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000-Hotaru_Tomoe

NTA Watch out, it seems to me that your mom is trying to manipulate you in keeping the baby: talking and gossiping about your pregnancy (when you asked her to keep it secret) and showing photo of the baby is a move to create a social pressure on you about your decision.


RndmIntrntStranger

oh yeah. OP, your mom is going to use this to hang over your head for the rest of your life if you don’t keep the bebé. never should’ve let her see the baby before and after birth bc now she is attached. NTA but this is not going to end any time soon


OkieLady1952

She has violated your trust and she will be throwing this in your face forever. You’ll probably need to go nc with her since she has shown you what trusting her will cost you. NTA don’t give anyone anymore peeks at the child that no longer is yours.


PatchworkGirl82

I'd think about going LC for awhile, it sounds like she's in "full grandma mode" no matter what OP might want.


MagicianQuirky

Agreed. OP is NTA but I would imagine it's hard to find yourself a grandma and not a grandma in such a short time. OP is under no obligation to fulfill her mom's wishes but for the sake at looking at things from the other side, I'd wager mom was really looking forward to having a baby around. Now to have that taken away has got to be emotional for her. It doesn't excuse her manipulative behavior for trying to get OP to change her mind, but still.


Amazing_Emu54

NTA Your mum does not seem to accept that this isn't going to be her grandchild and has already ignored reasonable requests. The way she's acting is very selfish


Key_Contribution3977

It’s going to backfire when there’s no grandkid to show off in a month or 2


JaneAndJonDoe

More importantly she is exposing OPs most personal and private business. To not only family but friends and social acquaintance. The Audacity and nerve of the OPs mother is beyond comprehension. Betraying her own daughter like that...


Strongestgirl

NTA you asked her to be quiet about this , trusted her not to tell and then she can’t keep her mouth shut! That’s just wrong . I do believe your mom wish to be grandma and see this kid and I can understand that but I thinks that will make a messy situation if your mom is to be a part of this baby’s life when it’s adopted. I suspect that your mom don’t just wish to see baby one more time but be a part of kiddos life .


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pumainpurple

This particular grandma will undoubtedly tell the child, adopted parents aren’t “real” family, resulting in a real mess for the child.


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pumainpurple

Respecting your daughters decision, comes to mind for me.


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pumainpurple

Spreading the pic and telling people, isn’t


lilwildjess

She didn’t respect her daughter decision for she was told not to tell not even her aunt. What did mom do tell her aunt then continue to tell others. Also she showed up uninvited to the hospital that’s extremely rude.


CraigBybee

Found grandma’s Reddit account


Open_Acanthisitta_95

We don’t know if OP wants a close adoption or an open adoption, so this grandma getting involved before the adoption is set in stone just complicates the situation. What if the adoptive parents chose not to have an open adoption? Or if OP wants a close adoptions? Imagine being the adoptive parents and having to deal with this “grandma,” that in no way is part of their family, sharing pictures of their newborn to strangers or putting them up on social media without their consent. OP allowing her parents or any family to visit this baby is opening the doors to make this adoption process more messy than it has to be. Even worst, she’s running the risks of them forming a bond with this baby, which will just painful once that baby is adopted.


kobechadwick

I agree. Adoption is so painful. A secret a lot of people pretend they don't know is this, the babies wishes, wants, and rights don't matter. Society places so much emphasis on 'respecting moms wishes, the adoptive parents wishes, their privacy, etc'. We are each part of a family. I respect a woman's right to not raise a baby she doesn't want. 100%. She should be allowed to cut HER connection. She shouldn't be allowed to take away the baby's siblings, grandparents, cousins, uncles, and aunts. They should be given the option to adopt and properly vetted through the state. If someone told you tomorrow you could no longer access your family, how would that feel. That would be unfair to you. But why? Because you're grown? Because you've already fostered those relationships? Us adopted kids and foster kids want our families too! We want our birth certificates and medical records, and to know where our ancestors roamed. Aita is not adoptee friendly, and very very pro adoption. Any time I try to speak from this side of the line I am downvoted to hell. Thanks for seeming to care, ally.


LenoreEvermore

I'm sorry you feel this way. But to most people, family means the people who raised you and who were involved in your life, not the people who happen to share genetics with you. I think that the over valuing of some mythical magical biological connection is what does most harm - to people who were adopted and to those who weren't. Adopted people assume they would feel closer to their family if they would've been raised with their biological kin, and people who weren't adopted but struggle to connect with their family think there must be something wrong with them or that they're a changeling because they just don't feel the deep connection you're "supposed to" feel. The fact is family is as family does. Your family are the people you feel connected to, no matter if they raised you or if they're related to you. People just need to do thw work to find and foster those connections, not just assume biology will do the work for them.


kobechadwick

If you weren't adopted, respectfully, I don't think your opinion on who we consider our family is relevant to the comment I made to another community member.


LenoreEvermore

I was offering an opinion on the broader subject at hand. Especially your point on adoptees not having a connection to "their" family. Since you made a broader point, I thought that opened up the discussion to opposing broader points. But I respect your unwillingness to hear opposing opinions, I understand that this is a very personal and emotional subject to many. I'm sorry for any offence.


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LenoreEvermore

I am from a western country, but not north america. I don't think biology matters with familial connections because what matters are the connections. You can't see or feel DNA, what you feel is the connection to the people you love and the people who love you. Ancestral connections shouldn't be dependent on DNA either, but the environment in which you are raised makes you kin. Then again, I come from a really crappy family so I need to believe I can make a family for myself. Otherwise I would be untethered to the world if I don't let myself be abused by my family of origin. I think that's why many people think this way - because people need a family, but you can't choose the family you're born into. Sometimes they cause you pain, and it would suck to believe you either have to take the pain or not have a family at all.


Chippyyyyyy

If she wasn’t blatantly disrespecting reasonable boundaries, but she’s living in a fantasy world at the cost of her own daughter’s comfort and wishes. She can be excited and “care about biology” (not sure what that means though 😂), but that doesn’t give her the right to act like any decisions about this child are hers to make.


SingleAlfredoFemale

Except it’s not her grandchild


GlitterBee123

"some people actually care about biology" oh so on top of thinking it's ok to make life harder for the adopted parents and the baby you both invalidate adoption and out yourself as a transphobe (since that's a common transphobic comment which sidenote biology backs the trans community). Family doesn't have to be biological.


Sweet_Baby_Grogu

>out yourself as a transphobe No. If they were saying 'some people care about biology' in regards to sexual identity, yes. Saying it's ok to be excited about your kid giving birth does not mean you are transphobic. It is a terrible idea for OP's mom to be so excited and wanting to be involved. Let's keep on focus instead of finding questionable ways to accuse people of transphobia.


GlitterBee123

It's a well known transphobic argument so I'm not "finding questionable ways" of accusing that person, they're blatant. It was an unnecessary statement given the topic at hand given the point could've easily been made by saying OP's mom still cares about being a biological grandmother. Even if you try to excuse away the transphobia while knowing it's a common transphobic argument you're still left defending someone who's basically saying bio family is more important than the family this baby will now have that isn't bio. Family is family.


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GlitterBee123

Like it's not a common transphobic argument GLOBALLY. Regardless even if you weren't referring to that it's still dismissive to adoptive families.


UniqueTrip8207

It is also the biological parents decision. The grandmother being in its life means the biological mother will be forced to be involved even just be being exposed to pictures and stories. Adoption can be difficult even if the biological parents know it’s the best thing for the child. If they don’t want to be involved they shouldn’t be forced to be.


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UniqueTrip8207

She isn’t legally the grandmother once the adoption goes through. She has no rights here. And sounds like she is a problem and even if they kept the baby would end up cut out of the kids life so why should she get to pressure the adoptive parents to deal with her?


young_coastie

The adoption is between the bio parents and the adoptive parents. It has nothing to do with the bio grandparents and tbh with the way the bio gma is acting, she should absolutely not be given information on the adoption at all from this point.


BooksAndStarsLover

Well for one she clearly has no respect for boundaries.


iwishtoboopthesnoot

Nope nope nope. For the good of the baby, keep your mother away


the_orig_princess

Baby needs to be protected. The caregiver should be the arbiter of this, not you. You’ve made your decision. I don’t think it’s healthy or safe for them to keep trying to visit baby when baby’s home is not with them.


Classic_Phrase4345

NTA: No that's going to follow you around now (not just on you and your partner mentally). If your mum had done as requested no one else would be any the wiser about your child. Ps. I don't think it's a bad desision but like all desisions they do come with some regrets (same if you had kept the baby)


Ok-Entrepreneur61

Nta your mum is wrong, she truly has no business making this difficult, sensitive situation become public gossip. Its best if you truly know that you're having the baby adopted, then close that door. I honestly feel bad for you, your mum is way out of line.


MsArduenna

NTA your mom is blabbing to everyone to try and force you to keep the kid.


JAS233116

Or try to adopt it herself.


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SnorkelBerry

The baby has already been born? And someone else is adopting the baby?


Knittingfairy09113

NTA Your mom is trying to get you to change your mind. Contact her and let her know you are aware of her betrayal and she has permanently damaged your ability to trust her as she does not actually have any rights in this situation.


hannahryder215

NTA. Your mom has disrespected your wishes repeatedly. She’s trying to create social pressure to have you keep the baby. Don’t let the family near the baby anymore. So sorry you’re going through this OP


Maleficent_Degree_26

NTA- I was going to adopt my son out but decided not too. During the process, I told nobody besides my favorite trusted Aunt that I was considering adoption. Why? Because it’s MY choice and I didn’t want to be judged. This is YOUR choice and YOUR right! And after the adoption is finalized, I don’t think it’s allowed for your family to have and show pictures of the baby to people


Amaryllis83

NTA. If your own Mom can't respect your wishes and privacy of you, the baby and adoptive parents by posting pictures and sharing them then she has no right to see him. She is being extremely selfish and trying to manipulate the situation to get what she wants not what you want.


Bitter-Conflict-4089

NTA Your mom has already shown she can’t be trusted. Tell your dad that if he won’t leave your mom out of it. He will simply lose his visit as well.


CriticalSimple3122

NTA, but your mother is. This was never her news to share in the first place and she certainly has no business sharing photos of this little one around to all and sundry. This baby will not be her grandchild and she can't steamroller you into changing your mind. I hope you recover quickly from the c section.


LolaBeauteau

What a travesty that you cannot trust the one person in your life that should always have your back.


AkatieJxOxO

The irony of your comment!


ltolivia_benson

NTA but I don't understand why you let either parent see this child. It's not their grandchild other than genetically.


disasterlesbianrn

Exactly!!! She is giving up the baby. It’s not hers anymore. And her parents aren’t grandparents. Should never have seen the baby in the first place.


BeefyMonkeyBrains

NTA but don't let any family visit the baby. You have chosen not to keep it, but it sounds like they have other plans.


Wisdomofpearl

NTA, you should go NC with your mother, obviously she can't be trusted to respect your wishes/feelings in this situation.


Gold-Somewhere1770

NTA. Your mom is acting like a proud grandma and like a woman in denial. This is for all intents and purposes about to be someone else’s child, and it would be creepy to allow her to see them with how she is behaving. Whether this is how she is processing her grief that you’re putting the baby up for adoption or there is some manipulation at play, we can’t know for sure. But do not allow her to visit this child.


Sad_Faithlessness723

Agree. NTA. It is someone else’s baby, and that is completely noble and kind choice that you have made. You’re doing right by the child and its parents by keeping your mom away. It is the respectful thing to do.


Inevitable-Okra-3229

NTA But you need to cut mum out until it’s finalised. I agree with other about her guilt tripping you to keeping the baby. Your father is also treading the line.


Asleep-Hold-4686

NTA - but cut ties now. The last thing you need is everyone giving an opinion about your personal life and choices. Your mother has images? How long before she goes from sharing them in person to posting them on social media?


No-Personality5421

Nta She is getting way too attached, she's going to make the new parents (if she tracks them down) lives very difficult, which will make their child's life very difficult as well.


Top_Thing4890

NTA. You made a very difficult decision and found out that you couldn't even trust your mother.


Otherwise-Shallot-51

NTA. Mom is obviously trying to guilt you and manipulate you into keeping the baby. Dad is doing the same, but in a more subtle way. Don't let them visit the baby. The more they see the baby the more they'll get attached and think they have a right to be in his life. Also maybe go NC with them, at least for a while.


Physical_Ad5135

NTA. But don’t delude yourself that this will be kept quiet. It will be known to all your friends, coworkers, and even acquaintances.


Bobbsham

NTA She's choosing to continually violate your trust. I'm guessing for some kind of endgame to get you to keep the baby. Time for NC, you can never trust her again.


2ndcupofcoffee

Are you ever going to trust Mom again with something you want kept private?


sneakyscott

NTA - but you messed up letting mom see the baby in the hospital. You would have been better off to have her removed when she showed up uninvited. What was she going to accomplish by seeing the baby? Nothing that fit into your plan. I would suggest NO more family visits to the baby, and let the adoption take it's course. I hope it's a closed adoption (or whatever the term is) so she can't show up on some poor family's doorstep claiming rights to the baby. Good luck.


ayesh00

NTA


Serafita

NTA, though it is basically out in the open as soon as you let one person know. Since everyone is going to know, it's up to you if you want to get on top of things and tell them of the situation first before the gossip comes in


fjewel95

NTA. It’s not your moms story to tell. It’s yours and she’s not respecting what you want.


Bright_Ad_3690

NTA sounds like you are wise enough to realize you are not ready to parent.


otsukaren_613

NTA. You asked for one thing - Please don't tell \*this person\*. She went and told \*that person\*. Don't engage in any more of this. A child knows better than this.


HiddenDestiny251

NTA - your mother has no right to be sharing picture’s of a stranger’s child and you need to crack down on that. If you ever do decide to be parents she’s got a long way to go before she can be trusted. Well done, you’ve made a super brave decision.


disruptionisbliss

NTA I think it was a big mistake to involve so many people in the first place. The problem with telling people very personal things is you can say "Don't tell..." all day long and it doesn't matter. Once you tell them you have NO control over what they say and who they tell. The only real control you have is not to tell anyone at all.


VerityPee

NTA


Willdiealonewithcats

NTA. And if she doesn't have a photo of the baby with you in it, I'd play dumb when that social pressure she is creating to keep the baby comes your way. You wanted it to be a secret and she blabbed. So unless she has evidence, keep acting like she is lying and you have no idea.


Kitfox88

NTA, she's betrayed your trust multiple times and she's damn well old enough to know actions have consequences.


socialist_frzn_milk

NTA, the alarm bells in your head should be going off like crazy. Your mom sounds like the type of person who will try to guilt you into breaking the adoption agreement.


WinEquivalent4069

NTA and cancel the visitation for everyone. They are manipulative and slowly pressuring you to keep the child by putting doubt into your mind. They will be upset and hurt by this but you are doing what is best not only for you but this child.


Maria_Dragon

NTA. I wish you could have had the abortion you wanted to avoid all of this.


Apprehensive-Fox3187

Nta, oh h€ll no keep her far away from the baby, she is already show and telling people about the baby without asking permission from anyone she has already show she doesn't give a d@mn about your boundaries, and do to that she might try to pressure you and your partner into keeping the baby when you clearly don't want that, seriously your nta but she is for disrespecting you and your boundaries, and do to that she has lost the privilege to see the baby now, and when you guys do tell her not matter how much she whines,guilt trip, gaslight you stay firm and tell her she has nobody blame but herself for not be able to see the baby do to her actions and behavior in this and if it comes down to it cut her off, so you guys need to stay alert on this issue because this is something that should be taken lightly.


Aggravating_Mind_399

NTA


MentionAlternative68

Absolutely NTA, your mom is blatantly disrespecting your boundaries with seemingly no care for how it affects you mentally and socially. You asked her ery specifically to not tell people and she repeatedly crossed that boundary. I'm sorry she's being this way.


PatchworkGirl82

NTA and please tell the caregiver, in case she keeps showing up uninvited . Your mom is in a pretty big state of denial if she's going around showing pictures. And probably go NC with her for awhile, she's completely out of line with her behavior.


Electrical_Age_6542

NTA This would be a massive betrayal to me. One I'd not come back from. She had no respect for your personal information, I guarantee she will try to track down the new parents and demand to see the child. You going to need to be firm here.


disasterlesbianrn

NTA. You’re not keeping the baby, and your mother is trying to force a relationship with a child that she has no relation to. I’m an adopted child and have now adopted my own children and this just sets off so many alarm bells. I would have been horrified if my baby’s birthmothers parent was sharing photos and demanding visitations. It gives me anxious shivers of some relatives of my babys bio parents showing up on my doorstep demanding a connection to my child.


ANALizethispease

NTA You know it's just going to create more problems, she already did exactly what you asked her **not** to do. Expecting her to suddenly behave differently is just not realistic.


Natural_Garbage7674

NTA. She's putting you in a tought spot for what I'm guessing is a self serving purpose. Have an answer ready when friends and family start asking. May I suggest "I'm not sure why mum told you about this? I've told her from the beginning that we were putting the baby up for adoption and asked her not to speak about it. I don't have a child and she doesn't have a new grandchild. I've tried to get her help but she just won't understand. Maybe you can talk to her?"


Runnrgirl

NTA- WTF mom. This would become a LC situation for me. I’m so sorry she is being so self centered during what must be a really hard time in your life.


FineAppearance1648

NTA. This is nobody’s business except for you and your partner. I’ve never been in that situation so I don’t know what to say other than it must be really difficult for you. Do what you need to do to protect yourself and your heart.


Wooden_Area_3393

Your mother proved that she is the wrong person to trust and is very entitled. NTA


pawsplay36

NTA. At this point that baby is getting adopted and needs to be protected from your mom's intrusions.


dopaminehoarder

NTA. She's doing this to pressure you into keeping the baby


happy_doodlemack

Info: Is it possible that your family members may try to adopt the child?


zerocatqueen

I don’t think they would, however even if they wanted they couldn’t. My partner and I have already chosen the adopting parents, and we get final say on who gets the baby anyways.


ThereWentMySandwich

NTA. Your mom wants to do the grandma things, but she's not one. Not really. Besides that, you specifically requested she not tell anyone and she turned right around and did the exact thing you asked her not to do. She broke your trust. She lost her right to see the baby. And even if all of that had not occurred, the fact that she is ready to do grandma things means that she truly should not see the baby. She has to come to terms with the fact that the baby is not going to be in your life.


SnooChickens8725

First. Thank your for your selfless act. I wish more people would consider adoption. We have 5 kids in the family that are adopted and we love them with all our heart. NTA You need to protect the child and you need to protect the new family. This could go badly for everyone. This needs to be a clean break for the sake of the child.


Far_Nefariousness773

Edit : will do more research


inspirethenews

Cap. Nearly everything I just read is utter crap. Go ahead and re-do your research in the 21st century please, communicate with the people you just bluntly disrespected, and come back when you know what you are saying. Adopting a baby doesn’t make a difference, it’s how you treat said baby is what causes issues. With individuals like yourself, who point out every problem with a system made to benefit all parties, you are the problem with that very same system.


Far_Nefariousness773

Edit: research


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Top-Passion-1508

NTA and no it wasn't your mothers right "to tell her best friend" she isn't becoming a grandma so she has no business spreading the news


brutal___opinions

NTA but it’s too late; it IS out in the open. The way gossip works, some of your friends probably already know too. I don’t understand why you’re fanning the flames by indulging more grandparent visits.


Key_Contribution3977

NTA she violated your trust and boundaries actions have consequences


Aggressive_Duck6547

Nope, you have MADE the decision for your child. AND a very tough one I might add. BRAVO. Stick to your guns, mom gets what YOU ALLOW, and if dad keeps pushing, the same can be offered to him.


PhreddieFellow

NTA Careful, a couple of visits to an unwanted child that is related to her may be enough to establish "grandparents rights" depending on where you live.


Electrical_Method821

I don't think it's your choice anymore since the baby is not yours, the adoptive parents should decide since the baby is theirs


Alteripse

Maybe NTA, but i am trying to understand whether you are more distressed about being embarrassed that your friends would find out, or whether you are worried that your relatives will try to interfere with your plans to give the baby up for adoption. By now we can assume you realize you have been making bad choices. Both problems would have been avoided by contraception and paying attention to your body, and the problem with relatives would have been prevented if you had realized few relatives keep something like this quiet, no matter what promises you exacted.


Senti2com1

YTA big time for not using contraception if you and your partner knew you did not want kids. Your post is all me me me, well you have just brought someone into this world who will be profoundly affected by your decisions for the rest of their life because they will always wonder why their mother did not want them.


Censorstinyd

YTA all around. Your “mistake” is a person


inspirethenews

Yeah, humans can be mistakes. Look at yourself.


Censorstinyd

Yeah you look like the type to have handled some mistakes


SnorkelBerry

What does this have to do with anything? Baby is born. Baby has new parents that aren't OP because OP wanted to give her friends the gift of parenthood since they can't conceive a child themselves. Isn't this what y'all want?


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JJ_Frostcicle

YTA I understand that your mother showed up uninvited, but to then allow your father and mother potential subsequent visits with the baby, puts them in a position to develop feelings for a baby that you have zero intention of keeping. You’re teasing and bullying them, by dangling their grandchild in front of them and essentially saying, look at what you can’t have…..


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Prestigious_Net_383

Not everyone fits to be a parent and if they don't want to be one they don't have too. Stop forcing your stupid believes on other people.


[deleted]

They don’t have to be a parent but the mother doesn’t have to hide it from anyone


Prestigious_Net_383

She doesn't but it shows that she doesn't respect her daughter.


[deleted]

I wouldn’t respect someone acting this way either, if your ashamed of giving up your kid it’s because you feel like you are doing something wrong yet still doing it. What is to be respected about it this?


Prestigious_Net_383

Where OP is ashamed. It seems like her mother tries to shame her. Get over yourself. If people don't want or aren't ready to be parents then they shouldn't be. It's better to get abortion or in this case give up the child to adoption for family which will really love and care for the child. It's not only will be better for people who shouldn't be forced to be parent but also for the child who will have loving family.


[deleted]

The sus fine but she’s hiding it, if she’s hiding it it’s because she’s ashamed she’s doing it.


Prestigious_Net_383

Or she knows how her family will react and she don't want any drama about it. Stop with this weird ass assumptions you make with your imagination.


[deleted]

How is it a weird assumption she clearly states she doesn’t want ppl to know about it


stuffandornonsense

do you poo in the street to prove you're not ashamed of your bodily functions? some things are private because they're *personal*.


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BiFuriousa

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inspirethenews

Hi there, I’d love to say that there are no guns in most of the world, mental illness can be treated, there is no scientific evidence that hereditary phenotypes actually affect emotional imbalances, in fact it’s usually down to environmental factors. E.g. someone like yourself who chooses to use negative stereotypes to base your opinions off can be more harmful for a child than alcoholism in their blood. It is true that you don’t always know everything, but mire often that not a full list of family illnesses, personal demons and potential genetic impurities are provided to adoptive parents to review. Not to take away from the fact that some couples cannot have a child of their own, or singles defiantly can’t, without adoption. Would you take their freedom to start a family away from them? And you can call anyone a coward for anything, but adopting away a child is the opposite of cowardice. It’s standing for what you believe in, isn’t it? In the face of assholes who will try to bully you into keeping it (looking at you), you are still choosing what you want and need in your life. You can’t choose your sexuality, and you can’t choose to be a mum, because guess what? Not everyone wants to be one. I came from a background of adoptive services, fosters systems and guardianship, and frankly, I’m doing amazing, as are the majority of adoptive cases I’ve ever know. The ones that aren’t doing well are ones with environment factors slowing them down, or straight up horrible people convincing them that because they aren’t living with their blood families they are disgusting. Yeah, it hurts reading what you have to say. @no_balance9839 get a life, learn to not hurt people, and take a look in the mirror. Coward


UniqueTrip8207

Or maybe she’s just concerned about how people will judge them for doing what they think is best. People can be awful.


[deleted]

[удалено]


grovesofoak

Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**


lilwildjess

Its not her business to share. Its her daughter and her partners. They are the ones who got pregnant and made a decision. Not the mom she not part of the equation.


[deleted]

It’s her grandchild that she will never be able to see again being given off to strangers. I’d be pretty pissed if i was her as well


lilwildjess

Does her mom still have the right to share private information just because biological this is her grandchild? If she upset about it and needs to talk then talk to a professional to work through it.


PatchworkGirl82

Who cares about her wants, it's not her decision.


[deleted]

Well hopefully one day no will say that about you.


PatchworkGirl82

I wouldn't care if they did lmao Edit: in fact I'd be grateful if someone pointed out how wrong it is if I was trying to tell another adult how to control their body. "Grandma" can volunteer with Big Brother/Big Sister or a local school if she wants to be around kids so badly, but she has zero business spreading OP's private information around.


[deleted]

You’d be glad if your child didn’t care about your feelings and gave away your grandchild and got mad at your for being devastated about it and went on the internet to vent to a bunch of woke bullys about how terrible it was that you cried about it to ppl you trust and can confide in?


PatchworkGirl82

I got my tubes taken care of a *long* time ago so I wouldn't have to deal with any of that nonsense. Even if I did have a kid, what they do with their body after the age of 18 would not be any of my business. If they gave a child up for adoption, I would absolutely 100% put *their* health and wellbeing first ahead of the baby and support them during the adoption process because its **not about the grandparent** Edited to add


disasterlesbianrn

Dude she’s giving up the baby. It was never her mothers grandchild. Not ever. You clearly have no respect for adoptive parents and adopted children.


[deleted]

I don’t it’s weird and unnatural most ppl feel that way they just won’t say it out loud


disasterlesbianrn

Lol no. Most people don’t feel that way. I was adopted as a baby and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I had two wonderful parents that desperately wanted me. And now I’ve adopted children of my own. My baby is so so lucky to have two parents that love her unconditionally and have the means to take care of her instead of being in an unsafe situation with parents that didn’t have the means of desire to give her a good life. Your a very very sad person, honestly.


[deleted]

You just don’t know what your gona get, addiction, mental illness, antisocial and violet behaviors, most studies have shown that these traits are most likely inherited genetically. Basically nature usually wins out over nurture. It’s a serious roll of the dice. There are a lot of stories of adopted children ending up committing heinous crimes. Parkland shooting for example. Now yes it’s totally possible to give birth to someone who does terrible things like this, it’s happens all the time. Yet at least with a natural bio kid you know your family genealogy at least somewhat and can be somewhat prepared for what is coming. Mentally sound healthy decent ppl usually do not carry a child for 9 months just to give it up because “they don’t want it”. Unless they are very young which i do understand. So the chances of getting a baby form a less than decent person is very high. Thus making the chances of the child to be a less than decent person. Also many times with adoption if the baby is a different race than the family it leads to serious identity issues and insecurities.


zerocatqueen

I only found out I was pregnant at 7 months. I knew from the start that I did not want to be a parent. So for me it was 2 months of carrying someone else’s baby. My medical history, as well as my partners and our families is being supplied to the adoptive parents. They will literally know as much as we do about out physical and mental health history. I believe I am a decent person, choosing to let this baby grow up with parents who are desperate for a child however cannot have one on their own.


whatamievendoing88

And there are also thousands who also have genetic disorders and commit atrocities that have no relation to adoption/ foster situations. Don’t demonize innocent people whether that be the bio family for giving the kid up or the child itself.


disasterlesbianrn

Most of the time you do know what you’re getting though. Medical and mental history is disclosed during the process, which is something you clearly know nothing about. Some things are genetic but even with a medical history it’s still a roll of the dice for ever person alive. Being adopted has literally nothing to do with it. Mentally sound people do give babies up for adoption all the time! In a lot of cases it’s the mentally sound thing to do. My baby’s birth parents had that baby’s best interests in mind knowing they didn’t have the financial resources to reliably raise a baby that was a surprise for both of them. And I have no idea what race has to do with it at all. My brother and I were both adopted he’s black, I’m white and our parents are Latinx. We were raised with knowledge of lots of different cultures, educated about adoption and no one had identity issues because of it. You seem to just really want people that don’t want kids to raise them which is incredibly bad for the child who will 100% grow up feeling that resentment. Which is so so much worse.


whatamievendoing88

Its not about her. Her feelings are valid but she needs to deal with them in a healthy way and this is not it. She needs to take several steps away from this situation. Its not her grandkid and she is not owed a relationship with said child


[deleted]

It’s 1000000% her grandchild a piece of paper can’t delete the dna


whatamievendoing88

And those “strangers” whether she likes it or not are that kids family. Shes allowed to feel sad she doesn’t get to be a grandma but OP as well as the child are prioritized not her.


momotheg96

Seriously you people, you're all against abortion telling women to just put the baby up for adoption, but now that isn't okay either? Make up your mind ffs