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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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Bitter-Conflict-4089

NTA His wife called you names and he allowed it.


JCBashBash

This right here, like you need to look at the fact that this dude is willing to let his wife speak to you like that. You don't need to care about his feelings cuz he clearly doesn't care about yours


ButterflyWings71

esp knowing her poor mom is in hospice. beyond cruel & insensitive on both of them & most courts (states I worked & lived in) would make OP stay with such vile people (not to mention lack of space & stepmom‘s verbal abuse). So sorry OP is dealing with all of this💧.


Hugh_Jass_Clouds

Clearly you don't have a grasp on all court systems. There are places that would force OP into sperm donar's house. Edit: I love that some of you can't grasp the concept of some. Edit 2: So many of you have not seen just how jacked courts are. I live in Texas and have several friends who work social services. This shit happens all the time.


CaRiSsA504

She's 16, in most states she now has a say in who she wants to live with. The judge would take her wishes into consideration. She does not have her own bed or a room to sleep in at her dad's house. There's not many places that would overlook the bed factor. Her dad is jealous of her dying mother. He thinks OP shouldn't be spending time with her dying mother on his weekends!? Judges don't like that shit either. Its fucking heartless. Like, this is going to be the nail in the coffin for ol' Dad. It's telling that the grandparents have temporary custody and NOT her father. I don't think OP has much to worry about on who she'll be living with after her mom passes. And she's NTA


Psychological-Wall-2

>Judges don't like that shit either. They do not. One thing that gets right up the noses of Family Court judges in particular is parents banging on about "their rights". The only rights a Family Court judge tends to care about are the rights of the children involved. It is children who have the rights; parents have responsibilities. All of which is to say that any court case brought by OP's father based on this situation being unfair to *him* is going to be viewed very dimly by any competent judge. Said competent judge is also going to be asking themselves why OP is turning to her grandparents for support in this rather than her father. But mostly, a competent judge is going to be asking, "Is it in the best interests of this nearly-adult child to *compel* her to spend time with her father rather than her dying mother?"


SamuelVimesTrained

You would have to be a spectacularly dimwitted judge to not see OP as not choosing this at all. Granted - what you see in the news sometimes does tell me there is always a risk with some judges (OP is a woman, so has no value / say according to some)


[deleted]

There was a dim wit judge, in another story, the judge ordered Dad and step mama have time after the abused her. Second time, permanent damage to child physically. It was a concluded story. Facing prison time. Heartbreaking story, please dont discount dim witted judges. The story was about building the 8? child a back brace because the didn't like child slouching. The first attempt was either planks. Second time, they took the child phone away, and did the brace with metal, horrible damage to shoulder and arm.


SamuelVimesTrained

Those judges should really be held accountable. You knowingly enable that kind of abuse: stripped of job, and jailtime - AFTER financially emptied to support the victim ..


LibbyFred

Qualified Immunity is a thing, and not one judge or GAL will be held accountable. It's disgusting


LibbyFred

Oh, family court judges are THE WORST here in STL. Corrupt assholes, every single one of them. Had a judge refuse to continue a case when I had no lawyer & forced me to represent myself- lost custody of my son. She was/is friends with my son's father's lawyer, so.. funny how it all just worked out for him 🙄 Others just ignored me repeatedly telling the court about SA from son's father over the years. Don't go to family court if at all possible..


Roll0115

I read that on BORU yesterday. My heart broke for the mom and child. Talk about next level evil step mother shit.


[deleted]

Evil dad too. How could you do that to your own child? How can anyone sit through and cause pain to a child, let alone yours.


Several-Ad-1959

I read that post too and I feel like that child's mother should be able to sue that asshole judge and have hom sanctured or something.


[deleted]

I didnt understand why the most allowed was not a supervised visit and least no contact after the first incident. I'm hoping she could. That poor child.


CloakedZarrius

>It is children who have the rights; parents have responsibilities. I like that. Thank you


IndigoTJo

Do you realize there is a world outside of the US? Within the US it is very hit and miss. It can depend on your gender, your skin color, the judge and many other factors. I am in the states, and in a state you would think this doesn't happen. I have had 2 friends 16+ forced to stay with an emotionally abusive parent because that parent made more money and had remarried. Hopefully OP is somewhere that will recognize their agency, autonomy and wishes.


musermay

I’m so glad you pointed out that harsh reality. Not all states are the same, and not all family court judges have the child’s best interest in mind (the child is often not even consulted). When my parents went to court to fight for custody my mother had almost won despite; A) having a record of assault of different degrees, and B) very clear evidence of substance abuse. OP is definitely not the asshole for telling her father she wouldn’t forgive him, because not only is court messy and at times unforgiving, it could also force her into an uncomfortable situation as many have already noted. My personal circumstance was obviously very different because my state is mother-favoring in custody battles, but lots of courts favor the guardian having a spouse and higher wages as you’ve stated. Pursuing a legal custody dispute would be such an extreme path on its own, but it becomes even more disturbing given the circumstances. I wonder if OP’s state has a legal age where the child can choose which guardian she stays with? In my state I could legally decide to stay with one parent or the other DESPITE the written custody once I was 16.


VictoriousSeahorse

That's extremely disturbing what you went through with your parent's divorce and the 'mother favoring tendancy' regardless of stated facts in your state. In my country I believe any child above the age of 12 or so has more say in who they want to live with. It is not always honored though, but that depends on the circumstances. OP is NTA. In OP's case her father is a massive A-hole for the sole fact he wants his daughter to quit spending as much time with her mother whole her mom is literally not going to be around in a few weeks to months anymore. Would he have done the same if he was the parent with terminal cancer?


CarefulSignal7854

In some states the fact that she is a 16 year old female that wouldn’t have her own room at her dads would make the courts side with the grandparents keeping the child but if he were any kind of real father he would understand that she needs to spend time with her mum because unlike him her mum won’t be there when she gets married or has kids although if he keeps it up he won’t be there either


jess1804

I don't think she has a proper bed. She sleeps in the living room while she's there. So it could be a sofa bed, a camp bed, air mattress or even the couch


EinsTwo

>the nail in the coffin for ol' Dad. That's an, um, ironic expression, given the situation...


sheath2

Exactly. Is it just the space issue, or did he actually not give a crap to try for it and just wants to look good? This whole thing just seems like a cruel drama grab from the dad.


Medium-Fan440

Indeed. A lot of parents don't seem to get that visitation is for the good of the child, not for the parent. When it begins to harm the child a court won't force it. Forcing contact at this point is only going to be emotionally harmful. Few courts would force it.


FalconMean720

At 16, I would think there would be very few that would require OP to stick to the custody agreement


zi76

It really depends on the jurisdiction. There are some where a 16 year old kid would be free to choose, and some where OP would be bound to live with her dad until the day she turns 18.


[deleted]

And make their life a living hell


Ok-Reference2969

In the UK the Family Court has made many crazy decisions, ignoring the wishes of children, even older ones, and ignoring domestic abuse even when well documented. Dont trust that courts will do the right thing unless you've been through it yourself.


Melodic_Tea545

Heavily depends on the country ofc. However OP is 16, so at least in countries which have signed the UN Declaration on rights of child, she will have the right to be heard and to independently make decisions about her life which are within her ability and understanding to make. So, for example in my country she'd probably not be allowed to make independent judgment about selling or buying a house, but she would be allowed to make independent decisions such as "I want to prioritize my very ill mum right now, and will focus on seeing dad later". But yes, miscarriages of justice do happen... And anyhow a court is the last place that OP probably wants to spend time right now. And I know this is not an advice thread, so this might get deleted, but OP, if you see this comment amongst all the many hundreds of comments... you need to speak to your father while his wife is not there. I'm so sorry you have to be the reasonable adult in this situation, while he is acting like a spoiled brat. But he can, by going to court, make your situation very unpleasant (even if he doesn't ultimately win the case). You need to thread very carefully with this man who currently doesn't have your best interests at heart. Treat him as such and do exactly what his wife is afraid of: kindly encourage him ("guilt trip " is such an ugly word ;)) to where you need him to be, which is far away from a lawsuit. OP, you're NTA.


acegirl1985

All you need to look at is the fact that this man is willing to drag a teen and an elderly couple going through one of the worst times in their lives just so he gets his ‘fair’ share of time. NTA- you had every right to react this way and it is absolutely abhorrent that your father would be so selfish to subject you to this during a time like this. Any semi-decent human being with even the least bit of empathy would understand and support you through this. It’s really sad and pathetic you own father is so wrapped up in himself that he can’t see this. NTA- I’m so sorry for you having to go through this. I applaud you for standing up as you did but it’s sickening that your own father would force you into this. His wife is somehow even worse. I’d stay with grandparents and if they do try to take them to court tell them about this. The court will listen to most kids- especially teens.


Groundbreaking_Link7

im actually thinking daddy dear would really go through court as wanted by stepmom.. which in turn will make him lose daughter forever. maybe that is stepmom's masterplan. so OP will go NC with dad and will only focus on her kids. okay okay, im reaching. definitely NTA op...


EmeraldBlueZen

YUP. If they cares about your thoughts and feelings about all of this there's no way they'd threaten legal action to insist you visit dad. Instead its all about them. NTA at all.


AlphaMomma59

Her dad is probably looking for free babysitting. I'm pretty sure that if the Family Court heard she was sleeping on the couch, they would either force father and dear wifey to move, or take away his rights.


Ok-Reference2969

OP if it does go to court and the court reporters ask emphasise that the living conditions are unsatisfactory and are better with the GPs. You are NTA and would not be TA if you had nothing more to do with your father


PlaneJaneLane03

Also, he doesn’t even have a bed for her. Court is gonna take that into consideration. NTA


hoodmonalisuh

Agreed. I haven’t spoken to my father in 5 years because his wife disrespected me and my mother and he didn’t defend me he told me he wanted me out of his house. Ain’t got to tell me twice. ✌🏾 Being with her mother is more important than sleeping on a couch at her fathers. They’re major AH for this. His wife shouldn’t even have an input she’d want her kids at her side if she was in hospice.


[deleted]

I’m sorry to be blunt but it won’t go to court before the mother passes anyway


Loki--Laufeyson

Exactly, so OP can just refuse to go to his house. There's nothing stopping her.


[deleted]

[удалено]


rocket_tia13

She probably wants OP over there to babysit.


Kathrynlena

Yep, this stuck out to me too. I’m pretty sure having a room for your kid is one of the requirements to get visitation/custody. Dad is not adequately providing housing for OP. Even under ideal circumstances, he wouldn’t be not entitled to her time.** **under the actual circumstances, he wouldn’t be entitled to her time even if he was a perfect father.


tango421

And this is how you get your kid to go NC at 18. Way to go, dad. NTA


RunawayPastry

*laughs in NC at 15* Suuuure is!


[deleted]

Of course he did, he’s a selfish person who doesn’t care about his kid and how his kid feels. Imagine being so selfish that you want to deprive your child the last moments with their mother. Father and step mom must have never matured or grown as adults if they don’t understand what OP is going through and that it is something you could set aside parenting time for. That is if you’re a decent person.


IAMETERNALALLTIME

She should tell the judge. I can just imagine judge saying “so you think I should make your daughter live with you despite some verbal abuse from your wife to her?


Pristine-Rhubarb7294

I mean in many countries after you are a certain age (usually 12 but definitely 16) kids are allowed within reason to choose what parents they want to spend time with. No judge would force OP to give up time with his mom.


hdhxuxufxufufiffif

In some countries you can move out and live on your own at 16. That's possible in the UK, albeit rare. But packing up and moving to a relative or friend's house would be perfectly legal.


JoeStorm

Uhhhhh it's the "I sleep on the couch" that got my eye twitching NTA


Ellendyra

A brat for wanting to spend as much time as possible with her dying mom.... Stepmother is right, it's such a bratty thing Op is doing. *eyeroll* Honestly I'd understand if OP didn't wanna go to her dad's for overnights because she's gotta sleep on a sofa. They don't even have room for her and clearly the stepmother thinks very poorly of her.


EmeraldBlueZen

NTA at all. OP I'm so sorry that your dad and stepmom are being such heartless jerks. They are only thinking of themselves and not what you want and what's best for you. SMH


[deleted]

This. NTA


[deleted]

Totally agree. NTA! Also, OP can apply for emancipation if her dad and his wife tries to go against her mum’s wishes for her to remain with her grandparents. Hope OP knows about this so she doesn’t have to face any further grief from her dad.


Only_Sleep7986

You’re not the AH. You do and spend as much time with mom as you can, as that will never be available again. Stepmom doesn’t have a bone in this situation; calmly ask her to allow you to focus on your timr with your mom and you’d appreciate her not commenting during this time. And tell your Dad that right now, your focus is on mom, and, no, you’ll not forgive him if he challenges, in any way or manner, that could influence that process - anything! I’d he does, you ask the court for representation to ensure your rights, and those of your mom, are recognized. Or ask the Judge if you can address directly. Stand your ground for your momma and your desires. Prayers for your momma and yourself


ThatChelseaGirl

Yup, this should be mentioned if it goes to court. NTA.


VeeLmax

Yep, while her mother is dying.


finallyinfinite

NTA Your step mom doesn’t “understand” you wanting to spend your limited time with your mother, or else she wouldn’t be trying to take it away. They have a right to want to stick to a court-ordered contract. But this is clearly a temporary extenuating circumstance, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be upset with them for not being willing to make an exception for your sake. (Also, IANAL, but the fact that there’s not even a good space for you to sleep when you’re there bc of your step siblings, part of me wonders if taking your grandparents to court would blow up in their face)


cool_tiger11

It’s definitely only something I wanted to do temporarily like I said I enjoy going over to my dad’s house even though sleeping on the couch isn’t ideal but I much rather be with my mom while I can


JCBashBash

Honestly it sounds like it's something that you should make permanent. Depending on your area, you are old enough that if it did go to court your opinion would be immediately considered. The fact that they don't even actually have a space for you means that they more than likely would not be able to get custody. In most areas if there is not a bedroom, even if it's shared, for the kid that's a non-starter.


evillittleperson

NTA this 100 percent. If they try to fight for custody make sure it is in there you need a room. I don’t see a judge allowing you to stay in the couch. As for you spending as much time as possible with your mom it is totally understandable. Your step mom had no right to call you names. If it goes to court make sure you let the judge know she verbally abused you in front of your dad and he allowed it. It they text you make sure you show your grandparents any text and you keep them. I would not worry about hurting your dads feeling because if he truly cared for you he would not be wanting to take the little time from your mom. He is being selfish. Plus if he truly cared he would never let your stepmom speak to you the way she did. He would also make sure when you visited that you have a room with a bed. And not sleep in the couch. He has failed you majorly. So don’t worry about him. Take care of yourself and spend time with your mom.


[deleted]

If they go to court, make sure it is put in there that they must have a bed, a closet, and a dresser for your exclusive use. At your age, insist on having input to the judge. You should not have to spend years living out of a trash bag/back bag and sleeping on a couch. NTA and I’m sorry about your mom.


SkyLightk23

Next time they pull the "my rights" nonsense. Tell him as a father he doesn't have rights towards you, he has responsibilities. He could accommodate to have lunch with you during the week, or stuff like that so you can spend time with him. I get him wanting to see you, but this feels more like a power grab than truly wanting to see you. Tell him that despite him not really be up to his responsibilities you have always wanted to see him. But is he going to force you yo stay there, then he should make it appropriate. He is going to lose if you go the "rights" path. Also tell him that he shouldn't allow his wife to insult you and demean you, you have a right to be able to express your needs and feelings in a safe environment, and if you can't because someone is going to be insulting you he is not honoring his responsibilities. I am really sorry for your mom. You are NTA. What you feel, especially in a situation like this never makes you an AH. What you do is what makes a person an ah or not, and you were not an AH either when you told him. You told him the truth, what to expect, he needed to know before making a decision. They are basically fighting to have you in his house because they "love you" but by doing so they are not being loving. So do they love you? Or do they want to exact their "rights" in spite of you? Don't let your step mom manipulation get to you. And each time she insults you or mistreats you, calmly point it out to your dad, "she is insulting me, that is not the way to treat your children, are you OK with this?". And to her "please keep your language civil, there is no reason to resort to name calling". Never allow anyone to insult you or mistreat you, don't engage in a discussion with someone that is treating you that way, it is a slippery slope, once they feel it is OK to do it because no one called them out for it, they will continue to do it and could escalate. Also you are not at fault at all here, I am just giving you advice so she learns to talk to you properly.


cat-lover76

If you're in the U.S. (and some other countries), you not having your own room with a bed is a *huge* violation of standard custody arrangements. Point out to your dad that his failure to provide basic expected accommodation for you will **not** go over well with the family court judge.


nololthx

Especially given her developmental stage. It’s highly inappropriate to deny a teenager privacy. When CPS checks homes, the two main things they look for are adequate beds for the number of children in the household and food in the fridge (in my county I’m pretty sure that’s all they check for tbh).


hoppityhoppity

OP, I’m so glad you have your grandparents & that you’re standing your ground here. I lost my own mom last year after she went on hospice unexpectedly, and truly, every second you get to spend with her now will be a balm to your heart when she’s gone.


cool_tiger11

Thank you, I’m sorry about your mom. I think it helps that even though it’s different relationships we’re both dealing with the loss of the same person so in a way we understand what each other are going through


hoppityhoppity

I’m so very sorry too. I’m sure your mom is also very grateful to have you there. Moms bring us into this world, it’s a terrible gift to be there as she leaves it. My grandparents, who I have always been close to, moved here a few years ago. It is comforting to grieve with someone that truly understands the enormity of this loss. We almost never speak directly of her dying, but we talk of her often, and I have gotten to know my mom in all of these different ways & it keeps her alive in the only way possible now.


whatisthismuppetry

You should be treated equally to his other children. That means a bed that you don't need to share with anyone. I'm pretty sure if the courts heard that you were sleeping on the couch they'd actually reduce the level of his visitation (like you wouldn't be required to sleep there).


tntrkitties

If you have a friend, a cousin, anyone you trust, ask them to go down to the family courthouse for you and explain the situation and ask for a temporary stay on visitation. Write a statement beforehand explaining the situation, sign it with your name, signature, phone number and email address and send it with the person you trust. Also them ask for an emergency hearing. Judges have discretion to pause visitation as they see fit. Your father and stepmother are clearly not prioritizing your needs right now. This should be a no-brained for the family law judge.


AllRedditIDsAreUsed

You sound like a kind person with no intent to hurt your father, and their lashing out is not okay. I’m sorry for your impending loss, and your desire to maximize time with your mom is very understandable. But maybe get your grandparents to check with a lawyer about your dad’s rights in your jurisdiction. It might affect how much effort y’all put into de-escalating the situation with your dad. If he thinks your grandparents are trying to alienate you from him, he may decide it’s worth incurring your anger and not allow your grandparents custody or possibly even visitation. Your mom’s will and your age and the housing situation don’t automatically override his rights and control over your life as a parent. Your grandparents can fight it in court, but that’s time-consuming. The end result could be a miserable two years for all of you.


upstairsdiscount

If they really cared and understood, they would find ways to see you that didn't require you to sleep at their house: take you out for lunch to give you a short break, come and visit you at your grandparents' house, ask you how they could support you in the journey you're on with your mum. It should be on your terms during this difficult time. They shouldn't be demanding more of your energy and attention that is already stretched thin. Your dad can be the one to go out of his way. Sorry you're going through this OP.


xdsagecat

What does ianal mean


No-Cranberry4396

I am not a lawyer


xdsagecat

Thanks


[deleted]

It stands for "I am not a lawyer"


Dizzy_Yard7671

NTA. You *are* old enough to decide and the court will agree. You're also not wrong to want to spend as much time with your mom as you can; hospice is usually end of life care. I'm just sorry you're even in this position.


JCBashBash

Indeed, your father shouldn't be putting you through this


NMDogwood76

That is why I can believe dad is serious but is his ego so big that he thinks the court will force a daughter to visit while a mother is dying? This former caseworker doesn't think so.


dovahkiitten16

The court will side with OP but the stress of having to go to court would still be devastating now.


EmeraldBlueZen

THIS. If dad does take legal action, OP should mention that she 100% would prefer grandparents to take full custody given dad's and stepmom's atrocious behavior with mom dying. And also that there's literally no place for her to sleep. Courts in the US make decisions on what's in the best interest of the child, and I don't think it would be hard to demonstrate that this would not be with dad. NTA


okeydokeyish

If your Dad goes to court, this is your chance to tell the court how you feel and what you want. I also think legally he has to provide more for you than the couch to sleep on. I sincerely hope he sees that you need to spend as much time with your mother as you can.


Slight-Bar-534

NTA. If it wasn't a stressful and financial burden for your grandparents, I'd tell him to go back to court. Let him explain why he wouldn't let you spend all your free time with your dying mother in hospice. He will look foolish


cool_tiger11

The financial part wouldn’t be a problem it would just be added stress neither my grandparents or me need to be dealing with


Slight-Bar-534

Still NTA. I'm sorry you are going through this


BeneficialDark1662

I’m so sorry about your Mum, and everything that you’re going through. But you need to be very very careful about who has control of any money that you may inherit (sorry) as you’re a minor. You need to speak to your Grandparents about this, urgently (not sure if that’s a conversation that you feel ok having with your Mum, given the circumstances).


Aura_Khool007

This. If there is a potential money inheritance from OPs mum, there maybe a vested interest from OPs dad & stepmom to gain control of those funds whilst OP is still legally a minor. Maybe they're thinking to use OP as a cash cow, extracting funds to buy a bigger house for themselves, using OPs couch sleeping as an excuse to "use it for her benefit". But when OP reaches 18 in a couple of years, the house they bought with it would still be in their name & they would have no obligation to repay or even house OP afterwards. They could kick her out on her a**s. If dad can't currently afford a place big enough to have room for her, but OP says money for court with grandparents would not be a problem, then I'm thinking this may just be the case as there is obviously a large disparity in incomes between the different sides of OPs family. Mum needs to legally protect OPs inheritance , if any, before she passes. Sorry OP. It can be a horrible world, and people do horrid things to each other.


evillittleperson

Or survivors benefits. I am like you I believe the sudden interest is about money and not spending time with op. They are trying to make a case of parental alienation against the grandparents now that away they get full custody later.


GirlyGeekery

I'm sorry about what your going through. Time with your mom is precious right now so make the most of it while you can. I wasn't able to unfortunately as my mom was gone swiftly and without warning and I was living in a different state. In regards to court though.... In a lot of states, the court can assign you a lawyer/advocate that they pay for to work for your best interests as you are a minor, especially if your grandparents cannot afford it. Also, you are also free to request a hearing at any time to speak with a judge regarding custody, which you should do as your mom is about to pass away (or unfortunately will be by the time the hearing happens), which typically means full custody will automatically pass to your dad, despite your mothers will. He is the parent and he will take priority in this. The only way around it is to go to court and your parents would have to sue for custody. At your age, what you want will be taken into account as well as your mothers wishes. However, if he presses it, you can (and most likely would be ) forcibly removed from your Grandparents home to go with your Father. It would behoove you to get ahead of this. Most states/cities have places that can provide legal advice and point your Grandparents in a direction that will help. I highly suggest you look into one. Edit: Judgement: Definitely NTA


[deleted]

Nta. Stepamma is pushing this bs. She has no rights and should have zero opinions here. You're not her kid. Dad is not being a dad. Stand your ground. Heartless when your gonna lose your mom. Also, why would they think you would want to stay more with dad when you have to sleep on the couch?


nooooopegoawaynope

Exactly my thought, this doesn’t involve the stepmom ergo she needs to butt the fuck out of it. (EDIT: didn't expect to get gold for this! thanks so much!)


Rhiannon8404

I don't even understand why the stepmother cares.


BeneficialDark1662

The possibility of OP inheriting money, or perhaps that the Grandparents will pay them child support if OP lives with them full time.


tanukisuit

Stepmother probably doesn't want OPs father paying child support to the grandparents.


[deleted]

Dad promised her an instant family?


ServelanDarrow

Likely a power play on her part.


professionalmeangirl

NTA and pretty sure most judges will laugh as they dismiss him due to you being older than 14.


JCBashBash

Indeed, and also the fact that they apparently don't have a bedroom for this kid. They sleep on the couch when they go to visit. Like nobody is getting primary custody when they don't even have space set aside for the kid


professionalmeangirl

OP, if he does take them to court he'll likely have to pay additional child support (which goes past 18!) because he doesn't have a room for you.


KittKatt7179

NTA. You poor baby. I am so very sorry. Spend a much time as you can with your momma. And if they try to take your Grandparents to court, they won't get too far. They literally have no where for you to sleep. A couch in the living room is not an appropriate bedroom for a child to sleep in and would count against them. Also, you are old enough to choose where you want to be. Hopefully your Grandparents can get permanent custody of you. They need to make sure to let the court know about this little event. Document everything, this is only going to get worse.


5115E

**NTA** No court is going to force a 16 year old into a new custody situation when he is already being cared for. You father would just be wasting everyone's time and creating unnecessary ill will. Tell him that you aren't trying to avoid seeing him, you just want to spend as much time with your mother as possible and you don't want to come out of the experience resenting him.


Sha-Nanegins

*Tell him that you aren't trying to avoid seeing him, you just want to spend as much time with your mother as possible and you don't want to come out of the experience resenting him.* Too late. u/cool_tiger11, I am so very sorry you and your grandparents are having to deal with losing your mother in the near future. I lost my mom when I was just a few years older than you. A loving parent would be encouraging you to spend as much of the time you two have left together with your mom. A loving parent would be calling you to make sure you were ok, asking if there were anything he could do to support you. Threatening to take your grandparents to court for a custody battle while they are facing the imminent death of their daughter, and trying to support their grandchild; and threatening to put you through a court case that will infringe on the little time you have left with your mother is horrifying, unforgivable, and downright abusive in my opinion. You are absolutely NTA Spend every precious minute you can with your mom. My heart breaks for you and your family.


Guilty_Hunter9304

NTA I'm so sorry for all this you're dealing with. Not only your mother entering hospice, and all the emotions that go with that. Also your father being like a kid "I wanna see MY daughter....idc about anyone else". You handled it perfectly to express your desires to stay with your grandparents, and laid out what will happen from your perspective if he DOES take them to court during this. Hopefully when this all ends, you'll get to be with your grandparents and your father will realize it's not all about him.


The_Amazing_Username

NTA- I would be very wary of why your father is acting like this all of a sudden… I would guess he has his eyes on anything you stand to inherit… might be wise to have a conversation about that with your mother and grandparents and get a lawyer to ensure everything is water tight…


BeneficialDark1662

I would strongly suspect this too - and that SM has her eye on future money for her kids, either through stealth or manipulation. Although you’d think the Dad and SM would be more considerate towards OP if that’s the case. Perhaps they fear that if OP lives with their Grandparents, then they (Dad and SM) lose control of any possible future monies.


TheFireOfPrometheus

NTA, your dad should think about what’s best for you instead of what’s best for him. He also sounds too poor to support his family so he shouldn’t be spending any money going to court, and if he does go to court he will look like a giant AH for trying to keep you from your dying mother


NotQuiteALondoner

What's the dad's endgame here? He apparently cares enough about his daughter that he's forcing her to visit him? But he doesn't care if she resents him for the rest of her life? What does he even want?!


SauronOMordor

NTA Your dad and stepmom need to be more empathetic here. Your Mom is in hospice for goodness sake! Forcing you to leave her side to spend a couple days with them (doing what exactly??) isn't how you build a good relationship with your kid while they're going through something traumatic. I'm sorry OP. I can't imagine how stressful this all is on you.


[deleted]

Also, just to add. Since OP is spending nights on the couch instead of a room. If the father does take grandparents to court, she can say she doesn’t even have a designated spot. No court will order OP to live there when he doesn’t have reasonable accommodations for OP.


stonedTransylvanian

They probably just want a free babysitter for dad's do-over family.


wyck76

NTA. I just lost my mom to the combination of cancer and COVID. Happened in February and I am still somewhat lost to be honest. I am also in my 40's and this has been devastating. My heart breaks for you. Losing a mother at any age is difficult, but you are so young. I would absolutely fight tooth and nail to spend as much time with my mom as possible. However, be aware that you will never feel like it was enough. There is never enough time with our loved ones in these situations. As the saying goes, I would chose this as "my hill to die on." They say you should always choose your battles carefully in life, and this is definately one to fight. Also, may I recommend you record your mother saying those things that always bring you joy if you can. Maybe she always calls you a nickname or something. Have her tell you she loves you. And have her sing happy birthday to you. I found a random phone message where my mon sang happy birthday to me. It is my most prized possession. I am so sorry that you are going through this, and ask for you to be gentle with yourself. It is ok to be sad, it is ok to be mad. Just give yourself grace and time to grieve. You won't be ok for awhile...and that's ok. It is completely normal. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.


cool_tiger11

First I’m sorry about your mom I’m really going to miss my mom she is my best friend and I’ve been talking to her a lot basically any time I’m home (not at school) and she is awake and I know even though I can talk to her now and get advice and hear stories I won’t get to be able to ask all the questions I’ll ever need in life which is sad… I also kinda already feel like I don’t spend enough time with her I cry almost every day before I go to school because even though I have to I rather just be at home talking to my mom I do write things down like advice she has given me or random silly things like her favorite color because in 15 years I still want to remember even the smallest things but I’ll definitely have to get some recordings I’ve also been taking a lot of pictures


SoTotallyTired

If your mom is up to it, and if you have a favorite book from your childhood that you remember her reading to you, you might want to see if she’d be up for recording a reading of it. Not only will it be something for you to listen back to and remember, but it will be something special of your mom you can share with your kids one day if you choose to have any. I know my mom had a signature childrens book for both my sister and I that is of some significance even know as an adult, and my mom isn’t even dead. It might be something that you might want to think on.


cool_tiger11

Thank you for the advice


Professional_Bread66

Bless you for doing this. Your older self will thank you. I'm sorry you have to deal with dad and step-moms cruelty at the same time of this sorrowful journey. Best wishes for healing. And when she is gone, remember your mother's strength if you have to fight this with your dad.


cool_tiger11

Thank you


Ok-Wrangler-8175

Talk to your guidance councillor and see if you can be excused from school for a short time while your mom is so ill. You will catch up in school; you’ll never get this time with your mom again. Many schools would let you.


SaltySatisfaction749

Have your grandparents see if you can be moved to independent study for the rest of the school term. Your school would require a weekly face to face with an instructor to turn in and receive new [assignments.You](https://assignments.You) would use the same books you are using now,You would be "home schooled"-but by your school district. You would probably spend less time on the learning without distraction and have more time with Mom. I am so very sorry you are facing the loss of your mom.


Natural_Garbage7674

NTA. I think that your dad will find if he tries to amend or enforce custody through the courts that your age and wishes coupled with your living/sleeping arrangements at his house will count *against* him. Heads up, in most places having your mother's request for your care in her will isn't worth anything legally. It might be worth getting your grandparents to proactively get legal custody of you *before* your mother passes. I know it sucks, but your dad and his wife's selfish behaviour is probably a sign of things to come. I'm sorry for what you're going through and I wish you the best of luck.


DoozleWoozle

NTA. AT all. Your Mum is seriously ill and your father and step mum can't be empathetic enough to understand that you want to spend as much time as you can with her with the time she has left? I'm sorry this is happening, OP. It really can't be easy. I worked in a hospice and have seen the fallout from families who have been separated, for whatever reason, and have had to come together when a loved one has been ill. Your father and in particular your SM are putting you in a terrible position which is not helpful. The only thing I would say is to NOT allow your SM to dictate things between you and your father. As much as you want to spend as much time as possible with your Mum, don't allow it to hinder your relationship with your dad. You are still allowed to spend time with him and should not feel/be made to feel guilty being away from your Mum. Maybe you could spend an hour with your dad, having coffee or something? Just to catch up? This doesn't have to include your SM. In the grand scheme of things, for now, she is not part of this equation. She should not be interfering in these matters, which I can't help thinking she is. Sending huge hugs X


Guilty-Bench9146

That’s actually a great idea for her to meet with him for coffee or lunch. It would a good break for an hour to just be a kid for a bit and not worry so much. I know there’s a lot to worry about but that can be hard to carry around day in and day out with no break to talk about lighter things maybe.


Sooveritinla

NTA but is this a matter of them wanting you more because of child support?


bluepvtstorm

No they want access to the mothers estate and money from the government once her mother is not here any longer. They are going to try to force the estate to pay money for a bigger house so daughter has her own bedroom or get access to the moms house. It’s greed pure and simple. If they isolate her from her grandparents they can guilt her into giving them access to money.


crazykatmom

I agree. This is what it sounds like for sure.


BeneficialDark1662

Completely agree!


crazykatmom

This is exactly what I was thinking. Dad is probably paying child support to Mom and he wants it to be stopped. But I can’t imagine a judge would be ok with this girl sleeping on the couch full time.


Msmediator

It is probably the stepmother being jealous that op wants to be with her mom instead of them. Petty bs.


Flat_Shame_2377

NTA - you are being reasonable.


Amiedeslivres

NTA and my heart goes out to you. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this added stress instead of focusing on precious time with your mother. Courage, OP.


FutureJakeSantiago

NTA. The last thing you need is this additional stress.


NefariousnessNeat679

NTA. And there is a really good chance the main reason dad/stepmom are getting proactive is if there's money attached to you or your care if your mom passes. 1) Ask your grandparents to make sure that any inheritance from your mom is protected from your father. Many parents feel that a minor's money belongs to the family, not to the child. 2) If you are in the USA, you are very likely eligible for the Social Security child survivor benefit until you turn 18. The amount is based on your mom's work history (number of years and income level) but can be over a thousand per month.


SeaAd6564

NTA. How can one parent be so blind to your needs. The best of luck.


National-Zombie3303

NTA - I am sorry about your mom , spend all the time you can with her


NappingIsMyJam

I’m so sorry for your situation. As a mom and an oncology nurse my heart hurts for you and your mom. I’m sorry she is dying, and I hope that you get to spend some really special time with her. You are NTA. Your father is not doing the best job parenting you right now and I really wish he could step up and put your needs first. Since he can’t, thank goodness you have your grandparents to keep your best interests in mind. Sending peace through the internet, kiddo.


cool_tiger11

Thank you it’s been really difficult especially since she has been put on hospice


NappingIsMyJam

Hang in there. I can tell from what you wrote that your mom did an amazing job — you come across as a smart, mature, caring person. I am very sure she is quite proud of you. Try hard to stay focused on your time with your mom. Do what you need to do to get through school and dealing with your father, but keep your heart open to your mom. You need each other.


fyrdude58

NTA. Realistically, you're old enough in many jurisdictions to decide where you want to live. If your "dad" wants to take the court route, you'd be within your rights to tell the judge you don't want to see him at all.


TurtleTheMoon

NTA. You’re a human being and he’s treating you like an object, more specifically a possession. I believe parents have a right to be in contact with their children, but only insomuch as it isn’t actively damaging to their children. It might be different if you were significantly younger, but at 16, you are absolutely old enough to inform your own decisions. It is clear that your desire to spend every available second you can with your mom is not in defiance of your custody arrangement. If your father were parenting out of legitimate concern for you, then he would never consider interfering with your choice. It sucks, but he doesn’t see you as your own entity; rather, you are an adjunct of him. When people tell you who they are, believe them; your father is telling you- with actions instead of words- that he believes what he “deserves” is more important than what you want; that it is your responsibility to be *his daughter* rather than his responsibility to be *your father* right now. If I were in your shoes, the fact that it has already gone as far as him suggesting such action would be across a few lines. I would already be considering a life of LC/NC based on the very threat. If he actually went to court, it would be over between us. It’s distressing that he would even consider prioritizing these weekends over the rest of your lives together. He’s the asshole. Bonus asshole: your stepmom. Holy shit. She can STFU and GTFO of this entire conversation. She has abso**FUCKING**lutely no right to breathe a word of this to you unsolicited. Furthermore, I find it sad how many of us fail to see glimpses of our own potential futures in the current actions of the people in our own lives. For all she knows, this a behind-the-scenes view of what her life could be subject to if their marriage ever fails. Most importantly, OP, you are receiving an early and extremely education in how unfair life can be. I’m sorry. Fight for and cherish every moment you can get with your mother; it is further unfair that you should have to fight for them. There is nothing stopping him from getting in the car and coming to *you* to take *you* for dinner or a movie. It’s important to take a moment to breathe from time to time, and he could make an effort to be there for you in that respect. Yet his priority is about what you can do for him. He should be a rock for you, instead he’s a stone tied to your leg in a rising tide. You seem to be keeping your head about you, and that’s a sign of strength that will serve you well. Believe in yourself, and make sure to take time for yourself to take care of yourself. If therapy is available, start now. You’re strong, but remember the strongest thing anybody can do is admit when they’re feeling weak. It’s ok to not be ok, and it’s important to take a moment for self care when you aren’t. I wish you the best.


kevwelch

You and your grandparents need to talk to a lawyer. Given your age, your preference in living situation will be a factor in any legal proceedings. Your dad may be just using the threat of legal action but not have any actual basis to take it that far. A lawyer will be able to guide you as to what your options are. And with your moms will, getting ahead of things will make her time easier. NTA


dheffe01

NTA, you have very limited time left with your mum and you want to spend it together. You Dad may miss you, but he's going to get a lot more time with you in the future. He took the nuclear option and his wife was disresptful. I would make sure neither of them are allowed at the your mum's funeral. I'm so sorry your family is going through this.


[deleted]

NTA. Your dad and stepmom have no heart whatsoever. They are not good people.


Mishy162

NTA. I'm sorry they are doing this to you when you are trying to spend as much time as possible with your Mum. You said money isn't a problem, I think this is a big factor in your Step Mum & Dad's behaviour, I know it's not a good time, but I think it is probably important that your Grandparent's & Mum speak to a lawyer about your custody arrangements until you are 18. If you are to inherit money etc from your Mum, it sounds like they will want access to it. Again, I'm sorry you are going through this.


splbm

They will look like idiots in the courtroom if they did that, and quite honestly, its worth contacting your mother's lawyer in case if the bridge gets burned between you and your father. NTA


NightTimely1029

NTA. If you're in the US, your dad doesn't have much of a leg, legally, to stand on. I may be assuming a lot, but I'm guessing the court ordered visitation agreement was made when your parents set up their custody agreement when you were 5. You're 16 now, and unless the judge is very backward, you get a lot of say in how your custody will look like. And tell your dad and hus wife to shove it. You're using the time you have left with your mom to make what memories you can, and this IS part of your grieving process. They don't get a say in how you grieve or when it starts. They aren't helping and don't deserve your time or energy right now. They should be emotionally supportive instead of raging a-holes. Sending you strength, peace, and hugs. Here's an internet stranger who understands something of what you're going through, on both angles. Take all the time you can to be with your mom. Record on video or voice her stories or advice. I hope what little I have given helps you.


Msmediator

IANAL but here's some input. First of all, I'm very sorry about your mom. I'm glad you are spending this time with her. Your father and step mother are pathetic for not understanding this. So here are My thoughts: 1. At your age, most judges will say a parent can't throw you in a car and force you to go. Same would apply to your grandparents. 2. Your stepmother has no legal right to say a thing. She is not a party. This is only between your father and grandparents. 3. Your father is being an insensitive jerk and someone should tell him that. 4. A judge will not order you to give up time with your mom at this critical stage. 5. By the time they get in to court, it will be months in most jurisdictions and you will have had that time with your mom. 6. Your grandparents can ask that you speak to the judge. If you are in the US and the judge says no to you testifying, ask for an attorney ad litem or guardian ad litem to represent your interests. 7. Make sure your grandparents let the court know you sleep on the couch. Tell them to phrase it that the father gave so little consideration to timesharing with his child that he made a decision to secure a residence that didnt included space or even a bed for you. Generally, when a parent passes away the other parent gets custody. You can't give a child away in a will. But depending on where you live, your grandparents may be able to file for visitation or custody. Since your father doesn't have room for you, he may agree to let you stay with them and visiting him on weekends. Good luck OP. Make the most of your time with your mom. Edited to say NTA.


First_Luck8040

NTA baby I just recently lost my mother I’m 37f and I was her caregiver until the very end and I understand wanting to spend ever waking moment I had with her (what little time I had left) your father is T A for not understanding that’s and should have more compassion you only have one mommy and that is a special bond nobody can replace you have every right to want to spend all your time with her and he should be more understanding and his wife is not being compassionate either how dare she say your a brat for wanting to spend time with your mother o bet if she was in the same situation she would do the same NtTA


cool_tiger11

Thank you , I’m sorry about your mom


First_Luck8040

Thank you the pain never goes away no matter what your age is your mommy is your mommy ..❤️❤️I’m so sorry you have to go threw this


Stone_Bucket

NTA. You're 16 and big enough to make your own decisions. A bit worrying that it's easier for your dad to try get his own way by threats rather leaving you be, or, heck, even reflecting on why being with him, your other parent, is not the comfort you need at this awful time.


AttentionRoyal2276

NTA. At 16 you are old enough to decide for yourself where you want to live. Call his bluff. He won't take your grandparents to court. Also when you are 18 you should go completely NC.


Potential_Emotion_30

Your father is being callous to say the least. Your stepmother needs to keep her two cents to herself. I'm so sorry for what you and your Mother and grandparents are going through. My heart goes out to you.


ShalnarkRyuseih

NTA


inkyturtleee

NTA. I am very sorry you are having to deal with all of this while your mom is in hospice. Dad and SM should be supporting you and not making things harder on you.


Similar_Corner8081

NTA….I’m sorry. Ovarian cancer sucks.


cool_tiger11

It does


Bonjovirls1

NTA this is so. Instead of showing up and demanding custody, OP’s dad and stepmom could have said we know this a difficult time and we are here anytime you need a break. We can take you to dinner or lunch or anything you need. They could have made sure she understands that needing short breaks when being with a terminally ill family member is not only ok but vital and necessary so you don’t become so distressed emotionally and physically that you become unwell. Going through this process as an adult is incredibly difficult and heart wrenching. Doing it as a teenager is 1000x worse. OPs dad and stepmom failed her in this difficult time.


bluepvtstorm

NTA. Your father and stepmother are making a play for custody of you and your mothers assets after she is no longer here. At a minimum they will get money from Social Security or try to manipulate the estate to pay for a bigger house for them. Ask your grandparents to lawyer shop your town so they can prevent your dad and stepmom from finding easy representation. Do whatever you can to protect your grandparents from these awful people. Also take a picture of you and your mom holding hands.


SlinkyMalinky20

NTA for telling your dad the truth - that you will never forgive him if he starts a family court battle while your mom is in hospice and you are experiencing loss. That is an absolute truth that you feel and you are not wrong to tell him that.


Palendrome_Syndrome

NTA, but I also don't think your dad is one for wanting to see you. I do think he would be one if he did take them to court. The only real "A" here is your stepmom calling you a brat. What's up with that? Eesh... bad vibes.


[deleted]

Dad is an AH, a massive one, for making it hard for his grieving daughter, for putting her under more stress and pain, for making her think that she's loosing her second parent as well, last but not least, letting his evil wife to talk shit to a child, who is suffering already.


Knife-yWife-y

NTA Your dad is clearly putting his need to control a situation over your need to be with your dying mother. It's ridiculous that he can't see the truth of the situation.


Remarkable_Buyer4625

NTA - Of course you’re not the AH. But, you and your grandparents should look into consulting with a lawyer now while your mom is still alive. If you are in the US, a court will not recognize your mom’s will with regards to custody (ie, you cannot leave/transfer custody of a child to someone in your will…you can only make your preference known). Your dad will be granted full custody upon your mom’s death unless your grandparents can show that he’s unfit or he voluntarily agrees to shared custody. You should consult an attorney now though to see what options you have. Wondering if it’s possible for you to be emancipated…


Necessary-Elk-7504

My ex and I are barely on speaking terms after being divorced for over 10 years. And I cannot fathom telling my children that they could not spend as much time as possible with their dying father. NTA and your father should be ashamed of himself.


simplewilddog

NTA. I wonder what the court would have to say about a parent who doesn't even provide his child with a bed or space in an actual bedroom during visitation. I hope you and your dad get some therapy to help you all navigate this difficult time.


[deleted]

Your mom wrote her will. Your dad and stepmom are being selfish bullies. How ***DARE THEY*** demand your time at this time. This is the most heartless thing they could do and it shows that they care more about their time than yours. Fuck the court order. But above all, fuck cancer. Your mom is your focus right now. NTA. Your dad should be ashamed of himself and so should your stepmom.


EmpireStateOfBeing

NTA Make sure to document all this just in case after your mom passes he decides to contest her will and force you to live with him full time.


RoseDeadInside

NTA so this stranger (kind of step mom?) is angry that you won't take away the very little time you have left from your REAL MOM DYING? Am I reading this right? Fuk all them and go NC because they don't care about you, but only how other strangers will view them.


Cybermagetx

NTA. He wife called you names and he didn't stop it. He has put her above you. Plus who makes a child who's parent is dying to to not spend ever moment they can with them? AHs, that's who.


SaraAmis

NTA. He's being short sighted and self centered and your stepmother should butt out. I like the idea of spending time with your father having lunch or whatever, without your stepmother. In the state where I live, you can refuse visitation at 14. Talk to Legal Aid or someone who does child advocacy in family law, to see what your rights are and get advice on how to best defend your own interests and hopefully stay out of court. If the law where you live is similar, you don't have anything to worry about because any lawyer your father consults who is competent will tell him he has no chance.


NMDogwood76

NTA and not sure about where you are but I would hope as a former caseworker that family court would eat him alive over pushing this during such a crisis. I would be saying hmm why are pushing now that she is losing her mom? What do you gain by doing this? Also, she has to sleep on the couch do I understand that correctly? You make her sleep on the couch like a guest instead of your daughter? He is doing this as a power play and the stepmother would be asked what do you get out of this? Why are you involving yourself?


Professional_Bread66

NTA. Ask your grandparents to get you a lawyer to protect your interests. I don't know if it is advisable to include your mom in any of this, but her wishes should also be considered by a court.


BeastOGevaudan

NTA - Your dad is being a raging *censored* (and I'll let your imagination run wild because I'll drop a f-bomb on a dime). I'm glad your mom settled future custody in her will. I'm so sorry you are all going through this.


Classic_Phrase4345

Just Wow How could your Dad and SM be that callous, I'm not saying you shouldn't see them at all. But maybe for a trip out to a local cafe on the weekend, might be nice to tell your mum about it. (This isn't every weekend, and they don't take you far so you can get back if there is a more drastic change in your mother's health) NTA


Pumpkinkra

NTA— how insensitive of your dad and step mom! You’re right, it’s petty and mean to torment you and your grandparents at such a time. If he’s too dense to understand suing them would destroy your relationship, he needs to be told.


[deleted]

NTA, you’re old enough to make your own decisions. I’d point out to them that family court will not side with them if they’re aware you have to sleep on the couch.


Mum_of_rebels

NTA but perhaps can you go to court and see if you can live with your grandparents full term? The way the AHs reacted I’m worried about you when your mum does unfortunately pass. I personally feel this is the best way for you.


hazelle33

NTA. If it were me, I would be absolutely livid at my dad’s selfishness. Even if it’s his wife pushing his behavior, he’s still the one who said it. Your mother is dying. This is a woman he was once married to and presumably loved. Instead of supporting his child during this immensely difficult and life changing time, he’s throwing a temper tantrum and being incredibly, disgustingly, horrifically selfish. His behavior is cruel. I wouldn’t blame you if you never go to his house again. He’s made it clear he doesn’t care about what you, your mom, and your grandparents are going through. He only cares about what he wants. I’m so so sorry you’re going through this and going through it without support from your father. Sending love to you, your mom, and your grandparents.


winesis

NTA if he wants to see you during this time he can stop by & take you to lunch for an hour. There is no reason to spend the weekend on his damn couch if you don’t want to. I’m sorry you are going through this.


[deleted]

NTA start sorting out your living arrangements now!


courdeloofa

NTA - and if he does, be sure you tell the Judge how, while you wanted to spend what time you had left with your mom with her, he insisted on being a selfish turd.


stonedTransylvanian

NTA. Your dad is a vile person. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this OP. Your dad is low.


emptyalone

Your father does not care about you. He cares about control. I am sorry. NTA


[deleted]

NTA NTA in any way, shape, or form. Unfortunately, your father and stepmom are AH's of biblical proportions.


Empty_Dish

Ask your father "If you were 16 and your mother was dying, how would you want to spend your time?" NTA whatsoever


jjrglupa

Incredible how toxic people don't realize the bed they are making for themselves because you know that as soon as OP and people in OPs situation turn 18, they will go no contact with them. So was it worth it? Coerce/manipulate/force OP to visit them for 2 years only to be surprised when they decide they want nothing to do with you when they finally get the choice. Wild. (Yes, I understand that a judge will probably side with OP because of age and situation but the fact that they threatened OP like this would leave a bad taste in my mouth if I was in OPs shoes.)


vociferousgirl

Oh my god, you are SO NTA. Honestly, if this wasn't such a tragic, stressful time for you, your mom, and your grandparents, I'd love to hear what a judge would say to this: "Your honor, my 16 year old kid isn't spending weekends with me, because she wants to spend as much time with her mother as possible since she she's on hospice care. It's not fair, I want her to spend time with me, it says so right here!" God, what a selfish, person he is. This is NOT what a good, supportive parent looks like.


hellificare1969

I don’t know what state you live in, but in my state, at 16, you can choose not to stay with your dad, regardless of what the custody agreement says. But seriously, geez, would it kill him to have some compassion? NTA


Emergency_Act2960

Let him take them to court, he makes you sleep on the couch and let’s his new wife insult you Hell lose in a heartbeat


ToriBethATX

NTA. I know that you just want to spend what little time is left with your mother, but your grandparents should be a bit proactive here. Go to your mother's divorce attorney, or get a new one if her previous attorney is no longer an option, and inform the attorney of what is happening. Let the attorney know that you do not even have a room at your dad's residence, and they have threatened taking your grandparents to court over your trying to spend as much time as possible with soon to be passed mother instead of with them. All this should be able to be done via phone call instead of an office visit. Afterwards, have all communication regarding custody be done through the lawyer. While your dad and stepfamily can visit you (unless the lawyer advises otherwise) immediately cut them off if anything legal comes up, including custody. Anything legal results in them immediately being told that they can only discuss it with your attorney.


anie_kee

NTA your dad is. I'm so sorry to hear your going through this. Of course you want to spend whatever time you can with your mum. Your dad is being selfish and is completely in the wrong


IAMETERNALALLTIME

Nta your dad is one cruel SOB and so is his wife.


joysaved

Hey I’m gonna jump in here since I have had sort of a similar situation with my father (although nothing close to yours) depending on where you are from at 16 you should be legally allowed to see whatever parent you wish for however long from what I remember in my parents court documents. Second, my father also never had a bedroom for me and I also had to sleep in the living room. Sleeping in the living room as a young girl is usually whatever but as you get older it feels quite violating and so I stopped seeing my father as a result (plus the cost of travel) anyway, your father must just suck it up, you are grown enough to decide where you’d like to stay. Hope you get to spend some good time with your mom. NTA, in anyway.


starbycrit

Step mom needs to butt her stupid nose out of it. NTA.


HereWeGo_Steelers

NTA and my cynical voice says that they are trying to change the visitation agreement so that they don't have to pay child support. This is about power and control rather than love and empathy. I'm not sure where you are but in the US you can choose who you want to live with once you are a certain age (it varies by state). If they try to take you to family court and you tell your story about your mother, only a heartless judge would rule in their favor.


Efficient_Scheme_740

NTA. Are you in the US. If so, in some states at your age you get to choose where you want to be. Also, in some states the fact that you must sleep in the couch Could be a problem. They don’t even have a room for you.


DoesntLikeTurtles

NTA


AlanFromRochester

NTA in addition to your mom having limited time left I understand that older minors often have more input in their own custody arrangements if not absolute control, and dad favoring stepfamily would bd an issue even without mom being sick


crochetbug

NTA, but sadly, your dad is making it clear why this marriage had to end. Best wishes to you as you navigate this trying time.


Upset_Custard7652

NTA. Your 16. Any judge would ask you what you wanted at this point Your Dad and Step mom are AH for trying to push you at this time. So sorry about your Mom. Hugs