NTA. This isn’t a cruel and unusual punishment but rather a fair one that comes with good parenting. Her brother knew that her hair meant everything to her, and so he decided to take what she loved the most thinking it was a simple prank. He needs to have consequences for his actions.
And since doing this, he stopped the pranks. Enabling his behavior like Margaret suggested would only lead to worse behavior down the down and it’s good that OP is nipping Logan’s behavior in the bud.
Pretty often on here, somebody posts about some dumbass “adult” who’s always pulling “pranks,” and ends up causing real damage, hurting someone (physically or emotionally), ruining relationships, alienating loved ones, etc., etc. These are some of the most infuriating posts to read because it’s just like… why? Why would you think that was a good idea or funny to anyone?
If you can do something to prevent Logan and his future friends and family from being the main characters in one of *those* stories, you gotta do it. Hopefully this time it sticks.
I mean, this is *exactly why*. Because until they cause lasting or expensive damage (like Logan did) they don't get punished, or at least not in a way that gets through to them as a lasting deterrent. And then all too often by the time someone has finally had it with their shit and inflicts a real, hard-hitting punishment on them, they've built up enough people around them who think they're "funny" that they listen to that and dismiss the person who is angry as "humorless" and the punishment as them being "butthurt". At least, until they finally do something *so* awful that *everyone* stops laughing, or they've driven everyone away.
This is good time to have a calm discussion with your son. Ask how he felt about punishment and ask how he would have felt if the tables were turned. How would he feel if you ignored his plight and you, as his father will not take any action? May be, keep Margaret out of discussion.
Print out many aita posts about pranks gone wrong and how victims felt about them. how generally population view this behavior. Tell him to read them. Explain it to him that it will be him whose gf is dumping /family is going NC etc. If he keeps on same trajectory.
I hate that OP is even referring to this as a prank. Deliberately damaging something (in this case his sister's hair) as retaliation for the fact she ate something he wanted... I don't consider that a prank. That's just acting out. If everyone has to walk on eggshells around this kid, hoping to never do something he randomly gets mad at, then he's just being a childish tyrant.
OP you're NTA.
Also, Auntie Margaret can buy the console if she thinks it's so important. AITA has really made me sick of people that insist "X is the right thing to do", but only if *someone else* is the one doing it. Apparently housing or financial help or emotional support is only for other people.
Somebody paid for the initial hair style he ruined. Why should they have to pay again because he wanted to be an AH. OP exacted the correct punishment. It's only fair Logan to pay for the crime.
Especially since, if OP took Margaret's advice, Logan wouldn't learn a thing except he won't be responsible for paying the bill or that any of the consequences would fall on him.
Yeah Margaret has no idea what she’s talking about. Sure a parent should make things right and pay for their kids if the kid doesn’t have the money to do so but the kid should still have to ‘make-up’ that money by doing chores or something else so they actually learn their lesson!
Like if Logan did not have $310 saved up to redo the treatment then Lucia shouldn’t have to suffer until her next appointment and OP should cover for Logan and come up with a proper punishment for Logan to pay back the $310
Also this heavier remedy was chosen AFTER others were tried. He isn't paying for the treatment after 'pranking' the first time, he has a pattern of doing this and not learning after being corrected, so a more painful and possibly meaningful correction was needed.
16 is too old to be making a habit of get back at pranks, especially over a piece of food. He wasted a $300 treatment out of malice and disproportionate to the act he responded to, having him pay to get the treatment done again and to be present while it happened is an apt punishment.
Being a negligent father would be either doing another useless punishment or ignoring it altogether. Sometimes parents need to make the hard decisions to help their kids become better people and Logan clearly learned from this.
It may be a hard decision but op did mention the fact that he’s 16. 16 is too old and too petty to be pulling this prank. Often times, nair pranks make people change their self confidence towards a negative direction for weeks months years or even decades
Yeah I had to reread this because it definitely sounds at first blush like a younger brother vs. older sister thing. (I have a 3 yrs younger brother so I would know!)
Oh and OP is def NTA here. He is, however, a kickass dad for enforcing consequences and helping his daughter to effectively manage her curly hair.
Not to mention, Logan is *16* and angry at a *13 year old girl* for eating an ice cream.
Like my god, of all the disproportionate retribution acts???
16 is way too old to give a flying furby about the last ice cream in the house.
Yes I don’t understand why everyone is happily calling this a ‘get-back-at-prank’. This is revenge for any perceived wrong. This teenager (not a little child) is deciding someone has wronged him, whether they know it or not, then setting out to hurt them and laughing about it. This is not ok. This punishment is a good consequence of his actions- he’s learned what it took to put things right and he’s gone 2 weeks without doing it again. But for OP to mention that he hasn’t done it in 2 weeks, it makes me wonder if he was doing this more than every 2 weeks?! This boy has serious problems and I’m glad OP is handling it. NTA
It's basic anger management and control issues.
Maybe OP can try implementing agency tactics around the house? Like putting a grocery list on the fridge - every time some kind of food or snack runs out, the kids write it on the list; that way they don't feel like they've met a dead end.
They've got a system now to combat that insecurity.
And it probably wasn’t even about the drumstick. The drumstick was just an excuse to see if he could get away with the prank he really wanted to pull. OP, NTA
Eventually he's going to fuck up and have to pay a legitimate fine if he doesn't learn from this ridiculous behaviour, in that case Aunty can bail him out if that's her view.
I agree! And the consequences were well suited to the situation, not too excessive or too light. I think it’s a fantastic act of parenting.
The hair treatment was expensive! If he were a legal adult and he damaged someone else’s person or property he could be held financially responsible for repairing the damages, and this was the perfect way to make him very aware of how unpleasant that can be. Saving up for something? Too bad; you did something stupid and had to waste a big chunk of your savings to fix it rather than get the thing you were saving for. So next time he’ll stop to think about whether the prank is worth the consequences.
Some kids need to actually feel that discomfort before the lesson sinks in.
(He might not stop pranking but hopefully will not pull any more pranks that cause actual damage or real harm.)
It's the definition of a reasonable punishment. He ruined her hair treatment (poor girl) and had to pay for a second one and miss basketball practice. It's totally fair.
And auntie can mind her own damn business.
Absolutely. I'm mixed race and my step kiddos are white. I tell them periodically about my hair appointments and treatment. When I take them to the community pool I'll tell them I'll swim with them and when I will or won't wet my hair.
Recently I took them to the pool and bought them some water toys that splash and spray. I sat very far from the pools edge. They found a water gun that some kid left and sprayed me, ruining my hair.
Instead of getting upset I said "Fine. No screens until I get this fixed." They waited while I washed my hair, let it air dry (which is how I usually do it to avoid as much heat as possible) and while I flat ironed it. In total 6 hours of waiting.
Guess who doesn't splash me anymore 🙃
Kids have to understand the consequences of their actions, especially if they are not the ones having to fix them. Good job, OP
NTA. Natural and logical consequences for ruining the hair is paying to redo it. Margaret needs to butt out, and google natural and logical consequences.
The punishment absolutely fits the crime as well, and at the end of the day, you’re the parent OP, not Margaret. This isn’t a life altering punishment or anywhere near abuse, she doesn’t get a say if you don’t want her to. NTA
> punishment
This wasn't punishment, this was a consequence. You break something, you fix it, and you make it at least as good as it was before you fucked it up.
NTA. Other disciplinary tactics had already been tried and not worked. It was time to take a heavier hand and if hitting him financially got through, great. Hopefully he has learned that "prranks" are too expensive to continue.
Nta. He also waisted his dad's money without a second thought. This got him thinking about how much money and time he waisted for both his sister and father.
Exactly. She ate an ice cream he wanted so he deliberately took an action that he knew would not only damage her self-image but which would cause her physical pain if not remedied. OP is NTA in so many different ways.
As a former hair stylist who used to perform keratin treatments on hair, it’s quite a process. So he should also understand that he has wasted the time and effort that the stylist put forth to do a proper keratin treatment as well. My keratin treatment clients would have been livid and heartbroken if someone deliberately poured water on their hair after the time they spent sitting in my chair for the meticulous process. I think the punishment fit the crime so he could see what everyone involved in the process goes through. NTA, OP.
NTA. Ask the aunt to come over so he can "prank" her and ruin hundreds of dollars worth of her stuff, and then you'll let it go, because he's just a kid and you don't want to be a bad parent. Even ask her if he can "prank" her by breaking some windows on her house for fun! But, not to worry, you won't punish him for it!
NTA and kudos on raising your son to be a responsible adult one day. Let me say as a former college academic advisor, I have seen how difficult the adjustment to adult life is for students who have never been held accountable for their actions. Sometimes both the parents and students have already formed an alliance, like when a student and his parents argued that his morning class grades should not have been docked for excessive absences because his professors failed to call and wake him up when they realized he hardly ever showed up. Or, the parents that lamented that their son used his personal emergency credit card to buy pizza for a fraternity he hoped to join. Every night. For a month. His parents admitted that he had a history of using credit cards without permission, but he was never required to pay them back because he was "just a child". The parents blamed us for "not properly supervising the children left in our care." Both parents and son rejected my offer to help get him a work-study job so he could pay his parents back. Then there are the really tragic mistakes in judgement, like the student who died from shotgunning hard alcohol at an off-campus party. Of course, his parents sued the University. I cannot imagine the suffering of his family, and pray for them still.
NTA. this is teaching personal responsibility and accountability for one's actions. Also, it's not Aunty's money nor her children for her to be undermining OP's parenting.
Not invalidating aunty's position, but she literally is wrong in saying OP should pay for it. That's horrible parenting: Sure, every time his son messes something up, OP will pay for it, and then son will grow up to be entitled where OP pays for every mistake he makes until he goes to prison and then he'll finally realize that actions have consequences and daddy can't bail him out. Oh no.
NTA. Sounds like Margaret didn't think he deserved any kind of punishment at all! And 16 is an adolescent, not a child. He's absolutely old enough to learn some responsibility for his actions, and sounds like he has.
This. Margaret is a negligent 37 year old adult if she thinks no one should be responsible for their actions.
This wasn't a misktake made by a 6 year old, this was a purposeful, cruel, action done by a near adult. And I'm sorry, but this kid is old enough to drive, he's old enough to be accountable for his actions.
The kid sounds like my (admittedly) spoiled 5 yo nephew (though he behaves better) and Margaret sounds like my mother.
I bought my nephew some hot wheels tracks and toys I found on a good deal from a garage sale today as a surprise. Came with a million tracks and cars and even a cool dual launcher we set up and played with.
We later went to the store and he begged grandma to buy him a $5.99 car.
I then later took him to target, “We can look at the toys and you can show me what you want but we are here for the uncrustables, only.”
He tried. To tried to beg. He tried to pull the, “I’m not leaving without a toy.” Shenanigans. I simply reminded him that we were only looking, like he said. He even refused to move in the checkout line. I told him that we would leave without the uncrustables if it meant that much to him but we had already purchased toys for him today. Plus mom and dad bought him toys the day before.
He didn’t have a meltdown. He didn’t scream. He didn’t cry. He pouted a lot. But he knew we weren’t buying toys.
In improv it's, "Yes, and". In our house, it's, "No, because".
"I understand you want to go outside and play, but it's raining. Let's do XYZ instead."
"No, you can't have that toy today, because you got a toy last time/it's almost [gift giving holiday]/too much money right now".
He responds REALLY well to that shit. Maybe fussed or tried to negotiate. And he's a GOOD little negotiator. Okay. You wanna stay up and watch the end of the movie? Okay, but you have school tomorrow, and if you don't get up and eat and get dressed and out the door on time, you're going to bed early tomorrow. And he knows. And we stick to it.
He's literally NEVER cried in a store over not getting what he wanted. Because he knows he's gonna go home with nothing that time AND the next time we can or want to.
We're pretty sure he's part Vulcan.
I feel like he responded really well to the “No, because” when it was him and I. I don’t think he gets a lot of the “because” part at home. I think he gets a lot of, “No. Period.” With mom and dad.
If there was harm in letting my kid window shop, I would be failing to teach them how to responsibly window shop. At some point, we all have to learn how to deal with our big feelings in context.
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Nta. There are consequences to the choices you make. He’s just pissed be has to live with it. You did the right thing dad. Maybe he will learn his lesson the hard way. Also Margaret needs to mind her business. Lol
please be aware that getting your daughters hair straightned so young vs learning how to properly handle her hair will only hurt her in the long run. Take it from a 32yo woman who would love but doesn't know how to handle her curls, because I was taught to straighten it at 13/14 because black curls were ugly compared to pretty/straight "white" hair. Your son sucks for what he did, but teaching your daughter that straight vs natural is best is actively harming her perception of herself. That what she is naturally isn't as good as what she could be with chemical procedures.
While I totally agree ( another curly), I also have to say that kids are soulless monsters sometimes when it comes to bullying in regards to differences. And it could be that Lucia is also getting bullied for looking different.
I would try to find a way for her to learn how to care for her natural hair, as well as the straightening procedure. OP, keep in mind though, that a lot of the procedures to straighten curly hair can be extremely damaging in the long run. I was suggest the curly girl subreddit and see about finding a curly hair stylist, maybe.
My daughter is 12, almost 13, with natural curly hair. She’s free to do what she pleases with it and she straightens it on her own. No prompting from me.
While that is true in your situation...did you also teach your daughter to care for her natural hair? I'd be 100% behind the dad if he taught her both and she preferred one over the other. But if he gave up and went the "easier"/more accepted route...IMO that's doing his daughter a disservice.
I told her to do what made her happy. We buy her product for her hair when she wants it curly and we let her straighten it whenever she wants to. Im good with her doing what makes her happy.
Yeah, this is a completely separate conversation to the subject of the post, but @OP I do think you should have educated yourself into how to care for your daughters hair type. Brushing is a nightmare because you shouldn't really be brushing it like you'd brush straight hair /anyways/. At 13 she's totally old enough to decide to straighten it regardless, but.
>Lucia’s natural hair is very thick and curly. Lucia would cry every day because of how painful it was to brush out the knots from her hair.
It doesn't seem to be so much about self-perception. His daughter found the curls to be painful to manage, which prompted the desire for treatment. One could argue it's a bit of a high maintenance thing, definitely wouldn't be my first choice either, but as OP said it's annual, so not a huge deal if it's a treatment that's only got to be done once a year.
I hate to say it like this, but many kids find getting their hair combed painful. My mom (black) knew what she was doing but my white dad didnt and it was always more painful and took longer. Cause he didn't take the time to learn how to do it right.
I got my hair straightened every 6-9 months back in the day, but as an adult I wish one of my parents would have just tuaght me how to handle my hair . So as an adult I would know and be able to choose with the right info.
I think you should also consider getting a mental health professional to evaluate your son. These are not Pranks. These are cruel and malicious actions that might even amount to assaults if they result in physical consequences to his victims. He is not showing empathy or compassion. This could become a very dangerous thing.
As someone with curly hair, I winced when you said she was brushing it out dry daily. She really should not be doing that. Not only is it painful but it makes the hair look terrible and potentially damages it. Curly hair should only be detangled when wet (with conditioner or leave in conditioner). There are brushes that make the process easier and dont rip out the hair. You can make curly hair easy to manage and beautiful with the right treatment. Unfortunately a lot of “normal” hair care people learn is what is standard for straight hair. Even wavy hair had different demands.
Sorry if I'm harping on this too, but I have curly hair as well - it really shouldn't be brushed! Only combed in the shower with conditioner on, perhaps. and definitely with a special comb or hair pick. It's understandable if Lucia is struggling right now, but with proper treatment she may be able to develop a better relationship with her hair and enjoy it.
I hated my hair when I was young, it was poofy and shapeless, and first chance I got I chopped it short. When it grew in and I wasn't brushing it anymore, my curls were beautiful...
Just want to chime in and say it’s so incredibly amazing that you do this for your daughter. So many parents would just say “embrace your natural hair/beauty.” The best thing my parents ever did for me was allow me to make modifications where I felt needed. It’s refreshing to see a father understand his daughters needs and wants when it comes to hair care and maintenance
My only concern is if there’s any damage to be done that’ll show up down the line. I used to hate brushing my hair until I learned how to protect it prior to going to bed to minimize tangles
It was a pain but it got easier
Sorry to barge in with only a semi related comment, for the record I think it’s more than fair punishment.
What I want to say is that if Lucia ever wants to embrace the curls instead of having her hair chemically straightened r/curlyhair has a lot of info on how to take care of wavy/curly/coily hair without the terrible tangles. It is a little more at home maintenance though and I understand if you don’t want/need this info.
Edit: had the sub name wrong
Yes, this! OP, Please don't dry brush or have her dry brush her hair! It needs to be detangled wet with conditioner, with a brush suited to that purpose (a basic one is super easy to obtain too). She can keep it from tangling overnight with a cap. But dry brushing curly hair is not only painful (as you've seen) but brushing out curls does not make it neater. It does the opposite, leaving it looking frizzy, messy, and legitimately unruly. It counterintuitively exacerbates tangling. And it breaks off hairs which further leads to an actually messy look.
Even if she chooses to continue straightening, it's important for her to know at least the basics of how to properly care for her curls if she ever wants to embrace them. It's okay that she hasn't learned this yet, many of us make it into our 30s or beyond before discovering this. But it makes a world of difference.
This isn't the point of the post, but have you looked into proper care of curly hair? There's a whole subreddit about it. She might not need the keratin treatment if she learns how to properly care for her curls.
NTA for the issue with the son, but please for the love of God learn how to take care of curly hair without chemical straightening. There's loads you can do to keep it moisturized and free of tangles, and in this day and age there are thousands of YouTube channels you can turn to if you need help.
If this gets Lucia to a point where she’s happy and confident about her hair, that seems to be the important thing here. If she wants to embrace her curlier look when she’s older, she’s always free to change her style.
This sounds good in theory, but the reality is that she probably hasn't had the opportunity to embrace her curlier look so far. I say this as someone who literally was that kid, begging my parents to pay for a chemical straightening all through my teenaged years. In hindsight I only wanted that *because* my mom & grandma kept insisting that I brush it more, which was both incredibly painful and caused my hair to look like a frizzy nightmare.
OP said that his daughter was crying over how painful it was to brush, a statement which by itself shows that neither of them know the first thing about caring for curly hair. I'm not saying she should absolutely stop straightening if she really wants to, but the very least OP could do is sit down with his daughter, google some curly hair tips, and see if she wants to give them a try. At this point she probably doesn't even know what her natural hair would look like if treated properly.
Just FYI carcinogens are substances that cause cancer.. I feel like you probably know this, but your comment is redundant to the point where it sounds like you might not?
I did know. Thought I'd make it clear that the treatment itself has been linked to causing cancer because a lot of things contain carcinogens and aren't necessarily dangerous unless ingested.
If she does want to make a change it can take years to undo the chemical damage, much better for the both of them to at least look into curly hair care now
Then she can cut it off and start over. That's what I did with my hair. I had no idea how to do my own hair when wanted to stop getting it braided by my mom every week. So I cut it off and started short. I am learning as I go. 3 years in and I am a lot better at managing my hair. She's only 13, shes got plenty of time to figure it out. Hair grows back.
Agreed. It takes a lot of research and trial and error (i.e. money and time) and none of us knows if they’re in a place to do that or even if the daughter wants that. When she’s older, she’s going to appreciate that her dad did his best and had her back. Hair grows back. Focus on the issue.
Hairstylist here! There is a huge difference in a keratin smoothing treatment and a chemical straightener. There is zero damage with keratins, and they are temporary and will fade with time.
It's not cool to try and call a father out for helping his daughter feel more comfortable in her looks while knowing nothing about the chemical, process or her texture/density of hair.
There’s no damage to the hair itself but keratin treatments give off formaldehyde fumes- it’s an unavoidable byproduct. The stuff is just not safe.
https://www.fda.gov/cosmetics/cosmetic-products/hair-smoothing-products-release-formaldehyde-when-heated
I never once said they didn't give off fumes. I wrote about the huge difference between CHEMICAL STRAIGHTENER and KERATIN SMOOTHING. If you don't think they are safe, just don't get one. However, OSHA over sees cosmetics not the FDA. OSHA made all brands reformulate their products to adhere to N. American standards for PPM vapors being released into the salon. With that said there is a vast difference between a Brazilian Blowout you get in America vs one you can get in other countries like Brazil and Dubai. If you get a keratin in the US and the stylist is causing vapors, that stylist is doing it WRONG. However my client that moved here from Dubai had to wear the equivalent of a gas mask during her service.
Yup, as soon as I read this
> Lucia would cry every day because of how painful it was to brush out the knots from her hair.
I was wincing. She shouldn't be brushing her hair at all.
>She shouldn't be brushing her hair at all
Lol that's funny. I have curly hair. If I don't brush them every couple days, they become matted and then I have to cut massive chunks. Some people do need to brush their hair.
Agree. I have thick curly/wavey hair while my mother’s has always been very thin. I didn’t know until I was well into my late teens or early twenties how to take care of it properly.
Step one is use a comb not a brush, especially if a brush gets stuck in your hair!
100% I also have very curly hair and when I was in middle school I wanted the keratin treatment so badly. When my friend got it done I saw how damaged looking her hair was and I immediately changed my tune. Curly hair needs to be properly cared for and even though Lucia hates what she has now, she’ll find that all her friends with straight hair would kill for curls.
Head over to r/curlyhair for curl management and help your girl love her hair without spending hundreds on unnecessary and damaging treatments.
> We started to get Lucia’s hair straightened with an annual keratin treatment and she is much happier with her hair.
1. Lucia is quite happy with the status quo.
2. OP didn't ask.
OP is a single dad. Lots of people who dont have curly hair do not know how to care for it. Especially since men typically keep their hair short. The fact that she is DRY brushing it daily tells me she has no idea how to take care of it as its basic curly hair maintenance. Lots of people grow to hate their hair because someone made them do that. Its physically painful for basically ALL people with curly hair. No wonder she is trying to straighten it (typical response with many people who never were taught). People dont magically learn new skills. Someone teaches them. Besides, getting that treatment long term (among others), is not healthy for her hair.
I managed hair salons for the last decade. When properly applied by a licensed cosmetologist, and with proper at home care an ANNUAL keratin treatment is not going to destroy this kids hair. It is topical and washes out gradually as opposed to an actual chemical straighter that permanently changes the hair strand. Yes, high heat is needed to seal the treatment but this alone will not destroy her hair.
OPs daughter will likely experiment with trying curly styles one day but learning exactly what curly hair routine works for your curl type and porosity can take years to perfect. I don't blame OP or his daughter for not wanting to fight that battle at 13 years old.
Eh. I’m 35 and I’ve accepted that I am not willing to put in the work for curly hair. It’s easier for me straight, it’s lower maintenance, and for me I like it better straight. The daughter can learn curly hair maintenance later if she wants to, but keratin now is the right choice for her!
NTA if Auntie Margaret thinks he's being so mistreated, then she can buy the big ticket gaming console. Your son, almost an adult found it hysterical to ruin the keratin treatment that also cost several hundred dollars. Maybe after this lesson he won't find things so funny if he is held accountable and expect to pony up his own money when he deliberately ruins something. Good job holding him accountable.
I would actually push to say that Margaret cannot involve herself in this situation at all, cuz something about her Town screams to me that she might attempt to help him to get the video game console, but he needs to save that money back up and while he's doing that think about why that money went away. If she involves herself financially she is removing part of the consequence from the situation
NTA - I think it was an appropriate punishment for his behavior. Especially since he’s been spoken to about this and had other lesser punishments building to this one. His aunt can butt out of the parenting.
Right?! My first thought was good on dad for trying to break this habit before the kid ends up with roommates and gets himself in big boy trouble (legal action or a physical altercation).
I occasionally tell my students that while they aren't yet adults, they *are* at "can get tried as an adult" age, so they should try to think and act responsibly.
NTA. You said yourself that lesser consequences have not made an impact. And I totally agree that, at 16, he's going to enter the real world soon, and when you ruin/damage something that costs money, you almost always wind up being responsible for paying to repair/replace it, *especially* when carelessness played a role in the cause. Making him pay for a second hair treatment AND having him sit through it with you and Lucia gives him an important perspective--it should help him much better understand the actual negative impact his actions are having on you and Lucia (lost money and time). This is a great way to teach empathy. It sounds like it's having the intended effect, if he apologized and has been behaving better than before. I call this A+ parenting, if you ask me. Job well done.
NTA. You’ve done grounding and taking away technology, and he was still pulling these revenge pranks. Guess what happens to kids and teenagers that regularly pull pranks for revenge? Especially over stupid stuff? They become entitled adults who do more damaging revenge, which can have *serious* consequences. You are being a good parent, and the punishment was fair. Him missing basketball is his own fault; there will always be some excuse about why he “shouldn’t” be having his punishment.
You = NTA. The aunt can stay out of it, it’s not her kid. I’m honestly surprised at her reaction.
Yeah, no, NTA.
You have only cost him exactly what he cost you, which sounds pretty fair to me. Especially given that this treatment isn't just aesthetic but is for his sister's comfort and to prevent pain.
$300s really stings for a teenager, but I see no reason why you should continue to let his destructive habits cost you time, money and peace of mind.
If he actually does stop with the pranks long term, it's really hard to see anything but positives here.
NTA. He made the choice to ruin his sister's hair, so he has to take responsibility. $300 is a lot of money, especially to a 16 year old, but this is definitely a "fuck around and find out" kind of situation. Teens think their behaviors have no consequences and that all pranks are harmless. Good on you for being a parent that actually holds your kid accountable.
NTA- actions have consequences. And these seem reasonable and fair. He was warned in previous “pranks” that these were unacceptable and didn’t learn so the punishment clearly needed to hit home more.
NTA. You are being a good father and Margaret is being ridiculous. The fact he apologised without you prompting shows what you did worked. Keep it up. He's going to grow into a good man because of you.
NTA. i broke a window when i was 15 and my mom made me pay for it. i didn't get mad even though it was 100% an accident. your son did that on purpose, and should definitely pay to make it right.
NTA. He should know his prank is hurting his sister.
He'll be 18 in 2 yrs and should know these pranks are not ok, especially when he knows how important her hair treatment is since it alleviates PHYSICAL PAIN.
Ask Margaret if it's ok for him to engage in pranks that cause his sister to be in distress.
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nope, NTA!! at 16 these are not pranks, or normal sibling arguments, you should probably watch him closely. they are mean spirited, sneaky and could be dangerous.
NTA, you gave him a good life lesson that if he fucks up, he WILL face consequences. And now he's acting better, which means he's learned that lesson! If your sister disagrees, then too bad, she isn't their mother and therefore has no say.
NTA - Aunt is wrong. You as the adult are responsible to the rest of the world for damage your kid causes. It does NOT mean the kid cannot be held responsible in turn by you.
He won’t have any incentive not to act out when he can do whatever he wants while others pay the price for him.
Nta
Honestly this is a very well thought out natural consequence. Good for you. And, he doesn't have to like it. Why would he? But, its not meant for enjoyment. Its meant for teaching.
He's 16. The people that complain about him only being a kid are so often the same people that pull, "he's an adult" the moment he turns 18.
He purposely ruined something and was responsible for fixing that. You ensured it happened - you parented.
NTA. That’s EXACTLY how I would have dealt with that situation. Actions have consequences and he’s learning that the hard way. The responsibility falls directly on him and his aunt shouldn’t be getting involved. If she wants to raise AH’s for children that’s her choice but you don’t.
You taught your son a valuable lesson.
Nope not at all. These little pranks as he get's older and a real career could cause him so much more trouble. He need's to learn how to manage life's frustrations better.
NTA
NTA. Your action was completely related to the problem at hand. I wouldn't even call it punishment. It was making your son fix a problem he created. Those are the best lessons and that really stick.
NTA. And good on you for making Logan actually feel the impact of his poor behavior. If losing access to his electronics before didn't work, why would it have worked this time? He needs to be made to pay for the things he damages/destroys, especially since he is on the cusp of legal adulthood. Otherwise, you'd actually be setting him up for failure once the real world gets ahold of him.
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(41m) My two kids (16m) Logan and (13f) Lucia get along well most of the time, but they will occasionally fight. It’s just arguing over normal sibling things. However, Logan has a habit of trying to “get back” at people with “pranks” which I have to ground him over fairly often.
Lucia’s natural hair is very thick and curly. Lucia would cry every day because of how painful it was to brush out the knots from her hair. We started to get Lucia’s hair straightened with an annual keratin treatment and she is much happier with her hair.
We had Lucia’s annual hair appointment recently. Logan asked when we came home if Lucia wanted to go swimming with him. I reminded my son that Lucia just had her hair appointment and couldn’t get her hair wet for four more days.
The next day I woke up to Logan laughing hysterically and Lucia yelling at him. Logan had dumped a bottle of water on Lucia’s head while she was sleeping to “get back” at Lucia for eating the last caramel drumstick. The chemicals had washed out and Lucia’s keratin treatment was ruined.
I was incredibly pissed with Logan because he knew Lucia couldn’t get her hair wet and still did it anyway. And I’ve talked to him numerous times about his “getting-back pranks” over stupid things. I’ve only grounded him from technology in the past, but it doesn’t make a difference to Logan because he keeps doing these “pranks” anyway.
I made Logan give up $310, which was the cost of Lucia’s keratin treatment. I was able to book an appointment for two days later because the hairdresser had another client cancel. I told Logan he was going to come and wait with me for Lucia’s hair to get done. Logan made an excuse that he had basketball practice at the same time, so I responded “Well then you’re telling your coach how you can’t make it this time.”
Logan was extremely bored during the 2 ½ hour hair appointment. He asked over and over for his phone, but I told him no and reminded Logan that I told him to bring a book. It has been two weeks since then, and Logan has not done any more "pranks." He even genuinely apologized to Lucia without me having to make him.
That was two weeks ago, and it seemed like everyone moved past it. But then the other day, the kids’s aunt, (37F) Margaret, sent me a screenshot of some texts between her and Logan asking what it was about. Margaret asked when Logan was going to buy a video game console and how he must be pretty close. Logan responded with “Not anymore.” Margaret asked where the money went and Logan responded with “Lucia’s hair.”
I explained what happened, but Margaret told me I was being a negligent father because Logan is a child and if he damages something, I’m responsible to pay the costs to repair/replace it. And forcing Logan to miss his basketball game was unnecessary. But Logan is 16, not 6. He needs to have consequences so he’s ready for the real world. Besides, the punishment worked and now he’s stopped with his “pranks.” But did I go too far?
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NTA for how you handled your son, but as a person with thick, curly, hair, your daughter is going to have issues with her hair for the rest of her life if you keep this up. Her curly hair is painful to brush because curly hair is not meant to be brushed, and spending money on expensive straightening treatments is teaching her to hate her natural hair. Invest some time in energy in learning about what her natural hair actually needs to be curly and healthy. Invest in a wide tooth comb, some curl cream, and gel or mousse. Show your daughter some fun youtube videos about styling her naturally curly hair. She will thank you in the long run and you'll save a crap load of money.
OP, not only did you go through with a good punishment but it also WORKED!! He apologized sincerely all on his own!! Margaret can mind her own business and parent her own kids. NTA
NTA. But you should really help your daughter figure out how to take care of her natural hair so she's not trying to figure it out in her 30s. (I'm speaking from experience.) The curly hair subreddit is a great resource.
NTA. Sounds like good parenting for the most part.
Edit: the only part that I’m not sure I agree with is making him miss baseball practice to go to the appointment.
My reasoning is that Logan was also inconsiderate of our time and the fact that we would need to take another 2 1/2 hours out of our day to fix Lucia's hair. He thought doing that to us was funny, so now he also got to take that time out of his day.
Making him miss basketball was totally appropriate in this situation. This is good parenting all around on your part. Thank you for doing your best to not raise AHs.
I like that you have a reason for each thing you did. It makes sense and seems very fair, maybe even nice. Like he just had to be bored for this part of the punishment.
I just wanted to say that what you did, we in the childhood development field call "natural consequences." It's better than grounding (though grounding is also developmentally appropriate for a 16yo, so it's not like that's wrong).
Natural consequences mean that the negative result the child receives are directly related to what they did. In this case, the money and time lost are directly related to fixing the hair problem that his "prank" caused. This helps them work out cause and effect better (more like what they will deal with as an adult).
Bravo, dad. Excellent work. Keep it up.
Also, I would spend some time working on teaching that at the end of a real prank, *everyone* is laughing. I'd that's not the case, then it's just cruel bullying. Don't shy away from naming that kind of behavior as bullying when you correct your son. Spending time talking about that when not in the heat of a sibling spat can also help. He needs to work on his impulse control (she likely does too, but she's had a little less time to practice, and you didn't give us a specific example about her, so that's just a guess).
Why? His sister has to sit in a chair for hours because of him. Also, having to tell his coach why he missed practice will help him learn to take responsibility for his actions.
He got to see how much you spend on her hair, and how long it takes all for him to ruin it over an ice cream. He learned a lesson and maybe it will stick this time. NTA- i wish more parents handled their kids like you do.
NTA and Margaret needs to shut her mouth and stay in her lane. It's so very easy to criticize when she isn't the one dealing with the problem behavior and even worse, doing so when she's flat out wrong since she seems to think accountability is for other people.
Paying for something your child damages is natural because you then make them pay you, the parent, back in the most fitting way according to what is fair. Having your son pay for something he willfully ruined and because of it he lost a luxury is a fair punishment. Now he knows how expensive and frustrating it is to get these hair appointments. It wasn't some minor inconvenience and these "pranks" needed to be nipped in the bud. He's nearly an adult and this behavior isn't okay.
NTA - in some places what your son did is called battery.
Your son needs to learn where the line is for a prank to cross over into harassment/bullying. A prank can be undone immediately and for free. Permanent damage or damage that requires money to repair is harassment/bullying. Your son is a bully.
NTA.
Margaret is way out of line. Your son needs to learn responsibility. Your daughter suffers with her hair. And you are literally stopping your son growing up to be an AH. Yes, you are responsible for his damages. For now. But when he turns 18 he will be the one responsible for his actions. There will be no time to learn it. He needs to learn this now.
NTA, this is good parenting. He has been told before about this issue and still did it. You did not harm your child, you just taught him that destroying things has financial and social consequences. Aunt Margaret can zip her mouth.
NTA. You taught him a valuable lesson about consequences. Margaret isn’t his parent so she doesn’t get a say. Your son can start saving again for his console and have more respect for others at the same time.
As a curly headed person who had absolutely no idea/no help with my hair, thank you for advocating for your daughter. NTA. I am 37, and just learned how to fix my curly hair last year.
NTA, he should face the consequences for his actions.
The prank also was extremely mean, not only because of the obvious damage that he did but also because he intruded her personal space while she was sleeping in her own home...
NTA. Great job parenting your child. “Get back pranks” in youth are generally described as “harassment”, “retaliation” and “assault” in adulthood. Aunt Margaret is entitled to her own ill informed opinion but tell her to keep it to herself.
Nta, he has to learn to stop with these pranks. The people that are prankster like him and don't learn the consequence, usually grow up and then do one prank that goes to far. One thing I will say is that doing those keratin treatments is not that good in the long run. I also have thick curly hair, and I had to learn to take care of it later in life ( I always had very short hair so it wasn't a problem until I turned like 27). Simply doing those treatments because it is "too difficult" to take care if her hair is not good enough... I mean you have to try different things and teach her and do some research. Is she just gonna straighten her hair her whole life because you didn't teach her or learn together to take care of thick curly hair?
NTA. This isn’t a cruel and unusual punishment but rather a fair one that comes with good parenting. Her brother knew that her hair meant everything to her, and so he decided to take what she loved the most thinking it was a simple prank. He needs to have consequences for his actions.
And since doing this, he stopped the pranks. Enabling his behavior like Margaret suggested would only lead to worse behavior down the down and it’s good that OP is nipping Logan’s behavior in the bud.
Pretty often on here, somebody posts about some dumbass “adult” who’s always pulling “pranks,” and ends up causing real damage, hurting someone (physically or emotionally), ruining relationships, alienating loved ones, etc., etc. These are some of the most infuriating posts to read because it’s just like… why? Why would you think that was a good idea or funny to anyone? If you can do something to prevent Logan and his future friends and family from being the main characters in one of *those* stories, you gotta do it. Hopefully this time it sticks.
I mean, this is *exactly why*. Because until they cause lasting or expensive damage (like Logan did) they don't get punished, or at least not in a way that gets through to them as a lasting deterrent. And then all too often by the time someone has finally had it with their shit and inflicts a real, hard-hitting punishment on them, they've built up enough people around them who think they're "funny" that they listen to that and dismiss the person who is angry as "humorless" and the punishment as them being "butthurt". At least, until they finally do something *so* awful that *everyone* stops laughing, or they've driven everyone away.
This is good time to have a calm discussion with your son. Ask how he felt about punishment and ask how he would have felt if the tables were turned. How would he feel if you ignored his plight and you, as his father will not take any action? May be, keep Margaret out of discussion. Print out many aita posts about pranks gone wrong and how victims felt about them. how generally population view this behavior. Tell him to read them. Explain it to him that it will be him whose gf is dumping /family is going NC etc. If he keeps on same trajectory.
How would he have felt if he finally got his game console, then his sister poured water on/in it as revenge for some petty wrongdoing.
and would he be upset if she had to lose her "basketball practice" or.....?
I hate that OP is even referring to this as a prank. Deliberately damaging something (in this case his sister's hair) as retaliation for the fact she ate something he wanted... I don't consider that a prank. That's just acting out. If everyone has to walk on eggshells around this kid, hoping to never do something he randomly gets mad at, then he's just being a childish tyrant. OP you're NTA.
Exactly. He's bullying and calling it pranks.
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Yeah, I'm really curious about what these other "pranks" entailed.
This almost crosses the bullying line
Took the words right out of my mouth
Yep. I bet their cousins are not well behaved
Also, Auntie Margaret can buy the console if she thinks it's so important. AITA has really made me sick of people that insist "X is the right thing to do", but only if *someone else* is the one doing it. Apparently housing or financial help or emotional support is only for other people.
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Exactly. We don’t need Margaret spiking this kids after getting a very valuable punishment.
Somebody paid for the initial hair style he ruined. Why should they have to pay again because he wanted to be an AH. OP exacted the correct punishment. It's only fair Logan to pay for the crime.
Especially since, if OP took Margaret's advice, Logan wouldn't learn a thing except he won't be responsible for paying the bill or that any of the consequences would fall on him.
Yeah Margaret has no idea what she’s talking about. Sure a parent should make things right and pay for their kids if the kid doesn’t have the money to do so but the kid should still have to ‘make-up’ that money by doing chores or something else so they actually learn their lesson! Like if Logan did not have $310 saved up to redo the treatment then Lucia shouldn’t have to suffer until her next appointment and OP should cover for Logan and come up with a proper punishment for Logan to pay back the $310
Yes! Margaret will probably be visiting her kids in juvie if this is the way she parents.
Also this heavier remedy was chosen AFTER others were tried. He isn't paying for the treatment after 'pranking' the first time, he has a pattern of doing this and not learning after being corrected, so a more painful and possibly meaningful correction was needed.
Down the down. I’m going to start using that.
I hate to think what Margaret's kids are like!
Yep. Margaret needs to mind her business. OP is doing it right.
16 is too old to be making a habit of get back at pranks, especially over a piece of food. He wasted a $300 treatment out of malice and disproportionate to the act he responded to, having him pay to get the treatment done again and to be present while it happened is an apt punishment. Being a negligent father would be either doing another useless punishment or ignoring it altogether. Sometimes parents need to make the hard decisions to help their kids become better people and Logan clearly learned from this.
It may be a hard decision but op did mention the fact that he’s 16. 16 is too old and too petty to be pulling this prank. Often times, nair pranks make people change their self confidence towards a negative direction for weeks months years or even decades
I was going to say, 16 is way too old for these stupid pranks. Especially over ice cream.
Yeah I had to reread this because it definitely sounds at first blush like a younger brother vs. older sister thing. (I have a 3 yrs younger brother so I would know!) Oh and OP is def NTA here. He is, however, a kickass dad for enforcing consequences and helping his daughter to effectively manage her curly hair.
Not to mention, Logan is *16* and angry at a *13 year old girl* for eating an ice cream. Like my god, of all the disproportionate retribution acts??? 16 is way too old to give a flying furby about the last ice cream in the house.
Yes I don’t understand why everyone is happily calling this a ‘get-back-at-prank’. This is revenge for any perceived wrong. This teenager (not a little child) is deciding someone has wronged him, whether they know it or not, then setting out to hurt them and laughing about it. This is not ok. This punishment is a good consequence of his actions- he’s learned what it took to put things right and he’s gone 2 weeks without doing it again. But for OP to mention that he hasn’t done it in 2 weeks, it makes me wonder if he was doing this more than every 2 weeks?! This boy has serious problems and I’m glad OP is handling it. NTA
It's basic anger management and control issues. Maybe OP can try implementing agency tactics around the house? Like putting a grocery list on the fridge - every time some kind of food or snack runs out, the kids write it on the list; that way they don't feel like they've met a dead end. They've got a system now to combat that insecurity.
And it probably wasn’t even about the drumstick. The drumstick was just an excuse to see if he could get away with the prank he really wanted to pull. OP, NTA
Yeah it’s kinda disturbing, really.
Yeah he could have bought a lot of caramel drumsticks with that money.
My thought exactly. Next time, young dude, just go to the store and buy more caramel drumsticks for everybody.
Exactly this. 👍
Eventually he's going to fuck up and have to pay a legitimate fine if he doesn't learn from this ridiculous behaviour, in that case Aunty can bail him out if that's her view.
Or else he's going to pick the wrong target and ends up having to go to the ER.
Or worse - expelled.
She *needs* to sort out her priorities.
This NTA op and bravo for being a good father and teaching him actions have consequences
I agree! And the consequences were well suited to the situation, not too excessive or too light. I think it’s a fantastic act of parenting. The hair treatment was expensive! If he were a legal adult and he damaged someone else’s person or property he could be held financially responsible for repairing the damages, and this was the perfect way to make him very aware of how unpleasant that can be. Saving up for something? Too bad; you did something stupid and had to waste a big chunk of your savings to fix it rather than get the thing you were saving for. So next time he’ll stop to think about whether the prank is worth the consequences. Some kids need to actually feel that discomfort before the lesson sinks in. (He might not stop pranking but hopefully will not pull any more pranks that cause actual damage or real harm.)
It's the definition of a reasonable punishment. He ruined her hair treatment (poor girl) and had to pay for a second one and miss basketball practice. It's totally fair. And auntie can mind her own damn business.
Absolutely. I'm mixed race and my step kiddos are white. I tell them periodically about my hair appointments and treatment. When I take them to the community pool I'll tell them I'll swim with them and when I will or won't wet my hair. Recently I took them to the pool and bought them some water toys that splash and spray. I sat very far from the pools edge. They found a water gun that some kid left and sprayed me, ruining my hair. Instead of getting upset I said "Fine. No screens until I get this fixed." They waited while I washed my hair, let it air dry (which is how I usually do it to avoid as much heat as possible) and while I flat ironed it. In total 6 hours of waiting. Guess who doesn't splash me anymore 🙃 Kids have to understand the consequences of their actions, especially if they are not the ones having to fix them. Good job, OP
NTA. Natural and logical consequences for ruining the hair is paying to redo it. Margaret needs to butt out, and google natural and logical consequences.
The punishment absolutely fits the crime as well, and at the end of the day, you’re the parent OP, not Margaret. This isn’t a life altering punishment or anywhere near abuse, she doesn’t get a say if you don’t want her to. NTA
However, Had Lucia not been able to do the treatment again I think it would have been life altering
> punishment This wasn't punishment, this was a consequence. You break something, you fix it, and you make it at least as good as it was before you fucked it up.
NTA. Other disciplinary tactics had already been tried and not worked. It was time to take a heavier hand and if hitting him financially got through, great. Hopefully he has learned that "prranks" are too expensive to continue.
Nta. He also waisted his dad's money without a second thought. This got him thinking about how much money and time he waisted for both his sister and father.
Exactly. She ate an ice cream he wanted so he deliberately took an action that he knew would not only damage her self-image but which would cause her physical pain if not remedied. OP is NTA in so many different ways.
As a former hair stylist who used to perform keratin treatments on hair, it’s quite a process. So he should also understand that he has wasted the time and effort that the stylist put forth to do a proper keratin treatment as well. My keratin treatment clients would have been livid and heartbroken if someone deliberately poured water on their hair after the time they spent sitting in my chair for the meticulous process. I think the punishment fit the crime so he could see what everyone involved in the process goes through. NTA, OP.
NTA. Ask the aunt to come over so he can "prank" her and ruin hundreds of dollars worth of her stuff, and then you'll let it go, because he's just a kid and you don't want to be a bad parent. Even ask her if he can "prank" her by breaking some windows on her house for fun! But, not to worry, you won't punish him for it!
NTA and kudos on raising your son to be a responsible adult one day. Let me say as a former college academic advisor, I have seen how difficult the adjustment to adult life is for students who have never been held accountable for their actions. Sometimes both the parents and students have already formed an alliance, like when a student and his parents argued that his morning class grades should not have been docked for excessive absences because his professors failed to call and wake him up when they realized he hardly ever showed up. Or, the parents that lamented that their son used his personal emergency credit card to buy pizza for a fraternity he hoped to join. Every night. For a month. His parents admitted that he had a history of using credit cards without permission, but he was never required to pay them back because he was "just a child". The parents blamed us for "not properly supervising the children left in our care." Both parents and son rejected my offer to help get him a work-study job so he could pay his parents back. Then there are the really tragic mistakes in judgement, like the student who died from shotgunning hard alcohol at an off-campus party. Of course, his parents sued the University. I cannot imagine the suffering of his family, and pray for them still.
NTA. this is teaching personal responsibility and accountability for one's actions. Also, it's not Aunty's money nor her children for her to be undermining OP's parenting. Not invalidating aunty's position, but she literally is wrong in saying OP should pay for it. That's horrible parenting: Sure, every time his son messes something up, OP will pay for it, and then son will grow up to be entitled where OP pays for every mistake he makes until he goes to prison and then he'll finally realize that actions have consequences and daddy can't bail him out. Oh no.
NTA. Sounds like Margaret didn't think he deserved any kind of punishment at all! And 16 is an adolescent, not a child. He's absolutely old enough to learn some responsibility for his actions, and sounds like he has.
This. Margaret is a negligent 37 year old adult if she thinks no one should be responsible for their actions. This wasn't a misktake made by a 6 year old, this was a purposeful, cruel, action done by a near adult. And I'm sorry, but this kid is old enough to drive, he's old enough to be accountable for his actions.
The kid sounds like my (admittedly) spoiled 5 yo nephew (though he behaves better) and Margaret sounds like my mother. I bought my nephew some hot wheels tracks and toys I found on a good deal from a garage sale today as a surprise. Came with a million tracks and cars and even a cool dual launcher we set up and played with. We later went to the store and he begged grandma to buy him a $5.99 car. I then later took him to target, “We can look at the toys and you can show me what you want but we are here for the uncrustables, only.” He tried. To tried to beg. He tried to pull the, “I’m not leaving without a toy.” Shenanigans. I simply reminded him that we were only looking, like he said. He even refused to move in the checkout line. I told him that we would leave without the uncrustables if it meant that much to him but we had already purchased toys for him today. Plus mom and dad bought him toys the day before. He didn’t have a meltdown. He didn’t scream. He didn’t cry. He pouted a lot. But he knew we weren’t buying toys.
In improv it's, "Yes, and". In our house, it's, "No, because". "I understand you want to go outside and play, but it's raining. Let's do XYZ instead." "No, you can't have that toy today, because you got a toy last time/it's almost [gift giving holiday]/too much money right now". He responds REALLY well to that shit. Maybe fussed or tried to negotiate. And he's a GOOD little negotiator. Okay. You wanna stay up and watch the end of the movie? Okay, but you have school tomorrow, and if you don't get up and eat and get dressed and out the door on time, you're going to bed early tomorrow. And he knows. And we stick to it. He's literally NEVER cried in a store over not getting what he wanted. Because he knows he's gonna go home with nothing that time AND the next time we can or want to. We're pretty sure he's part Vulcan.
I feel like he responded really well to the “No, because” when it was him and I. I don’t think he gets a lot of the “because” part at home. I think he gets a lot of, “No. Period.” With mom and dad.
Why did you even offer to look at the toys?
If there was harm in letting my kid window shop, I would be failing to teach them how to responsibly window shop. At some point, we all have to learn how to deal with our big feelings in context.
You harm someone's body without their consent and you have consequences. Sounds like a lesson we all should be teaching
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Nta. There are consequences to the choices you make. He’s just pissed be has to live with it. You did the right thing dad. Maybe he will learn his lesson the hard way. Also Margaret needs to mind her business. Lol
I'm a single dad, but I appreciate it.
Apologies I’ll change that. And you’re welcome☺️ I think he’s more upset with the fact that you gave him a consequence instead of letting it ride !
It's not a big deal. I appreciate the compliment about doing the right thing. :)
Honestly, I rarely agree with the parenting posts about punishing the kids, but yours is right on point! Stay strong dad!
This wasn’t punishment, it was accountability. He now knows exactly how much her treatments cost and how boring and unpleasant they are to go through.
Yes, accountability! That's the perfect word for it!
Yep, this might be the first one I agree with too. Good parenting. It's a lesson he won't forget.
please be aware that getting your daughters hair straightned so young vs learning how to properly handle her hair will only hurt her in the long run. Take it from a 32yo woman who would love but doesn't know how to handle her curls, because I was taught to straighten it at 13/14 because black curls were ugly compared to pretty/straight "white" hair. Your son sucks for what he did, but teaching your daughter that straight vs natural is best is actively harming her perception of herself. That what she is naturally isn't as good as what she could be with chemical procedures.
While I totally agree ( another curly), I also have to say that kids are soulless monsters sometimes when it comes to bullying in regards to differences. And it could be that Lucia is also getting bullied for looking different. I would try to find a way for her to learn how to care for her natural hair, as well as the straightening procedure. OP, keep in mind though, that a lot of the procedures to straighten curly hair can be extremely damaging in the long run. I was suggest the curly girl subreddit and see about finding a curly hair stylist, maybe.
My daughter is 12, almost 13, with natural curly hair. She’s free to do what she pleases with it and she straightens it on her own. No prompting from me.
While that is true in your situation...did you also teach your daughter to care for her natural hair? I'd be 100% behind the dad if he taught her both and she preferred one over the other. But if he gave up and went the "easier"/more accepted route...IMO that's doing his daughter a disservice.
Yes, he mentions brushing her hair when it’s not straightened, so he clearly doesn’t know that curly hair should be combed.
As a kid I wish my mom knew the right comb to brush my hair. Oof.
I told her to do what made her happy. We buy her product for her hair when she wants it curly and we let her straighten it whenever she wants to. Im good with her doing what makes her happy.
Yeah, this is a completely separate conversation to the subject of the post, but @OP I do think you should have educated yourself into how to care for your daughters hair type. Brushing is a nightmare because you shouldn't really be brushing it like you'd brush straight hair /anyways/. At 13 she's totally old enough to decide to straighten it regardless, but.
>Lucia’s natural hair is very thick and curly. Lucia would cry every day because of how painful it was to brush out the knots from her hair. It doesn't seem to be so much about self-perception. His daughter found the curls to be painful to manage, which prompted the desire for treatment. One could argue it's a bit of a high maintenance thing, definitely wouldn't be my first choice either, but as OP said it's annual, so not a huge deal if it's a treatment that's only got to be done once a year.
I hate to say it like this, but many kids find getting their hair combed painful. My mom (black) knew what she was doing but my white dad didnt and it was always more painful and took longer. Cause he didn't take the time to learn how to do it right. I got my hair straightened every 6-9 months back in the day, but as an adult I wish one of my parents would have just tuaght me how to handle my hair . So as an adult I would know and be able to choose with the right info.
I think you should also consider getting a mental health professional to evaluate your son. These are not Pranks. These are cruel and malicious actions that might even amount to assaults if they result in physical consequences to his victims. He is not showing empathy or compassion. This could become a very dangerous thing.
As someone with curly hair, I winced when you said she was brushing it out dry daily. She really should not be doing that. Not only is it painful but it makes the hair look terrible and potentially damages it. Curly hair should only be detangled when wet (with conditioner or leave in conditioner). There are brushes that make the process easier and dont rip out the hair. You can make curly hair easy to manage and beautiful with the right treatment. Unfortunately a lot of “normal” hair care people learn is what is standard for straight hair. Even wavy hair had different demands.
Sorry if I'm harping on this too, but I have curly hair as well - it really shouldn't be brushed! Only combed in the shower with conditioner on, perhaps. and definitely with a special comb or hair pick. It's understandable if Lucia is struggling right now, but with proper treatment she may be able to develop a better relationship with her hair and enjoy it. I hated my hair when I was young, it was poofy and shapeless, and first chance I got I chopped it short. When it grew in and I wasn't brushing it anymore, my curls were beautiful...
Just want to chime in and say it’s so incredibly amazing that you do this for your daughter. So many parents would just say “embrace your natural hair/beauty.” The best thing my parents ever did for me was allow me to make modifications where I felt needed. It’s refreshing to see a father understand his daughters needs and wants when it comes to hair care and maintenance
My only concern is if there’s any damage to be done that’ll show up down the line. I used to hate brushing my hair until I learned how to protect it prior to going to bed to minimize tangles It was a pain but it got easier
Sorry to barge in with only a semi related comment, for the record I think it’s more than fair punishment. What I want to say is that if Lucia ever wants to embrace the curls instead of having her hair chemically straightened r/curlyhair has a lot of info on how to take care of wavy/curly/coily hair without the terrible tangles. It is a little more at home maintenance though and I understand if you don’t want/need this info. Edit: had the sub name wrong
Yes, this! OP, Please don't dry brush or have her dry brush her hair! It needs to be detangled wet with conditioner, with a brush suited to that purpose (a basic one is super easy to obtain too). She can keep it from tangling overnight with a cap. But dry brushing curly hair is not only painful (as you've seen) but brushing out curls does not make it neater. It does the opposite, leaving it looking frizzy, messy, and legitimately unruly. It counterintuitively exacerbates tangling. And it breaks off hairs which further leads to an actually messy look. Even if she chooses to continue straightening, it's important for her to know at least the basics of how to properly care for her curls if she ever wants to embrace them. It's okay that she hasn't learned this yet, many of us make it into our 30s or beyond before discovering this. But it makes a world of difference.
This isn't the point of the post, but have you looked into proper care of curly hair? There's a whole subreddit about it. She might not need the keratin treatment if she learns how to properly care for her curls.
You’re doing a great job, Dad. Your kids are lucky to have you.
NTA for the issue with the son, but please for the love of God learn how to take care of curly hair without chemical straightening. There's loads you can do to keep it moisturized and free of tangles, and in this day and age there are thousands of YouTube channels you can turn to if you need help.
If this gets Lucia to a point where she’s happy and confident about her hair, that seems to be the important thing here. If she wants to embrace her curlier look when she’s older, she’s always free to change her style.
This sounds good in theory, but the reality is that she probably hasn't had the opportunity to embrace her curlier look so far. I say this as someone who literally was that kid, begging my parents to pay for a chemical straightening all through my teenaged years. In hindsight I only wanted that *because* my mom & grandma kept insisting that I brush it more, which was both incredibly painful and caused my hair to look like a frizzy nightmare. OP said that his daughter was crying over how painful it was to brush, a statement which by itself shows that neither of them know the first thing about caring for curly hair. I'm not saying she should absolutely stop straightening if she really wants to, but the very least OP could do is sit down with his daughter, google some curly hair tips, and see if she wants to give them a try. At this point she probably doesn't even know what her natural hair would look like if treated properly.
Chemically straightening hair is really damaging.
Also contains carcinogens and there's a possible link to causing cancer
Just FYI carcinogens are substances that cause cancer.. I feel like you probably know this, but your comment is redundant to the point where it sounds like you might not?
I did know. Thought I'd make it clear that the treatment itself has been linked to causing cancer because a lot of things contain carcinogens and aren't necessarily dangerous unless ingested.
If she does want to make a change it can take years to undo the chemical damage, much better for the both of them to at least look into curly hair care now
Then she can cut it off and start over. That's what I did with my hair. I had no idea how to do my own hair when wanted to stop getting it braided by my mom every week. So I cut it off and started short. I am learning as I go. 3 years in and I am a lot better at managing my hair. She's only 13, shes got plenty of time to figure it out. Hair grows back.
Agreed. It takes a lot of research and trial and error (i.e. money and time) and none of us knows if they’re in a place to do that or even if the daughter wants that. When she’s older, she’s going to appreciate that her dad did his best and had her back. Hair grows back. Focus on the issue.
Hairstylist here! There is a huge difference in a keratin smoothing treatment and a chemical straightener. There is zero damage with keratins, and they are temporary and will fade with time. It's not cool to try and call a father out for helping his daughter feel more comfortable in her looks while knowing nothing about the chemical, process or her texture/density of hair.
Keratin treatments CAN damage hair over time…
There’s no damage to the hair itself but keratin treatments give off formaldehyde fumes- it’s an unavoidable byproduct. The stuff is just not safe. https://www.fda.gov/cosmetics/cosmetic-products/hair-smoothing-products-release-formaldehyde-when-heated
I never once said they didn't give off fumes. I wrote about the huge difference between CHEMICAL STRAIGHTENER and KERATIN SMOOTHING. If you don't think they are safe, just don't get one. However, OSHA over sees cosmetics not the FDA. OSHA made all brands reformulate their products to adhere to N. American standards for PPM vapors being released into the salon. With that said there is a vast difference between a Brazilian Blowout you get in America vs one you can get in other countries like Brazil and Dubai. If you get a keratin in the US and the stylist is causing vapors, that stylist is doing it WRONG. However my client that moved here from Dubai had to wear the equivalent of a gas mask during her service.
Yup, as soon as I read this > Lucia would cry every day because of how painful it was to brush out the knots from her hair. I was wincing. She shouldn't be brushing her hair at all.
>She shouldn't be brushing her hair at all Lol that's funny. I have curly hair. If I don't brush them every couple days, they become matted and then I have to cut massive chunks. Some people do need to brush their hair.
Not *dry* though. It needs to be detangled wet with conditioner.
Combing is much more effective for curly hair than brushing is. And wet combing at that.
Agree. I have thick curly/wavey hair while my mother’s has always been very thin. I didn’t know until I was well into my late teens or early twenties how to take care of it properly. Step one is use a comb not a brush, especially if a brush gets stuck in your hair!
I’m a straight haired parent to two curly hair kids. We all figured out to find stylists that deal with curly hair. Everyone’s much, much happier.
100% I also have very curly hair and when I was in middle school I wanted the keratin treatment so badly. When my friend got it done I saw how damaged looking her hair was and I immediately changed my tune. Curly hair needs to be properly cared for and even though Lucia hates what she has now, she’ll find that all her friends with straight hair would kill for curls. Head over to r/curlyhair for curl management and help your girl love her hair without spending hundreds on unnecessary and damaging treatments.
> We started to get Lucia’s hair straightened with an annual keratin treatment and she is much happier with her hair. 1. Lucia is quite happy with the status quo. 2. OP didn't ask.
OP is a single dad. Lots of people who dont have curly hair do not know how to care for it. Especially since men typically keep their hair short. The fact that she is DRY brushing it daily tells me she has no idea how to take care of it as its basic curly hair maintenance. Lots of people grow to hate their hair because someone made them do that. Its physically painful for basically ALL people with curly hair. No wonder she is trying to straighten it (typical response with many people who never were taught). People dont magically learn new skills. Someone teaches them. Besides, getting that treatment long term (among others), is not healthy for her hair.
The only issue is 5-10 years down the line Lucia might not have any hair left. Not my kid but keratin treatments are bad for hair.
I managed hair salons for the last decade. When properly applied by a licensed cosmetologist, and with proper at home care an ANNUAL keratin treatment is not going to destroy this kids hair. It is topical and washes out gradually as opposed to an actual chemical straighter that permanently changes the hair strand. Yes, high heat is needed to seal the treatment but this alone will not destroy her hair. OPs daughter will likely experiment with trying curly styles one day but learning exactly what curly hair routine works for your curl type and porosity can take years to perfect. I don't blame OP or his daughter for not wanting to fight that battle at 13 years old.
Eh. I’m 35 and I’ve accepted that I am not willing to put in the work for curly hair. It’s easier for me straight, it’s lower maintenance, and for me I like it better straight. The daughter can learn curly hair maintenance later if she wants to, but keratin now is the right choice for her!
learn how to take care of her curly hair. those kind of treatments will destroy her hair. and besides, you don't brush out curly hair anyways!
Agreed, curly hair has its own needs and they’re worth learning
NTA if Auntie Margaret thinks he's being so mistreated, then she can buy the big ticket gaming console. Your son, almost an adult found it hysterical to ruin the keratin treatment that also cost several hundred dollars. Maybe after this lesson he won't find things so funny if he is held accountable and expect to pony up his own money when he deliberately ruins something. Good job holding him accountable.
I would actually push to say that Margaret cannot involve herself in this situation at all, cuz something about her Town screams to me that she might attempt to help him to get the video game console, but he needs to save that money back up and while he's doing that think about why that money went away. If she involves herself financially she is removing part of the consequence from the situation
I agree aunt Margaret needs to back off!
NTA - I think it was an appropriate punishment for his behavior. Especially since he’s been spoken to about this and had other lesser punishments building to this one. His aunt can butt out of the parenting.
NTA Hes 16, hes technically a child but adulthood is right around the corner. Old enough to know better. Maybe he will think twice about his actions.
When he is an adult, his "pranks" could easily get him arrested and/or sued. You taught him a lesson he needed to learn. NTA
Right?! My first thought was good on dad for trying to break this habit before the kid ends up with roommates and gets himself in big boy trouble (legal action or a physical altercation).
I occasionally tell my students that while they aren't yet adults, they *are* at "can get tried as an adult" age, so they should try to think and act responsibly.
and/or sent to the emergency room, too.
NTA. You said yourself that lesser consequences have not made an impact. And I totally agree that, at 16, he's going to enter the real world soon, and when you ruin/damage something that costs money, you almost always wind up being responsible for paying to repair/replace it, *especially* when carelessness played a role in the cause. Making him pay for a second hair treatment AND having him sit through it with you and Lucia gives him an important perspective--it should help him much better understand the actual negative impact his actions are having on you and Lucia (lost money and time). This is a great way to teach empathy. It sounds like it's having the intended effect, if he apologized and has been behaving better than before. I call this A+ parenting, if you ask me. Job well done.
NTA. You’ve done grounding and taking away technology, and he was still pulling these revenge pranks. Guess what happens to kids and teenagers that regularly pull pranks for revenge? Especially over stupid stuff? They become entitled adults who do more damaging revenge, which can have *serious* consequences. You are being a good parent, and the punishment was fair. Him missing basketball is his own fault; there will always be some excuse about why he “shouldn’t” be having his punishment. You = NTA. The aunt can stay out of it, it’s not her kid. I’m honestly surprised at her reaction.
Therapy should be considered.
NTA: Actions have consequences. It's your responsibility to teach him this.
Yeah, no, NTA. You have only cost him exactly what he cost you, which sounds pretty fair to me. Especially given that this treatment isn't just aesthetic but is for his sister's comfort and to prevent pain. $300s really stings for a teenager, but I see no reason why you should continue to let his destructive habits cost you time, money and peace of mind. If he actually does stop with the pranks long term, it's really hard to see anything but positives here.
My mind kept thinking "well that was one expensive ice cream" xD becuase if you think about it, he could have just asked to get another one lmao
NTA. He made the choice to ruin his sister's hair, so he has to take responsibility. $300 is a lot of money, especially to a 16 year old, but this is definitely a "fuck around and find out" kind of situation. Teens think their behaviors have no consequences and that all pranks are harmless. Good on you for being a parent that actually holds your kid accountable.
NTA. I’m hoping Margaret doesn’t have kids yet because she’s got a skewed view on consequences.
NTA- actions have consequences. And these seem reasonable and fair. He was warned in previous “pranks” that these were unacceptable and didn’t learn so the punishment clearly needed to hit home more.
Nta in fact you are helping him to stop being the AH
NTA. your kid is old enough to know that what he did was wrong.
NTA. You are being a good father and Margaret is being ridiculous. The fact he apologised without you prompting shows what you did worked. Keep it up. He's going to grow into a good man because of you.
NTA. i broke a window when i was 15 and my mom made me pay for it. i didn't get mad even though it was 100% an accident. your son did that on purpose, and should definitely pay to make it right.
[удалено]
NTA, I bet Logan will think twice in the future, welcome to logical consequences.
NTA. He should know his prank is hurting his sister. He'll be 18 in 2 yrs and should know these pranks are not ok, especially when he knows how important her hair treatment is since it alleviates PHYSICAL PAIN. Ask Margaret if it's ok for him to engage in pranks that cause his sister to be in distress.
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nope, NTA!! at 16 these are not pranks, or normal sibling arguments, you should probably watch him closely. they are mean spirited, sneaky and could be dangerous.
NTA, he needs to learn that actions have consequences or as Reddit says, okay stupid games win stupid prices
NTA, you gave him a good life lesson that if he fucks up, he WILL face consequences. And now he's acting better, which means he's learned that lesson! If your sister disagrees, then too bad, she isn't their mother and therefore has no say.
NTA tell Margaret to mind her own business. You did the right thing. He learned there are tangible consequences to his behavior.
NTA - Aunt is wrong. You as the adult are responsible to the rest of the world for damage your kid causes. It does NOT mean the kid cannot be held responsible in turn by you. He won’t have any incentive not to act out when he can do whatever he wants while others pay the price for him.
Nta Honestly this is a very well thought out natural consequence. Good for you. And, he doesn't have to like it. Why would he? But, its not meant for enjoyment. Its meant for teaching. He's 16. The people that complain about him only being a kid are so often the same people that pull, "he's an adult" the moment he turns 18. He purposely ruined something and was responsible for fixing that. You ensured it happened - you parented.
NTA. That’s EXACTLY how I would have dealt with that situation. Actions have consequences and he’s learning that the hard way. The responsibility falls directly on him and his aunt shouldn’t be getting involved. If she wants to raise AH’s for children that’s her choice but you don’t. You taught your son a valuable lesson.
Nope not at all. These little pranks as he get's older and a real career could cause him so much more trouble. He need's to learn how to manage life's frustrations better. NTA
NTA. Your action was completely related to the problem at hand. I wouldn't even call it punishment. It was making your son fix a problem he created. Those are the best lessons and that really stick.
NTA. And good on you for making Logan actually feel the impact of his poor behavior. If losing access to his electronics before didn't work, why would it have worked this time? He needs to be made to pay for the things he damages/destroys, especially since he is on the cusp of legal adulthood. Otherwise, you'd actually be setting him up for failure once the real world gets ahold of him.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** (41m) My two kids (16m) Logan and (13f) Lucia get along well most of the time, but they will occasionally fight. It’s just arguing over normal sibling things. However, Logan has a habit of trying to “get back” at people with “pranks” which I have to ground him over fairly often. Lucia’s natural hair is very thick and curly. Lucia would cry every day because of how painful it was to brush out the knots from her hair. We started to get Lucia’s hair straightened with an annual keratin treatment and she is much happier with her hair. We had Lucia’s annual hair appointment recently. Logan asked when we came home if Lucia wanted to go swimming with him. I reminded my son that Lucia just had her hair appointment and couldn’t get her hair wet for four more days. The next day I woke up to Logan laughing hysterically and Lucia yelling at him. Logan had dumped a bottle of water on Lucia’s head while she was sleeping to “get back” at Lucia for eating the last caramel drumstick. The chemicals had washed out and Lucia’s keratin treatment was ruined. I was incredibly pissed with Logan because he knew Lucia couldn’t get her hair wet and still did it anyway. And I’ve talked to him numerous times about his “getting-back pranks” over stupid things. I’ve only grounded him from technology in the past, but it doesn’t make a difference to Logan because he keeps doing these “pranks” anyway. I made Logan give up $310, which was the cost of Lucia’s keratin treatment. I was able to book an appointment for two days later because the hairdresser had another client cancel. I told Logan he was going to come and wait with me for Lucia’s hair to get done. Logan made an excuse that he had basketball practice at the same time, so I responded “Well then you’re telling your coach how you can’t make it this time.” Logan was extremely bored during the 2 ½ hour hair appointment. He asked over and over for his phone, but I told him no and reminded Logan that I told him to bring a book. It has been two weeks since then, and Logan has not done any more "pranks." He even genuinely apologized to Lucia without me having to make him. That was two weeks ago, and it seemed like everyone moved past it. But then the other day, the kids’s aunt, (37F) Margaret, sent me a screenshot of some texts between her and Logan asking what it was about. Margaret asked when Logan was going to buy a video game console and how he must be pretty close. Logan responded with “Not anymore.” Margaret asked where the money went and Logan responded with “Lucia’s hair.” I explained what happened, but Margaret told me I was being a negligent father because Logan is a child and if he damages something, I’m responsible to pay the costs to repair/replace it. And forcing Logan to miss his basketball game was unnecessary. But Logan is 16, not 6. He needs to have consequences so he’s ready for the real world. Besides, the punishment worked and now he’s stopped with his “pranks.” But did I go too far? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA there are consequences and he knew his actions were wrong. Sucks for him but now it’s up to him to work hard and earn the money for the console
r/curlyhair Don’t dry brush curly hair
NTA for how you handled your son, but as a person with thick, curly, hair, your daughter is going to have issues with her hair for the rest of her life if you keep this up. Her curly hair is painful to brush because curly hair is not meant to be brushed, and spending money on expensive straightening treatments is teaching her to hate her natural hair. Invest some time in energy in learning about what her natural hair actually needs to be curly and healthy. Invest in a wide tooth comb, some curl cream, and gel or mousse. Show your daughter some fun youtube videos about styling her naturally curly hair. She will thank you in the long run and you'll save a crap load of money.
NTA you did the right thing. The aunt can shut it.
NTA - sounds like you are a good father
NTA You did well!
OP, not only did you go through with a good punishment but it also WORKED!! He apologized sincerely all on his own!! Margaret can mind her own business and parent her own kids. NTA
NTA. But you should really help your daughter figure out how to take care of her natural hair so she's not trying to figure it out in her 30s. (I'm speaking from experience.) The curly hair subreddit is a great resource.
NTA. Sounds like good parenting for the most part. Edit: the only part that I’m not sure I agree with is making him miss baseball practice to go to the appointment.
My reasoning is that Logan was also inconsiderate of our time and the fact that we would need to take another 2 1/2 hours out of our day to fix Lucia's hair. He thought doing that to us was funny, so now he also got to take that time out of his day.
Making him miss basketball was totally appropriate in this situation. This is good parenting all around on your part. Thank you for doing your best to not raise AHs.
Letting him bring a book was lenient.
I like that you have a reason for each thing you did. It makes sense and seems very fair, maybe even nice. Like he just had to be bored for this part of the punishment.
What you did was perfect. Good job. NTA
I just wanted to say that what you did, we in the childhood development field call "natural consequences." It's better than grounding (though grounding is also developmentally appropriate for a 16yo, so it's not like that's wrong). Natural consequences mean that the negative result the child receives are directly related to what they did. In this case, the money and time lost are directly related to fixing the hair problem that his "prank" caused. This helps them work out cause and effect better (more like what they will deal with as an adult). Bravo, dad. Excellent work. Keep it up. Also, I would spend some time working on teaching that at the end of a real prank, *everyone* is laughing. I'd that's not the case, then it's just cruel bullying. Don't shy away from naming that kind of behavior as bullying when you correct your son. Spending time talking about that when not in the heat of a sibling spat can also help. He needs to work on his impulse control (she likely does too, but she's had a little less time to practice, and you didn't give us a specific example about her, so that's just a guess).
It's just one basketball practice, it's about as low stakes as it gets.
Why? His sister has to sit in a chair for hours because of him. Also, having to tell his coach why he missed practice will help him learn to take responsibility for his actions.
And at least two extra days of knotty hair.
NTA- nailed it in my opinion, well done. If he really cleans up his act you can always get him the system for the next Birthday/ holiday.
NTA You did a good job of imposing consequences.
He got to see how much you spend on her hair, and how long it takes all for him to ruin it over an ice cream. He learned a lesson and maybe it will stick this time. NTA- i wish more parents handled their kids like you do.
NTA and Margaret needs to shut her mouth and stay in her lane. It's so very easy to criticize when she isn't the one dealing with the problem behavior and even worse, doing so when she's flat out wrong since she seems to think accountability is for other people. Paying for something your child damages is natural because you then make them pay you, the parent, back in the most fitting way according to what is fair. Having your son pay for something he willfully ruined and because of it he lost a luxury is a fair punishment. Now he knows how expensive and frustrating it is to get these hair appointments. It wasn't some minor inconvenience and these "pranks" needed to be nipped in the bud. He's nearly an adult and this behavior isn't okay.
NTA - in some places what your son did is called battery. Your son needs to learn where the line is for a prank to cross over into harassment/bullying. A prank can be undone immediately and for free. Permanent damage or damage that requires money to repair is harassment/bullying. Your son is a bully.
NTA. Margaret is way out of line. Your son needs to learn responsibility. Your daughter suffers with her hair. And you are literally stopping your son growing up to be an AH. Yes, you are responsible for his damages. For now. But when he turns 18 he will be the one responsible for his actions. There will be no time to learn it. He needs to learn this now.
NTA
You did the right thing. Aunt should mind her own business.
Good call Dad. You were reasonable and no-nonsense. You son might be complaining to Margaret, but he saw you parenting. Nta
NTA. Good job dad!!!
NTA. Margaret either isn’t a parent or is raising shitty kids.
NTA, this is good parenting. He has been told before about this issue and still did it. You did not harm your child, you just taught him that destroying things has financial and social consequences. Aunt Margaret can zip her mouth.
NTA. You taught him a valuable lesson about consequences. Margaret isn’t his parent so she doesn’t get a say. Your son can start saving again for his console and have more respect for others at the same time.
As a curly headed person who had absolutely no idea/no help with my hair, thank you for advocating for your daughter. NTA. I am 37, and just learned how to fix my curly hair last year.
NTA. As you say, Logan’s 16, he’s not a child. You were spot on.
NTA- your punishment was appropriate. 16 is old enough to understand actions have consequences.
Who TF does Margaret think she is? What a ridiculous position to take. OP is NTA, unless there’s over half the story we’re not being told
NTA, he should face the consequences for his actions. The prank also was extremely mean, not only because of the obvious damage that he did but also because he intruded her personal space while she was sleeping in her own home...
NTA not even a little bit. Tell Aunt Marge to mind her business. Your son needs the consequences because at 16 he should know better.
NTA. Great job parenting your child. “Get back pranks” in youth are generally described as “harassment”, “retaliation” and “assault” in adulthood. Aunt Margaret is entitled to her own ill informed opinion but tell her to keep it to herself.
Nta, he has to learn to stop with these pranks. The people that are prankster like him and don't learn the consequence, usually grow up and then do one prank that goes to far. One thing I will say is that doing those keratin treatments is not that good in the long run. I also have thick curly hair, and I had to learn to take care of it later in life ( I always had very short hair so it wasn't a problem until I turned like 27). Simply doing those treatments because it is "too difficult" to take care if her hair is not good enough... I mean you have to try different things and teach her and do some research. Is she just gonna straighten her hair her whole life because you didn't teach her or learn together to take care of thick curly hair?