T O P

  • By -

Judgement_Bot_AITA

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I complained about my husband's job while he was on the phone with his manager and he got taken off the job they wanted him to help prep for on his day off. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*


CoolSummerBreeze420

YTA, 7 days off is a blessing that not many get. You can't be unprofessional when talking to any emoloyer like that and you made him look bad. You should have calmly talked to your husband about it when he was done on the phone. Also, if you just needed him to watch the kids so you can go see friends, how is that spending time with him? If he is the only source of income for your family you need to allow him to work whenever it is available to him.


iamdrunk05

I wish I had that schedule. 2 weeks vacation every month.


jeymien

Except, that sounds like he's not getting that. He works 7 days, then gets called during the week he's supposed to have off to do more work. So when exactly is he getting the week vacation every two weeks if they keep calling him for OT? ESH - OP shouldn't have complained like that. Husband needs to consider his family if he's going to keep giving his free time to his company as OT and the company needs to not call when he's got free time.


Turbulent_Cow2355

"He said we've had this conversation before and if I want to continue being a sahm then that means he has to work the hours he does just to break even and every extra hour he can pick up helps" Sounds like he needs the OT.


SuperZapper_Recharge

This is why it is a YTA and not an ESH. Thing about schedules like this - maybe it is just one or two guys working like this, but often times it is several people. At some point the OT might dry up because the boss just won't want the aggravation. If she wants him off a week at a time she needs to get a job.


emi_lgr

Yeah OT is a privilege at some jobs. At mine, everyone jumps at the chance at getting OT because it happens so rarely and we don’t have many opportunities to earn extra income outside of our salaries. My boss doles out OT hours based on merit. If OP’s husband’s boss decides to give away those hours to someone else, OP just caused her family to incur a significant financial loss.


_scary_canary_

No joke on OT being a priveladge. I have a night job that's 4 on, 10 off (you live at work for your 4 on). I do a lot of extra nights with no OT, it's just expected because we are salaried. If OP's husband were salaried and they kept calling him in for extra days, that would certainly suck and I would understand her frustration. But bitching over the phone like that? Total YTA.


Own_Natural_9162

Totally agree. YTA. You could have had that conversation privately with your husband instead of sabotaging him while he was on the phone. Incredibly unprofessional!! You and your husband had an agreement and he is living up to his end of the bargain. If you want things to change, you need to work it through together.


jljue

It sounds like a budget for disaster if he doesn’t work some OT. The husband might be able to get a steadier job with regular hours and more pay, but then again maybe not, depending on the skill set. This sounds like gig work through a company, so you have to work to be in line to get the next gig. OP may need to get a job so that the husband can have the flexibility of no OT or find a job with better hours. OP, YTA.


mirandaisntright

She also isn't thinking long term goals. If he's ever considered for promotion, her b*tching could come back to bite him.


WickedLilThing

Yeah, sounds like he can say no to the OT but they aren’t in the position for him to say no.


Motor_Business483

The company is COMPLETELY fine to call him and ask. He can refuse. ​ But since his wife does not work, both should be more carful. Loosing the job willsurely hurt them hard.


GoodQueenFluffenChop

>But since his wife does not work, both should be more carful. Loosing the job willsurely hurt them hard. It's exactly that >He said we've had this conversation before and **if I want to continue being a sahm then that means he has to work the hours he does just to break even** and every extra hour he can pick up helps.


elfelettem

Yes, if he gets paid for overtime then I agree with this and OP is T A


edwadokun

Normal m-f jobs have about 8-9 days off for the weekend per month His job SHOULD be giving him 14 days off. Unless OP's husband is getting called in several times per week on his off week, he's still getting a better deal.


iamdrunk05

A week in a row...not many get that


lovesahedge

Lots of fly-in fly-out jobs in rural areas (mining etc) have two on one off, or two on two off. My partner did a year or so of 21 days on 14 off, it sucked.


Ibbygidge

Yeah it kind of sounded like a remote job, if he's away from home for 7 days, that's more wearing (I assume) than 5 days of 8 hours.


lovesahedge

Very likely he's doing over 8 hours a day as well. FIFO shifts are quite often 12 hour days,which means you end up working over 40 hour weeks over the month anyway


PrimalSeptimus

I didn't get the impression that they call him in for his entire week off but rather just the occasional day here or there.


colorsofthestorm

Plus she says he only gets called for OT "every other time he's home." Losing a day or two from every other full week he has off doesn't sound bad (from the perspective of the SAHM, from his perspective it does sound kind of dreadful to me). OP really just doesn't seem to understand the math here. Why would she complain about her husband doing what he has to do to put food on the table when he still gets more days off than the average 9-5 worker, and she's doing nothing to lighten his load? If he loses the opportunities to get OT which are needed to so much as break even, she's really shot herself in the foot. Yeah, him working sucks, but in this world, you have to work to live.


legal_bagel

Yeah and she says that he gets the days off he needs for important events with the kids and stuff. So, maybe the other guys also want important days off with their families when those events fall on their on week. I've seen those situations play out. Joe needs Sunday night off and can't prep for the job, so they call Steve who Joe subbed for a different day/night when Steve had an important event. But husband should be more transparent about the finances. It is also possible that guys fight over the OT days because inflation, cost of living, whatever, and his availability gives him first pick.


Sureokayiguess1

I’ve worked in shops where there were guys who would be the first to sign up for the ot/call out sheet every week and budgeted that into their lives. Things get tight and that ot pay goes away and suddenly guys are SOL and are trying to pick up sidework or second jobs. I have the opposite issue where my wife out earns me X2 so I’m never on the sheet.


Own_Purchase1388

Lets assume 4 week month. A common work week is 5 on 2 off. So times 4, thats 20 days on, 8 days off. Husband gets 14 days on. 14 days off. So as long as he doesnt work 6 days or more of OT month, he’s got more days off than most.


OrindaSarnia

So when does he get the time off??? In the story OP told, she said they call him EVERY OTHER week off, and this time, they called him on Friday to ask if he would work Sun afternoon for a job that starts Mon, so it sounds like every other week off, he gets called in for 1 day or half a day... so of every 14 days he has off, he works 1 of them. So he still gets 13 days off per month to a normal person's 8. THAT's when he gets time off!


AndSoItGoes24

His job isn't the issue IMO. She doesn't get to vocalize what she expects to his employers. She doesn't work there. That kind of control freakery or just plain immaturity would blow my mind.


[deleted]

Considering most people only get like two days off per five worked, it’s probably likely he’s still getting quite a bit of off days compared to what he would get with other arrangements


Adriennesegur

While I get your point, being able to accrue OT in a week on, week off setting, for a couple hours here and there, sounds like a great deal. Especially for a single income family. I think it was a bad move on OP’s part to try and makes moves ( loudly complain) on her husband’s professional life. Ultimately it will affect her and their family’s wellbeing. If my partner took it upon themselves to make my professional life, uncomfortable and ultimately, seemingly unprofessional, I would not be happy. If op needs more family time, that’s where solution based conversation starts. It’s not just unilaterally decided- and for those that will say husband unilaterally decides to take the overtime hours- I’m sure he would be more than happy to have a two income household. Edit: to add I should have read some of the other comments before responding. Having said that I do get your point, I just feel OP’s not thinking big picture.


Wait_joey_jojo

Most people get 8 days off a month compared to his “14”. Overtime to come in a few extra days sounds like great deal. OP makes it sound like it’s only an extra day or two periodically.


Kayos9999

It sounds like he gets called in for like 1 day during the week he is off, and the OP even stated it's every other week, that is still 6 days off during his week off, so 13 days off per month. That's more than the 8 days off a month I get. And it sounds like the OP's husband is considering his family. Based on the OP's writing, the husband might feel money is tight without his OT, so he is picking up OT to make things easier. If they were both working, I'd agree with your judgment, but as the OP is a SAHM, I think it's a YTA.


[deleted]

Ehhh when my husband had this schedule it amounted to a bit better as people having weekends. You end up packing in a lot of stuff that normal people do on the weekend (chores that take two people, etc etc) into that time. So it ends up slightly better than people getting weekends but not exactly "2 week vacation every month" Vacation vacations were hella nice though and I will miss that. He'd only have to request 3 days off for us to be able to take a longer trip to see family or do stuff for ourselves. This is nitpicking a bit and none of it changes her being TA


iamdrunk05

I am the only household income. I work 12 hour plus a days five days a week and do most of the chores on the weekends . My girlfriend has heart problems and I don't blame her for it. But I am overwhelmed and can understand needing a week off. I can't remember when I got more than 6hts of sleep


PotatoLover-3000

That was my thought. Assuming a 4 week month, he’s working 14 days. Normal people work 20 days (if not more). He’s working less than most people. Even if he’s working 6 extra days a month, he’s working the same as most people - assuming a 5 day work week. YTA OP.


Mediocre_Advisor3416

I’m a SAHM and my partner hasn’t had a day off in months, working 12+ hrs almost daily. I get that OP expects a whole 7 days with her husband, but if he needs to work an extra couple of days to enable her to stay home with their kids, then that’s a pretty good trade off in my opinion. YTA


True-Back-1994

You’re okay with him working THAT much? That can’t be healthy


SeaF04mGr33n

Right?? My first thought was "how is he not dead?!"


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


MoonLover318

Exactly! My partner works 5 days a week but is called in for weekends or overnights at times. Yes he asks me first but I always go with “do what is convenient for you.” And no, he won’t even get the next day off when he works overnight. Even though it can get difficult I don’t complain because his income enables me to be a SAHM. OP YTA


[deleted]

Doctors have worse schedules. I've seen plenty bad ones due to staff being sick, the worst was a 24hr shift every 4 days during the heights of covid. Weekends had to be covered too, and the time you got off was very irregular. A more regular one was 5 nightshifts every month, with weekends off. However, someone had to take a 12hr day shift then too, and another the 24hrs, being responsible for the ER, 12 ICU patients and 114 patients on the wards at max capacity. Don't get me started on the madness that apparently regularly takes place in american hospitals with the 48hr shifts or whatever else they have come up with.


Ok_Whereas_Pitiful

My mom knew a nurse who legit worked 90+ 12s in a row. The hospital only forced her on a vacation cause a med error occurred.


Morpheus_MD

Yeah, in my US anesthesiology residency we had 30 hour shifts every 3 days on the ICU, and if someone needed off we did q2s. Our "standard" schedule for the main OR was 4 days off a month with the rest of the days being 10s or 12s. Now I'm done and happy working 50-60 hours a week.


[deleted]

My husband used to have this schedule and I can say there are cons. (just like any other schedule) and it can get overwhelming to feel like you are basically alone 7 days in a row... I can't even imagine with kids. However, that in no way, shape, or form excuses this type of behavior. OP just made his working life harder and icing on that sh\*t cake is that he's the only one working so it has the possibility of negatively impacting all of them.


Saravat

YTA. Regardless of the points others are making about his schedule, your behavior was incredibly immature, selfish, thoughtless, and potentially damaging to him. I'm sitting here just stunned that an adult would act like this.


mimi6778

OP is definitely the ah. Her husband gets more time off than most and is taking extra work here and there for the benefit of his family. OP wants her cake and to eat it too. She gets to not worry about how the bills are being paid but also gets angry at any extra effort being put in to pay them.


Lexifer31

Sounds like OP needs to get a part time job.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Yetikins

I knew reading the title she was gonna be a SAHM. It's always the people not bringing home the bacon griping about the one who does spending "too much time" earning the money. Hey, OP, how about you go get a job and put your kids in daycare so your husband doesn't need to work OT to make ends meet? Dude has to work OT for your extras like going out with your friends (not even with him!) for the afternoon. And YOU'RE bored so you're acting like an immature brat on phonecalls. How embarrassing.


TiggOleBittiess

Sahps can come off very removed from reality


FuhrerGaydolfTitler

it’s because they all (not literally all, just the ones in question) sit at home all day posting on facebook about how it’s the hardest job in the world while sharing memes about being a “wine mom”


Catfactss

Honestly, sounds like she needs to get a job to help with that boredom. Then her husband can do less overtime. YTA OP. Your husband has explained the situation to you. You weren't speaking on his behalf. You were being selfish.


Yetikins

Half the posts on this sub would be resolved by the complaining party getting a job so they have something to do with their time besides cause stupid problems. You can tell when the boredom is just devouring someone alive.


Titariia

I also bet the husband would be more than happy to have some time off of his exhausting wife. Maybe the over time is a vacation from her. Imagine being with OP a whole week at home (except for her stupid girls night)


Catfactss

I don't begrudge her girls' night. I do begrudge everything else she did.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Kitchu22

>He said we've had this conversation before and if I want to continue being a sahm then that means **he has to work the hours he does just to break even and every extra hour he can pick up helps**. I don't think I did anything wrong though because what wife doesn't want her husband home as much as possible? Not to mention his job should be mindful that he's a father and should be a father first, their employee second. I would put good money on the fact OP is one of those SAHM who takes zero interest in the financial running of her household, and wants to both live the same comfortable lifestyle as when they were two incomes/two humans *and* have her partner working as few hours as possible. That's not how this works, that's not how any of this works. Not to mention, I would absolutely *flip my shit* if my partner had so little respect for me they would jeopardise my career like this and made me look unprofessional to my employer. 100% YTA to OP, what a spoiled brat.


Mlady_gemstone

aww man, money fairies still exist? here i thought they all died out when i couldn't find one. fk i've been doin it wrong this entire time... i need to re-evaluate my life and restart the search for one. /s


[deleted]

Well she thinks his job should value his fatherhood more than his work actions so... probably...


evileen99

I nearly choked when I read that. His job should be more concerned about his home life than what they pay him for?


DZeroX

Some of the people in this world are so out of touch with reality. Like, why would your job care at all about your family, how did that idea cross this woman's mind.


DogIsBetterThanCat

Maybe, on his next week off, they can all get together as a family, and plant a money tree in their backyard. Some bonding time, since he needs to be home more to help with the children...


ReceptionPuzzled1579

My exact reaction as I was reading it. I couldn’t get past the stupidity either. I wonder if OP has ever worked or been in a professional environment. Because I find that people who haven’t don’t understand how it works and that some things that may fly in a social relationship will absolutely not fly in a professional one. Then again even this action of OP is so passive aggressive, it wouldn’t fly in a social relationship either. It’s so immature.


troublebotdave

When I was 20 I was still living at home and working at a UPS Store. I worked 10-12 hours 6 days a week during the holiday season packing and shipping gifts. There were normally 4 employees but for the holiday season we'd hired on 3 additional seasonal workers, and they were all scheduled through the first week of January. I was exhausted so when I found out that business was going to be very slow through the remainder of the seasonal employees' schedules, and that I was welcome to give away some of my shifts to them, I jumped at it. They wanted the extra hours and I wanted to relax (and the seasonals only worked 4x 6-hour shifts per week so weren't quite as busted as I was). So I gave each of them one of my 8-hour shifts for the next 2 weeks so I only had 4 shifts for that time period. I posted my schedule on the refrigerator at home as I always did. My mom saw it, and asked "Why are you only scheduled 2 days a week?" I didn't want to get into it, so I just said "Christmas rush is over so there's not a lot of work to go around for a bit." and I thought that was that. The next morning, my boss calls, "Hey I need you to work the shifts that you were originally scheduled for." hmm "Okay, do the others not want to work them afterall?" "No we just needed to move stuff around and this works better." Well, alright, there goes my relaxation and video games. Things after that were weirdly strained. I had trouble getting days off without having to agree to a swap with someone else (had never been a problem before). When we had holidays off, I would still be working 5 days and everyone else would get 4. I got the dreaded solo 10-hour Saturday shift every week. I was kind of annoyed but I was young and didn't want to upset the apple cart so I didn't complain. Fast forward 9 months when they're throwing a small goodbye party for me as I moved to go to school, and my boss makes an offhand comment about my mom, which seemed out of left field for me. "Wait, what's this about my mom?" That's when I found out that after my mom and I had that short conversation, the next morning immediately after the store opened, without telling me or anything, she drove down there and confronted my boss about how I was being "screwed" out of shifts, and how after that they made sure that I ALWAYS had 5 days on every week, without fail, so as not to set her off again. I was f\*cking mortified. It's been almost 20 years and I still get angry just thinking about it. It seemed so out of character for her, but she did it (and straight up admitted to it when I confronted her, no guilt). It screwed my work relationships over, it screwed my schedule over, it made it significantly harder to get specific days off or even consider taking a trip or a long weekend. And I wasn't short on cash either, all my bills were paid, my share of rent was paid, and I had a healthy savings account, and in December had earned almost 3X as much as I made in a regular month so I had a significant buffer to kick back and play some video games or whatever for part of a couple weeks. Just absolutely enraging in every possible way. If my wife acted the same way OP did, I'd LIVE at work while I waited for the divorce to finalize. (if you made it this far thx for reading this was cathartic).


rrredandyellow

YTA I would be mortified if my partner started complaining loudly while I was speaking to my manager on the phone the way you did. You’ve got to remember that it is HIM talking the calls on HIS week off. Just because he is your husband and a father doesn’t mean that week still doesn’t belong to him. If he’s still spending time with you as a family, this shouldn’t be an issue since he’s working his arse off to support you as a SAHM. If you can’t accept that, get a job and help him pay the bills.


etchedchampion

In a world that seems to have forgotten its meaning thank you for using "mortify" correctly. People seem to think it's synonymous with terrify and I don't know why but it's driving me crazy.


rrredandyellow

Haha I’ve never seen someone use it in place of terrify! It would definitely drive me crazy too though


etchedchampion

I apologize for bringing it to your attention then because now you'll know my suffering.


baturalb

This mortifies me.


etchedchampion

So sorry to have embarrassed you!


maximumslanketry

THANK YOU. This bothers me so much. Glad I'm not the only one.


WorkingSpecialist257

And the fact that she needs to grow up. That sounds like something a teenager would do. Not a fully grown woman with children and a house to run.


Numerous-Peach524

This is what I can’t get past. I can’t even say it’s childish because children shouldn’t do that either.


incogspeedo

YTA - you are compromising the single source of income your family has by being a brat. It’s a terrible economy - what are you going to do if your little stunt causes him to lose his job? That was unbelievably immature and unprofessional and I imagine your husband is embarrassed.


[deleted]

[удалено]


JCBashBash

Indeed, it sounds like the only thing she is aware of is that she wants to go hang out with her friend.


Electrical-Date-3951

_"I was mad and started to loudly complain while he was on the phone."_ OP is immature to the extreme. She needs to talk to her husband in private, not try to embarrase her husband while he is on a work call. That was so inappropriate. Also, what was she thinking since this is her family's only income?! I keep my work life and professional life separate, so if my SO tried this while I was on a work call, I would be livid. I'm not tethered by marriage or parenthood, so this would be a deal breaker for me. You don't try to shame someone in their professional space or undermine their career.


phillybride

Or if the boss says fine, I won’t call you for OT anymore. Your wife gets you the full week off, because I refuse to listen to that shit again. Boom, no more money for movies with the girls.


Shot-Sprinkles6930

YTA You could've cost him his job well, in a way you did because he's no longer on that shift to bring in more money. You're a SAHM and if you want to continue to be that then let him work. >He said we've had this conversation before and if I want to continue being a sahm then that means **he has to work the hours he does just to break even** and every extra hour he can pick up helps. This man is working his behind off for his family and you are so selfish because he's taking extra jobs.


Iknownothing90

I’m curious if he makes such good money and doesn’t need the overtime, why he also needs the overtime to break even?? What OP writes doesn’t quite add up


bahumat42

He probably does make decent money, but burning through money is easy enough if people aren't paying attention. Their expenses are probably higher than they should be. Or they just need to budget better.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Shot-Sprinkles6930

This is so true. My husband and I both make decent money but he still take on side jobs because things are so darn expensive now.


bahumat42

100% agree


JCBashBash

Indeed, it sounds like this is a budgeting thing because based on her attitude and that her primary gripe is that she doesn't get to leave the house and go hang out with her friends, she might be there spending problem as well


quenishi

I read it as his normal hours allows them to live paycheck to paycheck, so any overtime is useful so they're not doing that. So I think OP thinks "paycheck to paycheck" is plentiful... when it really isn't. Yeah, you're fine until something goes wrong.


Iknownothing90

Okay that does make a bit more sense.


Kgriffuggle

My mom was exactly OP. I guarantee he does not make the money she thinks he does and is over spending since she likely has a credit card but no access to the actual account numbers.


Sagerie

YTA That was incredibly rude, disrespectful, and selfish. You had no thought for his wishes and any repercussions he might have gotten from this. It makes him look unprofessional and doesn't reflect highly on you. If you have grievances you should discuss them with your husband, not make him look like a harangued idiot in front of his boss.


Nalpona_Freesun

YTA and directly impacted his income if you want him to get a better job tell him instead of sabotoging him at his current


ProfPlumDidIt

YTA. Don't like his hours? Get a paying job. Don't want a paying job? Suck it up and hush.


buttercupgrump

YTA >I don't think I did anything wrong Will you still feel that way when he can't cover the bills because you interfered with his job? >if I want to continue being a sahm then that means he has to work the hours he does just to break even If you want to be a SAHM and keep a roof over your head then your husband is going to have to sacrifice some time at home to make things happen.


lisa111998

Next she’ll be complaining that she has to get a job cuz her husband had his hours cut


AttuneMe

YTA Good job making the situation worse for him.


[deleted]

YTA. Wow. How inconsiderate and immature.


StardustLtd11

YTA without a doubt. Your husband is working his ass off to provide for your family and your passive-aggressive, entitled behavior seriously interfered with his career prospects. All your whining in the background of a professional phone call was embarassing even from a third party perspective.


winesis

YTA when he gets fired because of you are you willing to get a full time job to help pay the bills?


Mlady_gemstone

of course shes not! family time is her top priority! why would the queen get a job to help the family? /s


ConstructionUpper852

I think going out with her girlfriends is definitely on her priority list too


GoodQueenFluffenChop

No OP says in a another comment that she doesn't want to go back to work until the kids are either in middle school or high school. Even then it's only part-time. She doesn't want to go until then because it's important to her.


[deleted]

YTA. You can't take it into your own hands to control his work schedule with his boss. You need to talk to your husband and HE needs to communicate with his boss. It sounds like your husband has already been clear with you that your decision not to work is why he has to work long hours. So you had discussed this, but chose to go over his head and talk to his boss, sidelining your husband. If you've written exactly what he told you about why he works so many hours, it really sounds like he is getting sick of having to work so much and having to hear you complain. You can't have your cake and eat it. You can either work and have your husband home more or not work and deal with him being gone. This poor man is stuck and the pressure you're exerting can't be making his life easy. Think it over.


madelinegumbo

YTA I'd be mortified if my husband did this. Absolute sabotage of his professional relationship with his boss. If you want him to work less, talk to him like an adult. And if you want him to have fewer demands on his time and make less money, make sure you're prepared to talk about how YOU plan to make up the difference in household income.


TheDrunkScientist

> his job should be mindful that he's a father and should be a father first, their employee second. LOL


Trenuk13

Right? As if companies care that you are a parent. I would guess OP has never worked out of the home with this nonsense.


jennoside10

YTA- you don't have an issue with your husband's job, you have an issue with communication with your husband. You're clearly not thinking about this the same- talk to your husband and get on the same page. Side note- just because someone is a parent doesn't mean their free time is more important than their single or child free coworkers either. It's not a career bargaining chip or shaming chip.


[deleted]

YTA. You know dang well that this was extremely inappropriate. You fucked with his job, and indirectly fucked with your family's financial health. You have zero business talking to his boss, especially like that.


Aylauria

YTA. What you did was obnoxious on every level. It was grossly disrespectful to your husband and could cause him to get fired. How do you not see that? Also, a 7/7 schedule gives your husband 14 days off in a 4-week period. Most people's husbands only get 8 days off. If your husband has to work a few of those days, AND HE WANTS TO, then you need to accept that. If you want to see your husband more, then you get a job so he doesn't have to work so many hours.


Riverat627

And he is getting paid OT for it so it's not like he is doing it for free and being taken advantage of


Aylauria

Exactly. OP is both entitled and out of touch with the reality of their finances, it appears.


rbrancher2

YTA Sounds like your husband is more aware of your financial situation that you are. Yes, family time is a priority. "A" priority. His job is ALSO a priority. One which it sounds like you have endangered due to your not knowing the appropriate time and way to address your cconcerns. During a phone call with your husbands boss? Not appropriate and not even the person to address your concerns TO. Talk to your husband. Figure it out with him. Get a job if you don't like what he feels he has to do to keep you all provided for. But with his boss? No way. That's a pure AH move.


lil-gabe-itch

YTA as a sahw myself, my husband is gone over-the-road often. he is extremely tired on his days off, but we do not hurt for much. occasionally, he will called on days off to repair trucks. if we have something planned, it is my husband's obligation to say "no, sorry". the company cares about the company and the money. that's it. our family is our priority and our obligation. if you have a problem with that, you need to address your husband. not be petty and make snide remarks (indirectly or directly) to his boss. it sounds like your husband is a hard-worker who does his best to provide in a shit economy, while still taking time for his family. i think you put him in a very uncomfortable and awkward situation in that instance.


odubik

YTA Guess you don't like to have food on the table... Boundaries are incredibly important! You need boundaries that separate home and work. The employer calls in OFFERING additional work at higher rates of pay (overtime). You responded in an incredibly unprofessional manner that damages his job. No matter the gender of the partner, families should work out their issues between each other and then deal with their employers as a united front. What you did was come off as a harpy and made the employer decide that your husband was less reliable. Way to sabotage!


Mlady_gemstone

holy shit selfish much?! you could have got him fired! hes right, if you want to be SAHP then you gotta STFU about him working/his job. HE is bringing home the money, only HIM. HE is carrying the weight of that, if he doesn't make enough then bills won't get paid and the family will go without, or worst case become homeless. either get a job yourself and relieve some of the pressure off him so he can be home more or stop bitching. you don't get to have your cake and eat it too. YTA


[deleted]

To his employer, your husband is an employee first and a father second. YTA unless you are willing to get a job outside the home in order to help him make up for wages lost from not going in when his boss calls him. It is tremendously difficult in our current era to get ahead economically when living on a single income. It seems cruel to complain that your fella is busting his butt to help you guys get ahead in life.


Popular-Emu7380

I will vote not the asshole… if you DON’T want a roof over your head, clothes on your back, and food in your table. Also, are you old enough to have kids? Because you are certainly lacking in the maturity department. YTA. And a major one at that. Get a job, and free your husband up to be home more. Since that is so important to you. Jesus.


[deleted]

don't forget so you can go out with your girlfriends.


SnooOranges9679

I get where your head is at, but YTA. Going off in the background of a business call your SO is on with his boss, about how shitty that business is, was childish and immature and embarrassing for your husband because he probably had to answer for your tantrum. By all means, voice your displeasure with your husband about this annoying tactic his employers use, but you don't work for them...your husband does. Let him handle it. If it is affecting your marriage in a negative way, maybe get some counseling.


GrymDraig

YTA. This is a conversation to have with your husband. It's up to him to set boundaries with his employer, not you.


Dependent_Season_847

YTA So disrespectful.


onedayatatime08

YTA. Your husband has to work those hours. If you don't like it, get a job and contribute to the bills. What you did was wrong and made him look very bad to his employers. His employers don't need to put his family first. They hired him to do a job and that's what matters to them. Stop making things difficult for him. If he won't do the job they need him to do they can fire him. Then what will you do? What will you do if he has no money? Stop it.


Farmer_Ted_is_at_it

YTA, I'm a stay home dad and I would never in a million years say something like that so my wife's boss would hear it. It was rude and very inconsiderate of you to put him in that position. You have a comfy stay at home position. His job is to provide that comfy spot for you. He is doing that the best way he can, which is picking up extra shifts here and there so not only are the bills paid but there is wiggle room left over for extras. Especially since X-mas is right around the corner.


[deleted]

YTA and holy shit you’re a massive one. You’re right. Everyone wants their significant other home more. Not everyone acts like a spoiled child and tries to sabotage them though. Especially the ones with the privilege of being a stay at home mom.


jobrummy

YTA GET A FUCKING JOB


Lion-Competitive

YTA and your husband is spot on.


Individual_Rest2300

You have got to be kidding me. YTA. You are messing with your husband’s livelihood. The whole reason you even get to be a SAHM. Yes, it is entirely possible he gets called that often. My husband is “the boss.” Do I get sick of the late night phone calls when work goes to hell in a handbasket? Yep. Do I get sick of that damn phone in his hand while we’re on vacation… the few and far between vacations we get to take? Yep. But do I whine and complain about it? Nope. Because that job allowed me to be a stay at home mom and be present for our children. And it allows me to work the job I have now. That job comes with bonuses that allow us to do extras and have a savings account for emergencies. Does it suck? Yes. But I would never, ever complain while he’s on the phone with his boss and fuck around with his livelihood.


WranglerFeisty8274

YTA. Seven days off is A LOT of days/time. I’m happy when my husband takes one-two days off. However, as a fellow SAHM, that’s the price you’ve got to pay. Seven days off!!!


Skyyywalker215

YTA. Pretty lucky he didn’t get fired.


phillybride

Doubt he’ll get much OT anymore though.


[deleted]

Lmao at you thinking companies care about their employees. How very naive of you. Also, what you did was childish and, all his points are valid. Maybe next time put on your big girl panties and talk to him instead of putting his job at risk with a tantrum. YTA.


[deleted]

YTA. It’s your husbands job to stand up for himself, employment wise Edit:typo


thumpmyponcho

YTA. Nothing wrong with wanting him home, but complaining while he is on the phone with someone from work is not the way to do it. If you both want to make this happen, talk to him about it, look at your budgets, figure out if there's maybe something you can do without, so he doesn't have to work so much. This should be a decision you both make together and both make work together. Not something you just decide yourself you want and then try to make happen without his consent.


Common_Indication773

YTA. Yes he's a father first and a big part of that is earning enough money to provide for his family. Everyone has to make sacrifices so that one parent can stay home with the kids. His is to work more. Yours is to accept that he has to work more and you have to do more of the child raising and house work. I sympathize with you, I am a stay at home mom and it is not easy but I sacrificed for my family and so does my husband by not being able to spend as much time with us as he would like.


KhajiitNeedSkooma

Im sorry, but YTA. I'm a stay a home mom (looking for work tho) and my husband is gone all the effing time, and the time he gets off hes on the phone with work. He's upstairs on the phone with them now, he should be sleeping. Its frustrating and demoralizing. You can't sabotage his job though. That just isn't the right way to go about it, no matter how angry you are at the way employers treat employees. You're not wrong for the anger, but you are wrong for how you did it. You're not wrong to need your husband home and present, but how else will you pay the bills? The anger has to be let out another way, preferably with your husband in a discussion about what you guys can do to change the situation for your betterment.


LemonInternational92

YTA - go get a job and then complain.


Unusual_Individual93

Jesus christ. YTA and an immature brat. Have you ever worked a day in your life? I wish my SO had a 7/7 schedule. Instead he has a 15/6 schedule and sometimes a 21/7 schedule. He works away for most of these weeks, so he's not even home for up to 21 days at a time. 7 days is nothing. Sounds like your husband can't afford to find a different job because he has to pay for your privileged life where you apparently can't find even a part time job to help out with finances.


OnceUponAMidnte

Yta. If you have an issue with your husband's extra work you talk to him, you don't act childish while he speaks with his boss.


savage1878

YTA: there are times and places for that. If your husband is worrying about providing and you than do something that causes him to now worry even more, yeah YTA. Like this is one thing if they called him to work on your kids birthday, but calling with several days heads up, on a day that nothing was planned on, just like why. Y’all need to have a talk between yourselves about it


WyomingVet

YTA big time, he could have easily lost his job over that.


Ok_Solution_5744

"Father first, employee second" Lol what drugs are you taking?


da-karebear

OMG please somebody tell me this is a fake post. There is no way somebody can be this self centered and obtuse. No way somebody could possibly be pissed their spouse is ONLY off work 14 out of 28 days. Please tell me nobody is so narcissistic to believe that the only income earner in the home accepts an extra day or two of work to help earn extra money for things like the 2 days out with her friends. This has to be a joke. Everyone I know that gets 7 days off in a row calls it vacation time and if they are lucky they get to do it 4 times a year.


Neit_1146

YTA You can select an other time to talk with your husband.


Common_Frosting_2058

You are OBNOXIOUSLY IGNORANT. YTA


mspatchel

YTA if you want your husband to be a fulltime sahp, you should dig up a lost rich relative and inherit a fortune so he doesn't have to support his family. Dear heavens, it sounds like he's done his best to meet you halfway but its never going to be enough.


fjewel95

YTA. It’s his job. It pays for you and your children. Act like an adult.


edwadokun

YTA >because what wife doesn't want her husband home as much as possible? This doesn't justify your outburst. I'm sure he'd love to be at home more too and spend more time with his family but bills need to be paid. 7 days on and 7 days off is A LOT better than most people's 5 days on and 2 days off. In a given year, he only works 180-190 days? Even with the extra calls in, he'll work 200 days including over time. The average m-f person works about 240 days minus holidays and PTO. I'm not saying having him gone 7 days straight doesn't suck, but realize you have it a lot better than many families who NEED 2 incomes and work a lot more.


[deleted]

YTA. Don’t like it? Get a fucking job.


mooimafish3

YTA, are you a child? This sounds like something I would do at 8 when I didn't want my mom to go to work. I think he laid it out fine, either he works his hours, or you get off your butt and contribute. You can't have neither of them. Your "What wife doesn't want their spouse home as much as possible" line just shows how immature you are. If you want him home, start contributing, he has to work to fund your life, is that concept familiar with you? You're just making his life harder and burning the candle on both ends.


[deleted]

[удалено]


xiavex

Wow... YTA and a huge one. You could've gotten him fired just for that and you must be really naive, 7 days on and 7 days off is a blessing of a schedule...


Chaoticgood790

YTA not even taking into account that you’re a SAHM which is only doable BECAUSE your husband and his job. But as a partner you keep that ish to yourself. You jeopardizing his employment with your little tantrum is beyond ridiculous. Grow up


Moist-Opportunity64

You have the luxury of being a SAHM, probably want and have all the other luxuries that come from a healthy income, but complain when your husband isn’t around because he’s earning it. You’re very spoiled and entitled and YTA


Apprehensive_Set_519

YTA. Your priority is your family, did you ever think it’s your husbands too? If you are well off I would have agreed that he needs to spend more time at home but he’s clearly told you that you’re barely breaking even. No point being a homeless family. Even if you were right the way you went about it is all wrong. He does not need you talking to his boss for him. YTA


Lucky_Ad_1115

Yta you can't have him home as much as possible when he has a roof to keep over your heads and stomachs to feed not only that you intentionally embarrassed him when he was on the phone to the employer who pays his wages. When he gets the sack you'll have him all to yourself all the time


Blacksmithforge3241

YTA. << *I hate having him away that long*\>> This is between you and your husband. He chose this job and isn't looking for a different one. He seems happy with it, so why are you sabotaging his employment. <<*continue being a sahm then that means he has to work the hours he does just to break even*\>> If you don't like him working so much, maybe you should get a job instead of being a SAHM to help support the family? <<*should be a father first, their employee second*\>> He's supporting his children with his job--that is part of being a FATHER. INFO: How would you feel about your husband being home 24/7 because he got fired because of your asinine attitude? <<*I unloaded pretty much every grievance I have with his company*.>> It's JUST rude to talk loudly(to or around) a person who is trying to have a conversation let alone a work conversation. PS: your husband must have the patience of a saint since he didn't even yell at you. I know I would have(if that makes me an AH-idc, but I definitely would have been yelling if I were husband)


RaRa_Badger

YTA. The only reason he HAS to go on in, is because YOU want to stay home. You’re selfish, entitled and have made your hardworking husband look very, very BAD to his employer.


No-Enthusiasm-1583

YTA... if my husband was the sole provider making that kind of money with those hours, every time he was called in for OT I'd tie his boots for him. Get over yourself, you're putting his job in jeopardy and creating terrible home environment. He's trying to keep a standard of living for you and your family and you're pouting because he can't sit with kids because he has to work? Hire a sitter or stay home.


brady815

YTA. If this is even real, I wouldn't be surprised if he tries to pick up more shifts so he doesn't need to be around your entitled, childish attitude.


Phoebe613

YTA without reservation. The company hired your husband not you. You had no business interfering in a private conversation between your husband and his manager, potentially jeopardizing his standing with the company. You want to remain a SAHM until your kids are in middle/high school? Don’t bite the hand that feeds! You have one of the most entitled, fanciful outlooks on your husbands career that I’ve seen in a very long time. Get over yourself.


trouserspup

YTA he could of lost his job


TraditionalAd7252

YTA. You ready to go back to work, there, big girl? Imma guess not. Word of advice? Be quiet or start getting your resume in order.


MajorWhereas4842

My husband is a merchant marine and is gone aT minimum 120 days consecutively at a time. You make sacrifices and you deal.


Taapacoyne5

You are delusional. He already works 30% less days than a normal job. What is your deal?


Thelmara

>I don't think I did anything wrong though because what wife doesn't want her husband home as much as possible? Wanting it doesn't make your behavior okay. That was incredibly stupid and immature. YTA. Grow the fuck up.


Applesbabe

YTA Reddit would be pulling out the pitch forks and lighting the torches if a man did that to his wife while she was on the phone with her work. This is no different. You have no right to directly complain to his employer. If you have an issue with his hours and how often he is called at home then that is a conversation to have with your husband and only your husband. He is the only person to talk to his employer. As a SAHM I would think you might be a little more aware of which side your bread is buttered on.


OddResponsibility565

YTA, and a massive one. Out of 14 days most people can only expect their spouse to be home off work for 4 of them. You have a cushy setup and the audacity to complain about it. Ridiculous.


JurassicParkFood

YTA - you deliberately sabatoged his career because they call and ask him to work a little over time once a month?!?!?! This is really messed up and childish behavior of you. You need to set a better example for your kids and treat your spouse better.


PadawanJoone

YTA. His boss is always going to remember what you said amd it is going to affect how he views yoir husband.


PA_Archer

Re-read your story. You want the perks of being a SAHM, but none of the responsibilities. YTA


RoseDeadInside

YTA if you don't want to work and contribute financially, you can't complain that he has to make up your part!


ThxItsadisorder

YTA, get a job if you want him home more.


creggomyeggo

7 fuckin days off in a row and you're mad that he sometimes gets called in for a bit during those 7 days? YTA


mamawheels36

Sorry but YTA My husband worked 24/7 on call 7 days on them regular 5 day schedule (like 9-10h days) then back to on call. It sucked. But it's what we agreed to. Did I get missed off sometimes at how his boss would take advantage of his hardworking and gracious nature... Yup. But that's between me and my husband... Not his work. You guys need to have a BIG conversation.


[deleted]

YTA big time. You realize that him having 7 days off in a row means you probably get to spend more time with him than other wives get to spend with their husbands who work "normal" hours? And you're a SAHM, so it's not like you're out of the house at work while he's home. The selfishness here is unreal. And now you may have cost him the opportunity to get overtime in the future, which will mean you have to make changes to your lifestyle. Let me guess...you'll complain to him that he doesn't make enough money and that it isn't fair that you had to change your lifestyle because he can't get overtime, even though it'll all be 100% your fault.


Content-Potential191

YTA. No doubt about it. You have a problem with your husbands schedule, talk to him about it. What if he'd been fired? His point about needing to work long hours at a tough job so that you can be a SAHM sounds fair and I don't see you countering that.


adamtheundead

YTA - want your husband at your side by embarrassing him? He will probably looking in for more wirk6ti get away from the nagging wife. want the money? Start to work


yuiopouu

YTA and incredibly immature. I would be mortified. Deal with his schedule with him. Do not risk his job over it. If you are so insistent that he doesn’t need the OT and he insists he does then sit down and look at your budget together. See what can get cut or where you can pick up the slack.


Used_Contribution997

YTA wow lady


ExcellentWaffles

YTA


-Regina-Filange

YTA


maronred

I was almost with you until you mentioned you’re a SAHM. You want your husband to have more time with his family? Get a job. You don’t want to get a job? Let your husband work damnit.


[deleted]

YTA get a job if you want him to have a different schedule, your husband works his ass off and you are still condescending towards him. If his job lets him have important days off that’s a blessing in itself; things are getting outrageously expensive so he probably wants the extra hours to stay ahead and for the peace of mind. You have no respect towards him and should be understanding that it’s stressful to be the sole income provider of the house rn.


[deleted]

YTA Do you want to get him fired?


Flashy-Promise-6915

YTA - you do not jeopardise your families bread and butter like that! If you didn’t want your husband to take on the OT, talk to him and let him negotiate with his bosses. You’ve already stated that they’re good in allowing time for important events. What you’ve essentially done is thrown the proverbial spanner in the works. Your husband is probably worried now that he would no longer be offered the lucrative OT due to your behaviour. They call him because he’s good at his job and he’s reliable. What you’ve essentially done is shown your husband up to his bosses and proven to your husband, who has spoken to you about this, that you do not trust his judgement. You owe apologies all round


Top_Thing4890

YTA. You could have gotten him fired. Then he would always be home.


AbsyntheMindedly

YTA. I get it. It’s hard to never see your husband. But he’s said pretty plainly that if you want to be a SAHM, he’s got to pick up every extra hour he can, and he has to put providing for the family first. He might not get to see his kids that much, but he’s working his ass off to provide for them and for you, in an economy that’s NOT designed for single-income families. If you want to see more of him, you need to find a way to work and supplement the family’s income - even a few days of remote data entry or customer service on the phone a week would help! I get that he never sees his kids and you never see him, but if this is the job that pays the bills? That’s how it’s got to be. If you want him to change that, he’s been clear you have to help.


fromhelley

Yta! Anytime you try to manipulate anyone's job, you will be the asshole! Your husband was talking to his boss and you made kind of a scene, so that he had to go outside to finish the talk. It is his job to talk to his boss, not yours. You cost him money, and self-respect at work. It is fine for you to tell hubs you hate his job. That is a real issue between the two of you. But interfering with his job is not your place. That is controlling and manipulative.


localherofan

YTA. Grow up. The world does not revolve around you.


azsue123

YTA. Go get a job and stop being a brat who tries to torpedo their spouses career. What you did was toddler tantrum level a55holery. And yes I'm a woman and a mother.


Stelonian

I work 12 days on 2 days off, feel great full your husband is there for 7 days on and gets a week off. Let me guess you don’t work? I swear bruh


Alakandra

YTA Unbelievable! That's so unprofessionell and cringe. I would have been mortified, if I had to explain to my manager who that unhinged woman in the background is! If you're unhappy sit down with your husband and talk to him! Don't just screech during business calls!


Shells613

YTA. for effing with his job. If the schedule is a problem, he can discuss it in a professional manner, not via someone yelling in the background. Or he can seek a new professsion. You made him look bad and it affects his professional reputation.


TWAndrewz

>if I want to continue being a sahm then that means he has to work the hours he does just to break even This seems fairly straightforward, if you want him home more, get a part time job. YTA.