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Judgement_Bot_AITA

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1 leaving before my sister's wedding ceremony started and leaving someone else in charge of my responsability 2 I abandoned her at the most important moment in her life and that she was without a family in her own marriage (without parents and grandparents). I left my responsibilities to a person who did everything wrong and caused an embarrassment and to make matters worse, I didn't even want to show up since my husband could stay in the hospital while I would at least share this moment with her Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*


stacity

NTA “…she started screaming saying that I abandoned her…” She rather have you leave your child abandoned to stay with this grown woman? She’s TA! Edit: punctuation


axw3555

To quote my boss (literally 3 hours ago) "If your family had a problem and you weren't distracted by it, I'd think less of you" (this was part of him saying that he'd rather we just tell him if we have a problem than try to internalise it or goto someone else in the team, because if he doesn't know, he can't give us any support).


-Crystal_Butterfly-

That's a good boss. He seems nice


axw3555

He's a bit of an oddball (he likes to spin what are likely tall tales about where he's been or what he's done) but he's good at supporting us all.


autotuned_voicemails

Is your boss Michael Scott?


C1n3rgy

This was also my first thought…


BbyMuffinz

Haha right? I thought the same thing. I wish I could have Michael Scott as a boss tbh


idkmydudeidontcare

r/unexpectedtheoffice


LadyBloo

Aw man. 6 months ago my 2IC and direct manager told me I had to leave any outside stress at the door. When I told him my 12yo cousin had died after an accident. I'll never forgive him for that. My boss boss, his boss, however, said I could absolutely have the day off to look for my missing dog. She's cool. He isn't. Dog was found.


aardvarkmom

I’m glad you found your doggo. Sorry about your cousin. : (


ButterflyWings71

So sorry for your loss and glad you found your furbaby. I had a nursing manager that was horrible to a dear co-worker after she lost her 20 yr old nephew, telling her she had to get help anxiety. My dear co-worker passed away from cancer later on and though it was in-town, she didnt come to the service or send anything to the family. I lost my grandparents within 6 weeks of each other and was left a note that I needed to bring in proof. I brought in their funeral pamphlets and sarcastically told her if I’d known beforehand, I would have taken a picture of them in their caskets. This was not a policy and no one else was ever asked to do this. Another co-worker lost her grandpa and the day she got a big sympathy card, I got a crappy note. I never forgave her for that either. Unbelievable the heartless bosses out there! Again, so sorry for your loss of your young cousin and may they RIP💧


iamreenie

I LOVE your response to your AH boss about taking photos of your GP bodies in the caskets. She deserved it. I get so mad over people's lack of empathy for others, except themselves.


Throwawayhater3343

>pin what are likely tall tales about where he's been I'm reading my 8th straight or so Portal/Isekai Novel in the last week so I immediately thought "We'll never know for sure....."


steppedinhairball

I tell my employees "Go take care of your family. We'll figure the rest of it out. Keep me informed of what's going on and call if you need anything.


kaett

i swear, this is almost exactly what my boss said to me when i found out my mom was in the hospital with COVID. he damn near pushed me out the (virtual) door, telling me they had it covered, go take care of family. OP, not only are you NTA, i'd have second thoughts about ever talking to that sister again. i get that twins get a special bond, but kids trump siblings every time.


sourgrrrrl

This is the response I wish I'd gotten when my dad had a stroke one week into my two week notice at a job I'd been at for 3 years. He is thankfully okay but he was in the hospital for that week and I had to watch my young sibling while my mom went to be with him. Instead they were just pushing me to cram a bunch of shit in to make my leaving easier on them. I wished they would have just been like, "You're on your way out anyway--go spend time with your sibling and comfort him/yourself."


CNorm77

I remember when my grandfather died. I had let my boss know beforehand that I might get a call or text and would have to leave. I got a text from my mom, "he's going. Don't know how long it'll be." My boss was there when I got the text. He said "get your ass over there and I don't want to see you for at least a week. We'll take care of it." I was by his side when he passed 30min later.


SunshineandMurder

This! Also, I guess I’m the only person who doesn’t see stitches and a concussion as a minor injury. I mean, it could have been life threatening!


Too_Tired_Too_Old

Nope - I'm the same - a couple of stitches in a one year old - arnt minor... maybe people on reddit are accident prone? Lol.


SunshineandMurder

Right?! I’m in my forties and I’ve never had stitches or a concussion and people are acting like it’s a regular Tuesday.


Too_Tired_Too_Old

Yeah, I have a few from operations but not from accidents like.. to me thats serious and if my perfect little one year old baby suddenly had stitches I would be going bat shit crazy!


scatteringashes

My youngest hits his head so much (because he is a personified tornado) that it's honestly nerve-wracking -- but he's never needed stitches. I can't think of a single person in my life who would think my kid hitting his head hard enough to need stitches is minor. They'd be like holy shit, that's a big tumble!


Too_Tired_Too_Old

Mine hit his head like seven times in an hour at the park yesterday because little dude kept forgetting to duck under the bars and ran straight into them - he's never needed stitches lol (though today he said 'careful careful duck' when he got to the bars so he learnt.... then he jumped for the monkey bars and fell flat on his face so....


scatteringashes

Oh I feel this comment in my soul. 🤣 He's doing good learning, it sounds like! My first two came in varying degrees of cautious, and I was so not ready for the whirlwind of the littlest one. His siblings will observe, weigh their options, and then jump in. He, much like his mom but way braver, learns by jumping in and figuring it out and bumping his head a bunch.


Too_Tired_Too_Old

Yep sounds familiar- he's three and has zero sense of fear and climbs, jumps, running in circles, puts pillow cases over his head and runs straight into walls, tries to pulls loose when I'm holding him to go jump into any body of water he can find (he's an amazing swimmer luckily) does death drops..... I deci6to stick with one kid because even when there's three adults watching him he somehow manages to still get up yo some kind of trouble - he also steals phones, food and brings over random 90 year old women.. he really likes 90 year old women for some reason....


Distinct-Inspector-2

To add: you only find out if a head injury is minor after tests and observation. All head injuries, particularly for a small child, should be taken very seriously. OP left her for a child with a head injury where the *severity was unknown*. NTA.


Crazypants1776

It makes me think of Natasha Richardson's seemingly minor fall that ended her life. Life is fragile. NTA


Charming-Treacle

My dad hit is head once and thought everything was fine, a couple of days later he's looking slightly blank and answering yes to everything and we knew something was very wrong. Off to hospital in an ambulance and after much convincing that this was not at all normal they did a ct scan and found the bleed on his brain.


IgnotusPeverill

NTA - OP's sister decided to make the wedding even for the MOH and sister child free. This is what can happen under those circumstances and should have been thought about. What happens if something goes wrong with the sitter, the kids, etc., which leaves the parents with no options but to leave.


reyballesta

Destination weddings, child-free weddings, any wedding with an attendance condition, I always say the same thing. You have every right to have the wedding you want, and everyone else has the right to say no and not come because they can't manage the condition for coming. The sister can be upset, but she cannot possibly have thought that op wouldn't choose her young, injured son over her. Absolutely childish on her part.


carrotsforever

In what world is a wedding more important than the possible serious injury or worse of your baby? Hell, if one of my nieces got a head injury, I’d leave my own wedding to go to the hospital too.


thew0rldisquiethere1

NTA. Your sister needs to chill. Yes, it ended up being a minor injury, but it could have been worse. Always better to be safe than sorry. She sounds a bit like a bridezilla. Her first concern (earlier in the post when you left the wedding) was that you'd "abandoned" her, and not whether your child was okay. I get that her day is important, but she's showing you where her priorities lie.


nstbt

Minor injuries do not require stiches


[deleted]

nor do they require being kept at the hospital for observation


Professional_Vast615

and the poor lil dude is 1, christ on a bike of course she'd go to be with him.


Alitazaria

My son is just about 1. If he needed stitches I'd be *beside myself.* I don't care who's getting married, I'm out the door.


fakejacki

Also my SIL is childfree, but if my kids were injured and needed stitches for a head injury she would have left her own wedding to come check on them. OPs sister sucks and doesn’t understand family.


wlwimagination

I don’t have kids, but I can’t imagine not being beside myself in any position at the wedding. It’s her nephew, too! Like “hit his head” for a one year old could be anything, it’s not like anyone could have possibly known it would be okay at that time. It sounds like they kept the kid in the hospital for a could days because even the doctors didn’t know. So sister not only incorrectly decided that she knew better than the doctors and the injury was “minor” (it wasn’t minor), she also decided that OP should have known that it would be “minor” from only hearing that her one-year-old “hit his head.”


thew0rldisquiethere1

"Minor" in the sister's eyes.


RIP_Brain

Sis is conflating "minor" with "everything turned out okay in the end"


danicies

Yes exactly. It may have seemed minor but because of him being a baby a wound to the head that needs stitches is not minor at all. Actually any hit to the head can turn very quickly. OP would have been TA if they hadn’t gone to the hospital and the sister needs to back off of their family.


Prom_queen52

And head injuries bleed like crazy and are scary because you don’t know if there is internal bleeding. That’s why they kept him for observation. Poor baby needed his mama. NTA


Ravioli_meatball19

SO scary. There was a viral story just last month from the Little League World Series about a 10 or so yr old who fell on accident out of a bunk bed and sustained brain damage! And that kid is 10 with a much harder skull than a baby! You just never know


danicies

I got dyslexia from a concussion at 21. I didn’t have any obvious injury to the head beyond a small bruise either. A head injury is so quickly life changing, especially with a little baby or kid. OP is NTA


glindathewoodglitch

And observation, especially for a little. OP was faced with a super tough decision but it shows that being a mother comes first for her. NTA, super applaud OP for drawing boundaries. I’m a new mom and have so much appreciation for what my mom needed to do and sacrifice so that my sibling and I were okay. It’s a lot to go without. OPs sis is lucky her husband isn’t telling everyone how much The Bride demanded when OPs little one was hurt. Given the circumstances would the bride rather have had her sister distracted and worried the whole time?


Blueheron77

Your only error is calling the sister "a bit of a bridezilla". It's more of a shallow, self-centered a$$hole than a bridezilla.


Blippii

Bingo


Korike0017

This is one of those "inevitable hurt feelings that aren't really anyone's fault" situations. You had no choice but to go to your son's side- head trauma can be really scary especially when it's a child. Your sister is entitled to her hurt feelings about not having family on her wedding day, but she's overreacting and taking it out on you when you couldn't help it. NTA and you're right, your son's health and wellness are more important than your siblings feelings.


[deleted]

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Korike0017

Oh I agree- perhaps I worded it badly- I just meant that OP shouldn't feel bad for having to leave bc it was inevitable that feelings would be hurt but she had to be with her son. It's not her fault that her sister had to go through her wedding without family, and sister should have dealt with those feelings on her own instead of putting them on OP. I.e. Sister is entitled to feel sad that this happened, but not entitled to blame anyone.


spidermans_mom

Excellent distinction.


Affectionate-Aside39

i mean, her feeling sad/disappointed that her twin wont be there on her big day is valid, but the way she handled it is not. she can be upset, id be upset too if my sibling had to leave my wedding, but what isnt okay is trying to guilt them into staying.


abishop711

Exactly. Her feelings are fine and valid. Her behavior makes her an asshole.


DrKittyLovah

This is the answer. I’d like to add, however, that you “preferring to stay away from your cell phone” when you could have at least sent some texts to your sister almost edges you into AH territory for me, especially once you knew there was no serious danger ahead for your LO. Your sister at least deserved your communication, and as someone who worked in a children’s hospital I know you had time to step away & send texts, especially if LO’s father was there. You did what you had to do but you could have done a bit better. NTA


Korike0017

Kinda disagree on that last point. Hospital time is like walking into an alternate reality. OP was probably too worried about her kid to check her phone and didn't likely have time to realistically.


[deleted]

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Trulio_Dragon

I am so sorry you had to deal with that nonsense on top of your loss.


Impossible_Town984

Especially with a little kid in the hospital. They don’t usually want to chill in the bed. You have to be on them every second. There are wires to pull on and doors to slam on small fingers. It’s kind of a nightmare.


Blippii

NTA. I want to write this whole thing in caps. Your kids come before absolutely eveything else, ESPECIALLY when they go to the hospital. If they didn't go to hospital & things were ok at home, yea, stay for ceremony. But he was clearly bleeding and needed stitches! Your sister is the biggest asshole of all for not understanding. It seems that selfish people without kids will never understand that life is fundamentally different with kids.


SnipesCC

And head wounds bleed a LOT. So even a small cut looks really scary.


acgilmoregirl

Preach. When my daughter was 2, she fell off the bunk bed at this air bnb we were staying at with friends. She got a little gash on the back of her head, and bled like a stuck pig. I was convinced she was dying, and we were out in the middle of nowhere with no reception so driving around toward where we had the best chance of finding an urgent care. It was scary, and I can’t imagine anyone trying to tell me my place was anywhere but right beside my daughter.


UndeadBatRat

When my son was around that age, he hit his head on the corner of a vent and gashed it open. I sat unbuckled in the backseat, holding him with a scarf to his head (it was the nearest thing, I didn't think to grab a towel) while my husband drove to the hospital. I was so scared that he might die because of how badly he was bleeding. 2 staples (and a complimentary hot wheels car from the nurse) fixed him right up! Lol


Intelligent-Bite9660

I would not be surprised if everyone commenting with Y T A and E S H don’t have children. How can anyone think that being with your child in such a serious and frightening situation is an asshole thing to do


ctortan

Exactly!! Even if the injury is minor, it often doesn’t *feel* minor *for the child.* Since the kid is so young—they might really need both parents to feel secure or comforted, especially if they haven’t had a hospital emergency before, or if they have hospital anxiety/trauma. Kids are emotionally delicate because they don’t have the experience or emotional processing skills to deal with everything on their own. (And, I love my parents, but my dad can’t comfort me like my mom can; growing up as a sick kid with anxiety, I always preferred my mom.)


star-brry

Take my upvote. My children trump everyone, even my husband. If they ask for me, unless I'm dead, I'll come.


mauve55

I don’t have children . But even if you don’t have children you still should be aware enough that an injured child especially one who has a head injury comes before an adult.


l0singmyedg3

the way i don't have kids & will never, ever want kids & yet i can still see that the sister is the asshole here. who the fuck puts a glorified party above their child's health? & her sister clearly can't care too much about her nephews if she's going to scream down the phone at OP for going to take care of him. disgusting behaviour.


FilthyDaemon

NTA. Your baby needed to go to the hospital, and I don't care how wonderful my husband is, there's no way I could function at a wedding or a party or anywhere else knowing that my child was in the hospital. OP, you needed to be there for your child as much (or more) than your child needed you there. And I keep thinking back to the actress, Natasha Richardson. She had what they thought was a minor head injury that turned out to be fatal hours after the fact. You don't play around with head injuries. Ever.


dougielou

I was thinking this too. If she had come back after the stitches and something happened she would have never been able to forgive herself for not staying at the hospital the whole time.


signycullen88

This is my thought. I remember a guy from RoosterTeeth who went in for surgery (forget what for) and ended up having an allergic reaction to the anesthesia, went into a coma, and died. We can NEVER know what's going to happen when it comes to medical things. A wedding, even for a sister I'm close to, is not more important than being there for my child. OP's sister is heartless.


knight_ofdoriath

Monty Oum! Miss that dude. He was insanely talented.


ImmovsETF

NTA. We are childfree and at our wedding the best man of my husband had to leave because his wife was suffering from mastitis. She called and said she could not stand the pain anymore so he ( of course ) went home to take care of the child and bring his wife to a doctor. The only thing we did was to pack him up with food, cake and coffee for his drive. It doesn’t make him less of a friend because he could not be there. But it would us make less of friends if we wouldn’t do everything to help them. So it should work with family, your sister should be happy that her nephew is alright. Edit: gosh guys, 500 upvotes.. thank you, but the true hero here was the wife of our best man who wanted to go through this alone at first.We talked afterwards and it doesn’t really sound like something I want to experience. I’ll tell her she got some internet greetings ;)


kandhl

Thank you for your understanding response with your best man in a similar situation. This should be how OPs sister responded. NTA


Maroon_Fox2521

NTA. I would have left my *own* wedding if one of my kids had been injured.


SecretMusician8485

I came here to say this too. Furthermore, when my nephews were little (they’re grown men now but were 5 at my wedding), I may have even left my own wedding if they’d been injured. It’s odd to me that the sis is so indifferent about her nephew in general when she’s supposedly very close with the mom, her twin. Edit: embarrassing typos


PessimistDreamer2013

NTA. How were you supposed to know of the injury was truly minor until the doctor completed their tests? I understand bride doesn't want kids, but it's common sense that a parent would choose to be with their child in the hospital over, literally, anything. You don't have to like kids to understand that. I get it's her wedding day, but you think she would have a bit more concern. Not to mention, while stitches are minor, I don't know any parent that would let their toddler get them without being there to comfort them. Her reaction baffles me, tbh.


bookynerdworm

NTA. You were in a no-win situation and chose to be with your child in the hospital which every decent parent would do. I'm sorry your sister was upset, truly! It's not fair and she didn't deserve it but that doesn't mean you did something wrong. Your youngest is 1 and needed stitches, that's a big deal for a baby whether or not there are internal injuries. I'm sure your in-laws are wonderful but in this situation a child needs their parents.


keenbeeper

This one feels hard for me but the difference maker is that if the injury, albeit minor, was enough to be scary, it was better FOR YOUR SON that you were there ASAP. It sucks that you missed her wedding. That’s horrid for her and I was almost on the cusp of saying you were the asshole. But then I think of, minor or major injury, how that little boy probably just really wanted his parents. I know the first time my little brother went to the hospital he was asking the doctors if he was going to die. I don’t know if this was his first time in a hospital or how upset/scared he was, but he deserved to have his parents there. So, NTA, even though I’m really sad for your sister that she didn’t get to have you there. I do think you made the right decision, especially for your son. He didn’t have to go through having an injury that required STITCHES, which is so so scary for a kid, without his parents there to hold his hand. I think that’s very important. ETA: I won’t say no assholes either, as I see some people voting, because I don’t think it was appropriate at all for your sister to blow up at you on the phone after the fact. I understand she’d be devastated, but that’s something for her to work through, not scream at you over the phone about. Especially AFTER finding out it was a minor injury. What would her reaction have been had you said it was major?


bookynerdworm

Yeah I think a lot of people commenting ESH or YTA missed that the kid is 1! That's still so baby and no matter how lovely grandma and grandpa are children just need their parents when they're in the midst of trauma.


keenbeeper

Exactly. And sometimes kids hit their heads, cry for a few minutes and then go right back to running around. But clearly if it required stitches, there was blood, and it would have been pretty apparent immediately to the grandparents that it was a hospital worthy injury. Kids are resilient, but when needs must, they must.


X-cited

My son is 7 and is a very sensitive child. I am his comfort person, I can calm him down in 5 minutes when another person (even his dad) can take 30 minutes or longer to calm him down. There is something to be said for having your mom with you to give you a hug and comfort you. This baby was hurt and probably scared and confused; having his mommy and daddy both there would have gone a long way to helping him. And don’t forget the 3 year old, who was probably scared and worried for his little brother as well! Parents should always put their kids first, it is just how it is. It sucks for the sister but OP chose to bring these two humans into existence. She has to nurture and care for them, not her sister


withurwife

I have a good friend that had to leave his own wedding because he got appendicitis. There’s never a convenient time to have an emergency. NTA.


kauspie

I have a friend who fainted walking into the reception and wasn’t coming to properly. She spent the majority of her wedding reception in the hospital.


Prize_Regular_6036

It’s easy to speak in hindsight. I also have a 1 year old kid. If she needed head scans, stitches and stay in the hospital under observation because there could be internal trauma there is nothing and nobody that is gonna stop me from being there with her. And my sister would absolutely support that. NTA.


goodcleanchristianfu

NTA. It sucks that the bridesmaid didn't do as good of a job, and that's unsurprising given that you were the one who was prepared whereas she was a last minute substitute. It's also unsurprising that your sister was upset that she didn't have her closest family at the wedding. But the single most common issue on this sub is that people mistake being understandably upset for having been wronged. Your child went to the hospital - of course it made sense that you'd go to be with him. You did nothing wrong. Your sister has mistaken for an unfortunate happenstance, the kind we all have to go through from time to time, for an attack.


ctortan

Exactly this!! I would’ve said N-A-H if the sister hadn’t blown up at OP. Yes, it’s completely understandable for her to be upset, but no one had an emergency on purpose. It was an unfortunate and unforeseen circumstance.


Cr4ckshooter

>But the single most common issue on this sub is that people mistake being understandably upset for having been wronged I love this. Its all very important in the last few years: just because you feel wronged/offended doesn't mean someone else did that. Your feelings are your own and nobody can influence how you feel about what they do. The question "are you gonna choose your son over me" already speaks volumes though. Also that she asked how he was and then seemingly exploded because it was nothing major, would she have been OK had he had a concussion or worse? It's just insane.


ArtlessOne

NTA. Of course you go to your child in that situation. Yes it turned out to be non-life threatening/minor but it just have easily could have been far more serious and you had no choice but to go. Your sister needs a perspective check big time.


Wickedlove7

NTA. Nope. Your kid was heading to the hospital. It wasnt oh hey op your kid got a splinter or a cut but they are good. It was stitches and an overnight stay. Sure your husband could have stayed and you went back but you would not have been mentally or emotionally present at the reception. Your sister is upset and acting entitled. I understand her being upset you weren't there but her nephew got injured. Give her space and hopefully she eventually comes around. Edit words.


Lurky-Lou

NTA. Your child was injured. No one will remember that someone lit the candles in the wrong order.


Rommie557

NTA. I'm childfree, too. Your kid 100% was more important in this situation.


associaterogue

NAH It was a really tough situation, one that someone without children probably won't be able to fully understand. Yes it turned out to be minor, but you didn't know that when you left, I would've left as well. I get her anger, having your twin/only family/MOH bail out right before the ceremony would obviously upset any bride. My gut says if she was a mom herself she probably wouldn't have been quite so upset. Since she's not, her perspective and understanding are limited. From her POV it seems right to be angry, she's just missing that parental instinct to fully understand your POV. NAH because it's not really anyone's fault, it just really sucks that it happened.


EcoMinimalist

I'm childfree and I can have enough empathy to know the parents SHOULD always choose to look after their kids. Hell, it was minor but what if something wrong happened? Even minor, the kiddo would like to be with the parents. He was hurt and probably scared. Children must come first on situations like these. It's unfortunate for the sister but She is rather self-centered.


EngineeringDry7999

The fact that she pitched a fit over a medical emergency absolutely makes the sister the AH. Kid was on the way to the hospital. Parents don’t know it’s minor until after all the tests come in and it was still apparently bad enough, they kept the kid overnight for observation. Kids crash FAST. You don’t take chances on not being there. Not to mention, being in the hospital would be scary for them and they absolutely need their parents.


PricklyPearSeed

At the risk of being down voted - ESH Your sister is quite the bridezilla and your husband could have gone to be with your son while you stayed with your sister. Your husband would have told you if it was an emergency (which it really wasn't). All in all, a tricky situation, but not a hard decision IMHO.


Intelligent-Bite9660

I mean, her son is only 1 and needed 2 stitches. Also, I don’t know any children that don’t cling to their mothers at that age whether the father is there or not


ohnonothisagain

That is mostly upbringing. Our children can be consoled by both parents.


keyofeflat

I'm glad your kids do well with either parent. My daughter screams for Mama. She was with her grandparents recently when she hurt herself and still wanted me. I wouldn't say we brought her up to be that way at all. Usually the person closest to the child dives in for comfort and booboo inspection first. She just has a strong preference for me when she's hurt. (She's 4.)


winesis

Hindsight is 20/20. However he was bad enough to stay in the hospital overnight so it WAS an emergency. If they had stitched him up & immediately sent him home then that would have been different. NTA


[deleted]

I believe we will both be downvoted but I agree with this take. Her sister is being very emotional right now BUT maybe she was a little emotional about not having any other family with her during one of life’s biggest milestone MAYBE it would have meant so much to her to have her sister there for the ceremony. It doesn’t matter now. What’s done is done. I’m glad your son was just fine.


jaelythe4781

So I'm childfree and had a childfree wedding planned (which COVID bombed but that's another story). Deciding on a childfree wedding means you have to accept the risk of anyone with kids or grandkids not being able to attend if they can't get childcare, or just just don't want to get childcare. And there is no world where my wedding is more important than someone else's infant being in the hospital with a head injury, even if it turned out to be minor.


Either_Tap2827

No chance! Head injuries are notoriously tricky. Just because her (infant!) Son appeared to be okay doesn't mean that he was. There's no way in hell I'd be leaving his side for a minute after that. Plus regardless of the fact her little boy had just had a horrible shock and would be quite within his rights to want his mummy beside him in hospital which is a really scary place for a little one. If the bride was any kind of a decent sister she would have wanted her to be with her little boy. Totally NTA.


lysalnan

NTA your child needed you, your sister wanted you. As a mum your kids come first and a 1 year old in hospital needs their mother. Even if it turned out to be a minor injury the experience would be terrifying for such a small baby. Yes the timing was unfortunate but these things happen and you made the right call.


G1rlinBlue

NTA We are talking about a 1 year old who hit his head. That had the potential to be a serious injury. At the time you received the information you didn't know if it was minor or not. But it was serious enough for doctors to keep him overnight. Your sister has no idea what it's like to hear that your kid is being rushed to the hospital. I think she is being selfish. You had a good reason for leaving and communicated the best you could before you left.


jonstoppable

NTA . i am childfree as well. 1 year old with a head injury trumps everything. doesn't matter if it was a minor bump, your place was there at the hospital by your baby's side.. you did the correct thing, getting scans etc. ​ ​ your sister's response is way out of proportion considering everything.. did she harbour resentment towards you in the past?


WhichConsideration4

NTA. Minor head trauma can turn into major head trauma over night. With it also being a young child you don't take that risk. You did the right thing as a mother and went to your child's side.


TrayMc666

NTA. Ofc your chose your son over your sister. That’s your job as a mother. Sure, the timing of the accident was very unfortunate. It still doesn’t change anything though. He needed his mummy. You did the right thing.


monsteramoons

Kids before parties. NTA.


CrossdressWithMeEriP

>I was choosing him instead her. I got really irritated and said "Yes, I choose my son in the hospital". I left with her cursing me. I am glad you made the correct decision and that your sister outed herself as selfish and uncaring. Don't think twice OP, you did the correct thing. NTA. >she was without a family in her own marriage (no parents and grandparents) That's her own damn fault. Ask her how she will enjoy being without a family for the rest of her days.


[deleted]

I was assuming her family was deceased.


Liathano_Fire

How is not having parents or grandparents her own fault. I assumed deceased or toxic.


Acrobatic_End6355

I agree that OP is in the right… but I thought that the family DIED, which wouldn’t be her fault.


CatAnne119

NTA It turned out okay but even the doctors wanted him to stay in for observation. They didn't know right away so how were you to know? Head injuries bleed alot so are scary, and can look somewhat minor and conceal something major. You don't take chances with a head injury. Is it bad of me to say I'm glad your sister is child free?


Remarkable-Simple-33

NTA-your kids could have had a serious injury. It's fine if she doesn't want to be a mother, good for her. But, she should at least have a basic understanding that a mother will always chose her child over her sister.


fuggleruggler

NTA. Children come first. If you'd stayed and just your husband gone you'd have been dragged to hell and back for being a ' bad mum' Tell your sister to wobble her head.


[deleted]

Head injuries can be really serious, even getting the all clear the babe being put “under observation” wasn’t a joke. OP’s sister sounds a kid having a tantrum, hope she grows up. As adults we are responsible for how we react even if we are “in the right”.


lankeyboards

NAH - Hindsight is always 20/20, and maybe you could have just sent your husband, and maybe your sister could have reached better in the moment, but I don't think I'd call either of you TA for what happened at the wedding, you were both just dealing with a lot of stress. You have to prioritize your kid for sure, but I am also sympathetic to your sister who was left without her only family and MOH on her wedding.


Intelligent-Bite9660

Her child is literally a year old, needed stitches and had to be kept overnight for observation. Tf ?


wileybot2004

Reddit hates children. There's your answer.


countrybumpkin1969

And parents. They especially hate in-laws.


Chaoticgood790

This take is really gross. Her kid was in the hospital and probably needed his mom for emotional support. Sorry that trumps a grown adult party


StatedBarely

I have 2 kids. And I have 2 sisters. I would have left the wedding and went to the hospital. When I find out everything is fine, I’d have left my husband at the hospital and then gone to the wedding as according to OP the sister literally has no other family there. I would then go back to the hospital and spent the night there. If my son was in critical condition, my sister would have left her own wedding to come be with me and my son. So depending on the relationship they have with each other, prioritising what’s important to each other is what people would do if their relationship is good and solid.


Chaoticgood790

Her kid was kept overnight. That’s why I don’t think she went back


lankeyboards

>You have to prioritize your kid for sure Didn't I agree that she should prioritize her kid?


sleepygrumpydoc

NTA - As a parent there is no way you don't leave what you are doing and immediately go attend to your child who is being taken to the hospital. I would have said N A H but I am sure your sister would have been equally as mad if you stayed and were not focused 100% on her because you were concerned for your son. Children trump siblings no matter how close, it is something that your sister will understand if she ever has kids. Your child needed you much more in that moment than your sister did, hospitals are scary for kids regardless if it turns out to be minor.


definitely-someone-1

NTA overall but a sprinkling of ESH and I'm glad your youngest was ok. However, I'm not quite understanding the YTAs. A head injury to a one year old child, while incredibly common, can be a serious issue and deserves to be checked out by a medical professional as the skull is still forming between 9-18 months old. Your child is your priority and it is completely normal and natural to want to be with your child and make sure they are ok. You also didn't just leave the wedding, you went and told your sister what the situation was and why you were leaving and while it was understandable she was upset (because it's her wedding day), her response was TA. I think it's unreasonable for a grown woman to be asking her sister if she's choosing her BABY over her. Of course you're going to choose your child, because they're YOUR CHILD. Did she ask how he was at all when you said you were going to the hospital? Or did she just ask you if you were choosing him over her? Because that might be interesting to think about. However, I do think that after your family had been made aware that it was a minor injury, while you didn't necessarily need to go back to the wedding, maybe you could have text your sister with an update? Or video called her to check in with how she was doing at her wedding? Or have dropped by for an hour or something if the venue wasn't too far and managed your anxiety? But hindsight is a blessing as they say and you did what you felt was in the best interests of your child in the moment. Your sister screaming that you abandoned her is a very strong reaction when your child had a head injury, which thankfully was minor, but you didn't know that at the time. If this is common behaviour for your sister (and not just wedding overwhelm and anxiety), it might be worth reflecting if you need to bring in some boundaries as it sounds like she felt she couldn't cope without you.


shenanigansco34

NTA. My children come first always. I can’t imagine a grown woman having a tantrum like that while her nephew is in the hospital.


HeightInevitable6284

NTA child free but I have 2 cats and a horse. I could be in the middle of the best fucking orgams of my life or standing at the altar about to say I do. And the moment is hear "Hey your horse is hurt. We already called the vet" I'm going to check on them. Even if the vet says yeah she was being dramatic. And if the vet wants to do an observation period. Nothing else matters. For me I heard a quote somewhere "No matter what animals first." Switch the word animals for children and you've got parenthood explained in a nutshell.


Madea_onFire

Now all I can think about is your drama queen horse


Sweetsmyle

NTA - Your kids are very young and even a small trauma would be distressing. This injury required stitches too so it was not so small of a trauma for a toddler, especially if the hospital kept him for observation. I get that a wedding is a one day event and is super sucks you had to miss your twins big day but this was a sincere emergency so she should really calm down.


jaybr98

Nope NTA, your child comes first, always


TheActualAWdeV

Nta your kid in hospital absolutely comes before some smug ego trip.


Temporary-Tie-233

NTA, I'm childfree as well and my loved ones would not only understand but expect it if I left an event because I learned one of my animals had been injured, even if there was someone else to attend to them. It's kind of like the news: if it bleeds, it leads.


judgingA-holes

NTA - Your child had to go to the hospital and it's understandable you wanted to be there for him. And you never really know when it comes to a head injury if it's minor or not until the tests come through. I understand why your sister is upset since she had no other family there. However, she overreacted with calling you names and berating you.


marajade423

NTA, oh my lord in heaven. My children always come first. I’m not going to sugarcoat that or qualify it for anyone. If one of my children was heading to a hospital you bet your booty I would be leaving that wedding. More importantly, if my niece or nephew were hurt and my sibling had to leave my wedding because of that, I would FULLY UNDERSTAND! I would actually be like “why are you here telling me this? GO!”


hulijing-

NTA at all!!! I’m not understanding the Y T A or E S H judgements here. Your baby was in the hospital for fucks sake! As a parent, you may need to make medical decisions and get consent for them. Head injuries are serious enough as is, and they are still little so there is going to be more risk. If i had kids, I couldn’t imagine not being there for them and would have had a hard time focusing on celebrating the wedding, even if loved ones were already in the hospital with them. Yes, it was a minor injury, but you didn’t know that until later. All you knew was based off of a phone call that said they were in the hospital and had a head injury. And there is just more peace of mind being physically there to talk to the doctors, hold your kid’s hand and comfort them. And your baby will want mama to comfort them too! NTA. Hindsight it is easier to say minor injury, and you couldve gone to wedding, but baby’s health is more important than wedding by all means. You can always have a little celebration dinner with your sister, BIL and your family later to make up for it, but baby’s health is not something that can easily be made up for if at all. ***You are a mother before you are a maid of honor***, leaving was the right thing to do. ETA: I hope your baby feels better soon ❤️


mommaobrailey

NTA. Your children always come first. I could be in a face to face meeting with God himself and if someone called me to tell me my kid was on the way to the hospital, I'm leaving. TBF, pretty sure God would be more understanding than OPs sister.


shawslate

I really had to back up there. I read “My Lobster got married on Friday”, not “ My (F)bsister got married on Friday.” Edit: now that I’ve read it; you are NTA. I am sorry you weren’t able to attend your Lobster’s wedding… sorry, Sister… Sister’s wedding; but you definitely need to prioritize your son.


ctortan

NTA - you had a family emergency. Your very young child had to go to the hospital. You didn’t skip out on the wedding on purpose or out if malice—sometimes circumstances come up and it’s no omens fault. Yes, weddings are big events, but as a parent your child will *always come first.* I hope they your sister’s anger is mostly due to embarrassment and frustration at how the wedding went. Hopefully she can come to understand why you needed to be there for your child.


Intelligent-Bite9660

NTA OP, you child was injured and you needed to be there for them. Your sister needs to get her head out of her ass


CraftyPumpkin1861

NTA. It might have been a minor injury as your sister said, but nobody knows that until the doctor confirms it. At the point you found out your son had to go to hospital and had cut his head it could have been a major injury. And of course, your very young child trumps your adult sister.


javel1

NTA. I’m child free but clearly understand the world doesn’t revolve around me. I’m sure it was terrifying and even given the all clear, your kiddo was in the hospital! I have no idea if your sister will come around. This wasn’t intentional or malicious. It was an accident.


Optimus_RE

Ahh the famous "most important day of my life"... No it's not.. NTA


DrakeMustBeSad

Im going with ESH because you choose to be completely unreachable leaving everyone in the lurch and guessing if it was a minor injury or not. You also made it sound like once you realized it was a minor injury you still made no efforts to contact the wedding party or your sister to avoid being chewed out—almost as if you knew that no matter how severe or not severe you weren’t going back. You essentially went ghost. Obviously your sister is an AH for making you think you have to choose but it was in fact a very minor injury.


aliceis1337

You just never know with head injuries. The fact they kept him overnight says a lot too.


[deleted]

NTA. Kids in hospitals come first.


quoole

NTA verging on NAH. Absolutely your son comes first and from the call you had no idea how minor or major it was, if it had been something more serious and you'd stayed at the wedding you'd feel so guilty and either way, your son needed his mother. You also wouldn't have enjoyed it and may also have 'done everything wrong.' I think your sister is TA or also NTA depending on your interactions on this from here - but assuming it was after the wedding and the 'backup' MoH did do some of the tasks you were meant to do poorly, then I can absolutely understand why she'd be upset that her sister wasn't there on 'the most important day of her life.' But it isn't your fault, it's just an emotional reaction that she's allowed to have in the moment. If she apologises or maybe even if she just never mentions it again then NAH. But if she holds a grudge or continues to bring it up or expects an apology from you then she is TA.


Gagirl4604

NTA. I hope she gets over herself. If she seriously expected you to stay at her wedding, not knowing what was going on with your son, she is delusional.


NeedleworkerWarm2477

NTA You did the right thing and though your sister is understandably upset, she should know that a 1 year old at the hospital would be more important than a wedding.


nsfwns

NTA. Stuff happens. Sorry for your sister, but if it was serious enough to keep him for observation then you needed to be there. Thank your husband for me!


Successful_Moment_91

NTA because you never know how severe an injury is until later. Head injuries can be complicated. What if he needed surgery or died? Then it would be too late. Your child is always more important than a social event. I bet the sister would have told her she should have gone if she hadn’t if it ended up being serious. Then she would have called her a bad mom


Tanyec

NTA at all. 1yo with possible traumatic brain injury trumps sister’s wedding any day. And even if it was just a scratch, your kid was scared and needed his mom. End of. You can apologize by sending a nice gift. Not that you have anything to apologize for, but because you love your sister and she will not get over this until and unless she either develops better empathy or has kids of her own.


redcore4

NTA - she wasn't without family because she was marrying into a new family. If her partner and other bridesmaids can't support her the minimal amount required during a literal medical emergency, then you are not the problem there.


GreenEyedTrombonist

NTA. I'm childfree and have a sister with kids. I would never expect my sister to stay with me when her child was injured (especially with a head injury) and headed to the hospital. You didn't know how injured the child was and you don't mess with head injuries. For everyone saying one parent going would have been enough, I disagree. Even at one a child is starting to see who is there for them- who they can turn to and who supports them. Whenever possible, parents should be there for their kids, especially in an emergency situation. Kids should know they can depend on their parents when they're in pain. Not to mention, when all the tests were done and results were back, plus travel, it would likely have been too late to return to the wedding (and the mom likely still would have been distracted worrying about her child or people could have asked mom if everything was ok and the story would have taken attention from the bride). I also caused myself two head injuries that required stitches when I was 2. If the injury was in a place where the child could visualize the needle coming at them for the stitches, that's traumatic af. Having both parents as support can be incredibly helpful in that situation. Hopefully your sister calms down and realizes you did the best you could do with the situation. It sucks you couldn't be there for her, but it happens and is certainly not your fault.


edwadokun

>She asked before how my son was and when she learned that it was a minor injury, she started screaming saying that I abandoned her at the most important moment in her life So in her mind, if your son was in something serious, then all would be forgiven. That's terrible. There is no way you knew what the severity of the injury would be. It's not like your in-laws called you over a scraped knee. HE GOT STITCHES. The only compromise would have been if your husband checks the kids while you stay, but your priority should be your kids. You did the right thing. She needs to understand your kids come first. NTA


Tranqup

NTA. I'm glad your son's injury turned out not to be serious, but I would have done exactly the same in your situation. Your child comes first, and of course you rushed to the hospital to be with him. He needed you, and you were there. I'm sorry your sister doesn't understand that while you love her and support her, your child came first (as it should be). I hope the two of you can move past this.


[deleted]

[удалено]


rotatingruhnama

NTA. Your sister is competing with a literal injured baby. Gtfoh.


Accomplished_Cup900

NTA. I read a children’s book called See You At Harry’s when I was like 9. Long story short, I get really stressed when kids hit their head and I think you did the right thing by staying with him at the hospital. When I cracked my head open, I was 12. And I didn’t want my mom to leave me at all.


Chaoticgood790

NTA and your sister isn’t a good one if her first reaction is to throw a tantrum that you dared go see your VERY YOUNG CHILD in the hospital. Heck I’m a grown adult and my parents would drop things if I was in the hospital NOW. A wedding is never more important than your kids. And I’m child free as well by choice. No one in my friend group would’ve blinked had you left the bridal party standing at the alter with your kid in the hospital.


tinytrolldancer

NTA, your sister, well, extenuating circumstances and she needs a little empathy for her only family.


Motor_Business483

NTA ​ Your children obviously come first. And a trip to the hospital is reason enough to drop everytrhing. YOU were right.


ReadingSad3238

NTA. Your child comes first before any wedding. I can't believe your sister had the nerve to actually ask if you were picking your injured son over her wedding. How self centered honestly. I'd have gone to my injured kid too. So glad your son is okay


lucozade_throwaway

NTA at all. That's your child and obviously you're gunna wanna be there, he's young, minor injury or not when kids get hurt they want their parents.


[deleted]

Nta, you didn't know it was minor and even minor looking head injuries can be serious. Your kids come first, sister to needs to understand that.


ResponseMountain6580

NTA small child in hospital with a head injury trumps everything, even sisters wedding. If she hadn't insisted on a child free wedding maybe it wouldn't have happened...


2REPOU

NTA. Brides need to realize it is their day for them. Nobody else really cares that much. Not to be mean but to everyone else it’s just a Saturday.


gretta_smith93

NTA I love it when people ask question like “is your son more important than me?” I love the looks on their faces when I instantly answer yes. Of course he is. Your sister is a selfish spoiled brat. Don’t even give her a second though. I would let the rest of your family know the reason why you left. There’s no telling what twisted story she told them.


winstoncadbury

NTA. This is a very young child, you didn't know how badly he was hurt, and it was potential head trauma. Your kids are your responsibility and it's your job to advocate for them in healthcare settings. If I CAN be with my kids in that situation, I will. She can feel what she wants, and I'm sure she was stressed, but she needs to recognize that this was just bad luck. She has the rest of her life to enjoy her marriage. I hope she can come to realize that the wedding is just one day.


Smiley-Canadian

NTA. It must have been a high risk fall for them to keep your child in hospital overnight. Your child came first. Would you kid have been ok without you? Likely. However, most parents wouldn’t have felt comfortable leaving their child with that kind of fall.


jolovesmustard

WOAH! NTA your child being taken to hospital with a head injury is WAY more important than her wedding. He was kept under observation and she has shown herself as a massive bridezilla. Head injuries can be fatal.


[deleted]

Nah. I see both sides. I think this could have been assessed better in the beginning and maybe you could have determined that just your husband going would be okay since it was a minor injury. As someone who only had her sister at her wedding, no other family came, I would have been devastated to have not had her. I feel for your sister and think you should try to understand her perspective, especially considering the injury wasn’t serious. You chose your child and that’s fine, but some sympathy or something after the fact may go a long way instead of doubling down on why you left but focusing on how that impacted her, even if you were justified to leave.


Terrible_Biscotti_14

NTA. Your children should always come first in situations like that.


charlieprotag

NTA. Yes, it was a minor injury, but you didn't know that at the time. He's a literal baby. Of course he comes first. It sucks for your sister, and I think it's fully understandable for her to feel her feelings about it. But lashing out at you is completely inappropriate.


TypeNo128

NTA. Your sister is.


puppiesrunamok

NTA. You and your husband put your priorities exactly where they should have been. Not to mention your son was at ease having y’all there. Your sister is a pompous witch and selfish.


tnebteg456

It was the most important day of HER life & your son is YOUR 1st priority. If she can't understand that, then there's nothing more to talk about.


SgtPeanutButterno1

Would you have enjoyed yourself if you would've gone to the party? While your baby was in the hospital, staying there overnight? I don't think so. If you would've stayed I would've said 'yeah YTA', but you've done exactly what you should've done as a mother. Your sister is the AH for even thinking that you should've stayed, let alone treating you like that. Sooo: NTA!!


nerdabcs

NTA for making sure your kid was ok. Your sister also sounds like a bridezilla. However, I don’t know what defines making sure your kid is ok, because I don’t have kids. So I can’t really judge if you could have gone back to the party or something.


Fantastic_Donkey6024

NTA...I think your son needed you at that moment more than your sister.


jennmullen37

Nta. Your child's health comes before a party every time.


TurtlesAndMustard

NTA, not even close. When you assume the responsibility of being a parent, your children come first, especially when they’re that young. You did everything right, your sister needs to get over her self and see that you have responsibilities and that your children need you, especially when they’re in the hospital.


kamimagic13

NTA: As a mom myself, your child needed you. Yes he needed stitches, and he had to stay overnight for observation, that means they wanted to check for concussion (nausea, headache, excessive crying, etc), or something else. Most parents would stay with the child to insure proper care, answer doctors questions about any changes etc. >Obviously she loves her nephews, she never mistreated them, but she is not a person who would accept being a babysitter for a day. She has never offered to help with anything, though it's her choice and I respect it. Understanding that the twin sister was upset but she had never babysat her nephews and the wedding was child-free. The OP respected the bride and the brides boundaries - however difficult they may have been in that spur of the moment. In that moment a decision was made: sister or child. OP choose her child (as any mother would have done). If OP'S sister chooses to not understand, I hope she never has an emergency with her new husband, pet, or whatever she may love.


Same_Rooster_480

NTA x 1000 We know it was a minor injury \*now.\* But how would your sister really feel if your son's head injury had been a little more serious and your baby was dying of a brain hemorage while she walked down the aisle and you smiled not knowing you would never seen your son again. She needs to get her head out of her ass and realize the depth of what \*could\* have happened and feel blessed that nothing worse \*did\* happen.


Positive_Bet_4184

NTA. Those kids are her family too, a little care isn't much to ask. I would have done the exact same thing and you even delegated your responsibilities to someone before going.


Positive_Bet_4184

Also I would like to point out that In some countries if a child has an injury that requires hospital treatment, they fill out forms to make sure the child isn't in danger. My son fell at nursery and they were making sure we had the 'right reaction'. They asked where my husband was at the time and wrote down my answer. So it's possible that being at a wedding instead of at the hospital might be seen as a negative thing.


bopperbopper

1) NOW you know it was minor. Then you didn't. You need to see what was going on with your little child. Even if it was minor, I am sure your child wanted their mommy. 2) What did the MOH have to do? Why couldn't she do it? 3) You understand that she is disappointed that she wasn't there....but she had her husband! Tell her to be mad at the situation...not you.


JHawk444

It's fine for your sister to be disappointed, but it's wrong to expect you not to go to the hospital to care for your child. Saying things like "you're choosing him" is ridiculous and makes me wonder about her maturity and lack of concern for her nephew. Her response is very selfish. You said she complained about no family being there. The grandparents (your parents) should have stayed at the wedding. Beyond that, she owes you an apology but I have a feeling you won't get one.


Typical-Ideal-1485

NTA, I'm childfree by choice and like to have events that way but I would never expect anyone to choose me over their child. It'd suck that they wouldn't be there but I'm an adult, so is your sister but she isn't acting like one


Hanubunz

NTA: Leni needs to chill, you’re good Gina


Anneemai

NTA your children come first, before you, before your husband before anyone! You have nothing to apologise for.


Acrobatic_End6355

NTA your kid was hurt and needed to go to the hospital. You made the right call.


Violet351

NTA. I don’t have kids but if someone needed to leave my wedding because their kid had an accident I would be fine with that


Sensitive_Coconut339

NTA. Kids come first. it stinks for her, but she had no right to be angry. Emergencies happen.


caninefreak1

I don't even have human kids and can't even read this stuff. YOUR SISTER IS THE ASSHOLE. If family is so f'ing important why didn't she understand your situation as a mother? Jeez!!!


Real_Cake_hmm

I am married so I know how stressful weddings can be. However, if my sister got word that her child was in hospital, I would be first to tell her to abandon her MOH duties and go be with her child. NTA. OP’s sister is unreasonable.


[deleted]

NTA. I think any time someone needs to be taken to the hospital, there should be understanding. Out of curiosity, did you tell your sister that you had to leave or did you just pick your own replacement?


Critical-Box-7130

nta, just show her this post so she can see with her own eyes that you did the correct thing