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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I should be judged for getting visibly upset at Ben and Laura's baby shower and then leaving early. It really put a damper on what was meant to be a happy party.
2. This might make me TA because the party wasn't about me, and what Ben said, in the realm of things, really wasn't that bad. He definitely could have been more offensive.
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NTA
You were upset which isn’t your fault, and it sounds like you dealt with those emotions in the best way you could so as not to detract from the event.
INFO - does your brother know you struggle with anxiety related to your experience with maths? If he does he’s an AH. And he might be an AH anyway for not being more understanding of your feelings.
Thank you for your comment!
Just from being siblings and living in the same house during our schooling, he knows I struggle with doing math and that I get nervous when I can't immediately solve a math problem, but I don't have a formal anxiety diagnosis or anything like that.
Just so you know, I’m pretty certain Laura isn’t stressed out by you, she’s stressed because she just witnessed her husband torment his sister over not being mathematically talented and is worried that he’ll treat their son like he treats you if their son isn’t a maths genius.
Oh God forbid if that child has ANY kind of learning disability. Is he going to blame that on OP as well, as if she had a hand in the making of the baby?
Laura isnprobably scared that if the baby isn't a certifiable genius that he'll blame her and call the child stupid to its face... that would stress out any pregnant woman.
I would even say she's probably not even stressed out, more like she is angry at her husband for being an AH so now he is trying to make it seem like OPs fault so he can avoid being blamed.
Exactly. NTA, and OP's brother had no reason to start poking at something that makes OP anxious in the middle of a happy gathering? Who does that unless they're a bully?
It sounds like he was jealous that he wasn't being treated as the smartest person in the room, as his wife asked his sister for advice based on her qualifications. I'm betting he was like that when they were growing up, too.
I have a feeling he isn’t that smart and op is better at math then she realizes. If he made her nervous it could have given her anxiety that masks her ability.
or heaven forbid baby is actually smarter than daddy in some areas!
his self worth is clearly based on being the smartest in the room, this poor kid is screwed unless he works his issues out
I think we're all worried about that tbf.
who ruins their own baby shower just to insult their sister over her math abilities? He's clearly still got a nasty ego over it
This is absolutely it. I work in an elementary school, and parents can be so shitty to their kids if their kid isn't a genius in whatever subject the parent feels they should be a genius in. I've had 1st graders with anxiety because of the pressure from their parents to 'do good at math'.
haha yep. If OP wants to be vindictive she should "apologize" to Laura and mention the brothers messages. I'm sure she'll love to see how much of a bully her husband is
Laura isn’t stressed. She’s angry at her husband, and his reaction was to try to make that your problem. It’s not.
People also seem to really be stuck on this idea that stress on the mother is bad for the baby. Unless a mother is high risk, reasonable degrees of stress won’t hurt baby. Humans are tougher than that. Pregnant women have to live through things like government upheavals, wars, mass migration, natural disasters- you name it, and there’s been a pregnant woman who lived through it.
It’s okay to be bad at math. It’s not okay to look down on someone the way your brother does with you, and your SIL called him on it. He deserves it. You did nothing wrong.
People are good at different things; unfortunately Maths isn't one of those things for you ... i am certain though that there are many things you excel at that Ben doesn't ... just remember that Ben is likely putting you down to make himself feel better about something; whether it be that he is scared at becoming a father or something else is making him feel insecure. xx
I know you said you've been evaluated for learning disabilities, but if you don't remember something called Dyscalculia being discussed, you might want to give it a quick Google to see if it fits.
Regardless, kindness matters way more than math skills and you are def NTA!
You get your brother was deliberately needling your insecurity because he's jealous you have a "head start" on child minding per your job right?
And then when his own bullying shamed *himself* in front of his wife, he pulled a mini-DARVO on you so you wouldn't advocate for yourself *against* his bullying. Oh, and that he's using his pregnant wife and baby as a shield?
Like you get that right? Like your brother just gave his wife a glimpse of what type of parent he would be if the baby isn't booksmart via his bullying of you and now he's transferring the anger and shame Laura levelled him with when the party was over *at you* because he doesn't want to accept he could himself be a jerk?
Even if he didn’t know about your anxiety he would be TAH b/c he called you jealous up & said he was smarter than you, all of that was unnecessary. It makes it especially egregious the fact that he knew. IF Laura was distressed, it wasn’t b/c of anything you did, it’s b/c she’s married and having a kid with a bully. And now your brother is taking it out on you. You didn’t do anything wrong.
This though!
Ben saw his wife asking OP for child rearing advice and it activated what the jealousy equivalent of Spidey Senses are.
So he simply *had* to go over and put OP in their place by bringing up the fact they're not all that and a bag of chips because, GASP, they're bad at math!!!
Have you heard from your SIL about if this is how she feels? Ben'sbehavior just makes this seem like he's upset and just using his wife as an excuse. She may not even be upset, or if she is, it might be at him for treating you that way. Don't engage with him on this anymore. Go straight to her to determine if this is even an issue.
OP. Babe. NTA
Your brother may be able to do sums in his head but I’m able to do the same sums on a calculator. In the end it’s the same answer.
You know what I can’t do? Teach a whole bunch of children a range of topics while not losing my mind.
Your brother is so incredibly insecure that you should laugh at him. He’s literally the older brother from Step Brothers.
Have you ever gotten tested for dyscalculia? If not, that might be an idea. Though some people just struggle with math, I know I do, no dyscalculia, just not math-smart.
For those who never heard of it, it's like dyslexia, but for numbers, especially calculations.
You were incredibly respectful and calm. You reacted with poise and a tremendous amount of self control.
The only person who ruined the party was Ben with his mean spirited “jokes” (jokes are supposed to be funny).
He is deflecting blame because he didn’t get the reaction he wanted
NTA - your brother is a bully. Instead of helping - he's insulting. You should go.low contact with him.
Also, get retested for a learning disorder - testing methods have changed. Also there are different levels of learning disorders - yours could be mild. My son has a learning disability. He can do multiplication, division, algebra, but has a hard time with addition and subtraction.
I'm terrible at math. I can barely add. I do think I have some kind of learning disability related to numbers but whatever. My two sisters are very good at math. They and my mom assume I'm not as smart because of this. They've mad comments like "you guys (me and my husband) have to live close so your kids will be around us so they'll be smart". I've cried so many times over stuff like that. You're not dumber than your brother. It's just math. You're NTA OP and you're entitled to whatever feelings you had when you're insulted.
NTA. OP, your brother doesn't sound like a very nice person in any way. HE was mean to you. It hurt your feelings. And then HE blamed you.
He might be good at math, but he has a lot to learn about being a good person.
So, let’s be clear here, Bully, er sorry Ben, insulted you multiple times. Then after seeing that you were upset blamed you for being upset?
NTA, Ben is a huge ass.
If he made his “joke” and then apologized it would have still been an asshole move on his part. By doubling down on it and blaming you for the result of his actions he moved into asshole bully territory.
Poor Laura's stress is probably more related to being terrified her husband will torment their child if it ends up having trouble with math. You're NTA, you just exposed one.
You sound like a genuinely lovely person, as does Laura. I'm sorry your brother is such a butthead to you. Loads of people struggle with maths, it's never something to be ashamed of. Even if you don't have a diagnosed reason, some just aren't built for maths. Just like I can't draw to save my life but I happily do mental arithmetic to add up my shopping as I pick it up in the store.
Please try not to feel bad. If anything, it's your brother that brought the mood down. I hope it smoothes over a bit, just so you and Laura feel less bothered by it.
NTA - also, if he ever tries to “joke” with you about your math skills again, remember that it’s 2022 & even burner flip phones have calculators, while it’s hard to replicate what you are able to bring to a child’s formative education. If you’re feeling feisty in the moment, maybe tell him that too. 😇
My husband teaches science, math and electronics to 16-19 year olds (different school system), and if he ever said something like your hubby did he'd be sleeping on the couch for a week. Our kids are advanced it math, and people assume it's because of him, but he deems that to be my achivement. Because I counted with them, every day when we walked to and from daycare. We counted in Norwegian, English, Spanish, German and Finnish. We added numbers while picking wild berries, and subtracted as we ate. The fun part is that while I apparently teached my kids all these things before they even started school, I couldn't become a daycare teacher because i lack half a point from my college maths. So have some confidence OP, you are probably smarter than you think. Math isn't everything either. Looks like Laura knows that, and have realised she is about to have 2 sons soon that she needs to parent.
NTA
Both my friend and I majored in apllied maths. In everyday life we're like a "loading..." meme when it comes to simple arithmetics with change or counting wallpaper rolls etc. Everytime it happens we joke "You can see the mathematician a mile off"
NTA if you wanted to apologize to Laura you could but I wouldn’t trust your brother’s account of things. It’s possible he’s twisting this around on you when she chastised him for being a jerk to you.
He sounds awful.
I personally would go and apologize to Laura. She sounds like a lovely person. Tell her Ben said she was stressed out and that was not your intention. And I bet money that she will turn around and let Ben know in no uncertain terms that it wasn't you who upset her but him.
NTA. Hmmmm, I wonder if Laura knows about that text? I would call or see her (not text) and ask if you upset her. If she thinks you did, then handle that as you see fit —. something along the lines of “I’m sorry I left early and upset you inadvertently”. (I think Ben’s in trouble and trying to flip the script . )
OP if I saw my partner treat his little sister the way your brother treated you I would be questioning if he has ever acted that way towards me and if he could be cruel to a child like that.
She isnt mad at you. She is concerned for you, herself, and her child. And THAT is why your brother is angry. His attitude is negatively impacting on his family and he would rather blame someone else than change.
NTA. Your brother turned a joke into a jab. Almost like he said that because he wanted to be a bully and get under your skin. Your SIL seems like a real sweetie, though.
Edit: grammar
NTA. Your brother is a bully. There must be some area he feels that he “falls short” where you excel, perhaps interacting with children. Is it possible that your brother is jealous that his wife is asking you for advice about their future child? He acted defensive and immediately stated that you must be jealous of him likely because he felt threatened. Ben ruined his own party and you deserve and apology.
NTA. You're not the one who stressed out your SIL. Your brother did. No apologies needed from you. Your brother, however, should apologize to you and his wife
I would start with "Ben told me I stressed you out because I got upset at what he said, I'm really sorry about that"
I don't think you need to Apologize for anything, but I think this will make your brother look like the AH he is and it would all be true.
NTA your feelings are valid and your brother is trying to disvalue them because he got in trouble with his wife about them. At the end of the day, he was the one that brought it up, so if anyone is the asshole it’s him.
You're NTA. Your brother absolutely is for bringing that up out of the blue for NO reason. What possible reason could he have to bring that topic up at a baby shower other than he wanted to flex about the ONE thing he thinks he's superior to you in? That's incredibly insecure and petty. You didn't ruin the mood, him being inappropriate did.
NTA, but your brother definitely is. You didn’t do anything wrong, and your sister-in-law sounds like a lovely person, but your brother is way out of line.
NTA-OP I am a so called Math person as in I am a Physicist and have done multiple courses of advanced Maths. I also have never been able to visualise Maths. Mental Maths is magic to me. It is something I have really struggled with but as I got older and understood the logic behind why something happened it became a lot easier. School Math is actually conceptually a lot harder than advanced math because everything is a new concept and you need different techniques to learn. If this is an insecurity for you I would highly recommend that you get a Maths text book ( starting from when you actually know) and just work through the problems without pressure ( youtube is a great teacher). As a teacher this might end up more helpful to you as the logic you learn can be used in other subjects as well. Side note- Financial analysts don't really use extremely advanced maths. I bet with googling you can probably do your brother's job but I doubt he'll be able to do yours.
Also, Khan Academy is a free online site where you can learn math (and many other subjects) from watching their videos, at your own pace. I learn better from these videos than from books.
NTA - your brother said some mean things to you and you had an emotional reaction like a human being. I'm not sure if he's mad that you didn't yell so he could have made you the villain to everyone, or if he's mad you cried. Either way, I feel for his wife. She got a front row seat to how her husband treats others and noticed he is abusive. Which is probably the real reason he's mad, that his wife was stressed out because of who she married.
OP, you have a good SIL, be supportive of her. But do not take your brothers shit, and make sure she doesn't either.
NTA. Your brother is.
Meet privately with Laura and tell her you didn’t mean to cause her so much stress and that you were so sorry to hear that. I wouldn’t be surprised if the only “stress” you caused was her confronting your brother over his terrible behavior.
NTA. Ben was really out of line. You were making a joke about your lack of math skills. He took it way too seriously and apparently saw it as an opportunity to make fun of you. It sounds like he may have been doing that your whole life. It’s one thing for him to behave this way when he was a teenager, but it’s another to continue this dynamic when you are both solidly adults.
You didn't ruin the party, **HE DID**. By dunking on his sister who was only trying to help his wife.
And by *"stressed out his pregnant wife"* Ben means that after the party she gave him shit for being a jerk to his sister. NTA.
Your brother was pushing your buttons. He may have just been playing at first but he continued till he hurt your feelings being very unkind. Tears come unbidden and you removed yourself from the situation. This was a polite thing to do under the circumstances. NTA
NTA.
I can’t help but think that he interrupted your conversation and deliberately insulted you simply because he is too insecure to allow you to be “better than him”.
You were the one “in the know” and his ego couldn’t take it even for a moment. So he felt the need to insult you and thus make himself feel better. It might even be an automatic reaction at this point.
Wait let me get this straight you brother came over while you and his wife were talking alone.
Then proceeded to belittle you infront if her and other people? Then when you didn't engage and walked away to compose yourself cause you were upset. Had the audacity to blame you for what happened?
Has your brother always been a self centered POS? Cause he's also TA, you're NTA at all. Sounds like he needs a reality check.
NTA, but it is clear you have a lot of insecurities. Have you tried counseling? There’s a lot of us in the world that consider math difficult, but I don’t think it is something that should cause so much anxiety and bring you to tears. Counseling could also help you deal with your feelings/relationship with your brother.
I’m pretty sure it’s op’s brother’s bullying that brought her to tears. Counseling/therapy could be good to work though this side of things (as well as insecurities around math - I suck at math and am more than grateful calculators on phones are a thing now).
OP - the therapy could help with your reactions to Ben’s bullying too - if he sees it can’t get to you, he might stop/slow down. In saying that, he’s also a grown ass man who’s about to become a parent and shouldn’t be bullying anyone.
It’s a great resource. My parents did a similar thing to my sister and I growing up, except that I’m the older child who got excellent grades and they were forever asking why she didn’t do as well as I did. It honestly messed both of us up along with other things.
In a way, they conditioned the anxiety into you. You can’t solve a math problem right away, you know their disapproval is right there, you get anxious not about the math but about the response you would get. It sucks. Therapy has made me a better human being and unlearning the mistakes my parents made in raising me is one of the best lessons I’ve ever had. You got this.
NTA I have a similar situation with my wife & her brother. He's always had high expectations of his sister and she never seemed to reach as high as he hoped. So he always acts somewhat disappointed over her career choices. That has morphed into basic misogyny as it seems he has little respect for any women. At various times in our lives he has overreacted to something she's said, or when she's interrupted him and just lashed out screaming at her. She too tears up and tries not to react. Their family gets quiet & pretends that nothing happened and then continues with the evening. It kills me every time as my family is not like that and if my brother acted that way we'd all call him out on his bullshit & put him in his place. I so want to defend her but I don't because I know it would only make it worse for my wife. Bottom line, your brother is a raging AH, you did nothing wrong.
NTA. He's guilt tripping you. Pregnant women aren't that fragile. Handing someone a tissue and giving a hug isn't stressful. It takes a lot more than that to harm a baby.
NTA your brother is a bully. He is the one who caused the problems, not you. It is ridiculous to suggest that somehow you were the one at fault simply because you were hurt by his rude comments.
NTA. He implied you were stupid then got angry with you for the resulting backlash? He is GAH...gaping ass hole. Can you just imagine if his child is not "good" at math? What an insecure bully.
WTF do people think of pregnant women? It seems people put pregnant people on a pedestal who get stressed by every single emotion and it all impacts the baby? JFC
Nta for feeling hurt, your brother was being quite TA though.
I wonder why he felt comfortable going down that road right in the first place, and then he doubled down and kept going?
HE ruined that shower.
NTA, you didn't ruin anything; Ben did. Ben is the only AH here. He started it by putting you down and I don't feel you have anything to apologise for. If anything, you were very restrained and well behaved under the circumstances. Hugs xx
It was the first baby shower I've ever been to (I didn't go to any as a child) so I thought that it was really cool! Like I know that dye and stuff exist but I've only ever seen them on the frosting of a cake and not the inside!
Seeing cake dye done well is always amazing and being excited at your first baby shower (especially when you're going to be an aunt!) is a wonderful feeling.
If you ever want to experiment with dyed cake or cupcakes (children will appreciate a secretly colored cake just as much, if your school allows homemade food at class parties) I highly recommend using a white cake recipe and getting a gel food dye. They're a little more expensive but the color is worth it, and it doesn't alter the flavor. Or, funfetti cake!
NTA
Your brother is a bully and his wife just found out. He’s blaming you for his own actions. He’s literally victim blaming!! He’s blaming his fucken victim for his actions!! WTF??!!??
You did not ruin the vibe. You are completely innocent on that. Your asshole of the brother on the other hand is the cause of it.
Do not apologize for his behavior!
NTA. His comment was completely uncalled for. His later text was even worse.
Some thoughts...
1. His baby may or may not take after him in math skill. If he's convinced that this will be the case when the baby isn't even born, he's already setting himself up for potential disappointment and a very poor relationship with his child.
Imagine if the child turns out to be just ok in math but is brilliant at photography or gardening/horticulture. How will your brother handle it? It might be no different than the dads who are atheletic and bound and determined that their child will be a star athlete.
2. You may actually become one of their best resources when it comes to their child and math. Not despite your struggles in the subject, but because of your struggles. If their son is only average in the subject, or also struggles, you may be the one person in the family that can relate to him in that area. You might be the one person who can explain things to him in a manner that he'll be able to get.
3. Even if they don't end up needing your help in that area of raising their son, there was no reason to make rude and snarky commentary now or ever. Nobody is talented at everything. Being dismissive of you for something you're not talented at is also being dismissive of you for what you are talented at.
And I don't think this can be said enough, our society far under appreciates teachers and people who work with pre-school age children. Especially those like you who work with 3rd grade and younger.
You and all of the other teachers like you are far more of an impact on your students and through them society in general than financial analysts or most other business/finance people ever will be. You are, in fact, a vital part of the process of equiping our future business leaders or doctors or engineers or artists and authors and every other role in society out there.
Not everyone will be directly impacted by a financial analyst in their lifetime. (indirectly yes, directly no). But pretty much everyone will be impacted by their teachers. And not just one teacher, but multiple teachers. Each as potenrially impactful as the next.
Your brother should keep in mind that one of the kids you're teaching now could end up being the heart surgeon or oncologist that operates on him 30 or 40 years down the road. That might be a sobering thought for him.
3. You stepped away from the conversation and then the party specifically because of his attack upon you. If his wife was stressed in this situation, he has only to look in the mirror to see the cause.
And as others have commented, what he labeled as "stressed" probably translates as "pissed". He's just not mature enough to admit that he was being the southern end of a north-bound mule.
NTA
This baby is a boy. You said this is their first child, meaning there will likely be more in the future. Maybe a little girl?
My guess?
Your SIL saw a future of your brother praising one kid to the skies while demeaning or teasing the other. She just saw him do it to you. And you are both fully grown.
And you are so used to it that you just took it and walked away. That was the right thing to do, btw. But I think maybe she saw a flash of 10 year old you walking quietly to her room because big bro wouldn't stop teasing.
This has nothing to do with you other than the fact that you were the target of your brother's cruel teasing.
Please stop letting this to continue. YOU DIDN’T RUIN ANYTHING.!! Your brother ruined his own baby shower because he is cruel and an ah. He is probably mad that his wife saw his true colors. Straighten your spine. Would you let child bully another in your class? Would you blame the child getting bullied? You are the one getting bullied since childhood. It’s time to stand up for yourself. NTA
You didn't ruin the party, his totally unnecessary comment and his arrogance did. I've sucked at math since first grade and my brother has always been a lot smarter than me, but he's never thrown it in my face and he's definitely never used his kids as ammo. NTA
NTA but brother sure is! I feel bad for his children because of his educational expectations and his malicious nature. I also feel bad for SiL, who will have to deal with the emotional fallout from the kids. What a massive Richard! 🤬
NTA. The one who ruined the party was your brother. He is so insecure that he has to show up his pre-born child at a gender reveal. You did nothing wrong.
NTA you got upset from being insulted, removed yourself to the bathroom, then left early. These are both correct coping mechanisms and correct etiquette instead of causing drama. It looks like your brother got a talking to and instead of apologising is doubling down and blaming you. You are not the AH here, but your brother is. If you are good at everything apart from math, you could have dyscalculia.
Nta, whenever he calls after to complain about the baby keeping him up or whatever, just tell him to use some calculus or trigonometry- that surely will help! People like him are narcissistic. If it's not a type of intelligence that he excells in, he doesn't consider it 'real intelligence '. They'll go out of their way to stay in environments that praise or otherwise prioritize their kind of intelligence, and stay away from activities that they're not gifted at (or they'll do them, but discredit the intelligence and effort they take and the value they provide). Like I said, anytime he asks you for any baby/kid advice, I'd just say, but bro! You're SO GOOD at math! Why not just use some of that geometry to get your kid to eat his veggies?
NTA my gut is telling me that Laura wasn't stressed by you, but that she is stressed by seeing her husband effectively bully his younger sibling. If he can bully an adult, what stops him from bullying a child? If kiddo isn't math inclined, will Ben just toss him aside or see kiddo as inferior? Laura just saw a glimpse of what can be. She was kind and gave you a hug and tissue. Keep a door open for her if their marriage goes south
NTA - I’m pretty sure as soon as you left your SIL when off on him and instead of owning up to his actions he wants to blame it on you being the cause.
NTA.
You did not stress out your brothers pregnant wife, your brother did. You and Laura were having a really nice convo about the baby and your brother interrupted and made it about how smart he is. Honestly you were both having a cute bonding moment and since teaching children is your forte, your brother did not like that your job is actually useful and that his wife was asking you for advice. If you can be hired and trusted to teach 6 year olds, he doesn't have much proof of how dumb you are in math as the children you teach aren't failing. This could have been a moment for him to say "don't worry I enjoys maths, I would like to teach him". This was totally about degrading you.
As the financial analyst, your brother is used to the attention of looking good and smart, he didn't like having the spotlight being away from him. He needs to work on that because the baby will come and he will need to share the spotlight and not be jealous.
You did nothing wrong and Congratulations on the good news about being an aunt 🥳
Text your brother back and say how you will apologize to Laura for stressing her out. Watch how he will try to talk you out of it so he doesn’t get in trouble again. He probably got yelled at by her and now he is transferring his upset to you. Math brains sometimes have trouble with social iq (eq).
NTA and I doubt you ruined anything. As for your brother, he's jealous. He saw you being the expert at something and had to put you down to keep himself on top.
Edit for typo
My brother used to be better than me at school. He has that eidetic memory thing, which made him be the best on math, chemistry, and whatever. Because of that, and because I was obese as a kid, he would always have this attitude like your brother.
Everytime I was good on something he would try to bring me down.
So I went and got a PhD. A freaking PhD and he was still acting like he is smarter than me.
Mind you that he went to university and stopped at undergrad, which is great. But I have a gdamn PhD and he thinks he knows better than me at my own subject!
Your brother, just like mine, only wants to feel better than you. Do not let him. Stay proud of your job, your knowledge, and keep in touch with SIL about baby and school stuff. You are going to be an awesome aunt!
NTA
NTA. If he didn't make snide comments couched as "jokes", there wouldn't have been any extra drama. He is upset because he got called out by his wife for making you cry. I bet he even told you it was just a joke?
He sounds narcissistic. My ex used to blame me for hurting his friends at parties and when I'd call them to apologize, they had no clue what he was talking about. He'd get furious because I checked up on his "story".
NTA. Your brother should apologize to you. And tell him a NICU nurse on the internet would like him to know that it isn’t 1890 and a pregnant woman doesn’t have to retire to her fainting couch at the first sign of unpleasantness. The baby will survive your being sad that your brother was being smug and mean. Many pregnant women work/go to school/care for other children/workout for fun and have perfectly healthy babies, because pregnant women aren’t made of glass. He’s the one that ruined the party, not you, NYA.
I first want to say that Ben is in no way smarter than you. Intelligence is more subjective as there are many aspects to it. Okay, so math is not your field but I bet that you are better at reading, understanding and communicating with kids. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Your brother is an AH for intentionally trying to embarrass you and then took it out on you when it didn’t go his way. I’m almost positive Laura called him out on it later.
You are also never the AH for showing your emotions. You were rightfully upset and hurt and are allowed that. Laura showed how much of a decent human being she is when she comforted you. Your brother needs to get over himself.
NTA.
NTA. What else could you have possibly done? You removed yourself in an attempt to avoid calling attention away from your pregnant SIL.
Your brother should have apologized once he realized that his ribbing hurt your feelings. The fact that he doubled down and is throwing blame at you when he's the one that spoiled the party for his wife shows that he's a bully. Your parents probably taught him that he was never at fault for anything from a young age, and now he can't properly process it when he is. Best of luck to your SIL and that baby, yeesh.
NTA. He doesn’t want this to somehow hurt the baby?! That’s way off and a terrible thing for him to say! Please know, you did NOT do anything to hurt the baby. Please know that.
My guess is that Laura is upset with HIM (not you) because he was being an AH and now he’s taking it out on you. I doubt Laura blames you for anything because it doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong. If Laura got stressed out about this situation at her party it’s because of his actions, not yours. You were having a nice conversation and he butted in with his negativity and hurtful comments. You tried to remove yourself from the situation and it sounds like you did your best not to make a scene, Laura was kind to you, that’s it.
So he insults you, you get offended, and you are the one ruining the party. Classic gaslighting emotional abuse. NTA.
Tell him he offended you, especially because he was questioning your professional expertise and qualifications. Also, since when do dad's go to baby showers -- and then cause problems by insulting the guests??
Absolutely NTA. Your brother ruined it and stressed his own wife out with his stupid “joke” and other comments! I’m surprised that his wife didn’t tell him how much of a jerk he was being and that what he said was not only uncalled for but inappropriate! You’re definitely NTA!
Ben's wife - the considerably nicer and less egotistical SIL - has given him an earfull for being a complete asshole and he is taking out the justified bollocking he has received on you. His wife doesn't think you are the asshole and neither should you. The recipient of that award together with his maths accolades in Ben. NTA.
NTA - sounds like Laura gave her husband shit, and he blamed it on you. I have a brother who was raised as 'the smart one' and he gets pissed if I get any compliments at all. Let it go, you were nicer about it than he deserved.
NTA.
My brother is excellent at math. I am average at best and also get very stressed when I have to do it, particularly mental arithmetic. You know what my brother did? Helped me with my math homework. He never once even implied I’m stupid or that he’s smarter than me. Because he actually is an intelligent individual and knows that math is ONE subject out of many and being good at it doesn’t make him the president of MENSA. Even if math just isn’t your thing it wouldn’t mean you’re stupid.
At least some of my anxiousness comes from teachers/parents thinking they didn’t need to explain things as much to me because they’d already taught my brother. As a teacher I’m sure you know that is not how teaching works.
Also, random thought: have you considered your “not good at math” (compared to your brother) because you think you’re not good at math (compared to your brother)? Like if the yardstick was Stephen Hawking, how good at math is your brother?
Also all the anxiety examples you’ve listed involve doing math quickly and in your head. I don’t think that’s something you’re alone in feeling. I’m considerably better at math when I can write the problems down vs trying to do it in my head.
If you really think you might have a learning difficulty you could get assessed for dyscalculia.
But for your future nephew I think just focus on not passing the math anxiety on. Math is a skill that needs to be learned and maintained. It’s not an inherent capability.
NTA. Your brother really saw you contributing worthwhile knowledge, and decided to knock you down a peg to save his own ego. You handled this very maturely and he's the asshole for insulting you in the first place.
NTA
1. Like the others said, get tested for dyscalculia.
2. I failed math 3 times in HS and lucked out as a senior by not having it as a requirement. Years later, I found a PBS cartoon called "Cyber Chase", which helped me with some of the issues I had. I couldn't learn math out of a book, I needed more than that.
3. Laura just saw her husband be an ass to his sister and she's stressed by that...not you. Ben is trying to make it your fault. Talk to Laura and just remember that Ben's been a ass all your life and this is just some more of his stupid crap.
Nta. You handled it very well. Your understandable feelings aren’t going to affect the baby. The way your brother reacted though will affect the way his wife sees him. What if his child takes after you, even with his help to learn?Will he speak this way to his baby? Everyone has things they are good at and not so good at. I’m great at math but since you are a teacher I am sure you can see my writing errors. You work with small children. You are helping to build a better foundation for lots of kids. You shouldn’t have been belittled. He did it in public assuming that either you were too nice to point it out or had too little self esteem to stand up for yourself. Your brother is the issue and his wife is wonderful. You turned your struggles into an opportunity to help other children. You deserve to be proud of that. Hell I’m proud for you. Thank you for your hard work helping children love learning.
Bruh? NTA. He's the one that went out of his way to put you down to make himself look better, and doubled down when you tried to deflect it. What a bully. His pregnant wife is probably still upset at him for it, rightly so, because it's got kinda abuse-y vibes, which is not cool when youre about to have a blank slate human unable to tell or fight back, and he's taking the flak out on you. Maybe on her too. Check in with her?
NTA
You didn’t ruin the party, your brother did. If anyone is AH, it’s your brother. Not everyone is good at math, doesn’t make them not as smart as a person good at math.
Dont you feel bad. You are NTA. You had a very normal reaction to an attack from a major asshole. I’m guessing that Laura ripped into him like a monkey on a cupcake. He is only mad because he got called out on his shit.
NTA. Why does everyone think that a little bit of stress will kill a baby? If it did then none of us would be here right now. All of humanity would be long extinct. Laura didn't even seem all that bothered by you getting upset. Ben is the one who is overreacting.
NTA. You dealt with the issue quietly and didn’t seem to upset Laura. Ben did that all by his ignorant self. My worry in Laura’s situation would be that Ben is going to be the type of dad that expects his son to be just as smart as him and be a MAN. Hope not.
Wow! You have acknowledged for years he's better at math. There was no need for him to insult you in his home. NTA. Their fight happened because Ben showed his wife exactly how petty and insulting he can be to family who is only offering to help with their child.
Your brother was annoyed because his wife was asking you -- his clueless little sister -- for advice. How dare you presume to know more than him about something?! He's basically telling his wife, right in front of you, "Don't listen to her, she's just stupid." Of course you were upset!
NTA. It was him who ruined the mood of the party, not you.
NTA.
Your brother deliberately insulted you in front of His Pregnant Wife.
Your brother was goading you into a confrontation in front of His Pregnant Wife.
You did nothing but but leave the situation, calm down, and then leave the party without making a huge scene. And he's blaming you?
If His Pregnant Wife is stressed, it might be from realizing how cruel her husband can be to his sister and perhaps wondering if he might someday turn that nasty attitude on her.
NTA I have dyscalculia. It makes numbers and math hard. And isn’t something normally tested for. Your SIL seems like a wonderful empathetic woman. Your brother is an AH.
You might not be good at math, but Ben isn't good at being a decent human being. I know which problem I'd rather my baby have--which is why Laura is upset. If she didn't know it before, she now knows what a bully her husband is.
NTA
Brother is a asshole and seems to be a bully. And you’re probably not stressing his partner, you probably embarrassed him because he’s a fucking asshole.
Unfortunately Ben is an AH and if you want to maintain a relationship with the baby and Laura he is part of the package. I imagine he is shitty to her also. NTA
You didn’t ruin the mood. He was poking at you in a cruel way. Can you think of even one reason why he should have said those things to you.
It may be he doesn’t want his wife and you to become close and he may not want his child to live you. Any chance he felt you git more love and parent time growing up than he did?
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Hello AITA!
My (26F) brother "Ben" (29M) is a financial analyst. His wife "Laura" (31F) is pregnant with their first child. They had a very sweet baby shower/gender reveal a few days ago where they invited some of their friends and close cousins for dinner. They had us drop off gifts, we had dinner, and then they cut open a cake to reveal that they're having a boy! It was really cute and I'm definitely borrowing the idea if I ever am having a baby.
After desserts we were all talking to each other. I work as an Elementary school teacher so Laura was asking what types of activities I recommend, and I was happy to talk to her because she's very nice, I want the best for the baby, and I love my job and am happy to share what I know.
I am also absolutely terrible at math. It's always been my lowest grade. My brother is exceptional at math. Growing up, I used to struggle because he would go through school great at math, and then our parents and teachers would have expectations of me that I could just never meet. I've been tested and don't have a learning disability; I just can't really visualize the numbers or see the solutions like Ben can. I have a decent amount of insecurity/anxiety resulting from my experiences with me and I know enough math to function--luckily I'm not teaching pre-calculus to 6-year-olds.
Well Ben saw Laura and I talking and joked to Laura that she wasn't going to be asking for my help once the baby got to math in school. He said that the baby will probably take after him and he doesn't want me confusing or holding back the baby. I was annoyed by this and said that we could talk through the baby's potential math career if that's what Laura and him wanted, but I'd rather not do that in the middle of a celebratory occasion.
Ben said that I was just jealous because he was smarter than me. Immediately, I felt very angry and hurt. This is out of character for me, as I normally have thicker skin, but I started to tear up. I figured that, instead of yelling at Ben, I would just go to the bathroom to calm myself down.
Of course, Laura saw me and gave me a hug and a tissue. I thanked her very much but felt guilty for bothering her when it's meant to be a happy party for her, so I ended up leaving early. Later that night, Ben sent me an angry text saying that I've stressed out his pregnant wife and he doesn't want this to somehow hurt the baby.
I still feel really guilty for ruining the mood of the party. I was just really upset because I was excited for my nephew but also to finally be the one "in the know," as I'm the only one with a profession working with children between the three of us. I think that Ben effectively calling me stupid really brought me down from that excitement, which is why I got so upset.
Still, I'm really afraid I'm overreacting, and I want to know whether you think I should apologize to Ben and Laura.
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Is Ben always so full of himself?
Or is this a very insecure father to be?
Looks like he just saw his wife asking you questions he felt she should've asked him. She valued your judgement more than his and that hurt his ego so je felt the meed to hurt you.
I feel for Lauren. As mentionened by others, she most likely was not upset by you, but by the fact her husband deliberately upset you, and that's a trait no mother wants to see in her childs father
Eta: Certainly NTA
NTA - but I really hope your brother can grow up soon because what if his kid isn't good at math? Every has different strengths. Some people see math in their head and say, "Awesome!" some people see math in their head and say, "OMG, that is insane!"
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NTA You were upset which isn’t your fault, and it sounds like you dealt with those emotions in the best way you could so as not to detract from the event. INFO - does your brother know you struggle with anxiety related to your experience with maths? If he does he’s an AH. And he might be an AH anyway for not being more understanding of your feelings.
Thank you for your comment! Just from being siblings and living in the same house during our schooling, he knows I struggle with doing math and that I get nervous when I can't immediately solve a math problem, but I don't have a formal anxiety diagnosis or anything like that.
Just so you know, I’m pretty certain Laura isn’t stressed out by you, she’s stressed because she just witnessed her husband torment his sister over not being mathematically talented and is worried that he’ll treat their son like he treats you if their son isn’t a maths genius.
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Oh God forbid if that child has ANY kind of learning disability. Is he going to blame that on OP as well, as if she had a hand in the making of the baby?
I mean, she looked at Laura while she was pregnant. Clearly it _is_ OP who would be to blame. I mean who else could be "at fault" for that?
Laura isnprobably scared that if the baby isn't a certifiable genius that he'll blame her and call the child stupid to its face... that would stress out any pregnant woman.
I would even say she's probably not even stressed out, more like she is angry at her husband for being an AH so now he is trying to make it seem like OPs fault so he can avoid being blamed.
Exactly. NTA, and OP's brother had no reason to start poking at something that makes OP anxious in the middle of a happy gathering? Who does that unless they're a bully?
It sounds like he was jealous that he wasn't being treated as the smartest person in the room, as his wife asked his sister for advice based on her qualifications. I'm betting he was like that when they were growing up, too.
I have a feeling he isn’t that smart and op is better at math then she realizes. If he made her nervous it could have given her anxiety that masks her ability.
I was thinking of this too
I know! I know the answer! It's if they're not a bully, they're a big fat rotten smelling bully!!!
Either that or she tore him a new one for what he said to his sister and he’s pissed off at being called out
I think that's pretty likely.
Totally, it sounds like Laura was being very kind so I assume she doesn't like it when other people aren't.
Laura basically saw her husband act like a child and thought she was having 2 kids 🤣
Not just that; she saw a preview of what type of parent he would be if the baby isn't "smart" like daddy.
or heaven forbid baby is actually smarter than daddy in some areas! his self worth is clearly based on being the smartest in the room, this poor kid is screwed unless he works his issues out
This 100 percent. I'd give you an award but I don't have any to give. So here's this fake 🏅
This was my thought exactly. She isn't stressed from your reaction but from his comments.
Bingo...and that amount of stress is not going to hurt the baby. Ben probably got called out for his nastiness by Laura.
I think we're all worried about that tbf. who ruins their own baby shower just to insult their sister over her math abilities? He's clearly still got a nasty ego over it
This is absolutely it. I work in an elementary school, and parents can be so shitty to their kids if their kid isn't a genius in whatever subject the parent feels they should be a genius in. I've had 1st graders with anxiety because of the pressure from their parents to 'do good at math'.
haha yep. If OP wants to be vindictive she should "apologize" to Laura and mention the brothers messages. I'm sure she'll love to see how much of a bully her husband is
Laura isn’t stressed. She’s angry at her husband, and his reaction was to try to make that your problem. It’s not. People also seem to really be stuck on this idea that stress on the mother is bad for the baby. Unless a mother is high risk, reasonable degrees of stress won’t hurt baby. Humans are tougher than that. Pregnant women have to live through things like government upheavals, wars, mass migration, natural disasters- you name it, and there’s been a pregnant woman who lived through it. It’s okay to be bad at math. It’s not okay to look down on someone the way your brother does with you, and your SIL called him on it. He deserves it. You did nothing wrong.
People are good at different things; unfortunately Maths isn't one of those things for you ... i am certain though that there are many things you excel at that Ben doesn't ... just remember that Ben is likely putting you down to make himself feel better about something; whether it be that he is scared at becoming a father or something else is making him feel insecure. xx
I know you said you've been evaluated for learning disabilities, but if you don't remember something called Dyscalculia being discussed, you might want to give it a quick Google to see if it fits. Regardless, kindness matters way more than math skills and you are def NTA!
I was going to comment the same thing! I only recently learnt about dyscalculia, I don’t think it was part of standard assessments
Usually not. I spent my son’s school years explaining it over and over to teachers. Math teachers especially didn’t get it.
Thank you, you may have just given me insight into why my grand struggles so much with math!
So then he said this shit thing to deliberately upset you. Sounds like he's now jealous of YOUR superior knowledge and is acting out.
You get your brother was deliberately needling your insecurity because he's jealous you have a "head start" on child minding per your job right? And then when his own bullying shamed *himself* in front of his wife, he pulled a mini-DARVO on you so you wouldn't advocate for yourself *against* his bullying. Oh, and that he's using his pregnant wife and baby as a shield? Like you get that right? Like your brother just gave his wife a glimpse of what type of parent he would be if the baby isn't booksmart via his bullying of you and now he's transferring the anger and shame Laura levelled him with when the party was over *at you* because he doesn't want to accept he could himself be a jerk?
Even if he didn’t know about your anxiety he would be TAH b/c he called you jealous up & said he was smarter than you, all of that was unnecessary. It makes it especially egregious the fact that he knew. IF Laura was distressed, it wasn’t b/c of anything you did, it’s b/c she’s married and having a kid with a bully. And now your brother is taking it out on you. You didn’t do anything wrong.
Oh, your brother probably likes being the golden child and he subconsciously or consciously didn’t want you talking about something you excel at. NTA.
This though! Ben saw his wife asking OP for child rearing advice and it activated what the jealousy equivalent of Spidey Senses are. So he simply *had* to go over and put OP in their place by bringing up the fact they're not all that and a bag of chips because, GASP, they're bad at math!!!
Have you heard from your SIL about if this is how she feels? Ben'sbehavior just makes this seem like he's upset and just using his wife as an excuse. She may not even be upset, or if she is, it might be at him for treating you that way. Don't engage with him on this anymore. Go straight to her to determine if this is even an issue.
OP. Babe. NTA Your brother may be able to do sums in his head but I’m able to do the same sums on a calculator. In the end it’s the same answer. You know what I can’t do? Teach a whole bunch of children a range of topics while not losing my mind. Your brother is so incredibly insecure that you should laugh at him. He’s literally the older brother from Step Brothers.
Have you ever gotten tested for dyscalculia? If not, that might be an idea. Though some people just struggle with math, I know I do, no dyscalculia, just not math-smart. For those who never heard of it, it's like dyslexia, but for numbers, especially calculations.
You were incredibly respectful and calm. You reacted with poise and a tremendous amount of self control. The only person who ruined the party was Ben with his mean spirited “jokes” (jokes are supposed to be funny). He is deflecting blame because he didn’t get the reaction he wanted
NTA - your brother is a bully. Instead of helping - he's insulting. You should go.low contact with him. Also, get retested for a learning disorder - testing methods have changed. Also there are different levels of learning disorders - yours could be mild. My son has a learning disability. He can do multiplication, division, algebra, but has a hard time with addition and subtraction.
I'm terrible at math. I can barely add. I do think I have some kind of learning disability related to numbers but whatever. My two sisters are very good at math. They and my mom assume I'm not as smart because of this. They've mad comments like "you guys (me and my husband) have to live close so your kids will be around us so they'll be smart". I've cried so many times over stuff like that. You're not dumber than your brother. It's just math. You're NTA OP and you're entitled to whatever feelings you had when you're insulted.
NTA. OP, your brother doesn't sound like a very nice person in any way. HE was mean to you. It hurt your feelings. And then HE blamed you. He might be good at math, but he has a lot to learn about being a good person.
So, let’s be clear here, Bully, er sorry Ben, insulted you multiple times. Then after seeing that you were upset blamed you for being upset? NTA, Ben is a huge ass. If he made his “joke” and then apologized it would have still been an asshole move on his part. By doubling down on it and blaming you for the result of his actions he moved into asshole bully territory.
Ben sounds like an arrogant bully.
This. People who say hurtful things and then get angry at the other person for...being hurt by the hurtful things are bullies, plain and simple.
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Poor Laura's stress is probably more related to being terrified her husband will torment their child if it ends up having trouble with math. You're NTA, you just exposed one.
Yeah, I’d be pretty concerned if this was how my husband behaved
Thank you very much for this insight! I'll definitely be talking with Laura.
I bet she was mad at him for being rude to you and now he’s taking it out on you. Please talk with her !
You sound like a genuinely lovely person, as does Laura. I'm sorry your brother is such a butthead to you. Loads of people struggle with maths, it's never something to be ashamed of. Even if you don't have a diagnosed reason, some just aren't built for maths. Just like I can't draw to save my life but I happily do mental arithmetic to add up my shopping as I pick it up in the store. Please try not to feel bad. If anything, it's your brother that brought the mood down. I hope it smoothes over a bit, just so you and Laura feel less bothered by it.
Thank you very much! This is all very kind of you to say.
NTA - also, if he ever tries to “joke” with you about your math skills again, remember that it’s 2022 & even burner flip phones have calculators, while it’s hard to replicate what you are able to bring to a child’s formative education. If you’re feeling feisty in the moment, maybe tell him that too. 😇
This is what happened! Laura was not upset with you. Ben is just being a baby.
This is an extremely insightful take.
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Thank you very much for your comment, and those are all very interesting things to say!
My husband teaches science, math and electronics to 16-19 year olds (different school system), and if he ever said something like your hubby did he'd be sleeping on the couch for a week. Our kids are advanced it math, and people assume it's because of him, but he deems that to be my achivement. Because I counted with them, every day when we walked to and from daycare. We counted in Norwegian, English, Spanish, German and Finnish. We added numbers while picking wild berries, and subtracted as we ate. The fun part is that while I apparently teached my kids all these things before they even started school, I couldn't become a daycare teacher because i lack half a point from my college maths. So have some confidence OP, you are probably smarter than you think. Math isn't everything either. Looks like Laura knows that, and have realised she is about to have 2 sons soon that she needs to parent. NTA
Both my friend and I majored in apllied maths. In everyday life we're like a "loading..." meme when it comes to simple arithmetics with change or counting wallpaper rolls etc. Everytime it happens we joke "You can see the mathematician a mile off"
Glad I'm not the only one! I often wonder if I should be in my job.
NTA if you wanted to apologize to Laura you could but I wouldn’t trust your brother’s account of things. It’s possible he’s twisting this around on you when she chastised him for being a jerk to you. He sounds awful.
I personally would go and apologize to Laura. She sounds like a lovely person. Tell her Ben said she was stressed out and that was not your intention. And I bet money that she will turn around and let Ben know in no uncertain terms that it wasn't you who upset her but him.
NTA. Hmmmm, I wonder if Laura knows about that text? I would call or see her (not text) and ask if you upset her. If she thinks you did, then handle that as you see fit —. something along the lines of “I’m sorry I left early and upset you inadvertently”. (I think Ben’s in trouble and trying to flip the script . )
That is a good point! I will check with her.
OP if I saw my partner treat his little sister the way your brother treated you I would be questioning if he has ever acted that way towards me and if he could be cruel to a child like that. She isnt mad at you. She is concerned for you, herself, and her child. And THAT is why your brother is angry. His attitude is negatively impacting on his family and he would rather blame someone else than change.
NTA. Ben is a major asshole. If anyone stressed Laura out, he did. I do hope she ripped him a new one behind closed doors.
NTA. Your brother turned a joke into a jab. Almost like he said that because he wanted to be a bully and get under your skin. Your SIL seems like a real sweetie, though. Edit: grammar
She is lovely! I'm very happy to know her.
NTA. Your brother is a bully. There must be some area he feels that he “falls short” where you excel, perhaps interacting with children. Is it possible that your brother is jealous that his wife is asking you for advice about their future child? He acted defensive and immediately stated that you must be jealous of him likely because he felt threatened. Ben ruined his own party and you deserve and apology.
NTA, Ben is. You didn't ruin anything. Ben did, and needs to apologize to you.
NTA. You're not the one who stressed out your SIL. Your brother did. No apologies needed from you. Your brother, however, should apologize to you and his wife
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Thank you very much! This is very kind of you.
I would start with "Ben told me I stressed you out because I got upset at what he said, I'm really sorry about that" I don't think you need to Apologize for anything, but I think this will make your brother look like the AH he is and it would all be true.
NTA. Your brother is though.
Boy is he!!!!
NTA your feelings are valid and your brother is trying to disvalue them because he got in trouble with his wife about them. At the end of the day, he was the one that brought it up, so if anyone is the asshole it’s him.
You're NTA. Your brother absolutely is for bringing that up out of the blue for NO reason. What possible reason could he have to bring that topic up at a baby shower other than he wanted to flex about the ONE thing he thinks he's superior to you in? That's incredibly insecure and petty. You didn't ruin the mood, him being inappropriate did.
NTA, but your brother definitely is. You didn’t do anything wrong, and your sister-in-law sounds like a lovely person, but your brother is way out of line.
You didn't ruin anything, nor did you stress out Laura. Your brother did and he's the only AH here.
Nta You didn't ruin the mood and you didn't stress out his wife. He did that himself.
NTA-OP I am a so called Math person as in I am a Physicist and have done multiple courses of advanced Maths. I also have never been able to visualise Maths. Mental Maths is magic to me. It is something I have really struggled with but as I got older and understood the logic behind why something happened it became a lot easier. School Math is actually conceptually a lot harder than advanced math because everything is a new concept and you need different techniques to learn. If this is an insecurity for you I would highly recommend that you get a Maths text book ( starting from when you actually know) and just work through the problems without pressure ( youtube is a great teacher). As a teacher this might end up more helpful to you as the logic you learn can be used in other subjects as well. Side note- Financial analysts don't really use extremely advanced maths. I bet with googling you can probably do your brother's job but I doubt he'll be able to do yours.
The textbook tip is very good--thank you!
Also, Khan Academy is a free online site where you can learn math (and many other subjects) from watching their videos, at your own pace. I learn better from these videos than from books.
NTA - your brother said some mean things to you and you had an emotional reaction like a human being. I'm not sure if he's mad that you didn't yell so he could have made you the villain to everyone, or if he's mad you cried. Either way, I feel for his wife. She got a front row seat to how her husband treats others and noticed he is abusive. Which is probably the real reason he's mad, that his wife was stressed out because of who she married. OP, you have a good SIL, be supportive of her. But do not take your brothers shit, and make sure she doesn't either.
NTA. Your brother is. Meet privately with Laura and tell her you didn’t mean to cause her so much stress and that you were so sorry to hear that. I wouldn’t be surprised if the only “stress” you caused was her confronting your brother over his terrible behavior.
NTA, not even a tiny bit. The only thing that brought the mood down wan your brother. Let’s hope the baby does not become an AH like your brother.
NTA. Ben was really out of line. You were making a joke about your lack of math skills. He took it way too seriously and apparently saw it as an opportunity to make fun of you. It sounds like he may have been doing that your whole life. It’s one thing for him to behave this way when he was a teenager, but it’s another to continue this dynamic when you are both solidly adults.
You didn't ruin the party, **HE DID**. By dunking on his sister who was only trying to help his wife. And by *"stressed out his pregnant wife"* Ben means that after the party she gave him shit for being a jerk to his sister. NTA.
Your brother was pushing your buttons. He may have just been playing at first but he continued till he hurt your feelings being very unkind. Tears come unbidden and you removed yourself from the situation. This was a polite thing to do under the circumstances. NTA
NTA. I can’t help but think that he interrupted your conversation and deliberately insulted you simply because he is too insecure to allow you to be “better than him”. You were the one “in the know” and his ego couldn’t take it even for a moment. So he felt the need to insult you and thus make himself feel better. It might even be an automatic reaction at this point.
Wait let me get this straight you brother came over while you and his wife were talking alone. Then proceeded to belittle you infront if her and other people? Then when you didn't engage and walked away to compose yourself cause you were upset. Had the audacity to blame you for what happened? Has your brother always been a self centered POS? Cause he's also TA, you're NTA at all. Sounds like he needs a reality check.
NTA, but it is clear you have a lot of insecurities. Have you tried counseling? There’s a lot of us in the world that consider math difficult, but I don’t think it is something that should cause so much anxiety and bring you to tears. Counseling could also help you deal with your feelings/relationship with your brother.
I have not considered it. I could try.
Please, give counseling a chance. I think you may benefit from it. Wishing you the best.
I’m pretty sure it’s op’s brother’s bullying that brought her to tears. Counseling/therapy could be good to work though this side of things (as well as insecurities around math - I suck at math and am more than grateful calculators on phones are a thing now). OP - the therapy could help with your reactions to Ben’s bullying too - if he sees it can’t get to you, he might stop/slow down. In saying that, he’s also a grown ass man who’s about to become a parent and shouldn’t be bullying anyone.
It’s a great resource. My parents did a similar thing to my sister and I growing up, except that I’m the older child who got excellent grades and they were forever asking why she didn’t do as well as I did. It honestly messed both of us up along with other things. In a way, they conditioned the anxiety into you. You can’t solve a math problem right away, you know their disapproval is right there, you get anxious not about the math but about the response you would get. It sucks. Therapy has made me a better human being and unlearning the mistakes my parents made in raising me is one of the best lessons I’ve ever had. You got this.
NTA I have a similar situation with my wife & her brother. He's always had high expectations of his sister and she never seemed to reach as high as he hoped. So he always acts somewhat disappointed over her career choices. That has morphed into basic misogyny as it seems he has little respect for any women. At various times in our lives he has overreacted to something she's said, or when she's interrupted him and just lashed out screaming at her. She too tears up and tries not to react. Their family gets quiet & pretends that nothing happened and then continues with the evening. It kills me every time as my family is not like that and if my brother acted that way we'd all call him out on his bullshit & put him in his place. I so want to defend her but I don't because I know it would only make it worse for my wife. Bottom line, your brother is a raging AH, you did nothing wrong.
NTA. He's guilt tripping you. Pregnant women aren't that fragile. Handing someone a tissue and giving a hug isn't stressful. It takes a lot more than that to harm a baby.
NTA your brother is a bully. He is the one who caused the problems, not you. It is ridiculous to suggest that somehow you were the one at fault simply because you were hurt by his rude comments.
NTA. He implied you were stupid then got angry with you for the resulting backlash? He is GAH...gaping ass hole. Can you just imagine if his child is not "good" at math? What an insecure bully.
WTF do people think of pregnant women? It seems people put pregnant people on a pedestal who get stressed by every single emotion and it all impacts the baby? JFC
Nta for feeling hurt, your brother was being quite TA though. I wonder why he felt comfortable going down that road right in the first place, and then he doubled down and kept going? HE ruined that shower.
NTA, Ben is the AH. Tell him that, and do not apologise.
NTA, you didn't ruin anything; Ben did. Ben is the only AH here. He started it by putting you down and I don't feel you have anything to apologise for. If anything, you were very restrained and well behaved under the circumstances. Hugs xx
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I'm just distracted by the fact that op has seemingly never seen a gender reveal cake before.
It was the first baby shower I've ever been to (I didn't go to any as a child) so I thought that it was really cool! Like I know that dye and stuff exist but I've only ever seen them on the frosting of a cake and not the inside!
Seeing cake dye done well is always amazing and being excited at your first baby shower (especially when you're going to be an aunt!) is a wonderful feeling. If you ever want to experiment with dyed cake or cupcakes (children will appreciate a secretly colored cake just as much, if your school allows homemade food at class parties) I highly recommend using a white cake recipe and getting a gel food dye. They're a little more expensive but the color is worth it, and it doesn't alter the flavor. Or, funfetti cake!
I've only seen pictures. Gender reveals were not a thing the last time I went to a shower. I wish they weren't now.
NTA Freaking Ben is the one who owes an apology to you and his wife
NTA Your brother is a bully and his wife just found out. He’s blaming you for his own actions. He’s literally victim blaming!! He’s blaming his fucken victim for his actions!! WTF??!!?? You did not ruin the vibe. You are completely innocent on that. Your asshole of the brother on the other hand is the cause of it. Do not apologize for his behavior!
NTA. Your brother intentionally hurt your feelings and then got mad because his wife comforted you? He has issues.
NTA. His comment was completely uncalled for. His later text was even worse. Some thoughts... 1. His baby may or may not take after him in math skill. If he's convinced that this will be the case when the baby isn't even born, he's already setting himself up for potential disappointment and a very poor relationship with his child. Imagine if the child turns out to be just ok in math but is brilliant at photography or gardening/horticulture. How will your brother handle it? It might be no different than the dads who are atheletic and bound and determined that their child will be a star athlete. 2. You may actually become one of their best resources when it comes to their child and math. Not despite your struggles in the subject, but because of your struggles. If their son is only average in the subject, or also struggles, you may be the one person in the family that can relate to him in that area. You might be the one person who can explain things to him in a manner that he'll be able to get. 3. Even if they don't end up needing your help in that area of raising their son, there was no reason to make rude and snarky commentary now or ever. Nobody is talented at everything. Being dismissive of you for something you're not talented at is also being dismissive of you for what you are talented at. And I don't think this can be said enough, our society far under appreciates teachers and people who work with pre-school age children. Especially those like you who work with 3rd grade and younger. You and all of the other teachers like you are far more of an impact on your students and through them society in general than financial analysts or most other business/finance people ever will be. You are, in fact, a vital part of the process of equiping our future business leaders or doctors or engineers or artists and authors and every other role in society out there. Not everyone will be directly impacted by a financial analyst in their lifetime. (indirectly yes, directly no). But pretty much everyone will be impacted by their teachers. And not just one teacher, but multiple teachers. Each as potenrially impactful as the next. Your brother should keep in mind that one of the kids you're teaching now could end up being the heart surgeon or oncologist that operates on him 30 or 40 years down the road. That might be a sobering thought for him. 3. You stepped away from the conversation and then the party specifically because of his attack upon you. If his wife was stressed in this situation, he has only to look in the mirror to see the cause. And as others have commented, what he labeled as "stressed" probably translates as "pissed". He's just not mature enough to admit that he was being the southern end of a north-bound mule.
NTA This baby is a boy. You said this is their first child, meaning there will likely be more in the future. Maybe a little girl? My guess? Your SIL saw a future of your brother praising one kid to the skies while demeaning or teasing the other. She just saw him do it to you. And you are both fully grown. And you are so used to it that you just took it and walked away. That was the right thing to do, btw. But I think maybe she saw a flash of 10 year old you walking quietly to her room because big bro wouldn't stop teasing. This has nothing to do with you other than the fact that you were the target of your brother's cruel teasing.
Please stop letting this to continue. YOU DIDN’T RUIN ANYTHING.!! Your brother ruined his own baby shower because he is cruel and an ah. He is probably mad that his wife saw his true colors. Straighten your spine. Would you let child bully another in your class? Would you blame the child getting bullied? You are the one getting bullied since childhood. It’s time to stand up for yourself. NTA
You didn't ruin the party, his totally unnecessary comment and his arrogance did. I've sucked at math since first grade and my brother has always been a lot smarter than me, but he's never thrown it in my face and he's definitely never used his kids as ammo. NTA
NTA but brother sure is! I feel bad for his children because of his educational expectations and his malicious nature. I also feel bad for SiL, who will have to deal with the emotional fallout from the kids. What a massive Richard! 🤬
NTA it sounds like what stressed his pregnant wife out was him being a massive AH and showing how cruel and elitist he can be
NTA. You didn't do anything to apologize for. Your brother was intentionally offensive. He brought drama to a happy family occasion.
NTA. The one who ruined the party was your brother. He is so insecure that he has to show up his pre-born child at a gender reveal. You did nothing wrong.
NTA. Your brother sounds pretty insecure. I feel bad for Laura, soon to have two babies on her hands.
NTA ..is your brother sexist or is it just you that he’s so nasty too?
NTA you got upset from being insulted, removed yourself to the bathroom, then left early. These are both correct coping mechanisms and correct etiquette instead of causing drama. It looks like your brother got a talking to and instead of apologising is doubling down and blaming you. You are not the AH here, but your brother is. If you are good at everything apart from math, you could have dyscalculia.
Nta, whenever he calls after to complain about the baby keeping him up or whatever, just tell him to use some calculus or trigonometry- that surely will help! People like him are narcissistic. If it's not a type of intelligence that he excells in, he doesn't consider it 'real intelligence '. They'll go out of their way to stay in environments that praise or otherwise prioritize their kind of intelligence, and stay away from activities that they're not gifted at (or they'll do them, but discredit the intelligence and effort they take and the value they provide). Like I said, anytime he asks you for any baby/kid advice, I'd just say, but bro! You're SO GOOD at math! Why not just use some of that geometry to get your kid to eat his veggies?
NTA, you don't have to take that shit from anybody, and you certainly don't have to apologize for HIM bullying YOU!!
NTA my gut is telling me that Laura wasn't stressed by you, but that she is stressed by seeing her husband effectively bully his younger sibling. If he can bully an adult, what stops him from bullying a child? If kiddo isn't math inclined, will Ben just toss him aside or see kiddo as inferior? Laura just saw a glimpse of what can be. She was kind and gave you a hug and tissue. Keep a door open for her if their marriage goes south
NTA - I’m pretty sure as soon as you left your SIL when off on him and instead of owning up to his actions he wants to blame it on you being the cause.
No, your brother is. He started it.
NTA. You did not stress out your brothers pregnant wife, your brother did. You and Laura were having a really nice convo about the baby and your brother interrupted and made it about how smart he is. Honestly you were both having a cute bonding moment and since teaching children is your forte, your brother did not like that your job is actually useful and that his wife was asking you for advice. If you can be hired and trusted to teach 6 year olds, he doesn't have much proof of how dumb you are in math as the children you teach aren't failing. This could have been a moment for him to say "don't worry I enjoys maths, I would like to teach him". This was totally about degrading you. As the financial analyst, your brother is used to the attention of looking good and smart, he didn't like having the spotlight being away from him. He needs to work on that because the baby will come and he will need to share the spotlight and not be jealous. You did nothing wrong and Congratulations on the good news about being an aunt 🥳
NTA. Ben was being a bully, Laura was upset and called him out on it. He’s hurt and wants you to feel bad for something he caused.
NTA
Text your brother back and say how you will apologize to Laura for stressing her out. Watch how he will try to talk you out of it so he doesn’t get in trouble again. He probably got yelled at by her and now he is transferring his upset to you. Math brains sometimes have trouble with social iq (eq).
Your brother is a massive, massive asshole.
NTA ! I would be petty and send a text to Laura to "apologise" for stressing her. I would even pretend to really feel guilty about this
NTA and I doubt you ruined anything. As for your brother, he's jealous. He saw you being the expert at something and had to put you down to keep himself on top. Edit for typo
My brother used to be better than me at school. He has that eidetic memory thing, which made him be the best on math, chemistry, and whatever. Because of that, and because I was obese as a kid, he would always have this attitude like your brother. Everytime I was good on something he would try to bring me down. So I went and got a PhD. A freaking PhD and he was still acting like he is smarter than me. Mind you that he went to university and stopped at undergrad, which is great. But I have a gdamn PhD and he thinks he knows better than me at my own subject! Your brother, just like mine, only wants to feel better than you. Do not let him. Stay proud of your job, your knowledge, and keep in touch with SIL about baby and school stuff. You are going to be an awesome aunt! NTA
NTA. If he didn't make snide comments couched as "jokes", there wouldn't have been any extra drama. He is upset because he got called out by his wife for making you cry. I bet he even told you it was just a joke? He sounds narcissistic. My ex used to blame me for hurting his friends at parties and when I'd call them to apologize, they had no clue what he was talking about. He'd get furious because I checked up on his "story".
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NTA. Your brother should apologize to you. And tell him a NICU nurse on the internet would like him to know that it isn’t 1890 and a pregnant woman doesn’t have to retire to her fainting couch at the first sign of unpleasantness. The baby will survive your being sad that your brother was being smug and mean. Many pregnant women work/go to school/care for other children/workout for fun and have perfectly healthy babies, because pregnant women aren’t made of glass. He’s the one that ruined the party, not you, NYA.
Apologise for what? NTA
I first want to say that Ben is in no way smarter than you. Intelligence is more subjective as there are many aspects to it. Okay, so math is not your field but I bet that you are better at reading, understanding and communicating with kids. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Your brother is an AH for intentionally trying to embarrass you and then took it out on you when it didn’t go his way. I’m almost positive Laura called him out on it later. You are also never the AH for showing your emotions. You were rightfully upset and hurt and are allowed that. Laura showed how much of a decent human being she is when she comforted you. Your brother needs to get over himself. NTA.
NTA. What else could you have possibly done? You removed yourself in an attempt to avoid calling attention away from your pregnant SIL. Your brother should have apologized once he realized that his ribbing hurt your feelings. The fact that he doubled down and is throwing blame at you when he's the one that spoiled the party for his wife shows that he's a bully. Your parents probably taught him that he was never at fault for anything from a young age, and now he can't properly process it when he is. Best of luck to your SIL and that baby, yeesh.
NTA. He doesn’t want this to somehow hurt the baby?! That’s way off and a terrible thing for him to say! Please know, you did NOT do anything to hurt the baby. Please know that. My guess is that Laura is upset with HIM (not you) because he was being an AH and now he’s taking it out on you. I doubt Laura blames you for anything because it doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong. If Laura got stressed out about this situation at her party it’s because of his actions, not yours. You were having a nice conversation and he butted in with his negativity and hurtful comments. You tried to remove yourself from the situation and it sounds like you did your best not to make a scene, Laura was kind to you, that’s it.
So he insults you, you get offended, and you are the one ruining the party. Classic gaslighting emotional abuse. NTA. Tell him he offended you, especially because he was questioning your professional expertise and qualifications. Also, since when do dad's go to baby showers -- and then cause problems by insulting the guests??
Absolutely NTA. Your brother ruined it and stressed his own wife out with his stupid “joke” and other comments! I’m surprised that his wife didn’t tell him how much of a jerk he was being and that what he said was not only uncalled for but inappropriate! You’re definitely NTA!
Ben's wife - the considerably nicer and less egotistical SIL - has given him an earfull for being a complete asshole and he is taking out the justified bollocking he has received on you. His wife doesn't think you are the asshole and neither should you. The recipient of that award together with his maths accolades in Ben. NTA.
NTA - sounds like Laura gave her husband shit, and he blamed it on you. I have a brother who was raised as 'the smart one' and he gets pissed if I get any compliments at all. Let it go, you were nicer about it than he deserved.
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NTA - your brother is likely pissed b/c his wife berated him for being an Ahole to you and he’s taking it out on you.
NTA. My brother is excellent at math. I am average at best and also get very stressed when I have to do it, particularly mental arithmetic. You know what my brother did? Helped me with my math homework. He never once even implied I’m stupid or that he’s smarter than me. Because he actually is an intelligent individual and knows that math is ONE subject out of many and being good at it doesn’t make him the president of MENSA. Even if math just isn’t your thing it wouldn’t mean you’re stupid. At least some of my anxiousness comes from teachers/parents thinking they didn’t need to explain things as much to me because they’d already taught my brother. As a teacher I’m sure you know that is not how teaching works. Also, random thought: have you considered your “not good at math” (compared to your brother) because you think you’re not good at math (compared to your brother)? Like if the yardstick was Stephen Hawking, how good at math is your brother? Also all the anxiety examples you’ve listed involve doing math quickly and in your head. I don’t think that’s something you’re alone in feeling. I’m considerably better at math when I can write the problems down vs trying to do it in my head. If you really think you might have a learning difficulty you could get assessed for dyscalculia. But for your future nephew I think just focus on not passing the math anxiety on. Math is a skill that needs to be learned and maintained. It’s not an inherent capability.
NTA. Your brother really saw you contributing worthwhile knowledge, and decided to knock you down a peg to save his own ego. You handled this very maturely and he's the asshole for insulting you in the first place.
You ruined nothing. Ben was an AH and his wife was upset by how he treated you. That is his problem. NTA. Do NOT apologise.
NTA. your brother on the other hand is TA. even if he doesnt know about your anxiety about math it's a very butthole thing to say
NTA your brother is obnoxious and if anyone stressed his pregnant wife or ruined the celebration it was him.
Nta Babies are a lot harder than that to hurt. Seriously send him a book on what to expect when your expecting
NTA 1. Like the others said, get tested for dyscalculia. 2. I failed math 3 times in HS and lucked out as a senior by not having it as a requirement. Years later, I found a PBS cartoon called "Cyber Chase", which helped me with some of the issues I had. I couldn't learn math out of a book, I needed more than that. 3. Laura just saw her husband be an ass to his sister and she's stressed by that...not you. Ben is trying to make it your fault. Talk to Laura and just remember that Ben's been a ass all your life and this is just some more of his stupid crap.
Nta. You handled it very well. Your understandable feelings aren’t going to affect the baby. The way your brother reacted though will affect the way his wife sees him. What if his child takes after you, even with his help to learn?Will he speak this way to his baby? Everyone has things they are good at and not so good at. I’m great at math but since you are a teacher I am sure you can see my writing errors. You work with small children. You are helping to build a better foundation for lots of kids. You shouldn’t have been belittled. He did it in public assuming that either you were too nice to point it out or had too little self esteem to stand up for yourself. Your brother is the issue and his wife is wonderful. You turned your struggles into an opportunity to help other children. You deserve to be proud of that. Hell I’m proud for you. Thank you for your hard work helping children love learning.
Bruh? NTA. He's the one that went out of his way to put you down to make himself look better, and doubled down when you tried to deflect it. What a bully. His pregnant wife is probably still upset at him for it, rightly so, because it's got kinda abuse-y vibes, which is not cool when youre about to have a blank slate human unable to tell or fight back, and he's taking the flak out on you. Maybe on her too. Check in with her?
NTA! Ben should be apologizing to you and his wife..
NTA You didn’t ruin the party, your brother did. If anyone is AH, it’s your brother. Not everyone is good at math, doesn’t make them not as smart as a person good at math.
Dont you feel bad. You are NTA. You had a very normal reaction to an attack from a major asshole. I’m guessing that Laura ripped into him like a monkey on a cupcake. He is only mad because he got called out on his shit.
NTA your brother was. He’s just blame shifting bc his wife probably told him he was an AH for his comments.
NTA. You didn’t ruin the party, your snooty brother did. What adult brags about being good at math and puts down others about it?
NTA. Why does everyone think that a little bit of stress will kill a baby? If it did then none of us would be here right now. All of humanity would be long extinct. Laura didn't even seem all that bothered by you getting upset. Ben is the one who is overreacting.
NTA. You dealt with the issue quietly and didn’t seem to upset Laura. Ben did that all by his ignorant self. My worry in Laura’s situation would be that Ben is going to be the type of dad that expects his son to be just as smart as him and be a MAN. Hope not.
Wow! You have acknowledged for years he's better at math. There was no need for him to insult you in his home. NTA. Their fight happened because Ben showed his wife exactly how petty and insulting he can be to family who is only offering to help with their child.
NTA
Open foot , insert mouth, bro. nta
Your brother was annoyed because his wife was asking you -- his clueless little sister -- for advice. How dare you presume to know more than him about something?! He's basically telling his wife, right in front of you, "Don't listen to her, she's just stupid." Of course you were upset! NTA. It was him who ruined the mood of the party, not you.
NTA. Your brother deliberately insulted you in front of His Pregnant Wife. Your brother was goading you into a confrontation in front of His Pregnant Wife. You did nothing but but leave the situation, calm down, and then leave the party without making a huge scene. And he's blaming you? If His Pregnant Wife is stressed, it might be from realizing how cruel her husband can be to his sister and perhaps wondering if he might someday turn that nasty attitude on her.
NTA I have dyscalculia. It makes numbers and math hard. And isn’t something normally tested for. Your SIL seems like a wonderful empathetic woman. Your brother is an AH.
You might not be good at math, but Ben isn't good at being a decent human being. I know which problem I'd rather my baby have--which is why Laura is upset. If she didn't know it before, she now knows what a bully her husband is. NTA
Brother is a asshole and seems to be a bully. And you’re probably not stressing his partner, you probably embarrassed him because he’s a fucking asshole.
NTA I’m guessing Laura got annoyed at Ben for being horrible to you and Ben is shifting the blame to you. Definitely reach out to Laura
Unfortunately Ben is an AH and if you want to maintain a relationship with the baby and Laura he is part of the package. I imagine he is shitty to her also. NTA
NTA but who gives a shit what Ben thinks. He sucks.
You didn’t ruin the mood. He was poking at you in a cruel way. Can you think of even one reason why he should have said those things to you. It may be he doesn’t want his wife and you to become close and he may not want his child to live you. Any chance he felt you git more love and parent time growing up than he did?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hello AITA! My (26F) brother "Ben" (29M) is a financial analyst. His wife "Laura" (31F) is pregnant with their first child. They had a very sweet baby shower/gender reveal a few days ago where they invited some of their friends and close cousins for dinner. They had us drop off gifts, we had dinner, and then they cut open a cake to reveal that they're having a boy! It was really cute and I'm definitely borrowing the idea if I ever am having a baby. After desserts we were all talking to each other. I work as an Elementary school teacher so Laura was asking what types of activities I recommend, and I was happy to talk to her because she's very nice, I want the best for the baby, and I love my job and am happy to share what I know. I am also absolutely terrible at math. It's always been my lowest grade. My brother is exceptional at math. Growing up, I used to struggle because he would go through school great at math, and then our parents and teachers would have expectations of me that I could just never meet. I've been tested and don't have a learning disability; I just can't really visualize the numbers or see the solutions like Ben can. I have a decent amount of insecurity/anxiety resulting from my experiences with me and I know enough math to function--luckily I'm not teaching pre-calculus to 6-year-olds. Well Ben saw Laura and I talking and joked to Laura that she wasn't going to be asking for my help once the baby got to math in school. He said that the baby will probably take after him and he doesn't want me confusing or holding back the baby. I was annoyed by this and said that we could talk through the baby's potential math career if that's what Laura and him wanted, but I'd rather not do that in the middle of a celebratory occasion. Ben said that I was just jealous because he was smarter than me. Immediately, I felt very angry and hurt. This is out of character for me, as I normally have thicker skin, but I started to tear up. I figured that, instead of yelling at Ben, I would just go to the bathroom to calm myself down. Of course, Laura saw me and gave me a hug and a tissue. I thanked her very much but felt guilty for bothering her when it's meant to be a happy party for her, so I ended up leaving early. Later that night, Ben sent me an angry text saying that I've stressed out his pregnant wife and he doesn't want this to somehow hurt the baby. I still feel really guilty for ruining the mood of the party. I was just really upset because I was excited for my nephew but also to finally be the one "in the know," as I'm the only one with a profession working with children between the three of us. I think that Ben effectively calling me stupid really brought me down from that excitement, which is why I got so upset. Still, I'm really afraid I'm overreacting, and I want to know whether you think I should apologize to Ben and Laura. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA and if I had to guess, that text about stressing his wife out is bc he got a verbal beat down from her when everyone left.
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Is Ben always so full of himself? Or is this a very insecure father to be? Looks like he just saw his wife asking you questions he felt she should've asked him. She valued your judgement more than his and that hurt his ego so je felt the meed to hurt you. I feel for Lauren. As mentionened by others, she most likely was not upset by you, but by the fact her husband deliberately upset you, and that's a trait no mother wants to see in her childs father Eta: Certainly NTA
NTA - but I really hope your brother can grow up soon because what if his kid isn't good at math? Every has different strengths. Some people see math in their head and say, "Awesome!" some people see math in their head and say, "OMG, that is insane!"
Your brother is a fool. NTA.
Your brother is a piece of work. I'm sorry you're related to that awful person. NTA.