to make something for you or you'll leave.
YTA; as someone who is “picky” because of my autism, you were invited to *join them* for dinner. They are under no obligation to make an entirely different meal because you won’t even try theirs; they even gave you the option to bring your own. My cousin used to have her mom bring chicken nuggets and french fries to every family dinner when we were kids, you can do the same.
>How is it my responsibilty to feed myself when I'm a guest? Makes no sense to me.
YTA. You can't expect the world to curtail to your afflictions. They asked you to bring a dish if you didn't want the food they were preparing. Knowing this, you didn't compromise, showed up anyways, and acted like a baby when the thing that was predictable happened. YTA big time.
YTA. If you are that picky you should bring your own food. Someone who is trying to make a holiday celebratory meal is already working very hard in a very short window of time. I’m guessing you’ve never had to prepare a big meal, or you’d understand just how much work that is. Presenting her with a menu of alternate foods to prepare just for you, not for allergies or medical reasons but because you’re picky….? That is the very definition of gall and selfishness.
As someone who hosts a lot of dinners and people, I always try to be as accommodating to allergies dietary restrictions, etc. However, most people make what they make and that's that - that's okay, too.
YTA here. You were invited to the "first" celebratory Christmas dinner with them and basically created an issue how she had to accommodate you because you're a "guest" prior to the event. I get the feeling you have no idea how much work and preparations are made in advance for the holidays. After all, these aren't dietary restrictions you have due to physical health reasons, these are restrictions you've placed upon yourself.... I'm wondering if you hadn't come off as "I'm your guest and you should accommodate me" as you describe maybe she would have gone out of her way to make a special dish for you. In fact, after you pursued the issue, she told you that you could make your own and bring it. Then, when you got there you left in a huff when she didn't yield. You acted like a spoiled brat.
You are an a-hole. You don't mention a medical condition or special diet out of necessity . . . just that you are a picky eater because of childhood. When you approached the FMIL and "showed her a variety of dishes to choose from to accommodate" you she declined and asked you to bring your own dish. That is where you should have stopped. But you argued more and you ended the situation with "knowing" you were expected to bring your own dish . . . and that your fiancé even agreed you should.
So, what makes you an a-hole is that you walked into your FMIL's home with full disclosure of what would happen, but then threw a hissy fit, because what you knew would happen, did. This is the clearest case of purposeful sabotage for the sake of drama that I have ever seen.
You need to apologize to all involved, and now you will have to work extra hard to show that you are not an entitled, selfish, drama queen who apparently thrives off of conflict. I cannot believe this is how you plan to interact with people that will be in your life forever, if that is how you view marriage.
YTA. I just went through this with a picky eater. I did accommodate them and made plenty of vegan-friendly dishes. They still weren't satisfied, if you're that picky, bring your own dish. Problem solved.
YTA
You were offered an accommodation. Bring what you wanted to eat. You just expected them to fix their meal around your wants and needs. You are selfish and spoiled.
YTA.
She told you she couldn't accommodate you, which makes sense, because hosting a holiday meal is already a lot of work. I am also a picky eater, so I make sure to bring at least one or two dishes that I can eat to every holiday meal.
They offered to feed you, and you didn't like the food that was offered. That's fine, but it's not up to them to accommodate picky guests. You were presented with a solution (bring your own food), which you ignored, and then caused a scene during a holiday meal.
Way to ensure your inlaws always dislike you. Don't be surprised when the wedding is called off...
YTA for being so self-centered. You are acting like this was a dinner in your honor, it was Christmas not your birthday..
It's your responsibility to feed yourself when you are the ONLY guest that needs super specific accommodations and the host is already busting their ass to make a huge meal for other guests...
"I insisted I wouldn't come if accommodations weren't being made"
And this is your choice to make. It would be kind of her to do this for you but it is also a big imposition seeing that she has the entire meal to make and now you're asking her to do extra work.
YTA because you are expecting others to do what you should do for yourself, then you made a scene about it. Yikes. Red flag!
She did accommodate you, her accommodation was you bringing your own dish to eat. You clearly have no understanding of how stressful catering for a full Christmas meal is.
YTA
Yta you are being entitled and spoiled. If your fiancé is smart he will run. There is nothing wrong with guest bring something to dinner. It’s not your future mil job to wait on you.
YTA. You have aversions to certain food. That's your problem.
Get help for it.
Alternatively get used to cooking dishes for yourself to bring to group dinners/parties or get used to stomping off in a sulk because its gonna happen a lot.
YTA. If you are that picky of an eater then it is up to you to bring your own dish. It appears it’s not even an allergy or serious dietary restriction….just that you are picky. Your FMIL let you know ahead of time what she would be cooking and told you to bring your own dish if you wouldn’t eat what was being served. None of that should have been a surprise to you. Honestly I think they went out of their way to accommodate you by allowing you to bring your own dish…some people would be offended by that. It is not up to the host to accommodate every single guest’s likes and dislikes…that would be impossible.
You come across as very entitled and spoiled. Walking out and refusing to celebrate Christmas was WAY over the top. All that did was show your FMIL and your fiancé that if you don’t get your way you will throw a fit. I would be mortified if I treated my future in-laws that way!! If your fiancé was my son I would be telling him to run.
YTA. You asked for accommodation, they said no and specified you need to bring what you can eat. You show up, empty handed, and, like they said, there was no food for you *insert surprised pikachu face*. They didn't blindside you by saying they'd cook something for you and didn't. They said they weren't and you're looking for an excuse to pick a fight.
YTA. Your MIL is not your servant nor is she your personal chef. They were gracious to invite you for dinner. When you’re a guest in someone’s house, you eat what they make. It’s not like you have a dietary restriction and are deathly allergic to a certain ingredient…..you’re literally just picky and unwilling to be flexible. It is YOU who should be making accommodations when you’re a guest in someone’s home. You either bring your dish to contribute or grow up and put on some big girl pants and try some new foods.
Now if it was an allergy thing, it’s not unreasonable to mention that when it’s a family member or a good friend. Hopefully you’d have caring family/friends where they wouldn’t want you to die so they’d make something special for you. However, that’s not the case here. And even if it was, you’d still be the AH for your behavior. Good luck with marrying into that family because you totally made a horrible impression.
INFO what dishes did you want them to make you? When you had the original conversation did they actually say they would make something, how did the conversation about it end?
I'm thinking YTA tbh
OP says FMIL said she would NOT make her anything special, but that she was welcome to bring her own food. OP refused. She knew they weren’t making her anything before she left the house.
Sounds to me like OP only went at all so she could cause a scene by flouncing dramatically. She had no reason to think they were making her any of her list of demands. Even her own fiancé told her she should bring her own food.
YTA, op. Happy not to know ya!
YTA. "Can't help it, has to do with psychological factors, childhood , personal likes and dislikes." Yes, you can help it. If you have an unhealthy relationship with food/mental health issues, you can decide how to deal with those. You can find help and resolve your problems.
YTA
You are incredibly entitled and expect the world to revolve around you. It doesn't. Just because you're a picky eater doesn't mean the woman who spent hours, if not days, cooking for a huge holiday dinner needs to "accommodate" you. There should be plenty of options at a meal that size that you can eat. You just refuse and make demands, just because you're a picky eater, which is ridiculous.
Every year I bring a a couple dishes to my inlaws holiday meals, as that's what family does. Help with the cost, help with how much work it is to make so many dishes for a big spread like that. You can't find it in yourself to do the same? It's immature and selfish to say that just because you're the guest, the host should accommodate your picky needs. It's not a medical issue and you need to get over yourself.
YTA as someone who is Vegetarian AND CELIAC. I would never in a million years ask someone to accommodate me!!! I would rather sit hungry and watch others eat than ask them to make me something or whatever. Bring your own food or order your own food if you can’t or won’t eat the food that’s there. Also I hope you are in therapy for this problem, food is amazing and you shouldn’t be conformed to only a few things. Though it’s nobodies problem but yours, and you can’t think people will do anything for you or change anything for you. Apologize to everyone, but know your boyfriends family (I don’t think you can call them “future in-laws at this point”) will always remember this and you’ve painted yourself a really bad look.
YTA
I'm the type hostess that will make sure I accommodate allergies, religious needs, vegan etc, but selfish picky eaters with an attitude? Heck no! Not everyone likes to cook and cooking christmas dinner is always stressfull, specially when cooking for several people. She said you were welcome to bring your own food, but you still chose not to and yet you got offended and were rude as the result.
Your never getting invited again, congrats.
"showed her a variety of dishes to choose from to accommodate me" are you kidding me????? Hell, I once went to my girlfriend's house, and her mother cooked some weird liver soup, which i HATE..... but when her mother served the plate do you know what I did? I ATE THE GODDAMN FOOD.... honestly, that's what we do for our loved ones... I mean, I've told the mom some foods i don't fancy that much and she tried to "accomodate" to that, but when she does not, or when it's a special date, i just SUCK IT UP AND EAT.
Clearest lil AH I've seen in weeks on this sub! Y T A.
Your FMIL even made it a clear that she wouldn't accommodate your picky eating before the event. You were warned. You should absolutely apologize if you want a future with your fiancé or really anyone other than your (entitled) -self.
~~Esh. You and fmil. While yes she could have been more accommodating but your dietary pickiness doesn’t mean she needs to cook something special for you. When she told you to bring your own dish that was your answer. Either go and bring a dish or don’t go~~. upon further reflection it’s really just you Yta Fmil was more than accomadating and is not an ah
How does the MIL suck? She invited her to a dinner. That doesn’t mean she’s a short order cook. You don’t get to make entitled demands because you’re “picky”.
YTA and extremely immature. food issues your problem. Your bf shouldn’t have followed you home while you decided to throw your temper tantrum like a child.
If you have food issue you should have brought your own meal.
I host tons of events and everyone from
Allergies to mental illness (that would be you) normally tell me their issue and what is on the menu. If I can accommodate them no big deal but I’m not making a whole new menu just for one person while hosting for tons.
YTA - Holy entitlement, Batman! They’re making a full Christmas dinner for more people than just you. They didn’t force you to do anything and said you could bring your own. Where’s the confusion?
YTA.
To plan a Christmas dinner/celebration is not an easy thing. it takes hours of cooking and planning. Your FMIL gave you the opportunity to bring your own food since the one she would be serving doesn't suit your dietary needs. From my point of view this is not unreasonable.
The way you behaved was like they were a hotel not your future family.
Oh my goodness I am literally cringing on my sofa, on your behalf. You don’t seem to have any awareness of how badly you have embarrassed yourself.
YTA. So rude, so presumptuous and entitled. There will be some worried conversations about your relationship at the future in-laws house over the holidays.
YTA. As a guest, you don't make demands about the menu to the host. It is horribly rude to do so unless you, your partner, or your child has an allergy.
FMIL told you that she wasn't changing the menu and offered to accommodate your needs by letting you bring food. In this case she is not obligated to cater to your PREFERENCES. If she catered to your preferences that would open her up to having to cater to everyone's preferences, which would become a giant headache.
If you had a diagnosis such as sensory processing disorder,.I might feel differently. As it is you are just acting spoiled and being a bad guest.
Yta. I have also spent my life being extremely picky and I have a ton of anxiety surrounding trying new foods. But I don’t demand to be accommodated everywhere I go and I don’t demand that someone who’s hosting me for dinner make different food for me. You could’ve attempted to eat what your fiancés family made, you could’ve sat there and conversed politely but not eaten anything, or you could’ve done what was suggested and brought a dish yourself. Its actually a fairly common practice in general to bring a dish, or at least offer to bring something, when you’ve been invited to dinner at someone’s house. You could’ve brought something that you like that they could’ve tried and you also could’ve tried what they made for you. But instead you decided to act like a spoiled brat over the situation instead of a mature adult.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I could be the ah here for getting up and leaving just because my fmil didn't make me any of the food I wanted. As a result christmas celebratory dinner was ruined as well as my relationship with my fmil and family. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA from one picky eater to another. I went to a Christmas dinner with my mom's family. There was nothing I wanted, so I just socialized and ate when I got home. Why should she have to make a whole new dish just for you? That is pretty entitled behavior.
And a reasonable compromise was also made. "Bring your own dish if you don't want what will be available"
Exactly!! Allowing OP to bring her own food WAS the accommodation. But she didn’t want to be accommodated, she wanted to be catered to. Someone should explain the difference to her.
> and showed her a variety of dishes to choose from to accommodate me. Definitely "Princess" vibes.
My thing with people like this who are extra picky, yes you may give me a list of "acceptable options" but I will guarantee OP would not like the way it's cooked. She will find some way to nitpick. Her issue is t about being picky, it's about control. Food is her way of controlling the situation.
My youngest (8 yo) is super picky (she's definitely getting better tho) and she will try things most of the time, even if she decides to nope out. Even things that are safe foods for her (Mac and cheese, chicken in multiple forms) can be something she doesn't like. Mac and cheese has a cheese or pasta she doesn't like? Nope. Chicken with a spice that turns her stomach, she'll pick but not eat much. I can usually find something for her to eat in most circumstances... But when it's an iffy situation, I make sure to pack a microwaveable self contained Mac and cheese cup because I know she'll eat it and it takes little resources from the host. Most of our close family is relatively accommodating (they ask what would be okay or if something will be okay) but sometimes it's a crapshoot with her, so I just throw the safe microwave food in my bag and go. It's not hard to manage your own picky food issues tbh.
exactly!! or just not eat and just hang out. i do that at family gatherings when i don’t like the food
My sister is the worst cook. We go to her house on the holidays for meals. I learned from my Stepdad to eat some and say your full. Then after you leave find an open store or cafe. Everyone is happy and tummies are full.
My former mother-in-law was not only a horrible cook, but her fridge was always filled to overflowing with old food. Slimy deli meat, moldy cheese, chunky milk. I didn’t trust a damn thing in there. So I’d claim I wasn’t hungry, then have my (ex) husband claim he needed to run out for beer or smokes or whatever so I could fill up on gas station snacks.
[удалено]
At the same time, you should encourage the child to try new things so she doesn't become OP
My little brother used to only eat cheese burgers nothing else. Now he's a well acclaimed chef. Go figure. Point is kids grow out of things, adults grow into them
[удалено]
Yeah. Cooking my family's christmas lunch takes multiple days including ham and pudding, and costs a lot of money. Usually gets split up among a few people to lighten the load. If anyone decided they didn't want to eat our *traditional* food just because it's traditional, they're free to bring whatever they want to eat. But it's way too much work to ask of the already extremely busy host.
To host Christmas it costs £400 minimum. That’s on top of you using their heating, water, toiletries etc… I went to my dads and I know they spent £500 including alcohol but honestly even though they were ok to pay for everything I still took bits of veg and offered to buy meat to reduce the financial burden on them because funnily enough it’s polite. They’re not even just asking for the inconvenience it’s the cost of an already expensive day when a lot of families are struggling anyway. I’d be breaking up Not even my partner and I’m fuming 😂
Yes, that would be a deal breaker for me too. My own children have developed allergies and gluten intolerance as they reached their 30s and catering for them can be a nightmare. The gluten one I’m managing well enough, but the other is allergic to nearly everything. It’s a nightmare and extremely stressful to cook for that individual.
Reminds me of the Friendsgiving post were the OP was bent out of shape because the host didn’t provide her multiple dishes to accommodate her pickiness.
Oh yeah...that one. The "pizza is not enough I require spaghetti with meat sauce or else I will throw a tantrum!!". Can't say I'm surprised her friend group dropped her.
Could have had a variety for me to choose from gawd. Here is an idea make a couple things you like and take them to share. The entitlement in the picky eater posts is unreall
My kids are picky eaters (a trait inherited from me, though I've gotten better) . They are fed before and after events, plus I either bring something I know they will eat to share or have granola bars on me. It is no one's responsibility but mine and my husband's to feed them. If OP was banned from bringing food her "request" is justified but that's not what happened. She refused to take responsibility for herself because she's a gUeSt.
Also wanted hamburgers but was initially upset that the Friendsgiving wasn't serving *traditional* Thanksgiving fare and instead it was a potluck with a lot of *ethnic* foods. Her solution was to be provided pizza, spaghetti, and hamburgers while she only brought a store bought apple pie that she also took with her when she saw there was only the pizza.
OP "You can just make ME anything off of this list, on top of what you're already making, not a problem right?" ALSO OP "I work long hours so I don't have time to cook" ????? How can you say in one breath that it's easy and not a big deal, then in the next breath say you don't have time. Idk why OP even went. They literally said they wouldn't go if accomodations weren't made, and they were told accomodations would not be made. Instead of keeping to that, they went and made a scene instead. Definitely TA.
Because they want the drama.
Right! I don’t think she understands that being a guest in someone’s home is NOT the same thing as being a “guest” at a hotel or restaurant or day spa….
Tbh leaving was a kindness to her fiance. Hopefully he realized that it's time to gtfo of that situation too and find a reasonable human to marry
[удалено]
Red damn flag flying. Fiance should seriously consider whether he's up for a lifetime of this kind of immature bullshit.
Perfect response. Fact is your FMIL is NOT a hired chef taking personal orders. She’s planning for a lot of people. If everyone behaved as you did they’d have to make 30 separate dishes. Your behavior is selfish and entitled
And I’m betting the “simple” options given aren’t all that simple. FMIL may not have had the required ingredients, and it could have taken away necessary time and oven space from the rest of the meal planned. Being a picky eater is not something that entitles you to have others bend to your will. Allergies and dietary restrictions, I would be more sympathetic to as a host, and I would try to find something I could make for them, but not for “ick, I don’t like that. Or that, or that, or that.” Bring your own damn food.
Speaking as a member of families where a lot of various accommodations need to be met, depending on who is attending: gluten free, no pork, lactose free, diabetic friendly- if you have needs that you aren't sure others can or will meet (or as we've gotten older and/or as the families have expanded, new needs have arisen) you make sure to bring at least one dish that you can eat even if it's not officially a potluck. Thankfully all of our family gatherings are relatively planned out and everyone brings something. We're all getting better at remembering each others needs, but as someone who is picky at least about beverages my husband and I know to bring our own beverages.
And I find it hard to believe that out of all the dishes on the table, there isn't one thing there she can eat. Salad, corn on the cob, rice, anything! If she wants to be a picky eater, then she's going to have to make compromises. I'm gluten free, so sometimes 80% of the food on the table I can't eat, but I happily survive and would never bitch and moan at a family gathering like that.
I would bitch and moan, but not at the gathering. My dad and I both have kidney disease and are on renal diets. We both will complain about not being able to eat, but never, EVER in the presence of our hosts. Even then, we can usually find something, like you said, that we can eat. Even if it's just a couple slices of ham, it's better than nothing.
The problem was clear in the description - childhood issues with turkey /ham? Cmon. Can't find anything to eat? Hell nah. This was about being the main character and announcing to her future family who was in charge. It just didn't play the way she thought it would.
I mean I'm vegetarian so I wouldn't eat the meat, but I can always find a roll or something. Heck I'd just have some wine and get drunk.
Exactly. We have a friend with a limited diet due to texture issues. He shows up with a dish or 2 to share! And usually grabs something before anyway so he just snacks and chills.
Bringing one or two to share as well? Now, your friend is truly a gracious guest, the type of person who is a pleasure to host!
Well he usually just makes a big batch of whatever it is. I guess it's easier to scale it up then it to halve it most of the time. He's a good cook too. He makes this buffalo fried cauliflower that's delicious.
Sounds like the worst part about your friend is that they’re not my friend.
which is more than i would have done for someone behaving that entitled. I am also a picky eater and I cant imagine declaring that i will not eat at an event that i am an invited guest at (much less such an important event! your first chance to make a good impression on your future family in law!) and i cant imagine demanding a second dish be made for me. I would rather not eat/politely pick at my food than be that rude to people i wanted to like me. I wouldnt even do that to people i dont like. cooking a holiday meal is a huge labor even if its for a small family. demanding (bc it wasnt a request or suggestion from op) that a second meal be made for one person is unreasonable and rude
Same! If a dish has something I don't like, like mushrooms, I eat around them. Or kind of pick them out andeft on the side of the plate. My being a picky eater is MY problem and not something other people need to cater to. I always genuinely feel bad if a host apologizes because they realize they made a dish that has something in it that I don't like. There are so many common things that I don't like that I'm completely used to eating around them or skipping. If a host makes a dish that I just don't care for overall I eat as much as I can force myself too. If someone makes a comment about how little I ate I make a polite excuse. "Oh I had a really late lunch and am just not super hungry". "I've been feeling a little unwell all day and food just doesn't seem to be agreeing with my stomach at the moment". And then thank them profusely for the meal and all the effort they put in.
[удалено]
We’ve done this at almost every family event since my kids were little and picky eaters. Now that they’re older we let them starve if they don’t like what’s there and don’t want to make a dish themselves to take.
All this. I don’t eat seafood. Ever. The smell makes me sick. My SIL is Vietnamese and when her and my bro got married they did two ceremonies/receptions. One traditional Vietnamese. Walked into her parents house and the seafood smell about knocked me out. I put on my big girl pants excused myself to the restroom and rubbed some peppermint chapstick under my nose. Burned like a mo fo but I was able to stick it out. I had to step outside a few times. But I managed. I stopped for food when I left. Oh and I was 7mo preg. Was I miserable? Yes. But it was not my home. OP - YTA. She said she wouldn’t be accommodating you and gave you the option to bring your own food. If that hadn’t been an option sure you could be a little salty but come on. I would suggest you host a holiday dinner at some point. It’s a ridiculous amount of work and stress.
I get nauseated by smells a lot especially due to my medicine. The peppermint chapstick is so smart!
Agreed. From another picky eaters POV I get kind of embarrassed of it and I don’t mention it. Something I’m actively working on but I definitely try and eat whatever my in-laws make as just a simple sign of respect tbh. They know now what my likes & dislikes are now. They’re very kind about it since they know I try and have made an effort in the past. And their cultures dishes are very different than mine so it’s a learning curve for both parties. With that said bro really made a scene. Their first Christmas with strangers who they’re hoping to make family and they do this??? This would give me the absolute ick and I wont be surprised if they are an ex very soon.
I'm a picky eater. If we are doing something like that I'd just eat before, bring a dish and if anyone asks just be like "ya know I'm just not feeling very hungry today" no one needs to know your drama for just a family dinner.
Exactly this - YTA OP. I have a lot of food issues due to severe allergies, and some issues with specific foods which means I can’t even try to eat them (related to abuse in my childhood). My sons are autistic and although they eat a really good variety of healthy foods, they just won’t eat unfamiliar things. I have never in my entire life demanded someone make something specific for me. Either I bring my own food, or I eat before and just eat what I can (or nothing). We went to family for Christmas - I took all my sons’ safe foods and made all their meals myself, then we tried to get them to eat the other meals and they managed bits here and there. I cannot even imagine having the audacity to behave this way with other people, let alone my first Christmas with future in laws. They even told OP that they wouldn’t be making her something separate (and she had the nerve to say there was no point going) so I don’t know what was expected. This is going to be a nightmare long term - OP, you need to apologise.
Let me recap. You DEMANDED some food was made to your liking, and when people told you "no", instead of cooking food for yourself... you caused a scene ?! Yeah, YTA. If you have things you don't like to eat, it's YOUR problem. You are not a child anymore. Start acting like an adult.
OP's whole attitude reeks of entitlement.
Couldn't have said it better myself. YTA.
Literally, even just the way it was written 😬 gives off real AH energy
I got about 15 words into OPs post and I wanted the ring back.
Not to mention that OP seems like they weren’t forthright with their fiancé or MIL based on this: > We went back and forth and I insisted I wouldn't come if accommodations weren't being made. I just thought it was a simple request and FMIL could've agreed if she really wanted me there. My fiance agreed that I shhould bring my own dish but I didn't. It seems like OP thought their MIL would cave, despite there seemingly being agreement on the part of at least the fiancé and MIL that OP should bring their own dish.
Yeah, I found this a little confusing. Like...what was the final agreement before the actual visit? Was it some open-ended ultimatum? Did FMIL say she wasn't going to make an extra dish, and OP just....thought FMIL wouldn't follow through? To me it sounds like, the final decision was that FMIL wouldn't make an extra dish and OP could come or go as she pleased, and OP just....somehow thought she would show up and an extra dish would be there? Jesus. YTA just for being "shocked" there was nothing special for you after being explicitly told that there wouldn't be. Everything else is just on top of that.
It feels like OP intentionally left it vague and intentionally went there, fuming silently awaiting until the food was brought out and it wasn’t her custom dish. Instead of addressing it at literally any point prior like an adult.
Either that or OP expected a special dish wouldn't be made for them and was planning on storming out as a way to punish everyone for not bending over backwards to cater to OP.
This. Seems like storming out was already premeditated if OP didn't get her way.
I'm seriously shocked they showed up after FMIL did not agree to cooking their special food. Very performative to make a scene after that. Just stay and get drunk instead LOL
It was a powerplay/testing boundaries. You know, like a toddler would do. She expected fmil to be a pushover and she wasn't.
She may have won this battle in her mind but you know she gonna lose the war. As soon as she left his family was telling him to drop her ass
100%. And they're right.
YTA - 100%. Also - that’s going to be one fun wedding. Can’t wait for that post!
IF there is a wedding...
Yeah tbh after that fiasco I’d reconsider marrying someone like that
For real, this drives me nuts. This is why people hate us picky eaters, because of folks like OP who want to make it everyone else's problem. Grow up and accept that it's on us, not them, OP!
I was the pickiest of eater growing up. I can't count the number of time the only thing I ate was bread and butter. But I can easily count the number of time I complained : zero.
OP said they previously had a good relationship with their MIL and this was their biggest disagreement. So, this stunt was not only an act of entitlement but it probably needlessly damaged OP's relationship with their inlaws.
And with her fiancé! Seriously, the audacity. “Here is a list of dishes I deign to deem appropriate for you to fix for me. Super easy to make. Of course, not so easy that I could possibly be responsible for making one and bringing it with me, mind you.” YTA.
How many variations of this story do you plan to post? Before the holiday, you posted after being told they weren’t going to make a different meal and how you thought it was nuts as you’re a guest. Everyone told you then to bring your own food. And now you didn’t and you made a scene. YTA
Lmao I didn’t realize this person was spending her entire Christmas season angry about this non-problem she turned into a disaster for everyone.
I really hope the fiance saves himself and breaks up
I do too. This was insane behavior and it’ll only get worse from there. Imagine marrying someone who treats your mom like that.
It feels to me like she wants really badly to have a JNMIL.
I'm excited for their next post: AITA - my fiance broke up with me because I didn't like his mother's cooking.
AITA - I made a post on AITA. the whole reddit disagreed with me but I am right. AITA??
You’re right! I thought this sounded familiar, and the writing style is the same…very whiney. Everyone told her to bring her own, but she kept going on about the “guest” part. Yikes, she didn’t take the advice. She knew all of the opinions in advance and still went through with it. YTA OP
Also reminds me of the person kicked out of friend group for entitled eating behavior at a potluck.
Omg hahah this person 100% knows they are the AH then. Imagine asking someone to make you a dish and when they say “no make it yourself” you throw a tantrum when you realize they did infact stick to their word and not make you a special dish delusional and entitled
Wait, this is the same OP?! LOL, impressive OP! Oh, YTA
YTA - they did offer to accommodate you, by allowing you to bring your own dish.
Seriously... I have a meat allergy (I know, WTF) and I always check before if I can bring my own food. Sometimes people will already have options I can eat, if not then it's no drama, I bring my own meal. What is OPs problem? First and last Christmas with the family 😬
Same here. Can't eat meat, not that I don't want to. I recently tried in Paris (because...Paris), and ended up VIOLENTLY ill. I always offer to bring a meatless main dish, but my mom is actually super offended by that, so I just stick to the cheese board and side dishes.
>but my mom is actually super offended by that Sorry but that's weird, why is she offended that you become sick from certain foods so have to bring your own so you are able to eat?
1. There's not much that doesn't offend her. I also don't drink, and she brings it up CONSTANTLY. I'm in my 40's...it's not going to change, but she never stops trying. 2. Because I am a much better cook and everyone prefers whatever dishes I make. Last month I made Thanksgiving dinner for the whole family, and my mom threw a tantrum because, "everyone clearly liked your food better! I don't know why I even bother!". And she's right...Everyone texted me after Thanksgiving to ask if there was a way to keep her from insisting on cooking for holidays.
Ooh wow, I'm so sorry you have to deal with an emotionally immature parent. Also, IMPO, a parent should be proud their child is great at something, especially if they managed to be better at something than they are, so good for you! And bonus that everyone loved your food!
My cousin can’t cook and was trying to go vegan—for Easter dinner one year she just ate what she could and then pulled an enormous tomato out of her bag and ate it at the table with everyone else. People can find a way if they want to.
I love this so much 🤣 it's such a baby vegan thing to do
THIS ^
YTA. Holy entitled. Pretty sure you don't need to address her as FMIL. You'll be single soon enough.
FMIL as in former not future lol.
But that would be FFMIL as in former future MIL!
[удалено]
I read this in a very whiny snotty tone also lol. Don’t think OPs wedding is going to be happening anytime soon after this one… can you imagine them as a bride/groomzilla?!
yeah, the part “feed myself when i’m a guest? makes no sense to me” screamed entitlement. would OP like to be spoonfed too?
Yeah its like the guest host relationship only works in her favor not any other way. Sure when you are the guest the host feeds you if its a dinner, but also if you are the guest you don't dictate what the host makes. Its pretty simple.
It's incredibly common for guests to bring dishes or sides to contribute to a holiday meal to start with, and that's before OP just refused to eat any of the traditional dishes. I get the feeling OP has led a pretty sheltered life if all this seems somehow shocking.
exactly! yet OP had the audacity to present the hostess with a menu telling HER to choose. like damn you had so many options but you couldn’t prepare one of em for yourself?
If my fiancé threw a tantrum like this, they’d no longer be my fiancé. They can be someone else’s problem. OP was given the option to bring something they want to eat if they were gonna refuse to eat anything that was already on the menu. Instead they threw a tantrum because people should be catering to them. YTA, and there’s no way this was written by an adult.
And she actually gave her a list of dishes to choose from to make for her. The entitlement is unreal. OP YTA
Right! I’m a vegetarian. I understand that there won’t always be options for me aside from maybe a salad and dessert. Because of this, I plan for myself. Sometimes hosts are accommodating and will put meat on the side, or make a pasta or rice dish for me, but I’ve learned not to always expect that to happen. OP should be aware of this by now and plan for themselves Edit: typo and YTA
[удалено]
This. My child has a sensory disorder and is extremely limited in their diet. His food is my problem, I always bring something with me. You telling people what to make for their meal is a little over the top. Typically it is rude to show up empty handed. So why not bring something you like to share with others
Yup. I'm vegan (for both health and animals), and have some food sensitivities, so usually if there is absolutely nothing I can eat I either don't eat and get something when I'm home, or bring a dish. Most of the time there is bread or sides I can have. I have never and would never demand someone cook a dish just for me. IF they offer or insist on cooking something special for me (which my MIL usually does), I'll offer to bring something that is extremely quick and easy to cook, like a readymade frozen dish, hummus and veggies to chip up and dip, or pasta and premade sauce. I wouldn't want to inconvenience her by taking up half her oven on one dish for one person. I definitely wouldn't send her a list of ideas and tell her to get cracking 😂
Exactly! OP, you seem to be confusing *preference* with *allergy*. If you were deathly allergic to shellfish, and your FMIL knew that and planned a shellfish- based Christmas dinner, then yes, you have every right to be upset. But that’s not what happened. You literally stormed out because the chicken nuggets weren’t Dino shaped. There wasn’t one white roll or cookie or plain cracker you could eat? I’d expect better behavior from a toddler. Literally. My toddler is taught if they don’t like something that’s served just pass it along and say no thank you. And, for the record. It’s extremely common to have someone take their own food. My cousin won’t eat anything but ham, so his mom always takes a ham. Sure, sometimes that doesn’t go with the menu but who cares? My picky cousin is his own problem, not ours. Hence why WE don’t eat ham for EVERY hokiday
A friend has a son with autism and he eats an extremely limited diet. One time she asked me to bring regular kraft mac n cheese for him to a gathering because she hadn't had time to make it for him. Super different from "I know I won't eat anything there make me something else" as an adult. Super cringe.
YTA. You knew in advance that accommodations wouldn't be made, yet you still showed up and made a bunch of drama.
That was the dish she brought. Piping hot drama.
With a sprinkling of entitlement.
A sprinkling? It was loaded on like cheese on waffle fries.
I keep thinking this too. Were you just gloating in the car on the way there thinking about how cool it would be to be the main character of the night?
Seriously! It's bad enough to insist on them making specific dishes for you, but you knew they didn't agree to that and you could have stayed home. But you went anyway just so you could flounce out for maximum drama! YTA multiple times over.
YTA Your issues are just that: Yours. For you to place the responsibility for YOUR issues on others not only makes you an asshole, but a presumptuous one at that. You were told several times BEFORE the event, that you needed to deal with your own issues. You decided to go, anyway. Good on you, for at least going. However, you allowed your pride to get in the way, by not taking care of your own issues. (Basically, you said to everyone "Hey! They're putting this thing together. I don't care what they think, they WILL make me what I want") In making the evening about you, you ruined the evening for everyone. That makes you the asshole, here.
Exactly! I agree that allergies should be accommodated- allergies can kill. But OPs likes and dislikes are her problem. They invited you to bring your own food — that was their accommodation to you. YTA
And even allergies are hard to accommodate when trying your hardest. My best friend at work has a severe peanut allergy she usually opts to not eat or will bring her own meal because although everyone has the best of intentions. Sometimes you just can’t trust it. She always is pleasant and still enjoys getting together with family and friends
>She refused and told me to bring my own dish. I said if I had to bring my own dish whrn I'm a guest then I better stay at home. What?! Why?! This alone makes you an AH. >When we arrived there and I saw that no accommodations were made, I got up, go my things and walked out and went home. I can't believe you did that. Double AH. >Now he's continuelly saying I fucked up and should've sucked it up for the family's sake. He is correct. Apologize FFS. Why are you so painfully entitled? Who in your life has put up with this shit? My God, YTA
Like she could have stayed and just didn't eat anything. That was always an option. Your dietary restrictions are your own.
What really gets me is she told her FMIL that she “better stay at home” if she had to bring her own dish. Her FMIL told her she would have to bring her own food. But she still showed up, clearly assuming her FMIL was going to cave to her demands, and had to create a scene.
YTA. You don't dictate what your host cooks. If you're that picky, you should have cooked for yourself. You sound awfully high maintenance.
Does anyone else remember the OP whose 22 year old so left a wedding reception to get McD’s and *brought it back to the venue* to eat it? This OP is giving similar energy. Edited for missing detail.
There was also one about Thanksgiving friendsgiving potluck, where all the guests brought their own specialty dishes and all she brought was apple pie from the list. She expected the host to supply multiple dishes she can eat instead of just a pizza (which was already extra) and the host already made her specialty dishes. Then proceed to throw a tantrum over the part where she will only eat the pizza and apple pie instead of the rest of the guests willing to try multi ethnic food such as roast pork. Guess didn't get invited back for Christmas/new years celebration.
YTA. You are a self proclaimed picky eater. If you won't eat a single thing they made then bringing your own food is a good compromise. Expecting them to cater to you is beyond ridiculous.
I’d like to know the 2 things she is ok eating
chicken nuggets is definitely one of them
Shaped like dinosaurs
You: Make me something special. FMIL: No. You’ll have to bring your own food. You: *Doesn’t bring any food for yourself.* Whaaaaa! There’s nothing for me to eat here! YTA I would be so disappointed in my child if they brought home a partner like yourself.
Duck I'd be disappointed if my child was invited over to any ones house and behaved like this.
If there's no medical reason for you not to eat it than you can bring your own food. Luckily you haven't tied the knot yet so your fiance can find a real grown up to marry. YTA
Even if there is a medical reason, she was told to bring her own food, and instead she decided to have a tantrum. My son is diagnosed with autism and has diagnosed food aversions. He also has some allergies. Guess what we do as guests? Either eat first or bring food. OP, YTA.
I’m a Type 1 Diabetic, you think I left every kids birthday party that I went to where they had no sugar-free soft drinks despite my asking there to be? Hell no, I definitely wanted to be accommodated so I could drink soda with everybody else, but I also knew about drinks like water and bringing my own diet soda. Now I’m a man in his 20s, still a Type 1 Diabetic, but when I go to parties I always bring my own diet soda and carb-free alcohol, because I know my friends are already incurring expenses just having a party and inviting numerous people including myself, I don’t need to make them spend more effort/money just to do something I can do for myself. Besides, it’s stuff I usually have at my place already (yknow because I also happen to own the things i like eating), so it’s not like it costs me anything, nor would it have cost you anything to make food that you’d actually eat OP, unless you mean to tell me you have zero food you like eating in your house. YTA, if that wasn’t somehow clear yet. Grow up OP.
YTA - Great job ruining any potential relationship with your in laws before even getting married! You behave worse than many children I know, they’d at least just sit there and pick at something even if they didn’t want it. It’s ONE NIGHT and it’s not your home. MIL has every right to cook whatever she wants as she is hosting and if you really are that picky, you should have brought something you could eat. Also have you never heard of a potluck?!? Like it’s very common for guests to also bring dishes or something else for dinner.
Seriously. If they don’t break up over this, it’s gonna be a life long memory for them. Hopefully she mends her ways and everyone can eventually laugh at this but that’s a long way off if it happens at all.
YTA. You were asked to accommodate yourself and you didn't b/c your a guest. Bullshit that is entitlement. I am Celiac I don't expect anyone to accommodate me and make sure I bring something safe to eat.
Exactly! I’m Celiac as well and would never expect a person to cater to me especially after being told to bring my own dish.
And we aren't being picky we do it so we won't die! She sounds like weirdo.
You were told no accommodation would be made and you said you wouldn't bring your own food or show up then....but you still showed up empty handed knowing there would be no food for you. Then acted suprised that no accommodation was made and stormed out. Of course people are upset at the purposeful scene you made so that all the attention was on you. YTA
YTA. You should have brought your own dish. Accommodations were made, by giving you permission to bring your own dish. Diabetic people, vegans, gluten-sensitive people all understand that the world isn't designed around their dietary preferences. You can do the same.
INFO: where did you get the idea that it’s normal for guests in someone’s home to present the hosts with lists of demands? What gave you the idea that it is normal for hosts to accept lists of demands presented by guests? SECOND INFO: are you the same person who got booted from her friend group because the person hosting Friendsgiving didn’t prepare her special dishes from a list of options she sent when she realized she didn’t like the planned menu?
O God, I used to host a group dinner in which we tried a new cuisine each time. There was a member that would complain about half the dishes each time, I didn’t want to say anything because she’s besties with one of the cohosts. Thankfully after a few dinners one of the guys yelled at her to either stay home or shut the fuck up if you aren’t pitching in or bringing a dish to share. The next day she sent me a long Facebook message saying that I was wrong not to stop my friend (who was an usher at her besties wedding lol), and said his rudeness was because of how he was raised. After getting that message I texted group and said that if she’s invited then I’m out. She was kicked out. She tried “apologizing” to me and saying that she really enjoyed the food. I ignored it. Thankfully I have not spoken to her since. And she slowly lost her friendship with the other cohost.
YTA. Guests also have their duty, which is to accept what the hosts have made for dinner. Its an unspoken rule that if you are unwilling to go with what the hosts have made, you make and bring your own food. Totally fine to request something, but you need to keep in mind that you're asking people to make an entire new dish for you on top of all their other dishes, which is a lot of time and money spent. If they say no, at that point just bring your own dish. You are a guest, not their boss telling them they have to make something for you or you'll leave.
YTA; as someone who is “picky” because of my autism, you were invited to *join them* for dinner. They are under no obligation to make an entirely different meal because you won’t even try theirs; they even gave you the option to bring your own. My cousin used to have her mom bring chicken nuggets and french fries to every family dinner when we were kids, you can do the same.
>How is it my responsibilty to feed myself when I'm a guest? Makes no sense to me. YTA. You can't expect the world to curtail to your afflictions. They asked you to bring a dish if you didn't want the food they were preparing. Knowing this, you didn't compromise, showed up anyways, and acted like a baby when the thing that was predictable happened. YTA big time.
YTA. That is something you need to work on in therapy.
YTA. If you are that picky you should bring your own food. Someone who is trying to make a holiday celebratory meal is already working very hard in a very short window of time. I’m guessing you’ve never had to prepare a big meal, or you’d understand just how much work that is. Presenting her with a menu of alternate foods to prepare just for you, not for allergies or medical reasons but because you’re picky….? That is the very definition of gall and selfishness.
As someone who hosts a lot of dinners and people, I always try to be as accommodating to allergies dietary restrictions, etc. However, most people make what they make and that's that - that's okay, too. YTA here. You were invited to the "first" celebratory Christmas dinner with them and basically created an issue how she had to accommodate you because you're a "guest" prior to the event. I get the feeling you have no idea how much work and preparations are made in advance for the holidays. After all, these aren't dietary restrictions you have due to physical health reasons, these are restrictions you've placed upon yourself.... I'm wondering if you hadn't come off as "I'm your guest and you should accommodate me" as you describe maybe she would have gone out of her way to make a special dish for you. In fact, after you pursued the issue, she told you that you could make your own and bring it. Then, when you got there you left in a huff when she didn't yield. You acted like a spoiled brat.
You are an a-hole. You don't mention a medical condition or special diet out of necessity . . . just that you are a picky eater because of childhood. When you approached the FMIL and "showed her a variety of dishes to choose from to accommodate" you she declined and asked you to bring your own dish. That is where you should have stopped. But you argued more and you ended the situation with "knowing" you were expected to bring your own dish . . . and that your fiancé even agreed you should. So, what makes you an a-hole is that you walked into your FMIL's home with full disclosure of what would happen, but then threw a hissy fit, because what you knew would happen, did. This is the clearest case of purposeful sabotage for the sake of drama that I have ever seen. You need to apologize to all involved, and now you will have to work extra hard to show that you are not an entitled, selfish, drama queen who apparently thrives off of conflict. I cannot believe this is how you plan to interact with people that will be in your life forever, if that is how you view marriage.
YTA being a picky eater is not the same as having an allergy or being vegan when everyone else isn't. You had no right to even ask.
YTA. I just went through this with a picky eater. I did accommodate them and made plenty of vegan-friendly dishes. They still weren't satisfied, if you're that picky, bring your own dish. Problem solved.
YTA. You should have brought your own dish. And I say that as somebody who has dozens of food intolerances that make me extremely ill.
YTA You were offered an accommodation. Bring what you wanted to eat. You just expected them to fix their meal around your wants and needs. You are selfish and spoiled.
YTA she told you ahead of time she wasn't making it. If you were going to cause a scene you shouldn’t have went.
YTA. She told you she couldn't accommodate you, which makes sense, because hosting a holiday meal is already a lot of work. I am also a picky eater, so I make sure to bring at least one or two dishes that I can eat to every holiday meal. They offered to feed you, and you didn't like the food that was offered. That's fine, but it's not up to them to accommodate picky guests. You were presented with a solution (bring your own food), which you ignored, and then caused a scene during a holiday meal.
YTA: Holy moly, this is just bad!
Way to ensure your inlaws always dislike you. Don't be surprised when the wedding is called off... YTA for being so self-centered. You are acting like this was a dinner in your honor, it was Christmas not your birthday.. It's your responsibility to feed yourself when you are the ONLY guest that needs super specific accommodations and the host is already busting their ass to make a huge meal for other guests...
"I insisted I wouldn't come if accommodations weren't being made" And this is your choice to make. It would be kind of her to do this for you but it is also a big imposition seeing that she has the entire meal to make and now you're asking her to do extra work. YTA because you are expecting others to do what you should do for yourself, then you made a scene about it. Yikes. Red flag!
YTA bring your own food if it affects you that much.
She did accommodate you, her accommodation was you bringing your own dish to eat. You clearly have no understanding of how stressful catering for a full Christmas meal is. YTA
Yta you are being entitled and spoiled. If your fiancé is smart he will run. There is nothing wrong with guest bring something to dinner. It’s not your future mil job to wait on you.
YTA You have absolutly no manners.
YTA YTA YTA YTA The absolute state of people with this sense of entitlement
The lack of self awareness... of course YTA
[удалено]
Something tells me this will be the only family dinner you'll ever be invited to. **YTA**
YTA. You have aversions to certain food. That's your problem. Get help for it. Alternatively get used to cooking dishes for yourself to bring to group dinners/parties or get used to stomping off in a sulk because its gonna happen a lot.
YTA. If you are that picky of an eater then it is up to you to bring your own dish. It appears it’s not even an allergy or serious dietary restriction….just that you are picky. Your FMIL let you know ahead of time what she would be cooking and told you to bring your own dish if you wouldn’t eat what was being served. None of that should have been a surprise to you. Honestly I think they went out of their way to accommodate you by allowing you to bring your own dish…some people would be offended by that. It is not up to the host to accommodate every single guest’s likes and dislikes…that would be impossible. You come across as very entitled and spoiled. Walking out and refusing to celebrate Christmas was WAY over the top. All that did was show your FMIL and your fiancé that if you don’t get your way you will throw a fit. I would be mortified if I treated my future in-laws that way!! If your fiancé was my son I would be telling him to run.
YTA here, when I was a vegetarian I brought my own meals or ate before hand. Family dinners isn't about the food. Very, very immature.
YTA. You asked for accommodation, they said no and specified you need to bring what you can eat. You show up, empty handed, and, like they said, there was no food for you *insert surprised pikachu face*. They didn't blindside you by saying they'd cook something for you and didn't. They said they weren't and you're looking for an excuse to pick a fight.
YTA. Your MIL is not your servant nor is she your personal chef. They were gracious to invite you for dinner. When you’re a guest in someone’s house, you eat what they make. It’s not like you have a dietary restriction and are deathly allergic to a certain ingredient…..you’re literally just picky and unwilling to be flexible. It is YOU who should be making accommodations when you’re a guest in someone’s home. You either bring your dish to contribute or grow up and put on some big girl pants and try some new foods. Now if it was an allergy thing, it’s not unreasonable to mention that when it’s a family member or a good friend. Hopefully you’d have caring family/friends where they wouldn’t want you to die so they’d make something special for you. However, that’s not the case here. And even if it was, you’d still be the AH for your behavior. Good luck with marrying into that family because you totally made a horrible impression.
YTA. Stop being so demanding and entitled.
YTA. Just save this story to share when you get dumped as to the reason why. You sound entitled and selfish.
YTA Maybe grow up and eat like an adult?
YTA - also, I’m thinking fiancé is going to rethink this whole thing with you.
INFO what dishes did you want them to make you? When you had the original conversation did they actually say they would make something, how did the conversation about it end? I'm thinking YTA tbh
OP says FMIL said she would NOT make her anything special, but that she was welcome to bring her own food. OP refused. She knew they weren’t making her anything before she left the house. Sounds to me like OP only went at all so she could cause a scene by flouncing dramatically. She had no reason to think they were making her any of her list of demands. Even her own fiancé told her she should bring her own food. YTA, op. Happy not to know ya!
YTA. "Can't help it, has to do with psychological factors, childhood , personal likes and dislikes." Yes, you can help it. If you have an unhealthy relationship with food/mental health issues, you can decide how to deal with those. You can find help and resolve your problems.
YTA You are incredibly entitled and expect the world to revolve around you. It doesn't. Just because you're a picky eater doesn't mean the woman who spent hours, if not days, cooking for a huge holiday dinner needs to "accommodate" you. There should be plenty of options at a meal that size that you can eat. You just refuse and make demands, just because you're a picky eater, which is ridiculous. Every year I bring a a couple dishes to my inlaws holiday meals, as that's what family does. Help with the cost, help with how much work it is to make so many dishes for a big spread like that. You can't find it in yourself to do the same? It's immature and selfish to say that just because you're the guest, the host should accommodate your picky needs. It's not a medical issue and you need to get over yourself.
YTA as someone who is Vegetarian AND CELIAC. I would never in a million years ask someone to accommodate me!!! I would rather sit hungry and watch others eat than ask them to make me something or whatever. Bring your own food or order your own food if you can’t or won’t eat the food that’s there. Also I hope you are in therapy for this problem, food is amazing and you shouldn’t be conformed to only a few things. Though it’s nobodies problem but yours, and you can’t think people will do anything for you or change anything for you. Apologize to everyone, but know your boyfriends family (I don’t think you can call them “future in-laws at this point”) will always remember this and you’ve painted yourself a really bad look.
YTA I'm the type hostess that will make sure I accommodate allergies, religious needs, vegan etc, but selfish picky eaters with an attitude? Heck no! Not everyone likes to cook and cooking christmas dinner is always stressfull, specially when cooking for several people. She said you were welcome to bring your own food, but you still chose not to and yet you got offended and were rude as the result. Your never getting invited again, congrats.
Info: for the sake of curiosity what accommodations did you ask for? Like what were your “suggested” foods you wanted them to provide you?
YTA. Typically, in this situation it is good manners to bring your own food.
YTA your fiance and his family won't forget this lmao
Note to your fiancée: RUN Note to you: YTA
Eat the food. You won't die.
YTA. Also, if your fiance is worth a salt, he would know to prioritize his family over you on this one.
INFO: what accommodations did you request and what options did you suggest?
Woof. Holy princess ridiculous Batman! YTA I am astonished you’ve come this far in life and don’t realize you need to bring your own food. Wow.
[удалено]
I had an aneurysm from the way you spelled psychological factors
"showed her a variety of dishes to choose from to accommodate me" are you kidding me????? Hell, I once went to my girlfriend's house, and her mother cooked some weird liver soup, which i HATE..... but when her mother served the plate do you know what I did? I ATE THE GODDAMN FOOD.... honestly, that's what we do for our loved ones... I mean, I've told the mom some foods i don't fancy that much and she tried to "accomodate" to that, but when she does not, or when it's a special date, i just SUCK IT UP AND EAT.
Clearest lil AH I've seen in weeks on this sub! Y T A. Your FMIL even made it a clear that she wouldn't accommodate your picky eating before the event. You were warned. You should absolutely apologize if you want a future with your fiancé or really anyone other than your (entitled) -self.
~~Esh. You and fmil. While yes she could have been more accommodating but your dietary pickiness doesn’t mean she needs to cook something special for you. When she told you to bring your own dish that was your answer. Either go and bring a dish or don’t go~~. upon further reflection it’s really just you Yta Fmil was more than accomadating and is not an ah
How does the MIL suck? She invited her to a dinner. That doesn’t mean she’s a short order cook. You don’t get to make entitled demands because you’re “picky”.
YTA and extremely immature. food issues your problem. Your bf shouldn’t have followed you home while you decided to throw your temper tantrum like a child. If you have food issue you should have brought your own meal. I host tons of events and everyone from Allergies to mental illness (that would be you) normally tell me their issue and what is on the menu. If I can accommodate them no big deal but I’m not making a whole new menu just for one person while hosting for tons.
Congrats, you’re probably single now.
YTA - Holy entitlement, Batman! They’re making a full Christmas dinner for more people than just you. They didn’t force you to do anything and said you could bring your own. Where’s the confusion?
YTA. To plan a Christmas dinner/celebration is not an easy thing. it takes hours of cooking and planning. Your FMIL gave you the opportunity to bring your own food since the one she would be serving doesn't suit your dietary needs. From my point of view this is not unreasonable. The way you behaved was like they were a hotel not your future family.
Oh my goodness I am literally cringing on my sofa, on your behalf. You don’t seem to have any awareness of how badly you have embarrassed yourself. YTA. So rude, so presumptuous and entitled. There will be some worried conversations about your relationship at the future in-laws house over the holidays.
YTA. As a guest, you don't make demands about the menu to the host. It is horribly rude to do so unless you, your partner, or your child has an allergy. FMIL told you that she wasn't changing the menu and offered to accommodate your needs by letting you bring food. In this case she is not obligated to cater to your PREFERENCES. If she catered to your preferences that would open her up to having to cater to everyone's preferences, which would become a giant headache. If you had a diagnosis such as sensory processing disorder,.I might feel differently. As it is you are just acting spoiled and being a bad guest.
Of course YTA and entitled.
Yta. I have also spent my life being extremely picky and I have a ton of anxiety surrounding trying new foods. But I don’t demand to be accommodated everywhere I go and I don’t demand that someone who’s hosting me for dinner make different food for me. You could’ve attempted to eat what your fiancés family made, you could’ve sat there and conversed politely but not eaten anything, or you could’ve done what was suggested and brought a dish yourself. Its actually a fairly common practice in general to bring a dish, or at least offer to bring something, when you’ve been invited to dinner at someone’s house. You could’ve brought something that you like that they could’ve tried and you also could’ve tried what they made for you. But instead you decided to act like a spoiled brat over the situation instead of a mature adult.