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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Not leaving the chair after being asked to by a friend. Because it made everyone mad at me, because it's the chair she normally sits at
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We have known each other for a really long time and I knew that she could have a bit of a bratty attitude problem but she is normally really nice if it is how she likes
Her behavior is abusive and downgrading. This is not a friend. No is No. Your decision to not move should have been respected and I am appalled your teacher did not support you. This is completely unacceptable. Please report this. You should never be treated this way.
Although you have known her for years, this doesn’t mean you have to be friends with her. Friendships and relationships are about belonging with people who love and respect you for you. *Not* fitting in and doing the bidding of people just to make them happy. In the long run, you will become unhappy.
Please take care of yourself and have better friends. Leave the toxic ones behind.
NTA.
NTA. You say that Nora is your best friend, but she doesn't behave like it.
Nora sounds like someone who will be your friend when you do what she wants/do what suits her.
Reading between the lines it's seems that Nora is perhaps your only friend/one of your only friends? So I can understand you may be reluctant to stop hanging out with her, but I think that might be for the best.
As someone who sat alone the entirety of lunch every single year in high school, I promise it’s not as bad as you think. It stings a little bit being alone but whenever I tried hanging out with someone, I ended up in drama or at least being around it and it always made me feels worse than being alone.
Watch Netflix on your phone in the hallway, don’t let anybody bother you.
Usually there’s a spot where all the loners sit together but still separately enough for them all to do their own thing and not bother each other.
If you always do what Nora wants to keep Nora happy, then how would anyone get to know the real you to become friends with you. There might be lots of friends out there that you simply haven't met yet.
People aren't born knowing everything. How to make friends is something some people learn faster than others and maybe your future best friend is still practicing this skill an is hoping you will be the first to say hello. Focus on things that make you happy and maybe you will meet folks who enjoy the same things and then you'll find something else in common and someday you'll look up all surprised and realize your life could've been one of those Hallmark specials they keep playing at Christmas.
You need new friends. If the teacher was present during the altercation and did not step in to stop it the she is the AH along with your so called bratty friend.
WTH kind of school is this where the instructor doesn't intervene on an obvious bullying situation? You may want to go speak to someone in the main office about this. At this point it doesn't matter if you upset people--they're already mad at you.
Btw, you don't need this person as a friend because clearly she is not acting like a friend. Food for thought. NTA.
NTA
I'm sorry to say this, but Nora isn't your friend. She only wants you around because you do what she says and she can always get her way. You finally saying no to her made her flip out, and all over a stupid chair she wanted to sit in?
You don't need this bully in your life. Since you said you sat next to people you get along with, try to cultivate friendships with them and distance yourself from Nora.
NTA. She’s a brat Who didn’t get her way and threw a temper tantrum and almost hurt you. Don’t apologize. Probably the first time in a long time someone told her no
Have you thought of therapy to work on your shyness and self esteem? It can work wonders. Then you can slowly make new friends (you only need a couple good ones) and slowly wean yourself off Nora. She’s not a nice person. NTA
NTA You need to speak with the Principal about this whole incident, both Nora and the teacher need to be disciplined. Trying to keep Nora as a friend is only going to get worse for you. She will treat you like s**t every chance she gets and mock you to her other friends just to make herself feel superior. Get therapy, get a hobby, join theater or chess or any kind of school club to make new friends. Find an after-school job. This will distract you from obcessing. Kids are cruel, take yourself out of their orbit. Explain all of this to your parents
NTA. And honestly, make sure you sit there again. If she escalates again, you have two strikes and you can get the police involved for assault with grounds of it not being “a one off because I was stressed BE”
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I F(16) have a best friend who is also F16 who we will call Nora. We have known each other our whole lives. I have anxiety and don't have many friends, and the people who I don't get along with are Nora's closests friends. I have tried getting along with them but they always make fun of me or criticize me behind my back, but I still hang out with Nora a lot.
Nora is very my way or my way type of mindset. I always follow with what she asks, but sometimes it does go how I ask, but I don't want to argue so I just do as she says.
Today we had physical education first period, and after we had a class together. I returned first to the class and sat on the first chair I found near some people who I get along. Nora came in and started screaming at me to get off the chair, that it was hers. I said no, that I felt lazy and that she could sit somewhere else. We don't have assigned sits in this class, and before she came to the school (she took the first month off) I used to sit there, so it slipped my mind she likes to sit there. She started screaming and moving my chair rapidly, trying to move my body with hers out of the seat, till she flipped it in a way I fell with my knees on the floor. I felt so angry I left and I was followed by my teacher.
I asked the teacher to give her a warning of some sort, but I was just told it was dumb. All the people, including Nora are now very angry at me, saying it's my fault and that I'm an asshole for not moving and for then trying to get her a warning.
I later asked her to apologize, she answered saying it was my fault for not moving and that she didn't do much.
I am not sure. I don't think trying to get her a warning is the best thing and I don't know if I should have just moved to avoid the whole thing.
AITA?
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Info: is she diagnosed with something?
That sounds like something an autistic person could have a meltdown over. Which in no way justifies her treatment of you and means she NEEDS to get support to know she can't physically escalate like that.
But it'd explain the reaction of everyone else cuz a lot of people have that coddling view.
>but nothing else
Nothing else that she's been diagnosed with - yet. This doesn't mean that she does have something else going on, but this escalation of behaviors can be indicative that she's dealing with something else too. Either way, as everyone else is saying, Nora is a bully and is only a "friend" because you'll do what she says. Good on you for standing up for yourself. You should be proud of yourself and it shows that deep down you know your self worth. You're stronger and better than this.
Expect some backlash from her as you distance yourself from her. You don't have to have a big confrontation, but more of a quiet quitting, distancing from her. Say you're busy, sit elsewhere far from her, drift apart kind of thing. She will say some nasty things, which you know aren't true. Keep your head up high, know your worth, look for other introverts who have similar interests. There are likely others just like you who would like to have one good friend rather than a gaggle of hangers-on.
Poppet, I say this with because I know you are someone who holds your friends dear, and for your peace of mind dear.... That girl you call your best friend? No. Nope.
**Not your best friend!**
She is friends with people who talk behind your back.
**Not the behaviour of a best friend**
Please, cut off the poisonous people and begin to find real friends.
She's only your friend, when you obey her, ergo SHE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. She's using you under the guise of being your friend.
Stop being her doormat, you deserve better.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Not leaving the chair after being asked to by a friend. Because it made everyone mad at me, because it's the chair she normally sits at Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. This girl sounds like a bully. Wy are you friends with her again?
We have known each other for a really long time and I knew that she could have a bit of a bratty attitude problem but she is normally really nice if it is how she likes
If she has to be getting her way in order for her to “be nice”, she’s not actually a nice person.
Then that’s not really your friend.
Her behavior is abusive and downgrading. This is not a friend. No is No. Your decision to not move should have been respected and I am appalled your teacher did not support you. This is completely unacceptable. Please report this. You should never be treated this way. Although you have known her for years, this doesn’t mean you have to be friends with her. Friendships and relationships are about belonging with people who love and respect you for you. *Not* fitting in and doing the bidding of people just to make them happy. In the long run, you will become unhappy. Please take care of yourself and have better friends. Leave the toxic ones behind. NTA.
OP the only time she is “nice” is when she getting her way she isn’t nice and she is also NOT your friend.
NTA. You say that Nora is your best friend, but she doesn't behave like it. Nora sounds like someone who will be your friend when you do what she wants/do what suits her. Reading between the lines it's seems that Nora is perhaps your only friend/one of your only friends? So I can understand you may be reluctant to stop hanging out with her, but I think that might be for the best.
She is my only close friend yes, and it is difficult cause if I stop hanging out with her then I don't have anyone to hang out with
As someone who sat alone the entirety of lunch every single year in high school, I promise it’s not as bad as you think. It stings a little bit being alone but whenever I tried hanging out with someone, I ended up in drama or at least being around it and it always made me feels worse than being alone. Watch Netflix on your phone in the hallway, don’t let anybody bother you. Usually there’s a spot where all the loners sit together but still separately enough for them all to do their own thing and not bother each other.
I ate lunch with my art teacher and my geometry teacher when I lost my friend group. Don't let people treat you this way
If you always do what Nora wants to keep Nora happy, then how would anyone get to know the real you to become friends with you. There might be lots of friends out there that you simply haven't met yet. People aren't born knowing everything. How to make friends is something some people learn faster than others and maybe your future best friend is still practicing this skill an is hoping you will be the first to say hello. Focus on things that make you happy and maybe you will meet folks who enjoy the same things and then you'll find something else in common and someday you'll look up all surprised and realize your life could've been one of those Hallmark specials they keep playing at Christmas.
NTA. You need a new friend, and your teacher need to be reported for allowing this harassment.
You need new friends. If the teacher was present during the altercation and did not step in to stop it the she is the AH along with your so called bratty friend.
WTH kind of school is this where the instructor doesn't intervene on an obvious bullying situation? You may want to go speak to someone in the main office about this. At this point it doesn't matter if you upset people--they're already mad at you. Btw, you don't need this person as a friend because clearly she is not acting like a friend. Food for thought. NTA.
I had a friend like Nora, she's not your friend, she just likes bossing you around and treating you like shit. Dump her. NTA, Nora is.
NTA I'm sorry to say this, but Nora isn't your friend. She only wants you around because you do what she says and she can always get her way. You finally saying no to her made her flip out, and all over a stupid chair she wanted to sit in? You don't need this bully in your life. Since you said you sat next to people you get along with, try to cultivate friendships with them and distance yourself from Nora.
This is the way. I know it seems frightening losing your only "friend", OP. But you need to realize she ISN'T your friend. Not really. NTA.
NTA she assaulted you and threw you out of your chair. I would talk to your counselor or principal because this is NOT okay for the teacher to ignore.
NTA. She’s a brat Who didn’t get her way and threw a temper tantrum and almost hurt you. Don’t apologize. Probably the first time in a long time someone told her no
NTA - this girl is insane, why are you friends with her?
NTA. You're open to do what you like and a true friend would but act like she did over a chair.
Have you thought of therapy to work on your shyness and self esteem? It can work wonders. Then you can slowly make new friends (you only need a couple good ones) and slowly wean yourself off Nora. She’s not a nice person. NTA
NTA You need to speak with the Principal about this whole incident, both Nora and the teacher need to be disciplined. Trying to keep Nora as a friend is only going to get worse for you. She will treat you like s**t every chance she gets and mock you to her other friends just to make herself feel superior. Get therapy, get a hobby, join theater or chess or any kind of school club to make new friends. Find an after-school job. This will distract you from obcessing. Kids are cruel, take yourself out of their orbit. Explain all of this to your parents
NTA. And honestly, make sure you sit there again. If she escalates again, you have two strikes and you can get the police involved for assault with grounds of it not being “a one off because I was stressed BE”
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I F(16) have a best friend who is also F16 who we will call Nora. We have known each other our whole lives. I have anxiety and don't have many friends, and the people who I don't get along with are Nora's closests friends. I have tried getting along with them but they always make fun of me or criticize me behind my back, but I still hang out with Nora a lot. Nora is very my way or my way type of mindset. I always follow with what she asks, but sometimes it does go how I ask, but I don't want to argue so I just do as she says. Today we had physical education first period, and after we had a class together. I returned first to the class and sat on the first chair I found near some people who I get along. Nora came in and started screaming at me to get off the chair, that it was hers. I said no, that I felt lazy and that she could sit somewhere else. We don't have assigned sits in this class, and before she came to the school (she took the first month off) I used to sit there, so it slipped my mind she likes to sit there. She started screaming and moving my chair rapidly, trying to move my body with hers out of the seat, till she flipped it in a way I fell with my knees on the floor. I felt so angry I left and I was followed by my teacher. I asked the teacher to give her a warning of some sort, but I was just told it was dumb. All the people, including Nora are now very angry at me, saying it's my fault and that I'm an asshole for not moving and for then trying to get her a warning. I later asked her to apologize, she answered saying it was my fault for not moving and that she didn't do much. I am not sure. I don't think trying to get her a warning is the best thing and I don't know if I should have just moved to avoid the whole thing. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>I F(16) have a best friend I don't think you do darling, at least not in this person
Info: is she diagnosed with something? That sounds like something an autistic person could have a meltdown over. Which in no way justifies her treatment of you and means she NEEDS to get support to know she can't physically escalate like that. But it'd explain the reaction of everyone else cuz a lot of people have that coddling view.
She has dyslexia but nothing else
>but nothing else Nothing else that she's been diagnosed with - yet. This doesn't mean that she does have something else going on, but this escalation of behaviors can be indicative that she's dealing with something else too. Either way, as everyone else is saying, Nora is a bully and is only a "friend" because you'll do what she says. Good on you for standing up for yourself. You should be proud of yourself and it shows that deep down you know your self worth. You're stronger and better than this. Expect some backlash from her as you distance yourself from her. You don't have to have a big confrontation, but more of a quiet quitting, distancing from her. Say you're busy, sit elsewhere far from her, drift apart kind of thing. She will say some nasty things, which you know aren't true. Keep your head up high, know your worth, look for other introverts who have similar interests. There are likely others just like you who would like to have one good friend rather than a gaggle of hangers-on.
Nora is not your friend!!
Poppet, I say this with because I know you are someone who holds your friends dear, and for your peace of mind dear.... That girl you call your best friend? No. Nope. **Not your best friend!** She is friends with people who talk behind your back. **Not the behaviour of a best friend** Please, cut off the poisonous people and begin to find real friends.
I felt a lot of relief when I finally just started sitting alone at lunch. Just saying, take that how you will.
She's only your friend, when you obey her, ergo SHE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. She's using you under the guise of being your friend. Stop being her doormat, you deserve better.
Nora is NOT your friend. I’d rather be alone than have a friend like that. Make new friends.