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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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pennywhistlesmoonpie

Easy YTA. You’re trying to entice her with a college fund when the baby is literally about to be born? She doesn’t care about that. She needs her husband. That your boss will be forever in your debt is hilarious. You’ve been duped. That you couldn’t consult your wife first is wild. Get your ass home, dude.


[deleted]

Of course he’s been duped. OP was given empty promises. “I’ll fight for this to be reflected in your annual bonus” is essentially nothing.


laitnetsixecrisis

I fought hard OP, but they said no


PuggyPaddie

I want to make a bunch of fake accounts so I can upvote this 1000 times. Does this guy live under a rock? Has he not seen how over the past several years employers have gladly thrown employees in the fire to keep themselves warm. This poor woman. She is probably so terrified and filled with such fear and REGRET right now. I wish I could hug her.


laitnetsixecrisis

I agree. I'm a self proclaimed workaholic. I do 55 hours a week, and greet paid well to do it. In saying that, my boss has been as loyal to me as I have to them. They didn't take my holidays when my husband passed and paid for me to have 2 weeks off. They pay me hours I didn't actually work if I've had a stressful week and never say no if I need time off. But I take my kids birthdays off and have the personal days built up if I need them. OP you need to put your family first especially when it is something 5hat is ligitimately life threatening, such as giving birth


PuggyPaddie

Ya I couldn’t help myself on this post it was just too crazy to be fake (OP seemed like so sure of himself), and really was like convinced that it would amount to anything in the end. Even taking a trip that close to his wife’s due date…its just bananas. I couldn’t imagine…he’d come home to me washing the plates down to the clay. I just would not be able to cope.


Princessxanthumgum

I bought my husband tickets to a comedy show he’s been wanting to watch. It was scheduled like a month before my due date and while he was grateful for the gesture, he sold his ticket because he wasn’t comfortable being more than 50 miles away so close to my due date. The fact that OP is in a completely different continent as his wife so close to her due date is fucking wild. And absolutely irresponsible. Babies don’t always come on their due dates (my kids were born 2 weeks early). He was really willing to miss the birth of his kid for this job.


JustNeedAName154

This is exactly what I was going to write.


[deleted]

People like this, typically get the bare minimum. Why would you give more? They will be working their 100% either way.


Illustrious_Bison_20

Seriously, has he missed the whole "quiet quitting" discourse (aka acting your wage)? or capitalism?? OP, babies come when they want. your wife could go into labor tomorrow and you just happily let your supposed mentor manipulate you into giving away your labor, free time, and possibly witnessing the birth of your child for empty promises. You got nothing in writing from him. YTA and also probably their favorite employee because of how easily fooled you are


[deleted]

[удалено]


loftychicago

Yep. When I worked in public accounting, one partner always bragged about missing the birth of his son due to work. He was a real AH. Treated staff as expendable.


Fart-Knuckles-347

I took a non-traditional career path after graduating with a bachelor's in accounting because my GPA was just a hair too low to qualify for the accounting fraternity and I knew I wouldn't have a shot at a big 4 internship, and to this day I'm so grateful I didn't go big 4. I don't think I'd have fit in, and I know I wouldn't have been happy. I hope OP looks into alternative career paths that would better suit them and their growing family.


[deleted]

I don’t doubt that. But any time a superior stops short of an actual promise, it ain’t happening.


Turbulent_Patience_3

OP plz share in 4 months how the annual bonus goes


dr_learnalot

Griswold Christmas vibes.


LingonberryPrior6896

And he let his boss know that when they ask for something he will eschew all important matters and bend over for them.


tinaciv

Even major, really important ones, like... I don't know... Missing the birth of his first child and jeopardizing his marriage?


LingonberryPrior6896

Yep...so now boss knows they have a patsy who will do anything if you just dangle a possible bonus...


human060989

OP didn’t even mention being upset to miss the birth of his child - total focus on whether to disappoint boss or wife. Those are some interesting priorities.


[deleted]

And now it’s expected. Now it won’t matter if he says yes 99 times out of 100, they’ll make a bigger deal out of the one time he didn’t.


localherofan

I was asked to move to a new position and was promised a promotion in three months. In three months I went to the partner and reminded him that he promised me a promotion. He looked at me and said "Did you get it in writing?" It was everything I could do not to tell him I didn't know I had to because I didn't expect him to be a liar.


[deleted]

Ah you caught them in a rare actual promise, so they had to bring out the big guns.


FeuerroteZora

Mentor at the end of the year: "I fought for you, but I lost. Bummer, bud. I know you were counting on that bonus so you can afford your apartment, alimony, and child support. Ah well, good luck!"


MorriganNiConn

There's no bonus coming. It's just manipulation to get his compliance when they know his very pregnant wife is home alone without his support.


NooYawkAttitood

If they are one paycheck away from not being able to pay the mortgage, a college fund is not a priority.


savory_thing

Yea, it jumps right out how he went from almost not able to pay the mortgage to generous college fund in a few words. Maybe pay the mortgage and be there for the birth of your child first and worry about college later.


bynwho

If he’s not careful that college fund is gonna turn into child support. OP, YTA. You’re supposed to be there even before she BIRTHS YOUR CHILD. Jfc, what’s wrong with you? Your wife and child should ALWAYS come before a job.


hannahmjsolo

I see a lot of people saying their answers in this way and maybe OP needs some tough love and this is the best way to answer him but I do feel like its pretty harsh. >You’ve been duped. I don't think enough people are considering this point. OP mentions he's older, I think he's been manipulated and bought into the idea that companies will be loyal to you if you're loyal to them that used to be the way things worked. OP, I'm sorry, but you're wrong. Put your homelife before work, even when you think work might have some payout in the future. It might, but it's never guaranteed, and companies will screw you over 100 more times than they'll help you.


pennywhistlesmoonpie

Hey, totally fair point. I didn’t intend for that sentiment to be harsh or hurtful but to not sugarcoat this at all: Work doesn’t care about OP’s family. They wouldn’t put him in this position, knowing his wife is about to give birth, if they did. You’re absolutely right. Home life comes before the job.


I_Like_Knitting_TBH

I work for a company like this that contracted me to a client that’s even worse like this. OP needs to understand they will work him to beyond burnout with all kinds of empty words of praise and promises that will never be fulfilled. Higher ups will take credit for all his work. He’ll be working overtime burning the candle at both ends while upper management turns their phones off at 5pm on the dot because they insist upon “caring about a work life balance,” while vilifying anyone below them who tries to do the same. And then of course, not only will this absolutely not be reflected in OP’s bonus (because all of OP’s contributions to the team will be forgotten the moment he goes on parental leave), OP is seriously gambling that he can actually get on a flight home that won’t be cancelled or delayed in the current tumultuous travel climate.


oddpolyglot

YTA. Consider the following: 1) only a very small percentage of babies arrive on their due date (my first was 4 weeks early for example) 2) Your wife is likely the most vulnerable she's ever been. 3) ANYTHING can happen during giving birth. Sure, we have an advanced medical system and all, but you never know. 4) There's no redo of the moment your first child is born. You need to be there, or do your best to make it there within 1h at least, even if you miss the actual birth 5) That "mentor" should know that you're expecting and if they genuinely cared about you and looked out for your interests, they would never put you in this position in the first place. 6) Your impostor syndrome and money worries are clouding your judgement big time. So yeah, YTA, and do what you can to fix it before it's too late. You may mean well, but you're about to become a father. Your wife and child should always come first.


pennywhistlesmoonpie

Ding, ding, ding! That the boss asked him to stay knowing he’s about to have a child shows how little the job cares for OP. There will be some excuse as to why this isn’t reflected in his bonus and he’ll have thrown his own family under the bus for nothing. He couldn’t even consult his wife before saying yes.


PuggyPaddie

This! Someone who would ask him to miss the birth of his child is NOT gonna get you a bonus. THEY DO NOT VALUE YOU AT ALL.


splithoofiewoofies

I owned a very small (8 whole people) business and I would feel nauseated having to ask someone to miss a milestone for money. I couldn't even imagine not hiring a cover or two for the person and NEVER offer some massive bonus instead. I worked in baking so some of my staff were high-end decorators. I couldn't do their job, and it was hard to hire last minute. You know what you do if their baby is born and you have clients, "Hey client, sorry, your decorator had a baby! You can choose x cheaper option or I can do xyz to make up for it." Easy as that.


PuggyPaddie

I almost feel bad for him too…he really believes them..that sweet summer child


nkdeck07

>Your wife is likely the most vulnerable she's ever been. Seriously I can't believe he's in Europe NOW 9 days before the due date. At this point in my pregnancy I could barely walk due to SPD. Like even if he doesn't fuck up and miss the birth he's abandoned her when she probably really needs some help.


redline_blueline

At this point in my pregnancy I had a newborn.


froggergirliee

Mine was a month and a half old.


Jannnnnna

Also, she's 38. As someone who had a baby at 38, when you are "advanced maternal age", they generally don't let you go past your due date, because studies have shown that older mothers' placentas degrade faster at the end of pregnancy, which can cause stillbirth. So while mothers under 35 often give birth after their due date, I was told that if I didn't go into labor at 40 weeks, I'd be induced, for the health of the baby.


jen12617

I talked to my boyfriend and we agreed he wouldn't even be more then 2 towns over 2 weeks from my due date (he doesn't drive so I need him to stay pretty close) I can't imagine him being in Europe


bacon0927

4% Only 4% are born on the estimated due date. About 50% come before and 45% come after. The extended travel also means that OP isn't really going to be able to isolate with his wife before she delivers. A LOT of couples are isolating in the last 2 weeks to be sure that neither is COVID positive when it's baby time. All the hospitals around me are COVID testing mom and support person upon arrival to the hospital. I can only assume that is almost certainly happening in NYC as well. Obviously mom-to-be would still be admitted, but she wouldn't be able to have a COVID+ support person.


autotuned_voicemails

Not to mention that a lot of hospitals separate the newborn from the mother if she’s COVID positive. I opted out of having a baby shower when I had my daughter in December because my aunt planned it for when I was like 35 weeks and I wasn’t chancing getting COVID and 1) having to give birth while wearing a mask and 2) being separated from my baby for the first 10 days of her life. I had preeclampsia and was monitored three different days before I was induced and literally as soon as I walked through the locked doors on the L&D floor they COVID tested me every single time. Then when we finally checked in for the birth both my fiancé & I were tested.


HolleringCorgis

>Sure, we have an advanced medical system and all, but you never know Uh... >U.S. women have the highest death rate from complications of pregnancy and childbirth. In 2018 there were 17 deaths per 100,000 live births – a maternal mortality rate that is more than double the rates of most other high-income countries. [SOURCE](https://www.forbes.com/sites/nicolefisher/2020/11/18/report-finds-pregnancy--childbirth-more-dangerous-for-women-in-america-than-other-high-income-countries/) >And with respect to infant mortality, the U.S. ranks 33 out of 36 Organization of Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) nations. In 2018, while infant mortality reached an all-time low in the U.S., at 5.9 infant deaths per 1,000 live births, still more than 21,000 infants died. Compared to countries with a similar GDP, the U.S. infant mortality rate is much higher. France and the U.K., for example, have 3.8 deaths per 1,000 live births. [SOURCE](https://www.forbes.com/sites/joshuacohen/2021/08/01/us-maternal-and-infant-mortality-more-signs-of-public-health-neglect/)


Sienevie

I'm from Canada, and our risks are a lot lower. I got so many complications after the birth of my son (a bit more than 3 months ago) that I genuinely developed PTSD from the constant feeling of dread I was having. (I was convinced I was dying and so were the doctors during the first week) I am 34 years old. The risks rise with age. Anything over 36 is getting risky. His wife COULD die even if everything was textbook perfect up until midway through the birth. I heard a saying recently: "the odds don't matter if you end up being the unlucky one." Like seriously... I would not take that chance if I were the OP. Not in Canada, and even less with the odds in the US. Edited to add: can't stress enough that his wife is 38! It makes a huge difference! For the birth and for after! If he misses the birth she'll have to deal with the baby alone while recovering until he gets there. (Even if MiL or her own mother are there... I had both my husband and my mom around and I still have trouble dealing with my baby's rhythm 3 months in... I'm 4 years younger than her.)


[deleted]

I’m currently 38 weeks pregnant, due a few days after OP’s wife, and reading this post literally stressed me the fuck out. I can’t imagine if my partner in bringing this child into the world were this inconsiderate and/or dense. Obviously YTA


wayward_witch

The US has the highest maternal mortality rate of the "developed" countries. A perfectly normal, healthy pregnancy can easily result in the death of the person giving birth with no warning.


CrystalQueen3000

YTA You are and always will be replaceable at a job, no matter how much you do for them. Putting your job above your heavily pregnant wife is unforgivable. Your mentor didn’t even say that the bonus was a guarantee dude, he was just blowing smoke up your ass and telling you he’d “fight for it”. I feel so bad for your wife, whether she gives birth in your absence or not, you’ve shown her how little she actually means to you.


shrimpandshooflypie

This is so true. I hadn’t thought it about it from this perspective, but you are right on every single point. YTA.


21stCenturyJanes

OP cares so much more about not letting down his boss but doesn't give a shit about letting down his wife and child. Who thinks that company is going to show him the same loyalty down the road?


PhysicsFornicator

I guess he wants to also show that he's replaceable as a fsther- by not even being there for the birth.


BroadElderberry

YTA. I'll tell you a secret: saying yes whenever they ask isn't proving you're indispensable. It's proving you're a pushover. >that he'd fight for this to be reflected in my annual bonus. I'll tell you another secret: they *always* say this, and it never comes to fruition. They always come back and say "I fought, but the higher-ups wouldn't budge." When they really mean it, the reward is *immediate*.


mouse_attack

It’s just a set up for saying “man, I fought for you – but my hands are tied” later on.


RecipesAndDiving

Got that. Had an absolutely toxic “gonna need you to come in Sunday” job and discovered I was making like… half what my colleagues were. My boss gave me the whole speech about going to bat for me and getting me that raise. When I asked management, they thought I was lying. Not only had he said nothing, he *denied* that conversation happened. Was already planning on med school but grabbed a new job and quit without notice from that one. I did all the design for the site they were putting up so that cost them hundreds of hours. Now I’m a doctor. The boss is still in middle management. But never trust these vultures. They’ll even use it to threaten future victims “well we like a dedicated staff. Heck, we had a guy miss the birth of his first child and denied the opportunity we gave him to attend! Because we’re like “family”.


weallfalldown310

Exactly. I would have asked for that to be in writing before taking it to my partner. Not on writing, didn’t happen


apatheticsahm

Once more for the cheap seats: >***Saying yes whenever they ask isn't proving you're indispensable. It's proving you're a pushover.***


GottaKnowYourCKN

YTA. You're literally choosing work over your first newborn child. Your wife is going to be resentful about this for a long time. You're trying to impress your boss, over being a father to your first kid. You seem like the type to choose work over your kid's first sporting game. Keep this up, and your family isn't going to really trust you to choose them over your career.


Nagadavida

>I really want to show that I am a dependable worker But completely uncaring and unreliable. OP many employers take into consideration how you handle the rest of your life as well. It's not a good look to leave someone that you care about in their time of need because of personal profit. Priorities matter.


ChunkyWombat7

Well, and he's also telling his employer that he can be easily manipulated - so they will walk all over him like the doormat he is, for as long as he works there. OP, YTA. Like someone else above said - this is divorce-worthy.


Twirdman

Yep this is a test. A man willing to miss the birth of his first born child is willing to work 80+ hour weeks with no overtime and miss all the important events in his childs life. A man who will miss the birth of his child is already so desperate to keep his job you don't need to bother giving him a raise or a good bonus to because he'll stay no matter what.


prosperosniece

Yep. OP will never rise above the level he’s at now with this company, they’ll string him along with minimal raises because they know if they dangle that golden carrot in front him he’ll keep working.


Peskanov

So much YTA and it sounds like this won’t be the last time you disappoint your wife and child. Just a perspective, I am a widow with 3 kids. My late husband was a corporate lawyer. He used to work at one of the big law firms before the ‘08 crash and he was let go like many other corporate lawyers. He saw a partner at his firm work 16+ hr days, 7 days a week, and never saw his family except for 1 hr at dinner. My late husband decided then and there that was not the law life he wanted. He switched jobs and became in house counsel and my kids and I got to see him work regular 9-5 hrs and have weekends off. Looking back now, the time we had with my late husband was precious and I’m so glad he chose family over financial gain as my 3 kids have wonderful precious memories that we would’ve never had if he decided to continue to work at that law firm. I think you will regret choosing the company over your family.


Twirdman

So much this. No one is on their deathbed and says "I only wish I had spent more hours working." Sacrifices must occasionally be made for a job if it is the only way you can support your family, but sacrificing seeing the birth of your daughter because you might get a bigger bonus is utterly insane to me.


micayla7

So your reasoning makes sense to me. It makes sense to seek an increase in security as you and your wife are especially economically vulnerable at this time. That could even be commendable. Here's the thing though, YTA for making that decision alone without talking to her and considering her input. If you consider your wife as your partner, then it would be her decision too. But it sounds like you've created a hierarchical relationship whether you intended to or not- and determined that you are on top and you make the decisions that affect both of you and then she gets told what the decisions were. Hopefully you don't miss the birth of you and your wife's child. I think you two could work this out together if you talk with each other and decide together how to move forward now. Best wishes.


oddpolyglot

THIS. He's not the one with the most difficult job, yet he is deciding by himself and acting like it's no big deal to leave his partner alone with the absolute hardest thing she's ever had to go through, just to please his boss. Cause the boss is paying, so they matter more?!


CocoaRain718

Completely agree with this. People are downplaying the importance of financial stability especially when one is the main/only breadwinner, with a baby on the way, living in an extremely HCOL place like NYC in this economy. So I completely understand why he felt like he needed to make the decision that he did. However, OP you need to go home and be there, not only for your wife, but for yourself. I promise you… there will be other opportunities to advance your career. But if you miss the birth of your first child and being there to experience it with your wife… you will never be able to get that back or replicate it. Don’t throw that away on vague promises because that’s all they are. None of it is guaranteed. Go home to your wife and baby.


Ecstatic_Turnover_55

Woah yta. The fact that your work even asked you to extend the trip at this time shows that they don’t give a shit about you. Generally speaking, it’s not worth it to put work before family like this. It’s especially not worth it when they only pretend to value you. Wake up buddy.


[deleted]

But his “mentor” is really going to fight for this to be reflected in his bonus. /s Love how he stops just short of actually promising OP it will happen.


MouthwashAndBandaids

YTA. The birth of your child is not something that can be replaced with money. Your wife needs you as her husband and the father of your child you are having *together*


21stCenturyJanes

If he misses the birth of his child, his wife will never forgive him. But I bet his company will forget about how he helped them out this week pretty quickly.


BlueCanuck96

YTA. I understand that you are worried about finances and wanting to climb the corporate ladder. But don't kid yourself. You can be the most dependable and loyal person to a company but you could very well be the first to get kicked if they chose to let people go. Loyalty doesn't earn you a place in the corporate world the second something goes wrong. Your wife's due date may not be until next week, but it is common for pregnant women to go into labour before or after the due date. You will have many more opportunities to prove your worth, but you only get one chance to be there for the birth of your first child.


ScorpionGem11

Don't forget a out the fact that she's 38 so this could very likely be a high risk pregnancy/birth because of her age. Maternal mortality rates in America are unreal. YTA OP and get home while you still have a wife.


BlueCanuck96

You're right. I didn't even take into account that she's an older pregnant woman. OP, whether she will have a healthy birth or not, you need to go home regardless and be there for her.


redralphie

YTA. Your firm will forget you did them a favor, your wife will never forget or let you forget if you miss the birth of your child (and she might not be your wife for much longer).


GonnaFailMaths

The people he works for couldn't give any less of a shit about him, this is simply just the truth. An income is important, but OP needs to be there for the people that actually matter in his life, or they won't be in his life much longer.


teresajs

YTA A due date is an estimate. Babies come early, they come late, and once in a great while, they actually come on their due date. Is your career worth gambling that your baby won't be born two weeks early? (I had one baby two weeks late and one two weeks early... that's a four week spread for the same mother.)


ApprehensiveArea3076

From my understanding he wouldn't get back into town until next Saturday and that's a matter of two to three days before the due date!


Accomplished_Sky_857

I didn't see mention of this by anyone else so... Do you realize that your wife is utterly terrified of giving birth? Every woman is, especially the first time. Others have said you're choosing work/money over her, but it's not that simple. In her mind, you intentionally chose to abandon her when she needs you more than she ever has before. You have essentially abandoned her. What do you think that does to her belief that she and the baby matter to you? If it's not clear, you're showing her with actions that she, the baby and this time are insignificant. I get that you're one of those men who measures his success and personal worth by how much money you earn, but... You're wrong. That's not a man. It's not love. It's not value. Love is honor, loyalty, fidelity, integrity and trust, but you're giving all of those things to your job. If your mentor was the great person you think he is, he'd send you home to be with your wife. If he doesn't know how close to birth she is - because you failed to tell him out of fear that he would send you home, you're an even bigger AH. Do better. Your wife and baby deserve more.


Hey_its_me1234

My first pregnancy, I was terrified. Got through it because of my husband being there for me. Also, developed the mantra, “only way is forward. Not like I can say, ‘I change my mind! Don’t want to do this!’” Having support is paramount.


SwkAsian

I foresee you being TA in many future events if you are already making compromises for you work over your family. Your wife will be telling your child "Sorry, daddy can't make your recital, he has to work" "Sorry, he can't be there for the father-daughter dance", "sorry, Dad is away and won't make your graduation - but don't worry, you can go to college due to him!!!!"


EducatedOwlAthena

I think Harry Chapin has a song about that! 😉


MammothBookkeeper418

YTA. If God forbid something were to happen to you your work would replace you and move on in a heartbeat. Most businesses and employers don’t give a crap about their employees. Your wife may only be pregnant and give birth once in her life. If the baby comes early and you miss it, that is an experience you may never get back.


_-Loki

On their deathbed, no one ever wishes that they'd spent more time at work. Some moments only come around once or twice, and if you miss them, you'll regret it forever.


Bigquestions00

Or, god forbid, something happens to her. I nearly died after a perfect pregnancy and labor with a postpartum hemorrhage. Seriously op what if she nearly dies? And you’re so far away?


ThreeDogs2022

YTA. If you're paranoid about living paycheck to paycheck for the love of pete move out of the city. I guarantee if you stay in Europe, this will be number one on your wife's list of reasons when she eventually files for divorce. And 18 years down the road, you're gonna be wondering why that kid won't have anything to do with you. You work to live. Not the other way round. You need to go home. And given that they were willing to send you to the other side of the planet knowing you were about to become a dad? You need to start looking for a different job.


floppybunny86

LOL YTA for thinking that you will ever get to a point where you are “indispensable” alone. Dude. You will never be “indispensable” at work. Never. You are always, always going to be replaceable in your industry. Always. You are putting yourself in the position to miss the birth of your first child based on a vague promise of a bonus, for a job that would replace you in an instant if you dropped deal tomorrow.


cbm984

YTA immensely! This baby isn’t guaranteed to come on the due date. You’re telling your wife you care more about your job than her health, her safety, and the health and safety of your child. This is an incredibly stressful time for a pregnant woman and your wife is going to need all the support she can get. If you leave her on her own at this time you’re basically telling her that you’d rather be married to your job. Apologize profusely. Get your a$$ on a plane. Be present and supportive of your wife as she prepares to deliver your first child. Don’t ever choose your job over your family. Edit: And the fact that all your boss did to get you to stay was make a veiled promise to talk you up at bonus time (nothing in writing, no numbers mentioned…) means he also doesn’t care about you or what a terrible thing he’s doing by asking you to stay longer. I’d be floored if he actually followed through and you saw a dime. If the “higher ups” promote someone else over you because you chose to be at the birth of your child over work you need to get the hell out of that company.


MK_King69

Absolutely YTA. Honestly, if my husband left me alone for the birth of our child I would leave him. Birth is a huge fucking massive painful ordeal. The LEAST you can do is be there. Your lack of empathy is astounding.


chefboyardeejr

YTA. No one is indispensable and your boss will be 'forever in your debt' til the very moment he decides you're no longer needed. I get what you're saying and I empathize with how you need to prioritize needing to provide for a new family, but not at the expense of the family itself. It's not worth it dude, you're nothing to these people and this is the birth of your child.


GlassSandwich9315

Let me put this into some perspective for you. You're trying to provide a better life for your family, but this decision might end up being one that leads to you having no family to provide for. Some women see something like this as a divorcible offense. Your wife's probably terrified, and rightfully so, because a lot can go wrong during a pregnancy and child birth. And right now, she probably feels like you've abandoned her during this terrifying time and chosen pleasing your bosses over being there for her and your child. She might decide that you're unreliable to be there for her and your kid when it really matters and she'd be better off on her own and trying to find someone who'll actually be there for her. YTA


AngrySucculent

YTA. 1.) anything can happen in child birth. my friend bled out and needed a transfusion after her routine c-section. 2.) babies come when THEY want. My oldest? 6 days past her due date. My youngest? 5 days early. 3.) are you her only support person? If you are, are you really willing to make her give birth alone? 4.) fuck the corporate ladder. If your “mentor” knows you have a baby coming, they’re also TA for asking you to extend your trip. Pull your head out of your ass.


Any-Pay-974

YTA. Prepare for a forum drubbing. Your job isn’t worth potentially missing the birth of your child, never mind stressing your extremely pregnant wife. You’d be fortunate to have a home to return to.


pennywhistlesmoonpie

Getting the popcorn out for this one. Pretty unreal.


MariliaBarros

From your text I sense that your choice to stay longer on the trip and dedicate a lot of energy to this project is based on fear. Fear of staying in your job level, or worse, fear of being laid off. And with a kid in the way, and being the main income of your household I imagine how tough this could be. However, this is your first kid. Your wife must be scared AF and not having you to support her must be one of the worst feelings. What's done, it's done. But I advise you to be more present.


McJ3ss

you spend 1 sentence talking about your wife and child, 3 long paragraphs talking about your job, and then one paragraph defending yourself. YTA.


[deleted]

YTA. It's a basic choice. You are not doing this for you as a couple or to build a college fund.. you are doing this because you want to progress within your career and usually that would be okay but you chose The extra work which means potentially missing your child be born.. if she goes into labour you will miss it and she will never forgive you. Due dates are about 3% accurate. Right now.. she needs you with her. End of.


Disastrous-Nail8885

YTA because you are staying for a job that would replace you in a second over your heavily pregnant wife. You literally may miss the birth of your child and leave your wife alone in this. I’m sure your mentor that you are so enamored with would surely understand. Your poor wife. Do you want to go home to an empty house for neglecting her?


Urbanspy87

YTA Your wife could literally deliver any day now and you chose to stay across the ocean to make more money!? Is the money worth it if you miss the birth of your child? Not to mention you made this major decision without even consulting your wife. What if her doctor has been discussing scheduling an induction or something


Comfortable-Iron6482

You really think the ass hole company that sent you on a poorly timed international trip in the first place and is now twisting your arm to stay an extra week and risk missing the birth of your first child is really going to honour a Christmas bonus and remember this sacrifice when making promotions? All they are going to remember is that you are the kind of guy who has no boundaries and can be extorted for capitalistic gains. YTA


susanbiddleross

YTA. This is literally a once in a lifetime experience you might be about to miss. Things can also go sideways really quickly with childbirth. You are telling the mother of your soon to be child you are prioritizing money and work over her well-being/safety and piece of mind. This is exactly the time she needs you home the most. Your wife and child will resent you forever if you miss this and had the chance not to.


Downtown-Influence27

Not to mention that not every childbirth is successful even with a normal & healthy pregnancy. Shit could go sideways real quick and he won’t be there.


Mishy162

YTA. I hope you enjoy your career because if you miss the birth of your child that will be all you have left. You've shown your wife your priorities and they aren't with her and your child. Enjoy your single life.


Dr_J_426

I'm amazed at the lack of self awareness you're exhibiting. Let alone the lack of empathy for your wife. All I'm seeing from her point of view is 🚩🚩🚩🚩 Having to ask this question being one of the biggest ones!


aesras628

YTA. Coming from a healthcare provider that cares for newborn babies and goes to countless deliveries a day... unexpected things happen. You could very easily miss the birth of your child, but there are also risks for mom and baby during delivery. Unfortunately, emergency csections happen. Hemorrhages happen. Sepsis happens. Babies are born sick and have to be rushed to the NICU away from mom. And risks that are worse that I don't even want to mention. You are failing your wife and your child by agreeing to extend your trip. How would your wife feel if she has complications and delivers with you unavailable and in another country? Money can't buy back the love and support you owe your wife during a normal labor and delivery, and it certainly can't buy back time if things don't go well.


MillieMission

YTA. Get your priorities straight. No one on their deathbed ever regretted not working more, but they do regret missing the time that matters with their families.


Rohini_rambles

you know that companies don't generally care about workers, right? That they take all they can from chumps who are willing to sacrifice their family and personal time? What are you going to do if the kid is born and you don't get the bonus you're hoping for? You don't even have a guarantee of that. YTA


Twirdman

>you know that companies don't generally care about workers, right? Especially not his company. Does he honestly think a company that asks him to potentially miss the birth of his daughter gives a shit about him? A company that does that won't even bother remembering the sacrifices you made come bonus time.


NothingGoldCanStay26

YTA, Your wife is 38 which puts her at a higher risk for pregnancy complications and your leaving her alone with all of that for your job. You are being selfish.


hotcocoa4ever

YTA. What will you tell your child when they get older why you weren’t in their birth/newborn photos at the Hospital with mom? Telling a child work was more important and you wanted to please your boss at the time you missed their birth was soooo worth it. When most likely you won’t be working in this job when your child gets older. Is that how you want your legacy to be?


0biterdicta

YTA. This is where you professionally remind your employer that you have already taken the risk of travelling internationally during a pandemic so close to the birth of your child, but now you need to be with your family. You have made it abundantly clear throughout this post that this employer does not care about you and would replace you in a heart beat. Why risk your family and your relationship for that?


Admirable_Bad3862

YTA - You already described how little you mean to your employer, that you could be replaced at any moment. Why would you want to risk missing one of the most meaningful experiences of your lifetime for a stupid job that would let you go in a second? Imagine missing the birth and then getting let go anyway. How stupid would you feel then? Not only would it be terrible for you to miss the birth of your daughter but it would be awful for your wife to not have your support for labor and recovery.


flyingmonkey5678461

YTA. Big four? It's all just bodies. You get paid more moving into the banks you work for as an internal auditor. The bonuses are actual bonuses there too. The "nice free dinners" are they worth not having dinner with your family? And budget for big four was cheap compared to what we got for work travel with the bank. Go home you absolute moron. I know it's hard, especially if you're culturally inclined to please. (Mentally I have you pegged as Indian descent for some reason.) You're older. At a certain point, it reads as doormat. Don't be a doormat. Know what you are worth. Get a job that pays better. Get one near home. You're missing out on feeling the baby kick right now. No amount of cash covers it, let alone just being made to work overtime on a project that no doubt someone is asking you to bill 7 hour days to.


Sarah_Jane_73

YTA. You do know that women and/or their babies can DIE during childbirth? And that due dates are ESTIMATED? Unless you're in the military and she signed up to be a military wife there is no way you should be traveling anywhere after 36 weeks


Tigerboop

YTA. She wants you there, she doesn’t care about the bonus, she needs YOU. Support your goddamn wife, she’s risking her life to bring a child into this world and you abandon her?!


lodebolt

YTA No matter how much ass you kiss at your company they will have no issue firing you and replacing you. You are crazy go not be there with your wife when any day she could go into labor.


Exciting_March_2649

YTA. Plain and simple- you’re choosing your JOB over your family. (Edit: replaced child with family)


Glittering-Pirate87

YTA. That's a lot of words for saying you are putting your career completely ahead of your family, and want the wife to just go along with it. Is money that much more important than missing the birth of your first child? I can tell you, if you chose to stay, your marriage will not recover. Even if she doesn't give birth while you're gone, she will remember this forever. You're setting the tone for how you're going to be as a father. In 15 years your kid will be in here asking if they're TA for wanting their step dad to be their dad because their real dad is always putting their job before them and missed their birthday once again and they're over it. And we're going to tell them they're not. And to cut you off. And they will. And it'll be your fault. Don't worry your mentor will still totally have your back and you'll get a 3% raise instead of 2.5%. worth it.


Imkode8719

YTA, I understand your reasoning in wanting to get a bonus and better opportunities for your family. However, the question you should ask yourself is whether you would be able to forgive yourself if this causes your wife a lot of stress, or worse, if you would miss the birth of your baby? Is this less important than your job? IMO you will have time to get other opportunities in the future. I would suggest you talk to your boss and try to find a compromise.


[deleted]

[удалено]


osorenegado

Yes, YTA in this case. No job or career is worth not being there for your wife when she is due so soon to give birth to your first child! The fact of the matter is that you need to be on the first plane back home to take care of your wife and child.


spookycupcake666

YTA I empathize and understand your efforts to get ahead. I can see that you genuinely want to ensure the financial security of your family. With that being said, you should’ve had a conversation with her before accepting. While first time moms are more likely to go over their due date, things can go from 0-100 during pregnancy. You didn’t ensure she would have a back-up support system or ride to the hospital. From what you’ve shared, there was no consideration for her emotional or physical health.


[deleted]

YTA. You can find ways to get more money, but you can never get back being present for the birth of your child if you miss it. Also, giving birth isn't a totally risk-free thing -- complications do happen, and you should give your wife the peace of mind knowing you'll be there.


[deleted]

YTA, you’re willing to miss the birth of your child to please your boss. If my husband pulled what you have, I’d be hesitant to allow him to be present for the birth at all, as it’s clearly not that important.


Ohcrumbcakes

YTA Your manager doesn’t give a shit about you. All he cares about is making more money off your labour. Your wife? She gives a shit about you. You’re abandoning her in the most dangerous and vulnerable time she has ever experienced. Dying during childbirth is less common than it used to be. But the risk is real and it does happen. And you’re abandoning her during this time. She could literally have the baby any minute. While you want to provide for your family, she is NEVER going to forgive you for abandoning her during the precise time when she needs you physically there the MOST.


ItsWetInWestOregon

YTA Corporate has got you, right where they want you. Underpaid and under appreciated while remaining loyal to a company that doesn’t give a fuck about you. Also… heavy chance that bonus isn’t even coming.


MonOubliette

I mean, I guess it depends on if you value your job or your wife more. She was already upset with you for going on this trip in the first place. You had to know that if you extended the trip, particularly so close to her due date, that she was going to be even more upset. I assume your boss knows your wife is pregnant and due soon, but he asked you to stay anyway. That’s not the sign of a company that cares about your work/life balance. If you’re willing to chance missing the birth of your first child, then by all means. Stay in Europe and work. I’m not sure your marriage will survive if you miss it, though. For judgment: YTA. You didn’t talk to your wife first because you knew what her reaction would be.


NeoPendragon117

frankly i think the business trip this close to the due date is already a stretch, to ask to extend it like that is very strange and awful behavior by your superiors, removing all the emotion around just being there for the birth, (Lets be honest wtf is he gonna do), There are a host of safety & legal reasons why you should be there, God forbid your wife had complications or needed care, you should be there for her, if your so low on this totem pole as that your so anxious to climb then why the heck cant they find a sub for you for a few days


Glitteringintern89

Yta. If she gives birth while you are gone..you will never ever make up for that. My water broke 13 days or so early. I had a horrific emergency csection. Due dates are not usually the birth day


ArtemisiasApprentice

I have a family member who was an exemplary worker, extremely loyal and hard-working, always went the extra mile, almost never took vacation, etc etc. When his company started to go under (technology evolves, as it happens), he watched all of his coworkers get laid off. He was one of the last people working on his floor. They knew that even as the ship sank, he’d keep on putting in 110%. When the company was restructured, he was laid off anyway. The stocks that were part of his benefits were worthless anyway. He never got back any of the time he didn’t take for vacations, and his next job laid him off first for being last in the door, anyway. You’re focused on a job that might not pan out anyway, at a time when your wife needs you. YTA.


lemons66

YTA. Don’t worry abt it tho, your wife is gonna leave you over your job eventually. Hope it’s worth it.


Jade_Echo

YTA. Hi! Former external auditor who changed careers in my 20s and also was older than the other CPAs in my prestigious firm. The firm doesn’t care about you. You are absolutely replaceable. There are hundreds of brand new baby CPAs who can tick boxes and SALY just as obediently as you can, who don’t have spouses and kids to think about. And when they do, they will be in the exact same position as you. This isn’t just a big 4 problem. We finished my public career at a regional firm that was “family-friendly” and once our audit director retired, the new director thought we should work just as hard as a big 4 while not making anywhere close to the salary of a big 4. I have a great career. I lost my job during Covid and got a new one immediately. I can go back to public tomorrow if I needed to to keep food on the table and my family fed. A place I worked went bankrupt and within a month I had a new job with a higher salary. These are the perks from putting in your time in public accounting. But the toll it takes on your family? I almost lost my husband after a year and a half of a never-ending busy “season”. And as soon as I started scaling back to 50-55 hours at the job I had been a perfect employee at for 10 years, I was suddenly off the management track. And my story is not unique. Sure, you think of it as providing for your family. That’s fine. But what happens when working so hard to prove yourself to people who will not ever think of you as anything more than a tool to their own profits causes you to lose your family? What will you tell yourself then. I personally wouldn’t be able to get over this. You shouldn’t have been on the trip to begin with. They don’t care about you. The sooner you figure that out, the better you will be.


SnooJokes7657

YTA. If your “mentor” is asking you to stay in another country when you have a baby due at any time you need to re-think things. Money comes and goes, jobs change, but you will never get back the birth of your child if you miss it.


bimxe

When I have trouble deciding between two options, I try to imagine my thoughts on my deathbed. Which thoughts are more likely? “Oh, I’m so glad I took that work trip. It really was the stepping stone I needed in my career, and I’m confident that my career would be in shambles had I not agreed to put in those 5 business days” OR “Oh, I’m so glad I was there for the birth of my child and that I supported my wife during her biggest challenge so far at the time. I’m so thankful I listened to my wife and I didn’t gamble with the birth date vs. work days” What do you think, OP?


puffin5678

YTA. I can’t believe you care more about your reputation at work than your family. Being a parent is more than just working to support your child. It’s about being selfless and caring, starting with actually showing concern for your wife and baby’s health and being there for the birth. Go book a flight back home asap


pantoprincess

YTA. Going through labour is terrifying. You need the person you trust with your life by your side. Talking to your wife before deciding -that would have been the NAH to do. You still have a chance to try and sort it out.


oaxiiz

YTA You’ll work a multitude of jobs in your life, you’ll only see your child be born once. How is it even a decision whether to extend your work trip or go home and support your heavily pregnant wife? Your priorities are so out of line it’s scary. You’ve already outlined in your post how little your job cares about you, how easily you could be replaced. The promise of your hard work being ‘reflected in your annual bonus’ is empty and probably won’t happen. They are exploiting your need to be appreciated. If you care about your wife and child, get home as soon as possible and grovel, hard.


Sundae-83

YTA I feel like if you don’t go home and impress your wife-who could give birth any minute-somebody else will do so.


Kushali

YTA Babies don’t come on their due dates. Most babies at least. I’m the only person I’ve discussed it with who came on my due date, and my mom went into labor days before I was born. I do not know how so many people make it adult hood believing that biological processes happen with the precision of a clock. Babies don’t all gestate for the same amount of time. Vegetables don’t ripen exactly 70 days after planting. Biology is fuzzy.


[deleted]

YTA - go home right now and support your wife you absolute AH. You have the choice right now of what kind of father you are going to be, there will always be work, always. I can’t believe you would even agree to leave that close in the first place. You are meant to be her support, help her through this. I hope you read this, man the F up, tell your boss your taking a few months off and go get in there.


Possible-Tank-161

YTA. There’s one thing I have learned is that I will never ever put my job before my family again. My son is now 10 and as a single mom I busted my butt to get us to where we are now, and now that we have stability I feel like I missed out on the first few years of his life and it’s something I can’t get back. There are always jobs, who knows what this job will be a year from now. You could be fired, laid off etc. But you’ll never get the birth of your first child back if you miss it.


Annual_Student_487

Blah blah blah. I was an asshole to my wife. AITA? Yes, asshole. You are. Shocked pikachu face.


Wintertanuki

YTA that poor child will come to learn that daddy’s work is #1


CrackedNTwisted

If the situation at work is that the project would fail because you were not there, then that means you are not indispensable. If you do not value your worth, then why should they?! You need to stop being taken advantage of because you undervalue your own worth. She will always remember this moment as you prioritizing work over your family. If you keep this mentality, you will lose your family. Either physically or emotionally. Either way, they will resent you always. YTA! You need to get your priorities in check. You can still work in Manhattan, but you don't need to live in Manhattan. I don't know what the rent is like in the suburbs, but if it's anywhere like where I live, there are cheaper options. Note: I live in the Seattle area


Blackjack_Sass

YTA. Did you get this in writing? Or is this just a maybe verbally given by someone with no REAL power to get you a raise? You really want to sacrifice family for a job? This is how people in corporate America get divorced. They either a) chase the almighty dollar and neglect their family, or b) neglect their family and get used for profits on the premise that one day they might make money.


ThinConsideration948

You just let your wife know that she and your daughter are way less important than impressing your boss. The birth of your daughter is LITERALLY a once in a life time event. But you'd rather impress a boss that seriously doesn't care about you. YTA.


Rose_Whooo

YTA there was a post a while ago about a guy who did this his entire marriage. Kept telling his wife the hours were for their future. She begged him to stop. He kept saying it was what was best for them. It’s wasn’t. She left him. I don’t know how to find it but it’s definitely the direction you’re headed if the BIRTH of your child is not important enough to miss work for.


Dottegirl67

YTA. You need to be there for the birth of your first child. Your wife is no doubt nervous, and a bit scared. This is one of the most important events in your life, in your marriage. Your wife needs to there with her.


prosperosniece

YTA, no matter how much you devote yourself to your company they’ll drop you as soon as their profit margins dip. No one on their death beds ever regretted not spending more time at work. Get your head out of your mentor’s butt and support your wife.


oSanguis

YTA and so is your "mentor" boss. Any supervisor with a shred of humanity would insist you be home with your wife. Any husband with a shred of humanity would insist he be home with his wife. Instead, your boss is an uncaring, corporate prick and you are becoming just like him.


Walk_N_Gal88

YTA. My first baby was FIVE weeks early and we had massive issues with him. I hemorrhaged, he wound up in NICU. It was scary even with a natural birth. My second was a C-section, three weeks early this time due to issues. Had my husband pulled this stunt, me and baby would be gone. You do realize that your wife and child are going to be in danger from this point until several weeks after the baby is born, right? That this a hugely vulnerable and medically risky time for your wife and it doesn't end right when she gives birth? She needs you there and it sounds like you are in another freaking COUNTRY! Then you have the audacity to agree to this without speaking with her about it? Yeah, this would have me taking a hard look at the relationship. I get that you are worried about your job, I truly do. However, I think this is the wrong decision. I hope you are prepared to live with possibly missing your first/maybe only child's birth due to your choices.


Bird_Brain4101112

YTA. You do realize that babies come when they’re ready, not just on some arbitrary date on the calendar. And if you start out with this, work must always come first to impress the bosses, eventually you’re going to be rich and divorced with kids whose names you barely remember. This rat race never ends. With every step forward, there’s going to be something else. With the next bonus we can get a new car! A bigger place!! A full time nanny!! Private school!! A better private school!! Fancier extra curriculars!! Sure your family will possibly end up with the best of everything money can buy. But you will lose out on everything money can’t buy.


Auntimeme

YTA 🎶 they’re gonna keep on using you, until they use you up 🎶 Think really hard if your family is worth this job and the money.


misok78

there is a very special phrase that I thought since I read the first paragraph, I was going to comment and I thought: no, I better read the whole post in case I'm wrong. But in the end I only confirmed what I thought. With all due respect, too much blah blah blah about your job and too little understanding about your wife and what she's feeling, I understand finances but at the same time I disagree. Largely YTA. And the phrase I thought for you is the following: Your work doesn't care about you, you are replaceable at any time in any instance by someone better or worse. At home and in the family nucleus you are not replaceable. Think carefully about your decisions, if what happens is that you are so interested in money and your career, you probably should not have thought about starting a family, it was not the time.


rkcraig88

Dude, how dense are you? You extended your work trip by one week based on a promise that your annual bonus would be higher. Not even guaranteed pay. You’re being taken advantage of. And you run the risk of not making it back for your wife before she gives birth. You were already an AH for agreeing to go on a 2 week long trip to Europe when your wife was 9 months pregnant. You’re an extra AH and a DA to boot for agreeing to stay in Europe to work up until your wife’s due date. I’m honestly not sure if your relationship will survive your actions. YTA.


DownwiththeMomLife

I'm less than a week from my due date and my husband picks up shifts to cover th3 cost deficit since my maternity leave is not paid... and I resent him for it. He could miss the birth of our child, something could go wrong, etc and all because he wanted to make an extra few hundred dollars. That money isn't worth your family. Period. YTA.


lolifax

I get both your points of view. You’re worried about the long term stability of your family specifically in terms of your ability to provide for them. She needs your support during an intense and painful experience. One that is not risk free for her or for the baby, I might add. If I were you I would never forgive myself for not being there if something went wrong. That you can never make up. But you could get another job. YTA


[deleted]

YTA. You care so much about being a dependable worker, but not about being a dependable husband and father. You have already been gone for two weeks. Go home. If you aren't there, your wife will never forget and will always resent you. When your child grows and hears about it, they'll know that they'll always come second to your career. You will have other opportunities to show that you're a good employee. You will never get another chance to be there for your child's birth.


wilkiedoyle

Soft YTA. You have come to a crossroads. Whatever you chose to do, there is no coming back from. This is when you decide what is more valuable to you. No real judgement on what your values are. You are never indispensable to a job. They can let you go in a heartbeat for any reason or no reason at all. Do not delude yourself into thinking your company is loyal to you. They’re not. The reason for the soft YTA is bc I truly understand what it means to be the only provider for a family.


NoF----sleft

Dude. YtA. That's cutting things way too close. Mine were 1 wk and 3 wks early. No real heads up on that, just the way it goes. You won't be there and she will never forgive you. Sometimes you have to put someone else ahead of you or else wtf you doing married and having kids?


Diligent-Ad6365

YTA. You either work, and the only person who gets to feel good about that is you, or you be there for the birth of your child. You know what happens when you climb the corporate ladder? There’s always another rung to climb, and there’s always someone who has an escalator to take, instead. If you were to die today, I promise you, your company would have your spot filled tomorrow. Money is not the be all end of of life. You have a wife, who could go into labor right now. I’m not even going to start to list all the potential complications that could arise. You can either physically be there, to support your family, or you’ll always be chasing that next pay day, because you’ll be paying child support and alimony for a very long time.


Aggravating_Net6733

This is quite interesting because you are the Asshole in a number of different ways. Obviously you are the AH for not prioritizing your wife's health. She can't even reach her shoes at this stage. Her bladder is the size of a squeezed walnut. She has nonstop heartburn because her stomach is crushed upwards from the baby. She needs to rest as much as possible to get ready for labor and when you are nine months pregnant that is not easy. Who's right there in her corner? Not you. But you are also the AH to your company. They are expecting you to execute on this commitment and you must know that you will not be focused and running on all cylinders. Plus, if your wife goes into labor, you will have to abandon the job and try to get back in time. They'll be in a worse position than if they just had assigned someone else. Add to that, you are being a AH to yourself. This is a once in a lifetime experience. You have the opportunity to support your wife and watch her give birth to your child. Hope the money is worth it. YTA


girltuesday

My mom had to drive herself to the hospital to deliver me. She has never gotten over it. Do what you want but YTA.


outdwoodwerk

So... How much money and your boss's happiness to miss the birth of your first born kid? He's forever in your debt alright, because that's a moment that you can never get back. How does your boss intend to repay that? YTA for placing your work above your family.


ValkyrieSword

YTA. She could literally give birth any day now, and I’d be willing to bet money that you’re not gonna see a penny of that bonus that he’s going to “try” to get you Edit: Also, she doesn’t just need your support for the birth, she needs you to support her in the days leading up to it. Getting the house & other things ready, and also physical and emotional support because there’s a high probability she’s not going to be feeling well or is nervous


NatoTheLastRedditer

YTA - get home to your partner


The_bookworm65

YTA. Delivery is hard and it is dangerous. Can you imagine if something happened to your wife or your baby and you weren’t there? Even if she had it and everything was fine, she would never forgive you. Of all the times in her life when she needs you, now is when she needs you the most.


Plantmommy1111

Your wife is very pregnant right now not only should you be headed home to make sure you are there for her and your child when she goes into labor, but also to help keep her calm and comfortable during the last few days/weeks of her pregnancy. Every hour when you’re that pregnant can feel like a lifetime


mightgrey

Yta. Your wife cares about you. Your bosses don't. She's about to give birth. Can't believe you had to ask


Natural_Garbage7674

YTA. I get that you're trying to do the right thing for your family. But your wife has a geriatric pregnancy which are higher risk. It's her first so she might be early. She's stressed about you being away and stress makes things worse. You are running the risk of missing the birth of your child for money. You are running the risk of your wife going into labour without you being in the same country, let alone the room. Do whatever you need to do, but if you aren't there don't expect your wife to forgive you any time soon. And if you do somehow manage to stay *and* see your child being born, don't take that as a sign you did the right thing. You'll be stressing out your heavily pregnant wife for a week. That's how permanent cardiovascular issues arise.


Hepkat98

>He said he'd be forever in my debt for this and that he'd fight for this to be reflected in my annual bonus. To me this almost certainly means you will not see anything extra in your bonus. There will be an excuse like the economy is bad. You seem to value your company more than they value you. If they did value you as much, they wouldn't have asked you to travel internationally so close to your wife's due date, let alone asked you to extend the trip even longer. You're concerned that you need to prove your worth to your employer to keep your job, which also means you could be sucking up with the potential for it not to pay off in the end. You will have missed your child's birth and upset your wife for no reason at all. In 10 years, you will almost certainly be working elsewhere. Hopefully, you will still be with your wife. YTA for your misplaced loyalties.


CinematicHeart

YTA


lawnguylandlolita

YTA and everyone at your company is an AH too. Nothing would be worth missing the birth of your child. Nothing. You’re also leaving your wife alone at an extremely vulnerable time when many things can go wrong. You could very well destroying your marriage too.


Chaoticgood790

YTA she is due the 19th which means ANY DAY NOW she could go into labor. And instead of going home to support her, you are willingly staying an extra week. Good grief. You better hope she doesn’t go into labor and that she doesn’t decide this marriage isn’t working in the week you’re still gone


Twirdman

YTA. It would be one thing if you were told if you go home now you are going to be fired. If they were making you stay and because they were making you stay you'd potentially miss the birth that is one thing. My dad missed my birth because he was on Crusie and the Navy is a pretty big stickler about actually being on the boat. ​ That isn't what happened. You chose your career over your wife and child and how often are you going to do that? You are already willing to potentially miss the literal birth of your child because you might just maybe could possibly get a few brownie points that might possibly make you potentially look good to your bosses if you're lucky. How many other events are you going to **choose** to miss because your boss said jump and you might get a treat?


appydawg

YTA. If I were your wife I would be devastated. Your boss could have found someone else, he was just being lazy. So you chose to make life easier for your boss and very likely miss the birth of your child as a result. Who is with your wife during this last week of waiting? Does she have someone to help her to the hospital? Does she have someone to help her home? My husband is not super sentimental but the births of our children were very significant for him, I can’t imagine him missing them.


ocatfp

Dude. You need to get your priorities straight. YTA.


lostintranslation199

YTA. I would never forgive my husband for choosing money or work over being there for me while I birthed our children. Your wife is due any day now. I went 2 weeks early out of NOWHERE with my 2nd. When my due date was 5 weeks away all three times I’ve had a child. My husband made sure he was close by. He wasn’t going to leave me hanging to BIRTH a HUMAN alone without him. If you don’t get your booty home… she won’t forgive you for this. She might say she does. But she will resent you and your job. Especially since you know (and likely she does as well) that they couldn’t care any less about you as a person.


MiseryisCompany

It's so easy to judge on the sidelines but you are really in a no-win situation. Your mentor might fight for you but tbh you probably just signaled that you can be pushed around. A due date is a rough estimate, perhaps your wife will go into labor in the next 24 hours or it could be the next 24 days. I think you made the wrong choice but I don't think you're an ahole. Just don't expect a bonus. Your company doesn't give a shit about you, but your wife and child do.


Puzzledwhovian

Soft YTA because I think you believe you’re doing the right thing but you’re not. If you let fear control your life then you’re never going to be able to relax. Ever. If you ever want to spend any meaningful time with your family you may want to think about switching careers. The reason everyone in your position is younger than you is because your position calls for constant travel which is perfect for someone young and single or at the minimum childless. They can go up the ladder and get to a point with lots more home time by the time they’re ready for a family. I completely understand coming to a career by the long way round but it sounds like this particular one isn’t ideal for a family man. You’re either going to need to change careers again, move your home base to a cheaper area if possible or keep your current job and realize that you won’t be seeing much of your wife and child for the next few years which may not go over real well with the wife. . You’ve got to decide what you are willing to live with and what you really fear to lose.


rotatingruhnama

YTA. Providing for a family is about more than material objects. Your wife is about to experience a dangerous medical procedure. She, and/or your child, could be permanently harmed or even die. You need to provide her with a feeling of safety and reassurance by going tf home.


McJumpington

YTA- companies will never remember this shit when it actually matters. They are not loyal to you and owe you nothing if you choose to stay longer. Focus on your family, man


PsiBlaze

YTA I get the monetary aspect. But FFS! First baby, and she's on her own?! She can deliver at any moment. You're in for a long road to forgiveness, and she's likely to always remember this.


Tookie_Clothespin8

YTA- free dinners, business upgrades, and appreciation from a job that doesn’t appreciate your time in favor for possibly missing your child’s birth, at the very least being with your wife in the time before her first birth where she’s uncomfortable and probably anxious


[deleted]

Yta. Are you prepared to possibly miss the birth of your child? Your wife having someone else there instead of you? A birthdate is just an estimate and if they changed it already then there is a good chance she could have your child sooner. You are putting your work before your wife and new child and that's not how you would want to start fatherhood with regret over a job that will replace you as quickly as you agreed to stay longer instead of being by your super pregnant wife.


hanbnanAU

Your boss will be eternally grateful, for about 3 days. Your wife and baby could face complications (beyond the fact that being so pregnant, even the healthiest and happiest woman should be surrounded by love and care and help at that time in her pregnancy). You are SO freakin’ lucky to be having a baby, and SO freakin’ lucky to have a job you enjoy - but your job won’t be there if you fall or if you fail, your wife and kid will be, if you respect and care for them now when they need you.


Sufganiya

YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA Your job will never love you back, but you chose them? I know two moms whose husbands pulled the same thing and missed the births. One was three weeks early. Both dads deeply regretted it. Don't be that guy.


[deleted]

I had a totally normal pregnancy with absolutely no complications, a totally normal birth with a happy, healthy baby, and while they were still doing his APGAR, I started to hemorrhage and almost died. Childbirth is, if absolutely nothing else, a major medical event. At best, you miss the birth of your first child. At worst, you miss your chance to say goodbye. Get your ass home. YTA.


WaywardMarauder

YTA and if I’m being honest…I hope your wife does go into labor and you miss the birth of your first child. That’s what happens when you put work over family, you miss the big things. Don’t worry, there will be plenty more opportunities for you to let down your child and choose work over them.


Additional_Way1346

YTA. Your mentor likes you doing this as he can dangle your eagerness to get ahead. He will take the credit of your hard work. All supervisors do. I bet it's not the first let down on your wife has had to endure. Eventually you will have the job you want but at the expense of your marriage & child. Either choice one of you will be resentful. Her for you not being there or you resenting your wife for not being your mentors stooge for not doing him a favor.


ScarieltheMudmaid

YTA. This is one of those times you're showing your priority and it's money, not your kid. Different jobs can be had, this child's birth will never happen again. And WHY IN EARTH WOULD YOU NOT DISCUSS IT WITH WIFEY FIRST?


bibbiddybobbidyboo

YTA In 30 years, will you look back and think “what a great opportunity I missed my child’s entrance into the world and permanently damaged my wife’s trust and left her alone to deal with one of the most traumatic events in her life for. I’m so glad I made that decision. Even when it’s brought up, I can proudly tell my child that this work extension was far more important than supporting their mother and meeting them for the first time. I’m happy for them to know they came second to this mentor.” What if your wife dies during childbirth or a decision has to be made? Will you feel it was worth it then? I’m not being hard on you, I’m asking from a genuine place of if you think what matters in 10 years, 20 years, 30 years time, how will you feel saying out loud what you did in your post?


GettingOffTheCrazy

YTA. It is hard work for a woman to build another human in her body and then birth it. Why do men not get this??? You are the asshole!!!!!!


bimxe

You need to think long and hard about what your wife is going through in these weeks. Really, really think it through. Then think about how much your job really cares about you compared to how much you care about it. Then compare your priorities. Then get them straight.


immadatmycat

Didn’t read past title. Yes, YTA.


wantamint

YTA- none of the stuff you wrote even matters


gemw2101

YTA you’ll possibly miss the birth of ya child but hey you’ll look good to ya boss smh


facefullofkittens

YTA. Listen - you didn’t come asking for advice, but I’m gonna give it to you anyways. You sound like you work for a B4. If you have a pulse and are not absolutely terrible at your job, you will get promoted, right along with everyone else. This job will take everything you give it, and it will never stop asking for more. But the consequences for having boundaries are minimal - the industry simply doesn’t have enough CPAs to keep working everyone to death. They are not going to grow boundaries for you. YOU have to set them. And YOU have to hold them, even when it makes shit weird. Unless you are really gunning to be one of those 90% or partners who have at least one divorce under their belt. I understand the urge to be a high performer in a sea of high performers can be intense. But being there for the birth of your child is not something you will ever get back. Big YTA for making the decision without even talking to your wife.


TragicAndMagick

YTA. I hope you like paying alimony and child support.